#292 - Do It Quietly | The Tim Dillon Show

timbercomedy.com for all the live dates. we've got a lot of shows. coming up. and we're very excited about them here. we're just going to run through them. right now and then we're going to put. this in the front of the show glasgow. dublin. london. jacksonville charlotte new orleans. dallas austin chicago houston cincinnati. baby. northfield ohio sydney australia.

melbourne australia brisbane australia. adelaide australia perth australia and. then that is it. this tour's over we're wrapping it up. we would love to see you on the road. thank you ladies and gentlemen welcome. to the tim dillon show hillary clinton. has just uh contracted the disease. she created covid 19. bill tested negative and is feeling fine. this is from hillary's twitter he's. quarantining until our household.

is fully in the clear movie. recommendations. appreciated. from hillary clinton uh and then jen. saki tweeted her. finally watching inventing anna and. recommend and highly recommend lots of. water tea and juice. jen sake. uh press secretary for joe biden. recommending inventing anna. the show on netflix about a con artist.

in new york city to hillary clinton. interesting but a con artist who got. caught. and was not able to. swindle her way to. chappaqua. i can say where they live i mean people. know where they live it's public. information. i don't need to be alive. hillary is uh dealing with kovid she's. uh older she's an older woman so it's. always tough. when somebody who's an older woman.

contracts covid and. she's a good woman and a woman who well. my grandmother loved her so that counts. for something right no matter what this. woman's done in her life. my my grandmother uh really cared about. her and uh she was like. gung-ho hillary clinton. here with ben avery of course everything. okay with you you have a very odd you've. had a very weird tone it's made a lot of. people uncomfortable i'm so i'm so. thrown off i feel like i've i've been. doing uh well you have a very like it's.

a bossy like you get very bossy to. everyone when you're it's like your. studio and you're like very like oh. yes you do you and everybody realizes it. you have a very. kind of bossy authoritarian i feel like. i'm intentionally very open. i open heart and i feel like i'm very. encouraging. and i feel like i bring a lot of uh i. feel like i light up a room a little bit. not like a huge bulb like a huge bright. bulb of light like a studio light but i. definitely i'm carrying like a candle or.

like a torch or something i come in and. i just feel like hey ben's here. everything's okay okay. you know that is your word word quota. for the next three episodes. you're not to utter another word you you. are. so out of line. by the way i was with devin and ida. richie friends of ours it's late night. in the studio. just hanging out. and uh the other day we're on a plane. now by the way i sit in first class he.

sits and coaches the way it is it's the. way it is it's called capitalism. uh and. i look back. he's sitting. in the row. right. behind the first class curtain. trolling me. essentially. sitting in like a comfort seat. or some type of like. higher. priced seat. and i'm looking at him i usually never. see him.

and i walk sometimes to the back of the. plane. and i give him something that we get in. first class a hard-boiled egg or. something i. squirrel it away to him and he's sitting. right up there. but you know how god punishes him tell. everyone how what happened in the middle. of the flight tell everybody what. happened uh uh a younger white man is. sitting in the middle seat fit uh. started vomiting all the way wait a. minute how did you describe him a. younger white man and then you said fit. like he's fit he's fit okay what in.

god's name. does that have to do with what happened. it's not who you would think would it. would be who would you think it would be. um. an older woman. of what race i don't know why jesus is. important well you specified race you. brought it up that's true that's kind of. weird i did that yeah. interesting what was a white guy. it was a white fit man the enemy. and what then happened to you he uh he.

like like crazy started vomiting all. over his his groin in his crotch that's. right and it he did it so much he was. flailing around for uh that's right the. throw up bags and he couldn't there. weren't any and so he just kept going. like about five times went into my uh. ridge wallet backpack went on my shoes. one on my pants i'm stuck in the window. the guy in the aisle jumped up. immediately and i was just stuck there's. nothing i could do here's then what. happens they send them into first. i swear to god they send these dirty.

pieces of [ __ ]. covered in vomit. into first class. to wash themselves off. and i'm like what the [ __ ]. is going on. i i'm not vomiting. so you bring some schmuck from steerage. who's vomiting. into it's like a 2 000 ticket and this. monster who's vomiting.

you know and i hope he's okay because he. said he passed out when the plane took. off yes these are bad sides he went. unconscious he said. we worry about him. and we want him to be okay but we don't. want him in first class covered in vomit. right. what is ron desantis doing in disney. world killing uh gay children. what's going on now. why is disney world disney world. is in like. have you heard about this uh you can't.

say gay now don't say gay in florida if. you say gay. something happens something i don't know. what do they do they go they get you you. march or something. putin loves the don't say game though. putin's. we want to play devin's thing it was so. funny on the show oh yes yes. we're gonna play this this is a leaked. this is the reasons vladimir putin. invaded the ukraine. and. i was against the ukraine invasion in.

principle. until i not keep going i'm almost there. well why prepare. you know what i mean it's three o'clock. in the morning we got the time. we got people breaking into the studio. persians are coming in here with kebabs. heidi's doing arabian nights. why prepare another three hours here. all right it's all right he's you know. he's been with the the dogs all day. okay so this is devin's uh video here. this is not devastating i didn't make.

this this is leaked i just found it. audio. this is why. russia. has invaded uh the ukraine. the truth.

[Music]. you got to watch it folks if you are.

just listening to the show you got to. watch that as well and now of course. people actually this is when you learn. the uh intellect yeah of the american. public yeah it's truly terrifying people. thought it was real like 50 of people. legitimately still think it's real i'm. still getting messages like putin. doesn't give a [ __ ] about blm. [Music]. yeah. i doubt it one one of my favorite ones. is the guy goes. if this is putin we're in real trouble. it sounds like he's lost his mind.

if this is putin we got a lot of. problems on our hands. because he seems unwell how did you do. russian that well it's i it sounds like. russian i guess i mean i say. at one point but i just looked up like. how to say hello and goodbye and it all. takes forever just to say one word in. russian and then you know you just add. issa rae let's do a ukraine war report. where is the ukraine right now. uh in terms of. the we have the russians who've advanced.

they've done horrible things in maripole. they're targeting civilians. uh. you know. now they're saying it's it's the. stalemate the media keeps doing this by. the way is the media helping the ukraine. the media keeps going the russians are. losing the next day. a city gets burned to the ground. can the media stop running articles that.

say like putin's hitting a stalemate. immediately after that happens they just. start shelling civilian centers. how about telling him he's winning. how about the media writing an article. saying it's over you've done a great job. like this isn't working this this idea. of just telling this guy he's losing. every fight like if i was in a ukraine i. go tell him it's good he's we they're.

winning i know. tell him that he doesn't have to try so. hard. this isn't exactly the best strategy. here to keep telling the guy. he's uh and now we're pushing this coup. angle. we're saying that there's a coup. that and and mark galiotti who doesn't. return my messages anymore but he's a. really great journalist about russia. uh. and other people have said that putin is. relatively cool proof. he's pretty he's done a pretty good job. of insulating himself he monitors.

everybody around him. and. he's. you know relatively. somewhat. you know as invulnerable as you can be. even though there's always a chance. there's a shot. but now they're saying there's a coup. and the that the oligarchs are unhappy. because they're losing money and the new. guy is gonna be the guy who's the head. of the fsb right now. uh and i forget his name.

but they're saying there's a new uh guy. that the oligarchs in russia are tapping. to replace uh vladimir putin. victor yanukovich nope. that's not it ben okay let me try again. we're gonna miss. from producer extraordinaire man and. avery swinging a miss it wasn't the. surge guy either right it's not shogu. sergey shogu shout out to shogu. shogu's an urban an early uh supporter.

of the show ironic. that we're in the position we are now. um of course this has been uh every. article. it's the head of the russian fsb now we. could just google that. we could google. head. of the russian. fsb. there it is alexander bortnikov. he is a russian intelligence officer who. has served as a director of the federal. security service since may 12 2008.

they're now saying that the oligarchs. are mad they're going to throw putin out. and install. bortnikov now obviously this is probably. just. maybe some propaganda that we're. throwing out there to um. you know insert a little uh you know. distrust in the putin circle. whatever it is uh this is uh from what. publication this is from uh the tribune. in india. the tribune in india and but it's been.

they've run it a bunch of places group. of russian elite plans to assassinate. putin by poison. claims ukrainian intelligence so. ukrainian intelligence claims that. there's a plot right now. to get rid of putin. and then replace him with the head of. the fsb who will restore economic ties. with the west that is you know i don't. know if that's true or not. um but that's ukrainian intelligence. saying that bring this up uh zielinski.

they're saying his green shirt. has become a symbol of defiance. zielinski's green shirt this is the new. york times by the way this isn't. this isn't uh like a blog written by a. student at columbia university. there it's the man in the olive tree how. president. valor damir. zelinski of ukraine transformed the. meaning. of a piece of cotton.

oh god. in the beginning it was just a t-shirt. basic olive green the kind worn under. military fatigues were hauled out from. the bottom of a wardrobe for workouts. and weekends. sometimes it was more brown than green. sometimes there was a cross over the. heart with a coat of arms in the center. but over the last four weeks as the. ukrainian president velodemir zielinski. has shed his former navy suits white. shirts and ties the uniform of the. politician for the t-shirt wearing it in. his daily videos to his country in his. speeches to the european parliament to.

the british parliament to the american. congress in his interviews over the. weekend with cnn blah blah blah. uh a zoom call with asha kutcher and. mila kunis i mean what is happening uh. it he did a zoom. a widely tweeted zoom call with ashton. kutcher and and mila kunis uh it is. something more a symbol of the strength. of patriotism of the ukrainian people a. host of values here's the deal i've been. up front from the beginning the war is a. tragedy putin's a monster invading a. sovereign nation is absolutely wrong but.

putin has a nuclear arsenal and sadly. has done this he chose to do this he. didn't chose to you know he didn't. choose to become a chef or a stand-up. comedian or whatever he's a dictator and. he's doing horrible things he's. killing women and children this is a. horrible thing whether it's done in. ukraine or iraq or where it's done it's. bad but it's been done and we're living. in that world and my problem with the. zielinski thing is what is the end game. here i mean we're talking about the guys. t-shirt and they're shelling cities.

should we not be trying to pressure the. guy into making a deal. and saying hey man we get it you know. the ukrainian people are tough. but we need to figure out a way to end. this war. and not. you know. make it into some type of. this isn't a party. i'm afraid yeah no we're it is scary. scary can we go back to hating white. people right. i thought this country hated like white.

people why is the media so in love with. the white ukrainians well they and when. some of them are not some of them are. legitimately nazis the a's off battalion. they're siege highland they're. legitimate. it's not even like. maybe they're nazis. it's like they're certainly. nazis. and. they're singing at the academy awards. liaison battalion. which is. odd. but. necessary.

um the t-shirt is a reminder of mr. zielinski's origins as a regular guy a. connection between him and the citizen. soldiers fighting on the streets i get. it. listen. putin's invasion is not justified. because they have some nazi battalions. over there but the nazi battalions. aren't great an article is about the. ukraine before the warning and none of. this justifies the invasion but they. were like it's one of the most corrupt. countries they've got a huge nazi. problem uh lgbt attacks are becoming.

more coordinated these are all things. that were said about the ukraine i mean. ukraine is probably not. a progressive paradise. um. you know. but but it still doesn't mean that putin. is is you know seriously denazifying the. country um. but i just think we need to push for. some type of so we're getting too into. zielinski as a guy. we're and he's getting too into this.

it it almost feels like he's like what. happens when they say it's like his. covet where it's like hey man. you're gonna have to give putin some. territory. this is the way it's gonna work you're. not gonna get out of this without giving. putin territory he's kind of becoming a. little fouchy-like where he's just he's. doing podca the country's getting killed. and he's on my favorite murder. i mean this is a problem. right i mean there's there's. gotta be.

some. idea of concessions being made by the. ukraine that they're not gonna be happy. about because otherwise we're gonna see. more death and more chaos and more. carnage and i just fee and i respect i. understand zelinski's in a spot and he. didn't leave his people he didn't they. didn't. he didn't take the airlift out of the. country that's all respectable he's to. be respected for that. but what we have to be careful about is. we we just can't have a guy. who who's. kind of.

and people are going to blame you. they're like well it's not his fault i. understand that but we can't drag this. out forever here. because you know people's lives are at. stake and there's already 10 million. people. that have left the ukraine and we also. can't just have a nuclear war which i. know disappoints. a lot of people in the ruling class that. think a nuclear war would be a great. idea the new york times by the way this. is a great article from the new york. times. uh they're now preparing you for like.

nuclear war. the new york times is now going out and. saying hey. this nuclear war you're all freaked out. about is actually not gonna be that bad. i swear to god. they're going hey this this nuclear. exchange you've been dreading. is actually not. the nuclear exchange of the 50s. it's actually gonna be. much cooler than that. and uh. that's a little disturbing i don't love. that article that they wrote any article.

that seems to minimize the damage a. nuclear war could do scares me it's a. little scary. here we go new york times the smaller. bombs that could turn ukraine into a. nuclear war zone. and. the whole thing here. they had like a sub. uh title here. which was was basically. and maybe they changed this but the the. thing that i tweeted uh was essentially.

they were saying like. experts say a new generation of less. destructive nuclear arms may make the. prospect of a nuclear strike less. unthinkable. than it once was. so they're like hey. what's the big deal. you don't want nuclear war. is that what you're saying.

i mean i i think the point is like hey. we can't we give you there could be a. few nukes right that go off it's not a. big deal. it's not a big deal. there could be a few nukes. we don't want we don't want it to get. too. crazy concern about these smaller arms. has soared as vladimir putin in the. ukraine war. has warned of his nuclear might. has put his atomic forces on alert and. has had his military carry out risky. attacks on nuclear power plants the fear. is that if mr putin feels cornered in a.

conflict he may choose to detonate one. of the lesser nuclear arms breaking the. taboo sat 76 years ago after hiroshima. and uh. nagasaki somebody goes to chances are. low but rising um. and they are. they are rising steadily because we. i don't think fully understand the. sanctions have crippled their economy. and he's this guy's desperate. and again we keep running articles. saying he's losing. every fight i mean he's just not.

you know the whole media angle here is. like he's he's lo it's over for you. every late night shows us talking openly. about assassinating him and yeah people. are making jokes about killing him. no it's a great idea i'm afraid james. corn said oh we can we can just kill him. let's kill vladimir putin he's lost the. war. [ __ ] nuka's [ __ ] it's like. it's a bit it's a bit much.

i don't know what to think about all of. this you know i mean uh you know. i'm i'm a fan of a non-nuclear uh uh. arrangement here same a non-nuclear. yeah i mean doesn't the new york times. writer of this article doesn't he know. he dies too like like all the people. pushing this isn't it just suicide like. we all die some of them do some of them. have bunkers under the ground. some of them in dc and yeah some some.

people. are. have been preparing for this believe. it's an inevitability. believe it you know. they also don't you know a bunch of. people die they go ah you know. you get back on track. we get back on track after that i read. that nuclear war would wipe out like 700. million people and anything hey. by the way inflation not a big problem. anymore. [Laughter].

nothing brings the inflation numbers. down like a nuclear war. you get rid of 700 million people that's. a good idea. all of a sudden things start to seem. because a few you know maybe 100 to some. million of them are from our country. things start to seem a lot more. reasonable yeah when you start shedding. people we gotta shed people here there's. no other way around it we gotta shed. people so whether it's a nuclear war or. not. people gotta go. do you use a vpn.

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how bad is the economy right now i mean. what is the price of gas. i saw california it was uh six on. average. it's 696 near where i live average u.s. let's see four 696. even in your neighborhood in like a. little closer to downtown but yeah it's. really sad yeah. man yeah but it's about four. four six four nine national average is.

4.2. do you have the cold bear bit. let's get the colbert bit up about i. wonder if we can play can we play it. what's he doing why can't we play it uh. because it's copyright of uh what is. that cbs or yeah they they understand we. got an arrangement with them. i do i got an arrangement with viacom um. i can. i'm i'm good.

no colbert where he tells everybody to. go buy a tesla oh that's right. i'll tell you what i will never complain. about a destination wedding again. russia has been hit with a series of. crippling sanctions and it looks like. there's more to come because the us. and its european allies are now. discussing banning imports of russian. oil take that putin we're not going to. buy our gas from a war criminal we're. going to buy it from the good guys saudi.

arabia. but. it's going to cost. since the invasion oil prices have. skyrocketed today the average gas price. in america hit an all-time record high. of over four dollars per gallon okay. that stings but a clean conscience is. worth a buck or two no i'm willing to. it's pay. right. it's important i'm willing to pay four. dollars a gallon hell i'll pay 15.

a gallon because i drive a tesla. right now people all over the world are. trying to find uh inventive ways to help. ordinary. yes so i mean you know i i you know i. get it the saudi joke's pretty funny but. you know telling people you can spend. another dollar or two on a gallon of gas. and you know you know that's not helping. right i don't think that really warms. the hearts of. people in this country who are destitute. makes you furious watching yeah it makes.

you angry uh watching it because people. are suffering already. and i don't think that there's a real. good. you know a clean conscience i mean. clean conscience. what are we doing in like yemen yeah. like. pull up yemen by the way see what's. going on over in yemen just a little bit. image just hit google image yemen. alrighty. yeah. go to the third photo over there.

yeah what's that. what happened there. that looks like a scene out of the bible. what's going on over there that seems to. be a problem too. but nobody's talking about a dollar to. uh gas for yemen jesus saudi arabia has. been uh bombing yemen. with american money. and american equipment for years they've. been carrying out what essentially.

amounts to a genocide in yemen. and. this is why people hate late night. comedy they hate performative activism. they hate all this stuff because they. know they they genuinely. know that it's fake. and that it's very selective. and that it only. you know it's a zeitgeist thing it's the. in thing to do. and they're going to have a thing on the. academy awards and i'm not saying that.

the ukraine is not something that's. you should you should feel horrible. about and and notice but saying well you. could have a clean conscience you should. never with the things this government's. done you should never go to bed with a. clean conscience. if you're paying a tif you've read a. book. no clean conscience at all. um. amy schumer tried to get zalinski on the. show we talked about this on the patreon. we're not going to go over it again uh. but the oscars has said no to that. they've said no which is sad.

because i wanted to see that same i. wanted to see zielinski on the academy. awards doing a comedy bit with amy. schumer while his country's being uh. attacked. i think that'd be a good use of his time. to uh be on the academy awards. making. doing a bit. about the the shelling of the country. what if zielinski really came on and.

they just did some. like. bit. that just didn't land. about. now. the nazis in the ukraine. now they're and they're taping people. that are looting and stuff to things and. people are going look at them they're. doing the wrong thing i mean by the way. i mean all the things america's done. with you know. i mean taping people to a poll is not. even the least of it. but they are taping uh people you know. it's martial law over there it's not. great. so if they think somebody is alluding or.

something. they're taping them to a poll. and this has made people very. uncomfortable. that are. watching this. trying to figure out you know. what our role should be. vigilante punishment spreads into. ukraine and a lot of people. that are doling out these punishments. are this azov battalion of nazis. um.

but they're not the bad not they're not. like the nazis like that are like the. charlottesville like they're these are. like. there's hot different kinds of not like. there's like different kinds of nazis. and people don't realize this and like. these nazis are in. when a nazi is hot in this business. they're hot. let's get real. when a nazi has heat. in the entertainment business they got. heat.

it's a business about heat not about. talent per se but it's about heat and. when you're hot you're hot. and right now the azov battalion is. hot. we like them they're in. we want to know more. we like it they're patriotic they're. standing up to putin. um so. they're not. the nazis that are out there's nazis. that are out. that we we say they're not marketable.

and let's get them off social. let's get him off social media let's put. him in the back of the room. not a fan of those nazis but then there. are nazis uh. they're a little more cinematic. it's more exciting they're more exciting. the industry kids they're industry kids. they're we hand-picked them they're. selected you've been selected. as of battalion. they're the nazis of the moment.

they're the nazis of the moment. and here's the deal. and this is i'm going to this is going. to come out wrong. i'm trying to figure out how to say it. and remain. with the ability to communicate with. large numbers of people but here's what. i'll say. in every now and then.

you need. a cool. group of nazis. every now and then. not a lot. you don't want to overdo it. but every now and then. you need to overlook some [ __ ]. and just elevate. a cool. group of nazis. because. hey. it's punk rock.

it's punk rock. and we forget about that. we forgot we've gotten soft. but. now do you they just the the azov nazi. guy literally just. was broadcast on cnn and they had them. on yeah yeah they had him on. they had him on. let's see here they had him on. they had him on to make his case.

malcolm nance on twitter says there's no. nazis left in the asap italian that. though they've been rid of all nazis. well that's disappointing isn't it yeah. and. here's what i say about that. i don't believe that. but maybe after this happens the azo. battalion's hearts will be warmed. by amy schumer yeah what if amy schumer. convinces the azov battalion.

to stop. being nazis. and start. queering the space. by accepting. lgbtq. ia2. people into their brigade. perhaps. so now we have the a's of the head of. the a's off battalion here yeah his name. is dennis uh. dennis i'm trying to pronounce don't. even try. don't even try with the names.

here's the clip here now cnn has spoken. with a commander a ukrainian military. commander who's been defending the city. from the siege take a listen to what he. sent us a day ago. people are cooking food in the streets. risking their lives is under their. container let me be honest. i get a nazi vibe.

if it was just based on vibes. if it was just based on vibes. i get a nazi vibe. not saying what what the defending of. the city is bad. not saying you don't have to make. alliances with people that are nutty. but i get a little bit of a nazi vibe. from this gentleman. that could be wrong. let's see what he has to say.

as the temperature is minus five degrees. celsius in the street killing the. civilian as the amount of weak sims. grows every day now it is uh more than. three thousand but nobody knows the. exact amount because people are buried. together in the same dump with no names. many bodies are just outside the streets. without being buried some of people are. under the ruined buildings buried alive. ukrainian army is trying to help. civilians with food and water but it's. not enough.

there is no safety places for people in. mariupol the missiles of the enemy are. attacking the houses and people are. dying in their beds. it's a horrible situation. um. that needs to end. truly i mean there you know this can't. this is it this has to end we have to. figure a way out of this. uh. and you know. you know i i don't want to you know we. can't split hairs here about you know.

yeah we got there's some nazis there. that are. they're doing the work. they put their head down. they're doing the work. the nazis were very bad but they were. they weren't inefficient. so if you could get the nazis to do. things you want them to do. like what about a nazi run steakhouse be.

great. right. so if we could focus nazis on. other things. we're doing the right thing here yeah. i love bespoke post in the box of. awesome. because i hate knowing what i'm getting. but i like surprises do you ever ever. use a box of awesome no. but i will now. box of awesome you fill out a quiz. and you say what you like.

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your first order with doordash subject. to change terms apply. what about this katenji brown jackson uh. the woman who's uh the supreme court. people are getting mad at her because. she's uh. i don't know there's some uh he she. sends some people with child porn to uh. i don't know people not a lot of. i don't know people want her to sentence. it's very late but people wanted to. sentence uh the the people at the child. porn for uh. longer periods of time but apparently.

so josh hawley went at her. and i don't know if she had a response. to that. um. so she's going to push back here. forcefully she's that smart woman and. so she's supreme court things. what were you gonna say she just like. gave him a slap on the wrist like it. wasn't life i think she did like three. months a few times. yeah it was you know. i don't know the circumstances of every.

case. but i think she was like listen. you know. we all do it you know i think maybe it. was. that's what she said. i think it was kind of uh. hey. you. know. you didn't see that stop sign. type of thing. it was a fix-it ticket.

you know she's saying they're they're. saying that she sentenced the defendants. to an average of 47 last time than what. other what the prosecutors asked for but. let's watch her push back she firmly. pushed back on that. here we go here we go came up yesterday. in the. opening. phase of this. nomination hearing. and it's the issue involving child. pornography. i want to turn to that issue because it. was raised by the times primarily i mean.

is this country not beyond over. i mean what an embat what an. embarrassing country to live in at this. point. it's been the most apocalyptic lineup of. topics i mean. i mean can you even imagine this. okay we got the supreme court nominee. and hey. we want to cover uh child porn and. you're letting these guys off. you're letting these guys off their. kitty porn cases. explain.

yourself i mean this is the. and i mean i hope she's not doing that. but people are saying she is let's see. what she says please. senator from missouri. and it was he was questioning your. sentencing record in child pornography. cases. that do not involve the production of. pornographic material i thought about. his charges as i watched you and your. family. listening carefully yesterday. and what impact it might have had on you. personally as a mother.

and a judge who has had. to deal with these cases. i was thinking. that nothing could be further from the. truth. get this woman's response up benjamin. please. they've leveled a serious accusation. this yeah they cut it off this is the. rest of it here. [Music].

come on yeah the rest is in text i tell. them about the adults who are former. child sex abuse victims tell me that. they will never have a normal adult. relationship because of this abuse i. tell them about the ones you say i went. to prostitution i fell in the drugs i. was trying to suppress to hurt there was. done to me as an infant. almost every one of these sentences when. i look in the eyes of the defendant. who's weeping because of giving him a. significant sentence what i say to him. is do you know that there is someone who. has written to me and told me that she's. developed agoraphobia she cannot leave. her house because she thinks that. everyone she meets um will.

have seen her we'll have seen her. pictures on the internet they're out. there forever. at the most vulnerable time of her life. so she's paralyzed she added i tell that. story to every child porn defense did. she just work child porn. is that was that. was that it oh god was that all she. worked. was child pornography. wasn't it. wasn't there anything else. oh.

what is there any are there no other. cases in front of this woman. and i don't know i i i they're saying. she's been lenient on this but i mean i. i don't know i hope not. yeah i hope not either that'd be. horrible. but i mean here's the deal. i don't know if these cases are like a.

19 year old has sex with a 17 i don't. know what's going but there was one case. i think when the guy was 18 and the. person was eight that's not funny okay. no i mean that's supposedly that was one. of the cases i don't know. i don't know i mean it's like. you know we're progressing as a country. and. i mean. and then they go into the critical race. theory yeah how about we figure out the. child porn first how do we just bounce. from that.

so now let's go let's talk about the. don't say a gay. in florida because this is uh i've. solved this issue and again. i solved it on youtube. literally last week. where i said you do a take a tit leave a. tit where you give the kids prosthetics. fake dicks fake tits they don't make. irreversible physical changes to their. bodies you give them prosthetic dicks. and tits. and [ __ ]. and you hand them out if they want them. it's a good idea.

it's a great idea you go to the guidance. counselor you get a puss. for the day. [Laughter]. you know i'm dead serious. and that way nobody can say they're. doing irreversible and if they grow out. of it and then when they get older if. they go yeah i want a real puss to get a. real puss if they grow out of it they. give the dick back and everybody and. they graduate. yeah. is am i nuts or is that not a humane. compromise. yeah. the parents on the way to the school. they could don't forget your dick.

they grabbed the dick. i know this sounds like i'm making light. of everything. but that's kind of what i have to do. i i mean i know that comedy now is about. my truth. this is my trip my personal truth. it's not about you the audience of slobs. got bust in here. it's about my own personal truth i'm. plumbing the depths of myself i'm so. goddamn significant.

i need to continually plumb the depths. of myself cause there's so much fair. there's some i have layers. and they're gonna be peeled off. peel the layers off one by one. make myself vulnerable in front of a. room full of people. disney workers walked out. over the company's response to the don't. say gay bill well what is the company's. response to the don't say gay bill.

the recent statements by the walt disney. company leadership recording the florida. legislature's recent don't say gay bill. have utterly failed to match the. magnitude of the threat. posed by the legislation. so disney's kind of just going hey let's. just. disney's being disney they're not taking. a hard stance on this but disney's. pretty pro-gay right they've been pretty. broke like ben shapiro's doing these.

things where he's like the disney world. disney world has been taken over by. lgbtq people. gay people have taken over disney. disney's been completely gay forever. it's been gay. every single movie is about uh guys. sucking each other off that's what it's. about. um. so now they're saying they can't uh. employees are calling for. dissent uh the disney to stop uh making. donations to certain florida politicians. including ron desantis.

and commit to a plan to protect. lgbtqia staff. from such legislation so what do you. mean protect the staff what do i mean by. the put them in the magic kingdom. put them in a castle. i don't understand how you're going to. protect the gay staff this bill's about. two-year-olds it's about second graders. not being instructed to gender ideology. how many second graders are working for. disney. i don't understand we're going to. protect the staff.

it's about kids. about it's like third grade and under. organizers of the walkout claimed. that some employees of disneyland in. california who. who did not feel safe to walk on tuesday. were told they. they couldn't wear pride trans mickey. pants. which they said disney sells to show. their support. i want a trans mickey pin.

so they're basically saying. you can't wear trans mickey pins. at disney world which i don't agree with. let them wear the trans pen of mickey. what does that look like the trans. mickey pin can you get a trans mickey. pin up for christ mickey pin he's always. behind the eight ball oh okay it's the. trans uh. flag with the mickey. i believe that's a transplant let him.

wear it. nobody even knows what it means. people don't know what that is. no. somebody from alabama is gonna be like. there's purdy curlers well actually i'm. glad it's a trans-mickey pen. what. it's a trans-mickey pin gender's not. real. just just put them on space mountain. why does everything have to be a big. fight.

put them on space. mountain and have them eat the [ __ ] food. stand in the lines spend their money and. leave. so they did this walkout at disney world. by the way i think everyone should walk. out of disney world employees and. visitors and it should be burned to the. ground. i i don't understand as a gay person. who's been out for years and by the way. i am i do want to make an announcement. on the show i'm coming out as queer.

because that means i'm gay but now i can. be in movies. i'm queer now it's so i'm not gay. because that's. a little nazi-ish but i'm queer meaning. that i'm gay. but more importantly i can be in movies. because i'm queer. now. which doesn't mean it just means that i. can be in the business again. i can be in the industry again i'm qui. i'm i'm other.

i'm different. gender is a spectrum. and now why are they hanging a gay. mickey now what is going on here. so. they have a gay mickey. and. they've got tape around his arms. and he goes i'm walking out too. so. mickey is. walking out.

i i'm i'm so confused about everything. now. this is them uh walking out right here. and uh looks like this is in burbank. okay. all right. i i can walk out no it's good it's good. i i. i'm i'm missing somebody who's queer. and now now has a career because i'm. queer. uh.

yeah. queer is different than gay i it's it's. a whole thing. it's a whole thing i go to i get invited. now to events. it's a very big change. realizing that i was queer. because i i can't get anything in the. business made and put on television or. in a movie so i realized overnight that. i was i was queer. and that i had been suppressing that for. a very long time and i had only kind of. been gay which isn't doesn't really.

mean anything uh and i realized that. gay is very it's an archaic concept. because it's based on gender which we. know isn't real. so the idea that i am attracted to. members of my same sex is it real. because there it there are no sexes. i'm queer. and now i'm going to be. the belle of the ball. and i'm excited about it. because i'm it's going to make me money.

my sexuality should make me money. my identity should make me money. if if. if you're coming out of something now it. better be to make you money. don't even gay doesn't mean [ __ ] you. better come out as something that can. make you money. please. don't be stupid. um. so i'm proud to announce that i am. queer and i'm not i'm uh i refuse to do. business with disney.

until they let people wear the trans. mickey pin in the haunted house. i mean. people can imagine ukraine reading this. there's just people sitting in a bunker. their entire lives have been destroyed. their buildings are just blowing up. and we're going no there's a there's a. pin. it's a it's a mickey pin and we were. told not to wear it. at tower of terror.

as a part of the town hall disney. announced that mr chapack. had postponed a management retreat. planned for next week in orlando florida. he and senior executives would instead. use that time to go on a listening tour. at disney workplaces both domestically. and overseas good. because people are concerned and they. should have a listening tour they they. should listen to the employees that are. angry sit down and hear them out. somebody's wearing a shirt that is gay.

and tired. well it ain't from exercise. because she's fat. that's why i've made that uh joke. there's a fat person. she's tired. people are angry. texas has gone nuts they're like. prosecuting transparent kids uh you know. trans kids that are getting medical. things whatever you think about that. texas is now we could prosecute their. parents that's insane. leave the family alone. yeah let them do whatever let them do it.

i look at it like. you picked a you know you picked the. wrong major. texas court reinstates injunction. blocking probes of transgender kids so. greg abbott's going out of control. but the courts are stopping him. hmm. because. you know this is too unintrusive here. they're going hard with the. anti-abortion. you can't even have an abortion at.

disney world now do you know this. no they. there was an abortion clinic in disney. world. and they're trying to ban it. you used to be able to have an abortion. and then go to epcot. now you can't. this is what i mean it's getting out of. hand. you know i love talking [ __ ] about. bitcoin but i'm also a [ __ ] comedian. it's kind of my job to talk [ __ ] not.

give investing advice so when i get. serious to talk about an overlooked. alternative asset that's not nfts or. crypto you know it's special i'm talking. about high-end art and we're talking. about masterworks today's sponsor. masterworks makes it possible for you to. invest in blue chip art without being a. billionaire here's how it works this is. really cool actually masterworks offers. an investment in multi-million dollar. pieces of art works by icons like. picasso banksy so you can go out and. invest in a painting without paying 103. million dollars which is how much a.

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no. but you understand why rich people buy. art totally and do you understand. how [ __ ]. people are out there right now yeah so. they're looking for a safe investment. and they should they should do this. well yeah. that's masterworks dot art slash tim see. important disclaimers at masterworks dot. io slash disclaimer let's talk about the. la mayor's race here before the end of.

the show because you brought up a great. point we have a great new mayor. who uh or candidate. yeah caruso caruso and i i like this guy. because caruso built the americana in. glendale which is a disgusting outdoor. mall where animals go and they eat it to. cheesecake factory but he's going to. build one another version of it. exclusively for homeless people. and let them play in the fountains and. have fun. and [ __ ] wherever they want and i think.

that's the move can you get up his ad. his advertisement oh yes yes they can't. get mad at us playing that no no no. rick caruso he's going to be the new. mayor. of los angeles because. he is uh. he's very good at building. malls so he's going to fix the problem. because the homeless crisis is really. because. they don't have a mall.

i don't think he put on youtube but i. bet i could find out he's like. thank you ben you don't have to. telegraph what you're doing you can just. deliver. um. but i like if he goes he's like the. problem is that they don't homeless. people don't have a mall of their own. give them a mall. give them an outdoor mall where they can. conduct their business yeah give them a. call nobody goes around in anthropology. something's fun something fun.

clear everyone out of h m let them go in. there. here's an ad he's running called faith. family and community. think nobody can clean up l.a yes meet. rick caruso uh-oh lifelong angelino. husband father grandson of immigrants. raised to put faith family and community. first a lifelong builder and job creator. that's right we created the southland's.

most beloved community centers and he. always shares that success. what are you talking about. the americana is a beloved community. center. it's a corporate hellscape. it's a beloved community center people. in glendale don't know where to go yeah. i mean it's a big outdoor mall just a. community center. he hands out turkeys on thanksgiving. like frank lucas rick caruso's a. lifelong angelino.

he's made billions of dollars building. outdoor malls and now he's ready to. build one for the homeless. keep going ben. giving millions to provide health care. and a good education to kids in la's. poorest neighborhoods and giving. tirelessly of himself first appointed by. tom bradley he served la under three. different mayors fought corruption and. waste and cut crime 30 percent. i'm running for mayor because the city. we love is in a state of emergency.

rampant homelessness people living in. fear for their safety and politicians at. city hall just in it for themselves my. only special interest is los angeles the. city we love. it's why i'll work for a dollar a year. and i won't take a dime from special. interest i'm already together. i'll work for a dollar a year i'm. already loaded. and i'm a little sick of this city.

getting less comfortable for me and my. friends. so i'm gonna work for a dollar a year. and we're gonna use direct energy. weapons on the homeless. you pay me a dollar a year. and i will have the lap lapd out there. with batons. every day it'll cost the taxpayers only. a dollar a year. for me to vaporize homeless people in. the middle of the night. so you can feel safe going to the. americana in glendale and getting a.

[ __ ]. herb crusted salmon at the cheesecake. factory for 48 dollars. i feel like the people in this don't. even know they're in a rick caruso ad he. just took photos of people. the city we love. finish this. we can clean up la read my action plan. at carusocan.com. rick caruso can clean up la.

now get an interview of him up before we. get out of here because maybe i'm making. fun of this guy but. yeah i got one right here maybe maybe. this guy's got a plan because you've. lived here forever tell people about it. later real quick. uh it's a great place a lot of homeless. people well what's what are the problems. the homeless. and he's gonna handle it. look at this man.

he's gonna fix it. rick caruso will work for a dollar. this [ __ ]. it's these dumb. slogans. i'll work for a dollar a year why the. dollar. just say you have to make something. like.

i got to be able to go home and look at. my wife. so i need at least a dollar a year. let's see what maybe i'm wrong let's see. rick. about sort of what separates you because. ultimately this is a job interview right. and people got to pick who is the best. person for this job. you have a different biography than most. of the other people that are running. where are you. the most qualified person to lead la. when a lot of the people you're running. against have a lot more experience in.

government they haven't built a. cheesecake factory let me first talk. about them generally. which is an important question that. you've asked. they've had a lot of opportunity they've. had decades of public service to get. something done and they haven't they. failed and i just find it interesting. that you've got a group of people that. are tasked. with making the city safe and livable. and they've had a decade to get it done. they failed but they wanted raise and a.

job promotion that wouldn't happen. anywhere else right and so if you think. they've done a good job i'm not your. candidate if you want more of the same. i'm not your candidate. let me tell you about rick caruso i've. worked hard i'm from humble beginnings. i love life i love giving back and i've. got a track record. of moving into a situation where there's. a serious problem or a crisis and fixing. it i came into lapd it was last summer. at the cheesecake factory at the.

americana there was a crisis. because. one of the chefs was drunk every day and. he was burning the chicken fish. and if you know anything about the. cheesecake fact we got great chicken. fingers in there so what i did was i. sent him to a rehabilitation program and. brought in another chef who was actually. my deadbeat cousin my deadbeat cousin. came in there and he actually did a. great job but that's the kind of. experience i have.

under a federal consent decree run by a. federal judge crime was spiking i. reformed lapd hired bill bratton we. dropped crime by 30 percent that was a. crisis situation. asked to step up at usc. we turned usc around with a lot of help. from leadership but that's a very. different enterprise today this works. the only people committing crime in this. city will be the cops. [Laughter].

if my plan is. if my plan is enacted the only dangerous. people in this city will be the police. i want to restore la back to the rampart. pd days. as we know the lapd is a great. institution and i'm proud. proud to i reform them that involved. telling them hey hey. do it quietly.

i reform the lapd with my do it quietly. program. do it quietly. it's the uh my do it quietly. it's very successful. where we. we. encourage cops to behave exactly as they. were but quietly you bust that guy's. head in quietly.

i'll make a big deal about everything. see the rest of this i'm you know what. this guy's i i'm starting to believe in. him. yeah he's good four years ago when i. took over his chair. and i have this passion about los. angeles and we're in a crisis that's. what it is let's say what it is. and i've got a track record. of being able to manage through a crisis. lead. i'll hold myself accountable i'll make. tough decisions. and i'm not looking for another job i.

want to be mayor i want to get a job. done and go home i'm not looking at. making decisions through a political. lens to get reelected like all of my. other candidates who are running are. doing uh and when you say usc you were. chairman of the board of trustees at usc. uh fight on so uh. let's talk about because we know the two. biggest issues right now you lead with. them in your campaign why don't we ever. see the faces. let's start with this milo yiannopoulos.

[Laughter]. why don't we why don't we ever see the. face of the interviewer this is. incredibly disgusting have you ever seen. an interview like this. you don't even see the face of the. interviewer. i mean what is happening. i guess fox 11 only brought one camera. yeah. and why is he being interviewed in a. restaurant i don't know it's like. what's going on. [Laughter].

all right keep going all right all right. i'm some of your critics point to the. fact that you supported george gascon. for district attorney do you regret that. and do you now support his recall. so i knew george when i was the. president of the police commission and. he was a deputy chief and he wanted to. be chief i didn't make him chief he. wasn't ready for it at the time and i. hired bill bratton. now he left and became the chief at mesa. arizona that went up to san francisco i. knew a very different george now what.

happened to george on his journey from. mesa to san francisco that changed the. way he thought about fighting crime is. very different than where he was so. early in his campaign i did support him. he was a friend i knew him from from our. time to get lapd once his campaign. started rolling out and i was hearing. about what his plans were i quickly. pivoted. and i gave to jackie lacy and i gave her. a significant amount of money to support. her so. i regret what george has done and i. think george either needs to stand up.

and say the policies that i've put into. place are harming our communities and. i'm going to change them. or he should step down and if he doesn't. step down he should be recalled because. he is harming our communities and i. stand with charlie beck. and i stand with bill bratton that said. the same thing this was a different. george than we all knew when we worked. at lapd together i don't know what's. happened but clearly he's got to change. or he's got to go the other big issue is. homelessness yep. number one thing you're going to do.

that's going to be different than the. people that have been in there so far. day one declare a state of emergency. move the authority into the mayor's. office i'll be accountable to fix it i'm. going to build the smartest team in the. country to go fix the problem. we're going to go build. 30 000 temporary beds we've got excess. land throughout the city that's declared. surplus land. we're going to give people an option to. move into a clean safe place in a very. humane way give them the right services. that they need mental health physical.

health but you don't get a choice to. stay on the street anymore the minute we. have a bed for you. you move into the bed or otherwise. there's a consequence to being on the. street. you have to draw a bright line. that we've got communities you have. what you have to do. is you have to do the best finishes. you have to really do indoor outdoor. living because a lot of them are outdoor. anyway you have to do indoor outdoor. living you need large windows lots of.

natural light. you need buildings with gyms you know we. need to move them into into luxury yeah. yeah so we're going to build all these. luxury units and if the homeless people. can't afford them we just sell them to. foreign billionaires. but the most important thing. we're gonna give the homeless people the. option to get a job that pays a lot of. money and move into these units for 18. 000 a month and if they can't afford.

that we're gonna just get put these. units on the market at market value and. uh we'll leave the homeless exactly. where they are. that are severely impacted by. encampments you can't tolerate it. anymore when you say there's a. consequence what does that mean you're. arrested you probably are arrested if if. we give you a bed and we give you the. services and we clean you and we feed. you and support you and i think there. should be retraining programs to get. people back on their feet that can get.

back on their feet. why then should we allow people to live. on the street good point and where do. you draw that line. you can't and that's what's happened. with this problem everybody has been. so politically correct. in their mind whatever that means to. deal with it. the problem has just gotten larger let's. talk about your place in this race um. you live a very comfortable lifestyle. after working really hard and being very. successful in business that is the. american dream right right but the. average american doesn't live your.

lifestyle the average los angelino. doesn't live your lifestyle how do you. relate to somebody who's struggling to. pay the bills. well let me tell you again i grew up. with immigrant parents from italy that. lived in boyle heights and my. grandfather was a gardener and i. remember riding in his truck and i. remember a family. that lived from paycheck to paycheck. there was always a meal on the table. always my father was an italian fascist. he was a supporter of mussolini.

how do you relate to the regular people. my father was a fascist who supported. mussolini they live paycheck to paycheck. and he used to read books on hitler. so i know exactly what people in this. country are going through right now. i can relate to all of them. thank you so much. let's hear the rest of his answer. to paycheck great pride being an. american and great belief in this city. and that's the spirit i do this with but. i have also spent the last 30 years.

working in east l.a and working in watts. supporting the underserved education and. health care coverage the track record. and the understanding and the families. that i know down there that my children. have worked with that we come personal. friends with i understand it i've got. people who leave space for me that are. small businesses that struggled during. the pandemic we waived all the rent we. wrote everything on the right we. supported them financially because i. started as a small business i started. with victims no business.

and i built it so i do understand it so. this notion. that i don't connect i'm probably more. connected. because of our work in the inner city. than most people and and i want to. expand. helping. the great people of the city especially. those that really need help. by being mayor that would be a great. gift to me i'd be honored to do that. all right that's rick i mean i don't. know i maybe he'll be good. he's the only person with evidence of. something that he did that i could like.

go to how about this uh one there trying. to get elected all my uh uh comic. friends on the east side they're trying. to get to eunice elected let's get you. niece up before we get out of here let's. see. eunice um. she's running sato. no no. hold on i might be pronouncing your name. wrong. i'm gonna. i'll get it right now. uh it's for.

e-u-n-i-s-s-e-s eunices. and she is uh running for i don't know. city council hernandez yeah i believe so. yes. now let's get um. let's get an interview with her okay. now i don't think she's running for the. same thing. what. now. let's see her. advertisement because we're in l.a now.

and we want to we want to protect the. people what we going to say what's her. mall. she's not built a mall. she's not built them all she's got a. couple of tables set up on the street. where they're selling fruit. but that's nice i like fruit keep going. okay this is uh los angeles for the. people who i believe it's an ad. what makes la home. to me it's the people. [Music]. i grew up in highland park. when i was a kid we knew everybody in.

the neighborhood. but slowly things started to. [Music]. their comedy change. people started wearing [ __ ] weird. hats. getting on stage and doing these [ __ ]. hipster dances. i didn't enjoy that. we wanted to kill those people but now. they tweet about me so they're cool. kidding kidding. then another.

neighbors friends family locked up for. things like cannabis or mental health. crises when what they needed was care. in my moment of need i called 9-1-1 like. we're told to do the police came but. they wouldn't even get out of their car. so i went to school to become the law. enforcement officer who would have. helped me. we spend billions on overstuffed police. budgets instead of funding neighborhood. services that would help folks stay in. their homes. and that's how gentrification and.

criminalization intersect. in the last 10 years. gentrification has devastated us. but it doesn't have to be this way i've. committed my life to undoing the harm. inflicted by this lack of investment in. our families youth and elders. and we're starting to win. we passed sentencing reforms to liberate. our neighbors and reunite families. we stopped the building of two new jails. and put that money into our community. during the height of the pandemic we got.

millions of people to vote for measure j. which will fund the life-affirming. responses my loved ones and i deserved. in our time of need. my family had to fight to stay in our. neighborhood and against all odds we won. now. i'm running for city council to make. that easier for everybody in district 1. and across la the workers the young. people lgbtq plus folks black people. people of color immigrants we are the. community we deserve a city that cares.

for our residents. that embraces our history. not erases our history. we deserve a city where the responses to. our most vulnerable moments are. life-affirming. we deserve a los angeles that's for the. people. [Music]. yeah i don't hate her i think she says a. lot of valuable stuff. i don't know if you can abolish the cops. i think she's on that train. um. i just don't think sending social. workers out to uh you know uh you know.

violent crimes is probably the way to go. but i think she says a lot of valuable. stuff i think that. you know eudini you do need to find a. way. to not have gentrification. displace people. turn everything into a corporate mall. take away all the flavor and. individuality out of communities i think. she's right about that. i think she's probably got some wacky. batty ideas. that will end up getting a lot of people.

killed. but. you know. see patrice culler's endorsers are from. blm this is the woman who bought four. houses with the money this is not what. we need oh that's her i believe so. yeah. unless i'm completely wrong about that. but i believe that is the case. uh. yes it's the abolition of the police is. really the wrong move yeah and i i i in. in. in that sense i don't think this but a.

lot of what she's saying. i agree with. but i think you you need to retrain. police. you know. have them. be held to different standards. i just don't think getting rid of the. cops is a good move here. um. but i'm all for affordable housing. i think the prison system's a mess you. got to clean that up. i don't think anybody should be going.

away for cannabis. i think but i mean again you start going. into the bail reform and you know people. get out of jail then they kill people. you know so i i do think there's a there. there's got to be a nuanced approach. here it can't be just like let's let. everybody out of the jails. and see what happens. it's not just going to be everybody. eating tacos on the street with the. guitars. which i know because if you watch her. if you watch the you know thing it's. just everybody playing guitars and. eating tacos there's a fair amount of.

hell being unleashed in the city right. now too fair amount of you know people. uh being uh murdered. it's not just old tacos and fun and. sing-alongs. but you know i i don't i don't i don't. hate her. where where is she on the issues ben go. to the issues right here. she seemed earnest. currently nearly half of la city budget. is allocated to law enforcement. statistics and decades of tough on crime. policies prove that this does not result.

in safer communities that's not true. i mean. literally. crime everywhere has gone down. except recently la needs urgent. widespread investment in mental health. services public health care afforded by. that's all true. that's all true. but you also need to retrain police with. money. you can't suck the funding out of. something. and then you know you don't. have the resources to retrain cops you. can't replace.

cops i don't think that's you know you. can in certain instances. homelessness many uh on our streets. suffer with untreated mental health. needs problematic substance use and. physical health needs we must meet the. moment with proven and effective. services housing and strong renter. protections. okay but you know that's not exactly. not exactly specific. immigration i will fight for a fully. funded permanent universal justice fund. the right to vote in local elections for. angelino's regardless of citizenship.

status. yeah i don't know that people are going. to be in for that either going if you're. not a citizen you can vote in the i mean. again that. that doesn't necessarily. get people excited. when you go whether you're a citizen or. not you can vote. um. [Music]. because if you. if you take that to its logical. conclusion you'll just have. tons of people that aren't citizens. coming to the country being entitled to. every benefit citizens and then then you.

you you don't really have a country. you have a grab bag of things that. people want that they can just get and. that doesn't mean that a lot of these. people aren't won't become great. citizens but it's you know there's got. to be a process to make them citizens. and then when you are a citizen you're. entitled to things you should vote i. think if you're a non-citizen you should. be treated humanely. but i i just think there should be some. in every country in the world there is a. distinction between a citizen and a. non-citizen. every single country in the world it's.

not america it's not white supremacy. it's not the patriarchy. it's just what it is but hey who gives a. [ __ ] i live in austin. [ __ ] it. gives a [ __ ] what happens to this dump. where does rick caruso live where's his. house at. i bet it's pasadena is he living like a. baller. he seems like a pasadena guy. he's just sick of oh look at this. look at this rick caruso pays 18.6. million for the newport beach mansion.

next door that's what i'm talking about. nice. nice. rick. i think he has a house in brentwood too. that's right who wants to make the drive. oh here's his one in malibu tim he lists. it for 40 million.

here's the deal malibu is just not the. hamptons it just isn't when you look at. these homes i mean i like malibu's. pretty but. yeah it's just not it. it's very pretty it's just there's no. taste look at the way the house it's. just no taste. it's a real problem. this is what he should have led with. should talk about real estate. be a gangster. he goes he goes i listed an oceanfront.

property in malibu for 40 million. it went over market we closed at 42. million that's the experience i'm going. to bring to la. so you got a choice between him. this guy's got a real estate portfolio. that's half the city budget and then the. other girl who goes. and then the other girl who's like we. kill cops. if you see a cop we kill we kill them. two extremes.

what are the changes you've seen in l.a. since you were a youth. uh it was about how it is now like crime. wise like when i was like a kid and then. yeah it got it got got better yeah and. then it got pretty good like when i was. in like high school and. up until basically the pandemic. and now it's kind of like. back to gunshots and tons of homeless. people and more homeless people than. i've ever seen in my life. so that's why i'm going to go with. caruso here.

maybe we got to go with caruso and see. what happens we need an italian in there. yeah. we need a guy. he's going to put all the homeless in. like an abandoned. katsuya just close the door i'm building. another americana strictly for the. homeless. so that they can pretend to shop. play in the fountains take shits. wherever they want. we'll have fountains filled with. fentanyl. in the new outdoor mall strictly for the. homeless. designed by rick caruso.

what do you think about caruso ben. uh cruz i mean he's a rich guy right so. he's insanely wealthy. and he's bored he's elderly. and he's bored let him [ __ ] around. yeah why not he's rich and he's bored. when rich people get bored they got to. get in there and try to pretend they're. going to fix it all. you're bored.

what are you going to do you got 20. million in newport beach 40 million in a. mouth you're bored. go in there it's the natural progression. natural progression go in there and see. what you can do. he goes. we're gonna give the cops harpoons. [Laughter]. now what do you think rick how are you. going to handle it we're giving the cops. better weapons. direct energy. weapons there's there's pulses and.

things you can do. and a lot of my friends at raytheon. we've been having lunch over at the. miramar hotel the rosewood mere mart's. lovely get the salmon and they've been. telling me there are direct energy. weapons we can use with pulses that will. make people instantly drop to the street. and start shaking. thank you rick. devin's got a very funny podcast called. hate watch where you uh.

watch things you don't you dislike so. yeah it's kind of like this yeah yeah. it's not your show but this one in. particular yeah yeah. and uh and you were just on it it was it. was yeah we had a lot of people check. out that episode hate watch with uh dev. acosta yeah uh can we put id in the chat. or just talk about the kardashians for. five minutes sure. no no no no i can't i can't be on camera. right now okay can you from off camera. can you discuss. [Music]. tell us about the new kardashians you're. wearing your sunglasses.

can you tell us about the new season. yeah i i can't say much but it'll be on. hulu. and i wouldn't be able to do about this. family so much because you really oh. now i respect them they got they've got. a trillion dollars now they have more. money than all of us they're more money. than the country i yeah they fascinate. me because i think they're the closest. thing this country has to a monarchy. that's true right rightfully so i mean. they're kind of the epitome of. capitalism but i think that they. actually uh they've kind of proven.

themselves in a way i'm not even kidding. why not elect them i'm yeah. why not elect chris jenner. to be the mayor of l.a. no one's ever governor of california. like why not elect kris jenner to be the. man she'll make those homeless people. stars. truly. yeah no 100 percent she'll have those. homeless people [ __ ] each other on. camera she'll be releasing those tapes. homeless people just need a show. yeah homeless people really just need a.

show. and the fact that they don't have one is. why they're not getting ahead in this. town and kris jenner will show them. how to play the game. she's efficient she's a beast she gets. it done. she absolutely gets it done this will. just be an elevated version i think of. the. e-show. well now what i liked about the uh. preview is they're threatening people. now that like we'll destroy them yes. like you know.

it used to be kind of you know in the. background now they're saying we have. the resources and the time to just. destroy them all yeah like succession. like i wanna yeah yeah it's succession. for l.a it's succession for retards. it's what it is. it's succession but it's about lip gloss. and i think it's important. play the hulu can you play this ben the. new yeah i think we can if i hear music. though i'm gonna edit this out without. cameras it was a big change for us.

[Music]. life without cameras was a big change. what did that last for two months. i think less. [Music]. it's succession so how does it feel to. be back. we've had so much time off we've kind of. gone into our own world. they own you you know this is what i. haven't been like. they're better than you.

they own you. and you love it. and i've been in this game long enough. to know that you just have to be. yourself they're going to like you for. who you are not what you wear. i'm just kidding obviously. [Music]. tristan and i are complicated. trust takes time. travis and i want to have a baby.

put the sample in this cup. this is a relationship that i don't. think anybody saw coming who are you. texting ken does his name rhyme with. feet. it's so easy to comment on people we. have no idea what they're actually going. through. it is really hard with kanye he told me. my career is over why are we always.

making excuses for the people that. traumatize us i'm out this is so. ridiculous we have all the time and all. of the resources to burn them all to the. ground. never go against the family. never go against the family. [Music]. dude the last scene. should be just kris jenner. she like sits back.

you know she like rolls back on like a. chair. and she just sits there and she turns. around and she just says hello vladimir. and putin just goes in and they start. making out. [Laughter]. jenner and vladimir putin just start. making out and they're like never go. against the family.