5-8-17 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #21

what's up you beautiful little lavender. sunburnt tit gypsies huh you guys ready. for that yum yum off that pump pump huh. maybe I identify as a lesbian bro you. ever thought about that huh huh maybe I. got that gender neutral hair dude bro. cuz you don't know who I am all right. you don't know who I am but you about to. find out welcome to this past. weekend this this past.

weekend all right guys welcome to this. past weekend the date is Monday May 8th. uh. 2017 um a beautiful year I think so far. for most people I am coming to you from. Phoenix. Arizona um and it is the city that never. seeps that's what I call it it's dry. country out here so if you don't hear a. lot of moisture coming through me that's. not my fault.

that's uh really the that's the elements. affecting me um I used to live actually. in Tucson Arizona a lot of people don't. know that or maybe you do know that I. don't know I'm judging but I used to. live in Tucson Arizona and that's you. know that's not what I consider shirt. sleeve country you won't see a lot of. shirt sleeves down there um you see a. lot of turquoise a lot of women and men. collecting turquoise and lying about. their past a lot of L of people go there.

to lie about their past I feel like and. that's Tucson Arizona and I used to go. to a high school out there even for a. semester um it's a long story but I. moved back in with my mother after I got. emancipated and I moved out there to. Tucson Arizona and I used to go to a. school that was predominantly. Latino and a lot of the the children uh. the ninos they would fight each other in. the afternoon in an abandoned car wash. across the street from the school and.

that was Santa Rita high school and I. would um I would try to learn and be. scared that's mostly what I did when I. went to uh when I attended school there. but anyhow man I'm out here in the. desert uh had a great time this weekend. at standup live I want to thank. everybody who came out uh we had a good. turnout um but it is dry country out. here you know your skin will get chapped. you'll see people ducking off in the. alleys and you know putting lotion on.

themselves and Vaseline in each other's. necks and um you know almost I don't. want to say licking each other's necks. but uh you see some you know activities. that'll create extra moisture you know I. wouldn't be surprised if you saw a man. jerking off onto his hands or you know. jerking off onto somebody else not even. for sexual reasons but more for like. grapes of wrathy type of necessity.

you know um I remember getting a [ __ ]. out here in the desert one time getting. a little bit of oral uh some oral. pleasure and um I mean it was like it. was like I mean it was like feeding a. piece of uh wood to an old. snake you know feeding a piece of uh you. know uh Craftsman's wood or something. piece of dry wood to an old snake it was. you know not good [ __ ] out here. because it's not.

this country isn't built for it you know. this country is more for you know um. letting things get bleached by the sun. um it's more for skin cancer and um you. know fancy people I feel like you also. have a lot of wealthy people out here um. who can buy a lot of land and they have. like an estate and you know hiding. hookers in their houses and uh being. naughty and being nasty uh but I've had. a nice time here and I want to thank. everybody that came out uh to stand up.

live in. Phoenix it was a pretty good weekend man. you know I was staying in a beautiful. hotel here downtown uh Chris Rock was. staying in the same hotel as me he was. performing here on Saturday night so I. mean I even got texts from a lot of my. friends who were coming and saying they. couldn't come that they were going to. see Chris Rock and uh you know it hurts. your feelings a little bit just because. you want people to come out to the show. so I felt a little bit.

you know I felt less than um of course. ridiculous feelings cuz this man is a. star you know this man is a superstar. and he's I I think he's he's one of my. favorite comedians um just so smart uh. amazing jokes I got to hear him. practicing some of his jokes at the. comedy store recently uh talking about. his uh. infidelities um you know he talking. about cheating on his wife and who he. cheated with and stuff like that and. being uh very candid and I appreciate.

that uh but we still had a lot of fans. that came out a lot of friends that came. out and uh made me feel pretty. good outside of that dude honestly I got. a little bit depressed bro I don't know. what. happened. um you know I don't know you know I. think just a lot of traveling week after. week uh being out running. around um you know I've fallen off my. program in the past week uh you know I'm. staying sober and stuff but I I haven't. been going to as many meetings I haven't.

been reaching out to um to others that I. know could probably use a call here and. there you know I try to keep you know. about three calls on my list every day. of things to do of just checking in with. a friend you know checking in with. somebody who maybe mentioned a problem. or mentioned something that's going on. or somebody who's having you know just. somebody a human because I find that I. can get very inhumane.

uh caught up in you know dancing around. with these electronics and um trying to. be a human. superhero uh on different social media. sites and just you know get caught up in. my own world and get caught up baath in. my ego you know it's amazing how much. time we spend bathing our egos I do. anyway uh so I just got I don't know I. fell out of my I just fell out man and I. just yesterday I was pretty depressed I. laid in bed a lot.

um I ate a whole thing of Snickers dude. I ate an entire thing of those little. baby. Snickers and there's something I won't. eat a big Snicker I won I won't eat I. won't eat a big Snicker and I think I. don't know if it's I don't know if I'm a. [ __ ] you know or if I'm just being like. a candy [ __ ] or some kind of little. sugar [ __ ] but I will only eat the. little ones the baby ones you know and I.

don't know what that means about. me I don't know if it's I want to be a. predator you know I don't know if it. means that I'm I feel like a damn sugar. pedophile really because I won't eat the. big ones I won't do it and I don't know. what that means I think I need to look. into that or probably speak to someone. about that um a therapist or someone. who's in The Culinary world but uh but I. bought a bag of the little baby On's man. and I ate at them all I ate them.

all um I wouldn't let the cleaning lady. in I didn't want her to see the rappers. so that was some of my shame that I'm. sharing with you. um I got bummed out I just I watched. specials on YouTube about missing. children you know I tend to do that. sometimes I don't know why when I get at. my low um at my sober lows I'm watching. um specials about missing children on.

YouTube and I'm eating baby Snickers you. know as many as I can. eat so that's kind of I guess what went. on with me and I don't know why I felt. bad you know I couldn't really put my. finger on it I tried to fight it some. you know when I was feeling low I went I. went for uh a workout and that helped. some um you know I did a little bit of. prayer you know just speaking to like a. higher power trying to get out of myself. you know I believe in prayer um and it.

doesn't have to be to God or to Jesus. Christ or to you know Allah or you know. um you know Jewish god or the you know. whatever black God or you know black. Santa whatever people are praying to it. can be whatever but I I believe in. taking some of the pressure of the world. off myself and uh and asking for help. even if it's to a spirit to a being uh. to a higher power to whoever your God.

can be I believe in that I believe it. man cuz uh the weight of the world is. heavy the weight of the world is heavy. so I got a little bummed out man I got. caught up just you know I wanted to. sleep I would sleep and set my alarm for. about 20 minutes and hope that whenever. I woke up I would feel better you know. and that never works a lot of times you. got to really take action get. moving um and I didn't do that I could. have done a better job uh so that was. just some of my weekend man sometimes. you have those days.

you know and I don't know sometimes I. can't tell when they're coming on when. you just don't feel. good you know um and the Bummer is that. you know I call some of my friends I. called a friend and he was having you. could hear he was spending time with his. family and stuff. and I wanted to kind of vent my you know. some of my feelings but I got. embarrassed I guess I didn't want to. ruin his good time by sharing the fact. that I wasn't feeling super Keen you. know I wasn't I wasn't Superman and you.

know I was Clark Kenton and um anyhow. you know I'm not trying to down you with. my feelings but those are some feelings. that I had you know uh we got some good. calls that came in uh over the past two. weeks really a lot of people talking. about the future and I know we touched. on it a little bit last week uh we also. touched on missing persons we had a. special episode in. between um and I I'll get into the. future a little more I want to talk. about that more next week a little bit. about the future so if you're thinking. about hitting the.

hotline um you know we're not moving on. yet in the in the program I'm just. letting you know if you're thinking. about hitting the hotline that that. number is 985 664. 9503 um and I want to know what some of. your concerns are again about the future. I want to talk about that a little bit. more uh cuz some people you know were. like well you know the automated car. already exists and and I know it already. exists I'm not saying it doesn't I'm. just saying the ability to implement.

those things. successfully into the universe that we. already have functioning here I think is. extremely far-fetched you know I think. it's a lot tougher than we think I mean. for example the CVS self checkout dude I. was ready to beat the [ __ ] balls dude I. beat the damn eyelashes off of some you. know little guy he trying to buy a. Gatorade I'm trying to get an orange.

Gatorade you know to boost my spirits. and they got five self checkout things. and this little guy and he just it. wouldn't let me check out and then it. thinks I'm stealing and it's the bag is. in the wrong place and I didn't pay for. a bag and I'd already bought some stuff. at the other register so now I'm at the. different register because there's two. entrances to the store and I'm trying to. get a. gatorade you know and this guy is giving. me a hard time and it you know uh and.

finally I said you know what dude [ __ ]. it bro I'll drink water I'll drink damn. tap water and try to imagine different. flavors while I'm swallowing it because. I just the self checkout [ __ ] doesn't. work well you know and people are angry. and then there's some guy and he just. swipes his little thing on the damn and. it beeps and then everything's supposed. to be okay it wasn't okay you know so I. don't know if we can't get that to work. I don't know how we're going to get some. of this other fancy [ __ ] that everybody.

wants you know I don't know I don't mean. to be fired up I'm just I mean I'm just. queefing in my damn brain I feel like I. just. don't I don't know man it was just a. long one you know it was a long one and. when I get to feeling depressed I just. things stack up fast you know it could. just be a little thing you know uh and. then it's suddenly I'm not that good I'm. not a good person you know I didn't. I don't try hard enough you know and.

then you know Chris rocks across the. street and so then it's like oh I'm well. I'm unsuccessful you know and those. things start to add up and then it's. like oh well I'm you know working on the. road and I'm by myself and you know then. next thing you know I'm doing. masturbation just masturbating out of. Shame really or out of just I don't know. just you know just I don't know just. caught up just caught up and just kind.

of wallowing like a pig but my. mud. is is in action that's what it is really. it's my thoughts because when I think. things don't go well when I act things. go well 100% of the time man 100% of the. time when I decided to get up and. actually go to the gym run anything go. downstairs get a coffee. you know then I started it creates.

movement it creates blood flow. anything's possible then things got. better but I got caught up man I got a. caught up in my own circumstances and I. uh you know I was just jerking off. and just eating damn little baby. Snickers and watching uh specials on. missing children and I wasn't doing. those things I wasn't you know obviously. doing any self-pleasure to any of the. missing children I don't do that kind of. stuff um I don't have any interest or.

that that is not part of my makeup uh. being a pediophile or having any of that. in me I've Babys sat. overnight I've Babys sat overnight. numerous times and I have five beautiful. nieces and nephews uh that I love uh. solely as family members and as um. beautiful children that I hope to make. their Futures as bright as I can so uh. anyhow um I don't know why I'm saying. all that I don't even know what I'm. talking about at this point uh but I.

will say this it is 1:15 a.m. here um in. Phoenix time I believe that's Pacific. Standard um Arizona is one of the few. states that doesn't change their time so. when you set your clocks forward or. backward Arizona doesn't they stay in. their ground and I respect that I've. always respect that about. Arizona um I've always respected that. they got some cool [ __ ] here in Arizona. man if you want to get out and about. they got some cool [ __ ] here in Arizona.

um we also had people commenting uh and. emailing about uh step the guest that we. had come in last week I was happy to. have Stephen and when I met him at the. DMV he was in more joyous Spirits you. know it seemed like he had a just a. built-in pogo stick and that his. feelings were alive inside of him now. when he showed up the other night for. the podcast he seemed like he may have. been under you know he may have been. coming down off of some uppers or some. side winders or something you know it. seemed like he'd been dabbling in some.

things you know some spirit merkers and. it seemed like he was coming in a little. murky and so it was hard it was tough to. conversate he came in late I only had so. much time in the studio uh but we did. what we could and we want him to come. back in uh next week I hope to be back. in uh conscious Studios next week or in. a studio right now I'm in a hotel room. at the Palomar Hotel here in downtown. Phoenix uh beautiful place but next next. week I hope to have a guest too um I got.

an exciting hopeful guest a wigger an. adult wigger or wigger sorry and I'm not. trying to be offensive but I mean I feel. like that's our word um and that's you. know a man that's aged but who has uh. dealt with um you know had that a that. Affinity that most white people have I. feel like uh the desire to be black the. desire to be African-American and some. uh people really practice it heavily. um I was part of that group I was a.

group I was in a group called NFL when I. was young and uh [ __ ] for life that. was the club and I was a part of it and. um we did that when we were in junior. high school and I used to I used to. drive a lot of the brothers my friends. over to school on my bike I had a. bicycle and they would all gang up and. get on the bike and and I would drive us. pedalist you know I was a I was a uh a. conduit really for to get a lot of young.

Brothers over to the educational center. there on Jefferson Avenue in Covington. Louisiana but I know an adult wigger one. of the oldest ones that I know and I'm. hoping to have him in studio now that's. my hopes I don't know if that's going to. transpire but I'm very hopeful so uh. hopefully you guys will tune in next. week to that we got some great calls. that came in man we got uh somebody. considering shooting up their workplace. somebody discussing the fear of missing. out and um and another job is issues. somebody else talking job issues so.

we're going to talk about jobs but also. uh if you guys hit the hotline in. addition to you know uh worries or. queries about the future I'm. also um I want to know the first time. you ever touched some crotch if any of. you guys have you know had that. experience and I know some men don't do. crotch and uh female crotch or it could. be male actually you know it could be. male or female crotch so if you I want. to know that first time you ever did. that I don't need you to get extremely.

graphic I don't want that but I I do. want to know your feelings you know some. of the feelings you had um what did your. friends think what were some of those. what went on there because that's a. really interesting time for a young man. um or yeah a young man when that occurs. and it can even be a woman if they got a. women out there that want to call in. some beautiful ladies that want to call. in and just let us know kind of maybe. about some of that experience um. um just because it's you know that's a.

unique time in somebody's life when they. first really get that uh that external. crotch experience when they're not you. know just doing self-pleasure or just. kind of digitaling their own crotch. their own bits so we're going to. hopefully I want to hear a little bit. about that too if some people are. willing to share um you can share your. experience I just don't need you to be. graphic we're not trying to be perverts. we're not trying to be nasty but I do. want to share and I do want to know and. I'll share some of my experiences you.

know because those are important times. and unique times uh in our sexuality so. I want to discuss that I'm going to drop. a few dates on you really quick also. want to tell you if you want to support. the podcast you can just be supportive. go to theo. comom store s o r uh you can. cop one of the t-shirts um we got some. neat shirts on there I think I'm going. to maybe get one that says uh keep calm. and Theo Von somebody recommended that. idea it's kind of a played out idea but.

it's something that I'm considering um. just to keep the podcast in business you. know uh you can support the album 30 lb. bag of hamster bones it's available on. iTunes right now um and then just you. can subscribe um only about half of our. viewers are actually subscribed so if. you just want to hit the Subscribe. button and uh just continue to be a part. of what we're trying to do here which I. don't always know what it is you know. but I do appreciate you guys being here. and um and listening to me and calling.

in because this gives me an opportunity. sometimes to get in touch with who I am. and to look back at my week or weekend. and um and find you know some of the. joys and find some of the pitfalls so. thank you very much for that uh I'll be. in Tampa Bay at the Sid Splitters comedy. club that's May 25th through 28th okay. May 20th we got a show down in Orange. County that's at the hardcore Fitness. studio and and that's in Lake Forest.

California and those tickets will go on. sale. online uh on my website uh tomorrow on. Monday or Tuesday and that's May 20th uh. the hardcore Fitness Studio it's a it's. a new show that goes on down there and I. heard it's really great so I'm excited. to go down there and do that in Lake. Forest California again I'll be in Tampa. Florida uh and that is June 25th no that. is May 25th through 28th I'll be in. Pittsburgh Pennsylvania June 1st through.

4th I'll be at the kaloa casino and that. is June 9th uh somewhere in California. June 23rd and 24th I'll be at Gotham in. New York City New York City New York you. know they call it the same thing just to. piss you off really but that's New York. City New York same place and that's in. the city and then Wyoming Illinois we're. doing a special fundraiser show if. you're wondering where is that it's a. small town Town 1,500 people beautiful.

little town my mother was raised there. um and she had her her dad had a lot of. issues over there and um she was a. single child uh but um a beautiful. little town we're raising money there to. save a theater that's there in town it's. near Peoria it's near Kiwani it's about. uh maybe an hour from the Quad Cities of. Iowa so you could come down about two. hours from Chicago you could come down. to Wyoming Illinois uh find you a bed. and breakfast or hotel and uh we're. going to make it a fun night that night.

two shows 7:00 and 900 p.m. uh those. tickets are all available through. theovon. docomo all right guys let's jump into a. couple calls here because I know uh. people have them and I want to hear them. and uh and let's get into them man and. I'm sorry about telling you guys I was a. little. depressed had to open up this diet coke. here because I got to catch a ride to. the airport in about four hours.

but sometimes I just you know I don't. know man I just want to be a happy adult. you know and I just sometimes I get. scared that I'm not going to be you know. sometimes I just really get scared that. I'm not going to be. uh and I don't know I just wish I didn't. have those elements inside of me that. made me fearful you know I just wish my. makeup was different you know I just. wish that I don't know some I just wish. that uh that I was.

different um all right let's get into. some calls here uh we got a beautiful. gentleman right here who's having some. uh some issues I think I got an issue uh. this guy seems like he's going through. some things let's listen to this. guy see this is uh K I'm from uh Tacoma. Washington Kyle in Tacoma Washington uh. thank you for calling dude Tacoma. very interesting City if you haven't.

been there it's about 40 minutes from. Seattle it's very granola but at the. same time a lot of cow boys there so you. can you know have a mouth full of. granola and raspberries and then you can. have a man or Hardy lesbian uh come and. really kick the [ __ ] out of you at the. same time while you're trying to eat. those things I remember one time I got a. rental car up near Tacoma it's true. story and uh it got dented a lesbian. kicked it at the bar we were at she said. it was her car I said no it isn't I got.

into the car she still said it was hers. and so then she kicked it I don't know. if she realized it wasn't hers and just. wanted to kick it or she didn't like it. maybe she hated Vehicles you know maybe. she you know maybe I don't know what. could it could transpire with her but we. didn't have the money we didn't get the. insurance on the car you know so to save. money I was over there doing. comedy dude we caught a pigeon right and. try to get this bird to [ __ ] try to hold.

it over the dents to get it to [ __ ] on. the car so that they wouldn't see the. dents when we turn the car in and I. don't know if you've tried to get a. pigeon to [ __ ] you know when you need it. to um but it's very sporadic and it's. it's more of. a it's. more it's a little more feels more like. a scient ific than you think you think.

it's going to be easy you're going to. hold the pigeon it's going to [ __ ] cover. the dents you're going to you know not. have to deal with insurance issues when. you turn in the rental car but uh but. the pigeons there's a lot of I guess. nerves inside of them they get. nervous uh there's not as much feces as. you'd expect out of a pigeon and it was. a bigger issue than uh than we had. thought it was going to be but uh anyhow. let's let's get back into Kyle from. Tacoma Washington what's going on Kyle. hi. absolutely hate my job on a cellular.

level I mean it it takes every bit of my. being not coming to work with an. AK-47 and kill everyone in there. or or or wake up in the morning and blow. my [ __ ] brains out across the. wall all right uh so Kyle having a tough. time out there in Tacoma. man I'm going to stop right now I'm just.

going to say look man I appreciate you. calling Kyle you know to shoot up work. or to shoot yourself I. mean oh god dude I feel you I feel you. Dude I used to work at a snow cone stand. and this. guy would uh he would uh talk and repeat. himself and I almost wanted to kill him. one time and then uh. and and then I realized I can't do that.

you know but I feel you thank you for. calling Let's uh continue forth every. every every single morning I work for. the government I hate the people I work. for I have like three people in the. whole building I work in I think are. good people the rest of them I'd be. happy if I woke up and I found out. they're all dead honestly. Theo what I want to know is like is I I. can't leave this organization for. another year and a.

half okay so he's got to stay there for. a while and he's got these desires to. kill and possibly to kill himself on a. you know at least on a level where he's. voicing it so you know a lot of this. could be hypothetical you know it's a. government job I think that kind of. stuff happens there there was a rampant. you know string of post people shooting. up post offices a while you know 15. years ago when that was pretty hot but. let's continue you please I don't care.

what it is please man I need some sort. of advice on how to get through this CU. I it's it's hard for me not to turn to. drugs and alcohol every. day. wow you know I'm. wondering is is it just work that's. making you mad you know what. extracurricular activities do you have. going on um sometimes you can get mad at. something and you.

and and uh and you get addicted to that. anger you. know excuse me I have a Diet Coke here. and most of it's made out of burps and. caramel flavoring that's all that is in. the can is wet burps and caramel. flavoring that you pour in and then some. of them good bit of it comes back out. but you know Kyle if you're if you have. that much anger it seems like you start. to manifest the anger more because you. dwell on it you know it's kind of like.

when. you I can't think of an analogy right. now man I'm just my brain's a little. tired but if you you know if you get. addicted to that to that feeling each. day and to hating everybody then you're. going to stay there you're going to stay. there dude and you know something that. works for me man I got some people that. I work with that I [ __ ] can't stand. bro can't stand them and it used to. drive me nuts and you know what I do you.

know what I do dude I pray for those. people and it's crazy CU my father used. to tell me one of the only things he. told me uh was to pray for your enemies. and I thought he was. crazy but I guarantee you this dude you. pray for your enemies whoever they are. the people you hate the most the boss. whoever whoever it is pray for them for. two weeks straight and you will be. relieved of whatever whyever you hate. them man I think I I've I've done this.

practice and I believe it um because you. got to find a way to transpose that. because you have to be there for a year. and a half I mean your only other option. is to shoot the place up I first of all. that's already been done honestly. shooting up a school shooting up a. government building kind of hack bro you. know I mean it's not it's not a safe. idea you know and I've been that angry. dude I've been that angry I'll tell you. poor choice I made when I was in junior. high school there at uh William pitcher.

Junior High School also off of Jefferson. Avenue and uh and we had a science lab. and I got angry in there because. everybody was cutting up some type of. ducks or something some. damn science thing we had to do where. you're cutting up a duck and looking at. a Ides and they gave me this [ __ ]. duck that was smaller than everybody. else's duck and I got pissed dude D and.

I left the gas on in the room every. little station had a thing where you. could turn the gas. on and the room it was on a Friday so. Monday everybody comes back to school. the gas has been on all weekend just. filling this room up now had somebody. used a little sparker thing in there you. know one of those buns and burner. igniters or whatever those little Flint. steel clicker Contraption things that. makes a spark. whole room would have gone up.

right um some people accus me and I. actually accused a mentally handicapped. child at our school I'm not proud of. that. um but but I didn't know what else to do. and I didn't want to be in trouble uh. but I'll tell you this man I was. grateful that everybody didn't blow up I. was grateful dude so even though. sometimes killing everybody seems like a. great idea you know I'm going to say.

that it's probably not bro I'm going to. say that you I want you to at least come. up with a couple of other ideas of way. you you can solve the problem you know. because if you hate 30 people dude and. they're probably a bunch of [ __ ] dude. they're probably a bunch of [ __ ] DNA. [ __ ] seing gypsies bro you know and I. know I'm angry tonight okay but they're. probably. a bunch of damn people that should be in.

a cult but don't have The Bravery to do. it you know so they work for the. government you know and maybe that's who. they are maybe they're not but you you. got to deal with it because if you're at. if you're angry at 30 people bro you. might be part of the problem Kyle all. right let's finish your call man just. just let let me know what's going on man. thank. you well there you go man and uh and I. think I did let you know what's going on.

man and I felt bad you know I blame this. mentally challenged uh boy at our school. and you know he and he was one of those. boys his mother made his own made all. his shirts so even if you're not. mentally challenged you look damn. mentally challenged when you or have all. you know shirts that your mother made. all of his shirts had all these. religious quotes sewn into him and stuff. and I mean it was bizarre but I felt. happy that uh that he didn't go to jail. he didn't do any time he had some you.

know he had some uh definitely they you. know try to proceed with some uh. pressing charges but you know that's. neither here nor there he's doing. probably as well as he's could do in. life and he's doing fine from what I've. heard I've seen pictures on Facebook. he's doing really he's doing well owns a. couple of dogs I see now um couple Labs. or retrievers but um but you know. looking back I'm glad I didn't shoot the. I'm glad I didn't blow the up man so I. think you just got to keep thinking keep.

your mind open keep your heart open and. uh find better ways to deal with it man. I don't have a ton of suggestions cuz. I've never worked for the government but. I have wanted to blow up a room full of. my peers and others because I got a. small dead duck than everybody else and. that right there shows you that I was. the problem you know these people didn't. know that they're dead Ducks were're. dissecting we're going to be bigger. nobody was part of that [ __ ] this was. this [ __ ] universe that I created in my. my head where my ego was hurt because.

I'm I'm operating I'm cutting on a dead. duck a malard or whatever it was [ __ ]. malard and other people are doing. regularized dead animals and I felt less. than so and if you're turning to drugs. and alcohol dude turn somewhere else bro. you know man up dude I'mma tell you that. man up bro all right let's go on to. another caller here man let's see what. we got here.

um hey Theo man I really appreciate you. doing these podcasts man I love it you. really opening yourself to everybody and. I appreciate it thank you brother I. appreciate you calling in brother um. onward uh the reason why I'm calling. today is because I'd like a little bit. of your. advice I'm originally from America of. course but I've been living in Thailand. for the last four months okay you been. in Thailand now a lot of people go to. Thailand to do drugs and to do uh you.

know sex parties and stuff um also nice. beaches. onward uh and I've been dating this. woman here she's not actually TI she's. from Myanmar but he's dating a Myanmar. woman from. Myanmar um fun to say fun to say that. place Myanmar I don't know I had this. infatuation with her for a. bit um but I actually today iend that. relationship and I just I feel so much.

guilt and I just I just want your advice. about how you deal with uh how you. manage feeling guilty with the. breakup um because you know we weren't. dating. long uh we had we had our our fair fair. number of issues for sure but at the. same time I just feel so guilty you know. she didn't see it coming it's not. something she. really ah I don't know man it's just it. seemed like I kind of Blindsided her it.

seemed to me that we were having issues. near the end but now that I. finally excuse me okay so you're having. issues and you broke up with her and you. feel bad about. it okay make sure I'm getting it all. it's almost the end of the call let's. keep going finally did it now I finally. ended it I just feel so much guilt I. feel I feel so bad for her so I don't. know if you put this on here I've been. kind of rambling a bit but okay man I'm. going stop you right there sound like. you're closing up.

um you are feeling guilt cuz you broke. up with someone right I've been there. man I feel you dude the hardest thing to. do really is to be honest with somebody. and let them go um when you don't feel. like it's a right fit some of the. reasons why I feel guilty or have felt. guilty in the past from my experience is. that uh I was uncertain you know I. didn't trust myself um even though I.

knew that it was the right move I just. didn't trust myself man I didn't feel. confident in who I was no matter what. decision I was making so to make a big. Choice like to let somebody go that I. had cared about at one time at least. decently it sounds like you cared about. this woman um it was very jarring. afterwards um it's like you have like uh. returners remorse a little bit you know. I think what you need to do is just. trust your.

instincts um and the reason you probably. feel bad is. because I think one of the reasons could. be that you actually cared and that's. okay you know it would. be it would be more revealing if you. didn't feel bad because then did you. really care you know if it just goes on. over your shoulder then you didn't. probably care that much but the fact. that you you care dude you know you miss.

her you you think about her um it was. close to something that was probably. really good or maybe perfect or maybe. the timing isn't right right now but the. fact that you stood up and said this. isn't going to work for me will probably. leave the availability for that in the. future if you guys change because you. manned up dude the toughest thing to do. is to [ __ ] do what you got got to do. you know you could have middled around.

and texted here and texted there you. know I mean I got girls i' probably been. texting on and off with for seven years. you know when I think about it that I'm. never going to meet up with ever but we. still like what are you doing this week. what are you doing tonight maybe we. can just because I'm afraid to cut ties. because I'm afraid to be confident that. someone better is going to come to me. um but it doesn't sound like that's. what's going on with you it just sounds.

like you cared and you're you know. you're bummed and you cared about this. girl and you don't want her feelings to. hurt and that's that's nice of you it's. nice that you can empathize with her but. you don't want to make it so that like. you you hurting for. her like you don't want to get kind of. codependent like that like you know like. oh I you know I feel so bad about what I.

did I'm going to hurt for her as well. like just make sure you're not doing. that because that's kind of a place of. you know you putting yourself in the in. like the the center of the universe role. where you know every everyone's feelings. have to be you have to feel everyone's. feelings you don't have to do that you. know just make sure that you know it's. just natural. comfortable you know know pain. discomfort heartache those things are.

okay it's weird that we we got into this. world these days where it's not okay to. feel those or um it's not okay to. inflict those on everybody I think some. of that goes back to the the the. environment where everybody gets a. trophy you know we want to make. everybody feel okay all the time we're. afraid to make others. feel uh almost really to make them feel. we're afraid to commit to love we're. afraid to commit to. separation um so I commend you on being.

Fearless about it man you know uh a. while back I I I met up with a girl and. uh we met for some pizza you know a. little bit of Italian um you know Circle. divided and we spent time there chatting. and eating and it was nice but then I. realized immediately I didn't have the. time to devote to getting to know her. better and I just you know she checked. in and I checked in we said we had a. nice time but then I text her and I said. you know um I think you're great I don't.

don't have the time right now um it has. nothing to do with you uh I appreciate. you hanging out with me and it was. probably one of the most adult things. I'd done in a while was just take. responsibility do what needed to be done. and even if she said oh I wasn't even. thinking like that or whatever that's. fine I'm I'm just taking care of my side. of my street so that my feelings aren't. Milling around uh with split ends you. know um so anyway I like what you're. doing man you know and just feel that. pain and feel what it feels like you.

know feel what it feels like to you're. not being a bad guy you know but it's. nice that you care that you have some. empathy and you concern uh for her. feelings you know and I think that's. okay I mean it's tough because you. probably want to check in and be like. are you all right and this and that. but um she's an adult man she's an adult. and she'll be okay now if she you know. leaves you a voicemail saying she might. shoot up her workplace or whatever then. maybe she's not even a woman maybe she's.

actually uh our first caller Kyle uh so. anyhow man onward let's take one more. call here and uh and see what's going on. thank you guys for listening man I'm. awfully tired um but I appreciate you. guys uh sticking with me again I'm going. to give you that hotline number I need. some good voicemails I want to I want to. get interactive uh and as soon as we can. get this locked in the studio we'll do. some live calls man I want to get there. and I appreciate you sticking with me. that number is is 985 664.

9503 if you mess up your voicemail leave. it again that's okay that's totally okay. and we're going to create an email next. week uh where you can email issues uh. that you want me to discuss on the show. as well um but I don't have that yet. because I want to go to sleep man I want. to go to sleep for two and a half hours. before I have to go to the airport and I. love you guys but I don't [ __ ] love. you that much dude and I'm trying not to. masturbate and I'm you know coming off. this weird sugar hi High dude where you.

know I mean I'm going to [ __ ] fro youo. based on the fact of how many damn you. know baby Snickers I've had in the past. 24 hours anyhow one more call let's get. to it right here um here we. go hey what's up Theo mullet Gandhi um. appreciate the show I'm a big fan and. I'm calling in man I need mullet Gandhi. that's kind of funny man it's kind of. it's fit 50% funny maybe 70% thank you. for that onward I need some advice I.

just hit. 34 um stuck in a a job that I I really. don't like it pays the bills but you. know I just need some direction and it. seems like uh it's been 10 years now and. I'm still looking for that. direction and uh just trying to figure. out what to do for work you know no. sense being stuck in a job that I hate. but been at it for you know 10 years now.

so if you could give me some advice okay. man so you 10 years you've been in the. same job you don't really you know you. think it's you think you hate it you. know you're not sure but you're making. money you're paying your. bills well is there something else you. want to do I think it's where you start. and maybe you don't know I mean look man. I do comedy right I do this comedy job. I've been doing it for 14 years now for. 25 weekends a year I've been on the road.

slanging [ __ ] dirt riddles up and. down the damn coast and [ __ ] hole. everywhere okay and there are there's. two days a week where I don't know if. this is what I want to do you know the. greatest day I ever had in my life that. brought me the most Joy I was in India. one time India the. country um and I worked at a disabled. children's home um cleaning out a yard. that they needed cleaned because it was.

full of debris and [ __ ] and they. were going to build a playground there. and that was the only day of my life. where I got to the end of my day and I. felt useful as a human being so do I. think that this is what I want to do. forever do I think I'm being of the most. service that I can be as a human I don't. know you know I don't know so I. understand you thinking those things um. you know I'd find what brings you Joy. and maybe start to experiment with that. on the side cuz you have to continue to.

pay your bills you have to continue to. work you know I you have to work I Liv. with a friend of mine for a while and. his dad who uh was an alcoholic as well. and used to eat toos chips all the time. and he and I would uh take turns. sneaking out to the computer to watch. pornography because they only had one. computer there at the house um but his. dad said you got to work that's what he. told me he said you got got to work so. you have to be working you know you got. to be contributing you got to be keeping.

your flow going so I keep the job until. you have another idea um so I'd. experiment with some things on the side. and if you find that you you don't have. something else that pops into your head. then maybe just you maybe that work. isn't the place where you need to find. your joy you. know sometimes your joy can come from. somewhere else we've attached our joy I. feel like these days to our work. your joy could come from anything it. could come from being a great parent it.

could come from being a great son maybe. you want to be a better nephew maybe you. want to be a um you know a Craftsman um. you know maybe you want to sing I mean. you can find another place to find your. joy then your work will just be this. secondary thing that you do and your. true joy in life can still come from. somewhere else um your success in your. life can be being a father it can be. being a son um those are great jobs man.

those are jobs we need in this world you. know people aren't doing those jobs. anymore uh those are jobs that we need. people to take. seriously um the the most joy that I. feel these days is when I'm around my. family dude I never thought I would say. that growing up my family and I hate. each other you know my brother beat me. with a chair one time a very expensive. antique chair and um and you know I.

never thought that I would find the most. joy in my life coming from my family but. these days uh it warms my heart a lot of. times when I think of the people that. love me and that I'm able to have that. accept my love and that might be my. legacy in this. world just the fact one day to know that. I was a loving brother or sibling or. father and those can be a lot of our.

successes you know uh so I implore you. to look in other places to find what. maybe um your success is your calling is. and if you have some side items some. things you want to try uh for work then. do them you know experiment but stay. busy in the meantime stay working have. an Exit Plan uh Before You Exit you know. don't don't just get out there I don't. think that's the smartest idea you got. to keep paying your bills uh may be. providing for family I don't know you. didn't mention that but they're going to.

want to eat they're going to want to. keep eating you know uh so just stay on. your responsibilities uh and don't be. bored if you're not really experimenting. with other things and you're just going. to work and then just saying you don't. like work well well you're not doing. that other side we're actually getting. out there and looking at other. possibilities so until you're willing to. do that you know you can't really say. you know I don't like my job but if. you're not you know really out. experimenting to find out what else you. do like then yeah maybe you don't like.

your job but you like it enough that. you're willing to stay there and not. even experiment with other options a. little side you know little side your. little side piece work get you a little. side piece something you you know you. can still be banging your wife your job. but you could kind of be you know. jerking off on your side piece in the. meantime you know um until you see if uh. that side piece could become a new wife. so that those are just some of my. thoughts I don't know if that's super. helpful or not dude but it's the middle.

of the [ __ ] night bro and and it's. been a long weekend uh you know what. I'll get to one more man I'll get to one. more here uh what's going on. here actually you know what I'll do it. next week man um I got a followup we had. a guy who we reached out to a while back. and I'll drop that later on this week uh. we're also going to drop um I'm going to. start dropping some things from my. history every uh from the history of my. career and stuff. uh on Fridays From the Vault so that'll. come out this Friday uh I gave you those.

dates um we'll get back into having some. intro and outro music I've had some. amazing fans uh and friends that have. reached out at offering to create some. so I'm I'm looking forward to getting. into that um and I just want to thank. you guys for supporting and bearing with. me and um and for just being a part of. my life each week you know I don't know. what we're on to here but we're on to. something um and I'm going to try to. just keep showing up and uh and you guys.

just try to keep showing up and let's. just keep figuring life out dude you. know we're still alive you know we made. it it's just another Monday that's all. it is you know this this day doesn't. Define us this just a little piece uh in. the big puzzle of whoever we're going to. be you know this isn't our ending um. this is just another opportunity uh to. be a little bit better than we were last. week you know progress not Perfection if.

you're trying to be perfect you got to. shut that down you got to shut it down I. try it and that's why I end up laying in. bed doing masturbation wondering where. this kid in Oregon is going to and. eating small. Snickers. because sometimes my brain logs back in. and tells me I'm not perfect yeah well. that's fine brain you know but I'm going. to tell you right now I'm going to tell. you to your face dude you're right I'm. not perfect um but uh but I'm not a bad.

person you know and and I'm making. progress you know and I care uh and I. care about myself you know as scary as. it is to say that sometimes dude you. know that's one thing I've noticed. recently in my life is for some. reason it's scary for me to admit uh. that I care about. myself I don't know why I don't know if.

it's just for so long I didn't care uh. but for some reason it's scary for me to. admit uh that I care about myself so I. don't know we learn as we go but. progress not Perfection and uh thank you. guys for joining me this week on this. past weekend uh I implore you to be good. to yourself cuz I bet you deserve it man. you know I really bet you do uh I'll see. you guys soon all right thank you so. much for the support subscribe if you. haven't subscribed um tell your friends.

to check out the Pod um I'm eternally. grateful too to some of my podcast. brothers who uh who gave me. opportunities to be on their podcast and. who have helped me learn some of the. ropes and inspire me uh Joe Rogan Coco. Diaz uh the fighter and the. kid um you know I got a text from Joe. the other night after I did a comedy set. and he said hey man that was a great set. you know and I I didn't know he was. standing there watching or anything like. that and he didn't have to do that um.

you know but it was just nice it's nice. when we if we have any experience in. something if we reach out to somebody. younger who's new or novel uh into the. same environment and just cheer them on. it's amazing how far that goes you know. it meant a ton of me when I was a kid. when somebody did that if somebody. showed interest uh and it's funny it. still resonates with me when I'm in. adult um so yeah so today if you're. thinking about yourself and you're think.

you're having a tough day or tough time. or something why don't you maybe just. reach out to somebody else who's younger. than you or who is newer at work than. you you know I know if you only got a. year and a half left you think about. shooting up the place. dude just text somebody who just got it. to the place to the workplace who just. started there and be like. dude there's going to come a time when. you're going to want to shoot this place. up don't do it you you know or just. share something nice man it's amazing.

um how how we all have the power to. boost somebody's Spirits you know. sometimes we just forget that and I'm. going to try to remember that uh today. as well I'm going to try to get out of. myself and um and get back on my program. of of reaching out to others and just. quit thinking about me because when my. brain thinks about me dude it doesn't. think the best about me that's what's. wrong with my brain you know but when it. thinks about other people it really. cares so I'm just going to try to live. right there uh and hopefully I'll be in. a better mood next week I appreciate you.

guys listening to me vent all this. [ __ ] um be good to yourselves man. take care thank. you this past weekend.