#301 - Everyone Makes Mistakes | The Tim Dillon Show

Shut up. Stop hitting. I'm just sinking it. Check, check, test. It's all fake. It's a clapper, so I can see the thing. and then sync. It's one of these things you do to make. believe that you're doing something. But it's not anything. It's. What is this? It's SeaWorld? The seals? You going to throw me a fish? Well, if I had a clapper, if I just WENT. LIKE THAT.

IT'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT. We're rolling. I know we are. It's the Tim Dillon show. Can you sit in your chair and do the. show? Where are you going? looking for my water. Your water? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim. Dillon show if we can even call it that. If everybody settle down, our friends. Devon Costa and I have to have a.

colleague join us this evening for the. uh broadcast. Devon looks uh. completely out of it and then I look. very poised. She's sitting there very. poised like we're going to. I'm going to really. you know, really get into it. Yeah. Here are the issues of the day. Greg Norman, golfer, Ben's friend, says. "We all make mistakes regarding Jamal. Khashoggi's murder." Tell us everybody. quickly what's going on with the Saudi.

cuz Saudis own everything now. They own. a stake in Live Nation. They own free. speech. Mhm. They own a lot of the great real estate. in America. Now, they also somehow have. gotten golf. Yeah, yeah, they got it. own golf now. They can have it. Live Live golf, so they. That's what I say. So, for anyone that doesn't know, Greg. Norman was a huge golfer in the '80s and. the '90s. The shark from Australia. Australia. Right. And so, they gave him a war chest. of about $350 million to get as many.

players over to the PGA Tour from the. PGA Tour to the Saudi Tour, which is. going to take place in the US. What's the Saudi Tour called? LIV Golf. L I V Golf. They love like names like that. LIV. Golf. So this organization, it's a fund of. Saudi Arabia Arabia. They're going to. get people from the PGA Tour to play in. these events. It looks like they got. Phil Mickelson with like $40 million to. cross over. of gambling debts. He needs help. That's the rumor is he owes people tons.

and like millions of dollars. It's. always been a rumor he had huge problems. with gambling, but supposedly he's doing. this to get. he owed Bones Mackay, his caddy, hundreds of thousands of dollars. cuz no one cares except you about golf. No one cares. Bones Mackay? Well, he does he does this. No one gives. a [ __ ] and he keeps I want broad strokes. to just we can understand what's. happening. So. So So he's getting players from the PGA. Tour over to the Saudi Tour. If they go. to the Saudi Tour, they are banned from. the PGA Tour. Interesting.

And he's getting big players with money. Get them to cross over. Right. Right. And so now they keep asking him about. Saudi Arabia. They keep going, "Hey, don't you have you know, what about the. human rights violations?" And he. basically says things like, "Eh, what. are you going to do?". And so they asked him about So ahead of. the group's inaugural event. set for June 9-11, September 11th. Not September 11th, June 9-11. But what. does that mean?

June 9th through the 11th. June 9th through the 11th. Odd. The. first Saudi golf tournament is the 9th. through the 11th of June? That's odd. At Centurion Golf Club outside of. London, Norman was asked his thoughts on. Saudi Arabia's involvement in the 2018. murder of Washington Post reporter and. United States resident Jamal Khashoggi. Quote, from what I heard and what you. guys reported, Norman said,

"Just take ownership of what it is. Take. ownership no matter what it is. Look, we've all made mistakes, and you just. want to learn from those mistakes and. how you can correct them going forward.". He's so terrified cuz he'll kill him. So, he's like, "We all make mistakes. We. all have a guy captured and tortured on. closed-circuit television while we. instruct the captors how exactly to. torture him. We've all made mistakes. Mulligan. and Greg Norman is his job now is just.

to defend the Saudi human rights record. Uh which, by the way, thank God America. set up that labyrinth of secret torture. prisons. during uh the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. so you could he could really just kind. of point to that and be like, "Hey, man, there was a lot of people that we. tortured that probably had nothing to do. with anything. So, thank God uh we've. our moral authority's diminished. But, I. would This is a big thing for you. because you really like golf.

They're breaking up the PGA tour. Uh. Phil might not defend his title this. year. But, all right, shut up. But, this is. He's really into it. He likes golf. You. know what I mean? It's like I used to be. a swimmer. He used to be a golfer. How. insane would it be if I still cared. about swimming? Less insane. I was a really good swimmer when I was. eight. Yeah, but but then there's the Olympics. There's There's There's some uh you. know, spirit around swimming, I think, in this country. There's not.

No? I mean, every 4 years. Absolutely not. I mean, there's a spirit. around maybe the Olympics, but. Yeah, that's what I mean. It would be insane. Yes. if I was cared. about swimming. I haven't done it. competitively in years. And but I And I I love Ben's passion for. it, but it's just a little absurd. And. it gets to a point where it's it's. disgusting. I find it endearing. How much does he owe Bones McCoy? Hundreds of THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

DUDE, THESE NAMES HE COMES UP with. are [ __ ] what? I think he makes them. up. You didn't make that up? No, it's Adam Bones McCoy. He's in a. golf announcer now. He retired from. caddying for Phil and people thought he. wanted to be a broadcaster. Turns out he. just was I guess was owed a bunch of. money from Phil. So, what do you think Mickelson does? He. goes to the casino and gets really. wacky? No, he plays he plays golf with like. Jordan and guys like that and just does. massive bets.

And loses? Shouldn't he win? Isn't he a. professional? Isn't that the whole. point? he runs on adrenaline. He probably goes, "Oh, for a million bucks, I'll hit it. over this tree and slice it onto the. green." Like something insane. [ __ ] like that? a gambling addict. Well, he deserves to be [ __ ] debtors'. prison. If he's doing [ __ ] like that, like let. me watch ME BOUNCE IT OFF a rock. A. MILLION BUCKS. IF HE'S DOING STUPID. [ __ ] I thought at least he was like uh. if we if I win, I get like if he's doing. crazy like carnival acts on a golf.

course for money, what kind of sick [ __ ]. is this guy? He's very eccentric. For sure. Uh well, we wish the best. We are big. fans of Saudis here. I love them. I love. a culture of rich people who smoke and a. culture of quiet women. And I've never in the world been around. Saudi women and went, "Oh my god, will. they shut up?" It's never happened. They. are a quiet uh group of women. And I'm.

also everyone's like, "Oh, they're being. abused with the thing." I'm like, "You. know what? I I don't think so. They seem. happy and I'm not bothered by it.". It's so let's stop going around the. world telling everybody how they're. being abused and cuz all we do in this. country is tell people how they're not. being abused. They go, "Well, they can't take off. their thing.". The abaya or the burka, whatever it's. called. Although women in Saudi Arabia can apply.

for drivers driving licenses without. needing permission from a male guardian, they still need that permission to. travel abroad and that is fine. That's absolutely fine. I mean, Aida, what is your issue with. that? You're you're a modern Arab woman. Yeah, I mean, I'm Iranian so there's a I. think there's a little like beef with. Arabs and Persians. Um. Why? I don't I mean, listen, I don't mind. them staying there. to me. Yeah, y'all eat hummus.

listen, I live in America so it's. practically all the same to me, too. When's the last time you were in Iran? Uh God, when I was six or seven. you don't remember anything. No, I remember it. I. they I remember as much as I need to. remember. Right. an American citizen. No, I'm kidding. I'm very I like uh the Iranian culture. I I don't mind the Saudis staying there. if that's what they uh. choose to do. I don't think they have. any choice, but uh yeah, I have no. opinion one way or the other. Here's my thing. Is it oppressive to the women?

There's an argument to be made that. being that having to ask for permission. to travel is oppressive. Yeah. There's also an argument to be made that. it's a better way to do it. You know what I mean? If you're a man, this it's Saudi Arabia. is a wonderland. Oh. That sounds incredible. Yeah, it's like Sam Talant, I don't want. to give away his joke, but he has such a. great joke where he goes, "Blank is for. the boys." He goes, you know, Muslim. heaven is for. heaven is for the boys. Yeah, he has such a great joke that.

we've now given away. But the point is, I think whatever, he's done it a bunch. Uh. You know, the reality is I don't get. involved. I don't tell people what to do. I in my own country and I don't tell. people what to do in Saudi Arabia. And. if the women are not into it over there, they can, you know, you do it. They can. do another thing. They can do another. thing. But. Yeah. you know, I don't I'm not like one of. these guys who's like you got to do it. like we do it.

Do it like you do it. But I'm very big. fan of the Saudis um and I think and and. I I really like what they've done for. Beverly Hills. No, truly and I like just the kind of. vibe. I like the vibe of Beverly Hills. I like the big Rolls-Royces and the. bling and a lot of that's very Persian, but I I like that. Mhm. I like that. And it's for me. And uh so we wish them well and I hope. this LIV Golf thing is good and I hope. that it's [ __ ] blinged out. Like I. hope it's like Saudi style. Like the. caddies you said maybe they'd be like.

little pink Rolls-Royces. And I just. hope that it is [ __ ] awesome. I hope. it's not like this waspy boring sport. that, you know, who cares. I want it to. be really really cool again. Yeah, they're very gaudy. The Saudis are. very ostentatious. Like they're they're. very in your face, but um the women. enjoy none of that, I think. Uh. Well, we don't know what they're. enjoying. That's the great thing about. the culture. It's a mystery. Yeah. They could really be having fun. Mhm. You're right.

thing is they might be having more fun. than we know. It might be fun to be. covered all the time. You're in your own. little world and you're giggling. Yeah. and you're laughing with your friends. Just ask for permission to have fun. Who needs to travel abroad, first of. all? I mean, can you imagine like Who. need Can you imagine American women. figuring out a good reason to travel. abroad? Why do you want to go abroad? Get drunk in your yard. You're not going to learn anything. American women aren't going abroad to.

learn things. They're going to get. [ __ ] up and accuse some poor sailor of. rape. Now, I got to talk about this podcast because. I You know me, I every now and then I. find something I just can't stop. watching. Yeah. And I mean, I only showed you a few. minutes of this, but it is the greatest. thing I've ever seen in my life. believe it even exists. It is the most LA thing I've ever seen. I like these people. I don't know them,

but they're they're they're fun. And this is not a knock on them at all. This is the most LA. thing I have ever watched in my life. These are three influencers trying to. explain kind of what an influencer is. Yeah. And what an influencer does. It's very interesting to watch this, and. it makes me laugh hard in a world where. nothing does anymore. This really. entertains me because it's kind of I.

don't know if it's a genuine. or if it's kind of a character or if. it's half genuine or half character. It's hard to know, but all I know all. Here's where I stop. It's entertaining. Very. entertaining this show. that I watch. Uh and and I watched their breakdown of. the Russia thing, which was brilliant. Mhm. It was. Oh, really? Well, they didn't know where Russia was. They didn't know what it was. And they didn't know what the Ukraine.

was. And it was such a refreshing perspective. versus everyone on Twitter who's like an. expert in foreign policy in their own. heads. These people were brave enough to. go, I don't know what that is. Right. What is the Ukraine? Let's start there. Because by the way, that's a better. system. in terms of figuring out what's going on. in the world to just start at ground. zero and go, What is Russia? Go. I want to watch this little clip. These. are three influencers explaining what it.

is to be an influencer. It is truly one. of the greatest things I've ever seen. Recommend it highly. It's hard to avoid the question. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Like I I can't say it. Someone. says Someone hasn't asked me that in so. long also, so that should. Um. I'll just be like, I don't know. I'm. just like a lazy piece of [ __ ] And then. I run away. Yeah. I don't know I never I like it goes back. and forth between like I work in social. media, which does which is not.

Like that doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I mean, we do. Yeah. But like I feel like when you say. like I work in social media, people are. thinking like behind the scenes like we. work for Instagram. kind of I don't know. But I don't I. never know what to say. Yeah, well, I mean. I turn around and they're like, "Well, what do you do?". Right. Yeah. You you just I lie. I basically. lie. Um. But what was I going to say? Guys, oh, I say I do consulting and then. no one ever asks another question. Yeah, that's a good.

You could You could You could cuz. everybody consults. Mhm. You know, like. You consult. I guess I don't know what Actually, what. does consulting mean? It means to offer your services. Pause that for a minute. or advice. It's just It's great. It's informative. What is consulting? It's a great she The woman asked the. question, hey, what is what is that? thought about that in a while. This is what's great about these people. They're unashamed to just go, what is. consult I don't know what it is. Mhm. I hear it. Mhm.

People all do it. Mhm. But I don't know what it is. They're just pure salt of the earth. It's just a kind of amazing. Here, and and watch this cuz now they. they credit the one in the These two. credit the one in the middle for I. believe inventing comedy on the. internet. They they credit her for inventing. comedy. No, I I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND. The The. next thing is they credit uh this woman. in the middle. for starting comedy on the internet.

No, I swear to god. During the pandemic, it's. breathtaking. I CAN'T I'M TELLING YOU. RIGHT NOW. IF THIS IS SCRIPTED, it is brilliant. Or. even if it's not scripted, if it's. loosely verite style, Curb Your. Enthusiasm. I don't know what THIS IS. I. DON'T KNOW IF THEY KNOW what it is, BUT. I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T. KNOW ANY of you, you are doing THE. GREATEST LEVEL OF SATIRE THAT MAYBE HAS. BEEN DONE IN THE LAST DECADE. I DON'T.

KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT. GOD, DON'T STOP. PLEASE DON'T STOP. LET'S GO. IN one way or another. He's not a. consultant. I said I used to say I work in. advertising cuz I thought like, okay, with brands. Marketing advertising. Marketing advertising. That checks out. that makes complete sense. And then people would ask me more about. like what agency and then. Well, then if you think about it, we're. writers, we're writers, directors, Yeah. we're. editors,

and producers, Yeah. Yeah. actors, actors, yeah. We're writers, directors, editors, producers. We're We're. entrepreneurs. Yeah. We're on tours. Yeah, we're venture capitalists. I mean, we're writers, we're directors, we're producers. And again, no shade to anybody here, but literally. they're GOING LIKE THIS, SEND. THAT'S KIND OF WHAT IT IS, RIGHT? I MEAN, LIKE STUFFING CHEERIOS in their.

mouth and like farting and then. AND THEN HITTING SEND LIKE, BUT SHE'S. GOING, "We're writers, we're directors, we're producers.". She said she hadn't left her bed in like. a month. Yeah. She's making it all from a bed. with like a diaper on. a bed. She's a writer, a director, a. producer, she's a gaffer. She's the Terrence Malick of TikTok. Yeah, she's the Martin Scorsese, it's. amazing. She's like, when you think about it, it's great. She goes, when you think. about it, it's it's all the words. She.

goes, when you think about it, we're. writers, directors, actors, producers. First of all, give them give them give them. give them writers, oddly. Give them. actors. Okay, even maybe give them directors. Producers? They're producing. I guess they're producing the whole. Yeah, I don't know. They're not making a. bunch of calls and organizing.

know, but what's great is it's they. we've already established they don't. really know what words mean. They go, what's a consultant? So, they don't know. what words really mean, and that's what makes it so good because. people that know what words mean are. boring. I I truly believe this and mean. this. When you don't know what words mean, you're anything. You know, she's like, I'm an. invertebrate zoologist, I'm a writer, I'm an actress, I'm an. astronaut. And they go, what is She. goes, oh, what is an astronaut? And they.

go, I think it's someone that like goes. to other planets. And she goes, oh. Oh, well, maybe I'm not that. Like, so. they don't they have to like reverse. engineer. Right. So, let's Now, this is my favorite part. where these guys uh. tell this woman in the front in the. middle that she started. They basically call her the Charlie. Chaplin of internet comedy. started comedy on the internet, which is. I was unaware. And I'm sure she's a. lovely woman, but again, it's this is. the it's the best show on it's funnier.

than my show. It is fun It is not even. close. It is not even a contest of how. better this is than what I do. We are our own agents, yeah, managers. Do you guys like what we're doing so. far? Do your parents Do your parents feel. like we obviously like make videos? Courtney, I don't know if we said. Average Fashion Blogger, better known online as Average Fashion. Blogger. We have her in today. She's one. of our good friends, but like let's.

break it down. Do your parents get what. you do? My parents. Yeah. My dad's been obsessed. He like. He does it less now, but in the beginning he like always. called me like, "Corinna, I have a really really good viral video. for you." Yeah. And then he'd say like. the most problematic thing in the world. He like he gets it. He like wants to do. it so bad. I feel like you are really like the. blueprint. You started off. That's. really dramatic. No, I really mean that. with my whole heart. Like you you. started making comedic videos on. Instagram. I can't really think of.

anyone that did. I think anyone that made videos period. before TikTok was like. He goes, "I can't think of anyone that. made video" Hold on, roll that one back. He goes, "I can't think of anyone that. made videos before Tik" Like Is he. joking? You started making comedic videos on. Instagram. I can't really think of. He's kidding. I know. anyone that did it. anyone that made videos period before. TikTok was like OG. Yeah. Okay. Um yeah. And now you're about to hit a million on.

TikTok. She already Babe, I already did. Wait, I didn't know that. Where the hell have you been? No one told me. Um. All right. Listen up for that. Um. stunning. Beautiful. I mean, it's brilliant in a way. Um. It's brilliant in a way cuz you have. three people that are influencers or. trying to be influencers in that in. whatever that means. Try to explain what it is. Figuring out that it's kind of hard to. explain. with words. And. you know, they're just kind of it's just.

it's LA. This is LA. These are people. that are just floating around. in in in in in and out of reality. Mhm. They're all like 14 years old. They're very young, but they're not. The. other thing is I don't know if they're. 14 or if they're like 40. I think they look their. No one knows. Yeah, they're supposed to look young. They're supposed to look I think they're. supposed to exude like a pre-pubescent. kind. Yeah, the whole thing's like it's. cartoonish and fun and it's like we're. hanging out. Like hanging out. We're. like. hanging out. Like you are like.

Like you're like a friend of ours. Like. you like Like remember that I met you. Like I met you like. in a car. We're in a car. What's a car? Yeah. So like it's a it's a like it's. like a spaceship on the ground. And And like remember Coachella is like. really funny cuz like you were like and. and I was there and like we didn't even.

know that we like we like knew each. other from like social media. Like we. didn't know Like we didn't know. each other. So And then every now and then the. Brooke one will come in and she'll be. like my grandmother was IN THE. HOLOCAUST. LIKE OUT OF NOWHERE AND I'M LIKE this is. the greatest show that's ever been done. No. And she'll be like but she survived. And. then she'll she'll be like was Doja Cat. good? At Coachella?

Did you enjoy Doja Cat? ANYWAY, SUPER. FAN OF THIS SHOW. NO, it's lit. Literally and my first. show that I loved the WW bro podcast was. about a guy who was 600 lbs and gave. diet advice. Yes. Nothing better. Yeah. And he would be great cuz he would come. on and he would go like he'd go. Thanksgiving I take the day off. He goes. Thanksgiving I eat. And it was so beautiful. There's nothing like the feeling of. getting outside to run, ride, hike, or. just be somewhere we feel the most.

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story and in response to this, Israel. bombed a Palestinian nursery school, which I thought was a very proportional. and appropriate response. To Jewish. Now, this is a ballsy thing to do. Mhm. Plane pranks. I mean, not even Nelk has. done this. Plane pranks right now are. ballsy. Yeah. When was the last time you've heard of. somebody getting up to mischief on a. plane? This is harmless. It is. It it it's not like a bomb threat. Exactly. And it's fine. But it might make it might make I I.

agree with you. I do think it's funny. and I recommend people do it. I'm telling people to do it. But people. might look at those AirDrop photos and. go, "Oh, this plane's going to crash. because this might be a like a fun way. to let us know.". Well, I mean, what are they in Saudi Arabia? the their the people. are they reading the future? Like they. have they can see into the future or are. they sending them a shot of the future? imagine this. You're on a plane, you get. an AirDrop and it's a bunch of plane. crash photos. Would it might not be a.

way of somebody on the plane going, "Hey, things are about to get rocky.". Well, was it sent by an by a Saudi. Arabian? I mean, if if not, then then. it's fine. Well, we don't know who it was sent by. I mean, it seems harmless to me. What now what happened to these good. people then? I believe they were arrested. Uh there. are nine suspects described by police. Nelk. That's Khiev will do it. Khiev will do it.

AirDrop the a. AirDrop a bunch of plane crash photos. That's Shmuel will do it. Shmuel will do it. I'm trying to make. this bit work. It's Shmuel will do it. Funny. Like like remember when like I'm like. you were like like standing in a crowd. and like you look at me and then I like. looked at you, but then you looked away.

You remember that? And I was like, "Oh, you don't like me." And that was like. weird so like we started weird. But then. like I realized it like I like didn't. know where I was. because I had a gummy bear full of acid. in the porta-potty. and I was being led around kind of like. a baby. And then I had this realization that. like a lot of what I do stems from this. like deep inner loneliness and search. for meaning and it was [ __ ] wild. And then we saw a ton of Mojo.

Um. I don't know why they did this, but I. think it's funny. I think kids need to. have fun. People need to have fun right. now. And it's such a tense time with. everything that's happening around the. world. Okay, now what is this? Another. picture showing a person on top of a jet. engine believed to have been sent. using the air But this is funny so it. makes people think maybe this is going. on on their plane But who know right? Is that. It's meant to confuse is what I imagine, right?

Yeah, I mean what I mean what what are. they insinuating that this is going to. happen on the on the plane? I think they wanted people to maybe feel. This is meant to scare people. Hold on. Troubled after Andy Dick is. arrested for felony sexual battery at. California trailer park? What's going. on? He assaulted someone sexually I heard. Yeah, there it is. Uh troubled after Andy Dick is arrested. in his California trailer park. Is he. living in a trailer park now? Mhm. Yeah. Man, comedy it's just a it's a great. life. Uh he arrested for sexually assaulting. another man after arrest for hitting.

boyfriend with a bottle and frying pan. Andy Dick 56 was hauled off in handcuffs. after police arrested him for felony. sexual battery after an adult male. claimed the comedian sexually assaulted. him. Deputies swarmed his trailer. God, I mean, imagine an article being written. about you where one of the quotes was, "Deputies swarmed his trailer." Rough. Dick had reportedly been living in an RV. with a group of live streamers. God. Jesus Christ.

I He wasn't on the radar for a bit. This. is one of the many arrests that the. comedian has had. He's been transparent. about his history of alcohol and drug. abuse. By the way, it's not his choice. to be a transparent. Like, it's pretty. much out in the open. I love how they're. like, "He's been transparent about. this." I'm like, "Yeah, Lizzo has been. transparent about her weight." It's. like, "Yeah, how did she. It was a real It was a real mystery to. everybody.". Uh police from the Orange County. Sheriff's Department swarmed his modest. trailer. Is They got to knock it? They. got to knock a trailer down?

They're going to say his trailer's. modest? Dressed in a gray hoodie and black. joggers. Dick was hauled away in handcuffs before. being placed inside of a patrol car. I. mean, this is unfortunate. During the. police ambush, sheriff's deputies were. seen entering Dick's trailer and. searching it after he was placed into. custody. Uh cuz he's like hitting people with. pants and stuff. This is really unfortunate. Uh this man. has problems with drugs and alcohol. And he's in a trailer and.

There's a better video of it. There's a. video of a live stream they did where. his roommate pulled a gun on someone. that was coming to their trailer. Yeah, get that. Well, you know, you. would think a producer would have. something like that ready or done in. show research. But this he's too worried. about the Saudi Arabians taking over. golf to really do the show prep. Uh they're a real threat. I I. understand. Yeah, it's. No, cuz he's home with his wife. I work. so hard. I got Australia. I had to go to. Australia for 10 and 1/2 weeks.

He's a demon. Why did he make you go? WHY WOULD HE MAKE YOU WORK? Here's the stream here. Oh, this looks. good. I'm staring. GET OUT OF MY [ __ ] HOUSE RIGHT NOW, [ __ ] I HAVE A GUN, ANDY. [ __ ] OUT OF HERE. THAT'S IT. YOU [ __ ] KIDNAPPER, EXTORTION. [ __ ] GO. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? DUDE, DON'T [ __ ] WITH ME, DUDE. GET OUT. I TOLD YOU [ __ ] FIVE TIMES. DUDE, GO. BACK. YOU GOT IT.

DON'T SHOOT THE GUN. GET OUT OF HERE. DUDE, HE'S SO CALM. Andy Dick is so. calm. He's like. Don't shoot the gun. This is This is like the end of Boogie. Nights. Don't shoot the I mean, look at. Andy Di- I feel bad, man. He's on a cot. in a trailer that, by the way, looks. fine. Yeah, it looks big. Is that a Is that a. modest trailer? That looks great. Looks like an apartment in Glendale. Yeah, I'm wondering if that's even the. trailer. I mean, maybe it is. So, now. he's just taking money on PayPal and the. cameo. God, and this is This is a story we kind. of stumbled upon by accident. He's.

laying on a cot. A guy's screaming to another guy with a. gun. Andy Dick's just kind of laying. there unaffected. Like, it's just a. regular day. He's like, "Don't shoot the. gun. Please don't shoot the gun. Don't shoot the gun." Not even don't. kill the guy. It's like Andy Dick's. like, "Just don't shoot the gun.". Let's see how this finishes. Don't shoot. Don't come back here, dude. Don't do it. You better call me before you do. Don't. show up here or I'm fighting. I swear to [ __ ] god.

Why don't you. Who is that guy? He's another. extortioner. I do. You're so protective, it really makes. cry. I'm sorry, dude. He goes, "You're so protective, it. really makes me cry." He's like, "This. is a beautiful moment for us. You're so protective. You treat me so. well in this trailer. You treat me so well, it makes me cry. You're just so goddamn romantic, it. makes me cry. Don't shoot the gun.".

Well, is that his boyfriend? That is. kind of lovely. It's sweet. It is kind of sweet, right? I mean. Yeah. If you two are living in a trailer and. an extortioner, whatever that means, somebody trying to extort. Devon would use me as a as a shield. Yeah, no, no, there would be no [ __ ] like. chivalry there. No, no, no, no. Um. But I hope that uh. he gets it together, right? He was on Dancing with the Stars, right?

Recently? No, God, no, but. was years ago. Usually that show is a fall from grace, so if you're if I mean and then this. Wasn't he on Celebrity Rehab? He kind of looks like Dr. Drew. Like when that was a thing, I think he. was on Celebrity Rehab, but maybe he. wasn't. Yeah, with like Tom Sizemore and like. I thought he was. go, Tim. Yeah, he was here. Okay, he was on Sober House there. What is that? Is that like. Well, this was their like spin-off. This. girl Jennifer was like the head sobriety. person. And.

He's in season 1. This is when they would literally just. like completely using drug addicts for. viewers. Uh and putting them in like very. unserious, it was like a very unserious. attempt to cure any of them. Mhm. Yeah. And you had like Jeff Conaway. and. uh. Eric Roberts. Yeah, Steven Adler, there was a a bunch. of people here. Dr. Drew. The guy who used to play Hobie on. Baywatch, remember the young kid Hobie? He grew up, I forget what his name was, was it Jeremy Jackson?

The guy who was Hobie on Baywatch and he. was like uh he was talking about all the. steroids he uses and he was like uh and. he goes, yeah, he goes. this is uh a bull a a bull uh whatever. hormone pre-slaughter. Like he was like. pre-slaughter, like before they. slaughter. And he would like inject. himself, but I I believe he was. Yeah, I believe he was on their show. And this is the other thing with doing a. podcast. I'm either right or I'm. slandering someone.

You know what I mean? Well, two people played him. I'm either No, it's Jeremy Jackson. I. think just type in Jeremy Jackson. Celebrity Rehab. I mean it really you're dealing with. Okay, yeah. That's what I thought. Oh, it's rough. Yeah, I mean he had a steroid thing. Wasn't Heidi Fleiss on there? Yes, Heidi Fleiss I believe was on. there. Oh, and. Mariah Carey. Mackenzie. the her the Mama's and the Papa's. daughter. Phillips? Yes. Yeah, I think a bunch of people were on. there and it was you know, they were.

just trying. God, why do I know all of. They were trying to get a lot of views. You know, and it was it was just you. know, and. how many by the way, here's a great. question. Have any of those people. sobered up? Like has anybody on. Celebrity Rehab ever sobered up? You. sober up, there's no show. The producers probably throw them pills. throughout filming. There's a little There's a little. There's a little surprise in your. dressing room. We'll see you at 3:00. There's a mint on your pillow.

Yeah, so I think that. uh. Yeah, where are the stars from Celebrity. Rehab now? I'm sure this will be a real. treat. This will be a real pick-me-up. In a in a grave. Dr. Drew got grew tired of taking all. the heat. Yeah, cuz you're killing. people. Keep going. What is he's What is he he he he is. showing your mom's house? What does he. do on your mom's house? guy on CNN, too. What does he do on your mom's house? Uh it's. late late night after dark with Dr. Drew. or whatever and he just like talks to. people about their problems. It's like.

the old show, yeah. Uh. Uh this is Kari Ann Peniche. Yeah, she said she's a she came out on. top. Mhm. Uh so yeah, looks like she did good. Okay, I don't know what that means. Go go up. Let's see. Let's see what Hold on. According to NBC, Gawker published a. tape of nude shenanigans between Panish, Eric Dane, and his wife, Rebecca. Gayheart, in 2009. Uh.

Panish accused her Celebrity Rehab. castmate, Mindy McCready, of releasing. the tape while Panish was still using. meth in 2012. She has since gotten. sober, kept her family intact, started a. design business. Okay. Tom Sizemore's a mess. We're not even. going to read it. It's just a big mess. We know. Heidi Fleiss, get out of here. Heidi Fleiss is a big mess. We're not even going to dignify that. Okay. Mike Starr battled multiple demons. He. looks like the guy in the trailer with. Andy Dick.

He died of an overdose. Good job, Dr. Phil. Mindy McCready, personal tragedy was devastating. She. died by suicide. So, I mean, these are. all These are the people that were at. Celebrity Rehab. Seth Shifty Shellhammer Binzer isn't. giving up. Good for him. No one knows. Brigitte. Nielsen. She started dating Flavor Flav. That's good. Wasn't that her sobriety? That wasn't that how her.

Yeah, all right. We're not We're not. going to go through the all of them, but. yeah, that was like a massive show where. just nobody That was what reality TV was. when I was growing up. Nobody like They. took really people that were in a lot of. pain, did not give them help on. television week after week. You watched. their conditions degenerate. They would. attack each other. They would destroy their lives, and. there was a film crew to follow it. That. was reality television before the genre. that we have now, which was like rich.

[ __ ] TV, which was like we find wealthy. people that have more money than you, and they shove it down your throat in a. very like grotesque way, and you just. have to sit there and take it. Not only. will you take it, but you'll like it. You'll like it when these [ __ ] go, "I buy a house for each one of my kids. Isn't that what everybody does?". Go to the original Real Housewives of. Orange County, which by the way, the. season 1 is still the best cultural.

depiction of the mortgage crisis, cuz. everybody on the show's mentally. [ __ ] and they all own like five. houses. And you go, "How did this. happen?" I mean, literally, one guy has. like a brain neurological injury, this. baseball player from Orange County, and. he's just like he's like booze like. dribbling out of his mouth. And the. wife's a big realtor, and she's a big. fatty boom batty. And uh. if you can go to season 1 of The Real. Housewives of Orange County, the opening. sequence. And the opening sequence is. going to show you the all these women. have these taglines. And this was like.

when to reality TV shifted from like, "We'll put everyone in a house. We'll. get them drunk. Let's get them [ __ ] up. and see what happens." And then reality. TV kind of shifted and became like, "Hey, there's people out there that are. doing a hell of a LOT BETTER THAN YOU.". THAT'S WHAT reality TV became, which is. kind of still what it is. Except now. it's weird. Now it's like everyone's. singing. There's like nine shows about.

karaoke. It's like The Masked Singer. And then there's a new show called Don't. Forget the Lyrics. And there's another. show about whether the singer's bad or. good. Or lip syncing or not. Or are you lips lip sync battle and. who's. Everybody now people are so stupid in. this country. They can only handle that. because they've been so traumatized by. the genres of reality TV that came. before them like, "Watch this person die. of a heroin overdose in slow mo." And.

watch this rich family parade their. wealth around. Now all people can handle. is staring at a TV and watching like a. celebrity sing like uh. the song from Titanic poorly. Like they. get up and they're like, "Wait a minute. Are you going to forget the lyrics?" And. they're like, "Near, far, WHEREVER. YOU ARE, I AM. AND THE PEOPLE AT HOME ARE LIKE, "SHE'S. GOING TO FORGET THE LYRICS!

SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT!". I COULD SEE MY DRUNK AUNT SITTING THERE. BEING LIKE, "SHE DOESN'T know it! She. doesn't" So, that's all we can handle. right now is watching people sing. I've. always hated karaoke. I despised it. I. hate when drunk people get up in Long. Island bars and they're like, you know, they're like [ __ ] like and they get. into it. There's nothing worse than. somebody into it at karaoke. YOU KNOW, AND PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE AT THE BAR.

LIKE, "WHAT THE [ __ ] is wrong?" And. that's all reality TV. So, Ken Jeong. hosts I Can See Your Voice, a new. guessing game on Fox. Where literally they bring people We. don't even know Me and Ben tried to. watch this show. and we didn't even know We couldn't. follow it and we're reasonably. intelligent. What it is Let's try to. explain Can we explain Okay. Fake it till you make it. That's. basically the concept of the new. competition series {quote} I Can See. Your Voice. Contestants and celebrities. have to figure out who's actually a good. singer without hearing their real voice.

What are we doing? Think about that again. Contestants. have to figure out who's a good singer. without hearing their real voice. So, they come out, they lip sync to. something and you have to decide if. they're lip syncing to their own voice. that's good or someone else's voice and. their voice is horrible. But, you pick two people and. pick two and they kind of go at each. other and you go like, "Which one has the real good voice?".

And this is all intellectually that. people can handle right now. Like all. they can handle is watching people sing. like it's like a talent show. We've gone. back to the basics here where it's just. it's a big [ __ ] up talent show. Some. people are talented and some people are. and by the way, it doesn't really. matter. None of these people get deals. Bad voice, good voice, right? What do. they get? $10,000? Uh it says 100 grand. 100 grand after taxes and everything. like that. I mean it's like this isn't, you know, it's not like American Idol,

now you're going to Hollywood. This is. like I would stand up as a all these. member go, does it really matter whose. voice is good or bad? They're not. they're both 40. They're not going to be Christina. Aguilera. Who cares whose voice is good. or bad? It's the crazy thing but what. this is fun watch the real housewife. Okay, so it starts where it goes 7. million families live in gated. communities. So now remember, this. debuts when? In 2005? This is like the.

height of fake business all over. America. This debuts people are like up. they're in debt to their eyeballs, they're all in sham mortgages, they're. all living way beyond their means and. it's all about to collapse. It's on the. brink of collapsing and then this is. what they put out. And here, play this. I don't want to get old.

He's pretty much keeping me. Are the police involved? It's just money, you can't take it with. you. 85% of the women around here have had. breast implants. Yeah, two seconds. It's just It's just. It's just money. You can't take it with. you. And it's just these shots of like. women getting their tits done and. getting diamond necklaces and they're. like 7 million people living gated.

communities and that that's really like. that's the genre of reality TV. that. we. we had for a while. I miss it. We still have that. No, I Yeah, it's it's it's bad It. culminated in like Selling Sunset, which. is kind of a brilliant show because Adam. DeVello, the guy who did it, is a. genius. He like did The Hills, and he. makes these shows like the scene in. Selling Sunset, which we can't play, where. we could, yeah. where where Adnan, the real estate. developer, is like and they're these. cold like Nordic types, and they're.

telling this this hopeless Davina Davina. who can't sell anything. Then the woman looks at her and goes, "Please make a deal." And just the way. it's brilliantly shot, you see like the. cat sleeping, the dogs are sleeping. Um. Davina. But yeah, that that's really where. reality TV is now. It's like people are. just singing. It's very infantile now. It's very infantile. We can't take. anything anymore. silly. It's like infantile, and it's. like the aha moments aren't even real. anymore, and they don't matter. It is it. like the reveal doesn't matter? There used to be I used to watch old. Real World, and it's like people just.

beating the living [ __ ] out of each out. of each other. The cops aren't called. It just moves on. Hawaii with Ruthie, she's like vomiting. Yeah. It was insane. Real World. Now it's like these these reveals don't. mean anything. They're like, "Oh, she. wasn't a good singer. We got tricked.". I'm like, "Well, if you think that's. bad, don't look into 9/11. because you're going to have a real How. about we do the masked defense. secretary, and we find out where the. tape is of the plane hitting the. Pentagon?

How about we do that on Fox? Next on Fox, the masked CIA agent. Who's telling the truth and who's not? We have two government whistleblowers, and they both come out with uh something. they're blowing a whistle on, and you. have to decide what's true and what's. not. You know, like one comes out and. goes, "The government uh participates in. human trafficking rings to compromise. politicians." And everyone goes, "Man, I. don't know." And then the next person. comes out and they're like, "The. government murdered John F. Kennedy in a.

in a coup." And you're like, "God, who's. which masked government whistleblower is. correct here? Is it both? And then it. reveals it's both.". And everyone's like, "Fuck.". Hosted by Neil Patrick Harris. Yeah, Neil Patrick Harris. Just to make. it peppy. Just peppy and fun. But that's like what that's what we can. handle now. Uh is watching people. sing. We're hearing about crypto everywhere.

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This is a This is a tale as old as time. A corrections officer falls in love with. a inmate. They escape together. This is one of the. old the only American real love stories. we have left, you know? These There's a. few love stories we have left in this. country. You know what I mean? We have a country. of morbidly obese fentanyl addicts and. child Nazis. That's our country. Like prepubescent.

Nazis, morbidly obese fentanyl addicts, and. like like like. So, in our country, when you think of. the configurations of in which people. find and love each other, you have the. uh. teacher-student, you have the. uh. powerful business guy, uh. perhaps underage prostitute, you have maybe two closeted Nazis that.

are [ __ ] whatever. But, what really encapsulates it because we. we so many people in America are in uh, in prison. So many And there should BE. MORE NOW. SO MANY PEOPLE are in prison and are. incarcerated for. all manner of different things. For. non-violent drug offenses, for very. violent offenses. And they're in prison and then we have. corrections officers who are essentially.

criminals. Corrections officers and. criminals, there's very little. difference between No, this is true. There's very little difference between. corrections officers and criminals. Most. people that get into corrections are. criminals or would have been criminals. or are criminals. They run like teen. fight clubs in the jails. They they, uh, they sneak in drugs and stuff. It's. there Oh, there is criminals. too. They [ __ ] them and all. Yeah, they [ __ ] them and everything. And. I have no issue with all that. Well, whatever it gets you through the day and. makes everybody happy. I believe in. communities. I believe in communities. I love that. Uh,

so this is a great story about a female. corrections officer, right? Mhm. Who fell in love with a guy who's, uh, They're trying to get him for murder. Yeah, yeah. They're trying to pin him. They're trying to pin him. Another innocent John. hunt? Is this the woman that spat like she. like sold her home and and used the. money to bail him? This will sum it up real quick. It's. it's great. herself, right? story about a jailhouse romance that. ended in death. A veteran corrections. officer apparently fell in love with an.

inmate and helped him escape with her so. that the. that the two of them could run off. together. It happened at the Lauderdale. County Jail in Alabama. Authorities say. the 38-year-old inmate, Casey White, who. was awaiting trial on murder, struck up. a relationship with 56-year-old Vicky. White, no relation. She was the. assistant director of corrections at the. jail where he was incarcerated. Her. co-workers described her as an exemplary. employee, but it's hard to say she. planned how to get Casey out for a. while.

let's make a point. That is an exemplary. employee if you're a corrections. officer. Yeah. Get breaking them out of jail and. [ __ ] them. That like that is an exemplary employee. Cuz here's the deal, you're around them. all the time, you're going to fall in. love with them. Yeah, that's true. You're going to fall in love with these. people. Look at this guy. You tell me. you're not going to fall in love with. this guy? Neanderthal Jon Hamm. The fact that this guy murdered somebody. turns you on, it makes you hot. You go, this guy killed someone.

And and I lock his cage every night and. I let him out. Man, what a fantasy. I lock his cage and then I let him out. It's hot. And she lives in Alabama and. she looks like she look an albino. [ __ ] you know, I don't know, mole rat. We all have to pretend like out of here. cuz all these political people now have. to pretend that like New York and LA. suck cuz they. Listen, we all know taxes are high and. like liberals can be crazy. Like.

everybody has to pretend like that's. what America is about. It's like. Alabama. Everybody has to pretend that. They're. like, "I want to live in Missouri.". Missouri man. And like guys, you realize Bill Maher. did a great joke years ago. He said if. it wasn't New York and LA, the country. would have been sold to China years ago. Like there is no But everybody has to. pretend like politically I've never been. to a place and went, "You know what I. love here? The political. outlook.". I've never looked at an ocean and went, "I love the taxes here.". Just allow yourself to have another.

experience on the planet, you [ __ ]. monkeys. But people can't do it, right? They. can't. So they everything's political. I. don't say Austin's a [ __ ] cuz it's a. blue city in a red state or a purple. city. I say it's a [ __ ] because it's. a [ __ ] It's a [ __ ] It's hot, it's muggy, there's bugs, the food's. gross, the rivers are [ __ ] they're. brown, they look like literal [ __ ]. they're disgusting, the people are. disgusting, they're unaccomplished, they're idiots. That's why I say it's. [ __ ] It's nothing to do with the.

politics. I don't know what the laws. are. I don't care. Dump. I go to Santa Barbara. I go, "It's. pretty." But yeah, there's homeless and. the laws are nuts and the people that. run it are [ __ ] psychopaths. It. doesn't mean it ain't a better place to. live all things being equal. Like if we. Let's say you gave Texas a state tax and. a hefty one. Well, you know, how many people really love. it? How many people are down there with. [ __ ] cowboy hats AND BOOTS LIKE.

AND YOU LOVE IT? LIKE LET'S SEE IF YOU. WOULD PAY FOR IT. YOU wouldn't pay for. it. Right. No. There's nothing to pay for. I mean, listen, with all due respect, I like. Dallas. I like some places, great. audiences, but you go around Austin and. go, "Yeah, I wouldn't pay a state tax to. live here. Why would I? Why would. anyone?". Mhm. Why would anyone pay a state tax so they. could take the boat out on the [ __ ]. river? It's gross. And I'm sorry. Palm Beach isn't. Palm. Beach doesn't have a state tax either. Malibu is is is kind of a dump, but it's.

better than Austin. The The Hamptons, better than Austin. Lake Lanier in Georgia, better than. Austin. Charlotte. Charleston, South Carolina, better you. know, I don't know I don't know if. Charleston's a democratic city or a. republican city. I don't care. Doesn't. mean anything to me. But people right. now are so invested in politics because. it gives their meaningless lives some. type of like shape that they can. understand. Cuz they have nothing going on in their. [ __ ] lives.

And I understand that there's real. concerns and now they're trying to. get rid of Roe v. Wade and [ __ ] like. that. I'm not saying it's completely. unimportant, but to make it this entire. thing where you have to lie to yourself. and start saying that like. Lake Austin's nice. Can you get Get up. Lake Austin and we'll get back to these. two retards. But get up a photo of Lake. Austin. Get up a photo of Lake Austin. and hit image. GO TO THE RIGHT. Right there. There it is. It's a level from Donkey.

Kong. That is a level from Donkey Kong. It is slime. It's green slime from. Donkey Kong. Now get up a picture of Malibu, California. And I I I don't like Gavin Newsom, but. just get a picture of Malibu, California. It's better. DON'T YOU GET THAT IT'S it's better? THAT'S NICER. AND THAT AIN'T EVEN THAT. NICE.

MALIBU AIN'T EVEN THAT GREAT. IT'S NOT. EVEN THAT GOOD, BUT IT'S BETTER THAN. THAT SWAMP. Where I can shoot MY GUNS IN THE REAR. I can shoot MY GUNS IN. I SHOOT MY GUNS. PICK A PUPPY. NO. SO, WHATEVER, but. there's nothing in Malibu that looks.

like that. They just lie with some [ __ ]. too. Yeah, it doesn't look like that at. [ __ ] place. look like that. That's like Italy. I think Malibu's like. a dump, but the point is it's a nicer. dump. Everything on earth is a dump. We just went to the rainforest. It's. fake. The Great Barrier REEF DOESN'T. EXIST. WE PUT CIGARETTES out on it. It's. a Everything's A DUMP. BUT MY POINT IS. DON'T get with No, with the politics. It. annoys me. When you have to start lying. You still have to start lying and like, "I love I love it." And these are people. from the Northeast or from the West. Coast, and they go down there AND.

THEY'RE LIKE, ALL THESE TECH DEMONS, THESE autistic. [ __ ] blinking tech [ __ ] AND. THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S [ __ ]. GROTESQUE. WHATEVER, we have fans there. It's a. nice place. Let's finish up these two retards. Okay. She even sold her home and announced her. retirement beforehand. Then on April.

29th, authorities say Vicky picked up. Casey from the jail for what she said. was a mental health evaluation, which. authorities later learned was never even. scheduled. The two of them fled in her. patrol car. Vicky had spent the night before in a. motel near the jail. Authorities say she. bought men's clothing from a department. store beforehand so that Casey would. have something to change into. Nice. After they left the jail, the two of. them ditched her patrol car in a parking. lot, where cops later found her jail. keys, a radio, and handcuffs.

True love. Then they went on the run for 11 days. That's 11 days of their lives. and a tip. The manager of a car wash in. Evansville, Indiana had spotted Casey on. surveillance video. Why are they washing a car? Oh, good question. How stupid are you? Why are you washing your car? They're. like, "We don't want people to think. we're dirty.". Why are you washing or is he maybe he's. hanging out there to rob people? Like, why are you you're on the run?

Well, where are they running? Where's. the destination? Who knows? But it why would you stop in. a car wash? I don't know. Yeah, maybe they think they ran they. were getting tailed so they pulled in or. something. I don't know. Well, let's finish it. All right, here we go. They called federal authorities. Yes, Marshall. Service calling me. That's right. They said you got a tech message. He. said he called from Alabama. This is this guy. when tech guys move to Austin, Texas,

they all went to Stanford. This is what they sound like. after 3 months in Austin. Keep going. Truck. Called I thought I did. I said there's a. guy from Alabama. He said, "Yes, it is.". So he said, "I got US Marshals coming to. you even as I speak.". Cops located the pair pretty quickly and. saw Vicky walking out of a motel with a. wig on. Vic. Then they chased the pair down. The. pursuit ended with the police crashing. into their getaway car. They were able. to pull Casey out of the wreckage, but.

they say Vicky was critically hurt. She. had shot herself in the head. She later. died at the hospital. As for Casey, soon he'll be on his way. back to Alabama. He was already serving. a 75-year sentence for attempted murder. By the dawn's early light, what so. as the twilight's last gleaming. Whose broad stripes and bright stars.

through the perilous. night gave proofs. I don't even know if I'm doing this. right. that our flag was still there. And the. rock. And Glenn. Vicky's head bursting in there gave. proof through the night. I mean, what a. beautiful story. Vicky shot herself in the head. She got. a week She got a week of that good dick. What a whirlwind for the convict. He's.

just being taken back to prison like, "Well, that was weird.". I know. What a weird 11 days. She's just killed herself. But here's the deal. It's true love. And. when you know it, you know it, right. folks? I mean, when you know it, you. know it, and when it hits you, you don't. always choose. You don't always choose it. She found someone that that loved her. and saw her for her. Yeah. And he was a murderer.

And she ended up being a murderer. She. killed herself. Isn't that fun? That qualifies. But it's an American story. They should. make that a film. Yeah. That should be a film. Yeah, you know, like. somebody that loves that deeply with the. guy I'm just going to blow my brains out. cuz I can't face the thought of everyone. at the old job where I had authority. being like what the [ __ ] you cuz she. turned on her family. Yeah. You know, it's not like LA where by. doing that you're rewarded with houses.

and pools and tennis courts. They're in [ __ ] can Ville. The only. thing this woman has is those those. other mongoloids that she works with. drink coffee together and they beat the. inmates and they lock them up. and that's what she does and she turned. on them by taking one of these inmates. out escaping putting the rest of the. cops in danger. And wouldn't it be funny if they didn't. even [ __ ] She's like I'm waiting for. marriage.

He's like we got to [ __ ] soon and I'm. telling you they're going to get us and. she's like no, we're going to live we. got our whole lives. Wouldn't it be. funny if that was her attitude? She's. like we got our whole lives for this. He's like I don't think so. He's like. please let's just [ __ ] She's like we. got our whole life she's picking she's. on Zillow. She's like what can we. afford? He's like listen, I think you're. underestimating how deep a [ __ ] we're. in. They're going to come get us and I'm. going back to jail. It says here I can get approved for a.

hundred and eighty five thousand. with a down payment. Now you can't go on. the loan of course, but with a down. payment I can get something nice. We can. get a double wide. Man, you know what's nice I hear is. Austin, Texas. Cuz Joe Rogan's HE'S OPENING A COMEDY. club down there in Austin, Texas and. Elon Musk going to let us say hard R on. Twitter. SO LET'S GO TO Texas and he's like.

honey, I think we're going to get shot. Some guy made me at the [ __ ] car. wash. Well, that's where I wash my [ __ ]. You really shouldn't have done Kill Tony. tonight. Yeah, we're in a lot of [ __ ]. I thought you were funny. Your minute. was good. Honey, you made me do that. I tend to. think that really that that really. exposed us. No, you were good. Uh but it's an American it's a beautiful. American love story.

And there's not much like that anymore. and you know, it's it's uh that. intensity of of love. No, it'll be a mini-series soon. It should be, right? On Hulu, someone will. Kind of like Thelma & Louise a little. bit. Yeah, a little bit. Bonnie and Clyde. Especially it transcends age. She was. 56, he was 38. Yeah. They're going to give it it's going to. be hot people. It needs to be gross. Yeah, it'll be Charlize Theron. No, it needs to be gross people with a. sexy in it where you go uh. But it should be like really gross like. that's what. movies need like gross sex scenes again.

Where like it's just real animalistic. disgusting. like she has an open wound. You know, and it smells cuz it's moldy. And you could tell like he's flinching. as he enters her. And she's like and she makes this little. sound like. They did that in True Detective. got a light Parkinson's as she shakes as. he does it and he's like she's like.

That's what it should be. And and then like the last scene of the. movie he's like they're [ __ ] getting. us. He's like I'll always love you and. he goes in for a kiss and before before. he gets to her she goes like this she. goes. You know? You know, and then then they're like. dedicated to the legacy of the civil. rights march. or whatever like something that has. nothing to do something that has nothing. to do with anything.

You know? Uh. Produced by Colin Kaepernick. Produced by the Obamas. Yeah. Uh no dates, no merch, nothing to see. here. Go away. Kill it Kill Kill Kill. Kill yourselves. Like Vicky White. This is the story of. Vicky White. People are losing their hair and you got. to fight it, but the way to fight it is. before you have lost it. That's why you. got to go to Keeps. If you're ready to. take action and prevent hair loss, go to.

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YouTube Devin Costa. Uh you can follow these guys on Twitter. Uh @idatavakoli what's your tweet. Twitter handle handle? @idatavakoli. @idatavakoli uh Devin Costa subscribe to. his YouTube channel. He makes really. really funny uh videos. We should make. videos again but we just aren't going. to. Um. you know, we're just not I'm just not. going to dress up like a hand sanitizer. or anything anymore. I used to. I just can't do it. I used to but I. can't. I'm 37 or I'm 36. I don't know.

what I am but the point is I'm too old. I'm really too old to be like running. around. dressed up like a crab. You know, like. what a crab say? What a crab do? I'M A CRAB THAT'S NOT. WOKE ANYMORE. Whatever like I can't I'm. too old. Like I'm like old. That's what I used to do. I used to do. like funny videos and cause I used to. put on wigs and dress like women and. [ __ ] I dress like a corona ball. I'd. have people make foam costumes. Epstein. temple and they were really fun but you.

just. They were great. They were phenomenal. Yeah, they were fun but you grow out you. just like you. So level up. Just make a bigger thing. We did we did and we will. It's just. bigger things cost money and you got to. have good good ideas. So if you got to. put the money behind it you got to have. an idea. So like, you know, we we used to lampoon. a lot of like crazy stuff and woke. culture and stuff and and and. even right-wing culture. We would just. lampoon the insanity of everything going. on. Uh and we you know, there are ways that. we still think about doing that but it.

just gets I don't know it gets more and. more. uh. difficult. And I think the main focus is. building out the show. I think we. eventually want to like musical guests. so it's like a real late night show. Hm. Like who would be our first musical. guest do you think Ben? Like to be. really that we could get like who could. we actually get? we actually get? Uh the guy from uh that. really big band The Lumineers is a big. fan. Okay. Well, Lil Xan. I don't I don't know anything about The. Lumineers. I'm sure they're great. They're They're a huge band, but I don't. think we can get them is my point.

Future? Oh, yeah. Future is big. if we can get him. He's huge. They're. too These people are too big. I mean, it's one thing to be be a fan or maybe. like something that I do. It's another. thing to commit to showing up and doing. it. Maud Le Tour. Yes, Maud Le Tour, perhaps. She'd love to do the show. weekend in the city. She's a. a musician that we saw her name on a. on a marquee in LA, and we just started. following her, and we're following her musical.

musical career. Ladies and gentlemen. And she's got a really good song. Can we. play her song? No. No, we won't. Cuz we'll just lose. She'll get all the money from this. episode. Oh, [ __ ] that. Get her off. Get her face. out of here. Taking my [ __ ] money. Done enough for her by mentioning her. name. But, she's got like a one catchy song. We don't know any other ones. No. No. No. And and the. the chorus is the good part. Yeah, I mean, listen. She's not you. know, she's not Joni Mitchell. Thank god, huh? Pulling her music off. Spotify.

Maud Le Tour pulls her music off. Spotify. Dude, what if comedian What if. musicians started doing it now? Like. they just all over? It would just be so funny if like big. musicians on Spotify are like, "I am. taking a stand. I'm pulling my music off Spotify.". McKenzie Phillips takes a stand. Yeah, someone takes a stand. Yeah, like Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande is like, "I'm pulling my. music off Spotify." And then she says it. in Spanish. Spanish? Yeah, isn't she Spanish? No, she's.

I don't know what she is. Uh she's Sicilian and like Italian. Yeah. She's white with a spray tan, but she is. Italian, too. She's great I mean, she's beautiful, but. Yeah, she's very attractive. pretty bad without makeup, actually, in. the pictures I've seen. She looks great. she's fine, but let's attractive. Let's. see a photo of her. Okay. She's very attractive. She's beautiful. You know, I don't know. It's You know, yeah. Great spray tan. I mean, she's. the without makeup. Ben. Uh this one here. Everyone is such a cheater.

She looks good. I think she's. They're cheaters. No, they're not. Everyone's cheating. she looks fine there. She looks good. She looks good. But I understand you, but they should. they should be they should be made up, right? I mean, isn't that the point? Well, yeah. Well, we call them like this the. Yeah. But you know, it's not it's not only. it's not only just makeup. It's like a. lot of people are doing fillers, injections, and plastic surgery. The. fake asses, the new head, the one from. Million Dollar List got a new head. No, Tracy Tutor got a new head. And I think that's good. If I had money,

I'd get a new head. If I had money like. that. Tracy Tutor go go go go look she. got a new head. This woman's head's completely new. She had one head. She got a new head. Yeah, cuz this was her, right? Yeah, that was her. Now go to the new. head. No, I really don't see the difference. Now, this is Oh, it's totally different. a new head. You said this and I like I. She's got a new head. What is that different about it? What do you mean? The head. I think. Her head. It's like Khloe Kardashian got a new. head. Yeah. That Khloe got a new head. She got her nose done. That's you know,

I'm not saying anything. more than that. It's more than that. It's like chin shed. It's [ __ ]. Listen, if you're going to be on. television and. You're a huge proponent of plastic. surgery. No, I mean, I've never gotten plastic. surgery, but I think if you know, you. can afford it and it makes you feel. better. It makes you feel better. As if as long as it's not like you know, as long as it's tasteful. And then. What's a what's what's bad plastic. surgery? Oh, I mean, God. There's. You can see it, huh? Yeah. A bad hack job? Of course. Yeah. I mean, and and and.

yeah, it's all over LA. It's everywhere. Now, you're also an expert in Brazilian butt. lift, the BBL. I'm not, but I've I've looked into it. Stop denying what you know about. Well, I know that I I know two things. I. know that there's two different kinds of. BBLs and one of them is invasive and one. of them is non-invasive. show that Ariel the man with the BBL? Oh, yeah. What's his name? I'm a huge fan of Ariel. No, listen. We I have no problem I don't. I think everyone should be able to do. kind of everything with their body.

Yeah. Pretty much what they want. looks better than any ass I've ever. seen. But honestly, it's mostly it's women. mostly it's women that get the new ass, but I kind of want an ass and I might. buy Ben an ass. You should. I'd [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of this guy. I might buy Ben an ass. Would your wife mind if I got you an. ass? Uh it's for the show, right? I can get. it taken out later? No, it's invasive It depends what kind. you get. So I can't get it like cut off later? Cut off? You'd amputate your ass? it, I think. Jesus. No, you You wouldn't want to get.

it out. are going to have to understand that the. show is the primary. And if you had a. slushious ass, it'd be nothing wrong. with that. Ben, you deserve an ass. just evolves into you deforming Ben to. Yeah. I go like this. I'm like, "I'm sick of. dressing up in costume, so I'm going to. give Ben an ass.". Um no, you are You are You said there's. two. There's the invasive one. Yeah, there's an invasive one. I think. the other one they just put I think they. just put fillers in. Right. Versus But I don't know what an implant.

is. I don't know what an. a BBL problem, Ben. Okay. Go like BBL like when things go real bad. for the BBLs. Cuz occasionally, you know, one cheek is. It explodes. It explodes or one's higher than the. other. Okay, so here's. Is that the I haven't seen that. get scarring. So this says a influencer devastated by. drooping bum and lumpy leg. So if you. can see here, It has one of the highest death rates of. all surgeries, I think. Especially because people don't always.

get it in a reputable place. No, they go to like Mexico or whatever. These are taking over cities. If you. walk around cities, Oh, yeah, they're everywhere. people love this. around Glendale. It's like. And and let me ask you a question, is it. harmful if your ass explodes? I don't think so. I think it's as long. as it's uh. No, I don't know. I imagine it's not. great. I imagine it's not great. Like are you. If a silicone implant explodes in your. ass, you're probably at some type of. health risk. don't think it's silicone. Oh. I don't know what No, no, no, no, no.

You know what it is? They take it's it's. lipo. So, they take the fat out of all. the other parts of your body, like full. body lipo, and then they put that into. your ass. Does it need to be your fat? I think if you want I I don't I think. so. I'm wondering is why don't they just. harvest fat people and get their fat and. then use it to get. Like a sperm bank. Yeah, cuz we have a huge problem in this. country. You know, obesity is an issue. Yeah. And we also have the fact that the BBLs. are too expensive. And doesn't it doesn't it get better if. we started using like if you take a fat.

person, take all their fat and. redistribute it to the ass of uh an. inspiring Instagram model. Yeah, fat redistribution. A Brazilian butt lift involves three. basic steps. Fat is removed from the. hips, lower back, thighs, abdomen, and/or areas with liposuction. The extracted fat is purified and. prepared for transfer. Uh what a job. I'm purifying the fat. The cosmetic surgeon injects fat into. specific points on the buttocks to. increase volume and improve. improve shape. What did the Kardashians. have done? They had the best Tell us.

about their doctor is the best. know. I I really don't know. I genuinely. don't know what they've done. They all. naturally seem to have some. like are they already have like asses. Kim got too much done. It looks like. really. bad. Don't they have a special doctor? Probably. What do you mean probably? Don't you. know who it is? No, I mean everybody I think speculates, but I don't know. And are you afraid Is she like afraid? Are you afraid of what. No, I don't know. I'm like I. It's all she talks about every day. And. then every single day she talks about.

it. It's very interesting. Well, here's the thing. This is what. they do. They promote certain doctors. Do they go to those doctors? I don't. know, but they promote them on their. Instagrams. So, it's hard for me to say. that they go to those. like cuz they kind of look like you? Do. you have like some weird code where it's. like you can't. It's an omerta. You can't you can't. snitch on them. And then there's Dr. Ghavami. They both like. Persians, they're people. Yes, yeah. Okay. Actually, I'm Nicole Benisti's niece.

Oh, the girl from Clubhouse? I don't want to hear the word Clubhouse. again in my [ __ ] life. It's just. 15-year-old venture capitalist. criminals. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's over. It's over. Man, was I wrong about that? God, so wrong. But, it was fun for like. a minute. It was fun for like a month. A minute is right. Uh but, yeah, I don't know. So, I don't. know if they've ever gone to those. doctors for any sort of surgery, but I. know that they. Isn't it interesting that Kim Kardashian. is like this very fascinating person? Yes. She's like a businesswoman. She's.

incredibly smart, savvy, swift, shrewd. Like, she's able to kind of. really. position herself in this way that has. made her one of the most famous people. in the world. But, you're also like, you. know, in a different. world or timeline or whatever you want. to call it, she's like a rich wife. that lives in like Glendale. Mhm. You know? What do you mean? Meaning that like. it's such.

interesting confluence of events that. happened. And it's such an interesting. thing that they were able to capitalize. on those in the way that they did. repeatedly over and over again. Uh up until the point they were all. billionaires and all famous. I mean, the. Hiltons tried this. Yeah, yeah. Paris Hilton tried this, right? You had. people like Lindsay Lohan, uh other person, uh. Lionel Richie's daughter. Yeah, Nicole Richie. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, we grew up with like these. tabloid types of people. And there were. even more people than that. Nobody. No one got to this point. close. Mhm. to the massive empire these people have. built. It's remarkable. It's It's completely. remarkable. Is it the mom? Yeah, I think she's the I think she's. ultimately the the glue to all of it. because I think she keeps everyone in. check. Like she. Why do you laugh when you she said she. was the. She's the yeah, she's the mom that. releases her daughter's sex tape for.

fame. She's a great great. I play devil's advocate? give? Do you know what I'd give for my. mom to release my sex tape? Do you know. how. Me, too. My mom keeps watching mine. Let me play devil's advocate. Let me. play devil's advocate on this because. I've heard a lot of hubbub about this. Love that word. Your daughter has a sex tape. with a a guy. Let me tell me tell me You have a. daughter. Because you I don't doesn't want to have. kids. You have a daughter. Okay.

Okay. She has a sex tape. Mhm. Okay? Mhm. With a. well-known guy. How old was my daughter? How old was Kim? Uh, 20 something. 26? 25? I don't know. Yeah, she's 27. 12. No, she was. an adult. 27. You watch the sex tape. How old was she? Uh, 23. 23. Okay. You see this You see the sex tape that. your daughter has with.

this person. And it's good. And you're you can say that objectively. Now, you can say that objectively. Oh, it's great. It's really good. Like you can say that. objectively. You can go, "You know, I. don't love watching this. It doesn't. make me happy to watch it, but it is a. good sex tape.". It's not. It's a bad sex tape. Yeah, it. sucks. You don't barely see anything. We. We jacked off to it back in the day in. high school and stuff, and it was like. bad. maybe good for the era. It was good for. the time. Sure. Yeah, it was good for the time. Yeah, yeah, it was like acoustic. It was good for the Your your.

Was it cuz your daughter Ben's daughter. will have to do say it'll have to be so. high-def. It'll have to be so hardcore. It'll have to be so different now for. him to say it's worth releasing, right? Like he'll really have to see his. daughter just I mean taking it, and it. will it it it it's just going to be. you know, really up close, like you. know, really really good, right? She has to be raped by a village. You see that, and you see her way out. You see her way out of humdrum housewife. life like you've had for the most of.

your life, Kris Jenner. I I'm the plus. one. I'm the friend of my my friend You. know, when you go, "Well, there's a few. ways you can go when you're a housewife, right?" You could be the plus one. forever, you could just go to the. country club, or you could get. decapitated by a psychopath like my. friend Nicole Brown Simpson. The wife of. a housewife maybe not that glamorous in. Brentwood, right? Kris Jenner goes, "There's a You got to remember Kris. Jenner watched her friend get. decapitated.". Um not literally, but maybe, you know, who knows. Uh.

This probably lights a fire under her. ass a little bit and goes, "Women have to be more powerful. Yeah. and not rely on men.". Her husband dies, right? Ex-husband. Yeah, they were divorced at that point, but yeah. Right. She basically says to herself, "Women. maybe need to be powerful. What is the way What is the way to kind. of jump-start my daughter's career? And. I don't know if she did or did not. release the tape, but she releases the.

tape, um. and she thinks to herself, you know, you wonder if Kris Jenner. before she release releases that granny. footage of of Kim, she might say to herself, "You know, one. day. we're all going to be billionaires.". You know, like does does a woman like. that. Sure. have some kind of weird thought where. she goes, "Listen, I see the way the. culture's going. I see the way things. are happening. I see what's going on. I. watched the O.J. Simpson trial, the.

beginning of reality TV. Mhm. I watched the way tabloids have taken. over. I watched the way that has seeped. into every aspect of our culture, and I. know that if my daughter is to have a. shot, if my family is to have a shot, we. need to jump-start this light a fire. You release the tape, and how many years later? 20 years. later? Uh yeah, about 19, yeah. They have an empire. 19 years later, they're the most famous. people on Earth. They have an empire. They are billionaires.

They can do whatever they want. They can. try to cure diseases if they want. I. don't know that that's what they're. doing, but they could if they want. Is it. worth it. if that comes out of it? Well, here's what's great about them. though. They don't They. Kim actually exonerated like a. They've done more for people I think in. on a material level. reform. so many people in our country. who release footage of their children. having sex on the dark web. and get nothing out of it.

Not a perfume line. Not a [ __ ] deal at E! Not a [ __ ]. right? No, yeah, you're right. It's a great. point, yeah. Um and they did they did it. all. They did that, yeah. Certainly. Cosmetics lines, everything. Everything. you can imagine. They can walk into any. Oval Office probably at this point. How do they age? What do you think. happens when they're older? Like what like in the future? What's. going to happen? Yeah, cuz I've got a prediction, but I. want to hear yours. Oh, okay. Well, um I think they'll age.

gracefully and probably get a face-lift. or two, but as expected. But But yeah, probably. are you saying? They'll look great. I I think they might go uh some sort of. political route. Politics. that's what I think. Yeah. Wouldn't be the worst idea. I believe that. I believe they'll go. politics. You think so? Yes. No, I think they want to just go. straight capitalist and just. I think there's a bunch of them. There's a bunch of them. Yeah, well. I think. Who's going to go for politics? Um.

Rob? No, of course not. I Truly I believe. Here, I'm going to say this and I'm I'm. not even kidding right now. I'm not. kidding. I don't think Kim Kardashian would be. the worst governor of California. No, not at all. I I I truly believe that. Not at all. I believe she'd be better than Gavin. Newsom. I believe Kim Kardashian might. be a better governor than Gavin Newsom. She She's pragmatic and she understands. what people wants or want. She understands that people need that. bling. Yeah, no, she understands. She's She's.

more connected to everybody. People need. People need that [ __ ]. appletini in the fall. Mhm. People need to get their paper. They need to eat tuna tartar with. wontons. They need to go out to do like. a white party every now and then, a. hookah bar. You know, the piglets need little. treats. Piglets need little treats. And she I'm Is she the worst governor of.

California? Is Kim Kardashian the worst. governor of California? No. No, I don't think so. The best? I don't mean. probably not. I could see it. I mean. Does it even matter who's like governor? even matter. I I think it does. I think it does. I. think it does. And I'll tell you why. I think. Number one, here's what I think is. interesting. Caitlyn is is this totally. unserious attempt. I think Kim's. watching that and going, you know, I. could do this for real. Mhm. Oh, you think that's maybe why the law.

the new interest in law you think is cuz. of an eventual. I I she's going, how much longer am I. going to be a reality She's a. billionaire already. She's a billionaire. many times over. She will be. Yeah. Where Where Where is there to go? Yeah, it's it's true. Where is there to go? How else do you expand your influence? Where is there to go? You have the. money. Now you kind of want the power. I think there's a very good chance that. one day and it's Kim. I think it's Kim. Kim is it. Kim is. Yeah. Um. or Kris.

No. No? No. Yeah. Kim has a unique. blend of pragmatism. Uh you can already see she's like, you. know, women need to go out and work and. then people are like, it's insensitive, but a lot of people going. Hmm, you know what? I like hearing that. Yeah. I like hearing that. Mhm. When when when she gets out there and. revs him up. Mhm. I like that. I Let me tell you right. now, man.

I've become a massive fan of her. once she started telling these fat slobs. in this country to go to work. Yeah. I I mean, really. They don't give handouts. I had the show. on one time and they like they have like. a homeless friend. There's like a. homeless guy that the whole family like. hung out with 10 years ago. So they had. him back at the house and they they. didn't give him anything. They just were. like. did. They gave him an apartment. Oh, really? They gave him for like. a month or something? No. Find that now. BEN BEN FIND IT NOW. THEY WERE JUST LIKE WATCHING HIM eat.

ketchup and be like, oh, you love. ketchup, don't you? His name is name is Shorty. Shorty. I can't play clips, but we can we can. read this here. Khloe Kardashian showed her charitable. side on latest episode of Keeping Up. with the Kardashians as she reconnected. with her homeless friend. The realities. I mean, by the way. I mean, just. He was from season one. Give it to me in the veins. Put it in my. veins right now. I I can't They are the. They are They are They have met the.

moment. They are meeting the moment. They are the moment. They are the moment. The reality star 36 first met Shorty. in the first season of the show. Now. that the program is continuing to an end. or coming to an end, she instilled some. nostalgia in viewers by reaching out and. recruiting her family to help secure him. an apartment. So, she met Shorty in the first season. of the show. How long has the show gone. on? Uh let's see. Uh 13 years after first. meeting in season 1, so.

was he homeless in season 1? Uh yeah, I think so. I think it was. season 1. So, Shorty's had a rough 13. And now they've decided they have enough. money cuz they don't want to start. helping because you got You know what. it's like? It's like the airplane. You. you put the mask on yourself before you. help another. So, they've decided now at. like, I don't know, their combined net. worth of $8 billion, they can buy Shorty an apartment. After Khloe discovered from word of. mouth that Shorty was working at Flip's.

Coin Laundry in Los Angeles, she went in search of her friend, yet. the attempt was fruitless before. producers helped her track him down in. scene shot last year. Are we to believe that Khloe went to the. Flip's Coin Laundry before she contacted. the producers? In episode 7 of series 1 entitled. Helping Hand, Khloe welcomed Shorty into. their home after she found him outside. of their Dash store in 2007. This that the sisters then got Shorty. cleaned up, bought him new clothes,

fixed his teeth, gave him a haircut. before they lost touch. They did all the. they cleaned him up, gave him a. makeover, and then put him back out on. the street, which they have to. What are. they going to do? Sweet. What is Shorty going to be one of the. Kardashians? This is Shorty Kardashian. The family has not seen Shorty for 13. years. It's been a bit. And Khloe had constantly been tweeted by. viewers asking what happened to him, whether he was alive.

Can you imagine that? She's sitting like. a bubble bath. She's like answering She's on like a. call with like some marketing company, you know, trying to figure out how to. make like uh you know, some type of. tampon that they're going to sling to. people and like somebody tweets her, "Hey, remember Shorty? Is he alive?". Fans have attached Chloe in pictures of. Shorty when they saw him ON THE STREET. AND SAID SHE WANTED TO SEE IF he was.

doing well. I like the idea that he becomes a member. of the family and they give him a fake. ass. They make him all hot. I like the idea Oh, look at him. Look at. Shorty. There he is. I like the idea of. them. taking photo taking him going, "Hey, remember Shorty?". Like they're billionaires. They go, "Remember Shorty?" But what are they. supposed to give a [ __ ] Who is they. supposed to care about this guy? He was. outside their store. What What movie. landscape world do people live in? What What are you What What are they. supposed to What do you think she's.

going to do with the apartment? I'm not saying they shouldn't give it to. him. What do you think Shorty's going to. do with the apartment after 13 years on. the street? I mean, you know, he'll do heroin. safely. Yeah, with a roof over his head. When he So, the pair drove around getting more tips. about Shorty and giving Chloe's number. to a guy who claimed to know him. Soon. Shorty was FaceTiming Chloe at her home. and being invited for lunch the next. day. It'd be great if you like came over. and HE'S LIKE, "THERE'S PEDOPHILES. UNDERGROUND. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT. QANON?".

HE'S LIKE, I'M SHORTY. He's probably a fed. When he showed up, Shorty told Chloe, Kim, and Kourtney that he'd been working. at Flips, but it had closed due to. COVID. So, now go down. Go up there. That's a rough uh. look. He looks worse cleaned up. Yeah, kind of. Sisters then got Shorty cleaned up, brought him new clothes, fixed his. teeth, gave him a haircut. Okay. That's him now. Yeah, Shorty.

Uh, Shorty. He was searching for a job and. apartment, he added. Chris FaceTimed. Shorty and put Kylie Jenner on camera. reminding him she was a little girl when. they first met. "Little, that's no. little girl," Shorty observed. You know. he observed her. He groped her. "THAT'S NO LITTLE GIRL. THE THINGS I DO TO HER.". The Kardashians later secured a. rent-controlled apartment for Shorty. hoping to help him become more. independent. "God does wonders," Shorty. said, thankful that he ever met the. family.

Um. That's it. We just take their word for it? What? That they got him an apartment? Yeah, I mean, I guess. It's not that official-seeming. Yeah. At least [ __ ] up or something. Where's Shorty's spin-off? It'll probably be on TruTV. Have you seen any of their new show on. Hulu? I've seen one episode, yeah. The first. episode. What do you think about it? Um it's it's good. It's elevated. Elevated version, I think, of the E! show.

Why would you say it's elevated? Explain. to us what that means. Because they're billionaires and it. shows. Okay. It shows in the production value. Uh. It's they're just the most powerful. force, I think, in in this city and. certainly in the country. And that's really it. Dude, I just saw her completely out of. her mind. can't I I can't because I used to think. says things like that at dinner. She. goes, "They're the most powerful force. in the world.". I've never meant anything more. I really. have. I mean, I I'm not. What fascinates you so much? Let me just.

have a cigarette. I'm quitting smoking. cuz I bought a new car. This is a great way to start. No, because I have I have I And everyone. li- everyone doubts me, but they're all. lying. You got a cheap Wrangler. Um. I bought a cheap Wrangler. a cheap Wrangler. Uh what fascinates me. say them? I don't know. going to say the car I bought, it's so. funny that you knew I didn't buy a Jeep. Wrangler. Jeep Wrangler. You knew it wasn't a Jeep Wrangler. I'm. not going to say what it is but. I've been trying to help Yeah, it's I. know I knew. I thought for a second he was telling. the truth. I don't know. Can't fool me. No, I knew. I knew. Um.

Did you know I was going to get it when. we went to look at it? Yeah, absolutely. You didn't know. Yeah, I did. How? Uh I remember you when we when you used. to live in Agoura Hills, I remember you. calling that specific dealership that. will not be named in Agoura. So, I knew. you you had an interest about it. Uh but. you had a you had a thing about you. We. hadn't slept in a long time. I knew. there was no way you weren't walking out. of there without the car. There it. wasn't like you were just bored. You. were. slept in 48 hours because of Australia.

I'm still [ __ ]. Luis Gomez is staying at my house. Yeah. So, let's get back to. What what did I ask her before we left? Uh what she uh thought about uh. Do you even pay attention to the show? Are you just watching like golf matches. in your own head? Do you even pay. attention to what we're doing here? I mean, it's an honest question. I had to say is she said they're the. most powerful force in the country and. you kind of wanted her to extrapolate.

that and then you went on to the car. thing. What is it about Yeah, it's my fault. It's the way he lays it on. And then you went on Well, I didn't know. which thing you wanted to go back to. because she didn't really answer that. question. What is it about them particularly that. really fascinates you to no end? I think they've um. really intelligently utilized every tool. that's been given to them in a way. that's. Absolutely. that perhaps others wouldn't and. haven't. But also they look like you. You have a very similar look to them. I mean, that's a great compliment to me. Thank you.

no, no, that's true. If they were five. Irish women. with red hair and freckles with the same. kind of power, would you care? I would scoff at them. Yeah, you would. scoff at them. No, yeah, certainly. there's a try But here's the thing, before I was not a big fan because I. thought they were misrepresented. Rinehart. Pull up the woman that I'm. obsessed with from Australia. She could. buy and sell the Kardashians. Pull up. Big Gina. Buy and sell. Pull up my girl. Pull up Big Gina. Oh boy, who is she? She's the richest woman in the world. Yeah, she [ __ ] [ __ ] with iron ore. What did her dad do?

Mining. Lang Hancock. They discovered. the mines in Australia. She's a gangster. Boy, could she use the Kardashians. They could use her. They haven't gotten. their hands on some mines. That's the next thing they they should. start doing is mining. Yeah, I mean, yeah, they probably will. 20 years from now, like 10 years from. now, they have a special they're like, "Remember Blue Glub, the miner that. Khloe met in the first season of the. Kardashian mines?

Well, he's since lost his arm and foot, but people were tagging photos of him. dragging himself in the dirt village. where he lived, and Khloe went and. bought him water. They got reunited.". They That's the next thing they should. get into is the just total domination of. natural resources. Well, they'll probably go into renewable. renewable energy. That's their audience. and they're forward-thinking. you mean that's their their audience? Their audience is people that enjoy. renewable energy. Environmentalists are. watching the Kardashians. That's their.

audience, Tim. People that care about. green energy. Well, their audience is so expansive. It's it's so big. It is. Yeah, I'm sure it is. Instagram following alone. It's it's. it's unbelievable. bigger than mine? I mean, do you have 278 million. followers. on on Instagram? I don't know. I think I have followers. and I don't have followers. have better engagement. No, I don't. I don't want the engagement. Leave me. alone. Uh but I'll tell you right now,

uh. they are a They It's just they're. uniquely American fascinating group of. people. And my fans Some of my fans. probably hate this, cuz they're like, "You should be [ __ ] on a black. way. I used to think that way. [ __ ] on them cuz that's your job to. [ __ ] on them. Just [ __ ] on everybody.". It's like, "Maybe not. Maybe I want to. ride to the moon with them on a nuke.". I don't want to hang out with people. that care about stand-up comedy so. goddamn much. Rich people don't care about stand-up. comedy at all. Like real rich when you. meet real rich people.

No. They just don't give a [ __ ] about any of. that. They just They're like, "Yeah, let. the clowns do it. Who gives a [ __ ] about. them?". They'll do whatever they want. But no, they they interest me a lot. It's. interesting. You think they're her and. Pete, it's going to last? I have no opinion on that. Okay. I have no I. I'm trying to get some I feel like I've. got her on the stand here. I feel like I've got you on the stand. I. You have no opinion. What do you mean. you have no You have no. You have no opinion on that. You studied. them like a course in school. It's been a recent dis Because here's. the thing, I used to doubt them and and.

and and make fun of them like everybody. else until I realized like, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. These people are like the. like It's something It's something hit. where I like suddenly. the light switch went off where I was. like, "Oh, no. They've got it figured. out.". all have a person we want to have a. lunch with. She's up there. Who else would even be close in your. book? Dead or alive or. Alive, Ida. A lot I mean, I don't know. of the question. I don't know. A dead person? I'd rather have lunch. with Queen Elizabeth. It's like, will.

you stop? No, not Queen Elizabeth. Um. Yes, she's probably. I'm on the spot I can't even think of. anybody, but yeah, she's she's certainly. Rumsfeld and Kim Kardashian. He's dead. Yeah. Donald Rumsfeld and Kim Kardashian. What do you think a lunch with her would. be like if she was really honest? Here's. the thing with these people. Yeah. They're always brand whatever, right? So. like they're brand They're always. conscious of how they come off. What do you think a real honest lunch. with her would be like? If you sat down. with her and you were and she was honest.

with you about everything. I don't think she. Does she possess the ability to be? Like she gets a little sauced. Like. No, she doesn't drink really. drink, but like do you think she'll just. Do you think she looks at you during. that lunch and goes, "I own the world.". I I would hope. That's why I want the. lunch. I own the world, Aida. I own the world. Do you think she looks at you and goes, "The people. are nothing without me." Like what do.

you think they What is their family. backdoor sessions like? I mean, no, but the mystique is what is. When I wrote a thing about them, I wrote that the Hiltons. Get the thing. I'm going to find the. thing that I wrote. just want to know what you wrote about. them. What you wrote. something kind of brilliant about it. And see it's their reputations evolved. over time, so I wonder what how long ago. this was that you wrote this. I'm telling Louis to come.

What's the address here, Ben? Uh well, I'm not going to say it on the. show, but here just let me text it. Text him. I wrote a brilliant thing. I wrote something. I really have to go back to writing. these long-form things because it's some. of the best content that Facebook. has ever seen. I did my a lot of my best work on. Facebook. I agree. It was before I knew you. I. would read those. And I And I know, and I just wrote about. soup.

and the Kardashians sometimes, and it. was Now I sound I've become the Brooke. and Connor show. Like I've literally. become it. It's not a joke anymore. Like like. Facebook is like older. And like. See if you can find. Kardashians and Hiltons, please, please, please, please. And we'll edit some of. this out if it's dead air, but. See if you can do it. uh, Kim Kardashian. and I wrote about these two dynasties. And how these two dynasties, because a.

lot of people were writing about the. Bushes and the Clintons as dynasties. Maureen Dowd was writing about the. Bushes and the Clintons as dynasties in. the New York Times. She was obsessed. with that kind of Shakespearean dynastic. thing. Mhm. And I started comparing the Hiltons and. the Kardashians. Um, and it was a longer form thing. Oh, yeah, maybe that's it. This thing about Bruce Jenner? Uh, January 30th, 2015? No, no, that's not it. Hold on. Was it on Tumblr? No, I didn't put it on Tumblr.

Uh, Yeah, there it is, right? Isn't that it? Yeah. I think. Paris Hilton's younger brother. Conrad, not the power bottom Baron, was. behaving like a lunatic on a flight and. had to be restrained. The Hiltons are. like a nightmare. There's a reason the. Kardashians are the first family of this. country. They have it all. They don't go. nuts on planes. They get DEWIs like. normal people. They have one, a biracial. couple. Two, a person in transition from. a man to a woman. Uh, three, models. Four, a world-class.

athlete. Four, a five, a fat person, but. never more than one at one time. Khloe, now Rob. Kris Jenner is the original. momager momager, a bulldog who splits. uh, who spins kids into gold. The. Kardashians are the perfect new money. empire. They're connected to the worlds. of hip-hop, sports, reality TV, and. fashion. The Hiltons are fading wasps of. yesteryear, living off a fortune earned. years before they could snort it. The.

Hiltons are the worst kind of white. The. Kardashians fit perfectly into the. zeitgeist because they helped create it. I raise my glass to them, as you should. And I mean, It's perfect It's perfectly stated. It. would have It would have been a shame if. I answered the question because that I. couldn't have said that. And that's. That's exactly. Oh, you couldn't have? I couldn't have. Well, you know, I I I I didn't really I didn't know we. were going do 40 minutes on the. Kardashians, but. Yeah, your fan base is going to hate. hate me for this, Yeah, you know, they might hate me for. it, but the reality is I think we got. another hour in us.

of it. I mean, I could talk about them for. yeah. I think we got another two or three. hours in us of this. love that. That'll be great. tell you right now one of the guests I'd. love to see on JRE. Why does he not have. Kim? I was wondering why. Kim, thanks for doing this, Mom. [ __ ] you, Mom. You are like [ __ ] It's. weird. Because you're famous. And you're very famous. Isn't fame weird, Mom? Because.

you know, when you get famous, people like I'm I don't like being. famous. And my friends don't like it either, like Elon Musk. They hate fame. And it's weird. But it's like this is. you can only like when you're famous, like you're famous, you can only like. relate to other famous people. It gets. weird. You You become like in this little. cocoon. of famous people. And that's why I moved. to Austin because I can be around simple.

people, like Sandra Bullock and Matthew. McConaughey. They're because they're. simple. They're farmers. They're farmers. And it's [ __ ] weird. Are you. vaccinated, Kim? Brett why don't you just leering at her. like. Tim Dillon comedy.com. Ladies and. gentlemen, we all love you and we. appreciate you and we and we we. appreciate the people that watch this. show all the time. We really do.

And I know that. Joe Rogan revealed why he would have Kim. Kardashian on his podcast. Oh. Oh, okay. Okay, good. Well, I'm glad the door is. open, but we do appreciate. everybody who watches this show and uh. I would like to uh extend an invite to. any of the Kardashians to come. We could. get Rob. Yeah. We want Caitlyn, but not like Caitlyn. You don't want Caitlyn. Yeah, we do. Mhm. Okay.

You don't want Caitlyn, boys? No, you want Caitlyn, but you know, if. you could have Caitlyn or. I would have rather Kim. Of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I'd rather the one who wasn't exiled. from the family. Is she on Is Caitlyn on the new season? I have no idea. I don't think so. I. think I think they. Should we turn it into a Kardashians. podcast and just talk about the. Kardashians until we kill ourselves? Yeah, I mean, it's a. it wouldn't be unprofitable.

I love Ben Ben an hour and 40 minutes in. has decided to work. She's not. Caitlyn Jenner says it's unfortunate. she's not involved in the It's. unfortunate. It's sad. She'd love to go on Rogan. Caitlyn's like tried to get on nine. times. Well, wait, why why doesn't he ever? I don't know. Yeah, why doesn't he ever? Maybe he's just like, what are we going. to do? What? Well, when she comes on, you got to. treat her like a legitimate political. candidate. Like, what are you going to. do? Oh, come on. She wouldn't She wouldn't.

look at herself that way, right? I mean, come on. Yeah, she tried to run for governor. Yeah, I mean, did she really try? Like, she knew that wasn't. She left to do Celebrity Big Brother. Yeah. It's not exactly a commitment, but. It's not exactly what we need in this. state. We need somebody a little. stronger. Will she keep running for governor, do. you think? No. It's over? It was just a fun thing. She'll probably. run over the next governor. She might. hit the next governor. I think Kim Kim's. the hope. Yeah. Kim might be the hope.

It's really looking that way, yeah. It. It I can't really think of anybody else. As I just said, they're the most. powerful force in the world. Yeah, they Well, they've bridged the gap. between mainstream and like independent. success, I think, in a unique way where. they're doing their own thing, but. they're accepted by all mainstream. institutions at the same time. So, the. There's It's really limitless. They're accepted by mainstream. institutions? Yeah, they are. Okay. They are. Like the Met? Like the Met, sure. Yeah. Like who.

would Disney? I mean, they're they're. they're with Disney now. They're with. Yeah. Is there a Kardashian Disney film one. day? Perhaps. like a bunch of princesses with big. asses. Who like help a homeless guy. We met a guy named Shorty. And 13 years he struggled, and then we. gave him our energy drink. We got to come up with that [ __ ] cool. energy drink. Yeah. That's what's really hurt this show. Logan Paul has one. Nelk. has a a hard seltzer.

I need to come up with a toxic like. Brazilian coffee. that gives people like botulism and. kills them. What if we just started selling tap. water called tap? We need to just really get involved with. like a very shady food and beverage. packaging company. And just like start slinging [ __ ]. And get the Kardashians involved.

They'll sling it. [ __ ] yeah. They'll sling it. They'll sling it. I did have a call with. Devon Costa. The always ungrateful and. vast I mean, just useless in a way. that's shocking, stunning in in a way. that's surprising to me how out of it he. is. Free Ben. How truly out of it he Yeah, free him. Free him. He can go back to the pet. store he used to work at. That's real. freedom. Dealing with comics that would come in. and talk about [ __ ] the cat. Goodnight.