Episode 152 - Feral

and now Tim Dylan is going to have. [Music]. welcome to Tim Dylan's going to hell. everybody it's a nighttime podcast right. here in Los Angeles California Devon.

cost is back it's great to be back how. long were you gone oh like a week and a. half I think road trip road trip moving. my girlfriend out to LA from Dallas. driving back with her car that broke. down what kind of car. it's a Mazda cx-7 2008 her aunt like. David herbes or daughter's car yeah. so they got we got some work done on it. like like just for like take it in like. is it okay for a road trip or theme.

charges like $40.00 through a radiator. flush also [ __ ] that's a lot you know. $400 yeah that's a lot it's fine they. say it's fine. within half a mile of driving it back to. her place the engine starts smoking we. have to pull it over we get a tow truck. driver to come out from Allstate they. only you know have tow truck drivers. from like Saudi Arabia that drankin. grunts like yeah buddy knows what's. going on yeah we have him take it back. to the same mechanic but even though I'm. like I don't know I feel like they. [ __ ] us since they just worked on yeah.

and it broke we get back to the next. morning tires flat the tow truck driver. just popped one of the tires just. because I didn't care about you know. tying it up right onto the [ __ ] tow. truck it was just an endless thing then. they charged us eight hundred dollars. for an air conditioning compressor and. and then we're like having when you when. you when you when you're on the side of. the road and you're [ __ ] you treated. worse than a pedophile who's like caught. in a schoolyard it really it when you.

were treated like you are when you're on. the side of the road you're at your most. vulnerable and helpless yep when you. were in this Long Island Mafia owned tow. truck company's owned the parkways right. so Oh Triple A will tell you they're. like we don't we'll reimburse you but we. don't even go on the North East we don't. even do that so you call Johnny and. Vinny's our removal yeah Johnny's towing. and. hook you up and some guy pulls up he's a.

guy how you dawn my friend let me his. car once a lot of people lend me their. cars their homes things like that right. and I expected the things you lend me to. be in good condition mm-hmm that's the. reality. yeah who are lending me Yeah right car. this [ __ ]. lend it to me and the thing breaks down. and I call him up and I screaming them I. go in now when this happens to you do. you look at the girlfriend do you start. going wild I just. I mean well no cuz she would freak out. right so if I like started like.

complaining too much being myself alone. oh my god it's [ __ ] yeah it's over. I'm just screaming at the tow truck. driver I'm screaming at the mechanic so. yeah I'm gonna pretend that they [ __ ]. with it and I know you're up to. something and Chile with her around I. have to be like diplomatic a little bit. I have to pretend I know anything about. cars. yeah radiators I don't know I try to get. in with the tow truck people and I go. let's I'll get in on a scam I'll break. more of the car just cut me in tell me. what I need to do once it gets to that. level you're it's like you're in debt to.

the car la cosa nostra like you're it's. like the Mafia they have you by the. balls you need to get around ya and they. control you having transportation I. don't want to buy a car here I've been. in LA about a week and I'm burring and. uber costs money if you're going all. over the place and I spent $80 the other. night on uber to perform at a coffee. house ok 80 I spent $30 to go to Santa. Monica welcome to LA men I make 10. I got venmo $10 which is worse than. nothing it is worse you'd rather get.

nothing you get ven mode me ten then my. friend guilted me she goes you said you. would do our show too so I said okay and. then I got in a 30 minute 45 dollar uber. all the way to the east side wherever. the [ __ ] they took up coffee house I'm. gonna go bankrupt doing comedy here like. I'm gonna I'm spending more money right. getting to the place that you're getting. from the comedy and it's bad yeah you're.

also your self-esteem is just I got and. here's the problem you gotta watch out. for who books you here this is certain. and I don't want to offend anyone here. but here's the reality of what is going. on do you know have you seen like a. horror movie or like the walking dead or. bird box or any of these zombie movies. these post-apocalyptic movies where like. everybody gets a disease right and. there's always a scene in the movie.

where a guy should you know like eight. people that haven't been turned into. zombies holed up somewhere and then. somebody comes into the thing and. they're trying to figure out like is. this person fearow. right have they been bit you can't say. so this is the thing when you get booked. on a show you stucco so I look at this. one comic she books me she was ham a fan. I got two shows for ya so I said okay. really cool then I look at her Facebook. and I see her Facebook profile has every. club she's ever worked at like Ryan. comedian at Comedy Store comedian at. improv comedian at flatbreads comedian.

at desk right Medianet haha comedian at. so immediately as soon as I see that I. go she's been bit. she's fear she's fear she's fear which. means she's mentally ill she's no longer. with us. yeah he's no longer healthy she's no. longer fighting the good fight she's. been bit she's she has the disease has. the disease she's got the itch yeah real. bad so I'm a little skeptical of the. show but I figure it's probably just a. regular shitty show right that this song.

people yeah that this zombie has booked. me on because that's what comedians who. don't succeed become zombies because. they're running on an operating system. and it isn't human right and not human. anymore right you're not having human. feelings in in around I don't know. you're out there in the [ __ ] so I. show up to this lounge in the Studio. City at seven [ __ ] p.m. it's today. it's the day and it's a lounge okay I go. in and there's a there's a bouncer there.

and he goes hey man he puts his hand up. like woah like where yeah where do you. think you're going like who the [ __ ] are. you immediately I know it's a problem he. goes are you audience or you on the show. and I'm like I'm on the show and you. guys all right what's your name goes. write it down so I write it down and. then I swear to God he goes ledge. Blee so I write it down again are you. yeah more legibly and he goes did you.

get a chance to share the flyer the guy. at the door asked this to me the flyer. where my name is spelled wrong and the. flyer that is also advertising seven. weeks of upcoming shows with other. headline okay that flyer he would have. liked me to promote write their entire. operation and I said yeah I think i. retweeted it he thought for a minute he. thought for a minute and then that was. apparently okay and he goes like this he. goes okay so I made it past him. so I go in I go into this [ __ ].

dungeon there I look around well we. can't do that now we have the video. everyone knows but I don't smoke and I. will say this we are sponsored by. Marlboro Lights Marlboro Lights they're. not just for Asians but Asians love them. and I think that's a smart EDM it is. they should do that I walk in this. lounge and I look around at everybody. that's there and it's it's it's clearly. people that are not they're not audience.

they're all comedians and they're all. unwell you can see them it's just people. that are just starting. you're right they think this is their. mom right red it's not a cool mic it. ain't hit yeah tell these aren't the. kids who think these people are and then. I look at the woman who booked me and I. can just tell I look I take a quick look. at her and she's thrilled she smiling. everybody showed up was she's she's. theorem she's been a big so she's. thrilled she's happy and she's smiling.

and I say oh she's a zombie. she's assumption now I gotta talk to. this Searles ahhmm be who was bitten by. the bug of delusion and everything else. so should I say where I go hi uh is this. an open mic like just lets Jesus she. goes no it's a book show she goes but. it's all comics in the audience and I'm. like that's a that's a mic but I don't. say that tonight you can because she's.

been bit so I don't want her to bite me. I don't want whatever is infected her to. infect me that's why you can't. spend time with losers people think I'm. being mean when I say that know it you. catch it right you catch user yeah these. people yeah so then I see a girl that I. love who's a brilliant comic who's. sitting at the bar who's really good. who's had a rough go of it right and I. walk up to her I approach her carefully. because I don't know if she's been bit. either but it don't look good doesn't.

look good doesn't look good right she. looks fine from the outside you can't. see the scales yeah I can't see the. bulging veins and the bluish skin you. can't see the vacant look in her eyes. and you can't see the blood dripping. from her mouth because she's just out of. fresh kill so so I see her sitting at. the bar and I'm like well she's she's. okay right I mean I knew her she looks. how she just looked when I knew her. right I walk over to her and I go hey.

how are you and I say is this an open. mic and I swear to Christ she put her. hand on my shoulder and she looked at me. she goes honey we're in half and then. she goes you want to see the dresses I. bought and she opens a bag and starts. pulling out dresses which were. disgusting and I mean I'm not a. fashionista but they were like [ __ ]. Brown uh-huh they were not good yeah. this was not a rodeo spree.

she was on these were probably dresses. of people who she bit and she's drinking. a milk glass of scotch and she then and. and then actually show me the dresses I. just back away slowly right back away. slowly yeah like you fight a gun I would. have the gun on everybody as I back away. like not make I'm looking there we're. not making eye contact. I finally get in an uber and I get the. [ __ ] out of there and then this con tu. booked me messages me on Instagram she's. like uh what about that other show I had. you booked on him like well what's the.

deal with that one she looks two. different shows yeah because I still. she's like oh don't worry I already. booked it and then I wanted to go off on. her tell it what she was about right but. then I said Nana Nana Nana blocker. yes blocker yeah yeah get her out yeah. yeah Eric don't send her a message that. she's gonna then publicize these people. are like they're like mediums that talk. to ghosts except the ghost. are there shows and their career in. comedy people don't even be cannot even. begin to understand the human tragedy. that is comedy it's unbelievable most of.

the shows there like pranks is this. jackass like what does color cameras. around I like to do this to me I don't. care where you work I don't care if you. work in a cancer ward of Sick Children. there is nothing sadder than what this. is I don't care if every day you have to. walk into a room and tell a bunch of. parents it's his last warning go on in. there and kiss him that is much more.

uplifting yeah then dealing with the. fear oh yeah. zombies that walk the earth in hell it's. like we just saw this great play the. ferryman in New York City and man I wish. I had that quote from the Greek. mythology or something where the guy. goes and there's just these thousand. souls Hades won't even take him on the. river across to like owl or whatever. uh-huh there's these thousand souls they. just walked the earth. undead looking waiting for the ferryman. and I'm like oh [ __ ] I know them all. yeah I know those people I got him in my.

phone and you gotta be nice but no it's. okay just I can't show up because of. this or that you can't just say like. you're an absolute sociopathic maniac. I'm not saying that I am [ __ ] you. know I like anything that should be. respected whatever I'm saying if you. have a show tonight I walked through. show to a four people that right and I. said we're not doing this right now. cousin they looked at me like I was. insane. right no see it doesn't matter who you.

are it matters that you're a human being. that deserves human respect. yes Quinn and for whatever reason the. minute you say you do stand up people. are just like no it's okay you'll come. you do stand-up in my bathroom to my you. know I was in it right you come come do. stand-up in my bathroom Cody in the top. um I was in uber the other day going you. know taking another $70 uber I just. around I like the uber guy goes yeah in. the comedy business and I'm like because.

I was talking to him on the phone. yeah yeah yeah I was it was you know I. always want to get in that older guy. older guy that white guy like you know. that you know like someone's fun uncle. who ain't that fun you know what I mean. yeah that guy. yeah and he's Akeno I always want again. it seems like it takes so much balls to. just get up there and as he says that I. just put my headphones in and I just. press play. I just went out I just stopped I said I.

can't do it I can't even engage this guy. conversation about what an utter. nightmare I mean just and that's for his. own sake I mean you know like you would. just be so unbearably just he goes it's. got to take a lot when there's a lot of. people in the audience I said well. there's no one in the audience sir lucky. for you there's no one here everyone in. the audience wants to get on the stage. they're just waiting to get on the stage. yeah yeah it's a [ __ ] that's a bunch. of people making fliers and I was just.

there yes and you know windows movie. maker they're making a really good flier. but the flyer yeah they put a movie. scene that they love that they couldn't. she do a fake show that never happens. and just make a big flaw is it a glossy. flyer there was a whole year in LA where. I just posted that I was on shows yeah. no one no I would just say like I'm on. laugh tub tonight 9:00 p.m. check it out. come I would cancel Mike's I bit Mike's. cancelled yeah I would not show up he'll. just have control it's all a farce it's.

all insane it's completely they are. wandering the earth souls that can't get. into heaven or hell awaiting the. ferryman that just won the Tony for Best. Play that's what it is they are they are. just damaged it's not even cute it's. really not if you're not performing a. club it's embarrassing now yeah people. gone I'm having my four year anniversary. show and we're doing it in the back of a. truck and we're opening up the truck it. would do it's a pop-up show in the back.

of a truck going down the 405 and it's. the four year anniversary I walk into. some of these shows I'm like you've been. doing this three years you're admitting. it and you're having an anniversary. how about yet get married and have an. anniversary with someone who loves you. right instead of inflicting your comedy. on a heap the worst is the road trips. that you see them and they post your. Facebook you know like just drove 37. hours. oh yeah finally in in you know upstate.

New York. yeah for people in the crowd I did 70. minutes I just want to say to everyone. in this audience who's not pursued your. dream good for you you're like legends. you are you are the legends they're. amazing people you were the winner it's. just I took god the people that just. went and got their welders the way since. the winner is the person who unclog the. toilet and gets paid for it right that's. the wind the winner is not the person. who wanders around Los Angeles for 35. years trying to get it it's really it's.

crazy and then the other half of it here. which I love is I have a few friends who. are connected to obscene wealth the kind. of wealth it's it doesn't even make. sense and it's so it's they're so rich. they're bored like have you met the. people that are so rich yeah they're. bored leave like they go on vacation. away from their vacation that is their. life essentially they have these they. have lots that are 18,000 square feet.

houses that are 6500 square feet rooms. upon route no one's using any of these. rooms homeless people living in the. rooms they never met them yeah and they. just float in a pool all day and it's. boring. they have 10-foot hedges so nobody could. see them then there's all these like I. went to a one or two of these rooftop. pools and the ideas everyone being hot. here is like a movie that's a TV show. because I went to a few of these rooftop. holes there's fat chicks eating bowls of.

ice cream yeah cuz that's the new thing. now that's that's what's hot now that. are hot yeah billboards and I've seen in. LA for a weed-like cush city or. something and they're all sponsored but. they're all it's a fat woman on every. single ad yeah like like sponsoring the. we gotta be near death right now yeah to. get any attention yeah. yes they don't think you're gonna. explode in the room they won't write a. check you gotta be fat like like like be.

like not even like curvy anymore now cuz. then they get mad at you if they give a. curvy person like Amy Schumer a job. right they all go insane and go but she. can still walk on her own so she's not. really representing us yeah we want a. scooter [ __ ] yeah yeah in that movie. we're a girl that can't fit through a. subway turnstile that has to be rolled. around like Violet Beauregarde it's not. representation if she can breathe on her. own does she have a sleep apnea mask if. not it ain't representation we want.

fatties not curvy not a few you throw. down a few chip witches I'm talking. about sitting alone in your apartment. drinking soda eating chips like dirty. white-trash fat like constantly farting. where you're never not fart right all. burning that's a level of fat you're. worth or walking is fueled by their. farts yeah like like a hot air balloon. that's just losing altitude. that's a type of woman we want. representing our brand they hydrate with. hollandaise vanities prints have.

plus-size models and they get med than. the women aren't in a hospital right. you're not in an O or cuz you know. surgery's invasive shaming yeah Yeah. right. oh you can't you can't you know it's you. can't say anything about it you're. actually like an accessory to murder if. you don't yeah say it like if you're not. honest about somebody's unhealthy weight. yeah kind of aiding them and dying well. men even people that are succeeding. right now in this business and I say.

this are people and myself is in one of. them people that should be in some form. of a group home like these are people. that shouldn't be allowed to plan their. own day they should have lost you look. at something you watch some people now. that have a show and you go that. person's like [ __ ] right right like. their brain is bouncing around in their. head yeah and then there's a bunch of. people making a lot of money watching. yeah yeah watching this person soar moly. eight right in front of their like.

bearded ladies in the circus you know by. being weighted by a you know a network. but I mean other than other than that. he's been right well folks. I just we just I just had an argument. with my producer Ben and we screamed at. each other he didn't really scream but I. was yelling at him about a nonsensical. technical matter and I was very upset at. him and it's isn't there's no reason. that I was as upset as I was he kind of.

he rolled his eyes at me and I said ask. something and then he said I have 12. podcasts like he had like he didn't care. about there so that this one didn't mean. anything to him I wasn't special. and me and I in Bennis trance and it's. something that that's why I hired him. and I said I don't want another. statistic right now cuz he could very I. could very easily just kill another. trans person and he would just be a. meaningless statistic and I don't want. that so we decided to make up I think I. threatened to music I'll destroy you he.

produces another podcast for a lunatic. woman I'm like I'll take that from you. he was like what but I got me thinking. about better help folks. is there something interfering with your. happiness or preventing you from. achieving your goals is there yes if so. better help online counseling is here. for you better help offers licensed. professional counselors who's to say. they're not can you prove they're not. you can't prove that the text bubble on.

the other side of that screen is not a. doctor I'm sure listen people have. actually used this people because my. audience needs help let's be honest. there you know my audience is what if. you know basically a few weeks out of. prison you know and they've actually. used this service and they like it. because they do have really good. counsellors that specialize in. depression stress anxiety relationships. sleeping anger which would have been. good for me and Ben it would just angry. at each other because we got into a.

small like a clerical issue was not a. big deal but Ben was kind of being like. pouty so when you're good-looking what. happens is you act but you get pouty I. could never get pouty it's just not I. have to get angry because otherwise I'm. not I would look like a lunatic if if if. a person who's not good-looking or a. little bigger big frame big boned a. rotund individual its pouty they. you you you act and you look like you've. had a stroke or something's wrong but.

when you're skinny or a better looking. you can kind of pout and you get like. very like I don't know like you're wrong. but I have to get angry and and and. start yelling and screaming because. that's the only way that I can process. emotion. whereas Ben can kind of get like well. you you just don't know it I go through. you know and then he just kind of paused. and he rolls his eyes you know so uh I'm. gonna better help folks you you this is. what you deal with with better help this.

does he's looking at me now like this. doesn't this is exactly what this dad. should be you get angry at people why do. i why do i yell and scream when I'm. angry I don't know I don't know is it. cuz [ __ ] you know nobody in this. industry's ever helped me and if if I. had [ __ ] you know real [ __ ] balls. I'd go get a [ __ ] 8k and show up. somewhere and show everybody no I mean. I'm joking around kidding you know why I. don't do that you know I don't grab an. ak-47 and go down Melrose popping off.

everyone because it better help okay. there's a better help calm slash Tim. Dylan you get 10% off your first month. okay I'm not gonna do anything crazy. because a better help I don't have time. to just sit down with an actual shrink. or a therapist but better help slash Tim. Dylan you get 10% off your first month. this is good. I've used this okay I've got a busy. schedule I'm a busy guy I got a lot.

going on you know I I have at least. three hours of work a day to do and then. the rest of that is spent kind of. plotting and laying and converting you. know all the hatred and the bile bile. that's inside of me that that sludge. from ghostbusters it went through the. subway systems you know I got to get rid. of that I got to make it funny or get. rid of it so I go I'd go to better help.

you know. the [ __ ] our girl with the coffee's. at the door. alright we're gonna let her in now but I. mean you know we made out we're fine now. everybody's good I hope I don't know you. never know what Ben cuz Ben could be. harboring you know he could be angry and. not then not let you know and because. he'll keep it in cuz he's not that. Christian [ __ ] they keep it in they.

don't say anything's very. passive-aggressive they keep it all in. because they were raised Christian so. everybody's got to [ __ ] everybody's. gotta keep everything in and it's. everything's very dark and biblical and. they only let it out when they have to I. let it right out it comes right to the. top and it's done but battle ben'll hold. this against me for six years six years. so I better help everybody go to better. help. don't [ __ ] off other than that it's been.

a real we've had a real time of it and I. show one of my friends showing these. guys from Long Island House I'm mad I'm. like just a beautiful house he this is. this is why people from Long Island is. just what you always gotta I always have. respect for them because there's a level. of stupidity that they have like it's. become like it's so innate to who they. are to try to educate them right would.

be to completely destroy them yeah it. would be to completely cuz my friend. goes dad ain't that nice and I go okay. he goes with the bricks a [ __ ] up and. then in this beautiful huge backyard in. LA he zooms in on a few bricks on the. deck right it aren't even Italian guy he. was a bricklayer has known as bad I'm. like dude what is wrong with you. but this is the way that they did they.

just look at everything you're like so. one right that ain't good yeah. I should have laid those bricks right. envy that bone away you know I envy that. that's great one of the ways and that's. why I took Ben out to Long Island when. he came in New York and he he kind of. got it immediately. because like one of the first things we. saw was a chevy suburban unlike what was. that thing on it was on like huge it was. like a monster truck that they had made. out of a Chevy Suburban completely. irrational.

unreasonable no reason for it and just. it's there hmm it's there and the guy's. just driving like a psychopath mm-hmm. that's what these people are about they. don't give a [ __ ]. not at all and that's what this city's. lacking yeah a lack of giving a [ __ ]. well you know I don't know I look at. here and I'm like am I gonna be here 6. months 6 years 16 years I don't know I. can't know it's very interesting some of. my friends are worth so much money and.

have done so well and you look at them. and you go that's a [ __ ] real. inspiration and then there's people I. know that have been bit and are fearow. and are wandering the streets waiting. for the ferryman and you go well. somewhere between those two I hope to. carve out a little niche for myself what. what were you doing in Dallas do you. like Dallas no I mean it's it's nice. it's setup for people that have made it. you know they got money and it's just. everyone is just there looking forward.

to their next meal after yeah well the. people of Dallas state whether they have. money or not they're going out and. eating steak you're in a suit no no yeah. it's very nice but it's like it's like. you know even the young people is like. are you retired you're like 28 like this. is what you just let's a Long Island. everybody in Long Island like their. musical tastes or their parents right. there's like there's like 17 year old. that are like I like Billy Joel Billy. Joel's great but like why don't you go. and get something that your parents. don't approve of right Seema's Larkin. politics everybody gets a house because.

their mother starts showing signs of. cancer right and instead of taking her. the doctor and getting her better yeah. wait yeah you just wait you [ __ ] on your. hands but listen to her voice and every. day it gets a little weaker and then one. day she goes everything's fine and then. she falls down the stairs one day. and you you look at her and you wait so. she stops breathing and they call the. ambulance. yeah and then she's dead. Harrod her house and immediately while.

her body is still warm you start. bitching about all the taxes you have to. pay on the house that you [ __ ]. inherited you're like I these taxes are. ridiculous I'm paying for everything. here and you're 40 years old you barely. had a job and you're just waiting for. your mother to croak yeah well that's. how they get the [ __ ] let's how they. get the houses I would I can't wait till. we do this we're doing this thing you. know we have wicks as a sponsor we're. doing this thing where we're allowing. people to call in and have upgraded.

their sites using my site which is Tim. Dylan's going to hell calm no is Tim. Dylan's DLL ons so there's a few and one. guy I sent me a message today DME goes. hey I'm getting my business idea ready. can you buy me a week or two before I'm. definitely gonna do the wick site but I. don't have my business idea ready to go. on your show yet um and I said well. we're not we're probably not doing it. for another week but I'm thinking in my. head I'm like you know this guy has no.

idea right and he's just [ __ ] around. and he's gonna call in here and he's. gonna tell us an idea that's already a. thing yeah tell us an idea that's. already a fully operational business. yeah you know he's like I need a while. to get my business idea ready I'm like. it's god help us it'll be GrubHub it'll. be something that's already functional I. mean what what are you like if you're uh.

if you're a tech guy now what are you. what's the next what's left yeah what is. laughs what is left I really don't know. it's just like apps for I think once. they legalized prostitution that's. common that'll be good that'll be coming. there will be that'll be common old. rough I want to go on a grub hub and. just pick a dick yeah right and then. just go you know I think that's gonna be. the next me the next thing that'll be. the next a they haven't already ready.

they're just waiting for like a law to. get past and then they just drop the. hammer of the road you made a good point. he's like there's all these in sales. legalized prostitution right just. legalized prostitution cut out the. shootings eventually and then. Julie what I think you'll start to see. is you will start to see like the. there's all these weird creepy like Elon. Musk owns a bunch of these companies I. think one is called neural link where. it's literally about just you know. implanting like it's merging biology.

with AI it's essentially merging it's. like Elon Musk you said we gotta merge. with technology so that AI doesn't. destroy us we have to merge with it or. they're gonna destroy us because we've. already opened the can of worms and it. is what it is and as soon as a I can. just read they can read every book. that's ever been written an instant. they're gonna be smarter than us they'll. be smarter than Jordan Peterson they'll. be smarter than everybody mm-hmm and. then they're gonna come and they're. gonna look at us like bugs and they'll.

probably get rid o just get rid of us if. we stand in their way see Allah mask is. like what we have to do is merge with. them right. and the government's been studying all. these things like the Penta is he's. thing called DARPA which is the defense. I don't know ever gonna say it right but. it's like the defense agency read the. defense agency Research Projects. administration or something of that and. they study weapon systems in the future. and they're that the book on it was. written by Annie Jacobson who's uh she. just went on Rogan and I know we're a.

little because her son is friends with. my friend's son and I tried to get her. on my show but she's too busy for that. and she's got a she talks like a. stripper and she's like Josh she's. talking about mommy's actually in area. 51 it's really wet it's really wet and. it's wet because and it's like she's a. phone sex operator with a brain of OHS. for UFOs. so she wrote a book and she was.

basically like listen these guys are 20. years ahead all the technology that we. have 20 years ago they had this so they. had some version of it right and that. they have things that are so 20 years. from now is terrifying and she said some. of the things that they're working on. are these neural links neural interface. programs where you can order drone. strikes with your head because it's too. much time to order them with your finger. cuz there's a. at the liberation right doesn't it seem. like that yeah when we're just bomb and.

weddings and poor kids playing soccer. and Pakistan it's it's apparently too. hard to level villages right so what we. need to do is have basically some chip. in someone's head so they could just. think about a drone strike and then. it'll just start to light the world on. fire so that's that's on its way me and. Ben we're watching our drone strikes the. other day it's important by the way it's.

important if you if you feeling. patriotic yeah at any point go and watch. a drone struck go watch a death machine. fly across the air and kill probably an. innocent child yeah and really get an. idea what and the idea that like and by. the way these people have never even. seen this technology it would be the. equivalent of us having UFOs come here. and just vaporize right right. they're out there and would you and and.

you start to realize that like Isis was. never a threat all of the idea that. these people are threats is a complete. [ __ ] lie these people are in caves. have wanted them we fund them we make. them if wall said they're improv team. that's what we do that's exactly what we. do yeah okay so pretend that you're. let's say you were gonna attack a. country which it may be you do it with. this weapon this is a prop it's Bill.

Hicks joke you know you give the guy a. you know you give it's like that Jack. Palance in the movie Shane right right. you give the guy a gun and you're like. look at ya look at him he had a gun yeah. but it's like you watch those drone. strikes and you say to yourself it's. hard to take any politician seriously. that gets on TV and starts talking about. Isis or any of these you could just. vaporize and you only have to get to. that level which is the most depressing. part because they all start off like in. this time or they gone Rogen they sound. like oh man like grass roots like yeah.

it's gonna be they're gonna they're like. real it's a real person yeah can I keep. going a year goes by the campaign then. they're talking about all this [ __ ]. they're working yeah. you got bit yeah well yeah well what I. think the reality is that one of the two. things is a show right. so it's either Obama coming out before. he gets into office saying I think that. we've gone a little too far in Iraq. right which is what needed to happen. nobody would have won if a guy was like.

listen the problem is we need more at. that point the country was like wait. wait hold on wait a minute. you needed a guy who was cerebral and. articulate to go out there go. yeah there's limits to what the American. military could do so then what they did. was just quietly drone strike people. quietly George liked people and then he. you know went on Ellen and danced. so all these idiot blue check marks out. here were like yeah scran they were like. oh he's great and and and and so you say. to yourself you're like well which is.

the real guy and then it's more. complicated than that I'm sure and I'm. sure it's not as easy and I'm sure when. you get in there the CIA all these. people cuz I know because I've read. books and I've had people on the show. they start telling you all these things. that you need to do because we're in. where we're in because they they they. basically go in there and go the. presidential daily briefing the threat. assessment which Trump by the way was. like I don't need it Thanks keep moving. but that is really to just go in there. and terrify right who's ever the. president they just terrifying.

yeah and they go we heard that a guy was. gonna blow up the Sears Tower just. because some raving lunatic miker and. Beirut is running around talking. nonsense and they present it to the. president like it's an actionable piece. of information right well they're like. well any day now that so you just better. authorize whatever the [ __ ] we have to. do and and and this is why it's like. it's hard to take anybody [ __ ]. seriously when they go out there any of.

these politicians and they start talking. about you know the great threats and. da-da-da-da-da and yeah it's like you. know it's like a I feel like now it's. like a the country's like a like a madla. like they fill in the blanks for what. they know we want to hear now cuz. they're hip enough to it cuz there's. like oh the people okay now I know what. they want. I'm not gonna come off all right and. dumb like at the 8th yeah and he's like. just out of touch right I'm gonna say. what they want to hear but then when I'm.

in I'll just do what the [ __ ] they tell. me to do yeah because that's what we did. all the threats are internal yeah let's. be honest yeah it's the the opium I mean. the the opioid epidemic you have you. know yeah we focus on any of that when I. focusing on that we have we have people. eating food with plastic in it pretty. much like we have we have people turning. on the faucet and like purple water's. coming out brown water [ __ ] colored. waters coming out you know we have a.

health care system where I mean I love. this tweet where the guy goes they go. isn't this great Home Depot they tweet. outs of a Home Depot they go. is it a greatest they didn't know if. this his health care company would cover. a walker for this three-year-old so Home. Depot made him one Home Depot when got. some scraps from the parking lot and. made a walker for this three-year-old. cuz his parents talked to the health. care company and health care companies. like well I don't know we got to figure. this out but why don't you carry them so.

so they just fashioned a walker out of. scraps right in Home Depot and this poor. kid is so I mean it's like I mean it is. an evil yeah system it's a bad bad. system right out there and and then you. ask like you know Ben Shapiro on those. guys they're like wow you know start a. hedge fund mm-hmm what about how about. dark why don't you do some currency. arbitrage why didn't the family why.

didn't the family think about that right. why didn't the family incorporate. themselves and start buying real estate. flipping prop like you know it's like. the utter callousness yeah of people and. I'm not even that like I'm not a. left-wing guy I'm not a right-wing guy. I'm just a guy that looks at things and. goes we're beyond Fox right and how like. I don't think it's helpful that now if. if if if a seventeen-year-old comes up. to me goes by the way uh I'm from. another planet and you go wait what they. go you're a Nazi right that's not.

helpful yeah that's not helpful it. became a little dangerous when you were. considered like punk rock too. think there's like two genders right. that day came I was like wait what. you're like a bad guy yeah no there's. like men and there's women and they're. like wow there's no logical prey there's. no rational logical person that when you. say to them there's actually an. innumerable amount of genders nobody. believes that no people are either. terrified into opening their mouths. there's not a human being on earth that.

did that make sense to okay nobody even. the person saying that they're offended. that purse has been bitten here oh. there's a lot of people that have been. bit that's the problem you look at them. because they do your fear oh yeah. put your letters right to the right you. have people talking about race and IQ. and we're gonna there needs to be an. ethnos state and we're gonna and you go. oh your fear oh yeah you got bit right. and then the New York Times writes this. article where they're like well people.

went down a YouTube rabbit hole and. ended up radicalized right to the right. which is easy to do according to the New. York Times and listen I get it. it's eat you can get records a lot of. people are on YouTube going why does my. life suck or some of them are just bored. so they just go and they start here and. then they end up somewhere in the nether. region to the internet watching David. Duke right or whatever but then you also. got to realize that happens to the left. yeah. the newer times acts like there's no. such thing as left-wing extremism and.

then go on tumblr and there's somebody. that's identifying as a cat yeah well. that person was radicalized by something. right people that are calling themselves. other kin I'm a fairy I'm a pixie I'm a. pansexual queer identifying demi-plié. like this is both sides completely yes. salon.com thank you here you talking. about feral bench burros like a house. cat like he's young in the same way. where he's like black people like why do. they have so much black about crime is.

like you're from Sherman Oaks you've. never lived anywhere but Sherman Oaks. right met a black person three times and. it's olives candy so yeah but that's the. thing and you have to now deal with. rabid zombies like they're people mm-hmm. and that's because everybody has a place. at the table so somebody saddles up to. the table and starts spouting craziness. and you have to sit there and go oh. right really when did you first realize. that you were a woman in the morning but. then a man for lunch and then uh or when.

did you realize that gender fluidity was. the thing. well what article did you read were you. self diagnosed yourself as being gender. fluid I'm not saying that there aren't. legitimate cases of people that don't. identify as either gender okay that's. fine but you get one [ __ ] designation. right one thing yeah you don't get an. innumerable amount of [ __ ] things. that's it you you you you okay I'm. non-binary good then that's it you can't.

be 5,000 different make-believe genders. that you've come up with cuz you read. The Chronicles of Narnia and you want to. be a faun these are all nerds I mean me. and Malin talked about it yeah there's a. lot of nerds in the trans community oh. yeah real big nerds yeah I have a hell. of respect for like trend real. transvestites and transsexuals Brian so. got the clubs and have fun and do coke. and fight each other on the streets and.

Greenwich Village yeah beat the [ __ ] out. of each other on the C train yeah I. don't think these these [ __ ] are. nerds now hormonal geek squad they're. nerds yeah if [ __ ] Lord of the Rings. has become the new like [ __ ] is weird. like Game of Thrones [ __ ] what is. this what kind of training are you. well actually Westeros I mean it's like. wait a minute what right we've made. [ __ ] into people are really like.

kind of incapable at this point of. holding two conflicting ideas in their. head which I've always thought was the. basis of just like a normal intelligent. person which I can't use everything so I. have to just kind of look at in the. middle and there's nobody that I've ever. liked in my life that I didn't also want. to kill right that is the thing that you. have to remember there's not one person. I've ever truly loved and appreciated. that I didn't want to kill I imagined my. close friends getting into car accidents.

as I go to bed I am. imagine them taking their last breath. and I love them I love them more than. anything but to me if you don't feel. that way if you don't understand duality. you're not covering all babies you gotta. understand yeah deep like I'm staying. right now in LA at a house that my crazy. friend is I'm paying rent to stay there. and it's kind of there's a sadness.

because her family's kind of dissolving. but at the same time there's an. opportunity for me in the the. dissolution of her family unit right so. I have to go there and cannibalize the. last bits of life of that family and I. don't like that right but hey baby what. are you gonna do they came to me and ago. where we don't really kind of want to be.

a family anymore. so can you live here with this fat cat. and I said yeah it doesn't mean I'm. thrilled about the circumstances right. but this is what it is there's two. things happening simultaneously. you know like inheriting money from a. family member that you loved that died. yeah add about that you're like oh but. also like I'm showing up to the funeral. now and and that's what pisses my heart. Saghir I could see all these people -.

all you want to eat the rich you hate. the rich but only because a lot of in. many cases you want to be the rich. mm-hmm I'm not talking about people that. have principled arguments like you know. the three-year-old with the [ __ ]. Walker this is disgusting I'm talking. about the people who are also rich but. not rich enough right not famous enough. it's never enough and everything that. they do and say is just to kind of get. them to that next yeah level and they. admit it they go on stage they bet it. they'll I can't eat the rich but you.

know I'd love to hang out with you yeah. tweeting their outrage of billionaires. from their Tesla on their way to their. [ __ ] $500,000 your writing job they. just they just want to be famous which. is okay but admit it I want an audience. I want people. appreciate what I do I'm good at being. funny I'm not good at solving problems. I'm good at solving problems in my own. life to an extent but not even that good. at it right but I'm never gonna look at. a group of people that came to see me in. a theater and say you know why we did.

this tonight folks do you know why we. did it tonight for the poor we did it. for them that's why I got on the stage. and told jokes and made all this money. for the poor for people that are [ __ ]. that's why I did this yeah what I would. say is it like hey I'm doing this cuz. it's what I'm good at. hopefully you enjoyed it and this will. not be pieces of [ __ ] and let's try to. help people when we can but to disguise. my career as like it's this altruistic.

thing like me having a television show. is a difference between the the sick and. destitute right getting what they need. to get would make me a [ __ ] crazy. person yep. that would make me fear all mm-hmm that. would mean I had been bit I try not to. get bit it's hard here hard to not get. bit cuz that's what people when you hear. people talk out here they're really like. you know what would really help the. world is if I got yeah I got in a movie. right if people could just hear that I'm.

Dominican yeah world peace would would. happen yeah I think all the problems in. the world would end if people found out. that I'm gay yeah right well now I'm. gonna go into meetings and when they're. like mr. Dhillon I'm gonna say excuse me. oh no it's miss it is miss Dillon and. I'll wait for the check thank you I'll. wait for the check is my career I want. to sit down my agents today and say my. career I want to sit down today at my.

agency with all these rich [ __ ]. people and they're sitting there on the. table and I got I want all of you to. know that my career is about lifting up. marginalized voices and it's about. ending world hunger yeah okay so when. you go back to your desk today don't. think hey this fat guy just wants more. money to stuff poky in his face that. ain't it that ain't it that ain't it at. all I want you to go back to. can go this gentleman wants to solve.

world hunger and the Middle East I want. to stop my career right now is about. solving the israeli-palestinian issue. yes right where everyone is happy that's. why that's my next special right my next. special is about that issue now what. have any material about that issue. you're gonna have to take my word for it. you really are gonna have to take my. word for it I just don't I don't really. have a lot of material on that issue. yeah but it's about making people feel. safe yeah that's my career right it's.

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kidding it's a joke folks a comedy. podcast it's a great company sprayed on. your [ __ ] and go longer in bed okay. delay spray calm what a [ __ ] site go. to delay spray calm and if you use the. promo code Tim 15 you'll get another 15. percent off your purchase okay delay. spray com it's actually a good idea. to do that you know. I truly believe.

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on your cheeseburger so that you can go. to sleep I mean what do they think of. this audience what are the ad people. think of this audience you know I mean. what what are we gonna be advertising. next you know could it get worse good to. picture the audience get more pathetic. with the ads hey can you not [ __ ] do you. lay in bed anxious because your life is. a hell. how about CBD and and spray on your [ __ ]. do you want to kill yourself how about.

this online counseling service was there. a study done of our audience where. they're like well they all can't [ __ ]. they're anxious and want to kill. themselves but they also can't leave. their houses because they can't afford. lubbers to go to therapy so we have a. online counseling service Spray [ __ ]. spray and and [ __ ] CBD and wicks. because they only [ __ ] website still. they all need websites they got nothing. else going on they need a website you.

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have a small budget for things like Wix. okay Wix is perfect they have over 500. distinct templates then avi Wix. artificial design intelligence you can. answer a few questions about what you. want the website to be an AI bots will. design the website for you okay they'll. design the website for you so you don't. have to do anything you can just sit. back and wait for the money train to. roll in with your great idea or your art.

that needs to get out there you need to. get your fatah you need to get your. wedding photography out there. how about Wix you get a website show. everybody you're a good photographer at. the wedding. you there won't be a minute of joy. wasted at that wedding. look at Aunt Sheila dance put that on. the Wix website where's aunt Sheila now.

she's no longer with us. but you remember aunt Sheila the way she. was at that wedding drunk dancing sang. en word in a Long Island catering hall. that look like a Little Caesars Palace. I'm disgusting [ __ ] all that you got. your whole the whole fire department. came out tea penne alla vodka I danced a. Sweet Caroline and and you great. photographer read copies of some of.

these stories used to make me laugh and. that's what you do you put your photos. of those happy people on your Wix. website and what happens they call you. the morones Collier and the Benedetto's. and the O'Leary's and they go we saw. your website on WIC [ __ ] we need a. photographer for wedding in my daughter. met you up okay he's and they look and. it seals the [ __ ] deal because you. got a. website cuz you're a real man or woman.

and you take your business seriously. it's not only Instagram you're not. getting the older people on Instagram. the boomers are not on social media as. much they're on Facebook they love it. cuz it's a website they want to go to. your site. boomers level website they can scroll. they just learned how to scroll they. like to scroll in a percocet haze look. at all look at all the [ __ ] get done. look at everything that you're about how. does he ever buy oh yeah you tell him.

where you grew up. will you learned how to be a [ __ ]. wedding photographer you capture the. moments you go I capture the moments. don't believe me here are the moments um. so if you go to Tim Dillon's DLL ons. going to help calm not is there's no is. it's just Tim Dylan's. going to hell calm that is the Wix.

website created for the show go to the. bottom of that website click on the link. that takes you to Wix upgrade your site. we are doing and this is the last week. we're mentioning because we're doing. this episode next week so if you don't. do in the next [ __ ] couple of days. don't even talk to me send me a. confirmation that you've done this you. will get 90 seconds on this show you'll. get three minutes on my show to promote. your idea in front of tens of thousands. of people whatever your business idea is. whatever your art is your band we got a. band that's on pour right now they're.

gonna call in there's some other people. that are gonna call in there's a fashion. a very trendy black woman who's got a. beautiful fashion line on Instagram. she's gonna call in I hope she knows who. she's promoting it to leave my [ __ ]. dirtbags can afford what she's got she's. got a real trendy [ __ ] going on there I. looked very nice clothing okay I don't. know who's I don't know I'm broadcasting. to you but I can't imagine it's very. fashionable people it's probably a. family of possums that's what I believe.

my audience is a family of possums okay. I know who's out there. so go to Tim Dylan's going to hell calm. click on the link and and really build a. website folks you get it you're gonna. love it's gonna change your life you got. a little deli you want to start a deli. well it better have a website that deli. better I've a website you could do.

everything with a Wix website you can. link to social media I think you could. take orders through I don't know maybe. not. you know folks go go read their Terms of. Service. see what you can do over there but I. think you can do a lot of [ __ ] it's. great if you're just starting out many. of you are just starting out and. finishing but you don't know it yet you. don't know it yet you think it's all. gonna happen it ain't okay but let me. tell you you know it's comforting. what's nice to have while it's not. happening you have a site you have a.

website because you think that someone's. gonna go to it one day and your life's. gonna change and for some of you that. might happen but for the majority of you. it'll be a slow gradual descent into a. pit of hell that is indescribable it's. indescribable really really I mean I. couldn't even begin to describe the. level of indifference that most people. will have to whatever you want to do. because most of you are not good enough. you're not smart enough sharp enough. strong enough and those of you who are. are riddled with doubt anxiety and fear.

and that will destroy you. that being said Tim Dylan's going to. hell calm click on the link start your. own [ __ ] website don't don't don't. [ __ ] with me on this please do it thank. you. that's why everybody that's other thing. that loses me and people start talking. about safety like I don't feel safe it's. the safest it's ever been yeah crime. rates have dropped to a point where you. feel like a YouTube videos making you. feel unsafe in the 70s you would walk. down the street New York City people. were cooking bodies there were like.

roasting bodies on a rotisserie like you. were in Boston Marcus so nowadays Travis. Bickle is doing a show on YouTube on a. webcam that's and people are like he is. like you know we got a deep platform ham. laugh form him I'm scared I'm scared of. somebody tweeted at me I'm scared yeah a. hack did a juggler all up I'm gonna SWAT. myself I'm trying to swat my side Cole. that's. team and go get over here I'm kidding. that's why I never live in an address. that I ever because you can't swap me.

he'll just SWAT another family that I'm. living with quite frankly and that's. their responsibility and they'll handle. it you put a gun in somebody's face it. ain't me I won't be there I we broadcast. from undisclosed locations I'm like Alex. Jones you don't know where I am right. now no you don't know where Alex is. broadcasting from I don't know where I. am I mean how does it what about the. Pride Parade we did you celebrate did. you go to Dallas pride now no I don't.

think I don't think I think they might. have banned it in Dallas I don't know. they're like oh you don't go to the. Pride Parade. you didn't go to appropriate I've been a. pride advance it before the pride comedy. shows yeah I'm sober it seems like an. environment that's fuelled with drugs. and alcohol I don't know if but I'm. guessing I drove through the Pride. Parade once in West Hollywood there's a. lot of gay people obviously West. Hollywood but I also sensed a lot of. guys there were just straight dudes. trying to capitalize on it's also like.

can I just suck dick in my room what can. I be that kind of gay where I suck dick. in my room is that part of it anymore. yeah is sex even part of it right he's. [ __ ] does somebody have the same. gender even part of it right or do I. have to wrap myself in a cloak and dance. around like and say these people have. the people pride aren't even [ __ ]. right they're not even gay like you said. yeah it's also happening in places where. it's like yeah we're okay with gay. people do the Pride Parade in Birmingham. Alabama really make a change or.

something like the tie Rivera's high. Rivera is a very funny guy who performs. all over the country yeah and he goes. into places their hostel together yeah I. used to do and he's bad [ __ ] balls. and he goes out and he takes his jokes. and he says here people that might not. accept my lifestyle you're gonna find me. [ __ ] funny and I'm not lecturing you. and I'm not gonna moralize but I bet you. leave here with more respect for gay. people because one of them just [ __ ]. entertain you for an hour all right so. of course the industry doesn't give a.

[ __ ] about him okay yeah they like the. people that are dancing around and Wes. Farley well my heart. nobody cats in West Hollywood effects. nobody is impressed performing in New. York in LA some straight men here again. me yeah yeah do you know how many. straight men i could rape Jane. they wouldn't even say anything yeah. they would just sit to me like okay the. hot women are with them they don't to. deal with them they never touch them. right it's harder to go into places.

where they don't like gay people listen. here's also the problem why is there a. ten-year-old dancing aunt this kid. Desmond the amazing have you seen this. no there's a ten-year-old kid or a left. and he's dancing on a bar he's at one of. the drag kids and he's dancing on a bar. and the people are throwing money in him. and listen man this is not good and I've. talked to a lot of gay people who are. older and people are like what the [ __ ]. is going on that's not and by the way. it's the same gay people that are like.

why are there 400 Chandhok cuz you got. to realize at a certain point a lot of. the transient and gay [ __ ]. but bat bat heads right because I'm. attracted to dude so if you're a woman. and go I'm a dude I'm it's still not. working it doesn't matter right it's. like if you're attracted to really hot. guys and I tell you I'm thin I identify. his thin I identify as a volleyball. champion right people go I don't give a. [ __ ] yeah because I see what I see it's. real yeah so to me the section it's just. weird. it's kid it's just some no there there's.

something deeply wrong. oh no he said he was he said he's a girl. for a few weeks in a row so we had to do. have no proper measures and get him. woman therapy if your kid has gender. problems number one iiiii say empathize. to an extent with being different but. here's the deal you cannot inject kids. with [ __ ] hormones that's just before. there are 18 years look this is child. abuse. literally it is and in realities you. cannot have a kid on a [ __ ] bar.

that's a alcohol you're allowed in bars. in a sexual way and does he even know. what sex is do this for money then. because there's a lot of guys and I. talked to her in the closet. yeah and will probably remain so because. they don't they're like well I don't. want to co-sign this right. and I don't want to co-sign it either. right I'm like what the [ __ ] I wake up. some days and I'm like what the [ __ ] is. going on right why is there a. ten-year-old kid on a bar dancing who is. okay with this who are this kid's.

parents right and then everybody. celebrating is on Good Morning America. like this right now I'm not against if. you if that kid wants to be in a dance. class and you have a boy that wants a. dance with up to it little bit of ballet. classes and then he'll find out he's gay. when he's 6 my parents put me in dance. classes because I was a professional. [ __ ] actor by the way and it was part. of what I had to do and I danced around. right it's fine that's not a thing. the problem is being in a bar and having. dudes throw money at you is is sick and. and I don't know why and there's a lot.

of people gay straight and otherwise you. know kind of uncomfortable with this. [ __ ] yeah yeah and it kind of hurts all. the progress that you guys just made. just to be allowed to be gay it's it's a. it's a problem and when you try to have. discussions with people they go oh. you're self-hating gay guy or you're. there so your dad or you're not really. gay or you don't really I did you don't. get it I'm like no no no I get it. what I also get is that this really sets.

any movement back because people are. looking at this [ __ ] and they're going. this is [ __ ] wild yeah and it's wrong. it is and this is gonna be drugged out. by the time he's 14 or 15 years old and. I just don't and so that it becomes a. problem and I have no issue you can you. know pride events are great in people. but listen if you want to wear a. g-string and do all that stuff that's. not every gay guy and the media loves.

that it thinks it is and everybody likes. it it is and there's all these gay guys. it'll go out and be like well if you. don't embrace that and you're not really. gay and it's crazy really crazy it's. like telling somebody that like if they. don't conform to every stereotype. they're not really above you know you're. not a black guy you know you play ball. rapper yeah you're not black yeah you're. like wait a minute you know yeah it. becomes a problem and it's like it's. hard to have these conversations with. people right because you get accused of.

all these things but it's. like no this is not okay this is a. [ __ ] problem the kitchen it's just. that's I when I was a kid I wanted to be. a cowboy I was obsessed with John Wayne. movies loved cowboys imagine if my. parents were like well we have to. respect this and they took me to the. desert put me on a horse and left me. alone I'm sure that is going on. somewhere I'm sure we're Ben grew up in. Texas that shit's going on they're like. our sons a cowboy they give him a real. bride and give him a horse give you a. real gun and then the kid decides the.

saloon is the lunchroom at school and he. walks in he kicks open the doors and he. goes guess what I'm wider and then. everybody goes down in a hail of bullets. which I am against I'm against school. shootings and I have said that I have. come out and I said that and I don't. know why people have kind of twisted it. and made me there I've said that I'm. against you after school shoot you. denounced it no I know I am against.

school shooting I've said we got to rein. in the guns everybody can't have an. ak-47 she just can't happen no I know. people want it but here's the deal folks. you don't want freedom you say you do. you really don't you don't care that the. government reads your mail you don't. give a [ __ ] that the government kidnaps. people tortures them waves their right. to a trial you don't care about who gets. Miranda right I don't care that they're. selling black kids you don't care that. there's private treasure is being sold. in Libya the only thing you really care.

about is that you can have an Uzi that's. the only freedom you want to retain is. that you can have an ak-47 because in. your Star Wars fantasy that's how you're. gonna defeat Nancy Pelosi right and it's. just like if you care if this was a. really freedom-loving country where. people like we really want freedom and. there were riots in the streets and when. they opened Gitmo and when they passed a. Homeland Security Act people like this. is [ __ ] insane yeah when they started. prosecuting whistleblowers and torturing. them if people gave a [ __ ] about any of.

that I would take the second amendment. purists a lot more seriously but they. don't seem to care about any of that. they love the cops all these people that. love guns I love the police they love. cops they love them kicking in your door. they love them shooting your dog in the. face because you got a little weed in. your fridge they. want [ __ ] they don't mind [ __ ]. beatin fifteen-year-old kids that walk. down the wrong Street. they love the police they love security. they love their gated communities and. they love that the cops are going out. there putting guns in black people's.

faces they don't really give a [ __ ]. about that they just want to make sure. that they can have a small Arsenal in. their home that's the only thing they. really give a [ __ ] about they don't care. well good read my mail what is it what. does it matter read my mail compiled a. list of people that are critical the. government good yeah that's good that's. good compiled a list of people that said. questionable things online that sounds. good. now fly those death machines in other. countries and blow up kids blow arms and. legs off Pakistani kids I don't care.

I've never met him I just want I just. want my guns you don't give a [ __ ] about. freedom this is the thing you don't so I. would take you seriously if you did but. you really don't no one gives a [ __ ]. Edward Snowden was run out of the. country Chelsea Manning who is annoying. on Twitter but still they locked Chelsea. Manning this girl they locked her in a. room and she lived in eight tortures and. what was her crime she said by the way.

we're blowing off civilians heads right. she leaked that information she goes by. the way you know we're really doing over. here. and they locked her in a cage Obama the. good guy yeah they locked her in a cage. and you know what people did they did. nothing they didn't care they didn't. care where was the right wing then where. was all these gun nuts right then when. we're having a moral compass yeah when. she lost her freedom then nobody really. gives a [ __ ] now because I see all these. people that are all you know that.

freedom and they're gonna take my free. you don't have any free no one's taking. the freedoms you don't have you have. freedom to get in your car and drive to. jack-in-the-box and that's all you want. that's what people say freedom is you're. like I can good in my car and go and go. down Ponderosa and get myself a t-bone. right and then go in your backyard and. shoot squirrels or whatever the [ __ ]. you're doing but.

this whole idea of freedom the corporate. state and this is where this is what I. think it'll be people that are like. listening in their cars and everything. and and like their look they're kind of. looking at their their check or they're. looking at their friends and they're. kind of like yeah I don't the other. episode I don't know. I don't know the other episode he talked. about his Christmas dinner it was he. just [ __ ] on that that was that was. funny but I don't I don't really know. where all this is coming from and it's. coming from that I perform for for.

[ __ ] people in the deli today so. someone's got to get it I know who's. getting it now the corporate state I'm. giving it to them I'm giving it to them. as I've given it to the military. industrial complex mm-hmm but people. think they've people these people have. won in a way that it's like you know I. mean we organized marches and. revolutions on phones we know were made.

by slaves it's like what's it's oh you. don't even organized Martin I said the. other day on his podcast I said I said. this is a joke I said if you were. serious you'd strap a bomb to a toddler. and send one into a busy train station. every week and blow it up and I'm never. I don't advocate violence and I'm I will. never because I'm a comedian and I think. violence is abhorrent right but I can't. pretend if we're gonna have an. intellectual discussion I can't pretend. to ignore the idea that you're not gonna.

really get MA you're not gonna get the. attention you want without a little bit. of you know I mean this is the reality. yeah you know you got a or you got a. mass demonstrations you got a millions. and millions of people in the street but. it's not gonna happen it's never you're. never gonna get millions of millions of. people in this country to walk into the. street and shut that they're not you. just not you know because we're not a. country we're a collection of loosely.

affiliated the streets are empty if Game. of Thrones is having a finale yeah no. one's everyone's at home why we'd all. feel stupid. we don't feel dumb going and I'd feel. dumb like I'm suggesting this and I'd. feel so stupid. going to this cuz then you get there and. you turn around and some person you. hates there yeah like I don't I don't. yeah I know I don't I don't want to be. associated with this clown yeah and. we're all chanting in front of the White. House and I'm like I look over and I see. some I see some this more on the book to.

me on the open mic and I go oh I don't. want her to live right why am I on her. side yeah we're never gonna come. together so it's like all you can really. do in this society all you can really do. to be honest with you is support my. career because my career is the answer. yeah I've learned that I've been in LA.

only a week and I've really learned that. like all we can do is just help Tim. Dylan cuz if I get famous if I'm really. famous I was like a big house and I live. in Hollywood Hills and I have a big pool. I'm gonna swim in it but but hear me out. but hear me out don't don't [ __ ]. don't throw the baby out with the. bathwater let me tell you what else. every now and then I'm gonna go to a. dinner I'm gonna write a check and I'm. gonna give that cheque to a company that.

will take 98% of that for their. operating expenses and then distribute. 2% of that they'll go and they'll hand. the guy a new pair of sandals right. before right before our our you know new. Darth Vader drone comes in blows his. feet and I and again I'm not even making. light like I'm making it's funny but. it's like I'm I don't like this right. that's why I go on about it yeah but I. will go to that dinner and I'll sit. there and I'll write to check and I'll.

go back to my house and I'll swim at. night cuz I like night swimming and if. there's something nice about swimming. it's better than something I'll be uh. I'll have a harem of young men there. that are there because I appreciate. their intellect and what they have to. say all the guys that go out with. they're very smart very smart people. they say what a lot you know what I go. um and and and I will swim in the pool.

with those gentlemen and I will I will. think I will thinks I'm a sinker yeah I. not ponder yeah and I'll go I don't walk. this is kind of wacky mm-hmm this is all. not good no now look at and I'll look. out and I'll see this city of the. Satanists and and I'll and I'll and I'll. probably be smoking a cigarette even. though I don't smoke and I will I will.

say to myself I would look at the boys. and I'll look at the boys young men and. I'll say to them if I wasn't as. successful do you realize how much worse. it would all be do you realize how much. worse it would all be if I didn't have. this pool and this beautiful home man. you think it's bad now it would be chaos. in the [ __ ] streets. so Tim Dylan comedy calm please get.

tickets for the live shows because we. don't want it to get worse we only. wanted to get better I will be at. Mohegan Sun June 20th through the 22nd. skank fest on the 23rd hilarities in. Cleveland July 19th and 20th American. comedy company in San Diego August 1st. through the 3rd stress factory in Jersey. I believe in September coming a comedy. connection of Providence in December.

I've got some other things happening we. got new videos dropping very soon Devon. where can people find you you do a lot. of funny videos on YouTube go subscribe. to Devon watch all his videos they are. very funny he's got a podcast called. hate that you love it hate that you love. it uh and where else can people find you. youtube.com. Devon Kosta DVA and cos da that's mostly. where I want you to go but gooder at.

Devon cos the same spelling and yeah van. Avery is good on Twitter and Instagram. and we're cutting some new videos. together they're gonna be really funny. we're doing some crazy [ __ ] um still. gonna go to Vegas we're going to Vegas. we're going to Vegas we got a lot of. videos gonna shoot in Vegas to podcast. in Vegas there was this guy I'm gonna. have on the show that gret glider who. seems like a cool dude he's a young guy. and he's actually doing some good [ __ ].

he's got a thing called doner see and. you set up this platform that people can. donate to people in third-world. countries like Malawi this kid lived in. Malawi and he is he's a little like he. set up a platform we could donate to. people get real video update so I'm like. how your money is being used it's kind. of a revolutionary idea I don't know. that much about it so in three weeks. when it comes out that it's a front for. human trafficking don't [ __ ] yell at. me. don't [ __ ] DM me don't tweet me I. just said it looks good from and I want.

to have him on the show because like he. seems like a good dude he seems like an. interesting guy. um I really appreciate that I think he's. doing a lot for people it seems like. nowhere near what I'm doing by. broadcasting and telling jokes not even. a little not even a little he's not he's. not fit to you know hold my robe but I. would like to probably have on the show. because I'm kind of curious we're gonna. start bringing some more guests into. we've got some maybe some very. controversial guests oh really. coming up they can't say ah I don't want.

to say but Milo you guys but I think I. will say somebody from my past okay. whoo ah I didn't know that well but was. in the in the comedy world for a while. and has had some issues hmm all right I. always say that but was always very very. you know nice guy to me don't agree with. him on everything but I think that would. be very interesting conversation.

can I take some guesses there's a uh. yeah there's a joke there's a book. called the is called the joke by this. guy this author Milan Kundera or. something I don't know if I'm. pronouncing that right it's about a joke. that ruined somebody who told a joke and. it ruined their life and I never read. the book but you Michael told me about. it and I should read it but I would say. that this guy. kind of ended up ruining his life or if. not ruining his life it unraveled his. life something that was initially. satirical took on a life of its own and.

I think it'll be a very fascinating. conversation you could take some guesses. we'll say who it is I have no problem. saying who it is right nicely no I can't. think of like was on Twitter or eg Santa. joke on stage wasn't a joke it was. something that he did that was initially. satirical that became something that I. think he lost control of and I think. it's spiraled I honestly don't. okay so we'll leave it's okay surprised. yeah it'll be surprised and um we'll see. what happens.

but it'll be I got some [ __ ] for it put. it this way okay I'll get some [ __ ] for. Jesus I'll get some [ __ ] for it okay um. because this person has been due. platform done almost everything okay. yeah I will get some [ __ ] for this do. you know who it is but I will tell you. the s my job if I have one and I don't. is to talk to people yeah right yes so.

what you have to do in that situation is. people the people that are always gonna. be suspect of your intentions and always. think you have horrible intentions you. gotta say [ __ ] them you can't you can't. go by the people that are gonna give you. [ __ ] and hate you anyway and throw a fit. and do the same horseshit and do the. same stuff and throw the same tantrums. over and over again you really can't. [ __ ] list of those people so I will. have this person on believe in the whole. thing where it's like you're a bad. person forgiving like you're giving.

somebody a platform for their evil or. whatever if you're asking the right. questions and putting them on the spot. yeah you're actually doing good because. then they can buy the way everybody's. that are in favor of what they you know. by the way who's giving the CIA a. platform. [Laughter].