#276 - The Squish | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show we have. uh an audio only episode for you we're. going to be doing video episodes. on mondays from now on that are going to. be released. uh mondays 9 p.m this one's a little. late. you know this is a big week on our tour. here i'm in new york city doing a show. at the beacon theater we're coming from. dc we've been living on a tour bus. um. but we have a new studio being built. in uh.

los angeles california so we're here. with ray. and ray has come over to the hotel and. he's brought his equipment hello. thank you for having me yeah well it was. a necessary thing to have you why cause. the equipment well that's part of it. that seems i mean i feel like people. like me well you insulted my hat it's. not a great hat you insulted you. look i see a hat now you you wear hats. sometimes now people see you in the. videos wearing hats occasionally with. your sunglasses i wear them frequently.

they're good hats this is you you have. this hat it's got an old-school mesh hat. but it's not even like a trucker hat. it's the kind of hat you buy at a gift. shop of a golf course when like you. forgot you get to a golf course and you. go oh i forgot my hat i'm afraid to get. in like leopard spots on my head let me. get a hat right and then and you you and. you're flaunting it to me i said oh. what's up with the hat what do you mean. well i'm not flaunting it you came in. and immediately started attacking well. you said this is a cool hat i'm like. well look that was a gift it's a nice.

gift someone get it someone gave it to. me it's fine it's a gift. all i said originally was like oh yeah. because that makes sense because it's. not the kind of hat i think you would. wear. are you are you do you are you acting. the way you're acting now like on a. pedestal because you're going to teach a. class at the university of austin. do you know what the university of. austin is i've heard of it barry. weisse's new online school is she. running it oh yeah oh wow. have you no no no no no no. the people that have been canceled from.

the uh institut. institutions of higher learning right. are it's like lex friedman and. takezinski the weinsteins. and barry and some of the people that. you're involved oh i mean. nuts. yeah some of the people at the. university of austin like me many do not. right i was not approached about the. university of austin what would you like. to have taught well here's the thing all. the people that i hate hate the. university of austin but what's great.

about me is i'm like. kind of. an ally of no one really right they. don't really want me involved in that. either if they offered you one of those. uh honorary degrees yeah would you show. up to accept i want a fellowship. what is a fellow i don't know. that's why i want it. i don't know but i i want more than an. honorary degree i want to be able to. teach a class oh so you want to be a. yeah i believe we can get we can kind of. apply.

to be students or be professors to be. students. at the university of austin i'm sure we. could yeah i don't think they're going. to turn our money away. i. wait what do you mean. by the way it. it didn't even dawn on me that there. would be money exchanged. like i didn't even think about the idea. that there would be like. financial i mean this is in case. all i saw on twitter was people sharing. like screen caps going like no we don't.

have accreditation we don't have like we. don't actually offer degrees per se well. here's where i will say the the. university system as countries is insane. sure the amount of money it costs to go. to school right how useless a lot of. these degrees are sure and i've talked. uh. you know all you know. ad nauseam about. um. the how corrupt. these uh institutions are in terms of. like the teachers raising their own.

salaries administrators raising their. own salaries professors people making a. lot of money uh they're in league with. the government guaranteeing these loans. kids putting themselves in an insane. amount of debt and it and a lot of these. schools not all of them but a lot of. them. everything is pretty one-sided. politically that's pretty sure i mean. the way i see it off top of my head. seems to be like saying like hey the epa. is not great at making sure your water's. not poisoned so just poison buy some. poison water from us i don't think like.

he's like oh like his degrees are. useless so like they're not better than. us. it's not an argument to buy your degree. yeah i don't think the university of. austin i don't think it's for people. that want degrees where they can. actually work right i think it's just. people that go we want to pursue truth. it's skankfest for brett weinstein it's. perhaps that it is but it's like people. that are going i wanna it's the. dedicated the mission statement seems to. be it's dedicated to the fearless. pursuit of truth. [Laughter].

that's the mission statement. veritas. so now i think it's all online can can. you get your phone or my phone we gotta. look this up. because. i hate the woke universities which we're. not even supposed to say woke anymore. what do you mean why well we're not. supposed to say them say the word woke. because we're not allowed to say. anything anymore what do you mean why. because today they just came out with.

the decree. uh you know one of the chicks from the. view is like you can't say woke anymore. because it's a dog whistle or whatever. who knows. dog whistle it's just like why look. everything is a dog whistle to these. people. so we but i'm saying i'm no friend of. the. blue haired. gender studies well that's more of a. dark whistle what the blue hair. i think blue hair is more of a dog. whistle than woke what is blue hair dog. wrestling you know it's just like that.

kind of like you know uh gender fluid i. i'm honest i hate them sure but i think. there's job i think woke is the most. like sterile way i don't care. that's fine that i'm just saying. i'm no friend to these people sure and i. kind of support the university of austin. but it is seemingly a little absurd what. happened to america that i got picked. between like two groups of hucksters. that's always been america i mean it's. always been america what do you what do. you want me to look up here you got your. phone the university of austin okay this.

is why the show doesn't work without a. producer. i want to know how to get in and if. we're allowed to get in. and what we can do. okay uh. what starts here changes the world now. let me ask you a question yeah should we. get into the university of austin right. and then start problems immediately oh. yeah and like start claiming. that we. are. non-binary and where we were like. sexually assaulted.

oh you mean like as students we started. saying like heather hire. like raped us. well maybe not her because that i don't. know how believable that is brett. weinstein. i don't know who. barry weiss. i don't know i just i think that we you. gotta you gotta start poking around with. not not outright rape accusations sure. but just little by little i was. misgendered. well. like. little by little just you play the game. a little bit just play the game i had a.

microaggression done upon me well. they're not playing that game over there. so it's gonna have to be the other side. what do you mean it's gonna we're gonna. have to start accusing people of being. this is what gay. mean like the other side right we're. gonna have to start accusing people at. the university of austin of like trying. to invite us to secret trans parties. okay they're hot like they're. self-hating trans people and they're. having these trans parties and they're. inviting us to them so they can sexually.

assault us what if i start slut-shaming. is that like a viable path no that they. you're going the other way like. university of austin is going to be okay. with all that. do you understand what i mean. conservatives are a weird thing because. sometimes they like it when you when. they people [ __ ] but then you know also. you call them [ __ ] we could call them. pig [ __ ] yeah we could start doing we. could start accusing people of being in. a mossad okay you know what go down. there road go down that road yeah you. killed diana we could start getting the.

race [ __ ] really crazy we could go like. there could be a lot of like racial. diversity on the campus well i mean like. we could start pushing into hard right. where they're uncomfortable. like to just shape a skull stuff yeah. you start pushing it there right just. see how far they'll go hey. how big is your lie. gerbils what how big is your. the big lie i was trying to do a gerbils. reference okay do that right it's a hard. enough usually hard right i can't do. that on the show that gets three.

thousand listens please five eight five. to eight okay. tell us how we can get in here okay. admissions and age undergraduate. admissions. let's see welcome to longhorn nation. what is that no this is not it you're on. the real one hey you're on. ray there's a real. uniform texas a m. like university or or like maybe it's. not texas a m there's a university in. austin. we're not talking about it.

the university of texas at austin that. right. we don't mean that get on twitter. go to twitter to the university of. austin on twitter okay. i'm sorry i'm trying to get into barry. weiss's college. it's the university of austin. with lex friedman. and uh. andrew sullivan's on it there's other. people let's go barry weiss first and. then yeah. there's a twitter. dedicated to this new college is barry.

white's off twitter what the [ __ ] is. going on here did she block you because. you're fat maybe. the official tweeter were kind of. barrier 56 57 000 followers that make. sense is this barry weiss why look i. don't know what you did what are you. talking about this little guy and this. is you barry weiss. no dude i'm joking i'm trying to fight i. mean are you what are you not fought. juden. you don't follow barry weiss what are. you talking about why wouldn't you why. what's to follow why because you don't. agree with her i don't i follow 400.

people i'm sorry i should follow more. people i guess okay i have it right here. okay i have the university of austin. right here up. now. i'm sorry it's on my home page. all right. but i'm trying to find out. i'm trying to find out what's going on. here. austin org. at austin or university of austin it's. been followed by 10 000 people already. here it is ready.

we're done waiting for america's. universities to fix themselves so we're. starting a new one. a university dedicated to the pursuit of. truth the fearless pursuit of truth. tyle ferguson heather hunt david mamet. joe lonsdale stephen pinker lex friedman. andrew sullivan. other people larry summers they get a. lot of people pedro. enron. no he does talent here oh okay.

what if what if it was just corporate. criminals. like passed out. andy passed out. ken lay's son in parenthesis um but it's. the university of austin. i mean. dave portnoy yeah look why not. you could be the gym teacher it would. just be a funny week to announce that he. was dave fournier. is he too toxic for them now i feel like. he's you know i feel like look i don't.

know what happened with him but like i. feel like he's a better person. i trust him more than any of these. people i i probably do as well dave. portnoy you know insider you know you. don't remember this kid uh that used to. work there was a comic this kid named. i'm not gonna say his name he used to be. a comic he quit comedy then he started. working for business insider he. interviewed me a few months ago yeah for. like an hour. and um the profile never came out i. totally forgot about it then he texted. me three days before the pornography. thing came out or like two days and he.

said listen. um. uh the reason it never came out of. business insiders they wanted me to run. a hit piece on you right that you were. some like reactionary comedian look i'll. say this i don't like the way they. marketed that story it's crazy. i've never seen that like i mean yeah. people give [ __ ] at the time you see the. times like like like promote a. particular story and get like pay gained. it like it's that's the most trashy. like unrespectable way to like do. anything just like throw it behind the. paywall to me was unconscionable.

also when you read the story there was. no crime committed right there there was. no suggestion of any crime committed. yeah there was no significance. yeah that he abused his power in the. workplace there was no suggestion that. he had an inappropriate relationship. with someone that worked for him or that. he had promised someone something. it just seemed very weak. yeah. sure did not seem like it was really. that.

you know and i think i didn't pay for. the article so i didn't see it when it. come no but there were screenshots i. didn't pay for it either don't imply. that i paid for it. you would have more money if you went to. the university of austin i agree. portnoy took a lot of eyeballs you're in. the sports world more than me he's takes. a lot of eyeballs away from. people like espn and stuff that you know. you know probably are not happy about. that he's an enemy of the new york media. uh. yeah i mean i can't say it's wrong i. mean yeah it sounds like that was just.

logical i mean you know uh. you you think it was like [ __ ] steven. a smith and uh. some of those guys espn i know i just i. don't think it's those guys i think that. they. people don't like disrupters i think. poor noises are destroying i'm a dude. he's he's a loud mouth he trashes he go. like he's not afraid when elon musk. was doing [ __ ] with the whole amc thing. for sure he's going after robin hood. he's going for this i mean he's not. afraid to rattle cages and so.

the idea that someone would retaliate. and this. wouldn't surprise me it's just same. thing as like what what we've done and. what i've done. with with podcasting it's like i don't. set out to. you know do anything other than make. people laugh but people end up getting. angry and then the show's done really. well so a lot of these new york media. types hate me too because they're broke. and they don't have anybody following. them and i have all these people. following what i do and i think. portnoy's in a similar. position.

i mean look it definitely seems business. insider has done nothing to make me. think it's credible that you know i i i. there's nothing like whether they change. the name for business insider to just. insider where they're like when that. happened. recently their past couple exactly came. out no it was a couple of months ago. they're basically like no we're a. tabloid yeah like inside edition yeah. we're like we're a tabloid. yeah i mean was business insider ever. legit mag i have no idea. yeah the guy that started it is like a.

disgraced guy who's banned from. trading oh really he's going at him on. twitter all that yeah i mean it doesn't. look porno is a scrappy guy people want. to see him fight they want to see him in. a corner fighting. and you watch that video of him. michael rappaport was suing him. and over that shirt he made and then the. warrior was giving him [ __ ] he's just. talking [ __ ] to the lawyer you'll give a. [ __ ] he doesn't care he's like he's a. boston guy you know yeah he's got money. yeah he doesn't give a [ __ ] why make the. money if you're not if you can take [ __ ].

from lawyers that's a great point you. know come on down to the university in. austin. will this have a physical campus. uh they they did there was some. screenshot about like how we don't. really necessarily believe in. oh no they they do want physical space. they like the idea of it yeah well you. need a brick and mortar yeah i mean it's. gonna be like a yeah it's extra little. caesars yeah. no it's gonna be like an h r block. yeah i mean. you're gonna need a brick and mortar.

sure yeah tax purposes for sure. no there should be like a quad where. people can hang out. look at the alley next to the little. caesar yeah. you're gonna have to have security. because antifa is gonna probably visit. that campus i mean look here's the. reality know the people you mentioned. they all have some money they don't have. endowment money they don't have that so. who's gonna bankroll this it's a great. point i mean prageru. they seem to be bankrolled by like some. kind of you know i mean the mega. churches or whoever i mean i'm not sure. who and also are they even a brick and.

mortar situation. i don't think prageru is a real you. but but i'm saying it seems like a more. legitimate step than whatever this is. going to be perhaps but i don't think. dennis breaker is. do you think anyone's going because i. went. nobody's walking into a job interview. going hey i went to prague or you i'm. sure. in certain areas of the bible belgium. the guy who started my school is talking. about how he wanted to contract cover. remember that dennis prager was like i. wanted to get it i was hugging people.

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in the worst case i understand but like. though at a certain point it's like i. have i i have had it. i have the empty bodies. i'm a little wary of just continuing to. just put covert in you know what i mean. look i mean i don't know it was. indefinite i i totally get that logic. and i'm not like i don't necessarily. agree with the mandates right or. anything like that uh me particularly. i'm not. on the cover of men's health this month. you know so. i might you know uh go one more booster. one more just tied me over for the.

winter yeah. booster for the winter. i got to think about it i think i have. the antibodies from actually having it i. don't i don't want the booster i don't. want to keep putting this in my body i. don't know if there's any real downside. to that uh well i don't know either. there isn't either nobody's gonna know. yeah the problem is no one's gonna know. yeah. there's a downside to the young people. getting myocarditis. hardship getting involved a lot of. people get my own cartilages. what are you talking about.

that's such a pfizer response hey hey. it's just a guided office hey a lot of. people get mario kart divers shut the. door shut the door. um. yeah but there people are losing their. minds i mean you know i'm backstage. getting ready to go out and do a show in. dc everybody had to show their vax cards. get in. and then these people are coming up to. me going to have your mask on if you're. not in the green room and it's like. something's going on here right. so people are going to get boosters and.

still keep their masks on so explain to. me what's going on. when is it just gonna be. mask forever. and boosters forever because i'm not. doing that right and i think most. americans. that are rational people don't want to. do that i think they got six months left. of where i could even like pretend like. six months i'm saying of like look i'm. not saying i'm six months i've been. wearing a mask all the time.

i thought you were like they got six. boosters left. if you can't cure me with five more. boosters including this one listen to me. six boosters left that's it i'm saying. this in six months. we're we're gonna be where we're gonna. be it's like we're not gonna fix this. well why aren't we there now uh. there was a lot of resist look these are. all narratives working out right so the. level the cases are not high i don't i.

don't look at case numbers but. kind of high in colorado weirdly okay. and then they keep saying like europe's. experiencing more cases than you look at. it's like 200. but here's my thinking. i'm not saying that anyone should you. know i'm not i'm not being skeptical but. it's like you know it's gonna get worse. in the winter it always does. so like the next spring it's gonna thaw. out it's gonna get better and then.

that's kind of where we're going to be. in my opinion but that's what we thought. last spring. you know i'm not saying what's going to. change i'm not predicting what's going. to happen i'm saying from my perspective. i understand but we're two cycles of. that line of thinking not working out. well the first cycle was very. contentious and then the second cycle. is it getting less contentious no but. look here's the thing here's the way i. look at it is regardless whether you. agree with a vaccine or not there was a. legitimate reason for them to go. we need a vaccine should we go vaccine.

hey we're going to try to push this out. we're going to try. even with the desperation mandate all. right give it a shot see maybe people. will just take it fine. you made your play right now it didn't. work out it's like a movie that failed. it's like you know when john carter came. out back in disney and bomb didn't keep. releasing the trailer for john carter. yeah you know so it's like. worth a shot. i just keep putting the trailer maybe. it'll excite them again right.

now what was john carter why did that. bomb so bad it was based on a story. called john carter from mars it was. about a man who. went to mars or came from mars what year. was this 2010 i think yeah it was a real. big bomb for them it was before they. bought the avengers i think so it was. yeah. there's there's part of me though i'm. getting a little sick of it and i don't. think i've got six months left in me no. i i'm saying for me like i've always. been a little more like look i don't. think it's going to poison me there is a. virus like i don't think i'm not con.

so i'm just like. but i'm saying i'm saying in six months. here's what i'm saying in six months. i'll start going out like this has got. to stop we're like i'm not i'm not quite. there yet i'm like look because like. he's a thing a lot of people are yelling. at each other. and like if you give if you give them. the benefit of doubt the cec [ __ ] makes. them [ __ ] up you know calls yeah but. like they tried. look i think they're doubling down on. something they know doesn't work.

i don't think this is worse i don't. think they know it doesn't work i think. it's like look but it doesn't work it. fades away after a while but it doesn't. work when you get it it does i know you. guys look they keep saying the breakaway. case or breakthrough cases or. but you are like rarer than like you. know that's wrong like you they're not. no some people got it but also everyone. that got it has been vac like a lot of. people a lot of people there are plenty. of them they've switched to narrative. now from breakthrough cases are rare. that they're not rare i don't think they. did that yes they did really yes i don't.

know what you want me to do you'll be. getting pitchforks now i'm telling you. in six months i get a pitchfork why do i. need to get a pitchfork now. i mean. i'm trying to be a reasonable guy but. it's it's not reasonable you're sounding. like a crazy person and i'm coming maybe. you're right i'm not of now sounding. like a lunatic i'm saying to you look. we'll fight the government in six months. you want six months to just get in shape. you're like i need a boot i can't do. that six months i can't do it i guess.

i've been doing the on the switch i've. been blue in the dance game what is that. they have a game where you hold the joy. con and you just dance around like. follow the motions. actually what is that. it's just are you sitting no i'm. standing i'm moving around you can tell. how you're moving it's called just dance. on the nintendo switch yeah so i'm i'm. spinning around my apartment. well that's dangerous as well sure but. yeah i mean it'll get a little in shape. a little bit yeah and you see you're. just spinning around dancing do you.

choose the music. they have popular songs i was dancing to. something it was uh like the weekend. this is what you do instead of the. booster. you don't need the booster you need this. game. and you just dance around your apartment. you shed the pounds they have the the. weird little hoop oh it was a fitness. switch fitness thing i was afraid the. hoop wouldn't you know go around my. stomach because it was like put it like. a hula hoop or something about it you've. always been an interesting fatalist like. you're an interesting fatalist like i. have all these weird like i'm hyper i'm.

a hypochondriac i'll get mri's i don't. need like i'm a weirdo like that you do. have an interesting element of and i. respect it and i want to be more like it. the fatalist. will be. sort of. yeah i mean i just i just feel like. things are simpler. a lot of the time like yeah look they'll. they make a big fuss for kennedy when. they want to kill him right and like a. 911 no no i don't mean conspiracy. theories right no. you right you're not you don't you're. not a guy that's like panicked about.

i mean i should be well sure no no well. that's i agree that's kind of the. question it's like well but the. interesting thing with you is like. you're paying about all the wrong things. too you admit that like you're paying. about like you know a rash when you. should be getting in shape yes i agree. so it's like yeah i i don't worry about. if i'm gonna get cancer i'm gonna get. cancer right that's how i view life yeah. we're gonna go to a doctor. i'm like have them check me out probably. they don't look. people get cancer all the time my mom. got like had cancer she survived but.

like five doctors told she didn't have. it and she was persistent that's a good. point you know like i mean what kind of. cancer did she have uh like ovarian. you know my point is like i'm not that i. love i love just the idea of that. because they i've heard that story from. many other people yeah we're literally. it's it's the most demoralizing thing. yeah and you know it's these [ __ ] don't. want to pay they just want them to drop. dead right and like literally like. people like your mother people that i've. met literally have to go and go no i'm. telling you i have cancer i'm bleeding. from places. i'm telling you it's cancer i googled it.

myself it's cancer i did years ago i had. a like a scare or whatever because i. thought my balls were lumpy so i went to. a urology first time i went to. my gp. and then he told me first go get a. sologram done so. some woman just rub jelly on me and. start scanning my balls i go to the. urologist he just grabbed my balls and. like they didn't even and i said i got a. sonogram done they said they didn't send. me [ __ ] they just gripped my balls and.

uh he said i was just swallowing glands. but for all i know i've had testicular. cancer for 15 years and this is growing. right i tried i went. and i was told i was an idiot. he looked at me like i was a [ __ ]. [ __ ] that's a good point yeah but do. you know why because none of these. doctors were educated at the university. of austin that's a fair point the their. dudes are gonna change they're blinded. by the woke things are. the long island. [ __ ]. that's that should be the [ __ ] the.

theme song one day by. just lex friedman and perry wise hanging. symbols together. blind jordan peterson blind. is he on board or is he an outcast now i. don't think he is on board he's the old. look it's a weird thing he's like the. only one that like he's like the star of. the bunch he went the furthest down the. road the crazy rabbit hole yeah but also.

still somehow by far the most. respectable for sure it's like so great. like i mean. he went to a moscow prison wherever it. was and like. it's over well documented but still like. when brett weinstein's [ __ ] you know. like chilling he's like you know and he. backs not whatever he's doing it's just. it's just like yeah i mean i listen to. jordan any day. jordan seems to be the most. intellectually. uh sound yeah of that crew. i guess harris is a neuroscientist but i.

just he was always you know but there is. a problem in academia right so how do. you deal with it because everybody in. academia has lost their mind you get. look accusing everyone's talking about. like student loan forgiveness yeah which. like i'm not going to go and debate i do. the people on twitter who go like well i. paid off my student loans what the [ __ ]. like you know i'm just screwed you also. you you got scrooge or everyone else you. get screwed that's the worst response. like anything like this you have to like. you can't just like wipe out 70 grand or.

someone's debt and the guy who paid it. off gets [ __ ] like this it's just not. society can't work especially if the. people whose debt you're wiping off are. actually wealthy people whereas that. guy's a blue-collar guy sure that that. either paid his own debt back or didn't. go to college and got a job as a. carpenter yeah. that being said. so maybe you do that well i don't know. we figured that out but what really. needs to happen is to stop student loans. at all right because that's it's just. like health insurance.

that's what causes this like this uh. spigot of like price going up because. like it's like. even now everyone's aware i mean i guess. less kids are probably going to college. or who knows though because and like. either way it's like well i guess i'll. just when you're not when you're 19 or. 18 you're just a furry you're going to. look i mean. excuse me i'll be one of the lucky ones. well you go by the time i get out of. here i'm going to have a great job. back everyone's telling me it's not the. case but you're like well these people. are morons i mean if you don't go to.

harvard or mit it's like pointless right. uh you i mean you'll get a job. you you'll need a college degree to work. at burger king for some reason but they. these crazy jobs require college. education but the only ones who actually. make real money now or like ivy you know. top level ivy league stuff so you just. wipe out these student loans you got to. get rid of the system. that allows these universities to build. these kids out of money right which is. the sallie mae yeah [ __ ] it's it's an.

endless spigot that like is your there's. no incentive to like keep it competitive. if they had to worry about what people. could actually afford. they would have to keep it in line and. why these campuses need i didn't go away. at school i wouldn't like to. uh. it seems nice but that being said like. how about you just go to a state school. local community colleges like why do we. need to go away well have this. experience it's a false experience. yeah who some people say occasionally.

he's racist. made a point that college is just an iq. test so instead of your employer giving. you an iq test they're saying where did. you go to college this was ann coulter's. point the other day and she was talking. on andrew sullivan's thing and what she. was basically saying is you endure the. four years of college uh because they've. outlawed the ability of an employer to. give you an iq test i don't know if. that's true or not i mean it's pretty. reductive and no it's not i mean there. might be some truth to it but like yeah. but here's my overall point my overall.

point is this like ignore the specifics. per se of that example sure i do believe. that there doesn't there seems to be. like there should be a way for an. employer to decide if they want to. employ you that doesn't involve you. waving a piece of paper. that says you went somewhere for four. years. and i don't know what it is i don't know. if it's an iq test i don't know what it. is but there should be some measure of. your ability because that's what. colleges college is job security for.

people you you should be able to say hey. yeah i'm confident smart i'll work hard. i'm this i'm that i think most people. who go to college it depends depends on. what you study like engineering yeah you. need to go right. and and and science type stuff sure but. a lot of stuff where like you could do. it like programmers or like you know. post-production like video stuff and. like and film stuff a lot of people like. me who've done or worse at it they're. actually like they're not the people who. have like.

what about the university of austin. college of crypto like it's one of the. colleges with the university that's one. that's like being a doctor so yeah you. should go to college for that's the. college of crypto it's like nft. university. why. don't you think because i fully believe. that if i went to college right i would. have had a completely different life. if i went away to if i want to wait a. college it's one of the biggest regrets. well let's be real yeah you know we know. how your 20s went why don't you discount. the idea that you would have just like.

partied your way out of the first year. of college i don't think that i would. have been as influenced and as uh you. know. i don't think i would have started doing. coke with a bunch of mortgage guys if i. was going to a liberal arts school yeah. when you were 13. yeah but i would do it. on and off but like a lot of the heavy. periods of time you're doing it with. other people that are doing it and i'm. not saying that it's impossible that. that would have happened but like had i. been influenced by a bunch of people. that were just like we smoke weed we do. this we do that this is what we do we. drink. i think a college experience i would.

have come out of the closet sooner. i wouldn't be a comedian. i wouldn't be funny right because i. wouldn't have had to be yeah i would. have probably learned how to live. earlier if i learned how to live are you. discounting all of this. uh are you saying that if you had gone. away to college you don't think you. would be a different man i might have on. a different path i might have gotten. better women earlier on i don't know uh. well you've gotten some lovely women i.

have look i'm doing fine so i'm not. complaining the woman that you went that. you went to the we're not gonna rehash. the story but when you went. to the flanders duck in long island and. you brought that woman arby's and she. kept calling her roommate carl right and. the girl she was a girl yeah she kept. calling her female roommate called the. writing joke they had i think i think. they were off-duty prostitutes right. which. i think they were on duty prostitutes. for money. for arby's yes well that's listen yeah.

the point is this you don't think that. you would have had. a better i don't know if it's better. but it would have been different well. the point i was making was i look back. and go i probably would have [ __ ]. lazied my way out of the first year of. college just like it basically did i. went to like local like community. college for years and like barely went. to class what do you mean you went for. years i went for like the topic for like. a bunch of years i did too i'd go in and. out of nasa right and you didn't like it. why didn't you you're sitting here i.

enjoy parts i remember you look my legal. knowledge a lot of it comes from i i i. have a paralegal uh the question so many. people have for you is that you're so. intelligent right but. you never liked schooling it's very. interesting to find someone as smart as. you that never liked schooling here's. what it is i'm surprised i know like i. i'm smart i know how smart i'm not. uh i'm smart enough to be bored by the. beginning of a class. and not smart enough to not need to pay.

attention to like. throughout the class right like oh this. is boring and i tune out right and then. like and there's some people who like. yeah when the test comes like yeah i'm a. math genius i'm not that guy i'm like oh. i should have paid attention like. two-thirds of the way through but it's. even bigger than that because you never. felt it's a pattern i have well you just. never fell in love with the institutions. of learning like you i i i i was very. skeptical of professors i i if i didn't. so weird because. you've made me out to be this right-wing.

lunatic but like no it happened when yes. you have when. you say that you were skeptical of. professors. why because they're teaching at a. community college yeah it's an arc well. i agree with you it's the archetype of. person that would become a professor. right you know and and you know at a. community college. uh you know i like i mean i was always. i've had some of the worst i've been. wanting my dad to say like those who can. do and those who can't teach it's a hack. thing but you know it's like it's not a. hack it's true it's true but i mean i.

had a public like i mean we had one. class called i forget what it was called. it was cool it was like a communications. class it was like a speech class right. and the professor's name was like. professor ghoulianello. and she was just like he was like she. was just some italian and she would come. in with like you know those boots those. long island boots that like they go up. to your knees and you can scrunch them. down. they're weird they look like witch hats. those brushes. and she would walk in every day and. she'd be like.

her whole thing would she be like she'd. be like and if you place your eyes i. will know. like she would just spend like 10. minutes. threatening the class about what would. happen she would just tell stories she'd. be like and this girl. she plagiarized the whole thing and she. thought i would know. well i knew. and this was the caliber of person you. would get. teaching at community college a high. school teacher uh it was an english. teacher very very fat guy yeah and he.

used to rest his like uh hands his. little hands on his big fat stomach yeah. and he. a community college teacher and he was. telling for no reason i don't know why. he brought up like this girl tried to. uh you know. failed the final and she offered me. sexual favors and i had to tell her no. what what is going on. why are you telling us yeah. um he wants he wants other people oh. yeah he's put he's planting the seed. he's putting it out there yeah.

yeah no. i i just i was never excited by i think. part of it was my sexuality i felt like. if i went to college i would be forced. to confront who i was instead of being. able to just kind of like. make a lot of money in the private world. and lie my way right through life which. was the plan up until i turned 25 and i. said over an hour what like what you. realize this is i can't imagine i don't. think but i could have been a lot of. different things i don't that's not true. i believe so you don't think so you.

could become different things but this. is the most raw version of you perhaps. like uh like i could be this is me i. could be less fat but i'm basically who. i'm supposed to be that's true. you know it's like i'm not like yeah you. could have like all the other versions. would have been like false avatars or. whatever like you in a business. environment or you in an academic. environment perhaps i just like to play. around with the ideas of you know life. going another way yeah look i mean the. past is the past and uh.

is it. is. is it or is everything available at the. university of austin. i just by the way is all this because. rogan just moved to austin. why is it the university of austin. what is this craziness by the way let's. address that for a minute. what in god's name is this i know lonzo. lives there and friedman might and wrote. like what is this.

why are we constantly jerking off austin. musk is also there and they're trying to. get on that train okay yes that's kind. of what it does seem that way. musk's got a lot of money people are. trying to that's a good point they're. seeing how somehow this relates to what. he's doing kids who look i'm assuming. that tesla hires people sometimes i have. mit right rit's also a good school. things like that wait until sometimes. wait till musk hires no one from the. university of austin well my point is.

yeah so but there's going to be a class. of people yeah who don't do that well in. school in high school they know their. parents look. tesla's musk is there you send me to the. university of austin yeah i spent a. couple of years networking meeting these. guys at bars right doing coconut gas. teacher with them i get a connection. you know. there's a lot of ways of skidding this. calf right right yeah. ah yeah i just play around with the idea. that if i had gone to college i would.

have had maybe a little bit of a. different life you never you never do. that you never look back and go what. could have been. look i think about i i don't what i'm. not a regret driven person. no i shouldn't like you could argue i. i'm the biggest candidate of you know. why regret. i don't believe you're the biggest. candidate of regrets. okay that's this crazy thing to say. but let's for a minute speculate. think about an alternative life yeah. what what describe it uh visualize it.

you know look i i i applied the sunni. purchase for the film program okay but. it was hard i didn't realize how it was. more competitive in nyu i think it was a. film program that seems insane but. there's like with less people there's. less spots you know. um. but let's walk it out the point is but. they they did offer like you can go to a. regular school you're like we'll accept. you into the school because i had to go. like an extra interview observatory and. you said no i think look i want to do so. [ __ ] you so i went to hofstra for a year. for film. bad bad bad news so.

your whole thing is why don't you stay. home but staying home is horrible. usually it wasn't great have a job. around no it wasn't great i i think. about that. here's why this is let me let me let me. break it down for you in long island. this is why you can't live at home your. parents want you to fail right this is. the reality your parents in long island. are deeply invested in creating an. environment that makes it more likely. that you will fail right truly i wasn't.

allowed to go my dad's car insurance. because i wanted to have a signed risk. yeah 500 a month that's crazy they want. you to die and fail. listen. if i asked. if. i asked to take like uh a car to the. library to print something after school. by hand would be like you're gonna get. in that car and you're gonna kill. someone they're gonna sue they're gonna. take the house they're gonna like. there's there's just this idea that. leaving your.

uh home. is essential because then your parents. who've spent their entire lives just. trying to destroy you knowingly or. unknowingly can't affect you as much. right. that's the way i look at it i agree look. i mean i i i think my parents are less. uh had it in for me less than yours but. like i don't think they helped you. they banned well. sure. and uh i mean i don't think they hurt i. don't think heard you i don't think they. were. like i i've heard no evidence that they.

were hurting you but i don't over. protective in a lot of ways but uh. there was i was kept in a bubble to a. certain extent i believe in santa's way. too way late of an age i'm just saying. from what i know about your history it. could have went better sure it could. have went better. look maybe i was shooting you know a. little. if i went away to school i wouldn't have. had to have a car and sit in traffic on. the way to hempstead every day that's. right uh yeah so i probably wouldn't. have like i mean the first year of.

school at hofstra i spent a lot of time. just going to the video library they had. this weird little room with like four 13. inch tvs with the combo. and i would watch anime most of my first. year of school. smoking weed on the top level of the. national community college. i'm sorry the the uh the roosevelt field. mall the top level of their parking. structure with a kid named kenny and. another kid named buns yeah and then we. would get the ranch one chicken and. cheese right amazing i was amazed.

instead of going to the class at suffolk. i would go to costco and eat the food. court yes i mean you eat the whole food. i love chicken chicken bacon. this is what i mean about. those who are our comfort zones yeah. that was your comfort costco was your. comfort zone sure that's where you were. home right you felt like you were home. when you ate that chicken bank when you. walked into costco without a family. without anyone to feed without any type. of list of groceries to get and you sat.

down in the middle of the day and ate a. chicken bake you were home don't forget. like you have to like. show your id no i had a membership yeah. actually i didn't even but i would just. beeline until the exit when people are. watching and they go. i'm just going to the food court and. they were just like i would just like. brush past them yeah so i was what is. the costco chicken bake. uh it's it's like it's like a pastry. like a hot pocket with chicken like a. chicken pot pie in a hot pocket kind of. but what i mean about this is this is.

not the college experience you see what. i mean yeah me getting high. on the. at the top level of a mall parking. structure and you. eating a chicken bake at costco. we're not growing in anything socially. intellectually spiritually i mean i was. listening to the audio books at the time. don't. i had such regret i had a friend i had a. best friend once named joe clark we're.

not that friendly anymore we talked when. i was living in palm springs we chatted. briefly. and i wasn't like his brother died. tragically in a car accident i wasn't. really there for him but like i came out. of the closet he kind of wasn't there. for me like we were just not you just. grow apart right we have here behind. this door. it's joe. but. what my point was that he went from.

nassau community college to cornell. which was a good step it's a big step. yeah and i went into the mortgage. industry and i had such pangs of regret. and i felt so insecure right that he was. at cornell and i. was a [ __ ] loser. that he was able to now now let's be. honest. i think i think you know it's i think. i've evened it out quite a bit and then. some yeah but and then some let's see. let's be honest.

he's he's just a lawyer. you know what i mean [ __ ] joker i [ __ ]. him he's just a lawyer and i i and i. know the vast majority of the staff at. the university of austin. that being said i still love dr i'd like. to be close with him more but. she's an interesting little guy but the. point is that. didn't you ever feel. inferior. because you didn't go to school no i. always had a uh. over-inflated perhaps sense of like i'll.

get i would listen i would be like. cutting class at the costco but. listening to the wealth of nations on. audiobook. so it's like you know that's this is why. you're fascinating okay let's get let's. almost delve into this yeah because this. is truly fascinating right it's amazing. it's it's almost like if there was a. character that summed up the decline of. the american empire okay. you're in a costco that you shouldn't be. in. you're not feeding a family.

you're listening to the wealth of. nations audiobook. which probably pertains to something. you're learning. and you're interested in things you're. interested in the why this all works the. way it does right why does this 10. gallon jar in mayonnaise how does this. work what is it what's the markup. division of labor all of that now you. yet don't apply that knowledge it's so. interesting to me that's the fascinating. thing about you i always had grandiose. but you're brilliantly funny thank you.

and i i here's a part of the problem i. always had grandiose like people when i. was making movies i i i have a few. failed feature-length films and people. go why'd you make a short movie it's. like ah i don't i i can't sell a short. film now you to be fair youtube wasn't. really around back then so like now it. seemed common sense yeah make it a. little short when were you making them. uh right on the iraq war but it was. around no a [ __ ] you do get like oh. 506. okay which is the kind of one of. those kind of certainly wrapped up. it just missed a youtube train i mean.

there was like something called adam. films you could have done stuff but i i. felt. to be critical of myself i felt like i. was too good to make short films or it. just didn't appeal to me so i'm trying. to make i'm trying to wrangle people i'm. not paying with no money and like maxing. on a couple credit cards to make like a. two like an hour and a half movie which. is insanely. even if everything goes well then it's. even going to be good but the logistics. are even getting it done like so that's. the kind of thing i did a lot i had. these grandiose ideas instead of just. putting the work in.

and like you know and learning over time. like you know i'm reading the world of. nations instead of like you know going. to economics class i'm i'm [ __ ] you. know it's like i did get my [ __ ]. together at one point and doing. paralegal stuff and stuff if you had. graduated i got into stony brook i went. there for a semester interesting and. then i just stopped going to class to. become a friend. suny purchase yeah i feel like yeah i. agree what is the version of you that. you think would have been a filmmaker. um. if things just went a little what do you.

mean like. like i i. think of myself and i say. i could say the version of me that's. successful in business. is uh. not a happy version of me sure but it's. a version of me that i can. i could approximate like i could draw. lines around it go that's what it would. kind of look and feel like what is the. version of you that's that. like went the film rude i tried to right. i mean like you mean like went to film. school.

i just did like i went to hofstra i was. he's a part of the problem with me. i'm really bad at like little things yes. like. showing up on time to meet with your. advisor to get classes before they close. out i didn't do it. my freshman year and then like you know. before freshman year and then like in my. life you know it was funny yeah but so. basically by the time i met my advisor. and i got around to it like they keep. telling keep going i'm like fire it'll. be fine and like and like i can finally. meet with him big idea guy well yeah i. finally meet with him he's like well you.

didn't do any film classes your first. year right you probably won't do it your. second year maybe your third year and. i'm like well [ __ ] this right uh when i. went to the nassau community college. advisor and he would sit down and he'd. i'd like i'm like i'd like this class. because that's full yeah you guys you. have to go to this class you have to go. to that class why was it full because. you didn't show up on time. i didn't show up on time yeah because i. was out there doing drugs yeah yeah same. idea so it's like you know i never. learned self-discipline in a cohesive. way.

do you think people like us had we. learned self-discipline it would have. hindered the type of things that. we do like if i had learned. self-discipline i was able to discipline. myself yeah would i have done would i. have been what i am no no no right you. your entire existence right now correct. and which is a great existence yeah. it's fine it's not that great well i. have material things yes right i love. some material things you'll get some. yeah but then you'll realize they don't. matter i know i won't realize that yeah.

the point is. the point is like but whatever you have. is like. it's based on your kind of whirling. dervish kind of like you're you're. always floating around you you're. mercurial you're changing the dime it's. what makes you funny it's part what's. part of what it's part of the package. but if you were sitting around like you. know and like you know no we got like. you're like you're spontaneous you're. you can be erratic these are the things. that may like i sit there uh. and i look at compared me to you and.

like and i'm not like a big [ __ ] or. anything but i'll [ __ ] consider going. like oh you're freaking me if i do this. i'm am i gonna get canceled i don't. actually think it in my head but there. is that less i'm i like to think of. myself as a crazy man and. start yelling at someone i do start. yelling at people at stores. uh i i i try to get in the fight. sometimes but like i'm not as like. free. yeah as you for instance right. i am more free and i don't yell at. people at stores usually i don't think. there's i've yelled at a few people at. stores but there's not much i don't mean.

like clerks i mean like other customers. right no no one's accused but see even. then when you're making that distinction. you're afraid of getting cancelled. by some marxist who's like you're you're. yelling at the proletariat or whatever. that and you're like uh no i'm. actually yelling at others i started. screaming an old woman once because she. was giving [ __ ] to the guy at the post. office yeah and i just started saying. i started screaming shut the [ __ ] and. she's like yeah yeah she's on her side. i'm like no you you [ __ ] [ __ ] stop. choking him and i started.

yeah what is this scene out of the. grapes of wrath who's this for. our one time i saw this cop beating the. goddess this is all that i've gotten. between them i don't think i sound great. yelling like you should get cancer with. old woman no what i'm saying is like. when i'm just elderly i just like to. play around with the idea of like. perhaps it could have went differently. that's all sure. things could have gone differently yeah. but i got lucy my girlfriend's great. i'm happy and i told you i get the.

podcast i think you should move to. austin things are we're making i'm. making moves to do that. i've said nothing but positive things. sure look i've never. you were like the ambassador for austin. i love it yeah i like the two. restaurants and the university of. university do they have uh like a pizza. hut. yes they have all that here's the thing. you would kind of fit in sure because. there's a lot homeless there.

that's a big part of it but more than. just aesthetically right. you could get into the life that even it. would be harder for me to get into of. like. hunting and woodworking oh i would like. to have they actually have that there oh. you can do it okay i thought i don't. even really do that there no you you if. you live out where i'm telling you to. live 20 minutes out like one minute. i'm telling you the hunting and the. crash. maybe yeah i don't get involved but the. point is like we should fish sometime no.

maybe. go to florida yeah i'm gonna do that in. texas i don't like lakes sure what are. we doing but my point is like there is a. life. that you that you might like. yeah no i look i like the outdoors or. the idea of it i'm an eagle scout that's. true yeah i have a fishing rod badge or. woodworking mirror bit i'm stacked with. mirror badges so it's like i just don't. think this i don't think we should. dismiss this university velocity because. maybe. there's a world where we go back to. college and become the things we were.

meant to be where barry weiss accepts us. into her bosom. embraces us can you picture a moment. yeah. where. me and you were getting diplomas and. barry weiss is softly crying. looking at us because she's so proud. right. what what what are we majoring in who. cares do you think they're gonna ask. that. do you think that's what this is about. we're majoring in the fearless pursuit. of truth have you not paid attention it. was like a youtube seminar.

david dobrik's teaching how to [ __ ]. not rape. your philosophy classes and saying make. sure you cut clips and add subtitles. and put them on twitter right listen. it's a philosophy subtitling class. so when i added up what i pay every. month for cable plus at premium channels. on top of what i pay for on-demand. streaming services i was shocked. man it was like a lot of money hundreds. of dollars i wanted to trim my tv and.

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with the tim dillon boy here's the deal. versus is a game. and it is a fun game and what it allows. you to do is make predictions. i assume many of you know the answer to. these questions and right now there's an. opportunity to make money on your. knowledge look no further than versus. game. it's an app a lot of people i know are. talking about it a lot of them use it it. lets you win money for being right. imagine a social media feed where every. video is a question which is two. possible answers you can play these. questions for real money against other.

people you can vote on each poll for. free but you can also play the any of. the game anywhere from one dollar to a. hundred dollars per question there's no. odds it's just one verse one you against. someone else you can bet on anything. literally anything versus will even find. someone out there to match your better. your money back. swaggy boy q is asking whether nfl. player henry rugg's dewey sentence. resulting in a death. will have his prison sentence announced. by tomorrow so you can ask anything you. could say what kind of shirt is kyle.

rittenhouse going to wear to court you. can even make your own games about. anything on any topic that people will. bet on you get a cut so the more people. play the more you get paid you got to do. something that has a you know an. immediate kind of answer right or like. within a certain period of time right. there are 7 million users they've given. over 16 million dollars in prizes right. you can you can bet on anything and when. the answer is jazlane maxwell gonna be. convicted like. and when the answer happens you either. win or lose and people are really. winning and winning a lot of money.

and i'm excited about it because i like. making predictions i've made a lot of. really predictions that have come true. when i said music will be a big jiggling. ass and then lizzo performed in front of. a big jiggling ass at the american music. awards i really make predictions and. these predictions come true more often. than not it's scary how accurate i am. you kind of predicted covet remember you. and giannis yeah my predictions are. scarily accurate okay scarily and that's. why i think i can make a lot of money.

with the versus game i just have to find. the right games and you can bet with me. or bet against me but. versus game is a way to earn money by. being correct and i'm never wrong. so i feel like i'm gonna end up being. the jeff bezos of the versus game we're. gonna come up with some cool games to. get people involved but it's easy. so. pull out your phone and go to the app. store and download versus game right now. and play my bats the versus game one. word with no space they'll even give you.

five dollars towards your first bet with. the overcoat tim that's. v-e-r-s-u-s-g-a-m-e. offer code t-i-m for five dollars. towards your first bet that versus game. offer code tim t-i-m. um. you know we could do like when. like when will whitney cummings be found. in a bathtub. like a font like you know what i mean. like fun yes yes. alex warren from tick tock is asking if. netflix will renew the high pass show.

for a second season by december 20th. well it hasn't even premiered right. but that's a you know people can ask any. things. you know. radar online is asking whether tourist. spelling and dean mcdermott will. announce a divorce by november 30th. you can play any game you want someone's. private life it's a game. the future of someone's family it's a. game.

everything's fair game on the versus app. game. it's fun it's fun. they're not going to know about it. it's fine. will someone's cancer come back. it's on the versus game. it's fun it's a fun game. you know. will the american system of government. collapse within 36 months. you can win money with that. you might win money.

you might win a few bucks with the. versus game and we're gonna do some. games what do you bet what about you. maybe people will start asking will ben. leave the show well ben quit well yeah. the the immediate one is like will ben. kill tim uh will ben's wife kill tim. neither one of you gonna probably kill. me but you know. uh. it'll be interesting to see what. you know what what uh youtube have. cooked up. so i mean just download the versus game.

it's very important you know. there's seven million people doing this. it's backed by luminaries such as mark. pincus kevin hart william. jeffrey katzenberg mark burnett josh. richards from sway house do they write. josh richards from high pass he's from. sway house people are idiots. the winklevoss twins and peter thiel. look at that wow what a crew we know the. winklevosses yes they were so lovely in. that episode they gave one-word answers.

for an hour and then me and jake paul. talked about ethereum. uh which was a lot of fun actually. and peter thiel who started palantir and. you know they're on the up and up. so uh. you know versus game. it's a good game. the horrors of the world. you can bet on them now. instead of trying to fix them or believe. that your elected representatives may. one day change the laws to make them. less likely to happen you can bet on.

things happening. you know. when will we be required to have another. coveted booster so we could go outside. how soon will the secret prison start. at what point will the camp roll out. happen and who will go in first. these are all fun games to play on the. versus app right until the phone is. smacked out of your hand by the military. loading you onto a truck.

anyway. versus game go download it i wanted to. do the uh the guys uh gofundme too that. reached out. yes the guy who had the aneurysm. yeah. okay so can we talk about that yeah you. have it. yep i got it right here so uh this guy. reached out and uh he wanted to pay for. an ad but no we're. you know he's lucky his brother's luck. he had symptoms of an aneurysm he's able. to get it drained that's very rare yeah. it was his cousin it's very rare that.

you have symptoms of something like that. before it becomes a you know kind of a. fatal event. a brain aneurysm and uh so the guy's 28. years old yeah so he said uh you know we. don't have any copy this guy's name is. joshua. uh nothing specific to mention other. than we need all the help we can get the. final building will likely be hundreds. of thousands after this [ __ ] i'm. telling you right now i'm in the. healthcare system is so [ __ ] satanic. in this country. that as much as i hate these lefty. [ __ ] weirdos that make you wear the.

masks it's like i i i just believe that. it's such an evil to have a healthcare. system that just completely destroys. your life because you had a blood vessel. pop in your brain right i mean it's just. it's like disgusting but that's where. we're gonna help this guy out tell tell. so i'll put a link in the description. obviously but no this is this what's. this guy's name kyle rittenhouse. this guy's name is nick nick. and we're trying to help uh with this.

assistance here we're trying to raise. about 60 dollars here it would be good. if you guys could donate to this this. guy's a good dude he had symptoms of a. brain aneurysm they said he had a. massive one mm-hmm and they were able to. he went in for surgery right mm-hmm can. you read it ben yep so we are raising. money for nick's medical bills and cost. of living while he's not able to work on. the morning of october 27th he suffered. severe symptoms as a sudden increase in. body temperature vomiting severe. headaches he's only halfway through his. battle a recovery period estimated to. last two weeks in the hospital at times. painful especially in the beginning he.

has health insurance but will still be. responsible for a hefty percentage of. his treatment and stay at the hospital. in addition the cost of living and. support his family is not something that. can be put on pause so he has kids he. has a he has a family he's a whole thing. so how do we help this guy i'm going to. donate money and i want everybody go. fund me it's a public gofundme okay so. what is the gofundme because i want. everybody that's listening to this show. if you can. donate some money to this guy like let's. really show this guy that we can help. you out i will pin the comment in the. youtube channel and if you're listening.

on apple or spotify it'll be in the. description at the at the top above the. description so you can't miss it yeah. and they want you to roast him it says. here. uh which i i don't know how you exactly. right this is what i we're not doing. that this is you know it's like we're. trying to help. you know what i mean it's like i. understand what people want you know. it's never enough is it you know well. here laughter is the best medicine yeah. is it well then don't won't give the. money. how about that. no i'm not going to roast on command.

here we're trying to help jesus christ. roast them i don't know what the funny. angle is here about a guy having a brain. injury. you know i'm sure there is one but i i. i'm not finding it. i'm trying to help. i love that why don't you roast them hey. pig why don't you dance hey we're gonna. raise a little more money now okay how. about that. let's tug at some heartstrings what do. you let me sell okay. my brain works. i'll sell. anyway i you know i want to help this.

guy we're going to help we're going to. raise money for him okay i don't know. anything how am i going to roast him i. don't know anything about him. what am i going to say oh this guy's. vessels don't work cool. rose comedy's dumb it's for dummies. okay. smarten up. please. had enough. you try to help people all you do is get. bitten everybody just smacks in the face. it's never enough you know. he sent me three emails where he he says. it would mean the world to him to be.

tossed into flames by tim for a moment. so by the way i wonder if this guy's. just a dick and wants me to just like. roast this guy who had a brain aneurysm. is this guy like a dick or is he trying. to help the guy no he sent the receipts. on facebook and stuff to prove he's real. and stuff. it's good no i believe he's real um. i don't see what there's anything to. roast here. i i don't know what to do. brilliant aneurysm more like. like what what do we do here.

you know. this is him i mean here's a picture of. him if you want to you got any got any. quick roasts on him let me see i mean. the guys looks young about as far as the. laptop can go right there dude he looks. like a kid he's in his 20s. god he looks like a young guy. man oh he's got a kid no i'm not in the. mood for the roasting folks. i'm not in the mood. got my own problems. roast you guys thinking a hospital bed.

roast them no. help them give them [ __ ] money. the guy's name is kyle rittenhouse. he was experiencing. flu-like symptoms and a rising body. temperature so he bought a gun with a. stimulus check and headed to kenosha. wisconsin. now he's in all kinds of trouble. gofundme kyle rittenhouse but they. raised a lot of money for the written. house defense right. yes i believe it was uh wasn't it owen.

troyer that was raising money for the. guys. was it happens or people were maybe. raising money for perhaps i forget. there's several ones that could have. been. [Music]. hey folks january 21st huntington new. york i'll be at the paramount theater. coming back to long island 7 p.m. on january 23rd i'll be in red bank new. jersey at the count basie theater 7 p.m. how great is this artist pre-sale. wednesday november 10th 2021 at 10 a.m. password fake biz this is the best way.

to get the cheapest tickets pre-sale. wednesday. uh 11 10 20 21 uh 10 a.m password fake. biz not case sensitive and the on sale. is friday november 12 2021 at 10 a.m. thank you. but my point is this. i was never i've never walked. across the stage right and got a diploma. i didn't i i got kicked out of high. school uh by catholic high school.

because you said you're going to blow up. a woman's uterus yeah i mean it was said. jess of course but you know it was taken. it was rancher columbus i did it i you. know i went to my graduation high school. but i'm not i'm not that doesn't count. oh i didn't go back high school. graduation i know you were thrown out. but i went to public school after that. and they they all the kids like people. like me because i knew how to build. mystery like who was this guy coming in. here in the middle of senior year what. happened and i i i i teased it and uh. what'd you say. i i i was very coy about it it was very. much like you know uh i didn't say i.

wasn't i may have threatened a woman no. like what is it i didn't leave with that. i may have threatened i don't remember. what i said i do remember some of the. cooler people. uh. kind of like they took me to lunch one. day at the pizza shop they drove me to. the pizza shop and they blasted rap. music and then. and we had a nice dinner but i don't. think i made a great impression at the. at the pizza lunch because like. that didn't keep going on i think. someone's like yeah cold and sick that.

day so i got his spot but the point is. but i wasn't just sitting there alone i. mean i did sit alone in the cafeteria on. purpose and uh but they were all saying. why don't you come to graduation like i. barely went to the school but i could. have gone but i didn't and i do wonder. i've never held a diploma in my hand. should we remake the movie lae where we. play every part yes you know yeah i mean. where either me or you yeah is playing. every part of the movie l.i.e. i mean.

with with uh brian cox can we get brian. cox to play so his partners. he's good he was the kid. that wasn't pulled down though yes it. was really looking like he was the main. kid he was a main kid oh wow look it up. ray. mr film buff i mean i saw that movie. when it was disturbing. what was disturbing about it it just had. a very like it had a very i mean there. was some child [ __ ] going on right. yeah but it wasn't even like i agree. that the premise is completely.

disturbing about like his pedophile. driving around but like to me. like. i don't know this accident statistics. like in the beginning i feel like it. kills everybody the little guy it was an. eerie blink movie it was you know is. there a win. on the island expressway there's lanes. going west there's lanes going east yeah. and there's lanes going straight to hell. the character of the father was amazing. going to jail yeah everything was uh. disturbing about it i agree it was a. vibe to that movie it was a very it.

almost felt like they were promoting. pedophilia. i mean. did it feel like that no i mean i'm not. saying i'm not saying it's a pedophile. movie i'm just saying it didn't feel. like uh it felt it almost this is what. it did feel like it felt like saying. parents in long island are so bad you. might as well just choose a pedophile. that's literally what it was saying. that's someone who spent like five. minutes in long island and went you know. what the best thing that happened to. these kids would be a pedophile right. that is paul daniel by the way i know i.

didn't realize but. i'm just imagining a a spring. years from now yeah when there's no more. covered right okay in six months and. heather hyng is handing you a diploma. yeah and christina hoff summers and. andrew sullivan or katie herzog or. lex friedman or david mammoth whatever. david yeah he's involved too is he he's. involved lawrence summers isn't like. blind gary guys involved they're all. involved it's gonna be big where did.

mamma get into this this guy this guy's. got a career what's he doing no because. you you you you always underestimate how. far the other side's gone. you don't understand how crazy the other. side is the woke yes yeah but he's a. legitimate filmmaker yeah but that. doesn't exist anymore they're not. letting anyone make legitimacy i guess. he's another movie in a while i didn't. love heist. my point is that you carry water. for the last i didn't i just didn't. realize i don't mean the real left i. mean like these liberal power seeking.

lunatics yeah i didn't i just i just. thought you still had a career as my. point. what i'm saying is that. the university of austin is not without. its problems. okay. but. in terms of. this is your new home. look i am fully. committed to uh. accepting a adjunct professional role. uh yeah perhaps you know what if i. split off yeah if i join the university. of austin yeah and i open up something.

called the university of san antonio and. i take like hardcore alt-right people. like david damagu like owen benjamin. hardcore hardcore richard spencer like. the hardest of the hard yeah. that's uh it was a move it was a schism. in the university of austin we went our. own way. do you call the university of austin at. san antonio yes. tell people where they can support what.

you do we have the comp podcast it's. really uh it's it's really hitting its. stride this year it's uh phenomenal me. and lucy steiner we're just killing it. every week he's definitely tuned in for. that on uh youtube or wherever we get. podcast comp uh we also have a patreon i. think ben will put the link in the. description. so you can get an extra episode every. week for that and support the com pocket. so just check those out uh raycomp on. twitter and instagram check them all out. please also. um.

we're at the vegan theater. yes and we sold out yeah. but i'm very excited to be part of this. very fun we're gonna do a podcast. at the end of the stand up it's gonna be. phenomenal it i'm excited i don't know i. think it always is but it'll be good we. make magic happen it'll be exciting what. if we don't stop talking like what if we. do three or four hours like should we. just do it until people walk out. i mean see that you want to talk about. something that would kind of be amazing.

i mean there's a problem we're living in. a fomo culture. so with like how many of these people. would just stay because they're afraid. of missing something great. that's a good point and we just don't. give it to them ever yeah we just keep. there's nothing great coming. what if we we get to the point where. we're just. we do the 30 minutes but where the text. not working. the text like the tech oh right the. podcast isn't working.

[Applause]. so. it was an abortion that i i couldn't pay. for. yeah like i think there's something. funny to the idea of just ben like. running around losing his mind and of. course we just play you know we know. that we can get the tech working if we. we want but we don't can we get a fake. gun but they don't know it's fake. no. that's a problem it would be amazing if. we both killed ourselves.

at the end of the show. it would be amazing. it would be. i mean what if we both killed ourselves. and left all of our money. to the university of austin it's an. endowment it's an endowment yeah. i mean what if. what if i just put a gun in my mouth. okay and i was like i'm leaving all my. money and you can barely hear me. it's an endowment for the university of. austin. very wise in the highest spending yeah. barry weiss will know how to spend all.

this money. goodbye and then i just blew my brains. out. you be remembered. i mean you would you would edge out. budge wire i think sure you'd be the new. budge wire will we have we're not going. to have to get me on live tv though no. no one will care. you can't get anyone to care about. anything in this country. you blow your own brains out at the. beacon theater you can't even get. anything yeah. um and we're not gonna have a guest.

what kind of guests do you think i don't. know oh you mean for the podcast yeah be. hilarious you just have a guest can we. can we get. um like muffy powder aston or. new york socialite yeah gonna come on. probably uh. do we get a criminal. we can can we get rabble gorievich. here's what might be funny could we get. curtis sliwa i would i think we probably. could there's something funny about. curtis sliva he would be amazing did he. get any votes. he was a republican candidate that's. maybe not.

i love that article in the daily. election when he showed up with his cat. yeah and then he was just screaming like. there was a problem he said arrest me. arrest me. i want him to be mayor. yeah and then the other guy eric adams. who like clearly doesn't live in the. city was like driving on the sidewalk. it's absurd. i i wonder who we could uh yeah i could. get chris lee i think we could get. curtis oh yeah. that's totally doable yeah he just walks. on stage with his cat can you ask him do. they have a like can he come dressed as.

a guardian angel though. i think he dresses like that all the. time yeah did you see that commercial he. had with like the homeless guy no but. he's like the homeless guy is sobbing. and he's going like oh because he's. outside some like mental institutions. yeah going like they're not keeping. track of these other people they're. letting them out we got putting people. back in here and there's like homeless. guy shows up with no shirt and then like. i have a bandana on his head and he. starts going like yeah man. like whatever like and screaming and. goes it's not he's just crying and.

cursing was like kind of puts his hands. on your shoulder it's not your fault. it's not your fault like you know. they should they we should be taking. care of you but the absurd thing is like. they make this into a commercial i see. on jeopardy stern talk told me about. this he said it was amazing this is the. most insane thing i've ever seen in my. life and he's like critically what cares. about the homeless you put him in the. campaign. i mean. i just i'm amazed. i'm amazed at a guy who spent a good. amount of his career inventing fake.

crimes. by the way did he do that oh chrissy. would invented fake crimes what do you. mean he rescued people from pretend. crimes really yes he would set up fake. crimes and then say that the guardian. angels rescue someone it was a complete. fraud oh wow no you could look it up get. caught like dude oh yeah oh wow he's. admitted he's like i was younger oh [ __ ]. oh yeah that was his end game with that. to just he wanted to be like [ __ ] the. gotham city like he wanted to be batman. i don't know the guy wanted to be like.

some like the avenger running around new. york city like. he was psychotic wow uh. you gonna talk about that. i don't think he's gonna come on i think. he would i don't think he will he just. lost the mayor whether what else is. going on. he's not moving into these people are so. crazy. okay. like you know the like uh what's the. guy's name on success you think he's. gonna be president son.

yeah so connor from succession the. nothing child yeah who's like thinks. he's gonna be present people like. caitlyn jenner and people are courtesy. they're that crazy. they're like nuts no yeah they are but. curtis leewar is nowhere near caitlyn. general level he's got nothing going on. that's true caitlyn has a lot more of a. chance yeah yeah i'm saying like she. wouldn't do what she went to a imagine. by the way no no but imagine hearing. that like an advisor sitting down with. courtesy we're going you are nowhere. near caitlyn jenner like we can't even.

get here regardless of the kardashian. thing. olympic uh hero. no but i mean. in terms of electability caitlyn's much. higher oh yeah much higher and that's. gotta be amazing to hear right like. caitlyn is much higher than you yeah you. have no chance. yeah who are we going with caitlyn. jenner uh all day right over you you. [ __ ] loser. yeah i mean curtis slew up if you do.

do you think you'd ever run. yeah 100. yeah i think so i i i think i'll run i. wonder. i wonder if it's delusions of grandeur. but i would definitely uh i could see. myself as being in. uh another crap. well it definitely is delusions of. graduation. but that's a funny thing like if mean. you moved like a little shitty city like. portland or something maybe not. portland's two left wing but like. somewhere we could kind of you're the. mayor of cleveland i yeah we probably. could yeah that's the shitty thing.

you probably could that's how low rent. america is right now they're like no one. wants to be the mayor of cleveland right. it's the worst job there's a few. restaurants who are okay like the. probably get to meet lebron james. yeah maybe there's nothing cool about. being the mayor of cleveland no that. much that's what's kind of my problems. huge. nobody wants that gig. so that's how you know america is on its. way out is that being a mayor of one of. our major cities now the perks do not. outweigh the problems no at all you'd.

much rather work at any other company. that being said uh. you gotta work it that's why you look. there's definitely businesses in. cleveland that want you to look the. other way not a lot really not a lot and. let me tell you this this is why all the. people doing these jobs now are. criminally insane. like when you look at like marjorie. taylor green they're like there's. nothing cool about being a congressman. anymore no one gives you can't get. anything done who gives a [ __ ] the grift. is dead the grift is over so the people.

that are doing it are lunatics right. people are like why are these lunatics. i'm like there's nothing left right. the carcass has been skinned i think i. could make a. like my own version of the squad. yeah. i think you could do anything i i i i i. haven't what if you and four really fat. white guys. were like out progressive the squad the. guts like if if.

you like four fat like three fat. midwestern guys became the new squad and. you were to the left of like ilhan omar. but our catchphrase is yeah we've got. guts yeah like we've got guts you go no. military. no police federal amendment banning the. military banning police i'd be like i'm. sick of these [ __ ] and you point the. ilhano home on ashley i'm sick of these. [ __ ] with their half measures we got. guts stop stealing our surplus value.

it's just you and three other guys and. it's just like uh two tons of fun. this squad what would they call you guys. the. the squawk. the squish the squish. the squad is being pressured by the. squish. the squish is for midwestern gentlemen. all about 450 pounds who are incredibly. progressive they've endorsed things like. banning the military and all police.

while the squad thinks that a lot of. what the squish wants to do is. unrealistic the squish says that the. squad is just playing old dirty politics. you could be the spokesman for the. squish yeah yeah. this is the rancher the squish. you say thin people aren't attacked. and fat people. the existence of thin people is an. attack on fat people i'm all about.

inclusiveness inclusivity inclusivity. yeah this squish. like you see like aoc being like. i think we've had a lot of productive. dialogue with the squish. i think the squish the squish will not. compromise with the squad let me be. clear about that. we will not be countdown we will not be. wailing yeah. she's like i understand where the squish. comes from but i think politically. this squish has not accomplished.

anything listen to me the squad is. politically irrelevant they're out of. touch. and they're going to be. under the boot of the squish. squish just for. fat lord ass. this is. communism now we're kind of saying we. gotta tell you how to replace each other. yeah we're like new fat people we keep. dying. yes people keep dropping. people. because we're all like we're all like.

crooked coke heads who were fat so it. was just. like rob four times like yeah communism. now you just started screaming. i was beat red screaming sweating into a. microphone the morbidly obese anarchist. known as the squish. you. you you're like you're trying to direct. it. like. get them into traffic like thomas. jefferson made hitler look like a lap. dog. the squish have endorsed removing all.

monuments from all federal buildings. immediately let's burn this flag. there's a campaign. of you outside of a jimmy john's burning. a flag. let burns you call you fascist pigs. i mean it's a it's a rude yeah it's a. root look honestly. if i told you 30 years ago that some. congress squad explained that to you oh.

he's laughing out of the verb absolutely. no the squish is going to happen the. squish could happen. and you know like the new york post will. run headlines squash the squish. i just think hey i just think it could. happen. go to the university of austin. sign up start your life start your life. it's gonna be good. good night.