3-19-17 | This Past Weekend #14

what's up you little gristle whistlers. huh you alive dude knock knock who's. there hopefully you how you living man. you believe in ghosts man you believe in. ghosts do ghosts believe in you though. that's the question have you done enough. in your life for ghosts to believe in. you you have accidentally urinated on. your exgirlfriend bro where y'all was. sharing a sofa while you was sleeping. over in Baton Rouge Louisiana about n.

years ago have you ever just wet the bed. in your 30s dude cuz you got issues that. you haven't dealt with huh you ever you. ever covered yourself in baby oil and. pretended you was back inside your. mother's womb oh hey Mama well if you. have dude you're definitely welcome here. this is this past. weekend this past. weekend thanks for my artwork cash.

[Music]. will thanks for all the birthday wishes. uh just have breakfast with my buddy and. his children they whites dude I mean. they about the. whitest B power. bro good morning uh it is March 19th uh. 2017 the year of the I don't even know. what it is man could be a animal Chinese.

probably uh something they thought of. you know and shared with the rest of us. I'm theovon this is uh this is this past. weekend and it's my birthday man I'm. going start off and say that um I know. we talked about it last week a little. bit on here I was at my brother's home. in Baton Rouge and we taped the episode. and his uh children's he have uh three. beautiful children's and we tape the. episode in their playroom where they. keep their toys and capes and.

just daytime uh pieces of Adventure so. here I am back at home in Los Angeles uh. and it's my birthday man and and it. feels pretty good you know I'm I'm 37 I. am 37 years old man I'm an adult male uh. made a lot of poor choices dude wet the. bed until pretty much I'd say early 30s. you know probably some anxiety fear and. nighttime um actually I remember as a.

child I would get very scared of of of. going to bed and the Darkness and. anything that it could you know that. that it could hide inside of itself and. and and Expos to me when I least. expected it um and I would I remember at. night I at night I used to stand on my. bed at. night because I had a fear specifically. of. animals um we had a lot of dangerous. animals in our neighborhood um I grew up. in the Stray animal belt a lot of people.

know that and I remember at night time. that I would stand on my bed and urinate. around my bed you know around off off of. my bed just off onto the floor because I. had heard that that animals wouldn't. attack if another animal had urinated. locally so yeah so anyway that was uh. that was some of my youth you know right. there experimenting with urine and uh. trying to protect myself as a child um.

and just I guess coming through a lot of. fear you know a lot of fear as a young. boy but yeah I'm 37 man you know and it. feels it feels scary a little bit you. know it's kind of one of the last few. years you can kind of say how old you. are um and I haven't done that for a. while I've been hiding I've tried to. hide my age I think I've had some. ashamed about it you know just. uncertainty didn't want people to know. how old I was felt inferior of uh of my.

uh. accomplishments um that I hadn't done. enough in a certain age but now I'm. trying to embrace it I'm trying to be. where I am and where I am is uh 37 years. of existence on according to a lot of. creeps and and a lot of brothers out. there really perpetuating uh the idea of. a flat Earth people saying that that. we've been living on a flat Earth um ran. into a gentlemen today outside of a.

Whole Foods type of um you know uh clean. food store and he really he was. authentic in his beliefs that the Earth. is flat so I had to listen to that for a. while nice gentleman though I will say. that but yeah man I'm 37 I had a good. day what did I do I got up um I went and. had breakfast with a friend of mine a. rich friend they well off and um. beautiful they got two beautiful.

children and they you know they just. have nice hair and that's one thing. about the rich I always noticed growing. up their hair look. very like it was bought somewhere or. sewn in or like their hair was from. France you know like they had you know. France hair and they. just I remember the rich always. seemed you know like if you saw a rich. dude with bad hair you were like this.

dude ain't ain't this dude ain't Rich. you know he's not as rich as he could be. um cuz I remember rich people always had. nice hair but anyhow man it's my. birthday I spent time with my friend. this morning I went bike riding today my. boy dirt nasty out there and um and a. couple of other buddies we went bike. riding on these motorized bicycles and. they can go up to like about 30 m an. hour you just press a button so so. you're on a on a regular bicycle and.

next thing you know you were just flying. bro so we did that in Venice all day I. threw a little bit of that video um if. you're on the YouTube watching I threw a. little bit of that video at the. beginning but anyhow thank you for. joining me um it's good man I've had. some good birthdays over the. years I remember a friend of mine has a. one-year-old child now it's older but at. the time it was one and he had his. birthday party at Perry Ferrell's house.

or uh Ferry Peril the guy from Jane's. Addiction the lead singer so that was. pretty interesting go over there. celebrating for a. one-year-old my ex-girlfriend threw me a. surprise party one year that was very. nice uh I had a roller rank birthday. when I was young and I remember this. young uh this young black gentleman came. to the party and nobody knew him you. know we were children and he showed up.

his mother dropped him off and he was. pleasant you know um I think Demetrius. or Demitri he was pleasant kind of an. Italian black kind of name and he was. pleasant and he enjoyed the party and. ate and enjoyed himself and did roller. skating and then he his mom came and. picked him up and and and he went home. and he was not nobody knew him though. none of the parents knew him and none of. the children knew him so that's I mean I.

guess that's a way that's one way to fit. in that is for. sure but I appreciate you guys joining. me um what's been going on this past. weekend um really just kind of chilled. man I had about 10 comedy sets a lot of. joy out there oh I met Charlie Sheen so. that was pretty wild I worked on this. thing called typical Rick which is a. Comedy Central series with Nick. schwartzon and Simon Rex and um it was.

season two of that and had a small part. on there and I walk over to wardrobe on. the set and uh Charlie Sheen is sitting. there the big dog himself you know Mr. Tiger's blood uh HIV you know the. Superman uh he was smoking a cigarette. and so I got me a cigarette and we. started chatting and just sharing the. breeze and just just throwing ideas. around and I had this shirt on that had. a picture of uh Michael Landon on it and.

everybody knows I'm a big Michael Landon. fan and Charlie asked me about the shirt. and I told him about my fanship and then. he said that um that one time he was he. had he was escaping out of a rehab. facility and that uh one of Michael. Landon's Sons his one one of Michael. Landon's children was in this in the. facility and as he was leaving uh he saw. the door open to the room of Michael. Landon's son and he asked him if he.

wanted to go party with him and that. they left out and partied for the. weekend so that was pretty cool man and. he. looked I mean he was really captivating. great energy super sweet guy I mean just. honestly nice as could be and he looked. like he'd been at Spring break for about. 30 years um in. Cancun and uh and it was it was just. cool man it was just interesting to just. kind of chat with him and just shoot the. breeze um.

what else do we talk about that was it. man that was it dude and I'll tell you. this they had a couple ladies there on. set and I think any lady would have left. with him man I mean the dude he just got. that I don't know he's got that he just. had the Charisma man that. Charisma and uh so that was it so that. was part of an interesting part of the. weekend was just getting to bump into uh. Mr Charlie Sheen. himself and a lot of times I think on my. birthday I feel.

negative you know or just like I haven't. gotten things. done and then sometimes I'll remember. think about this that you were a sperm. Bro think about a sperm dude there's. tons of them you were a sperm and now I. was a sperm everybody pretty much was a. sperm unless you know. somebody's you know doing something. different but now look at me I have I.

have I'm six feet tall I have hands and. arms and I mean if anything I've. achieved a lot I mean I'm probably 30. million times my original size um I'm. really on another level so even just. thinking about that about how far I've. come. physically uh that's pretty amazing so. that's one thing to even just think. about on your birthday that even just. physically that you've come a long way. as a human.

as a. human and I really I felt a lot of Joy. today because my neighbors made me a. nice meal and I got home and they had. made me a meal and um they let me invite. a friend and we went over there and we. ate we had some pieces of London Broil. and they had um a salad that had all. kinds of cranberries and avocados and. delectable tidbits and this and that you. know things that make your face feel.

good when you put them inside of your. mouth and we also had a little bit of. coconut ice cream you know as night time. set in we had a little bit of that. coconut ice cream and God damn that [ __ ]. just oh just feels like it's just. [ __ ] the inside of my mouth man I I. love I love coconut I love coconut man. and when I die I'd be happy to just be. packed in it just pack me in coconut an. astronaut ice cream if you've ever had.

that it's dehydrated ice cream and they. sell it at um at museums and it's very. nice treat to have in a museum or in. other buildings. elsewhere I think back to my first. birthday in Los Angeles uh I was living. with two friends I was sleeping under a. man's bed actually and I think I. mentioned this before for $150 a month. on a large pool raft he had one of those. pool.

rafts and um and I slept under his bed. and up under the the edge of his bed. except for if he was out of town I would. I would honestly I'd get into that man's. bed and even though I didn't know him. super well I knew him you know we were. buddies but I would lay in his bed dude. and I would sleep in there and that's. kind of a wild feeling I think um. sleeping in another man's bed and just. letting yourself just be natural you. know like that because it feels another. man's bed feels like another man you.

know it. feels like you being bad you know and. you just Goldie Locks and in a. gentleman's you know and you don't know. and he didn't make his bed that's. another thing I remember he didn't make. his bed and getting into another man's. bed that he doesn't even. make I mean it's uh it's it's it really. makes you feel a little bit gutter you. know it puts the. it puts the it puts the G in gutter dude.

you get in there and it's just not the. same as if somebody's bed is made and. you get in that's very it feels a little. less I don't think it's homoerotic I. just think it's just nasty it feels less. nasty that way so yeah that was my first. uh birthday in La I was paying $150 a. month and sleeping under a man's bed and. also I remember my responsibility was we. didn't have a refrigerator. and my responsibility was to get us.

refrigerator and it happened to be my. birthday and I finally find a. refrigerator on Craig's List I get the. dude to bring it over get it off of his. truck and I'm trying to be friendly I'm. from the south and I'm you know and I'm. just [ __ ] at least partly friendly. and I say well I will I can get it. inside I don't need any help guys you. know I want to be a man and I've been. going to the gymnasium at the time and. you know I might have even been on.

muscular uppers and stuff that were. making me feel. strong so I'm like I'll get the. refrigerator myself so next thing you. know I'm trying to get this refrigerator. I'm pushing it down this little side. alley by the apartments uh that right up. to the back door of the apartment we're. staying in and I get it in the doorway. and it gets. stuck and I'm literally running and. shouldering this. refrigerator trying to beat this.

refrigerator into our. apartment it's all I mean you can the. grill thing on the back or the I don't. know what it's called looks like a vent. kind of thing but where the freon and. stuff is is all broken up and [ __ ] and. and I remember just leaning against it. at the end and just crying bro just. crying man like a. little just like a little La of just. like a little laby of of of the world. you know just like a. just like a not even a strong labia and.

just crying and that was my birthday I. just remember this is my [ __ ]. birthday here I am crying trying to beat. a refrigerator in and uh into an. apartment and that was that was a dark. one man that was a dark birthday but. this this wasn't that today today was. nice and calm and. adult and it was one of those days where. I realized I got to be I got to be an. adult man you know I don't want to grow. up up.

sometimes but at some point you have to. do it you got to adult you got to quit. you know doing kid [ __ ] man and I think. in the past you have done some of those. things you know um I mean I quit. drinking some people don't know that but. I do uh I do not drink I'm eight months. now of not drinking um I struggle. sometimes with some cigarettes they know. that and I struggle sometimes as well. with um you know trying to stal a.

pornography which is a huge issue and. I'd love uh if people are going to call. in next week to give some calls if you. have if you have some issues with that. I'd love to know about it I want to. delve into that a lot next week I'm. going to give you that hotline number. right now to leave a voicemail and it's. 98566. 4953 and if you want to call in if. you're struggling with. masturbation uh masturbatory activities. and I just want to know how you're.

dealing with it you know the ups and. downs of it um also if you've had some. shitty jobs I might talk about that as. well because at a certain point. masturbating is is a shitty job man it. is a it's a habit that you get. into and uh and dealing with that. pornography and dealing with that I mean. I'm just amazed at how many people have. reached out to me and said look man I'm. really struggling with this you know I'm. really struggling with that activity. but I'm feeling fortunate today I'm.

feeling better this week and thinking. about what do I need to get done in my. life to make me. feel you know of my age to make me feel. 37 there's a lot of things that have. been just sitting on the on the diving. board you know that I've been afraid to. just kind of throw into the pool and now. it's time to cut it up dudes now it's. time to bust some straight up gun you. feel me now it's trying to now it's time. to H this gunt out into the ether and.

that's what I'm going to do that is what. I'm going to do and I remember I used to. have a lot of dreams of things that I. never got done I remember I wanted to. see do around the world when I was young. and I even I wrote a letter to SEO at. the time that's like a jet ski type. company but that was the only one they. had at the time I think it was called a. SEO sea d o o c do and you uh you could. go pretty far on them you know and I.

used to live along a river and I would. do them there and get on them and um and. I remember emailing them uh writing them. a letter and saying I want to see do. around the world you know I can do this. and they never wrote. back uh so I've had some dreams that. haven't really come to fruition you know. I wanted to be a dancer I'll be honest. about that dude you know it's kind of a. you know it's a tough thing to admit. I'll admit that but I want to be a. dancer you know in my in my 20s I.

felt dude sometimes I got out of bed and. my feet just felt so light my feet just. felt light like I could do. it you know and then I hurt my back dude. painting a house and just dangerous. really painting that just in dangerous. heat and over 100 degree heat wrapped in. and I was wrapped in this Vis Queen suit. suit because a bunch of bees were trying.

to get me and uh and I hurt my back and. that ended kind of some of my dancing. dreams but I still have other dreams you. know I still have other things that I. want to get done but here I am 37 you. know here I am 37 and I'm looking. forward uh I'm looking forward to this. year and I'm looking forward to trying. to put some safe pressure on myself so. that I can get some things done man so. anyway how Let's uh I want to get into. some calls man we have some great calls. I appreciate everybody reaching out on.

the hotline and that number is. 98566. 4953 and I'm not offering advice here. but I will try to offer basic life. suggestions based on experiences that. I've had because I've been out there man. I've done the I've been involved in some. dirty things you know and I've made love. to some busted women out in the in the. existence you know and I've I've done. the drugs and the you know and I've done. some naughty.

things I'll tell you one time one. birthday I had that stands out I was. with this man David was his name and he. had two different color eyes and I've. always I've always thought those people. were trouble honestly when you see. somebody and they got two different. color. eyes it's not a you know the it wasn't. they weren't fully designed I never. thought and this boy. David um we were on this party bus kind.

of thing and it was like a tour bus and. I was going to sleep and he liked to. party you know and do drugs and do. uppers and he said hey man let's go. party it's about 1:30 in the morning I. was like man I'm tired man you know I. can't I'm tired and he goes well I'll go. get us some drugs you know and this is. when I was doing drugs and enjoying. drugs and uh and so I I said well look. man if you come back with drugs I'll do. them with you you you know trying to be.

supportive and then I fall asleep about. 4:30 in the morning this dude rolls back. in and he's got some uh steroids on him. some testosterona. 400 that's a steroid Mexican steroid. horse uppers uppers for horses and. equestrians and so he's like let's party. dude I'm like I'm. not [ __ ] doing steroids dude first of. all they take about two weeks to get in. your system so even if we hit a club.

right now we're not going to feel the. vibe from it you know we're not going to. feel the but he had me you know shoot. him in the ass with these drugs and uh. and he kind of put on some athletic. looking gear and went to like a late. Rave or something or something that was. popping off around 5:00 a.m. so that was. a birthday that I had that was a bit. lonely all right man let's get into some. of these calls dude we got some amazing. calls that came in uh uh I want to hear. what's up we're about to hit this.

hotline right here all right we got this. call from Franklin North. Carolina hey bro my girl has three. really long thick bristly hairs growing. out of her navl I pluck one while she. was sleeping the root was really bulbous. and girthy and smelled like bone broth. should I love her or leave. her wow man um yeah that's the Harry. Naval dude I've you know I haven't dealt. with.

that I've I've definitely dated I dated. a girl with a very small head uh for a. while and even it was almost just like. her neck had gotten real fancy at the. top and had a mouth on it and stuff and. and I remember her head just felt like a. just like a like an adventurous kind of. melon it wasn't it was it was about a. 3/4 head maybe of a regular head and. that made me nervous dude um I dated a.

girl that's she her mouth smelled like. meat around her mouth smell like. different. meat like she was just you know just. hiding Carpaccio under her skin or. something around her mouth or doing. putting some kind of meats or something. on her mouth at night and I know she. wasn't I mean that's crazy she wasn't. she didn't even eat beef jerky or do any. of those nothing like that but she had. this very me eat this kind of barbecu is.

kind of feeling and scent around her. lips that made me nervous I hooked up. with this girl one time in South. Carolina or North Carolina who her. breast kind of felt like [ __ ] diapers a. little bit um you know like a baby like. if a baby has like a poop diaper you can. you can mold the diaper and it'll stay. that way and her breast were like that. you could shape them and they would stay. and whatever shape it you kind of put. them in. um so that was very.

baffling but I never said a word you. know uh I never said a word dude because. I've had things that I'm sure and do. have things that I'm sure women don't. like about me you know I've had Harry. back um had a hairy butttock you know. sometimes I get it kind of tended to. they got a Persian lady over here who. really hates hair and she'll go at it. for you for about. $50 and really attack it and. but I.

uh I I you know I used to be nervous. self-conscious that had hair kind of on. my buttocks and back and I even remember. I would walk out of the room backwards. like if I were leaving a bedroom if I'd. been making love with a lady and I'm. walking out of room I would walk. backwards like I'm [ __ ] like I'm that. dude in uh in Silence of the Lambs you. know you know but I would like walk. backwards like I was Michael Jackson you. know just like I got to go to the back. bathroom you know just walk out of the.

room like that dude cuz I was just I. didn't maybe I was just self-conscious. about that um I had a fever one time. really bad and made love to a woman and. I I know to this day that she questions. probably the heat that was coming out of. my body you know it was it was so it was. it was it was beyond normal just I mean. it was like 103° fever I was [ __ ] at. you know and that's very intense. probably I don't know what she thought. maybe that I had some type of a rabies.

or that I was just angry just so angry. you know to be coming in that hot. physically so I think you got to think. about that man like how many hairs and. weird body things do you have you know I. mean not to scold you but to let you. know that dude you probably have. countless deficiencies countless man we. all do so you can't really hold your. lady to that crazy regard I don't think. you know I mean maybe celebrate it get.

her a Barett you know get her a Barett. and just pop a beautiful baret like a. nice Church little church brooch for. your hair and put it on the on those. hairs you know or gel them down you know. make a game about it you know floss your. teeth with them dude celebrate it maybe. instead of you know trying to sneak them. out of her body while she's resting and. how hard does she even sleep if you're. able to pull a hair out of her body I'd.

worry about more about you know some of. her sleep patterns than about some of. her hair patterns and uh and just love. her man that's what I say dude because. here's the thing if you love her love. her for everything bro if she has one. leg or one lip or one you know or only. one one one [ __ ] hat or anything dude. love her you know if you're going to. love her love her that's what I say if. you say you're going to love somebody. then love them otherwise don't [ __ ].

them up top man but if you want to mail. that hair in dude uh email me and I'll. show the hair to people just to prove. that you're out there doing that. sneaking hairs out of people's body in. the middle of the night bro damn dog. that's some BO Radley [ __ ] right there. bro but I do appreciate uh you checking. in and I say just Embrace her man you. know show her some some bad hair you. have and y'all just be [ __ ] hair. Bears dog you know hair bear up. hair bear.

up all right I got some a couple. announcements to make I'm going to cut. to a couple more calls man um first of. all if you're watching on YouTube or. iTunes go ahead and subscribe you know. be a subscriber uh rate the podcast give. me some decent ratings because I'm. trying to get enough listeners where I. can have some advertisers I mean that's. just the business side of that um I have. some comedy dates coming up I feel very. grateful to have uh to have the ability. to be at um comedy on stage date this. weekend March 23rd through 25th in.

Madison Wisconsin and then I'm going to. be at the punchline in Sacramento April. 21st through. 23rd so I'm excited about that people. have asked me about the shop uh theovon. docomo we got some got hamps shirts in. there um you can still get the album 30. lb bag of hamster bones we were doing. well on the charts we're still doing. pretty good but we could pick it up if. you want to grab the album um talking.

about my boy that I grew up with this. boy named Dany who had some he had this. deficiency in his neck so I'll talk. about that all right let's take another. call. here and this is from Canada this is. Monica oh hey Theo this is Monica I'm. calling from Vancouver Canada and I'm. just wanting to get your mail. perspective on an issue I'm having so. I'm about 27 I've been dealing with. depression and Social Anxiety probably.

for the last 10 years or so and last. year was especially pretty rough. probably the last six or eight months. I've been really sad and just feeling. lonely and just like empty and on top of. that I gained a bunch of weight so you. just feel so unattractive and just want. to hide away from. everybody but at this point I've come to. the realization that being alone at this. point isn't really good for my psyche.

and I know that it's time for me to get. out there and thck myself up again and. get into the dating world so I guess I'm. just hoping you might have some any. looking for some advice from you to you. know get some confidence back and get my. [ __ ] together hopefully so any thoughts. you have would be greatly. appreciated wow well I mean first. look Monica I tell you this you know I.

love you I'll say that right out of the. gate you freaking little you thick. little muffin you know if you putting on. a pound or two you could just hug me I. bet it feels good that's the good thing. about if you do put on a little bit of. weight when you hug somebody you're. really giving them more joy you know you. ever hug a bony person it's. like it's like holding on to a. pillowcase full of deer antlers you know. but you hug a real meat a real meat dog.

you know or a meaty or stronger thicker. rubenesque that's beautiful you know so. I want to say first of all that I love. you you know and and I feel you and it. sounds like you got a you're putting a. lot on your plate you know I mean you. want to feel better um and then you. don't want to be. alone and I can sympathize with that um. regarding the weight I mean you would be. surprised how much getting in shape and.

getting your blood going makes. everything else better it's specifically. your mindset like you get a little bit. of activity physical activity you're get. your mind is going to it's going to. start to get in shape as well and I. would try to approach your weight loss. not. with I I have to lose weight or I'm. gonna lose weight but with the idea or. the mindset that I'm going to live a. healthier lifestyle then it's not just.

about the weight and I find that people. who approach it that way that I'm going. to live a healthier lifestyle tend to. lose weight and actually keep it off. because then they're headed in an. overall better. Direction and this uh and this is going. to sound kind of silly but I promise. that this works right when you see a. food that you want but you shouldn't. have don't say I can't eat that I I.

would say I don't eat that that. way you are taking ownership you're. taking control as opposed to letting the. food take the control if that makes any. sense you know I don't eat that that's. way freaking then you're like a thug. you're a thug out there whereas if you. say I can't eat that then you are in. this kind of uh you're being attacked. kind of by the food so I don't eat that.

just it's a lot more power for you and I. feel like that that will just Empower. you overall and I think those are some. simple things you can do to to start. moving like a physically healthier. Direction and in terms of like social. anxiety I I can 100% relate I mean I. spent honestly about five years of my. life sleeping uh in Santa. Monica just I was depressed and I was I. I would get uncomfortable being in.

Social Circles and I would lay in my bed. and I would just sleep and I would eat. peanut butter and jellies during the. daytime and I would hope for the best. but not but not act for the best and uh. and I thought that one day I would just. wake up or or from some nap I would just. wake up and suddenly the world would be. better or I would feel better but that. never happened I mean all I really did. was push my problems like 5 years down. the.

road and there's and there's no magic. way to make yourself feel comfortable. you know like in a social setting I mean. I think one thing that does help is just. trying to make each time you're in a. social setting a little. bit better than the last time by making. more effort you know introduce yourself. to people I think that's the best thing. just hey I'm Theo hey I'm Monica like. because immediately you're taking kind. of you're taking again you're taking. ownership you're taking control of the.

situation and even if they don't respond. well at least then that's them being. antisocial that's not you being. antisocial and also try to find areas. maybe you could be looking in the wrong. circles like dude I went to nightclubs. for Years bro and there was a bunch of. Persian people in there usually adult. men or very tan like men that been in. the gymnasium and look like their. muscles were just trying to climb out of. their shirt and leave them cuz their.

muscles didn't even like them like their. muscles just wanted to get divorced from. their skeletons and just just be done. with them you know and veins blowing up. out of their chest and neck and and then. a lot of Persian men wearing a cologne. heavy. cologne and and I would be there and I. would feel like something was wrong with. me you know but really everybody in the. club or 90% of the people were miserable. they were just trying to look like they. were having a good time and one of my.

problems was I was going to clubs I was. looking repeatedly in the same place for. social acceptance and a place that. really I never did like I never did like. clubs man I like more of like being. around a fire um [ __ ] I even scrapbook. bro I [ __ ] scrapbook dude I so you. know I'm not saying I'm going to join. some scrapbookers club with a lot of. ladies and stuff but but I needed to. find other areas uh to get Social in and. once I started doing that you know I.

just hang out at a comedy club those. people it's it's just a different vibe. um you know there's no great way to do. it but you got to make an effort and. whether that's the next time I go to a. party I'm going introduce myself to two. people or I'm a pet an animal you could. even start off at a petting zoo you. could start off at a petting zoo and get. out there or meet children go to a place. where a lot of children are you know if. you don't if you know you don't have any. issues with children and meet. children cuz they're going to be.

accepting they'll be cool and then just. use some of those same skills you learn. with children or even with animals uh. with. adults and also like give yourself. permission to be uncomfortable you don't. have to be comfortable that's another. myth we're not always comfortable bro so. give yourself permission to not be. comfortable oh I'm uncomfortable okay. instead of like oh [ __ ] I'm. uncomfortable you know oh god oh I'm so. uncom this shirt it doesn't feel these.

shoes they don't match this this. otherwise it's like oh [ __ ] I'm. uncomfortable I don't know why don't pin. the tail on your own donkey if you don't. know why you're uncomfortable I used to. do that oh I'm uncomfortable B ba. ba but I'll say this I uh I heard a. quote once that insecurity is the belief. that this is only happening to. us you know there's it. there's so few feelings and so many.

people that there's a lot of people who. are having the same feelings you are so. you got to you got to voice them you got. to share them find somebody else that. looks awkward as [ __ ] and boom that's. your first friend if you feel awkward. find somebody else that's awkward. they're easy to pick out and then bam. now youall have dual. awkwardness two awkward you know what. they say two awkward make a comp. so I think that that could help I hope.

some of that [ __ ] helps you know be at. the library even though they have a lot. of deviant homeless at the library and a. lot of them are I mean this had some. insane experiences when I first got to. La a lot of homeless and they do. masturbation too at the library you know. that and Monica I just want to say I. love you you know I hope you feel better. um you know you're probably a good woman. you probably are and if you care enough. about yourself to reach out to other.

people um that's a great start so you're. already doing way better than I was. those those years I was just lying in my. bed just eating peanut butter and. jellies. and oh caught up in the throws of. porography and just in the dark in the. dark in the darkness so I'm proud of you. there you got this just G up a little. drink a Red Bull G up you know even. something as little as getting yourself. a new pair of sneakers or something like. that can kind of it can just excite you. some small. motivation um and don't do it all in one.

day you don't have to change today you. just have to progress today so progress. not Perfection you know that's kind of. what I'm aiming at overall all right we. got one more call here from Santa. Clarita California Spanish Town hey Theo. uh I got a question for you a little bit. of a situation I'm in um my girlfriend. she works at a gym okay she's a personal. trainer when she first got hired on I.

kind of had an issue with her becoming. that being a personal trainer being that. she's she's extremely. attractive uh so I knew guys would hit. on her U but. anyways I went forth with it and I let. her know you know do your thing and she. ended up becoming a personal trainer and. so far everything has been coacher up. until today actually where actually she. text me and she told me by the way I was.

at work today and the GM of the. gym ends up letting her know like hey. how did you get such a nice ass which in. my mind it's [ __ ] ridiculous that's. just offensive you you're the GM you're. the general manager of the gym you don't. ask a question like that to your. employee yeah and from what I know this. is a uh the GM is a is a generally.

attractive guy in his younger years and. I just was like she told me this which I. appreciated but my question is I guess. is how would you react to that situation. I mean you find out this guy is kind of. creeping on your girl like that and I. don't even know if it's creeping I don't. know if I should be mad about that. jealous what should I be I yes I don't. know at first I was mad but that's the.

question man I'm just wondering what you. think of it okay let me. know awesome dude well look uh thanks. for calling in with that bro you got. some issues there your ladies at the gym. um the owner of the gym is hitting on. her you know trying to. freaking you know attack that gun from. the inside you feel me and I respect. that I mean that's nature you know he's. just being a part of nature it sounds. like he's being. inappropriate.

um but dude do you really want a. girlfriend that's that other dudes. aren't hitting on you know I mean maybe. you do but I don't think you do you know. like that's one of the consequences if. you're dating a chick that's hot or a. chick that works at the gym bro any gym. it could just be a like a single barbell. in a basement somewhere in a cavern and. men will wander in there and hit on her. if she says she's a personal trainer.

there's something sexy about that you. know about the woman that works at the. gym and trying to you know be sensual. with her so that's going to happen so I. think you kind of want that I mean you. want your girl to be attractive you want. other men to to want her I mean I'll be. honest bro right when you even mentioned. your girl that he thought she had a nice. ass I wanted to see your girl's ass bro. you know and I'm not saying I'm proud of. that thought but I wanted to see your. girl ass dude and I wanted to see that.

ass I wanted to [ __ ] I was thinking. about it I was thinking about it man I. was picturing you know just the whatever. her ass looked like the beautiful little. Globes and the. little just being dirty bro I thought. about being dirty. so that's the problem with us man. there's like we got sin inside of us we. got the innermost layer of just dirt. ball it's just that dirt ball or it's. almost like we have an extra layer of. skin on us and it's just it's just a. bunch of dirt ball cellophane you know.

cuz we want to be nasty as men man you. know I mean look I dated a hot chick one. time you know what she did bro she. [ __ ] cheated on me dude so that's. what you get bro it can happen it's one. of the risks you get that's why the old. school move date a busted chick and. pretend she's hot that way if you. pretend well enough you think she's hot. she think she's hot and everybody wins.

pretty much you know I mean that's one. that's one school of thought and on. another level I would worry less about. how you feel about the situation and. think about how she feels I mean she's. getting lurked on by this as you said an. aging GM who looked better in the past. um you know she that's way creepy. situation for her to be in uh so you I. would just I would keep your concern. right there you know just as to how she.

feels if she's handling it and she's. confident then you got to show up with. that confidence and be supportive right. next to her dude you can't be getting. too insecure cuz women just it's not in. their nature to want to be with an. insecure man it's not in their nature. bro not in their nature if you put an. insecure man or even an insecure baby I. bet out in a. field and you put a woman out there who. has breast milk in her and that baby's.

insecure he's. [Music]. like I bet you three out of 10 women. wouldn't breastfeed that baby but you. put a tough ass baby out there a little. Italian baby a German baby you know then. women are going to want they're going to. want that because they're going to feel. that security that that oh that baby. knows what he's doing that baby's. combing his hair you know that baby's. wearing a gold chain that baby I'll I'll. breastfeed that. baby yeah cuz if you don't if you if.

you're insecure about being interested. in her then that's going to make her. question whether or not you believe in. yourself and if she starts questioning. that then. then immediately she's going to start. questioning whether or not she believes. in you uh and I think that's just nature. you know that's just the that's the. insecurity food chain you know so you. want to be cure that's the that's the. place you want to come from confidence.

see if she's all right you know cuz. she's the one who's got to take that ass. to the gym and do all the work I don't. even know if you have a job bro you. didn't mention your employed so I don't. know really what you're up to I mean I'm. supportive of you if you don't have a. job but i' probably I'd love for you to. be working but yeah man I mean I it's. really unwise to ask somebody to be more. secure in you. than you are and then I'd let him know.

I'd let that dude know you know I would. let him know in like a weird kind of. trill Thug maybe homoerotic way dude I. would here's what I would. do I would send that dude a letter the. GM dude and just an anonymous letter. doesn't know it's from you doesn't know. what woman it's regarding and I would. say if you keep hitting on my. woman I'm going to track you down and. [ __ ] you bro that's what I would say and. I I would underline.

[ __ ] and I would underline brh that way. he's going to know you're a little a. skew and then I would. hashtag let's. [ __ ] that's what I would do so that that. way he's like wait you don't want me hit. on your girl or you're going to [ __ ] me. and then you're saying let's [ __ ] anyway. now this dude is going to be first of. all that makes you seem way secure you. know you're so secure in your lady. you'll bang this [ __ ].

dude that's that's secure to me man and. and second of all it lets that dude know. [ __ ] you know if he doesn't want to end. up copulating with a. man then he needs to watch what he's. doing and he could be doing that to. other women so that could really that. could really stop a lot of his behaviors. man so that's kind of a beautiful idea. but those are just some uh suggestions. that I have um what else guys I think.

that's kind of it maybe for today man. it's getting late where are we at it's. getting late. bro um and then actually I got one more. thing my mother sent me a. card. so I'm going to check this card. out uh it says happy birthday wishing. you a wildly wonderful year I hope 2017. your 37th year will bring you happiness.

and self-satisfaction I love you Theo. your mom uh really nice of her to send. me that beautiful card right there uh my. mother doesn't have much. but um you know she doesn't give up you. know she wasn't equipped with a lot of. sometimes I don't think all the emotions. that I wanted her to have as a. mother when I was young. um but she never stops.

working to try and show me that she. cares even if she. can't and not because it's her own fault. but even if she can't always make me. feel like she cares and I think that. that's uh it's pretty remarkable to not. give up man hardworking woman out of. Illinois you know and I admire a hard. working woman man um but yeah my mother.

and I had some you know just weird stuff. growing up you know we just I just never. felt uh just didn't feel her care. sometimes you know just got stuck in. this care void but but she never has. stopped. ever. um trying to let me know that she does. care uh and that's pretty remarkable. it's the best we can do sometimes as. people man. um I'm not I don't know I'll take this. out with some music let me find a good.

song I appreciate you guys being here. with me for my birthday um I know I'm a. little tired maybe Sunday night isn't. the night to do this I don't know you. know I don't know but uh thank you also. for supporting the album 30 lb bag of. hamster bones it's on. iTunes um we got a new album that's. going to come out soon the material from. the Netflix special will be released uh. on iTunes as well at a fair price I'm. about Fair price things um and that sort.

of thing you know I'm not out here. trying to make a buck you know but um. but I'm trying to I'm trying to make. something of myself you know I'm trying. to make something of my 37th year you. know it's going to be wild dude all. right let's get us out of here man I. appreciate you guys spending time I'll. see you guys next week uh I'm going to. take us out of here since it's my. birthday with uh one of my favorite. things and you know what it is it's. Christmas carols. here I'll Be Home for.

[Music]. Christmas yeah they're good all year. around it it's March it's still. [Music]. good listen to that deep voice that's. somebody's stepdaddy right there there. that's. mustache that gu got a big dong and a.

mustache.