#280 - Nervous Neurotic Animal | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dylan show we apologize for no video uh. today we had a setback with our new. studio it went on fire it was burned. down by antifa the antifa burned down. our studio they were young children. dressed in black they came in they threw. Molotov cocktails through the window. they beat me pretty badly I don't think. Ben was in on it but I can't know so. we're doing an internal investigation uh.

it was a little weird Ben did let them. in. much like the capital Riot he's now. claiming that he didn't know they were. dangerous but they did not harm him not. a hair on his head I was beaten and the. studio was destroyed so we are again. here one day late with an audio only. episode. all right I'm gonna admit it that's a. lie. that didn't happen the reason that we. have audio only is because we are at the.

end of a tour that has been at. Bloodsport now I know you people don't. care and this is free and you say to. yourself well you make money on patreon. yeah but this ain't that and that's not. late this is free you get what people. get when they get free. um and the tour we were on five planes. in four days we are wrapping this up. it's over soon and we go back to you. know we're gonna do one tour a year I'm.

gonna be out doing comedy clubs. throughout the year but we do one tour a. year in theaters thank you know to. everybody who bought a ticket. um and that tour is gonna be the next. tour will be next fall and we'll do uh. you know uh October November December a. little bit of Jan and then we shut it. down and by that time we'll have the. studio well we should have it by January. right yeah by uh early days going on. with it and people think you're lying no. our guy Mr Pizza he's he's building a. great Studio he's we're in contact every.

day but when you say Mr Pizza people. think we're dealing with a pedophile. so but his name is actually Pizza his. last name is pizza it's actually his. last name. and all he eats is salmon and uh. broccoli odd. but this gentleman who you've entrusted. our life to well he he built the first. studio with the knee great job which. everybody loves he did a great job. iconic iconic set.

yes sure. and and now we have the new one and. you're saying when is the date give us a. date stop pushing things back stop. blaming the supply chain start taking. responsibility for what you should be. doing the first week of January I I have. full confidence it will be up and. running we have everything ordered we. have everything planned out we have the. keys it is real it is a real some people. stop me in the street in Atlanta and. accused me of lying about this whole. ordeal you should have stabbed you to. make a point if you stop him in the.

street physically maim him. because he doesn't respond well to. anything other than physical Force. but by the time we're on a tour like. this next year hopefully we ha we will. have yes a studio that allows us to be a. little more consistent and it will be a. less intense tour we'll have more time. to this was crazy you know every comic. in America was booking venues you had to. take what you can get this thing was.

routed crazy we're here we're there. but we're winding down now and and the. UK thing we you know listen it's it's. not looking good and we would love to go. it doesn't look good I don't want to get. stuck in the UK this Omicron or whatever. it is they're at level four they may be. going to level five. you know um so we're playing it by ear. um but the fear is that we are going to. be in a situation where we may have to.

push those dates down the road uh Boris. Johnson saying Pub shops and restaurants. will probably be forced to shut in. January Boris. Johnson delivering the bad news. Austin Texas where we find ourselves. right now yes the worst city in America. or the worst city in the world. that is the question I should tweet that.

and [ __ ] Elon Musk if he doesn't like it. and I love my friend Joe Rogan but you. know what if he doesn't like it he can. go scratch too. because this was the worst idea ever. let's move a bunch of libertarian. billionaires who don't care about anyone. but themselves to a city and see if they. can create a thriving Community well it. didn't work did it. you've got a bunch of billionaires here. with their own armies and their own apps. and then you've got everybody else.

wandering around in the streets killing. each other. Austin. I've spent a year here. I've lived here for a year. we are nearing the end of that. and just to add insult to repeated. injury. um Netflix and you know I love Netflix I. love Netflix. I love that they won't give me a special. I love that they don't care how many. tickets I've sold they don't care that.

I've done a special on their platform. they offered me a half hour I turned it. down although watch Norman and all those. I love Mark and I love Brian Simpson and. and Naomi a Peregrine there's some. really funny people doing that. um but I said no we're gonna do an hour. or we're not doing anything and then. they said no no we don't have the time. for that we don't have the space and I'm. like isn't it the internet. don't you have unlimited space literally. unlimited. um so I love Netflix and I did I'm not.

doing their Netflix Comedy Festival. every American uh every comic in the. United States is doing that Festival I'm. just not gonna do it I'm sitting it out. but Netflix they've and listen here's. what I will say about Netflix they have. made how long has that Netflix been. around uh like 2008. get the exact number on that. because I will give credit where credit. is due. to Netflix I was founded in 97 actually.

okay. um let's just say in the last 15 years. Netflix has made six or seven watchable. things. which I appreciate as a consumer right. yeah I think that's good every two and a. half to three years on average they make. something that you can watch and I think. that's good. um. here's what I will say about the new.

program that I binge watched the other. day it's called 20-somethings Austin. Texas. if there was a show. designed to make me physically ill and. also give me more pleasure than I knew. possible it is the show 20 somethings. Austin Texas now you guessed it. the show is a real world ripoff where.

Netflix moved. for women and four men self-identified. into two airbnbs next to each other in a. gentrifying area of Austin Texas. ironically we stayed at one of these. airbags I believe we did yeah the night. before I had that sit down with Joe. Rogan and Alex Jones. Netflix moved these people into Austin. Texas because they wanted to reinvent.

themselves they wanted to. um realize their dreams one of the move. to do stand-up comedy one of them moved. to be gay literally a guy who said I. don't know how to be gay I came out late. I want to learn how to be gay. and uh uh one of them moved to be a. [ __ ]. um. you know one of the move to model and. the model's not that good looking and. the stand up isn't funny it's Austin.

right. so we've got C and D level people. flocking to this uh City I guess in. Texas to take advantage of this growing. glistening City on the hill as promised. uh by Elon Musk and all of these people. uh are showcased in this Netflix show. and you see them and the entire show of.

course is about uh people uh imbibing. and alcohol because that is the only. thing to do here is to drink yourself to. death. and these people come and they drink and. they try to get jobs and they can't get. jobs and they are then forced to they're. in the dating scene and they are going. on dates and they're going to these. little. shitty Austin you know bars they're.

riding mechanical bulls. and they are coming out of the closet. and the show is so painfully sad. it is sad it is sad because. the City of Austin Texas. is a lie. and the people that are falling for the. lie. are they are impossible to pity they're. impossible to feel bad for you cannot.

have any feeling other than slowly. watching them become the type of person. that likes this place which is a drunken. loser there is no very few exceptions to. that rule and watching this show. watching these people you know fail at. bartending.

watching these people. try to have intrapersonal relationships. with each other they all seem to be. somewhat uh relatively. um. they're they're novices to life I mean. they it's College except they're all in. their mid to late 20s and they don't. know how to relate to other people and. they don't get it and this is the city. for them it is a city for people that. are behind people that are behind.

they're not out in front they're not. winning the race they are behind and. they're moving here to assume this. identity of this free like all these. people are like I just I'm gonna be in. Austin I just want to be free I just. want to do what I want you can do what. you want anywhere dummy. what you're saying is you want to do. what you want and you want it to work. because it never worked anywhere else.

that's what it is I want to be free to. make horrible decisions and have them. work out that's what they want I want to. be free I'm a free spirit I'm about me. I'm about me. what what do you think they were about. where they came from others they were. about them there and they failed. miserably there because you can't just. be about you if you is [ __ ].

if what you're selling is [ __ ] then you. can't be about you you got to be about. another version of you but. but you see uh with the show and I. watched all of the episodes pretty much. I have a few left to go and I will stay. with it because I think maybe at the end. there'll be I don't know a fire or. something that really. speaks to me. um but it's amazing people here have the. same like crackpot idea like I love Joe.

to death but when Joe's like I like. Austin because La is a bunch of people. trying to get famous it's like your. friends are Elon Musk he doesn't exactly. issue the spotlight. he lives in an area with people like. Sandra Bullock I mean these are not. simple country people. this idea that like I'm just a simple. country man I'm a simple country man. and I'm here in Texas with Sandra.

Bullock and Elon Musk two simple country. people. that's not what it is people in Austin. are more self-important and more Fame. hungry than anyone in La truly truly. this idea of La is not even real this. idea yes does everyone want to be famous. in L.A sure but at least some of them. have a [ __ ] shot at least some of. them are [ __ ] hot. at least some of them know how to play.

the game. you know you come here these people want. the same notoriety the same Fame they. want money. and yet they are all completely. incapable. of of getting anywhere near that goal. it's a hellscape. it's a pit. truly a pit. I'm not going to spend the whole thing. on this but just watch the show if you.

think I am wrong watch the show I've. been in Miami looking at condos because. I'm afro-latino which means that I am. black but I am not African-American I. was raised in Santo Domingo. and I am Dominican and I'm afro-latino. I am going to be. um pursuing compa which is the music of. Little Haiti. as someone who is afro-latino I no. longer want to live in a white Society.

like Austin Texas with Ben who doesn't. like or understand Miami because when I. dress in Balenciaga he thinks I look. stupid but he looks like a golfer with. AIDS. he looks like a golfer who sucks [ __ ] on. the side and got a mouthful of AIDS in. his bloody gums and he's gonna drop. [ __ ] dead so when I go to Miami and. look like the [ __ ] and Inspire men women. and children and everyone in between Ben. gets threatened by it because he wants.

to be on a [ __ ] golf tee sucking. someone off because he looks like a. golfer with human. immunodeficiency virus truly he just. wears these baggy clothes he looks like. all his shirts hide AIDS lesions so he. says oh you look so stupid but actually. no you dumb [ __ ] I don't look stupid. you look stupid because you're stupid a. white piece of [ __ ] but I'm afro-latina. it's true I I can say the n-word but I.

will not but I will not I'm not going to. but I can't. because I am an other. and that's why I feel comfortable in. Miami because that is where my culture. is so I was looking at condos in Miami. because other than being in La I want. somewhere outside of LA to go and it's. not going to be this pit. it's not gonna we just had the best. tacos in Austin. man they were fine yeah good it's fine. good.

why is Taco Bell some of the best. Mexican food you have because food is an. idea do you understand what I mean. tacos are an idea tacos are about. Freedom all these people moving to. Austin just have a taco that's all you. want to do you just want to get drunk. and have a taco outside that's the. entire city you don't have to buy a. plane ticket just get drunk buy a taco. and eat it in a place that is not.

enclosed with a roof. because that's all you have to do. but Taco Bell is so good because it's an. idea it's the idea of freedom it's the. idea of [ __ ] it tacos are about [ __ ]. Austin [ __ ] it. I'm gonna be free I'm having a taco. I don't care I'm fun I'm fun and flirty. I'm gonna have a handheld crunchy thing. because I'm fun and I'm flirty and we're. eating outside because there are no. rules I'm 38 years old and it's time to.

start living my life in Austin Texas. I want some [ __ ] young dude from UT. to go down on my old gnarled puss with. his [ __ ] beer breath and I want him. to lick my snatch and then throw his. half card average sized [ __ ] in and out. of me on this futon in a gentrifying. neighborhood and I want to come to the. sound of gunshots and then I want to. wake up tomorrow eat brisket and do it.

all over again no thank you I'm back for. Latino and I'm leaving. I'm truly afro-latino. I'm not apologizing for it anymore I I. love Miami they like me too they don't. give a [ __ ]. people asses are out tits are out. they're like what is me too throw me. into a wall [ __ ] me it's a sexy City. Austin is sex less. Miami is white marble floors and cocaine. people trying to [ __ ] each other Austin.

Texas is a is the sex in Austin Texas. and I've had some of it it is sad. it's you just keep thinking about one of. the guys I went out with literally said. to me I came out as gay my parents. didn't exorcism on me but I didn't care. I was high as [ __ ]. so that's the caliber of human being. another guy I hung out with said I came. out of this game my father drove me. around and said you're gonna burn in. hell and I didn't say anything and he. drove me around in his car and then let.

me out so everybody here has a little. bit of baggage. and the sex here is just it's that kind. of gross like. weird Collegiate sex without any of the. Heat. that you'd imagine young college people. [ __ ] has it just it just it's it's. like sex that is. um you're trying to [ __ ] your way. into being someone you're not.

like you're like uh because everybody's. putting so much pressure on themselves. here to have experiences because life is. about me so when you're uh hooking up. with somebody here they're really trying. have you ever hooked up with someone. who's really trying like they're really. trying to a point where it's like calm. that stop it no one kisses like that. people are crazy here they're just. really trying to have this animalistic. experience but it's really it's not.

animalistic in a good way it's Roadkill. it's roadkill sacks. where's Miami is sexy people like me. that are international people look at me. they don't think American they think. International that I'm an international. person. I work on my body I work on the way I. look I have an international Flair. I will start wearing skin tight catsuits. I will start wearing eight inch heels I.

don't care if you don't want to be my. fan anymore this is going to be my. future. because the I'm out I'm leaving the. world of discussions and debates and. point Counterpoint I'm done with all. that [ __ ] I'm going to put my [ __ ] on. the street in a Balenciaga onesie and. probably start smoking crystals. because this country's finished and. there's absolutely no point in debating.

anybody about [ __ ] anything anymore. just go out and have some goddamn fun. but not in Texas we're not in Austin at. least go to Dallas suck off some CFO. but not here. I love better help we talk so much about. mental health in this episode and what. we really need to do is get ourselves in. better shape mentally so better help. h-e-l-p it is an online service it. offers really great professional.

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what you join Over the million people. who have taken charge of their mental. health with the help of an experienced. professional that's right this podcast. is sponsored by better help and Tim. Dillon show listeners get 10 off their. first month at betterhelp.com Tim D I. love earphones don't you headphones oh. yeah I like earbuds. what do you like about them uh well you. know as an audio engineer I really need. will you shut up.

you're an audio engineer uh technically. what are you engineering my screaming. yeah kinda there's compressors what. about earbuds. well here's the thing we fly so much we. need good pairs of earbuds to uh to uh. listen to things on the go right but we. don't want to have a bad quality pair of. of headphones or earbuds because then I. will damage our hearing because we need. to be very perceptive and we need to be. able to listen to other people so we can. do our job what are you talking about.

I like Ray Connor buds because they give. you amazing audio quality wherever you. go whether you use them to pump up wind. down work or work out they'll be useful. for anyone on your list it's the [ __ ]. holidays dummy. get raycon earbuds they're less than. half the price of other premium audio. brands with their latest model you get. three new sound profiles to make sure. everything you're listening to sounds. its best with just the right amount of. bass pure mode balanced mode and bass.

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buy raycon.com Tim and use the code. holiday. h-o-l-i-d-a-y do you know what you get. what do you get 15 off your order wow. that's a good deal whoa a good deal a. great deal it's a [ __ ] phenomenal. deal. I love raycon earbuds I use them Rogan. had that guy on uh the the kova guy he. made a lot of good points about Dr Peter. McCullough whatever and he made some. good point who cares again we're gonna.

need citations we're gonna do sources. now Dr petum yeah whatever he had that. guy on and he's talking about uh early. treatment protocol which by the way I'm. all for right lecture it's weird how. they've demonized like every you know if. somebody goes hey I took a hydro. hydroxychloroquine or Ivermectin and it. worked people go no it didn't you go. wait a minute what. these are the same people that tells you. you have to honor everybody's lived. experience if they identify as another. gender throughout the day several times.

because they're gender fluid so you have. to honor that I'm a man at breakfast and. a woman at lunch but if you take I've. remected and it worked and you say that. all of the sudden your lived experience. doesn't mean a whole bunch of [ __ ] and. you should shut the [ __ ] up so it is. weird that being said. most people you can't get on an early. coveted regimen because a lot of people. do not have health care they do not have. a doctor they do not have a regular. doctor that they know and trust they do. not go to the doctor or hospital because.

they're afraid of how much it will cost. them they also can't take time off at. work because all of these companies like. Walmart and you know Kellogg's all the. corporations and conservatives love they. hate Pfizer moderna but they think it's. great that Walmart pays people in. Pop-Tarts and they don't say peep about. Kellogg's firing all those people who. who went on strike just so they could. see their kids at Thanksgiving they see. how [ __ ] that [ __ ] keep making fruit. loops or die okay so all of these. corporations by the way seemingly have a. an agenda that's not exactly pro-worker.

and. and and nobody cares unless it's Pfizer. moderna and nobody's like hey maybe. multinational conglomerates they're in. bed with the government. um truly the most powerful entities to. have ever existed in human history. should not including Tech everything all. of these conglomerates should probably. not run rough shot over everybody's. rights and people should have some. dignity and a standard of living in.

health care but as soon as you bring. that up people like shut the [ __ ] up. I'm gonna get early coveted protocol. would be great if people went to the. doctor when they were sick instead of. showing up to work because they uh will. be fired if they take a day off. and they're scared of how much it's. going to cost them that doesn't mean. that there's not some nefarious. profit. scheme on the side of Pfizer but it's a. systemic issue here it's a little bigger.

than just saying like oh yeah well. people should uh people should get on. these things earlier sure yes people. should be less fat totally agree let's. go back to corporations again the ones. whose [ __ ] you've jammed in your throat. who's making everyone fat where's all. this food coming from is it falling out. of the [ __ ] Sky no it's corporations. poisoning you. why not regulate them what the [ __ ]. government sucks man.

why not regulate the amount of plastic. they can put in ranch dressing. because maybe a mother of three whose. husband dropped dead of coven doesn't. have time to read every [ __ ] salad. dressing or [ __ ] cereal box in the. grocery store because she's a little. stressed so perhaps there should be some. regulations like Europe they don't allow. this [ __ ] you can't just put poison in. everything like you do in America.

these obese people they're all fat yes. you go to certain parts of the country. there are food deserts meaning there's. nowhere to eat except fast food and the. markets the food is bad the produce is. brown they don't get anything good it's. true and it's so expensive now because. of inflation if you have a family of. four or five [ __ ] people you just. can't make everyone a waldorf salad like. you have to just buy taco meat and feed.

it to the kids like dogs in a kennel. no inflation doesn't matter. so this everyone's on their moral high. horse about fat pit fat people are for. ruined everything. fat people. are largely the result of a few. different things but one of them is that. Society does not do a great job. promoting health. because they allow oh by the way all.

this body positivity [ __ ] it's all the. sugar industry they're dumping money. they're putting 600 pound people on the. cover magazines and saying yes batch and. the reason they're doing that is because. they don't want anybody to think twice. about having their you know uh you know. fifth McGriddle of the day. so you have all of these trends that are. converging but this idea that like. corporations are great except the two.

that make a vaccine is a little wild. so the but you can't even get into it so. I'm going to Miami to play as steel. drums. I don't care I don't give a [ __ ] I made. enough money it's like hey. I'm fat but I don't I you don't pay for. me being fat that's the other thing you. don't pay for me being fat I pay for you. and your children and all your [ __ ]. I don't need I mean listen you used to.

pay for me being fat but now you don't. fat millionaires are not the pro me and. lizzo are not doing this to you whatever. your life is whatever problem you have. in your life it's not me it's not lizzo. fat poor people well there's another uh. that's another thing. they are perhaps. draining you. but you're draining them that's the. thing America if you're not fat how many. healthy people do you really know ten.

the vast majority of people in this. country are pill heads trunks fat people. sexual degenerates dark web pedophiles. uh truly I mean let's just go through. the different archetypes of people okay. you're a pill head junkie Stoner dark. web pedophile fat person. I mean health is not exactly promoted. here. this isn't like an outdoorsy culture by.

the way oh there's too many fat people. well here comes the metaverse that'll. slim everyone down. I mean it's not a healthy country you. know you you can wield the Baton against. fat people all you want but then look at. how many drunks are in this country how. many car accidents how many how many how. many problems we have with like [ __ ]. prescription drugs and opioids and all. these there's so many [ __ ] problems. in this country.

but it's easy to beat up on fatty and. fatties sometimes should be beaten up on. because they do fat things consistently. but also when you go to these food. deserts when you go to these places. where families literally don't have a. choice. but to feed their kids dirt. what do you expect them to do. you know you think there's a Whole Foods. you know we were in Upstate New York we. walked into the grocery store. everything was frozen everything was.

preservative Laden frozen food that you. would defrost. listen before I had a little bit of. money I was broke legit broke okay and. I mean you cannot it's it's not easy to. eat healthy with no money it really. isn't now there are people that are. fighting with me now or getting mad at. me. but it's not especially if you're tired. and you've worked your ass off and you.

just want to eat something and fall. asleep it is not easy to clip coupons or. go to the market or take advantage of. every sale now especially if you have a. family it's just not easy doesn't mean. that it's always justifiable to get in a. [ __ ] bathtub of Haagen-Dazs but I'm. saying that it's a little more. complicated than just going hey we need. less fat people well then you need more. government regulations those things you. [ __ ] hate. government regulate because Pizza Hut is. going to Pizza Hut.

unless you tell them stop making poison. if you do not tell them to stop making. poison they will keep making because. they don't [ __ ] eat it. the CEOs of these companies watch. Undercover Boss they don't even know the. CEO popolis walks in he's like what is. this wait what where's the friar this is. what we serve people. Undercover Boss stopped even letting the. CEOs in the episodes they would bring on. like the CFO because the CEO was so. horrified that that people were eating.

this [ __ ] they don't even know the CEOs. of these companies don't even know what. they serve to people and when they would. go. on Undercover Boss and they would walk. in and they would see these people with. face tattoos and you know multiple you. know like uh you know stints in prison. and everything and they and they were. the employees and they'd be a little. uncomfortable and they're like okay and.

then they would look around at the food. and they would go oh this is what we're. doing and like you know obviously you. know how horrified you know how these. CEOs live you know where they go out to. eat you know the types of people they. it's very different than when they go. get thrust into that environment and. they go to a Checkers there was just one. where this woman in checkers like I've. worked here 20 years. uh this has changed my life it was one. of the saddest try to see if you could. find Undercover Boss Checkers or rallies. whatever either one this woman it was so.

sad. she was like telling the CEO and then so. the CEOs just they couldn't even do it. they were like we don't even want to do. this it's a bad PR look for us throw a. CFO and by the way I don't even know if. it was a CFO I think there was an actor. they put in because there was a few. early undercover bosses where the CEO. was clearly horrified. at what was going on at the company. they didn't even know they were like. this is the food we serve what.

so if you don't regulate that [ __ ]. somehow. it's not gonna [ __ ] work truly I'm. finding like compilation oh here I think. I found it on Dailymotion it's a 51. minute episode do you remember what uh. part it was on we're just gonna play the. full 51 folks and I'm gonna go out. I mean do you care anymore can I just. play a 51 minute episode of. what can you show me some of it yeah. yeah here I mean this is like you want. to talk about the worst producer.

entire world. so here we go this is the. SE the checkers yeah it says this is the. episode uh season three episode four. Checkers and rally yeah Checkers and. win rallies who is. a dark web. I'm I don't know that he does look it he. looks it and let's just because we're. not gonna use his name let's just say. that and throw that out there it may not. be true but I think chances are it is.

by working on the front lines he'll see. what it really takes to make food fast. food. five chicken five bucks I. am dying and for the first time. a boss will be forced to do something so. drastic right here right now to shut the. restaurant down it's coming will never. be the same.

so the guy's got to shut the restaurant. down by the way because like he gets. there and he sees what's going on he. looked horrified which is people are. being poisoned and they're being served. food that they like find on the floor. and everything so the guys did you shut. it down this is when by the way they had. to like stop doing Undercover Boss. because they're like literally every. episode would be the guy just shutting. the restaurant down Undercover Boss. would literally be the CEO going into.

the restaurant calling the cops and. shutting the restaurant down like he'd. have to call the health department on. himself so they really had to like kind. of like like take a lot more care as to. how they did this show. because they were like oh this is The. Logical conclusion of any Undercover. Boss would just be the CEO going I can. in good conscience continue to allow. this facility to operate by the way. don't even call them restaurants it's a. facility.

Arby's is a facility it's not a. restaurant. so now find the old woman at the end the. old white lady and we can we'll edit. this so it's quicker yeah yeah so I I. don't know if we can find the exact part. I want it might be another episode but. we're gonna really try but this is. another one of my favorite things from. this episode where this guy is clearly. trying to [ __ ] this woman who he then. says he's going to Mentor her which is. the creepiest thing in the world imagine.

if the CEO of a company said to a fry. cook I'm going to Mentor you what do you. think that mentorship entails because. yeah I'm gonna Mentor you I'm gonna pull. up in the parking lot. every Thursday you come out you get my. dick wet and then you go back in there. and make chicken nuggets for people. listen how creepy this guy is I don't. think me there's a lot of people like. you that can do a lot more right yeah. we're gonna put a program together.

so that every district manager is going. to be a mentor but I also want to make. sure that you're. first mentee in that program and your. Mentor is going to be me really. thank you. you go to two you got a mentor me yes. into being a good man. wow what I want to do right now is I'm. going to promote you into a management.

and training position so you can you can. make. more compensationally you're making now. it's a 25 promotion. get in my car. [Music]. get in my car get in the front get in. the front seat of my car. there's a new program. we're going to give you 20 25 promotion. so what do you make now 200 a week. well that's going up by 25 now I want.

you to get my car because dementorship. is about to begin. the mentorship is about to begin. I'm the CEO of a company and you're a. fraud cook I have a lot of wisdom to. impart to you about what you can do to. One Day become the CEO. but first get in my car. and we're going to start the training. there's a woman I mean we gotta research. this but there's a woman.

was it Checkers it may have been a. different restaurant yeah. [ __ ]. all right hold on well we we just lost. like three hours of our day to. Undercover Boss because. it is maybe the greatest show ever made. and it reveals what a disgusting in. amoral country that we are but I mean it. was we looked for that one woman but we. couldn't find it I used to have a bit. about Undercover Boss in my act it was. uh. if you if you just need to binge.

something go and watch Undercover Boss. and uh. you know it's a real education the. versus game is a lot of fun I'm having a. lot of fun with this we are posting. questions here's what the versus app is. a lot of people love to uh try their. hand at chance right they love to try. their hand at. um predicting the future seeing what may. or may not happen right and playing your. buddies well playing your friends.

crafting questions coming up with cool. things and saying Hey will Tim Dillon do. a podcast with Kyle Rittenhouse before. December 15th right that question is. going to be closed tomorrow interesting. um there's lots of different questions. that I'm going to ask that you can log. into versus app and bet I'm very good at. predicting the future and many people. who listen to the podcast know that and. the CEO versus app said to me we're so. impressed by how correct you've been.

about literally everything you've said. we want you. to start posing uh questions on the app. and seeing if people uh if you're right. or not and by the way people can win. money yeah. they can win money. so. that is in and of itself a fascinating. thing that you can do you can win money. by being correct about things a lot of. people think they know what's going to. happen in the world well if you really.

do put that to the test what are some of. the questions that you've posted Ben. because I know that they've done well. Ben has posted so mine has been Avery is. good on there I'm a verified user on the. app shut up uh I asked uh will hasbula. be declared an animated state of. Dagestan interesting I posted uh will. Kyle Rittenhouse upload a photo to. social media with him holding a gun by. next week oh during the trials we did. some of those I mean you can do a wide. array of things on the app we've been. having a lot of fun my question is my.

new question I'm going to post will. Hezbollah and Abdul rozik actually have. this fight oh interesting is this a real. fight or is this a troll oh you think. they'll do it by the new year will. hasbula and Abdu rozick. by the new year. have this fight. or is this a troll well these two little. dagestani dwarfs fight each other. or not. will this is another one okay okay.

will. the City of Austin. be attacked. by terrorists. by the new year. hey. I'm saying it won't prove me wrong and. earn money so you mean a domestic. terrorist prove me wrong and earn money. all right hey I'm saying will a bunch of. people with AK-47s just open fire on in.

downtown Austin I'm saying it won't. happen but do you want to prove me wrong. and win money versus app. versus app baby. what else uh will the island boys. overdose by Christmas how about that's. too dark too dark I don't want you doing. those dark ones I haven't done any of. that dark I'm trying to that's not right. it's more brand for you what what what. have they done to us the island boys. provide us beautiful music but they sold.

their soul to the devil well he said. that but I respect him for being honest. about it how many people have done that. that don't tell you they've sold their. soul. that's true. your name is at Tim Dillon on there. without the J yeah thank you for. following me. what uh what else here will Spotify. censor Joe Rogan's latest episode oh. with Peter McCullough Dr Peter. McCullough posting that question. immediately or Ben will do it for me or.

get fired. that's a good one that's a great one. yeah. will. Jesus. come back. from the dead. by New Year's. and. Smite his enemies. destroy the world and bring all of his. fans and followers.

to heaven. I guess you would call them fans and. followers okay like the rap you're. talking about the rapture. yes will the Rapture happen that's just. that's a simpler way to say it but I. think more more I like the Rogan one the. Rogan McCullough one because that is. interesting I'm gonna say they will not. but a lot of people are saying they. might okay uh a lot of people do. questions about Pete Davidson on the app. can you think of any Pete Davidson or. Kim K not even one can I think of okay. there's not one thing I I care to ask.

what I mean I don't even know what. people are asking. I have no way. the guy's doing well yeah what I mean. what could even possibly ask. will Hezbollah. shaba bombed himself. and kill Katy Perry. he threatened a woman on Instagram he.

threatened her life really yeah. what what did she do she uh posted uh. pictures of his sister I believe and he. just went ape on her on live and said he. was gonna like send people to her house. and stuff like I love him so much he's. such a gangster. it's his sister you know it's family. yeah. it was his mother posting the photo. he's like I'll kill you. I mean this is a fun app and you can win.

month tell him about how they win the. money so how you win the money is when. you uh don't you like money so Tim or I. will post a question that's right and. then you guess you guess yes or no. correct there's two possible outcomes no. essay answers well Elon Musk be Time. person of the year or will he will he. not that would have been a good one yeah. I did a Time person of the year one too. which what which one was it I did will. it be an athlete or a media figure his. media figure how much money are you. making on this app I've made I've made a.

little bit of money I get all of it. I don't understand why you think you're. making money on this thing I'll kill you. I think you're mate I think you're. making uh some decent dough. I'm not making anything by the way. I'm not making anything if people would. start participating. and follow me on versus app then I would. start making money that's right but Ben. is making money and I'm not which is. going to result in me hitting him with. my car and then I'll ask that question.

on versus why did I hit Ben with my car. oh you know it's a good one we could do. will there be another Insurrection on. January 6th that could be a decent one. if there's going to be another Ashley. Babbitt Trends every other day but no. one thinks there's gonna be that's like. the dumbest question I've ever heard in. my life. literally not one person thinks there's. going to well I'll say this like I did. one where I said will Tiger Woods now. that he's out of the hospital have a DUI. by Friday and like a hundred people. voted yes on my questions so I mean well. it's funny yeah it's a funny thing to.

say yeah but the answer is he's not. going to correct yeah I mean probably. he's wild but I mean it's so funny. because they're having fun right that's. right um. first is app. follow us on this win some dough. I mean you really are. out of control. you really are out of control. when some doe um.

that's that's where you're at yeah win. some dough how about participate. in I like to think of the verses app. it was a great book called penetration. written by uh Ignacio Swann about remote. viewing he was taken to a room by the. government he could see uh bases on the. moon he could remote view other planets. I like to think of the versus app as an.

exercise in kind of a kind of a mass ESP. do you see what I mean I don't think of. it as just a way to win some doubt even. though you can win some doubt you can I. think of it as a way to kind of predict. things and kind of be like ESP like Mass. you know that's the way I think of it. well I'm a food stamp hoe so I think I. think about dough and cash and dollar. signs well I I don't doubt that. there's a lot of different ways to think.

about it. so so pull out your phone and go to the. App Store and download versus game right. now and play my bats. the verses game one word with no space. they'll even give you money towards your. first bet with the offer code Tim. that's. v-e-r-s-u-s-g-a-m-e offer code Tim for. five dollars towards your first bet. that's versus game offer code Tim I read.

an article The Wall Street Journal about. Millennials are now supercharging the. housing market. young people that hated owning things. are now driving like half the. transactions. in the market now people. uh. are now warming to the idea. of owning a home. uh in a suburb probably. that. just a few years ago we're in love with.

the cities I wonder what happened. um. but yeah it seems like after the covet. and the riots and the uh. you know because things are getting. worse in in cities and maybe it's. overstated to a degree but really. a lot of it is is uh you know you hear. from people. uh things are not good and you see with. your own eyes and then there are people. that will accuse anyone that talks about. crime like yo you're a [ __ ] that's.

some Boomer Fox News [ __ ]. that you're just you know bringing up. that some dude climbed over the [ __ ]. fence and scared your wife. so what. and uh but people are really um. people are really like you know there's. mentally ill people on the street. uh many of them have weapons many of. them are unhappy.

uh they're not well. and they may or may not uh attack you. and this is becoming uh less and less. fun. it's not as fun. as it used to be because there were. fewer of them. you shouldn't have none you need a few a. sprinkling if you will but when you have. too many. uh is somebody getting slashed isn't. even a novelty anymore it becomes uh.

uh you know routine and I think that. uh people are getting a little. um wary of that type of living. environment. doesn't mean that those conditions will. continue although they probably will. um but this idea that anyone concerned. about safety. especially if you have a family anyone.

concerned about their physical safety is. like. um ridiculous. they're ridiculous it's usually put out. there by people who are uh doing very. well. and not in a position to worry and maybe. don't have kids. um don't have a family. uh you know and aren't really worried. about those things.

but. you hear these stories about you know. and and I think there's a lot of. problems it's not obviously. we've had a we've had a very strange. um 12 month period. um and even longer than 12-month period. in America where people. are is becoming more and more obvious. that people.

cannot have logical. discussions uh with each other about. certain topics because they are so. emotionally charged that people don't. really care about facts or data or uh. statistics they're more concerned with. um saying the right thing or or or. you know they're being very careful.

about conversations but one of those. conversations is about crime that's. going up. in a lot of these cities and a lot of. vulnerable people. uh poor people old people women people. that rely on public transportation. people that work late hours people that. you know. people that don't live in the suburbs. don't live in gated communities aren't. millionaires a lot of those people bear.

the brunt of that of that spike in crime. and a lot of this coincided with this. idea that if you got rid of funding for. police and then reallocated it to. community reinvestment or education or. mental health all of those things are. worthwhile things. but if you had less police. and less funding for police. and you were able to take this money and. give it to these other things.

perhaps that'd be a long-term benefit I. don't really know but short term it's. been a problem. if you look at facts if you care about. any you know any type of Sullivan shared. the statistic the other day I'm sure you. saw if the U.S still hospitalized it's. mentally ill at the same rate as it did. in 55 it's mental health institutions. would house almost 1.1 million people. any given day and instead they house. fewer than 50 000 patients now I know. seven people that I could name that are. friends of mine that should be.

institutionalized. and they're dead serious yeah like seven. or eight people that I know that should. not have the ability to plan their own. day. they should have to. they should be constrained by a facility. um. no it's listen it's a problem you know. that doesn't mean you can give cops a. blank check to do whatever the [ __ ] they. want but like very honestly people in La.

people are talking about the fact that. they feel less safe. at yeah not 40 year old Open Mic. stand-up comedians who live on floors. and don't have any money or families and. are on Twitter just you know trying to. tweet their way to a sandwich because. they're broke they're not talking about. it but people would like skin in the. game. are discussing it of varying political.

affiliations left-wing people right when. people people going yeah things aren't. good. and I don't really know. what the answer is because my mother's. mentally ill and I have a lot of I have. a feeling that. you know. it's not enough. to. like. you you have to figure out a way to.

identify people that have these problems. and get them care get them some type of. help get them off the street. you know get them off drugs have them. not be. able to get a hold of knives and guns. and you know things that can ruin the. day. um it's not easy you're dealing with a. and and more and more people are going. crazy every day.

more and more people are losing their. minds. so we've just got a bad situation. where the culture pushes more and more. people off the cliff. and then those people then turn around. and start committing acts of violence. because they are insane. a culture of horrible food. prescription drugs an over-medicated and.

under medicated both culture of people. that are self-medicating a culture of. high levels of stress. work till you drop dead. no Health Care no intervention Early. Intervention when people are having. these mental health problems a culture. that Prides itself on like hustle and. grind and [ __ ] figure it out man you. just gotta tough your way through it it. pushes people off a cliff.

and then those people. are going to end up. in American cities. insane. and they're gonna kill you. perhaps that should make you. think twice about what we've set up here. A system that is designed so that a fair. amount of people every year are going to.

become homeless they're going to lose. benefits. and whatever mental health issue they. have is going to be exacerbated by. poverty. those people. are going to end up in very desperate. situations some of them not all of them. some of them are going to lose their. minds and they're going to strike out. and do and you're going to see more and.

more acts of domestic terrorism. you know. you'll see these people. who are desperate they have nothing to. lose. they're going to. pick up arms I mean and I don't know if. you know I don't know what this had to. do with because it was a there was a a. legendary Mexican guy that died and the. Hollywood Walk of Fame and a guy just. started shooting out of his window.

we had the Waukesha Massacre. where that SUV that was not being driven. it was a self-driving SUV. killed all those people. but no it was a black guy that was. steeped in anti-white. kind of racist language right yeah it's. not the mainstream narrative really yeah. mainstream narrative is a car. decided to mow over children in. Wisconsin but there was a guy who was.

like very from what I know. seemed to be uh. you know a radical and the ideology that. radicalized him was an ideology that was. kind of like hey it was dehumanizing to. like white people right like white. people are all out to get you trying to. kill you evil well if you say that about. any group of people and somebody. believes it they're going to do horrible. things like drive a car through a parade. now it is not popular with the media.

because the media likes to play footsie. every now and then with that ideology as. well. because it's fun it revs everyone up it. got some clicks just like they did after. 9 11. where it was Muslims that they. were talking about and. you know they would have all these. pieces about Islam and this and that and. you know there were radicals that were.

white people that would then go and. commit acts not a ton of them but there. was a few people that would then commit. like. anti-muslim hate crimes. anti-chinese hate crimes whatever you. why wouldn't you have an anti-white. hate crime right like why wouldn't you. have that if the person is being. motivated by that the idea I guess is. that the media doesn't think that's real. or maybe doesn't think that they've ever. stoked that type of feeling ever or.

maybe they don't think that it's a. widespread enough which I don't think. it's widespread I don't think it's an. epidemic right but I don't think I hate. crimes against anyone or an epidemic. when you look at the numbers they're. just not happening in Mass they're just. not. but this guy it showed he had praised. Hitler backed black lives matter and. called for violence against white people. so the mainstream narrative they don't. want to discredit you know BLM and stuff. like that so they kind of just it feels. like they kind of just back off of it a.

little bit but it's very hard for the. alt right because he's like [ __ ] white. people and then he Praises Hitler and. they're like well. well this is tough. this is tough. but you're going to see that more and. more. right because people are mentally ill. yeah. they're being let out on bail these bail. rules are interesting and. you know. I don't think people at Khalif Browder. who can't make bail should die in Rikers.

Island because he stole a backpack right. but you know what did this guy do he. tried to murder his uh wife he ran over. his ex-wife previously yeah and then how. long he's also a pedophile and then he. was out of jail when in a few days yeah. a cash bail of a thousand dollars that. might be a little light for running over. to wife he had allegedly punched the. mother of his child in the face early. last month and then drove over her. leaving tire marks on her leg a thousand. dollar dollars for driving over a woman. seems light.

to be honest. just from a purely Financial standpoint. a g. like you ran over what listen punching. her in the face all day that's G. that's a g. punch her in the face you're out with a. G I'm for that. she's popping off you're popping off. things get heavy one pop. you don't break her nose you don't do. anything like that you hit her once. again I am not for that but I understand.

thousand bucks a g hey. but if you run her over with a car. that has to be at least three thousand. dollars right yeah if you run over the. mother of your child with a car. you should have to pay at least three. thousand dollars to get out of jail and. do it again. if you really want to run over the woman. uh the mother of your child again with a. car it should cost you.

three thousand dollars at minimum. and the problem with not paying these. Lobel numbers is that people get out and. they do it again. and this guy this demon went and killed. a bunch of people in Wisconsin. and people that will listen to this will. go no well the Bell system's unfair it. may be unfair. it's also unfair to be walking in a.

Christmas parade and get slaughtered by. a maniac in his car that is also unfair. so in between those two extremes you'd. want to create a system that makes it. harder for a violent psychopath to go. back out and do the thing. he just did it he just ran over somebody. with a car five days previous five days. ago.

no you don't understand. again are these PL am I having political. is this a political ideology I'm. espousing I'm just talking like a human. being would talk. and you people impose your politics on. it because you're insane. but I'm having a discussion like I would. talk to anybody going yeah I get it.

people getting thrown in debtors prison. or whatever the equivalent of that yes. over parking tickets is [ __ ] absurd. that's no good. guy who runs over a woman with his car. being let out immediately on a a bale of. a g. goes and does. you commits an act of terrorism a week. later. that's a problem. figure that out.

it's not political. I don't think the idea that you don't. want people climbing in your house to. kill you is a political statement. if you say I'm against people climbing. over my uh fence and breaking into my. house to kill me I don't go oh yeah you. must be a right-wing nut. that's not political to me.

those are not political statements you. know. I'd rather my family not get murdered I. don't turn around and go must be a. Libertarian I just go oh it's a father. or a mother who doesn't want their. family uh to experience a home invasion. and this is why the Democrats are going. to lose again because the idea that this. [ __ ] is in any way political and isn't. just rational.

is crazy it's not political. to want to preserve the safety of. yourself and the people you care about. to the extent that you can it's not. political. you know it's just what it is. that's why I'm I'm excited about. violence in only one city. and I'm gonna guess which one. it's the one that I'm in right now. because it is a violent city it is a.

violent hellscape. other than the fact that it's completely. devoid of culture interesting people. the only interesting people here are. psychopaths. many of them billionaires. but it's also a city that is very. violent. and people getting shot stabbed. it is a dirty. filthy. Bloodbath. or as Chris Hedges would say a bacchanal.

he loves that word yeah the American. bakara it means like an orgy party yes. something in that vein yeah. I want you to go watch 20-somethings. Austin by the way. to say that we have raised. the least interesting. least capable. most basic generation of human beings to. have ever I'm more excited about the.

Zoomers the ones that are even younger. the ones that are nihilists Rambo yeah. get kids from radpoo I read an article. about the Minecraft kids and uh. who is it there's like there's dream. he's a mystery nobody knows who he is. he's got a mask and he's the biggest. Minecraft YouTuber on Earth and then. he's got a collection of friends that. are all like multi-millionaires and they.

all have millions of followers and one. of them's name is Ron boo Rambo and he. wears a mask and it's kind of hilarious. and another one's name is tubbo but he's. not that fat he's British British and. they just play Minecraft all day. and the kids give them money and good. for them hey. get it get it while you can. good for them. I have more faith in that generation. than whatever the hell. and I don't know if it's technically a.

different generation but like the. 20-something's Austin I mean these. [ __ ]. it is just uh grotesque uh one guy the. the stand-up comic who's uh not a. comedian. um. in any discernible way he's not and he. says to this girl went to Berkeley he. goes oh they're on a date he goes oh she. went to Berkeley so. you're a lot smarter than me and she. goes yes yes I am at that point I would. have grabbed her by the throat I would. have grabbed her by the throat okay.

truly I would have grabbed him by the. throat. and I would have said listen to me you. [ __ ] I could crush your larynx right now. do you understand me I'd look her right. in the eyes I could crush your [ __ ]. larynx right now who's smart now. it's a good show. if you watch it uh. as I have.

what now before we leave here and we we. know we will never really speak of this. place again once we are done. and because I know people are probably. sick of it already I'm sick of it and. I'm here. do you. do you want to say anything nice about. the Austin that you remember the Richard. link letter films the uh Alamo Draft. House. the pork ribs yes Spartan Springs used. to be awesome give me back what back. when it was before people moved here.

yeah I'm like I don't know Nick Mullen. lived here and liked it right or did he. like it I don't know I don't know I. think he did he probably did right he. said to me years ago it sucks and I. didn't realize how right he was but he's. right yeah back in the day you go to. Barton Springs there's no line you go to. Hut's hamburgers which is now like a new. Italian place like all those old spots. are just gone and people can't afford it. anymore and you've noticed this as well. it's as expensive as LA to live out here. so it's just it's expensive to live here. I mean how long were we in traffic today.

just trying to go yeah you know. you did it you've created what you want. you want hell. you got it. you know. but again this is this is this idea of. this city is being uh put out there it's. been put forth. by a guy with like a trillion dollars. yeah telling everyone how good it is. that he loves it. well maybe his experience here is.

different than yours. is that possible. is it possible that the guy with his own. spaceship. may be experiencing this place. differently than you are. Maybe. but the people that move here deserve it. it's not like a rare blood disease this. is something you choose and you deserve. and if you come here. no matter what happens you get shot you.

get stabbed. you work you flounder as a barista and. strum a guitar in some modern looking. Barn they've put up all these new houses. look like modern barns okay. and they should they should do in them. what they used to do in Old barns which. is just Club dead animals. you know animals that were dying. there was no more use for. my point is.

my point is if you if you this dog sucks. stop why does it breathe like this she. just licks too much of her hair and then. coughs it up like a cat why does she do. it she's just a very nervous uh neurotic. animal. she used to be in a field that's the. title of the episode nervous neurotic. animal. because. she's not the only nervous neurotic. animal. in this ZIP code.

she was better in L.A you brought her. here. now she's trying to be cool and hip. she's trying to [ __ ] read books. that she thinks will make her sound cool. she's trying to order uh things like you. know uh you know like uh different types. of uh. uh you know drinks from her favorite. mixologist. it's a grotesquery.

but it's really one of our last episodes. you have a few more episodes from here. we're going to try We're not gonna be. back in the studio until January. people have to know that. they have to understand that they have. to process that in their [ __ ] head. you're not gonna see me until January. but then you're gonna see us in a brand. new studio. how about that unless the Minecraft kids. come and save us let's go work for them. let's just go work for them I'd work for.

tubbo Turbo Ram Rambo Rambo dude what if. you left this podcast to go work for. Rambo. just a British psychopath wearing a mask. yeah what if you just I think he has a. thing he whatever has a problem with his. own face oh I feel bad now well it looks. fine but he doesn't think it does I. don't know it was in the article or. whatever okay point is I just think if. you came to me and you went listen I am. I've been thinking I really enjoyed what. we've built and the time we've spent.

together but. I'm going to work for someone else and. I'm like who and you're like Rambo. and I'm like the child Minecraft. streamer you're like yes. I'm like okay. you win some you lose some. timelacomedy.com we've only got a few. more dates left Sacramento Late Show. grab tickets to that San Francisco a few. tickets left Garden City Idaho cancel. The Late Show nobody bought tickets. sorry about that there is standing room.

at the first show we'll be able to get. everybody in you know who knew I didn't. have 20 000 fans in Boise Idaho who knew. yeah. you know my big markets are New York and. Chicago and Philly and Tampa and Dallas. and Miami in places where people live. um oh in San Fran and then uh Toronto. let's not forget New Year's amazing New. Year's Eve Toronto baby grabbed those. tickets. timberlakecomedy.com we're gonna go out. on and we're gonna have a fun do you.

know what we've got planned for that. show which show uh Toronto yeah we're. I'm doing a full set okay about a little. under an hour okay and then Michaela. Peters is coming out to kill her father. on stage. good night everyone.