1-16-17 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #5

[Music]. [Applause]. [Music]. You know what that is, don't you? You. know what that is? That's a Little House. on the Prairie theme song, baby. The. Daniel Kane Orchestra.

[Music]. Remember that? Let's hear that intro. again, dude. Ah, that dirty tr What is it? A trumpet? A. horn? [Music]. That's it. That is it. The Little House. on the Prairie theme song. God, that was. a good one. One of my favorite shows of. all time. Some people know that, some. people don't. Now you know it. Michael.

Landon, bro, I bring this to you. It is. January 16th. Um, it's 12:40 a.m. Uh, I. had a show tonight at the Hollywood. improv. And afterwards, I had a fan of mine, friend, I say a friend, a lady that I've. met uh through comedy, brought me two. shirts as a gift. One of them had you. know who your boy. Michael Landon on the front.

Oh, beautiful shirt, dude. Some type of. cotton, black cotton or something. Uh. and another shirt. It said, "All day I. dream about Michael Landon." Now, that. one might be a little bit of a reach, but still. You gotta love Michael. Landon. I grew up watching A Little. House on a Prairie. Uh, it was like the. only time my brothers and sisters and I. would sit together in sheer joy was in. the morning. Um, it came on every.

morning on TBS and, uh, it still does. actually. Um, it might come on in the. afternoons now, but came on every. morning, Little House in the Prairie. If. you don't know the show, it's about a. man and his children. Uh, and they just. doing their best, bro. They're doing. their best. And I loved it, dude. We. would sit there and watch it. Uh, we. would fight to be in front of the TV. We. had like this 12 inch color TV. I think. it was color. I don't remember. I was a.

kid, so even if it's black and white. when you're a kid, you can imagine. there's color there. But man, we would. sit and watch the episodes. Um, I found. an episode here online, the first. season, first episode, Little House on. the Prairie. The episode called A. Harvest of Friends. Bro, I'mma read to. you the synopsis of it. The original air. date September 11th, 1974. In the first episode of season 1, the. Engles, that's the family, settle on the.

banks of Plum Creek. Charles asks the. Olsson's for credit to buy a plow and. seed, but they explain they can only. offer credit to farmers they've known. for a long time. Dun dun. Charles ends. up making a deal with Mr. O'Neal. In. exchange for a plow and seed, Charles. agrees to repair O'Neal's roof and stack. his grain within three weeks. After completing the roof, Charles.

decides to take the family on an all-day. picnic to make up for the time he's. spent working. Unfortunately, he falls. out of a tree while trying to retrieve a. kite. Oh, that kite hustle. And breaks. his ribs. O'Neal assumes Charles won't be able to. stack the grain and takes the oxen a day. early. Losing the oxen, bro. Charles. can't afford to lose the oxen and tries. to stack the grain with broken ribs. He. collapses. and then Laura and Mary start stacking.

the grain. Dr. Baker, Mr. Hansen, and. Mr. Olsen and other towns people see the. girls struggling and team up to stack. all the grain, allowing Charles to keep. his oxen. That's teamwork, bro. That's family, man. You can't stack the grain. You. can't get the job done. Your neighbors. come to help you, bro. That's what I. loved. I think that's what I loved about. it, man. Just seeing like camaraderie.

and teamwork because it wasn't like that. in my neighborhood, dude. Bro, I. remember, man. I remember first time I ever pulled. up into my neighborhood, bro, growing up. cuz my parents got divorced. I end up in. we end up in this shitty neighborhood. And uh. and the first day we got there, this. man, these two grown men, this man, this. older man, he was a senior citizen. He.

was fighting a bus driver. They were. fighting in the street, a school bus. driver. School bus driver. He didn't. wear a shirt, you know. He chose not to. wear shirts or just didn't do shirts, but they were fighting and they had a. ditch fire going. and a ditch fire. instead of, you know, waiting for. somebody to come and get your trash. People would just burn all their trash. in the ditch. You know, it's I mean, I. guess it could have created some carbon. monoxide issues or, you know, um it.

could have affected the environment. I. don't know. We didn't have an. environment. So, anyway, the bus driver threw this old. dude into the ditch fire. Bro, the old. dude, everybody's like, you know, going. over to try to help. But then this old. dude, bro, gets wiry cuz, you know, old. dudes got old dude strength. This dude. just got up out of the fire. His arm was. still burning. He had flames coming off. his back. And he went and attacked the.

dude again, bro. Attacked the bus. driver. And that was the first day I. ever spent in my neighborhood. Um, when. I saw that [ __ ] I was like, damn, man. We're [ __ ]. My family is [ __ ] Uh, so yeah, that. was my old neighborhood. So I think when. I saw things like Little House on the. Prairie with like camaraderie, they had. a doctor if you got hurt. Like they had. a dude in my neighborhood that got hurt,

he broke his clavicle, right? And uh or. his collar bone or wish collarbone. and he just his shirt never fit the. same. It just. he didn't nobody took him to a doctor. He just his shirt never fit right again. You know, one of his he had kind of that. slope coming in a little bit on the. left. I mean, he couldn't you couldn't. he couldn't keep a raindrop on his. shoulder. That's for damn sure. So, anyway, man, I guess I loved Little. House on the Prairie. And tonight,

somebody bought me this Michael Landon. t-shirt. I put it up on my Instagrams. Um it was. cool, man. And it was just nice. It was. like a nice thing I didn't expect. You. know, that's nice when something happens. that's unexpected. That's a beautiful. thing. I got to remember to try to do. that more often for other people. I just. do something nice, you know? Dude, I. always wanted to break into somebody's. house and install an alarm. That used to. be like kind of this idea of mine, like. I'm going to break in and install an.

alarm. But then I thought, what if you. break in, somebody's there, you get shot. up, then. you can't be like, you know, don't shoot. me. I'm here to put in an alarm. I just. don't know if they would buy it. So. maybe um I'm just going to sit on that. idea, bro. I'mma sit on the I'm going. sit on that idea. But but ring the good. idea bell because that is a good idea. That is a good idea. Um good to chat. with you or be here. It is Monday,

January 16th. Um, it's actually Sunday night. I. haven't gone to bed yet. It is uh 12:48. a.m. Pacific Standard Time. And I uh I. had a pretty good weekend, man. What'. you do? What' you I know you watched. some football probably, huh? Did you. watch some football? There a lot of good. games on, man. I threw a little wager. down. I bet uh I bet on today's games. I. bet uh Pittsburgh. I took Pittsburgh in.

a point and I bet uh I bet Green Bay. would win. That was a game, huh? What. about that footwork by Aaron Rogers? He. don't even He barely even separates his. legs. He's just like a little dancer out. there. He's just like a little He's just. like a little He just kind of like just. mo he just he's like a little like Billy. Elliott, you know? He's like Billy. Elliott from uh that British movie, you. know? I'm not a poof, Dodd. It's about a. young young gentleman. His father thinks.

that he's homosexual because he wants to. dance. Um, but he's not, you know, or he. may be. Who knows that he doesn't really. go all into that, but he just wants to. be a dancer, man. And I'll be honest. with you, I think I could have been a. dancer, bro. I mean, there are days, dude, when I get when my feet just feel. light, you know, and I really feel like. I could have made a name for myself in. some of those, you know, some of those circles, some of. those dancing circles, but I just didn't.

have the I didn't have the support when. I was younger emotionally to tell me. it's okay to get out there and dance, you know? I just didn't have it, man. I. didn't have it. So, if you got a kid. that wants to dance, get him some. dancing shoes, man. You know, I could. still tap dance. I actually I met a guy. yesterday uh who was an adult tap. dancer. Um he was dressed like he was. from uh Boardwalk Empire kind of. So, that was a little bit squirly, but he's.

an adult tap dancer. And and I talked to him about it a. little bit. I will say it did seem a. little strange when he just started just. dropping feet all everywhere. Like he. would just break into some, you know, just fancy footwork. So maybe it's not for me. I don't know. I thought it felt like Jesus Christ, somebody [ __ ] you know, get this. dude a Game Boy or something, you know, get this somebody get this guy a. PlayStation 6 or something. I don't. know. I don't know. But yeah, Green Bay.

won that game, huh? What a game. Both. games, dude. And then the Dallas fans, I. don't know if you heard this, Dallas. fans, they had a bunch of severe storms. in the area and tornadoes. Some of them had to stay, they weren't. allowed to leave the stadium. Like the. And that's obviously the last ones, the. most inebriated ones. They're stuck in there. Uh media, all. the media was stuck in there. Some of. the players were stuck there. So. apparently they were all just hanging.

out on the middle of the field. Uh I bet. that was pretty interesting, you know. I'd be pissed though. You know, you're. starving. Your team lost. $14 hot dogs. That's all they got for. sale. You know, the cheerleaders are all. fully dressed now. I'm out. Jerry Jones. probably just offered him like some cups. of water or something, you know. Nothing. fancy. I don't know. I don't know. I. watched that game. It was good, man. Um. that Pittsburgh game looked cold, didn't.

it? Oh, those guys look freezing cold. I don't. know if I could do it. I'm at the age. now where I think I've given up. Like, there were there were years where I. would watch football and be like, "Ah, I. could be out there." Even though I never. played football. I never played it. I. played it at home, you know? We played. we played three times a week in our. neighborhood. Uh, I never played. organized football. We didn't have. health insurance, so I was always. afraid, you know, of getting jacked up.

I'd just be that dude, you know? I'd be. like freaking the dude with the bad with. the bad clavicle, you know? The dude. that can't hold a raindrop on his. shoulder, bro. I didn't want to be like. that. You know, they had another man in our. town, Elvis impersonator. I think I told. this story actually, but he broke his. leg and uh. and they set it in cement. to save money. Uh, and it healed up. fine, but then they when they broke the. cast, when they rebroke the cast, they.

broke it with a sledgehammer and rebroke. his leg and hip in about seven places. This dude, he was Elvis impersonator. I. think I think I mentioned that. Uh, anyway, man, what else is going on? Jimmy Snooker died. Jimmy Superfly snooker. If you knew this guy or not, uh, he was. a wrestler. He was he was a wrestler. He. was a wrestler. Professional wrestler.

Dude, before I before I forget this, I. was in the airport one time. I saw. Evander Holyfield, the boxer, right? Famous boxer. Got his ear bit off by. Mike Tyson. I saw him in the airport in the airport. in Chicago a few years ago. And he was. sitting at a McDonald's and the. McDonald's had a front porch. It had. like a little outlet that you could sit. there and it kind of jutted out into the. terminal walkway. So I'm walking along and I see Evander.

Holyfields. He's just sitting there and. he's got a bunch of fries, man. Fries. only. Nothing else. Just fries. And he was taking these fries. He was taking these fries and just. shoving them into his mouth. And he. couldn't even he couldn't even open his. mouth. I don't know if he' just been. punched so many times. Or maybe he could. open his mouth. He was just tired. You. know, I never been so tired that I.

didn't open my mouth when I was putting. food in it. I guess you could just shove. food through your freaking, you know, through your freaking flap curtain lips. But he was just shoving fries through. his lips like it was like kind of like. at the um whenever you get your luggage. at an airport if you miss the luggage. and it just goes back through those. black curtains, you know, through the. black plastic flaps. It was like that. with him. He was just shoving. these fries just through his flaps,

through his face flaps. And uh I was. baffling to me. I'm like, maybe he'd. been beaten so bad he just can't open. his mouth anymore. Well, anyway, they. had this little lady, this young girl, actually, kind of a middle-aged child. basically, maybe 17 or 20, who worked. down at the Cinnabon. You know, the. Cinnabon, that's just a little fat. center in the airport where they got. them good smells. So, you go over there. and they got 19 different sizes of uh a.

cinnamon roll, bro. Just I mean, two. bites and you could just you feel like. you got to take a nap because your. sugar's all up. But this girl runs up. Evander is. sitting there just to shoving fries. through his face flaps. And this girl. runs up and she's just standing there. right in front of him. And she goes. and he looks over and she goes,

"I used to watch you rrestle.". And dude, I about lost my mind. I used. to watch you rrestle. wrestle to a professional boxer. [Music]. I used to watch you wrestle. Anyway, that's my uh that's my wrestler. story. I was a big wrestling fan. Jimmy. Superfly snooker. He died. Um I think he. was in his 70s. What does it say here?

Let me find it here. Jimmy Snooker. Um yeah, he died, man. He died. uh 73 years old. He died. He had stomach. cancer. Um kind of broke my heart when I. heard about it, you know. Uh he was. supposed to go on trial, I think. recently, uh or was soon to go on trial. for he he allegedly murdered his. girlfriend. Not a cool move, you know.

Not a cool move, dude. Uh he allegedly. killed his girlfriend in 1983, but they dropped the they dropped the. charges because he was going to die. Um. I guess he had terminal cancer and and. that was going to be that. And so they. dropped those charges, but they found. his girlfriend in a hotel room, I guess, a long time ago um in Pennsylvania. and uh and she wasn't living anymore. Uh. he said she fell down. Yeah, right. Dude, you're a wrestler, bro. You know,

there was a body slam or a freaking leg. gypsy hold or something. A a freaking. chop something you did. But yeah, man. Jimmy Superfly snook a dead. He was the. one, man. He was the one growing up that. just electrified me. I loved Rrestling. You know, I grew up poor white. That. those were our heroes. Those seemed for. some reason poor white people we just we. love rrestling bro. I don't know what it.

is. I don't know if it's the abuse. It's. the steroids. It's the just how easy it is to to take. in. You just believe it that you for. some reason everybody in my neighborhood. love Ren. We just believe in those. heroes, man. They could be those were. our heroes. Yeah. The guy allegedly killed his. girlfriend. Now, that I couldn't do, man. I couldn't kill I couldn't kill my. girlfriend. You know, I've had, let me.

see, three girlfriends, which isn't. really a lot. Uh, you know, because I'm. emotionally damaged. Hard to connect. sometimes, but I've had three. girlfriends. Could I have killed any of. them? [Music]. Yeah, I could have killed. some of them wasn't very bright. So, I. could have maybe not killed him. I. couldn't have killed him. No. So, I'm. going to say that I couldn't have killed. him. Uh.

I could have got ang I could have gotten. so angry at both of us that I could have. driven us off of a cliff or something. like Thelma and Louise. I could have. seen something like that possibly, you. know, if it was, you know, say we're. moving across country together and. you know, uh, and you know, some. ignorance hits an all-time high, I could. have just seen me just veering us off a. cliff, maybe. I don't know. New Mexico. Maybe in New Mexico. Um, but yeah,

no, but I couldn't I mean, I could I. don't know if I could kill anybody. I. love murder shows, dude. I mean, I love. murder shows, Buried Treasure. Um, that show disappeared where people. are dismissing. Jesus. I used to go look. in the woods when I was growing up for. missing people, for missing bodies and. stuff. I guess I thought when I was. young that like the woods behind your. house or near your house were like the. same woods everywhere, you know, that.

the woods were the woods. So whenever I. would watch those shows, those Unsolved. Mysteries or America's Most Wanted, and. like a body was missing, I would be. like, "Ah, it might be in the woods." So. I'd go look and know in my neighborhood. it could have been, man. You know, anything was possible. They had the. first funeral I went to, the dude that. got thrown in the ditch fire years. later, he died, right? So, I'm walking down the street with my.

buddy Danny, and he was born with some. deficiencies. Uh, he had extra salivary. glands in his face, so he was always. kind of spraying out of his face. When. he would smile or feel real joyous, he. would, you know, kind of spout out at. the corners of his mouth. And uh and. then he also had like a was born with. like a wrist in his neck like a his neck. had like a just an involuntary spin to. it about every maybe five seconds. his.

neck would just just flare around in a. just like a circle like that, you know, just a just like he would look to the. left and then look straight up and then. to the right and then back to center. just just involuntarily. Anyway, he and I are walking down the. street. and the man who got thrown in the ditch. fire, his son was there and he said, "You guys want to come to a service?". And I didn't know what a service was,

man. I thought it was, you know, I don't. know what I thought it was. I probably. thought it was something religious. And. I guess I was right in that sense. because we walk into the backyard and. they had buried the man. They had put. him in a in a uh in a coffin in a pine. or something coffin maybe could have. been teak. It looked pretty something. malleable malleable wood. and they put. him in the ground and there was some. chairs set up, some folding chairs, some. of those kind of brown folding chairs. And we all sat there and they had they.

read some scripture and then they buried. this man in the backyard. Uh and they're like, "Does anybody want. to say uh some words?" You know, um. does anybody want to say some words? And. I didn't know what to say, you know. So, I just, you know, try to do the sign of. the cross even though I didn't know it. Um, and then Danny, this dude, he said he.

stood up and said the grace that you say. before dinner, you know, whatever it uh. bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts. we are about to receive thy bounty. through Christ our Lord. Amen. Um, and. then like, "God, we thank you for this. food." I'm like, and I'm thinking to. myself, that's definitely not the. [ __ ] prayer you say when somebody's. dying. But he didn't know any better. Anyway, [ __ ] that was it, dude. What?

What the hell, man? Thinking back, that's just that's baffling, dude. That. we're standing next to a funeral and he. says grace. He said dinner grace. Whatever. That's life, dude. Or that's. death. But I loved wrestling, bro. Dude, my brother and I, we used to push the. beds apart in our room. And that would. be like two sides of the ring. And we. would just wrestle, bro. We had charts. of like all the different wrestlers, and.

we we each drew names, and that's the. wrestler we were. And whoever would win, that wrestler would be eliminated. Man, that was fun, dude. That was fun. Those. were the good old days, man. That's what. we did. We got outside, you We didn't. have, this is before they had the. wrestling video game, so we had to go do. it, you know, whatever. Now they got the. games, so these kids don't have to do. it, you know. We had to go impersonate. those adventures, you know. We couldn't. just sit in front of a TV and be a pilot.

or be a I mean, we had Super Mario and. they had some um eventually John Madden. came out, but before that, we just had. to go and pretend we were these things. So that's sometimes my issue with video. games is that it just takes a place of. an imagination. It's like why does why. do why I don't blame a kid. They don't. know any better. They don't have to. imagine anything anymore if it can just. be presented to them in front of them. Uh but anyway, man, that was that was.

wild. Uh but yeah, that Kansas City game. looks so cold. Ah, couldn't do it, dude. I couldn't even go stay. I wanted to. live in New York. I wanted to stay there. for a little bit longer, but I got to. wait till it warms up. I can't be there. in the winter like that. Just chills. you. Chills your bones. Just makes you. feel like a dead body that's still just. walking around. Uh, what else, man? I've been watching. that show, The OA. Have you seen this? It's on Netflix. The OA. I heard the.

ending is horrible, but everything. before the ending, my god, it's awesome, bro. It's like people that. had a near-death experience. Um, and. then they this scientist I don't want to. tell you what happens, but if you like. it, if you like a little bit of. kidnapping and some uh it's got some. light science fiction, it's right on. Um, and I don't I heard the ending is. not good, but I guess I'll just enjoy, you know, the meantime.

That show's good, dude. I want to watch. Shameless. I haven't seen that. Uh, what. else? I don't know. Oh, could I kill my girlfriend? I. couldn't do, you know, I couldn't kill. my girlfriend. Could I kill someone? I don't think I could do it, man. I just. don't think I have it in me, you know? And you got to hide the body. That's the. thing, too. Like, I could understand how. people could kill someone in a fit of.

rage. Something crazy happens. Their. psyche breaks and they just kill. somebody, you know? But then you got to hide the body, bro. Nobody gets away with I mean so rare. with the DNA. You got to make sure their. phone isn't around because the phone. sends a ping out. Apparently the towers. it's always like the phone was bouncing. off these towers. You got to clean up or you got to kill. them real carefully. I guess like in a.

you know you got to invite them over and. just have vis all over your house. maybe. say some painters are coming so that way. you know you're already prepared. I couldn't do it though, you know. Yeah, I couldn't do it. Oh, I'd hate that, dude. I'd hate to get murdered. I don't. want to get murdered. I don't want to get murdered, dude. Hopefully, I won't. Plane C. I would. hate a plane cr Oh, that's got to be the. worst. Oh, that's got to be the worst.

What's the worst way to go? Anyway, I'm. I'm getting pretty der here. I'm getting. pretty uh pretty pretty damp here in my. words here at night. Um it's late. It's. late, man. This is what you get when. it's late. I had a great show this. weekend. I worked with Harlon Williams, who I'm a huge fan of. Uh you he he was. in Halfbaked. Uh you may know him from. and other things, too. Um but in. Halfbaked, he had that scene where like. he's gonna feed the horse all those. groceries and he's like, "What can I get. for you, big girl?" and he's talking to.

the horse and uh and this black lady's. walking by and she thinks that uh he's. talking to her and she turns around and. she's like, "Fuck you, nigga.". Uh that was baffling to me, man. That. [ __ ] was hilarious. So, I got to work with Harlon Williams, dude. Um and that was great. He came up. to me afterwards and said that he really. loved my set. Uh, which was nice because you know when. these older comedians or comedians that.

have been around longer, they come. around and say something or any job you. know you know it always feels good to I. think you know when somebody who's. better than you and has more experience. than you and somebody you admire, you. know, drop some good knowledge on you or. drops some admiration or just pats you. on the back, you know. So I got to. remember to try to do that. Uh, trying. to be a better person. That shit's hard, isn't it? Trying to be a better person.

and live and just manage your regular. life at the same time. It's hard, man. It's not easy. It's not. easy. We're all trying. Hopefully, we're. all trying to be better people. I don't. [ __ ] know. Some days I just want to. just get a bunch of ice cream and just, you know, lay in the sheets and just try. not to do masturbation. I gave into some masturbation this past. week. So, you know, I'm back. Uh, I'm empty. You know, you could say it.

like that. I mean, that's just that's. nature, bro. You know, I didn't want to. do it, I guess. I don't know. I had that. moment where I was like, "God, do I. want, you know, I know I want I want to, but I know in my brain that I don't want. to. What do I do?" Well, masturbation. one, bro. It's a powerful drug. Your own. dick. That's a powerful drug. your own crotch. That's a powerful drug. Oh, let me listen to this. Get me back.

to sanity. [Music]. Yeah. You got to help with those bags of. grain, huh? You broke your ribs trying playing in a. tree. You got to help with those bags of. grain, huh? Help your friend with his. grain. Be a good neighbor. We don't even know who our neighbors are. anymore. I always thought that should. have been a good holiday. Here's a. holiday. Go next door. Find out who the [ __ ].

lives there. Dude, we would get. eliminate so many creepers just like. that. So many so many of my friends have. no idea what their neighbor does, you. know? But we have no That's another. thing. Like I'm excited about having. some borders in this country because we. don't even know who the [ __ ] is already. here. It's scary. It's scary living in a. country where you don't know who's here, you know? That's bizar. That's B. That's.

crazy. That's like imagine you wake up. and there's some people in your house. you don't know. Huh? Who are you? Huh? That's America, man. That's America. sometimes, you know. And I know it's like you got. to be, you know, the land of the open. and, you know, the free and stuff like. that, but I think sometimes we got to. know who's here. We need a roll call. That's what we need. We need everybody's. third grade teacher to show up with the.

pencil in their hair and do a roll call. or do like do like a boat safety drill. You know, they do on a cruise. They get. everybody out in the beginning. You got. your group where you meet up, you put on. your life jacket. do that in the street. Let's find out who our neighbors are. Find out who's here. [ __ ] creepy. McGuberson down the street. Who is he? I. don't know. Whatever, dude. It's just. It's obviously been a long weekend. Throw some dates. I got some new dates.

I'm coming to Baltimore. I'm coming to. Baltimore, dude. Let me tell you the. name of this club, bro. Just got it in. Uh. here's the place, dude. It is called. Mcoobies Comedy Club. That's where I'll. be. It's actually in Timmonium, Maryland. February 9th through the 11th. So that's Thursday, Friday, Saturday. McUby's Comedy Club in Timmonium. I. don't know where that is. It sounds like. something I should get inoculated for.

Timmonium, Maryland. Let's see what it. is. There's a racetrack there. There's. about 99,900 people live there. Oh, they. want to bring the dog in. They want to bring him in to Timmonium. Uh, yes. So, I'll be there. I'll be. there out in Timmonium. It looks like it. is near. It's about uh yeah, right outside of. Baltimore, north side of Baltimore. Outside of that, I'll be at Virginia. Beach Funny Bone coming up uh January.

26th through 29th. And then I'll be at. the Shawnberg Improv outside of Chicago. February 2nd through 4th. And the Comedy. Works in Denver, uh, that's February 20, uh, 3rd through 26th. So, I'm excited. about that, man. What else happened, man, this past. weekend? Just did some sets, man. Haron. Williams saying some nice things. That. was cool. Just trying to be a decent. man. That's what else is going on, you.

You know, I'm trying to stay out of the. politics. It's hard not to talk. politics, man. Just so many pe It's just. I just don't know how they get people to. see each other's perspectives. People. have different perspectives. Like people. live in different worlds. Like out here in California, a lot of. these people out here, they live like. it's it's just a different world. They. can't even fathom. the environment that I grew up in or the. environment that a lot of people grew up. in. You know, people that are well off,

they have no idea. what life is like when they're not well. off. And there's nothing wrong with. that. But the problem is that people. just see the world completely. differently. Like they can't see my perspective and I. can't see their perspective. So. sometimes it's just baffling um how. people feel like we live, you know, in. this same universe, you know, like.

people out uh on the West Coast are. always like, you know, no more racism, no more, you know, it's like we don't. need, and it's true, you don't need. those types of things. You don't need. racism. It's horrible. But then you get. but they don't understand how people who. are living environ in environments where. there is racism. They don't know what. that's like. You know, it's totally different when. you're living in an environment where. there is a lot of racism. It's just. baffling, man. It's and and it's. different. It's like we just need to.

swap places. I don't know how we do it. Maybe virtual reality. You know, I heard. that there's going to be virtual. reality. This is true. Let me see if I. can find this article. virtual reality. where you can experience. uh different races. Let me see. I saw this a while back. I'm. just looking it up on the Google here. Um topology they go by now. Um. race. No. Uh the experience it's no.

ethnicities. Ethnicities. This [ __ ] is baffling, dude. um race and virtual real uh virtual body. swapping. Ah [ __ ] I don't know. But. yeah, I heard there's a virtual reality. where you're going to be able to see. what it's like to be um different. ethnicities. So you can put on like. Latino and walk down the street, I. guess, in this virtual area and and.

you'll be you'll see what it's like. I. mean, that's it. I just don't know if. that is that going to help you. Maybe. that'll help. Maybe that will help. Maybe that's what we need. You know, maybe we need to show each other what. it's like. to have lived each other's lives. Maybe. virtual reality can actually can that do. that. But is that going to change our. minds or is it just going to change what. we see? You know, I don't know, man. But it's crazy. sometimes out here um in California.

It's just like people, it's just like. people don't see that the rest of the. that America is different or they don't. care, you know? Like I'm amazed at all. these uh celebrities that just bash, you know, that bash like I mean the poor. white people are like the punching bag. of America right now. And that's kind of. hard for me because I grew up poor and. white, you know, and I don't think poor. white people are bad people. I don't. think. anybody are bad people. It's just I.

don't know. [ __ ] it. Whatever. It just. It's tough, man. It's tough out here. It's tough sometimes. Um especially. having like a southern accent. People. think immediately I'm just a you know, some yokal. Uh. you know, it's just I don't even know. what I'm talking about. Anyway, I'm. going off. At least I'm not a Dallas. fan. God, that must have hurt, huh? But they. got young players, you know. Ezekiel. Elliott, that guy. Oh, getting him on my. fantasy squad definitely next year. What.

else, man? Jimmy Snooker died. We went. over that. Trying to see if there's. anything else really exciting I was. going to tell you guys about. The. weekend was pretty chill, man. I went. over to some friends. Um, you know, I went over some friends who. watched the Atlanta game. That [ __ ] was. pretty dope. Uh, you know, they they had. some kids that were obviously big. Atlanta fans. Uh, some pictures of Paris. Jackson. I just saw, Michael Jackson's.

daughter. Dude, she looks she's. attractive young lady. Uh, I don't know. how old she is, you know? That's why I'm. not going to say anything more, but she. looks 18. She's an attractive young. lady. That's got to be crazy. Michael. Jackson was your dad. Can you even. imagine all the NDAs you had to sign. growing up? Can you even imagine? That's got to be bizarre. Um, but that's. it, man. That's what's going on this. past weekend. I don't really have a ton, so I'm not going to take up a lot of. your time, but I'll check in again next. weekend. We're going to get some video.

options. We're going to get uh we're. going to start doing some guests. I'm. open to any constructive criticism. I. don't know if this is a good idea to. just get on here and share. You know, I. always second guessess myself. Um, I've. always been that kind of person that, you know, just second guesses. themselves. you know, I wish I wasn't. Sometimes I wish I was more confident. Um, and sometimes I am. It's getting. better. You know, I'm almost six months. sober. Um, or haven't drank, you know,

haven't been drinking. So, that's. exciting for me, man. Um, on the 17th. So, that's pretty dope, dude. So, that's. one cool thing. And I've been enjoying. that. You know, I know that's a buzz. kill to a lot of my fans who wanted to. buy me a beer, but uh, you can still buy. me a beer. Let's make it a ginger beer, bro. You know what I'm saying? Let's do. that, dude. But anyway, a breakdown from. this weekend. Oh, I was thinking about some sounds. that I make, dude. I was thinking about. like uh like when I get angry, this is. the sound I make.

Thinking about that one. Uh. that's the one I make a lot, dude. Like. when I'm really upset. [ __ ] [ __ ]. I do that one. Trying to think of one that I do like. when I'm in the car. I do that one. Um. I'll drop some sometimes I mostly in the. morning like right when I get up if I'm. in a shower I'm usually like kind of.

pissed off. I'll just belt out a series. of just every racial slur that they ever. made. I'll belt it out just to get them. all out of my system, you know. Um I do. that in the morning. I'm going to think. about that. I'm thinking about some. sounds that I make. I'm gonna try to pay. attention to some to some sounds that I. make in the next week and I'll bring. them back for you guys next week. Uh, but that's it, man. That's what's been. going on. If you have anything you want. me to discuss on here or talk about, we. got Adam Corolla coming up on Allegedly.

on the Allegedly podcast that I do with. Matthew Cole Weiss, you can check that. out. That's going to be uh released. tomorrow. Um, that's Allegedly and it's. on iTunes. We got Adam Corolla. Margaret. Cho was our just our guest. That was a. great episode. She talked about how when. she was hanging out with John Travolta. one time and he ate an entire pie by. himself. Could you even imagine sitting. there watching.

beautiful old blue eyes travolta. freaking smugging down a pie like a. Vander Holyfield. You used to I used to. watch you rrestle. I used to watch you wrestle. Oh, that was good, man. The old days, huh? Ah, I miss him. I miss him. Always long for. the old days, man. What else? I'll try. to give you a personal update. What's.

going on, man? Um, coped a little bit of. oral. CPTP a little bit of oral. recently, so that was good. you know, um, you know, I don't know if I got to. read up on oral oral sex and see what. the history of that is. And I'll try to. do that for next week. Oral sex and. maybe some different sounds that I make. Not during oral sex, but just during. life, different life sounds. I'm making. a chart for next week. Oral sex. But. yeah, cop a little bit of oral. You.

know, it's always good to keep your vibe. going. you know, get out there and, you. know, um, experience somebody else's. face or mouth with part of your body. Um, I think that's good for men and. women. A lot of these women are just, you know, offering oral these days, too. You know, you know, they they're just. like, it was probably two months ago, this girl's like, "You want to come. around the this building and just, you. know, chew on my freaking little uh. birth wallet?" And I'm like, "Whoa,

lady." You know, that's pretty bizarre. It's quite an offer. You know, just. trapes around the uh the corner of a. building and freaking snack on the end. of somebody's birth wallet. I'm out. I'm. out, lady. All right. I think that maybe. wraps it up, dude. Um I had some fans. that sent in some music, some uh opening. music. Maybe I'll try to use that next. week. uh some cool tune uh that they. made. Uh but that's it, man. You know,

I'm just trying to stay positive this. week. It was a little tough. I got down. in the doldrums kind of. Um. it's kind of hard when that happens, bro. I stay on my meds. You know, I keep. my meds tight. I stay focused. Uh you. know, I get out of myself, spend time. with friends. I call friends constantly, see how they're doing. Um this week, I'm. excited. This week we got a couple of. cool guests for the podcast. We got. Aaron Carter coming in. That'll be.

interesting to see what his life's been. like. Uh he's like a young musician, dude. Uh and that's it, man. I'm excited. for the games next week. Uh Atlanta and. Green Bay. I'm going to go with Green. Bay. Uh I think it's going to be a Green. Bay New England Super Bowl and that'll. be a rematch. I think they played years. ago in New Orleans. I'm not sure. But at. least I'm not a Dallas fan tonight. Sorry about that. Dallas fans, KC fans, I love you guys. You're out in the cold. And Dallas fans, you you can have a.

great team for a while, so everything. will be okay. At least nobody's a Saints. fan. We got to get rid of Shawn. Payeyton. Dude, anybody thinks that that. guy he thinks he's Bill Bich, but he's. he's not. He's not. That he's had five. defensive coordinators. Oh, they're all. the problem, huh? Sean, with your booty. hole mouth. He got a mouth like a booty. hole. Like a sphincter. Look at his. mouth next time. So like just like a. sphincter. Imagine somebody took I bet. his his booty hole looks like a regular.

mouth. I bet. I bet that. And on that. note, man, um this is this past weekend. Let me know any constructive criticisms, man. I really I love it. If you love the. podcast, comment on it on iTunes. Say. something nice. Um and be good to. yourselves, man. You know, if you're. being hard on yourself, if you're trying. too hard, take a break. You know, let. some light into your life. You know, ask. God for help. You know, ask your friends.

for help or help a friend. Quit thinking. about yourself if you can. Uh it'll make. everything easier, man. It always does. Uh I'm not trying to preach at you. I'm. just trying to be here with you. But uh. love you guys. I'm trying to love. myself. We'll see how it goes. Uh, and. this is uh Monday, January 16th, 2017, and this is this past weekend. Thank. you. Take us home, Charles Les. Oh, Laura.

Remember little Laura? God, she would have been made a good sister. Mary. Mary went blind twice. God, what are the odds? You go blind. She got kicked by a horse. once and then another time. um I think it just like severe sunlight. or a a flu got her. She got blind again. Jesus Christ. Oh, the kids were blind. And the mother, she never changed.

clothes over nine seasons. of television. Now that's a lady, huh? The dress. She wore that dress and that. apron and sometimes the hair bonnet. But. sometimes at night she would take her. hair down but still have on her day. clothes for night clothes. Ah, that was teamwork. Ah, and the grain. Help your neighbor with. his grains for the love of Christ. You. guys be good, man. I'll see you next.

week.