#253 - Jenner's Joyride | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show audio only episode how. [ __ ] are we how disrespectful. what contempt we have for our fans. we're back in the studio next week we're. having the studio. amped up we're moving we got a new space. in austin the studio is going to look. the same. don't worry your little heads about it. it's going to be great. but we need to have it done we're having. the pillows fluffed and the curtains. steamed and.

the neon sign is being moved and. all of that and and i want to apologize. for. canceling some of the spots in la i am. no longer in la. i am not in la all of the instagram. photos that i have uploaded at sushi. restaurants and at the beach. are from other places they were taken. years ago and uploaded today. i am not here i want to perform in. backyards and alleys. i'm listen here's the deal with with. spots you people have to realize this.

and i and and i'm i'm terribly. saddened by the fact that many people. don't get this when i do a spot. on a show i am doing a. 10 minute set maybe 15 potentially 12. it is not my show i am not headlining it. i have no control over the show i don't. know when. i'm gonna go up and if i book a lot of. those spots in a night. sometimes with la traffic and [ __ ] like. that i can't get to one of them truly.

and sometimes when it's a place like the. haha comedy club which i don't. didn't know anything about but it was an. alley with 12 people in it i walk in and. then i walk out. because i don't want to be there you see. i want to do. something else so i do it and i'm. sorry that you bought seven tickets to. it for your. birthday your birthday. at the haha comedy club in an alley it's. not. tim dillon's headlining and we're gonna. have a great time it's tim dylan's going.

and doing ten minutes. probably the majority of which is me. going on stage going i don't want to be. here. i walked into the haha comedy club which. is it was. outside they're not inside it's outside. and there were. eight audience members or ten that i. counted there was a girl on stage a. white girl with like a bob marley hat. going if aliens land they're just gonna. go on rogan and do dmt. i don't know who this person is i have. not booked her. i am sorry you had to suffer through.

that i apologize for that. but this is what happens when i do i. don't do a ton of spots i'm usually out. on the road. doing my own shows headlining and those. are the shows that. i show up to and are good and i try to. do the other ones but sometimes. there's a problem there's traffic. there's crime. there's homeless and that. prevents me from getting to the spot. because i'm on my way the i was on the.

way to a spot and i i tripped and fell. into a sushi restaurant for three hours. and it happens because of the violence. on the streets. i was i was walking down the street and. then there was a gang of palestinians. beating me up and i said i'm an irish. catholic. and the only refuge i uh could take was. to spend. three hours eating sushi and not. going to the thing i apologize. when it's a headlining show it's a. headlining show.

you know when it's a spot and i'm doing. 10 minutes i try to get to all of them. that i can. and it it it should be a thing where if. you like the whole lineup go. don't go just for me go if you like. everybody if you go i love. i like the scar brothers good go to that. go we're it's a it's a it's a a group. effort. is what i'm saying you could stay home. and watch barbin star the new movie. barbie start which i can't recommend.

uh more i mean barb and star. it's so good it doesn't have a plot and. there's no jokes but it's very. brightly colored it's brightly colored. and it's very um serene. there's blues and greens and there's. musical numbers and it's some snl alum. uh getting their funny on uh so you can. you can always watch barbie star but. genuinely.

message me if you bought a lot of. tickets to the haha. comedy uh uh parking lot. and you're offended that you could not. see me do 12 minutes. i apologize i will try to get you into. some of the headlining shows. but this is the difference between when. a comedy show is a headlining show that. i am putting on and a show that i'm. being promoted on the lineup but i. really don't know what's going on and i. tried to get to the haha. the the first time not the second um.

but the problem is if you book too many. of these spots in a night it's hard to. get to all that and. and i and i try but a lot of these shows. in l.a god bless everyone they're in. backyards. some of them are very fun and support. them but support them because you love. comedy not just me. there's a lot of me out there and and. and uh. there's other people out there you know. i just. it's it's you know doing spots is. something i've done for 12 years. it's it's not as fun anymore uh doing. them it's not as fun anymore.

to have to make small talk with anthony. jeselnik who. shared an article saying that comedy had. an alt-right problem that the new. republic decided to publish. uh anthony jeselnik who made his bones. doing boston marathon bombing jokes. has now decided he's the arbiter of what. is and isn't appropriate to be said on. stage. and i have to go and speak to him like. he's an actual human being. that's what i have to do that's part of. my career i have to uh. speak to him like he's a person he's a. great joke writer.

the comedy's not really for me i'm more. interested in human beings carbon based. life forms. but what he does is you know great and. people love it. but that's what spots are i have to sit. in a green room and uh. talk to him uh even though i know that. he shared an article. uh that seeks to uh take everybody that. i know his career away. um but you know we i gotta sit there and. go yeah. how are you oh they're good yeah the. audience is good good to see you.

and i [ __ ] on austin all the [ __ ]. time i [ __ ] on it all the time but. you know a lot of these people in la i. mean they've got another thing coming. i don't know what the hell they think is. going to go on i mean you guys can you. do spots for the rest of your life. do spots and stand in parking lots and. smoke cigarettes for the rest of your. life i don't. you know hey enjoy that good. enjoy that and let me know when you can. afford that uh 12 million dollar house. out here let me know.

let me know when you can afford that 12. million. home let me know when your vision board. starts to work out. keep me updated keep me abreast of that. because i got a nice house and it ain't. big. it's fine and it's big enough for me. and we're gonna pay that we're gonna. we're gonna podcast and make content. we're gonna do shows on the road. and we will come to la uh from time to. time to do spots. and just understand what those spots are. i mean it's.

you know it's not something where i can. really uh control everything that. happens i do my best. uh to get to the spots i do i do my best. but there are. there are there are problems with. getting to all. those spots there are dinners there are. things i'd rather do there is. laying in a bed there is smoking. cigarettes on the street. there is talking to a hotel valet and. deciding that i find him more. interesting than doing it. there are all kinds of problems because. of the violence because of the.

homelessness. do you see lori lightfoot mayor of. chicago who. i can't describe how much i enjoy. lori lightfoot i can barely put into. words. how obsessed i am with this woman. uh she's uh somebody messaged me on. instagram and they said you try. reasoning with this. menace she's a menace she's destroying. one of the great american cities but. somebody else would be if she wasn't and.

she's a lot of a fun she looks like a. batman villain she's a lesbian. and there's all kinds of rumors that. she's like cheating on her wife. and uh you know she's uh i don't know. using state money and she's taking like. broads to shitty hotel rooms and i mean. she's now refusing to talk to anybody. who's not black she won't talk to white. reporters anymore. uh there's pictures of her with these. big balloon pants like she wears. ill-fitting clothes they don't fit and. i mean she's just an absolute legend she. wears uh.

you know these weird like uh suits. and then she wears uh these fedoras and. she walks around like a batman villain. like i picture her like. walking down the street in a zoot suit. with a fedora on and a cane just. you know hitting homeless people but. lori lightfoot azar is is our hero here. she's our hero. and she's forcing the if you want to. talk to her in chicago you're going to. have to do blackface. if you are a reporter in chicago that is. white. and you want to talk to lori lightfoot. you have to do blackface she's given you.

no choice you should be. you should not be. uh even in the slightest bit of trouble. for painting your face black to talk to. the mayor of chicago lori lightfoot if. you are. curious as to what's going on but laurie. uh has an open invitation on this show i. will get a black. translator here and i will ask questions. to the black person to then be asked to. laurie lightfoot.

because we like laurie so much we. appreciate. she's a goon and if there if there's one. thing that we respect and we love and we. appreciate. it is a goon and uh. we love her and we just want to say that. even though we're white and by the way. we're sorry about that we had very. little control over it. we wouldn't trade it as louis c.k said. because it does seem to be easier. but not now because we want to talk to. lori lightfoot in fact that's. every day i just want to speak uh to.

lori lightfoot and. and see i mean her name just her name. is perfect everything about her is. absolutely perfect. my dream is a caitlyn jenner lori. lightfoot. presidential ticket caitlyn of course. headlining it more name recognition. but lori lightfoot as the vp kind of. like a dick. cheney a power player behind the scenes. pokes are fedora wearing head out every. now and then. shuffles on the stage in an ill-fitting.

suit and then lays down the law. that's what we hope that's what we're. going for. um but we are. kind of unironically supporting caitlyn. jenner on this show. um i like caitlyn i think she's. an example of true diversity in a. country that claims to want it. and does not we do not want diversity. we want young good-looking.

ethnically diverse but usually. ethnically ambiguous. people that all have the same life. experiences. views thoughts we like mediocrity. uh we do not like um greatness. and caitlyn say what you will. is an example of greatness decathlete. olympian how many gold medals do we know. oh let me see. i mean a woman who has.

truly lived. many lives and she's. she's what the state of california needs. yeah and 76 for the decathlon won the. gold medal. yes amazing she's a denizen of the. country club. she's a denizen of the she likes. diversity the way. a lot of people of her generation like. it they like seeing it on tv. they don't want it too close.

they um you know she doesn't really. love the homeless. she wants them gone she's a country club. uh trans person who. murdered two people in a car. and acts like it doesn't happen she's. just heading down the pch. a hundred miles an hour remembering the. good times remembering people.

putting gold medals around her neck. before she was subjugated to a. tertiary role in that family of. armenians that lived in calabasas. caitlyn strutted around that house like. a nobody like a nothing. like an afterthought while everyone else. engaged in. feuds and scandals caitlyn. just kind of played it close to the vest. very quietly would go out and golf.

offer a few words of wisdom when asked. but rarely asked. caitlin was really an afterthought on. that show but all the while. caitlyn was sitting there going i am. cooking up. a way to come back big. big and caitlyn. had known for a while that that caitlyn. who was known at that time as. we will say like voldemort the is the.

name that cannot be mentioned because it. will be dead naming and we will be. kicked off. but caitlyn there was another iteration. of caitlyn. bouncing around and caitlyn knew. that that wouldn't do she said i've. always felt like caitlyn. and but i don't want to change who i am. i don't want to ch. i don't want to not be rich and i don't. want to not. be uh you know. a person that likes law and order.

and money and country clubs. she likes that and why shouldn't she. she's good at things right caitlyn does. things. very well so she likes people who. also do things very well yeah she's a. bit insensitive. yes the only mexican people she's spoken. to are giving her guacamole. i understand that i understand that.

maybe. she's a little culturally unhip if you. will. caitlyn spent a little too long on the. golf course. a little too much time in calabasas. doesn't really. uh regard uh diversity as anything else. uh other than like uh a quinceanera on a. malibu beach that's getting a little. too loud. but caitlyn's important this is an.

important figure in america we need. more trans people that come from this. background. we don't need more trans nerds do we. do we need more tumblr trans people. i don't think so it's like we don't need. more gays. that are wearing leather and pink thongs. doing cartwheels down the street. we need more gays like me people who. look. like they work on the docks people who.

look like they're a crooked cop or they. have a gambling addiction. people like me we need more of us we we. get it we get that gays some of them are. very fashionable. and uh you know white women like to keep. them in their purse and take them out. so that they can interpret them while. they get hammered in orange county. we understand that those and we know. that gays are. very talented and many of them are in. theater and. there are quite a few of them as flight. attendants telling you to put your mask. over your nose you know. clearly not a dream job but you can junk.

up you can do a lot of drugs and then. [ __ ] people. in the different places you land and. then get out of there it's not the worst. job. for a gay but we just don't need more of. them in the public eye because we get it. in the same way we don't need more. tumblr trans people. we don't need more people who've lived. their entire lives. uh in a computer we don't need more. trans people that really like. anime what we need is a country club. trans [ __ ] that's not taking any [ __ ].

we need somebody to pull up in a bentley. and get out in a christian louboutin. la bhutan and walk into a restaurant and. sit down and if she spies the tent. on her way in she's unhappy. that's what we mean am i wrong. i am not wrong yes or yes. if trans people are to represent the. fullness of human experience as they. should.

why in god's name wouldn't we have a. wealthy. trans olympian who's a bit out of touch. a little lucille bluth in her. she doesn't really tolerate uh too much. self-pity she doesn't like it you can. tell. that caitlyn jenner's a tough [ __ ] she. is. she doesn't really tolerate you if. you're going to she doesn't like the. whimpering. oh i don't have money oh i was just in.

the middle lane on the pch. any of those things she doesn't like it. it doesn't matter because she's got. somewhere she wants to go. and it's usually a 12 000 square foot. beautiful desert home. and i am supporting her because i. unlike everyone else care about. diversity. and it would greatly help trans people i. had a joke when i first started comedy. we need more gay people and gangs. we need more violent gay people gay.

people that other people are afraid of. you know in the same way that uh trans. people. we need strong trans people. uh insensitive trans people. people who have money and aren't ashamed. of it. people who are willing to tell you that. they are better than you. she's a conservative gal she. did an interview with sean hannity in. her airplane. hangar it was one of the greatest things.

i've ever seen. a great spectacle of political theater. okay now miss lightfoot who we love. is not at this level yet hopefully she. will get there. but uh caitlyn is a spectacle not for. her. transition but for all the reasons that. i had mentioned. it's it's a total package she is dare i. say. the total package and what i love about. caitlyn is she speaks kind of like trump. off the cuff.

she has called herself a disrupter she's. a disrupter. she's going to disrupt not only the. state of california which i imagine. she'll destroy in four to six months. but i don't care it's neither here nor. there to me i want to be entertained for. my. small house in texas it's not that big. but i want to be entertained i will of. course. be watching it very closely uh i imagine. caitlyn won't do anything. uh too much worse than gavin news some. although she might i don't know. um but i think california should have a.

caitlyn jenner they had an. arnold schwarzenegger they should have a. caitlyn jenner and. as you listen to me you're kind of. agreeing with me here she's not gonna go. too. far to the right because she's trans and. and and and she gets it but she's not. gonna go too far to the left. because she's a multi-millionaire. olympian who's killed people. that's the different i know that she. killed them. on accident but here's what i like about. caitlyn and this is what i think a chief. executive needs. and the governor of the state is an.

executive look at caitlyn jenner. listen to her talk do you think. she spends one minute. of her day thinking about the people she. killed. do you think when she's ordering i don't. know. huevos rancheros out there at the club. do you think she's sidelined even for a. minute. thinking about the two lives she ended.

in malibu no. much like george h.w bush who probably. didn't think too much about his partner. when that plane went down years ago. go to the archives i think. caitlyn has shown tremendous strength in. being able to kind of just go on about. her day-to-day life. without thinking too much and who are. the people by the way that she killed do. we know. let me look it up because i know that. see if it's public i know it was an. accident when i say murderer i'm kidding.

i don't think she did it intentionally. i'm just saying i don't think it keeps. her up at night which i think is. important. she's going to be making big decisions. and running a state. she can't always be guilt-ridden. stricken with feelings of despair oh. god it's the [ __ ] hello. how are you good.

uh we can't unfortunately well what what. what time. what time does it become available. okay uh uh. what's the temperature like down there. what time is it now ben it's uh 1 51 p.m. uh. no sorry buddy we appreciate it thank.

you. one of the cabanas became open we're on. a wait list. tea. but i can we can't do it now we're in. the middle of the show. i can't just leave here and go to a. cabana. but it's the high 60s grazing the 70s we. can go in the. pool though yeah see this is what i. think caitlyn jenner thinks about. instead of the two people that she left.

dead on the side of the road. do you understand and why shouldn't she. yes there are problems. but caitlyn understands that problems. aren't real if you can't see them. here's something new you know how the. price of gold has been all over the. place lately now there's a way to buy. gold through a company called acre acre. lets you subscribe to gold bars for as. little as 30. a month you pay each month and once your. gold stash reaches the price of their. gold bars. they discreetly ship acre gold to your. house and just recently aker has. introduced. a new 100 a month subscription for a 5g.

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support the show. this is a way to start a business with. two months free you can ship. all the stuff you're looking to do this. is the best way to do it online. i'm telling you who did she kill ben. okay so the local sheriff's department. determined she was driving her escalade. at an unsafe speed. when she rear-ended 69 year old widow. kim ho's lexus pushing her into oncoming. traffic. hoe died after crashing head-on into the. wolf. molasses so so only only one person died. so the wolf moleski family sued jenner.

over the crash and their court papers. listed extensive injuries. their two sons one was only a month old. and wolf melissa's mother elga maurer. so uh they had cervical spine wait a. minute wait a minute wait a minute. she killed a a one month old no no no no. they're. one month old was injured and also uh. it looks like the mother uh had a. cervical. spine fracture according to the lawsuit. they sound like frauds. um they sound like frauds.

i i mean i i gotta be honest uh so who. only one person died it seems that one. person and she agreed to pay out. eight hundred thousand dollars to the. family oh enough. enough she can rear-end me. push me in oncoming traffic it is said. that the one month old was injured is he. fine now. yeah immediately was fine but wasn't. responding to stimuli at the scene of. the crash went to the hospital and was. totally fine.

she almost killed a baby whatever. i you know it's it's the it's the cancer. culture i don't like. that's that's my biggest problem is the. cancer culture. i don't like to cancel culture. and to cancel her because she almost. killed a baby to me is is unconscious. and. killed a widow just one widow who's what. 69. 69 how much more do you got.

how many gold medals did that widow win. i don't understand you people not. getting what i'm saying here. we need this woman and we need her now. it is sad i'm happy the baby's okay. had the baby died it only would have. proven my point more. do you think that would have sidelined. her campaign if she killed a one month. old. i don't think so that's what i like.

about caitlyn. i think if caitlyn had killed a one. month old baby she still wouldn't really. she might think about it occasionally. but caitlyn knows she knows. can we play her clip yeah i got it right. on the homeless yeah. because this is this is our next. governor. uh in california and i don't live here. don't [ __ ] with me irs i do not live. here. this is a clip of. our next governor or the next governor.

of california. speaking about the homeless california. my friends are leaving california i. actually wrote my hair the guy across. front of referee he was packing up his. hangers where are you going. and he says i'm moving to sedona arizona. i can't take it. anymore i can't walk down the streets. and see the homeless. i don't want to leave okay either i. stay and fight or i get out of here. she's going to fight the homeless.

this is such an important point of her. campaign. listen to the wording her friend from. across the street. probably a guidance counselor or. something public school teacher i. imagined. bus driver. caitlyn is speaking to her friend and. he's saying i can't do it anymore. i can't look at the homeless. kaitlyn's response is then i don't want.

to leave. i want to fight she's going to fight the. homeless. she might go start going on midnight. raids in that escalade. what if caitlyn jenner in her escalade. was just mowing over tent cities. for the betterment of california do you. understand that. driving at an unsafe speed with reckless. abandon. mowing over tent cities mowing over the. homeless. for you the citizen do you get it.

don't you get it this woman is trying to. save you. she's just said she will stay in the. state and. fight the homeless for you. presumably you don't want to do it but. she will. can you play the clip i don't know if. you have it queued up i. i know that you're concerned mainly. about the pga golf. championship that's what you spent most. of your time on. and showing everyone your new shirt that.

your wife boy what does your wife do. the week of your the month of your. birthday she gets me a present every. week leading up to my birthday. is one of those presents anal. what what now why does she do this she. treats it like hanukkah. is that hanukkah they get a present. every day for eight days. oh yeah yeah so i guess she does like a. a different version of that yeah. now does she get you a big present at. the end or do you just get a present. every week no it's just kind of the same. big present every week what have you.

gotten now your birthday is when. june 25th are we even in the month of. june. no she started early because she didn't. want to wait. she gets too excited now. is this the first gift you've gotten uh. i've got two gifts this and then my new. travel bag i have with my initials on it. wow and then the gifts will continue. uh until june 25th when it's your. birthday.

your gift for me is your continued. employment. which is subject to constant review. constant review because. quite frankly i don't know. can you play the clip of the jenner. interview. where she speaks about the police yeah. let me find that. because this is the only time in the. interview where caitlyn lied and i have. to call her out.

because i respect her she lied. she said every time she sees the cops. she pulls. next to them and says thank you for your. service. can you imagine how startled you would. be as a police officer. if caitlyn jenner just pulled up and was. like thank you for your service bars. and then kept going which she does not. do. uh you can tell she's lying here you can. tell she's being honest when she says my. friends hate looking at the homeless. that's true. but when she says um.

when she says something like hey. hey man i just pull over every time i. see a cop. and i say thank you we know that's not. the case. she says thank you to maybe the security. guard uh. at her inner gated community but guess. what even. even no even that no. caitlyn speaks to very few people it's. what i like about caitlyn she has a few.

friends. she speaks to and she has a lot of. employees that she barks at. but she does it like you probably say. that you know everyone on the instagram. is like treat ben better i mean. what do you have this up with caitlyn. okay fox news says caitlyn jenner i'm. 100 behind our police force and they. have a clip here yes. let's see if this is it i don't know if. it is but. we're here tonight in southern. california for our exclusive interview. with caitlyn jenner running. uh to be the next governor of the great.

state of california to replace. gavin newsom let me just ask you about. law and order that we have. you watch the riots this this summer. some democrats. media people wouldn't acknowledge their. riots i have statistics. in la 465 shootings since january. 1st up 67 from last year. homicides up 26 when you look at l.a. county. and how many decisions los angeles well. does he do any of that 13.

and gavin newsom is going to release 76. 000 how many hit and runs. additional inmates for good behavior 63. 000 of them committed violent crimes. would you do that not. at all i think on the. releasing of the prisoners um. criminal justice reform is very. important um. and we need to do that okay we need to. rehabilitate people. in prison and bring them back into the.

community safely. wow caitlin in his case i don't know how. many of these people have actually been. rehabilitated. to go back into society um. and so i am 100. behind our police force every place i go. um if i see a cop here's a lie if i'm. driving and i see a cop i'll put my hand. out the window and give him a thumbs up. um if they're sitting there i'll pull up.

and say hey thank you for your service. you know this citizen appreciates what. you do um i. 100 support our police forces she's. lying. um uh as far as. i would be. as many forces as i could possibly use. to stop the writing protect the citizens. and the businesses of this community.

um i think that's extremely important. the national guard. whatever we need to keep peace what is. the police. the national guard the marines the green. berets navy seals. delta force direct energy weapons how. great if she just kept going. i would use direct energy weapons sean. you know electronic pulses things like. that. you know any type of thing that we had. radiation.

tear gas you know. cluster bombs anything sean. anything to stop the riots any forces. that i could. get my hands on anything. we'll do anything sean we'll never stop. throw a brick to the window of. balenciaga we'll use a direct energy. weapon. i'll i'll i'll tell you right now any.

force of sean. at my disposal and i mean anything. i mean i've got friends when we go to. dinner sean they've got weapons you've. never heard of. me and you've never heard of them but. i'm talking about. some real interesting stuff you know. there's things you can do to people with. magnets you you wouldn't. you wouldn't imagine sean. i mean the things you can do to people. with sound do you know this now sean.

sound you can pulsate energy waves. through the air. that just knock people down they knock. people right on their ass. any and all weapons at my disposal. i'm talking right now with lori. lightfoot. and we're talking about. well i'm just saying we're supporting. caitlyn that's all. that's what i'm saying we're moving on. from that now but i'm saying we're. supporting caitlyn jenner.

because as the the logo of bravo says. watch what happens. you know and i know jimmy kimmel should. honor jimmy kimmel's like is it. transphobic to chlorine a-hole she's. disconnect it's like hey jimmy jimmy. jimmy the joke bombed it's horrible. stop she's funnier than you it's. horrible stop crying on tv. stop pretending like you have any. [ __ ] clue about how to fix the state. or that you give a [ __ ] about the. homeless you make like 25 million. dollars a year. can you stop please this is embarrassing.

now you're in bed you did a show called. the man show. you talked about beer and tits you know. this is embarrassing. you're somehow a statesman now well you. and chelsea handler going to go on a. tour and. you know this is embarrassing chelsea. handler by the way hopefully she's. better. she got the modernist shot and i went. deaf in one ear we uh we're sorry to. hear that. we hope uh chelsea gets better we want. her hearing. out of both ears so i can tell her that. she's a [ __ ].

um but uh jimmy kimmel going after. uh our next governor not r i don't live. here. there in the royal sense. we live in texas i can prove it i don't. have to like austin to enjoy where i. live in texas which is a very pretty. area it's very quiet. people have the guts to say things over. coffee like trump was too liberal. uh but i mean we're getting a little. sick of this act which jimmy kimmel can. you please jimmy kimmel joke please.

it just bombs horribly is it uh. transphobic to call someone a. a-hole or is it is it not. transphobic because we're not. discriminating against a-holes. god christ almighty is it bad. i want to go swimming later i want to. inflict my body on other people. it's nice to stay at a nice hotel and. inflict yourself on others. it makes them understand that no matter. how much money they spend they can't.

really get away from the problems go on. i got it right here yeah please listen. to this uh. tidbit of comedy this is how well. caitlyn jenner understands. the plight of everyday californians here. in l.a. kimmel then showed a clip from her fox. news interview where jenner opened up. about how her friends are quote. leaving california i actually hurt my. hair the guy across front of roof and he. was packing up his hangers where are you. going. and he says i'm moving to uh sedona. arizona i don't take it anywhere.

i can't walk down the streets and see. the homeless here was kimmel's response. ah homeless people can't walk around. them can't fly over them you know. the late-night host went on to say this. is it transphobic to call. a trans person an ignorant a-hole i mean. or does calling that trans person an. ignorant a-hole even though she happens. to be a trans person show that we don't. discriminate against ignorant a-holes. for the full late night segment that's. great by the way i love how they get out. of there before the audience doesn't. laugh. uh what a horrible joke just it's wordy.

and. bad i mean it's bad huh no no. and the other thing is like i don't know. where does jimmy kimmel live with just. general area uh. like mulholland drive like hollywood. hill do you know. yeah yeah how do you know uh whitney. told us where he lives. right yeah and there's a lot of homeless. people up there right with him. uh matt damon's up there yeah that's my. understanding right. is she's jimmy in the homeless singing. kumbaya.

because caitlyn doesn't understand the. needs of everyday californians. but jimmy kimmel does he understands the. needs. of everyday californians okay. whatever better help that's atlp. a lot of people have problems out there. especially getting out of quarantine. there's all these new. anxieties that people are having and you. need to do it you need to go and better. your mental health how do you do it well. you can start communicating in under 48. hours with a professional. counselor online securely there's a.

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has been his famously paid in crypto the. whole crypto market. uh [ __ ] the bad ben now owes me money. for being employed on this show bitcoin. lost what let's rattle off some. statistics. uh it's down about 30 it was 44. 000 like five days ago and it felt all. the way to 32 and it's back up to like. 37 right now as of. yeah but i mean the high was what it was. about almost 60 oh yeah. close to 60 yeah wiped a trillion. dollars off the crypto market now here's.

here's my concern we are going to do. a convention in miami in early june. from june 3rd through the 6th it was. going to be the biggest party. of our lives it was going to be a. celebration of cryptocurrency. a celebration of bitcoin a celebration. of narcissism. a celebration of ourselves it was going. to be a gathering of kooks and. criminals and fun people financial.

libertarians. people that believed in changing the. world and some of them brilliant some of. them not so much. some people just wanting to you know. talk take some adderall and chat. quarantine had been lifted it was going. to be fun. now i'm wondering how fun is this going. to be. is it going to be dark and gloomy and. sad.

i had dinner with the winklevoss twins. the other night they were fans and. wanted to have dinner and we had a nice. dinner in. los angeles and uh they were. smart guys for sure you know i didn't. ask him too much about facebook. i asked him a little but not a lot. they truly true believers crypto. replaces gold it's a reserve currency. they made a lot of great. points i'm with them hey of course i. could see the problem government's. having here. with it the fed's cracking down the irs.

you know i tweeted something today. people are mad at me i'm like. you know governments aren't using. bitcoin to finance wars and bailout. people who lost yachts during the. recession. and people like what's preventing them. from doing that i'm like well i'm sure. they could. at one point but you know like all. there's a finite amount of it they just. can't keep. printing it you know every time you know. benjamin netanyahu needs a suitcase nuke. so that was the point of the tweet so i.

do understand that you know kind of. revolutionary possibilities of it and. i've talked to some very smart people in. that world i am not. that intelligent i i you know i. understand the rudimentary understanding. of blockchain and. and things like that but there's people. much smarter than me uh. and um you know my lack of autism is a. real problem. i think to be honest and i think. autistic people. are privileged in a weird way because. they have such a laser finite focus. like they really just key in on.

something now the smart ones key in on. like blockchain. you know and the other ones key in on. like i don't know something that's not. as. you know like anime something that's not. as profitable. but my lack of autism i'm like not. on the spectrum that i think is a an. issue. do i have asperger can you check read. what asperger maybe i have asperger's. somebody said to me once i think you. have asperger's i'm like i don't think i. do. but i don't know i think it's like a.

lack of awareness. in social situations i have a ton of. awareness in social situations i often. just don't care. okay so uh characteristics of a person. with asperger's. intellectual or artistic interest okay. already yes speech differences. i don't know delayed motor development. what does that mean. uh did it take you a while to learn how. to like walk or like use a pencil. no okay poor social skills it took me a. while to sodomize myself.

like i didn't try that with my finger. until i was. like older but not that old like teens. uh poor i have great social skills i. just hate everyone. the development of harmful psychological. problems. well yeah that i have. uh detail-oriented no. i would say with architecture and stuff. like that like you notice certain things. yeah but none of it matters right i mean. the details of my own life i lost my. hotel key three times. i lose my wallet i lose everything.

uh persistence yes and not socially. driven. uh i don't know what that means i was. socially driven in high school but. people that are socially driven when. they're older. are that's isn't that another problem. yeah. oh and then last two high integrity and. masters of routine. i'll let the audience judge about my. integrity i think i have enough. and then and a man a what a master of.

the routine. yeah uh uh like you you you're addicted. to routine. yeah that is not the case i don't think. i have asperger's. i think the person who told me that that. was years ago and that the person who. told me that i believe was wrong. well i just wanted to figure that out. but it was a fun dinner and i texted him. i said would you guys come on the. podcast i'd love to have you on the. podcast to talk about you know the. volatile weekday. and they have not gotten back to me but. that's okay i'm they're busy. it's been a rough week maybe they will. come on and also maybe not. that's a lot of these people are like.

yeah we love the thing. but we do not want to be sitting next to. you and that's. fair we are. still trying to get somebody uh to. interview for the bitcoin conference in. miami. it's definitely gonna happen some people. are saying about bitcoin that they have. that the bottom has been reached they. think. and then it's going to climb back up you. know kathy wood you know kathy wood. of course you know kathy wood of course. do you know kathy wood.

of arkansas cass do you call her cath. like i do. where does she work arc is her. and she sets price targets doesn't she. yeah she does and. a lot of them are when she sets them. kind of crazy people go we don't think. so. but then she's turned out right like. about tesla correct. interesting you you've been on the cath. wood train. uh i call her cath because i know her. for years. um you've been on the cathy wood train.

for a long time. i was in arkg and arkk there for a while. yeah. yeah what do you like about kathy wood. you want to [ __ ] kathy wood. is that what you want to do is that what. you're trying to do. take your big old texas dick and smack. cathy wood in the face with it how dare. you. how dare you she's a ceo she's a ceo. i suppose yeah it's an etf right so. she's like the leader of the etf. she's the leader yeah.

but there's a man there right as well. doing all the decisions. uh no i think it's just kathy is kind of. calling all the shots but she has a team. of like. people men yes okay. i'm getting nervous a little nervous. there you know. [Music]. it's not a flower shop this is big. business. the fake business hoodies are out we. were going to wear them on the show of.

course they didn't send me my correct. size why why. here's the thing i'll say the quality of. these hoodies is truly amazing. they're soft that the big business. jacket's amazing. it's like [ __ ] you buy in stores it's. really great it's a big step up. i think from the merch we were doing. before which was still good but it's not. nearly as good as this. the people that are involved in merch. are a little brain dead some of these. merch people. you know i mean they're not bad people. but. i mean i mean christ you know.

i mean you're not really dealing with i. mean you know this isn't exactly. you know the best and brightest uh out. there in the merch space. let's just be let's just be honest about. it i mean they're they're. lovely people you know that's something. caitlyn jenner would say at the country. club should go there love they're lovely. people but god. not that bright um. but ben did a lot of work on the merge i. uh. i did some i did a lot too the fake.

business. stuff is really cool it's really cool. that people. uh dig that bit that we did and it's. very funny and it's a cool. the logo is [ __ ] amazing and. the quality of the [ __ ] is really good. it's soft. what is it what uh is it cotton what is. it polyester. let me take this off what is it i don't. know what it is. but whatever it is it's soft and i have. very sensitive skin and. it hasn't given me a rash the this vest. is 100 polyester.

well that's not not good is it. but it is good is it soft for this vest. yeah it's. very soft sometimes you have to use. polyester. get the hoodie see if it's caught let me. see i don't have any problems with. polyester. some people don't like it but they're. stupid. what did kathy woods say about polyester. did she say anything about it has elon.

musk tweeted about it. what is the hoodie. it's um let's see here. it's uh 80 cotton 20 polyester. hey 80 20 nothing wrong with that you. need a little polyester. my mother didn't want me to wear. polyester as a child but i was a gay. cocaine addict. so they were worried about all the wrong. things they were worried about polyester.

and not. cocaine and the fact that i couldn't get. enough penises. as parents he should have been concerned. about that we are working on. a book called the boomer guide to. parenting which is about the great. parenting strategies that my parents. employed with me. um and there's rules about uh. boomer parenting and we're very excited. about it and it should hopefully you. know. it's a few months away from being ready. but. it's uh really great we look back at the. childhood that a lot of people in my.

generation had that are in their you. know mid-30s. and we look back at a lot of the uh. tactics and strategies. uh and lack thereof that our parents. used. when raising us you know they certainly. were not helicopter parents. they were helicopter parents as they. followed the kids around all the time. and they're. right uh the boomers were slightly uh. less involved they were involved in. different ways they used to drop us off. a lot of places. but a deeply selfish generation and uh.

we expose them in the book but it's. funny. it's funny all the recollections of. things like when my father told me son. never overestimate your value he was. right about that. he was right he was he was saying just. listen. don't overestimate your value if you. will do it you couldn't say that to a. kid now. they think it's abuse. they were less right about other things. of course and that's the the majority of. the books is the things they weren't. writing about but at the end there's a. chapter where it's like.

things boomers got right when raising. their kids the key shouldn't. be a helicopter pattern of course you. don't have to go to the extreme that. they did as well. um you know where like somebody's like. my teacher's molesting me and they're. like will you shut up. but there are there are certain benefits. to the way the boomers parented. and we will get into that are you afraid. uh for the. bitcoin are you uh do you think uh i. just we just have to have it. let's start to build because we have.

this convention and i don't really want. it would be funny if these people were. just throwing themselves off balconies. in miami. well i'm seeing some of these [ __ ] coins. like defi 100 are doing exit scams. you seen this yeah well what did that. what did it what did that what. the website said we scammed you and you. can't do anything about it yeah we. scammed you guys and you can't do [ __ ]. about it haha all you moon boys have. been scammed and you can't do [ __ ] about. it. devson [ __ ] you moon boys and they uh. walked away with 32 million in invest. investor funds. well there you go.

that's what happens crypto's getting. raked over the coals i think i think the. bubble. uh which it clearly is an asset bubble. but i think people are starting to. realize that. you have one bitcoin and all these other. coins they got people. into crypto which is what i think people. liked about it like the winklevosses. were like well these other coins you. know hey. are they a waste of time we don't know. but they're getting people interested. in the crypto space and they think.

long term that's really good so they. tolerate the kind of clownish. element to a lot of the other coins uh. then there are people that are saying. that they think ethereum could overtake. bitcoin i read that. zero hedge dropped that article somebody. was saying that i don't know if it was. an analyst. at goldman or somebody i have three. ethereum for my nft. yeah yeah you do i don't know why my nft. did not sell for more i thought it was. gonna sell for 80 million dollars. or i dressed up like megan mccain.

i mean i don't understand what is my. three ethereum worth right now well i. think you wasn't it five ethereum. it was five ethereum that's correct what. is it worth right now let me see the. price of ethereum right now. should i just give that to you and then. have you work for the rest of the year. for free. i mean how much money does he deserve. him and his wife are constantly trying. to get. more out of me the other day he had. something where he said his eyes were. degenerating. so i think she was she probably told him. when they were eating oysters.

in some parking lot in texas she. probably goes you're going to pretend to. be blind and this is how we're going to. suck the rest of the money out of him. and i'm just going to i'm going to lead. you around and it'll make him feel bad. we'll like tug on his heartstrings you. know you're his only friend and. everything and. he goes yeah yeah i feel a little bad. about that she goes no no no don't worry. about it. he knows you have glasses anyway you. take them off you're kind of blind as a. bat. pretend to be blind i'll walk you in to. do the show. just just keep looking around the room. we'll give you these big thick black.

glasses he won't know the difference and. then we'll tell him your eye operation. costs an insane amount of money. we'll get it from him and then you can. you will we'll rent a. we'll do a whole thing we'll say you're. recovering at home. you know and then we'll just get the. money from them and then you can just. kind of you know go back to the show. and i i think that scam was in place. but i called it out as soon as he. went to the eye doctor i said if you and. your wife are thinking that this is. gonna work or will you pretend. to go blind and that i have to pay for.

some crazy. [ __ ] experimental surgery to save you. it'll never happen. i'm not that stupid did you find the. thing i'm talking about. i know oh ethereum yeah yeah yeah so you. you have. 11 845 dollars worth of ethereum now. that's yours thank you that's yours. that's yours that's for the that's for. 2022. that's for your work i don't know why. you keep laughing. all he does all him and his wife do is.

they're they're just trying to. but i'm very much like caitlyn jenner. like i understand. that the parasites come i understand. what a scavenger is i understand what it. is when somebody. uh you know sees you on the side of the. road. and your carry-on you're a carcass and. that's what him and his wife look at me. as. and they like vultures landing on a. longhorn. how about that texas they just want to. rip my decaying flesh off my body.

and i won't let it happen that's why i. support people like caitlyn jenner. people who know who they are. there are some real listen you cannot. buy friends in the world. i've tried it fails i'm telling you. you cannot buy friendship it's really. crazy you think that you could. you should be able to in theory but you. can't. it actually doesn't work but what you. can. buy is the governorship of california.

you can do that i mean that's been. proven. so let's do it again is my point. you know it's interesting you can't buy. friends. it's interesting it's it's something. that. you would think you should be able to do. but you can't but money works really. well. why do you think that is you can't buy a. friends. um i guess because then the love is. unconditional right. what like uh you mean the love is.

conditional. well yeah then the love isn't. unconditional so the love it would be. conditional. would be the correct way to say that. please pipe down. he ruins everything i try to do. i'm staring at half a bottle of beef. eater gin that i didn't drink my friends. came over. it's their anniversary so i had them. come out here and i made the martinis. because i make martinis very well. in and out we didn't even do vermouth. last night we did the dry so you could. do just gin stir it you don't want to. bruise the gin.

you don't want to shake a martini until. it has all those little ice uh you know. that's not what you do. uh chin shouldn't be that cold it should. be chilled. i know a lot about gin but i'm staring. at it you know it's so funny i'm at the. point in my recovery now as an alcoholic. where i don't even want to drink. it i don't even i look at it and i don't. see that it's the solution to any of my. problems. you know i look at it and i go oh that's. funny so that's crazy 10 or 11 years in. 11 years into not drinking and doing. drugs. you can stay overnight in a hotel room. with a half bottle of gin and there was.

not one. part of me that thought of drinking it. like there was not one part of me there. was not. one uh ember of my being. a fiber of my being whatever that. expression is that i thought you know. maybe i should just sneak a shot. what would a shot feel like you know. would it make the cigarette better. if i just did a little shot just to warm. me up before i go outside. it was not one part of me so i'm i'm. very i'm i'm. proud of that i'm proud of that you can. do a lot sober.

that's the thing you have to realize if. you're out there you're struggling. uh with drugs or with uh with quitting. drinking you have to realize. how much you can do sober and then how. this huge part of your life will. eventually not become a part of your. life at all. that's really amazing like this isn't. even a part of my life it's literally. just sitting on a counter. i have no. business with it i have no business with. it. you know what i mean and just to prove. that i drank the whole bottle i said. i am so past this no i'm kidding.

ben was funny ben goes it's just i'm. saying all this in the bottle's water. like i just filled it up with water. that's what we used to do to my. grandmother steal her booze and then put. water in and. god love her we miss her um but you. could you could do a lot sober. this thing that's this huge part of your. life and i know a lot of people listen. to the show probably with problems. this huge part of your life actually. becomes not a part of your life. it's amazing it's truly amazing but you. gotta fight. just like caitlyn jenner said you gotta.

fight you gotta fight the homeless. you gotta fight them you gotta use every. weapon. at your disposal in the same way that. caitlyn jenner will use a direct energy. weapon. on homeless people you have to use. every ember of your being. to fight the need to pour yourself a. drink because it doesn't. it doesn't fix your problems and it. never will it'll just it'll just. fix them for a short period of time for.

a short period of time but it will not. it will not turn things around to turn. things around you got to know who you. are you have to know who you are that. the happiest people in the world aren't. actually that happy. happy people that are overtly happy are. actually. um you know i mean the annoying kind of. happy they're they're. actually not that happy uh they're uh. they're on a drug and the drug is. themselves and it's quite annoying and. it's. troubling if you're in their presence oh. my god.

it's like whoa the happiest people in. the world. are caitlyn jenner caitlyn knows exactly. who she is and she always has. it transcends gender it transcends. class she's just caitlyn. that's who she is that's who she'll. always be most at home. eating mexican food served by white. people. at a country club most at home.

sitting in the backyard of a mansion. occasionally thinking about the great. things she's done. that's where she is that's why she's the. perfect person to lead the state of. california. because she knows who she is she doesn't. lose sleep she doesn't go what if the. baby died. she doesn't lose sleep over it she goes. i will use any force at my disposal any. force. any force at my disposal doesn't matter. what it is.

it doesn't matter what i've got friends. of raytheon the things they can do. sean shawn the things they can do. are are amazing it's it's so funny to me. because shawn like you you. you come from a generation like me where. you had to get out there and shoot. people with guns remember vietnam. you'd have to shoot them with guns in. their face now sean. what you can do with with energy. with vibrations you can do things with. vibrations.

that knock people down and you don't. kill them. you don't kill these people you terrify. them you scare them. and they fall down and some of them. might have seizures sure. but what you what you do is you you keep. law and order sean. and i'm very excited uh to really start. using more of those methods and i think. every time i see a police officer every. time i see it i don't care who it is. i don't care if it's derek shelvin i. don't care who it is. i i just pull over my car i just give. him the thumbs up.

i give him the thumbs up and. occasionally i yell out the window. who are you killing today boys who are. you shooting today boys. because i'm behind our cops 100 that's. a happy person she doesn't. feel the need to lie to you. or conform to what your idea. of what she should be is she is quite. happily an olympian a father.

a mother a murderer and she will. be the next governor of the state of. california. and she will be the next president. of the united states and there will. be hell to pay.