Ari Shaffir | The Tim Dillon Show #323

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dillon show in New York City I'm I was. here to do a show in Philly which was. great thank you to everybody for coming. out to Parks Casino and I'm at the Miami. Improv November 17th through the 19th. and this is our final guest of the year. the rest are we're we're we're back to. solo episodes but we wanted to get you. in Ari shaffir. thanks buddy tell the truth Park Casino. full of fat disgusting people though. right.

um I mean Casino people are like gutter. the people that my Tracy fat Tracy okay. hosted the show she brought in yeah four. or five women after the show to take a. photo one woman had a gold chain like. the one Mr T used to wear oh tied around. her fupa. I mean the most disgusting but you know. I'm sure the rest of the audience was. lovely but that one woman.

I mean it was wild but but but full of. life oh no they're having a good time. they're having a good time they're out. at a casino yeah in their 11.99 meals. you're special I have had three. different people call me and go this. thing is so [ __ ] good oh hell yeah. it's amazing you've worked on it for. five years. it has a theme. the theme is Jews the theme is taken. over the theme is Jews it couldn't be. more relevant right now.

um I feel like people just discovered us. because of Kanye put us over yeah the. way P Diddy would do with mace yeah. why did you want to do an hour about the. most hated group of people on earth I. just throw the pot I guess that's a good. question uh I went to Edinburgh they all. do these dumb [ __ ] theme hours and. they're so bad at it yeah it always gets. serious for so long well it's always. like uh an hour is like I was. misgendered at a Fruit Stand yeah or.

somebody's doing it from a treadmill the. whole time or it's just like some weird. thing I was misgendered for since the. end of my life right someone in a text. thread called me [ __ ] and that's an. hour yeah it's an hour about this one. nothing moment they always should have. over push the drama and you get Miss Pat. who just skates by her rape you know you. don't even like wait what did she just. say yeah she was hit with a dump truck. yeah and she doesn't even really dwell. on it well the dump truck didn't do. farewell right it's a good point yeah. what what was it about were you just.

like I wanna how Jewish even are you I. don't even think of you as that you look. very Jewish but I don't think of you as. a committed shoot I'm out that's the. deal I'm out I'm not committed at all I. don't give a [ __ ] about those people I. do I care about them a little bit but. like you have to cultural that's it I. look for bargains yeah little things you. can't shake you know from your childhood. you must see like a you know. construction company and you go oh [ __ ]. I can own that. yeah I mean my I well my people are.

Irish so I feel a kinship with my people. 100 I'm not going on Long Island on Long. Island I feel a kinship with criminals. and people that do prescription drugs. yeah contractors no but I feel people. the people that you grew up around are. the people that you love yeah yeah yeah. yeah that's what it is so I just wanted. to show everybody what they were and. what are they they're they're just like. everybody else just that's not true. they're a bit they're better we value. education yeah we're not born.

intelligent it might be genetic let's be. honest there's no there's not many. studies on it. but we are smarter aren't the IQs of. Ashkenazi Jews very high extremely high. I mean is that any surprise no bro. Woody Allen wrote his own movies. a lot of these guys just take on someone. else's project you think Michael Bay. even knows how to write. no he doesn't yeah he just has special. effects. yeah we're extremely intelligent we. value education we stick to ourselves we.

[ __ ] you know raise our kids right. when you hear Kanye throw out all these. things it's collusion the people they're. working together against the others. do you understand at all where he comes. from yeah we help ourselves we all went. to like Jewish like dentists and stuff. right you know it's just like you know. support support this is what [ __ ]. Killer Mike says about black people. right how come you don't support each. other's business so we're like yeah we. know we figured it out there seems to be.

a tough relationship between Jewish. music Executives and black performers. yeah here's why we designed everything. they do that do rag that 50 Cent had. that's you designed really we choose all. that [ __ ] they run it by us and then we. chose what will we do market research. and we just figure out what's the best. Milli Vanilli it was all Jews who were. singing this stuff right we've just like. planned it but we know we're not cool. looking. and also yeah we kill it in the in the. management industry you know why why.

comedy managers and agents are Jews why. why the the record because you need to. be having someone funneling your money. the first three years you're not making. any money right who else could afford. that only Rich right no. well this that's good follow your dream. these are all good things good things. but here's the thing also yeah because I. grew up with Jews yeah on Long Island oh. there's tons whom I love Yeah loud. they're a little loud obnoxious. complainy for sure complainers yeah but. you need in an area where there are no.

Jews and Italians there's no good food. because wasps yeah will not complain. because they don't want to look a waiter. in the eye because they feel so above. them they don't even complain a Jewish. person will will go back there yes we'll. go back to hey no no no right so switch. it yeah absolutely I was at the. Galapagos and the guy was like uh I. mentioned I was Jewish he goes is that. like Israeli I'm like yeah sure he goes. I've had three Israelis to hear and they. just go to the kitchen. they just go and cook themselves stuff.

you know right and I'm like yeah yeah. why would we wait why is there so much. anti-semitism. it's kind of like why people hate the. Patriots right they win they win right. yeah no one hates cambodians. no I'm kidding I don't even know you. know yeah yeah there is a lot I saw. Brian wholesome you know Holtzman right. of course you saw some uh Jewish lady in. the front Royals what are you Jewish she. goes yeah he goes why does everybody. hate you yeah she goes I don't know he. goes hey you think you'd ask if.

everybody hated me yeah I might ask is. the hour about being a Jew all of it. being a Jew what Judaism is the laws the. history the Bible stories where does. Judaism come from I'm genuinely curious. who was the first Jew. um good question I guess Abraham right. yeah. yeah Abraham was prom yeah Abraham was. the first Jew before that everybody was. equal. do you know you go to heaven without.

even having to do what we do. well you don't believe in heaven I don't. Jews don't choose no we believe in. heaven we don't believe in hell. oh Purgatory we got Purgatory only I'm a. Christian which is a perfected Jew. because Jesus came and Colter said that. once oh Jesus came and said. I'm dying for your sins and you guys. said. we're gonna did you guys do it or did. the Romans kill Jesus who killed Jesus. we don't get our hands dirty right it's.

a good point yeah you know who built the. deck oh I built a deck in my house I. built a new no Mexicans did it when you. go to Israel do you feel a kinship do. you feel because when I go to Dublin. Ireland I go yeah I see everyone looks. like a potato I get it yeah yeah yeah. for sure they're so much tougher there. though yeah they're living in the. [ __ ] on the edge all the time you've. been there ever ever you got to do one. that's obviously you're too dirty to go. on one of those gigs I am too what are. the they're living on the edge because.

of what war any moment there's gonna be. a [ __ ] bombing. you know Tel Aviv Israel yeah I haven't. heard about this the Middle East they're. so calm I heard an old prime minister or. whatever he said what's the problem in. the middle is he goes America's looking. at it like oh we'll trade you some land. for peace whatever and he goes you know. gold or whatever whatever you don't want. to do to trade he goes there they're. operating on a different thing they go. our God told us to kill you right you. can't really negotiate how do you fix. that and I won't hold you to this but.

like many people say kill them all right. I don't right you mean in them all you. mean the Palestinians they both think. the same way right yeah yeah yeah. they're both like yeah well who's that. have you gone to the Gaza Strip no I go. by that they do they used to take you on. buses apart like armed cars like you. know bars in the windows. rocks would start throwing at you it was. crazy it's the [ __ ] front lines yeah.

it's 20 years ago last time I went to. like places like that but is it fair. what Israel did. terrible dude those people live poor I. mean it comes from a place there's like. real war. we took him over from from [ __ ]. Jordan and Jordan's like we don't want. them. right he's like come get your refugees. back like nah they're your problem. though imagine if Mexico attacked and we. drove them back you know 50 yards and. we're like all right well these are all. yours Mexico's like nah it's like all.

those tijuanas. yeah it's a difficult. thing. because it's best not to think about it. bury your head in the sand is the best. one one Viewpoint is the Viewpoint that. I have which is I don't I don't care. that's me I'm unaffected yeah. and I don't. know how to fix it I don't have any. opinion on how to fix it yeah that's the. Viewpoint that's the Viewpoint it's like. homelessness and the people that well. how did you fix them like I'm not in.

charge of that right what the f I don't. know I. get a home you nuts I mean these people. without homes it's insane yeah you want. to live in Manhattan so bad you can't. live here the prices are too hard. haven't you seen the movies where people. are in a house with a Fire doesn't that. look better than that tent you're not. they're goons you think the first person. to give them a tent be like oh I have an. idea I have an old tent I'll give it to. like they didn't used to happen I don't. even believe these people are homeless I. think they're just making a point what's.

the point. they're like [ __ ] I don't know they. want to be special. Outlaws they want to be special so. they're like oh I live in a tent you're. like we get it but it's not even special. anymore everybody's doing it it's like. being into a Lotus the first year I get. it yeah I'm sick of homelessness I won't. tolerate it I won't tolerate any. discussion of it I will pretend it. doesn't exist until I am homeless very. soon you ever go to another city where.

homeless is new and and then some. homeless guy will come up and talk to. you just like ignore him and keep. talking be like how do you do that yeah. like oh practice oh yeah I'm a pro at it. now LA's got 40 000 homeless people is. that true they're a voting block they. have a Kansas City of homeless in L.A. but you ignore it then I'll vote they. don't vote no. places didn't they do that they're told. they have ticks and their they won't. show up and they're foaming at the mouth. they're all on fentanyl yeah if they.

organize that's probably their biggest. problem though they're not organized. there's got to be one few sober homeless. people that are like man I'm really. missing out. they have weed homeless in La they don't. hang out with the heroin homeless. interesting yeah they're like now those. people how are you homeless from getting. high those dabs bro I mean damn that was. a strong edible yeah you're homeless for. smoking weed I just forgot to keep fake. I need to pay the rent what a [ __ ]. embarrassing thing to say dude I went to.

rehab for Percocet and I was embarrassed. because everybody else was like oxies. you went to rehab for Percocet yeah. heroin how good is Percocet it's amazing. but it was gay like when I was in there. everybody's like I'm an oxy cotton. addict I'm a heroin addict I'm a. crackhead and I'm like I do Percocet. they're like oh you're gay. that's how I figured out I was gay they. were like you're gay when you start to. examine it like maybe they're like. you're a dumb [ __ ] no I'm kidding I. knew before that.

yeah yeah I wonder what the homeless. it's like. yeah do you ever see one of those people. like start to kill them you know when. there's like a rash of it and everyone. kind of like we're gonna ignore this. story. oh I've never seen that there's like a. oh 10 people have shown up murder in the. last three days well they start fires. and I'm you know I'm not judging them. it's camping if you're gonna Camp you. gotta have a campfire but they start. fires and they in California they burn. things down like what valuable things.

well they start the fire theater they. start massive fires that burned out all. these houses. good well just a bunch of actors so what. it's a way to think but Joe Rogan was up. there and he had to be evacuated yeah. [ __ ] fires before the homeless too. sure but anyway they started the forest. fires yeah. climate change is homeless people yeah. [ __ ] around yeah they're bringing. back the plague that's the majority of. what it is nobody wants to admit it. nobody wants to admit it they call it. pollution for businesses they're like oh.

it's the [ __ ] whatever it's no it's. homeless people start fires. for fun because they're bored and then. they don't care they don't have a. community to protect it doesn't they. don't care they just March away and they. leave interesting. interesting you heard it here first. that's what's going on. it's true everything is true I thought. you're gonna re-up for it I went to. rehab for. so I was supposed to go for like 28 days. but they cut me off because my insurance.

said he's gonna be okay so Seven Days. Seven really how'd you know you were. like I gotta go this has been two this. is too much I was um. I was at a point when I said. I should give this a shot give rehab a. shot give it a shot because you couldn't. stop well I didn't want to right right. but then I knew I had to. and I'm like if I don't give it a shot. I'll regret it yeah before it's too late.

yeah. and I wanted to go and like you know you. feel as a drug addict you feel like. there's certain things you should do and. one of them is go to a rehab. also it's cool it's amazing it's cool to. say you went to rehab it's badass yeah. it's one of the my favorite things about. myself is that I went to rehab yeah all. the time I printed out this show is. sponsored by better help. you ever get sad. yeah but you know what happens sometimes.

you just don't want to go to therapy in. person it's too hard to put pants on oh. my God you know that there's a thing you. can do online where you can get help no. there's not I've heard it there but you. got to drive down there you're wrong no. it's called better help Ari if you're. feeling sad navigating life's challenges. can make you feel unsure whether it's a. career change in a relationship or. becoming a parent my specials are full. of anxiety will people watch it will. people like it I need to talk to someone. but if you go to better help that's. better hlp better how better hlp.com Tim.

D you're you will get 10 off your first. month. betterhelp.comd and here's the deal. here's the deal Ari yeah if you don't. like a therapist you'll get another one. you could just swap them out it's not a. big deal you don't have to tell them hey. I want to see somebody else like these. dumb [ __ ] chicks you got to be like. oh I don't want to do this anymore. exactly you're just so easy. I went to rehab that's cool as [ __ ] it's. cool it's such a [ __ ] Rockstar thing. of course having a drug problem or being.

mentally ill is [ __ ] awesome yeah. it's one of the coolest things you can. do. being a boring piece of [ __ ] who goes to. work every day and [ __ ] pays his fat. families bills is gay. going to rehab. being a junkie it's so cool it is big on. the street it's just like damn. especially in the summer oh yeah way to. go if you're a kid Outlaw if you're a.

kid right now and you're listening to. this show start. using drugs with the idea that one day. you'll go to rehab yeah you can just. clean it up do you have parents that. both work do you have a second car you. hope you'll be taken care of you're fine. you're fine here's the deal two of the. people I went to rehab with are now dead. really yes from what killing it so hard. drugs no it's drugs what happened to the. rehab they still did drugs after the.

rehaster that's one of the big issues. with rehab well yeah they're like beauty. is taking a break so they left the rehab. and they their tolerances went down. that's what happened to Philip Seymour. Hoffman that's right doing his [ __ ]. College heroin when you got to do your. old man heroin that's right you can't go. right to their same dosage you go out. you get out of rehab do they not tell. them did they not tell you because they. should go when you relapsed him yeah go. half. I actually didn't.

like when I got out of rehab yeah I was. good for how long I got into comedy oh. really yeah Oh I thought this was like. recent no what do you mean I thought I. just heard he went to rehab I haven't. touched him I haven't seen you in a. little bit I haven't touched a drink in. 12 years because you're a loser. I I have things to do yeah Fair ferret. building an empire. renting out the lowest level Studio yeah. building an empire sitting in a basement.

but what am I gonna do you know it's a. great Studio every time I come here I I. give I give um I I try to give I pay the. producer I don't pay a studio rental fee. which is nice that's not to it's best. not to don't give it up for thanks for. that guy yeah and and and I love Lewis. Gomez cut that and and that's why we. support this yeah but yeah I haven't. done anything in 12 years wait you. thought I was in rehab like last week. did you start a comedy out of rehab I.

know the way you said it I was like damn. so [ __ ] cool I may go to rehab now. because now I'm thinking about what if I. go without a problem also money rehab. the rehab you'll get now oh yoga classes. the massages. the tropical fruit can you go to rehab. for being fat oh yo yeah sure yeah. absolutely there's fat rehab yeah so. I'll go to fat rehab you can also just. go to a resort. but then have a great time get fatter. yeah but if you go to rehab they'll make.

you less fat you think so that's the. goal yeah if you go to fat rehab yeah. you go to drug rehab they make you less. drugs what two out of three dead if I go. to drug rehab sober already I'm just. gonna eat because no one will judge you. I'll just smoke cigarettes and eat I. want to go to fat rehab yeah you should. have you ever thought because you do a. lot too what would you do just celery. all day they give you like juices you. eat better at a drug rehab probably yeah. well I think in a fat rehab they'll ask.

you like what are your goals. why are you here. what are the behaviors that we need to. stop. and you just go being fat right but now. they're like barely allowed to ask that. because the fat activist movement fat. shaming yeah I can't really ask you know. how great Americans are if big Fat's. disgusting yeah and then they go hey I. don't want to face that so I'll just. make it socially illegal to even mention. it I'll change the law around me all of. these things are ridiculous you end up.

respecting. because at the end of the day you lose. like we're not gonna win it like this. thing with trans kids you're not gonna. win the next generation is all going to. be trans there's nothing you can do. about be stupid not to go trans a little. bit and they're gonna be fat and Tran. that's it oh no fat trans oh it's not. the worst trans dress like a model. that's the only benefit you go whoa. who's that and somebody's like look. again you go oh okay but they look good. no I'm looking bad.

you're gonna have fat trans people. everywhere in every corner of your. vision if you can't deal with that leave. America you're fighting these battles. that are they're they're not going to be. one ever trans don't don't fight it from. the inside the community have a a an. idea that looks are important we need. your trans Community to keep us safe. so you're saying hot trans people yeah. they should bring back hot they dress. better than heterosexual woman yeah but.

there there's a new kind of trans which. I don't even think you're realizing what. is it. that trans movement oh no yes these are. the unforeseen consequences the. non-binary movement that's not really. trans it's just kind of fat. and they have blue hair and they like. cartoons losers yeah well maybe well you. said that but it's losers and they're.

like what do you like shut up I'm trans. or something that trans autistic people. are going to rule you and if you don't. like it leave America. and if I was running I would say that. I'd be like this we can't fight these. people we can't we have to wipe them out. kill them you don't like a 300 pound. gender non-conforming blue-haired Lord. of the Rings fan yeah that's gonna be. you know what they're gonna do they're. gonna make votes public so you can't do. a private vote anymore yes every trans. is going to win yeah trans black autism.

and you sure it should happen. that's progress because. the energy to fight all of this it's not. worth it it's not worth it enjoy your. boat. go have fun yeah that's what I feel. about Russia Ukraine you're all worried. about the [ __ ] nuclear apocalypse and. I'm like I'm gonna be skiing I just my. whole attitude is like I would like to. not have one over the Ukraine yeah can. we stop pretending we care yeah make it. over like China Russia something better. I'm better some are cool Ukraine.

nobody's going there. do Jews ever get to a point where people. are like you're [ __ ] cool now yeah it. goes back and forth right it really does. it Ebbs and flows yeah. every [ __ ] picture of a Palestinian. like 12 year old with an arm missing. from a [ __ ] shell going off that. doesn't help you guys love to kill the. kids you kill these Palestinian kids I. mean it's like nothing I've ever seen. Barry Weiss came on my show and I said.

you know you bomb schools and she goes. and we also bomb hospitals we have to. and I'm like that's your defense because. that's where the terrorists are it might. have been opposite I might have said. hospital she might have said we also. have to bomb schools because she goes. the terrorists all hide in the schools. and hospitals like they're not gonna. bomb this and they go all right you just. kill these Palestinian children. yeah I mean they don't fight back it's. the easiest one if you've got to pick on. somebody pick on the week it's very sad. yeah yeah.

yeah. cool it's like you said okay I'm gonna. even when I go there they're not it's. homeless and I'm not that offended by it. I have an agent no I'm kidding I I I. it's not my War it's not my fight I. don't feel I don't want children dying. yeah but like they their kids die too I. guess right yeah is there a way to say I. don't care without sounding callous no. to mean like there's no way I have no. caring for this issue it's not like I.

don't care it's like it's like oh that's. not something I care about it actually. sounds horrible to everyone listening. right now that both of us don't care I. just got better [ __ ] to deal with. there's no good day in here is amazing. there's no good way to say that kids are. being there's armless children running. around and I don't care. what do you think about uh Israeli food. underrated it's pretty damn good yeah. the hummus. Falafel yeah and they're mixing now. their Fusion Arab and Israeli food is.

there any truth to these conspiracies to. choose run the world or the media got. that please. what is that what do you mean I'm asking. who wrote The New York Times look it up. the salzburgers damn. okay one guy one Gentile. yeah we let one in and gas digital's run. run by we have Chris Allen at this point. Ralph is Jewish right no yes he is.

oh yes he is Lewis is just a Puerto. Rican face of this yeah he's the face we. have Chris Allen at Norman's wedding and. was like oh here's our not racist. right Chris Allen forward so there's no. truth. it's like a group it is a group it's not. a group we're not in cahoots we just. kill it what do you want us to do not. kill it what about the Rothschilds they. they finance both sides in the war and. and went you know yeah I do know how. about that how about that we turn a.

profit what do you want to do it's a. profitable business the media okay but. but why would there be there's an. anti-jewish articles why would we allow. that because it doesn't hurt prophets. from us. not having us from them what about these. I don't know the Rothschilds what are. you a self-hating Jew is that what they. call you sometimes right when I got out. I was like what the [ __ ] is wrong with. you people right yeah yeah I hate a lot. of them it's a lot of what Kanye said it.

was like uh this and that no one said he. was wrong they just wanted to be quiet. yeah you know. it's a complex and beautiful culture. and wouldn't say beautiful well you know. you know the the good complex they do a. lot of good things. the Holocaust Memorial. beautiful. let's get into that Holocaust because. here's what I've heard yeah. this is what I've heard and I'm I'm just. saying this okay just report on it.

I've heard it was very bad. so far no issues okay okay what else. have you heard but it wasn't six. I've heard it was a six I've heard it. was four four I've heard it was four. that would be a nice exaggeration. because if it goes to 200 000 to 6. million you're like it's unbelievable if. you go to four million like we can up. this a bit I've heard it was four I mean. that Woody Allen joke and the scary. thing is records are made to be broken I. mean isn't he can we just say he's a. genius he's a genius he's a genius and.

worth it. he did the wrong no he did the wrong. thing clearing our actress by Marrying. an actress but. you know. do you believe it was six million I. don't really know but it's odd that. that's an a very even number. it's strangely even it's strangely even. it it's like. it's like when you get hit with a comedy. check you know from whatever and they go. we had exactly 40 comps that's what. we're allowed exactly for it's like not.

32 to the weekend why does the Holocaust. get more attention than the Potato. Famine which starved and killed many of. my people do you know I don't know total. IQ is lost. what do you mean you nothing lost from. the [ __ ] Potato Famine dude the Irish. One Step Above the Italian we have souls. so we all have stories yeah and music. and stories and like shalalys are nice. Blarney yeah no we are the the oral. history of telling stories of Keebler. passing down information is all us.

okay isn't that blacks no it's not blood. what are you talking about stories in. the ships. if they were you guys were making money. off it. yeah someone's writing it down yeah like. they'll say this when there's movies. yeah I want to tell the story but yeah I. wish to get started with the story I. love all these dumb [ __ ] uh uh cultures. this is Stavros has the same [ __ ] they. all brag about the past whereas real.

cultures are bragging about the present. oh we started storytelling what the [ __ ]. is going on now I know the Chinese and. the Arabs are the future. that's a fact the China you're killing. it but you know the Chinese are going to. beat the Jews Chinese don't have a. problem with us we're never been at war. with the Chinese interesting well will. Cahoots it till the end of time what. there's no issues there you love Chinese. food love Chinese because you knew I. started taking athletic greens because I. wanted better gut health more energy.

optimized immune system I hated taking. pills vitamins wanted a supplement that. actually tastes great wanted to see what. the hype was about now I've been on it. for six months and I love it it doesn't. taste super healthy I mean do they look. at who their spot who they're asking to. read their [ __ ] Ari Health has nothing. to do with appearance you should be okay. the rest of you get the I should be. taking these it has kind of a mild. tropical taste that I look forward to. each morning Ari.

you know get up in the morning so what. is this stuff with one delicious scoop. of athletic greens you're absorbing 75. high quality vitamins whole Source. superfood sources to make it easy. athletic greens is going to give you a. free one-year supply of immune support. vitamin D and five free travel packs. with your first purchase all you have to. do is listening athleticqueens.com Tim. Dillon again that is athleticqueens.com. to take ownership over your health and. pick up the ultimate daily nutritional. insurance.

we knew it was going to be available and. Chinese do not reciprocate that. they don't eat like Reubens no they've. never had a bagel never no they never. never had borscht or a [ __ ] quiggle. interesting yeah what the [ __ ] I had. cats Deli the other day it's amazing Oh. I thought you were talking about Chinese. and said I had cats no Jewish food yeah. delis oh my God smoked fish why it's. such a big sandwich. I know what my dad used to do he'd be.

like get me some extra rye bread and we. split that sandwich into like four yeah. it's so odd you can't even wrap your. math around it how Jewish is that. splitting it into four yeah and the. right bread rest break the extra rye. bread this hour that everyone loves. everyone is saying this is a great hour. because it's about the Jews. I'd never thought of that angle heart. Ari I just smart cut that too I just. thought it was uh people giving me. comments but how could they say anything.

but. now do you think it's because you're a. Jewish comedian you're allowed to have. your special name Jew like if my. discussion was called juice or hey Jew. yeah it wouldn't even get off the ground. you know my next special CD I'm just. gonna make a CD I talked about charade. uh it's gonna be called too many blacks. and the answer is what are the responses. from the Jewish Community to your. special Mostly they love it you have an. occasional like you know hate speech. person that's like that's just a fact. this could mean more anti-Semitism. losers dorks and losers right it just.

brings people together but the vast. majority they're like this is great. thanks for thanks for sharing our. [ __ ] life experience all the [ __ ]. wig ladies you know are like sick nobody. talks about us not in a fun way. have you. gone into the bowels of the belly of the. Beast as you say if you've gone to. Williamsburg where they have the Hat you. ever see that furry hat yeah the strimel. what a [ __ ] amazing hat it's gorgeous. it's a beautiful hat you know those cost.

like 1500 bucks I know now. Staples do you go into that area ever. and here's why they are not worried. about it because you can't get YouTube. on your flip phone. wow yeah. I forgot they're like Amish yeah more or. less they're just but they're on their. phone all day but they're cheating on. their wives sometimes like with fat. black hookers really I love a fat black. hooker whoa Pat careful a fat black. hooker is what a Jewish man wants love.

it love it it gets so far removed from. what they're allowed right they're just. they feel like what am I doing that's. [ __ ] awesome black chicks in general. it's just like you see I saw him drop. him off some in Montreal right across. from uh. Cleopatra you'd see him late at night. just dropping him off because it's like. a shrimal and it's like this doesn't go. he reads as a rabbi and that fat black. hooker does not read as Jewish and then. she gets out of the car and she's like. what the [ __ ] it's so cool looking. it's kind of amazing it's kind of.

amazing because here's the deal you're. born a freak you're born a freak you. don't you know what kind of community. we're gonna get and you gotta freak in. the [ __ ] Hasidic Jewish Community you. still need it. this gaze too of course and what are. they supposed to do what do they do hide. it. bath house right uh. I went I took my knees to a to a hike it. was near somewhere in New Jersey. and uh it was behind this mall and then. Woods go and we saw this dude six years.

old comb over he goes oh hey uh probably. don't take her that way it's um. it's muddy. uh go that way I was like okay. go that we see two other like 65 60 year. old white dudes just sitting two dudes. on a bench later two other dudes and. it's a [ __ ] gay like Vietnam era I. have my wife at home. gay hang out in the park wow yeah and. he's like don't go that way because it. gets wild if you had not heard that or.

had not heeded his warning we would have. seen some scarring stuff I would have. seen some [ __ ] yeah and there's got to. be a Jewish version of that. a place they know where they can go oh. absolutely yeah. yeah I want to know about that [ __ ] I. don't know what do you think about. religion in general what a waste of a. [ __ ] life interesting what a waste of. a life you know Rogan had this guy Matt. Walsh on and they were talking about the. game sounds like a dork gay marriage and. Rogan and him were just debating it and. it's just you do get to that point with. religion where they're like yeah I don't.

have an argument what do you mean it was. a gay marriage not supposed to yeah it's. just wrong and rogo's like well what. should gay people do if they're gay and. then Matt Walsh was like I don't know. just. I don't believe you should have sex or. do anything like so the Jewish view on. on gay or homosexuality is that it is an. urge not unlike drunkenness and and. overeating well that's what Christians. say too every fundamentalist but most. Jewish men in the suburbs are very. effeminate like it's it's really wild. they will touch the whole massage no but.

they also they're like hello I'm Barry. Allah this is my wife they're like I'm. fully gay but I'm not Allah like Jewish. men are insanely effeminate I worked at. a beach club in Long Island and these. guys would come in they're like hello. I'm Howard I'm Howie yeah you're right. the way you say it is borderline it's. absolutely true it's like oh you're gay. but you're not they're not gay they're. just Jewish because they're so upset in. it that they just don't care hello hi hi.

what are you doing look at you. and then the wives are like more. masculine it's like I'm Eileen they. [ __ ] take a cockroach yeah they're. like I might lean this is my gay husband. [ __ ] yeah it's just like why are you. religious what are you giving your life. to God for well some people need it Ari. they need something. I had when I was studying with I had a. friend who became a rabbi and I asked. him for information for the special on. YouTube right now uh and and he's like.

I'm not telling you. I was like what do you mean you have to. I'm a Jew and you're a rabbi I'm asking. you about the [ __ ] the law and he. goes no you're gonna use it to Mock I'm. not telling you wow I told him to get. [ __ ] wow yeah but this is their life. they've devoted their entire life to. this I wish there was a moment after. death before lack of afterlife where. they get to realize they were wrong how. do you know they'll never realize. they're wrong our side will only realize. we're wrong if we're wrong what a great. Point yeah it's unfair they'll never.

know they were wrong yeah they're either. wrong or right they'll realize if. they're right they won't realize if. they're wrong we'll realize if we were. wrong and not if we were right. unfair well if we're wrong how do you. what do you how do you think it happens. what happens we get up there and God's. like. like the coming Mutombo just like nah. and we see a [ __ ] down escalator what. are the chances of that I feel like he'd. be cool what did I really do do you. think what did I really do besides. pushing kids every once in a while. [ __ ] you know hitting a car and then. leaving a fake note in the windshield. what did I really do everyone who's.

governed any country. acts like there's no God the things they. do yeah think about it you have to. anybody Obama was able to go to church. and not be a complete liar knowing he. blew up a wedding party. come on get the [ __ ] out of town dude. you're Godless or your Satan if you're a. Satanist I get it do you think there's. an afterlife no do you I don't know. maybe yeah maybe I don't really care I'm. beyond atheism or agnosticism I don't. care I mean how do you not care because.

it's like whatever it is it is I got no. control over it same as this [ __ ]. nuclear Holocaust I got no control over. it I don't worry about it you don't. wanna. you don't want some argument would you. like there to be an afterlife yeah. that'd be nice be nice I keep living. forever what I'd really like is like. Elvin where you just live for like a. thousand years like an elf yeah you just. keep living and living all your friends. get old uh you just kind of you you age. like a year every hundred. that would be a mate wouldn't you get. wouldn't life get boring I don't think. so imagine if yourself you live in a.

life like an aunt where your whole life. is over like six months and you'll be. like well now imagine it's over 40 50 60. years like that we get boring you get. used to it you'd have a new scale wow. you'd watch your friends get old die new. new technology will come in you'd have. new friends. it'd be pretty [ __ ] sick but then at. the end it would be so wild what do you. mean at the end like meeting at the end. of this life that you've lived yeah. after you've seen all this stuff yeah. wouldn't it get sad and lonely. because there's nobody left to talk.

about the things that you experienced no. they don't want to hear you you'd be. like one of those celebrities holding. Court. no everyone just be listening to you. yeah we'll get lonely you ever talk to. like a rich famous comedian and you're. just like you're just talking at us. yeah or a rock star or anything like. that yeah and it's like I get it you're. our betters but like man aren't you. lonely don't you want some back and. forth well that's the whole thing it's. lonely at the top right yeah yeah that's. what they say yeah not at the top of. rehab no. I want to go I would love if there was.

do you think it's rehabs for juice. no there's rehabs for Jewish people that. have problems no no I don't mean like. Jewish base I mean rehab to not be so. Jewish there should be it should be yeah. where they bring in like ah it's. Christine Evans. how are you our owner of this place. um yeah there should be so she. interrupts the show yes interrupts the. whole show we had a flow going I don't.

know she's not Jewish right no that's. opposite armo that is correct so what is. the opposite of Jewish because I don't. feel like I'm the opposite. it's it's like is the opposite of hungry. thirsty or is the opposite hungry not. hungry. I don't I've I yeah oh interesting yeah. so I think the opposite of Jewish is. like like a worm or something you're. saying she's the opposite because she's. [ __ ] right okay. we're on the same page yeah anyway yeah.

the Armenian part is just like yeah yeah. I get it it's awesome what do you want. people to take away from this special. laughs buddy just laugh what about to. convert no we don't want you why not. welcome Jews we're good we're like New. York we're good don't move here oh crime. wave crime wave Patrice always said that. Jews don't want you to be Jewish no we. don't and why would you why because it's. like we got a special thing it's the. only thing that makes it special is our. small numbers but this is what sounds a. little conspiratorial because we have. ends that you don't have well no it's. just going we have and you know we don't. need you Christians we're like knocking.

on your door like be one of us dude I. when I used to wear my yamaka yeah my. summer job. um uh some lady got black chick got into. a 50 years old got into the elevator. with somebody what floor She Goes do you. accept the Lord Jesus Christ your. personal savior I don't I don't you know. I don't that's why I'm wearing the. yamaka I was like what floor though she. goes Lord Jesus Christ loves all and I. was like okay that's good enough what. floor she goes I'm not even I just saw. you guys I know I'm not even like in. this building yeah that's Gall what.

about Jews for Jesus. come on a little conflicted it's weird. right weird it's weird it's the greatest. two of all time. oh that's a good question Jesus is up. there he succeeded where no no one else. did Larry David's probably two. the Rothschilds. they built an Empire who are they you. know them more than I do oh I do know. them you know them more than that Maya. Rothschild who was he Nathaniel. um they were an insanely wealthy family.

they get their money. well they were in banking okay when Jews. were forced into bank you know what so. what we're in Baker oh they're on the. back we couldn't do anything else other. than loan money I know so I was like. what do you want us to do not do that. well and they started you know they. started to get. popular juice thanks no Rothschilds oh. yeah when they were. you know they there was like five of. them and they each either the father was. like there was they were like you'll go.

here you'll go here you'll go here what. different parts of the world uh yes. different parts of Europe. and they you know the they kind of. famously I think bankrolled both sides. unless I'm completely wrong but I don't. think I am they bankrolled both sides of. a war and it was France and England. maybe that's what they do that's what uh. politics does that with business they're. just like yeah just buy them both out. it's just a smart thing to do yeah but. supposedly they're trillionaires but it.

they're not both sides or whoever wins. owes you tons more yeah. now supposedly they have a vast amount. of wealth but I don't know I'm cobbling. this together I mean The Message Board. they don't want everything out there. yeah they do not like stuff that's out. there that's a capital T they're not. like the car there's no show on the. e-network called the Rothschild they're. not doing like uh yeah a boss show no. they're not they're not on Million.

Dollar Listing they're on squid games. they're on squid they want to keep it. low yeah and keep it quiet what's the. benefit of being known none famous many. negatives money has very few yeah. yeah so they're smart I know somebody. who knows one of them well who's a. Rothschild now like Bethany Rothschild. is there no there's a kid I know is a. rich kid in New York City went to school. with a Rothschild. there's Nathaniel there's duroth child. too what's that. that's the French version so they're all.

made so much money yeah. they choose laws and stuff there's all. these conspiracies that they like kind. of own all all of the companies quietly. yeah but that's not true they probably. have a piece of it or it'd be like a. Harvey Weinstein thing it's like we. don't do every every movie but when he. was at his at his Peak but like don't. [ __ ] us or you'll be out of business. this should be good for the YouTube. algorithm a lot of Rothschild talk watch. always do on YouTube right now all right. should fears do on YouTube right now do. you talk about the Rothschilds at all no.

not I don't know. I don't know anything about him well. he's fighting out right now I'll go back. and re-edit they're a big [ __ ] deal. the thing is with them that so it's not. like they're they're helping other Jews. they're like at the Illuminati table can. you get up guess digital producer get up. Lord Jacob De Rothschild confronted. outside of the Metropolitan Club I want. you to watch this guy he's kind of a. lizard guy okay and he's confronted. outside of this exclusive they let him.

know who he was mistake yeah exclusive. elite club called The Metropolitan Club. started by JP Morgan not Jewish right. okay. and he's coming out of an event and they. kind of confront him wait so he was with. JP Morgan no JP Morgan's long dad this. was like recently JP Morgan the bank. that just dropped Kanye. Rothschild is a member of this JP. Morgan's Club well they all tired it's.

all tied in though it's all tied up well. no now you're you're you're you're. you're being facetious do you have you. found anything. he's got to turn on the uh monitor I. told I made him turn it off right oh. yeah why did you do that that's. distracting I'd agree with it I hate it. but if we're going to see something we. got to watch this Rothschild get his. comeuppance wait what somebody threw. something in his face. well here's what happened no someone. went up to him and goes what are you. doing with you know with JP Morgan no. stop with JP Morgan you're getting so. confused you're doing this oh my God.

where's bodyguards well. you know the New World Order has no. legitimacy and that we as a people are. not afraid and we are waking up to the. robber baron you should be afraid. do you have a couple minutes.

where is bodyguards. I kind of like him. he's stand there taking it are you nuts. all. this is a [ __ ] garbage truck there. yeah. it really isn't true. there it is you know his accent is from. a country that doesn't exist it's your.

country is somewhere between Normandy. I'm a Norman dude yeah yes yes but do. you see what it means bodyguards how. cool is he he's a real life lizard. villain when I met him maybe the owners. of the UFC who are [ __ ] penny stocks. compared to this guy right I got a bit. scared because I was like you could have. me disappeared yeah not that they wanted. to but the fact that I'm dealing with. someone who easily could and not face. any repercussions well Rogan this guy is. on another another level Rogan could.

have us killed. sort of with his money he can't. he couldn't have his kills he doesn't. have the influence these guys have but. he goes casinos he could call someone he. could call someone he would know who to. call that could do it yeah any one of. our friends would kill us for money this. guy could whoever that's talking to that. guy he's like we're not scared of you I. want to be like you should be scared he. could vaporize he's looking at him go. hmm yeah do I want to where is it do I. want to eat yourself oh no no how do you. think I've lived to 200. it's just not.

true live stem cells but that's kind of. what their deal is they run [ __ ] you. know who's married to one of them. Whitney. Nikki Hilton really yes get up Nikki. Hilton's husband. um wealthy Mary and Wealthy yeah of. course who are they gonna marry. of course they're gonna marry Marius. slobber Baron marry a slopper. she's married to one of the Rothschilds. he can't be maybe he's good looking.

maybe he's good looking I think he's hot. I think I'm not sure because they. probably yeah because they're they're. offering will be good looking let's get. a nice photo of them and he's Jewish he. looks like Harry Styles. he's a piece. I'll trust her. that's what a little on Brett he's a. little inbred yeah he's got the vampire. ears and vampire nose he's he's in. that's who they that's who the Jewish. Bankers were in uh in Harry Potter.

the Gringotts yeah pull them up it's. similar pull up the green got Bankers go. face to face facing each other and were. you offended at that I mean no but I. could tell what it was it's pretty. [ __ ] obvious and they're like don't. uh go uh ears just make it ears that's. what he did in Star Trek make it make it. ears the the yeah no no no no isn't the. way forward why'd he have to kill them. all he just gonna give him alone. raycon earbuds are the best earbuds on. the market they're better than the other. earbuds they're a lot less expensive.

they have like eight hours of [ __ ]. Play Time have you ever had a ray Connor. bud in your ear raycon no raycon is good. dude. I feel like I have used it no you. haven't they're Wireless and they have a. comfortable fit they make it easy it's a. great holiday gift what holiday. Thanksgiving get there there's another. one Christmas one more Hanukkah it's. closer you know what everyone needs yeah. wireless earbuds raycon guys you want. someone sneaking up behind you of course.

you do it's living dangerous well they. have all these they have all these new. modes where you can hear the rest of the. world and the music they should be able. to amplify degenerates behind you they. haven't elect they have an alertness. mode in a wireless mode yes it's all in. there folks go to raycon.com Tim and use. code early BF to get 20 off site wide. that's raycon.com Tim and use the word. early BF that's the code 20 20 off site. wide or save even bigger and get 30 off. raycon's exclusive holiday bundles do it. do the 30. everyone it's important do.

the 30 not the 20. that's code early BF. at buy recon.com for 20 off that's buy. raycon.com for 20 they are great. headphones. I'm telling you right now give me some. anything wrong. they just had a bank who killed them all. Harry killed them all he blew up the. whole [ __ ] thing oh Harry Potter yeah. they didn't do anything they had to go. now listen. don't you think that you're such a good. Outsider now listen don't you think we. get over all this stuff by forgetting.

about the Holocaust we stopped talking. about it it's enough already stop at the. museums it's very depressing don't you. think we just move on forward that's a. tough one I tell you what if my special. gets to 20 million views right then sure. don't you think it's 40 acres is done. pressing it's never ending I wish they. would focus on the pause of Judaism not. the [ __ ] negative well this is what I. mean I mean do we have to constantly. with the museums and uh and I mean I.

mean come on I mean Jesus that's a Roth. child I mean wow oh my God by the way oh. my God does this episode stay up for an. hour even I want YouTube yeah I don't. know. John you from China and uh Jimmy tube. I don't even know but we're just having. fun comedians having fun we don't mean. anything Russians also respect it's. Hawk about these things because.

they say you can't make fun of juice but. you can. we're doing it yeah we're doing it but I. mean you have one here to do it you. didn't do this last week with Bobby. Kelly I did not yeah I did not yeah off. stage though as soon as the camera. argued about if lakes or oceans were. better. I don't know we've all been talking for. you know a million years and what a. podcast gonna die already they will die. I think as soon as the celebrities. invade them and they're gonna invade. them we thought it would be any moment.

the one guy tried but then he killed. somebody up close so that didn't work. it'll it'll get to what some will stick. around. but then I think a lot of it's just. there's no next thing yet right and. people always need they'll always be. podcasters always somebody's always. going to be commuting or on a treadmill. or watching something they like but what. podcast never became is movies nope or. TV shows they tried for a while to try. making TV shows yeah it's just my. podcast it's been a TV show people like. Stern did it it's just bonus features so.

what it what it will be is when I think. people when there's a next cool thing. because young kids are on Twitch right. we're not on Twitch they're live. streaming. the young kids we're not [ __ ] it's. just that's their thing. they live stream. and that's what they do. can they get boners anymore. no because they're all on ssris yeah. I would sell my podcast to the. Rothschilds. yeah. and would you keep it going and be like. just deliver our message absolutely.

absolutely let's practice Yeah. ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dylan show brought to you by the. Rothschilds oh it's not on the level. oh it's signage oh okay yeah uh ladies. and gentlemen welcome I haven't [ __ ]. no I was in Salt Lake and it's right at. my face everybody's gonna think I'm like. doing signals but my face is like. [ __ ] my Skin's falling off but ladies. and gentlemen blah blah blah approach to. you by the Rothschilds and then we would. be like I'd just be like pay your. [ __ ] bills peasants pay your bills.

it's important these landlords get by if. Circle down effect pay the bills. it's it's the landlord is good yeah he. keeps the neighborhoods from crumbling. the landlord knows whether you should. live in the apartment or not don't. question him if if the gas is off it's. for a reason maybe you shouldn't have an. infant in the unit stop whining about. the prices of everything just go out and. buy it just buy just consume. thank you this podcast has been brought.

to you by the Rothschild thank you. Rothschilds for bringing us everything. good in the world the progress. yeah man I don't know it's like the way. I look at the world I just say you know. can't you just not give a [ __ ] isn't. that a possible all these people black. lives matter the Jews thing you create a. [ __ ] Afghanistan got a new tattoo. yeah I got an Ecuador what is it it's a. flower that's in the jungle a lot. what kind of flower.

yeah it's like it looks like lobster. claws I loved it every time I saw it I. loved it I was walking around there with. a machete once trying to get them and. this and I walked too far away from the. jungle and two into like what I like. about you yeah is when you get canceled. you flee the country I wanted to flee. anyway yeah but Delta was going up again. I was like sweet get it higher I'm going. to Peru when you get canceled you are. like in a third world country literally. hacking Through the Jungle not gonna be. having a good time I remember when. January 6 happened I'll praise the.

heroes they uh they they were like at. the end of democracy and I was like [ __ ]. yes yeah and people were like that's not. our take on it now what do you like so. much about slumming around the third. world like a Savage you get to zooify. people you get to look at them as lesser. than you and be around them because you. go to like Safari you go to like a yurt. yeah yeah you'll stay in a goddamn yurt. with like weird freaks I take a 50 bill. with them I let them all see it I'm like. this is this is a change of [ __ ] year. you really you'll go to like Malaysia I. I have not been in Malaysia but I've.

been all around Malaysia Indonesia is. Timor it's the same come on Cambodia you. go there and what do you tell them do. you tell them you got canceled. I've never got there they wouldn't. understand what that is people are mad. at me they're like why did you not. basket weave today yeah I'm like nah. they know who Kobe Bryant is he's famous. everywhere yeah yeah yeah I think you'd. be able to explain it like this guy I. didn't pass much he was a really big he. was sixth best Laker of all time when. you come back to America yeah.

what do those experiences make you feel. about our country do you feel anything. legit the toilet paper it blows my mind. when I get back here I forget I take. that for granted until I get back here. from the [ __ ] horrors of foreign. toilets so when you get back to America. are you like where the [ __ ] or no. it's just overcrowded there are. definitely some nice things the toilet. paper is not a joke it's a joke but it's. not a joke you wipe and you're like oh. yeah I forgot about this. we have great like everything everywhere.

but also it's like it's a bit much and. impersonal do you tell Joe says hello. because we have the same agent yeah he. hates it I leave do you ever tell him. when you're leaving. I told him last time when I left for. like three three four months uh what did. he say he's like no no no come on come. on come on come on hello can I get your. gig out there are there gigs in these. two more he's a good Agent yeah he is. right he keeps he keeps Junior and his. wife is gorgeous oh she's the best have. you seen his wife yeah she's like. gorgeous and great yeah she stays in. shape by not having any seconds and she.

says like y'all and when a woman says. y'all it's good because you know you're. waking up to eggs and she's not. screaming about Sylvia Plath even you. can get a boner for that for sure. yeah he tries to talk me out of it but. it's like gotta live your life Duncan. says to me once I was fighting with. Comedy Central there I was like I want. to go see the world and but they're. [ __ ] yapping at me they're like we're. gonna be mad at you if you go away and. he goes Ari you want to see the world. and some business that's owned by. [ __ ] Viacom wants you to not see the. world so what's the argument even well.

the argument is that make more money you. have her I mean if the Rothschilds. thought like that. I'm not looking to be that if the. Rothschilds thought like you where the. hell would we be where would everybody. be where would anyone what about the. benefits they've given us a society. they've given us what do you think about. Jeffrey Epstein and the Mossad it just. as we wind it down can you give a quick. link between the two the Mossad and. Jeffrey Epstein and the honey pot and. the blackmail and ipac and Israel and.

then and the mega group and the Bronson. Family I know the honey pot you know. more terms than I do about the wealthy. yeah we converge on Jews and wealth you. love old wealth and and we are that yeah. but I don't know what day to day like. honey bite means you get stuck in it you. come and you [ __ ] somebody you shouldn't. we photograph and you and video you and. then we blackmail you you're right smart. I think it was a massage operation. killing Harvey Weinstein are you in the.

Mossad. you know I got a call after uh yeah from. the Israeli like intelligence agency. after the Mossad there's a writer. pretend not to know the name name. Arielle shaffir and he writes for Seth. Rogen. so every time there's like he does. something like some calls or. congratulations and after they did a. thing with Korea my parents got called. at home from the Mossad and said we need. to talk to your son and they were like. it's not him and like ma'am.

we need to talk to your son wow that's. how unintelligent they are. I can't believe that. I cannot believe the Mossad is. unintelligent I think it was the Israeli. intelligence agency and not the most. yeah yeah yeah so then maybe it's the. it's the they always got the Holocaust. guys though they always got the Nazis. the ones that live in Argentina live in. the good life they just get a bag over. their head one day like what the [ __ ]. massage. they're the best they're the best they. kill it they kill it literally yes any.

parting words about Jews or the. Holocaust or the roths don't focus on. the negatives in the past focus on the. good things I should focus on this sucks. you go [ __ ] yourself you're buying. store-bought matzah you need the [ __ ]. handmade 30 bucks a box I do I actually. need that yeah I'll get to that and peso. what about lavage. it's like matzah. I support Jewish dollies I love them. yeah I love smoked.