Ari Matti | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #659

We got a little uh remodel of some merch. on the site. It's our be good to. yourself tees and we got them now. We. redid them in a scribble style that I. think is. uh I don't I don't I like it. It's a. it's a it's fresh. It's something new. I. think that you'll like it as well. If. you want to go check that out, you can. Um those it's new colorways of them as. well and and everything. We got it all. at the von store.com. and uh and and thank you for your. support. Hey guys, just want to let you know this.

episode is kind of it's a little more of. a raunchy-ish conversation, more. raunchier and um. it's great. Uh. but it was deemed 18 and over by some. platforms. Uh just want to let you know. that in case you're riding in the uh car. with your kids or something like that. Um hope everybody's having a great day. Enjoy the episode. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. Uh some people call him the Estonian. assassin. because he's [snorts] from a country. called Estonia.

You may have seen him on Kill Tony. He's. touring all over the country right now. I'm grateful to spend time with Mr. Ari. Matti. You guys don't do headphones, do you? No, I don't care about it. Do you? No, I. don't know. Joe does it. You did.

Rogan's. If it's like if the other guy. has it, then I got it, but The. headphones? >> Yeah. Yeah, if one guy's wearing it, it's like being Yeah, [clears throat]. it's like being in a threesome and. you're the guy that doesn't put on and. the other guy puts a condom on. >> [laughter]. >> It is true. You know what I'm saying? Like if at. that point you're like, "Oh, okay." Then. yeah, you know. >> [laughter]. >> It's kind of like I feel like that sort. of energy, dude. >> Yeah. Uh Ari Matti, good to see you, bro. >> Good to see you, sir. >> Thank you, bro. yeah, let's get it, dude. Good to see you, my friend. >> Good to see you, man. Yeah. Um Um.

How was uh how was your weekend in. Nashville? You were just performing here. this week. What was it like? Did you get. out to Broadway? What was some of your. take of the place? >> I've been to Broadway uh the past times. I've been to Nashville. It's it's. basically we have it's very similar to. Austin, you know. But uh yeah, I did. just stay in this this time. It was. awesome. I didn't really go to Broadway. I stayed. I stayed away from it. >> But you've seen it before, right? >> I mean, it's a spectacle, for sure. It's. for sure a spectacle to watch people. Last time I was on Broadway, I stepped. into a puddle that you know when you. don't know the depth of a puddle? Oh,

yeah. >> It's like. it's like almost up to my knee. I like. fell into a I fell into the sea. And then I had to continue my night with. a wet foot. And when you're 34 years old. and you get a little like air. conditioning with a wet foot, I know I'm. going to get sick. >> Oh, yeah. And then I was sick for 2. weeks. Oh, yeah. And that's some real I. mean, some You'll see a puddle out there. and you'll see a damn somebody fishing. in it. You know, people are. >> 19, I could jump into a fountain. and then get out and just party on, no. issue. Now, if my toe is wet, it's going.

to be a big. >> [laughter]. >> I could I could die. I could get pneumonia and die, dude. It is, bro. when you're a. crazy. >> Yeah. I literally like uh I had one of. my first one of these that I slipped and. I fell and I thought it's over. Like the. pain that went through my lower back, my. I literally thought it's broken. Like. call the hospital. When I was when I was 17, I. Not 17, I was like 15. I had a.

uh I had a skateboard and I held on to. the back of a bus, you know, like you. for a ride. >> Like in Back to the Future type of. thing. >> Yeah, like in Tony Hawk Pro Skater, you. know. >> Yes. And then in typical bus driver form, he. should he sped up trying to lose me and. kill me. And I went like. like face first into a pavement wall. and nothing happened. You just stand up. Now, uh a badly timed sidewalk could kill me. >> [laughter]. >> Bro, I'm such a it's crazy. I literally got out of bed too fast like.

a year ago and my hip popped. Dude, I can still feel it. When it's. cold, I still feel it. >> Yeah, brother, I feel you. And some of. that stuff is just and you don't know. how to explain it to people and you. don't you don't want to explain it. because it just weakens you. It's like. >> If if the part of you that breaks all. the time hears you speak about it, you. can. >> good. It's not cuz it. >> And I never address it. No. Yeah, I've. just been with a blown up hip. And in a cold morning, that hurts like a. Oh, brother, it's the littlest things.

you don't even realize. It's like I when. I was younger, I would just jump in the. air. Now now I have to go down a little, look up, and then jump. >> give me 15 minutes. You know, I need. rubber bands, I need exercises, I need. to warm up. It's crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I need to. interview a flat-earther. I need to have. And then And then you know when you. watch like you know when you watch like. video Have you seen these cranium videos. now? No, what is it? >> It's like a thing where they like it's. like a guy he like goes into your mouth.

and he like releases childhood drama and. then people cry on a table. And I'm. like, am I Do I need to get my cranium. released? What is it called? Can you. bring this up? I haven't seen it. >> Cranium release. Craniofacial. >> all my feed right now. This is. craniofacial. Uh face facial release and cranio cranio. sacral. >> I saw one video, it was a black guy, they released his cranium, he became. white. It's crazy. Like everything in. your life can be released with a.

cranium. >> There's a lot of trauma, dude, in the. culture. >> There's a lot of trauma in the culture. >> Bro, that's crazy. They release you when. you're a woman. Like tits just. pop out of you or something. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, you get a bigger. you grow you grow taller. Yeah, it's funny when you find out stuff. that it's like I haven't seen this. this. up. I just want to It's huge. And who's doing it? It's probably a Is. it a Middle Easterner trying to do it to. somebody? See, yeah, yeah. >> [laughter]. >> It's all I'm saying. What the. Oh, yeah.

>> Oh, yeah, they put like a balloon up. your nose and it comes out of your. mouth. It's all crazy. And it's part of. the Harlem Globetrotters or what? >> [laughter]. >> What is it? Oh, yeah, this is some Bro, first of. all, go back 10 seconds. Just seeing a. Middle Eastern guy with a skull. Yeah. It's just It's too much. >> I know. I know. I know. What the. And now this lady's straight. She was a. lesbian before and now she's straight. Everything in your life can be fixed by. cranial. Oh god, yeah, it's always like this. It's kind of like a tightly It's like a.

Persian and like fitted figs or whatever. and they're just explaining to you like. how it will save you. And what do they. do? They put it in? Is there another. video? Yeah, yeah, see this guy he puts. a thumb in his mouth and he. sucks on it. Oh, well, then he That That's trauma, then he needs the cranial. >> [laughter]. >> Look at this guy. Oh, I've seen this. Is this real? >> is the thing. Cranial from my cranial sacral and. nervous system reset it you can reset. it. This guy's just blowing.

No, no, I think he's pushing like on the. >> [clears throat]. >> Okay, went too deep. Are you You feel better? Oh, I feel like calling somebody a. but. >> [laughter]. >> But not me, though. Not me. But yeah, so I don't think this is good. for me. >> like new trends where you find out that. this is what's wrong with your life that. you haven't had your Your cranial is all. up. >> Yeah. Okay, here we got a guy they got a honky. laid out here.

So, three different openings in each. side of the nose. So, we're going to do. left lower. This is going to be a little. cold. It's going to be a little weird. I feel. a little weird at first. >> No it's a little weird. He. literally blows it up. He literally swells up your brain. This is crazy. I don't like any doctor. that just has three diplomas and a word. of mouth, you know? Okay. [laughter]. Blow it up a little bit. Yeah, dude. >> Yeah. >> of snout. This guy is. And if you can't see at home, they've. just put a balloon into this guy's head. and then they Yeah. blew it up. Blew it.

up with air. He just blew up. Did you. hear that? And now he's smiling. In in reality that. was Now he's straight. >> [laughter]. >> There you go, dude. Well, they had that. pray in the gay out of children. Remember that was a big thing. Not for. us, but big in America. >> Pray the gay away. Pray the gay away. Yeah. And it's always the gayest guy. telling you to pray. And it's [laughter]. funny that they send you to a camp. filled with 40 dudes and deep in the. woods with no contact to the outside. world. Seems like a great place. They. even tell you even God shut his eyes for.

this one. Don't worry. The next 2 weeks. we are free in the river, brothers. >> Free at last, brothers. Well, gays, you know, I I grew up around. it. Have you ever seen a rest area in. America? Like a pit Like a rest stop? Yeah, that's where you suck suck suck. suck. >> It was a big thing. >> Mhm. And they shut it down for a while. They started putting like um. glyphosate in the backyard there and. stuff like that. They tried [laughter]. to They tried to shut it down. But. >> stop gay people from dude. Do. you? >> Well, look. I'm like they don't It don't kill weeds, but it's not You know what I'm saying?

It's not stopping Mhm. Mhm. You know, it's not stopping some of these sexual. trends. Um but they had a lot of gays in our. area they would meet up behind there. >> For sure. And they would They had a. river back there and they get out, they. do drugs and get out in the river and. hug and everything. >> Gay people love to a bush. Like. it's it's like. >> Why? I don't know. Yeah, it's like get a. hotel. It's okay now. But it's like when I went to I used to. live in Vancouver. When I moved there literally first night. when I moved there I went to for a walk. in Stanley Park. It's the local park.

next to the city. >> Mhm. Oh, I've been there. It's. beautiful. Goes along the right on the along the. water all the way. >> you become a werewolf there. It's like. so nice and quiet. First time I was there. I I got a little high. I was deep in the. woods thinking of my own things and it's. like so quiet and serene. And then I'm like uh. I'm like I take my shirt off. It's like. sunny. I got some sun on my I got a. little tan going. I do a little. push-ups. I do a little shadow boxing. I'm alone in the woods. Okay, of course.

It is natural, yeah. >> It's natural. You do a little push-ups. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a deleted. scene from the Bible, I feel like, but. let's hear more. I want to hear more. about it. >> [laughter]. >> Deleted scene from the Bible. They. should have Bro, if you and me made. deleted scenes from the Bible. >> Now, that's funny. Deleted scenes from. the Bible is a funny concept. It's. Anyway, I interrupted you. You go on. >> I'm doing a little push-ups. I'm getting. a little a glisten going. Mhm. Then I. see a guy like walking past and it's. And guy's trying to It's a look.

they have. It's just the way they move. It's like he's walking one way but he's. looking at me like this. He's got his. sunglasses on but he's peaking. over the sunglasses, right? >> Right. So, everything he's doing he's. doing something separate. Like he's. walking one way but looking another way. He's got sunglasses on but he's got them. down and looking over. So, he's. He's establishing contact. First. contact. >> Yes, sir. Yes, he is. He keeps walking. I keep boxing. Mhm. Yeah, now you're. boxing harder. Yeah, I'm trying to be. like, "Look at this.

You don't want none of this.". And then. 5 minutes go by. He comes out of another. bush. Like I hear like a crack and I'm. like, "Now he's closer." Oh. So, now I. take my music out cuz I need all my. senses. This is This is a This may be an. ambush. There might be several of them. This is like a room of mirrors. Like. >> [laughter]. >> which is the real guy trying to me, dude? Oh, that's crazy. >> Yeah, yeah. So, I need all my senses. >> That'd be a cool game show. >> like trying to get sober. I like throw. some water on my face. I need to be.

sharp. I. put my my on. I'm about to on my way to. I have to my way out of the Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fix your hip really. quick. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I start warming. up. So, then he comes and "Hey, man.". And I try to give him a "Hey, man." but. not a "Hey, man." not a friendly one. I. give him a "Hey, man." like a little. Right. Like what are we doing here? >> Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Hey, man.". >> "Hey, man.". He goes, "You want a beer?" I go, "Nah, I don't want a beer.". Yeah. Then I real Oh, oh, he's out here.

And then he disappears. I train change. location. Different guy. Like another one. >> Backpack. He's looking like he's been in. the woods for days looking for dick. Wow. And and he walk and this new guy He. walk. >> Like where's dick though? Yeah. Like kind of like where's Waldo. but a little different. Like where's. dick though? >> And he walks past same look. Just a full. eye contact and now I see there's a. hanging from He's got it out. He's got. it out.

Maybe he heard. Yeah. Maybe like down at the base. >> [laughter]. >> Like that was the messenger. We got one. And it's kind of on me. I mean I mean. I'm I'm a little like a gay superhero. I'm like I know. It's kind of on me by. the way. Yeah, you're like a piece of. bait in the woods. You have set your. shadow boxing which shadow boxing is but. here's what it gives I think. It gives. this idea oh, I wish somebody else were. here with me. Exact Oh. The shadow. I need someone to be the. shadow. Right. So, then the guy just.

paints himself black and then starts. just like laying connected to your feet. >> Then I see his Now I'm kind of a. I'm both of By the way, you know what I. was offended? Both those guys looked. like absolute ass. Like 50 years old. I'm an beautiful angel. I'm like 26. years old at my prime. Yes. >> shadow boxing. Even if I you, the others would never believe you. Like. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, I would be like a myth that they. talk about in the gay circle for years. There's this blue-eyed.

>> [laughter]. >> If you stay in Stanley Park long enough, an angel will appear. So, God [laughter] damn, bro. And I'm like. and it's funny, it's my first time being. like kind of like sexually assaulted, I. would say. And it's funny, it kind of put things into perspective. for me as well how like it's not. Tell it. It's it's it's not that I can't. beat that [clears throat] out of. you. I'm not in I don't feel it. threatened like a woman with a bigger.

man would in that situation. >> Right. But, the fact you're like showing. me your makes me feel like a. Mhm. You know you know it's like Let me. think about it for a second. Like if. I've ever seen somebody's like how. did I feel about it? >> was like shaking it. He was like giving. a little shake and like looking straight. into my eyes, just giving a little. shake. >> Oh, I didn't know all that. Oh, that's. that's a lot. That's like almost I'm a. grown boy. Okay. [laughter]. You know, it's like. Wow, you know? That's like like a dog.

treat or something. >> [laughter]. >> So, that I could understand. He you feel. like like oh, like you're being summoned. or something maybe like a And and the. the he had, it looked like it's. been through a whole. >> [laughter]. >> like I don't know if his last partner. was a train or like heavy His last. partner was A LONG WINTER. >> [laughter]. >> THAT'S PRETTY WILD, BROTHER. SO, he. keeps and I literally don't know what to. say. Mhm. I act like it's none of my. biz. What do you mean? How do you act like. someone's isn't any of your. business? I know how you do because.

that's what we do all the time. >> It's us in the woods. I don't even I'm. never So, I keep walking like fast and I. look over. Now I'm getting like nervous. They're circling me. Who are [laughter]. they? I DON'T KNOW, DUDE. >> ARE you sure? >> There's no reception. I'm in Stanley. Park. The woods are high the the sun. doesn't even the trees are so high the. sun is in a reach. We're down in the If. I even if I yell, "Help!". >> [laughter]. >> It's over. And now is this Palantir. doing this? Like who do you think is. doing it? >> Exactly. This is an organization. And.

I'm high Uh uh uh. Uh. I try to find my way out. And I Oh my. god, I stumble on this tree stump. You. know, like a tree stump. And I Oh yeah, for sure I've seen them. 80 to a. 160 amount of condoms like on the floor. Just this mass of used up condoms. >> Like the wailing wall or whatever? >> Yeah, exactly. >> Mhm. Maybe this is the stump You know, Jews kiss the wall the rock or whatever. >> Yeah, but they're like [clears throat]. gay Jews. This is their stump. You know,

they. Where they hump Where they hump the. stump kind of or something? >> And I'm trying to find a trail the way. out. Just before I get to the trail after the. stump, my heart is racing. I'm now like, "What the is happening? Like how. did I find this deep in the wood?". And then [snorts] I see in the bush the. two guys. [clears throat]. The one guy with the glasses, the beer. guy. And then the other guy with the. >> The wiener guy. I see them in the distance. Mhm. Blow. Blow. Blow. Blow. Blow. Doing.

what? Blowjobbing? I wish this was a job. This wasn't a. job. This was holding hair. Oh god. Oh. Like dick slavery or whatever? Dick This. was slavery. Blow. Blow. Blow. God, brother. And. the guy banging the other guy's mouth, he like makes eye contact. >> they call that guy. >> [laughter]. >> Yes, the chef. Okay. And he's cooking up on me.

>> [laughter]. >> Blow. Blow. Okay. Just a Okay, keep. going. Sorry. Some of the sounds are. making some I don't want the neighbors. knocking too. Cuz you know, it's like. No, but go on. And he makes eye contact with me. Why do. they keep doing that? >> I don't know. It's crazy. He's like, "You want some?" Uh. So I turn around. I find a road and then. I see like another guy on the trail and. I'm already giving him a weird like stay. away from him. Then he I realized and. then I saw his family. It's just a. German guy looking for and I wanted to. tell them like. I'm surely going nine. Don't go there.

And then I get out of the woods and then. I then of course immediately I go on. Reddit and Facebook groups. That's the. sucking stump. I was literally like have you seen The. Grey with Liam Liam Neeson? Have you. seen The Grey? The Grey? Well, remember. where he like fights the wolves? I. haven't seen it. I've seen the. advertisement for it but I didn't fall. for it yet but I will soon. >> like a movie where he fights wolves cuz. they're keep attacking him and then at. the end of the movie you find out the. whole time he's been trying to escape. the wolves. See, this is me look with. the gay guy. Look look look. Look, this.

is me with the gay man. God. Yeah, he's. trying to escape the wolves but then at. the end of the movie he goes to the nest. of the wolves which they're most. protective. That's how I felt. Mhm. >> Like I Like you were in the swarm. It's. almost like you had somehow found your. way through the honeycomb to the queen. bee. >> Yeah, and then for a year if I did. stand-up I always talked about that. experience and whenever I said first. time I came to Vancouver I went to. Stanley Park and everyone already laughs. cuz they know it's a sucking bush. And it's called Stanley Park? Well, it's. crazy because they have one in. Pittsburgh called Schenley Park. And.

they there too, don't they? >> was there used to be rumors of like. different quarterbacks for the. uh. Steelers going up there and doing uh. male on male sexual. Mhm. >> And then they had um but bring up yeah. can we get a Reddit or like a Google. review? Let's go to Google review of. Stanley Park and just get a go down that. for your privately and see if you get. any if people are reporting um. you know, kind of gay activities over. there. >> Reporting gay activities. Well, it used.

to be like like to go and I'm sorry you. went through that. And. when I was a kid of across that river so. where the rest area was across from that. they had. a lot of men like kind of straight or. people that worked in like construc-. like semi-straight, people that worked. like in mechanics, you know, a. mechanic's assistant, or construction, or something. They would uh they have. one of those like those slingshot. things, the big ones, and they would. shoot potatoes across cuz I grew up on. the other side of the river across from. the rest area. >> Okay. So, we get out there with our kids.

with binoculars and watch like the guys. do dope and then hug in the water. And. hug in the water. >> Yeah, I mean it it was really was like a. deleted scene from the Bible. Dude, this. is another one we have now. So, it was. like uh but some of the adult men would. fire a potato if they got too close, they'd fire a tot over at them to get. them to separate, you know. >> [laughter]. >> So, it was like this crazy that. went on, but I think it is interesting. when you get around the woods and when. you get back to nature, like how. sexuality is really close right there, you For sure, yeah. And it's also like.

there's for sure the thrill of like. Like I have a gay friend of mine, he's. like older, and he says they he says oh. yeah, there's all kinds of under and. sucking clubs and they the. bush. Oh my. It's cuz, you know, men. want to be a little perverted, but we. have to when we bang women, we have to. we have to. they're angels, you know. So, we have to. like That's a good point. But if there's. two guys, we want to make it Oh yeah, it's like I want to throw you halfway. through a window. >> to your mouth in a bush.

You know, that's what I want to do. And. guess what? He wants to do that, too. Oh. my god. Yeah. Ugh. Here's a note somebody right here. said, "I masturbate in Stanley Park, and. I'm sorry anyone who stumbled into me. doing that, but I don't do it in front. of people. I am not a sex offender." So, this is somebody just clearing the air. Do you see how rough that nose looked? Holy dude. Yeah, uh it says. historically Stanley Park has served as. a gay cruising location with secluded.

trails near the Lost Lagoon and forest. areas. You could have been in the Lost. Lagoon, my brother. I know, I was very. lost. But I I could see this also. You. were in the park for a couple days and. it could change your sexuality. Like do. you feel like something like that could. happen? Like nature's just such a ground. where something different can happen. The woods is always like a mysterious. place. >> Mysterious, mysterious place. Like you. even when you were a kid and you would. go there, um it was just like and you. know what I'm saying? That's where like. anything There were monsters. There were. porn hidden. >> yeah. You smoked your I smoked my first.

cigarette in the bush. >> It all happened in there. I had my first. of alcohol in the bush. It's always like. There's a treehouse, first kisses. There's people living there Some guy's. just living there and you're like. >> This guy, yeah, living in the woods. Yeah, there's just a lot that happens. there and I think there always has been. It's a very mysterious place and I think. gay people used to not be able to just. be gay. Now it's. >> Exactly. So that's the That's like I. guess it's like a It's like a throwback. to them of like when times were not. simpler, but Different. more.

exhilarating, I guess. Oh, for sure, dude. I think being gay now would seem. very I mean, it's boring now. I agree. My neighbor says he's gay, I'm. like, "Yeah, I'm straight. I'm I'm tall. Who gives a fuck?" Yeah, you're you're. Yeah, yeah, we're a Yeah, we're an 11, you know. >> like, "I'm from. Like, "Oh my god." Like that friend I. was talking about who who I ask all. these gay questions. I have like one gay. confidant. >> Okay. I ask him all kinds of gay stuff. >> the US? No, he's Estonian and he and he. doesn't get offended. I can ask him. whatever I want.

>> Okay. And you're from Estonia. I want to. I want to ask you about that. I want to. get into that, but before you go on, so. He's like in his 50s, you know. Okay, so. he's an adult. He's a fully activated. >> grew up. Like if you grow up gay in San. Francisco, how hard is it to come out of the closet. in San? Your parents are probably You. probably get a benefit. Yeah. You probably get a Yeah. You get a. cool You have a support group. You have. all these friends. Your parents are. happy. Yeah, you get like a special. medal or again or something. Yeah, you. start stand-up. You get a Netflix deal. within a year. You get a podcast. Yeah.

is true, dude. I know. You get a podcast. given to you and suddenly you're on the. charts no matter what. >> Yeah. It's It's It's It's It's It's It's. like. Who was that famous transition. the the athlete who went and now she. it's a she? Pre-Fontaine or whatever? >> Yeah. No, no, no. It's the famous family. who. >> Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner. Yes, Caitlyn Jenner. So, for her, multi-millionaire coming out of the. closet, immediately on Forbes or Times. immediately woman of the year. It's like. a. for her transitioning, I mean.

transitioning for a millionaire in. Hollywood, how hard can it be? Right. >> Now, imagine being gay during like the. Soviet Union. You have to suck in the shadows. like a secret agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. >> Now, that's exhilarating. >> Double-oh slurp and dude, that's got to. be crazy, but. >> Like gay in San Francisco is one thing. A homosexual in the '80s Soviet Union, 1980s, now that's he sucked dick risking. his life.

Now, he loves. >> [laughter]. >> He'd be loving. but he loves either loves or he. likes mysteries that end in You. know what I'm saying? I guess so. [laughter]. Dude, imagine that, bro. Like imagine. first of all. you find out you're gay cuz I don't even. know how people find out. Like I don't. know if you get like a thing in the mail. or whatever cuz it's like some people I. think would never even know like if. you're like maybe if you're uneducated. you think you just like watching your. buddy's like you know trying to peek it. I mean I don't I don't even know what.

some people think, but yes, dude, a long. time ago. and you're like, "Oh my god." And you. cannot let anybody know. >> Nobody. And then imagine. Imagine what? You've been. You've been like in the closet closet. closet. This is in the closet and this. is a bank vault. Yes, you're being very. deep in the closet. You're in the. hamper. And he told me he told me. I was. like, "So, when did you" and he's like, "Man, I always knew it, but I hid it so. deep in me.". You know, and he was like drug addict, drinking. He was even like um he told me.

when he was young he was kind of violent. against women cuz you know you hate. yourself. And when you hate yourself, you hate the world around you, you know. >> He probably didn't even know it either. No, he said he knew but but but. he never explored it. And then he said he was like. >> What happened? Maybe like 25 or. something. Yeah, I think it was. something like that. He goes to a party in Finland. Finland. is a ferry ride right across from. Estonia and it's not the Soviet Union so. it's a bit more.

you know, and also nobody knows you. there. Oh, it's a bit more kind of like. uh nouveau riche or risque. >> And he was in a nightclub. >> And he took a ferry there so even a. ferry ride that will stimulate. the ocean. Yeah, the ocean within. And. you're you're abroad. Nobody knows me. here. And he said he was in like a bar. and he said a guy looked at him in a way. that no one has ever looked at him and. he knows. that look. And they just suck and for like 3.

days in a hotel room. >> moment between that part. They just went. to the hotel and so that's what his. first like experience. No. You know, and. he talks to this guy and this guy says, "Yeah, it's fine like this is. like you're a person. It's fine, you. know.". >> Yeah, you're finished. Yeah, you're. finished. Yeah, finish on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughter]. And then he went back to Estonia, had to. hide it for a little while. So it's like. those gay When I look at like a 50-plus. year old gay man to be gay in the '80s. you had to fight for your right to suck. dick. That's a gay man. Heroes.

>> Yeah, that's a hero. That's Yeah. >> You know. That's the Navy. Yeah, that's. literally you're a yeah, yeah. You grown. up in the Marines. >> Yeah. And sorry that the Marines might. take offense. I think the Navy will be. okay if we say that. And no offense if. anybody is. being gay or not or in the Marines or. whatever. But yeah, dude, I talk about. that actually. I just taped my a special. the other day and I have a bit about. that. I mean, everybody has a bit about. a lot of these things. But yeah, dude. >> And with Caitlyn, too, you know, it's. like she's like an icon in America. The. we had a.

trans bass player in a band. It was all. chicks in a band, famous Estonian band. And one guy, the bass player was a guy, but he always wore like skirts and. Okay. And then eventually he. transitioned. >> women's paraphernalia or whatever, skirts, brassieres. Mhm. Brassieres. And then he transitioned. like early 2000s. And in Estonia at that time, we were all. like, we don't even know what to. to go to an Estonian doctor Yeah. >> who usually does gives you a little.

like paracetamol when you have a. headache. Yeah. Like these. [clears throat] are Yeah, it's people. can't even do this in Estonia. So So to. get a sex change. >> And to tell a doctor, shove half of it. off, the other half you just. like cut half of it out, shove the other. half in, build me a Build me a. Soviet Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they. were like, repo I remember he was even. in the news. She She was even in the I. mean, at that time. A Soviet dude. That's bro, that's. the name of the musical we're going to. write. [laughter] Okay, that's the name.

of the musical. And there was like a. news article that she was in the grocery. store in Estonia And so this is it. originally was a man and he then he. transitioned. >> Yeah. Okay, then she was in the store in. the grocery. >> in the There was a news article she was. in the grocery store and some guys are. drunk and they're yelling and. you know. And you know what she did? Oh, that's my man. She took the heels off. and went factory settings and. just started [laughter] Oh, yeah. She. went, that's Now that's someone who stands up. Yeah. >> for gay rights. Yeah. You know. Yeah. If. you're a millionaire, you go to a. private clinic, you know. That's easy.

>> That's an easy transition. You're a. hero. Yeah. And there's rich people that. will even get like a um A pretty. Yeah, or a weekend you know, just. give me something I can put on for the. weekend. Yeah. You know, they'll get. something with earrings on it. It's like. this is unreal. I'm talking about the. freaking day-to-day blue collar. gloss. >> potato the Glasgow Scotland. Yeah, exactly. >> Good day, sir. You know? >> Now, that's the. >> that even like if you look at it if you. look at it two times, at least one of.

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I remember when I was a kid, I heard the. the word Kalamazoo, right? And it sounds. like a place Dr. Seuss would have made. up or something. >> Is it a place? >> It's a place in Michigan, but I didn't. know that. >> Kalamazoo? Kalamazoo, right? It sounds. like Yeah, that sounds like. like a candy or it sounds like a candy. that pops in your mouth. Yes, the. Kalamazoo. And. and I but then I was in an airport one. time. I was probably 16 years old. I'm. in the airport and I saw Kalamazoo and I. was like, no way, it's a real place. Never had an idea. So, Estonia seems. like a place It almost seems like. something out of um.

I guess it's. >> Game of Thrones or something or do we. get that a lot? >> it gets confusing cuz I can't If. somebody said describe Estonia, I'd have. no idea what it is. How to spend a week. in Tallinn? Is that the capital? >> Yeah. Wow. It's like Kalamazoo is like my. Subway. You know the You know the. sandwich shop Subway? We had a one Subway in Estonia. Mhm. >> [clears throat]. >> When I was like 16, I went there every. day and I thought, so cool of a family. restaurant. Name it Subway cuz the. sandwich looks like a subway. I did my. birthday there. And then I went for like.

a trip to Sweden and I saw another. Subway. Broke my heart. >> Aw. I thought this was like a family. restaurant. >> Yeah. >> Oh dude, that's beautiful. I mean just. picturing somebody doing their birthday. there. On a in a subway, yeah. It's beautiful, dude. And I'll say this too, I dated a. girl that worked at a Subway and I. remember. um. I'd go in there and she'd hug me with. she'd have those hand covers on and she. would hug me when when she had them on. >> Like did she smell after her shift? She. smelled like Subway, I bet. Oh, beautiful. The Asiago when they came out.

with that Asiago bread, people didn't. know what to do. >> I used to bang a girl from McDonald's. She smelled. >> different. >> She quit McDonald's like. she she had been quit she hadn't been. working there for 6 months. >> What the sex was so good she quit. McDonald's, you're telling me? >> [laughter]. >> That's insane, bro. Are you kidding? What? And I would go to her place. Are you 6. months later her apartment still smells. like the fries, you know? Damn. >> Yeah. There's something bro, that was. such a mystery, dude. Like at a like at. certain ages when you're still going.

over. to strangers homes for sex. >> Yeah. That's a crazy experience, especially if they live with a lot of. other people or you don't know who they. live with or there's an animal there. You have to like first defend yourself. against the animal or you have to like. placate the animal. You have to get down. close to it, lie in its ears, tell it. lies. And so you know what I'm saying? It's like you have to get past the. wizard, You always know if it's a. if the dog is too friendly. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, the dog is like giving you water. like you're doing a podcast. Just you.

wait here. They'll let you know when she's ready. Yeah, [laughter] they. That's how you know it's a. >> like take a number out of one of those. little machines. >> If the dog attacks you, that's that's. that's how you know. That's a good sign, bro. >> That's how you know it is. You're right, dude. That's great. Dude, one time I. went into a. uh. >> If he brings you if he brings you the. condom, you know, in his mouth. It's. like oh Yeah. And if he could take. it off for you. >> [laughter]. >> That's insane, dude. And bro, dude, one time I went on this. thing called Semester at Sea. So it's.

like a floating school that's on a camp. It's a floating college. >> Floating college. Yeah, bring it up. What? Semester at Sea. My friend got me. on this. It It's It was for like fancy people, right? And they're. >> Oh my god, this is such a If my daughter. ever said, "I'm going to a Semester at. Sea." Oh my god. I mean, this is a suck. and boat. I mean, I think it was. >> baby angel is stuck at sea. No, look. Even a helicopter can't access. Holy.

this is worse than Taken. No, brother, there's a lot of education on. it. >> I'd rather send my daughter to France. >> [laughter]. >> This is worse than Taken. >> Well, in France, they'll her up. softly, you know? They're It's like very. They can't even really get the job done. >> [laughter]. >> But, uh But, no, we went on this and um. and I got a job. I worked in the. bookstore and my college like all my. college stuff applied to it. So, in the. end, it wasn't very expensive and like I. got like, you know, different like. little loans you can get like um. They had these like Fannie Mae loans or.

some Anyway, so I was able to go on this. thing, but we went to. What was something we were just talking. about? You remember it? Uh we were. talking about Oh, going to a stranger's. place to suck and. Uh you're on a boat, you're working, you. met a girl, maybe. Yeah, I was on. uh Or met a guy. No. I never met a man. I'm never meeting a man. Yeah, I'm so. straight, I'm never meeting a man. Well, I would meet a man for like dinner or. something if it's a friend or like.

But, I'm not as. >> goes down, you got to go. Well, I'm just like I think being gay. probably 1,000 years ago or even 100. years ago probably seemed way more. exciting. Like even if you were just a. brave-ass dude that loved like Carmen. Sandiego, Encyclopedia Brown, or any of. those type of um you know, those books. like those mystery books, you might be. like, "Oh, I'll be gay just cuz it's. You want to play hide and go. seek against the best." You ever did. some like gay when you were young. but you. you didn't know it's gay it's just like. boys exploring themselves or something.

did you do anything like that? I. wouldn't say I did anything like that. I did something where me and my cousin. we would go to an abandoned you know. like a construction site when it's. abandoned it has that what's the place. where they like the container where the. construction guys they do coffee they. take a nap you know the container? Yes. it's like a little like a it's like a. little trailer. A trailer yeah yeah like. and it was like an abandoned trailer. And me and my cousin would go there and. we would like give each other massages.

and the prize was like candy a piece of. candy like one minute was a one piece of. candy and we would give each other like. >> [laughter]. >> these back massages. and it was like. and then one time I remember we put our. dicks into like a bottle we like shared. a bottle. How what how big of a bottle. are we saying? Now I wish I could say. nasty with a big one. It was a little it. was you know uh Oh wow. Yeah so we were. like exploring our How did you put them. both into the top of the bottle? >> the same thing it's like we Oh separate. bottles? No same bottle but we shared.

it. Oh one person then the other? Yeah. yeah yeah. Oh interesting. Yeah very. interesting and then one time we were. giving each other these back massages I. had my shirt off I was on the floor and. my friend was giving me this back. massage and then we're going to the. bottle you know it's like a regular. Tuesday. And. >> [laughter]. >> like a Oh yeah this first of all this is. also the Estonia Olympics. >> Like a secure and then a security guy or. a construction worker somebody walked in. you know what he did he just ran out cuz. I get it from his perspective he can't. go to his boss and be like I saw these. two boys. It was me and two boys in a.

trailer. >> getting fired. Yeah yeah yeah yeah so he. just ran off. >> Wow. Well now that you shared then I'll. say something so. um. yeah there was like a thing where like. um. I mean I remember a couple things I. guess. Cuz I never had a father so I guess like. Right nobody ever taught me about sex or. anything so My step dad tried to talk to. me about sex he was literally showing me. videos on like a laptop. It was like an. erotic movie where you don't see. penetration, but you see it from the. shadow. I was 17 years old. I was like, "You think that's cool? Let me I showed.

him." I've seen yeah yeah. "Have you. seen Mr. Horse?" And my stepdad was. like, "Yo, this is out there?" I was. like, "Yeah.". Here's. Dude. So yeah, my sex talk was so late. So it was just me in the trailer. at 9 years old trying to figure out, "Oh, what are all these emotions?". >> dude, I remember one time yeah, like my. buddy and I who was over at my birthday. party or whatever. And he was like, you. had your birthday party and then like. two friends got to stay overnight, right? So there was the everybody came. to the party and you had to pretend like.

everybody was leaving, but then two. friends got to stay overnight for your. birthday. And one friend was like a little bit. older. And he was kind of thick this little. kind of thick kid. And he was like, "All. right, let's all take our shirts off and. then let's like. And then he he taught he said like. you could read each other's ribs. Like. you know, your ribs like they had like. it was almost like hieroglyphics. Like. if you rub your hand along the other. person's ribs, you could get like a. message out of it. Does that make almost like a you know, those bumps that they do for people that. are Uh up. Yeah, uh Braille.

Braille. >> Braille. So he said your body holds Braille in. it. And if you put your hands like along. somebody's ribs, you can you'll get a. message, right? And so we're. >> real Braille for you right now. >> [laughter]. >> You can read this when you're blind, deaf, and mute, dude. I got a uh Dude, I. got a good Braille for you down here, dude. >> [laughter]. >> So he had us bro. So he had us like. there was like three of us under this. like blanket or something. And we're all.

just sitting there we didn't have our. shirts on and we're just like all the. trying to trying to read each other's. ribs, dude, you know? And then like. whoever seemed like the kind of gayest. kid would like get a message or. something. Or it was just like but this. one kid was kind of facilitating it and. he probably seen something erotic or he. did like. >> Exactly. >> different thoughts or something. Cuz. your cuz your synapses are firing of. pleasure and reproductive and. testosterone, but you it's a lot of. information, but you can't translate it. Right. Like. I remember when I was like 7 years or. something old.

It was a Christmas party. Oh, do tell. It was a Christmas party. Fair. Fair. play, lad. And my. And was it snowing out? Lots of snow. Oh. So, we need to be. here. Tucked in. Yes, sir. And I remember there was this. this. >> Yes, we do. And there was this cousin. She was like in her 30s, maybe. Ginormous titties. Oh. I didn't know. that titties are the secret to life, but. I know that something is there. You.

know, it's like there's sexuality is. already it's you just don't know what to. do with the information. Something about. these titties are making me feel in a. way, and I don't know you don't It's not. It's like innocent. It's not like I have. an iPad to. Google, right? >> It's just this mystery feeling, and I. would sit in her lap. Oh. >> And I would put my head like my back of. my neck between my cousin's titties, and. I would like. squeeze them, and I would feel. >> Oh, you just feel the pressure of two. tits against the back of your head. >> amazing. That's good. And.

all my cousins are laughing cuz they. know Girls know. So, it's funny to them. >> Right. They see this kid just. >> this little per this little horn dog. >> Right. It's just a horn dog. You're just. this It's almost like a an. electrical wire on the street that's. just rattling. >> And I noticed the more I bring her this. She was drinking this red liquid. It was. wine. Mhm. >> more I would bring the wine, the more. titty access I could get. Ooh, do tell. >> Cuz she got a little crazier and. crazier, and they start laughing more, and I kept going to the kitchen a little.

Bill Co- little Bill Cosby Jr. I was. putting the juice, and I kept bringing. her. >> Yeah. more wine, my dear. >> And you know what's crazy? Mhm. She gets so up. She like. takes a nap on the couch. Okay. Do you. want to stop this story here, you think? >> This. This gets good. And I really want to squeeze the. titties. But in my 7-year-old brain, something. said no. Right. Something said no. Right, the titties.

are closed. >> And I felt bad about it, like that I. even thought of it. So I went in my room. and I felt bad. Mhm. That's how I know I. can never rape. Mhm. Even as a 7-year-old boy, there's. something in your body that goes, "This. is Now that she's sleeping, this is. weird.". >> Right. Right, if two people are playing. the game Exactly. >> then we can have the game. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, dude. Yeah, let me think Oh, >> And then it takes so many, you know, and. after that it takes so many years for. even to find out about sex, and. all that. Yeah. But it's funny when.

you're a little pervert boy and you just. all these emotions and all these You. don't know what to do with them. Oh, yeah. Well, we had this one fellow boss. named Roy, I think his name was or he. said it was. And he would like he used a. hair dryer or whatever, so he was kind. of he was. leaning towards. being gay. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And cuz. children didn't use hair dryers. We just. didn't even know about it and he knew. about it. He would always have his with. them. If you were even just hanging out. with them in a room, he'd plug. it in. >> would say, "He's like a kid who loves a. sunny day.".

>> [laughter]. >> But one time he did get I remember he. got. uh. He's like, "Dude, if you take a piece. like a piece of tape, right? And you put. one piece on the end of the top of your. weiner, like tape it to the top of your. weiner and you put the other piece of. the tape on top of his weiner.". >> Mhm. And I remember him like. getting us to do stuff like that and. stuff or like playing navy or whatever, like just different that was just. in hindsight. >> In hindsight. Cuz then you're just.

standing there and now there's like this. little bri- you don't realize it's a. It's a. >> You don't realize that though. It's a. bridge. Right? Cuz you think, "Oh, it's. just some tape on my wiener or some tape. on their wiener." It's like a Ouija. board. Like it We're opening up the. spirits. It's a portal. >> Yes. Yeah, yeah, it's a portal, dude. It's a portal. So, I think there's stuff. like that when kids are young and they. don't know. Um one time I found my. buddy's kids I just walked in I I was. like I live with this family. They're. They're pretty much like family to me. I. walked in and two of the young kids are. in the bed naked together. But I think.

it's just kids like they don't know what. to do. My friend Scott would come over. and we would like go on a date with our. pillows like in the room or whatever. And. just like like that. My mom like. had boyfriends. I I I do think that. uh being open to your children about. sexuality I don't I think at these times. especially with the internet all this. keeping it innocent is actually worse. and keep You know, some sometimes kids. get really traumatized if if the parents.

make it really traumatic. Because if you. do something like explore your body or. some some of this weird and you. know, your dad walks in and starts. yelling and beating the out of. everybody. That's actually really bad. It's like it's hard to raise like okay, like. I I I have a friend. He's a He's got a. beautiful daughter. And uh and I had to. babysit for this little girl. Um. She was like maybe six or seven. First. time in my life I've ever been together. with a with a small girl. And I got so.

nervous immediately, you know, because. it's like it's not even my daughter. It's my friend's daughter. They go to. They went to the city to do something. And I've already hung out with her. So. >> Right. But when you're the Oh, dude, I. First time I had to watch my niece I was. like, "What the heck?". >> thought about that. It's actually I. can't leave you alone cuz I'll be. downstairs watching TV and you're up. there jumping off a balcony and. then I got to explain to my friend, you. know. So So I'm nervous, you know. So. she And And then the mother starts. telling me all these things she can't. do. No peanuts she She literally she's.

going to explode into a dead. and then I. got to think about. Wait, what has peanuts in them? Does a. Snickers bar Oh, Snickers bar Oh, I got. Snickers bar. I got to Now I'm starting. to Right now you're hiding stuff or. covering things up, taping down a. Snickers. >> Yeah, yeah, then I'm like, "Oh, where's. a loose knife?" I start baby-proofing. the place basically, you know. And you. happen to bring four loose knives, which. was crazy. >> Exactly. I had Yeah, all right, I guess. I got to hide the knives. I guess we're. not doing throwing knives. So then she goes, "No peanuts." Ba ba ba. ba ba Oh, and then she goes, "No. watching uh What's that series that.

girls love the the the Degrassi?". Degrassi? Degrassi High? Degra- Yeah. That show is now on It's in It's on in. Estonia? Well, that time it was. Oh, wow. >> And girl you bring up the Degrassi, dude. Is this the original? >> It's the original. >> Wow, bro. I forgot about this. >> And people and little girls love this. but it's got a lot of like sexual. stuff in it. It's a certain age where. you're ready for this show. >> Got it. >> She was not ready, so the mom tells me, "No Degrassi, you know, you can watch. Frozen, you know." And then she goes,

"No No candy because her sugar because. it's like late at night and when we're. picking her up, we need to put her to. bed. If you give her sugar now, it's all. you're us, right?". >> [sighs]. >> All these rules, ba ba And then they go, "Oh, and watch out that she's She likes. to climb stuff." They noticed that in my. uh in my apartment I had a I had a uh. the the the staircase that goes up like. this, you know, what what's. not circle or Like a winding staircase. >> Winding staircase and it's got the. railing. Like in Castlevania or. Transylvania. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm a.

vampire. And [snorts]. and uh they go, "Oh, uh don't let her. ride the railing." It's like, you know, don't don't let don't don't let her. climb it, you know. They already see the. danger, you know. So they're giving me. this ba ba Don't do it. No jelly beans. No Degrassi. No uh peanuts. No. and I'm Jesus, this is way more. than I expected. And they leave. >> Takes the fun out of it, too. Part of. the fun of watching someone's kid is. seeing what happens if you don't know. what's going on. >> And then me and this me and this angel. were like hanging out on the couch. I.

mean we're watching Frozen. She's. already seen it. I've seen it. And then like an hour in I'm like. I want to be the cool right uncle. Jelly. Bean City. I got the jelly bean I. it. >> Right. Or you smoke on the porch that. are watching you through the glass that. kind of. >> Yeah. I got jelly beans up in this up at. the grass she on. She's jumping up and. down. We're watching the grass. She's. running around having fun. Let's go. >> And I'm like and I and I tell her I make. her pinky swear don't tell. nothing. Oh. You don't say nothing. And.

she's like okay. And we run around Jelly. Bean City. The grass she's on full. blast. We're listening to what's. that GloRilla? We're listening to. we're listening to crazy We're. having. >> a nomad every when you got it on yeah. >> Yeah. And then she goes. let's ride on the railing. And I'm like. your parents. [laughter]. WE'RE TAKING A RIDE. SO I go first. >> [screaming]. >> I come down fast. She's like oh my god. it's my turn my turn. I'm like okay. She.

gets up there. And I'm at the bottom and. cuz it's I'm trying to see where she can. fall off. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's called risk management. >> Risk management. We got jelly beans. We. got the grass. We're riding rail. >> Oh yeah. And she comes down. slow. But first. she looks back at me. And the face she has she she makes like. a. I realize. I can see it. I don't think so. I think so.

>> You think so? So I catch this little horn dog and she. wants to go again. She keeps getting. slower and slower. And you're putting. her back up there? You got I mean what. are you doing? She wants to go again. Well you're. [laughter] the manager of the. place. >> Yeah but. it's hard to BE LIKE NO. YEAH. YOU KNOW. >> OH YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT. SO SHE goes maybe. two or three more rides, right? Oh my. god, bro. You got to chill, dude. I mean.

like you're saying, I'm I'm not sure if. this is what it's about, but. I do know children are little horn dogs, you know? Well, I think there's a lot of. bring it bring this up actually. What. what like when does hormones start to. affect the way that children act and. behave? Oh, I dude, I remember when I. was a kid now. And yeah, sorry if I made. you feel I I shouldn't have been making. you feel No, no, no. But you know. there's more to the story. No, no. Oh, there is? So, should we have more? We ride we she rides she rides we fun we. fun we fun jelly bean jelly bean city.

the grass is the grass is the grass is. So then the parents get back. This. blows it immediately. She goes, we had. jelly beans, I rode the line, we watched. the grass is it was so much fun. And. they're you know, my friend and then my. uh oh, my friend stays over. We have a. little beer, we haven't seen each other. in a long time. And the mom takes the. kid home. And this is awkward moment. between me and my friend. He goes, cuz. they have a they have that staircase. too. And he looks at me he goes, that. staircase didn't she? I go, yeah. He. goes, yeah, that's a mom conversation.

But see, then we talked about it. You. also as a parent you have to be cool. about this, you know? Like you can't. you don't have a little girl like that. You can't be like. never never touch the flower. That then. it's going to be then she's going to be. banging prisoners when she's 20 years. old cuz she's like, oh daddy said no. flower touching. >> Yeah, I'm going to open up a florist. down there by the correctional center or. whatever, yeah. It's a florist center. It's a forest down here now. God. So with kids, you know, it's always. there's a tender point, but that's for.

that's totally a mom to daughter. conversation, of course. >> But it is interesting how you learn. about sex, right? And what happens to. you. This says puberty actually starts. between age 8 and 13 in girls and 9 and. 14 in boys. If it starts before age 8 in. girls and before age 9 in boys, doctors. often consider it early and worth. checking out. But is it puberty that's. starting or is it um. because it is I remember probably I. maybe I was about 7 or 8 and. uh.

and I remember like just pressing things. against my crotch like even if I would. just was like pressing this against my. crotch felt good. So I'd fall like even. if you were just walking by something. and like you ever see a tree that has. like one of those kind of butt like a. little butt sticking out? I've dated a. few. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. So you've been to that forest. before is what you're telling us. But. what I'm saying is this I remember as a. kid like sometimes my dad and I would go. walk to church and I would just walk. like we'd we'd walk by this one tree and. I remember um I remember him telling me.

at. at some point at one age or something I. just would walk over and just press my. crotch against it like. >> All I did as a kid was lay on the floor. flat and just shove my little Willie. into the floor just to make it. stimulate. Then I had a Pink Panther, remember the Detective Pink Panther? Oh. yeah. >> that as a toy like a soft toy and I. would just like. this Pink Panther so much that even. under my like under my like foreskin I. had pink hair so I'd the out. of this.

>> Yeah, we would solve some crimes and. then you know what the reward is? You. solved another crime Panther. Oh that. and that exact toy. See it's got a little it's got. everything. >> have a already. That's just its. body. >> Yeah, but your imagination can add. What? It doesn't No, you cannot. And I. would I would it so much I still. have it in my podcast studio in Estonia. It's like a story that I told in my old. podcast in Estonia and between the. crotch all the hairs are like gone now. cuz I just cuz I just And she was a. little wasn't she? >> It's a man. >> a little wasn't she? I'd come.

home from school, I'd put Metallica on. and just rail my Pink Panther. >> [laughter]. >> Every case got solved that night. Ah. What if you listen to that song Alice in. Chains down and up? Pink Panther is a. male. Well, you know, it's Thank you. Would you Let's say one more Say that. one more time. Say. for the people in the back. The Say it. You got to hear yourself say it. The. gender is a spectrum. Yeah, but let's. let's see what it says here. Perplexity, help us out.

>> [laughter]. >> Can you use Perplexity? Let's get this. real quick. >> See see see see see see generally. portrayed. >> Let's Can you Would you mind reading it. for us? All right, I just want to just. >> Non-gendered. The cartoon Pink Panther is generally. portrayed as male. I love that they put male as bold just. to with me. They're like, "Hey, bro." [laughter] They did. Yeah, I was bang I bang this toy BA BA. BA BA. IT WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW. >> Were you banging them or do you think. you were just rubbing? Right. But.

between the legs, I already knew enough. Mhm. I already knew enough. That's where. I got to put it, you know. Yeah. I had. fun with this dirty dude. That's. [laughter] not a dirty No, she was. my little dude. Dude, it was That. was Pink Panther. That's Heathcliff. Or. that's These are good people. These are. Snoopy. These are good people. >> And then I even I I even this. when I even got like a little girl. like a girlfriend, you know, like you. got get a little kiss. So, I had like. breakup sex like once every 2 weeks. I. still the out of my. Pink Panther and then we're back to my.

little girlfriend next door. Yeah, you're running huh? >> run that. She she was a little. dude. Dear God. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just. didn't know that kind of stuff's going. on in the third world or whatever, but. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We take for granted. here that that animals and like. different things like um. like Mattel or these different companies. bring up some different Mattel animals. from like the '80s and '90s if you can. >> Mattel? This is the company that made a. lot of these stuffed animals. And I. think we take it we take for granted.

here in the in the United States that. these animals get treated well, right? They get you know, people I treat her. real well. Like Popples. Like you ever. see Popples? Like Okay, but okay. Well, Inspector Gadget. >> I had a potato. Okay, yeah. Some people We had a long. winter. >> [laughter]. >> communism and a potato. We didn't have. Popples. >> But I think we take for granted America. that stuffed animals here get like. they'll tuck them into bed and they'll. like treat them well or get them a. little glass of water.

>> well at all. Yeah. This got ran. through, dude. He was a dirty little. >> He was a man. He was a dirty little. what? He was a male cat. No, no, no, no. Dude, he was a male cat with pink skin. He was obviously going through a lot. And then um. And then what? >> Like maybe like 10 years ago when I hit. when me and my girlfriend were chilling. at my place, we did a little role play. and she dressed as the because she know. the story from my old podcast, so Only. for your birthday or something she did. it? >> Yeah, she dressed as the Pink Panther.

and then. I was the detective Clouseau Detective. Clouseau I can't remember his name and I. was like that on that on. You're sucking my. >> [laughter]. >> Uh it's great to see you having good. time in our country. When your uncle pulled up. with a fresh raccoon to Thanksgiving. and nobody questioned him. That's a power move right there. When your mom's friend stayed over just.

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people.com/theo. or pound law, pound 529. This is a paid. advertisement. This episode is sponsored. by BetterHelp. BetterHelp, baby. Life God, life's a. journey. It's a dang Oregon Trail, isn't. it? One day you got somebody's cough and. somebody's got a. hematoma or whatever. Somebody lost you. know, uh lost all their money or.

something, threw it in a wishing well. Somebody's kids left them or something. You know, somebody. life. Some days feel good. Some days feel. overwhelming. Some days feel good. Some. days you're standing in your yard and a. balloon floats over to you. And that's good. You know, some days you're sitting in. your car at night hiding from your. family and somebody come over. and give you a little cut of casserole. for no reason. That's God.

Look, y'all. I'm talking about. BetterHelp, guys. Whatever's keeping you. up at night, it's easy to feel like you. have to figure it all out on your own. And let me tell you, that is not the. truth. Mental Health Awareness Month, it's on and popping. It's a good opportunity to check in with. yourself, see where you're at. Be. honest, too. How am I doing? BetterHelp, they're here. They can help. BetterHelp. online therapists work according to a. strict code of conduct and they're fully. licensed in the US. They do the initial matching work for.

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And so you're you're you're saying that. like what is the conversation really? Like what is the real conversation you. would have with the kid? Like how do you. really do that with a kid you think? Cuz. obviously you and I grew up in a way. where like we were figuring it. ourselves. Like for me I I I I realize. now like. I don't like talking about a lot of. sexual stuff with my friends even cuz to. me like sex was always like a secret. thing. Like Yes, and it was secret. I. had to sneak and find the magazines and. I had to do it in secret. So like So my. whole life I've always felt like like. it's like it's not like scared but it's.

like a secretive thing. It's like very. like It's super secretive. >> or no? I don't think that it's good. >> think it's good either. Like my. household, I had a single mother, we had. a stepdad at one point but my mom had a. lot of boyfriends. She would be. You know, in Estonia we have sauna. culture so everyone's naked. Everyone's. naked. >> What you have what culture? Sauna. culture. Sauna. Sauna. Okay, saunas. yeah. Like even as a little kid I I like. even as a little kid I would sit you. know, a sauna it's got the you know, the. steps. It's hotter up there. It's So.

kids would always be in sitting in front. of the feet of the adults. And even my. my mom's girlfriends would come over and. I would be in the sauna with the ladies. I would sit in front See is like so far. from my face. >> Right. Like as a kid I would look back. I'd laugh at it. They would laugh at it. Very close to casual distance. Yes, and. it's like. and it's So being naked and sexuality in. my family at least, this is not the case. for all Estonian families, but we also. don't have any Christian guilt or none. of that. You know, it's like a.

communistic thing, which has Christian. values to some extent, some homophobia. and some chauvinism, all that, you know, that that comes with it. But, sexually. wise, sin is not like included in it, you know? So, there's no guilt really. feeling sexual things. And in my house, yeah, my mom would have boyfriends, I'd. hear them have sex, and my mom would be. like, "Mommy needs her own little time, so you go hang out with the sister." I. know that that means like, I didn't know. what sex was, but I knew it's like that. little grown-up thing. >> Right. So, so you knew there was.

something grown-up going on. So, it did. feel adult, but it didn't feel wrong. >> you know, I would have like, even when I. was like 14, 15, I started having little. girlfriends over. My mom would like. literally, dude, when I was like 15, my. mom. This this girl was like very shy, and we. were watching Ice Age in my room, and. then my mom would bring us cinnamon. rolls, and then. when she didn't look, my mom would give. me like two condoms. Just in case. We didn't even I was. like fully virgin. But, she wanted you.

to just feel okay about it. >> wanted me to feel okay. And I think that. was very healthy. Like, looking at other. people my age who I've met, and I talk about their childhood, about. their sexuality, it seems like sex. exactly like you said, it's a thing in. the shadows. And I think when you're a. young. like Under whatever young man, sorry. >> young boy, I think it's really bad to. hide those things and make you feel bad. about having certain emotions that you. can't really control. That's a good. point. Yeah, some of That's the thing is.

that you can't control it, so it's like. then it makes you feel ashamed a part of. you that you have scientifically there. is no way you can control, and you And. then what happens? Then you're 40 and. you're in A DUNGEON WITH. WITH LIKE A DRILL IN YOUR ASS. IN WELL, that's crazy. >> Cuz I got to let go cuz Mommy said I'm a. bad boy. That's what happens. Yeah, really? >> I was I mean, I guess. I don't know, dude. I was a good boy, and I'm not. going to have a drill up my ass. I'm. going to treat a girl nice, and then.

we're going to have sex like two adults. Yeah, I think this is very This is. definitely a good time to learn about. some of this because. um. Yeah. >> with porn, I mean, wow. Well, let me. think about some of this. Let me think. for a second. >> Mhm. Dude, because I like talking about. this stuff cuz it's also important like. a lot of people don't have some of these. conversations, right? And they don't. think about it. And parents don't know. because like I think it's interesting. your mother would make you the cinnamon. roll. So, here's something that's like, you know, you're a good boy, you get the. dessert, and I you know, I care about.

you. There's something a mother making a. treat, giving you an offering, but also. here is something I want to let you know. that I understand what's going on here, and that if there's something that that. I want you to be. um safe no matter what. So, then it's. like that's what a mother always wants. for her child is the child to always to. be safe. But I think like the. presentation of that is pretty. interesting. What do you think? Like. what do you really think? Cuz you know, there are some Native. American tribes where an uncle. or even a father or brother will teach.

this younger sibling about masturbation. Will literally go out with him into the. woods and teach him how to jerk off. >> It's like my stepdad. I was already 17, and he's like He's like saying like, "When it gets hard, you know, you can. watch videos and play around with it. That's okay." I'm like, "Okay, dude. Stick a finger up your ass. I'll show. you what's a good time.". It's already too late, you know. Yeah, I. got two toothbrushes hidden up my ass, brother. You know what I'm saying? We're. partying, dude. Click this remote and. see how I feel. I got a thing up my ass.

that makes me go "Oh, yazu!" Yeah, dude. Click this remote, and I'll run a. 5 2 40, brother. [laughter]. Click this remote. Bro, that would be a great game show. You have seven people somewhere, right? >> Uh-huh. In a In like a quiet area, right? And. one of them and you have to be like 40. ft away, one of them has some sort of um. remote-activated. sexual apparatus. >> Mhm. hidden in their um.

butt. The holy hole. Yeah. Mhm. The butt. or whatever the 11th fingerprint, some. people call it, right? And uh. So, but you don't know who it is and you. only get to press it three times and you. have to look. >> account, as we call it. Yeah, the. offshore [laughter]. account. Like when you're a Christian, you can't. the holy hole, but you can do with. the offshore account. >> Yeah, yeah. Like yeah, or yeah. Yeah, [laughter] yeah. The IRS don't know. about this one, do they? Yeah, you're. talking about where Well, let's just say. where people do Malaysian banking, right? That's what That's what we'll. call it.

So, >> [laughter]. >> So, anyway, um but that's the game show. You have seven people and you just get. to look on their faces or whatever or. you can ask them a question and while. they're answering, you can buzz. But if. you don't have the right person at the. right time, then you're going to get the. wrong person answering. >> see a lot of people in a pool and you. see that one guy pissing, it's so clear, you know, this is what I'm going to do. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Is that okay to pee. in a pool in your country? Is it normal. here? Is In very Is it very similar? >> I'm in water, I pee. Yeah. It feels so. good. Yeah. It feels holy.

Yeah. Um. Yeah, I think getting that out early. It. must be tough for a parent then Here's. why I think it's tough, I bet and I. don't know. I'm not a parent, but I bet. it is you just don't want to see your. kid grow up that fast. >> 100. Nobody likes to see that. >> And it's probably such a special age. where your kid isn't like And it is it's. a special age for young people, too. It's like, dude, that's like the best. years probably where your foot Like you. your dad has like a new best friend, you. guys do cool stuff together, you're like. he he he's your hero and then somebody. shows him some cooter or something. Or.

draws a picture of a of of of some. on a piece of you know, on a. on the inside of a big um oyster shell. or something and shows it to the boy and. then everything changes. >> Everything becomes about that. >> Yes. >> Yeah, but. So it must be tough for a daddy like. >> Maybe I'm just thinking of why. >> then looking at my friend with his. daughter, you know, it's that's even. tougher because I think. >> Oh, it's your angel. It's your angel cuz. I think with boys it's more expected. Like even with my mother.

me being sexual, very accepted. My. sister was a bit older and she was very. protective of her. You know, mothers. always love their sons. Dads always love. their daughters. It's like a thing. You. know, they always say it's like a thing. Mothers always are very tough on their. daughters because they're a they're a. woman and they know how tough it is to. be a woman and you got to toughen these. up for the real world. >> you got to Nobody touches your. flower. Yeah, you know. Oh, you. >> But as a boy. >> to fortify these But as a boy, fertilize the ground, you know, have.

fun. So it's like So that's another thing. with like girls because I remember that. I remember I literally remember. even my like me being a little kid and. like having girlfriends and my my mom. would be like that's that's cool, you. know, my boy is cool. Yeah. My boy has a. little girlfriend. He's like the hot guy. at school. He's the funny guy. That's. cool. But if my sister would date, that's like a oof. Like a girl, so. Right. Yeah, it is a total different. energy. It's a total different energy, man. Yeah, I remember they had a gal who. would like kind of rub Kleenexes on her.

like in her underpants whatever and then. throw them off the balcony and let us. grab them and catch them and stuff. Really? Almost like catching the bouquet. at a wedding or something. Wow, the. Kleenex with the with the juices? Yeah, it wasn't juices, but it was like it had. enough of an ambiance where you want. Like I remember putting on cleats one. time to catch it, you know? Really? So. yeah, like you know, like activated. sneakers kind of I don't know if you. guys have cleats in your country or not. One time I had a We do have cleats. One time I um. when I was a little boy. there was a there was a there was a.

there a girl that stayed over. She was. like. my mother's. friend's old classmate's daughter, maybe. She was like maybe 19. I was like 11 or. 12 or something like that. Mhm. She stayed over one night. And the next day I'm alone at home. And. you know when you're alone as a boy at. home, that's when the devil comes to. visit, you know. >> Your crotch suddenly like shows up on. the wall like a genie coming out of a. lamp. Like, "What are we going to do. today,

MY BOY?". >> EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE needs to get. Yeah. What did you say? Everything in my house needs to get. Like I tried my everywhere. The couches, the pillows. So then I go up there. >> My god. >> And this 19-year-old I think it's like. the pheromones and her cologne were on. the bed. I would I literally. >> She had cologne on? She sounds. >> 19. I mean, I think so. I think it was. cologne. But. Not cologne. What's what's uh perfume? Oh, female. >> know it's Sorry. >> Perfume, sorry. >> Yeah, I didn't know it's Yeah, I'll. smell. A really nice pleasant smell. Oh,

yeah. Oh, god. I go into the bed. I put the covers on. I take the pillow she slept on. I'm like. forcing it on my face. I'm like jacking. off. Dude, I remember this is. I don't even know what we're talking. about anymore. >> [laughter]. >> This is supposed to be an interview. about it being from Estonia. But here we. go, dude. >> [laughter]. >> But dude, I remember I would hide in my. buddy's at their house I would hide like. his mother was like the sweetest. She. was like just like a good or she just.

like I don't know, but she was attracted. to her and like there was like you know, there's that energy where you're. attracted your buddy one of your buddy's. mom's or something. You keep going over. to his house. You don't even like you'll. sleep. >> I don't even like the game you're. playing. Yeah, and yeah, dude. Yeah. And. I would I would instead of sleeping in. in the room with him like we would build. like a fort or something. I would go. sleep like in the hall by her like by. their door and like just weird. Weird But still legal stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But I remember I get in the clothes. hamper and just like she had like one of. her bras was in there. >> Oh. And I don't know if it was still. warm, but I thought it was. I was lost.

And I would just smell it like put it. close to my like I just wanted. to push it all the way into my nose. forever. >> That's what I did with the pillow. I. just wanted to shove it down my. DNA. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I wrote I. wrote a love letter to my friend's. mother, by the way. No way, [laughter]. bro. >> Yeah. You need to be You You got it. Yeah, you should got really bad. And. they somebody should be watching you. Yes. Still to this day. That's a lot, dude. Did you give it to her? Yes. No. And she never addressed it.

>> [gasps]. >> Oh. It's so weird. But it wasn't. anything in the. >> unrequited love. Bring up unrequited. love. It wasn't anything in the letter. >> about this before. Hold on. I want to I. want to What is unrequited? That's what. I'm saying. I want to help you get to. the just not to the solution like I have. no Unrequited love is one-sided romantic. attraction where feelings are not. reciprocated often causing profound. emotional distress including loneliness, low self-esteem, and anxiety. It. commonly stems from idealized fantasies, unreturned crushes, or unbalanced.

relationships with roughly 98% of people. experiencing it. Wow. Exactly. You're. not alone. I'm not alone, dude. What How. often does unrequited love lead lead. lead to crime? Can you look that up? And. then what were you going to say? I. That's what I was also thinking. Unrequited love is a very common. >> Stalking, violence, and murder. Awesome. And there you go. Yep. There you go, right there. The actions can be severe. including stalking, violence, and. murder. But I was a little boy, so she. was stronger than me. But also three. options: stalking, violence, and murder. It's not like it's just like include. murder. Mhm. Mhm.

Cuz stalking. it's wrong. But it's. well. Even the. the mother I wrote that letter to. when I was. when I was going walking home. when I was going home from school, yeah, I would take a longer route just to go. by her house and maybe catch a city. I. never did, but I gave the universe a. chance to give me a sign. >> Just to see something? Just to see. something. Cuz that's that's also like I. mean we had porn, but this was you got.

to like download a image and it. was hard. It wasn't like right there. So. yeah, so to see a titty I need a. intervention by God. Right. Yeah. Oh, man. >> Then I found a magazine. You ever find. like a magazine in the woods, you know, the classic when there's porn in the. woods or something? Yes. >> It was during winter. Who hid it there, do you think? >> hide I don't get it at all. Cuz somebody hide porn in every woods. I. think it could have been Israel, I. think. If somebody hid it in every woods. It's Israel. It's like the page pagers.

It's like the pagers. It's the pagers. >> young men. You corrupt the future army. or about to fight by showing them a huge. horse going into a pregnant lady. >> Cuz they all jerk off and then the. army's weaker. It's not a bad strategy. Well, you know, that's what happened. with Ukraine and Russia because because. Russia deployed a lot of North Korean. soldiers. and now they are first time having and. internet access. You know, they're like. not fighting. All they're doing is. drinking and jerking off. Nuh-uh. Yeah, cuz it's like imagine you're seeing porn.

for the first time. >> Can jerk off by myself. Wow. And. Let's bring bring that up. What are you. saying Koreans are jerking off? Yeah, North Koreans cuz they had no internet. now they're deployed. It's like a huge. thing. I mean it's Pandora's Box. And then I. found this magazine. And one time I. found it was during winter time. It was. under ice. Cuz it was so frozen. It's. almost like ice fishing. You ever been. ice fishing? Yeah. And then I had to get a pick and to like. I it took me hours with my hands. freezing to access these titties. Oh,

it's like the new Frankenstein with. Jacob Elordi. Have you seen the. beginning of that? Exactly. So clang clang I get a big. block of ice under the magazine out. I. put it in that in towels near my near my. um. What's that on the wall? Not re-. >> Radiator. Radiator. Near the radiator. It took me like days for it to to dry. up. Water was everywhere. And then it. dried off and I had to peel I got only. one page open cuz it was all up, but it took me like I was like a. detective. It took me like days to see. and it was all up except these. two big round titties. So, I cut the.

titties out and kept them in my. Batman wallet for years. And I would. show other guys at school. I'd be like, "Check out this." And I'd show these two. ominous titties. I love that. Yeah. Like wolves' eyes. Mhm. Mhm. And the first porn video I. ever saw, it was gay porn. I just didn't. know. Wow. >> It was like so low pixels. I just saw. going into an orifice and then like. it took me like minutes to realize. there's another hanging near the. orifice. It broke my heart. And the guy.

who was banging doing that porn, he's an. Estonian guy. I met him like 20 years. later. >> No way. Did you tell him it hurt your. feelings? >> I told I really I said, "I thought you. were banging a chick." Aw. >> "He's my friend Marcus." Aw. I was like, "Fuck." They're friends, huh? Yeah, you. wonder if they're all friends in some of. those videos sometimes. >> See the whole. >> North Korean soldier is hooked on porn. after getting internet access for first. time while helping Russia fight Ukraine. Um. North Korean military men who joined the. war front in Ukraine on behalf of Russia. have un-.

Why would First of all, look up this up. separately. Keep me on this page. >> third Why would uh. Why would North Korean men be supporting. the Russian side in this war? I just. Communism. Cuz they're also communistic, you know? And they have common. interests. Everyone's against North. Korea except So, Russia's seeking for. partners, you know? Got it. Um North. Korean military men who joined the war. front in Ukraine on behalf of Russia. have unfettered internet access for the. first time and may be using it to watch. tons of pornography. That's a kind of.

This one I don't trust the media. And may be using it might be to watch. tons of pornography. You know what I'm. saying? Like. >> Yeah. Play what Give me one side of the. net, right? According to a report that a. Pentagon official was unable to confirm. So yeah, okay. I'm So I'm not saying. that it's not true, but just the way. they shape If you look at the way they. shape articles and stuff. Oh yeah. >> According to a report that a Pentagon. official was unable to confirm. Warriors. from the Hermit Kingdom engaged in a. battle in Ukraine for the first time.

Monday, but they reportedly started. fighting different demons before. stepping foot onto any field according. to a report. Does it say what their. favorite searches were? >> joke up there. They go, "Harder soldiers. indeed.". >> [laughter]. >> A usually reliable source tells me the. North Korean soldiers who have deployed. to Russia have never had unfettered. access to the internet before. As a. result, they're gorging on pornography. I mean someone's telling you to hold the. front line, but you're seeing. everything you've ever dreamed of for. the first time. I'm staying at the base,

brother. I mean that we can give up a little. land. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, yeah. We can give up a little. land. If we give up a couple hundred. more acres, you know, so just so I can. get through a couple more of these. categories that I'm really curious. about. Dude, uh. When I did the youth exchange program in. Romania when I was a kid [laughter] Hold. on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on a second. I just don't know how many stories I can. take. There was this. >> where somebody ends up jerking off all.

over at the end of it. Just you wait. I'm not judging you. I just have to brace myself for. just a second, dude. Let me touch my. neck for a second. >> Cranial release. >> [laughter]. >> Imagine you start doing that on a plane, dude. I got to hold on second. I got to. release my cranium. You put a. balloon up your nose, dude. People are. getting weird out there, dude. You know. when someone's like stretching at the. airport, it's like too much. You know. when they're on the ground and they're. doing their little thing. >> Oh yeah. Just take your bad hip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

yeah. I'm uncomfortable. I Dude, I want to do squats, too, but I'm not. going to Just get your bad ankle. to Minneapolis, brother. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, but I Here's a dream I had is one. day if I would if I was had a long. enough layover, I wanted to go for a jog like in the. Atlanta airport or the Madrid airport I. think is really really big. >> Uh-huh. Um. >> And you want to go jog? Cuz you could. jog cuz in the Madrid airport it's like. >> Giant. >> You could do like a 2-mi run in it like. So, I just wanted to go for like a run. Like say if you had a long enough.

layover, you're trying to kill time, but. you also want to get some exercise cuz. you can crew like if you're running late. for your plane, you're well you're. welcome to do that all day. For sure. >> So, I'm like if you just had your. headphones on and you just popped on. some Shadow boxing. Yeah, just popped. [laughter] on some shorts, why not go. for a run? Yeah. >> That's always been a dream of mine ever. since I was young. To run in an airport? To run but to go for a run in an. airport. I think it's to do something. someplace that seems abstruse, you know? >> Uh-huh. Um But let's I just want to make. sure that we get to the end of this. thought of like So, did we did we cover.

fully? So, as a mother I think or as any. parent, it's just to create a. comfortable way to have that. conversation and keep it ongoing so that. it can be there's room for it to. breathe. Like Yeah, I think if if it's. taboo or if you don't talk about it at. all, then it feels like. um. something's wrong or it's scary or then. you just learn This is another thing I. just realized. Your friends tell you and it's always. some evil older brother that's like. calling you a or whatever and just. or doing this in front of you like this.

and you know. Um It's like too much. >> It's gross and that kid probably learned. from some dark dark way, right? So, I. think like um. Like yeah, but then here's what happens. is you learn from a kid, you learn from. some like and then and then you you. become like. Oh, I need to do certain things or I. need to operate certain ways or make. sure that I'm like trying to like engage. with sex or something so that other. people my peers will think it's cool, right? >> only reason I wanted to lose my.

virginity was because all my friends had. lost their virginity. >> Yeah. It's not even Remember Remember. how much you wanted to have sex like in. your DNA, you feel it? But then when the. opportunity How scared you were though? I was literally I was so terrified. It's. crazy. And also, my girlfriend. when we decided to do it, I had already. lied that I've done it. So, I had to. pretend like I've been here before. And. what did you do to pretend? Just stand. up straighter or whatever? Well, I. didn't even know, you know, like. it has angles. Mhm. To even get my.

into her sweet little angel hole, it. took me. several tries. Like we had to try. several times. And of course, It's like. trying keys on a door. You're like, "Oh, that one's not it." Or that one Yeah, that one goes to that other place. >> explained that in porn, you know? They. don't you know, you don't know that. Yeah. And it took so long. Yeah, I had. to like And I came within like maybe it. was like 2 seconds or something. And. then you just got to lie that you know, like. Yeah. >> I I told her like, "Ah, it's my like. third time, so you know, I'm still.

pretty new.". Oh, dude, I lost my virginity behind a. bowling alley in our town. Really? >> They're refurbishing now, so I'm glad. that they're doing that. Um. Wait, what what in what room? The. toilet? No, no, no, behind it. Outside. Yeah. >> In the woods? What? Yeah, what Yeah, no, it was it was sex, but it was yeah, I. lost my virginity behind this bowling. alley. Bring it up over there. Tiffany. Lanes over there. >> [laughter]. >> Uh Oh, you've talked about this. Theo. dust dusted off his little wand and got. his weasel grease for the first time. here. That means these lanes are well.

lined and the ambiance is well done. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, here it is right. there. Hate to see that it's closed. Good place if you came early like Theo. I know his girl didn't like that he came. so early, but that just makes him an. alpha. Let's go. Thank you. Thank you, Nicholas F. Um Wow, it's all Theo. Place. It's all Theo, dude. >> [laughter]. >> I had no idea, dude. Dude, you took this. business down, probably. Now there's all. these little kids trying to get their. dick wet, and they're not even. interested in the lanes. This bowling. alley owner must be so His mind must be. like, "What the been happening.

the last 4 years?". >> EVERYBODY BEHIND THE BUILDING? >> [laughter]. >> NOBODY WANTS TO DO USE THE LANES. ANYMORE. Place is full of rich history. Theo Von became a man behind this alley. Shout out to the patrons for giving him. the strength to do so. Amen to that. I'm here because of Theo Von who lost. something precious at this bowling alley. so long ago. Any good place for Theo is. good enough for me. Oh, that's nice of. you. Thank you, Mike uh man Wheezy. Again, Theo. It's all Theo. It's. literally all Theo. I didn't know. Sorry. Yeah, but anyway, thank you guys. for some of the warm sentiment. And um. yeah, just a beautiful place and they. are reopening it soon. So, I am excited.

about that. You should go to the. re-opening. >> [laughter]. >> Go to the ribbon cutting. >> You should go to the re-opening. I Dude, are we even going to mess this. place up by even talking about this on. here? >> No, they're totally now. But it closed there. When did it close? Oh, but they're in a $2 million. renovation. Getting a new bowling alley. You know what? I should have reopened it. Yeah. This is a spot. Dang. Yeah. But still, I hope that people practice.

uh. you know what I'm saying? Bumper bowling. if they do around there. Um. just safe activity. But what would you. If you're a dad, what do you think you. say to your son like really? Like what. do you really say to your son if you. think you like And when do you think you. would do it? Like I'm trying to think if. I'd have had a dad around that was going. to communicate like that. What would I have What would I have. liked to like. It's probably like around 11 or 12. >> you Well, you see it way before that. probably, you know? The little willy. Like Did you show your little.

everywhere when you were a kid? No. >> you show it? I showed it to everybody. I. had to. Really? >> It felt so good. And people would laugh. and feel good. Like my mom would have. her girlfriends over. They would drink. wine and I would do this thing where I. would slide like you know, they're like. in on the couches in the living room and. I would slide on my socks and I had. little like these like gray sweatpants. with a little hole in front of her put. my little willy. and played a guitar like this. and then run back in my room and then. dying laughing they were like. Right. >> I did it so much that eventually my mom.

was like you know that's not Right. You're like you're 30 now. >> to yeah. >> [laughter]. >> You're sliding out there. So I do stuff. like that like. I would love that that's like funny. >> [snorts]. >> Oh yeah, I think it's definitely funny. that this perplexity says the best. approach to make it ongoing calm. conversation not one big talk. Mhm. Yeah, yeah that's I guess that's true. >> Oh dude, I remember I've talked about. this before but my uncle was like. my uncle I or I don't know if he was our. uncle but he was like a guy that. somebody was making love to that had a.

car, right? And so he would bring us to. the wine stop the wine store and he left. me in there one time he was going to do. something. Jesus. So I'm wandering. around in there and some lady walks up. she's like have you seen my kitty? And I. didn't know what she was talking about. and I was probably I think I was maybe. 12. And then she opens her jacket she was. naked. >> No. Yeah. Wait, why would you be an angel like. that? I don't know why but I I didn't. know what was going on I just remember. being like very turned on. >> and Fully naked. I don't know if it was. bush or whatever. I mean everything was.

in I remember that dude. But it was just. kind of crazy you know. Must be for real now I can feel. It was. nice dude but I just it was like a I. remember that that happened but I think. my uncle had said something after that. he maybe he asked me a couple questions. about it but I think it's just like yeah. like. >> make her do it maybe? No, he did not. Oh. that would have been crazy. No, he. didn't have any game like that. >> show her tits to a like a young kid one. time. Oh wow. Just cuz to blow his. >> mind. yeah. That's kind of.

up but it's cool. Big ass titties and. just this kid was like. Those yams, huh? >> Yeah, big. >> Dude, I'll tell you this one time at. at YMCA summer camp shout out YMCA best. summer camps in the world I'll say that. facts. They had we would go to this park. called Fontainebleau State Park. And it. was in Louisiana. Bring it up over. there. Fontainebleau. Let me guess, the. reviews are all real. No, nobody knows about this, dude. Nobody knows about this. But it was like. raining one day and we sat there and.

they had this guy named Eddie and he was. pretty cool. And uh Fontainebleau. Just. look at the pictures of it. Yep, that's. it. It's very pretty. It's very pretty. Very beautiful place. But um like it. everybody was bored cuz it was raining. and so you got to walk up and look down. like his girlfriend's shirt one time. One time. That's all you need. And I. just remember I walked up and looked and. then I was like. Oh, I didn't get to see it. I said that. like I just made it up or whatever. >> [laughter]. >> Let me go ONE MORE TIME. THEY just. respected the the you know. But I don't.

know if it was so powerful that I. actually couldn't see it. >> Like you're blank. Right. Like it just. you're staring into something, you know, just like. >> Yeah. Um. I do want to learn a little bit about. uh. what brought you here from Estonia to. the USA? Like why did you come? >> Well, stand-up, of course. >> Okay, so you were doing stand-up there? I was doing it in Estonia, Australia, uh. Estonia in the capital, Tallinn. I did. in Australia, Melbourne. I did in. Bangkok for a year. I was the feature on. the road in Asia with a lot of guys I. met. Arj Barker feared that way.

Uh I met Sam Tallent in Estonia cuz he. came through. I did it in Canada, Vancouver. >> Estonia? Yeah, I invited him, yeah. I. put some gigs up for him. It was. awesome, yeah. So, were you running your. own show there? Yeah, yeah, we have a we. have like our own comedy club. Okay. Me. and my friends like. >> Eight of us basically own. And you it's still active? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. >> Absolutely. Summer tour. They're all. killing it. How big is Tallinn? Um. 600,000, I think. That's big. Yeah, it's. pretty big. How big is Estonia? >> 1.4. But you know, when you say 1.4.

population, what is it really? Like. actually online voting people who know. what's happening in the world, maybe. 60,000. 60,000. >> You know, it's like when you say what's. a how how much is in America? It's like. a big number, right? >> Right. Yeah, but how much of those. people are actually consumers and they. go to shows, they go to like like online. people? I see what you're saying. Right, like America, I think the population. now, what is the population now? I bet. it's about 350 million. That's crazy. Wow. The US population is approximately. 342 to 349 million.

Um. but yeah, what percent are like kind of. tapped in? >> of those 350 million, I reckon actual. people, it's maybe 3 million. Right? A lot of bots. A lot of. >> bots, a lot of NPCs. I think that could. be right. >> Mhm. Mhm. Did you uh. the people there, do they Is comedy. different there? Would they get our. comedy? What What is humor like there? Well, you see, that's why stand-up had. such an explosion as well is that. the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991.

That's when Estonia became a country. again. We were a country in the '40s. before Soviet Union rocked around and we. were Soviet Union basically all all the. time. You know, Estonians get really. offended when you call us Russian, you. know, cuz we're like Estonian. But it's a very they-them behavior, you. know, it's like you you were my class. week, you know. It's like most of our. history we've been Russia, so I don't. get offended when people say that, but. it's a thing we have. So there's a lot of pride in Estonia. right now for being Estonian. >> language, everything, you know. >> Wow. It's a beautiful place.

It is. You would cuz you seem like a guy. um America's very loud. It's loud. It's. a lot. The highways are loud. There's a. lot of pollution. It's loud. It's a lot. >> I agree. That's why you guys are also. like culturally like with the. leaders because there's a lot of tension. and a lot of push and pull. A lot of. push and pull creates beautiful art. A. lot of tension creates beautiful art. So that's why you guys do that, but. Estonia, very serene, calm, sauna, the. sea, the ocean, quiet, space, space. We.

love space. We love quiet. It's not a. lot of people. So when the Soviet Union collapses, with. like rap music, culture, movies, stand-up comedy, the more Mhm, you know, to control. what communism does really well, when it. works, is. to control people. You control their subconscious, their. mind. So, that's why there was all this you.

can't speak bad about the government. There's all this censorship. >> Right. >> You can't say bad words, no sexual. stuff. You have to keep people's. subconscious subdued to control them, just like they're doing now in North. Korea. That's what you have to do. Well, just. like even this happening now here, I. think in America, is like, you know, they're like the way that they sedate us. with certain like um things you can and. can't say online, that sort of thing. >> No, that's what you do. But, the more tension creates the bigger the.

release when you get to say it. Like, that's how stand-up started in. America. So much tension with the. government, racial tensions, everything. And then a guy named Lenny Bruce starts. riffing with a cigarette in his mouth. and starts saying crazy And people. go into this room like, holy this. is where you can talk off the record. This is how I talk with my friends when. the government isn't listening, you. know? That's why communism So, that's. that's how it You know, like. >> That's how whispering started even. >> Exactly. And um.

literature back in the back in the day. why Russian literature is so beautiful. it's because because it's out of all. this poverty, and you have to speak. through the flowers. That means I can't. say the government. >> Mhm. But, I can say it in a different. way. That's why, you know, so. parameters, like having parameters also. create beautiful art. And then when the Soviet Union. collapsed, all the floodgates are open. We get South Park, Chappelle's Show, Knight Rider, MacGyver, Grey's Anatomy, Felicity, Friends. >> Yeah.

It's all like coming into our. consciousness. Yeah. And then me and. another friend Sander and another group. of guys. the comedy Estonia guys used to be on. our organization back in the days. We. were the first generation of comedians. So [snorts] now we're the first adults. uh. talking about. stuff that American entertainment talks. about. Potty mouth stuff. Sexual stuff. >> have it before? Not at all. So you. didn't when you were a kid they didn't. have like an Estonian comedian?

We had comedic influences but it's all. controlled by the it's all. mainstream. It's all. good evening ladies and gentlemen. Nobody. >> Like like Big Bird or something. >> Yeah yeah like tonight show Johnny. Carson like stuff like that. It's not. So then when we started we were like. first ones at the well. You know the. first ones at the well of creativity. when now that there's no lines the. internet keeps everything open. So it. was a big explosion. Open mics would. have hundreds of people. >> In Estonia? Yeah open mics literally.

people squeezing in just to see this new. art form. So it was a beautiful explosion. It's. like the Beatles you know. Yeah so it was amazing for us you know. Dude that's so cool. That's so incredible man. >> hours of material let's be honest. they're not the most original just. because we're as I said we're the first. ones at the well. I just got the first. cup of water. Yeah. No one's ever made. an airplane joke. I'm going to do a. 12 minute closer. That would be. so hacky here. But it's the first time.

anyone's talked about this. >> Yeah. Wow dude that's so wild. Yeah. >> Yeah there is something that's so. thankful about like let me say. something. That's why I think we're in a. spot now where comedians sometimes are. the people that are. the only ones and the few podcasters. that are saying something that's like. not the mainstream narrative. Well. exactly and that's how. uh that's how podcasts basically took. over the media. It's just because that. The more you subdue the.

subconsciousness, the bigger the release. What's that. movie? This movie's great if you've ever. seen it. It was the movie. >> Titanic. Huh? Titanic. >> Titanic's so good, huh? >> great movie. They had it in your. country? Late, but I had it. God. I think we're getting I think we're. getting Avatar next year, so I'm very. excited about that. Dude, yeah. I. remember being in Vietnam and they had. just gotten. uh. Stand by me when I was over there. Wow. >> And they were crazy. You had all. these Vietnamese people dressing up like.

the characters in Stand by Me and. singing that song, "When the night it. come the land is gone." We all dressed. up as Blade when we got Blade. Remember. Blade? >> Oh, yeah. Dude, everybody had sunglasses. and a leather suit. If you go to a. nightclub, it was the the bouncer was. Blade, the guy getting in was Blade. It. was. it was Blade ID'ing Blade. It was. everyone was. Dude, leather sales skyrocketed, dude. [laughter]. I reckon the leather industry in Italy. was like, "Man, what's happening in. Estonia?" Blade was used This was me.

This was This was all of Estonia for. like 3 years. And do they have a lot of. black people in Estonia? Three. Good. Yeah. And how's that been? I feel. like it If we interviewed them, what. would they say do you think? It's been. good? Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Okay. All right, dude. So, it's been hit. or miss. It's been hit or miss. >> hit or miss, for sure. But, I would say. uh Estonians. Eastern Europeans, Northern Europeans, you know. Um it's not [clears throat].

See, racism is embedded in you having a. preconceived notion about a certain. group of people. And I And I would say living in America, it probably gets validated in an echo. chamber. If you grow up in a white. neighborhood and there's uh and it's a. racist neighborhood, you're going to. have this notion and you know, and then. you're going to grow up and understand, okay, that was just my childhood. In. Estonia, if you don't really have black. people around, the racism is kind of.

it's it's firing into darkness. Yeah, I. know exactly what you're saying. >> Yeah. Well, I'll be in Canada and I'll. see like uh black people in some can can. any places and it doesn't feel like. there's any of the tension and weird. that there is in America. And I'm. not saying that there. there it feel it's so different. You're like, oh, this is how things are. supposed to be. And they also keep like. repeating this same narrative in. America. Like it's getting beat it's. gotten like it's like we should be able. to look I think at some point start to. move past some of this stuff. It's like,

what are we still doing? Like. >> Yeah, exactly. >> I'm saying? If I'm still chewing a piece. of gum from 150 years ago Yeah. and and then after and there's a taste. in my mouth after a while it's cuz at a. certain point you got to you know, somebody. >> let that gum go. Yeah, or just get you. know, yeah, take part of it out of your. mouth, you know, or give it a little. [clears throat] bit of a rest sometimes. Yeah. >> But there's some people that just want. to chew like some of the same gum. And. maybe that's messed up for me to say, but I just it blew my mind when I was in. Canada and I was like, oh, there's not. this racial tension here at all.

Yeah, and absolutely there's people who. are you know, it's it's racism due to. ignorance is one thing, you know. Yeah, totally. I'm not saying that doesn't. exist, but And and it's like. you know, Estonians, we draw up bend. bombs, but it doesn't have the history. you have here. You know, like we have we we don't even. say black people, we just drop the word. But but. you guys have you know, you got like we. don't have we don't have the word you. have. Right.

>> which you guys say too and it's not a. good word. You know. Right. Well, especially being. from the south, some of it's like, yeah, it's all like I agree, there's such a. history with it. Like certain terms here. that you don't want it like it's not. cool. Exactly. So, but there's none of. that weight attached to that word. So, if a white guy will be drunk and yell it. at a black guy, it's just cuz he's a. baboon brain. But, there's no. deep conceived hatred behind it. >> Right. But, if a white guy gets drunk. and yells at a black guy, that's.

kind of racist. >> No, it's racist for the action is racist. for sure. But, what I'm trying to say is. he makes it out of ignorance. It's not. There's no like. you know, and it's and it's like But, uh. yeah, I think our media over time kind. of perpetuates it or wants to keep that. flame burning cuz it also keeps a lot of. anger in certain communities. >> Unity has zero dollars in it. Division. has the bank. Amen. There's no reason to. for people to get along. There's no. money in us.

having an open conversation and being. happy with our lives. There's no money. in that. Think about that. >> I hate your ass and I need to be. better than you and you want to be. better than me. That creates. revenue. Yeah. Yeah, there's no revenue. in peace. Man. Yeah. Uh, it's interesting. It's sad. It's a lot. I'd love to talk more. Um, we both have to go to the airport. >> We have to go to the airport. So people.

know that. Um Are you Are you excited to travel. like to see places like Estonia or not? >> Oh, dude, yes. >> What would you think about that? >> Oh, I would love to go there, man. Like. I I love to travel so much and then I. like. I mean, I hate to say this, but it's. like you know, I got into podcasting and. then it's a lot of it's a lot. And also. like work started going really good and. then like that's a lot. And so it's all. been like gifts. I know. But, um yeah, in the next like year or two I would I. wouldn't mind maybe falling in love or. something and going traveling or just.

going and traveling. It'd be nice to. have like somebody to do like you know, you get those things that you do with. My mom wanted to go to Italy. Um, I think I might try to take her. there. So, I have to bring it up to her. and see if she wants to go do that. But, dude, yeah, I want to go see some more. places. I been fortunate to see some. places. Um. but I would love to get to go see some. more. Like, that semester at sea trip. was like the first time I ever. like got to like I remember we pulled. like we docked in like South Africa. Wow. And dude, it would be crazy, bro.

Like cuz the you were just I didn't know. anybody on this ship. I remember and. everybody's families were there like. waving and had poster board and. I'm like and I and I just started waving. at like strangers' grandmothers cuz. I like I don't even know if I told my. family that I was going. So, I'm just. this ship is leaving port. And. it's just like. and I'm just like where are we going? And we sailed for like 14 days. And then we get to Japan, right? So, we. went from Vancouver to Japan. And um. >> [clears throat]. >> and that was crazy. And even when I got.

into Vancouver, I'd never been there. I. went hitchhiking to go up to Whistler. Some dude picked me up. This dude, his. name was Mike. Michael something. He was. the caretaker for Christopher Reeve, who. was Superman. Yeah. After Chris Reeve. got hurt. He was his caretaker. So, I. got to ride and listen to all these. crazy stories about what it was like. like taking care of Superman, which was. just crazy. Like. and like that. That was before they. had cell phones. Like, should I like you. just like I don't know. Things were so. much more possible and like unique and.

like everything felt like an adventure. then. But that but that whole ship experience. was really great and uh and we got to go. to different places. But, I remember we. got to South Africa and I got off and I. was like. oh my god, like. like there's like other people are like. living in different places. Like, it. just it's hard to conceptualize things. until you go places. For sure. And I. would say. as much as I've met Americans throughout. my life and now living here, I would say. there's something about Americans that.

it gets put into a lot of uh. your heads that everywhere else is. really dangerous and not good. Like it's. like you're not safe there. I don't know. if it's like capitalism and consumerism. trying to put this thing like stay put, stay here, spend your money here. Take a. loan, stay you know, this is like. Like of course America number one, we. love it. Patriotism is beautiful, absolutely. But you know, the rest of. the world ain't that. bad. No. And it's Oh, it's getting.

better all the time now. I mean, I think. America with especially the leadership. we have now um. with the way that we're like supporting. like crimes around the world with a lot. that's been revealed. Like I love this. country. I respect the people that have. stood up and fought for it. Absolutely. >> Especially with our jobs like freedom of. speech. If If people didn't die for that. job, we don't have a job here. Absolutely. >> don't even have a job market. And then. there's other bigger entities now that. are trying to like curtail that and like. these big you know, like tech companies. are trying to limit what you can say.

like um. I think America's in a really really. interesting spot where we need patriots. like more than ever and I don't know how. we become those and I don't know also. how we fight against the evil that's. going on. >> And the algorithm listens more than the. people. Yeah. >> You know. Say that again. The algorithm. algorithm listens more than the people. So what you hear is often wise. dictated. The algorithm makes a decision. what you're consuming. And that's wild.

That's exactly the opposite of the. internet what it was created for. >> Yeah. Cuz any opinion. uh any opinion that the algorithm wants. you to have, it will it will make you. have it, you know. It's kind And And here's the. >> It's scary. It's very scary. >> It's not a human. Like I totally get it. We say a offensive word here and another. person who's a maybe revenue stream or a. company that sponsors your podcast, maybe they don't like the word that we. use the slur and that's a human making. that decision. That's a board meeting.

It's not my personal preference of a. decision, but at least you can validate. it to me to a person. Uh uh algorithm deciding. like between you and a consumer, there's. an algorithm and that decides if that. content gets to the consumer, that's not. free speech. Yeah. That's That's an. orchestrated version of free speech. And that can even be more dangerous than. just saying you can't say it, you know. Yeah, I mean and it's fascinating and a.

lot of people we don't even realize it's. going on. And we don't realize that Have. you ever looked at another person's. feed? How different is it? How How's. that possible? Yeah. Aren't we both. living in this country having the same. issues? You know, how are How are me and you. living in the same country paying taxes. for the same government and you get a. totally different newsfeed cuz the. algorithm knows, you know. Yeah, this is. what he needs or this is what he doesn't. need. >> Isn't it creepy that you know when you. scroll? You know that I I I spoke to a guy who's.

a uh programmer. He's from Sweden and he. told me they developed this back in the. day. He used to work for Spotify. He's a. big programmer guy. He sells these. patents. Mhm. And he said he said that. one of the biggest things they've done. is. you know when you're scrolling? Mhm. If you like a post, that's one thing. But you know what's more valuable for. the algorithm? When you scroll past, you stop, you. don't like it and you keep scrolling, that's more points for the algorithm. because he the algorithm understands,

"Oh, this is something you don't want to. show other people you like." Mhm. >> But you love this don't you? So it knows you better than you. Dude, and it's like it that's it's like. temptation. It's like and we don't. realize when those things come on that. we you have to fight against that, man. Like if you really want to have. discernment, it like there's never a. better time we when we realize that. people are fighting for your attention, right? Cuz what you absorb and then you. believe, you're going to that's what's. going to influence your children and. it's like we are at a crucial time.

>> Attention is money and time and there's. one thing you can't get back is time and. if you can control what people spend. their time on aka their attention, you. control a whole narrative of history. now, you know. I mean it's a it's a it's. basically it's a communism. It is for sure. I mean it is. Yeah, absolutely. You're controlling me, you. know, you're making me feel emotions. about a certain topic that wasn't even. entering my brain. It was a beautiful. day and a nice flower and now I see this. thing on my feed and now I'm upset about.

something that has. nothing to do with me. >> Yep. And now that I'm upset, I'll resort. to things that these are things that. sneak into people's lives when for me. these are sorry, I don't want to preach. These are things that sneak into my life. when I'm angry. Um, I'll eat something I don't want to. eat cuz I'm just frustrated. I'll act. out like I'll like maybe try and hit up. some girl that I'm not really interested. in jerk masturbate, do do. watching porno, um, just different things. Once you're. agitated they got you cuz they got you. Then you're going to go buy some other. addictive thing and it's a it's just.

like oh. Yeah, everything negative has. money in it, you know. No one's No one. No one's making money when they're. content. Yeah. You know, and it's like. and and we don't and but America is of. course a beautiful and it was and it was. of course and it was and it was founded. on the fact of free speech and. alternative thinking. That's why stand. up is thriving and the reason I moved. here is because I want to practice I. want to see how far the rabbit hole of. my own mind on stage goes and the only. place to do that as.

basically is America cuz the level of. comedians is so high here cuz you have. generations of free speech and it's. beautiful. And it's important to. continue doing that. And and dude and. I'll say this man you've done so you. like like yeah, I got to watch you. I. think we did some shows there last month. or something. It was really great, man. I mean I love seeing your clips. Your. is so funny. You're so funny too, dude. >> you, bro, for just all the. entertainment. I appreciate it. And. everywhere is beautiful in the in the. world, you know? Like even my friend, you know what I got recently? I met an.

old Iranian wrestler back in the day. I. used to work in a nightclub in. Melbourne. He was a bouncer. Iranian, he. did a lot of wrestling. They're so. homophobic, but their history is The. Iron Sheik, wasn't he Iranian wrestler? >> Oh, yeah, they love. And I mean yeah, they love wrestling. This guy just. randomly reached out to me on Messenger. He was like, "Hey, I heard you on a. podcast. Glad to see you're doing so. well. You always used to be funny. I'm. happy you found your lane." And he's in. Iran. He's in Iran. So, I go. Uh yeah, thanks, man. You good?

>> [laughter]. >> And he sends me a picture. He's getting. a upper lip spritz with on the. beach. And he's like, "No, I'm not. worried where the war is at." And those. things always show me. you know, everywhere in the world there's a guy. chilling somewhere having a little. cocktail or a fresh squeezed orange. juice, staring at ass and trying to be. happy in his own life. And whatever they. tell, of course there's war and. atrocities. Absolutely, that's. happening. That's confirmed.

But. don't forget. a lot of people are happy everywhere in. the world. Yeah, don't forget to be alive. I mean. yeah, it's easy to get stuck into things. that are negative. It's easy to get. stuck. Cuz I'm like, "ARE YOU GOOD, DOG?" And he's like, "No, what are you. you saying? I'm chilling. I got my. parents. I got these bitches." And he. showed me beautiful [laughter] ladies on. the beach. >> Yeah. I just dropped my parents off. somewhere to museum. I'm great. >> Yeah. Yeah, I'm leaving them there for 4. hours. They think I'm coming to get them. in three. There's a great falafel truck. here. It's a beautiful day. What are you. crying about?

I'm great, man. What was that last thing. we were going through? There was one. kind of closing piece I wanted to have. about it. Wait, can I take a picture with my. camera of you? >> For sure. >> It's just that's going to be a funny. picture. I just like this camera. Damn. And you know, okay. Sorry about. that. It's an old camera. And you know, Theo, you're so funny and. >> new, that camera. No, it's old as. And you know, you're so funny that it's. it's crazy that uh. You know, I saw you as a kid on Real. World. You know that? Really? Road.

Rules. Road Rules. They had in your. country? MTV. Wasn't it MTV, right? >> Yeah. Yeah, and I remember when I met. you, I was like, man, I know this guy as. Theo Von the comedian, but how the. it took me weeks to figure it out. And I. used to watch all that It's funny, yeah. >> Wow, it's funny that they had it over. there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting, dude. And it's great that you have this. incredible podcast. I mean, you've had. the president on, and it's great that. you're. you're like just expanding.

the common mainstream media by just. being a dude who talks to people. It's. great, you know. Well, thanks, man. I. appreciate that. I've had the president. on. I've had Ari Shaffir on, too, and. it's an honor. And the first Estonian. that I know, so really cool. And yeah, I. would love to be welcome in your country. someday. I mean, I mean, I know I am. welcome there, but I would love to go. there sometime and and visit in your. home country. And yeah, dude, we got to. get to catch up a little bit more. And. yeah, thank you for your time. Congrats. on your success. You have dates coming. up. I know it says comedy on state. It's. yeah, it's dates. I keep adding them all.

the time. I'm on tour. Please come see. me. Let's have some fun. I love you guys. so much. Have you been to La Jolla Comedy Store? Never. That's my favorite. >> I'm shooting a special there. >> You are? Let's go. I'll never But I. heard it was so beautiful. It's just. perfect. It's like there's no. in there. They got Louis running on the. piano over there. If he's in there, let. him cook in the beginning. He keeps us. the energy in there. And they don't play. rap music in the beginning. They play. piano, right? Which I like because.

it sets the tone that what you're going. to see here, sure, it might be messed. up, but it's art, right? Whereas if you. just like pump in some Lil Wayne or. something, which is still great, it just. gives a different energy, right? So, I. love that they do that there. and yeah, it's just like it's a pure thing. There's not like they got popcorn and. stuff. They're not selling people. creme brulees or whatever or little. Lego. Lego ramen or whatever. >> people, I have You know who I really. love? I love Floridians and I love. California people. I mean California.

people, they know exactly what I mean. I. don't mean LA, I mean California. San. Diego. So much fun. >> Orange County, all that They're. fun people. Dude, the best, dude. That's. probably There's no better place to like. to be on stage. And the ocean's right. there, bro. >> I'm a big ocean guy, and that's what I. really it hurts me in Austin to live. I. love Austin, but I'm a big ocean guy. You know what? If they could get. a little bit of the ocean somehow. Rogan's got money, ask him. Get us an ocean, Rogan. Yeah.

I bet he could do something. He could. text somebody. You got to text somebody. Elon could get a straight of something. to pull in there. >> Every time the security line is too long. at the airport, I always text you. I go, "Where's the airport?". >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, help us out. Let's do our. mothership airport. He could freaking. buy Spirit Airlines. Somebody said he. might do it. That would [laughter] be crazy. Just for comics. Ari Manny, thanks so much, brother. Thank you, Theo. Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and. I feel I'm falling like these leaves. [music] I must be.

cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach [music] that. ground, I'll share this [singing] piece. of mind I found. Feel it. >> [music]. >> in my bones. [singing]. Though it's going to take. a little.