Wicked?, A Terrible Life, & The Golden Age Of Travel | The Tim Dillon Show #472

- Desk. NBC News can now project that Donald Trump has won the state. of Wisconsin, which means he is the winner of this race. and will return to the White House. as this country's 47th president. - Naming one country. that's ever done communism the right way. - Nobody can afford to live because of the billionaires. - Oh, you are so fucking ridiculous. - You literally sound like a fascist. You're a fascist. - Oh, everyone's a fascist. Everyone's Hitler. You sound like Hitler. Everyone's.

Hitler. You sound like Hitler. - Everyone's Hitler.

happy Thanksgiving. - Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Tim Dillon show. What if you got to heaven and God was just doing a podcast? What if that was what it was? What if that was it?

You get to heaven and God hands you a mic. and you sit on a couch and you're like, it never ends. And God's like, no, I'm in an ad deal. What if that's it? And God's like, isn't this wild? You're like, yeah, it's cra I I even, I'm happy I'm here. Then God starts laughing. You're like, all right, I'm gonna laugh. God's like, yeah, then God's reading an ad. for cal street.com. Just seems, you know, seems to be where it's all trending.

Where the afterlife is just going to be a very long podcast. where you get to ask God any, and he'll explain the whole thing to you. He'll literally go through the whole thing. Like, you're like, can you tell me about creating the world? He is like, yeah, sure. And it's just, you know, that's just it. There's nothing after that. We've reached the end. This is the end of things. It's just on a loop forever.

It's just podcasting. Just takes, just takes you. and God just have takes God's. Like Ariana Grande is very thin now you go, yeah, it's disturbing. Is someone gonna get her? I mean, that poor girl. I see her on that show, on that thing Wicked. Which is, they have the second wicked now that's come out. and her and that other chick, Cynthia Arrivo,

they're very odd. But that Ariana Grande, that's, that's. who I'm speaking of, right? It is Ariana Grande. She looks very thin, like where I, I'm worried a little bit about her. and hopefully at Thanksgiving. someone just kind of has a sit down with her. and go, honey, you're gonna have to eat some of this food. You know, because it's making people a little like. today, you gotta prove it.

No, I, I am eating. Yeah. Yeah, but you gotta, Hey, you gotta eat a little bit of this food. I know, but my stomach feels, Hey, hey, eat a little bit of the food, not just a teaspoon of mashed potatoes. You gotta eat a meal in front of everyone. 'cause if not, we're calling an ambulance. That's the way Ariana Grande is at where you go. If you don't eat a meal in front of your family right now, we're gonna call an ambulance.

and we're gonna force a pipe down your throat. and we're gonna force feed you. And if you'd rather that, we'll do it right at the table. If you wanna put a feeding tube in. 'cause that's, she's at Feeding Tube. Ariana Grande right now is at Feeding Tube. where if a feeding tube, and I'm not making light of this, if a feeding tube doesn't go in soon, it's game over. So Ariana Grande needs a feeding tube immediately,

and hopefully they do it Thanksgiving. and it might be nice, everyone's at Thanksgiving. and go Ariana's having a little issue. So we're gonna put a tube in her and she can, and she can drink her dinner at Thanksgiving. Mash it all up. Here's the thing, it doesn't have. to be pretty, but it's gotta get in. That's what I'd tell Ariana. It doesn't have to be pretty, but it's gotta go in. So if you want us to take some mashed potatoes, some gravy, or even like baby formula, if you wanna start there. with like baby formula and we'll put a feeding tube in you.

and we can start again. Like you're one, we'll do that. But yours, you are, you are so thin, you look like you're gonna break and people are nervous. So put a feeding tube in. and we'll start with like baby formula and nutrients. and then we'll work up to like a smoothie made of gravy. and mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving. I want her to thrive. God bless her.

She needs to eat. Not as much as me. I know the comment, not as much as me, but at is somewhere between where she is right now. And where I am is the happy medium. because you're gonna have to put a feeding tube in her. There's no other way around it. Can you get a photo of a, get a photo of Ariana Grande up. and write the word thin. Don't make a liar outta me. Find a photo of a beautiful woman, talented woman.

Want her to get help. Wicked, whatever, you know, great on Broadway. Is it great in the movies? I haven't seen it. I'm sure it's fine. That's not the point of this. The point of this is a warning, a word to the wise, a warning here. Let's get some nutrients in this woman. Isn't it bad ca Can I see it on the thing? I can't really see it on the monitor. Is there a way for me to see it? I guess I could look at it on my phone,

but she's, she's very, very thin. and it's disturbing a lot of people. And I just want it, I want it known that the Tim Dillon show. is offering to take Ariana Grande to Smith. and Wilensky's Restaurant Steakhouse. and feed her cream spinach through a feeding tube. And I don't care who looks at us weird,

I don't care who looks at us weird. If Ariana Grande wants to come with me at my expense. to Smith and Wilin walinski, I will, I will, I will put a prime rib in a high, a velocity food processor and we will blend it. and we'll put it in the tube along. with a cream spinach and a coconut cake. We'll get it in. All we gotta do here is get it in, let's get the nutrients in the, in the lady. Go down to some of these, some of these are terrifying.

They're just, they're too thin. They're too thin. We want, we want the best for her. She's a really talented woman and, and everyone has a problem. And everyone, everyone does. This is, but to me now, I haven't had this particular problem, but this can easily be fixed. with a feeding tube.

Put the tube in. It's like sleep apnea, which I don't have, but a lot of people have it. And you put that CPAP on. and you go to bed, put the tube in, set it and forget it. Get a tube in and get one in now and fuck 'em. I eat through a tube. Tell 'em that. Tell 'em the, the eating food revolt. It's, I, I feel revulsion it solid food. So I eat like a baby and there's nothing wrong with it.

because I want the best for her. Now this is interesting. because this is being recorded on Wednesday Now. happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Thanksgiving is passed. I hope it was good. Now it hasn't passed yet, but in the magic of the internet, this episode's being recorded on Wednesday night. You are going to get this on Saturday. after you have Thanksgiving. I am having Thanksgiving with my cousin, a lovely aunt,

my cousin's wife, fiance, wife. I think they got married to whatever. And their lovely people were going to a restaurant. because that's the move when you were older. The move, when you are older, it will take a lot. of stress off a family when you just stop pretending. This is a family stop pretending. you have a family. and it will just, it takes the pressure off.

these situations. If you have lots of fun kids and everyone's running around, or even if you just have one kid. and there's, if there's a point. But a lot of families, myself included, are older, childless ex addicts who meet very much like an AA meeting. and love each other, care about each other. Sure. But it's not, it's not a holiday that's filled.

with, and I haven't had it yet. So by the way, I'm probably wrong. And it's, it's lovely and, but have a reasonable expectation of what these things are. They're for children. Holidays are for children. And if you don't have a, a big happy family, just grab a few people. in your family and don't try to cook. or, or do anything at someone's home.

Go to a restaurant, you have an in and and out. It starts at four. You are out at six. Hug, kiss. Bye-bye in the car. Don't do anything in somebody's house. unless you have an actual family. If you don't, do not pretend to. release yourself from the idea that you have to pretend.

to have a family. Just go to a nice restaurant with people that you enjoy, whether they're blood relatives or not. And, and you know, that's all you have to do. That's all you have to do. Nobody has to be like putting a meat thermometer in the tur. Hey, cut it out. Especially all you divorce heads out there. like me, once a family has been blended.

and it's like a divorced family, unless you are you, you get a really, really good one. You know, there's a ceiling to the, to the love. that you feel because most people will be strangers. You'll just, you'll be sitting at a table. with people you don't know. Who are you? Someone will say. that when you have a divorced family, somebody at the Thanksgiving will go, who are you? And you'll be introducing yourselves. to each other at the Thanksgiving table. 'cause it, that's a stranger.

That's someone you don't know and you just met them. because your mommy. or daddy married somebody's mommy or daddy. And now you're meeting their cousin, whoever. Just have a reasonable expectation of it. Meet people. And sometimes the move is to hit a few Thanksgivings. Sometimes the move is to hit a few. We're doing dessert with other people, you know, whether.

that's true or not, you don't wanna get in too deep. Again, if you are in a, if you are in a position like I am. where you're, you are a child of divorce. and you go to a house. and you don't know who any of the people are. and you're sitting there, there's a lot of kids, some young people listen to the show. They'll be sitting at a Thanksgiving. and someone will be talking to them and it'll be a stranger. They don't know who this person is. He, your dad is ploughing some woman. and she, he may not even have married her.

Your dad's banging some woman. and her kid is talking to you. or sister's, husband, whatever, is talking to you. And you're sitting there and you're 16 or 17 years old. and you're going, I don't know who the. hell these people are. I don't know who they are. I they're not my family. It's something, they're something. And you know, you shouldn't be rude to them. You shouldn't, you know, be ungrateful.

for whatever they do for you. They might make you a nice dinner, but know that you are, your family has failed. and you are living in the ruins of that. Know that you are living in the ruins of. what was an attempt at a life. Life. You are now in the ruins of, of two people's lives. Your fathers and whoever's you are in that now you are. in the pieces that they're trying.

to pick up off the floor of their life. Doesn't mean that mashed potatoes aren't good, but just know that you are in an experiment. You are now a part of an experiment of people. who are trying to, and I don't begrudge them this, they're trying. to figure out their li it's, you know, it's nothing to do with you. It's nothing to do with you. And do the best that you can in that environment. If you're a child of divorce or you're in a blended family,

and maybe it's a super cool blended fam, like the ones on TV. where everybody loves each other and everybody and, and, and it's not, it's not gonna be. So you just have to do the best. that you can living in the ruins. of these people's lives. They're, they're trying to create a meaningful life. And you are just around.

and there's nothing wrong with it, by the way. It's actually good. It's actually good. because you, you then can, you know, you can enjoy it. And then maybe next year you go to mom's. or Christmas you go with mom and whatever. I don't know. I don't know how you're gonna live your life. But, you know, I was talking. to somebody the other day about Thanksgiving Eve. People used to go out in. that analogue dial up weird millennial world.

People used to go out. and they used to go to a bar. with their friends when they came home from college. And I went to community college. I didn't go anywhere. And Thanksgiving Eve people would come out, they'd get really drunk and really fucked up. and they'd see all the people that they knew is, and then they would realise they couldn't really be friends. with those people anymore because something had changed. And what changed was time, time, even that little bit. of it from, from graduating from prom.

and graduation to November, which is, you know, basically. six months even. that has just now you're at a distance from. people that you were close to. And that experience was an important experience. Going back and seeing someone, you go, oh, we're we're kind of tight. Oh, I I was gonna visit you. Yeah, I was gonna visit you. And then nobody visits anybody. or people do, people will occasionally,

but it's the beginning of this, you know, it's the beginning of you growing up. And that's an important thing people don't do now. People don't do, they don't really go out like, I mean, some people do, but people don't go out like that. and have that experience where they would, they would see people on Thanksgiving eve. and like, there'd be a cool family that would let you go. to their house and you'd pregame at their house. and the mom and the dad would be trying to keep it going.

And you'd feel it for a little bit. You'd feel. that old good old fashioned feeling. of being drunk in the suburbs in America. That would, it's a great feeling, truly. It's one of the best feelings in life is being. drunk in the suburbs in America at a friend's home in their. backyard smoking a, a, a weed.

Yes, you, you, it'll make some people. schizophrenic the weed. But that is one of the greatest feelings you can have. But that, that feeling is less. and less fun as you get older and it's gets sadder. and sadder and sadder as you get older. And you get angrier and angrier as you get older. And then the people who get drunk in the suburbs at my age. are scary. They're very scary when they're really drunk at the suburbs. At my age, they're, they're, they're usually not doing great.

But when you come back from college the first time. and you get to go back to your buddy's house, and then maybe some of the high school kids were there. and they're like, yo, what is that? What's that like? And, and I remember that. and I remember I was in community college, but I was still fun and people liked having me around, but I always felt like, 'cause a good friend of mine ended up going to Cornell. This kid that I was friends with, he ended up going. to Cornell and I went nowhere.

And I felt very insecure about that, as I should have, you know, well, the joke's on him now. because I'm the most important person in the world actually. But, but I remember that and, and I, and I feel bad. Part of the reason people are losing their minds right now. is the internet sucks. It's not good. Your winds are barely winds. and your Ls are, are are barely Ls meaning like, the lives.

that everybody has created on the internet are deeply. unfulfilling lives. And even remembering like simple things that you would do, you know, with friends. or whatever, these, these things that are. so important to do in life. People don't even do them anymore. People don't do them. Everybody's being manipulated by algorithms. and they're all going insane. But life's actually kind of simple.

and it's not that complicated. And, and truly one. of the best things you can do when you're, you know, I know everyone's like, nobody wants. to drink anymore or do whatever. And I'm, again, I'm sober 15 years. I know that drinking can be fucked up. But one of the best things you can do. as a young person is be drunk in the suburbs of this country. with your friends. There's only a finite amount of time that you will get to,

to live a silly. life without responsibilities. And you shouldn't immediate, you should not totally get rid. of that to become some political psycho. or somebody who needs. to make a billion dollars in crypto tomorrow. or looks max where you are smashing the bones. and you jaw with a hammer. And that's what people are doing. They're smashing. And these are, they're already hot.

These people are already hot. and they're smashing bones with a hammer. to make their face shape. And it, it, it, this is a bad life. If you are smashing the, your bones with a hammer. to make your face and you are already hot. Some of these guys, I go, you're already hot. What are you doing? If that's what you're doing. Or if you, if you, if it's all politics.

or if you are trying to be a so rich. and that's consuming your life. and you're not laughing with your friends. and you're not trying to meet someone like it just. these lives that, that people create there, they suck. Truly. They're not good lives. I, you know, like you, you, you read about these people. that are radicalised to one direction or the other.

They're, they're, they're angry all the time. and they're, they're, they have all this purpose. and they're, but, but none of it's like, none of it's. to like have any fun. So everybody's trying to get rich and change the world, but no one's having any fun. I have a lot of fun. I do. I try even though sometimes it's hard. because my phone is tapped. and there's people trying to kill me.

And by the way, and I was texted Candace this morning, you know, insulting, it's gonna be when I find out. how much they paid for me to get killed. Nothing. They're transferring. She thinks. Her and I, and I believe her, she found something. that they transferred 1.5 million. Somebody. I don't, I don't know what's going on, but you know, they're gonna Venmo somebody $60. to hit me in the head, you know, insane. That's gonna be, they're gonna Venmo $60 for somebody.

to just come up and hit me in the head. But I still try to have fun. Small, you do small things that are are fun. You don't need to solve the world's problems. I love dupe. I love dupe. I'm telling you right now. Are you insane to not use Dupe? I'm like, it's like big, big,

big dupe, dupe, dupe du dupe. Have you ever found the perfect couch or lamp online? Then the sticker chakra reminds you it's out. of reach of your budget. That's why I go to Dupe. It's simple. Just type dupe forward slash before any product URL. and Dupe instantly shows you similar. and more affordable alternatives. It's perfect for finding the best deals. Your holiday shopping. And these aren't sketchy knockoffs.

The truth is, most products you see online from furniture. to fashion to gadgets are mass produced. The same factories. Honey, go to Dupe. Oh, we can't afford it. What about Dupe brand? Slap different labels on this crap. Dupe surfaces, those same prices pieces for way less. You're not overpaying honey. Go to Dupe. So what your sister has, the other thing we'll get one on Dupe. Your sister's a fool. She wants to spend all her husband's money. She's sick.

Your sister honey, you know. that she's a bad person and I'm sick of it. Just go to Dupe. And here's the kicker. For a limited time, the first 10,000 people go. to dupe.com/tim will get 500 dupe points instantly. Redeemable forgive cards, no catch. But spots are limited, so don't wait. That's dupe.com/tim. for 500 free dupe points today.

Use your dupe points. and gift cards to make the most of your holiday shopping. Go to dupe.com folks slash tim. du.com. DUP. Don't be a dope. Go to dupe. The thing with having friends. and going out in real life, one. of the reasons you wanna do it is so. that you can meet people. You don't want to be like your friends have uncles. But my friend and this uncle, we called him drunk. He was a great guy. He had a chubby wife. They, they would drink and beat each other up and,

and he hung out with us all the time. And he was drunk and he was angry and he smoked. and there's a lot of great things about him, but we said, we don't wanna be him. He lived in this basement apartment. Him and his wife can hammer and fall down. And as fun as it was, we said to ourselves, he, this, this is a, a problem. But they were very fun people. They were good people and they took us in. and let us, you know, drink and use drugs in their home. But we, we, they just, you know,

there was a really, really fat guy once in a limo. and we went to a strip club. and this really, really fat guy was like, what I good in. that club, I'm going to fucking tear it up. And then he just slept. He fell asleep. 'cause when you're that big, his body's working. so hard to just stay alive. He fell asleep in the strip club, I'm sorry, in the limo. before we got to the strip club. And then we all went outside to the limo. and he woke up on the way back to.

my friend's house where they were dropping everyone off. He had just slept the whole time in the limo. and he had never made it into the strip club. And we said, and we said to ourselves that, that's tough. He was a good guy, but he was so big that his body was working so hard. to just stay alive that he couldn't get into the strip club. He fell asleep in the limo for,

and we were in there a couple hours. He just slept in the, in the, he slept in the limo. It's just this really, really, really big guy sleeping in the limb out. And it's important for you to see things like that as a kid. to go, I don't know if I want that. I don't want that as a life. Doesn't mean you're gonna be perfect, but you go, I don't want that as a life. You know, like the, the drunk uncle would break. up with the chick all the time. They'd have these screaming fights. She'd be banging on his door, they'd fight on the lawn. The neighbours would call the cops on him.

And there, there was a, they were fun. But you would say, I can't live like that. Too much chaos. And that's why you need to go out. But I feel like that I, I gotta be honest, not. to sound too dark. I just feel like that's not coming back. Like those real world experiences that are. so important aren't coming back where, you know, everybody's formative experiences now are all digital.

They're all online. So people are just, again, smashing the face with the hammer the looks, maxing the Bitcoin. I need to have all the money in. Bitcoin is what young people do. I need all the money now. I want a drop ship. I wanna have a Lamborghini. I wanna live in Dubai. It's like, dude, relax, be 19, calm down. I mean, there's plenty of time in life for you.

to get involved in some scam. It's like you'll be around statistically, you'll be. around to get in a scam at some point in your life. that won't work out. You don't need to do it when you're 12. You don't need to be in a scam at 14 years old trying. to drop ship and playing these games. Like people are just chasing. and online puts it all out there. It's like, you don't wanna be like,

all these coaches are always coaching people a as to how. to like, just make millions of dollars. And all these coaches do is drive around and, and, and have other people film them driving. around in a Lamborghini. So I mean, I, I don't even understand what the money is. for at this point. And then all these young people are like, well I gotta make all this money so that someone can film me. driving around in a Lamborghini. And then I don't understand.

So what I don't know, I mean, then you have a Lamborghini, okay, I don't, is that all anyone wants. is to just live in Miami and have a Lamborghini. It's like a horrible life. This is people that don't know any, this is. what you want when you're a 15-year-old. You wanna have a a Lamborghini and live in Miami. You think it's a good life. It's a terrible life. I know a lot of people that have, it's like a terrible life. They live in like some white apartment.

that looks like they're living in a club. They upload photos of themself on, on the terrace of. that apartment, which is, are they paying for it? Who knows? There's a film crew. that's always filming them go from room to room to room, and then they get in the Lamborghini. and they go out to clubs every night. I mean, it sounds funny. If you're 14 when I was 14, that's, it's amazing life. Why would that ever get old hot shakes. or hot dudes or whatever.

And there's a beach and you're in Miami. It's not great. I don't know one happy person that lives in Miami. that has a Lamborghini, not one, not one person in Miami. that's genuinely happy, that has a a a $300,000 car in. Miami that's really happy. It's, I mean, and again, it's not, it's not shitting on people. that wanna make money, but go do something you like.

You got one life. You just wanna make a bunch of money for what? To get some who, some OnlyFans whore. in Miami to ride around in a Lamborghini with you. and do coke like it. I understand that. It, it seems great to be, you know, doing lines of Adderall at two o'clock in the morning, wondering if some whore is stealing from your. Miami apartment.

I understand that. That seems amazing. Is this who stealing my watch in a Miami high rise? I know that's what people want, but there's more to life. There's more to life than that. Like a lot more truly, you'll be happier doing other things. You'll be happier doing other things. with your time than that. I know that's the goal. That seems to be the goal of like every person that exists.

on the internet under 25 years old. They all wanna live in Miami. They all wanna have a Lamborghini. And they all wanna wonder if an only van's whore is stealing. their watch at two o'clock in the morning. Is she going through the drawers? What is she looking for? If that's the life you wanna. and you wanna go to the dj, all these DJs, you. go DJs playing. And I like these guy. I like John Summit. I like these people enough with the DJs and the crap.

Enough, enough with this Coachella. and all this garbage enough with this shit enough. It's not a life, it's not a life. It is not a life to go to Coachella. and dress up like an Indian. and stand there in 98 degree weather, you know, on. unlike angel dust or whatever. I mean, they're not even doing angel dust. They, they'd be more interesting. I don't know what they're doing. I mean, I guess they're on shrooms. What a bit Molly if they're on Molly.

But it's not a life, it's not a life to stand at a con stop. with the concerts. It's another thing. Stop with the concerts enough. with this crap. Stop with the concerts enough. It's not a life to go see live music. It's not a life with that, with these concerts, these drug addicts, they get outta jail. They put 'em right on stage and you're all, you pay $120. See some junkie with 15 children, enough with the concerts.

Stop, stop with this. Every minute of the day it's someone at a concert. No one has a dollar to their name. No one owns anything. Not to sound like Ben Shapiro, but he might be right about that. Nobody has a dollar dollar. and everybody's watching Billie Eilish pretend. to sing for three hours. Stop. Get a life, get a job. Truly stop with this crap.

You're gonna see a DJ enough with this shit. The bottle service, the Vegas and the fights. Stop with the fights, stop with this UFC. You don't have the money for that. Go get your own ass kicked in the streets where you live, where the government doesn't enforce the crime. You go get jumped somewhere. If you got a a passion for that, stop going to UFC.

Cut it out. It's not a life, it's not a life going to UFC. It's not a life sitting in the thing it don UFC fight. It's not a life. It is not a life, not a life. Stop this shit. I see all this crap online. and these people just go from a Miami apartment to the UFC. to a concert to see some junky criminal. and it, you know what I mean?

It's what is this? What is this? It's a collection of it. Meaningless shit. It's a collection. of meaningless horseshit experiences. It mean nothing. Yeah. You know, I saw John Summit at the Dead that we went, what do you have said? Do we win here? That we went to stuff? It's nothing. There's no through line. There's no thrift, nothing. What are your photos gonna be when you are old? A photo of you at at, at a at a day party. and fucking at the wind.

What is this? It's not a life, it isn't, it's a collection of things that, that look like a life from the outside. I'm telling you it's the, and this is what the internet does. It gives you the idea that these things are life. Well, I have a life. I went to Coachella and we No, no, it's wrong. It's wrong. You think it's a life. 'cause it's a, it's a photo dump.

You, you went to brunch, she had a pancake that's, you know, some Asian talked about and that's great. I like Asians. and I like what they're doing in the breakfast realm. But it it, it's, it's not the point. That's not the point. Oh Tim, you have a pancake on your, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm in a game that I didn't create. What I'm saying is this, the things you are doing are not a life.

You are these, these random things you are doing. that you are only doing. because other people you know are doing them. Other people you know are doing the. things that you are doing. Look, let me tell you something and you need to hear this. We live in a world that's designed a steal for me. It's designed to leave you exposed. and the greatest scam of all the data brokers, these people are selling your life, your credit score. and pictures of your grotesque family to the highest bidder. We all talk about how every move we make leaves a trail, attacks a pathetic post. Every time you buy a coffee, nothing disappears.

And that's a problem. After seeing what these scammers. and identity thieves are doing. with stolen data, it genuinely hit me. We are all walking targets. I had a situation recently, and this is a true story, where somebody was trying. to open a bunch of credit accounts in my name. This is not true. They had my old address, my phone number, even the name. of my dog, which is confidential, never had a dog. This information was out there, sold. by some loser data broker. for $5 criminals can open credit accounts, file tax returns, or even commit crimes in your name. These are all true things. I mean, it just not, doesn't apply to me.

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Shut the fuck up. How about you get the planes in the fucking sky, you scumbag. and shut the fuck up. I'm sick of being lectured by this fucking government. that knows nothing about what, what's actually happening out there. Okay, first of all, first of all, the whole entire experience. of travel has become an unending hell. Okay? Everybody is understaffed.

There are delays at all the major airports. The airports are old, they've fallen into disrepair. The planes are old, the pilots are underpaid, the staff is underpaid. It's a horrible experience, Sean. It's a bad fucking exp experience. Let's watch him. Let's watch this guy and fuck him. - Something I didn't know in 2019, 4% increase. of in-flight outbursts by passengers 2021. - Because they've had it, because they've had it.

There should be more hold. that there should be more outbursts on flights. You should get on a flight and start throwing haymakers. There should be a flight, should be nonstop fighting from the minute you get on a. plane till it lands the way that you were treated. When you travel in this country, they, there should be nothing. but violence from the travelling public who've had enough. Let's see a little bit of this here.

- Gold incidents. You wanna change that? - Yeah. So Donald Trump talks about the. golden age of transportation. The golden age of America. But the golden age in transportation truly begins with you, the traveller, right? And so if you think you just want. - Social media, stop that. How would it begin with me? You fucking moron. How would the golden age of transportation start. with me when I get there? And I'm, I'm literally it at the, the whole thing has nothing to do with me. I have no input on how anything's run. I just show up.

You buy a neck pillow and you get on a plane. I'm there 40 minutes before the flight, thanks to clear. How would the golden age of transportation start with me? You retard doesn't even make sense. The golden age of transportation starts with me. Do you have the, you are the secretary of transportation. It should start with you. How about not passing the buck to me? Well then what the fuck are you getting paid. for you scumbag?

The golden age of transportation starts with the people. How about you? Whose job you are the Secretary of Transportation. You fucking scumbag. - At the baggage claim? You have passengers, berating gate agents because. - They're retards, because they're fucking stupid. It stop hiring stupid retards to work. and they wouldn't need to be rated. But since you keep putting these fucking down syndrome.

people, and no disrespect to them, by the way, I don't even like that. I used that word, but you know what I mean? I I I had a cousin with Down syndrome. I have no problem with the Down syndrome community. I like them. They're sweet people. It's not their fault. But even they, you are putting people. behind the desk at these things. that shouldn't be there. And then I shouldn't berate them. Why should I not berate them? They're berating me. They're berating me.

- Passengers on aeroplanes . People dress up like they're going to bed when they fly. - You don't even have a tie on. New. - Scumbag. I see. Keep working on aeroplanes and they're having a hard. time taking their luggage and getting in, in the oversize or. or the above band. Help people out. Be nice, be courteous. And so we wanna push people. as we come into a really bad busy travel season. Help people out, be in a good mood, dress up, bring civility back to travel. And I think everyone's experience is. gonna be that much better.

- Why would I dress up when the plane doesn't take off? Why would I dress up when the. plane doesn't leave the runway? Sean, you scumbag. You dirtbag telling people to dress up. Get the plane in the air. You dirtbag. Why would I dress up to now I don't take these airlines, but why would people dress up to go to Frontier Airlines? Hey Sean. Their lives suck. That's why they can't dress up. They're going to identify the body of their daughter.

That's why they're taking that flight. Sean, maybe they don't wanna put on a nice holiday sweater. They're going to identify. to see if the body in the lake is their daughter. and they don't have a lot of money. So they're on Frontier Airlines. and the body's been in the lake for a few days. So it's starting to, the stomach's distended, but the facial features are still pretty intact except. where the wounds are.

Maybe don't wanna put on a nice, a nice pantsuit. so they can go down to Austin, Texas. and identify the body in the lake. Why do you think people are travelling? Sean? They're travelling because their lives are terrible. A lot of them. Some of them are going to the holiday shore. A lot of them are just leaving under the cover of night. because they owe money. and they're trying to settle somewhere else. So maybe they don't feel like dressing up. to get on a budget flight to Phoenix.

to work at another tattoo shop and hope this one works. He is. I'm sick of people in government going Well, the golden age of travel starts with you. Dress up, be court. Hey Sean, no one has any money. No one has any goddamn money. You fool. Why isn't everyone dressed up on the southwest flight? Because everyone's fucked. That's why. Why wouldn't they help someone?

Everyone helps people with the luggage. Nobody doesn't help people with the luggage. That's such bullshit. Get up, get up spirit brawl. and hit image. Spirit Airlines brawl. Play something good. This is what it is. This is what life is. What year is this from?

It doesn't even matter. Yeah, play this hole. You gotta be careful his keys. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna feel it. - No word on if any of the passengers. involved are facing charges. Spirit is looking into it. - Well, at the very same airport tense. moments for passengers. Yeah, this is a Delta flight where Hayes, yeah. Filled the cabin of a plane. Officials saying, yeah, dress up. The flight has lost up. How about dressing up for that up this morning at eight 30? Don't you want to dress up for the plane to go on fire, Columbia, South Carolina. But then came the Hayes.

- Yeah, - The crew declared an emergency. That's right. They immediately returned to the airport, put on a nice shirt news for any injury. Delta now looking into the cause here, - Everything's a joke in this country. Dress up nice. The planes are exploding in the sky. Dress up nice, huff a holiday spirit and dress up. Now every minute of every day. I don't know why I get every plane issue every. minute I'm awake.

I'm getting some type of communication. that a plane has been forced to turn around. Okay, over the Atlantic. 'cause a pilot is trying to kill themself. Okay? Every minute of every day, there's some engine failure, a fuel leak, a hydraulics issue, smoke in the cabin, an unruly passenger, a medical emergency. People just get people go on planes right now and just die. And then they gotta land the plane. So this guy is basically like, why aren't you dressing up.

for what's going to be one of the worst. experiences of your life? Now here's one point he does have. You should dress nicely when you fly. because it might be the last time you ever put on clothes. It might be the end. It might be dead. There's too many people flying. There's too much travel in this country. It is motivated by this lie that there is meaning. to be found elsewhere. There is not. There is not.

Find a little corner of the world, find a little store, find a lesbian who makes a little donut. That's all you know. You see her, you go there. and she'll be in early making a little. donut, that little lesbian. And you go in there and sure she's feisty. and not fun to talk to. You get a little donut, you get a cup of coffee, you walk your dog, stop making this complicated. Find a little coffee shop. where a lesbian makes a a little donut. Little fritter, but make it, I wanna see them make it.

I don't want it shipped in from somewhere. And I don't even like when they buy it. I want to see it being made by a lesbian. And, and then find a, an Italian restaurant called like Mama Georgia. And go to that once a week and get a bowl of spaghetti. and talk to Mama Georgio about all the migrants.

And then you find a Chinese restaurant. You find a bar where you can go. and talk to the bartender. You find a nice little gym, you find a little job, you find someone to share it with. And that's it. That's it. You are not this where, where are you going? Stop. Where you going? Can you imagine? We're go, we're landing in Vegas in 20 minutes. For what?

For what? For what? For what? To see a DJ and have your friend fall off and die. 'cause he falls off a balcony or something. Just stay in your look. Just find a nice little town. You can still find them. By the. way, there's not a lot of them. There's very few of them. You find a nice little town. where you can get involved with a few nice restaurants. and a pub and, and that's what you do. Do not overcomplicate your life.

You didn't, you do not need a billion dollars in crypto. You don't need to be in Dubai. because you, you are trying. to not get kidnapped for your crypto. I was at a lunch the other day. and somebody's like, that guy's got a lot of crypto, but he always thinks he's gonna be kidnapped. I'm like, what is this? What what is this? What lives has everyone created, by the way? Oh, he did real well in crypto, but he thinks he's gonna be kidnapped like every night. He can't even sleep. Folks just get his shepherd's. pie to local pub.

It's ground lamb with carrots, some potato, some mashed potato. Nice crust on top. You know, I mean, I don't know what to tell you here. I I don't know what to tell you. What you wanna be in Dubai. with a billion dollars of crypto. worrying about being kidnapped. What do you, what what? Can we stop this shit? Stop this crap. Stop this garbage. Get out of LA No one cares about your script. Oh, you wrote a script. Cut this shit out. You think it's 2004? Stop.

Go be a teacher in Vermont. Just go be a teacher In Vermont, teachers are lazy people. They are lazy people. They do almost nothing. Truly. Here's my impression of a teacher. Hello everyone. Welcome to the class. Today we're learning about photosynthesis. The light comes in. and it does, you know, chlorophyll, it's all green. Fuck off. That's it. That's all they do. A hundred grand.

And then every summer they get to go out. and, you know, stomp around, do whatever the hell they want. Get a side gig. Just do that. Stop with this crap. You're collecting all these experiences, but they don't lead to any, they don't lead to anything. They're all these isolated events that, that are there. to telegraph to other people. How well you're doing or how much you're raging.

or turning up. or whatever the fucking, it just, just doesn't matter. Just have local fun and, and just be around people. that you have some level of comfort with. Everybody has over complicated life. to a degree that's unimaginable. I have a weird life. I have weird friends. and a lot of them have high profile things. and they're not happier than, than anyone else. Truly, it's a public service announcement. Now, I'm not gonna be friends.

I'm not gonna like not be friends with them. Maybe be friends with you. What? Some of these like psychos on Instagram. I'm like, why don't you get dinner with me? I'm a regular person. What? What? It's relax nuts. But the point is this. Get a fucking, I'm so many people I know, they think life is such a complicated thing. They stress themselves out. These kids stress themselves out. Find a good scam. Find a nice little townhouse enough with the garbage.

Get a dog. Get a dog. Not that she be anyone. I don't like that. It's too perfect looking. I don't dig it. Everyone else likes it. I don't like. that Australian shepherd either. That Merl, I don't like its eyes, but get a dog. Get go on a date. Go on date night with the wife. You take on a little date night, you go. to the French restaurant in town. You wanna be in Dubai going, is that, is.

that a creek in the door. or is someone kidnapping me for the am I gonna get tied. to the chair and tortured from my crypto? That's happening to people all over the place. They're getting tied to the chair. and beaten for their crypto. And that's what everyone wants. They go, I wanna live in Miami. and I want to get kidnapped in the middle of the night and,

and taken to a warehouse and tied to a chair. and beaten for my crypto wallet, password. and wonder all the way there. If the OnlyFans whore, I'm fucking gave them my address. The answer is yes. Don't overcomplicate your life. I love Aura Frames. It's one of my favourite g For limited time, visit aura frames.com. Get $45 off aura's bestselling carver mat frames. Name number one by wire cutter. This is a digital frame.

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1, 8, 7, 7 Cars for kids. You've got a car you don't need. Guess what you do with it? Cars for Kids. You've got two cars. You only drive one car for kids. You got a car, you swear you're going to sell. but haven't listed in six months. Donate it to Cars for Kids. Here's how it works. You go to Cars for kids.org/jim, you fill out a simple quick form, they pick up your car. for free, you get a tax deduction, vacation voucher. and kids, real kids get the benefit. That's the cycle. Cars for kids help kids, cars for kids help kids. It's a season of giving. So clear out the driveway,

do some good, and start the new year. with nice little tax deduction. Go to cars for kids.org/gym right now to donate cars. for kids.org/jim. That's cars with a KI hear Kesh Patel may be out. I hear Pete Hegseth might be out. We don't know. Could be. Is this Russia, Ukraine deal gonna go through? I don't even care right now. I'm, I'm, I don't even care about this. Russia, Ukraine. I, I'm, I'm uninterested calci.com will tell you.

who will leave the role in the trans in. the Trump administration. 12% say Cash Patel. Here's what I'm saying. Okay? Be thankful for simplicity. This is real. Really listen up here. Really listen up. Be thankful for the simple things in your life. Reconnecting with, with, or, you know, having a good, productive first date or something.

Or working at Panera when you got outta rehab. Yeah, it's not the best job, but you just got outta rehab. You're lucky you're not dead. Be thankful for these things. Truly be thankful for this. Local is the answer. Global is not the answer. Well, what's the Ukraine to Shut up. Tell me about your deli. Tell me about the school you're gonna send your kids to. Local is the answer. Be thankful for local.

I'm telling you, you know, it, I, I talk to. so many people. and so many of them are insane. and, and their lives are so complicated. and some of that's their fault. and some of that's not their fault. Some of that's just the way it it is and the way it goes. But some of the happiest people I know, there's such a simplicity to their life. They've learned that they don't,

they don't need like everyone, young people today. Everything's gotta be dialled up to, everything's gotta be the craziest thing. The richest. I'm the richest per like all, everyone wants it. And, and it, you're chasing nothing. You are going nowhere. It's meaningless. The things you want are meaningless. Develop some faith. Engage in a healthy way with religion. Engage in a healthy way with a passion.

Truly get a hobby. Get a partner. These are all important things. You don't need to be the richest person. You do not need to make all this money in crypto. You, you don't need to have, you know, you don't need. to have a crazy social media presence. that makes people feel guilty or something. You don't need to, you can go have fun. and not put it on on Instagram.

And I'm not saying don't go have fun. or don't go have experiences, but cut. Cut it out with the half the shit. You people are doing enough with this crap. Enough. Alright. You know, chapel rone enough with this. Who cares? Who cares? I know some guys are posting photos with chapel. Oh, I know Chap Rone. So what, who cares? There's nothing cool about that.

There's nothing cool about that. I know Marjorie Taylor Greene. How about that? You scumbag? Well, it's true. I hope she's, well, she's left her, she's left to Congress. I'm just saying that people need to, people need. to dial it down. Turn it down. I would go to these people that they have all these dreams.

with the looks maxing, that they're all smashing their jaws. with a, with a hammer. And go, this is what kind of woman you getting here? What kind of woman is requiring this of you. to smash her jaw with a hammer like this? All you need to do is, is be a, a person. Learn how to be a person. I mean, I don't know. I'm just saying it's, it's definitely, I did a j crew commercial the other day. It was a lot of fun. There was a lot of kids on set.

because I was playing a coach. and they, they were in the, it's like a short film for, for j Crew. I play a, a ski coach who was yelling at the kids. One of the children, a 9-year-old started a. rumour that I had a wig on. Okay? The other kids, he started a rumour that I had a wig on. I started going back and forth with this person. who was nine years old, who was actually very cruel. Another one of the kids, they were calling me Tim Cheese. They were doing the six seven. They were trying to shit on me. I called one of them.

I was like, oh yeah, young Sheldon. So I got him bad and I did hurt him. I saw it in his face. But they were pieces of shit to me. They were vicious, they were disrespectful. They were not professional at all. Were on set. They were actually not professional at all. And it was hurtful because I thought that. there would be a level of respect. and that their parents would've talked to them about. who I was and things that I had accomplished.

But that's not what happened. Okay? This show is like huge. and no one, not one kid cared at all about me. It was insults and insults and this one. and that one and Big Back. That's the one I called Young Sheldon. He called me Fat. Then it became about Israel. Here's the point. Who are these little bums? I don't feel bad for them. I hope AI takes everything from them. I said that to them. I said, none of you will have jobs.

AI will take it all AI will take, will take it all. Okay. So I'm just saying the experience I've had with. that generation has been really negative. Really negative. They're just all sociopaths. Okay. Some of them were okay, but like I, I'm, they were try, like some. of them were okay with the lines. I think I did a good time. I, I think I did well. You know, it was an all day shoot.

Everyone was getting tired and everybody was fighting, you know, but they held it together. for the most part, you know. But I'm just saying I have a really limited interaction. Like, I don't, I don't know what's. going on with younger people. I just know from what saw, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. There's no respect for authority. One of them threw like a slick a sloth thing at me.

None of it was cool. None of it was cool. So I'm just saying that I want, I want to, to give advice to people. and tell them that like all the things I see online, these trends are all ultimately very destructive. And you know, I'm really sick of the, the, you know, we need. to make things easier for younger people. and we need to change the value system. because the value system is like rotted.

It's completely rotted. And the lives, if the, I don't know. who these people are looking up to. I don't know what, they're not even watching movies. Like you used. to wanna live in like a nice Tudor style house in an area. with like changing, you know, changing seasons. and you have a little family and everything like that. That's like the dream. The home alone kind of dream. You want a community, you want a lot of people around you. And now like, everyone's like, how wouldn't it be cool if I lived in Miami. with an OnlyFans whore and we snorted Adderall. and then someone kidnapped me 'cause I have crypto.

And you're like, I just don't know what happened. I don't know how that became the goal. of young people in this country. It's like not good. Everyone wants to be some type of quasi criminal. who's like on a private jet landing at Opel Lock. Airport in Miami. Ready to go Rage. You're supposed to be in the suburbs of America. Save the suburbs. That's what it should be.

You need, it's a very, very simple thing. It doesn't need to be the craziest thing. You don't need to, you can go to Coachella once. You don't have to go every year. You don't have to go every year. You don't have to go every year. Alright. It is crazy. Oh, you're at the Ucci. What's this at the concert, the Ucci concert. Hey, hey, hey. Enough with this. Go to the dentist, be a dentist.

Go be a dentist. When someone goes, oh, I'm going. to Kaci concert, what are you doing? You go, I'm a dentist. I'm a dentist. You know, you know, it's a play a little bit of that, of the Kaci concert if we can. It's k, it's, it's KALI, right? Kaci. I have a friend who's on tour with him. I'm sure it's great. Can we play this?

We're gonna get played a little bit of it. Alright. It's fine. It's good, it's good. But you don't need folks, you don't need. to do this all the time. You don't need to do this all the time. You know, this is all I see people doing.

All I see people doing now is they just go to a concert. They just get, they just take drugs and go to a concert. Who cares? Go somewhere else. Stop this crap. Don't get mad at me. I'm the messenger. I'm the messenger here. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong. Thanksgiving dinner tough and a tough economy. Guess what? So what do half what you do, do half.

of the dinner this year. Do half of the dinner, do half of what you usually do. And if people don't like it, have, have everybody bring one thing and it's already over anyway. This comes a Saturday, who cares? I'm just saying that's what I would do. if I was hosting Thanksgiving this year. You know what I would do? I would tell everybody, if you want to eat it, bring it, bring it. If you want to eat it, because I don't. have anything this year.

That's what I'd say. I go, I don't have anything. And you're not coming in my house. You're not coming in my house. We're gonna sit in the driveway. and we're gonna solve the Charlie. Kirk murder with Candace Owens. That's Thanksgiving this year. That's Thanksgiving this year. That's what it is. Come solve the murder, solve the case. I come in, I have a big whiteboard. You come over my house for Thanksgiving, a big whiteboard, and I have names and planes.

and, and that's what we're doing. We're going through the whole thing from the jump. That's what we're doing. Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all of you. and obviously the people who watch this show. I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for our brand sponsorships. and partners that align with our core values and mission. I'm thankful for friends and family. I'm kidding. I am. I'm thankful for,

I'm thankful for the Mideast peace agreement. I am. And I hope everybody there can just kind. of take a moment because it's been a rough couple of years. for a lot of people over there. And I hope they realise that life is so precious. and it's time now for rebuilding and healing. and not being a knucklehead.

Because the last couple of years. people over there have been knuckleheads and, and dodo birds. And if you're a knucklehead or a dodo bird, it's, it's not the way. So what I'd like you to do, if you're in the Middle East, I'm not even specifying where, but if you're in the Middle East, Israel, Palestine, Libya, Lebanon, whatever, don't Turkey Saudi Arabia.

Even though you fired me, I've, I've moved past it. Don't be a knucklehead. That's all I'm saying. Hey, in Chicago, everyone's shooting each other. Stop doing that. I'm thankful I didn't get shot in Chicago. They shot seven people a few blocks away from my hotel. I'm thankful for that. Stop shooting each other. I'm asking you nicely now. It's not. I need to think, oh, it's cool if I go shoot this guy. and maybe it is cool.

I'm not, you know, I can tell you it's not cool. It's probably cool. It's probably cool if you shoot a guy, people will look at you differently. You'll be treated like a serious person. You might get a woman out of it. It, it is probably a, a cool thing. to do if you shoot someone in Chicago and kill that person. 'cause now you're a legit person. It kind of legitimises you in the eyes of many people.

If you shoot someone. and it callous way, like if you shoot 'em in the face, if you get out of a car and then shoot someone in the face. in the middle of Chicago, it's probably a really badass thing to do. But still, there's other ways, you know, there's other ways. to get those things. Get the respect and the woman not as immediate. Probably if you shoot someone,

your cred goes up really high really quickly. and people are like overnight. People are like, wow, that guy's. fucking don't fuck with him. But there's, there's other ways to do that. that might take a little longer. You just have to kind of settle in. and screw in for the long haul. And they shot seven people in Chicago right outside. of the Chicago theatre. And I'm grateful I was not shot. I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful for that. And I am thankful for, because I played that theatre a few times. I wasn't playing that theatre this time. I was in some dump an hour outside getting some new material. and thanks to everyone who came. But I've played that theatre a few times. and so I'm, I'm thankful I wasn't shot. Walking around downtown Chicago every day in this country. that you are not randomly shot is something you should be. thankful for every day.

You are not killed in a car accident, in a road rage incident every day. that you do not contract some type of tick illness. You should be thankful every minute. that you are not victimised by some type. of roving frothing at the mouth. Psychopath who you know, like we mk altered somewhere. and like pulled outta the military. to put into some special crazy programme.

and like put 'em in a room with loud music. and then just release them as like some type of kind. of assassin psychopath. And they just wander the highways trying to kill people. The every minute. that guy's not in your face is a good minute. Be thankful for that. Every time you're not killed in a national park by whatever. 'cause no one even explains what happens there. People just disappear. But anytime you're not killed. by some mysterious thing in a national park. that nobody really wants to talk about,

although there's area of the of these parks, you're like not allowed to go in. and people don't really know what's going on. Anytime that's not happening, be thankful. Be thankful. You know what I mean? Anytime your child doesn't call you. and go, there was a school shooting. and my friend got popped. Be thankful 'cause you're living in America. These things are all tragic possibilities. Be thankful. Be thankful. Truly.

You don't have to jump up and down or whatever, but like, you don't need to be a millionaire. You just not you. Just be thankful for the simple pleasures. If not having a home invasion wake you up in the middle. of the night, be thankful. Be my friend. Woke up with a gun in her mouth. Give us to Birkin bags, give us. to bags and we'll get outta here. Be thankful. Be thankful that no one has woken you up. with a gun in your mouth for your pocketbook yet.

Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful for all these things. Be thankful that you are not, you know, in some type. of crazy. Be thankful Israel's not blackmailing you. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful you don't live in the whatever on that, in.

that disputed territory, that Ukraine, Russia thing up there in the north. Be thankful. Be thankful. that you are an American citizen with rights. Not a lot. And they will go away, but you have 'em now. Be thankful for that. Be thankful. You don't need to be a crypto billionaire who's kidnapped. and tied to a chair and beaten for their password. Da da so they can take the fake money outta your account.

And the OnlyFans who are you don't need all that. You don't need all, you don't need a camera. crew that lives in your house. It takes photos of you driving. Lamborghinis around a parking lot. You don't need it. You don't need it. Get a small little place and hang out there. and live a life like a human being. You're not gonna be able to do that soon. Everything I'm describing is the ultimate luxury. Soon robots are gonna drag you outta your house. and rape you on the lawn.

and there's nothing you're gonna be able to do about it. So be thankful that you can have a shitty little life. You are right at the end of humanity. You are right at the end of humanity. Be thankful you can have a shitty little life. 'cause it's, it's not all gonna be sunshine and song. It's not all gonna be Coachella and cocaine. We're heading to a real, real interesting situation. Be thankful that you can have a shitty little life.

in a corner of the world that is still pretty free for now. Be thankful and I am very grateful. and I am thankful for all of you. And I was kidding about Israel. Love you. Bye.