The Return Of Shame with Dan Soder | The Tim Dillon Show #363

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dillon show Dan Soder Colorado your. representative Lauren brobert getting. frisky have you ever been have you ever. gotten a movie theater uh [ __ ] or a. Broadway. theater [ __ ] or a [ __ ] I mean it's. gonna get uh the first time I ever. touched a woman's pubic hair was was. during Batman and Robin when it was in. theaters in Aurora Colorado in Aurora at. the Seven Hills movie theater Jesus with. the girl I was dating but this is how. stupid I was most of the time you go in.

through the top of the pants of course. it was the summer I went up the leg like. a true wow 13 year old boy interesting I. had no idea what I was doing and then I. remember that was the first time I ever. touched someone else's pubic hair and I. was like whoa in the in the theater in. the theater through the leg completely. blew it probably could have gotten a lot. more had I entered properly was she like. what's happening yeah yeah she cheated. on me that summer with two other guys. who both like knew what they were doing.

Jesus Christ that was one of those. things we were like I [ __ ] up yeah I. [ __ ] up but seeing Lauren bober do. that you're like oh that's a clear you. just got divorced move because you know. what's funny about watching like elected. officials is like George Santos is from. Long Island he just lies so you know. we're all liars so you know what kind of. what kind of lie he's going to come in. absolutely and I know Lauren bobert's. coming from the Western Front yeah the. other side of the mountains where it's a. Garfield County you know where you're. like sure there's Aspen yeah but then. there's also Glenwood Springs right.

there's like it's not all Aspen and. Carbondale no it's a lot of like small. little towns where they're like they. shoot guns in order to show Joy they. show that they're happy yeah and she was. going in I mean she's giving him kind of. it looks like she's going in she's going. in my favorite part about all this my. favorite part about all this is when you. find out it's a first date right because. that's Third Day totally fine it's a. great point it's the first date you're. like she got into it yeah that means.

because this is the show yeah so they. they clearly got drinks probably went to. dinner right and then headed down to the. Buell performing arts center right they. were probably you know in Lodo downtown. probably have a little and then they go. and she's just ripped she's hammered. she's ripping a vape yeah pregnant lady. asks her to stop she's like shut up. [ __ ] right and then he's just fondling. those tits because he knows he's like if. I get her liquored up and we go to.

Beetlejuice the musical there's no way. nothing gets this girl hotter right than. a Michael Keaton vehicle yes he's not. even into this anymore Beetlejuice the. musical it's just gonna get her in the. right frame of mind unfortunately Mr Mom. does Mr Mom the musical doesn't open for. five months does not work I can take her. to Beetlejuice yeah and my dick's coming. out there's gotta be yeah not the people. next to them but the people on the. opposite side of the aisle just being. like is that woman grabbing that dude's. dick what's funny is apart from it being.

Lauren bobert there's definitely just. people in the theater going like who's. this yeah piece of [ __ ] yeah and the. reveal the reveal that it's your. representative you know remember back. back in the when they when they did. commercials for movies where they would. do the audience reaction as they left. where they're like best time of the. summer yeah if they would have taken. those people and been like did you know. that was Lauren bobert they had been. like holy [ __ ] like if they would have. grabbed that blast radius of who she was. around yeah it's just people being like.

we had no idea there was a [ __ ] house. operating at Beetlejuice the music I. don't know she must have walked from. Colfax it was it was incredible because. you know that no one knew until the news. that's right maybe even a couple people. at the theater maybe knew right but most. of those people around her are like who. is this [ __ ] yeah in this dress just a. drunk person acting inappropriately in. public which is not rare now if I could.

have informed them yeah. informing them that it was Lauren bobert. probably would have been about third on. the list yeah because what I first would. have done was gone now that woman's 36. right and they go okay and I'd go she's. a grandma and they go okay. and there you go that's Lauren bobert. holy [ __ ] what's fun about her is that. you know she. is a wild woman like her husband and her. used to getting brawls the cops would.

come which I mean dude you know honestly. the Colorado blood in me oh yeah. understands voting for that oh yeah you. want someone who's gonna defend your. stage yeah the way she defends her car. from her husband with a bat yeah yeah I. like someone where it's like oh you. really are like a Rihanna song and. what's funny yeah you know the whole. thing is what's funny about her is like. you know she had no interest in politics. she was working in a bar some bar called.

shooters or something that was her bar. it was her bar she owned the bar yeah. and she was like this is what I'm about. and then somehow she became a. congresswoman I honestly. I get it yeah because 13 year old me. yeah if I'm making up a woman to jerk. off to that's it I'm watching all these. action movies I'm like she's got a Laura. Lauren Croft right a Tomb Raider gun on. her leg Yeah she's just you know not. taking [ __ ] she's gonna fight right by. your side right and then you find out. she's just fast and loose out of she's.

[ __ ] in the theater which by the way. I would have much rather my mom made me. go to Joseph in the tech Amazing. Technicolor Dreamcoat yeah in that. theater yeah when I was like. 11 right if I would have been there I. would have been like I'm a I'm a theater. I'm a theater nerd oh yeah if you would. watch Lauren bobert jerk someone off. during [ __ ] the Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice you would have been like. we're never not going to the theater I. love the Arts right. more funding for the Arts no I mean.

that's that's amazing that she did that. get up to TMZ where she responds to it. because they did catch her yeah yeah and. what I like about her she's just kind of. like hey now the guy that she's [ __ ]. on like a gay bar he owned a bar where. they had they had drag nights he's a. he's a Democrat yeah and I love that. she's like oh [ __ ] she had such a but. it's also people that are surprised. about it she's like no no I'm a [ __ ] I. don't care who I'll sleep with anyone it. doesn't matter it could have been Al. Qaeda I would have sucked them off in. the back right so here here we go this.

is Lauren Bowman I know it's you know. been a rough week or has it been uh you. know it's um it's always hard whenever. um. there's gravity put on the voters I'm. here to provide Liberty and with burdens. off of people so hold on pause this. already she's already got. she's already got hot girl giving a book. report. she's in front of the class. because you know she wants to walk up. and go like [ __ ] happens guy had a hog.

with that shoulder showing and that. Colorado hat that she looks like she. bought at DIA she's not a bad looking. woman she's hot she's hot and she. probably walked across the street being. like ah you suck some you [ __ ] some and. you lose some right but see now she's. gotta like run that back it's very. interesting the gravity she might as. well give him tent fingers she's like. the gravity of the situation this is. like when my parents would be like hey. there was a hundred dollars on the.

mantle he's not there anymore I'd be. really high I'd be like well you know uh. the spatial relationship between objects. and honestly with inflation and. everything going on right now I think we. can understand you know big Banks do way. worse yeah right let's see this Lauren. bobert what has it been uh you know it's. um. it's hard whenever. whenever here to provide levity and lift. burdens off of people so anytime that.

they're carrying mine it's something. that you kind of feel deep inside but. ultimately all future date nights have. been canceled and I learned to check. party affiliations uh before you go on a. date but all in all um you know. it was mostly a lovely time and you know. I've taken responsibility for my actions. I would love to know how the the musical. ended and I encourage people to go and. see it. and see it it was a great time back in.

the district seeing voters and uh so how. are the vote was taken how are the vote. is taking it right now are they. understanding at this moment yeah. there's a lot of folks who are. who are standing and and they understand. that it was a part of my you understand. it was hot as [ __ ]. there's a lot of people jerking off to. this right now all over the world. there's you know what's surprising is. our response to Sarah Palin yeah was an. immediate porn parody right starring. Lisa Ann it was almost immediate right. it's incredible yeah that there is. already not a porn parody called like.

congresswoman in the theater it's it's. it I would say that it's if it's not. already there it's in the works yeah. they're filming absolutely in the world. yeah in the valley there's a studio. converted into a fake theater right yeah. it's just if you're if you're not doing. that it's wasted time what do you do. they give you this it's wasted time I. mean she is that's what's going to bring. the world together is more porn parodies. and politics I want the hunter Biden. crack [ __ ] [ __ ] tape parody I want the.

Lauren bober yeah dick parody I want uh. Marjorie Taylor green and a CrossFit. yeah like muscle porn. she's like a crossfit mom yeah and this. is like a super Jack guy on steroids. well this is like Colorado being from. Colorado you know it's like a little. wild and the people that live there like. to feel it's a little wild so this kind. of fits into what people do that's. exactly what it is that's right it is it. is mini malls built on Stolen land.

that's right and it's it's you're only. three generations removed right my grand. my mom and I were talking my mom was. like yeah your grandfather was born. 1924 1925 in alt Colorado yeah and. immediately I was like oh so there's. definite blood on our hands right so. what did you guys do you came in and. killed all the Native Americans yeah you. just broke all the treaties right took. all the land right and then acted like. what are you talking about the Chili's. has been here forever right right no. that was that Chili's ancestors that's.

Manifest Destiny yeah yeah that uh that. Applebees off Iliff yeah that was. created by God is there anything about. it you Miss Colorado yeah I I there is. what you're talking about with the. people there is this like um. joyful curiousness yeah that people in. Colorado have right where they're kind. of like oh and what do you do where is. New York which I I still enjoy New. York's mind your own [ __ ] business. and look forward whereas Colorado's like.

and what to you who are you but that. could also go real sideways where it's. like who the [ __ ] are you well you were. on one of the most New York shows ever. billions is one of the most New York. shows ever right it's very and being. being by your studio we were talking. yeah I'm in downtown and you're in the. heart of Europe walking here I was like. guys guys please because Young finance. guys are okay just come up to you all. the time yeah they think I'm Mafi they. think I'm a fee for billions right they. have a hard time separating it's as a.

wrestling fan yeah I get it you're into. it if I met Kane I would think he's Kane. right the burnt brother of The. Undertaker now you become friends with. any of those guys at all any of those. Finance type people not I mean uh. there's a couple people that have worked. in finance that have gotten out that. like I know but no guys that are like in. it that are like I'm friends when you. were filming that show did they ever. bring in a Stephen Cohen arrest oh they. did yeah they brought in um. there was an episode in season four. where we did like a boxing match yeah me.

and uh Kelly o'coyne who plays dollar. bill we did like this charity boxing. event yeah and uh you're you know all. those people you know me I'm I'm I know. Colorado folks yeah like that but I. don't know a lot of Finance people and I. was talking to this guy in between sets. when they were like changing setups. just having a conversation with his. older guy and we were talking about. something completely benign and he. walked away and Brian koppelman or as. David Levine walks up to me he goes do. you know who that guy was I was like no. I have no idea he's like that's the guy.

that shorted Enron oh and I was like oh. good job guys like that would just hang. out on the set well they would be like. they would make them cameos in ways of. like if you knew who it was you'd be. like oh if you're super into Finance you. would know who that is right but I I. didn't know who it was I was just I was. just trying to talk to Rich Eisen and. then right I got shot down trying to. make small talk with Jocko Willett right. the link willing Navy SEAL guy who's not. Rogan all the time dude I got swatted. trying to do small talk with him what.

did you how do you start small talk with. him uh we're just standing there with. coffees and or we were just sitting. there out of coffee and he was just. standing there and what do you like what. do you hey hey buddy what do you think. about pushing yourself to the Limit yeah. you look like a [ __ ]. just antagonize them immediately yeah I. started talking to him about like oh. were you were you in from or whatever. he's like San Diego and I was trying to. talk to him about American Comedy. Company oh interesting I was like oh I. work that wasn't the route. dude it was like uh I might as well have.

talked to him about Joseph and the. yeah I go it's pretty crazy he goes it. was a lot worse a couple years ago and. then it just conversation went nowhere. yeah you're like American Comedy Co he's. like I killed three men there I was like. I split two men's heads open that's what. we used to call Panama yeah he's like it. was ruled self-defense but good he's. like you bombed on small talk good yeah.

and he what was he doing at Billy was he. on the show yeah he was he trained uh. Kelly's character I had uh Stipe miocic. and Tim Ferriss and he had Deontay. Wilder and Jocko and they were training. you like if you know we did like a of. course a fake training scene right so. yeah so you know when we're on set. everyone's in the same place in the same. hole is the show over yeah yeah this. final four episodes are airing right now. and and and that's it that's it it's.

done there's no billions movie no. dude is there a billions Miami there was. a rumor and I hope it's just a rumor I. don't know God I pray it's just a rumor. I tell you what you see this face yeah. just know I'm on heroin right if I pop. up on that show. if you see me on that show I'm shooting. in Booth you've lost it all I'm [ __ ]. if you're in billions Miami and there's. a scene with you on a balcony being like. the thing about nfts you're on Harrow.

it's me talking to McDaniel yeah and. being like the Dolphins are like an. investment that you gotta sure just know. that I got I got black tar pumping. through my veins yeah things are bad. there's just certain things you gotta. say no yeah it was yeah well the one. time I didn't and and you know your. former manager my current manager yeah. great uh it's great uh that's what he. says every phone call yeah I love him to. death and I love them early in my career. I did I I did Guy Code right on MTV too.

he told me recently I should go on tours. lizzo just out of nowhere he's famous. out of nowhere tax oh he's like it's. gonna be the only one who can do this go. to on tour as lizzo I'm like do. blackface. on tour for like but these were his. ideas he called me once and he went. he went I did some parody of like. pretending to be Donald's Trump's son. you remember that you're gonna do a. Harvey Weinstein parody you're a harvey. it's hilarious I go but that would be. like making fun of rape victims I said.

that would be bad he goes right don't do. that very bad don't do that at all very. bad he called he um. Guy Code ended yeah or it was ending and. they were like and the creator of Guy. Code called me and was like we're gonna. do guy Court. where you can where people can take the. rights where people could take their. friends who have broken Guy Code oh and. they can take them to court oh boy and. it's all it's all the cast members of. Guy Code are the lawyers Donnell.

Rawlings was the judge uh Melanie. Iglesias was the bailiff so they had it. all in place. and Stern calls me and he's like what do. you think and I was like I don't want to. do this is ridiculous yeah it's crazy. it's not my personality at all and he's. like. I'm gonna ask for crazy money. I go all right. and he calls me back they're in for four. episodes I was like oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] dude. and then I did it and it was yeah I did. not fit in sometimes you just have to.

eat it yeah I just ate it you just ate. it I ate it and you're like hey maybe. there's some good will come out of it so. billions Miami just know because they. never let anything die nothing nothing. will be ever let die so people it will I. mean look at the many Saints in New York. abortion that was wild abortion if you. watched that movie without watching. Sopranos right I don't understand how. you could follow it I mean it's crazy. they wouldn't let it die it's just like.

we won't let it go like the Breaking Bad. movie we didn't need it no no one needs. it I even forgot they made that until. you just said that crazy they made it. they made a Breaking Bad move now. there's good things that came out of. Breaking Bad like Better Call Saul. that's what that's the difference a. spin-off can be good but you very rarely. now I don't you know I love the guys. that created billions yes I think. they're [ __ ] awesome I loved I love. the guys that billions are about yeah. I like the real people behind Stephen.

when we did season one I love his art. collection I I I like it and I liked it. he buys a painting for 300 million and. then sells it for like 500 million a. couple years later are you trying to do. that are you doing a little bit I'm not. doing any of that but I'm doing like I. own a few things but I don't know what's. gonna happen you're my schizophrenic. mother just died and we're doing a show. with her works well my mother was. bedridden and schizophrenic for uh the. last 20 years of her life but she. painted a few things and what we're.

gonna do is fix them up a little bit. give them some political you know like. put some stuff in there and then we're. gonna do we're gonna rent a gallery and. soul and try to sell it to Rich idiots I. [ __ ] love this the thing when you. make a little money what you realize is. that rich people are actually scammed as. often as the poor I think get it up. look at that oh look at that if you did. an empty joke my schizophrenic mind the. the previous one if you do like an empty. Joe Biden head yes no we're going to do. it we might do a bloody Richard Nixon. face or something that's gonna sell you.

could sell it's here's where it's gonna. sell it's gonna sell to a 24 year old. kid whose Dad ran yeah Black Rock right. [ __ ] one of those things yeah yeah. and he's gonna buy that my one of my. favorite moments with you is we were. driving back from a gig this is [ __ ]. like 10 years ago maybe less we're. driving back from a gig and we went by. the mental institution and we were on we. were going over the Queensborough Bridge. and you just go or the Triborough Bridge. and just go that's where my mother is. can you just casually pointed at a.

mental hospital as we're driving by and. you go that's where my mom is and I was. like whoa all right that was [ __ ] out. of nowhere that's where she was for a. little bit and then she got moved then. she was in Jamaica Queens that was where. she was at the end and I I said this to. you when I saw you in La uh a couple. months ago in July or in August I said. Tim's the only person I know where his. success. caught him up to his tastes yeah because. he used to go to fancy restaurants I. would go all the time to because you. would need I would need like a. pick-me-up because I was living a very.

broke life from very long yeah and it. was like you know I was living with. comics and like in shitty Apartments. horrible Apartments were in the kitchen. yeah legendary in the New York comedy. scene like the apartment I lived in like. Giannis Nate and Laker did a podcast in. this apartment that I lived in with a. married couple Justin JF who were. married wait that's where they used to. do their own 45th between 8th and 9th. Avenue Chris Laker Giannis Ted Alexandra. maybe that was the threat I think Nate. also did it like Nate Laker and Giannis.

did a podcast in this Paul they could be. better or something and it was in this. crazy in this little bit it was a fifth. floor five-story walk up. shower in the kitchen crazy Steam Heat. pipes in the room your foot would hit it. you'd be burned you'd wake yourself up. rats bed bugs roaches and then you you. caught but you would still go to fancy. dinner I would still go to like go to. like a fancy Steakhouse and sit there at. the bar yeah and like stare at everybody. like I'm alive yeah and now you can sell.

them your mother's painting well that's. my plan my plan is to set because you. start realizing how. much rich people get ripped off because. they're they just have all this money. sitting around and they're they're just. they need to get rid of it by the way. that's every documentary every. documentary it's just a guy that has too. much money yeah and then a guy that's. kind of smart yeah comes in and just. takes their money yeah and then they. don't know for years like there's this.

Echo about get this thing up this Vanity. Fair about this guy that pretended to be. a Rothschild and he just bought a. townhouse yes in SoHo and he and he hung. out with like Leo and all these. celebrities right DiCaprio all these. guys and all these like Finance nepo. babies and all these European royalty. they're all doing coke in his Soho. townhouse and then he was outed as just. being this kind of schlubby Orthodox Jew. from New Jersey I love it but here's the. deal that's what you're supposed to do. yes like that New York scene should only.

last for a couple of years and it should. be intense yeah it should be coke with. Leo and Soho yeah and then you've got to. get out of there because he got the best. of that scene in New York yeah what are. you gonna do that gets boring after a. while you gotta do it and then get out. of it it's like the drug dealer movie. where you know the part of the movie. when the drug dealer needs to leave. that's right if you're like you walk. away right now that's right you did it. that whole scene in New York is.

when we were going on the road together. right I had just broken up with a woman. yes that was in that scene right and Kim. knew the players yeah yeah the way I. know rosters of NFL teams well it's. always interesting to me these people. that Ru that ran the world because like. one of the girls yeah that we would talk. about sure her father yeah was wealthy. Beyond Comprehension I mean it was in. more than 300 million so it's always. interested me like the people that run. the world especially people we don't.

know who they are right yeah and they. don't want you to know they've no they. don't want any Fame the Lauren boberts. they want it they want they want it yeah. that's why you can be sure she's not. controlling anything yeah if you look at. the American government and you go oh. and you see it as like a crime syndicate. or a mob family all of a sudden. everything makes sense yeah when you see. it as like that if a bill becomes a law. that cartoon. then you're like perpetually confused. you're like I don't understand how did. they get this and that and then you're. like oh no no there's a whole element.

that you're not even aware of you don't. even see social studies would be more. effective in school if you taught the. mafia structure more than oh yeah the. three branches of government right if. you're like this is the dawn this is the. Capo this is this is your soldier good. earners this is how they get made but I. always knew like I always read about New. York rich kids because I grew growing up. in Long Island as like a a Long Island. Animal yeah you were kind of like.

interested in what went on in the city. yeah and all the city kids went to prep. schools and they all went to rehab by. the time they were 13 and you all went. to rehab they're all in private schools. like my parents tried to get me into. Regis which was like a free private. school I couldn't get in but I was. always interested like these kids that. live that life what happens to them and. the only way to break into that truly is. to do what this guy did which is lie. yeah more power to them yeah because. those people want to be lied to their. life is lies their parents lie to them.

they lie to each other everybody lies in. that scenario yeah because everybody's. trying to save face and protect their. own interests so lying is perfect and. you do it until you're found out and. then when you're found out you just meld. back into society who cares and you had. your fun and you know who's going for it. you know who's not mad they got lied to. yes those rich kids they don't care they. don't really care they don't care it's. actually a little fun yeah because they. go oh my God there's a story about this. guy he was just so Random it's just so. Random it was like so Random honestly we.

were about that's why we were in. Anguilla and I got attacked oh dude I. didn't even know random I remember I. didn't know what Anguilla was when I. started dating can you say that the the. can you tell the pr story oh it's my. favorite story it's my favorite story. because Dan used to take me on the road. early early when he was dating this. person and we would talk about like how. how out of my depth I was yeah I met her. on Raya I was way out of my depth yeah.

way out of my depth I was living under a. train in Queens right she refused to. come out there. once. he was like. um right I'm not this is crazy you think. I'm gonna go to Queen which I remember. when you told me that in the car I was. like I agree with her yeah I was taking. a risk because this was the guy who was. opening for us like but I agree with her. and let me tell you why it's so weird. let me tell you why we would go on the. road and I would like say it to Tim. expecting him to be like that's [ __ ].

up yeah instead Tim was like this lady. rules and he also knew I just love the. idea that he goes so I live in Queens. and he goes oh I won't be doing that. yeah she goes I live in SoHo you'll be. coming here so. she went to a uh it was Friday night. I had spots. yeah do a couple shows in the city she. was going to a um. a benefit as they all do right they all. get dressed up and go benefit things. that aren't real to society right no. it's fake I truly believe this was to.

save art work. art in Venice it was something like. this like to the point where I'm talking. [ __ ] I went California like he's a joke. and they're like Italy right. [Music]. um. so I go do my spots I know that she's. going with a friend this this very. wealthy friend they're both wealthy but. like wealthier the top dog yeah where. they're going to this benefit. she calls me later and she's like come. over we we we're we're done I I got home.

early come over you know and I was we. were fresh into dating so I was like. yeah of course I will and I came over. and her friend was changing and uh I. went did you save all the artwork in. Venice or whatever I was kind of being. yeah let's talk a little [ __ ] and uh she. goes it was a wonderful benefit and they. started talking and her friend's like. changing like taking off her earrings or. whatever and she goes it was at the. Pierre and then she looks at me and she. goes it's a hotel. I loved it I love that like I was a.

small [ __ ] boy because here's the. thing here's why you gotta have a little. empathy for these people it was great by. the way lives their lives actually are. kind of horrible yeah they're very cold. they have no Stakes they don't really. feel yeah they're it the lives you think. they have are actually it's weird. they're all in little prisons yes. it's hard to it's obviously not like woe. is me let's feel bad for them but like. in the full picture of their life when. they do stuff like that it's kind of. funny because you got to realize like I.

always give the example there's just. bathing uh the speech Club in. Southampton the Southampton bathing Corp. they have this tiny little waspy Club. they don't let anybody in they sit on. they got this little stretch of beach in. Southampton they used to run the world. now the Arabs and the you know Muslims. the Chinese to choose they all run it. but the Wasps just sit there they got. their spots they got Granite check out. with her but they're sitting on this. little sliver of Beach and there's just. these you know Ichabod Crane type dudes. yes and the women with white uh you know.

white linens on the beach with the. little hatch reading books and you. realize you're like this little thing. this is all they have all she has in. addition to the billions all she has is. to go like it's a hotel like yeah and. how bored is she of that hotel well and. how much does she hate everything the. one thing I realized by being around. those people I had never been around. those people from The Burbs of Denver. but they have to exist and they have to. be sociopaths and it must be cold and.

they cannot feel or we will lose and. that is true that is literally true that. is that is true because the Chinese will. win if they are not called if they start. acting like us getting on stage being. like love me I'm a girl you know if they. start doing that it's over they have to. be they're gonna lose their wealth. they're going to lose their power and. then we're [ __ ] and then we're all. done because I'm in a Waffle House in. Aurora they gotta figure it out they're. building a box yeah Village Inn is just. worried about you know that's right. going and getting diner food you're not. yeah but one thing I realized being. around those people is they just can't.

[ __ ] kids and raise my taxes go on yeah. all everything they have is great yeah. so nothing's good that's correct so. nothing is ever impressive nothing's. ever impressive and nothing you know can. ever be for example we had lots of talks. about like what someone's mind what. state someone's about like. they have to their emotions have to be. constantly put in check yeah by the.

reality in which they exist they are. definitions of they are economic. soldiers that's right they're like you. [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up that's right. Soldier up that's right you're we're. gonna destroy that person and you need. them here's the thing yeah you cannot. have a country where those people are. always going to be at the top yeah those. 10 whether it's communism capitalism or. they're always going to be at the top. you just have to make it so that they. can't destroy the entire world yes but.

you they need to be out there earning. taking risks being crazy jumping out of. Windows occasionally sending their wife. to the institution oh there's people. that are there's people that are sent to. third world countries when they know too. much about them that's right they're. excommunicated they gotta go there's. children who are cut off that's right. that end up doing drugs there's all of. that because you're right they are so. locked into like we need to make sure. this is okay it's the food chain who are. we letting in it's the food chain and. they always fascinated me they never.

want they don't want people to know. about them and they don't want people to. join them yeah and listen in a perfect. world you'd go no Society wouldn't be. structured around those people and yet. no Society ever hasn't been yeah every. society in history those group of people. will rise to the top it's an. inevitability they're American Blue. Bloods it's an inevitability they are. American royalty on sale right now. what's funny and that's why I call the. tour that because you know really you. would think American royalty would be a.

guy that looked like me in a shirt from. DXL. uh the same one that picture wears. because they make three sweatshirts. they've just given bigger people the. choice of three you go you go these are. your customers it's blue it's green. yeah. we got we maybe have slacks coming in. yeah maybe but it's like these people. the more and more I read about them it's. not that I feel bad like crying it's. that you know you you know my friend and. his wife they're teachers and they live.

in Long Island and they have this house. they love and it's a it's a cute little. house they've got these two cute little. kids and they've got a yard and they're. so happy like they're they're they they. came to see me uh you know at the. Paramount they were like they're just. such happy people and they're so happy. for me and it's genuine like yeah. they're like you get to do something. that that you like and like isn't that. awesome and like they're just super cool. people and it's like they are much. happier than these people will ever be. well without a question when I was upset.

about everything and I like wrote jokes. about it because I was emotional in the. moment I realized I was too weak for. that world yes I was way too weak as. well as am I yeah like I we are our. weakness is our strength because the. sensitivity we have to have to do the. [ __ ] we do absolutely or look at stuff. yeah no no that world is we are [ __ ]. yeah you know what it is we are the. rappers that act like we talk about it. yeah then you go see the real drug. dealers and the murderers I'm not about. that life you're not about it I'm not.

about it and once once I realized I. don't wish anyone ill will I really I. reached out to that after we broke up or. whatever I wrote a joke and uh and then. I reached out to her and I was like hey. sorry about that I got all like. emotional about that right what did she. say she was like yeah it's just like you. know all right yeah okay yeah the thing. about those people is they know if they. let it seep in even a little they can't. even a little they cannot you know you. know Marble's very porous yeah I've.

learned this the hard way. when a little bit of water seeps in was. a real problem real problem so if they. let any human emotion seep in it'll. never end dude there is a time dude you. know it's great I've read things where. every couple of years they fire the. nanny for no reason yeah so the kid. cries and gets used to a new one. you got to toughen them up young yeah. they're really it's wild dude it's wild. that is like Conan the Barbarian they're. like put them on the wheel of Sorrow he. didn't know.

where I was going to school half the. time when I was a kid like they're like. we don't know I like first day school. I'm like which school do I go to my. dad's like I don't know one of the two. in the town like they didn't know like. they these people everything is is in. intricately planned yeah everything. they're not gonna date a comedian at one. point we were dating she goes so what. are you just gonna do comedy the rest of. your life right and you're like if I'm. lucky right he was like I don't know. yeah about that why don't you go get.

more money somehow but that's what they. want but a woman like that you realize. what she has to deal with one day. she's gonna be in the Hampton she's. gonna be sitting there at night and. she's gonna have taken a Valium perhaps. I don't know whatever new things out. it'll be new she has a half a glass of. chardonnay so you know she'll be cooking. as they say she'll be kind of you know. the waves will be getting hazy and the. dune grass will be blowing. and then her husband's gonna come in and. go honey listen just so you know we did.

9 11 again yeah and she's just gonna. have to look straight ahead she's gonna. have to he has to go we need a little. more money so we kind of did like a 911. type thing and and he's gonna go you. know and he goes I just want to tell you. because I love you and she's going to. have to go okay. was it for the best yeah and he's gonna. go yeah and she goes okay can we go to. Rome yeah I think that's great you. should call your sister she's coming out. next next week I want to summer in the. Riviera next year because they're gonna. she's gonna look forward she's not gonna. hear whatever he says now maybe it said.

he did 911 maybe it said he cheated on. her maybe it's that he's never loved her. maybe it's that uh the doctor said that. she's not gonna be able to have the. third baby my [ __ ] has a yeah my horse. pregnant yeah maybe it's a New York Post. is writing an article about all the. dirty things he's been doing in the sex. club whatever it is I got caught at the. Orgy Club she can hear it but not feel. it you know in war movies where they. show flashbangs go off yeah and it shows. the guy talking to the like in Save A. Private Ryan yeah he's talking but they. can't hear anything that's where they. get on valium those people that's where.

they get on white wines and values. because like our Boomer parents were. like made jokes about farting and bodily. functions and they would cry and yell. and scream and their emotions ran the. day and yeah they were hormonal and they. would be taking pills to get get their. hormones in check or whatever and it's. just these women are you know stoic cold. statue-esque yeah and I resp I respect. the hell out of a cold [ __ ] I mean my. God my grandmother uh I just learned.

finessed me out of like sixty thousand. dollars [ __ ] yeah and I was like that is. some old school as Luis Gomez would say. real ass dude of the week. dude I'm talking about from the Great. Depression from Oklahoma yeah you know. like this woman. 95 about to be 96 broken hip would not. let me so for 12 or 13 years I've been. giving her money I've been giving her. about 1500 a month yeah because she told.

me all I have is Social Security she. lives in a very poor county in. California right she's like I need money. without you I wouldn't pay my bills. without you I wouldn't have food so I. gave her money and I was like I love you. and then I'd always be like why don't. you add me on the bank account why don't. you have me on I can so I can deposit. the money a little bit easier and she's. like don't worry about it I got it I got. it. would keep sending her money and then. she fell and broke her hip and she had. to go to a facility she's 95 and so. she's getting rehabbed and I had to get. her enrolled for Medi-Cal I had to like. start like looking into it and I was.

like hey I need to get onto your bank. account and she was like I don't know. and then her neighbor was like you know. I knew her neighbor was on the bank. account and I was like hey. can you give me this information that I. need and he's like yeah I also just want. to tell you real quick about seven years. ago your grandmother was like well I. can't put Dan on the bank account. because if he finds out what's in my. bank account he'll stop sending me money. great and I was like oh that's [ __ ] up. amazing and then I'm I'm getting all the. information and then her neighbor calls. me and he's like.

all right I got the bank it gives me the. bank the numbers of the bank accounts. and he says in savings she has seven. thousand dollars I was like oh my God. yeah that's way more than I thought she. had right and he goes well. in checking she has 62 000 and I was. like. he's underwater on her mortgage but. she's got the money. but because. Medi-Cal they do like a five-year check. of finances audit yeah they do an audit.

I can't take that money out yeah she got. you got me this guy yeah she got me so. now I'm paying you now I'm paying will. you confront her on the air. if we could get a hold of her I'll just. go in there with cameras just her with. her seven on your side. I'm danger Buster Mike Russ is it true. you had this and she's like hey dude she. would do small stuff that my fiance was.

like dude she's she's mentally [ __ ]. she would call me by my dead father's. name yeah yeah I'm not Gary and she's. like okay I was like this [ __ ] she. really was it was like she's farting. she's good it was like Spartan training. she knows how to do it she was like let. go of your emotions you [ __ ] yeah she. knows how to do it but uh it was wild. when I found that out I was like you. know what I'm kind of impressed with the. hustle yeah of course you have to. respect it do you ever speak to the. woman you used to date no no of course. not it's been I've been like 10 years. it's been so long she's got like a.

family I think she's fine I'm sure I bet. she doesn't even remember she dated she. probably doesn't it was probably just a. blip on the radar it was like she'll. call you an actor so I did in an actor. comedy comedian doesn't even exist in. her world dude I remember specifically. going to the we're at the cellar yeah. right this is while we were I was at the. cellar while we were dating. and her friend the top dog that we all. know that that you look it's a hotel yes. her.

uh they were out at dinner yeah and the. girl I was dating was like uh I was like. hey I'll do my set at the cellar you. live close by I'll come over and she was. like great uh we're at dinner she's like. what's going on the cellar I was like. well Chris Rock just walked in so I. probably got bumped and she was like oh. so and so is friends with Chris Roth of. course of course. we'll come by uh I'll meet you at home. or whatever I'll meet you at my place. fine they show up and she's like behind. she's behind Top Dog and she's like. I told her she just wants to come here.

she wants to see Chris or whatever and. they walked in and immediately I became. like a butler right Chris Rock was like. go find them seats. all right I go find them seats. the Girl I'm dating stands out in the. hallway with me or whatever yeah the. other the other girls wanted to watch. Chris go up and I I go upstairs the girl. I'm dating's down the hall and I go. upstairs to the table and he goes you. need to date top dog or whatever and I. go oh but I'm dating your friend right. and he goes no no she's the one with the.

money she's right yeah he's right your. friend the girl you were dating. certainly had respectable money but not. like her friend no there is a difference. and if you're gonna marry a reptile. do one with a lot of scales you know do. it with the biggest tail with the. biggest tail yeah it was I was so out of. my element I was so it's incredibly the. morning where you read like I read that. article I thought it was very. interesting and it's like really the. whole world of the New York scenes to. kids comes down to like. doing blow in a townhouse fake art.

[ __ ] and [ __ ] travel and knowing. famous people and knowing famous people. are traveling around and like having a. fake uh fashion line or a fake uh. handbag company fake sunglass company. something something that's not real that. gives you the license to just go hey I'm. gonna suck on my trust fund yeah but I I. got this dream to make [ __ ] you know. I'm gonna do slinkies I'm doing designer.

sleep I'm doing designer slinkies that. are gonna help yeah they're platinum and. they go down these large markets on. their Instagram of them handing one to a. kid in the third world don't forget. these are actually sourced yeah in. places where we can do good yeah it's. not just about making money it's about. doing good but also that is America. absolutely that is America that is like. the reason we I've been saying this on. stage but it's true the reason we cheer. when jets fly over at NFL games right. it's because they're not bombing us.

that's right because thank you yeah yeah. go Bengals right here like after that. right pass you by it's a good point and. it's also why we love the military the. military is doing dirt that we would. never want to know they're doing right. but it keeps us safe it's what we think. it does sometimes it's the time it does. sometimes it keeps us safe sometimes it. is you know you know what keeps us rich. yeah it keeps us rich and rich is safe. and what's funny is we're in the. entertainment business which oftentimes. inflates its own importance oh it's.

disgusting like when you see how many. people that we know that in-depth. knowledge of the wga strike in the in. the SAG strike yeah and then I would go. to my friend's house who is completely. out of the business they wouldn't even. know they didn't even know who strike. was they had no idea they had zero idea. strike was happening and they're like oh. cool what's the problem I remember I was. talking to somebody in La after the uh. uh I don't know what it was but we're. sitting there it was after some award. show or somebody made some political. speech I was like you know a lot of.

people are getting sick of that stuff to. go here's when some of that started when. Tina Fey did Sarah Palin on SNL they. were very likable it made well they also. felt like it made fun of her in a way. that like Hollywood destroyed her. chances of being a vice president I'm. like well she kind of also did that. herself yeah but they like in Tina Fey's. impression of her to the moment when. America started seeing her as a [ __ ]. yeah and they have put like I mean Adam. McKay said things no respect Adam McKay. think he's great but like he said.

something once I don't want to make. certain types of comedies anymore. because like he was like well you know. you have these empty guys in suits that. are on in Anchorman but they're also the. guys that started the Iraq War it's like. no it's like it it's not that I just. think that like what ends up happening. is listen it's important to to care. about the stuff you're doing but like. you can't give it meaning beyond what it. has the movie don't look up yeah. I did not enjoy it right I thought it. was it sucked its own dick for the. entire movie yes I remember uh Katie and.

I were watching it with my mom and we. like turned it off yeah we're like this. kind of sucks right and it was just when. it came out it was around Christmas it. just came out and then Katie was like. that sucked right and I was like yeah. that was horrible and then we looked in. all like Schumer and all these people. are like this is so important you guys. need to watch this and it was all like. all these famous people that were like. in the mix being like this is brilliant. and you're like oh yeah you're.

perpetuating it because you need it to. be important you need it to be you need. it to be important because if it's not. then it kind of shows that you're a. little disconnected yeah I think it's. like people just having each other's. back. it's people going like hey man. you come out and the whatever nonsense I. do six months or a year from now you. come out and tell people they need to. see see that that's important that's. exactly what it is when Amy Schumer does.

uh Will Willy Wonka the Chocolate. Factory from a female perspective. yeah when she does Willa Wonka she wants. the McKay crew to be like you have to. see this this is so important God it. matters what if a woman ran a chocolate. yeah and the Oompa Loompas are all. regular height they're all and they're. not Orange right not even a little that. that's that's out and they're not even. white I'm I'm really excited though I. think after the strike I think you know.

we've got some stuff we're working on. now that you know might have a real shot. I and and I know that our friends are. doing really cool stuff I think maybe. you know let's get back to funny yeah I. really think there's like and I think. that's coming back that's the prediction. I think people are starting to get sick. of like their messaging yeah they just. want funny and I think like just be like. funny people are that'll be okay I think. that's the what we're going yeah into is. just uh there's not a greater Groucho.

Marx wasn't trying to show depth right. there's an elephant when you have all. these meetings in La they're like but. what is it really about right that was. they're like what is the but you know. what you know like what is it about it's. got to be about something and you go you. know here's the deal it's about that. it's [ __ ] funny it's about a dog that. gets boners yeah when it's around. motorcycles right and it's just it's. gonna be fun it's just gonna be funny. that's what it's about it's like but. these people. you know. I had a meeting with the president of.

CBS during the strike and I did it. because I don't care yeah and I and I. didn't I didn't sign any deals there was. no money exchange but I just like this. woman because I like people that have a. few I like little people have a little. coin you also like to get in the room I. like to get in the room you like to get. in the room with the people that I like. to get the room because you know what it. doesn't matter they're not they're not. buying what I'm selling no but it's fun. to just get in the room and they're like. and who is this and what makes what's. great about you is yeah you get in the.

room you have the meeting yeah and then. you come on the show and you tell the. people no it's just a waste everyone's. it's to waste everyone's time and they. know it is yeah they. yeah because ninety percent of their job. is that it's just fake nonsense meetings. wasted time. so I was in a room with her and I like. her and she's a really good woman and I. will do a guest spot on that show ghost. which I've never heard of not the exact. one I'll do the black one too but it's. the other one I don't know what it is.

but if they let me on it I'll do it and. I'm not that bad I'm a decent actor I'm. you're better you're much better no no. no you're not actor let's well we're. doing the LA thing we're starting again. you're on a whole show I'm good enough. to come in a little you let me in a. little now and I was sitting with this. woman and she's a nice woman and she's. going um you know she's going she goes. what we're really trying to do here at. CVS that's how they talk she goes she.

goes hi so good to see you yeah because. we're all so excited you're so funny. we're all so excited it's the best. because we're all so excited she goes. and we want the strike to end they turn. around like this she's like we really. want this to end because you know NCIS. is his 22nd year we're going to do a lot. of reality she goes but I'll tell you. she's a sweet woman she goes she goes. I'll tell you this she goes I love. broadcast television I just love it a. lot of people you know they're saying. it's Dad and she goes but I just love it.

I and she goes and I said I said but she. goes and we want to make things here. that are about something you know we. want you know like what's it really. about I always asked that question she. goes what's it about I mean she's the. president by the way this is what by the. way you know who else asks that question. my mother the president she goes she. goes I ask you can you imagine like. she's just walking around CBS pointing. at things going what is that what's up. NCIS what's that about Naval rape. what's that about what's that about you. Barrymore has a brain injury like it.

um what's that about but she goes she. goes and I said I said but you need to. make things that are a joy to watch you. have to cut it out now I say that I'm. saying it right to the president I go. you have to cut it out yeah you have to. make things a joy to watch and she. smiled and she went you're right she. goes you're right and I go this is I'm. not going to be with me they're probably. not going to be with me. probably not going to be with me. statistically it's not gonna be with me. no but here's what I'm going to tell you. you have to make things that are a joy. to watch you can't just me you can't. drown everything in meaning so that.

everybody's [ __ ] like what is going. on well it's funny I'm making everything. so heady when they try even to make. something heady and they they want to do. that but when you give them something. that goes like this she goes she goes. we're really excited about a new reality. show called raid the cage no it's she. goes raid the cage you're stuck in a. cage it's like you're on Santa's she. goes I call it Santa's workshop on crack. you go in there and you try to grab as. many prizes as you can and if you can't. they just let you out she's like it's. like a combination of something I forgot.

what you said she's like it's a. combination of like Jeopardy and. Supermarket Sweep because we're very. excited about that and then she's like. we also have La silly. and she had like a Spanish accent yeah. and she goes that's like a Mexican Wheel. of Fortune yeah I went thank you for. your time and I got the parking. validation. but I'm open to chat to uh working with. them. I am I am open to working with them yeah. I am open to it it's starting to get to. the point now where they're making. things that 30 Rock wrote jokes about.

that's correct we're like 30 Rock was. like well I think MILF Island didn't. they actually do that they made that. show and it was the joke on 30 Rock I. mean it was absolutely crazy yeah you. see that and you're like it's [ __ ]. nuts well they have a new naked dating. show on HBO make it attraction like. parents are flipping out because like I. guess people like just talking [ __ ]. about each other's genitals and they're. so great and I think parents find that I. think parents are basically like hey. yeah.

I watch The Naked attraction about let's. see this is The Hollywood Reporter uh. let's find the one attraction the new oh. of course it's a full frontal new dating. show and it's coming to Max it's all of. course Emoji based right it's a blurt. out yeah here we go. ES. in custard overseas after being quietly. added to the max streaming service the. streamer added six seasons of naked.

attraction a game show which debuted in. 2016. in each episode a single Chooser. critiques and eliminates six potential. dates standing on a stage by. scrutinizing their fully nude bodies. which are gradually revealed one part at. a time with faces revealed last U.S. viewers are just starting to stumble. upon this series which was released. without a trailer or media Fanfare and. let's just say the reactions were. Priceless one viewer wrote this is the. craziest I ever watched on TV 35 of all.

fatal accidents occur uh between 6 p.m. and midnight people age 25 to 34 have. the highest amount of drivers involved. in car crashes people aged 15 to 24 at. the highest rate of emergency room. visits through the car accidents of all. age groups you can talk on this we don't. have the camera on him but you can say. something this is depressing it's not. great but here's what makes it less. depressing if you're ever injured you. can check out Morgan and Morgan do you. know what Morgan and Morgan is. um lawyers it's America's largest injury. Law Firm nice. they have over 100 offices Nationwide.

and more than 800 lawyers. with over 15 billion dollars recovered. it's not Dan's soda by the way it's. right company you can't just you can. just hear right. they've recovered over 15 billion. dollars for over 300 000 clients what do. you think about that do they give it. into the clients or just kept it well. come on I mean they get a little cut but. they only they only get a cut if you win. that's a good point yeah yeah it's a. good point if they don't earn they don't. eat they gotta get a taste they gotta. get a taste submitting an injury claim. with Morgan Morgan is so easy it really.

is. have you ever been injured in a car well. you I cut my thumb up and uh a Boy Scout. camp I didn't sue them though I should. have I should have gotten Morgan and. Morgan but in a car you fell asleep and. you wouldn't you oh crap you're right I. did crash into the federal officers yeah. I felt yeah but how did that get. adjudicated they just they just told me. like they gave me they tested my uh. breath and then I was falling so I just. get out of here go tell it away they. slob if you're ever injured you can. check out Morgan and Morgan Their Fear. is free unless they win for more.

information go to for the people.com or. dial pound law pound 529 I'm sure glad. they didn't hire Morgan. you're very lucky they didn't. go to forthepeople.com timtim or pound. law that's pound. 529. well the hell 529 well they will. they help me Sue my wife or is that only. did she hit you with a car I mean she. could if she does then they will what if. we set something up will they will yeah. we can all get uh wet with it everybody. can get their big one but you got to be.

discreet about that sure yeah. I mean you know it's just one of those. things we're not gonna tell everybody. everybody who am I gonna tell everybody. scratches everybody else's back for the. people.com Tim dot poundlaw 529 from. your cell this is a paid advertisement. shows like this I think things like this. is this the have we hit the wall like. this is full frontal naked dating what. is next penetration on camera yeah.

it's like the episode of Always Sunny. yeah where Dennis goes we show it yeah. we show penetration it's the next thing. it's it's leading there because it's. getting to a point now where to shock. people you have to go so far you have to. show a beheading I know I was talking to. this kid there was a kid in a I was in. Raleigh at good nights and there was a. kid in the crowd 23 years old I was. talking to him about 9 11. I was yeah I.

was doing a bit about 9 11 and I said. like what does that mean to you and he. goes I grew up with Al Qaeda beheading. videos right this does nothing right it. doesn't make me feel anything right I'm. dead do it yeah and it really is there's. well my friend's son had a little group. of friends they were like in their. mid-teens in L.A they're all black-eyed. as they say in The Big Lebowski black. guy in Iowa they really are just they. don't care they just watched you know as. Eddie the great Eddie pepitone would say. they just watch you know he goes most. people just go to somebody's house now.

they watch a car accident and leave you. know what I mean so funny they just hold. the phone so it's like it is getting to. that point where it's like scary do you. think it comes back around do you think. it gets to this point I I think what. could be coming is a I personally. believe going back to the 80s this is. what I believe the tolerance for. lethargy yeah for being a big fat slob. that has no money is going at like the. tolerance for being a mess a hot mess. yeah is going to go away yeah I think.

people are going to want people with who. have their lives together who are in. better shape who are you know maybe not. celebrating all of their imperfections. all the time not wearing them as a badge. of honor people that are so you think. shame will come back I think partially. yes because I think that like everything. else it is a little bit of a pendulum. and it's swung very far in One Direction. I don't think it's made anybody happier. no I think that's the problem I think.

the freedom to be as licentious as you. want to be as crass as you want as. vulgar as you want uh you know I don't. think that's made people necessarily. happier no I think it's made them more. aware of the benefits actually of being. more you know traditional to be honest. and I think you're gonna see it's gonna. swing back to where you need order yeah. and what we've done is we've really.

opened the Pandora's box of chaos up. well now chaos is like a mood right oh. my God it's a move it's a mood and you. could see it with the increase in mental. health problems the increase in. depression and anxiety the amount of. teenagers that are really going through. it the the social media addiction the uh. porn addiction the people that have. erectile dysfunction they're in their. early 20s they've been jerking off so. much you know it's wild I mean wild it's.

wild to me that men in their 20s need a. Bluetooth well a lot of them have been. jerking off since they're 13 to like the. craziest type of porn you've ever seen. yeah desensitized for us it was like oh. [ __ ] you would like gradually build up. and see something like Whoa this is a. full-on assault yeah I think it's. actually going to go back the other way. to where people are seeing the value now. in in religion and that can have. negative impacts too absolutely.

but there is some value as an organizing. principle to people having some type of. faith-based. Outlook yeah and some type of moral code. wherever that comes from if you destroy. all of that and you decide that the. world is just who can dominate who yeah. you're gonna have a big problem and you. you a lot of the problems that we're. seeing right now come from that if you. make the world about if it's just people. eating other people yeah and there's no.

code and there's no architecture for. Morality that people can live in. understandably you know you're going to. get a lot of unintended consequences. you're gonna get uh a crazy religious. fascist type of backlash that's one yeah. or you're going to get just the type of. you know schizophrenic uh you know. public space we have now where it's like.

complete craziness where everyone's. darting around where it's like where. it's like Ukraine and this that you know. gender is completely invented this and. that it's like what do you think about. uh access to people do you think. there is a benefit in limiting your. ability to have access to someone. because you know when we started doing. stand-ups yeah which is not even it's. not longer than 20 years yeah it was.

well if you want to see me you got to. come to a live show right you can't. check in on me on Instagram you can't. check on Twitter you can't do Snapchat. you can't do any of this is there a. benefit in having limited access to. entertainment it depends who you want. like sugar yeah if you have a limited. amount of sugar sure it can be fine it. can be very nice I think. people should scale back their. consumption of. I I think what's happening is our brains. are being programmed by algorithms yeah.

they're being programmed by these tech. companies. it's very easy to say shut them off like. you know shut it off it's much tougher. when you're being raised with a phone. since you're 11. and now you're 25. um it's somewhat inescapable yeah the. drum beat but for me. I think that for example every issue. that I try to talk about on the show I. try to make it funny but I also try to. think about like what do I think about.

this issue completely divorced from. anything I've read. about it or consume like so what's your. pure thought of it not what are you. influence when I hear something's going. on. I want to know. I want to have an intuition could be. wrong yeah but I want to have an. instinct I don't want to not have. Instinct you want to feel it in your gut. that's right I want to have an intuition. I and I want to base that on the life. that I've lived I I don't want to.

necessarily always I don't want that to. go unchecked but I don't want to destroy. that what I see happening over and over. again people are destroying their innate. sense of what is true and not yes what. is right and wrong what is real and fake. and it can happen if you surrender that. impulse. and give it to a corporate media that. wants to program you or tech companies. that want to program you any different. way yeah because I have an instinct when. I when everyone in America when the.

people that I've seen in Beverly Hills. spit on valets and go get my [ __ ] car. when they all have Ukrainian Flags. outside of their house and they go we. care about the Ukraine I go I find this. in this is just curious to me yeah it's. just curious that the worst people in. the world became humanitarians overnight. why why were the people that pushed the. Iraq War really into pushing the Ukraine. war not to say that the Ukraine it's not. a tragedy people aren't dying I just. want to understand without the media.

without the programming why did these. people the ones we're talking about. without emotion yeah why are they all of. a sudden invested in this one conflict. when we've got so many in the world when. Yemen there's thousands millions of. people have died and they care the. Palestinians the this to that they. really can and this we're only reporting. on this we're only talking about this. and I'm going okay as an American we've. never had a war with Russia Putin's. never invaded this country he was the.

first leader after 9 11 that called us. I'm not saying Putin's a good guy I'm. not saying he's uh a poet I'm not saying. any of that I'm saying. sins for the last four years all we've. heard is Russia Russia Russia they're. fixing the elections they're coming to. kill you they're gonna get you it's the. Russians Trump's an asset of Russia they. just invaded the Ukraine because Putin's. a lunaty's crazy they need to start. reading about it and looking into it and. going oh it's very complicated it's not. really just like that but it it really.

benefits people if you are able to just. if they can whip and you just go yeah. yeah you go Ukraine that's right give. them a trillion dollars and let's go. let's fight Russia through the Ukraine. forever there's a benefit right now in. modern culture of understanding how. stupid you are right and knowing. that you can't. get into something that's right there's. stuff that I'm like that's that's out of. my pay grade right I don't understand. that right I don't I sort of so I don't.

have an opinion on it right because I. don't have any knowledge on it that's. right so how the [ __ ] do I know so I. don't talk about you know one of the big. topics of Comedy I can't touch it's male. female relationships I don't really talk. about them you can't be like when you go. on a date with a girl yeah I don't I. don't that's not so that's a huge but. also but you do understand Humanity I. understand Humanity so it's basically. like your car can get to a certain uh. that's right it can get to a certain. speed maybe not up to speed with that.

exactly I can talk about Harry and Megan. because they're con artists and I love. Connor exactly so then I go okay that's. relationship I can understand because. it's based on conniving uh con uh you. know that I get I'm in it I'm loving it. but other things like I I just step out. of it because I go that's not where my. experience is yeah and so I just you. know there is what's lost two things. that are lost in modern culture are the. art of going away yeah because now it's.

like stay on it make money keep making. money push more stuff don't ever [ __ ]. go away if you go away you're done but. that's not it's not actually what it. always used to be people like you if you. go by if you go away and come back yeah. you get to you get the he's back right. you get to return well Burnham does that. brilliantly brilliantly brilliantly. brilliantly and in a way that you're. like oh he understands what he's doing. right as opposed to someone that. overstays their welcome right and then. people aren't understanding why they.

there's there's a uh there's like us. they know they hate you but they don't. know why they hate you but they still. watch your stuff right they don't. realize that familiarity breeds contempt. so they're like I don't know why I. [ __ ] hate this person it's like. because they're in your ear right all. the time yeah all the time yeah you can. have loyal fans we were kind of talking. about this about the unhealthy. relationship sometimes yeah people can. have to certain forms of entertainment. for sure I'm a wrestling fan that's like.

one of the most toxic fandoms yeah out. there because they're like I want it to. go like this and it's like but you're. the fan you're supposed to just enjoy. but people don't understand the the idea. of going away and also the idea of. saying I don't know. I don't know right I I I I don't have an. opinion I think that like everything. else. right now. what is essentially a snapshot feels. like.

you know. forever yeah like everybody's looking at. the Dynamics of the current landscape. going. this is everything and it's not because. like everything changes all the time. people's tastes change their habits. change what people consumed for hours. they might consume much less of they. might still love they might find a you. know a new way to enjoy something it's. just what happens I I realized in my own.

life like sometimes I want to bend shows. and then sometimes I don't want to watch. shows at all sometimes you just want to. read I just want to watch something once. a week so it's really the way I consume. stuff is not the same also you have no. idea how things are going to shift yeah. you have no idea very few people can. guess how things are going to shift. that's right I worked for radio I worked. in radio for years I worked at a rock. station from 2002 or three until like. 2009 and in 09 if you would have told me.

I was being like radio's dead right No. One's Gonna Be Good In Radio. without any idea that podcasting was. going to become his the new radio right. it was going to become bigger than radio. probably has ever been right you don't. know that you know right and so here we. are doing stand-up which has stayed the. same but we keep talking about like you. know Katie and I were talking about um. sexual innuendos yeah when you watch. like 1950s late shows or you watch like. early Carson.

when they were dirty it was very smart. because they had to be dirty without. being dirty right I wonder if we. returned to that I wonder if we returned. to a place where people are like yeah I. want to be offended but make it creative. I think people eventually will go back. to what is good yeah I have to believe. that I mean I hope [ __ ] I I mean listen. I mean at the end of the day that's the. hope and the hope is that we you know. like what we make I do the show because.

I I think it's good and I do it. predominantly by myself I think that I. do things that are funny and that I like. it I can leave and go this was good if. it wasn't good I wouldn't do it I have. enough money I do it because I think. it's good and I hope it is I think. you've just touched on the actual what. what the actual thing is going to be and. I think as we move forward especially. for younger kids that haven't seen it. the kids that were maybe born in 2005 or.

whatever and they're growing up now. authenticity is going to be a very. important thing yeah because they've. been lied to by everybody right so when. they you're very authentic yeah that's. one thing about your show that you. cannot argue right you are you yeah like. I've known you for a long time this show. is you right this is like Tim if if you. showed me us talking right here on the. couch 10 years ago and I'm like yeah. that's Tim right right that's him that's. exactly who this conversation we had was.

the conversation we had when we were. driving up to Vermont yeah it's like the. thing is people say to me like why are. you and Joe Rogan get together it's. really good I go because we would have. that conversation without uh and I think. you look at the people that are doing. very well the Shane Villas is and you. know there's there's super funny people. yeah that are very authentic that's who. he is yeah and that's that's what people. want yeah I think people are sick of. being uh marketed to yeah of being like. are you a guy do you like this [ __ ] well. I'm gonna talk to you about this [ __ ] I. suppose just being like hey I like this.

I don't like this right you find people. who gravitate no there's nothing. grossier than being a brand or a product. and that I think the influencer thing. people are kind of looking at it going. like hey man do you know I understand. making money I understand doing ads I. got tons of ads on the show but my ads. are funny yeah if you go the 80 of the. ads I've read on the show have been. [ __ ] funny genuinely funny because I. get bored there is yeah there is a slice. of entertainment right now that is.

um I I just want to say taken over by. influencer brain where people are like I. can I can sell that that that falls into. mine in a way that's like not authentic. where they're like oh yeah I'll do that. whatever that's money when it goes. against stuff like the transactional. nature of some of that stuff that I want. and people are just marketing a. lifestyle yeah they go like look at me. I'm at a party yeah I'm in Venice at a. party there's people I've seen I've. never gone to parties I'm on a beach.

there's people that go to the beach I've. seen people that do the I'm doing. stand-up right that shot of like yeah. look at me it's like well are you. telling jokes yeah or are you are you. just taking a video to show people that. a lot of people have shown up to watch. you talk so the marketing of Lifestyle. which I see on Instagram which a lot of. people do yeah they're going like hey. don't you want to be me don't isn't my. life so fun that immediately I go but. your life's not that I know I go You're. just showing us that you're showing.

because I know you and I've seen you do. Coke and I've seen you say to me I can't. get anything going on yes but your life. isn't what it's you're showing dude. there's I'll go on the road I don't have. tick tock on my phone but I'll come I'll. come home and Katie will be like I found. she finds like crazy [ __ ] yeah. that we watch together and laugh at and. there's this uh Irish woman I think. she's Irish or she's British and she's. like into the clubs and she makes drinks. and she's like this is what we're.

drinking. games yeah yeah I know this woman yeah. yeah it's great she pours like a [ __ ]. cup of vodka yeah and then we'll take it. down and like mix it and drink it but. she just shows that she just shows that. and Katie and I were watching that and I. was like I want to see the real I want. to see her hungover being like Oh I. [ __ ] threw up for it oh [ __ ] I'm glad. bro I'm [ __ ] blood mate it's [ __ ]. bad like I want to see show us the show.

us everything yeah no they won't do that. I I I we were sitting in the honest once. in a in a a restaurant Casa Vega in La. we've seen the the Kardashians Kim Chloe. Scott and the mom and they're all. sitting there. and the cameras are on them and not one. person in this restaurant cared nobody. looked over everybody was just like. eating quesadillas and [ __ ] you know. combo platter number two and nobody. cared and then they got up and just very. unceremoniously walked out of this.

restaurant. and I I something hit me I was like how. much money do you need. how much money to wear at a billion. dollars you were still sitting in a. Mexican restaurant with cameras watching. you eat guacamole. what are you afraid of losing what and. that's your thing about like not going. away these [ __ ] have been on TV. for 15 years what do you think will. happen if you take a season off and let.

other people eat guacamole on camera. Bill Watterson who made Calvin and. Hobbes yeah made undeniably one of the. greatest comic strips of all time of 10. years and then went away yeah doesn't do. it anymore right just stop doing it he. didn't come back and do like Calvin and. Hobbs or back at school right and things. are a little bit different yeah yeah. Calvin's got a cell phone it's like stop. doing all that you just did it he just. did it left it but here's what I will.

say if you're not doing anything good. like let's be honest the Kardashians. don't really do anything good well they. don't make anything so but here's what's. impressive how much of it there is yeah. it's either you know because if it's not. good if you can't isolate a good thing. just make a lot it'll go the Rain Must. Be Long that is [ __ ] perfect the rain. must be long it's not a quality product. but there's a lot of pressure there's a. lot of products we are back ordered on. it we've got more we've got some in the. warehouse and we'll walk it out to your.

car and tell me young Tim yeah oh oh 809. you're selling you know some pride. mortgages in Long Island yeah if someone. went I didn't have I don't have good. Coke yeah but I got a kilo of [ __ ] Coke. yeah let's do the [ __ ] Coke absolutely. because that's what it is absolutely it. comes down to that because sometimes at. the end of the day you have to look at. things and be very honest there's people. out there that can really do good stuff. some can do great stuff and some can do.

a lot of stuff I mean if that ain't on a. [ __ ] t-shirt at the boardwalk and. those Kardashians are doing a lot of. stuff it's all that's all they're doing. a lot of stuff because think about it. they hit your dopamine when on a random. Tuesday you find out you don't even know. it used to be aspirational TV where. you're like I want to live their life. now their lives are so complex it's. confusing you don't even know if you. want it anymore you're like so the the. guy the dad is the chick okay they all. have different mansions and her ex-baby.

daddy texted the other one and yeah it's. no longer aspirational like you don't. even want that life anymore you're just. kind of amazed by you don't even know. what it is you're just perplexed but you. don't even get the relief of someone. like Pete right being able to go on a. show like this and being like that was. part of crazy that we couldn't even eat. bread in the house because they were mad. at us so we had to eat salads yeah you. don't even get those because he has an. NDA that'll get him [ __ ] you know. fine to hell I'll get him here get them.

we'll get him here I mean tell me right. now tell me right now we can get him. yeah tell me right now absolutely the. Pete Davidson episode of the Tim Dylan. show I'd love I would love by the way. I'd love if you would go I've never met. I met him once on the Staten Island. Ferry I'd love if he'd come on oh my God. but I'm telling you without that NDA. that's right yeah it's tough yeah that's. what I want him on because they probably. lock you up yeah that's a that's a. that's like uh lock me up I'll eat that. uh Armenians uh snatch.

you gotta go undercover put me in what. if one of Kardashians started dating me. that's what needs to happen that's their. next that's the next move that's how we. know we're in the death rattle of. society that's how we know so we know. shit's gonna be about to get here you. know I've texted Caitlyn have her on the. show I want Caitlyn on the show bad I. mean that's that I want Caitlyn on the. show back I think that's very doable I. hope so yeah that's an episode I want. Caitlyn on the show what I really want. would be Caitlyn Jenner Donald Trump and.

me were we all sing I'm proud to be an. American by Lee Greenwood I'm proud to. be an American we're at least I know I. know I'm free then it would be over then. I would say to the people I've done it. for seven years I love and respect you. this is all I wanted to do drop the. curtain if RFK has me perform at the. Kennedy Compound this summer I might. take a year off stand up because if I. can just do to the Kennedy Compound and. do really tasteless JFK jokes in front.

of a group of rich people that are in. and out of being into it and pretty damn. offended and it's a bad day and I'm. sunburned and I'm sweating and I'm. bombing in front of the whole Kennedy. Compound if I can do that I think I can. say you know what I I did what I wanted. to do yeah I got where I wanted to go. you got up you got up that high I got up. that High dance sort of where can people. come see you live you're on the road. danceoda.com uh I got live dates coming. up this comes out tomorrow okay wait no. Saturday this comes out Saturday this.

comes out Saturday so I will be in uh. Madison Comedy on State uh Rochester New. York comedy at the Carlson uh Boulder. Theater is sold out but then I will be. at the uh in December I'm gonna be at. the Buckhead Theater in Atlanta I'm. gonna be at uh the Paramount in. Philadelphia. Vogel we added a late show danceoder.com. for all my life dates but yeah I'm I'm. on the road neutral full is the number. one dermatologist recommended hair. growth supplement clinically shown.

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know get do something she's going to. leave yeah what's if you don't get hair. clocks taken. neutralfold.com men promo code Tim do it. Rochester New York gonna be a great show. Carnegie Hall November 10th come on dang. cool calm the [ __ ] that's cool that's. cool that is so awesome we're almost. sold out we got a few hundred tickets. left to Carnegie Hall that's awesome if. I'm not on the road I need this [ __ ]. go to that watching you at Carnegie. you're on the road you're at laugh out.

loud. I'm in a movie theater that was probably. playing it'll be fun and then we're. bringing Ray comp out for a podcast at. the end come on a Carnegie Hall right. come on he worked at the graveyard shift. to the potato print Warehouse I [ __ ]. love Ray company to go from the from the. graveyard shift into potato bread. Warehouse to working at the morgue to. doing a podcast at Carnegie Hall is. hilarious I'm gonna tell you right now. you're the best dude love you thank you. for coming absolutely appreciate it go.

get a dancer.com thank you goodbye.