White Marble with Paul Virzi | The Tim Dillon Show #314

by the way do you know how [ __ ] great. it is that a [ __ ] do you know how. great it is and how [ __ ] happy i am. for you that you [ __ ] came here in. this disgusting town yeah you [ __ ]. are a new york kid doing yeah yeah yeah. you pulled up in a bentley and i [ __ ]. got real happy i appreciate it i got. real [ __ ] happy thank you well you. know. are we on yeah yeah oh [ __ ] okay well. we're yeah we don't tell people oh okay. yeah no that's good well what's good. about me is that i'm at the comedy store. and i'm not in jail you know because. it's been rough for a few years out here.

uh left and right people getting taken. out head shots um yeah i just wish i. lived at a time when you didn't know. smoking was bad for you. that's the time i wish i lived in. because. you know we know so much now that to do. certain things now you have to really. have a death wish which i don't have. but. you know i don't have that but back then. you could just enjoy a cigarette i saw. clips of like jackie gleas you could see. like when jackie gleason was on like. train carts and and they're just.

drinking and smoking and there was no. there was no talking about it it was. just going to the club and having having. scotch and drinking cigarettes was was. it well there was you know there was a. thing. in that era where people really like. like fun. was a big deal. like having fun right like [ __ ] loose. right let loose yeah having fun we've. kind of. done away with that now yeah where like. there was there was the idea that you.

could really enjoy yourself and that. part of your life. should be defined by your ability to. have fun right to let loose yeah well if. you know i mean i'm sure giannis has. told you giannis papas of course but i. my problem in my fighting with my wife. is that it's a little too much with me. right so if i did live in that time. probably it probably wouldn't have been. long lived yeah you know like i still i. mean i have two i i say i'm gonna have. two white claws i'm up all night. drinking yeah yeah yeah yeah.

you just have fun i just have fun and. then let's smoke a cigar but paul is. three in the morning yeah you got to be. up with the kids tomorrow yeah i'm fine. and i'm an absolute mess for two days. yeah they should have those the kids and. then she has the kids and then she's. resentful to me oh by the way then i'm. going now i'm going to beverly hills for. a week yeah but she's not on netflix. you know what i mean like i'm the one. with the yeah. wake up a little bit you know are you. funny uh that's hilarious all right so. your netflix special's out what is the. title of it uh the netflix special is. called nocturnal admissions nocturnal.

adventures missions right i like that. yes and uh yeah it's on netflix right. now it's streaming it's doing uh. extremely well so i'm very very uh. thankful about that that's awesome check. it out man it's getting great reviews. and i'm really happy i was working hard. and luckily i got covered early yeah. because getting you got covered like you. were like patient zero dude i i joked i. said i got covered like i was waiting. for an album to drop like i was online. at midnight for playstation yeah i got. covered and then you just basically like. coasted for the next two years like. unafraid and and yeah yeah and then you. were like you were like immunity who.

gives a [ __ ] well yeah and then five. months after when the world was shut. down yeah i was like all right now let's. go to the states that really don't have. don't believe in coverage right so yeah. and that's what we did yeah we we we. went on tour that whole time i wonder to. be honest with you i wonder in our. lifetimes if there will ever be a more. interesting time to do stand-up than. when we did it. like during that era and i think me you. brett ernst yeah and maybe a couple of. other people were out like we were out.

no no like i was like people were like. dude are you tour like is this your tour. we were out like it wasn't happening. yeah we were out like it didn't exist. yeah we were out i was in texas i was in. arizona all those 100 i was doing it. every week yeah and some comics were. like i see the i mean obviously i don't. think they were talking about who i. don't know who they're talking about. right but yeah these comics who have. like full schedules like yeah that's. responsible and it's like nobody's. booking you right you're not giving up. anything you're not yeah.

went out early and they got sick. yeah and then they had to post hey if. you shook my hand in the meet and greet. and that was funny because it's like. what you did a [ __ ] meet and greet. like that was like that was like the. next level of like wait a minute what. so that made a lot of people start going. like what the [ __ ]. you're you're doing comedy and you're. doing a meet and greet but it was like. listen the way i looked at it was like. this listen i was like you know i've. done comedy now.

i started in like 2010 like late 2010. so i was like listen i'm doing a very. long time you're 13 years in 13 years. yeah i was like i finally have. some people that want to come see me. yeah i've been on the road a very very. long time. and i'm taking every precaution. and. just knowing a little bit about viruses. you knew. basically. you know this wasn't you there was no. way. yeah this was going to be preventable. if i mean people are going to get it.

yeah people are going to get it you know. what i don't like dope now tim yeah is. that now they're coming out going the. truth is yeah the real truth is right if. it wasn't an n95 mask it kind of didn't. yeah like like it had a cloth it was. fake it was fantastic yeah. well remember the hand sanitizer. remember all the things we did wiping. down packages all that [ __ ] and then we. realized oh none of that worked that's. not how it spread we don't have to. [ __ ] wipe down all of this [ __ ] you. don't have to take out [ __ ] ethyl.

alcohol and spray down it doesn't affect. food yeah panda express [ __ ] to go. boxes yeah we didn't have to do any of. that nobody. it was insane but we we were out there. and i remember doing stand-up the week. before. the election. and i and it was uh it was november and. it was the week before the election and. i remember. it was we had the pandemic and the. election and i remember saying to my. opener we were sitting in the back in.

the green room and i said. and then trump i believe had gone he had. just got coveted i think you were in. nashville yeah and he was getting flown. in a helicopter yeah and and i don't. know when this was it was maybe it was. october yeah it was close to the. election yeah yeah and i said to my. opener i'm like. we could find out the president is. dead. in the middle of the show. i'm like we don't know what's going on. i'm like the president of the united. states yeah. who's in his 70s has coven yeah that's.

true he's overweight in his 70s has. covid and we are sitting in the back. of. i don't know if it was stand up live in. phoenix i don't know where i was but. i said. we're like close to an election i'm like. there's never been a crazier time. in my memory to do stand-up comedy than. this period no it was we did it in a. time where when we talk about it yeah. and you tell people you're gonna go like. years and years yeah you got on stage.

like during it right like at the height. of it right i was actually in arizona at. the height yeah it was like every other. table they had partitions people had. masks people are gonna go wait a minute. what we did shows outside yeah you know. how funny was when trump was like i was. fine yeah he was like it was great but. he you know when they put him i heard he. actually had a rough time yeah he said. when they put him on the plane am i. gonna go out like stan sharer who was a. friend of his who died with it. so you know he was like what the [ __ ]. and. it is one of those things where you know. it was weird because most people were.

okay but then every now and then you. heard somebody that was like they got. really [ __ ] up you went wait what. sometimes it was somebody who you. wouldn't expect but we were out there. doing stand-up during that time that was. crazy we we did we were and i was. getting real busy and it started to get. weird because like not many people were. doing it and then right i asked myself i. was i said to my wife i was like is this. okay like right i [ __ ] like am i and. then i was like i told people listen. like i you know if you want to come out. like be safe like right there you know. and then like all the clubs had that.

like gun that like did something with. the air yeah well she didn't know like i. i didn't know nobody knew what that was. you know. no one knew i mean no one knew these. comedy clubs are coming clubs are trying. everything they're the worst you know. they're infectious disease breeding. grounds right it's people close together. eating drinking and laughing hopefully. no but we're spraying stuff right yeah. everyone's fine we got lysol. everything's fine. yeah there's there's 300 here very close. but with the spray we're recycling the.

air they said that and i go what is that. like when they said no we recycle the. air the air is new i didn't know what. that they didn't know what it was it was. just everybody they were just like. listen we need money that's another. thing. that's the other thing that people. forgot you know people needed money yeah. and people. you know. there were certainly there were benefits. for people that didn't have but there. were people who were like hey man i got. a family yeah i gotta feed people you. have two kids that's why i was gonna say. [ __ ] you yeah you know no kids but i. want money yeah yeah so i was like.

listen if you come to the show you know. i don't know how many people i killed. with my tour someone. died from my tour. someone died no i have no way of knowing. i found out one guy got sick at mine. like that actually came back that got. yeah because i said i go if you guys. hear anything just let me know yeah one. guy got it and then like a week later i. didn't hear anything so he i guess he. made it i don't even want to know. how many people died from my door. a few people died. a few people died.

people are gonna die. and you better crush that night no it's. you know i mean you you came out yeah. and but you could have died from going. to the grocery store. yeah so what are you gonna do. and i also think that there are some. people that were like look i know the. risk i'm not living like this that's why. i'm not living like this anymore so if. god forbid if god forbid something. happens i'm going to a comedy club to. laugh tonight and i'm done because i sat. in the house for months and i'm going to.

see this guy who i like i'm sure a lot. of people did that a lot and they were. probably very republican yeah and they. were and they were good audiences. um. and to me i love like to me comedy is a. live sport it's meant to be seen live. like it's obviously it's great when it's. recorded it's great but to me being in. the room is is is the thing it's a. hundred percent true there were no so to. me there were no substitutions these. live stream shows that people were doing. the shows on zoom.

all of these. you know whatever you know technological. innovation that allowed people to. perform. you know i just was like in stand up. it's got to be live yeah podcasting can. be what it is but stand-up's got to be. live so i didn't feel like there was any. substitution so i'm like i'm either. gonna not do it right for two years or i. gotta go out yeah yeah no i felt the. same way and i also was like being out. there i was able to work the special. more yes and in my mind i'm going wow. like if i can kind of duplicate what's. going on here yeah the night of the.

special but yeah being there live and. having your fans see you in in your. element at your best running something. and they're there it's just better than. clips right clips are great. established titles is a project based on. historic scottish customs where. landowners are referred to as lairds or. lords or ladies in english they allow. people to buy as little as one square. foot of dedicated land so that they can. call themselves a lord or a lady they. are committed to planting a tree with.

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yeah um how do you shield them from. it's crazier parts of it with the. it's everything from bullying to you. know god forbid you come you come home. one day and you're you see your. daughter's son and they're watching the. whitney cummings on the internet. what do you get. you know like how do you handle. as a father. how do you handle all this. no it's actually it's actually true well. not the whitney thing true um no like my. daughter's watching you know she said to.

me the day she got dad can i get. tick-tock and i go absolutely not and. she's like but i'll just and this is. what let me know that it's [ __ ]. horrible right she goes no i'll just go. to the things that i want to see no dude. they're doing stuff they're doing gross. [ __ ] there's a lot of sexual [ __ ] up. there my daughter's ten man yeah you. know and there's problems and the kids. are locked in the phones big man my son. is you know my son is he does watch a. lot of basketball stuff and youtube. stuff but my son has got his head down a. lot right to the point where i'm like. buddy buddy i'm [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] talking. to you like my dad that didn't happen.

with us no you know we stared at the. window and. yeah no there was nothing to stare at. other than your life. yeah you had to kind of live in what was. yeah in in in in they're happier than i. than than we were oh the kids yeah yeah. they're happier and yeah they're right. yeah they seem happier my kids are happy. my kids are happy they're just. distracted but i don't want them i'm. fighting it i'm i'm fighting it so. you're gonna find out do you think you. get worn down eventually do you think it. breaks down like. when they get into the teen years. because all of their friends are gonna.

be doing this. so at what point do you. i don't know do you give in or do you. how does it work. well here's the thing you know the i. think the italian in me i i kind of i. kind of bribe right cash is cash is king. in the house right so i told my daughter. my daughter was on the couch he'll love. this yeah. uh my daughter's on a couch with stacey. and she goes i want an iphone and you. know stacy goes well lucas got an iphone. after fifth grade you gotta wait till. after fifth grade right she goes but i'm. different than lucas i want an iphone so.

her soccer team didn't win a game oh. yeah and they scored one goal all season. it was terrible they never won we would. travel to yonkers we would travel to. dobbs festivals just to be embarrassed. seven o'clock in the morning there's dew. all over the thing i'm exhausted i'm. yelling at my wife why i had to get up. so early i got coffee in my hand and. they get blown out we get back in the. car. yeah right get in the car and we would. just wouldn't talk about the game we'd. go get lunch right so. uh they score one goal all year it's the. last game they haven't won a game so i. just out of nowhere i go sophia. you score a goal tomorrow morning you. score a goal again tomorrow morning get.

you an iphone 11 whatever it was first. first half she's dragging ass all the. kids are right yeah it's all over. they're losing the money stays in my. pocket money stays them up and now. parents start hearing about it the. parents there's rumblings yeah hey dude. versi just [ __ ] versy told sophia you. know we're losing dude second half. starts she starts running the ball. ricochets it's in front of her it's just. her and the goalie she lofts it up over. the goalie's head it goes in all the. parents start going nuts everyone sophia. is running down in the middle of the. game tim middle of the game she goes dad.

iphone 11. and everybody [ __ ] went. nuts but you know i'm telling my kid. listen some people don't like the parent. i tell my kid you scored 20 tonight. you're gonna get cash right you know i. said you get honor roll you're getting. 300 cash and we're going to go get you. the sneakers no it's smart do you ever. when the when the team's not doing good. you ever grab the coach and go like what. are we doing here. you know what i mean like do you ever. grab the coach you're like listen up. seven weeks in a row and nothing's. changed like are we do you have a plan. do we have any plan as to how to get out. of this like.

you know like they had a game in queens. by randall's island yeah a team that. never loses yeah and. we actually had the decency to just. cancel it. [Laughter]. no the parents had a meeting and they go. we're not driving we're not all driving. down to queens to get to do that so. let's just let's forfeit now so we could. go out and drink tonight and they and. the parents did they canceled it there. were two types of parents sports parents. when i was coming up there was the. parents who. didn't care where they were just like.

this is a babysitter. these three hours a week that you're. gone are three hours i don't have to see. you yeah and then there were parents who. would physically attack the coach and. referee if they didn't like the calls. yeah yeah like it was those two extremes. and very few in the middle it was either. like hey have fun we don't really care. yeah the other extreme was that you know. there are literally if you google this. ben yeah yeah there was and these were. like connected guys in long island. everybody thinks they're connected it's. you know yeah um they went down.

two guys attacked a baseball co a. baseball coach long island they went on. to the field. they literally were like what the [ __ ]. going on. and they um. yeah right there right here in 2007. brothers busted for a beat down of long. island. baseball coach and it was like a uh i. remember this in in in 2007. and basically it was like an 11 year old. baseball player. upset over being benched.

uh for cursing and batting practice. called his father who drove to the. bellmore ball field rushed the mound. with his brother. pummeled the coach. sending him to the hospital. police said wednesday. the brothers frank basile and roger. bastille who own a restaurant i love. called hudson and mccoy or used to we're. arrested and charged i think they do it. was a great i used to enjoy it. um. they were arrested in charge of tuesday. this was years and years ago. with whatever.

you know how funny is that when they're. in the holding cell yeah what did you. get i was doing dope no no i beat the. [ __ ] out of a little league yeah we. [ __ ] up just keep my kids couch. and you know because their sons get they. benched them for being like [ __ ] you. [ __ ] like you have to be on the. bench no there was there was another one. where the parents go come on and the and. the guy the guy goes uh if you do one. more thing and he just left he he left. he took the mask off and the ump just. left i'm not no we don't you know right. i don't uh i don't do that yeah.

in long island it happens. 100 percent all that like what people do. for children sports is insane yeah and. it's such and all it is is a projection. of their of what's going on with them. which is right because they regret maybe. they go maybe they're trying to relive. their glory days or they never they. regret you know not their parents didn't. push them more. yeah and they're like maybe if i push. the kids we can get them there was a guy. i think in our district or in the town. over he eight eight year olds he kicked.

a soccer ball say go get it [ __ ] it. freaked out he was just never he was. banned from the field he wasn't allowed. not he wasn't allowed on the property. he wasn't allowed to be seen he wasn't. allowed to be seen on the property like. they were just like this guy can't even. like not only. not only are you not doing this anymore. like you can't be seen people can't see. you anymore. so what was he doing he was just telling. eight-year-olds. he was uh i guess i guess uh he was just. telling eight-year-olds something and. they weren't listening and i guess he.

just had a breaking point of losing yeah. you know because there's only so much. you could take do you ever no do you. coach no no i don't know but if i but. like one time i ran like intramurals. yeah where they broke up the our our. whole team and yeah and i did and the. kids like you know i know like i could. tell a kid that like is just going. through it like takes it real seriously. where i'll be like dude just go you know. like i was able to read these guys want. to win for them right not the kid right. so this guy probably my guess is he. probably lost 13 weeks in a row you know. you know his wife is saying something.

right i've seen wives actually like go. up to the husband while they're coaching. and be like can you do something can you. do something yeah interesting you know. because they're at breakfast and he's. yelling and she's like why don't you win. a [ __ ] game you don't think he's. taking that in the car that's. competitive he's getting in the car go. i'm thinking like this so um this kid. kicked the ball i think i heard he. kicked a soccer ball i don't know what. the [ __ ] it was he kicked a soccer ball. far and started saying you get it you. [ __ ] like it was like and people were. like yeah he's just never coming back. you know. jesus yeah and then but then that guy.

shows up like. yeah to the auditorium for the school. play yeah everybody's like yeah hey. harry there he is and you you have a. tight-knit community of people who know. each other well ours yeah so there's. surrounding towns but are exactly like. other people it's real small schools. might as well be private right right and. that's what i want i want to be away. from people yeah you know and i just. want to be why i want to be i want to be. in a rich country town yeah with horses.

have you been to new york city have you. [ __ ] dude new york city is [ __ ] and i. hate saying that that's your home city. that's my city that's right that's where. i got my chops with stand up that's. where you got your chops with stand up. that's right that's where i got my chops. mutton chop at keene's. many chops no chops. lots of chops uh and to see what it is. now dude to go down there like i was. telling you earlier like taking my son. to a game and seeing the amount of. homeless and and the hustlers and stuff. down and my kids are scared and then i'm. thinking what's somebody's breaking.

point yeah right like you get so i saw. what happened in in austin texas i saw. it happen i saw a guy track you know he. got somebody told him no he tried to. jump in front of a car so now you're you. know wait a minute this is crazy to me. because this is the most beautiful city. in the world austin texas you saw. somebody i just saw some guy have a. breaking point and start yelling and. screaming and freaking out because so so. that's when the true homeless guy and i. think that that's what happens on the. trains and the subways in new york city. you know in the subways in new york city. somebody's there that whole day they.

were shut down they were said [ __ ] you. who knows what happened they're sitting. there and then they see a guy you know. laughing with their kids in yankee. jerseys right and he goes they're. they're getting into a jaguar tonight. going back up to westchester yeah and. somebody gets you know what i mean. people have breaking points i don't want. to be there with my family when that. happens right no that makes a lot of. sense and westchester's incredible you. know it's good schools and stuff like. that so yeah i don't know i hope that. doesn't sound like a snooty [ __ ] i'm. just saying like no you know i worked in. a certain place where you know to a. level where i want my kids to have a.

nice you want your family to be safe. there's nothing stupid about that it's. about safety man yeah you know it's. about my kids being safe and my kids. feeling safe i have specified now this. sounds sturdy i don't want to live near. people who fly on public airways yeah. like anyone that flies public i want to. live fly commercial i really don't want. to live. yeah near anyone that flies like a. commercial air yeah not public. commercial but i consider it it's like a. public it might as well be.

i want to live near people it's the. level of here's how rich. the areas are that i want to live in no. one's even home yeah you know how rich. that is where it's no one's really even. home ever it's because. it's not a community yeah it's just a. money it's money laundering. and with security yeah it's like the. mossad like the security is like saudi. secret service crazy rich just things. that are blinking and it's white-collar.

crime while they're summer in paris. that's right that you know that that's. the area and i've always liked that. since i'm a kid since i'm a kid i've. always liked those areas it's not. because i have money now when i was a. little kid i always liked. those areas where people were so so rich. it was confusing well you know. you know what's funny and me and you. have that me and you have this in common. because we've talked about it for a long. time yeah it's like and and all my. friends and comedy make fun of me like.

you like a [ __ ] like you like a good. restaurant yeah i like i like. tops yes like i want to i want to get i. want to fly private one day that's my i. want to fly privately i don't fly. private but i like to be around those. who do it's a waste of money you're. close though you're going to you're a. waste of money it's a yeah but you know. what it's it's necessary i think yeah. yeah i heard ron white said that. somebody goes yeah why do you do that. why do you waste time he goes man it's. so good yeah you know it is good you. know it's nice to just have your own but.

it's nice to you know to to. to to be in a. and i think we shouldn't pretend. that. that's not desirable well see what i do. is i fly first and can't afford it. always yeah but i still do it i fly. first that will be the last luxury i. give up if everything collapses on me i. will i will sell the bentley i don't. care i will never go back to coach i. won't fly yeah i just will drive to gigs. like i don't like you're never going in. the back of the plane once you get to. first it's i can't go to the back it's.

almost insulting it's almost insulting. how it's different yeah how different i. was gonna do a bit on it and then i said. somebody had to do this bit and then. seven minutes and 40 something seconds. or seven years between brian regan who's. [ __ ] i think one i mean he's just one. of matt rush one of the greatest of all. time and and you know he's a friend dude. he's the nicest guy. this guy did from getting to your gate. yeah to getting on the plane to first. class versus coach it's you're crying.

laughing but yeah after you sit in coach. like i i now i sometimes if i can't. afford it because they'll be like hey. you know it's it's an extra thousand. then i'll be like all right i'll go to. business yeah stacy will kill me right. now because when i go to cities i buy. sneakers right right now you're you're a. problem with spending some time. you like to treat yourself well oh yeah. i uh. uh build a hat a new hat every now and. then billboard pete davidson i just all. we want versus to get rich because we'll. see what he does yeah i told my wife i. want a horse i want a horse you will.

dress like these hypebeasts out here you. have like a two thousand dollar hoodie. no tim you're gonna come to my house and. see if you're sitting on a white horse. yeah i i really want like i want you to. feed it by the way italians when. italians succeed this is what they do. yeah like an exotic animal i get that. white white things and i want one. weird cat yeah. yeah dude how funny you said that i was. actually asking stacey if she wanted to. get a lynx yeah yeah yeah no no i want. white marble everywhere yeah white. marble everywhere fish tank guys.

little fish tanks. giannis redid his basement yeah and when. you sit on janus's couch downstairs to. the to the left yeah you can see and. it's all white marble and i stare at it. like like a fly to a light i just i. can't get my eyes off of it yeah i see. white marble in stone that's another. thing we love stone yeah i love stone. white stone for me it's amazing anything. white like when you pulled up in your. car and i i just. i saw like uh the b on the white i. couldn't believe it yes like you know. yeah it was a pleasure to just get in. something right yes that's right yeah so.

this will be clipped and it will be used. on. neo-nazi websites yeah by the way. by the way we're saying white leather. and white. marbles don't yeah. yeah yeah yeah like yeah like i realize. when i go yeah i go everything white. yeah and then you're laughing. somebody could literally yeah that's. just gonna be i'm talking about yeah the. materials but yes um yeah no i i really. i really love being you know in sitting. in a situation like you know like i had.

to fly business i flew first when i went. to uh grand rapids but on the way out. here i was in business and you know i. hit the guy's elbow yeah a little bit. and i was like i just can't do this. anymore right you know stacy watches. stacy sees the card though yeah we got. into it we got him we got into a thing. and i go i go look you know i'm making. i'm not making a ton ton of money but i. said i'm making a little. and she says listen you've got to reign. it in and she goes listen paul you know. so we got yeah like you got the llc. right she goes you know i gotta can she. goes she actually said to me she goes.

can we have a talk tonight yeah because. we really need to talk and she goes can. i just can i just be in charge of the. money and i go look just just you know. i'm making them like let's talk let's. talk about it and she goes paul you. please for me she goes this might be a. big problem for us. she's like because my wife saw the. foresight was this could be divorced. right so like this could be because. you're gonna go out and you're gonna buy. three pairs of jordans right and you're. gonna buy first class right and then and. it's great but like we have we have. children that need to get educated yeah. so you gotta watch that and you gotta be.

careful so she looks at it so like you. know today for example i pulled it to. you know i went to the i went to the. mall. i got you know i got some press coming. up i got some tv coming up this week out. here so you know you got to treat. yourself i bought a new pair of jordans. and i said but then i walked past. another sneaker store i bought another. pair really but here's the thing i got. to send them home i can't pack them i. don't have enough so i'm buying sneakers. and i've got to ship them all so you. have two pairs of jordans on this trip. that you're shipping home now i have. five pairs of sneakers on this trip. i got listen to this i have a i have. it's actually crazy like i'm here for.

four days. it's crazy. yeah like yeah so i got yeah so i i have. them and my you're gonna really laugh my. uh luggage has a section for the actual. sneaker boxes i don't doubt it yeah so i. got the sneakers but then i'm going. through and i see jordan so i get them. then i i saw another pair but stacy was. watching it would have another pair. would have been another 500 after i. already spent like six on two pairs so. she'll just go so what did you do she. knows she'll question me how was your. day how was your friend do you do cash. so she doesn't know i mean yeah i mean. sometimes i'll throw a little cash or.

yeah what did you you know how was the. trip the her way to start is how was the. trip how was your flight right you know. when how was your flight was like what. did you did you spend right another. thing that changed my life was the delta. sky club changed my life yeah you go to. delta sky club i've never been there you. know here's here's the thing i got to be. honest with you i got to be honest with. you you americans you know. we had the british airways lounge in. london and like how was that we went to. the qantas lounge in australia here's. the reality american lounges just don't.

come they don't compete no you know what. the food i was a little disappointed in. the food at delta they had like one. little hot thing yeah no dude the qantas. lounge that business lounge it's great. it's the best it was so good and then. the virgin lounge too and yeah some of. the best coffee i've ever had oh dude. the coffee the hot cold dishes uh they. make uh grilled cheeses for you like. paninis and stuff they make real cheeses. they call them a toasties. uh soup yeah you know nice rainy day.

with the soup i mean you know so i i i. respect the delta sky club no this guy. the sky club like was something where we. fly enough where it's worth it a. thousand times worse but i agree i i. heard some of the delta ones in the. country are like exceptional yeah but. the ones that i went i've been to a. couple and i could have you know to be. honest it could have been a little. better food wise yes it is nice to sit. listen it's nice have unlimited you know. what's great i mean that's the other. thing about first class is you get a. meal and the meal is good yeah and the. meal in the back you know i i i is. atrocious and like.

that's the other thing in in when you. are in coach you are sitting next to. people. who are diseased. you know like. i mean like openly like because it takes. it takes nothing to be in coach and i've. been in coach and i've been that person. who's diseased like i've gotten on coach. blowing my nose like on the way to. hilarities in cleveland for a weekend. blowing my nose like. my clothes are in like a ratty backpack.

oh you're. immune systems worse i'm making twelve. hundred dollars for 17 shows in. cleveland like. it's a nightmare i bring food that i'm. eating like i've been that person and. now and so i know who that person is and. i don't want to be anywhere near them. you don't want to. do you ever look at the people on the. line for food when you go to the sky. lounge you just start laughing. you know what it is i i try to like. sometimes when they walk on a plane to.

go back to coach i bless my i bless. myself. i go into silent prayer. for them and i go that's why i ask god. bless. i hope you know oh yeah no it's uh but. you know what feels bad what feels bad. is if you if you do first a lot yeah but. then like i said they were just like. paul it bumped a thousand do you still. want to do it and that was like and i. was like with what i was spending i said. no but then walking then when when you. fly first a lot but then you walk past.

it because you're not in it anymore no. there's like a feeling of like i did it. one time you know he sits where do you. sit every time in coach you see every. time you coach and every time you pass. me right that's right i always pass it. and what do i do i always give you the. you point you literally point back. back what you purposely like you just. wanna that's like your wife or like. that's just well no he we're not. spending the business pays for his. travel when he comes to new york and. stuff we're not paying you guys don't. support him at first are you mentally. ill. this is good turn around turn around. turn around look at that turn around.

look at yourself. whose name is on the show right there. is this. is this the group show. does that say saturday night live with. 65 people in it is this an ensemble cast. oh he is a very nice guy i mean he has a. very nice life he does very well. i mean you know do you you rarely pay. for dinner that's true you know you're. very good to me you've been he's been to. the greatest restaurants in the world in. the world in london. nobu in malibu he goes in new york we.

take him to dynamics when they you treat. eating like that's what i notice about. you that's what i respect you treat. eating yeah and foods and restaurants. and seafood you do that the way i would. say that like i would do either certain. sneakers or yeah i mean listen i love a. good meal like that but you need like. the like you need meal wise you want the. best right because i used to do drugs. and i miss drugs and i really like drugs. so it's an addictive it's an addictive. personality addictive thing to just say. i want this thing that's hard to get in. and i don't know that we'll be able to. get it and it just reminds me of drugs.

because drugs was like oh can we get the. eight ball tonight. yeah i want the good eight ball we want. the pink rock you know the one that's. kind of. uh how do we get that well we gotta call. him we gotta drive to [ __ ] bayside. whatever and. this like to me i like to try to get. into the the best place because it's a. challenge so whatever yeah so it's like. you'd want a seafood tower that like. prince loved yeah that was delicious. yeah great and that was that's your. eight ball i want the last thing michael. jackson ate yeah.

i want the last sushi piece of nigiri he. had before he went into a propofol coma. because what's life about who cares why. you know i'll be honest with you i was. on that [ __ ] and that's the greatest. there's nothing there's nothing better. that's better than come and as when you. come out of it yeah you're there's no. mood better right and if anyone. listening right now if you can get your. hands on. who's sponsoring our show propofol. but uh but he did that like he did that. like to sleep and [ __ ] which is wild. yeah. where do you stand on the michael. jackson thing i've never i've never.

researched it but i i i i i i know it's. a hot button but we stumbled into it i. can't i can't watch it i can't listen to. music. i just can't listen to his music now. knowing like somebody told you somebody. that i like and trust right i go what. was the real that's the other thing i. was talking about that on another. podcast today when i watch true crime. when little kids are involved in yeah i. can't watch when i get anything with. kids i can't i hate true crime you know. why because women have made so much. money on it well women love it and i. mean these these people that make so.

much money on it but when kids are. immoral it's my favorite murder all. these podcasts and it's immoral they're. exploiting the deaths of people for. money. they're sick these women are they not. oh um yeah no when it comes to children. i can't [ __ ] with it i think just having. kids hearing it but people that i i know. love trust were like dude i saw that i. saw that documentary and it's just like. it's a wrap what's the bad one. because there's a few docs but there's. one that's like not good no the one that. the wreath the most recent ones.

something neverland or finding that no. that's the movie is finding neverland a. movie i don't think so uh no no i think. it's that one did they make another one. already dude it's like. some of the things that you leaving. neverland yeah that's finding neverland. is a movie and finding neverland we're. just confused about leaving neverland. and so now this is like kind of. indisputable. it's some of the things that were said. by multiple people kind of matching. stories and certain things like that and.

what's worse is the parent from what. i've heard again i haven't seen it so i. don't want to talk too much about like. the parents were like he would he would. be like hey can i have your kid for half. a year. who are these parents yeah that's the. other thing right. that's. odd. well i think money's involved i think i. think it's like i mean how sick i mean. that's crazy you know i said i love. money you know what i mean i wouldn't. sell him and i barely know him i. wouldn't give him to michael jackson for. half a year he'd love it because he.

wouldn't have to work and he could go on. the rise and again i i didn't. i'd. i i didn't see it yeah i don't know. exactly like what but i know that he. would like ask for a lot of time with. these kids and like some parents would. oblige and and dude that's like you know. that's [ __ ] up and it's insane [ __ ]. up i can't like get into a michael. jackson so i mean the guy is as far as. an artist he's incredible yeah and like. now i'm listening and like you can't. listen to that and not think of that i. know yeah you know like and woody allen.

kind of similar but woody allen's got. some of the funniest. new york movies ever and you know but. that documentary now i can still watch a. woody allen movie and say that's really. funny but i got to be honest it is you. know that documentary is kind of damning. dude if you're obsessing over a 10 year. old and you're like a grown man it's. just there's it's hard to get into a. problem it doesn't matter like you know. cosby it's like oh he was a great. community told a great story okay he. also drugged and you know did [ __ ] to. women for 30 [ __ ] it's like right.

it's like so it so for me um you know i. i can't listen to what that's what so. where i stand on it is like i don't know. everything right but i can't list i. can't get into it dude yeah and that's. an interesting conversation about like. the behavior of somebody versus their. material like what they put out right. now because it can ruin it. now you can separate the art from the. artist but it also. can be a thing where like if somebody. does something heinous yeah it's very. hard yeah to go oh but i can still rock.

out to this song. i can't it's just it's hard yeah and. you're a father and the whole thing it's. tough what do you think djs do. they play yeah they'll they'll they play. they play it oh they play yeah i mean i. don't know any djs because i'm. successful yeah. i don't know so no i'm kidding i i mean. the big djs i'm not successful enough to. be friends with them and then the little. dj's that's actually interesting oh your. level's a dj yeah yeah yeah no no it is. i. i can't.

like i can't like i can't hang out with. dj palette right cause i'm not that. level i would love to right he's gonna. hang out with andrew schultz first yeah. on his decline i may get khalid. but. i but little dj but a guy dj in a. wedding i don't know them yeah because i. hate like a lot of my friends growing up. with dj's it just it's just uh a lot of. long island dj's yeah it's a lot of long. island djs that are just gross. you ever talk to a dj it's disgusting. like the things they have to talk about.

i mean it's just i talked to a dj once. at a show and he goes listen dude. anytime you want a mixtape dude i do all. this stuff from the yeah. yeah i mean and i was just like yeah. dude i'm good dude i'm like nice to meet. you though like that's all the best but. like no immediately after you hear that. i go i i'm done with your profession. like i don't want to hear it. i don't want to hear anything anymore. about anybody. that you do. but i think djs just play it and go i. don't know maybe they don't it really. depends it's a pet yeah i mean it also.

depends like if it's like a bar mitzvah. for a 16 year old you shouldn't you know. yeah there should be things off the list. right i agree i agree with you there you. know wait is almost over. a new football season is about to begin. get ready for the nfl week one auction. with draftking sportsbook an official. sports betting partner of the nfl to. celebrate the return of football. draftkings is giving new customers i. can't miss offer that just five dollars. on any football game and get 200 in free. bets instantly want more action for. opening night everyone can experience.

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russia china all these things um do you. think the. kind of virtue signaling. for lack of a better word like. woke stuff people are just getting a. little bored and they go we just want to. go back to laughing i i real [ __ ] i. think that the i think that the woke. thing is starting to i got a netflix. yeah i got a nestle right. you know but no and and and you know. what and shout out to netflix because. they saw it and i and i didn't know yeah.

after they saw it they were like hey you. know what. they're putting mine on. yeah we've said some stuff and and this. belongs here because it's funny and all. the other stuff that's a big sign and. you're talking about the biggest. streaming you know platform the best. stream platform so many people have. saying you know what you know and. another thing i loved tim was the way. they defended chappelle and ricky. gervais like to come out and go look. guys these are jokes and if you're gonna. pick it and [ __ ] like that then you. could get another like them saying that.

is a huge well not only i don't even. know if you knew this they had there was. a trans woman working for. netflix who was very upset about these. specials and like a bunch of the other. employees just threw out the window like. in downtown hollywood. she was like on twitter trying to get. stuff going they threw her right out the. window they opened the door because. netflix ted cerando's came in you ever. seen that scene in casino where he goes. open the door with her hand. open.

sometimes when you work in an. environment you have to do those things. now so so let me ask you now you are on. the road all the time people um. can see you i just wanna i was like in. the middle of the episode let people. know where where they can find your live. dates because you're one of the best. live performers out there to go see you. i really appreciate it it's it's uh. we're working with paulversie.com it's. the easiest thing in the world yeah. p-a-u-l-v-i-r-z-i.com.

and just go to his website yeah and let. people know so you're going to london in. october i'm doing my first ever lunch. that's [ __ ] awesome so the new york. giants who i'm a fan of are playing the. packers in london nfl does the london. game every year the giants are playing. there talk to my agent and i go hey i. got some fans in the uk saying how come. you haven't been out here let's do. something so i'm taking my family yeah. and then uh then we're gonna go to paris. or italy afterwards that's amazing you. know so we're gonna yeah so i'm gonna go. out do a show out there in in london and.

uh i'm looking forward to it man go to. the giants game and. we loved it didn't you love it oh i. loved it it was the best really loved it. we loved it man i went to ireland yeah. scotland ireland and london dublin was. amazing. uh london was so amazing that. uh and and all of those places um but. london there's a special spot. in my heart for london i love doing you. actually said this a long time ago like. go to like places and do one-off like i. remember at the pandemic you were doing.

like one-house but i'm doing on october. 19th i'm doing the dc improv. 20th i'm doing a philly punch line i. want to do smaller like we did that. theater tour was amazing but like to. create new stuff and to experiment i i. want to do smaller places like i've been. doing these improvs and they're big. improvs and they're great and we have a. lot of fun with them yeah but to really. try new stuff and experiment yeah you. got to go to smaller places dude i was. just at this place called the listening. room in grand rapids yeah it's like 200. you look like. it was the greatest the stage is big.

enough where you could do your thing but. they're right there it's it they're. great like i love rooms like that that. is where i you know we all came up in. those rooms those are the rooms i think. because you know the next hour i want to. do i do a lot of topical stuff in this. hour because it all came from this. podcast and it came from this crazy time. that we lived through yeah and a lot of. it was you know also. married into. my family stuff and everything but the. next hour i want to do i want to stay. away from topical and i want to go just.

do stand-up jokes or like. i just want to do like i want to take. this book i'm writing called the boomer. guide to parenting about my parents and. how i grew up and i want to take people. on a journey how 90s kids grew up and. the insanity and the horrible food we. ate and the craziness and like how. hilarious and detached our parents were. and aloof they were. that's my goal for the next hour wow and. that's dope but that is i got to do that.

i think outside of traditional comedy. clubs. i think or maybe really good comedy. clubs and and yeah and if i'm being. honest i think somebody like you yeah i. think somebody seeing somebody like you. do that yeah and really bring that into. something is a whole other thing because. i want to get super personal in that. world because and as i'm trying to write. this book now i'm realizing i'm like. there's so much funny stuff there that i. want to do. and have it be completely different from. this show because this show is is our.

late night show it's like our topical. sure every week we do. for the most part topical. jokes and we love it sure it's what i. grew up watching letterman or whatever. but then with the stand-up i want to. move into that arena where it's kind of. like i want to go back to. some more of that when i first started. where i was like mining the depths of my. experience for funny [ __ ] yeah that's. that's awesome and if i can that's no of. course you can and like i'll be back.

talking about hunter biden's dick for. money right bob. hey hope you guys. [Laughter]. hunter biden's on crack. but yeah i mean because i feel like with. stand-up it's like one of the hardest. things about it. is like you know these masters right you. watch bill burr you watch these people. that have been at it forever and they're.

amazing and they're the top gold you. know standard mount rushmore. and you go they just had to keep getting. better and sharper and it's. not easy but everybody that you just. mentioned everybody that you just. mentioned took the road of sticking with. it going the long way and just like. really going out there honing it being. able to it's like you said you see. somebody live right and it's like going. on these tour dates and all these things. i'm doing like crowd work is it and then. finding out how to do a bit and and but.

your thing is like you're you're. you're so good at what you do and you're. such a your mind is so good at this that. if you shift that to your personal [ __ ]. yeah that's coming too like it's because. that's why you are but but what you do. is you you're focusing on you know. hunter biden's got a crack pipe on his. dick right you do this show you're gonna. talk about that yes but if you go to the. other thing that's going to and it's. funny that you said about the growing up. in the 90s because i grew up in the 90s. like hip-hop era you know and and dude i. i remember like coming up in the early. two times like i if i wrote a book i'm. like trying to think of things i would.

yeah i door knocked in queens at dinner. time for phone cable and internet right. it's me knocking on your door oh hey. guys i'm in the i smell the food. i smell the food yeah and i'm going hey. what's your can i see your cable bill. and it was like you know i almost got. killed but then there were times where i. got sales but you start thinking of. things like that that you did and you're. going like it was wild in new york in. that time oh growing up man for sure. well that's kind of what i want to do. and it's not easy. to do that being said um. that's the next iteration do you when.

you look at your when you look at the. next hour or the next thing you're. looking to do. um how do you plan it out do you go i'm. just gonna go out there. raw. do you go i'm gonna have a thought do. you go how does it work i've i've. learned now after the third hour because. i did i did my album and then i did the. comedy central special and now this one. and a lot of the amazing write-ups which. i'm really humbled by were like he's. really him like really found like i'll. i'll go just on stage now and just talk.

about. just if i think it i'm just going to go. out there and talk about it and build it. right you know like for example i was in. grand rapids and like you know all these. pilots are young now young dude right. and i don't like that no i don't like. that [ __ ] i actually look at my pilot. who's flying it's a big deal to me. because i got over a phobia flying and. you know this kid i mean this kid tim. this kid looked like he was intense i'm. not joking around i couldn't believe the. kid was actually going to get in an. aircraft and fly this many people. because he looked like he was in 10th. grade he had a baby face you know his. [ __ ] shirt was wrinkled right you.

know and so i just go on stage and i'll. just and listen if it doesn't but i feel. like the way that i can construct a joke. or say things like that i'll go and talk. about that and start to get beats with. that yeah and maybe punch lines with. that and if you know i'm just doing i'm. trusting myself now yeah you know and. and really big on able to recognize when. something in life happens yeah that. when you're coming up you don't. recognize it yeah like like in nocturnal. emissions the the last joke my closer is. me and my son playing basketball and he. challenges me and he curses at me and he.

gets in my face and everybody loves. loves the joke yeah but i knew in that. moment when that happened i was like wow. if i can incorporate this i can see it. now i'm better right if that makes sense. no. as life is coming at you when you live. it you could see it yeah for sure we're. trying to we're. there's so much interesting stuff out. there and the way the business is. changing what louis c.k just did was. pretty amazing. making his own movie yeah and releasing. it and that's something that we're. looking to do when we figure out how. exactly to do it um that dude's first to.

a lot he was on the internet early. selling a special. he was early on a lot because when. you're that talented i think you also. are part of that comes from just having. the capacity the mental capacity to take. in a lot of information yeah and i think. when you're taking in a lot of. information. um you're utilizing a percentage of it. right yeah so i think when he takes in. all this info about like where things. are going yep and what technology is.

allowing people to do he's applying it. to his life and we're the beneficiaries. of a lot of it because we see what he. did. and you know i saw that you know um what. he did with the movie and we were. friendly with him now and we were you. know fortunate enough to see like kind. of the way he did it. and that seems to be where creatives are. going it's like full autonomy. figuring out how to make. something and then distribute it. yeah and you could also make things now.

for less money so that's right where. whereas a big production would have. costed you easy six figures now you can. kind of put something together. yeah you know not that crazy he went. high level and he spent real money. um that being said you don't have to. it depends on what you want to do and. you're right it is i mean ben you always. talk about people make things with. phones oh yeah and there's a lot of. movies shot on iphones now shut up. and some of those movies that are shot. on iphone some of our major streamers oh. yeah yeah on netflix.

uh tangerine was shot on uh iphone 2016. on i think a good idea today a good idea. today with the right people man that's. all you really need that's right you. know you need somebody it's it's. actually and the generation kids the. kids are growing up in this generation. which is like. it's so interesting. you wonder what. their perspective on things is going to. be. growing up in in a world where like a. lot of the institutions that we grew up. with are becoming irrelevant.

yes but there's a negative to that yeah. and the negative to that is my kids and. kids and mine you know are a little it's. spoiled in like a little almost like i. don't want to say delusional they know. but like me and stacy have to tell lucas. and sophia like what they you know like. we have like nice car like you know. their feet are up on leather and i'm. going like do you understand what my. mother drove right my mother drove like. my mother drove like a [ __ ] right you. know a jalopy [ __ ] station wagon where. you know the the shifter broke it would. start smoking right you know you know my.

son said to me that he goes dad i want. you to take me fishing in panama because. he saw a [ __ ] youtube clip he wants. to go to panama fishing yeah not the. long island sound he wants me to go and. i go why panama because it's where the. best fish in the world are and it's like. well that's that's [ __ ] not reality. because i'm not dad's not going to. panama all right if dad gets that money. we're going to get out of jordan's you. would buy in panama. you'd have a factory of children making. jordan i mean my son just bought a. fishing pole that that that's like top. of the line and he doesn't fish he just. saw a video yeah so he's ordering things.

and he got a private reel and then he. goes can you take me can we go to panama. so that's hilarious i don't think that. is [ __ ] funny he actually asked me. that and like stacey was like stacy goes. daddy's not taking you to panama and he. was like he will you know and you know. what to be honest i look into it but. yeah. that that's a little dilute like not. delusional but it's kids don't. understand. that like you know like i remember going. out to eat with my parents it was like. once a month or once every two months. remember you'd go and you well i don't. know what the money your parents have. but like we we you know the thing is we. didn't have much we we would eat out a.

lot but it would never be. like in in my thing it was a lot of like. fast. grabby food right deli kind of like. you know my parents worked a lot it was. kind of like grabbed but those nice. dinners were few and far back what did. your parents do my father was a wine uh. salesman so he was in new york city and. he would take the train in and then like. like commercial places you run around in. restaurants with a wine bag and my.

mother was a swim coach and she taught. private swim lessons and stuff so she. would start like early in the morning. and work at a pool. pretty much the whole day and then like. i spent a lot of time with my. grandparents i spent time with them too. um. but the book that's going to come out is. such a total assault on their parenting. and their lives and they're not they're. in there they're in their early 70s but. i want to get it out while they're still. here it's so important um they were they. were not they were not abusive but they. were just boomers and boomers you know a. lot of them just like it was just kind.

of like. you know. you know it was not an involved. parenting in the way that like people. like you and stacy are probably a lot. more involved yeah with your kids do it. like my parents were not involved my. parents had a brutal brutal divorce when. i was five and christian my older. brother christian was ten yeah and it. was like text and like i never want to. bad mouth my parents because i feel like. at their ages they did the best yeah it. was it was it's right i think that era. like sometimes they don't you don't even.

know the maybe the the it was never like. oh we're going to purposely [ __ ] them up. right but it was just like a lot of [ __ ]. went down my father when i was like. eight years old took me to see the movie. seven because he wanted to see it yeah. my yeah so that's the type of stuff. that's dude that is that's the type of. [ __ ]. [Laughter]. my father was so pissed when he took us. to roger rabbit because he wanted to see. anything you know and then it went to. goodfellas i should i shouldn't i was. young right you know but yeah so this is. like if he's like so you're saying. that's a boomer thing yeah it's a boomer.

thing well because boomers i think that. one of the defining traits of their. uh generation was that or we have. terrible fathers and. it could be but i think one of the. defining traits of their generation was. that there was a little bit of. uh. you know they were not their their their. their parents knew like real struggle. and sacrifice and the boomers had a. version of that but nowhere near like my. father's life was nowhere near as hard.

as my grandfather's and my mother's life. was nowhere near as hard as her mother's. life so what they were able to do is. focus a little bit more on themselves. right and part of the boomers thing was. that. you know they. you know. it was about them a little bit like my. grandparents it was not about them they. had seven kids yeah nothing was about. them um it was there's a selfishness. there's there's a there's a narcissistic. selfishness in that thing where that. you're right the grandparents didn't.

have it because the grandparents were. just happy to get here yes and plant. their flag. and make that money that's right but. then their kids almost had that [ __ ] oh. we're here yeah what could i yeah yeah. and i and i think part of it was like. a lot of those people. uh. i mean to to be honest even though it. was tough and and you know they but they. had it pretty good yeah it's pretty good. if you look at. the climate of how easy it was to to get. a house. right own a house to own a car.

to have these things. um much easier than it was for the. generation prior to them and a lot. easier than it is right now for people. right now it's tough. are you doing that book like is it a is. it a resentful thing or is it just more. of gay it's always funny so it's not. resentful it's always meant to be funny. but it is it is it is. you know. written in a way. that. is is i think kind of an attack.

a funny attack a funny attack on what. happened to to goof on what happened in. a way but you know my parents were oh. you know the food our food the way. boomers raised their kids not all of. them but the specific boomers that i'm. talking about horrible food education a. lot of fast food a lot of like garbage. eating a lot of like we reward ourselves. with food or my mother was always. dieting so food was either like. we're rewarding ourselves we're being. bad or we're reigning it in your. mother's on her ninth diet and now we're.

all eating this because whatever that is. you're eating that's right so it was. never. my my grandparents were never on diets. but yet they also were never eating big. ice cream sundaes right so there there's. there was this real extremes yeah that. the boomers because boomers were the. most marketed gener marketed two. generation my father loved commercials. he loved the budweiser frogs he loved. the fat guy ducking donuts when the. budweiser did the clydesdale commercial. after 9 11 he started crying oh yeah.

my dad loved it they loved commercials. so you know they would you know if you. know any company out there from. mcdonald's to [ __ ] whatever if they. had a good commercial we were there the. next day that was the [ __ ] hateful. commercial yes remember oscar meyer yeah. that was yeah the song yeah and and the. cereals and [ __ ] dude when when. a fast food place would like advertise a. new thing my father would like like oh. let's get it i'll get it and like he'd. be and he was never like a big guy or.

whatever he was not small but he was. never like really out of [ __ ] but he was. just like yeah i'll go get it and like. you know it was just one of those things. where it's like when you look back and. you go. you know. my parents they were like yeah college. you should go to college. there was never like. like the people people's you're gonna. take your kid to tour of colleges you're. probably gonna take lucas two different. schools and like show him which school. and go yeah what do you think of swan a. few you know. my parents i mean they were just like. yeah i can't go to college i guess go to.

the community college like that's i grew. up yeah i grew up with like would go go. or just you know go to a state school. and it was and it was like yeah it. wasn't that they were bad people they. weren't abusive they weren't like. burning me with cigarettes they were. doing the best they kept my parents were. hippies kind of like my dad had a band. and my mom was when she was younger. really pretty with long hair and just. shell necklace and everything like that. and then they're thrown into the 80s. reaganomics only child only child. they're trying to figure it out yeah um. you know my dad's dad was a irish guy.

who came to this country broke was. homeless and died a multi-millionaire uh. because he started a general contracting. business but his family would move every. time the rent was due. he was broke oh [ __ ] and he was tough. like he was a tough guy like p.a.l boxer. was a pool hustler wow like it was he. was one of the coolest guys like when my. father told me all this stuff as my. grandfather was dying. like and i told my friend ray who's on. the show all the time i said my. grandfather never mentioned that he was.

like a pool hustler my father was like. he was like a deeply moral guy he was. like ashamed of that i'm like it's the. coolest thing i've ever heard you know. yeah but like he became a guy that was. like yeah i don't want to. he. worked so hard and was smart. ended up building a big house in. muttontown long island and you know. worked his ass off my grandmother's. husband died. when she was young he had an amphetamine. thing he took pills he had a heart thing. and she raised two kids on her own while. being a teacher full time they were. really tough people very religious very.

catholic very involved in their. communities you know. um. and my and my my parents were. you know degenerate filth so you have. that dichotomy. no i'm kidding but no they you know my. parents just. you know they just you know they. were you know my grandparents are it's. movie lives movies you can make about. that uh my parents whom i love. created a comedian they made me very.

funny yeah about because they you know i. mean we would do crazy things they would. do. crazy things yeah it's funny how i. wouldn't be a comic if what happened my. parents didn't happen that's right you. know i just you know first i moved a lot. so when i moved the way i adapted was oh. paul's funny watch him tell this story. and i get friends popular move again but. i knew that i had that skill and then. that's what and then the attention or. being able to adapt like that right was. was how you know it's funny when you. were saying like he was a hustler but. like didn't wanna the italian family's.

day would lo they would say that's how. he did it yeah that's how he [ __ ] did. it yeah yeah yeah one day maybe you can. have something yeah. you could figure it out yeah yeah you. could figure it out anything you could. do yeah it's a it's a it's an issue the. book is not it's not like bitter i'm. happy with everything you know. it's just looking back at. how funny it all was and how crazy it. all was right yeah like how. like unprepared they were to have a kid. and how. oh well how could they be prepared right.

i mean it's just this crazy thing and. like i was not a perfect kid either and. like. that whole thing i think is really if. you're documenting the chaos in a in a. funny way with your in the best way with. your skills. it's the chaos you know what i mean like. it's the chaos. of. a family you know they didn't love each. other yeah you know they did in the. beginning but that wore off. and then what you had is like they my. father hung out at this local steakhouse. with this just the owner of it who was. hilarious and he would go out every. thursday night to this like men's club.

where all these guys were sitting. complaining about their wives and my. mother like would go to just kind of. this local diner and [ __ ] about him. yeah and he [ __ ] about her and it was. kind of funny and i'd go with one of. them one night and the other one the. other night. and um yeah it was it was uh. supremely unhealthy. [Laughter]. but funny right like but. i looked back and i go this is funny but. i'm like also like knowing what i know. i'm like this is what a crazy thing and. just you know i mean they got divorced. for two years they're divorced they.

could not afford to get lawyers so they. had a mediator it would come to the. house they had nothing there was nothing. to mediate there was nothing to divide. they had nothing right and they lived. there for two years in separate bedrooms. fighting each other like the movie the. war of the roses. not even kidding and a mediator would. like come and divide beanie babies. because they had nothing like the. mediator would sit at the table and go. like well patty's getting the lamp and. my dad goes well we didn't discuss that. like yeah yeah so that's how crazy and. spiteful they were. instead of just figuring out like let's.

just make a clean break it'll be good. for the kid. when did that happen when seventh grade. oh okay so and that was so it was bitter. when it was brilliant oh it was brutally. bitter and angry but they had nothing. it's one thing when rich people right. you're getting the cars you're getting. the [ __ ] man they had nothing yeah so. they're they're they're they're feeling. like people had nothing. and they would just fight about the. nothing they had. they had spent their lives attaining. nothing. and you know like it was like wait what.

who did you stay with i said to my. mother for two years then i went to my. father i wasn't even part of the fight i. don't think they cared who got me you. were more concerned about like lamps and. end tables. yeah i don't think they cared like my. mother i think fought for me a little. and my dad goes great yeah and then two. years later she goes no you take them. you've been putting my foot on that. ottoman yeah. you know it was crazy so like. it was interesting yeah and um. you know it was a very boomer way to.

to grow up but um you know i'm i'm. excited about. uh. hopefully putting that all together and. having that be funny and then having. people go oh i actually can relate to. that it's impossible for that to be yeah. i i went to a pizza hut lunch buffet. i i understand. uh you know i i went through some of. these things i get it too. and that's the type of uh and just. growing up in the suburbs. in that era smoking pot [ __ ] trying.

to dodge your your mother's car like you. know we. we had it was a green my friend shay's. mother had a green fort taurus and. i remember that car perfectly i see it. right now i see the headlights green. ford taurus right she loved it. and the only other guy in the town that. had green ford taurus was the chinese. delivery guy right and. we were high all the time when we were. like 15 years old oh my god and we would. and we'd see the green four tours. and we're like dude we're praying we're.

praying and then we just see him go by. and be like thank god he's the chinese. guy you know. we're like and like he'd be like he's. not the [ __ ] chinese guy i'm like a. chinese guy and we're like okay. so it's like those weird weird things. like that that you know yeah are just. kind of stupid and funny oh dude i. remember one time this italian kid goes. yeah dude we had nothing to do yeah and. he goes yeah dude let's go down by the. highway and throw rocks at cars yeah and. like we would [ __ ] people would yeah. like pelt [ __ ] yeah like it was the.

most ridiculous insane it was insane. like like throwing i guess cars are. going 80 miles an hour yeah and and i. remember one time this cadillac came. back this cadillac of italian guys came. back and we had to just jump in this. prickers in the middle of the night down. low yeah kid's like we're gonna [ __ ] you. whoever you know the guy's walking. around with something in his head and. stuff and we're just laying in the. prickers i could have killed him yeah. could have [ __ ] it's like the dumbest. yeah you know but is it was it a simpler. like because i i look at like when i got. stranger things you watched that ever or. not yeah i watched your first season.

[ __ ] seasons that that whole like. kind of i don't know dungeons and. dragons riding your bike completely. different it was completely different. uh. this has i mean this has changed ever. like there there will be. there is absolutely. no. it's almost incomparable yeah you know. growing up without this and growing up. with it. you know it's such a different time. it's almost like a car and not a car yes. it's almost like that difference it's.

even worse because what not even worse. or better but like. you you basically you have this thing. that allows you. you are no there is you know we used to. get lost. we used to not know what was going on we. were we had imaginations you had to be. you know i mean the bonds you would. create with people. would be perhaps a little deeper. everything now is very transactional. very immediate and i think people's.

brains are just trained to work in a. different way that whole like. that whole thing youtube.com. that whole like. going a tree house with your best. friends is sit down in indian style and. that's awesome. and now when they sit now when they sit. in a thing every kid is in a treehouse. right now run like you have to call. someone yeah your kid's in a tree house. now you have to call somebody yeah yeah. yeah they call a hostage negotiator yo.

together four of them have been up there. for three hours what are they planning. yeah no. they're on the dark web ordering bullets. paulversie.com all your live dates are. up there watch your special on netflix. yeah check out the versi effect and i. also do another one that i co-host with. bill burke called anything better and. all new dates are coming we're getting a. whole new tour but go to paulversie.com. man thank you awesome very good. thanks for coming out. thank you brother.