#296 - Selling Moresby | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dillon show our final Audio Only episode. ever. is that a lie. but it is the the tour is over we're. back in our studio. um in America soon but we're here today. from the lovely city of Brisbane. Australia by the Steve Irwin Zoo uh you.

know him the crocodile hunter who died. tragically when he was uh. what do you say harpooned or what what. did he he got what it went up under his. rib cage into his heart and they stuck. him a a uh what what do I want to say. here I want to say a praying mantis but. that's not what did it well there's a. manta ray and then there's a stingray. manta ray or Stingray which one of the. Rays. got Steve Irwin conservationist.

Australian Legend his family keeps his. name. it was uh it was a stingray Barb and. that was uh the Great Barrier Reef. outside Port Douglas. that's where we're going. defending our trip a few days to go to. see the beautiful oldest rain forest in. the world. right where Steve Irwin uh met his.

untimely tragic demise at the hands of a. stingray. and his family carries on his legacy and. nothing's come out about Steve Irwin. this isn't Jimmy Savile we don't have. any problems here Steve Irwin was a. conservationist who cared about the. animals. and that's why Whitney Cummings my. friend Whitney [ __ ] stand-up comedian. when me and you go to a lovely Open.

Range Zoo It's never enough for the. animal freaks by the way it's never. enough for these sick [ __ ]. anything less than animals coming in. their bed at night and [ __ ] them. makes them unhappy if the animals are in. cages they're unhappy which I get. but if you put the animals on a big. range they don't like it either. so we post a photo of me and you feeding.

kangaroos at the werribee Open Range Zoo. and Whitney Cummings. uh animal Advocate or just you could. leave off the word advocate. comments on my Instagram and goes. welcome to the dark side. because she her contention is that all. of the animals are drugged. in those uh.

zoos safaris they're all drugged. and they're being tortured on a daily. basis that is her contention. I don't know if that's true I don't. believe that I met a lot of people. including that guy Paul that love these. animals and are caring for them and are. bringing them back from the brink of. Extinction. and the Animals didn't seem drugged. I also don't think it's morally wrong to. give them a pick-me-up.

if they wanted a pick-me-up how drugged. is humanity I mean if an animal needs a. little get up and go. I don't see a problem with that but. Whitney's constantly on the animals. you're on drugs the animals right you. know who I think is on drugs but the the. point is that this this uh incessant. shaming and attacking of the zoo. industry I can't get behind.

I can't get behind it not with the. people that I've met that deeply care. about the animals. from what I've observed in my five to. ten minute interactions with these. people. in the three to four minutes that I have. spent talking to these people and I. won't ever speak to them again. but in those three minutes. they did not hit an animal in front of. me he didn't punch a koala bear.

we didn't walk in and the koala bears. are drugged up anyway they eat the. leaves they sleep 20 hours a day they. don't care where they sleep. let them sleep somewhere that's gonna. make a little money. they don't care you leave them in the. wild they just get torched because of. that fire. I hope that fire doesn't ruin any of. this rainforest trip I hope I gotta be. honest I don't want to see ruins here so. I want to be and we're staying in a very. LA and it was very important for me when.

I visit a natural area is luxury that's. the first thing because I don't really. care about nature and I don't want to. really be near it in a way where it. could impact me negatively in any way. my main concern is luxury. I want the animals insects to know that. we are the boss. and in some of these Expeditions like. when I was younger I wanted to go to the. Brazilian Amazon I've always wanted to. like go to the Amazon River because.

there are great animals the sloth the. Anaconda the black uh Panther the. bottlenose dolphin many uh parrots they. have a great place called the meeting of. the waters where the Rio negro and the. real Salome meet one is a color of. Nestle Quick chocolate milk the other is. the color of like a dark Brew espresso. and they I think or maybe it's reddish. maybe it's more reddish they slam up. against each other and because of the. silt gradient in the water they don't.

mix. it's like one of a I don't know if it's. one of the wonders of the world yeah I'm. right it's one of the I don't think it's. one of the wonders of the world but it. is an amazing thing to see and I've. always wanted to see it. but you need a lot of inoculations you. need like 19 vaccines because you can. still get leprosy in Brazil which is not. uh fun. also I mean you know. that's why Americans are going to Brazil. I mean you I mean forget it I mean look. at what with the coveted vaccine that. was a big you know.

how great would it be if just Rogan had. a guy on telling people why not to take. the leprosy vaccine. you can get off and leprosy if you're. not fun. but I always wanted to go to Brazil when. I was younger I go I want to go camping. I want to do uh I want to you know but. as I get older I realize that it is. important to be dominant over the. creatures and the landscape it is and.

and it's Western and I'm a Westerner and. I'm unashamed of civilization and if you. don't like Civilization you can [ __ ] off. like all these people in Melbourne it. put narm or narn or whatever it is which. is the original indigenous name for the. land and they put that in their [ __ ]. dating app profile. and they think that's gonna [ __ ] that. means something cut it out cut it out. I'm a Westerner I'm not ashamed of it.

I'm not marching into the capital but. I'm also like what's important to me on. a trip. that involves nature is that it is very. that it involves nature it is not. centered around nature. because nature like Woody Allen had a. great line I am too with nature like for. me it's like. you know the woman said to me what kind. of expeditions because this hotel wants. to plan the Expeditions that you go on. are you interested in hiking I said well.

not really. but we want to go to the the the ice. cream shop the daintree creamery because. it's famous for making ice creams out of. tropical fruits. so I said arrange that. she goes well I don't know if that's. really an expedition I said well that's. the Expedition today so arrange that get. the driver and get us in the car to the. [ __ ] Creamery and we'll take a river. cruise and we'll look at the crocodiles.

and a few things and we'll do some light. hiking maybe jump in a swimming hole. but again the main goal for me here is. to be really impressed by the hotel. not so much to Nick yes the nature is. going to be breathtaking. but the hotel is important to me I want. to feel safe I want to feel cared for I. want to know that if animals threat me. at all they will be killed on the spot. ditto people. I want to feel like an American.

traveling abroad I want to feel like I. have total dominance over the natural. landscape I am uninterested in any. spiritual they go well it's a very. spiritual area well I'll be the judge of. that and I have no interest in that. yes it is the world's uh oldest uh. living rainforest so they say my main. goal here is that the room has a private. plunge pool. like in White Lotus that guy who went. nuts I get it I totally get that. but we do we have a private pool I will.

throw a fit. if there is not a private pool I do not. care how beautiful it is it does not. matter to me. we're going to get the Pavilion Suite. which is the best Suite in the. rainforest. this is how I want to enjoy the. rainforest I want to enjoy we have a. private Chef that is doing a four course. meal if it is a three-course meal I will. light Acres of that rainforest on fire. with a Marlboro Light myself I am paying. for luxury I am paying for luxury I do.

not care do not sing me songs do not. tell me about the old ways of the. indigenous people I don't care about. unlocking their secrets it is of no. value to me okay unless they know how to. [ __ ] bid on a house in Calabasas and. get it and get it [ __ ] finally so I. stopped losing out to the Chinese I. don't need to know about their [ __ ].

you know how they made a uh you know a. flute out of a log I have no interest. so unless they can advise me how to beat. the Chinese in the Hills because I keep. losing then it's not about and again. does this make me sound like a defensive. American perhaps. but I don't think it does you're much. more into this [ __ ] than I am with the. with the nature and all this uh [ __ ]. right I want to see that little baby. monkey. you you like the koalas I wanted to see. the koalas you said koalas suck they do.

suck they're not Showman. animals are supposed to jump up and down. and throw balls and ride jet skis and. we're paying money the thing's asleep. what if I slept on a stage for an hour. they'd be a riot the koalas are not. funny they're not interesting they have. no personality they're cute they have. they're they're they're they're like. actors that are just hot and they have. jobs because they're hot people like to. cause their cuddly they are vicious.

nasty animals they're ungrateful people. move them off the roads to not get. killed and what do they do they make. that disgusting sound they. are ungrateful animals [ __ ] them get. them out of here yeah they're cute you. like little cute animals I like animals. that have careers. they put on a show you like that you. wanted to see the kangaroo much more. than I did I like the kangaroo that does. things it punches people and hops. it does things the koala does nothing.

the guy like scratches its back it turns. around it gives us a brief look we take. a photo that's 50 bucks I could have. uploaded that. I could have copied and pasted that I. didn't have to drive there but you. really like little cute animals and. seeing things yeah I mean by the way you. briefly mentioned we're gonna get in a. swimming hole in the rainforest there's. a swimming hole yes is it safe I would. imagine there's no Crocs in a swimming. hole there's no snakes and stuff up. there well I don't know about that.

foreign. but I assume the snakes that are there. work for the resort good. the animals should be working for the. resort. I want this is a resort experience I'm. not backpacking through the rainforest. to commune with the ancient Spirits I. have no interest in that if the. scrambled eggs aren't fluffy I'm going. to be loud I'm going to Sam Town's. coming we're going to smoke we're not. going to partake in any physical.

strenuous activity if it bothers us even. to the slightest degree oh walk up that. hill you get to see a view [ __ ] off you. do it and take a photo of it show it to. me on your iPhone. the swimming hole Mossman Gorge I. imagine is safe I believe it's safe I. mean we already died once here in a. [ __ ] Riptide I know so a swimming. hole it's a nice little hole in the. water. where we will sit. and probably smoke cigarettes.

and look at the wildlife. and if the what and I would I would like. if and again. again if this was like an island of Dr. moreau's situation where I put on a. white jacket and I have like a device. where if if the animals get too close. they have little uh uh collars around. their neck and I shocked them and they. can say that wouldn't be the worst thing. in the world I like that if there was a. [ __ ] playing a piano everyone hates. that movie but I don't.

that to me is a is a fun vacation but we. must feel at all times Superior to this. ancient wisdom that really adds up to. nothing and if it added up to anything. they would have figured out how to make. a bridge it's what it is this is a. western show today I am proud of cities. I am proud of dating apps I am proud of. Starbucks I'm proud that people can. shove their [ __ ] in your mouth within. five minutes of meeting them on the. internet I am proud of civilization I'm.

proud of real estate I'm proud of. bidding wars I'm proud of hollow uh. existence that has meant uh for all of. us to just keep busy consuming [ __ ] we. don't need I'm fans of hollow shallow. relationships that ultimately don't. matter and I'm hoping we can incorporate. that into this ancient spiritual. landscape of the rainforest because if. that was that good if these rainforests. matter that much.

[ __ ] would be going on there. and they vilified the developers to try. to get into the rainfall I mean they. vilify these poor people developers that. try to put up luxury condos and luxury. hotels in the rainforest are vilified. Ben the logging companies they are. vilified they are creating jobs. all they want to do is take a few Acres. of the rainfall and I think we can spare. a few acres for a nice complex.

but they're vilified and attacked. constantly it's a growing rainforest not. shrinking I read that it's growing but I. saw immediately on the daintree ice. cream website it says what are your. sustainable practices that's a big. question they get and they're committed. to preserving tropical North Queensland. Wildlife so people do get upset about. that these broke [ __ ] don't know how. to franchise they should be all over the. [ __ ] world they should be serving. this ice cream all over the [ __ ]. world but they don't know how to do it.

because they're babbling about. sustainability how about this cut the. [ __ ] stop stop with these faggity. flavors like waddle seed and. [Music]. and start putting chunks of [ __ ] real. Brazilian coffee or whatever cocaine or. Australian Marmite or you know. I don't know I'm just saying what about. a what about a pint of ice cream with a. big Cadbury Cream Egg in the middle and.

you call it Journey to the Center of the. Earth and you could you could have one. of those flavors you could use a you. could say it's like uh mango ice cream. or whatever you know but in the middle. of it there's a big Cadbury Creme Egg. and you could just just gnaw at it yeah. yeah so I understand that they're big. into the sustainability but I just don't. want to lose what do they call that. we're losing the what losing the there's. a there's a uh. there's a uh expression we're losing the. narrative losing the oh yeah losing the.

narrative I don't think that's it we're. losing the thread I don't know but what. I mean is that I'm there to really enjoy. the ice cream and maybe give them some. advice on how to take their business to. the next level. you know again the the witness of the. world and the people that. like all animals want to live in the. wild that's completely untrue that's. completely untruck correct many dogs and. cats are very happy being domesticated I. would say the majority of them and I. think many animals could and would have.

jobs if we're we were able to give them. jobs because hanging out all day has got. to be somewhat boring if we could if a. if a gorilla could work at State Farm. own a house. and have a wife I don't think he'd want. to be in the wilderness like some type. of monster. I'm going to ask these types of. questions when we are on the river.

cruise. I was treated very coldly you know on. that Safari the other day when he's. talking about the rhino horns and I made. a very innocuous comment I said well. it's a good business. because it is I mean let's let's take. morality out of it for a second it's a. good business the Rhino horn business in. Africa right now is a phenomenal. business it is a phenomenal opportunity. to make 75.

000 for a rhino horn. that is what the going rate is I think. it's I don't think it's maybe the. greatest thing to do. but I just made a comment. Chinese fentanyl good business don't do. it don't take it don't sell it but it's. a great business if you're just talking. money. so I'm just hoping this vacation. is everything that I like.

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wallet for everyone no signup is. required download and you're ready to go. by visiting exodus.com Tim it's a great. way to store your crypto keep your. personal information saved and get ready. for the future because we're done with. this tour this tour started in September. of 2020. at Vinnie Brands Stress Factory Comedy. Club where they had an outdoor tent it. was the first time I had done any stand. up in like six months or however long.

because we got shut down in March. um it was pretty wild and the tour was. shut down twice. um for two surges of coven and. we kept doing bigger theaters and. filling bigger venues we've toured All. Over America we've done every city in. America we've done every. English-speaking country in the world. pretty much outside of maybe South. Africa but. I mean I don't know if you would call.

that an English-speaking country. but we've done Dublin you know we've. done Ireland we've done Scotland we've. done London uh we've done the UK we've. done Australia we've gone everywhere. it's over it's time to hang it up. there's nothing left to do so this is a. nice way me you and Sam Talent have a. little vacation a little three-day jaunt. into the rainforest to kind of reflect. on how fun it has been uh the last. couple of days I mean the last couple of. years doing this it's been a lot and we.

do apologize to a lot of the podcast. fans who love the video episodes we love. doing them too but it is very difficult. to do a video episode I'm not gonna do. it in a hotel room but the good news is. I will be back in my studio next week to. analyze all of the funny and fun stories. like the imminent nuclear war and uh the. Florida the gay people and Disney World. versus uh Ron DeSantis and uh the PTA or. whatever the hell we've been talking. about in our country for the last five.

months and here's another thing I'll say. I don't want Putin to use a nuclear. weapon I'm going to make that. stipulation immediately but I will tell. you this. the Ukrainian war is getting so [ __ ]. boring. that if there is not. something. I'm no longer watching and I'm barely. gonna talk about it it's gotten like.

covet. it doesn't seem dangerous there anymore. Boris Johnson's going Pelosi's going. they're all visiting with zelinski I. mean pretty soon my uh fat agent is. gonna have me and Keith doing a show it. doesn't seem that dangerous. so while I do not want. Vladimir Putin to use a nuclear weapon. in Ukraine. what I am saying. is that if this show.

doesn't get. better if it doesn't have a new. storyline I'm no longer watching. what is small tactical nuclear weapon. would do. is it would give the story a little bit. more relevance I'm not saying you should. do it I'm against it. if it happened I would cover it more. it's not is it it's not worth it I mean.

we do a great job covering it. it's but it's cost benefit and I don't. want the Ukraine to be nuked what I am. saying is I'm getting very bored what is. going on in the Ukraine now is it even. still happening well they had the. genocide as you know well. I don't know. but I believe you so lately Putin has. said on record if someone intends to. interfere in what is going on from the. outside they must know that constitutes.

an unacceptable strategic threat to. Russia they must know that our response. to counter-strikes will be like that. [ __ ] has been saying that we've been. arming the Ukraine we've been funding. the Ukraine and yes he's got Hypersonic. missiles it could hit New York City but. we're a big [ __ ] country and we will. just we will just launch and Russia will. be over I believe this is the first time. he says you know we will use them like. if anything happens we will absolutely. class in our country wants nuclear war. you can't scare us they want a nuke us.

they did this is not something that. they're even trying to avoid who are you. scaring with that. these people want a couple of mushroom. cloud they want that that way they can. flatten Russia I mean we will go crazy. if we are nuked uh so uh did you see the. news that broke uh this morning uh that. he is undergoing cancer operation yes so. Putin is undergoing cancer operations. well can I say something can I say.

something yeah we I wish him well. I don't. and I don't. I'm not going to start wishing death on. people. thank you. well he has abdominal cancer and. Parkinson's disease that is what they're. reporting so it's a sudden answer you. know everybody's like well Russia's bad. to gay people is Ukraine great to gay. people where is this idea that the.

Ukraine is like some like San Francisco. level of Tolerance there literally I. heard from somebody the other day who. dated a Ukrainian chick she said my. brothers I would just go beat up if they. saw a black person they go beat him up. that's literally what you said that was. literally a quote from her I'm not. making that up I'm against the war. Putin's a scumbag but let me just tell. you that is what I heard it's is it. hearsay maybe is it um what do you call. the anecdotal absolutely that is what I. heard.

foreign. the idea that the Ukraine is like a. Bastion of Tolerance is untrue. neither is Russia. I don't really I'm just saying I'm. against War. what I am saying is that I'm I'm. incredibly bored. I'm incredibly bored with this well. they're sort of foreshadowing here that. there could be a change of Changing of. the Guard because poon's health problems. could deteriorate is what they're. speculating if it's going to be handed.

off to spymaster protrusive. so that that could be a whole. interesting that could be a whole. different set of narratives right there. a new King in power. well that guy's even worse from what. I've read right that's what I've read. too yeah right so he's a real Bill de. Blasio. um this is him Nikolai. Patricia he's not gonna de-escalate. right. nobody named Nikolai is gonna come in.

there and. so Putin is undergoing Cancer Treatments. yeah but apparently he has Parkinson's. too which I didn't know but those videos. have been going viral of him not really. he hasn't been able to really sit up. upright in his chair I'm sure you've. seen those of like he just doesn't look. well but as is anyone speculating that. that's poisoning from what you've heard. or is he just it's just coincidence no. one has speculated to me personally that. he's being poisoned okay. it's just interesting in terms of the.

timeliness of it but perhaps but I do. think it's widely known that he has been. having Health struggles and I think that. that is unfortunate well. he will be going under surgery soon it. seems it'll be incapacitated during that. surgery so then there might be some type. of uh maybe a coup something might go. down over there nice. interesting. whatever I'm just saying I'm done I'm. done I donated 5 000 Bitcoin I wish. everyone well I hope they succeed I hope.

they drive out the Invaders I hope they. uh set up a fun world for themselves I. don't that is not my concern my concern. is finally it's time to relax I have to. relax it's time for me to relax it's. time for me to relax it's time for me to. take a vacation I can't be concerned. with the nonsense. we have a horrible economy in this. country that is preventing people like. myself from going around the world and. abusing uh other people and that's wrong.

the cost of fuel right now is preventing. fat Americans from getting on planes and. destroying whatever land mass they. happen to be in. it's not right we need to bring the cost. of things down it's true the inflation. is crazy the interest rates are spiking. people want to buy homes and if people. cannot buy a home that will eventually. uh collapse on top of them and kill them. metaphorically not even literally but I.

mean you know that's what it's about and. so now why you and your wife should. start thinking about in the future. buying a home. oh I've been looking all over the place. you know what I mean to have a home to. have something that you have to pay for. every month whether you enjoy it or like. it or not to just have that weight to. have that debt debt is beautiful that's. the closest you'll ever get to God. the closest you'll ever get to God is.

dead. because we owe a debt when we come into. the world we're owed to debt you owe a. debt for just living so the way to. glorify God and to glorify that debt. that you owe is to take on more debt. more debt and that weight of the debt. that crushing weight holding that up. every day it's Sisyphus with the you. know that is important so I think it's. very important for you.

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and next week we're going to do a. special of summer vacation spots for. uh the poor because a lot of people. right now are [ __ ] and they need to. know where they can go on a vacation and. enjoy themselves we are going to suggest. 10. summer vacation spots it's going to be a. very big episode it's our first episode. from the studio get excited and I want. you to watch this with your family. because it's going to be 10 vacation.

spots that you can go to even though. your lives are horrible. even though you have a horrible life. that has been destroyed by forces you. can barely understand you should be able. to shimmy your diseased fat ass down to. some type of swimming hole or Crick and. go in there you should be able to eat a. hot dog you should be able to watch. Nikki glaser's new show on eating.

you should be able to enjoy the summer. you should enjoy the summer and we have. got 10 spots that are going to be. perfect. at. we're actually going to try to do it I. actually thought we're going to do a bit. where we were going to say like the. Hamptons Nantucket places like that we. are actually not going to do that we I. thought I thought differently because we. were going to do a bit where I would get. on and go uh an average uh Hampton's.

rental in the summer would be 50. 000 a month or a hundred thousand a. month and it was the whole big joke was. going to be that all of the nice places. in America had you'd been priced out of. that was going to be the bit but I think. that's number one you could kind of see. it coming number two it's cruel we are. actually going to literally scour this. earth like where did you grow up going. to Vacation uh like Port Aransas and. stuff like that that's right we're going. there what is it Padre Padre Island we.

are going to showcase. the top 10 areas that you can I want you. to take a family trip for under twelve. hundred dollars. I want you to take a family trip for. almost no money. and it's you know it's not going to be. Nantucket it's not going to be the Four. Seasons in Maui but we're going to. tell you 10 places that you can take. your disgusting family so that they can.

remember because we it's about creating. the memories for the children. and we're going to we are going to. really. scour the country and I'm excited. because what is what is it Port Aransas. what is it uh South Padre Island and. what is that it's just you know there's. oil factories and needles and uh the. water's very gross have you swam in the. Gulf of Texas I have never gone near it. the Gulf of Mexico not even once. well it's it's brown so it's like the.

color of Lake water it's kind of like. this we're looking at the Brisbane uh. River a little bit but you can swim in. it yeah. and I bet there are tacos. right there's uh there's like uh I. remember we had a lot of imitation crab. meat that's right which is pollock and. Pollock is not bad you go to the. supermarket on Padre Island sign me up. so what you do is you go to like you get. the really cheap crab or imitation crab.

meat you go back to your hotel get some. hellmanns. get helmets or you boil it and then you. again you get a thing of butter and boil. the butter and then you dip your hands. [ __ ] yeah not bad. not bad I think we were watching a. Project Runway on the TV it was a fun. vacation that's that was an odd turn why. you're watching your Christian families. eating Pollock and Watching Project run. my mother loved the show in the. mid-2000s interesting Heidi Klum was. great I loved that show. Tim Gunn was phenomenal yeah that Nazi.

[ __ ]. now I'm just saying I'm excited because. there are all kinds of areas that are. that are for you know people that are. struggling and we don't remember them. yeah. we don't remember these people and. they're ignored in our society and I'm. against that but what I can do what we. can do is put out. a list of 10 places that maybe are more.

affordable uh because they are the sites. of the ecological disasters. or they've been linked to higher rates. they've been linked to higher rates of. cancer. or there is maybe some violence in and. or near the area so you got to be alert. you just got to be alert. for example I'm just going to throw if. you want to take a trip how about Port.

Moresby in Papua New Guinea. now Port Moresby Papua New Guinea is a. tropical destination for the Discerning. World Traveler. now 80 of the women that live in Port. Moresby are. subject to sexual assault and that is. not good. and there are many crimes committed. against tourists involving Bush knives. machetes or things like that that being.

said. I think it can be an affordable. destination for a family. the flight will be expensive can you. read some statistics about Port Moresby. Papua New Guinea yes this is uh this is. very high some of the highest in the. world if not the highest it looks what. that well the level of crime is insane. in Portmore Street yes but listen. I don't focus on negatives.

I'm trying to alert people okay to it. because the flights are going to be. expensive but once you go there it gets. real cheap okay so this is uh I'm on. numbio.com which does statistics of. crime in the world it looks like uh so. we have crime and Port Moresby Papua New. Guinea right here we go here we go okay. uh so you understand how crime index. Works no I don't so if something is uh. like uh the crime index is 82.15 here uh.

so that is your chance so it's the scale. out of every hundred people it's the. scale of zero or a hundred for Value. since it's easy to read for users it. generates a current index. uh uses data up to 36 months old. trying to figure out what this means. exactly because I thought you would does. crime ruin a vacation or is it a fun. story. that's another great point. would a crime being committed against. you ruin the entire vacation or would it. be a fun story to look back on years.

later and say. we watched. Our Father gets stripped naked in the. middle of the street and robbed. many families don't even like each other. so this idea that violent crime is going. to turn off everybody isn't true oh so. it means per 1000 people so per 1000. people 100 of them or 80 something are. getting it yeah so uh worries home. broken and things stolen 77 so 77 out of.

a thousand people and a period of three. years have got their home broken into. and things but right but but again if. you're a traveler and you're staying at. the Hilton Port Moresby and you are just. you keep to yourself and you're smart. um I think it'll be fine uh you will be. a victim of a violent crime uh such as. assault or armed robbery it's a 84 out. of a thousand. hey I don't think it's that bad. I really don't. uh uh being subject to physical attack.

because of your skin color or ethnic. origin gender or religion 71 out of a. thousand. hey. not bad. not bad to me. get the kids on the plane. tell us about some of the hotels there's. a Hilton oh is there okay can we call. the Hilton Port Moresby right now. can we call the Hilton Port Moresby. right now on my phone can't we do it my. phone's right over there can we get them.

on the phone because I want to take I. have a family and we're trying to take a. trip to Port Morris Bay the most violent. city on Earth from what they say but. they've never been to you know America. can we I'd like you to do it through. WhatsApp or whatever. let's get these people on the phone do. they speak English. I think they will because it's an. international uh you know chain Hilton. okay this might be the first time they.

get a call from uh an LA number maybe I. don't think so or Beverly Hills number. possibly let's see here I don't think so. I bet there's a lot of directors actors. producers that want to go over there and. whack people with machetes. they probably have a tour for people. that want to go over there take a break. from the California Sun and go hack. people with bush knives. okay I'm calling the Hilton right now. I watched the whole thing the other day. where it's like hostile that movie with. Eli Roth that's true.

in Port Moresby no in other places like. people just go and kill people in in you. know. okay that's the that's the number. looks like a good location. is kind of pretty on the Google Images. here why aren't they answering. how are you is this the Hilton in Port. Moresby. yes sir thank you so much I'm trying to.

come there with my family for a summer. vacation but we've heard that the Port. Moresby is very dangerous is that true. all right it's it's a good place. but. if if they said you have to just. um just to be on transport. right so if I go there with my family is.

it a nice place where we can walk around. or is there a chance that there'll be a. problem. um in the hotel services. well let's say we left the hotel. all right dear so. I don't think it's safe. to leave the hotel. but if we if we stayed at the hotel is. nice you have a pool.

do you have in-room dining. room dining and we have a complimentary. shuttle to the mall. Oh what now what is that. okay so as long as we as long as we stay. in our hotel and go to the pool and. don't leave the hotel for any reason you. think we'll be fine.

I guess that um we have the guts here so. the hotel is safe because there are. guards but now if we left the hotel. that's where we might run into uh a real. problem. yes so it depends on where you want to. go. right. what are the attractions in what are. like the attractions in the area. all right we we have the national museum.

as well as the Botanical Gardens the. nature box we can organize a taxi for. you or we can organize Black Swan VIP. transposers let me stay through this. right so if we're in yes if we're in the. taxi on the way to the Botanical Garden. we'll probably be safe. and the plate number so we keep checking.

that's good so that makes me feel better. you'll keep track of the the plate. number on the taxi. well so we only we only get Comfort. taxes those are the reliable taxis. it was mostly right but it it's not the. type of place where we would we would. want to just go walk around. okay but the in-room dining is good is.

it tasty. yes it's Thursday it's 24 hours so you. can order. well I like that well I'm you've sold me. because the hotel has guards around it. and you can order the food at uh anytime. you want. well it sounds good yes. because we also have the copper pot. that's on ground levels this stretch. from level one and we also have the Momo. restaurant it's um it's from Wednesday.

to Saturday it local traditional food. right and it's just our only issue is. that if we were to leave the hotel for. any reason there's a chance we could get. attacked by a machete. all right yeah so we can arrange Tech. like transport for you if you want to go. somewhere. right because that's the whole thing. do do you give out for the people that. are staying in the hotel will you give. them would you give us machetes so we.

could at least defend ourselves. would you give us machetes so that we. could defend ourselves on the street. okay. all right well listen that you've sold. me on this and I really appreciate all. of your help thank you I'm very excited. about my trip. all right and hopefully we see you soon. here at Hilton yes I'm very excited.

about it sounds like. it sounds lovely. all right thank you so much thank you. hold on give me let me let me. what. what. good how are you what's going on. well we extended till 12 last night.

yeah. yeah we extended uh till 12. the the. reception. thank you very much. enough already what was that about I. don't know she wants us out of here but. that Port Moresby sounds lovely. the Hilton looks that's the nicest. Hilton I've ever seen.

it's gray look at that it's lovely. that's CGI. but it's nice. what's the problem that woman sounded. like she was pretty um you know she. sounded uh pretty um. hopeful about our prospects the only. thing is you can't leave the hotel right. and if you leave the hotel they will. arrange a specific taxi for you to take. you to your murder.

well the these are the types of things. that we're going to do next week we're. very excited about this because we have. to get realistic you're not going you're. not gonna go to Anguilla you know what I. mean you're just not so what you're. gonna do is get realistic and there's. gonna have to be certain things that you. just [ __ ] live with if you want to. enjoy a nice vacation. in Port Moresby.

you think that's CGI because look how. nice that looks. I believe it is CGI yes. but God loved that woman. and I'm very excited about it and if I. had a family I would take them there. over Padre Island. where would you stay in Padre Island oh. just uh they have motels. they have motels along the beach there. right yeah yeah you know what's nice. Delaware.

because they have some beaches and some. college kids and you can go cheat on. your wife with a college girl. while your wife feeds your fat kids. clams. you could go give a college girl a. thousand dollars to hop on a dick. is there something wrong with that my. podcast without Baldwin came out do. people like it are the reviews good or. are they not uh it seems like people are. uh excited about it it looks like it was.

edited down but I have no problem with. that. yeah I mean a lot of people do podcasts. and then edit them down. for reasons who knows yeah who knows and. that's good. right you know these times when you're. so into what you're doing and you can't. think about anything else at times and. you're most focused and productive. psychologists call that feeling that. feeling of being in the zone Flow State. Alpha Brain from on it is the ultimate. way to get there a world-renowned. nootropic supplement with over 1 million.

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times no no no no no no I'm I'm excited. about it I'm scared of a couple things. the private plane well one I'm scared of. a private plane so I read statistics. this morning and looked into it they're. not good they're not great but that's. the same thing with Port Moresby. you heard the woman just stay in your. room. don't go looking for a problem. statistics if you start reading. statistics you'll be off Twitter right. keep going uh second thing is this is a.

wild Excursion this whole Australian. trip and I feel like nature is trying to. kill us around every corner yes but. that's why I am telling you right now. when they say that people are more. powerful than nature that's untrue. that's untrue Ben. that's untrue the ocean sucked us out. into the sea the ocean owns nothing. the ocean what's the market cap on the. ocean. I'm not worried about nature. I'm worried about nurture the people.

nature doesn't scare me. they have Anti-Venom. I don't even think these animals are. dangerous in the rainforest the tree. kangaroo. is it true you can be allergic to. anti-venom when they give it to you and. then you find out I don't know. uh so there are dangerous creatures in. the. in the area do you want me to read them. all yeah tell me what the dangerous. creatures in the area are. there's the oraconda or a Condi.

jellyfish. the box jellyfish the blue ringed. octopus that'll kill you the blue ring. the stone fish yes that'll kill you uh. crocodiles that that'll they'll do it. and there are sharks in the area. uh we're moving on to snakes now there's. the red belly black snake. uh the brown snake the tiger snake the. Death Adder. and the typing. uh arachnids ready for arachnids.

this one will affect you more than me. even though I've been bit by a brown. recluse uh you have the paralysis tick. okay a funnel web spider that's right. and you have a red back spider right uh. those are your enemies in the daintree. rate but isn't the real danger. inequality. like isn't that the real problem isn't. that the underlying issue here. isn't that the real issue if we're gonna. look at you know.

would the blue ringed octopus be nearly. as dangerous. if it could work. why are you so worried about these. things. uh well like as soon as we got here uh. we the the nature tried to take our own. lives yeah they tried to take us back. into the Earth where we die and then. it's eventually be Stardust once again. like it wants us to return.

back into its soil I'll never be. Stardust. I'll be another kind of dust. but that's a real that's some Joni. Mitchell song we're not going to be. Stardust. we might be star [ __ ]. whew but nature is trying to kill you. all the time because nature does not. like winners. and we've won you think Alec Baldwin's. afraid of nature Ben. do you think a guy like that gives a.

[ __ ]. another guy on that set got bit by a. brown recluse spider and almost lost his. arm. but Alec Baldwin did not you know why. because Alec Baldwin doesn't walk around. like a [ __ ]. I think you make way too much out of. nature you got to show nature you're the. boss you're the boss. I don't even know that we have to leave. our room. we have floor-to-ceiling Windows why do. we have to leave.

you just look at it from the outside. can you calm me down with the private. plan thing a little bit. yes. there's a 50 chance we'll be okay. we've got some drunk Australian up there. who's [ __ ] lazy and we're on some. piece of [ __ ] playing. drive going through the rainforest. I feel fine. I mean I can't wait to see because the.

business uh manager is hooking this up I. can't wait to see what this thing is. going to look like when we can't have us. die he needs us to keep earning money. that's true he's going to do the right. thing this is the one thing that I have. faith in him because he can't have us. die we make money so he wants to Keep Us. Alive at all costs. I think we'll be fine. okay I think we'll be fine we're flying. a private plane with a drunk into the. rainforest.

I don't think it's a big deal I really. don't. and if you die you die you've already. accomplished a lot. I mean I I don't think you have to be. your wife will bounce back she'll marry. your brother no. no why why deny them that happiness. I'm just saying. if it is Our Fate to careen down.

and die in the Australian Outback in a. plane crash and be eaten by animals if. that is Our Fate it is Our Fate it's not. a big deal. you know I read at one comforting. statistic yeah is that you survive 95 of. playing uh malfunctions or crashes is. that true that is absolutely untrue oh. God I didn't think it was but I read it. I don't know where you read that. that is absolutely it is completely made.

up okay that is a completely pretend. statistic that I've never heard in my. life. I'm just saying man you should relax. we're going into a place where there are. deadly people but nothing's more deadly. than the white man the white American. male. we've got red blood in our veins we. don't give a [ __ ]. I'm telling you right now these things. can only kill you if you let them in. your head Ben yeah maybe you're right. maybe you're right I'm telling you.

they're scared of us those animals are. scared of us they're scared of us. building cities and making them get jobs. they're scared of competition they're. scared of being outed as [ __ ]. we've got nuclear weapons we've got Amy. Schumer we've got it all we've got big. Ukrainian flags flying All Over Texas. we've got the Machinery of death we've. got secret societies we've got. International pedophile Cults we've got. organ trading and human trafficking.

we've got everything we've got war and. violence and Chaos we've got media. Empires International lifestyle Brands. we've got influencers and tick-tockers. we've got mansions with square footage. and infinity pools we've got Bridges. we've got cruise liners where fat people. take tours of shitholes we've got. everything we've got politicians on the. take we've invented bribery extortion.

corruption we murder for the sake of it. for fun we've got gangs both National. and international we've got malicious. we've got religion we've got all kinds. of things crazy uh pedophile priests and. pastors marrying 16 year olds we've got. it all we've got private prisons we've. got hospitals it'll take your organs. right before you're about to go and sell. them to someone else we are Humanity we.

are what saved this planet we are what. made it special we've got amusement. parks where people die on the rise. because we don't do safety checks we've. got electric cars that go really fast. and we've even got Elon Musk. safeguarding Twitter we're okay we're. good. the Sharks and the octopuses and all of. this [ __ ] they will never pose even.

a scintilla of the threat that Humanity. does. we have one we have dominated go into. the rainforest with that mentality. look at every natural beautiful thing. and go this would look a hell of a lot. better lined with Four Seasons Resorts. condos Pokeball places amusement parks. it's our planet for the taking Ben it's.

not for the animals anymore. it's not for the animals Whitney. Cummings can say whatever she wants she. can rescue dogs she can jerk off horses. she can do whatever she wants but at the. end of the day you know what happens. you know who really wins US. the human because we can reason. we've made this a beautiful place where. everyone is happy that's the most. important thing you have to remember.

we've given people the gift of gambling. the gift of of chance. we've got the Barstool Sports Playbook. you think I'm afraid of a shark we've. got Dave Portnoy. we've got it all. I'm not afraid of nature. it's been there 180 million years and. it's done nothing it's done [ __ ] it just. sits there and lives nothing is more.

boring than life nothing. so you have to go into that area with. that attitude that's the attitude that. pushes civilization forward that's the. attitude that drives all Innovation. that's the attitude stop worrying about. the animals the fauna the Flora the. plants the diseases all of that the. weather it's all irrelevant you can beat. it you can beat it all with one of those.

uh uh ice cream cones that looks like a. fish. do you see do you feel better now yeah I. feel better. thank you all you need is your. confidence you need to have the. confidence of a white man abroad. and you don't have it that's what I'm. worried about if I worry too much I'm. going to create something out of the. worry rather than that's exactly right. because nature might [ __ ] with you.

because you respect it. people [ __ ] that up. they start respecting the thing that. wants them dead I don't respect nature I. respect the Mandarin Oriental. I respect tea service I respect the. Beverly Hills Hotel. I respect 150 million dollar property in. Malibu I respect boats. I barely respect people I just like the. things they create so I would not get.

too lost in this okay. it's not a big deal it's really not a. big deal you've already won. you've already dominated these things. out here can't hurt you they can only. hurt you in your mind. that's the reality. that's the way you have to think. because that woman says well don't leave. your room in Port Moresby don't leave. your room she's afraid but is she afraid.

of the snakes and the spiders is she. afraid of sharks are you not leaving. your room because of sharks. are sharks dragging you out of the car. with the machete no the only things you. ever have to fear is really people you. have to fear people and you have to fear. boredom. you know. that's why the best thing that Vladimir. Putin could do when he wakes up from his. cancer coma is launched a massive.

nuclear strike. to remind people that we're still the. boss on this goddamn planet. we're the boss. and if Vladimir if we have to have a. nuclear war that involves several. Nations and destroys the lives of. millions or billions of people. to just show everybody that we're back. baby. this pandemic sidelined us for a little. bit but we're back we got way into.

nature with this pandemic oh the. pandemic there's forces that are out of. our control. no no no no no no. no no no no no no no no no we need to. come back we need to come back with a. nuclear war to just show people that we. don't give a [ __ ]. that's the most important thing. so I think you'll really enjoy the trip. uh I think I'll really enjoy it I think. Sam Talent will enjoy it.

the most important thing to remember is. that statistically you're more likely to. get killed any other way than buy a. shark or a blue ringed octopus really. you know you're you're more likely to. get killed anywhere. so again I would just. relax calm down you know and stop. obsessing about things that are. irrelevant you know we're staying in a. high-end Hotel this is a high-end Resort.

they've gone to all of they've gone to. all the trouble to colonize nature and. sell it to us. let's buy it. good luck everyone.