Ari Shaffir | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #359

Today's episode is brought to you by ah. that thirsty funeral baby liquid death. You can go to theon.com/tour. and grab tickets. There's still some. tickets available for uh Chattanooga. Knoxville. uh Durham as well I believe as Buffalo. New York. We might be adding dates. Return of the Rat Tour. And uh thank you. guys so much. I'm excited to see you. soon. Today's guest is a um is a.

survivor of cancel culture. He's a. he's he pushes the line. Or does he is. should should anybody have to push the. line? Should there be a line? Uh we're going to talk about a lot of. things. Um this man let me stay at his. apartment one time when I was dealing. with a little bit of uh addicty. behavior. Um, he's long been a fixture. in the stand-up comedy community. He's. the host of Skeptic Tank. Today's guest.

is Ari Shafir. [Music]. [Music]. I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine. on me. And I will find a song. I'll sing it. Just.

you're not interested in going back, huh? Uh, I mean it's probably a deeper question. than just like a yes or no. No, it's interesting, man. Well, everybody started to kind of go. Yeah. So, it's probably different now. Yeah. I mean, yeah, everybody like at CO. I mean, I guess co for you kind of. started early in a weird way, you know, cuz you kind of like had a you had. another break and then everybody else. got on this crazy break and it's like.

Yeah, they um they uh Yeah. Rogan was. like, you know, LA sucks. It's over. And. I'm like I'm like, "You're just finding. that out now?". Yeah. I'm like, "Dude, I left 10 years ago, dude.". Yeah. It's full of [ __ ] actors, man. Everybody sucks there. That's true. Yeah. You've always been kind of that. brave in that space to like kind of. manage your own time differently. I feel. like that's one thing I've always. admired about you is that you always. manage your time like in a way where. it's not like you're not as succumbed to.

whatever that little It's almost like. watching a fuse on a dynamite being in. LA. It's like you don't really know. what's you're waiting for, but you're milling around. You feel like. you're just in this eternal lobby. Yeah. Somebody told me like the the the. war on drugs and the war on terror are. both weird ones cuz like you'll never. win it. You're never going to get a. surrender from drugs. Yeah. You know, like, all right, we'll stop. You know, same with terror. There might. just be like one guy out there, but he's. like still like. So, it's never over. Same thing with.

like trying to get fame or whatever the. [ __ ] you're chasing in LA. It's like. it's never done. Yeah. Yeah. You're never at the top. Yeah. You're never at the top. Even as. you meet celebrities, you realize there. are are higher ups. People you admire, they're as scared as anybody, dude. I've seen like highlevel like. comedians and actors like taking those. like. like needy pictures with other. celebrities for Instagram. Like look at. it. I'm like, you're still climbing? Yeah. You're not at ease? Yeah. [ __ ]. Yeah. Definitely. It's a uh And I think.

a lot of that's being more exposed kind. of these days. I think people see it. more and it's I think the the a younger. generation they could they're their. cameras on I mean they have it with them. but I've always really I think been. envious of the guys that live in New. York um or guys that are able to just. take a break and be like all right I'm. going to do this for 4 months I'm going. to be here you know um. but being here some things that it's. been like it's given me well have a. chance to have a home for the first time. so have a house so that's kind of it's a. little interesting. yeah Big Jay was talking about that it.

was like can I just live like a human? Have I not earned the right like not New. York? No, dude. Yeah, New York. Yeah, I don't know if. you ever can in New York. Yeah, I asked the crowd of Zies. I was. telling some joke about somebody banging. with a broom handle on my on my floor. Um the downstairs neighbors. I was like, "You guys live in apartments?" And like. two people clapped. I'm like, "Oh, that's right. You guys are humans here. You going to live like [ __ ] rats for. way too expensive just for the. close the proximity to Broadway.". Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I I I I don't. know what I think about uh one thing.

that's like what are some things that's. interesting about living here? You get. into more conversation like the guy. Sorry. We need to get a table on the. other side. We got No, we can't get it. No, it's all right. I'm joking around. Oh, you are. I got to go with this hand. Yeah. Oh, it's funny cuz every time we have a. guest, I'll watch them literally have to. drink like this. They don't know how to do that. So, we got to get that table. Yeah. We'll just Yeah, we don't have two. tables. It's erroneous. It is. You built out. this whole studio. You would think the. second table would not be the thing.

holding you back. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Um, but. that's Sean. You know, Sean's our. producer and he does a lot. He's a slacker. He's He's table light. He's Yeah, he's table light, but he's. everything else heavy. And he looks like. George Washington. Look at him. Let me see. Yeah, a little bit. Young. George Washington. Remember when they. said George Washington could not tell a. lie? Yeah. You believe that? We I did when I was little. So, he had autism. That's all that. means. I feel like. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. He's like uh. Autistic Thunder. Yeah. He's like that guy Josh at the. comics remember like am I funny? He's.

like not that funny. I cannot tell a lie. Your shirt's wrong. He'd always say it too. He'd always be. so loud like that chick is hot. Like. dude she's here. Yeah. And she's like And she just got a. sex change. Bro, let's let's. She appreciates it. Bail off the pronouns. Yeah. Um. so yeah, I'm just I'm trying to really. rack my brain like what are some things. that I think about? Uh, one thing that's. hard here that's really hard is getting. stage time. So, like it's almost like if. I really want to practice some comedy, I. have to go back to LA for a couple weeks.

and really set up a lot of shows. There's just not a lot of time here. Your problem too is like you're getting. famous now. So, like you're not I'm sure. it's harder to come by honest workouts. Yeah, I feel the the shows here feel. like it's a It does feel like it's a. road show kind of sometimes. Um, I stopped into a [ __ ] Redband show in. Austin. Yeah. What was that like? It was great, but I'm like, this isn't this is not. going to ever be a workout. They're. already converted, right? It feels like a like a who's who. room. Yeah. Oh, I bet. Down there. At the stand. You might get some people.

who like recognize you, but most people. like next, right? You know. Yeah. LA and LA still feels like that, too. Even when I'm there, it's like it. nothing. Everybody just feels like. you're working out comedy. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I guess there's enough big famous people. there, too, where it's not like super. special. Well, nobody's that special. Unless you're like JLo or. is JLo doing stand up now? I don't know. Probably. JLo. She's done. Is she dead? She's like. 80 now. That's like me. All my. references are like big people from like. 1997. Oh, that's a sad That's the toughest. thing about trying to talk to girls. You.

know, if like she if a girl's like 27 or. 28 even, you're like, "Uh, have you seen. this movie?". Dude, I was telling somebody who's in. college. I was like uh graduating and I. was like uh hey throw on uh Asher Roth. like uh I love college and he's like all. right grandpa. I'm like wait what? That. was after my time. Yeah it's hard. I hate to make. references. I had I took a girl on a. date one night and I showed her my music. app and it was Apple Music. She goes use. She's like you use iMusic? Like you. don't even have Spotify. And literally.

every part of me that had any confidence. [ __ ] jumped in front of my own. vehicle. Damn. Damn. You're like, "Well, yeah, I'm older than. you.". Yeah. What do you mean? Why are you even here. with me? You're into it, [ __ ] dumb [ __ ]. Don't act like you're better than this. Um, what's been going on, man? So, you've been you've been I see you got. the you got a new tour going right now. Yeah. Um, yeah, I saw that post the other day, the one you did, the Brody Stevens, the. Swingers tour, whatever. That was a tough one.

Oh, I put it out to the audience. I was. like, rename my tour and then some of. them I'm like, god damn you guys. [ __ ]. you. But if it's funny, I'll like I'll. post it. I, you know, got to honor the. comedy. But. do you feel like you have more of like a. cart blond like uh like I was watching. Louis special where he's like. cats? Uh Louis uh CK CK, sorry. Yeah, Louis. CK. So, the one online, the one that's. on the internet, and he was talking. about uh.

oh, how once everybody knows what your. sexual perversions are, you're kind of. free in a way like like he felt so in a. weird way, he felt so free now because. he could kind of, you know, like his. like his moment like the world had seen. his butthole, his proverbial butthole, right? So, he didn't have to pretend. like he's a gentleman, right? Yeah. Right. A lot of the preferred. nomenclatures or whatever were had, you. know, were disappeared. He could just be. the [ __ ] he is if he wants to be. Do. you feel like any like do you feel any.

like do you feel like you have like. what does that any of that feel like? Like if you do you feel like you need to. put out something edgy now or you can. just. Yeah. Some people are like oh you're. just edgy but I'm like no no no some of. it's edgy but I do puns also I'll do. some clean jokes. I like to mix it up. you know but then the edgginess isn't. going to make them walk out on me right. cuz they're already like. they're there for it too. Yeah. You know, anyone who's at a club, at a downstairs basement club or dingy, it's like they're degenerates. They're. drug addicts and [ __ ] sexual. perverts. They're not going to be. [ __ ] "Oh, this is too far.".

And if they are, like, "It's all right, man. You weren't supposed to be here, but come back next week.". That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. There's always this hypothetical. creature that I'm performing to that's. not even really in my audience. Yeah. But you're so worried that they're. going to be turned off cuz it's crazy. how it holds you back. The guy who's not. there. Remember when like you remember. the old store when there were like 10. people in the audience at like 9:30 like. in prime it was still like no show. really. Tommy was doing music and doing Yeah. writing sheet music. I remember walked.

up one night he's writing out sheet. music. I'm like this place is not going. to do well. You got to get Tommy on this podcast. You got to fly him out. Yeah. I would have him out. Yeah. Um what was I going to say? Oh, you were saying uh. Oh, yeah. But people comics will be like. just [ __ ] there's no crowd here. And I'm. like you're talking to the people who. are here, right? You're talking to the wrong. people. You're yelling at the empty. chairs, but like. they're not going to hear you. It's only. the full chairs. Yeah. It's weird how you worried about. like you've gone up at the cellar, right? So like. Oh, yeah.

Everybody's worried about what they're. doing at the Olive Tree Cafe instead of. like what they might think up there, the. people who are going to go to the. bathroom instead of like this audience. is down for anything. Yeah. And you're worried about like I don't. know getting out to people who aren't. supposed to be listening to it. Yeah. It's Yeah. It's like it is there's. this myth. It's the same thing that. keeps you in LA in a weird way. It's. that it's a mythological like. or or is it that or is it this thing in. my head that's always like man I always. want everybody to like me so. yeah maybe it's that maybe it's so you.

worry about the ones who don't or might. not. right. but. because it gets un it used to be. manageable when you were a kid and. you're like in your group at school or. something and like you could see maybe. the one or two kids it was more. manageable. Yeah. But back then too it was like you. had to have a reason to not like. somebody. they had to do something wrong. to you, right? You know, and then at some point when. you hit college or something, you're. like, "Oh, I can just not like people.". And then you realize like they could. just not like me. It's all right. But it. is cool. I started like I changed to the. point where I'm like the ones who like. hate that style of comedy. Fun like.

offensive or like just on the line, you. know? I started to like. And the fans too started to enjoy their. anger. instead of being worried about it. Yeah. Cuz we're like, "You're such a [ __ ]. dork. It's great." And everyone's like, everyone's having a good time. You know, you ever had a show and you get some guy. like mad at you? I did a 9/11 joke a. couple weeks ago in Providence. And I'm. just getting back into like really. enjoying standup. I'm not preparing for. anything. So I'm like, I got material, but like there were like six kids from. Brown University in the front row. So. I'm like, "Fuck the material for a sec.

Let me [ __ ] around, you know, have a. good time.". Yeah. And some guy on the 911 drone was like, "Hey, [ __ ] you, man." And I was like, "What? What's the matter?" And he was. like, "Your delivery is off." And then I. was like, "What? What do you mean? Like. the speed at which I'm talking or like. or like the material? Yeah. He was like the material like it's not. really delivery. It's it's more content. But I get what you're saying. Yes. Desjouro, dude. Get your [ __ ] together. But it's like but it's like I was like. you must be extra mad that everybody. else is enjoying it.

Yeah. And like those people everybody here's. laughing. The comic or whatever is. prepared to make these people laugh. They're enjoying it. And you're not just. not enjoying it, you're angry. Yeah. It's like, of course they're going. to laugh at you, you [ __ ] dorks. And. there might be thousands of them, but it. doesn't matter. They're dorks. Yeah. Yeah. I think Yeah. It's like, what? Like that's also a choice, too, that if. I'm sitting there and I'm cuz I've sat. in a place where everybody's enjoying. something and I'm the angry one. Yeah. Yeah. And dude, that's like like my childhood.

for example. So, it's like it's like. everybody it's like uh that's a choice. I'm making as an adult though, too. It's. like I want to stand here in this. quicksand and complain about the. flooring kind of you know. it is weird. It is weird. We're in a. society now like somebody brought up. somebody Winston Churchill or Gandhi or. something. Somebody's like and then like. I don't know what it was but someone's. like or Ruth Bader Ginsburg and like you. know she wasn't all good she did this. and this wrong and I'm like man. everyone's giving accolades to this.

person. You what your first thought is. to the bad and not even as a joke like. that's what you go to all the time. Well, that's the media too these days, man. Almost a perfect example. Like. anybody does anything and they want to. uh like they all documentaries have to. expose anybody that ever did anything. good. It's like documentaries have to. expose them. Like um. Woody Allen documentary. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. But it's like really it's like wouldn't. you just focus on his movies? Isn't that. the good thing he did? Yeah. There's something that it's just I.

I don't know if it's just like a we want. to bring everybody down or that it's. just that that's become such a. marketable thing is the. Yeah, I guess that's what it is. But. it's like it's only because it's like a. big thing, you know, you can get hits. off it. So like nobody's like doing a. documentary about I don't know who about. you, you know, and it's like yeah, he. might have the successful podcast right. now and but you know when he was in high. school he [ __ ] a fat chick. Maybe you. don't know about the fat chick. It wasn't always this. We weren't at the. lakefront one night with him, you know,

and we bought some bad weed and kept. smoking it to pretend we [ __ ] didn't. waste our money. Pass it, dude. Interview your high school friends like, "Yeah, we kept waiting for him to pass. it and then he didn't pass it.". Yeah. And then he went back into that room. with that fat joke. He's going to hell, man. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. It's uh But do you do. you do you feel like you have do you. feel like. I guess I wonder do you feel like more. free or less free kind of after like you. had everything happened or do you just.

feel does does it even matter anymore? That's just one of the times that's. happened. It's just like the latest or. or like the ones that other people saw. But like there's plenty of other ones. where everybody like I did [ __ ] made. fun of um. well you today's 911. you're already. seeing the uh I mean this will air later. I guess but like you see that or last. week in 911. yeah yesterday. and uh and everyone's posting about. themselves you know and making about. themselves like I remember where I was. and like it's just so funny to me.

is having a tough day you think it's a. every year. for sure every year I have a tough day. just seeing the hacky jokes come Renee. like around me I'm like god damn. everyone thinks they're so [ __ ]. original and I'm like dude heard I've. heard it a thousand times. Yeah, he's I'm sure he's having a tough. day. Did you um did you feel like. But I mean like Oh, here's what I was. say. I posted one about um uh Kenny. Rogers. Mhm. Just like roasters guy. Yeah. I called him a racist. That's why.

he wouldn't have fried chicken only only. roasted chicken and stuff. And you get. all these middle-aged people like, "You. [ __ ] suck. [ __ ] you. How dare you.". You know, and it's like there's little. cancellations everywhere. He's like, "This is why you'll never have a standup. special." And I'm like, I have a few. What are you talking about? We watching some of your clips. yesterday, man. I'm trying to think of. the bit that I was watching about. It. was in the comedy seller. Yeah. Yeah. It looked like it just went up. about a month ago, but it was. Oh, that Miami building falling down. Yes. Yeah, man. It's fun, dude. That's.

No, it was a funny It was funny, man. Oh, the whole It was a great dude. I was. sitting there laughing with my friend. I hit it early. My mom told me about it. I was like, I don't know what you're. talking I don't read the news anymore. My mom was like uh she was like, "What. are you I don't even know what you're. talking about." And then she told me and. then I started just doing bits about it. Yeah. I remember a tell right when I moved to. New York. Uh no, before that. he was like uh he did a joke about that. Austrian guy who had a sex dungeon. He. had kept his the mom and the mom's kid. down there. He kept like a few people in. like a he built a sex dungeon in his.

castle or something. and he had a prisoner in there. Oh, I believe that. Kind of like the guy from Cleveland but. like high level, you know. Oh wow. So like more wealthy. Yeah. the leader of the game, Yseph Fritzy's dungeon. Yeah. Wow. And it tell was like, "Hey, this joke. won't go over for very long." But he's. like, "I got three weeks when people are. like still know the news story." And. he's like, that's his job is to like. milk that news story. Yeah. I love that. So, yeah. Oh, wow. That guy's a real dark artist. right there. He's a real dark artist, dude. Look at. him. He looks like Englorious Bastards.

Yeah, he does. He look like a like a. real mean crow just in his brain. Yeah. He would like he would stab you. and let like let the life fall out of. you and he would never change that face. Yeah. Mhm. This doesn't even get to me hard. anymore. Yeah. Oh, sex slave would be so tough to be. I. feel But at a certain point, you would. probably just adapt to it, right? I. mean, that's the interesting thing about. being a human or being alive. It's like. you will adapt to different things. whether they're good or bad. You will.

adapt. I interviewed a early on my podcast, Skeptic Tank. I interviewed a uh you've. been on there, but I interviewed a. couple Holocaust survivors and I was. like, "Really?". Yeah. Yeah. Now, is that cuz I feel like sometimes. in the Jewish community team or just in. you'll be like, "Hol like this is the. last. They keep saying this is the last. Holocaust survivor and it's like come. on. I think we just keep out.". Like what are you talking about? It's. like the Undertaker wrestling. Another. Undertaker, another Robin. That's what I feel like. I feel like. sometimes they keep bringing out like. this is him, you know, and it's just.

he's not even Jewish. It's just a guy. Dude, if I checked Obama's birth. certificate, I'm going to have to check. your birth certificate. Where were you? Where were you born? Let's look at some docs. But, uh, go on. You you. Anyways, was like, how how did you deal. with it every day? And they were they. were both like you get used to it pretty. fast. You just become like this is your. reality. Wow. It it's just like And look at co. too. It's just like it became the. reality. Yeah. Pretty fast. Did you find that whenever you ran into. like was it is it was it weird that the. pe people knew you online but in person.

they weren't nobody was did you run into. people that weren't angry at you and had. no idea like you'd walk past some Lakers. fans they didn't care but in in per but. online. nobody cares in in person, right? Online is so different. You've seen. comedians where they like normal in. person and then online they're [ __ ]. crazy. Oh yeah. And you're like what? But then you meet. them again in person you're like oh. you're you're still a normal guy. Like. who's that guy? Yeah. That's nuts. Yeah. No, nobody ever. in person. Remember the Amazing Racist. stuff? Yeah. So, I've been dealing with death. Remember we worked on that thing because. we did that Shamwow thing.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With Vince, right? Yeah. We did. that movie. We were in that bad movie. together. with Adrien with award-winning actor. Adrien Brody. Yeah. Can you believe that? He played second fiddle to us. Well, he played in the piano. I think he. played piano. But he was uh God, that. movie was good. But dude, that movie. that we were in was the worst movie. ever. The worst movie ever. And then he made it and it was the it. again. He was like, "No, I don't accept that.". Like ABBA when they were released here, they're like 3 years later like, "You.

guys didn't get it. We're going to. re-release." And then it caught on. Vince believed in himself. Oh, Vince believed in himself like, "No. end." That was crazy, man. I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah. Pisky was like came helped us. write. Yes. Um. Yeah. That was amazing. Racist, man. That's when cuz they put that in the. movie, right? Yeah. Yeah. He was like, "Can I use those?" I'm. like, "They're not mine, but like we can. make more.". Yeah. And he was like, "Really?" I'm like, "Yeah, let's make more." Dude, went down. to the border. It was great. But anyway, I would get. tons of death threats early on. I think. I was like the first one to really So,

that's when I was the first one to also. like, "These aren't real, you guys.". And that's when you get real mail, too, probably. Oh, yeah. Phone calls. Oh, yeah. Oh, so listen. So, Duncan Trussell, he. uh I mean, you got to remember like the. time. I got to be on his podcast soon. Duncan, if you're listening, you're going to be or you got to be. Well, I keep I keep saying, "Shouldn't I. come on your podcast because he came on. one time and I owe him, you know, I feel. like and I love talking to him.". Oh, he's great. God, he's the best. So, and he's got one ball. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But the sack still holds. So, you got I've touched it. So, it's.

like sack like this, you know, and then. if you touch one, it just goes and the. other one it's like full. Oh, that's like if you lost your limb in. an accident or something, somebody can. still sometime like tickle you on it. No. No, it's not a phantom. It'd be like. if they took out your bones from your. arm and then your arm would still hold. like straight down. and then it'd be all like spaghetti. Oh, it's just an empty sack. Oh, that's wild. Yeah. Like you're holding a grocery bag. and you take out the groceries from the. top, but it still stays. Still hold the shape. Ooh, yeah. Yeah. It's almost romantic. It feels.

like. Yeah. What was I going to say about. Duncan? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So early on, so he. he had put on so when those Amazing. Races stuff it got take it was a. national lampoon sketch sketch and uh. somebody ripped it put on the internet. early YouTube and people were like what. the [ __ ] is this you know everyone was. like what and then uh so the if you. googled my name the first thing that. came up was Duncan's old website. artisticterrorist.com. yeah and he said like prank call my. friend Ari Shafir um here's his number.

the best prank calls I'll send you 10. bucks or something like that if you. prank So, if you Google my name, you. didn't have to click on it. Just said. Ari Shafir 323656, whatever the number was back then. Um 6225 or is that the store? I forget. But anyway, um and so then like you. Googled. So I just started getting phone. calls one after another after another. like I'll build a deck in your [ __ ]. It was at first I was worried for real. I was worried a little bit but after. like four or five months it's like this. is dumb. This is never going to do.

anything. It's just online. It's just. the gamers. and the internet was so good then too. when you could do so there was so much. more propensity for weird [ __ ] man. So Nick Mullen pointed this out to me. We're both trolls from like a long time. ago. Startup message boards and like. you couldn't just like do remember a. special thing. A special thing? Yeah. It was a it was it was an alt. comedy message board. Uh-uh. And they started writing about. comedians. The first time comedians were being. reviewed. and it was mostly like. was it Seth Sean or whatever that.

[ __ ] guy? No. way way way before that. Uh it was. still very positive and they would just. like try to review shows and mostly. comedy. Death ray. Yep. Special thing. They did some CDs eventually. Wow. Um. a comics comic. That is him. Uh yeah, it wasn't him. He was just. probably reporting on it. Oh, I see. Yeah. Um 2016. He's probably still a. good writer back then. But like um. uh anyway, so I'd go on there and you. start an account. You can't But you. can't just start a fake account. They. see zero posts and your first one is.

like I don't know who were their heroes. back then. Like Patton Oswalt is not as. good as you think. It's like come on. man. You're clearly trolling. Just. showing. You know, you're just and I don't care. about anything. The troll doesn't have. any allegiance to what he's saying. The. troll is just here to anger you. Yeah. So you'd have to like get an account. going and like post like for like a. couple months of like I love Patton. Oswalt. I love Brian Painain. Oh, the. new Louis CK joke is great. Oh. Yeah. Have you seen this comic? He's so funny. Gore. How about gore? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Bush is bad, huh? Like. whatever they need. And then you start.

with the negative. It's so great. But it. would take us a lot of work to really. get a good troll. Yeah. And and Nick was like, he's troll too. He's like, Ari, this is the golden age. of trolling. Now you can just put out. one thing and reach like a million. people. It's the best time to make. people angry over nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's like people are just. waiting. And now the the longevity of. things don't even it's not even there. I. mean, it's gone so fast. It almost is. sadly. It's like even if you die, it's.

like that used to be a thing. I remember. like when a famous person would die, we'd be at school and be like, "Man, this [ __ ] is heartbreaking, you know?". Like, like I remember I told Jay Leno died one. time. We were going on like a camping. trip for 4 days and so. nobody knew that he didn't. So, I had this I was the only internet. you can get a good rumor going. So, for 4 days, man, people were bummed. out, you know, nice. And it was like it was just trolling in. real time. I was hugging people. We were. just talking about doing impersonations. I would use it to hug the [ __ ] hot.

chick. Like it's so sad about Jay Leno. when she's like, "Who are you?". Come on, give me the hug. You owe to me. I know someone who does. One girl made me only hug her from the. back cuz she said I pressed my body. against her. It's too hard from the. front. But then you could just touch her tits. from the back. Yeah. But she would kind of move my arms. down the side by her arms. It was It was. It was pretty sad. Yeah. Trying to get a rub. Yeah. She made me be like a seal almost. It was almost like like putting seals in. line. But. it's like when you get a stripper and. she's dancing on you, go like she's. like, "No touching." You're like, "Yeah, but you could understand why I would.

though, right? That's not like unheard. of.". Oh. Immediately I turn into a lawyer if. there's a stripper on your lap. Like But. you Yes. You But you see the situation. There's a. bit of entrapment on your part. I mean, you are gyating on my hard dick. Um Yeah. Uh that's the best deal. Like. when you did when they did find out that. Jay Leno is still alive, you're like, "Well, now enjoy this time.". Yeah. You have a second lease on life with Jay. Leno. But the best Yeah. And the.

the best thing is I should have just uh. uh But then when they found out, there. was no way for them to text you like, "Hey, Jay Leno's a lot." Like. it was just you laying at home. just just. knowing it's you have to know it's going. to pay off and you're not going to be. there for it. It was this like very. Mozartian type of thing where you just. or like almost like when Andy Drain is. just sitting in the place and you still. hear the the record player playing and. the world's beating on the door and he's. just listening to that music, you know,

in Shaw Shank Redemption. Shank dude, it's funny. Those were the days. But now that is. gone and it's just a complete attack. Plus, there's cameras everywhere, too. So, you can't do crimes. It's a. different time. You got to you got to. figure out the ways to to handle it. I. got to tell you, you've used a phone. before. Some people never used a phone. Some people don't have any even have. hands on their body. But after years of. fine print contracts and getting ripped. off by big wireless, if we've learned. anything, it's that there's always a.

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That's bett.comtheo. Get 10% off and start living a happier. life today. This podcast is sponsored by. BetterHelp. And this past weekend, listeners get 10% off their first month. at betterhelp.com/theo. I in college, I remember somebody asking. me like, you know, when you know. somebody, but then you never fully learn. their name, but you've known them too. long to ask. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so like. I remember him but I don't know him. Yeah. So if somebody goes like hey who.

is that about you right? I'm like what's. his name again? I'm like I would always. be like that's John. And then they would. go to you Theo Vaugh like and then they. make a point to say your name cuz they. just learned it like hey John how you. doing buddy? All right see you later. John. You do that for like a day or two. like until you be like no I'm Theo man. And then they come running back to you. like why did you tell me his name was. John? You're like right. I bet it's pretty embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's something about. having like mild anarchy like that. Like.

there was something that doesn't exist. anymore. And you can't lie about. yourself anymore. That's one of the. worst things. It's like you can't lie. about yourself anymore. You used to be. able to be like, "Yeah, I'm going to, you know, I'm doing medical school or I. was an orphan. I have a twin brother. I've never met." You used to be able to. like create an ambiance, you know, albeit false or whatever. You know, you. we had comics who were like say like. when we started when I started the. store, it was like it was the internet. wasn't fully going yet. It was a few. couple years away and they're like I'm. famous in the East Coast. You're like,

"Oh, cool." Or they I played football at. this college. Yeah. Within a year or two, you're like I can. look up stats from every college. football team of all time and I don't. see Paresi in there. So like I don't know what you mean. Like. why you didn't have any stats for the. whole year? Paresi. and he's like the gig is up. Yeah, you. got to get unverifiable lies, bro. It. wasn't your fault. No. Well, I'm trying to think of some. things that I would tell back then. A. lot of it I felt like cuz I was so. embarrassed about where we lived and.

stuff. I would just say you're poor, right? Yes. I would just say things to people. like about it was always to girls, you. know. Yeah. I'm just, you know, my. family, we were displaced or something. cuz that was one thing about Louisiana. could easily get displaced like. from what hurricanes, hurricanes, rodentry, something like. that. usually like a you know we had a. lot of crazy road entry in our area and. we had a lot of hurricanes so it was. like. road entry road in the tree. road entry road entry uh. what do you. Anameia uh not Narnia. what.

what's the big animal nutria. nutria rats. and then do what they. so they if you if people homes got too. in infested or infected then yeah you. had to they had uh you had to. and then you just give up your home. Yeah. So we'd be like win. We had a nice ho dude. Yeah. You ever eat one of those? Nuhuh. I never eaten them. Swamp rats. But we got a great question actually. that came in for you. Look at this loser. You can't take it. Dude, why are you wearing your mask on. your chin? Just take it off. If you want. to make a [ __ ] splash, dude. Yeah. Unless he has a gross chin, then I guess.

leave it on. Yeah, he's got that. He's hide. He could. be hiding beard chin. I think this guy. looks handsome. Honestly, no homo, bro. Dude, you can't really compliment. people. It's not really doesn't really. work that way. Why you so easy? I think this guy's. hands. No, his nostrils are too big. Yeah, you're right, man. This guy's got. so many problems. I used to love doing that with TBO and. and and Tripoli and uh and uh who was. that chick that was on the Sports. Illustrated swimsuit issue cover. Big. tits. Shipper. No, way later. And then she got a little. chubby. She did those like World of. Warcraft ads.

Kate Olsson. Kate Upton. Kate Upton. Yeah. And they would talk about how hot. she was. And I like me. Like what do you. mean, man? Like her chin his chin's off. They get so mad. But it's so much more. fun to [ __ ] on people. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, [ __ ] this guy. He sounds. like he looks like Down syndrome. Go ahead. Down syndrome. Let's see if. you can get your question out. Clearly, if this guy's down syndrome, he is he's. the Romeo of Down syndrome. He's crushing it. He's crushing Down. syndrome [ __ ]. Yeah, this is guy's Down syndrome. Yeah, I'm like it. All right, Theo,

Nick, Ari, question for you. Is he jerking off? What was it like living in Ecuador this. year? And did you happen to eat any. kooi? aka guinea pig. This guy's Latino the way he said it. Was it. gang gang? Go Lakers. [ __ ] you, dude. [ __ ] the Lakers. That. wasn't a real championship, you [ __ ]. HOW DARE OH MY GOD, YOU [ __ ] SPRAYING. IT ON ME. ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL, I'D. LIKE to apologize for making fun of the. [ __ ] uh head chin scarf before. I. realize what you were doing now. You. were trying to hurt me and it worked,

bro. And it worked. Did you Did you think he was being. hurtful there? I felt like he was being. kind of like. jabby, hurtful, fun, hurtful. Yeah, but. I think in another way he cares. He. wanted to send in a question. He did. care. Yeah. Yeah. And he's not being mean. I I feel like a. lot are a lot of Lakers fans forgiving. to you if you if have if anybody. Well, generally Laker fans are dumb. They're like not an intelligent species, you know. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You'll see them with their with their. the flags all the time, but then when. they're bad, they took the flags off cuz. they don't really support the team, you. know? They're just kind of morons who.

need something to believe in. because they don't have good lives, good. jobs, good families. Their lives are. ugly generally. And um and so it takes. some making up, you know. Um so they. lash out, but uh but this guy seemed. cool. I don't know. So they lash out. That's a great. question, though. And that's really what. it's based on is that man, do you have. any? I did have cool a bunch of times. It's. guinea pig. It's it's in the Andes in. the Ecuadorian Andes and I think maybe. Peruvian. Um so I I went for CO too. I. went to Ecuador for six months. Yeah. I just [ __ ] same as you, but like I. went somewhere else.

Did you um What were some things that. were real nice about being out there? First of all, well, well, the cool the guinea pig was so. [ __ ] It was like duck. It was so. [ __ ] good. And I mean, you'd have it at truck. stops, you'd have it at nice. restaurants. It was But it's just this. whole thing spled out like this. and like they leave their teeth on. Yeah. And but I mean, I would just. destroy it. Really? Yeah. One, it took like. You put it in a chili or something or. chile? No. Oh, you can, but does you put a spit. in it and then it just like turns and. it's just like straight through his ass.

through his mouth. Oh, dude. I used to sell them growing. up. That's That [ __ ] is harrowing. I. know. That's one of the reasons why you. asked, too. Oh, it was so [ __ ] good. But this. other [ __ ] too. Imagine that. Putting anything in their. butt like that. I guess when they're. deceased, probably they do it, huh? Yeah, they're already dead cuz we saw a. bunch of them like like kind of skinned, but the skin is so hard. Man, it was so. good. And what are they doing with the furs? Are is there is there are you seeing. things that they're doing with the furs? No, I didn't. But they probably sell. them or something or make like [ __ ] out. of it. Like they're poor there. So.

Yeah. Can you look up kooey fur for us? Yeah, I I didn't see that. Um, but it was just being away from the. American news. Was that really nice? I didn't find out who won the election. for like 3 weeks, four weeks. It was a leaked. We never found out. No, I didn't know that till later. I. would be like like to win the election. He goes, "Well, it's nobody." And I'm. like, "Oh, really?" Like I was still. figuring it out. Yes. Um Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's. it. Top left. It's so [ __ ] It's so. [ __ ]. What did they put under it? Melon or. something. Put whatever you want under.

Oh, that's um that's um. that's these cheese things. Um it's like. cheese potato things. I forgot what. they're called now. How was the food down there? This is I I. fresh. So delicious. So this is a delicacy. Koi. So this is a wealthy man's treat. It's like 20 bucks, 25 bucks. See, that's what breaks my heart then. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not every but. but like truck stop people could have. it. You could do a quarter, you know, but not every day. Although some people. like just caught their own. They're. everywhere.

Oh, really? Anthony Bourdain was like when he went. down, I didn't see it, but I heard he. did a he did a episode there and he was. like, "This could solve world hunger, man. Just get over the [ __ ] second. grade [ __ ] when you saw them and they. were cute. It' be great.". Yeah, that's the part I think is the. tough part cuz they're really they're. almost like a pony just really. compromised into a really small space. What I got lucky in is is um. like a ground pony. First I had one and. then I went to uh the the equator goes. through there and they have this little. setup and and they're really good about. education about all the different. indigenous people there and all the.

different uh parts of their country to. the Amazon to the mountains and. different just tribes and stuff. And so in this exhibit they had a bunch. of guinea pigs. um and they were like this is a part of. the Andian um tradition and stuff like. that. But I already eaten it but man. those guinea pigs were so [ __ ] cute. that I don't know if I could have after. I saw those guinea pigs. Oh they're so beautiful man. I mean, that's the thing that that's one thing I. think that's real fascinating about. them. And a lot of where I'm from, they. use them to teach you about your. grandparents. A lot of people, they if. your grandparents getting sick, your.

family get you a guinea pig and then the. guinea pig dies and that's how you learn. about death. And then the grandparents like oh that's. going to happen to me. Yeah. What? Or the parents will say this is going to. happen to grandpa, you know. Oh. Oh. To the kids. Yeah. It's like a this a little gateway. to death. Little stairst step. Can you. Google in on the cute one? Can you just. look at that cute picture of them? There we go. I wonder if that's. I mean that look at that. Oh, pun Peru. I mean, look. Consider. a delicacy. Yeah, it's. now what's the what's the meatiest part?

That backstrap, that rump. underneath the belly. Oh, yeah. The the skin is so hard that you. really dreams too where it keeps its. thoughts. Yeah. I could have a family. I got a. giddy family. You're like, you ain't. ain't. Oh, this one like tribal music. What if. you ate that? you ate it and you knew. what they liked, you know, wouldn't that. be crazy. what they were into? Yeah. I would like if you really want to. go delicacy, you find their family, keep. them alive while they like let them. watch you eat. They're dead. The provider. and that right there is Ari Shir. That.

is a perfect example of Ari Shave of. going to a that you would put one under. a bright lamp. He's sitting there, TAPE HIS EYELIDS OPEN. DAD, DAD, NO. WOW, that's amazing, man. So, yeah. So, like so like no news, none of. the anger when they did the [ __ ]. Now, did you have a phone on you? Yeah, but with an Ecuadorian number, right? So, I could check in online. I would do. Zoom podcasts here or there. It wasn't. as like away as I'd really like to be,

but still like they don't give a [ __ ]. about like I tried to avoid the. newspaper to see if I could not like. find out they election. But then I did. see a newspaper and it wasn't reported. Wow. It's like not their country. Why would. they care? So like none of this [ __ ] it. be what's that song that uh the only. news I needed is a weather report. Um who is that? Not Bill and Sebastian. No it's uh [ __ ] that 20. Dan and Shay. Not Dan and Shay. I just met Shay. though. He's a nice guy. Is he? Yeah.

They did a song with Justin Bieber that. I really like actually. Um yeah that's it. Simon and Garfuncle. But it's just about like it's the only. living boy in New York. That's right. Um. it's just like that that lyric like the. only news I need is a weather. This is. the only thing that's going to help me. is is it nice out? That's a good point. The rest is just, you know, someone's. just like, "Can you believe you want to. get angry? Watch this thing." You want. to be like, "Oh, it totally is." So then why do we. do it then? Why do we go for the. Why do we want. Yeah. Why do I know?

Yeah. And Jordan Peterson says he thinks a lot. of this is just we're unable to. pro. It's so strong now. like the way. it's packaged, the way it's put. together, it's in the phone, it's in the. screen. It's like it's so addictive that. we can't escape. But it's it's it's. tough cuz it's like sometimes I will. make the choice I know if I look at this. how I'm going to feel. Yeah. And I'll still do it, you know? But it's like, you know, when like you. ever hear somebody talk [ __ ] about you, somebody's like, "Hey, so and so is.

saying so." And and it's like it's of. course going to make you mad and it. should, but it's also like, "Why are you. telling me that, dude? Why would you. tell me about gossip? That's not. supposed to be to me, right? You know, that's you guys talking about. me. Like, I Why did you share it? You. just got to make me feel bad. It's not. like like, "Hey, watch out. That guy's. reporting to your boss. You better do. something about it.". Right. Right. It's like I can't even do anything about. it. It's like, so why? It's It's like. you're the [ __ ] for spreading it. Yeah. Remember that guy who [ __ ] spread. Tony Hinchcliff's like joke that he like.

rifted on this comic and he was like. making fun of him and then the guy's. like, "This is hurtful to the Asian. community." And then he spreads it to. [ __ ] from 70 people to 70 million. And you're like, "Then why are you. hurting the Asian community, you cunt?". Yeah. Or it's the same thing when like. somebody will say a certain word they're. not supposed to say. Somebody will drop. the M bomb. Sure. Sure. Sure. Or do something or, you know, k or. something. Is that the That's a bad. word. No, it doesn't. It doesn't have the. same. It doesn't. No. Oh, dang. Well, they got to tell us. that, dude. We would use it. Yeah. You know, go for everybody. Free reign. Go for.

Okay. Okay. It's back. But uh but it's like it's back. Not a single. I mean, it's I don't know. when the last time a Jew would have been. upset about [ __ ]. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We got to let people know. that. Write that down. Interest rates. Don't say interest. rates. Kite. Go. Go for it. Um, but it's like uh but then here's. here's what here's the messed up part. The group making the article, they're. the ones then spread. It's like they're.

the one spreading and then profiting off. of it. That's what always burns me. It's. like you're just telling people this so. you can make money. You're the one. really telling everyone. Yeah. Gia Tolantano, this this writer, she used to write for Vulture, I think. Uh one of those like things that makes. everybody angry, you know? And she wrote this great book, Trick. Mirror. And and it's all about internet. culture and stuff like that. And she. goes, "People used to get mad at me for. the articles I wrote, not understanding. that my editor told me to write articles.

that would make people mad.". Yeah. It's like like I mean that's what I'm. going for to get you angry enough to. come back to this [ __ ] magazine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean Stephen A. Smith does it. good. I've heard I've heard stories from. the production there Stephen A. Smith. and Skip Bis and those guys that they. have no idea what they're even saying. anymore. They are literally putting out. as many clips as they can of. controversial stuff. Controversial. Yeah, you want that to. for it to go. Yeah. Well, I remember whenever like so. whenever you had So whenever you had the. thing with the Lakers with the Kobe.

thing, did were you shocked at how some. comics treated you or behaved toward you. or responded? Yeah, at first. But I mean like you. can't really be upset when you try to. troll people and you do troll them, you. know, and you get them to be upset. Oh, I mean interesting. I like to root against the Lakers, but. like it's just sports, you know? I don't. really care. But I've been [ __ ] on. the Lakers for for 20 years since they. started killing shows in LA during the. playoffs. I'm like, "Fuck the Lakers.". Oh, that's a good point. I started really reing in the [ __ ]. hatred of them. Oh, that would be the worst, too, dude.

That happened to me a couple times. We're like, "Oh, yeah, we're not going. to do it tonight cuz they made it to a. game five.". I'm like, "It's it's game [ __ ] four. and they're up three nothing and it's. the first round." Like, come on, you. [ __ ] fair weatherweather [ __ ] Come. out to the Comedy Underground place. And the Lakers, I will say it seemed. like they just it's just too stacked. I. don't like these stacked teams. They're [ __ ] collusion for sure. [ __ ]. them. This whole bought team now. That's and that's a fake championship. Last year it was an AIOU [ __ ]. championship. Nobody respects that as a. real championship two years ago.

Yeah. Yeah. Two years ago. Um. but yeah, it's like you f but then at. first I was like god damn you guys. Come. on. Don't you know it's just a comic. making a joke. Like what are you doing? Why would you take this stance? But then you're like. step back you're like no I got you. I. mean you you got angry at me trying to. make that angry a [ __ ] easy thing. Yeah. That's so interesting. I was. thinking about that last night. Like. does like. it's weird when you walk the line. because you want to have you want to get.

people upset but you don't want to get. them so upset that they're like so like. a couple line crosses to me were like. you know like they call like not me but. like other people they call my manager. at home like we're come [ __ ] you up. Yeah. God damn. It was always Latinos too, dude. Yeah. Or blacks or whatever but or just. dumb Laker fan. It's like no one from. London gave a [ __ ] about that, you know, and they were like, "Huh?" I mean, if if. fun of Rooney or something, they'd be. like, "Don't do that, you know?" But it's just like, "Yeah, I. triggered you." But I did enjoy that all. these comics were like, "If you don't.

like a joke, just leave the room. It's. not that hard." And then they got one. that triggered them. and then they didn't know how to just. leave the room. They had to take the. stance of, "Some jokes go too far." For. the first time in their lives, they were. like, "Some jokes go too far." And I'm. like, "Yeah, I feel like I exposed them. into hypocrites." It was great. I really. enjoyed it. that and that's what I was thinking. yesterday cuz I even watched like a. reaction that I had to when it happened. and I was like. yeah I was trying to make and it's. different because I feel almost.

differently now you watch it back it. doesn't even have like the same. doesn't have the notch right so people. like too soon I'm like well no if you. wait too long. which is always the issue with timing of. jokes just like you're saying with. Chappelle like with uh David Atel and. Dave obviously is a big name for good. comedians that realize that Chappelle. and Nutell. Oh yeah. Regular name like Dave. Get you. David Chappelle, David Tell, Dave. Taylor. The top three. There you go. Top three Daves. Yeah. David Duke also. Don't. one of the great great leaders of our. great early troller.

Yeah. Like I actually love Jews and. blacks. I just say [ __ ] It gets me. votes for sure. I like wearing white. What can I do? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I even look I even. put this on late September. You know. what I'm saying? You're not supposed to. Yeah. After like Yeah. Um. um but no, I that that's one thing. looking back I was like this is also. fascinating because it's like it made me. wonder well what what choices am I. making and talking about because I'm. scared of repercussions. What choices am. I making and talking about because.

do you get involved with a mob? Because. like the mob is like well let me go with. them. I might not agree but let me just. walk the line. And there's a safety in that too. There's a safety in that dude. I. remember they had a news thing that came. out like a few years back about me. It. was just about It wasn't anything real. bad, but it was just It wasn't anything. bad really. It was just something about. my life and it was but it was on I. remember being at the gym and seeing on. the ticker on the bottom of like. it was a slow news day. Yeah. And they had my name on there and I was. like, "Oh my god, everybody this but it. was so scary to me.". What do they say? You had a f mullet.

You've. been clipping on your mullet for years. like. [Laughter]. sewing it in. Sean comes over with Betsy Ross and sews. it in the back of my head. We got to get it ready. I'm like like. RR, you can't mention this, by the way. So, dude, I was in Thailand at this. [ __ ] hippie place once and some lady. sold tie on dreads for white people so. they can live the life for the week that. they were there. But here's the crazy part. So, whoever.

buys those and puts them on, they get in. trouble for cultural appropriation. But. the business of it just keeps moving. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who do you think sells. those Black Lives Matter shirts? It's. just some white dude just like I don't. give a [ __ ] I'm making this in. Indonesia and I'm [ __ ] cashing in. But yeah. So, how'd you feel when you. saw your name in the ticker or what. happened? It made I felt overwhelmed. I remember. calling the publicist, this guy Rob. Greenwald. Great guy. And uh is it Yeah, Rob's a great guy, man. Great guy. Well, Rob, I I remember dude, I just now.

remembered I saw him out. he went to see. your Jew taping of the or Jew uh you. were running at the comedy store and I. saw him right after and he's like I'm. Jewish man and uh and I love you know he. was just saying how much he loved your. special. I just remembered that. Um. but anyway uh so yeah I just remember. just texting him or emailing him like. dude I just make it stop. I don't want. Here's what it was. It was too much. stuff that was out of my control. happening at once. Yeah. That I had no control over like little. articles and um it was about dating and.

I dated like a real housewives lady, right? And so it was just a slow news. day. So for some reason it was just but. I remember being in the gym and seeing. it go on the ticker and I'm like what? Isn't there a stock or something? That's how you found out about it. that's supposed to be on there. Yeah. And then I and then it was all over. And. I remember texting my manager um Ei Rice. and this guy and Rob Griev just being. like, "Guys, can you make it stop?" And. it wasn't it wasn't bad, but it was just. something that was so out of my control.

And I feel like for me as a comedian, you always want to be able to control. your little world. And that's what's so. scary about the media and the way things. are nowadays is that there's this. there's these other title waves. sometimes that you have to be willing to. [ __ ] ride. Yeah. Yeah. You have to like sit back on. like if you want to poke a bear, you. can't be that mad when the bear swings. back, you know, cuz that's like that. And I'm too afraid, I think. Whereas. you're like a Kelly Slater. I feel like. you're willing to be out there on the. wave. Like I didn't like all the negative. stuff, but like the act on itself, that.

troll was maybe my best one. I mean, I. brought a city to its knees. You know what I mean? So, like, it would. have been nice if it was two weeks after. my special taping instead of two weeks. before. Oh, yeah. But like, I crushed that town, dude. I. [ __ ] crush that town and I crush all. of LA comedy. I expose them for the. [ __ ] garbage hypocrites with no. integrity that they are. Yeah. With just a little a pin prick of. negativity on my own account and you. just watch them spread it. Oh, it was. the best one. It was the best one.

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ho only at DraftKings, the official. daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Minimum $5 deposit required. Eligibility. restricted supply. See draftkings.com. for details. Was there How long did it take you to. get over like cuz I'm sure there was. discomfort with it, too. I mean, I was I. felt discomfort just cuz I just remember. like is this so out of his control that. it has to be harrowing in a. Yeah, it was weird because like so like. we're comics, right? So, anytime. something like that happens, we want to. express it and like make jokes about it.

But then it was like they were doing. this thing where they were taking my my. Twitter feed and they'd be like like. galvanizing on there and like doxing. other people in my life. That's why they. put my manager's number and address on. there. And I'm like, what? And so Rob. was like, "Dude, you got to you got to. take that tweet down. You got to like. they're using it to attack others." And. I'm like, "God damn.". So you had to like make stuff private. Like I want to just keep going back at. him cuz who gives a [ __ ] you know? Yeah. Yeah, Duncan was like, "You should like make a. bunch of stuff." They threw a basketball. through my window.

Make it crazier and crazier. Like Tim. Dylan, dude, that would have been. perfect if Tim Dylan was really on his. hype train at this or really was on his. horse cuz he's so good at just carrying. stuff out into the ether, you know. Um, yeah, we did have a fun one. Me and Bert. and uh and and uh and Tom and we're all. talking about it and Rogan and then. we're like laughing about it and stuff. privately laughing about it, you know, publicly. He's called it worse than 9/11. and the and the [ __ ] uh hurricane. Is that what Joe said?

No, Bert. Bert, you know, it's something. terrible like 9/11 or or a tsunami or. Kobe Bryant death. [ __ ] idiot. But in LA it feels like that. It really. is. It's their hurricane Ida. It's like. it really is. And they did not like you bring it up. that [ __ ] You remember when Phil. Mickelson was great but hadn't won a. major and it was like that thing, you. know, that rape thing that rape thing. was the thing. So that's what you poke. at, you know? But like they hate you. bringing it up. They hate you bringing. it up. They'll go after anybody who. does. Um that chick from Westworld mentioned.

it and they [ __ ] went after her so. [ __ ] hard. That Raport dude [ __ ] went after her. so [ __ ] hard until she had. Oh, Raport's a freaking snake, dude. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, he's a man. Whatever. That's what he is. That's what he is. Yeah, but is he just a troll? So, so here's the deal. That's his art. form, right? His art form is to be a not. a contrarian, but a but a but like I'm. angry about something. An instigator almost or something. Not an instigator, but just to BE MAD. ABOUT SOMETHING. YEAH.

YEAH. He'll walk along like those. [ __ ] it [ __ ] like a 20-year-old walk. like I know he looks at that thing and. you see him on the screen, but that's a. grown man walking on the sidewalk. talking to his cell phone. Yeah. So like, but that's his thing, right? So. you have to allow him to do his thing. You can't be mad just cuz the thing got. pointed at you. right. once, you know? He's looking to like. [ __ ] on things. So like, I went in. Yeah, cuz that's the weird thing. When. you push the when you push that. envelope, I respect it. You cuz that's what's so interesting. So. he you want to get as much hype as you.

can out of stuff, but when it gets when. that when that freaking big like when. the big spin of the wheel really stops. right on you, it's almost like it's uh. it's too much. That's it's almost just. like telling a joke and it just is too. far. It's like it's like when you. because you're always risking telling. the joke. That's the line. You want to. be right there at the line. Yeah. You want to be right there at the. line. But the thing is so like that guy. in Providence who was like, "Fuck you. It's not funny." To him, it was over the. line, right? The rest of the crowd was.

fine. And then you got to think, "Who's your crowd?" So if that if he. tells that at a 9/11 memorial, well, you're going to get a lot more people. than who were there in that Providence. room, they're going to hate me and say, "That was a terrible joke. Shouldn't. have done it." Right? Louis [ __ ] Parkland joke. What? Then. it went out to a bunch of people who. never should have heard it. Right. And like know your audience. And it's. like, yeah, we do know our audience. It's my Twitter followers or my audience. in the room. It's not the people who. aren't there. Yeah. It It's strange, but it's funny, too. I. don't know. You got to respect people. doing their art form. You got to respect.

people doing what they do. And if one of. the things is like hot button topics, and. personally, I remember one of my one of. my many like I mean, I've I've been. through these things before, so I'm prepared for it. But one of them. um from a special it was like somebody. got mad at me for for doing a bit about. them and uh and um Elanor and Diaz were. talking like it was pretty bad but Dia's. like yeah but that's our friend and then. Elanor was like oh yeah yeah you're. right in the story in the story like you. don't have to say anything if it's about.

your buddy but now we're in this world. where it's like I need to be first to a. [ __ ] you. a comment or Yeah. Yeah. People and they. and then also other people start hitting. you up. What do you think about this? What do you So then everybody there's. all like. Well, they've asked us they've asked me. multiple times about like. to to speak about should I No, I'm not. even going to say this, but some of the. people we know have come up in the news. and like offstage stuff. Oh yeah. And like when are you going to mention. it and and I don't even respond. But the. answer is never. That's a friend of.

mine. That's someone I've shaken hands. with even if I don't hang out with them. all the time. What are you talking. about? I'm not going to lose my [ __ ]. humanity so I can [ __ ] speak to a. bunch of strangers. See, that's. interesting cuz I saw I then cuz I'll. look back on things, I'll be like, "Why. did I really feel like I had to speak?". Why did you It's this feeling that'll. pass. So, you can learn from it and next. time not do it, you know? But like. there's there you just don't have to. You just don't have to. I saw uh. Yeah. So, I wonder where does that come. from for me? Is it like a fear? Is it. like Yeah, I think it's probably some.

fear of everybody not liking me. Same thing posting a Black Lives Matter. square. It's like if you don't, are they. going to look at me? Are they going to. are they going to be mad? But it's like, oh, dude, I put up my Black Lives Matter. square. I didn't know what to do. I was. kind of spooked, I guess. Yeah. Because I'm trying to do a Netflix. And. in my head, I'm like, well, if I don't. do this, the Netflix special is gonna. happen. We've already gone down this. road. The deal's there. I'll lose it. Then I'm like, they'll take it and I. won't be able to get it back. It's like. all this stuff gets stuck in your head. kind of. And also, I have black friends. I know. what's going on. The first time some a. black woman hits me up and it's like,

you did this all wrong, [ __ ]. This ain't the right shade or something. That's why. Exactly. That's why I was. like, and you want to be like, "No, you're not. the right shade of black." H yellow. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's like I don't. know. But no, it's No, it's interesting. because it makes me look at myself like. Yeah. Why do I feel the need? Who do I. feel like do I feel like I have to. defend? Um and then sometimes you also. want to be there to kind of defend or or. help soften some of what the blow is. Right. So with Tony, I was trying to do. that. That's what I did. That's what I tried.

to do too. And even at the end, I. remember the thing I was talking about. you. said, "I didn't." It's what he's. going for. So, you have to recognize. that that's what he's going for. Like. the way things land in the If it hits. that trampoline, then it hits the whole. world. It wasn't. I don't know if it's supposed to or not. Yeah, it was a great one for sure. Would you do it again, you think? Or did. you have any. 100%. Yeah. I mean, it there's no way I can't. because here's the deal, man. I I I've. committed to to this life and and and. and by this life, I don't mean.

offensive. I mean, doing the jokes that. I find funny whenever I find them funny. And that's what that's one thing I. really admire about you the most, man. Thanks, buddy. So, so if you start. considering the repercussions and not. like moral repercussions like like I. Yeah, I'm not going to go to somebody's. funeral and do that. That's the wrong. place, right? But I'm like, "No, I'm. doing it to my audience. I can't be. worried about if it's going to take I. have a nice life and I'm completely. free.". Yeah. So, I'm not going to give that up. because I might have more money or be. able to do more things. And like, by the.

way, I took a lie detector on this on. Legion of Skanks. They're like, they're. like, "Do you regret the Kobe tweet?". I'm like, "No.". Oh, I have to go back. Absolutely. They crushed. the reaction maybe. But it would have. been nice if people were like, "Hey. guys, that's what a joke is. You have to. allow comics to make jokes.". Right. Right. Right. And that's really I. think that's the thing that we should. all be saying. I guess. we should all be defending each other. because we want to tell young comics, we. will get your back if the line moves. behind you. We're not talking about. actions. We're talking about whatever. you're trying to do for a joke, we will.

have your back, young comics. Yeah. We will always say like it's and and not. to say like, "Hey, I didn't find it. funny, but it's he's right." Not leave. that [ __ ] out. Just be like, "Yeah, guys, clearly. here's the joke. Here's what he's going. for.". Right. Well, did you find it funny? Like, what's the difference? It's got nothing. to do with it. There's plenty of like. specials from comics or that aren't. funny that I would never mention because. it's not offensive, right? So, you're. not like. this guy's special wasn't good. Like, you wouldn't say that. So, why would you. say it when they're under attack? Yeah. It's nutty. I have had a few. people apologize to me. A couple like.

Black Comics specifically was like, "Hey. man, no, he's a he's an actor. He's fine.". No, no, he did was like, "I told you I. had to say something." He was not like. actually. angry. That is good. That's actually a. pretty good person actually. Me and Sam Mara was saying there he came. up to me. I thought he was going to beat. me up and he was like, "I told you I was. going to say something. All right, buddy." And then Sam's like, "Are you. got to respect the honesty?" I guess so. Yeah, that's true, too. I think is Yeah. Like if somebody didn't say, "Yeah, everybody's playing kind of their game. or playing the best game that they can.". Yeah. But I had Mike Yard came up to me.

He was like, "Dude, when I saw that, I. was like, what the [ __ ] are you doing?". And then somebody's like, "Oh, I get. it." Like you make fun of like dead. celebrities because you're poking fun at. like the people who overvalue these. lives of celebrities. Like, I get it. now. I didn't get it at first. I'm like, "No, thanks." Or or or Kareem Green was. like, "Uh, not Kareem Green. Jimmy. Martinez was like, uh, yeah, I said some. [ __ ] about you, man, but I shouldn't. have. That I get it now. I get what. you're doing. I should have I should. have like defended you as a comedian. I'm like, thanks for saying that. Yeah. So, a few people did, but you know, now.

that the emotions are gone, but it's. also fun when you see people still mad. about one of the many like lines I've. crossed and they're still angry. Somebody the other day was like put out. a Beyonce tweet that I made like what. about this. after lemonade. Exactly. I'll never. forgive you. I'm like, okay. Okay. I'm. definitely gonna think you're a dork. Wow. Yeah. It's fun. I don't know. It's fun. to [ __ ] with people. No, it's I I it's. like but it's also it's just the. preservation of it all, man. And that's. why I appreciate you even talking about. with me with this cuz I started to feel.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking like. when is it when do I feel pressure to. defend the freedom of speech? We've been. talking about it recent with like um. like people not want to do the flag and. it's all kind of stuff. It's like. freedom of speech not want to like you. know like or like a teacher took the. flag down in her classroom and like. didn't have it in there. And like my. teacher when I was growing up like she. made us all kind of do it or at least. asked us to stand there like whether or. not she it was just like to kind of. corral us. It was like kind of a. unifying at least she cares. Pledge.

allegiance. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. And it was like I don't know if I cared. as much as a kid. It's not like I was. standing there but I like you know our. teacher did it. It was like she was our. liaison. And then now a teacher was like. uh I put the flag away. it seems like. there'd be a thing of trouble in my. classroom and and I at first I was like. man I felt like maybe she shouldn't have. done that but then I'm like you got to. pe freedom of speech is freedom of. speech the problem is there's just. everybody's speech can get everywhere. now. and I don't know if it's a problem it's. just a curve we're still. it is weird because so there's like.

there's like you have different selves. right the way you talk to me is going to. be way different than the way you talk. to a pastor. way different to talk to your mom um. your high school friends is different. than your comedian friends, you have. many selves. and now it's just like coming together. into one self. And Mark Zuckerberg's. talked about this and it was like this. is a problem cuz you're losing all these. different masks you wear in different. situations. You know, I'm not going to. curse in front of my mom, right? I might, but I'm not I'm not trying not. to, but you and I who I might even think.

twice about it, right? You know, AM. radio or FM radio versus podcast, right? You know, it's just like you have this. line in your head. And Zuckerberg says, "No, I think there should only be one. self to everybody." And I think that's. dangerous because you lose like artistic. differences. You lose like wild strokes. of of of of art when everybody's trying. not to offend anybody. It's like you're not even supposed to be. here. What am I worried about? Right. Well, that's what it feels like. Then it feels like I'm not even supposed. to be here because it's an un it's an.

unrealistic expectation of a human. Right. So then I start to feel like it's crazy. when you said that it just hit me. I. feel like well why am I even here? This. isn't a safe world for me to even be in. because that's impossible. because they're throwing you to every. where you wouldn't even be appreciated. Every wolf. I remember when I remember it hit me the. first time it hit me was Cecil the lion. Remember that. some dude killed a lion in Zimbabwe or. Zire maybe. Let's hope Zimbabwe or Zire. Ceil the lion.

Zimbabwe. Oh yeah. I remember this thing. They. killed. a black man. This dentist killed him and. uh with an arrow by American. recreational big gum hunter. No. And uh. and everybody was real real mad. Mhm. Um. they hated him. I remember talking to a. cab driver. We just heard on the news. We both both bonded like [ __ ] this guy. [ __ ] this Dennis dude. [ __ ] killing a. lion. Cecil beautiful lion. Yeah. They put that name in and the name. also kind of urban. Makes you think, oh. this guy, you know racist.

This guy didn't make a sports squad or. something. And I remember being legitimately angry. And then I found out later a little bit. more where I was like, "Oh no, Zimbabwe. gives out like 40 permits to kill lions. a year cuz they have to keep the. population down." Because then you hear. more stories like, "Yeah, lion killed my. brother, man. We we need to keep the. population down if they're too close to. [ __ ] whatever." Rogan pointed out for. a guy for a for a tiger a lion to get a. black man, that means he's way old. That. means he killed tons of [ __ ] lion. cubs. That lion probably killed like 20. lion cubs. But we had the story of like,

I'm supposed to be mad at this dude who. killed Cecil. And then you find out more. and more about it and you're like, "Oh, no. This was totally legit.". Right. Um, well, also I love how they put his born. date on here like, you know what I'm. saying? 2002 add to that just to add to the Oh, look, he was only 13 like he was in. junior high school or something. Yeah. Even though I think that's an old. line, but. yeah, he was a park land survivor. But then it hit me like whenever I'm. angry about these things like they're. probably hiding a detail or two to make. me angrier, right? Hinchcliffe, too. They're like they just hid details to. make you angry and then they'll reveal.

the details later but the emotion's. already there and you're like no [ __ ]. this. Yes. That's what's interesting. Or they they hide like Louis asked to. jerk off in front of lots of people who. said yes and then they just don't. include that in the story. Right. He's like that dolphin. He's like. the do trick dolphin. Yeah. What do you mean? Like the you know it's like let's see. him do his trick. You know hey I'm sure. there's been parties where people are. drunking like hey get Louis in here. He'll jerk off and. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone's totally cool. with it and then suddenly you leave all. those out and it's just like you just. show one thing. Like if they just show. me calling Bobby Lee a [ __ ] you know,

but they cut out him right before. calling me a [ __ ] right? It looks really bad. But then like you have to show all the. context. And if you show it later, like. people like, "Nah, still I've already. decided I'm angry.". This is one another reason I knew people. like are married to their anger. When. those Amazing Racist stuff came out, people like that's so [ __ ] how dare. you [ __ ] do that. It was so funny. You were on that boat, dude. But I'd pick people up at Home Depot. they were working and I drive them to an. INS building and then people get mad and. then I was like but by the way you know. those were actors I paid them 50 bucks.

right. um and I drove them back they're not. even like workers they're just actors. they filled out like a a form and we. paid them and they did it and people. like oh still I'm like wait you're just. as angry you thought I was picking up. undocumented workers and driving them to. the INS and then you found out I'm just. doing a sketch about it and you're. equally as angry. not even a little less angry and then. you're like, "No, no, people just get. married to that anger.". Yeah. What is that? Why do we not We. don't. It's a weird emotion, huh? Anger.

It is. And but then also to not let it. to not then be willing. Yes. That's. what's also interesting. Yeah. It's like and I'm right and it's like a. It's fascinating, man. I appreciate you. letting me think about this with you. because it's. Yeah. about it ourselves because I've done it, too. I've like unfairly like. Yeah. I jump to it. Sometimes it depends. on how I'm feeling that day. Well, I. remember with the Tony thing, the. Hinchcliff thing with the Asian. comedian. I heard he's been doing that. all week and it's like um and that they.

were fine with it or but why didn't they. why didn't the comedian ask him first? It's like sometimes it's like the use of. it. How are you if you're just using. this as like a springboard for yourself? That's the thing too. It's like it's. it's a weird thing in comedy now. I. don't know. I think it's cuz we got too. big and now we're like worried about. keeping our fame and our podcast. advertisements and all that [ __ ] And. it's like, dude, we were making 20 grand. a year and we're able to give up money. like it was nothing and now they were. making or some people, not me, but some. people are making millions and now it's. like, I can't afford to lose 20 grand,

right? And it's like, what do you mean? Now. more than ever, you shouldn't give a. [ __ ] But. yeah, I don't know. But like, uh, no one. could just be like, but it's also I think we might be going. we might have been going through the. adapt adapting to it. Yeah, maybe. You know, I think that the internet's making. people sick, too. Oh, dude. I think they caught the sickness. A lot. of people caught the sickness. I think a lot of times I you know, we'll. we'll stop like nicotine and things like. that. But it's like there's nothing. that's killing us more than this.

constant reflection of ourselves and the. unable to meet the demand of of an. unrealistic expectation that's put in. front of you constantly. I I struggle with it getting offline. completely. Yeah, it's hard, man. You know, we make our money not being off, you. know, we make our money being on there. So, it's like Right. I mean, I I ended. my Twitter account probably 5 months. ago. I just like this is all all. negative now. Twitter is all negative. But that I know I gave up a lot of money. doing that, right? Um. you're like I'm going to say I'm going. to admit that yeah 5% of my money is. going to come from either views or.

people seeing links. promoting my show. Exactly. And I'm like. I can't do that anymore. But like it's. not healthy for me. Yeah. Um. I Yeah. I don't know. We got to combat. it in ourselves somehow. I don't know. how to do it. And I think some of it is just you're. learn, you know, you learn as things. come through. You know, it's like. I think they got to regulate the. internet, man. Dave Smith, I was talking. to him about it. He's a real big. libertarian. He like helps me make my. views on like on politics in general. Just like. if I'm not hurting anybody, what's the. difference? You know, do cocaine in your own home. Like,

what's the difference? Don't drive and. drink, you know, that's hurting other. people, right? But drink at home. What's it? You know, I don't care. Drink. yourself. It doesn't matter. But like um. but so he's like, "Well, you know, the. internet's like you're free not to use. it." But I'm like, "Well, you're not. really socially free not to use it. You're not. They've made it so you need. it for almost anything." Yeah. With Apple Pay, with [ __ ] You can't. get a city bike without your [ __ ] If. unless you have one of the old keys, you. can't get a city bike without your cell. phone. You can't get tickets to a movie.

and [ __ ] So, it's like they've made you. need it. And the especially social. media, they've made you need it. You. can't exist. The mommy blog groups are. all on Facebook. You can't be a mom and. not trade information with other moms. And they're not going to be off. Facebook. They're going to be on. Facebook. You have to be on there. And. we didn't agree. to hate our friends. We didn't agree to. let you make me hate my friends and my. brothers and my [ __ ] relatives. We. didn't agree to that. And you guys did that to us without our. permission. And I'm like, "No, that's not allowed.

You're hurting us. It's not just. stomping on your floor. It's stomping on. your floor when someone lives below. you.". Right? It's like, no. So, I hate. regulation, but at some point, like, we. didn't give you permission to do this to. us. It's tough. That's the thing. It's like, I hate regulation, but I've thought. like, tech is the new fossil fuel. That's what I say a lot of times. It's. this weird thing where it's like there's. people like, we'll just get off of it. It's like then I can't order anything. I. can't like there's no And even if you. try to go, this is the saddest part. Yesterday, I'm looking for a bed and.

breakfast, right? And I don't want an. Airbnb. I want to find a bed and. breakfast. I find two senior citizens. probably deceased in the back. You know. what I'm saying? Who I go in, I have a. reservation, they didn't even know about. it, and I find their bodies in there. You know what I'm saying? Like, I want a. real bed and breakfast. I want a [ __ ] scone, [ __ ]. Yeah. The advertising though is all. straight to Airbnb. Everyone you go to, it's somehow. So, it's like you had to. go two pages in to even find something. that was like a a regular Airbnb, you.

know? And it's like. it it also that's [ __ ] that's really. more damaging than some of the stuff. like the anger inducement like that's. bad for sure but like algorithms in. general it it takes away your ability to. to be exposed to new things. Even like. like Spotify, you don't think Spotify is. evil in any way and it's not evil at. their core, but like they're giving you. music that they know you will like. Right now, you and I are hanging out, let's just say, and I'm putting on some. of my music that you're your algorithm.

wouldn't expose you to. But you're like, "Oh, I actually like like that's cool. I. like this." And so, you're exposed by. chance to some new level of art that you. wouldn't have been exposed to, which is. why I like. uh I got this from a book, too, but like. listening to the radio where I'm like, "Let it hit me with something.". Yeah. Um and then maybe I'm like, "Oh, cool.". And I'm my Spotify's listening, you. know, so they'll know if I like it. They're reading my heartbeat or. whatever. But like you want to be able. to like grow and they're not letting. you. Well, did you notice when you're in.

Ecuador or those types of places? Is it. a lot different? Is it really a lot. different? Do you notice it over time? Yeah. Well, I noticed when I get back. Same thing was when I left LA. I didn't. notice how shitty LA was, how the LA. vibe was until I left for a couple. years, then went back. I was like, "Oh, god damn. You guys are [ __ ] vapid. here and and needy for fame." And I. didn't realize the forest for the trees. Yeah. I was really enjoying it. When I. got back, I was just met with this. barrage of of media and like just Yeah,

it's it's you're free. You're free. I. don't know. And luckily co it was like a. really good thing, you know, in a lot of. ways. Got to count your blessings about. it. Yeah. You relocated to a cool spot. You know, you might not have. Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, I I'm. amazed sometimes that I was able to. move. You know, you can always go back. It's easy to just go there. Yeah. But I think Yeah, when everybody was. leaving, I I felt like everybody was. going Austin. And I didn't know if I. wanted to go to Austin. It's just still. the financial thing was the same for it. was just like I was just in a place I.

don't want to pay all this extra to. California right now. Especially if I. didn't know if they're going to have. mass ever. Yeah. The taxes are. different. There's no state taxes here. That was a big thing when Rogan was like. I'm moving to Austin. I'm sure. And and I had thought about moving. there. Then whenever I started moving I. was like I don't I don't want to go back. to. that's kind of what I felt. I just. didn't want to be like in a place where. I felt like um. people like why he's like homeless like. you don't think it's homeless in Austin. like why else he's like taxes like you. wait what. everybody's like wait what is that all. those rich comments like oh oh oh oh oh.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. oh oh oh hold on like I I can save a. house a year. Yeah I don't mind seeing the homeless as. long as I'm not the one paying for them. That's the thing. Yeah I'm not paying. Now if I walk up to the guy and say here. here's 20 bucks. will you please [ __ ]. outside for me cuz I need to like, you. know, get these get these rose beds. going. That's one thing. You got to put them to use. That's a. problem. They're not using these. homeless guys. But if I got to mail it to the city and. then they're going to use it through. some dirt system and the guys doesn't. even get to [ __ ] in my flower beds, he. can just go [ __ ] anywhere. No way. Not.

on my watch. Yeah. Something that's some things. that's that's interesting here. Like the. guy at the gas station the other day. comes out and he's he's I guess a fan. kind of or you know knew of me and he. said, "Hey, um, hey man, I want to let. you know anytime you come in here, man, we got fresh baked bread and fresh baked. pizzas in here." And I just been in. there, dude, there's no there's none. there's not an oven in that joint, right? Yeah. So I'm like, is this guy just been and. it was the nighttime guy. So I'm like, is this dude out of his mind? Is this.

guy on aderall? Like, but now it's like. when I go there, I have to pretend that. they have like fresh baked bread in. there and they don't. So, it's like in a. smaller area you there's like you kind. of you have to continue to whereas in LA. you can be like go [ __ ] yourself. You. don't have. so impersonal. But sometimes you're like. you need that impo impersonal. You're. like yeah you're a weirdo man. I'd. rather not talk to I mean New York is. the key for that. Nobody talks to. anybody. There's too many crazies. Yeah. But in a small town even Nashville is.

still a small town. Oh, it feels really. small here. And you can't cheat on your. spouse here. That's another thing. Like. in LA, dude, you could have another. family a block away from you and your. family would never know. That's another. thing that changed. They had this book. called the 50 mile rule. Do you remember. that? Uhuh. It was like if you're going to cheat on. your spouse, and they weren't against. it. They go, you got to go 50 mi outside. your radius. Now, this was written 30. years ago. Wow. And if you go 50 mi. outside your radius to a convention or. whatever, or more, you know, it'll never. come back to your to your home, to your. family at all. Now, it's way different.

There is no 50 milei to go to another. planet. Well, there's Yeah, there's no 50-mi. radius, right? And that's one thing Louis said funny on. that special guest. He said, "Well, I. was looking to get out of town, but. there I was on kayak or something. There. were no tickets to Mars, right?". Yeah. He's like, "I was looking to get that. far away.". Yeah. Um, it is it is cool being in Ecuador where. you're like where no one knew me. I. think I got recognized like three times. Two of them like right towards the end. in like one of our gringo town. But it. was like I'm just me. I'm just a human.

here and there's no I think it's real. like bad for you to be recognized too. much to be like elevated. on a level that you're not. Oh well, and that's not even realistic. It's not really Yeah. People are just. like, "Can I get you something?" Like, "Can I get you? You don't work for me.". Yeah. It's not healthy at all. And you start. thinking your words are too valuable. Yeah. Well, I think that goes even to. some of like podcasts getting busier and. like being feeling like you have to say. something or scared to say something. Have to say something. God damn. Embarrassing. In New York, we're we're. like shocked at how some of those LA.

podcasts have no level of integrity or. morals. Yeah. To their friends. God. Well, hold on. Look at these [ __ ]. These guys are great. Bless bless you. Who the [ __ ] are these dudes? They got. I don't want to use a racial slur, but. these Lakers fans right here. One's a Dodger fan. Laker fans. My bad. Uh, let's see these. guys. What's up, Theo? Ari, you.

beautiful [ __ ] I'm big. He's. fat. Big and fat. I don't know why he looks like that. Uh, we're actually podcasters and I'm going. to chase my comedy dreams. So, quick. question. Um, when you're pushing the. boundaries. in your jokes, which you do [ __ ]. great at. Um, how do you overcome the fear of, you. know, that cancel culture? It's pretty. scary out there. Everybody wants to. [ __ ] end you. Keep killing them. Keep. pushing the boundaries. We [ __ ] love.

you guys. Theo Ari, we hope to see you. in Jersey soon. Please come by. Latinos in Jersey. There's a new. documentary coming soon. Latinos in Jersey. Thank you, bro. Thanks for the question. Uh, we kind of have been answering that. We kind of did. You know, there's one. book that set me free more than. anything. It was uh The Fountain Head. I. read The Fountain Head. It was a. girlandr. Yeah. Whatever. But um it set me free. She told me, she's like, "I think you'd. like this." And it was just about this. pure artist. Architecture was the art.

form they chose, but really it's just. any art form. And it was about like you. just cannot care at all. And this guy, this architect, and they they it was way. predative of cancel culture. I mean, it. was written in the 20s or 30s, but like. you could see like these prototypes of. like I could plug it into any one of. these situations, and you're like, "Oh, yeah, that's so and so writing a blog. about this guy. Oh, that's it's just. like it's it's so good. And uh so they. took everything away from this guy. They. took it all away. And he goes, "Well,

you're not going to stop me from being. an architect. You might stop me from. being able to build, but I'm not going to stop being an. architect, so I'll go work in the rock. quarry and I'll work with the with the. materials that I'll need when I'm. building buildings again.". So like at some point like I had to set. this is years and years ago. Maybe. that's why I'm so [ __ ] crazy now. But. like I just said that like you will. never take away my ability to be a. stand-up comic. You can not let me do. theaters and push me into clubs. You can. take away my ability to do clubs and. only do workout rooms. You can stop me.

from doing workout rooms. I can still do. open mics. You're talking about the. money. You might take away the money. from me, but the real thing that matters. is what we always wanted when we started. is to tell a [ __ ] good joke and make. it work. Yeah. You know, when Ralphie was like when I. saw him, it was like two years. Goes, "Oh, that's when it's just fun, man.". And I was starving to death. I didn't. have money to eat and I was like, "What. the [ __ ] are you talking about, Ralphie? It's what fun." But I get it now. There. was no like, "Can I get a development. deal? Can I get It was just we're trying. to be standup comics." So, you can't. take that away from me. And once I. realized as far down as I can go, I can.

go to a coffee shop and go up. No matter. what, I will have that ability. Then I'm. like, then I was free. At that point, I. was free. And it's just a man, you know? It's powerful. It's powerful, man. Yeah. because I a lot of this I'm. bringing back to myself and not to make. it about me but just like yeah I wonder. why some of my behaviors what are my. fears what am I afraid of and then what. fears were just fears that I had growing. up that aren't really realistic. still there from childhood. right. like we're not going to have anything I. don't have anything you know people hate. you know it's like and when are you.

going to realize that your fans are. there for you no matter what um were you. amazed at some of your fans that were. there for you during some of the trials. of it. what I was really like I hate focusing. on negatives so Like, so like it's the. natural thing, but like what I was. really taken back was but the outpouring. of support by comedians personally, the. the the texts I was getting from people. going like, "Man, you're hilarious. I. found it funny. Uh uh you're all I got. your back. You're a great person." Like. just from everywhere, like all these.

people reaching out and it was like, "Oh, this is like really nice." If you. remove the other part, I'm like, "This. is genuinely amazingly nice, you know." Um. God. Yeah. And it's like, and that's. what you could always do when any of. those comments get in trouble for. anything. You be like, "Hey man, you're. funny. I don't worry, I got your back.". Yeah. Be supportive. Yeah. Yeah. Because you do go through this. thing of like, "Does everyone hate me?". And so every time you get a text like, "Hey, you're my buddy." It's like, "Great." One down, one doesn't. That's. awesome. But like, it was just really nice.

And then, you know, the beginning of it. when people like laughing before the. [ __ ] not realizing BACK THERE PEOPLE. LIKE, YOU KNOW, they realize that's happening. world and having a good time. Yeah. Well, I think people are also now. seeing in in some ways where it's like. the media like these New York Times. writes an article or something people. are like [ __ ] this rag is. Exactly. Like you're like you guys are. trying to mislead me. You're trying to. make me angry. Totally. And I think so many people see. that now that it's like the amount of. people that don't see it is so small.

They still own a lot of but they still. own a lot of real estate. Yeah. Exactly. And I and they're the. vocal ones. The ones who don't care. don't write in to be like, "Hey, I don't. care." You know? It's like you just. don't care. You don't do anything. It's. only the ones that do care. But like, so now when I'm when I see. myself getting angry about something, I. realize, hey, I'm probably being misled. here. These monsters aren't real. It's like. they're not everywhere. So like. it's overhyped. It's just like I can. like I don't I can't always see it. So.

like if I didn't find that [ __ ] other. footage of Tony Encliffe, like his full. set. Yeah. people would have been like, "Man, you bombed and you s I told Tony, I was. like, "Hey, dude, it's not so bad that. like that like uh people think you're. like racist or whatever." Like, that. sucks, you know? But like comics are. thinking you're not funny. So, you got to put out if you say you're. getting laughs on that, you need to put. that out right now. Wow. Before it gets around the comedy world. Yeah. Yeah. He has a he have a new special just came. out before. Yeah.

I got to check it out. Yeah. Yeah. But so he's like, "Yeah, we. released his [ __ ] that full set and. then people like, "Oh, I get it." But. like Emma, Emma, we're all talking about. it like right when it happened. I hadn't. even seen the clip yet. And she was. like, "I can tell you what." Emma. Wilman. Yeah. Hilarious. And she's like, "I can tell you what. didn't happen." She's like didn't really. care. But she goes, "It it did? What. didn't happen was in 2021, a comedian. got on stage and couldn't hold back his. anti-Asian feelings anymore and let it. out on stage." That for sure did not. happen. So, like I whatever else you're.

talking about, it's not what you're. saying it is. Right. Yeah. And if you've seen Tony, I. didn't think it was Yeah. If you've seen. him, I didn't think it was that. shocking. But but like they can't the way I said. about the Amazing Races people like mad. and then when they found out it was way. different, they're still just as mad. They did the same [ __ ] with Chris. where they were like, "You're [ __ ]. underage people." And it's like, "Well, no, not at all." And they're like, "Well, you [ __ ] your fans too much." And. you're like, "NO, GET OUT OF HERE. THE. THING YOU SAID WAS terrible and it's not. real, right? Right. So, get the [ __ ] out of here. You can't. talk anymore.

Right. Yeah. That. [ __ ] your fans too much. GET THE [ __ ]. OUT OF HERE. WHAT ARE you talking about? Oh my. And you see him in his apology. That's a gas lit man going, "Um, so I. guess these chicks who are sliding into. my DMs are trying to [ __ ] me. I I I. guess I shouldn't have been [ __ ] the. people who wanted to [ __ ] me.". It's like he's just gassing cuz everyone. told him he was evil for doing nothing. wrong. Yeah. Oh, [ __ ] that. We had a news thing. And we had a news. piece I think we wanted to discuss. Was. there something Sean?

Yes. Or another good question maybe that came. in. Thick and fat. Everybody check out that. podcast. Yeah. Thick and fat, huh? Thick and fat. Is that what they were? Thick and fat. Dude, he's thick. I'm. thick. He's fat. How you doing these days, by the way, with everything? With what? Drugs and alcohol. Yeah, I'm doing okay. Yeah. Yeah. my primary goal. I've had a couple. of relapses during this thing um during. the COVID. Yeah. You know, so.

but I'm doing good. I've been doing a. lot of breath work recently. I tried. ketamine therapy. Um. really. I've been so angry, bro. And it won't. stop. And then it's like. what? I don't know. Everything. I get angry. I get angry. Yeah. So, it's. like uh. and then I've had like this exhaustion. that's like in my body, like this. fatigue, and I don't know what it is. And so, I've been like getting all this. medical stuff trying to figure it out. And um. so, it's been tough. It's been honestly.

pretty tough. And the tough part is when. you don't feel good to then go podcast. like when you're genuinely not feeling. good or even at your best or if I talk. for 10 minutes a lot of times I'll feel. this exhaustion in my body and then. being like okay I have to continue to. put myself forward or I'm afraid that. I'll lose my audience. Yeah. Yeah. When when I went to. Southeast Asia I went for a few months. off the grid completely. Joe List was. like aren't you afraid of like losing. everything? And and at the time I was. like, I have a television show that I'm.

coming back to and a and a special that. I just taped that'll be like, what do. you mean? What am I going to lose? You have to live your life a little. But. like, I get it. We don't have seasons in podcasting. We. don't have an offseason. If you're an. actor, if you're on Friends making a. million an episode, 22 weeks, and then. you have, you know, 38 weeks off. Yeah, that's wrong. 20 30 weeks off. But like. they would keep working for a million a. week. They work for 52 weeks and we're. we're we're not letting ourselves.

Yeah. I need to be I need to be brave. enough to take a month off. Yeah. I need and I really need it, too. You should do it. So, I I I think I thought about maybe. even in January going to like a 30-day. rehab, like a facility or something. Even if it's just like a health and. wellness place. Get off your phone. where there's no drugs, alcohol. Yeah. And get off my phone. Just so I don't. have any temptations. Right. Right. Right. It's hard to be. like keep a pack of cigarettes on you. but stop smoking. Right. Like, Right. It's unrealistic. It's hard. Yeah. And the same thing as. people like stay off your phone. It's. like you say that but it's calling you.

Yeah. And also it's like you don't have. you don't have direct you. It's like. dude I realized the other day I'm I'm in. a parking lot and thanks for asking man. about what was going on. Yeah. I should have called you when I. heard him. Sorry. Yeah. That's all right. No, dude. You. guys are. you know I'm I feel bad. I haven't. talked to you in a long time. I forget. how. Did you relapse when you were at my. place? Smarter than the last relapse. Oh, dude. No, that was the LA that was. when I first started. That was when I. got sober, bro. I was laying in your [ __ ] bed, okay? Literally had just opened the big. blue book of Alcoholics Anonymous, like.

balling, crying, realizing how many. things kind of related to me. And not. really the drugs and alcohol part didn't. relate to me, but the. the feelings and the emotions. That's. the stuff that I'm all I'm addicted to. my own feelings and emotions cuz I feel. like it's all I had or it's like I just. I don't know, but I'm addicted to those. things, you know? That's what you're burying with this. with this with the junk. I think it. probably was, you know, and and also I. just was looking for anything Yeah. that. made me not want to feel sometimes, but. I'd never done cocaine and once I did it.

a few times, it got dicey. So, it's just. like so addictive. So, I never was doing. cocaine for months or even binges. But. one night, one or two nights and I'd get. so [ __ ] paranoid and scared and the. control I was losing. I couldn't control. and I'd be so creeped out. And then I. want, you know, you want sex, you want. to tickle some stranger, and next thing. you know, you're on these escort sites. and so. wasting all your time trying to like. Yeah. And then I kept locking myself out. of your [ __ ] apartment, which is the. [ __ ] worst. I lost all your spare. keys. I didn't get the lock changed. I.

think you're like, "Hey, dude, your. apartment's fine." And that you will not. be able to get in access to it, but the. apartment itself is in good shape. And. I'm like, "What? I was gone for I was. gone for like a month. How long did you. stay there? You stay for a month? I think I stayed for probably about. Yeah. two and a half weeks or something. I still got that soda stream you left. me. I still got me and my boyfriend [ __ ]. love it, dude. We [ __ ] love that soda. stream. I was like, Theo was my best. house guest. You and Nody were the only. ones who didn't destroy my apartment. that I let stay there. I appreciate that, man. I heard a. cleaning lady. You got me a soda stream. That's a.

[ __ ] stand up dude. Well, you know who else? Big Jay. I said. I went over to Big Jay and Christine. I. was like, "What do I get him? I want to. get him something nice." And they said, which is the weirdest thing, you got to. get him a social. Is that good advice? Sometimes you have trouble like like. making a purchase for yourself that. someone else can and you'll really. appreciate it. Like are you sure it's a. doesn't seem like that's hard to come. by. I don't know. We'll get into one more question here. Man, look at this Drake. I know. Hey yo, what's up deal?

What's up hard? What's up Ari? I got a random question for why you so. angry because it has exactly everything. to do with Ari. Um, but Ari lived in. Indonesia for a bit and uh as a fellow. Jew by blood, not by religion. Um, I was. curious how he felt traveling in a. majority Muslim country. Did he feel at. home? Did he feel out of place? Did he. not think about it in any way, shape, or. form? I met a lot of uh fellow Jews, not. necessarily by religion, who feel like. they'll be persecuted ever going to a.

Muslim country, but I've never felt more. mel welcomed into a country than I did. in Indo. Um, so just curious question. for Ari. Thanks. Good question. Good interesting. question. Yeah. Is there nerves there being Jewish. and going if it's kind of out? And they call them slims, don't they? Who does? No, but let's spread that. I don't know. Indonesians or Muslims? Muslims. Slims. Love it. Love it. Guys, you just. saw the genesis of a new derogatory. term. There we go. Slims. They were responsible for 9/11.

and they'll be responsible for the next. attack if we don't [ __ ] take care of. these slims. That beefy juicy terrorist. Snap it to us. Um, yeah, it's it's the it's the country. with the most Muslims in the world, Indonesia, because it's got a massive. population, but they're not the [ __ ]. Muslims. We've never been there, so they. don't give a [ __ ] about us. It's the. ones around Israel that really care. about us. um. were um. they are very Hindu in parts of it. Um.

so what does that mean? Like what would. you say? So it goes Muslim then or Hindu then. Muslim then Christian. Okay. In the areas of Indonesia and um so in. the Hindu parts one of their great. symbols is a backwards swastika which I. always forget which way it goes. So you. see it everywhere on motorbikes on the. [ __ ] manhole covers and you're just. like you feel a little weird. Yeah. It's like. I look at this in a mirror, things are. getting dicey. Yeah. Yeah. Um but I [ __ ] loved Indonesia. God.

damn that place. You know what's fascinating is. you say that so you see the symbol all. over. It's like. if somebody showed me that symbol here. like somebody could write an article. right now that said, "Look at this [ __ ]. all over Indonesia hating Jews." And I. would look at it and just believe it. Right. Right. Right. Right. Absolutely. you could. Right. They could fool you. leaving out details into getting you. angry at at something. Yeah. Look what they're doing. And then. next thing you know, you're scared. Now. you got Jew saying, "We got to get out. of it." You know, I mean, it's a beautiful symbol.

Yeah, it is. Easy to draw. Yeah, it's just the backwards one. Oh, dude. I remember we had this kid. Scotty when we were growing up, dude. On. the bus. We didn't know anything about. like anti-semitism or anything in our. town. We didn't have any. Didn't have Jews. Why would. Jews? We didn't have Jews. Yeah, we. didn't have Jews yet. Now, once you get. a couple Jews, you freaking understand. what's now. Okay. Okay. You guys are always looking. for bargains. [ __ ] Come on. Quit. complaining all the time. The soup is. WARM ENOUGH. IT'S WARM ENOUGH. Just eat. it.

Oh yeah. So, but we had seen the uh thing on. pamphlets or whatever, dude. Cuz David, do you know it was like we had a you see. a lot of like anti-semits. I think just. people putting the symbol on stuff like. show up tonight, you know. But no, it. wasn't against Jews. I think it was just. about like [ __ ] being angry and like, you know, changing each other's motor. oil and [ __ ] So, uh, we had this kid. Scotty on our bus one day and we just. drew a big schwast to get us on his. shirt and like. really? Oh, dude. Yeah. And we had no idea it.

was about Jews or anything or about. Germans. We didn't even know it was. about Germans. We just knew it was like. kind of like this like you'd see anarch. here's what you'd see like emo kind of. anarchist kids rock metal and they would. have that symbol sometimes on them or. they would have like the A with the. cross through the thing. I'm convinced half the time it's. anti-semitism or even racism. Like if. you see somebody like write the N-word. or something like that, it's almost like. somebody's got a Sharpie and they've got. a thumb to deface and then they go like, "Uh, who's around here who would care. the most?" Like they don't really care,

right? They'll be like, "Well, there's a temple. right there." I was like, "Sweet kite. All right, let's go." But if there was. like, you know, if there was like a. Baptist church like, "All right, n. word.". But like they don't care that it's like. what's going to get the. or if there's a fat farm you just draw. lettuce out there. But yeah, you're right. I think that's. that's part of the mentality. I think. looking into the mentality of things is. is is is like the step that we're. missing with so many things. Like yeah, the person's like, "What could I draw. here that's a going to get anybody to. look and even care. or or gamers, they're like, "Oh, [ __ ]. [ __ ] you. You a [ __ ] aids into your.

brain, you [ __ ] fbomb." You know, it's like they don't really care. They're just like saying something and. if you take that off there like look. what he said. Like. no, he was saying that on Call of Duty, right? The second he walks into the. kitchen, it's all over. Yeah, exactly. He's like, "Hi, honey. Oh, Kesha, thank you. Yeah. To his black, it could even be his. black wife and he's like, "Yeah.". Yeah. It's just so interesting the. context, the way we're serving stuff. But we drew it on Scotty, dude. And the. crazy part was so his parents say, you. know, they got it. They probably didn't. even know what it was. They washed the.

shirt. We had to wear the shirt all the. time throughout the rest of the year. So, it would still be just faded in. there. Yeah. Dude, I took a dump and I couldn't make. it home. I couldn't make it home from. synagogue to my house. And it was only. like three blocks, but it was like I. didn't know how to control my bowels. back then. Oh, yeah. And I I was like, I got to. it's coming. It's turtling and it's. coming. So, I ducked into my neighbor's. sideyard in between the bushes and I. just let go of a log. Um and then I like wiped with my. underwear and took my underwear with me. Oh, I've had to do that. Yeah. And then um so later though, they found.

the dump. I mean, what it was I don't. know what I was thinking that it was. going to go unfound, but they found it. They thought it was a. hate crime. Uhuh. Yeah. They're like, they're [ __ ]. [ __ ] on the yard of Jews. They. didn't They were talking about a. synagogue. I didn't have the heart to. talk. I just sat there like. They didn't know how to tell me. We're. all worried about these hate crimes. going around. It's just these Jew bowels. not working. Oh my god, dude. The original hate crime. crime from God. Jew bowels. God had it to me.

It was a nice log though. It was like a nice one. Was it? Yeah. I mean. Oh yeah. They were so mad. Oh man. Um your tour where where you go? Where you going on this current tour? Got Tacoma in Spokane next. Oh, nice. And then um I got I'm doing Boston. I'm. just finally back to Boston. I started. my tour last tour. in Boston. I'll be at the Wilbur in. December 9th. So that's like a a first. like big. Really? You going to beat the Wilbur? Yeah. Congrats, man. Thanks, buddy. Thanks. Yeah, that's cool, man. It's a cool place. It's like one of the.

best like theaters that there are. It's. what, you know, performance-wise. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think that'd be. awesome. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited. And people are wanting to come out and. see comedy. And also, I think one thing. it's great. back. Everybody's back and. excited for right now anyway. And here's. what you don't see in comedy clubs so. far. You don't see this guy, right? You know, he's not there yet. He's not there yet. No, he's still online. Yeah. People are like, "Oh, I'll come to. comedy." Sure. He's still online. Yeah. December 9th. Shafir.com. Get tickets.

Yep. December. What is that? December. 9th. You said. December 9th. Yeah. I got like Oklahoma. City and San Antonio and and Tampa and. Orlando and places like that. But uh. or shafir.com you can get tickets. Remember we did that Sam Adams thing? You remember that? Yeah. Oh, thanks for that. Yeah, you. hooked me up with that [ __ ]. It was good. That commercial? I should have been funnier in that. commercial. I got serious. I I regret. You know what? Mine was kind of serious, too. I think I think they wanted a. little bit of seriousness. a little bit, but we should have [ __ ]. around more. Sigora when he was like. giving up for his wife. He's like my.

first my first wife. He kept referring. to his first. It's like, "Oh, that's. that's the line. That's you're joking. You could be serious and still joke.". And I forgot. I had like a day to. prepare. Yeah. Same. It was short notice kind of. Yeah. I mean half half of the people. cried in them. Like you guys were. comedians crying about our mom for. Well, this my whole podcast is based on. crying about my mom. So crazy. But no, I. totally also understand what you're. saying, dude. Trust me. I had to go to comedy court. Robert Kelly and and uh and Big Jay took.

me to comedy court. Did they? Yeah. They're like, "What is this?". Sorry. I was like, "Fuck.". They found it. They were so mad. What was it about. not being funny in that Sam Adams. commercial? Oh, really? That's what they. did? Yeah. Like, are you legitimately giving. it up for your friend Redband helping. you just in a serious way? And I was like, they gave me money to. buy. They So, they gave you money. That's your I'm like, [ __ ] you're. right. She's like, "Yeah, you got to go. to comedy court. I'll I'll get a trial. for you, dude. Give me a trial, bro.".

You might have to plead guilty, though. If they show me that, I might be like, "I throw myself at the mercy of the. court on this one.". Oh, yeah. I will, bro. Oh, I got to go. out there and do that, man. I love Yeah, that dude. I wish there was more of. that. I I think I'm also always jealous. of New York Comics. You guys just get to. be in such a place more where it feels. like they're doing real comedy. Yep. Pushing each other. Yeah. Pushing each other, not being as. afraid. I think there's definitely a lot. of fear in LA. Fear of the industry. The industry. Yeah.

But then you also see what the industry. can do to guys when they write articles. and stuff and that gets scary, you know. It gets scary. But like you're saying to. always know that you have what you have. and that like um and that intention can. you know can kind of show up down the. line. Yeah. I mean it'd be nice if I was like. a clean comic. Sometimes it' be like. that would be cool but that's not the. kind I caught. Yeah. I caught my kind. Yeah. You catch a different kind. Like it'd be great if I make jokes about.

food only but like. Yeah. Bacon. That's why I like that's. why I like uh when they were doing the. rap when they were all angry about rap, you know, and Olivia Dukakus or whoever. it was, like one of them was like really. leading the charge, but like they put. the the warning label on raps on, but. they were trying to just ban it. completely. And John Denver spoke up to. Congress, clean ass John Denver, and was. like, "Guys, you can't tell musicians.". And he was like, "This doesn't affect. me. I'm clean as shit." He even curse, you know, right? Rocky Mountain High was like his most.

risque thing. And he goes, "It ain't. even about drugs. It's about the high. you get being in nature.". Damn. But he's like, "Take me home country.". It's like, and that guy is saying, "Do. not tell these other musicians what they. should be rapping about." That's crazy. Yeah. You got to let him do it or. or or you'll that's just you have to. And that's John Denver defending that. It's crazy. Yeah. It's fascinating, man. Yeah. It's. fascinating what fears are going into. things when I make when when anybody's. making choices and what do we really.

want and then what are we really fearful. of you know. I saw something you said about Delia. where you're like there's one part that. I liked you're like I'm not even sure. like even talking about him if this is. going to like hurt me like affect me in. some way and that's like that goes. through my mind too and I'd love to be. able to say like I'm not thinking about. it but I am it's like who it's like so. you have trouble even defending your. friends you can stay out of it But it's. like hard to even defend him cuz like. are they going to come for me. right. for for just saying like hey chill they.

did with Nor McDonald saying I I don't. think Roseanne. realized that chick was black. [ __ ] you. It's like I'm I'm not saying it's okay. I'm like she didn't mean it racist. Yeah. And people like got mad at him. It's. just like there's no Yeah. You got to be. worried about it. But. but I think it's losing its it's losing. its luster as well. That [ __ ] you from. nowhere. Yeah. You can The thing is with the with. the LA Comics, I get I get the need to. weigh in real fast and like cash in on.

someone else's hard work like mine, but. but like uh but you can take a different. stance and still cash in. You can get. your podcast out the next day, right? But why not take the stance of like, I. don't know, defending [ __ ] comedy and. and and jokes and and just be like, "No, no joke goes too far. What are you. talking about?" Tim Dylan did it with. me. He did this whole thing like I don't. care for this at all. that tweet what he. wrote was wrong. And his his co-host or. whatever is like was like, "What do you. mean?" He's like, "I just it was over. the line. What you said about Artha.

Franklin, she's one of our" And he goes, "No, no, no. It's it's Kobe Bryant." He. goes, "Wait, what?" He goes, "Yeah, Kobe. Bryant goes, no, Artha Franklin right. here. When she died, he wrote this." And. he's like, "Oh, it's no it's a different. one." Well, no. I'm mad about the Artha. Franklin one. And that's his way of. saying like, "Guys, guys, he makes fun. of dead celebrities, right? He does it like, you know, like calm. yourself." But he did it in a funny way. I think in some ways he's the he's a lot. of the leader of that movie. He's pushing it, dude. He's pushing the. line. He's pushing that line back. because that line wants to keep coming. to where we're not going to be able to.

do any jokes and we're not going to be. able to say [ __ ] or or anything. Anything that you could have before. Yeah. Uh that you just now can't you can't. make fun of [ __ ] kids getting shot, which I for a while when they were. saying like you can't be racist or. sexist or I was like well you can always. make [ __ ] school shooting jokes and. then they're taking those away and like. guys we're not promoting school. shootings. We're trying to find some. light in this thing and you need guys. like Tim Dylan, me, there's there's a plenty of guys out. there where like we're pushing that line. back. Comedy needs Tim Dylan. Yeah. To to keep them keep you safe where you.

are where you think you're safe on the. line. You're Kabool, man. And if America. pulls out, all those contractors are. dead. So, you need those frontline. workers [ __ ] pushing it. Yeah, we need It's definitely true, man. It's definitely true. And it's. interesting, too, about when you get. offended and why. what makes me. offended, you know, and what am I what's. really going on? And then yeah, that. that another that then companies are. then serving offense to people. Hey, here's some offense. You like this, don't you? Yeah, you like this. And they know by the algorithm that you. like it. So, it's like, oh, here you. like this. It's almost like if as if.

somebody came up, you like staying. healthy and somebody came up while you. weren't really looking and just put a. bunch of [ __ ] Fritos in your mouth. Yeah, you're right. And they're like, I. don't want that. You're chewing. You're. chewing. Why are you chewing then? Yeah. And before you know it, half of. it's in your system. Yeah. Now you're addicted. It's really [ __ ] fascinating. And we. let it happen to the human population. It's uh like. we we didn't know they were doing. experiments on it. When when Facebook. was doing experiments of like we're.

going to show some people uh an like. negative stuff and some people positive. stuff and we're going to like uh analyze. their their comments after that. And. they saw like the negative people were. more negative. The ones who were exposed. to negative. They were doing literal. experiments on just our user group and. they found out that would rile them up. and they made more comments and so like. that means we have to show everybody. more negative stuff. Wow. And then it. affects your mood all the time. You're. looking for the anger and you're just. like. you ever see you ever see those like. real hippies that are like like cry over.

like a sunset and like you know what I. mean? It's like it's just the trees. blowing. It's so beautiful and it's like. damn they got the right mindset though, right? You know it's like they're seeing the. beauty and everything. I want to get. back to that a little bit. Do you think you could ever get back. there? Cuz it seemed like you come from. a darker place kind of. Yeah. But it's also like. Yeah. But I still I mean I do plenty of. like mushrooms and stuff so that helps. It helps you. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. It definitely helps, man. It. definitely helps. see like the greatness and things. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like we got to be.

reminded cuz Yeah. It's almost like just. the society we build and I don't even. know if it's the humanity over all time. I think it just when you look at the big. scheme of things, this could be, you. know, if this society goes on for. another 500,000 years and this is just a. small moment. It is. We're a blip. Yeah, for sure. Remember when the first internet came. out and everybody thought, I thought it. was all real. You know, that could be 50 years from. now. before there's regulation. Can you. believe what they were letting their. kids do? They were letting their. 9-year-olds be in this incredibly. dangerous, addictive, and [ __ ]. harmful thing.

Yeah. Imagine just putting your. nine-year-old in a pack of cigarettes. every day. Dude, I told my my my I was. talking to my sister about it and I was. like, "Are you worried about like your. kids being online? I mean, the danger. that you're seeing more and more of how. like unsettling it is and bad it is for. you and these are developing minds.". Oh, damn. So, they're talking about like you're. not supposed to smoke weed until you're. 16 cuz it's it hurts your development. Afterwards, they're like, "Fine, go for. it." But like, so now you're letting a nine-year-old be. exposed to this terrible thing. And there's no real studies on it yet on. what that's going to do. And she goes, "Yeah, but you know, they need I need to.

be able to reach them." which nobody. could reach us. We went out to ride our. bikes when we were 10. We were gone, right? We were safe, you know. Yeah, there. might be a molester here or there, but. like mostly we were safe, you know. And. I was like, "What about a flip phone? If. if you need to reach him, what about a. flip phone?" And then from the other. room, my nephew's like, "Shut up, Uncle. Ari. Shut up." Cuz like, don't you get. my [ __ ] cell phone taken away. But like, yeah, you're right. That's. going to be a blip. No one's going to. remember that we were alive in a.

thousand years. I know that's crazy. Any. of us. and so like none of this matters. Uh do you think about having a family. and stuff like that? You said you don't. want kids, right? No, I had a vasectomy. Did you really? Yeah. A few years ago. No way. 2017 2018. Yeah. Did you let people bid on it on eBay? I. feel like you could [ __ ] get. something. You don't chop your dick off, Theo. That's not. part of your seaman out or something. Sean fast difference. It's Yeah. Yeah. It's just like tube and. you cut it and then solder the ends. smell a little barbecue while you're.

while it's happening. It seems like as a Jewish person, you. wouldn't do that. It seems like the most. I'm not a great Jew. I'm not a great. Jew. I'm not a great Jew. Uh what about the special? You had made. the special Jew, right? I didn't make it. You didn't make it. Okay. That's the only real negative is is uh I. was going to The producers, they were. the only one. It would have happened. except the producers pulled out last. night. Eric was going to do it, too. Huh. He was in. He was willing to do it. Oh, I love him. Yeah. He's the best. The the venue, the. scurball, they're like, "Sure, we're in. Hire some security. We're getting some. death threats. And then those [ __ ]. producers were like, "Well, I don't.

think they didn't try to help me find. another producer. They didn't try to. transfer over their their insurance. They were just like, "Nah, this ain't it.". I'm like, "Dude, we had 2700 tickets. sold. Six people asked for refunds.". Wow. Which we gave it to them and those were. sold again in [ __ ] seconds. Did you feel like the Jewish community. stood up for you as much than this? Is. it does it matter really. for the Jew? Some most of them were. like, "Oh, this is really interesting. and fun." Sometimes they were like, "This is anti-Semitic." But it's also. like, "So what?" You know, it's like, "Go be angry." It's like, "Right, none of your feelings are are real or.

not real. It doesn't matter. It has. nothing to do with me. Go be angry. I'm not going to stop doing. this." Cuz also that rabbi loved it. This rabbi hates it. Right. I don't It's my experience, man. I can't. My Kathleen McGee, this comedian in um. was in Toronto, now she's Edmonton or. Vancouver, whatever. She's doing a joke. about getting raped. Someone who's like, "Yeah, you shouldn't be doing jokes. about rape." She goes, Are you telling. me not to artistically express my rape? Lady's like, "Yeah, I don't like it.".

It's like, "Well, you can not like it. all you want. You're wrong to [ __ ]. bring this up to me." That's crazy. That is and that is when you put it like. it is crazy to say, "I can't share. whatever my experience in the world is.". Cuz then then the biggest problem is. we're going to be stuck with just one. experience. What's already out? That's it. Exactly. And you're like, "That's not that's not. art. Art is wild. Outside the lines. drawing. That's what it is. You want you. want a [ __ ] Rat King and you want a. [ __ ] Jim Gaffigan. They're they're. way different. So, everyone has their. own favorites.

and we need and I I do notice Brian. Dorfman over at Zanies here in Nashville. is like they they started locking the. phones up sometimes again. So, we're doing this weekend. Love it. Just for attention span, let alone stuff. getting out, but just for attention. span. Like, I want you to hear my setup, right? To this to this joke about trees. It's. not even an offensive joke, but it's. like you're missing the setup, dude. I. love when you see in the audience. sometimes stand I'll see people like. like on their phone um not taping me or. anything just on their phone and then. I'll keep going my bit because you know. we can go a little autopilot you know.

and then I'll like wait and I'll be like. hold on you guys let me make a point. real quick uh sir sir and they like look. up like yeah I'm like what was I talking. about and they're like um wedding they. like kind of have halfard a little bit. I'm like nah you're way off I'm like the. idea that you're still paying attention. this is the most exciting thing in your. week. You're at a live standup comedy. show. and you're missing it to. scroll. Yeah, cuz you're an addict. Cuz we're all. addicts. Oh, that's the truth, man. That's the.

truth. It's like, what's a worse. addiction? What's this? Yeah. It's an addiction. That's the thing. We're led. getting in the way of your life. That's. what an addiction is, right? Yeah. Not when you do it a lot. When you when. it gets in the way of your life. Sex. addiction is like it's okay to [ __ ] but. like you want to hang out with your. friends and you go off to [ __ ] because. you can't stop yourself. That's when. it's an addiction. Well, that's what Dealia talks about too. now. He says like he would literally be. on his phone all the time. And he's. like, and I equated it later to like. he's just DMing just literally like. going through like, you know, just any.

woman, anything that has long hair, dude, and bumps on the front of its. sternum, right? It could even be. measles, right? It could be anything. And he's just DM, you know, he's it was. like watching somebody shoot heroin into. their body. Yeah, exactly. But because it looks different, we we. don't equate it to the same thing. My. favorite dileia was when he started and. he was with a chick and he was monogous. with her and like he was around willing. to talk. He wasn't like running off to. to do stuff. And then even when he was. single doing that, he's not doing. anything wrong, but he'd be like,

"Hang out, man. Come hang out. Stop that. for a second. Just come hang out. We're. all We're all chilling.". Well, that's the coolest thing is that. that guy who I didn't never knew that. guy is back now. Oh, really? It's real interesting. Yeah. I mean, you. could sit with Chris and have a. conversation and he's engaged and he. tries to express you that he genuinely. care, you know, like just. Oh, interesting. It's interesting, man. It's powerful to. see, too. Those counselings really do set you free. at some point cuz like you already did. it. You already did it. So, now it's like. let me be who you stop caring about what. other people think. and just be you.

Yeah. That's what's kind of great. I. almost feel like in a way I'm kind of. like you're like a free man. It's like when you get co, right? You're. scared of it. Scared. Then you get it. You're like, "Oh, well then I'm immune. for the next six months." You're like. bars. You guys want to hang out? You got antibodies right next to. You're like Frederick Douglas now, Sean, not George Washington all of a sudden. Everything Everything here is changing. Any other good question for you came in? Yeah, dude. Nashville's a cool town. I'm. glad you're here. This is like It'll be. hard not to drink for sure, but like. but like it's a drinking town, but like. it's it's cool here, man. Been here for.

the last two weeks. You get to eat some weird [ __ ] like like. you get to go over to Kid Rock's house. You get to go to [ __ ] like um like. I'm friends with Jimmy John. Of course you got to know Kid Rock. That. makes complete sense. I wouldn't have. thought of it till you said it. Out of his mind, dude. Really? And my audience isn't a country. audience. My audience is kind of just. like I think just regular guys. who likes the country who likes looking. at it from afar. Yes. Who wouldn't mind? Yeah. Maybe. a version of country. Yeah. But I don't get like the like the like I.

don't get like the red, white, and blue. like you know or the rebel flag guys. Those have never been my audience. Like. my biggest sales are in Portland and. Australia, you know? So I think I get. like just. um I don't know, Australia, that's your big one. Really? It's crazy. Yeah, they're a great market. Maybe Melbourne, Australia or just. anywhere in Australia? Comics Lounge. Australia is awesome. And Australia is. kind of a [ __ ] They're a place built. on criminals, you know, but they got that as a vibe. Yeah. So I think that's who I think a.

lot of my artist is just recovering. criminals, bro. That's exactly what I. think it is, man. Some emo some. emotional recovering from emotional, some recovering from actual crimes. Here. we got a question right here from a guy. and we'll finish up. Hello Ari Shafir. I was wondering if you would rather have. sex with Hillary Clinton or. Stop it right there. I want to go. I. mean, she'd be hot as [ __ ] man. Cuz you. know she's a straight killer, so you. know she [ __ ] like she kills. Yeah. Hard and without remorse. I bet she only.

does reverse cowboy and that she is on. her tablet while she's doing it. Exactly. Making deals. [ __ ] getting. her foundation funded. Yeah. Ordering pizza. Exact multitasking. Multitasking. You're right. Reverse. cowgirl with Hillary Clinton. Somebody's. got a photoshop that from one of my. tours. Hillary Clinton reverse. cowgirling me. She's ordering stuff from. the new Ari Shapiro tour. Um, that's funny. Yeah, I would go. You know. what's funny is you go to Fagetville, Arkansas and it's just a small college.

town and it's really neat and you. realize that that's where Bill and. Hillary met each other and stuff. It's a. really. it's just interesting. It adds a. different. you break down their fame right to like. oh you guys are just two Fedville people. at your heart. It's real real successful but yeah. you're like this is like yeah just a. it's a it's actually a beautiful college. town. It's like this is a small college. town and you guys just. That's the thing people always forget. about like Rogan or or any of us too. They're like, "Oh, he's" Cuz he's got. this big platform, right? So, you're. like, "He has a responsibility or.

whatever." And I keep trying to say this. in the nicest way. Like, I'm just a douchebag comic. So are you. So is Joe. We don't know anything, right? We're just comics. I'm still just a door. guy at the comedy store just trying to. make a funny joke. And I might have. gotten more successful and so are you. So are any of us, but like we're still. just these beginning comics in our. hearts, right? We're still these guys like, "Want to go. to Jerry's Delhi late at night?". Yeah. And that hasn't changed. Just the. cars we're driving. That's the only [ __ ]. that's changed. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good point, man. I'm.

so glad that. you came over and spend some time, man. I just some of this stuff I just need to. be reminded of. I need to get a dose of. like of of that New York attitude, you. know, that you get from you. Um, and. just to be not be afraid to just be free. sometimes. Like I I I get so scared, you. know? I do get so scared. And not just. what I'm going to say. Sometimes I don't. get that scared about that, but I do get. some scared about like taking a break or. taking care of myself or like what do I. need to do for me because I think I was. always just like the only way I felt.

okay if other is if other people were, you know, like living for others. Yes. Or when you're growing up, you're like. Yeah. So, it's just that kind of [ __ ]. you know. Um. Um I I'm going to make the suggestion. I've made it to other people in our in. our in our old comedy store group that. I've seen get famous. Um, it's going to. be hard, but I would say like and you. could pre-record some podcasts if you. want to like not have be gone from the. fans, you know, but go to another. country, go stay in some hostels and. leave your phone here in America, find a.

burner when you get there and take a. month, maybe more, but take a month. minimum and just get lo you I mean, you. got money now, dude. So, it's like to protect yourself. It's. going to be hard. I can talk you through. where to go and stuff like that, but. like the world out there is wild and it. reminds you that like things are fun and. you'll be no one will know who the [ __ ]. you are. You'll get recognized once. maybe. There's a bunch of Irish people. who are like I've never heard of any of. that [ __ ] you know? And like. you just get free. You get free out. there just out there in the world, South.

America or like literally stay in. hostels just to socialize. You'll get. used to it and like we said like people. adapt. You get used to a [ __ ] hostile. cot in 4 days and then like then you're. just like floating and it's it's just. it's just so freeing on a level that I I. can't really fully express. and I would consider doing it. Say like. putting a date like 5 months from now or. something. So it's like tell your fans. like hey I'm going to be taking January. off or something you know.

Yeah. It's funny that we came to America. for freedom and now it's like we're. going other places for it in a weird. way. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. Happy 911, dude. And the best Ari Shafir. joke I can think of saying, dude. Happy. 911. And uh thanks for being here. You. guys check out Ari Shafir.com for. tickets to the tour and um. the podcast Ari Shafir Skeptic Tank and. yoga classes online. Yeah, I want to. have you back on maybe about relapse. Actually, we did that walk in the woods, man. That was fun as [ __ ]. Yeah, before we were like recorded stuff, but. like uh like video recorded, but it was.

just like carrying mics. I got lav mics, but that same kind of [ __ ] now. And. Blair, dude, Blair Sochi, do you know. who that is? She does the breath work. She's a comedian. Oh, really? And she also does the breath work, dude. I did a session with her last week and. it was crazy, bro. She lived here or back in LA. She's in LA. So, we just did it over. Zoom. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know her. But it was like just like you do all. this breathing so you get all this. carbon or something in your body and. then like your nervous system is kind of. shut down so you're just like literally. standing around in your emotions and. [ __ ] [ __ ] was [ __ ] deep.

Isn't that kind of yoga where it's like. it's kind of like that in a way? Yeah, that [ __ ]. But for 25 minutes you're doing that. Damn, dude. You I couldn't move my arms. You're literally just lobstered out, dude. I mean, you're freaking Jordan. Peterson's pet dog. Yeah, you're just. lobstered out. And then so then all. that's left is like finally some of. these emotions come up out of the. sediment of like. Oh, it felt crazy, bro. That's cool. And you're off all that. balling like just tears. Not even tears. that I wanted to cry. Tears that had. just been in me just just [ __ ].

really. It was real fascinating, man. I'm I'm. actually hoping to do it with her again. on Monday. Oh, I'm gonna hit her up. I want to keep doing it. Um. She teaches it for like a class class. Yeah, she just does it. Yeah, she knows. how to do it. Cool. She knows how to do it with people. But. yeah, man. You're a pioneer, man, in in. a in a lot of ways, man. And and you. know, it's fascinating to hear. Thank. you for being here today. But. yeah, thanks for having me, buddy. It's nice seeing you. You, too. All right. Gay sex now? Yeah. Yeah. We'll do a little. We'll do.

a little, man. Sean, you're in first, dude. Huh? Yeah, he loves it. He can't tell a lie. This guy, man, he loves it. Now I'm just falling on the breeze and I. feel I'm falling like these leaves. I. must be corner stone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll. share this piece of mind I found. I can.

feel it in my bones.