Iran, Israel & The Cool Aunt | The Tim Dillon Show #389

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dylan show I have injured the side of my. mouth by biting it and uh if you've ever. done that when you bite the side of your. mouth it inflames and it swells and you. keep biting it and that is the Middle. East that's all it'll ever be that is it. you don't have to read any books on it. you don't have to take any courses you. don't have to listen to your friend's. wife who saw a documentary.

it is biting the side of your cheek I. get very excited sometimes when I eat I. do not take my time my grandmother used. to say you don't know your body has. eaten that's why you keep eating you. your mind doesn't know that your body is. full so when you bite the side of your. mouth it inflames and it's there and you. keep biting it and then sometimes you'll. get a chunk of it in your mouth and. release you'll go that was close because.

it could have been bad that's the entire. Middle East that's it there's nothing. else to do you can read you can learn. words like bedin or whatever it doesn't. matter that's essentially what's. happening we are in World War III I am. on war footing I am ready to go are you. I punched an Iranian woman today in the. face in Starbucks the cops later told me. she was Greek but she called me a fat.

[ __ ] and I was like this is what war. looks like on the home turf you call me. a fat [ __ ] I'm gon to rock you and I. rocked her now I have a court date which. I'll have to uh no of course that is. kidding I'm against uh violence against. uh women kind of but what I what I think. is important I just got back from a trip. abroad I was abroad and uh with the.

great Sam Talent nobody better to travel. with we did it all I'm not going to name. where we were but we were everywhere and. I talked to everybody about everything I. have all of the opinions from the. European continent for. you um and I have condensed them to one. sentence because everybody has a lot of. things to say but we don't have the time.

we're not living in a. time so I've condensed them I've. truncated all of the different opinions. from uh Scandinavia from the south of. France from uh Glasgow Scotland the. Rainy Glasgow from uh London I've. condensed all the opinions from Finland. on the border of Russia I've condensed. the opinions to. one sentence.

actually four. words what I have learned after and why. are you nervous everyone get the. producer gets nervous now because he. doesn't know what's about to happen. because he's trying to like he's try to. get lifestyle Brands to advertise on the. show and the the scumbags who we pay go. well why doesn't he post more lifestyle. content I I post all the time I post. pictures of pretty things all of the. time I post but you don't like what I. say afterwards I post pictures of pretty.

things all the time can I tell you what. I've learned after being on the European. continent what I have learned okay this. is what I have learned this is the this. is the headline this is the pull quote. okay okay get ready strap in. okay the Holocaust.

I'm kidding but that's that's there. here's what I'm what I'm getting. at Israel is not popular right now. they're not. popular right now they're having image. problems at the moment it's the girl. who's feeling herself too. much we're happy for we're happy she.

made a full recovery after the car. accident Donna we love it we're happy. we're happy that you're up walking. around and she lost a little weight and. she dyed her hair and the kids call this. a glow up but it's a lot now Donna Donna. it's a lot it's a girl who's feeling. herself a bit too much she has pain we. all have pain she has pain and she.

reminds you of her pain she'll tell you. she's she's that girl with a pain and. it's very accessible she can go to The. Well of her pain and she and she knows. she's been through it she was bullied in. sixth grade bad and people will tell you. they'll go Donna man oof sixth grade was. rough for Donna every day tough she had. to get on that bus and then went at her.

they went at her. throat everyone knows someone like we. get it Israel has had pain and I'm not. taking it away from them but now they. are kind of feeling themselves a bit too. much they're doing what this they're. doing the most is what the Lexicon of uh. the internet would say and people are.

there're a little uh you know there's a. level. of uh you know even the supporters of. Israel are kind of going. hey a it's it's it's watching a. friend make a very bad decision that is. like what I think what we're watching. right now I understand the problem I. understand the ISS isues I'm not a child.

I'm not at the Columbia what what's the. thing they're doing that trans for Iran. the protest everyone's mad at they're. doing trans for Iran let them do it let. the kids be trans for Iran if they want. because that's the funny of what the. time we're living in the Iranians should. have to have trans allies and dog. collars with Co masks on that's what. they get you don't you don't always have. the fan base you.

want remember when Trump was like why is. everyone here so poor he said to his. AIDS he goes why does everyone here look. like [ __ ] and they go well you appeal to. a lot of people that don't have a lot. going on he didn't love that you're. never going to get the fan base you. necessarily want necessarily love but. you do the best with it you make it. happen you make it work they'll make it. work the biggest you know the people. right now that are are like very vocally.

like. pro-iran are a very rag tag group of. like like Mal. contents and you know I have this quote. from the Free Press where they were at. some anti-war rally and you know they. have a woman and she's wearing like dog. collars and she's got a muzzle on and. the protect trans kid shirt and you know. she has like a pink gas mask on or. something and everybody's in combat.

boots at the San Francisco City Hall or. whatever and you know Iran is going to. have to confront that those are their. allies here that doesn't mean that all. of those allies are terrible to have I'm. just saying that's what you got that's. what you. got sure you want those uh 19 relatively. handsome hijackers from Saudi Arabia. like you had in 2001 sure but times. change things move on.

and uh the anti-war movement in America. is always kind of and. they there's got to be some level of. this that's engineered not all of it but. there's got to be some level of anybody. in this. country that that doesn't want a war and. there's any kind of protest or. rally within. minutes the craziest people you've ever. seen show up I'm talking about about.

dwarfs and like mythical creatures from. Middle Earth people are wa like fawns. show up like centur or at the rally it's. so viscerally. disturbing that everybody's like maybe. we should just maybe we should just do. the War I gotta stand here with these. people that because that's a. centur I mean go to some of these. protests Colombia is doing a what a sit. in or all the kids are camping out out. for yeah for Palestine for Palestine and.

here's the. deal because Israel's been so aggressive. in uh the way it's prosecuted this war. and they've killed I believe 40,000. people and it's all on Tik Tok and you. can watch this and the horrors are. unfolding in front of your face it's. completely natural that people. especially young people have a a. reaction the way that people are having. they're revolted.

by this level of violence and you know. nobody has the stomach for this and even. Israel's most Ardent supporters for the. most part are wondering if this is the. right course of action because Israel. has suffered and I'm a supporter of. Israel's right to exist but Israel. suffered a. tremendous loss of prestige in the world. Community now some people go they don't. care. the world Community has always hated.

Israel maybe there's some truth to. that but I'm just saying it it is. not yeah so they're arresting these. people now these people set up tents at. Columbia University they've done this a. few times in in the. past and they're doing this to show. solidarity with. [Music]. um the people in Palestine that are and. they're encouraging Colum to divest.

from. whatever can I not I don't want to be. IND delicate here but don't the Jews and. I mean shut it off for a minute I'm not. trying to be IND delicate don't the Jews. own Colombia like my parents don't own. Colombia I mean I'm just not trying to. be indelicate but don't the kids know. where they are like I I mean I'm not. trying am I do I sound. indelicate didn't the Jewish people buy. columia aren't most of the endowments. coming from so it's like.

kids you know I'm not saying. don't uh set up the tents you know if. that's the way you. feel these protests don't do much by the. way shutting down this uh Golden Gate. Bridge and I'm again I'm not morally. telling people not to protest I'm saying. the ruling class of the country doesn't. really care they don't really care it. does does not matter to them if the a.

bunch of kids in Colombia get in a. tent so can you. explain at Columbia. University what's. happening uh yeah so you have uh over a. hundred students got arrested they've. been basically doing like a sit in about. how they don't um there were 15 students. I think that were um either removed from. something because of their their Zionist.

protest and so then these are the. students supporting the students that. got removed so these are all like Pro. Palestinian people people are mad about. this there's more going there's a it's a. it's a hot bed over there people are. fighting with each other and spitting on. each other and beating each other up I. think I've heard yeah there's violence. yeah people are. angry well I think it's good for them. really I think it's good I do I think a. little I think a little excitement. in the quad is fine I do I think it's.

fine I'm very happy about you know I. don't you. know what do they do what is this the. death to America. Club there's something funny about it. um we listen if we're g to be the. country that's all about like free. speech and all the [ __ ] we have you. know you have to you have have to. respect people's rights to do trans for.

Iran you have to you have to. support male men that are pregnant men. who support Iran they're allowed to you. can. be gay for. Iran and everyone's like well in those. countries people would they would die. I'm like yeah but PE people want to die. people want to get.

stoned people like people have a. humiliation fetish people want the. things that don't accept. them there's no fun in being gay in. Portland Maine you want to be gay in. Iran where you could get. killed you know how fun it is to suck. someone off in Iran when no one knows. because the outside of the door is your. own death you know how boring is to. choke down a [ __ ] in Portland Maine you.

can do it at dinner you can choke down a. [ __ ] in Portland Maine at a seafood. restaurant no one would say anything to. you you could suck someone off you could. take out your pink [ __ ] your little pink. [ __ ] and someone could suck it off while. it barely stayed hard and they worked it. with their hand and mouth to try to get. the [ __ ] blood flowing in your member. at a seafood restaurant and the most it. would happen to you is the fat lesbian.

who's shucking the oysters might roll. her eyes that is the most that will. happen to you there's no fun in that the. fun is being gay in Saudi Arabia where. you're literally getting sucked off. while you watch someone get beheaded for. getting sucked. off is there anything more fun than. coming while watching a beheading of. someone who's getting beheaded for. coming you feel alive we've done so much. in this country to make people.

feel you. know I don't. know whatever the term is. bored and and they have this terminal. boredom and what they're fantasizing. about is the secret police opening their. door in the middle of the night ripping. them out and going you've been a bad boy. now haven't. you and I think that's good there's. nothing wrong with it. yes it's a bit.

inconsistent. perhaps but only if you don't understand. human Nate feminists want to get punched. in the face they want to get thrown in. the back of a car and driven to the. woods of New Hampshire and and they want. their skin ripped off and they want. someone to wear it and run around that's. what it is it's not inconsistent if you. know human. nature nobody wants the thing they say. they want none of these people want a. progressive world where everybody's they.

just want to step on the throat of the. people that bother them so the people. that are running around doing trans for. Iran they don't care that Iran would. light them all on fire they just want to. Vanquish their enemy and their enemy of. the moment is uh the bagel. head matah. face that's their Enemy at the. moment people go well it's in like all. the right- wiers are like it's in. consist and some of the left Wingers you.

know the the broad and they're they're. right if they're but again if you're. taking them at their word it's. inconsistent well it's inconsist these. feminists don't care about women being. right no they don't they don't because. they don't be but they never did they. never did you took them at their word. dummy they all said we want a world. where everyone no no no no no they. wanted a hierarchy. where they were at the.

top and they think if they figure it. maybe if they figure out a way to defeat. Israel Iran will let them be. Trans in Iran maybe Iran maybe the. mullers will like go like you know. listen we were I mean we were not into. this can you imagine like 15 years from. now somebody in Iran going I mean I mean. the the pro the the strides this country. has made are amazing we have met.

because our allies were trans people. wearing uh leather harnesses and uh n95. masks in America and they came over and. defeated the Jews somehow and now they. run Iran they just want to be mullers. all of these people in the co. masks they just want to be the. mullers and what we hope is that the. mullers like their lives enough. and their power and they always do that.

they're not going to get in any type of. regional. war that will uh sacrifice their power. because the the citizens of these. countries care about the Palestinians. the governments really don't the. governments don't the Saudi Arabia the. UAE Jordan they just want money they. want. money and they don't want to do anything. that would jeopardize them getting money. money or you know their positions in the.

Middle East their power their proximity. to uh you know the type of money that. they uh are making with the United. States you know this is the reality this. but people are looking after themselves. all these regimes look after themselves. so they're not fighting Israel over this. [ __ ] they don't care. it's not their fight it is it literally.

it's not their fight now you might go. well it's a JIS and you're sure but they. don't care that's Tuesday over there. people Slaughter each other all the time. in America it is disturbing to see. people in Mass getting killed in other. places they have a higher tolerance for. that and they're not they don't it does. they have no strategic interest in. getting in this war they don't Russia's. got their own issues Russia does in. Russia's dealing with their own.

problems China's got their issue this. Israel Palestine issue is not an issue. for. everybody it's an issue for and and by. the way this is the go I'm not talking. about you do whatever you want you w to. you want to put a you know you want to. do a dance for the great I have no issue. with that voice your discontentment any. way you want I have a platform I speak. to millions of people a week and and. nothing I say matters and it never will. I money but nothing I say matters and.

nothing you say will probably matter. sorry. sorry I apologize for that it's not nice. to hear that the you know the trans for. Iran sit in will probably be forgotten. I'm not saying it's a bad thing I'm. saying the levers of power in this. country and the people that have their. hands on them aren't looking at campus. discontentment as a meter of what they. should do Israel has has exhausted. everybody everybody at the state.

department I speak to a lot of people. I'm not saying I know things you don't. but I do I don't know a lot of things. you don't but I know I speak to maybe. certain people that you don't speak to. who go everybody is exhausted right now. with Israel at to state but most people. are exhausted everybody's kind of at the. end of their rope they're at the end of. their rope a they're going. like hey hey. girl hey girl. I.

mean you know what it is it's the friend. who just won't stop with the. photos line up over there line up. everyone line up it's my day hey. hey Sasha come here come here listen. your listen your parents are getting. tired your mother is a cancer survivor. she just wants to sit down line up it's. my day we're doing photos it's it's it's. a bridezilla it's uh it's too much it's.

it's just not you. know and I know the anti-Semitism is bad. but talking about it will make it worse. please pipe down about it a little bit. because it makes it worse to keep. running your mouth about. it the. antisemitism yes yes yes there are there. are people in the world that do not like.

Jews okay several. continents that's not ideal that's not. ideal but talking about endlessly. bringing it up every it's not helping. ignore it pretend they like you pretend. they like you because they kind of like. you Saudi Arabia kind of likes you a. little not their people but their. leaders do. Qatar you.

know Jordan and Egypt are kind of like. like you don't need like this whole like. everyone in the world is against. me they're against me it it's like we. got to. change that because it's exhausting. everybody's tired of it it's tiring. you'd hate it you'd hate it if it never. ended.

so my advice is to to everybody again. let's take it. down let's take let's take we got the. Olympics come hey idiots we got the. Olympics coming up everybody better get. the. Olympics the Olympics are coming let's. be. nice you're telling me the opening. ceremony of the Olympics. if you I'm telling you right now is this.

the Winter Olympics or the summer I. really don't know what's happening yeah. right it's good. summer the Summer Olympics I was gonna. say a figure something about figure. skating but that's not going to work now. so I have to find something synchronized. swimming if Israel and Palestine do a. synchronized. swimming at the Olympics in. Paris and everybody is in R because.

everybody is we we let Beauty win we let. Beauty. win we let Beauty win we get a bunch of. hot Israelis and hot Palestinians the. ones that are left and we get them you. know good-look tan not with the huge. noses I don't love that but enough of a. nose to know where they're from right we. get them they're hot and we make them. practice together and they do. a beautiful synchronized swimming event.

at the par cu the Paris Olympics by the. way they they might scale down the. opening ceremonies because. everybody's trying to blow it. up get that article up the Emmanuel. mcon Emanuel mccrone the leader of Paris. who everyone keeps saying his wife's a. man but I don't think she is she's just. an unfortunate looking woman.

now this guy keeps going hey we're. trying to do the Olympics. here and everybody is trying to blow it. up and this is what I say to Israel I go. guys can we have a [ __ ] Olympic games. without you being nuts. please how about the hostages are. returned at the Olympics bring them at. the olyp the Olympic games Hamas comes. out with the.

hostages at the Olympics there's no. imagination anymore in this [ __ ]. world that's why nothing can ever get. done because nobody has any theatrical. uh imagination nobody understands the. the power uh of an. image and the image of the the the. imagine this the the Olympic torch. right the hostages come out with.

it. Hamas brings out the. hostages with and they and they have the. Torches and they light and they light. the Olympic. torch and it's over and it's. over and it's a century of. Peace can we get can someone try to make. that happen can some is that not if I. worked at the state department I would.

say can we do this at the. Olympics let's do it at the. Olympics get the get those tunnels open. we're here at the. Olympics you know we do it Edith PE off. uh that song you know Levan Rose or. whatever they come out at the Olympics. the hostages are eating baguettes. because it's fun because it's France. they come out to have. quas have cant they you know they look.

tough they've been in the tunnel for a. while but we get them dress them up we. have the top makeup people top people. right and of course the. Palestinian uh people uh are also have. have to be there you know they have to. be. involved and. um you're telling me it's not a powerful. moment these two countries that up until. a week. ago were literally all they wanted was. the other one to be dead now the Israeli.

hostages are out and they they would in. Ohio somewhere in Ohio you would hear. the you would hear you I always do the. southern accent it's not Ohio but you go. honey you're not going to believe this. get in here what come here I don't like. the. Olympics I'm watching my psychic program. come in here now fine. they got the Israeli hostages are at.

there at the. Olympics what remember the hostages that. were in the tunnel they're at the. Olympics what's in their hands. bagets why cuz it's [ __ ] France this. is [ __ ]. nuts all right anything else. no people around the country would. believe in magic again there is n just. one way to celebrate 420 and there isn't.

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weather is getting wild climate change. is out and about it is raining it is. windy cars are blowing all over the. highway people are smashing them up and. what are they doing they're leaving. money on the table they're leaving money. on the table because they don't know who. to call do you call Ghostbusters no you. don't no you don't no you don't you call. Morgan and Morgan they're America's. largest injury Law Firm they have 100. offices Nationwide more than a thousand. lawyers with over2 billion do recovered. for over 500 thousand clients Morgan and. Morgan has a proven track record of.

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this is a paid advertisement I want to I. want to do a I want to shout out my my. girls my gals my plus-size Park Hoppers. I've talked about them on patreon um. there are four morbidly obese women who. review restaurants at Disney world to. see if they can fit really I mean they. go down they they look at the plans you. know they look at the blueprints of the. restaurants they're talking about the. beams. you know they go there they're talking.

about uh you know what's a loadbearing. column and what's not and people are mad. at them because uh there's a whole genre. of the internet now where fat people are. cringe and then people get mad at them. they like stop eating. pizza that's a whole genre it's a whole. column of online Behavior now is like. someone who's 700. pounds dipping a a garlic bread stick. into something and then like a million.

comments sort of like you're gonna die. stop doing. it from people that are slightly less. fat no I support these women by the way. these are the only people that ever. should be at Disney world no one should. be at Disney World um if you take your. kids to Disney World do it one time if. you do it all the time you have no. imagination you're disgusting and you. should have your kids taken by CPS the. dumbest least interesting people I know. constantly bring their kids to Disney. World to get molested by the characters.

you take them one time take them when. they're five if they ask to go back we. don't do that you know why because Mom. and Dad have brains so we've plannned. vacations where we can learn a little. something too okay it's not all going to. be big puppets and uh people dressed in. costumes we're going to go to different. places and different countries and we're. going to learn so Disney World should be. filled with morbidly obese singles slide. into booths eating buffalo wild wings.

level. food and watching fireworks displays. while they. digest what I like about the plus-size. Park Hoppers is they go to each. restaurant and they tell you if you can. fit in. it after that they then review the food. but this one they didn't fit in usually. they fit in it and when they fit in it. they actually are quite kind they're. like Jessica got the bread sticks they. were really warm and good they came with.

a spicy dipping sauce that was a little. too spicy for me but it balanced really. well with the Caesar salad that was. served in an aago cheese Bowl I ate the. entire bowl while no one was looking and. it felt really good the next course we. had was the pot roast that came like in. a traditional 1950s Style pot there was. not enough Jew and the meat was a little. dry but I still choked it down with a. strawberry milkshake which I got from. another restaurant and I kept with me.

for most of the day even though it was. warm it provided the lubrication I. needed to get the pot roast down my. throat then I ate a churro I found on. the floor 15 M&M's and then I let like. so now the plus-size Park Hoppers are. unhappy they're unhappy. now they don't fit in this restaurant so. they get very nasty about the food. here's what you have to remember about. the plus pork opers all of the food in. Disney World is bad like everything in.

Disney it's bad it's bad the rides. aren't even good nothing's good the. reason you think it's good is because. you're stupid that's why you think it's. good even if you have children you. should be rolling your eyes your kids. should be happy you should take a few. I'm not a heartless person the kid. should be happy the Mickey Mouse hugs. your son or daughter or your non-binary. child and you take a photo of them and. you're happy but that should last a few. minutes and then you should go it's hot. lines it's.

gross immediately if like anyone's like. this is the most magical place in the. world anyone who says that I want so far. away from me I want so far away from me. when anyone says I have a friend who I. actually really like him and his wife go. to Disney World they go on Disney. Cruises I I think there's something. wrong with them they have a beautiful. family I love this guy he's like a. brother to be growing up but him and his. wife they said it the other day they're. like we're going to Disney again they. keep going to Disney World they go on. the Cruis they will not leave their.

house unless Disney World is involved. Disney Picks Them Up in a shuttle it Fly. there's Disney planes there's Disney. Fairies they don't do anything that's. not Disney everything is Disney World. they are they and it to me it is it is. disgusting it is disgusting you should. be teaching your children about culture. about the world you take them to. Scandinavia you take them to places like. that you take them to Europe you take.

them to uh China you you do not. continually keep taking them to the. [ __ ] Magic Kingdom you go to Epcot. take them to France don't take them to. Epcot plus siiz Park coers let's see. them get mean trying to eat at the. quietest restaurant on Disney property. but you weren't sure if you'd fit hey. everyone we're plus eyes Park hoers and. we range in sizes from 2x to 5x make. sure you like this video and follow us. for more plus-size Disney tips and. tricks on this episode of if I fits iits. we visit sci-fi dining in Hollywood.

Studios this restaurant takes you back. in time to a 1950s Drive-In where you. dine Under the Stars while watching. short sci-fi Clips the seating at this. restaurant is a mixture of picnic tables. car booths and cars with tables in it. let us start out by saying that the. Ambiance here is a 10 out of 10 we were. initially seated at a car booth and we. fit but it was a tight squeeze so we. opted for a picnic table it also would. have been super awkward as a Party of. Three as there are two people people per. row Ashley would have had to sit behind. us and it would be pretty difficult to.

talk to her unfortunately these booths. are not adjustable picnic tables were. fine but they were picnic tables I would. like to note that the picnic table. chairs cannot be moved the menu here is. pretty small with mostly Burger options. lady and I started out with the. milkshakes they kind of tasted like a. frosty but not as good Ashley and I got. the black garlic Caesar salad I couldn't. taste any garlic over all of the salt on. the lettuce and the lettuce was bitter. then Ashley got the Bon Me Burger the. whole Burger was soggy and the flavor. was lackluster I got the classic.

American Burger which I actually really. liked and the sauce on the side was. delicious I liked this much better than. the salad the chicken citrus salad and. also found her salad to be salty like. literal flakes you guys are salty cuz. you didn't F have you been dying to eat. at. the I love my girls my plus-size Park. Hoppers that's exact by the way it's so. funny to watch the Disney people get mad. in the comments it's like that's this is. what do you think it is what do you.

think it is who do you think should be. there. okay somebody goes it's very sad four. beautiful young girls like you instead. of taking care of yourselves decide to. create an Instagram account to review. among other things if you can fit in. restaurants of Disney Parks come on you. were in the best moment of your life. take advantage of your passion for parks. and try to enjoy them being more fit. healthy instead of this so he's more. insane than them do you see how the. comic is more crazy than them take your. passion for Parks they're [ __ ] adults.

they're adults there's people in the. park it's based off a cricket the guy. that started it was a Nazi he was a. Nazi and people are walking around it's. like he's crazier than they are you. should be enjoying these Parks W uh as a. fit. person what imagine getting in great. shape and then going to Disney World. like going. back now I only eat a quarter of the.

[ __ ] burger at the [ __ ] pedophile. nazil land it's a horrible Place anyone. who likes Disney World and I want them. so far away from. me I love this article I read that the. cool ant stereotype study finds ants. play a critical support role to lgbtq. youth let's talk about this cool ant. thing for a little bit because I have a. lot to say about this by the way. um cuz it dovetails into a lot of what I.

talk about which. is kind of. this reverse. engineering uh people who actually have. very very tragic lives into uh these. folk Heroes. okay you know my friend had a cool ant. her name was Aunt. Deb okay she was single she had a. leather jacket she drank and smoked. cigarettes all day when you're 13 we. thought she was the best she had this. guy she was kind of in and out of a.

relationship with okay she would list to. Fleetwood Mac real loud and she would. smoke cigarettes on her toilet and we. thought that was great she'd get high in. her backyard and she'd get in the hot. tub okay and she'd blast the song Dreams. by Fleetwood Mack when the rain washes. you clean your. no thunder only happens when it's. raining. and she would just smoke her butt and. she would just dance at this bar called.

the Irish Circle players only love you. when they're. playing and we'd go what a cool anunt. here's what it really was she was living. in hell she was. living players only love you when. they're. playing drink and drive you have no kids. to.

kill go home and take that bottle of. pills so this uh this idea this cool an. we invented this term to like make. people's. lives less terrible and by the way. there's nothing wrong with it either. because not everybody's GNA have I mean. everybody's life has a degree of tragedy. some more than others but this cool ant. that we never care about really it's uh.

we we no one checks on her nobody checks. on the cool. ant hey are you okay no one says that no. one says that to the cool ant the cool. ant is just kind of. there to to be cool you can sneak a. cigarette with your cool ant you could. tell your cool ant you suck someone off. at the park you're cool. you can I suck someone off at the park.

yeah if I had a dollar for everyone I. sucked off in the. park when the rain washes you clean. you'll know every cool aunt listens to. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac while fisting. herself every cool ant is in her bed. with a vibrator listening to Dreams by. Fleetwood Mac the room smells like weed. every cool ant when the rain washes you.

clean your. no thunder only happens when it's. raining every cool aun shows up to the. wedding a little late cuz she she put on. a nice Buzz the night before she put on. a nice Buzz the night before every cool. aunt has a story of like her best friend. killing thems or something they always. have like a locket or something and. she's like that's my friend Sarah she.

was my best friend she was going to be a. ballerina she killed herself she's dead. now but on fle would. me we saw Fleet with ma together and. then Sarah drove home and she was hit by. a drunk that's why I drive drunk to dull. the pain every cool ant's best friend. was murder murdered in front of. her she always has some quasi lesbo.

relationship with a woman who was. beheaded in front of her that was I had. an Aunt Jen she said pills she like asks. for money for drugs she was the cool ant. she like now like they've taken her. children you know what I mean like the. go the government comes into her house. with battering rams now she was a cool. ant she was cool you could tell her. anything we can tell her anything. now she's like like all of her kids are.

trans She Made Them All Trans she like. told them they were trans she's like. you're all trans a mommy loves her trans. babies when the rain washes you. clean thunder only happens when it's. raining my kids are all trans there's no. explaining. [Music]. the teachers called CPS on me they.

call this is The Natural end of the cool. ant The Natural end of the cool ant I. didn't and who faked her own death I. mean I'm not even gonna go through this. I'm just saying it's. funny what does this article say ants. play a surprisingly critical role in. supporting lgbtq. youth by the way aren't most and I don't. want to sound indelicate or offensive to. people people I know people have real. problems out there but at this point.

aren't a lot of lgbtq outside of very. religious families or stuff for people. you know people that don't like you but. it you know like it's not just your cool. aunt anymore I mean there there is more. acceptance than just a cool aunt the. researchers interviewed 83 uh lgbtq. youth in South Texas and the Inland. Empire of California who reported. ambivalence or low support from their. parents regarding their. identity of those mentioned 38 mentioned. their ants ask to identify their most. supportive nonparental yeah cuz your. aunt doesn't care what you do nor should.

they here's the deal if you come out as. gay and your parents hate you they're. their pieces of [ __ ] if you come out as. trans and your parents hate you like. really trans uh then their pieces of. [ __ ] um or maybe they just need some. time but if you're going to be one of. these people who's you know constantly. confusing everyone with 18 identities. every other minute you can't expect. everybody to validate and confirm you. all the time you know and I think maybe. this is what they're they're running.

into here you know I don't know I'm sure. there are people that come out go I'm. gay and their parents don't like. them and their aunt's. like you know one of my friends is gay. his name is Jimmy they're always kind of. drunk your aunt they always kind of have. like a a neurological disorder a little. bit the way when it comes out when they. drink they kind of like start to have. like Ms a little when they drink and all. the cool ants are like they always have.

like a um they're always like wise they. they think they're like wise beyond. their ears you know what I mean have. like an old car but it's cool it smells. like. sigs my friend Jimmy was gay he's. dead he died on the beach no one knows. how you want to go to a movie with. me your mother was always different than. I was real prom queen. type I like my job at the local paper I.

write the. obituaries my friend Jimmy was gay he. was in a relationship with his own. father I. mean you could just tell how much it. meant for them to have this adult family. member this Aunt who saw them for who. they were love them for who they are and. will do anything for them. I think we often miss this because so. much research focuses on the parent.

child dynamic or parents rejecting their. child we're missing that they're. actually adult family members such as. ants who are deeply supporting and. loving by the way totally agree that. there's I I think we got to get moved. beyond the parent move beyond the ant. how about the. boss how about the. boss how about little. capitalism capitalism. here oh if you're a killer at your job. they don't care care who you [ __ ] how. about. that how about.

that you. know how about that Define Yourself by. what you do not who you are be a unit of. production stop with people accepting. you first of all guys can we stop with. this crap people accepting you and. validating you it's like like I don't. know what H when I was growing up. literally it was the everybody was like.

be who you are and if people aren't on. board with that [ __ ] them you can be an. individual then it became like somewhere. it became like this it became like your. job is to convince everyone that lives. on this Earth to vocally support you at. all times and you're like well that. sounds exhausting and. counterproductive that sounds like odd. they're like no it's literally your job. to make everybody around you believe the.

things you. believe the job of a. coolant okay is to present an option for. you that life is an option there's worse. lives there's getting your hijab ripped. off in Iran and getting acid thrown in. your face that's much worse than being. the cool an the cool an's an option her. job is to present that option when you. are a teenager all the friends that you. have that are adults are there to.

present an option of how to live you can. be like Mommy you can be like Daddy you. can be like Aunt. Jolene you can be like your cousin that. soccer. Dyke at the state school who's a little. too pepped up all the time and happy. she's really in the we we had Red Red. Knight blue Knight red team blue team. and I was on the blue team and then last. year I was on the red team and it's. really fun cuz we all get involved we.

all play sports we all drink and I eat. [ __ ] and I drink all the time and. everything's about being on a sports. team and doing Games and Fun Stuff don't. you want to go to the [ __ ] recck. Center and party I hope I never leave. school be like me my name is. Christa my name is Christa I have frizzy. hair in a big bush I pretend to like. [ __ ] you can be her can be her if you. want. or you can be Ant Deb when the rain.

washes you clean your that's one we had. another ant Deb who was not a cool aunt. who I kind of liked a little better. whose husband divorced her and she lived. in a big house Upstate and she was. terrifying she was kind of like um like. I don't know she had like a side show. Bob energy and she. um she would just open the door if me. and her kids were there like we have. sleepover she'd just open the door and. and she would just she would just go go.

to sleep shut your mouth shut your mouth. go to sleep she would say to like. gritted teeth she go shut go to sleep. shut. up and her sister lived across the. street and she had more money so she. like hated her a little bit but she. didn't but she like resented her. shleep everybody's going to sleep. now the day is over she just to say it. the day is over but um so that's the job.

the job of any cool ant is to present to. you an option for how you can live when. you're 14 and you're looking around at. the world you're like all right there's. people that are rich there's people that. are happy there's people that are broke. and happy and Rich and miserable there's. people that are deadly serious about. everything there's people that are kind. of goofy and clownish there's people. that seem to have secrets and they're. mysterious and they have layers some of. those people actually have those things. many of them are just very boring you. realize at later some of the secret. mysterious people are actually just. incredibly dull you learn that as you.

grow up in life you're like oh no I. thought you were cooler you were spy. it's like they're not no. spy um and it's all options and you take. it all in as a child and. um you know you take it all in but the. cool aunt is is an option she goes this. is what happens if you allow a song to. be can you get that non-copyrighted is. there any way I I can try. the cool an is if you allow the song. Dreams from Fleetwood Mac to become your.

personality in. life okay a coolant is about a Sunday. 4:30 p.m. Vibe she's got a. margarita she's at a bar she's tan she's. a little chunky she's having a few pops. she's having a few pops maybe she's got. a burger with some potato chips not. fries is a wild card she likes chips. with the.

burger. okay it's every cool ant it's the song. Dreams by Fleetwood. Mac is this real could this be real no. copyright no these are all like techno. versions we'll get dinked really hard I. mean I know if we play Dreams by. Fleetwood Mac right now here's what'll. happen YouTube will run in this studio. and they will kill me everyone that. visits me in in any of the places that. I've ever lived has always said why are. these mattresses so comfortable I go. it's a helix midnight Deluxe it's the.

best mattress in America mattress. shopping is literally the most insane. thing you can ever do you walk through a. half abandoned Mall hope somebody there. is not a Looney Tune go to a mattress. store and some freak watches you sleep. okay you want to lay down in front of a. bunch of strangers or do you want to. just take the Helix quiz find out which. bed is best for you okay my family. constantly calls me and goes what was. that bed I go it's a helix and then. they're like you have a promo code and I. give it to them because nothing's enough. for these people but I'll tell you this.

Helix genuinely is the best mattress you. can get everybody loves it I advertise a. lot of products on this show Helix is. the one that most consistently people in. my real life have asked me about because. they have exposure to it because it's a. bed and all of uh the beds I have are. Helix beds I'm telling you it's a 20. second quiz it's not that long they find. out what kind of sleeper you are and. they they basically design the best. mattress for you and they're offering. 20% off all mattress orders and two free.

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restrictions apply to website for. details and important safety information. subscription required price varies based. on product and subscription plan can you. get the lyrics up the lyrics of Dreams. by Fleetwood Mac are all cool ants all. cool ants are Irish no matter what. nationality they are they're all Irish. they're deeply tragic and they like to. party folks when I read this when I read. these [ __ ] lyricss this is every. cooland now now here you go again you. say you want your freedom well who am I.

to keep you down it's only right that. you should play it the way you feel it. but listen carefully to the sound of. your loneliness like a heartbeat drives. you mad in the Stillness of remembering. what you had and what you lost and what. you had and what you lost thunder only. happens when it's raining players only. love you when they're playing say women. they will come and they will go when the. rain washes you clean you'll know so.

this is the anthem of the. cooland she puts it on in her car back. then they used to drive uh you know fun. cars I don't know what they would drive. now I don't know what the cool ants. would drive now I had a friend she had a. cool aunt Nam Aunt Ally they all have. names like that an ally and they're all. fun and then sometimes the cool ants. have kids and they change. but the real cool aunt can't have a kid.

she has to go It Alone she has to stare. down death alone it is what she has. chosen to do the cool ant must stare. down the Spectre of her mortality. alone she. must it is her calling it is her calling. to stare down she must smoke a joint she. must have a friend named Fran or.

Darlene and this person must accompany. her to the local. hole the local Gin Mill the local Blood. box they must knock them back she must. talk about her family the cool aunt has. a lot of opinions about the family she's. been [ __ ] over she didn't get what she. had coming to her. no one took care of dad like the cool. aunt dad always loved her and she should.

have got more than she did you know. she'll talk about the man who got. away she'll talk about that man the. cooland always had one great love and. that. man didn't stick around he's. gone she loves her nieces and nephews of. course she's the cool aunt that come out. to her they go I'm nonbinary goes good. for you she goes I read an article about. that I'm cool with it sounds cool to.

me and she'll just scr around looking. for a lighter maybe she's vaping now. cool an. Vape they Vape you know she goes you got. to do what makes you happy gotta do what. makes you. happy and she's not. wrong but she's wrong do you understand. that you understand that out there you. should do whates makes you happy to a. point to a point everything's to a point.

Israel you should do what makes you. happy to a point you can't always do. what makes you. happy so whether that's you know. chocolate cake for breakfast little. champagne in the afternoon a boozy lunch. with your friend. Tara you. know pretending you have breast cancer. to get attention during Christmas. Christmas or invading Rafa and killing. another 20,000 people whatever you want.

to do you can't always do it can but I. got a lot to say about the cool the. cooland was a big part of my life big. part of the lives of me and all my. friends they are there to give and your. kids should know them your kids should. know them and they should know you. should say to them you can live like. that you can live like that if you. want you can live the way she does you. can live the way she. does she doesn't get anywhere on time.

your aunt I love your aunt but she. doesn't get anywhere on time she chooses. herself of course she's seen the best. concerts the cool anunt always sees the. best concerts she doesn't have anything. else to do she looks like she has more. money because she's got no one to spend. it on she goes on Great Vacations your. cool aunt with her friends and they burn. their melanoma skinin Burns in the hot. Puerto Rican. son she's always somewhere tropical you.

cool aunt and she'll tell you she'll. tell. you I just got back from Puerto Rico. with my girlfriend. we she has the freedom you think you. want as a. child the freedom you think you need the. freedom that will make everything okay. she could smoke drink do whatever she. wants she's got a fun little. condo in a little community of.

condos she tells you it's added 70,000. in value in the past 36 months she's. happy about that she has something. called equity in her condo she talks. about it as she lights another. stick she does everything you wish you. could do but as you get. older you see her as kind of a samurai. sort like she's a monk she's a religious. fig the cool an's a religious figure. she's got a religion and she does.

exactly everything she's supposed to. do that's what's so interesting about. life as you get older you realize that. people are actually doing everything. they're supposed to do no one's. actually no one's that Morgan and Morgan. there it is there it comes look at. that and if your aunt hits someone in. her car and she will you call Morgan and. Morgan. but people are predictable. this is interesting about life this is. simply why life cannot go on forever by.

the way because you notice the. predictability the patterns you know if. you want to live to 300 you be sitting. here be going Israel can you believe it. they're at it again they're at it again. they're firing L they're going to be. firing. lasers when the weapons get so Advanced. they're going to be uh teleporting into. the place people from Gaza will be. teleporting into is Israel blowing. themselves up come on now come.

on I'm just saying people are. predictable things get predict you start. noticing the patterns in the simulation. little Truman Show these articles I love. these articles the cool ants there for. the lgbtq Youth good but don't forget. about her and her. needs the cool. ant but you do actually have to forget. about her and her. nudes that's the fun of it you actually. do you actually do because she's locked.

herself up she's constructed her own. prison and lives in it quite happily. quite happily she doesn't know any other. way she doesn't know anything. else I love all the cool ants out there. pour one out for them pour glass of. Santa. Margarita poor glass of Santa Margarita. Pino ggio out for the cool ant light a. marro light for the cool ant okay buy a. k for the cool ant. drive 75 on a highway well you listening. to a little uh well you listen to a song.

Good by Los Lobos for the cool. ant listen to the song Good by Los Lobos. isn't it Los Lobos Los Lonely Boys or L. Loos the coolant loves L Loos but what. the song good oh Better Than Ezra Better. Than Ezra you listen to the song Good by. Better Than Ezra for the. cooland. okay I I'm telling you right right now I. might put together a cool ant mixtape in.

anthology Dreams by Fleetwood Mac good. by Better Than Ezra low slow BOS or L. Lonely Boys or. whatever. um. uh. uh a Dave Matthews song but I can't. figure which. one maybe. Crush um Lisa L's on there I can I can't. pay attention to. the any.

anywh understand if you really care only. hear but the cool aunt likes she likes a. party. song because life is a party until it's. not and here's the deal she's an. isolated woman but she's proud she's. tough and if she comes at you she lashes. out she lashes out and she shows her. teeth she's damaged your mother your. mother said a few things and the cool.

aunt goes right to her throat your. mother will cry and walk inside because. she's had an argument with the cool an. okay and Israel's kind of that cool aunt. right now she's kind of that cool aunt. she's increasingly isolated she's. smoking her sigs she's listenting a. fleet with Mac she's driving on the. highway and she's going to get there a. little late and she's going to kill. every everyone when she. does and all I'm saying to.

Israel is it's. Christmas. okay sometimes you got to put down the. sword walk in look at everyone around. the by the way imagine the people that. like really believe this is like a new. like a new show like people do watch. this like it's a new I would just I hope. it's shown to like other country cuz. it's just cuz I was in Europe watching. BBC news and it's just like there were. 14 people killed last hour by air strike.

it's so exact and then there like. there's this but it's it's true Israel. right now has cool ant Vibes but it's. too. much because we're all starting to go. like hey hey girl girl I know you got. your pain I know you got a pain I know. your friend killed. herself but you can't can't use that as. an excuse to constantly brutalize.

mom you guys got to get along stop. biting your cheek stop biting your cheek. it's not going to get better stop. putting the sandwich in so. far keep hurting your. mouth you have a big fat cheek you keep. biting it it's not nice you keep using. that uh that mouthwash it says it's from. mouth source does that even help no one. knows this is what I mean and all we've.

got left is the Olympics I fear I fear. if it's a wasted opportunity we're not. going to get it back we'll have to wait. four. years all we've got left is a. well-coordinated. ceasefire to be celebrated at the. Olympics with a. ceremony where. Israel and Palestine can [ __ ] put. down the S when people can just be.

people. again a great showing of sport it's what. we need it's what we need it's what the. world needs you know I've been vocal in. the past and I've said things like I. don't think the Olympics are going to. get people to. really abandon their bad feelings. there's a lot of people out there that. you. know are you know they're not you know. there's a lot of like you know it's a. genocide and we're not going to forget.

it and we're going to keep. fighting but there I think there are. those people that like me are I'm very. susceptible to the emotional. appeal you know like an like an. emotional. moment and if you. have an Israeli. hostage little. child lighting the torch. with a Palestinian who has like one arm. because of the. rocket a one armed Palestinian baby.

little toddler and an Israeli. toddler and they. light and it would help if the Israeli. had an one arm as well to be. honest I'm not saying take the arm off. but F let's find we can do it let's. find two children that have one. arm if you see two an isra at. Palestinian Toler and they each have one. arm and they're holding those arms.

together and there's an Olympic. torch and you. don't tear up a little bit you're a sick. [ __ ] because that type of thing that'll. make the hardest [ __ ] you know weep. that'll make the cool ant. weep and she'll show it to people that's. the things cool ants do. should be remember the Olympics in 2024. in.

France because you'll be like you'll be. like you know like Todd doesn't really. like me anymore he doesn't even want to. talk to me and your cool an goes listen. listen don't worry about that they were. these countries called Israel and. Palestine and they hated each other. Palestine kidnapped a bunch of israelies. and raped them and then Israel killed. like a bunch of their people and then. there was the Olympics and a one-armed. Palestinian child and a one-armed. Israeli lit the [ __ ] torch and.

everybody looked at them and realized. the most important thing that life is. [ __ ] and we all just got to make the. best of. it and you're gonna be like [ __ ] my aunt. is the smartest person that I've ever. met in my whole entire life and then. later on that night your mother will. tell you you know she lives in her car.