#265 - Austin Taliban | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show adjusting to taliban rule. uh. in afghanistan clarissa ward the. journalist. who uh famously. uh called the taliban friendly which. everyone got mad about. but they were being friendly they were. chanting death to america. but they were chanting in a fun way. and then all the people jumped on her. they were like oh cnn will describe any. of america's enemies as friendly it's.

like hey. you know they were they were. they were they were ebullient they were. happy they had won. there's no reason for them to not be. friendly they won the taliban won. all these people that are like no we. didn't really win they won. what do you call it we we we. we were thrown out of the country. you know they threw us out they waited. 20 years of painstaking.

taking these little towns and villages. that nobody gave a [ __ ] about. building their power base back 20 years. fighting for afghanistan. and they finally did it and they're. thrilled. they're very happy which is why as. they're chanting death to america. there's something uh. they're friendly there there's a. happiness but clarissa ward. uh finally left the country she was able. to leave on a. an evacuation flight these flights at.

the afghan airport i mean this airport i. mean it's worse than laguardia. [Music]. that's how bad it is over there i mean. it's really bad. and um. everyone's. saying that we should. this isn't the one you pay for. but. this guy now this is said a 19 year old.

afghan footballer this is like tragic. was among those who fell from a usc 17. military aircraft. after rescuing people from taliban ruled. region. this is the tragedy. of. this type of event when there's a coup. um and you see it here and i don't know. if you can see that but you see bodies. falling from the plane.

and it's [ __ ] heartbreaking. that this is what happened when you have. that general that [ __ ]. uh millie i think it's his name who's. going i saw no indication that yeah i. had no idea we had we saw nothing there. was no indication that the taliban was. taking over we had no idea this was. gonna happen. this is the same guy that gave that. speech a couple of months ago where he's. like i want to learn why white people. hate. remember that. that guy who was sitting there like he.

was uh doing a uh a monologue. you know from a new uh you know shonda. rhimes project on netflix he was like i. wanna learn why white people hate. i wanna know. well how about you find out. why the [ __ ] country. was taken over by the taliban isn't that. your job. shouldn't you devote at least as much. time. to finding out.

why afghanistan is failing miserably. as you do to wanting to find out why. white people hate. your words. um. and this is you know america has no. credibility now and by the way it really. didn't have a ton of credibility leading. into this last couple of years. but now we have none like imagine going. into a country now. with a straight face and telling them. like we take care of our people. don't worry about it we take care of our.

people. if you work for us you help us if you're. a translator. if uh you help us gather intelligence. when [ __ ] hits the fan we've got your. back. we don't leave people. i mean there's video evidence. there is you can you could like anyone. they're telling that to should just pull. up a youtube link and be like actually. what about this. you have this young good-looking. 19-year-old football. player whose entire life is over.

because he trusted. the united states. that is what's tragic about it this. guy's entire life is over because he. trusted the united states a member of. afghanistan's national youth soccer team. was among the people who were killed as. they tried desperately to cling to a u.s. military plane evacuating people from. kabul. uh he was 17 this guy. jeez i thought some say 19 some say 17. uh monday a crowd of afghans surged on.

the tarmac of the international airport. in the frantic scramble to escape a. country newly overrun by the taliban. anwari was one of hundreds of people who. wanted to leave the country and in an. incident fell off an american military. plane and died. the sports community of afghanistan was. in grief. the statement said it wished zaki a. place in heaven and offered a prayer. that god grant i mean this is so [ __ ]. sad. and this is unfortunately. what happens when you trust the united.

states of america i mean. there's no other way to say it. i feel horrible for him. now i'm going to be a bit. i'm going to be. a little. and i. i might it may come off as insensitive. not about him. but i i may. this may. read a bit callous. i'm. less.

concerned. with the people who went there to do. charity now here's why. this is real charity. most people when they do charity they. like write a check. and they go to some event. uh you know in manhattan or bel air they. go to somebody's mansion and they buy a. 50 000 dress and they write a 25 000. check. and they it is a social event charity.

true philanthropy in cities like new. york and places like l.a is how you rise. up the latter of. uh the social scene in that city. this is not that this is real. charity. real. life you are putting yourself in danger. you're putting yourself at risk. to help people. nothing wrong with that but.

here we go. when things go wrong as they have. this is when charity becomes even more. real this no longer is a feel-good. mission. afghanistan's no longer a place for. white women to go find themselves. and just connect and feel and like i.

just want to get away. from san francisco for a while i just. want to go no no no you're in it now. you are now. living in afghanistan and. listen. some charity most charity i would. imagine is good people great people per. se. helping other people but there is some. charity that's a little cynical. there is some charity. where it's white people.

who want to like show the world that. they're a little different. and they care. even though do they. and not always white people but. primarily web and then they go to places. like afghanistan and they do like you. know whatever whatever they're doing you. know you know they they distribute. um you know ipads to to the women and. let them listen to call her daddy well. that is now over. that is now over caller daddy has been.

banned in afghanistan the soho house. kabul is closed. okay so now yes i mean ann coulter said. everyone's like all these americans got. to get. evacuated from kabul she goes who the. hell. is in kabul. but listen there are people there there. are good people there no doubt. there are people there. who went to that country to genuinely. help women.

and people but then there are people. there. who. we're cynically exploiting a situation. and this happens all the time and some. of these um. charities are cia front groups we know. that. knowingly or unknowingly and they know. um. and some people are there. to genuinely help and some people are. there because it's uh. you know it's maybe more about them and.

it's more about. their you know i've talked to people and. i'm not just talking here everyone goes. you're just talking. with your fat mouth no i have spoken to. people that have gone to these countries. under the guise of being a savior of. helping people and you know what some of. them and i'm not speaking about only the. military although i have spoken to. members of the military but i'm talking. about people that have worked in the.

capacity. of charity and you know what some of. them have told me. some of them have said. you know going there and helping i. realized that the. the people of the country. did not want me there. and this is a hard lesson to learn but. it is a lesson to learn they go. we were not culturally in sync. yes there were things i did that helped. them they were grateful for certain.

things but overall. on the whole. it was um. you know. i don't want to say a wasted effort. but it was. perhaps a little in vain because some of. it is vanity. some of it is it's why i didn't go over. to afghanistan. and start. teaching women to read. now people say to me. well that sounds like.

uh you're uh you don't care i. care. the problem is. that you're fighting against. the ocean and the ocean is always going. to win the waves are going to win. they're going to knock you back down. and. [Music]. i believe there's a lot of charity to be. done in america i know i don't know how. i got that idea. but i'm telling you if you take a road. trip. through america you're gonna be.

convinced as i am that there are tons of. people to help right here does it mean. that you shouldn't help people over. there but there's a lot of people to be. helped right here but that's not as. glamorous let's be honest that's not as. sexy to tell your friends that you went. to vassar with that you're helping. people in ohio you want to tell them. that you're helping people in kabul. let's be very honest and today.

is when you have to pay the piper you. have to really be the thing that you. want to be truly. if you really want to be. the person who's like yeah i'm in kabul. right now. like teaching people how to rad. well today's the day that that just. became real. that's all you may have to join the. resistance. i want to read this thread this is a. great thread we did a great episode on. the patreon about this.

uh because this. this era. which spanned 20 years it my awakening. into uh u.s foreign policy. um. maybe happened. in the most. meaningful way. with the onset of the afghanistan war. because i was in 11th grade and all of a. sudden things mattered in a way they. hadn't before. friends of mine their parents died in 9.

11. friends of mine were joining the. military and were becoming marines and. things like that. the onset of the afghan war was when our. country's foreign policy was more than. something that. i looked at. in um. you know a theoretical way this became. real and um i when i was 17 and addicted. to cocaine i thought it was a great idea. i thought all this because i was very. face value and when i read a tom.

friedman article in the new york times. and he was like the world has gone from. interconnected to hyper connect you know. all these things that mean nothing but. you're like yeah i'm smart. i'm smart. and then tom friedman would write an. article where he'd go you know i saw a. kid in an osama bin laden shirt and a. yankees cap and we need to make sure he. grows into the cap and i'd go yeah. yeah that's something he wrote and i'd. go yeah that's smart that's smart and i. believed you know that if we went around.

the world and helped free these people. um. they would love us again i i was i was. on cocaine. i had an excuse i was a 17 year old. closeted cocaine addict from long island. whose emotions were completely out of. whack with his thoughts. i was just feeling things and not. thinking. i remember just going yeah like you'd. sit on the bus and you'd watch them that.

was like the era of like patriotic. montages and you know the concert for 9. 11 and you know bruce springsteen and. the who and all these people and. you know it was a it was a big thing and. it was a beautiful moment for the. country because we had just attacked. ourselves. and then after that we had you know we. launched into this very kind of. beautiful. campaign of of healing and you know. patriotism and but it felt good and it. felt like this is right and i remember i.

wanted to join the military i thought. about it i was looking one day in the. library you know i like never went to. class i was in study hall in the library. looking at like requirements to join the. cia because. when you're young and something like. that happens you go. i want to live a life of meaning and. purpose and look at these dumb teachers. they don't [ __ ] do anything and. all these entertainers and celebrities. and you know all this fame and money the. two things now i've realized are the. only things that matter but back then i. thought that what really mattered was.

honor and valor and serving a purpose. higher than yourself god was i wrong but. i thought for a moment a brief moment. right after that happened that actually. life was about helping other people it. was about agreeing that certain things. were right and certain things were wrong. and going to the places where wrong was. being done and reversing it and making. it right making the world a better place. that's what i genuinely believed on. cocaine in the library of my high school.

and i would uh you know say how do i get. into the fbi how do i go uh and frame. people how do i get into the cia how do. i blackmail doctors to not give kids. medicine so that we can figure out a way. for exxon mobil to do more efficient. business i didn't know. you see i thought the cia was like a. crack squad of people that were like. there's the bomb on that bus they're. gonna kill babies and the cia would like. jump through the windows of the bus and.

get the bomb and then like throw it in. the field and it would blow up and then. the bus driver would be like and he'd be. an old black man not because he's racist. because my bus driver keith who i loved. was an old black man and he'd be like. thank you. and he would just drive the kids to the. school that's what i thought was. happening but i was so wrong about that. i come to find out after many years of. reading books and rehab i found out that. i was wrong. i was wrong i started to get control of.

my emotions get control of what was. going on but for a while there i didn't. i was just sitting in the library. with holy trinity high school. drugged up stoned or coked out and. eating some really good meatball parm. chicken parm lunches phenomenal really. good especially for high school but. really for anywhere. and uh and then friday bacon. cheeseburger day and then you would just. be stoned and eat and then you would. just kind of stare at the computer and. you would just go i want to live a life.

of meaning and intrigue and purpose. and i i didn't know anything and i. remember i had friends of mine that. became. uh marines i had friends of mine that. went. uh into the service. and some of them served multiple tours. and i. i visited uh a few of them like you know. down in north carolina camp lejeune. and i um. my voice is starting to go i got to be. careful i did a show last night at the. vulcan gas company in austin it was a.

lot of fun but everybody was smoking in. the green room and it was like it gets. my throat and i haven't smoked in two. months. so now this was somebody who i believed. served they did serve they were deployed. there twice once in 2018 once in 2009 or. 10. this is. uh as painful and brutal an assessment. as you can read. looking at all the life lost. uh which is more important but also the. amount of money spent the resources. diverted to this.

uh engagement. um. which again we know the cynical. uh outlook we covered on the patreon you. know the chaos. the pentagon losing all this money. uh the the rare earth minerals that are. under afghanistan the pipeline deals the. [ __ ]. um poppy fields we get it all we don't. know the full extent of the pillaging. and the things that happened. and we won't know the full extent of. that uh probably for years or until some.

real investigative journalism is done. but this. uh thread this screed really sat with me. because i was like god it's tough to to. read this. at knowing what we know now but it says. boy howdy am i having a lot of feelings. about afghanistan today i was deployed. there twice. once in 2008 and once and once in 2009. 10. it was already obvious that the taliban. would sweep through the very instant we. left and here we are today. i know how bad the taliban is i know.

what they do to women and little boys. i i know what they're going to do to the. interpreters and the people who. cooperated with it's awful it's bad but. we are leaving and all i feel is grim. relief. afghanistan is a dusty beige nightmare. of a place full of proud brave people. who did not want us [ __ ] there and we. called them hajis and worse and they. were better than we were braver and. stronger and smarter i remember going. through the phones of the people we. detained and finding clip after clip of. bollywood musicals women singing in. fields of flowers rarely did i find.

anything incriminating i remember. finding propaganda footage cut together. from the soviet invasion and our own. operation enduring uh enduring whatever. and laughing about how stupid afghans. were not to know that we weren't the. russians and eventually i started. realizing i was the stupid one. i remember how every year the u.s would. have to decided to deal with the opium. fields you could let them alone and then. the taliban would shake the farmers down. and use the money to buy weapons or you. could carpet bomb the fields and then.

the farmers would join the taliban. or you could give the farmer's. fertilizer as an incentive to grow wheat. instead of opium poppy and the farmers. would sell the fertilizer to the taliban. who used it to make explosives for ieds. that could destroy a million-dollar. mrap whatever it is and maim everyone. inside i remember we weren't allowed to. throw batteries away because people who. worked on base would go through the. trash and collect hundreds of dead. batteries wired them together so that. they just had enough juice for one. charge and that charge to detonate an.

ied. i remember the look on my roommate's. face after she got back from cutting the. dead bodies of two soldiers out of a. humvee that got blown up by an ied and i. have always imagined uh that was made. with fertilizer from an opium farmer and. detonated with a hundred thrown out. batteries. i remember an afghan kid who worked in. the dfac cafeteria who we called cowboy. always wore this cowboy hat and an i'm a. stupid t-shirt someone had given him. always with a big smile high school age. cowboy was a good student and he wanted. to go to college in america but they.

weren't colleges that took afghans the. education system was was too [ __ ] no. program to help kids like him i looked i. wonder if he's dead now for serving his. food and dreaming of something different. but a cowboy is dead then he died a long. time ago and if cowboy is dead then it's. our fault for going in there in the. first place giving his family the option. of trusting us when we are the least. trustworthy people on the planet. we use people up and throw them away. like it's nothing and now we're leaving. and the predictable thing is happening. the taliban is surging in and taking it.

all back. they have what you can't buy or train. they have patience and a bloody. mindedness that warrants more respect. than we ever gave them. i am team get the [ __ ] out of. afghanistan which is a friend pointed. out to me today has always been team. taliban. it's team taliban or team stay forever. there is no third team so i'm sitting. here reading these sad [ __ ] tweets. about the suffering in afghanistan and. the horror of the encroaching taliban. and how awful it is that this is. happening but i can't stop feeling this. grim happiness like finally you [ __ ].

finally you get to see it too no more. blown up soldiers no more bollywood. videos on phones whose owners are. getting shipped to god knows where no. more hypocrisy no more pretending it. meant anything it didn't it didn't mean. a [ __ ] thing wow. what a thread. and it is crazy but if you remember the. beginning of the afghan war we were just. sweeping people up some of them. terrorists some of them not. and sending them to places like. guantanamo bay sending them to bagram. which i believe is in afghanistan it.

might have been in iraq sending them the. places to i think it was in afghanistan. bagram air force base uh it's. afghanistan yes sending them to places. like the salt pit to be tortured look. that up look up the salt. the bagram salt. yeah. the salt plate was a black prison. okay meaning that it was a cia black. site for interrogation it's located. north of kabul and was the location of a. brick factory prior to the afghanistan.

war that's where we would bring people. and torture them. because we were there to help them. you see. we were there to help them and we would. bring them to this uh underground prison. this brick factory here and torture them. mercilessly. until they gave us some type of. information um and people were tortured. to death and died there and how do you. think that made the people in. afghanistan feel do you think we lost a. few hearts and minds with that with the.

salt pit. do you think perhaps. yeah ex u.s detainees describe. unreported c.i.a torture. you know i mean it's like jesus electric. chair threats guys yeah water torture. waterboarding beatings. with electric care they would put people. in boxes and put bugs in there let them. crawl on them i mean this was again. this was how we were going to break the. spirit of these people well guess what. it didn't work.

didn't work we lost this one and we lost. and there's there's no other way to yes. we could drop a bombs and nukes or. whatever but we lost the ground game. here big time we didn't have the will. nor should we have the will we're. fighting for afghanistan. um. and this sucks. it sucks across the board it sucks for. the afghans that thought they were gonna. have a different life it sucks for the. soldiers who died and their deaths. don't don't mean anything it sucks for.

the people that went over there to do. some charity. that sucks. if you're still there it's you know it. really is gonna test how much. you believe i mean you know. show. the afghan airport show that plane. leaving okay. this is a very. this is a crazy. scene to watch you see this c-17.

this is a wild video to watch if you. haven't seen it which i'm sure you have. and i'm telling you right now. uh. there's a few days here before as i said. on the patreon we're gonna get a media. blackout and once there's a media. blackout it's pretty much. you know. we're pretty much done. no one's gonna care anymore so now that. look at this.

okay ben this is the wrong video this is. the scene of austin texas this is a. scene. of people leaving austin texas look at. this. they're all leaving. look at this scene of people running. down south congress to get out of austin. texas to go back to a real city. that's the austin airport. there's all the comics that moved here. they thought they were gonna be on joe. rogan's show every week.

they're gonna comics are gonna leave. austin like afghani translators that. worked with the department of defense. they are going to get on planes so. quickly and get the [ __ ] out of there. because they all thought they were. coming down here to do rogan's show. you know. and then he had some guy that he like. you know. hunted for bigfoot with on the ninth for. the ninth time. and all these comics are sitting here in. austin going wait a minute when's my.

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beach um. all roads lead to mar-a-lago inside the. fury and fantasy of donald trump's. florida you've got oh you've got a fun. crew. down there i mean. let's separate this from ideology for a. minute i know the audience is incapable. of doing that. you know i i i don't understand it's. probably because they have nothing going. on in their lives that brings them any. enjoyment but. separating ideology for a minute it's. just a fun crew. roger stone tucker sean hannity ben.

shapiro laura ingram ann coulter. brad parskal the trump campaign manager. who's now advising caitlyn jenner the. epicenter of the american conservative. movement has become florida it's become. this swamp of of um you know. goons and scoundrels and grifters and. just. all around fun people. tabloid culture tabloid culture the. birthplace of the the national enquirer.

and matt drudge lives down there the. drudge report which i love and. conservatism was kept out of. these mainstream institutions for a long. time you know a lot of the major papers. in america. and uh. television networks. were cosmopolitan in the sense that they. were never hard left for sure they were. liberal they were decidedly liberal on a. lot of the key values that conservatives. find themselves on the other side of and.

that's why. a lot of the conservative personalities. in media. are a bit flashier because they uh. they're rappers essentially they they. they. they talk [ __ ]. they're not getting published in. mainstream places right so they had to. take over alternative media talk radio. and the internet and people like rush. limbaugh and matt drudge and ann coulter. and they came. from outside. uh of this uh.

system where you played these. respectability politics and these guys. like christopher ruddy who started. newsmax and they're all down there in. palm beach florida. and it it just seems like a lot of fun. it seems like a lot of fun and if you. read this vanity fair article like the. the waiter who's serving roger stone and. laura loomer. uh food. it goes like this so they're seated in a. private room a heavy set waiter comes in. an immigrant from yugoslavia named mario.

who introduces himself as a die-hard. republican he's crestfallen he sees. laura loomer and. uh you know roger stone sitting there. and he goes unbelievable what they did. to us and loomer goes i know and the. waiter goes bunch of criminals and stone. oliver's tone goes not over yet. and then mario goes that's right i'm. hoping we're all hoping. so they're keeping that hope alive down. there in florida. it's like you know the song the. beginning of portlandia the dream of the. 90s is alive in portland.

that's what's going on and. the dream of q is alive and palm beach. you know. and it's just these people just kind of. dancing around eating steaks and. martinis at 3 p.m. thinking that trump's going to be. reinstalled as president somehow fat. mario the waiter laura loomer. and coulter who then at the end of the. article ann coulter and matt trudge go. we're leaving florida and we're not. telling anybody where we're going.

and i guess they're leaving because uh. judge and i are both leaving florida and. we're not telling anyone where we're. going this time. um i guess because coulter had she's. fallen out of the trump camp she's. unhappy with trump but it's fun. florida's always kind of been a fun. place and and i remember when we snuck. into the breakers buffet yes. and there's something nice about florida. there's something distinctly american. about lying your way. into an all-you-can-eat mother's day.

buffet without a mother. we had no mother we honored no one it. was just to sit there and feed ourselves. on shellfish and it was great and segura. was there but we didn't even see them. but that's uh that's florida for you. it's a fun article in vanity fair if you. read it and uh. the i mean the thing is. you know ben said i'd love to go to one. of these parties earlier. and you would and you wouldn't. because one thing i learned. um when i was debating people that were.

to become people like this right a lot. of the kids that i was debating when i. was in college and even though i was at. a community college many of these people. were going on to four-year schools and. uh they were going to i think one of. them worked for mitt romney for a while. the thing about people who live sleep. eat and breathe politics. is that. they're boring. the thing about politics is. it obscures many of the truths of life.

which are. truly. apolitical right the deep human truths. of life. which is what art tries to get to which. is why art sucks now because we're. fitting those truths or showcasing them. in a way that has to break down into. this political binary it's not natural. but. and i'm not saying artists are fun to be. around either don't don't mistake me but. the thing about people whose entire life.

their entire existence the way they. interface with the world is all politics. is deeply unfulfilling it's deeply. unfulfilling. and many of them know that. um. because there is a. disconnect. between. what you're saying. and what's happening. and that's a chasm. meaning you're not really in the fight.

to change things as much as you're in. the fight. to become famous or wealthy. and. you're really trying to establish. yourself. and then there's this movement of people. that you can kind of grab onto for a. minute and you could guide them or push. them. in a certain way but that's an unruly. mob of human beings that's just going to. go somewhere else or you got to keep.

track of them keep hold of them it's not. easy. and you know. real change is very difficult and it's. not that glamorous and the people that. work to make real change like real. activists lawyers and doctors and people. that give up lucrative careers to then. go help people on the street and. actually help people get elected to. local uh government and change laws that. affect people's lives. that's very different than the pundit.

class who's swilling. you know gin martinis at 3 a.m at the. breakers in palm beach and talking about. revolution and this is happening and. this is hap and none of it's really. happening that's the thing i mean it's. not really. happening and and the people that do. this kind of know that but they've given. themselves over to it and their entire. life is politics there's not much else. there. and. it's why i decided to get out you know i.

thought i wanted to be in that world and. i said i don't want to be in the world i. don't have to have an idea or a thought. and go wait a minute. is this. is this something that my enemies would. say or is this something my allies would. say. and and. then what. i didn't want to have to put everything. through that prism. but if i did it does seem fun. to do it in in palm beach florida.

with these lunatics they seem a lot more. fun. than the neoliberal hampton sat and the. brooklyn socialists said these people. seem a lot more fun if we're just gonna. go off fun. if we're just gonna go off fun. martinis with these lunatics. i mean. the true answer is none of the above but. if you had to. it might be here hurricane heading a. long island long island does very well. with hurricanes i remember after.

hurricane sandy people were sitting out. on their lawn uh with rifles because. they were afraid of quote uh wandering. gangs of minorities. so long island really shines during. natural disasters. uh people were going around to rob each. other's houses. um on long island there were people. sitting in their driveways with weapons. and i'm not saying that there wasn't. some [ __ ] i'm sure there was this is. hurricane henry or henry. it is strengthening and is expected to.

become a hurricane on saturday. i'm really wondering. i'm really wondering. uh how bad this is gonna be. now. you gotta remember that. strengthens to a category one that's. nothing that's nothing nothing. hurricane sandy. was the long island.

it was the first time in a very long. time that long island had really gone. through. a natural. uh disaster. um. it destroyed. 650 000 homes or damaged. it took years. to get. back on their feet these people. i knew long island was finally back.

when insurance companies were calling. people and saying we overpaid you we. gave you too much money and you owe us. money and then people that i knew from. comedy comedians in long island that. didn't have jobs were working at those. call centers calling up these elderly. people who had finally just had a moment. of peace because their home had just. been finished after years and said hey. miss marino we overpaid you about 30 000. you owe us what you owe us money.

the insurance company you better make. good. what's going on. ralph they're saying we owe the money. you better [ __ ] pay you old [ __ ]. so as soon as that started happening. again and. people in long island started leaning. into their character i knew that long. island was gonna be fine but i remember. i was living in new york city when. hurricane sandy happened and it damaged. uh where i grew up i mean it was. underwater the town i grew up in was.

under water. it was really really bad. um. yeah this is uh photos from island park. uh during a hurricane sandy it was bad. people were without power. people there's boats in people's yards. um looters will be shot like that there. you go. that's beautiful. but it did it pushed people to the brink. and i'm. not you know i i did not experience it.

right i was in manhattan i never lost. power i was living in midtown manhattan. some of manhattan lost power downtown. but now where i lived and hurricane. sandy was it was real character building. from long island it really was long. island used to be a racist place. after hurricane sandy. long island was what used to be a place. where people like very paranoid. about different races now after. hurricane sandy it really.

became a beautiful place. where different types of people. understood and respected each other. but. before that can you believe it was not. that. um. and long island uh it was tough and i. remember talking to friends. um and of course people were you know. people used hurricane sandy for years. after. as an excuse for one of their lives. it's we will be covered too.

you know you will. the biggest losers in your life. and they're already doing it but they'll. do it more. we'll go i had so much going on. coven. i was about to do it. do what. everything covered. and that's what hurricane sandy was. people like i was still i was oh my god. hurricane sandy can't and it [ __ ] me.

for years. yes. i couldn't get a job or go to school or. anything i just had to sit in water for. years. and drink. i just had to sit in in disgusting water. and drink for seven years after. hurricane sandy and that's what's gonna. happen with covet too on the other side. of kovid people are gonna go yeah you. know i was i was gonna go to college. or i was gonna get that job i was gonna.

move that's gonna be the big one i was. gonna leave. but i because of covid. i couldn't do it and some of those. people will be correct just like some of. the people in long island were being. genuine when they said that this [ __ ]. up their plans but then there will be. the vast majority of people that are uh. or maybe not the vast majority but far. too many people that are just lying. about this and you're gonna turn around. it'll be like it'll be like 20 26.

and you'll go so wait a minute. run this back again. you drop you didn't go to college in. 2023. because of the coronavirus. explain this. and then they'll have to jump through. hoops and explain it and say like oh. well actually what happened was my. mother's friend died of coven and we.

took in her cat. and that. was more of a burden than we had. imagined and then i thought i had it but. i never did and then. we couldn't pay the bills because my. uncle had a bar and my boyfriend got in. a bar fight with a guy who may have had. covert and that was why he was crazy and. my boyfriend split his head open in the. parking lot and we had to pay for my. boyfriend to get out of jail and then go. to trial and then he did six months and.

six months well he can't work and how. are we gonna feed this cat from that. lady who died of covet and you see what. i mean covet. you go what. you see. because that's people hurricane sandy. they'll be my car. was destroyed in hurricane sandy and. then i got another car and it was. repossessed uh and it was taken by the. state because uh they said i was drunk. but i wasn't and you go. does this really have to do with the. hurricane. can you draw a straight line. from the hurricane to where you are now.

draw a straight line from coven to where. you are now many people will be able to. they'll be like i went in i had 19. strokes and then you go got it right. hey. got it. got it. and those people are gonna barely be. able to talk. we get it. but. then there's going to be the people who. are going to get very creative. about this period of time.

and i and i said before i said on the. patreon episode. uh how. excited i am for. whatever the next phase of life is. whatever the next phase of culture is. because we need it. people are psychologically coming apart. uh the news is uh uh circular. we've all had enough. there's nothing. that we haven't talked about 19 times. you know. um.

it would be like imagine if hurricane. sandy kept happening. like imagine if hurricane sandy just. kept battering. like you would build the house halfway. back and then. gale force winds again. floods again. it would be crazy. if that kept happening like hurricane. katrina just happened the next year. [Music]. just again they're like it's another. surge. it's hurricane katrina delta variant and. it just.

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because he's mad that he's friends with. donald trump. or that he's in the trump team. i saw you with your arm around mike. pompeo it's disgusting dershowitz goes. he's my former student at harvard law i. greet all of my former students that way. i can't greet my former students david. it's disgusting your whole enclave it's. disgusting you're disgusting. then larry walks away allen takes off. his t-shirt to reveal another t-shirt. that says it's the constitution stupid. and then dershowitz drove off in an old.

dirty volvo i love by the way that it. wasn't that he's been accused multiple. times of rape. by underage people. it's that he's like a republican. that's really if you want to talk about. hollywood that's the perfect. encapsulation of hollywood you know. it'd be like if jeffrey epstein was. found out that he was alive and larry. david bumped into him in martha's. vineyard he'd be like i can't believe. you were such good friends with trump i. never knew that. by the way dershowitz uh has been.

accused by this uh virginia giuffray. jeffrey yeah virginia guthrie of of. molesting her right multiple times yeah. uh seven times seven times between the. ages of 16 and 19. that's too much using. some of the same language that he had. employed to describe epson's victims a. decade earlier this is what dershowitz. called this woman this is how you know. she's telling the truth he called her a. serial liar a prostitute and a bad. mother.

i mean. that sounds a bit personal. for someone you didn't rape. dirsh. can you believe that. like if somebody accused you of rape. wouldn't your first question be like. what who how huh. but he's like she's a liar prostitute. and a bad mother it's like well it. sounds like you're protesting a little. bit too much. in fact i think that you know this woman. quite well and you may have done the. wrong thing to her. then he said who could not be believed.

quote against somebody with an unscathed. reputation like me does he have an. unscathed reputation i don't know about. that. he insisted that guffrey had quote made. the whole thing up out of whole cloth in. search of quote a big payday. when a tv reporter in miami questioned. his characterization of guthrie a sex. abuse victim as quote a prostitute there. schwitz replied she made her own. decisions in life. he's basically admitting he [ __ ] her. but he's saying she's a prostitute who. cares she made her own decisions even.

though she was underage. yeah. so it was just very interesting larry. david kind of like bumped into him in. martha's vineyard and was like hey. i cannot believe that you're a. republican. forget the friendship with jeffrey. epstein. forget the multiple accusations of of. child rape. when two people when he but when when a. hollywood person and i love larry's. brilliant comedian but it's just funny.

it's like you know you are in a little. bit of a bubble unless there's more to. this which we didn't hear where he's and. maybe that's part of why he's grossed. out by dirsh but like you know you're in. a little bit of a bubble when somebody. walk you bump into. uh an accused child rapist on martha's. vineyard and your biggest problem with. them is that they're friends with the. trump team. that seems odd. larry's a knee jerk radical dershowitz. called page six he takes his politics. from hollywood he doesn't read a lot he.

doesn't think a lot. it's typical of what happens now on the. vineyard. says dirsh people who won't talk to each. other if they don't agree on their. politics. well what about the child rape. i love this he goes. it's the price of principal. this guy. is a uh he's been involved in some very. uh very nefarious dealings. and he's probably done some horrible.

things. and uh. what's funny now is that he relishes. this every time somebody yells at him. about being in the trump circle it's. it's it's a. it helps him because what they're not. yelling at him about is uh the. incredible accusations of child rape. that he's also. had a. large part of. so like every interview he does he's. like i'm just they get mad at me because. i believe in the constitution it's like.

that's not. alan. you know that's not it. i just watch by the way the people. versus o.j simpson again because it's on. netflix it's great and he's in that not. him but an actor. um. this is funny that was a great go back. to that uh photo. it's uh the noted lawyer's long. controversial career jeffrey epstein o.j. simpson. mike tyson uh. is that limbaugh i believe so yeah might. be limbot's trump.

i don't know this is a good article. alan dershowitz the article is devil's. advocate i mean he's an amazing lawyer. right i mean we can't take that away. from you sure he's a great lawyer. he'll be representing the taliban. soon. the taliban will have alan dershowitz. and he'll go people are mad because i. represented the taliban. that's why they're angry he's going to. keep doing controversial things to take. the heat off the whole epstein thing. if he was smart right now he'd be in.

afghanistan. defending the taliban. so that people. you know. [Music]. uh forget that he's been accused. and where is jizz lane maxwell's trial. just to check in on that piece of news. see what's going on. where is she what's going on with jesus. how is this woman. yeah they're trying to they're trying to. get prince andrew yeah trying. the royal family may just hang him out. to dry huh. i didn't think that was gonna happen but.

it's very possible the royal family saw. andrew you know what. we don't like you that much anyway. you're sort of odd you blink a lot you. don't sweat. strange. so the royal family. prosecutors asked judge to withhold the. names of just lane maxwell's uncharged. co-conspirators from her. meaning. go down here this is interesting federal. prosecutors urged a judge not to force. them to provide. chizlane maxwell a complete list of her.

uncharged co-conspirators urging that. those that. disclosure risks quote harm to the. government from restricting its proof at. trial. you wonder if she's gonna try to have. him whacked. oh yeah yeah although it's not required. to do so the government can state that. as of the date of this letter and. although the government may change its. view as it prepares for trial it. currently intends to introduce. co-conspirator statements at trial from. only two individuals okay.

maxwell asked to learn their identities. earlier as one of the categories of. information her defense team requested. to avoid a trial by ambush she wants to. know she goes i have a right to know. who's diming on me in open court. i have a right to know so that those. people can get threatened. it's what's going on. she goes i should know who they are. there is accordingly no significant risk.

that the defense will be surprised at. trial by a profound. profusion of co-conspirators in their. statements even if the government. identifies statements for use at trial. from additional co-conspirators the. letter says this court has twice. concluded. that no bill of particulars is warranted. because the defendant has adequate. information to prepare for trial. um. and avoid unfair surprise. julie k brown at the miami herald whose. reporting has been widely credited with. sparking epstein and maxwell's. prosecutions alpine the transparency has.

been getting worse on the dockets her. public records battles in court led to. the release of thousands of pages which. included the names of prominent men. allegedly implicated in epstein's. conspiracy despite that flood of. documents courts remain under pressure. to keep more files under wraps and. heavily redacted. so it'll be interesting to see which um. how they go so push to november now was. july push to november right in the.

height. of the uh the delta storm right yeah. well it'll be interesting i'm gonna say. that maxwell gets. like. look at this jizzlane maxwell reportedly. sells house where alleged sex crimes. occur. she's offloaded her now notorious london. home. 2.5 mil. the socialite acts of late pedophile.

jeffrey epstein had put her muse house. in the super exclusive belgravia. neighborhood. on the market for 2.7 million. her spokesman uh first confirmed earlier. this year was finally bought by a. property developer. for around 2.42 million the house has. long played a central role in her sex. ring scandal. yeah. and this is where uh prince andrew was. photographed hugging his accuser.

when she was just 17. well. she dumped some real estate she's. she needs money like everything else. like everybody else she needs money and. uh. i'm sure. meanwhile max what would be sad about. the sale for london quote refuge because. it held happy memories her spokesman. told the mail. what's great is that these people forget. like what they're on trial for. and they have to pretend that none of. it's real. so they have to like release statements.

like that. well it was a refuge darling and there. was many happy memories there. so many happy memories that. i just will miss it i'll miss sipping. tea in the yard and. so many happy memories of drugged up. children running around. you know prince andrew chasing girls. through the through the hall just. chasing them through the corridor. um. yeah she's still in brooklyn. well. our tour rolls on folks uh uh you know.

assuming that i don't collapse from. exhaustion i'm getting stronger every. day i did uh 20 minutes last night in. um. austin texas so we're at the chicago. improv in schaumburg everyone's like oh. it's no chicago it's the suburbs hey man. that's where the seats are right. i'm already doing 10 [ __ ] shows. uh i i which i shouldn't even be doing. i you know i'm not going to be doing 30. [ __ ] shows it's. i need a bigger room so schaumburg. improv there are some tickets left.

because we've opened all of these up i. believe. at full cap. some of them say they're sold out i. don't know but let's see but it might be. tickets. try to figure it out. september 9th corpus christi texas. mesquite street comedy. okay. september 23rd. through the 25th baltimore maryland. october 7th. through the 9th milwaukee wisconsin.

uh. wednesday october 20th. through the 21st is spokane washington. um and then there's a theater run that. we're announcing too the beacon theater. thursday november 11th in new york. that's going to be big. um and of course our our dates in san. diego that got rescheduled because of. coven. um. which i said family emergency but i knew. i knew i probably had coven so i said it. was a family emergency and then i. finally got the test back and they're. like it's kovan.

um. but i was like i can't go because he was. saying negative but i'm like there's no. way. um san diego in december but the beacon. theater is gonna be the big one in new. york stand up live podcast um it's. really cool. um. we've moved a lot of tickets already and. uh we're very excited about it but all. right listen let me go drink some. [ __ ] water with lime. to get my throat uh going patreon.com. for the bonus episodes uh support our.

the products um that we sell on the show. it helps support us uh we appreciate you. guys buying live tickets and then the. merch will drop some new merch in. december around the holidays we'll give. you ample time. for that we're not always trying to. shove merch down your throat fake. business was awesome people. uh are happy with that seemingly and uh. you know we're gonna try to do something. a little different. in. um. december something smaller maybe one or.

two items. in december for those people that didn't. grab the fake business stuff or want. some other stuff the quality of the last. merge drop was really high. uh the the hoodies and. everything like that there's some really. cool stuff there and we're working on. something. that will have the same quality. uh perhaps we can bring down the price. that's our hope in december because i. know people going to be buying a lot of. different things. you know socks from cody co or whatever. so we just want to make sure that.

everybody can we love cody buy. everything from him but. uh we know you're spreading yourself out. you know. um so we're gonna try to do something. that is. uh. cost effective. um and i do wanna go to. afghanistan to do a benefit. for the the women's foundation. the reason i'm not. is because i i i get it. you know.

and i don't want to be left on a tarmac. in. kabul because that's. you got to really assess why you're. doing what you're doing you have to. really truly uh because everybody who. does charity real charity. should be prepared to be left on the. tarmac in kabul. it shouldn't just be. some dinner party in the hamptons you. should actually. have to put your money where your mouth. is and and go to kabul.

and. it's not the worst thing listen a lot of. those women that went over there man. whoever. this will be a very interesting part of. your life. i truly believe that. i believe it will be an interesting uh. part of your life and i don't think that. you should necessarily look at it as. something negative. i think you should look at it as a as a. positive development you know. because. you know. this is the way it is now.

and. you know. that's the thing like. you know the taliban. is the real version of the fascism that. you people. constantly moan about being here. you know our fascists are inept they're. incapable they're drinking martinis in. uh. florida they can't oppress you that much. although they'd love to perhaps. um. but the taliban can. they like.

have a real singular focus. on. creating a society that is sufficiently. religious. and uh they're gonna do that and um. i hope everyone gets out i hope all the. translators get out i hope all the. people that. uh were there to do charity get out but. that seems unrealistic. right now because you trusted the united. states. and you went to do a good thing but. sometimes. the price of doing a good thing is.

seeing it through. and now you're gonna have to see it. through. i would suggest go the other way if you. were there to work for a woman's charity. right now. go hard the other way i'm talking burka. start whipping women in the street. you're gonna need to kind of. you are going to need. to. figure out how to ingratiate yourself. with the leadership so if you were a. translator and you could delete your.

history so they don't know who you are. you got to be the behander. wouldn't that be great if you went over. to afghanistan to help and now you're. the behander. you're just be handing thieves or people. that maybe aren't thieves. and you go you know i came over here i. was working uh. i was working with a uh you know what. teach afghani children uh about. capitalism. uh thing and we were gonna have gary vee. come over and do a talk it was great we. came over with a uh.

you know teach afghanis about investment. teach afghans about investment um and we. were teaching uh students how to be uh. hustlers and grinders. and start their own energy drink company. but. that all went bad i couldn't get out and. now i'm the behander. and i just i just. i just lob people's hands off and i. throw them in a bucket. you know. it's a different hustle. it's a different grind but ultimately.

it's the same thing right is it life. simple can you just enjoy the simplicity. of life i say this to all the women. there now that we're americans or. whatever and all the people that are. trapped can you just enjoy a simplified. life maybe you don't need starbucks. just enjoy a simplified life. enjoy the simple pleasures of. theocratic fascism the real kind. yes it's gonna suck for a little bit but.

adjustments are tough change is never. easy it's never easy. i feel like them standing on the tarmac. at [ __ ] what's this airport called oh. in kabul no in austin oh austin. bergstrom yeah standing on the tarmac at. austin bergstrom waiting to leave i. which i'm leaving in a few months i have. a. similar feeling. a similar feeling i'm one of the last. ones out i'm going to be.

one of the last ones out. and as i look out at the plane and i see. people falling off it and i see just. people running around with burqas eating. brisket. performing at comedy clubs that aren't. comedy clubs you know as i look at all. those damned doomed people just running. through the drunken melee. you know i'm gonna say to myself we. never. should have invaded.

we never. should have invaded. places have cultures. and those cultures matter and they're. resilient and the austin they're gonna. take it back they're gonna take it back. from joe rogan and elon musk those. drunken savage animals those complete. failures those thoughtless nothings are. going to come back and it may take them. 20 years i imagine it'll take them a lot. less than that they're gonna float on. their rafts and that beer piss lake they.

all like and they're gonna float right. to shore and they're gonna waddle off. all coved up and brown recluse spit and. they're gonna just walk in all drunk. full of taco farts and they're gonna go. my friend's got a show tonight he's in a. bed. and you're gonna look at these brainless. zombies and go you know what this place. is theirs. it's theirs it's not the tech people and. it's not joe's and it's not elon's it's. none of that.

it is for those brainless. zombies we never. should have invaded but now we can make. it right we can get out and let them do. what they're gonna do because the austin. taliban will be back. and better than ever.