#291 - Dear Vladimir | The Tim Dillon Show

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[Music]. my detroit players. [Music]. ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show live from our studio here in.

kiev ukraine where we have moved the. show we followed joe rogan to the. ukraine which was stupid in hindsight. but in the beginning it sounded very. good because he said he was going to do. a comedy scene in eastern europe in uh. in cave which he said was what he did in. l.a and he said you could easily. replicate that in kiev. that was the pitch right that was the. idea he goes would you kill tony from. keeve and then you come. and then everybody will move to keeve.

and it'll be fun that's what we thought. but egg on our faces because now we're. here and there's russians with tanks in. circling us. unfortunately. um. uh. we'll start with a war report up front. uh it's uh not good uh there but the. russians uh they underestimated the. ukrainians because the ukrainians are uh. they're tough people. and they're not easily uh occupiable and.

they're not an easily occupied people. um. you know jesse signal herzog's uh. uh uh partner they do an unimportant. show at an uh at an unimportant place. but he had tweeted something to that. effect that uh it's gonna be a little. tougher to occupy these people than you. think they're not friendly over there. really right. uh they're they're just blowing up these. tanks and putin's just trying to help. these people and get the nazis out of. the country and they're angry at this.

and it's weird they don't even like see. the bigger picture they're running. around they're attacking russian. soldiers they're blowing up troops. it's crazy because uh putin's saying. we're there's nazis over there and we're. just trying to get rid of them because. we don't like the nazis. and. uh the ukrainian people are you know. everybody thought you know putin and. myself and others were like when he goes. in there they're gonna go thank god. someone noticed these uh nazis here. let's uh uh get rid of them you know and.

speaking from america a country with no. nazis ever never. no we had nothing to do with building. the third reich we had nothing to do. with uh co-mingling our financial. systems with hitler. at all at all don't even think it uh and. we we are just we hate uh nazism in. america we hate fascism we hate it. that's why we do the military flyovers. at the football games because fascism to. us is like no good. um but they do have some nazis now. obviously i'm being a little facetious.

google it but they do have some nazis. over there in that azoff battalion which. um. uh is not good because they're doing the. sikh heiling. and they're into the they're they like. uh the azov battalion and so facebook is. now allowing praise of neo-nazi. ukrainian battalion if it fights russian. invasion this is like the patrice. o'neill bit you have sexual harassment. day facebook's just gotta reserve a day. for everyone to praise the nazi of their. choice. whether it's liaison battalion or.

someone in america you should have a day. to praise the nazi of your choice on. facebook there should be one day just. like patrice said about sexual. harassment you would go in you go i can. harass you today i think you should be. able to praise the nazi on facebook for. one day out of the year i think it's. fair and it shouldn't only have to be. the azo battalion it could be your. neighbor who showed you some weird cool. world war ii. uh paraphernalia that he's got and he's. you know you could say hey man my. neighbor chucks is a nazi and today's.

his day i respect the hell out of him he. takes in my mail when i'm gone but he's. literally a nazi not all of his ideas. are great clearly but he's kind of a. cool dude i think that's good facebook's. now allowing us for people to just call. for violence against ukrainian against. russians. facebook's allowing people to just. basically the social media company is. temporarily allowing some posts to call. for death to russian president vladimir. putin or belarusian president alexander. lukashenko well that's not right.

according to internal emails and content. moderators they're basically saying let. them have it. let them have it as a result of the. russian invasion of ukraine we have. temporarily made allowances for forms of. political expression that would normally. violate our rules like violent speech. such as death to russian invaders. we still won't allow credible calls for. violence against russian civilians now. who decides what's credible and what's. not there's a large chunk of russians.

living in the ukraine. so by allowing this type of stuff you. might be fomenting some type of. civil war which is not what mark. zuckerberg intended he just wanted to. get his dick wet he wanted a cool. exclusive and by the way could anything. be less exclusive than facebook but. that's how you make billions of dollars. right you give up the exclusivity you. let everybody in you started out you're. like i just want hot singles that are. going places that can communicate with. each other and then later on you're.

fomenting a civil war in the ukraine and. you don't even know how it happens but. it just does what a life. now citing the reuters story russia's. embassy in the u.s demanded that. washington stop the quote extremist. activities of meta. the temporary policy changes on calls. for violence to russian soldiers applied. to armenia azerbaijan estonia georgia. okay i feel like i'm reading an ad. the promo code is not applicable in. armenia azerbaijan estonia georgia.

hungary latvia lithuania poland romania. russia slovakia and ukraine. except for dunbas. um. and so now the white house because. there's there's this propaganda in the. war everybody's uh has their take on. things right there's people in america. that think that uh we have of course two. groups of very rational people here. people that believe that putin is cool. because he's restoring uh the greatness. to the white christian nation of russia. which again historically has been.

incredibly godless. but. uh putin who's devoutly religious now. uh who was a soviet his entire life but. but you know a godless soviet but some. people believe that it's cool because we. are the godless west and there's there's. uh drag queens are reading the cat in a. hat and we got all kinds of problems. here and putin's a strong man and he's. not woke. that's some people they go we like him. who cares that no one there has any. money and they die at 60. it doesn't. matter they're not woke.

and then we have the other people the. other the other half of that again we. have the people that are like he's great. this is great uh the deaths of uh women. children men everybody uh elderly people. the displacement of people it's all cool. and it's all justified uh because you. know. they don't have to sit through. oscar's speeches that bring up politics. you know because he's. not woke so this is it's ultimately not. woke right to invade a country it's like. the least woke thing you could do i.

guess is to uh. invade with tanks. uh and then the other group of people we. have here again very rational just go we. just need a nuclear war. to show the support like we need a. no-fly zone which brings us into direct. conflict with putin and those people are. going okay. maybe we'll do a 10-year civil war where. we arm the ukraine not fight. with them or for them but we arm them. with our weapons that they buy.

and we uh arm them and we just create. syria in eastern europe you know. and then there's people that go that's. not good enough we need nukes we need we. need to to do a real nuclear exchange. here we need to push putin and see how. far he can go isolate him sanction him. put him put his back to the wall and. let's see if he'll really push the. button we got some sick [ __ ] here so. those are the two crews we have putin's. awesome. uh this is great we love this thank god.

for this. and then the other side of the people. that go hey let's have a nuclear war to. to show our support for the ukraine. nothing shows our support more uh than a. nuclear exchange both of those uh aren't. uh uh. helpful. and uh i was gonna talk about this too. the white house is briefing tick tock. stars about the war in ukraine with. millions getting their information about. the war from tick tock the. administration wants to get its message. to the top content creators this is what.

i talked about whatever you think of. what russia did here whether you think. it was justified by uh the expansion of. nato uh with slavoshi had a good point. he's like this this this whole idea is. like yes some of that led to it but like. this whole idea that countries should. have like a sphere of influence isn't. like any type of principled leftism or. whatever not that this is a leftist show. but it may be today it started out as a. nazi show and it may be left to show and. then by the end it's a nazi show again. to cover all the internet and then the.

beginning we give you a little. neoliberal uh sushi. in the in the in the in the middle just. a little like fun dating taps and then. we we we oscillate between fascists and. uh communists. but. uh so the tic tacs because here's what's. happening in ukraine and people don't. understand it nothing. it's not conventional war is boring no. one no one cares it held our attention. for 72 hours at most couple of missiles. you see the tank you got the cell phone.

video and then the people all the. refugees are running and the ratty. little sweaters it said we hate it no. good but after a while it gets a little. like okay it's taxing what do you really. want me to do. well i've been there done that we get it. it's it's it's dated it's retro war is. retro it's dated frankly it's not. exciting. in the sense that you know the images. that are coming out of there it's very. european it's very world war ii. it's very period piece even the clothes.

they're wearing nothing's new nothing's. modern so i'm not really connected to. you i'm not connecting to it i'm not. connecting to it i'm like okay yeah i. get it what you're doing and i. understand the tanks and the weapons and. the stainers and the but it just feels. more like a world war ii film that i. didn't see. and someone said i should have but i. didn't and that's the problem because. there is no con putin does not have a. content strategy. he's got some of the alt-right on his. side in america and we've got some uh. you know what i mean he's got a few. people but he doesn't really have a.

content strategy now one thing you could. say about america we don't educate our. people they die on the streets uh we. don't give them retirement we let. billionaires uh pillage us and then we. worship them uh we do a lot of horrible. things we have a massive chaos in the. city we have a crime problem that is uh. uh it makes a third world country murder. numbers look good. uh we have organized gangs we have. militias storming our government. buildings we have uh congressman insider.

trading selling stocks we have an insane. amount of corruption we have a nexus of. uh national security agencies that are. in bed. with business people and private defense. contractors inching us closer to nuclear. war every single minute however we do. content baby we make content as gary v. says we don't slack off on the content. and if you do you'll see it in your. numbers. and that's what we're seeing here with. putin is that he went in there with. tanks and missiles thinking it was going.

to matter but it doesn't because he. doesn't have a content strategy the. physical world doesn't matter nearly as. much as the digital world i've been. saying this on joe rogan i've been. ringing this bell and no one listens to. me. i can't get anything going on the net. people have a trump on i'm getting. dodged by tulsi gabbard. i can't even get tulsi gabbard and. darren mar-a-lago with trump i can't. even get uh tulsi gabbard here and i. promised her uh caviar and russian vodka.

and she won't come in. i sent that to her i said you come in. here and do whatever pro-red thing you. want i don't care we do a whole thing. for you we bring her in give her caviar. a little russian vodka and we played a. soviet national anthem on repeat. now. i don't think she's a russian asset but. it's just funny to imagine that she is. it's funny to think that she is and i. hope she is because good for her you. gotta do so hey a career in this. business ain't easy okay i've been doing. it a long time and whether she's a. russian asset or not she's out there.

making content. now. because uh so. jen saki who's an idiot by the way she's. an idiot she's a ginger everything about. her is wrong uh i don't know why we we. why don't they have a black woman doing. press secretary that delivers like. fun like. you better recognize like why not that. why don't we have like a fun black woman. who's like you better ask somebody like. quick off the cuff just burn you like.

only a black woman could do but we got. this pale white [ __ ] she's like wow. actually in america. fun black woman is press secretary. that's what i think. thursday afternoon 30 tick tock stars. top tick tock stars gathered on a zoom. call to receive key information about. the war unfolding in ukraine national. security council staffers in white house. press secretary chen saki briefed the. influencers about the united states. strategic goals in the region and. answered questions i mean can you.

imagine. can you imagine by the way the questions. like they're answering questions can you. imagine like um yeah. yeah can. what's like. what's what are they like yeah. what are they where are they like big. are they like are they like big on insta. or are they like.

what are they what are they doing. who like are they sponsored. do you have a. brand yell. with morph when morph kicked off james. charles did they did they deal with the. ukraine. is the ukraine a cosmetics company. is the ukrainian company that will. sponsor me. i mean can you imagine these uh people. and their questions because they're. answering questions by the way can.

there's got to be something that jen. sakes is more important in her day than. answering the questions of 15 year old. brain dead tick tick-tock idiots there's. got to be something going on but. probably not um. so they just wanted to brief the. influencers about the united states. strategic goals in the region and. answered questions about distributing. aid to ukrainians. so like. from what i understand like this is. about pipelines and ports and like. jen saki had a zoom call with us and she.

told us about like. she went into like a lot of really cool. stuff about like spheres of influence. and like i have a sphere of influence. too. and that's like what i've always said. and it's just because when i started. making content i was four. and my parents really helped me. but then like by the time i was 12 i was. like literally one of the biggest people. on the platform. and my sphere of influence is huge. because like i helped so many other.

young creators and their journeys and. like i don't even talk about it because. it's not important. the white house has been closely. watching tick tocks rise as a dominant. news source leading to its decision to. approach a select group of platform's. most influential names can we get the. who they were do we know who they are. yeah so they list them throughout this. article so this is the first guy. khalil green khalil greene okay are they. i mean. but some of these guys have like 500 000. followers they don't have [ __ ] the real.

tick tockers are out here in la these. are the people you need getting involved. you need the demilio sisters you don't. need people doing news on tick-tock. you need to find these uh teenagers and. people in their early 20s shaking their. ass you got to get them talking about. the ukraine you got to get tana mojo. doing ukraine on tits. this doesn't help anybody. the briefing was led by matt miller a. special adviser for communications at. the white house national security. council and sake um. the washington post obtained a recording.

of the call in it biden officials trust. the power of these creators quote we. recognize this is a critically important. avenue in the way the american public is. finding out about the latest. said rob flaherty so we wanted to make. sure you had the latest information from. an authoritarian. authoritative source. um. see this is the game here with the. misinformation everybody's got to stop. with the you know this is the new thing. now. um they worked with dozens of top tick.

tock stars last year to encourage the. vaccination so this is what's happening. so now whether you agree with the. vaccination uh what you're seeing is the. white house is co-opting. our greatest minds. and using them against us. uh the white house is going to tick-tock. and using our greatest. minds and polluting them with propaganda. now whether that propaganda is. good bad indifferent whether it's. warranted or not.

uh this is what the white house is doing. they are trying to. co-opt tick-tock. and this is something we should. watch this is important people don't. think it's about but this is the content. strategy that putin lacks where you know. some of these russian tick tock stars. should also be he should be having a. call with the russian tick tocks can you. imagine explaining that to putin going i. know you come from like another era.

listen to me can you sit down for a. minute. i understand all of that i understand. your concerns about the convoy but. here's really what it is. we need you to call into red scare. red skit. do you watch. succession do you what listen. it's the missiles it's irrelevant i'm. asking you right now are you unfamiliar.

with red scare or are you just. pretending to be unfamiliar with it. listen you need to call in there and get. your point of view across. okay. yeah they're like from here red scare. they like one of them's families like. from there. so like. now and by the way i want to speak about. these oligarchs too for a little bit. because this is very troubling to me.

i want you to google alisher uzmanov. these people are being treated like uh. like like second-class citizens look at. this man this is a man after my own. heart look at this man. okay. this guy and get his yacht up. he looks like stavros a little this. guy's this guy's yuck look at this man's. yacht look at this yacht. look at this.

dill bar the world's largest motor yacht. is owned by alastair um they are making. these people flee on these yachts. italy has taken. two of them i believe two of these. yachts. and they are uh. you know what's the term here they're. impounding them or they're i guess. confiscating them. i would say and pounding them they're uh. they haven't really like uh. like arrested anybody or anything but. like they've just they just taken two. years ago here are the mega yachts. belonging to russian oligarchs let's go.

through that oh no it's business insider. i don't even want to get well i don't. like them but they wanted to run a hit. piece on me and they didn't oh right. they didn't. but because the guy ended up quitting. but um italy sees this russian. oligarch's 530 million dollar mega yacht. we're talking euros but. i mean let's talk about this here. because i don't know that i'm for this. i'm a big fan of the mega yacht the. problem with the mini yacht is there's. never enough outdoor space. you do you have you've seen these yachts. because a lot of the yachts what you do.

is it's it's so luxurious inside but. there's not a ton of outdoor space and. when you are boating you want a lot of. sun and you want a lot of space and with. a lot of the yachts and you could spend. 80 90 million on a boat and you still. don't get the outdoor space you need. what's great about a mega yacht is is. the proportion. the proportions of the boat you do get. more outdoor space italy's financial. police seized a 530 million dollar super. yacht belonging to russian oligarch.

andre igorovich melinchenko. a spokesperson for the italian. government said today the vessel was. seized on friday in the northeastern. port of trieste. uh among the world's largest he's one of. the oligarchs subject to sanctions. following russia's invasion of ukraine. according to the eu he quote belongs to. the most influential circle of russian. business people with close connections. to the russian government as such he is. in quote an economic sectors providing a. substantial source of revenue to the. government of the but they're not taking.

these yachts to the ukraine and using. them to launch attacks. these are not boats designed for war. they're boats designed for pleasure. so my question is this is clearly not. military artillery. are we just doing this to make their. lives difficult. alisher uzmanov he said he was quoted he. goes i'm not even what you'd call an. oligarch get that up. he goes i don't even know what this is. he goes i i i'm like confused here.

i mean this is great i mean this is uh. here right here. what does he say right here right here. yeah. never. he goes. he goes listen i was never what you. could call an oligarch. the russian billionaire worked with. putin his premier league plants are. making a fortune in the 90s. and this is from january so this guy and.

this wasn't even during the war right. you know but he's like hey man he's got. like 17 million he's like i don't even. know what this is about bro. like. i love this guy get it get it. let's get another image of him yeah he's. great he's phenomenal and. what is my beef like i don't know that i. have a beef with him. and i don't know that we. have to take his yacht. i mean. this is a gu i.

is there a person out there that i'm. gonna get along with better than this. guy. this is the problem with politics is. there someone. that i would have a better time at a. dinner with than this man. the answer is no. this guy or zilinski at a dinner. no brainer no. brainer they're freezing the guy's. assets he's probably got a little on the. side i hope. god i hope he's got a little on the side.

he has assets frozen by eu over ties to. putin. it's it's just unfortunate. i love raycon earpods i've switched to. them and i wear them every day raycon. you know the way i feel about raycon. earbuds i love them i think you should. buy them you should have them as your. main pair a backup pair get them for. your friends and family they are cheaper. than the other big headphones but they. are better they've got over six hours of. play time it's amazing there are so many. different settings with raycon earbuds. so you can you know you you can put them.

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what is that it says. oh is that really what it is yeah i. think so yeah it's an otter they sent me. one with an otter on it. interesting. otters there's a whole thing that they. rape baby seals. no it's true michelle wolf i think had a. bit about it where it's like people. think otters are like nice animals but. they it's a whole thing i think it was. michelle wolf i don't know. what happened to her. anyway she's around i guess. um.

what are we talking about here maybe. i mean. are they not the best. all right go away. by the way so zielinski right now he. keeps calling for the no-fly zone. calling for jets he's calling for things. that you go hey man we can't do any of. this and he still just won't stop and. we support ukraine they should be able. to determine their own future or a. sovereign country and i think the. invasion is monstrous but i also believe. that like. you can't keep asking for a world war. three.

you gotta take a deal here buddy take a. deal of course you're not gonna like to. deal. but that's okay take a deal. and by the way i want you to get up. something right now because everybody's. like oh what do we do what do we do. i want you to have a word document right. now because i believe in the power of. the sternly worded letter i've always. believed that. think of when you were coming home you. know when a teacher tucked a letter in. your. pocket or your backpack that had to go. to your mother how terrified were you on. the bus.

you were terrified and then you got home. maybe you were a latchkey kid and you. got to uh it's like going home with the. report card when there is a note that. you know your mother has to read from. the teacher and you can't even open it. you don't know what it really says and. sometimes you know what it says because. you watch the teacher write it and. you're like if i don't give it to my. mother i'm more than [ __ ] because the. teacher's gonna call cause the teacher. will tell you i'm calling to make sure. she read it dear vladimir putin. right now cause enough's enough dear. vladimir putin.

hey buddy. now what hey buddy does is right off the. bat he's wondering is this are they is. am i really his buddy because when. someone says hey buddy it's kind of. aggressive do you know what i mean sure. like your brother says it nice he was. like hey buddy but a lot of people don't. uh hey buddy it's kind of like it's kind. of like a kind of an aggro move right so. you go hey buddy so right off the bat. right off the bat he's on the defensive.

hey buddy next line okay. the war in ukraine you don't do that ben. you indent oh don't you know how to ride. well we already did deer so then we did. we do another indent i guess yeah well. because hey buddy is its own thing okay. okay. hey buddy. the war in ukraine. is. ridiculous. okay. this is not your best moment.

in fact. it's literally one of your worst. it's not so much the bombing. or the shelling ben can you fix it sorry. it's not so much the bombing. or the shelling. of civilian of heavily civilian areas.

if anyone understands that we do lol. because you want to you want to you want. to also like build rapport. if anyone understands that we do lol. the reality is. that this is now [ __ ]. with everybody's money. and we know that was never your goal.

but. that is what is happening. so. please cut it out. before we're all broke. and no one has enough money to kill. signed. barry weiss.

simon barry weiss. read it back. dear vladimir putin. hey buddy. the war in ukraine is ridiculous this is. not your best moment. in fact it's literally one of your worst. it's not so much the bombing or the. shelling of heavily civilian areas if. anyone understands that we do lol. the reality is. that this is now [ __ ] with. everybody's money and we know that was. never your goal but that is what is.

happening. so please cut it out before we are all. broke and no one has enough money to. kill. signed barry wise. you're telling me that has no effect i. doubt it. you're telling me that has no effect if. it goes over there and he realizes what. he's doing he's [ __ ] with everybody's. money. we're all trying to build death machines. here. we're all trying to do it. we're all trying to run ponzi schemes in. the financial sector we're all trying to. build uh sick people for insulin money.

we're all trying to [ __ ] over the poor. and and we're all trying to do this and. this guy's getting in the way now. because it's [ __ ] our money up with. the gas prices high how are we gonna. drive all the kids to the private. prisons. you know how much it costs now to drive. a group of kids to a private prison. you know the cost of everything's gonna. go up not just gas plastics metals.

the restraints that we put those kids in. ain't cheap. the materials to make the restraints. that we put our children in when we ship. them to a private prison. are not free. so this is [ __ ] everybody's money up. when we. fly some mission. to go bomb someone is that gas on the. house no. okay.

when the police are doing ride-alongs in. different neighborhoods looking for. people to kill. they have to have gas as well. do you understand that. are you not with that or something wrong. with you. okay. when a realtor drives a young couple. around so she can trick them into buying. a house they can't afford. and they take out a mortgage that they. can't pay back and they spend the next. 10 or 20 years of their life mired in.

hopeless depression and addictions to. just drag themselves out of bed to go to. the jobs they hate to spend the money to. pay that mortgage while their children. are literally masturbating on only fans. for money. who puts the gas in the car to get that. going. so what i'd like you to do. mr vladimir putin is realize. how hard it is for everybody.

to participate in the society that we've. set up here. with a high price of fuel. it's unfortunate i want to read about. this thing a guy got fired for reading a. book about butts really yes he read a. book about butts to a couple of second. graders and they fired him it's in the. new york times which i god i hope you're. subscribed to him or you're getting hit. no i i did it all. uh. did you subscribe to the cleveland plain. dealer that one i did.

that one i did not. the cleveland played it's a real paper. when i go when i do hilarities and i eat. at slimens where they get you a corned. beef sandwich at 8 a.m. and then they have the cleveland plain. dealer there you could get corned beef. ash or you could get a reuben and they. they give you the cleveland playing. dealer there's a great um. photo on my instagram of pancakes and. slime. on the cleveland plain dealer toby price. an assistant principal at an elementary.

school in mississippi. read a book called i need a new butt to. children. uh read the book to a glass of second. graders over zoom i'm a firm believer. that reluctant readers need the silly. funny books to hook them in and they. fired this guy this is what i mean. things are starting to get crazy okay. it was read across america week and the. second graders in the heinz hins heinz. who cares school district in mississippi. that's underfunded we're waiting for an. administrator to read to them the. administrator has forgotten it was her.

turn said toby price the assistant. principal at gary road elementary school. in hinds county who was in his office at. the time he decided to fill in so mr. price 46 quickly grabbed the book quote. i need a new bot by dawn mcmillan one of. his children's favorites and began. reading it to the roughly 242nd graders. over zoom later that day on march 2nd. the district superintendent. martin called him in your office and. told him he was on administrative leave. mr price said he was fired two days. later accused of violating the standards.

of conduct section of the mississippi. educator code now they probably think. it's a trans book in mississippi what do. you mean you need new butt you got the. butt that god gave you trans people. aren't even getting new bots. but. she said the book was inappropriate the. superintendent called the book. inappropriate she particularly took. issue with the references to farting. in the story and how quote the book. described butts in various colors shapes. and sizes example fireproof bulletproof. bomb proof.

and miss martin called mr price. unprofessional for having selected the. book. this guy's been an educator for 20 years. he has hired a lawyer and he's going to. fight this but this is how crazy it's. getting out there. this is a little wacky can you get this. book up i need a new butt and let's see. how bad this is maybe i'm wrong this is. one of those things where i could have. an egg on my face when we get to page. three in a book and we realize it is. crazy. i need a new butt.

a young boy suddenly notices he has a. big problem his butt has a huge crack. so he sets off to find a new one so. here's the it's a silly book. this isn't a young boy uh finds out he. has a big problem that he doesn't want. his [ __ ] anymore it's that his butt is a. crack which all butts do that's the bit. um will you choose an armor-plated butt. a rocket butt a robot butt find out in. this quirky tail of a uh quirky.

tail of a tail get it yeah yeah yeah. which features hilarious rhymes and. delightful illustrate is there any way. we can read a little bit is there a. preview here let's preview it okay so. here's the uh so this is the book that. this guy was fired. for reading to the kids which i don't. understand okay i need a new bot. by. don mcmillan illustrated by russ. kinnaird okay. again there's a a a boy he's looking his. butt and there he goes uh in the uh. mirror.

i need a new butt. mine's got a crack in it. the cia put crack in black communities. in the 80s and then denied. responsibility for it. okay well. [Music]. this now is. a little different than what i was led. to believe i. i thought this was mainly a fun book. about butt cracks. all right let's go to page two i'm sure. it gets better okay. did i do it on a slide.

he's going down a water slide. uh where he got the crack in his butt. right yeah yeah or on the banister. inside. or when i jump my bmx. or with the fart that happened next. of course the fart that's what blew my. butt apart split the thing clean in two. now i wonder what to do i don't really. trust the jews this is not see this is.

the problem. they sneak in. they sneak in these little things. i need a new one a green one or a blue. one but not a brown one see i don't. again. obviously i'm. being silly and stupid this is a fine. book and can you believe this guy got. fired for this. he was fired. for reading a dumb silly book. because he wanted the kids to be.

interested in it he goes listen you. can't read them war and peace. mcdonald's ice cream woes have inspired. memes we've done that already. that just caught my eye they're bringing. this back i guess. i just you know. see the whole thing is mcdonald's a. malfunctioning ice cream machine but we. all know what it is. um. they they have to clean it it takes a.

long time to clean i mean supposedly but. that that's the party line. that's the the company story here. but we don't know if that's true or not. oh that company's suing mcdonald's now. okay what which company that makes the. uh makes the um. the uh ice cream. why are they suing they're saying you. can stop lying to people uh it's. accusing the chain of working with the. taylor company the manufacturer of its. ice cream machines to libel quiche while. simultaneously trying to copy its.

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at betterhelp.com tim d tim dylan show. listeners get 10 off their first month. at betterhelp.com timday this podcast is. sponsored by betterhelp online therapy. ron desantis by the way is at a war with. disney over the don't say gay bill. because he said disney's woke and. don't say gay bill by the way that i. have a funny bid on it now on stage but. from what i looked into it's just you. can't instruct the kids on gender theory. before they're three or something. kindergarten to second grade yeah who. disagrees with that really who needs.

what are we doing and there already. wasn't a curriculum in place uh in that. state yeah so it's like don't bring in a. new curriculum to teach people to teach. uh. seven-year-olds about gender they just. doesn't need to happen right. it doesn't need to happen nobody thinks. it needs to happen. um. but this really gets to the heart of the. uh problem where. uh there is this argument uh that i. would be very sympathetic to that a lot. of kids when they are young that.

experience. uh some type of gender dysphoria if it's. not major gender dysphoria a lot of them. will end up just kind of being gay. perhaps they will not feel the need to. physically alter themselves some will. some are probably genuinely 100 trans. but if a six-year-old wears a dress they. could be experimenting they're having. fun maybe they end up being gay it may. not be. uh. something that is really indicative of. how they want to live the rest of their. life i think that's a pretty rational.

sane position i don't think it's a crazy. turf insane position which again is. you know another word that we've made up. to just you know if you recognize any. biological difference between a man and. a woman you're a turf and again. the vast majority of people do recognize. those differences and that isn't at all. a rejection of trans identity or or. trying to hurt trans people now there. are some people that make it their. entire brand they speak about nothing. except the differences between men and. women which is you know it's maybe a.

little suspect a little sauce where it's. like the only thing you talk about over. and over again and they do it on both. sides well where are the trans people in. the ukraine gonna go and it's just every. single minute is trans trans transgender. are there de-transitioners in the. ukraine what about them what about the. people who cut their tits off with. ukraine and what that it's back and you. go why is this every day all day every. minute every minute. every second of the day we're doing this. over and over again because i guess it's. just this is some people's beat.

and i understand and there's people that. have written uh really interesting stuff. about it. and i understand that and it it it does. seem to be more and more of the culture. it's more and more of an issue people. are fighting about it more and more and. it's i'm a very who cares person on this. because uh number one i don't have. children number two. if i had children um i would. you know i would not want them altering. their bodies until they were old enough. really to fully make that conscious.

choice and i've said that before i don't. think that's a a a a trans. um. exclusionary point of view now are there. parents that would disagree with me and. go no my child. genuinely feels that going through. puberty would be abuse. and they and and and because they are. super trans there should be a council to. just decide if your kid's really trans. like there should be a like a council of. people that go like you are legit there. are some kids that are trained if. there's like a four-year-old with like a.

beard and she's like yup bro what up i'm. like all right just let her not have the. tits but a lot of them you feel like. they're just experimenting you know i. could have been trans when i was young. like i i was i had like very like. feminine uh qualities you know a lot of. people do i still do most men i know. have feminine qualities now like and. they have sex with women so. this idea that reducing everything to. this very. simplistic understanding of everything i. just i just i get a little worried when. the pharmaceutical companies get in bed.

with everybody and they go they need. these and that and hormones and the. pills and some kids do some kids are. genuinely trans and there needs to be a. way to decide that like why isn't jk. rowling instead of just again with the. man woman man woman. do a new harry potter book about a. council of people who decides which. wizards are trans or not when they're. children. you know that hat. where you go to gryffindor or slytherin. because the sorting hat knows you better.

than you know you well this we need a. sorting hat for trans kids to find out. who's really in and who's out because. you can't get well you can't get to tits. back right you could get implants can't. you just get it back anyway. can't you just explain to the kids if if. you don't want titties but you might get. the titties. later but then the problem is you take. all the hormones and you're like. but i think if the top stop taking them. it'll wear off too but i don't know.

maybe these uh hormones and pills aren't. nearly as effective as i think they are. uh yeah you got you have to keep taking. them you have to it's it's a regimen. you're a kid. and you you you transition kind of. but i guess that does [ __ ] up your body. if you don't go through natural puberty. for sure yeah probably because yeah. that's right but my whole thing is this. like. i'm i'm almost a fan of the take a tit. leave a tit model you ever see the take. a book leave a book.

it's our last episode but do you ever. see what i mean here take a book leave a. book where uh usually like crazy old. librarian witch women. will put out a bowl of books like. outside of their homes or. outside of some place of business or. something and there'll be a take a book. leave a book and the the idea there is. that you take a book and replenish it. with a book that maybe you finished to. promote reading in the community i'm. almost a fan of the take a tit leave a.

tit where. could can we make it easier and cheaper. for people to just get tits whenever. they want or take tits away. because the problem is how expensive. this all is isn't that the issue here. isn't it expensive because. you can't just walk in there and get uh. the poon made into a peen it's a little. bit of dough mark norman had a great. joke he's like you call a lot of these. people brave caitlyn jenner's brave. she's just rich. it was mark norman joke it's a brilliant.

joke where it was like. it's not. some people just don't have that ability. is my point. because insurance doesn't cover these. procedures often right for sure but my. thing is it gets messy when it's kids. because kids don't know what they're. doing. you know they don't know the kids don't. really know and they might regret it. some of them might regret it some of. them do regret it right there's all. these d transitioners. katie herzog's written 15 novels about d. transitioners and they've been. translated into many different languages.

she wrote a war and peace style novel in. russian about the transitioners. it was war and peace but what if. everyone had de-transitioned they were. trans and they went back. um. so that's my whole thing on this i think. kids need to be kids i think adults need. to leave kids alone we have a weird. society now where adults are all over. children and telling them what to do and. who to be and how to believe i think. children need to figure out who they are. i think. kids are going to figure out if they're.

gay if they're trans they need to figure. that out with their with their own i. don't think that we need to. impose. a value system. on children. uh. that are too young to completely. understand what decisions they're making. i've said it a million times i'm just. wondering if there's a happy medium i'll. take it to leave a ted. is there a happy me what about instead. of the operation let them dress. what about realistic prosthetics here we. go.

give him a [ __ ]. that's like a like a fake [ __ ] oh. right like mr potato header like yes. instead of doing anything medical. give them. jelly tits and or a fake [ __ ] or. something no i'm dead serious it's funny. because you can laugh at it but instead. of doing something that's irreversible. why don't you give them. like a more realistic. bot like a suit to wear.

is that not a good idea like oh you. think you're a dude here's a fake [ __ ]. now in a few years you might want a real. [ __ ] or you might take this off and go i. don't want the fake [ __ ] anymore. it's not a bad idea has anyone pitched. this probably but it's a happy medium. right. it if your son wants to be a chick. instead of doing something irreversible. medically. do like a missed out fire every morning.

where you make him into the woman he. wants to be. if you had a son it'd kind of be i mean. listen unless you're really homophobic. and i'm sure not every dad would be. thrilled about not every dad would be. thrilled about. making your son doing your son drag. every morning. but it could be fun. you buy them little um. the leopard coat and uh you know you. don't want to make it buffoonish but. they shouldn't be without style.

now. is that a happy medium. now like and and and then dad might not. like it as the dad's putting the wig on. and doing the makeup. and then the mom might go. listen you think this is you don't like. this well the other option is something. irreversible medical that we can't. afford and the dad goes i guess you're. right. and he adjusts the wig and he puts the. lipstick i mean literally who cares. i'm one of the the most progressive. people when it comes to gender because i. don't care men women hermaphrodite i.

i've had friends that i consider. hermaphrodites even though they're not i. have friends where like i i know women. with like beards i've i've been friends. with like women with beards me and the. honestly used to talk about like italian. women in long island are all kind of. trans they're like. they're all very masculine like this. whole idea of this gender is this rigid. thing i do find antiquated and outdated. so i'm just wondering if there's a happy. medium or if there is not a happy medium. i don't.

i don't really know anyway let's plug. some of these dates because this is the. end of the tour it's the end of the road. and then i'm transitioning to someone. who's not on the road. bray improv on sunday come out. california in the mall at brea we're. having fun wednesday march 16th some. tickets available for toronto march 18th. baltimore maryland march saturday march. 19th philadelphia pennsylvania thursday. march 24th nashville tennessee saturday. march 26th denver special taping early.

show late show wednesday march 30th. glasgow scotland saturday april said go. to scotland buy those tickets we're not. doing great over there please. uh april saturday april dublin early and. late shows in ireland then monday april. 4th to uk. wednesday april 4th the uk. uh i'm sorry monday wednesday april 6 uk. april 6 late show in the uk. here are some new dates thursday. jacksonville florida at the florida.

theater friday april 15th charlotte. north carolina april 16th new orleans. louisiana. april 17 dallas texas april 18th austin. texas god help us. april 21st the chicago theater the home. of lightfoot. the great friday april 22nd houston. texas saturday april 23rd cincinnati. ohio sunday april 24th northfield ohio. and um that is it and those are the.

dates and then we're going to australia. by the way this is a big news we don't. have the tickets on sale yet but we're. going the last week of april. in the first week of may 2 australia. please it's going to be very very. exciting but. timberlandcomedy.com we have all the. links there for you guys to get uh. tickets for the uk annual shows and when. we put australia on. uh the line we will be um.

we will have that for you as well so. we're very excited about all of that and. then we're wrapping up then we're gonna. spend spring to summer and really the. fall chilling out on the internet maybe. building some new material and then. we'll hit you guys later with more. material better. uh you know a live show we're gonna do. the live podcast a little bit this. summer a very small. mini tour of the live podcast this. summer tiny little tour five or seven. cities. probably in august and we're just gonna.

be doing the podcast live we're gonna. plan those shows out uh samia and ben. can. uh come see you uh there. um as always we appreciate you listening. uh this is a great letter that should be. sent to vladimir putin immediately if we. have an interest in ending the war which. uh we don't we probably don't because. everybody likes war what is it good for. absolutely nothing that's what they say. um uh tim j dillon on instagram and. twitter please follow me.

patreon.com. the tim dylan show if you want bonus. content we upload one patreon a week and. we are doing our higher tier the raw. child tier we're doing that episode this. week you guys will have it we apologize. for lateness the problem is of course. we've been on the road when the road. slows down which everything's a lot. easier um. we hope that uh everybody is doing well. we hope that you're not uh too affected. by the economic uh realities that are. emerging because of this ukraine uh.

crisis uh it's affecting all of us. whether you're an oligarch. or a young. detransitioned child everybody needs the. gas. to get up and do what we do in this. country which is go through the. drive-thru at raising canes. good night.