Anthony Jeselnik | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #466

today's guest is a writer he's a. stand-up comedian uh he has countless. specials um on Netflix uh he has his own. podcast called the jezel Nick Rosenthal. Vanity project that comes out every week. his latest special is fire in the. Maternity. Ward um he he's a one of one you hear. that term a lot but there's I've never. met nobody like this man and uh I've. always looked up to him and admired him.

uh I'm really thankful to have him here. today on the podcast this is one of our. first times uh sitting down and talking. so today's guest is Mr Anthony. [Music]. Jess I sit and tell you my. stories. sh. me and I will find a song.

[Applause]. S I used do this joke I was like you. heard what happened to The Fawns he got. AIDS and had that. to I did and I'd be like no we didn't no. we didn't guys after I had this joke. that I loved that was um my family was. exactly like the Brady Bunch we might. not have been perfect but my father did. die from AIDS and it would kill in the.

beginning the first 10 years of my. career it would kill so hard people. would be like I love that joke so much. and then all of a sudden it just stopped. working and I was like oh my audience. has gotten younger and they don't know. about the Brady Bunch they don't know. the guy the actor so I was like I got to. stop doing it yeah CU I I think my fear. would have been that something oh people. don't love AIDS or they're not or. they're they've everybody's gotten on. the side of like against AIDS you know. Theo people love AIDS it's like it's. like what what other disease gets own.

quilt yeah oh that's a great Point uh. yeah yeah you don't see like a. asthma Afghan yeah there nothing else. has that hype Anthony jelnick man nice. to see you dude good to see you man it's. been a while yeah it has been a while. yeah I mean I would see you like at the. store every now and again like when we. were doing the store but now everyone's. on the road doing stuff as your friends. get successful and get busy you just. never see them again yeah is that I mean. that's probably happened cuz you've had. a lot of success for a long time sure so. did that happened like kind of I guess.

you just noticed that like yeah it was. was it more fun before was it did it. start to get more like Lonesome like. what do you think it gets lonely for. sure because you come up with a certain. group you know and you think everyone's. going to make it there's like 10 guys. that you're with and you're like we're. all going to be Stars one day and then. like half of them quit you know the. other half are just like become writers. or something and then you're like oh now. I'm on the road I don't see anybody. anymore and you get a different group of. friends and they start doing movies and. [ __ ] so it's like well I love this guy. but we never see each other cuz I'm on.

the road and he's doing movies so you. just lose all your friends always yeah. and it's hard to have when you're. touring it's hard to even keep up. friendships it's like sometimes I get so. exhaust like I hate to say exhausted but. yeah I get exhausted with like. whatever's going on or responsibilities. and then if a even if a friend texts me. sometimes sometimes I'm like I don't. have I'm just not dropped into a space. where I want to engage in a conversation. yeah or you're like you're on the other. side of the country I'm not going to. write back right now well like you ever. like you get in a relationship and. you're you're dating someone for like a.

year and you don't see your friends as. much and then you break up and you have. to like remind your friends that you're. still a person you know they're like oh. I know we haven't been hanging out but. you got to start calling me again oh. yeah you know like you were on the road. for a year and you don't hear from your. friends for three years cuz you'll see. someone and they're like what are you. doing you're like i' I've been done I've. been around like why Haven we why. haven't you called me you know you just. you don't see people and they're just. out of mind yeah I think it the the road. makes me feel like a bad friend a lot I. think because I'll come back into. society like reenter Society or. something like a.

PR like a convict or something you know. you kind of go through like a re-entry. where you see what you have in your. closet you're like holy [ __ ] this stuff. has been out of style for oh yeah and. all your stories are about like a driver. you had that you didn't like and I like. we don't this is not a real life we. don't know we don't know what you're. talking about you had a bad flight okay. I'd love to fly somewhere yeah I'd love. to go anywhere yeah um yeah it's. interesting man it's interesting as it. get as your career goes on like what. it's like I think what I thought it. would be like maybe I don't know I think.

sometimes I think I stayed in comedy. because it I think I wanted something. that you didn't have any commitments. like in the world like I always got to. leave whatever relationship whatever. moment a girl was like what's going on. you know like I have to be in you know. Indiana so we'll find out when I get. back and then eventually come back. enough and and there that wasn't even. there anymore yeah I think a lifestyle. is a big draw to Comedy almost too big. draw you know you see the people who get.

into it for the lifestyle and then you. watch them just destroy themselves. immediately the lifestyle is attractive. you know people like the lifestyle more. than the work nobody gets to be nobody. becomes a comic because they want to sit. and write jokes all day they become a. comic because they want the Applause you. know they want they want to walk. offstage and be like where's the party. yeah that's true right because yeah. people don't realize it's just a bar. it's like really just a bar it's a bar. business with like a dancing guy yeah if. you're like I need to get a job but I. like to drink too much.

become a comedian like in your your set. yeah two birds man did it um did you. ever almost get married was there ever a. point where you almost got where like. that almost happened for you um not like. I about the same as like me thinking. about going to law school you know when. you're like at a certain age and your. friends are like doing real things and. you're like oh like maybe I guess this. is where I just go and go to law school. and become a lawyer yeah you know it's. like oh my friends are all getting. married I've been in a relationship a. long time maybe will and then I'm like.

oh wait no people just do it just. because they think it's what they're. supposed to do you think so I think a. lot of people do yeah you just like oh I. get married that's what I do and then. you're like 10 years in you're like wait. why am I doing this and now at this. point in my life getting married just. seems like a terrible financial decision. yeah it's just like why I don't I don't. know if uh this makes sense so do you. think a lot of people they just feel. like that's what they have to do it's. like I have to get married now there's. it's just what I'm supposed to do it's. like my responsibility do you think it's. like family do you think it's just like.

to society I'm just wondering cuz I've. never had like that mindset whatever. that mindset is it's just never been. kind of whatever is in my head I think. it's both I think it's family and. Society you know I've got several. married siblings and they're always like. when are you getting married like people. when they get married they want everyone. else to join their crew you have a kid. you want everyone else to have a kid too. so you can talk about having kid it's. like I not going to have a kid just. because you did and maybe if I lived in. like a suburb somewhere and that was my. life and it was like this I'm this is my. house I'm staying this house then it's.

like all right kids are this is what I'm. going to spend my life doing right be. kid in here there's a yeah there's a. place for a kid to be over here we could. definitely put a kid in this area yeah. and I definitely don't want kids really. I even went through a phase where I was. like if it happened I've got money now I. could I could handle this but I had no. real interest in doing it do you think. you'd even have bad luck having kids. because so many kids die in your oh yeah. material it is a thing that I think. about like I've done talked a lot about. sharks and so I would never go surfing.

yeah because if I get eaten by a shark. everyone's GNA be like see I know this. this is karma he he like he was this was. his fate his whole life that having a. kid seems terrifying and I think every. parent goes through this once you find. out you're pregnant of like you know so. many things can go wrong yeah you hear. about the bad you hear about the good. you know you're counting the toes and. the fingers uh autism like all kinds of. different stuff that you're just like. hoping that just it seems like nice not. to deal with that stress yeah I don't. miss it and you don't know if your kid's. autistic for like a couple years and.

stuff I think so it's. like ah dude we both know people who are. like for sure autistic and they just. yeah yeah undocumented artistic get them. out of the country well I think a lot of. I've had a lot of theories that a lot of. the future will be uh people like if you. look at guys like Jeff Bezos right and. Elon Musk and um I'm trying to think of. some other people that seem to me if I'm.

listening to them they seem like they. have some sort of autism right like but. but they're also the people that are. able to quantify things to like another. level like to where they can advance. Society like I think it's it's going to. it's getting to the point where those. are the people that are going to have. the skill sets to move us to the next. space in the univ you're always going to. need some of those guys who are like. working on the numbers and [ __ ] you know. you need some people you need some. people who can talk you know need some.

people who are like just sitting in back. there crunching numbers but have you. ever tested yourself for autism um no I. know that they had they thought I was. down syndrome when I was a child for a. while I had that cuz I was big for my. age oh really I was people I look like I. was four when I was like one and a half. oh and yeah I heard a lot I heard a lot. of stories about me in the supermarket. especially in Pittsburgh mhm especially. in Pittsburgh oh yeah cuz all the babies. there are really small you know compared. to me I was a huge huge baby really yeah.

I was the biggest baby that had ever. been born in Pittsburgh at the time oh. my God and what did they did they do and. what had did they put a I don't even. know did they give you like a statue. what do they even it was a sash they put. on me and then they put me in like a. stroller it was like a bigger stroller. and they paraded me down the street and. people would just like kind of wave. people wearing Jerome Bettis jerseys out. there this is pretty this is prebs oh. really so like Jerry o shansky Franco I. think probably lot of Franco jerseys out. there yeah yeah Franco Harris himself.

tried to pick me up but I was too. big dude I love Pittsburgh you do oh bro. my friend used to work at Jack's Bar my. friend oh yeah I know Jack yeah was a. pit he was a mascot he got busted. hooking up with a I think a underage. woman in like an abandoned swimming pool. or something but he um yeah dude I got. pink eye over there one time and I got. and you loved it the first yeah I got. yeah I got a oral sex one time behind.

the Giant Eagle over there somewhere I. got invited into a familial sexual kind. of threesome with an some people from. Wheeling West Virginia that were. visiting Wheeling of freaks oh yeah. Freaks and Wheeling they kept saying you. want that Wheeling feeling that's what. they said and I was in like a I was in. like a Mazda I was like I don't think we. can do that in here wait they were in. your car yeah yeah I was giving him a. ride home after a show the girl was cute. and that her aunt was with her and then. um when I stopped to drop them off they.

asked they just asked Point Blank if I. wanted to have that Wheeling feeling and. I was like I don't know I didn't know. what it was I didn't know if it was. crime or if it was you know like a rash. or you know I didn't know what the hell. it was or tickling somebody real hard. you know I didn't know what their motus. operandi was or whatever and so I just. didn't do it you know how many. opportunities sexual opportunities you. think you've turned down because you. just didn't understand the. euphemism oh one time in Baltimore I got.

offered a. threesome pretty. sure it was threesome or it was like a. pyramid scheme which. is I don't know if those are similar or. not but it was extremely similar. practically the same thing yeah yeah. yeah so yeah it was outside it was kind. of dark it was at mcy remember that. place yeah yeah so it was over there and. um and yeah I guess I got offered that. oh one time I got into a sexual Endeavor. with two two women and this was.

[Music]. in Columbia Missouri and they um the one. of them was like it looked like one of. those bodybuilders from like like. remember when they would wear the one. the singlet and they would have the. thing and they would hold it up and it. would say like 100 lbs written on it or. yeah you know 140 like at the circus or. whatever one of them was like kind of I. I felt attracted to and the other one. had this kind of like polish kind of. like uh like um bodybuilder Vibe sure.

and I got coerced into that and that was. that was intense man see I don't trust. three ways I've never had one I've been. propositioned and been like I don't. believe you yeah like there's a catch. yeah this this is two there's. something's going to happen here yeah. like a random hookup on the road you're. like I'm going to hear from you again. there's no free lunch right there's no. free free lunch you're getting a. follow-up email for sure um and the next. time you're in town they're they're. going to be in the front row being like. right and so three ways just like two of.

those coming at you yeah did it when you. first started out what made you stay in. comedy you think were there times where. you ever going to give up or you've had. success really since you kind of kicked. it off it seems like it took a couple. years uh I found that in the beginning. I'm sure you understand this that when. the first couple years it's embarrassing. to tell someone you're a comedian oh. it's the worst it's almost like yeah you. could be like a lot of people in my. where I'm from they felt like you were. gay you didn't want to bring a wife home. you didn't want to admit something what.

are you doing you know not that there's. anything wrong with being gay but there. were just you know that those were some. of the things like oh just tell us. what's going on yeah you know if you. have cancer or whatever just tell us. yeah people don't understand your. parents don't understand your family's. like what you're doing what like why. don't you try to be more like this why. don't you do Last Comic Standing I would. hear all the time and it's like I that's. a bad show I don't want to do that and. uh and then I thought the only thing. more embarrassing than saying I'm a. comedian for the first few years would. be saying I used to do comedy like. saying that oh yeah like you ever after. a show someone you know I tried I.

thought about doing that you're just. like get the [ __ ] out of here yeah that. like I thought that was so embarrassing. that I'm like I'm just going to will. myself to some level of success and I. thought at the time I thought that meant. I would get a writing job and I would. quit standup and I would just be a joke. writer for the rest of my life and by. the time I finally got that joke writing. job I was like I was doing well enough. at standup that I was like I just want. to do this I don't want to write for. someone else I only I'm the only one. who's going to tell my jokes why don't I. just keep doing this and it worked out. did you not want anybody else telling. your jokes to oh that you just said it. nobody would like if I wrote I wrote for.

Sarah Silverman Jimmy Kimmel and they. were like if I loved a joke they loved. it too and they would tell it and I was. so proud to have them tell my joke no. problem with that but then I would write. for Jimmy Fallon and he would say this. is really funny but people are going to. hate me and I'd be like you're right but. I don't care that's fine you can hate me. and still laugh you can't hate Jimmy and. still laugh so it just didn't work out. but I was like oh I'm I need to just. write my own stuff and do it myself like. I've got my own way of telling the jokes. you know that is is fun oh yeah it's a. me it's a horrible dance you take us on.

I mean it's it's marvelous yes I KN I. knew what you meant okay good yeah it's. exceptionally hor it's like yeah I feel. like you I here's I always feel like. it's that same feeling I get watching. you and watching some of your material. when I'm in a haunted house and I know. I'm going to be scared right I'm walking. through something I know there's. something right around the corner that's. F. that's you know and I just keep going. down on the road and then next thing you.

know um again you got me again thank you. yeah I I consider myself when I describe. it as a horror film like you know you're. in good hands yeah you know you're not. watching a snuff film this is like a. real movie with real actors and at the. end you'll be satisfied and there's. going to be some scares like just enjoy. it it's it's all fun I'm not I don't. have a message just you know nihilism do. you ever did you ever feel like you were. haunted like a lot of people you know. think that people are haunted and stuff. like that did you ever have any like at. a certain point you have to look at.

yourself and be like oh well I am. there's something unique you know. there's something very Simon Birch about. me or something you know uh yeah no I um. people ask me that all the time like. because I have a dark sensibility like. you something happened to you and it's. like no I've had a very Charmed Life. like i' I've had a great life my parents. are still together you know there's no. abuse I was always drawn to violence and. and awful things in life it just people. just didn't talk about them and I was. like why not they're so important like.

why is this so forbidden why does no one. want to talk about death yeah you know. and as a kid I was shamed for that a lot. of like always being like what about. this and they like stop talking about. that like we don't want to talk about. the Challenger anymore Anthony like it. blew up like you're in first grade just. move on to other things and I I didn't. understand what was unhealthy about it I. thought if the greatest Minds in history. have been sitting there wondering what. happens when we die why is it weird for. a kid to think about it yeah so that. them pushing back on me made me mad and. that anger carried me through my first. 10 years of Comedy wow and then you get.

success and you let go of the anger. you're like okay what do I have left and. it's interest you know it's these topics. interest me and I want to find a way to. make people laugh at them wow that's. interesting man do you think like that. we do it like do you think a lot of. people do it there's a chip on their. shoulder yes like they want to prove. that. they yeah what what I'm trying to think. what did I want to prove prove you're. not a [ __ ] loser I feel like when. you're in school it's like you're. ruining you're not are you messing up. your own education but everyone around.

you everyone sitting within four desks. is getting a worst grade because they're. near you everyone's Furious and you're. like I've got to prove like my my high. school put me in the uh the Hall of Fame. in Alumni Hall of Fame a few years ago. and I was so proud wow because I gave a. speech and I was like this is you guys. saying you were right yeah you know like. for for 12 years of high school they. were just like [ __ ] stop this you're. throwing your life away and I was like. watch me like I'm I'm trust me I've got. a plan and it all worked out and now.

they're like great we're proud that. you're from the school and that took a. long time how many though first of all. that's unbelievable did you go back to. the school and they had like gave you. accommodation of sort yeah they gave. they had it was like this this like. little trophy thing like a big glass. like triangle they were like you know 10. other people that all kind of gave. little speeches but I was like I'm the. one who had a TV show with my name in. the title you know like this is this is. my thing this other guy just you know. still plays tennis that's why he's in it. right he's a yeah Sherwin Williams. manager it counts but yeah um wow dude.

that's unbelievable did it almost I. wonder if that would make me feel like. so much more rewarded than anything. because that was like the Battlegrounds. of being fun like that was where I feel. like it was the most fun to be funny yes. did you have that experience or no oh. yeah I mean I I couldn't not tell a joke. if I thought of it I'm like this is too. good it's got to go it's going to go to. waste but my thing was trying to make. the teacher laugh oh because if you made. a joke in class. teacher would yell at you immediately.

but if you made her laugh or him laugh. it was always a woman and I think about. it uh then they couldn't get mad at you. and that felt so good because it was. like you knew you did something wrong. but you did it in the best way possible. so now you're the star oh that's F how. how do you not get in trouble like how. like right I understand you're going to. put me in trouble but you and I know yes. and all these Comics now it's like. almost the point is to get in trouble. it's like why are you giving me [ __ ] I'm. I'm a comic I'm allowed to say whatever. I want want that's wrong as far as I'm.

concerned art oh say it again so I don't. miss people think like oh as a comic. your job is to get in trouble and so if. but they don't want to get yelled at. it's like it's okay to make people mad. but they don't want any push back and I. think that's wrong as a comedian you. want to make people laugh Andy this is a. quote attributed to Andy Warhol that I. love it just art is getting away with it. you know if you put out a special and. everyone's pissed like you didn't get. away with it you know you need to make. everyone laugh that they're like yeah. you talk one's [ __ ] up stuff but we're.

all happy that's. art otherwise you're just a. troll that's fascinating man because it. adds another level to a lot of things. you're like the the Superfluous level. isn't enough you're like I want to go to. this this other level even thinking of. I'm going to get the teacher to laugh I. never have thought about that yeah it. just happened when day teacher laughed. and I was like oh I'm not in trouble. right now I would have been what's the. difference oh teacher laughed wow and it. was like it was a Stern teacher it was a.

strict teacher who like never laughed. and it was like oh okay if I can get her. I can do this yeah dude I used to think. that if I stared at my teacher enough. that they would want to have sex you. know really I never I had one there was. a we had a French teacher that was Crush. sixth grade who uhen first of all even. being French makes you think they're. going to want to have B seexual totally. yeah and it was a gym teacher oh who was. a former gymnist was French gy no she it. was a it was the French teacher she was. American but spoke French and then there. was a gym teacher who was also a.

babe solay or something I think you guys. were doing like you know we did learn. the basics of Cirus solle okay some of. the early stuff. yeah um and she was hot as I as I. remember like I could if she walked in. here right now I wouldn't know who the. hell she was but at the time because a. lot of our teachers were busted you know. dogsville okay not attractive yes so. even reals one that was even like. remotely young was like oh my God this. this a mermaid yeah we had one that.

either had huge breasts or filled her. shirt with something that looked like. breasts mhm and she wore like a doily. like around her neck kind of or whatever. that little collar thing was and we were. all like literally dude when she came in. the room you could feel like cuz it was. like right around that per uh per when. people was going through per or whatever. and you could feel people didn't even. know how to exist like all the blood. would rush to like your brain like parts. of your like you didn't even know how to.

stand it was just God when there was a. cuz teachers are also the first woman. that you're around a lot of times where. you're in the same space it's not your. mother mhm but you're around each other. a lot they're in a position of power so. if they look a little attractive I think. it's like it's can be very sexual for a. lot of young men I mean it's it's a the. crazy fantasy you know like H for. Teacher you know but I think when you're. in when you hit puberty is as a boy they. start to send you to health class you.

know it's like they separate the boys. and the girls and they start talking to. you I can't believe they don't just like. put you in jail for 3 years because. everyone everyone from the age of like. 11 to like 16 is up to no good it's pure. evil and this is we were before the. internet man yeah like you had to know. someone who had an older brother who had. a Playboy collection yeah and they would. like tear out like a a picture and bring. it to you and I remember someone gave me. one it was just a woman from be she was. just standing up had like a perfect ass.

but it was just her ass like her hair. and this is the only picture that I had. this was it it was like I am I an ass. guy now like I don't know this is just. what you have and now these kids are. just like every little thing every every. fetish every fantasy you could ever. imagine is at their fingertips and it's. not good I can't imagine in 10 years. shit's going to go down like it's going. to be everyone's going to have a Sex. Dungeon it's going to be crazy wild [ __ ]. and we no one's going to be able to keep. up oh. I think uh oh yeah I remember somebody.

even give you a picture of a regular. chick and they'd write like hot [ __ ] on. it or something you'd think you know. like oh this is and she wasn't even. naked it's just like that somebody had. written that I remember when someone. told me about the p word and I just. couldn't. even I felt so ashamed that I didn't. know it I felt like I didn't know how to. communicate anymore like the world was. passing me by cuz like some guy's like. you don't know what the you know he. would say you know I don't like saying. it that much but he would say like you. don't know what he mean you know and I'd.

be like do you not like saying the word. because of like the combination of. letters or you don't like calling. someone that like would you have a. problem calling a guy a [ __ ] or you. just don't want to describe the anatomy. as I think if a guy only had like One. Wing or something and we're and he's. hungry and he only then I would might. say something like that but I don't. think I like saying it because I don't. want people to hear it if they're. listening somewhere and they don't feel. comfortable hearing it I think it's. probably my thought about that's your. fan base people who can't hear the word.

[ __ ] I think it's people that probably. I don't I don't want them to hear it. that much I don't care if they hear it. once in a while but I think that it yeah. I try not to put that out there too much. with my audience I feel like i' wanted. them to hear it from me you know it's. like I'm a trusted Source I don't want. them hearing it out on the street from. random randos you know I'm the authority. figure. [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah that's a good see. at least you're so conf ENT about it. yeah yeah I think I didn't oh I remember.

somebody was like you oh they said you. don't know what a dildo is some kid in. fifth grade and I didn't right and I. could never handle not knowing what like. I didn't want to be somebody that didn't. know something right it was like real. control thing I think like controlling. my environment and when I didn't know. and then I was on the school bus and I. didn't know when I just called the bus. driver it you know I was like I'm going. to take my chances and see what this is. how that go and it did not go good and I. had to go to the principal that's when.

they still would spank you and his. fellow lton mcke was his name and he. gave me a couple good Lashes in his. office this episode is sponsored by. Blue if you're wiener DN baby down and. out then you can uh give it that second. chance that Revival baby that's bluechew. they'll do it bring the Heat this winter. with that BC baby that blue CH blue ch. is a unique online service that delivers.

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fthe. people.com this past weekend or dial. pound. 529 from your sell this is a paid. advertisement when you I think I was in. second grade are the principal of my. elementary school was named Dr broy broy. broy is that French or what is it I. don't he certainly was not French but I. don't know what it was but I'm in second. grade I'm seven years old and I have. like a Sharpie or a pen and I write on.

the back of the bus seat Dr butt. guy yeah and which to me I thought was. really funny and some kid behind me told. the bus driver was like he's riding on. the seat and the guy comes back and sees. it and then takes me off the bus and. into the principal's office and they're. like you wrote on the back of the bus. and it's Dr bro guy being like what did. you write and I'm like it just Doodles. just I just kind of just a little. drawing and they the bus driver's like. come on the bus and see and me and Dr. bro guy had to go and look at Dr but guy.

that was a tough one I liked going to. the office in a little bit cuz it was. like to your first business meeting I. think when you were a kid it terrified. me like I like knowing what I know now I. would have been like fine like it's a. break from class but then I was like I'm. in so much trouble I in my heart I must. have thought I was getting expelled. every time and then my parents were. going to kill me and my parents were. always mad at me about school like I'm. not applying myself enough I'm like I'm. getting in trouble were they really. smart your parents they were they're. both very smart and and knew I was smart. like I have other sibling I'm the oldest.

of five and they didn't get the same. pressure that I got it was like oh. you're the last of five I was the oldest. of five oldest of five so I was the. first one through and they were just. like all our teachers are telling us. you're smarter than this you you just. don't try and I drove them crazy. everyone else like I got better grades. than my siblings but they were like yeah. but they're they're doing their best. like you're not so that that drove them. nuts so every time I went to the. principal for whatever I would have I. would have been happy if they hit me in. in uh in school but they didn't they. would just tell your parents and that. was was way worse my parents didn't hit. me either but uh I didn't like the.

disappointment I would have taken a. beating yeah I'm trying to think if I. yeah my mom would beat us pretty good. how many siblings do you have I got. three siblings and my brother's older. and I got two younger sisters but we. were not close there was not any. affection in our home like we didn't. know nobody had any feelings it was very. much felt like a business kind of where. you were like an employee for like very. lowlevel allowance that you never even. got mhm there was always some reason you.

didn't get it and uh that's what it felt. like it felt like a very it felt like a. little bit of a pyramid scheme is what. it kind of our family felt like Theo do. you know what a pyramid scheme. is yeah it's. like it's like when. you offer you tell some you get you say. to somebody do you want to. get like a. couple uh shares of do you want to get. shares of like a.

um what do you think it is I think some. of the top is like you pay me and then. you get but for paying me you get to. come in and then people below you are. going to pay you and the money's going. to flow up oh yeah so you get you get. involved and then you help people more. people get involved it was like that it. was not that yeah it was more like kind. of trickle down maybe some type of. Reaganomics or something it was. something it was something that wasn't. working families weren't fair like I. feel like my my family we never talked. about money ever it was just assumed.

that we had it and you would just be. told yes or no if you wanted something. okay and then now they say that families. you should tell your kids like here's. how much dad makes here's how much mom. makes here's what the budget is here's. what the house costs that way you know. how much so you're not always asking for. things that I think is very smart. whereas my family was like no you can't. have that but I didn't know why and then. I grew up and was like oh we were just. we had less money than all all the kids. around us you know the people around us. had more money for different reasons. that either had different jobs or fewer. kids. but uh but I I just assumed we had.

everything and my parents just didn't. want to give it to us you know God. that's an insane thought yeah it's so. maob really was like oh they're just. being mean I can't get a Nintendo and I. was like no we we're trying to pay our. mortgage like yeah yeah why else as a. kid you don't understand like you I got. a dog and my dog only wants to like play. eat like walk and he doesn't understand. why we're not doing those things it's. like playing is so much fun let's go. play and I'm like oh I once you kind of. understand that yeah that Simplicity. like Okay and like kids are like that.

like they just want to consume they just. want to eat pizza for every meal and. like hot dogs and go to baseball games. they don't understand why as an adult. you don't want to do that yeah do you. think like you were a good brother when. you were growing up or not no I was the. oldest of five and it was five kids in. seven years and I just wanted to do my. own thing I wasn't prot I was protective. of my sisters but only as much as I had. to be right so you did you buy into the. family system or were you very much like. I'm doing like I'm doing my own thing I. was like I I don't want to I don't want. to have to do I don't want to mow the. lawn I don't want to do any of this.

stuff right like here we're all free. agents yeah I'm doing my own thing and. then when I left for college then we. became closer it was like the little. distance coming back we all kind of. we're closer in age now I mean was same. level and age my brother who was you. know born when I was seven years old is. now like my favorite person in the world. you know so yeah we're really close. what's kind of interesting about that. like do you like being like now do you. like see more value in being a brother. what's kind of interesting because I I. have a brother and I love you know we. weren't close when we were kids but now. I love having a brother it's like the.

best thing uh it's it's just it's hard. when they seven years you're seven years. apart like I wanted a brother so badly. from like the moment I like have. Consciousness and I got three sisters. every two years I get another sister and. I just like wanted one and I finally got. that brother and I was like oh I he. can't do anything like he's useless. until like for a long time and then by. the time I like I went to college when I. was 18 you know he was 11 so like now we. were very very close but I think it's. just having being closer in age I think. if he was like two years younger than me.

we'd be much much closer is he a. Steelers fan yes wow Pittsburgh you have. to be yeah yeah it's tough this year but. uh it's been Rocky man I wanted to buy. in uh picket right and I say you know y. all I think part of you always cheers. for the Steelers I mean cuz I'm a Saints. fan and they're black and gold Steelers. are black and gold and I love Steelers. you know I you know I'd always go up. there you hear all these crazy rumors. about Cordell Stewart and Shenley Park. you'd hear all of this you know you.

people's just saying than you know you'd. hear all of it you know. um and so yeah I always want them to do. well but and then I saw him with that. mustache and I'm like this means he's. going to do well cuz you don't grow a. mustache I think unless you're planning. on doing something where I'm from yeah. and uh and then he just hasn't been able. to really put it together yet I think he. hasn't been that bad I think it's like I. think it's everybody I don't think like. everyone's like it's the coaching I'm. like no it's it's not just the players.

it's everyone just kind of just being a. little bit off I think we'll pull it. together I think we'll will'll be you. know a game over 500 maybe game under. maybe break Tomlin streak but I'm the. kind of fan who I just want to support. I'm I like the coaches I like the. players like if they get traded like I. still like them I'm just I just happy. that the team is there I don't get mad. yeah you know I don't get mad about the. Steelers anymore I used to and then I. kind of just realized this is stupid why. am I ruining like Rel ship with people. like there was a game once I think I.

just moved to LA and the Steelers played. the Patriots it was the year that Brady. won his first Super Bowl when they had. like beaten the Raiders was a miracle. and the Steelers were really heavily. favored and then we just got crushed and. all my friends were at my place and they. were all Patriots fans except for me and. I got hammered and like yelled at. everybody like it was such an. embarrassing game and I snapped that I. was so embarrassed that I couldn't talk. to my friends for like a week and I was. like I'm never doing this again I'm. going to be on emotional lock down for. sporting events from now on it's just. it's stupid stupid you put a lot into it.

yeah and you see people put their whole. lives into it and they CAU their wife. out there and they'll paint their wife. the colors of the team and they'll do. all of that you know what got me uh. remember when the Red Sox won their. first World Series in like forever you. know it was like I early mid 2000s or. something M and I remember being pumped. for them I had a bunch of friends who. were Red Sox fans and I was rooting for. them to win that year and then after. they won I was happy and then the next. season the fans were like the same. [ __ ] was like they the guy from. momento who doesn't know he killed the.

dude and he's just like I got to kill. this guy it's like you killed him you. already won and they didn't didn't bring. them that much joy that I don't want to. be that kind of fan I want to just. always be happy for my team yeah I think. that's what I'm I I I I've struggled to. have that I realize it's like am I a. fair weather fan I was a DI hard Saints. fan growing up die hard I remember when. I have any money I made like Saints. merchandise and I go out there and sell. bootleg merchandise you know and I loved. them you know yeah the Saints and it. just uh but at a certain point it just I.

don't know also got a little bit older I. think you start to realize like I'm bu I. maybe my life I got busier too I didn't. have as much time to do fantasy I don't. know I never I never done fantasy I've. never wanted to really I never want to. root for anyone who's not a Steeler I. never want to be like oh you know Calvin. Ridley just you know ran all over us but. he's on my he's on my fantasy team so. I'm happy about that like I never wanted. to do that wow you're really pure then. you're kind of a. and I also just don't want to like type. in all that [ __ ] I don't want to sit.

there for the draft you know like one of. my best friends is like one of the uh. like a big fantasy football guy like. knows everything would if he ran your. team you would win and I just I would. never give a [ __ ] not my thing I don't. gamble do you gamble do you put money on. Sports I do gamble sometimes I realized. recently that I need to kind of chill. out you know not a lot I'll bet like a. couple hundred dollars here and there on. something I've never bet $1,000 on. something but um I do realize it's like. I'm getting a little like when I get.

like testy or bored I want to do. something you know you need to misbehave. I'm like that where I'm like yes like. I'm like I don't I haven't had to drink. in like a year and a half I don't. consider myself so I don't consider. myself sober but I haven't been drinking. but I need something I need like a. nicotine pouch or like some sort of like. thing that's like this is my misbehaving. yeah watch me misbehave where does that. come from that's something I've always. had you think that's just a map not a. malady but just a St you know a piece of.

human. like like do you think it's just. something that you that's in you you. know or do you think sorry they got bugs. in here because I think a lot of this. stuff is outdated um we're in a masonic. temple by the way we're this isn't all. new stuff we're in. the is this yeah I think this is not. this isn't the room my show is in but I. think I'm in this theater tomorrow yeah. yeah you are we're in there tonight okay. yeah cool so we're switching awesome um. yeah stavos hos have you ever seen this. kid I know who he is but I haven't met.

him thicker kid nice kid he's Viet oh. he's not Vietnamese what is he white and. he um he's performing in town too. tonight there's a real I mean comedy. it's everywhere it's everywhere now and. I think it's we're in this phase I think. the second boom is over I think it ended. with the pandemic but there we're in. this like Rockstar phase where there's. like like the you know 5% of the standup. comedians are just [ __ ] rock stars. yeah and everyone else is like just kind. of tolling away at clubs but I I'll I'll.

ride this wave as long as it goes I mean. the fact that there's three comedians in. town this weekend performing at theaters. is kind of crazy you know I mean almost. every weekend I'm out in the road it's. like there's someone that same night. somewhere else it's just I think. probably a lot of it's the pandemic. people are like itching to get out on. the road also people are coming out to. shows man I think it's we're also you. can't get Fair new I mean the news seems. to be to me really compromised these. days right like matter what news you get. like I learned last week that you can.

pay like some of these websites like. billboard or some of them you can pay. them money to come out and like take. photos of you and put them on the. Internet or write a story you can just. pay for it yeah and it's like the news. has been monetized right where it's not. a service anymore now it's like we we. just need to give you your news right. and that's there should be like just at. the end of the day like here's here's. what really happened yeah right there. should be like some dude who sneaks over. like hey bud let me get five minutes of.

your time this is what's going on this. is actually what happened whatever your. politics are like this is what went down. black and white make your own decisions. so I think people are coming to see. something live too because they want to. hear things that they they want to hear. something that's not that doesn't maybe. feel as bought and paid for do you think. that's possible yes I think the edges. have been sanded off everything like the. every time Disney buys another company. I'm like Oh my career's gotten shorter. if Disney owns everything I'm never. working again in television because they. they would never put someone like me on.

TV it's like these companies that have. to they have all these responsibilities. to just bad entertainment it's like we. just don't want to make anyone mad you. know it's not about like doing something. great so I think standup it's like the. one place where you can go and just see. an unfiltered not by I don't think it's. like it's edgier uh but I I just think. you have like fewer people worried about. what's going to happen and then you just. want to see an artist like doing their. thing instead of like a 100 artists and. a corporation combining to come up with. a story line for a season you know just.

I think TV and movies have gotten bad. you were one of the first guys that I. heard of that takes like breaks in their. life and touring I don't know if that's. true I would just hear this is like some. of the jezik lore that would go around I. mean there was all kind of things there. was the blood you know the drink the. plasma there was all that kind of [ __ ]. but there was like there was um that. yeah Anthony takes like he'll take like. a month or two often just go somewhere. and do something and spend time with him. by himself for go Trav you know but it. would usually be a writing Retreat like.

I would be going to write like I I'm. just G I got to go away and lock myself. in a cabin and write a 100 jokes like I. would be like in a week I got to write a. 100 no matter when I do it but I got to. leave here with a 100 jokes I remember. the one time I did that I went up and. got a place in ohigh and I wrote a 100. jokes in a week I was writing on Fon at. the time and I couldn't write my own. stuff so I was like I'm just going to. take a week and go do this and of all. those jokes of a 100 jokes one of them. made it into my act and it was like a 30. second joke that I was like this was. probably. bad use of my time but I was I I always.

feel like I don't know how if you feel. about this but you have to get the bad. jokes out to get to the good jokes you. know let's say like but when you start. doing comedy you're going to write a. million jokes in your life let's say 200. of them are going to be great but you. still need to write a million you can't. just write 200 and stop that I'm always. like I'm always trying to write just to. get the bad ones out you know so that. the good ones can come to me do guys you. know yeah like uh who was that oh Lou CK. I was talking with him and he said. what did he say he said uh it's the ones.

you don't want to tell a lot of times. like the ones that'll sit there that. you're afraid to tell he's like for him. anyway he said those are the ones that. end up being becoming his favorite so I. love that he says things like that like. I remember he did SNL one year and he. was like there was one sketch that I was. like I hate this it's so stupid we have. to do it like I want to do something. where I'm like I have to blow a big horn. and I feel stupid doing it because. that's what SNL is to me like I want to. do this that to have where he would talk.

about like opening with this closer and. then being like how do I build I got to. go somewhere like I have to work it out. on stage I thought that was like very. brave and an intelligent way to do it. when it comes to trying out jokes like. that though I always say only try the. ones you like and only keep the ones. they like you know because if you try. one you don't like and the audience. loves it you're stuck with that [ __ ]. thing yeah that's true like I don't have. I never have self-deprecating jokes but. I had one in my act like a cple tours. ago and my openers would laugh because. they were like you're just having fun.

and all of a sudden you tell this joke. and then you're like mad at the audience. for laughing like the joke was on me and. just annoyed me I hated I hated. self-deprecating comedy no thank you. yeah I don't know if I I like it or not. I don't know I mean I think yeah I think. I'm kind of fine with it I don't know I. think for me A lot of times it feels. like just survival like how do I survive. through this hour mhm with this group of. people to get some high that need or. something that I need that I've always. needed and I just how do we get to the.

end of this with me with it being a fair. exchange MH that's my biggest thing I. want it to be fair for their money that. they spend and fair for what I give them. you know and then I start to look deeper. sometimes like why do people come to see. things what do we look for in people. that we go to watch or that we let. entertain us like what I'm putting my. own attention on you know that seems to. be the biggest thing that I have the the.

thing I have the mo of my own value. seems to be like my attention like where. do I let it sit where do I who do I give. it to you know I find those like. websites sometimes that I'll go to I'm. like why am I giving this it doesn't. even feel good it doesn't feel rewarding. you know yeah like the Tik Tok and [ __ ]. where you're just like an hour goes by. and you're like what am I I haven't. learned anything or I just feel like. I've burned an hour yeah yeah yeah. something I laugh and stuff but it's. like Facebook you know I'll go and look. and see if anybody's dead from high. school you know and I hate to say that.

but it's like that's kind of it you know. if there's like a good raffle that. somebody's doing I'll do that but it's. like I don't like what am I am I here. just because I'm being lazy and then I. start to look like at the algorithm it's. like man they've got us really on the. ropes as far as to us just becoming. humans just. becoming. like trained completely trained fish it. feels oh it's going to be like the. [ __ ] end of Wall-E remember that it's. like all the the fat people in the the.

wheelchairs like and I think we're going. to I think you and I will be okay it's. the younger kids that I'm like oh. they're all [ __ ] like they just their. attention span is gone I don't even know. what the world's going to look like in. 50 years when they're running it like I. think about the people who are in Tech. you know they have kids now and they all. nannies and [ __ ] and their one rule is. keep the kids off the tablets right they. don't want them to have a phone an iPad. anything everyone else is like here you. go like see you in see you when you're. 18 and they're the ones making the [ __ ].

that's the thing and that's so they know. how dangerous it is they know how bad it. is but it it seems like a bad way to you. know experience your childhood is to. always have stuff like remember you'd. run home from school run home to catch. the cartoons you had to like Sprint. upstairs to the bathroom and come back. down before the the commercials were. over to catch the second half of Dukes. of Hazard like you had like where you. were mattered and now everything is just. at your fingertips and think it's bad. for you oh I think the value of most. things it's like I think about this like.

even with relationships and stuff like. the light in a woman's eyes you got to. see it used to be that was from your. wife you know was like or the that was. from your partner was like that's who. you you know that was the war but now. it's like there's just constantly you. know it's like you can find anything of. somebody just completely giving. everything they have to a screen. somewhere and I just wonder what the. effect of that is on like marriages and. like like and if you go look on your.

phone all day and stuff's making you. laugh then if you get home and your kid. makes you laugh right I'm not saying. that it your kids doesn't still make you. laugh but does it like debilitates does. it take away a little bit of that. because your dopamine has been slowly. released all day that by the time you. get home you're like oh I've seen 40. attractive women on social media I've. seen like some kid in you know uh Miami. or some you know they find a kid in the. dirt like in Uganda or something and. he's happy or whatever he's got a. diamond or whatever and he's all ple you.

know it's like you've seen the happiest. kid in the world for the day so it I. just wonder are we do we cannibalize. have we just cannibalized every thing. that used to have meaning right and not. just like to hit a dopamine for your. head but like some meaning to you. intrinsically like as a human you know I. think it's taken away a little bit of. community because you everyone has their. own entertainment that's just for them. on demand you don't like watch things. together that's why like this summer. going to see Barbie and Oppenheimer with.

like a theater full of people dressing. up was like such a crazy thing that. hasn't been happening for a while cuz. people would just sit at their sit at. home you everyone's watching the same. videos but at different times on their. phone by themselves so they might like. pass them around but you don't just sit. like you know if people threw up 10. minutes of memes at the office every. morning and they sat in an office and. laughed at them and everything great but. everyone's just kind of just in their. own [ __ ] absorbing them yeah at their. own time and family it's just like I. think that's a that's a big part of it. and we've talked about that before we.

had a guy on here named John Veri and. he's like a meaning specialist so he's. not like a specialist but he's like a. professor and that's what man's quest. for meaning that's what a lot of his. stuff is about and he talks about like. the stoics and like Aristotle and like. the past and how man has always searched. for meaning kind of but a lot of he. talks about his shared experiences. that's one of the biggest things that we. had as humans like um is that we share. experiences yeah you would all I. remember we would watch a show then we. would go out in the street if we watched. In Living Color and we would go in the.

street in our neighborhood and. impersonate all the characters dude. like way like oh homie to clown homie D. we would and it was like and if you. could do it good in the street it like. there was but we'd all seen it and it. was just so yeah if you'd seen a new. episode had come out and you'd have. you'd be like when the commercial break. came on youd piss and have to get back. before the right before the commercial. ended you know oh that Monday morning. School everyone that's all anyone's. talking about yeah like I was I was hu.

big into comedy as a kid and I remember. when I got to college remember Mr Show. with Bob and David I've heard of that. never saw show David Cross Bob Odenkirk. and I loved it it was like edgy like. hard comedy it was on like midnight on a. Friday no one ever watched it and I. would make my friends come over i' like. I'm buying the beer I've got the weed. just come and just watch this thing with. me and they all hated it and I was just. sitting there just trying to make them. like you don't think this is it was so. [ __ ] funny to me Ben the Ben Stiller. show when I was in like eighth grade. every Monday I was like did you guys.

watch this it was so [ __ ] funny and. no one it wasn't like they didn't think. it was funny they didn't even know about. it and weren't interested about it like. I was always just extra into comedy. because it was a way to bond with people. you know I'm doing you're doing the. theater and 2,000 people are all. laughing at the same time and it's like. this is awesome this is great that we. get I get to just see this it's cool do. you ever sometimes wish sometimes I wish. I was the guy in the audience having a. good time you ever wish that does that. make any sense I know exactly what you. mean and I feel like I'm like I'm past. it like I can't enjoy comedy the way.

that I used to I would love to go back. into the way that I would experience. comedy back in the day but now I just. know too much about it I see too much. that I'm just like oh okay like I just I. watch it different like I opened for. Chris Rock in Europe a few years ago wow. he's my favorite he's amazing I mean. maybe the greatest to ever do it and a. guy that I was like I'm absolutely going. to learn everything I can I'm going to. watch him every night watch his whole. set watch everything and after two shows. I was like he's a [ __ ] genius like. what not I can't take anything from him. on on stage there's nothing I can take.

that would be that would like be okay to. take it's like he's got this Cadence. he's got these things he's worked on but. I just became obsessed with like how. does he prepare what does he do right. after he gets off stage what does he do. right before what's his process like CU. it's like I can learn from that but he's. just too great of a standup to to take. anything from him on. stage yeah I think some I watching. certain guys fim Amir when I watch him I. love he's so funny he great he's so. everybody loves him I don't think. there's one type of per like he's so.

funny oh he's just the nicest guy too so. many Comics like nice is a low bar in. comedy you know it's like I he didn't. like actively assault me he's like a. nice guy but someone who actually you. want to sit and talk to and can enjoy a. conversation is few and far between and. he's he's one of those guys dude there. was a comedian one night we at The. Comedy Store where some guy backing out. of The Comedy Store hits a woman with. his car right a like a woman's car or a. woman hit a woman a human woman wow and. uh which which I don't condone no and so. huh can't do it yeah I mean and the guy.

so then he takes off into the building. right a few minutes later I I just see. it from the porch I'm like what and it. wasn't really hard but it was the lady. fell down right and people were. stripping out and the guy like seven or. eight minutes later he I'm in the back. other part of The Comedy Store he comes. up to me he's like hey dude he has no. idea I've seen it he's like do I look. like I just hit a woman with my car and. I'm like what. what would that look like I don't know. but I don't know if he was on drug or if.

somebody he was like hey man do I look. like I just hit a woman with my car and. I was like nah man you look totally. chill yeah do you think he was going to. like walk out there and like oh that. can't be him thinking yeah we're brought. to you by manscaped that's right. manscape you got to esape that man boy. you got to damn you got to uh. incorporate that dragon baby you got to. you got to get your body right and get. your body Shor well baby you're one of. God's sheep baby manscaped has taken a.

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month that's better. hp.com. tho but comments are strange man it's. really crazy to think how many strange. people get together in a building and. how much like like I was thinking. yesterday about how Brody Stevens took. his life right like that's crazy because. we so many of us had seen him that night. and there's nothing about him that. seemed. very errone or you know like people knew. that he was struggling you never kind of. knew what level he was struggling at cuz.

I think he put so much of it also into. his act M so you were never sure how. much was an act and how much wasn't no I. mean people who were like the most. depressed put on the best mask you know. it's like if you see those memes it's. like this isn't the face of depression. someone being like crying it's like it's. somebody's like like it's the smile's. too big you know it's like no one's that. [ __ ] happy man what's going on not. like Brody was always a ball of sunshine. but I mean I was shocked and gutted when. that happened. most of the time I remember Robin. Williams I was like this [ __ ] guy.

this [ __ ] guy who like everyone. thinks is the funniest person of all. time like I know had had to pull the. plug like that was gutting that I I'm. not uh I understand that everyone dies. and deaths rarely bother me but suicide. is always just devastates me like I got. to take the afternoon to like process. call the therapist and just like talk it. out because it's always it's always. brutal Brody was a tough one yeah yeah I. think he was so big too he was so much. bigger than life I I think what scares.

me the most about it is that it's. like could that happen of something me. could that happen you know how do you go. from seeming just like every other. comedian at the store in a way not I. mean of course you're individual but. just seeming like every other comedian. to. suddenly you know like there something. can something happen in your brain that. just makes that happen yes I mean. suicide and I read a book about this. last year I think uh amazing book it was. just like suicide is almost like a state. of mind like it's like it's just like.

something comes over you and you can't. you can't help yourself like you're not. you're not who you normally were and a. lot of times if a friend of mine or. someone I know uh you know dies by. Suicide I like I have to know the. details like I need to know what. happened was it Financial was it like I. was reading a book where if people try. to kill themselves by jumping off a. bridge into water if they do it over uh. romantic entanglements if if they do it. over a woman or a guy they almost always. if they don't die when they hit the. water swim to the surface they're like.

what am I doing this is so stupid I and. they they swim out and they get saved if. they're if they're jumping over. financial [ __ ] they sink like a stone. just like thank God this is over like. it's just these different things get. into people's minds and just extinguish. any sort of any sort of flame there's a. book about that mhm oh wow. yeah yeah I just don't know I wonder if. I have too much of an ego that's why I. wouldn't like ego so interesting cuz. it's like kind of this Shadow but it's.

like. this I don't know do when you say ego do. you mean like your your body saying like. you know not today or do you mean like. your in your mind being like I'm not. going to let people read about me. tomorrow that I took my own life that's. what I think I or I don't want to die. yeah you know I don't want to die this. is all I'm doing is being alive so if I. die it's probably going to be pretty. boring you know at least if I'm alive. live I can do any you know the things. are possible I feel like death sounds.

great it's just like you get to sleep. like I don't sleep that well so like the. idea of just like you go to sleep. forever sounds awesome suicide I'm not. going out like that I'm not doing that. to people who knew me I'm not going to. be that's not going to be the end of my. story and I just like refuse that I. never even entertain it uh but I'm am. fascinated by uh by. it yeah yeah I just don't and I don't. know how I would do it I just don't know. if I could do I don't want to do it I.

would do like the guy in the garage with. the piping or whatever probably. something casual yeah I us I used to. think that I'd be like okay I'd be like. a bathtub guy you know kind of thing. take some pills and go to sleep and then. I would read about it more and it was. like men don't do that men pull out the. shotgun men jump off a thing you know. like women take the pills women go in. the bathtub and I was like oh well then. this isn't for me you know I'm not going. I'm not going out pansy stuff. yeah you know I mean oh yeah look I I. was raised by my mom so I used to wear.

that towel I would put it up around my. chest sometimes you know what I'm. talking about like the bath towel yeah. and then one day my buddy's like I was. at my buddy's house he's like dude what. the [ __ ] are you doing yeah like you. have the towel like above your breast or. whatever and and I remember sometimes I. would stand and I would talk like I. remember if I was talking to somebody. with my shirt off I would cover my chest. like this like just the nipples or like. the whole yeah like the nipples and I. just remember it was probably something. that my mom did if she was like you know. if we peaked in her room or something. and she' like what do you you know like.

I don't know it just seemed kind of it. seemed like more of a. feminine trait you know I remember when. I was a kid like we do yard work at the. house and I was helping always helping. my dad you know cuz uh I was the oldest. and it was just like it's hot out take. your shirt off like take your shirt off. we're out we're doing yard work and I. was like great and one day I'm like. playing football with my friends who are. like eight or nine years old and it's. really hot and I just take my shirt off. to play and they all just like stop and. look at me like what the [ __ ] are you. doing and I was like oh got it shirt. back on like never again like I'm not a. shirt off guy yeah in our neighborhood.

taking your shirt off was a sign of. respect when I was growing up like if. somebody did. something you know we had people that. couldn't real you know speak really well. and. very you know just damn limited you know. and so people would take their shirt off. as like a sign of like. um like respect you know like we're with. this guy you know I remember that. like on like you're watching 911 you're.

just like everybody take your shirts off. no no it be something more localized. like if you were watching like uh like. if somebody had started like a ditch. fire or something and you know people. were supporting him or whatever he was. doing if he was burning like their if it. was a woman burning her husband stuff or. whatever or something if you were doing. if you were in support of whoever was. doing something there was like a it was. almost like I don't know what to say so. I'm just going to say that I'm a I am. showing myself here so very it's felt.

very primitive when I think back on it. at time you take the shirt off and. you're done or you swinging it around or. you throwing the shirt away like this. shirt's done. now so cool but or you just hold it. until yeah you just hold it you say like. I'm here and then this moment of respect. is over 10 minutes 15 minutes you put. your shirt back on yeah things would. kind of dissipate or something I think. somebody you know the oldest kid would. put their shirt back on and then the. rest of the kids would put their shirt. back on so was like a it was an age. thing. I think it was like a. um yeah it was something but I just.

remember that if you didn't know what to. do you just took your shirt off if you. around an adult sometimes you took it. you know just to show it was like a sign. of respect. somehow I just remember people doing it. a lot I always think it's funny when you. see like you see fights online like. follow Twitter accounts there like. here's a fight and it's like it's the. worst just some door some like random. guy in the suburbs rips his shirt like. they start arguing tears his shirt off. and starts flexing oh always makes me. laugh why do they allow these children. you ever see the fights of children.

beating up other children onl why do. they allow that to be on it seems like. we created a culture that is just. imitating what they see right because at. a certain point you just see the same. it's like the same exact video just new. people and I'm like why shouldn't there. be a. block that's where I get weird about. like free speech kind of I guess you. know it's like shouldn't there be a. block that lets us not see this the. fight the kids fighting yeah I just. think it's like cuz then some kid sees.

that now 20 other kids are going to go. make the. video yeah like are we just perpetuating. it you know I don't know I I mean there. were plenty of fights before this. started happening I don't know if. anyone's fighting for the video you. almost hope you it's the kind of fight. that doesn't like that isn't going to be. online like I was got in a the last time. I got in a real fist fight I think it. was like a sophomore in high school and. they filmed it they had a camcorder on a. tripod what and filmed it and I won the. fight was it Comedy. Central what the uh like who was it a.

company that filmed the fight yeah when. I was 16 years old Oh I thought you you. said high school high school yeah oh. sorry high school and uh just the the. guy thought he was going to beat me up. and had his friends film it and I won. the fight and yeah and people passed the. tape around I did one of the coolest. things I've ever done before or since I. was this guy's bigger than me and I'm. not winning this fight in the beginning. and we get to a point we both thr a. couple punches and he gets me from. behind he's like got me in like a be hug. around my arms oh and he's trying he's.

trying to like throw me down and I just. in this in this like 5-second span I. remember a movie called bird on Bird on. wire with Mel Gibson bird on wire with. on wire Goldie hor yes with Goldie hor. and Mel Gibson's thing in that movie his. move when you fight was to someone would. get him from behind and he would put his. head forward and slam his head back and. so I just let my all my body way go like. I just went limp and I have my head. dropped down and then slammed it back. and caught him right in the head and he.

went down and you hear everyone scream. and I was just like and like I I think I. knocked his teeth out he had fake teeth. in the first floor and I hit him and the. teeth came out and then he was like this. is over I got to fix my teeth and that. that tape went around school for like. three weeks and I felt like a God and. then all a sudden it disappeared but I. was like if that was online I don't. know what my life would have been like. you know like somebody who fights I. probably that would have been my thing. you f yeah I'm going to get in a fight.

and hope this guy grabs me from behind. and then I'm going to do my Mel Gibson. head snap and this is my identity now oh. you'd be doing a musical of it for sure. I mean that's the kind of thing that. happens it's like. people yeah everything you have to take. it to the stage. now. um have you been to uh mother have you. done comedy Mother Ship yet no I. actually I was in Austin a few weeks ago. and I had like I had like three shows uh. but then I went I remember Curtis from. uh Comedy Store yeah he's like running. down he was like hey yeah he's awesome.

Curtis Nelson yeah he Curtis was like. just come over uh after your show and. like won't be closed but I'll give you a. tour that's exactly what he did showed. me all like the memorability on the. walls and like showed me the stages and. like it all seems you know pretty uh. pretty perfect performer yeah I think. one thing that they're doing well one. thing I noticed when I was there I just. I think I done maybe two sets there. right but it's nice I mean when you go. there like you know if you do do a set. there they you know they just surprise. the audience with you so it like you. could just they're just amped you know.

so that always feels pretty nice I think. and to be a place where a comedian open. to Comedy Club I think is kind of. interesting and that they get paid. better right that's one thing I think is. really cool I like it the I mean is that. the comedians get paid better I I root. for that place I root for there's no. Comedy Club I root against but it just. seems like it's probably a little bit. easier there oh cuz it's kind of like. the ab buil in like this like a lot of. the audience that likes like like a.

Rogan audience or a Hing Cliff a like a. home team it's a built-in approval like. you you you're not Joe Rogan cannot bomb. at that club right you know what I mean. that it's like they right everybody. coming is hoping they see him yes and. I've got jokes where it's like I want. the audience to be like oh [ __ ] you know. I don't want them to be like yeah if I. say like you know let's talk about trans. people and everyone's like [ __ ] yeah do. it then that's not my thing I want. people to be like [ __ ] and then I show. them how I do it you know but that place. and this is not it's just because it's. new and people are excited about the. club but it doesn't seem it seems like a.

little bit uh people will say come play. in our sandbox I want to play on the. beach uh I see what you're saying you. know yeah well I think that it's a good. point that I think as you get when. people know you yeah a lot of times even. when I go on stage I'm like are they am. I good at this anymore MH or are. people just being. you know who are uh fans of mine or we. have something in common are they just.

you know I don't doubt myself but you. start the the the the setup changes it's. not where you went on stage for 14 years. and they didn't know who you were so you. knew you got to win them over yeah you. knew there were so many pieces of. feedback that you were getting that let. you know you were genuinely you were. doing well whereas now it's like yeah am. I still and then cuz they they're there.

for youh so it's like how do you know. how do you find an audience then I mean. I guess you just pop on on shows where. people don't know you're going to be. there maybe that's probably the best way. I mean TV was my thing TV and like I. never I wasn't like I was I wasn't. someone's opener and that's how I kind. of made my bones it was like okay got on. TV the roast kind of showcase what I did. a stand up that's right and it was like. you could go see me do that for an hour. you know it was it just worked out that. my standup is very close to my roasting. so that's how I got everyone and I kind. of missed those days where I was a.

surprise to people because I don't have. to earn it anymore I just have to not. let them down if I don't let them down. they're going to come back you know I'll. get one tour where it's like Greatest. Hits and then after that then no one's. coming to see me again you know it's got. to be every time you come to see me it's. going to be all new and I've got it. worked out I'm not [ __ ] around not. I'm not like messing around trying out. stuff it's like here's the act and I've. kind of taught people but a lot of times. you just go up there and hangout we've. we've all seen you know famous Comics go. and just do the hangout set and Chelle.

does that a lot I feel like you know and. that's just it seems unpleasant to me I. don't want to waste everybody's. time yeah I I totally understand that I. don't want to waste everybody's time but. I'll see like when I open for Chris Rock. or I would see Chris Rock at the store. coming working on stuff and he would. just for like an hour just stand up on. stage in the main room going like what. else what else and I'm like I could. never do that right I could never just. be sitting and the audience is w they're. like we love this we'll sit here and. watch you think all night I could never. I would start sweating if I just like.

was like H what else we like I don't. write on stage for that reason I've got. to have it down wow I write on stage but. I write like I'll be doing something. that I know is working and it'll go a. new little tributary will start off of. it and it's always that whatever that. new thing is if it does well then it's. locked in it works good and do you. record or do you remember is it kills so. hard you're like okay I record all the. audio and I'll listen back cuz as you'll.

just get one new angle in like the. beginning of something you're like oh. this is this is. Monumental um did you see those aliens. those Mexican aliens the little tiny guy. yeah yeah and what you think about it I. didn't give a flying [ __ ] like space. outer space I don't care at all like I'm. glad people were working on it I'm glad. we're going to Mars and all that [ __ ]. like I go find out as much as you can. about that star but I don't give a [ __ ]. like never seen a picture and been like. oh wow wow that's what a black hole. looks like like I don't it's got nothing.

to do with me that like the aliens I was. like I don't believe it like yeah I know. you're talking to the government right. now but this would be a bigger deal and. if it was I still probably wouldn't care. yeah like this is this is legit little. alien guy it's like so what and it's. like a Mexican government which I'm not. saying is not as legitimate as any other. government but I think it has you know. there's definitely more of. like people you know it's like what's. going on here you know and they kind of. did like a un they like pulled it out of. like a they like move open a box it was.

like a little bit of a crypt like I I. think the whole thing seemed a. little I don't I wonder if I care about. UFOs I I don't care they could attack. and i' be like I don't like Wake Me Up. When I'm dead like I just don't it. doesn't interest me do you think our. government would let us know if they had. been here or not I don't I don't know if. they would I don't think they would do. it to be like good but I also don't. think they would successfully cover it. up you know like the government [ __ ] up. so much stuff that's why I don't really.

believe in conspiracy theories because. like they would [ __ ] it up if they faked. the moon landing they would have [ __ ]. it up right someone would have someone. would have like talked it would have. been a thing and I I'm going to see so. many comments now about like you're so. dumb if you don't believe like I don't. care I don't want to waste my time. thinking about that yeah it's like when. crypto was a big thing it's like I don't. care I I like money but I don't want to. sit and think about money I like to have. it I don't want to look at the stock. Market I don't want to look at my crypto. things and see what's going if I got to. buy the different coin now [ __ ] that.

yeah I'm not a crazy investor really a. lot of times because I just like to know. what I have I tell my business manager. like am I doing anything wrong am I. doing anything stupid let me know. otherwise like just pay my taxes yeah. and like and we're cool yeah dude I well. think look at that nft market that thing. disappeared I mean what the [ __ ] was. that it sounded dumb from the jump I. would say it sounded dumb people be like. you you don't get it I'm like I think I. do and now it's all like everything's. been proven right like it's all it's all. gone yeah and I don't well why the board. AP was wasn't good in the first place.

but you're going to spend billions on. this thing it was very very dumb and I. think the person spending billions I. think it's just one guy telling his. buddy hey let's write an article that. say you spend a billion yeah and then. we'll get everybody else to buy [ __ ]. yeah it's like the guy who said he spend. a billion never even spent a [ __ ]. billion I spent I think they spent five. grand paying a website to make an. article you know computer money isn't. real like I don't I don't believe that. you have like a billion dollars in. crypto that's the same as having a. billion dollars in real money yeah I.

don't buy it do you think you could have. been like I've been watching Banda. Brothers have you been watching it i' I. watched it when it first came out God. how good was it it was great do you. remember when Jimmy Fallon shows up he's. in it for like five seconds it was clear. it was like everyone in Hollywood was. getting into this and think Fallon just. left SNL and it's like they're about to. go it's the end of an episode like. episode six or something where like. things are about to get bad like we we. got no backup it's just us we're each. other's brothers and all of a sudden. they're like we don't even have guns and. all a sudden he's like hey guys and he.

they turn around it's Jimmy Fallon in. the uniform he he's like Immaculate and. he's like hey I found some guns for you. and they're like really he's like yeah. I'm just giving them out and they like. take the guns and like thanks man he's. like good luck guys and that's the end. of the episode it was like clear that he. like wanted to be a part of it they were. just like we we'll work in a cameo. somewhere let's give him something good. okay he gives the guys guns at the end. it was so so Hollywood cheese wow does. it stand out so much from the episode. yeah cuz no one else is [ __ ] famous. you know you you have like a couple guys. who were like younger actors but then.

it's like all a sudden it's Jimmy. [ __ ] Fallon just post SNL you know it. was hilarious to see him in a World War. II situation wow I didn't even I might. not be to the end of that episode yet. I'm watching this for the second time. now um dude Jimmy Fallon when he first. was doing touring he um before he got. SNL oh no before he got The Tonight Show. mhm he opened up for me Miami they had. him they were putting him on stage I. guess to get his I mean I say opened up. like he they just put him in the middle.

spot special guest spot he do his much. as he want if the crowd was good he' do. 20 if it was bad nobody knew he was. there I didn't even know till I got. there I go in the green room and he's in. there and uh and it was cool man it was. cool and then the last night I think he. just kind of he was doing fine I think. he just was uh getting kind of over it. you know yeah it was a Sunday night show. yeah doing guest sets like everyone's. excited but it's like you're just doing. I I totally I would get bored doing gas. sets too I just couldn't believe it I. was so scared of going in the green room.

and then I didn't know what to say when. I was in there Green Room gets small bro. when you were just learning about being. a comedian and you're in there with the. headliner because you don't know and the. headliners are [ __ ] we're crazy we're. crazy we very specific and particular. how we're used to things yeah and some. people like that's their whole that's. the only time they have any power they. don't have power out on stage but like. in the green they can be like get the. [ __ ] get out of here with that cheese. you're like relax man but like now I. know enough like have you ever just had. some some random person walk in your. green room like put their jacket down.

you're like and they walk out and you're. like what and they're like no they. shouldn't have done that like oh I. didn't know to tell someone like I once. yelled at the comedy store's lawyer who. was like eating dinner in the in the. green room and I was like are you comic. and he's like no get the [ __ ] out of. here and then someone comes back and. like that's the lawyer like I like well. he still he shouldn't be back here he. sure the [ __ ] shouldn't have been back. there dude thankfully he's in heaven now. that guy passed away no he did but uh. yeah but um but hey that's what he gets. for [ __ ] eating in the Green Room. should have come in my Green Room bro. when you're not a comedian dude bro when.

you cross the Dark Art the [ __ ] last. son of Transylvania and you go into his. green room and eat you're in for trouble. you're gonna die you got about a year to. live do you think you could have handled. like the draft or something like that. sometimes I feel like we need another. War do you think that's a crazy thought. yes why because what the [ __ ] did we get. out of most of them you know you can. look at World War II and be like okay. like that was we fighting for something. but now Technology's gotten so crazy. with uh with everything that I don't.

know if anyone would do the draft I. don't would have the uh the you know the. nationality to just be like blindly. follow the government they don't want to. do that if it was a real if we got. attacked I bet everyone signs up the. next day but if it's just like hey uh we. notice something's going on in North. Korea again like get we're not doing. that get the [ __ ] out of here bro I used. to think I would have just gone into the. draft like my dad was in the military I. have have respect for it do I think I'd. be a good soldier absolutely [ __ ] not. so you would be the worst yeah like I'm.

going to I'm going to I'm going to drag. the rest of the troops down let's head. to Canada and do my part over. there yeah that's what I I I think what. I want is I want something to unify. people I want something that makes us. feel I miss the days I think when we all. felt like we were part of a country or. it seemed to me like we felt like we. were like I don't know how that all that. just I don't know if I felt like I was. part of the go if I was. like if I love the government really if.

I just love the idea of our country you. know do you know what I'm saying like. when you're a kid like yeah I mean no if. you love the government you're [ __ ]. dumb like if you like I get Ling the. country if you're like this government. the [ __ ] IRS is killer man I love him. so much if you love politicians like. people were like oh like [ __ ] the Joe. Biden it's like okay I'm I'm down [ __ ]. the president always if you're like [ __ ]. this guy the last guy was amazing like. get the [ __ ] out of here every. politician [ __ ] sucks I would never. do that with my life there's some I like. more than others but like politicians in.

general get the [ __ ] out of here like. why am I supposed to like this one no. they're all they're all politicians it's. insane yeah I think if you ever I've. always thought if you ever my mother. always let us know if you ever think the. government is going to do something for. your life then that's not how it's going. to work probably I um I'll never get. over the government saying every your. pay your taxes figure it out pay your. taxes and you you try to do whatever. math you have you send it to them and.

they go you got it wrong then [ __ ]. tell me what it is send me a bill don't. make me do these gymnastics and then. tell me I'm wrong like why are you. making me do this and that's what I. think about the government so passive. aggressive that's very passive. aggressive of them and also you know. there used to be a box you check it you. get for being blind right you get 1,600. bucks right but you have to check the. [ __ ] box dude like how do they even. like. I just don't understand what there. should be a box that you don't check if. you're blind yeah if you can see check.

this box if not you're going down and. they don't even tell you what it's for. it just says hey if you can see check. this box that would have been the best. way to know if people are blind you know. what's always obsessed to me about blind. people and I us to try to turn this into. a joke and can never do it is you know. how like you know what Braille is right. the little dots they read it's like. think about how long it takes a blind. person like let's say you lost your. vision today how long do you think it. would take you to learn learn Braille. like one Dot's a two is B this is C like. I bet probably two months two months 60.

days 62 days tops um you know what maybe. to be uh fluent I would say maybe six. months six months okay how long then. once you know how to read Braille does. it take you to find. Braille oh yeah if you're blunt you can. read the [ __ ] out of it how do you find. it are you just always looking around. like any bump you're just like a thank I. can read again like you go to the and. it's like on the ATM but like how do you. find the ATM like I don't know I don't. know how they ever do it they should. have made Braille way bigger for blind.

people yeah they should have made it a. huge they should have made it like speed. bumps in a parking lot when you're. pulling in hear yeah run your finger. over and it's like tires go over it and. you feel like oh it communicates to your. car or something that communicates to. you or you do it makes a sound when you. go over but yeah I mean the blind. they've been [ __ ] shunned by Society. for so long I feel like or just you know. nobody cared that much it's like yeah. we'll give you this little series of do. people don't trust blind people yeah oh.

no you don't trust deaf people you don't. trust blind people you're like I you can. see a little bit you can see something. yeah you can you can hear loud noises. you're just playing this up oh yeah I. remember they had a dude in our town who. uh he was deaf right and he was doing. this and um people beat him up for doing. bad magic you know they thought he was. doing like the evil eye kind of [ __ ]. like this and they thought he you know. never pulled out a quarter or anything. and people [ __ ] lit into him you know.

that's why you got to carry a quarter no. matter how deaf you are get that kid a. quarter what's an ailment do you think. you could. handle I mean I think you can handle. whatever like right now I'm dealing with. like back issues where like my back. sucks and I'm like seeing a chiropractor. doing exercises like all this stuff and. I'm like I'm dealing with it like. sometimes it's better than others but. I'm dealing with it that anything it's. like when you get sick you get the flu. and you're like you feel like you've had. the flu for your entire life and it's. never going away and then one day you're.

like H the cop's gone like it's over. that I think I could handle whatever. there's not I wouldn't want these things. but if I lost a limb you know I think I. I could handle it I've always wanted to. lose an eye I would love to wear an eye. patch I would love to have just one eye. like a black leather eye patch A cool. one and that's my thing people say glass. eyes is the way to go I don't I disagree. eye patch if it's like a scar going down. and the ey patch for oh yeah coming out. the bottom of it you would be able to do. that though I think there's a thing. about being tall and handsome you get a.

you get. there's there's so much stuff you get to. do that you don't realize that other. people don't get to do like a little guy. with an eye patch is a [ __ ] that guy. terrible it's well it's just nobody's. going to give a [ __ ] it's too much it's. yeah it's too pick one yeah be little do. an iPad but don't [ __ ] come in here M. you know. yeah yeah I think I always was. fascinated I remember when I was a kid I. met a kid that had a stutter right this.

kid named Douglas and I'd never heard it. before and I was so jealous I was like. he sounds so unique like I want to be. and I remember I would impersonate him a. lot right like I was in I mean I loved. it and my teacher got mad at me and I. was like no you don't to like I think. it's I think it's cool awesome like he. sounds. unique as a kid I made fun of someone. with a stutter and the kid's mom was. like don't do that if you if you make. draw attention to it it'll have it.

forever but if you just don't mention it. he'll stop and I was like oh why is this. my job wow like you guys deal with that. at home in the real world we're talking. about it we're talking about that. stutter dude I can't believe they tried. to put that on you that's crazy like I'm. eight what a responsibility but that's. what you get when you're tall dude when. you're tall people I feel like you get. [ __ ] put everything gets put on you I. feel like when you're tall how tall are. you I'm just regular heighted I'm 6 foot. okay and I I was kind of tall for a. little while but everybody just I didn't.

it didn't play out and um and then but I. the tall kid always [ __ ] remember. when you got tall remember was just like. one four weeks you're like and your neck. was long and your [ __ ] chin was like. my neck always hurt like there were like. three years where I was always doing. this like my neck and it was like I'm. growing I didn't know at the time my. neck just like was always sore and I. shot up like I was the tallest kid in my. class immediately and then I just. stopped so and I thought I was like I. thought I was big and I was just tall I.

wasn't big at all I was like a bean pole. but people wanted to fight you yes you I. was like oh the tall guy I want to fight. him I was I him huh this 40-year-old and. you're like I'm 11 I'm seven I'm 11 yeah. nine. um what else do you think about like. your career do you feel like did you. feel like success gave you a lot of the. things you thought it would or were you. surprised by any of that. I was surprised at how little I was able. to enjoy it like I didn't want to be. famous I wanted to be known I wanted to. be able like comedians would know who I.

was you know you if you're a comic and. you don't know who I am you're not a. comic like right you wanted to be valid. yes that I could walk into a club and. they like oh Anthony you're here uh. pretty powerful too isn't it when you. think about like the that being able to. happen oh yeah walking into like a green. room like I just I go to see Doug Stan. hope and I'm like I want to go backstage. maybe they'll let me back and I walk. back and they're like oh hey oh yeah. come on back in you're like oh that's. cool it's almost feels false doesn't it. or does it ever feel like that to you. not that you don't deserve it to me. there's no doubt but even when people.

welcome me like I would go to the the uh. comedy seller sometimes like the last. one was they like do you want to get up. and I was like not me m like I don't. just get up you know like I you know if. Colin Quinn comes in you know or if. somebody like a new you know like sure. but there like I always say when it. comes to that like you want to drop in. I'm like if you didn't buy a ticket to. see me you don't want to see me I'm not. a good droing cuz it's like you're here. to see whatever else and then it's like.

my dead baby [ __ ] for 15 minutes and. they're just like what the [ __ ] and I'm. like yeah you're right like I should I'm. ruining your good time so it's like I. want people to know that I'm coming I'm. not I'm not a good surprise um but I. really hated 2013 was when like the jck. offensive was on the air I was like. right after the roasts and everything I. did my first special where I was for. that year I was famous then the show got. cancelled like I had a couple years off. TV and it was like it went away almost. immediately where it was just like the. temperature got dialed down but I didn't. like people looking at you and being.

like I know you from something I don't. know what it is but like I know you that. I hated if it's like I love your comedy. thank you so much great I love that but. just I've seen you on something I hated. I really hated being famous you know. yeah I think it's uh it feels exhausting. it feels like a whole another life you. have to live mhm yes it's like you're. not just doing the one show you're doing. shows all the time and you don't know. when it's happening like you're walking. through the airport and you like get. home when you see someone's been. following you around taking pictures and.

posting them all and you're like this is. just weird and it gets in your head I. get people who wear sunglasses all the. time I get the I get the hat and like. the disguise and just like I don't want. to be out in public like I stopped going. to bars like it was just being around. any drunk people was drun in the world. yeah that's one thing I love about not. drinking is just not having to deal with. that type of energy or like because it's. already weird enough if somebody knows. you but then I think if they're wasted. it makes you just kind of scared it's. just too risky oh yeah and then they. come they want to come back it's like.

hey I just want to say I'm a huge fan. like thank you and then like can I get a. picture five minutes later like I just. wanted to tell you this one joke and. you're like this is my home yeah my. sister's here yeah dude my [ __ ] M she. loves you she wants to FaceTime you yeah. and I get it they're fans like it's cool. but like you know they pay buy tickets. but when they're drunk it is really. tough to deal with yeah one guy put me. on the phone with his sister and she's. fighting with her husband like having a. [ __ ] fist fight with her husband. right in some house somewhere and I'm. like and the guy's like she loves you.

he's so drunk he doesn't realize her. having like a domestic dispute or. something he's like she loves you and. I'm just like she's you know she's down. two rounds to zero against Stanley right. here you know like I'll never do the. video I'll never take the phone like if. they went like hey can I get a picture. of course sign this like I got into the. airport today and these like three guys. with like a stack of [ __ ] and I'm just. like it's easier just to do this real. quick and get out of here but I'm like. this is all going on eBay this is dumb. as [ __ ] but I'm I'm it's easier just to. do it but if like you do a video for my.

friend who couldn't make it no yeah I'm. not I'm not doing that were you bum when. the roast kind of went away did that bum. you out no I was I was uh I was happy to. do three and done perch for you yeah and. it was I mean it was all I wanted to do. I was like building my act towards. getting on that the Trump roast was like. my big break my life was night and day. after that then the sheen roast came. like a couple months later it wasn't. that long and that was even bigger and. that I felt insane pressure because I. was like well that was my big break and.

I those were jokes that I've been. working on forever now I've got four. months this is my sophomore album that. could tank and I didn't want it to seem. like oh I got lucky so that roast was so. stressful and then it was like a year. until the Roseanne was my last one and. that was a let down it wasn't have the. same uh like hype to it that Trump and. Sheen had like the next I remember I. showed the next weekend and like the. ticket ticket sales were just normal. like it wasn't like I didn't get bump. that I got after Sheen and Trump that I. was like you know I don't really want to. do this anymore it's like it's just not. fun telling the same kinds of jokes and.

I didn't approach it like Jeff Ross who. was just like Jeff Ross could do it. forever right to anyone no one's getting. mad he's just perfect at it my thing was. like too like Darth Vader like I was. coming to kill everyone there and it. just I didn't want to do it again that. people ask me every now and again I'm. like it would take it would take a lot. it would it would have to be money. because I just feel like I've done it. and I feel like I did it perfectly to. come back it just I feel the pressure. you know I feel the pressure to perform. like the audience might be there to see. me and they've loved my last 4 hours but.

this fifth hour better measure up or I. feel terrible so just hype yeah and I. guess once you do something and doing it. well then that's enough knowing when to. not do something anymore is important do. you think Comedy Central how they mess. up I mean they were com they were the. only Comedy Network Viacom [ __ ] it up. for everybody at a time when Disney was. buying Marvel at a time where Disney was. buying you know like War Brothers all. this [ __ ] Viacom was just like enriching. themselves they weren't investing and.

then when streaming came along they just. wiped them all out but like MTV's gone. and Comedy Central is still technically. around but it's like five people now and. they're not getting to stand up that. maybe things come back a little bit but. it was just and I've talked to many many. people over there over the years about. what happened but it this it's crazy. though like you were the Comedy Network. you had comedy yeah remember it took. them forever to get into like social. they just didn't they were like so. behind somehow so behind yeah just. didn't didn't really care that much.

didn't have to but they're figuring out. now and they made some bad they just. didn't have they didn't have that good a. like they only had a few shows that. really crushed it for him I think you. know and they wouldn't pay to get three. seasons was almost impossible even two. was like a stretch I mean look it's like. SNL you see the people who like didn't. get who like auditioned for SNL and. didn't get her got fired after a year. you know and their career is how amazing. it's been like a Sarah Silverman or. something um that uh Comedy Central is. the same way it's like all these huge.

stars that like people think Comedy. Central let them go it's like they. couldn't afford them yeah what John. Oliver's what um not John John Oliver's. making HBO versus what he made on Comedy. Central is insane uh Steven coar you. know had to leave at Comedy Central they. just didn't have the money there yeah. Schumer owed them uh Amy Schumer owed. them another season I think of her show. I don't know if she ended up doing it or. not but remember she had the what is. this show called in inside am inside am. Scher I think they contractually had one. more season that she was supposed to do. because then she just blew up so much.

that she just didn't and maybe they just. did like a buy out of it or something I. just remember she did it she did one for. Paramount plus oh she did oh maybe that. was it then yeah maybe that was it. um I was I have friends who would like. sign a deal get paid then like hope the. network forgets about it oh yeah was. like quby remember quibby oh yeah God I. wish I had taken a deal from them those. free money deals yeah yeah they're like. here's 100 grand three weeks later they. were totally out of business like what's. the best job you've ever had in terms of.

that like for me it was uh judging roast. battle where it was just like every I go. I show up oh like you're they're they're. paying you amazing and you don't have to. prepare anything you just sit there and. then they do their bit and then you. think of a joke and you say it and then. it's everything it's great and if you. mess up they edit it out like it's so. cool zero pressure paid paid uh a ton. and uh and just so much fun I love that. that was yeah one of the best jobs I. ever had actually was a Comedy Central. job it was called um Reality Bites back.

I watched I watched Reality Bites back. uh Amy had it all on like DVD and we. watched it so show was so [ __ ] funny. I can't believe it didn't like no one. watched it but it was it was great I. can't believe they didn't start to reair. things that they had that were great but. I guess they don't have is that a fiscal. maybe they have to rerent it from. themselves I don't know how that works I. think just no one watched it no one was. watching it if they would rerun it they. were just like let's let's get rid of. this but it had like Schumer on it uh a. uh Tiffany hadish Berke Cher like if.

they put it out now it seemed like it. would do fine yeah you would think you. know it's it's weird how comedy doesn't. live that long even if it is all like. the stars of yesterday people just. they'd rather watch you now but it's. like I can watch like uh Summer Heights. High right have you ever seen that oh. yeah and uh and it don't it's still get. it's still like so rid it still gets me. but it's I mean one of the best shows. Comedy Central ever made was um. Strangers With Candy and they never. reran that like ever you have to like.

you had to find it on I used to buy it. on eBay I'd buy like a season on eBay. for someone who burned like the DVDs. that sh was amazing my favorite roast of. all time was the roast of Chevy Chase. the one that was like a fiasco but it's. like Todd Barry Andy Kindler like Mark. Marin of the rasers and it's so [ __ ]. awesome but it tanked and they like. Comedy Central were just like we threw. it away like you can't if you can find. it on YouTube go for it but we don't. have a copy of it we'll never rerun it. and we just got rid of it that's crazy. it seems like if you put the roast of. Chevy Chase on a network TV right now.

people would tune in like what do you. think about like our Netflix specials. like things we've done there's no. physical media anymore like that can all. go away and you're left with like. nothing nothing and that's wild to me. that a corporation who knows what you. get canceled for but they can just be. like all your work is gone it's gone as. if it never existed and there's nothing. you can do nothing oh it's very scary I. think you know I went to the last. Blockbuster not long ago where's that. it's in Bend Oregon yes and I have an.

ex-girlfriend that lives up there and. it's a beautiful town and uh and I went. in there and you know what's fascinating. the most fascinating was how you used to. see you saw so many titles you're over. here it's like in Bru and here's like. you know uh Daddy Daycare or whatever. you know here's like you know uh llama. town or whatever and it's like oh [ __ ] I. you don't know what to choose but you. see so I mean you were here and then you. were in and you'd walk through like I oh.

I forgot about this movie this is great. I've never seen this but it was so. different than when you go to a platform. on your television and you see 10. titles it was another it felt like you. actually here's what it felt like I'm. realiz it felt like you actually had a. choice in what you were choosing MH in. the Blockbuster right then as opposed to. on the TV where it feels like this is. what you we're serving today even though. that's not it you can go look for stuff. but it's just not it what it didn't.

register the same no and it's it's even. annoying where Netflix I don't know if. they still do this but like if they know. your something's right up your alley. like they have all your algorithm. whatever there was a movie that came out. like a couple years ago right before my. like last special came out and I I was. talking to Netflix at the time and have. you ever seen the Night Comes for us did. you ever see the raid or The Raid 2 It's. Kind like a marshal like a super violent. martial arts movie where people just. fighting with like machetes and [ __ ] and. it's awesome and I see it I'm like this. is the best [ __ ] thing I've ever seen.

why wouldn't Netflix tell me hey good. news we got this new movie for you and. so they told me basically if they know. you're going to see it if they know like. this is right up your alley they won't. put it on your screen because they know. you go look for it and they want you to. find other things on your way to it. that's like you can't they know what you. want but they're still going to make you. look for it and that makes me [ __ ]. crazy. yeah it feels like privatized communism. in a way does that make any sense am I. thinking of things wrong I mean it's a.

funny way to say it like I get what you. mean it feels. like yeah it just CU stuff like that. it's like it's fine but in the end. you're just I'm going to watch what you. want me to watch and I won't be a soul. in you know I'll just. be like I'll be a firly but. you'll own the gasoline or the match you. know like I'll just. never I don't know stuff like that makes. me feel kind of defeated sometimes all. makes me feel old I'm just like I'm not.

really maybe it's just an older thought. of it huh I don't know I could be. because we're in the industry so we kind. of understand and there's the way. Netflix is secretive pisses me off again. listen I I love Netflix I'm glad I have. specials on there uh but it's annoying. that they're just like they won't tell. you don't know how good something did it. can tell they can say trending not. trending you have no [ __ ] CL like. it's doing great like I remember my last. special there like in the first week. this many people watched it yeah and I. was like that's great give me something.

to compare it to I don't that that. number means nothing to me unless you. say Ali Wong got this in two weeks you. know what I mean like I don't understand. what any of the any of the stuff they. say and they could tell you hey most of. your people watch you in Chicago most. people do the like that way you know. where to tour and they won't tell you. right they don't give you anything and. and they'll be like we know I'm like. well no one's ever quit and just been. like let me tell you what what happened. like I would love to go like Undercover. Boss to Netflix and just look up my [ __ ]. and then peace out well YouTube is.

interesting too cuz it's like you can't. even talk to someone in the system like. they took down an episode that we had. and we couldn't even you communicate. kind of with like this medium but. there's no way to email you don't even. know who's in the like who the levels. the boss you don't even know who's. making the choice it's like really yes. it's this ient sort. of you don't know cuz like my I've got a. social media team you know and they're.

they're great but they're like we know a. guy we have a guy at Instagram we'll get. you verified like right now we have a. guy at Tik Tok we talk to when because. all my [ __ ] gets taken down all the time. and like No it should be okay because of. this but they have someone to deal with. that I I can't believe YouTube doesn't. have that with all the I mean there's so. much money coming through YouTube I know. that I can't believe Mr Beast doesn't. have a guy's number I don't I bet now. maybe at that level you do you know but. yeah maybe at our level we don't we have. a contact there but it's not there's. never like you just get the verdict from. the contact and that's the verdict it's.

very like ancient Rome it feels like you. know and what was the reason they took. it down oh Rosanne had a joke she said I. remember this yeah um that the Holocaust. never happened right and it she was. being satirical right and you know she's. also get you know I. think they didn't think she was or they. didn't want to hear it you know and so. they said. that it gets taken down and um and. nobody said anything at first and then. there's like some of these like biters.

online they put the clip out and they're. like what about you know and that's when. it built up stuff but the only way we. could communicate kind of is through our. we have a contact there that works with. YouTube but they never there's never. able to have a discussion that's the. strange part sometimes and that's where. I think you start to. feel you know like you aren't being. heard or you don't have somebody to. communicate with I I mean I stopped. doing that with comedy where I used to. be like here's why this joke is okay you. know I mean like I know it's a. technically it's about domestic violence.

but if you look at the wording no one's. getting hit in this joke this joke is. like referencing it but it's retention. and it's always a losing battle i' be. arguing with sensors or something and. and now I just if you I can't do it I. can't do it [ __ ] it I'm not going to. change it but I'll just get rid of it. because I'm not going to sit here and. have the argument of why this is okay. and now I just hope that people. understand like I've got you know a lot. of topics that I talk about that would. get people in trouble but I've gotten. away with it I don't know if it's. reputation or people just know now that. no he did it in the the right way he got. away with it but like it goes back to.

what you're saying there's a way to get. away like what did you say in the. beginning you said art is getting away. with it. yeah yeah I think there was something. about getting yeah I wanted to for me it. was always I wanted to say what I wanted. to say let me suffer the consequences. mhm you know but I want say this was. that the most trouble you've ever gotten. was the Rosanne thing have you ever had. like a on social media yeah and then all.

the like different sit said stuff about. it and I never replied to any of it and. within 48 Hours yeah completely gone I'm. asking Rogan about that once it was like. remember when Joe Rogan was like I think. I'd vote for Bernie Sanders and the. [ __ ] internet went crazy for like a. week because it's like a guy said he was. going to vote for I was like how'd you. handle that he goes I turned my phone. off and hung out with my kids for a. couple days and then I turn it on and. everything's fine I'm like it's such a. healthy way to do it it's like this is. happening it's not real just turn it off. and and uh come back yeah it's not. really real that's what it seemed like.

yeah made real when you're younger. you're like oh I [ __ ] up this is over. now because I had some of those earlier. on and now you're like it's fine oh yeah. I remember get taking pills after. something bad happened one time I. thought I was going to die I thought my. life was over mhm thought about moving. back out you know I thought everything. was done um I still that still makes me. mad what happened to Bernie remember. when they just his own party kind of. railroaded him you know with ber or with. Bernie Sanders it was like just the fact. that he would have a chance to run. against I don't remember who I don't if.

it was Obama second term and he was is. going to try and run against him that. must have been it I don't know if he ran. ran against Obama second term but I know. he ran against Hiller he ran the first. time right he was trying to run against. Hillary and he didn't get the nomin like. a lot of people thought oh he'll get the. a chance to go against Hillary to see. who gets it and his party just kind of. said no yeah it was like what I don't. get the politics of it of like hey let's. all just back this person why don't you. just vote for what you want and then see. how it plays out yeah not like let's. talk beforehand it's I wish that you.

know in Congress they would one bill at. a time like you can't just be like. here's a bill to try to get student aid. and also homeless people it's like do. one at a time and do what makes sense. it's all it's all totally [ __ ] and. maybe it has to be that way I don't know. that's the thing I don't know sometimes. too it's like I don't know if that's. just how the business you know it's like. it's too much for me to know sometimes. did you ever SE I watch a documentary. like what do the happiest countries in. the world oh yeah with uh rain Wilson. was in it no I don't know if I I didn't. watch that much of it to see who but.

they had said the happiest country was. like I want to say Denmark it was like. somewhere in Scandinavia where they all. live in like com like like communal. buildings and they eat their meals. together and everyone's happy and the. least happy is Japan because they're. just like they work their [ __ ] asses. off and then the only break they get is. when they throw themselves in front of a. bullet train or some [ __ ] but it's. [ __ ] it seems brutal just the culture. of it that maybe that's what you know. American government has to be I don't. know what government is killing it out. there the one government like our system. is so dope like it's all it's great we.

kill it that's the thing it's like and. you start to wonder is this just how. capitalism tails off like is this how. America kind of starts to tail off where. everything where big corporations seem. like they own everything and own all of. our attention span and then at some. point somebody you know too many cities. get like there's too much crime and the. scale tips and Society starts to [ __ ]. [ __ ] the fabric comes apart I think I. mean being you know almost 45 years old. now I feel like it's just a pend. pendulum it just it's like okay we're.

going to get Obama and then just's going. to get real racist and then we're going. to get like another and then it's GNA. like you're just going to get. progressive and then swing back yeah. like Trump is a direct response to Obama. you know that that I think is just going. to keep going back and forth like that. yeah I think that's one thing I mean we. had Robert Kennedy was on here and he's. trying to he's a he's a Democrat and. he's um trying I think he's going to run. as an independent now and you almost cuz. you always heard that the independent if. they get a certain number of votes and. they get a share of the pool the money.

pool did you ever hear that no like. there's like an advertise like there's a. amount of money they can. budget that is divided up between the. two parties but if a third one gets 5% I. think then they get part of the pool as. well like before the runoff like if. there's a I don't know I'm sounding like. a just a guy in a [ __ ] bar but if um. I would love to see there be a third. opport like I would just love for there. to see something change up the status. quo yeah you yeah have an extra Choice.

like they you know tell us what your. things are and we'll figure out which. one it is but it's I don't know I ha it. feels like they've got us so cornered. though when there's only you know it. just starts to feel like. everything there's so many strings going. on in the distance of everything you. know yeah it's like it's not really a. choice right it's like we need somebody. to come through with the scissors man. you always come through with the. scissors man with your comedy dude I. just want to thank you for being so. entertaining man and um thanks for just. sitting and chatting with me man yeah. I'm happy this worked out we were in. town at the same time it was it's fun to.

finally be on the podcast yeah man and. to get to chat even and I've never. really talked that much before this is. the longest we've ever talked for sure. it is cool man thanks Anthony thanks for. having. me now I'm just floating on the breeze. and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be. Cornerstone oh but when I reach that. ground I'll share this piece of my life. found I can feel it in my bones.

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