#241 - Live From Cleveland | The Tim Dillon Show

give it up for dasha and anna from the. red scare podcast. [Applause]. cleveland what the [ __ ] is up. this this city my. favorite fact that i've just learned. about cleveland. is that a councilwoman uh has. issued a travel advisory not for syria. but for east cleveland there is a travel.

advisory. currently for the eastern half. of this city because there are. so many police chases this is a fact. [Laughter]. covent is like number seven of what's. destroying. there is covet hid here 30 years ago. ah there are so many police chases it's.

[ __ ] up the traffic. like people are getting an accident. because. cops are just ramming [ __ ]. pedestrians. on their way to apprehend a murderer. or something like that terrifying you've. never been to a place like this. never i'm a sweet west texas boy yeah. he's never been. to this place every i've been here five. years in a row. because comedy is good here yeah.

comedy is very good here comedy is. always good. in places where people do not have hope. this is a fact in places whereas the. great chris hedges would say people. fetishize hope comedy my comedy is tough. but here i mean this restaurant and it's. lovely. is the nicest place in cleveland this is. it by far. this is it i mean rotisserie chicken.

that's it that's the best you're gonna. do. in cleveland yeah you get a fried pickle. the food here is puzzling to me. the polish boy sandwich which is. a guy in the bat what do you mean come. on dick come on. it's a it was a kielbasa french fries. barbecue sauce and uh. coleslaw right is that what it is.

i mean he doesn't even know whatever. woody allen did. is not as bad as that let's just say. that right now. i don't care what allegations come out. about woody allen. juan the tide is turning rogan texted me. today the tide is turning for woody. really that's what rogan said what's the. evidence he also said water cured cove. he's like it's like the movie signs.

ma'am it's water yeah just one of us. those. same night shyamalan man let's throw. water on it ma'am. [Laughter]. hey i've done it eight times if he. doesn't have me back it is what it is. burn the bridges after you've crossed. them multiple times that's what i said. [Laughter]. but no it's uh woody i. did you see the first episode yeah put.

the whole family in jail. everyone mia that's god she has a god. complex you don't adopt. 17 children from war-torn countries if. you don't expect. some of them to get [ __ ]. she's importing taiwanese ladyboys. for her perv husband she's not even.

adopting regular kids. she's adopting sex dolls from a un. human trafficking list. and i just keep looking at him if he's. gonna cut our mics but it's. so it's so crazy i want them all in jail. i want mia in jail. is she even asian she looks so weird i. don't know. what is her race it's troubling. what is me of pharaoh's race.

i don't know i want to know she's irish. she's supposed to be irish. she looks like a banshee like an old. irish banshee. and she just adopted those [ __ ] kids. and and i think they should all just be. put away all of them in jail moses. that little [ __ ] harry potter yeah. the little. woody allen guy i hope moses is accused. of something soon. because moses is defending woody allen.

hardcore. yeah moses is out right now going that's. my [ __ ] bro. nice don't [ __ ] he took me fishing yeah. he took me fishing he. gave me a buck i bought me a pair of. glasses he gives a [ __ ]. who he [ __ ] he married my sister. it doesn't matter because moses you got. to throw that in you got to be like yay. [ __ ] married my sister who cares. he's my dad ish kinda i don't know. didn't live with us barely saw him put.

dylan in jail too for that [ __ ] hair. that red hair nothing justifies that. i don't care what happened i don't care. if. [ __ ] i don't care what happened you. cannot have blood red hair. and be taken seriously i don't feel any. sympathy for you. sitting there with blood red hair and. you know it's just rough here's the. thing with dylan and this is like me. i was hot as a kid legit.

let me be very careful about how i. phrased my issue here with dylan farrow. do you see where i'm going here if i. was talking about molested now you'd go. i don't know. see what i mean but if i was a kid. that's why they keep. having to show dylan as a kid because. hbo is a little pedo. weird too they're like no but remember. she. did look like this like because dylan's.

like he would just take me to the. [ __ ] attic and hbo is like okay let's. edit in. because it's not believable. at this juncture it is very i mean she. looks like she lives here you know like. it's not. i'm sorry but she does [ __ ]. if you saw dylan farrow [ __ ] serving. beer cheese pretzels. or whatever people eat here. half the city's a hospital that's the. other thing i love about cleveland.

literally half the city's a clinic half. the entire city is a [ __ ] clinic. people just i walked into a restaurant. once people just getting ekgs i'm like. oh. i was like oh i thought this was the. ground round but apparently it's not. but dylan dylan has a problem that i. have we did not age into our sex appeal. we didn't that's okay. but when you're describing those events. you know it's a little like we're like. her because everybody's kind of doing.

that everyone's like wait a minute. really i hope it all works out but hbo. [ __ ] up because they're releasing it. what is it once a week. it looks like once a week which it's who. the [ __ ] yeah here's the thing. with pedophile documentaries i know a. little bit about them. i know a little bit about pedophilia you. got to binge it. you got to get in and out. you got to get in and out of a good. pedophile doc you can't. be waiting because then you seem like a.

creep. if you're waiting for the next. installment. like you seem like a freak if you're out. to launch you turn around you go. you know what i'm really uh waiting for. [Music]. i'm waiting for the next installment of. the woody allen to huh. i think this time he [ __ ] her i'm. waiting for that baby. give it to me you can't do that you can. have four watch parties you can't have. four.

woody allen watch parties. get a hero come to the house this is the. episode where they go to the attic okay. i'm getting the cake a casada cake. the uh which is good it's a cleveland. cake it has um. very dry uh angel food cake that's old. and and a strawberry-ish. jelly and whipped cream so it's lovely. it's lovely oh it's it is.

top of the lime but you know but i hope. hey man i hope i hope when he makes it. out okay i have no uh. you know it is what it is you know i. mean i hope he didn't do it. yeah mostly that. goes without saying i respect he didn't. do it. i respect mia and dylan so [ __ ] yeah. like if they're still. doing this [ __ ] to this [ __ ] guy.

with hbo cameras on him and they're. still sitting there. and they're still going along man am i. [ __ ] like. wow all know it's [ __ ] if if dylan. and mia start a podcast together like. after this is all wrapped. and they just do a podcast about. socialism. after this. yeah what's what's the product launch. yeah that's true what's the merch line. the mia feral skin cream. yeah the mia faro.

i mean she literally this is a fact. i don't know if this is a fact but i saw. it. she adopted a black daughter and then. she like she's like. put a photo out like happy birthday. shakshuka whatever the daughter's name. is. it's a brunch dish but it's something. similar sienna who cares you know serena. williams. and the point is i'm just saying i don't.

know the name. and the point is supposedly she googled. in order to do that mia farah black. daughter to get a photo of the daughter. really yeah that's what it that's what i. read the online. that she put me up for a black daughter. just to find. she has like 30 she has too many kids. from too many places to keep track. of all of her children you know but. we're bombing syria. so it's gonna be good we're bombings.

thank god were you getting a little. tired of us. not bombing syria i woke up. every day feeling like [ __ ] because. bombs were not. dropping on hospitals in syria. i was so upset. i said when can we do a fake war with. syria. and we're just bombing the [ __ ] out of. syria no one really knows why. i think it's because the bitcoin story. is over.

i think that's literally what happened. like amc stock tanked. i lost 18 hund the next time i see dave. portnoy i'm gonna lunge at him when he's. reviewing a pizza and bite his [ __ ]. neck. [Music]. [Laughter]. he won't have me on that podcast with. that tick tocker i've tried to get on. like multiple times. no he won't have me on bffs no with him. and the. child that they discuss have you watched. that.

he does his thing and he says whatever. he says and then the kid goes like this. the kid's like. yeah the response. to everything dave says dave's like. business is like this the kid's like. yeah that's fire. i had dinner with that kid we all went. out to dinner and that kid came to. dinner. and i was sitting there and literally. we're all deciding on the appetizers and. you know. he's like sitting there and he's like. and i go i go what do you want to eat. and he goes the calamari is.

fire i was like okay. this is like this is where it's at you. know but we're we're bombing syria. and uh to send a message to send a. message that's it. to yemen yeah uh that. we will continue to let saudi arabia. carpet bomb you. we don't know why we don't know why. we're in war we have no idea why. they used to make up reasons to go in.

remember that. isis isil yeah remember that there were. different ones. well this is the lava this is i see. there's nothing now. they don't even make up a fake there. were fake things that they tried hard. they'd be like. five guys dressed like ninjas sawn a. guy's head off. and they'd be like this is why we got to. go in here and i'm like there's more. [ __ ] going on in east cleveland. than that go to east cleveland there is. much more.

[ __ ] going on in east cleveland than. there is in [ __ ] damascus but okay. they used to make [ __ ] up now they now. you just find out about it on twitter. and you go all right this bomb in syria. it's that hyper normalization did you. see the new adam curtis doc. okay well just eliminate that. it's good but i'm just sick of his [ __ ]. too yeah did you see hyper normalization. he does he's good docs he's like a bbc.

documentarian. but his whole thing is like he is the. why the world looks the way it does. and it's like dude we get it like we. know. already how it looks you know it's like. do you ever wonder why. how we got here yeah like no how do we. get out of here. how did we get to this place where no. one believes anything. and they never will what are we doing. you know. do you know why we're in a place where. no one can do anything to change. anything and we're all sitting around.

staring at each other. no one trusts anyone and everything is. bad. yes do we have a follow-up. he just keeps doing that he keeps. coasting on that you know. hey man i just hope the weinstein. brothers have forgiven me. i just hope they're bred so on clubhouse. what's happening now i will mention them. every. podcast until uh we we get in a.

full-scale war and they are not ready ah. no idea what i will do no idea i'm. kidding i like there. i agree with them that's the thing i. hate getting in wars. with people i agree with but we'll do it. ah. but on clubhouse which is this app where. you it's an audio only invite. app where you people talk to each other. in these dumb little rooms. and and you have to get invited into. them or whatever woke people like. virulently woke people have come into.

these. rooms and what they're doing and this is. sad. but a little funny uh is they are called. they're like. you have to be asked to be a speaker so. what they're doing is they're calling. like. the weinsteins on stage on clubhouse. like. inviting them up and then they're saying. like [ __ ] you you're a geogenesis. and then asking him for money they're. like hit my venmo. you white piece of [ __ ] literally that's. what people are doing on clubhouse now. they're like dude just just hit my venmo. white people you're not allowed to speak.

just [ __ ] hit my venmo. and like some of them are doing it i. guess these [ __ ] cucks i don't know. some of these [ __ ] are like all right. i'll give you 19. i'm sorry it's so weird. it's such a weird app because it's all. it's like there's woke people. there'll be a room where they'll be like. is cobra kai too. white yeah. and then there'll be a room about like. bitcoin and then there'll be.

rooms that i do which are like i do the. serious rooms the ones that matter. i'll do the rooms like how to become a. cancer influencer you know. how to build a brand while in uh a. prison for statutory rape. i do the ones that matter the ones that. you know. the alt-right's on there now by the way. is he all right on there yeah the sang. cry cpac let him right in thank god i. was getting bored. q anon's on there too yeah me and ray. did a room the other day how to be both.

woke and q. anon we did a room where we go the the. stunning lack of diversity at the. capitol riot. [Laughter]. just a sea of whites ah not good. i would like to see more i mean ray had. a great point. the great great comp said hey if you can. build. remember when they built the gallows for. pence they built the gallows outside of. capitol. if you have time to build the gallows. you can put in a wheelchair ramp.

and you can allow the disabled and. differently abled. and and neuro what's it called with. their with the autistic whichever one is. now what do they call it. asperger's no no they call it is it. differently abled or. neuro intellectually and developmentally. disabled no neuro neuro-divergent. neurodivergent yeah we need. autistic indigenous. cripples yes to feel welcome.

in the q movement and. i want to invite them to also try to. kill. nancy pelosi with a letter opener. that's i remember the quarantine started. everyone was like the dolphins are back. in the canals and it ended with a guy in. viking horns. trying to kill aoc with a pen i was like. this is a real interesting turn. this [ __ ] [ __ ] is taken huh.

remember that dumb [ __ ] thing that. poem in the beginning the guy's like. we are going to listen to each other he. was talking to his kid yeah. it's like a children's book we're going. to learn how to listen we're going to. learn yeah how did that work out. yeah but i mean that's my hope my hope. is that we're able to uh but i don't. know what's going to happen with that. app either i mean that app could bomb. when everyone gets vaccinated by the way. they're vaccinating everyone way too. quickly. i'm getting very nervous because i don't. want to see anyone. for a few years.

i'm getting a little nervous that. thanksgiving might happen. are you watching thanksgiving like a. hawk. they're like we've actually 100 people. i'm like why don't you slow the [ __ ]. down how about you not vaccinate a few. people i don't need to see my [ __ ]. aunt i. yeah she is she is not happy with me. i don't know that i'll ever be able to. go to another family event.

now that i have destroyed that. relationship but everyone in my family. secretly was texting me like dude. you got her so good that's how you know. you're from an irish family everyone's. like it's so. good i thought they were calling to. disown me they're like you. nailed that [ __ ]. i'm like she started sheath underwear. oh yeah we got to do these live. uh sheath underwear it is good. it is good a lot of the things we.

advertise we don't even know what they. are. before we read the ads we really have no. idea. i remember when we were advertising. monday.com and they got mad i'm like i. don't know what he did i read the whole. and i go i don't know what it is. still i didn't know what it was. monday.com i'm like i don't know what is. it. they're like it's a peer-to-peer. software i'm like what. what is this but she's underwear is. underwear it's actually. underwear it's good it's uh it's support. you have the pouch for your penis.

and balls and if you're a woman with a. penis and balls. or a man with a penis in balls or you. don't identify in the gender binary and. you have a penis and balls or you've. added. a nice tiny little penis and balls it. was sculpted out of. a vagina like some flabby loose vag skin. that they made. into a little vienna sausage corkscreen. but you're like [ __ ] yeah. i feel better like this or if you've.

taken a penis and then. i often think of doing this and just. splitting it right down the middle. and throwing up the turkey on either. side of the leg. and and having a vag but i still keep my. sack. any configuration of 2021 genitalia. sheath underwear. is great whether it's a [ __ ] or just a. flab of [ __ ] beef you want to stick. in there. you can do whatever you need you could.

swim in them we we use them as swimsuits. you know they're great. doesn't matter it's good you should uh. the guy's a big comedy fan which is why. i can do this. if you go to sheathunderware.com is this. the guy who's in the military. uh yes yes yes yes yes. this guy started an underwear company uh. after he got back from iraq. so support him uh sheath underwear dot. com. use code tim to save 20 off if you use.

code tim. you save 20 off the underwear uh. then this is better help. i mean if you've listened to the show if. you have any familiarity with this show. the idea that this company. i mean truly amazing. that they would do this ad.

we promised to be good for this run of. the and i'm being good you're being good. i'm saying i'm shocked yeah. and pleasantly surprised we have a long. history. we have a long history with them and. that's nice but it's good because what. it is. is it's counseling do you get that. it's counseling when you sad or when. you're mad. dan has problem you went to a therapist.

right dan has prop because. dan graduated college and went wait a. minute why why do i have to leave it you. know. many shitty people in his generation are. like why do the beer pong tournaments. have to end. but they do so he got sad about that. he was sad and he had to go to a. therapist and go i don't understand. what's going on he had to leave florida. i didn't leave the beach. put on shoes and be a human being and it. was sad. and challenging and new but.

during the pandemic it's hard i'm not. who cares no i just don't i get it. ah dinner in the comments i can't see i. mean i love they send the copy like i. don't know what i'm doing. it's when you're sad or mad or. anxious or you're in a loveless marriage. you can call. betterhelp.com atlp betterhelp.com. what's the promo code. so this i have to read directly this. podcast is sponsored by betterhelp and. tim dillon show listeners get 10. off their first month at betterhelp.com. tim d.

yay all right round one of ads done. better help everybody's talking about. bitcoin every unemployed loser that i. know. is talking about bitcoin the excitement. someone has in bitcoin. is directly proportional to literally. having nothing else going on in their. life. anyone with anything happening does not. need to bring up bitcoin every three. minutes. are you invested on the market i am not. why. because i have no money to invest in the.

markets but you are. i am yeah i'm long on a couple things. ben thinks he's warren buffett because. he has 750 dollars. after he [ __ ] his wife she goes to bed. and he goes down to his basement and. goes on reddit and just stares at the. dogecoin dog. for three hours and yet he's been on. reddit every day for like the last two. years but somehow wasn't on it enough to. make me any [ __ ] money. when we could have went into gme [ __ ].

early i got on that [ __ ] train late. and got thrown the [ __ ] off it. you could have came it was just a meme i. didn't think it was really gonna be a. revolution. i didn't really think it was gonna take. off well we could have made some [ __ ]. money dude if you had [ __ ]. caught a [ __ ] glimpse of what was. happening. you know what i mean we could have. hooked up dylan farrow with some [ __ ]. investment advice. yeah what if dylan farrow made 19. million dollars on gamestop.

what if she. [Laughter]. yeah she's like it's very odd doing this. documentary because i just didn't make. 20 million dollars. on a very uh crazy play a short squeeze. on gamestop. i would love if the next uh part of the. documentary was just mia pharaoh talking. about bitcoin for the entire hour. what he never considered other. currencies he just wanted to [ __ ] dylan. [Laughter].

i mean it's it's it's bad out there i. don't know how i feel about therapy it's. good you were in it for a while right. yeah i had to stop though my therapist. was too old and kind of like out of it. like she was like i'd be like telling a. story and she'd be like what's uber i'm. like you're missing the point. it has nothing to do with what i'm. trying to tell you. how old was she i don't know like an. indistinguishable old. you know what i mean like she was up. there like really up there probably. close to 80 pushing 80. 74 how did you.

get her she was free. i mean that was that was kind of it what. did she do. you sure was a therapist not like an old. lady in a church i wasn't. sold i wasn't so it might have been his. own old woman on a park bench you were. talking to. like you're like forrest gump yeah. i told her one time i was like yeah i'm. thinking about doing mushrooms she's. like that sounds nice i'm like well. maybe this isn't super helpful. like i don't know she's like i love. mushrooms peppers onions you put them in. a pan.

you saute them and if you do it right. your husband doesn't punch you in the. face. [Applause]. i mean i love you you have an elderly. therapist yeah she's nice though. she's nice had it like i had one i had. one uh i had one. therapist this is literally the fact. that one therapist was an irish guy. um the worst kind of thing is this the. worst therapist because they're all so. funny. and uh i believe i was like i don't know. what i was like 14 years old or.

something. and he's like at the end of the session. like all he. seemed to surmise he was like all right. so you're a homosexual. and you love george w bush. i was like yeah i think he has the right. strategies for. the time we're in i think we have to. honor our commitment to the people of. iraq. and i'd like to suck dick and i don't. know. what why those things are all.

but at the end of the that was like at. the end of the. thing that was like his diagnosis he was. like you're like bush. but you don't like bush you know i'm. like right. he's like all right well that's 97 i'm. like. all right well i don't really think. there's. i don't think there's a need for the. people go to therapy in florida where. you're from or does everyone just go to. the like. they don't they don't even know they. wouldn't even consider that as an option. right yeah. because why go to therapy when you could.

go to a bar called the land shark. exactly. that is the therapy yeah florida man you. love florida so much i do. i love it it's the greatest state of the. union. it's but it's objectively not it's. probably not now but it is fun. it is fun yeah but life's not about fun. no it's not. thank you that's what me and dan do on. the road. we're in a car and he says something. like that and i go but the world doesn't. work. like that and then he goes yeah yeah i. guess not okay and then we just keep.

driving. he's a happy kid i need a happy kid i. can't have another me here. you know you know i'm like tower seven. then the other one goes what are that. tower one and two we can't have that. we can't have that you know you know. i go tower seven he goes is that a good. movie so that's. why it works he's a happy guy. ben is a demon i mean ben is his dark. uh what did what did do you remember. exact quote from the car about in east.

cleveland last night. oh i said i was trying to learn about. east cleveland. on the plane and he's the darkest human. being and from what i can tell it's just. like people go to east cleveland to like. murder crack heads after they rape them. that was the first thing he said in the. car five minutes in. he goes and he has the delivery like. this hey guys with the vape he's like. people in east cleveland are just. murdering the crackheads they framed.

i'm like oh what a fun and then we just. listen to chris hedges speeches driving. around east cleveland. i don't know if you know chris hedges. but he's great and he's just. [Laughter]. but he's just he gets it like kind of. what's going on. and he's like we're just driving around. east cleveland and literally we're. watching chris hedges on youtube and. he's like the issue before us. is death the death of societies the. collective death. of the globalized world the death of.

industrial. i was just driving around when was and i. want to put this forth to the audience. did we have a mic that we could pass. around. hey do we have a wireless sound i want. to know when cleveland was a [ __ ]. because i know the rockefellers lived. here. and i know you guys have the rock and. roll hall of fame and i know that like. [ __ ] was going on at once you guys had. millionaires row. millionaires row yeah look at those. girls in the back yes. millionaires. they are not that's the real housewives. of cleveland back there.

they winter in cleveland and they summer. in cleveland. the real housewives of cleveland some of. them have refrigerators. can you imagine that sad housewives. franchise. my name is dawn i live in cleveland ohio. i always knew i was one of the upper. crusts because we had two cars. and they work. my husband works in a tile factory it. burnt down now he's in the house. all the time which is strange but i'm.

still taking a girls trip. you know the real housewives of. cleveland. see how the other half lives the. the hottest woman on the real housewives. of cleveland would just be. a diabetic who could afford insulin. literally just staying alive would be. like the [ __ ] like. you know how they have those shitty like. in the beginning of the show they're. like. you know they'll be like i don't care. what anyone says about me i'm.

real like those dumb little intros it. would be a woman who's like. i have type 1 diabetes but don't worry. boys i can afford my needle. the real housewives of cleveland. there's also a lot of people here that. like naturally transgender they don't. have to have the surgery which is nice. there's a lot of naturally gender. non-specific kind of orbs of flesh. wandering around. it's true they're so beaten down the.

gender. down what's a gender at that point you. know who cares. just a leathery-faced old catrice mitt. crawling down the street. looking for a pool of beer to dunk their. head in what's the [ __ ] gender at. that point. you just opened two legs and all you see. is mashed potatoes anyway. if you sell stuff online you're. definitely. you're definitely in the right business.

more people are shopping online than. ever. that means a lot of orders coming in and. a lot of orders you'll need to ship. out fast that's why online sellers like. you need. ship station amazon fc or even your own. website ship station funnels all the. orders into one simple interface. you can manage from anywhere even your. cell phone with ship station small. business. can now access the same rates reserved. for fortune 500 it's a great product. uh use my code tim dillon to get a. 60-day freight trial free trial that's. two months free no hassle.

stress free shipping 60-day free trial. two months free no hassle. stress free shipping promo code tim. dillon you can sell your undergarments. you can sell things you stole you can. sell. garbage art that your kids make you. could just say they're dying. what a great idea say your children are. dying. and sell their art my mother said to me. once i'll never respect her more than. the moment she said this. i was like in fifth grade i go mom i. don't have the report done she goes.

just tell the teacher i died. i'm like yeah but grandma like works at. the school my mom's like right. i guess don't do that shipstation.com. promo code tim dillon make ship happen. and then. last one here the last one they're gonna. reject a lot of these and we're gonna. have to cut them up when you if you hear. them on the show they'll be literally. yeah. in seconds they'll take out everything. it'll just be like ship station. good literally they will not.

we have to send the ads in for approval. now yeah. yeah that's most of what my job is now. is. fighting with them to leave jokes in and. editing. what is their problem they why did the. spoon turn. [Music]. spoon was with us for a while and then i. went tell them. tell everyone exactly what spoon so. magic spoon told me they said. uh that we can't do any content about uh. children getting abused or. uh uh killed or killed that was their.

words. in the act we can't talk about children. being killed or murdered. in the ad for cereal or sexually. assaulted well then i can't do it i. i i try i edit i mean i'll try. i'll try to get through it but i mean no. promises the whole point. of magic spoon is that the kids that. grew up with those cereals growing up. were the types of kids whose parents. went to a bar all night. then came home walked him out of a dead. seat just started pounding on him for no. reason.

and then passed out the reward for those. kids was a [ __ ] nice. lucky charms breakfast they didn't get. college out of it they got a nice. breakfast and every now and then i get. to go over their house they'd have a. black eye. true story and a bloody lip and we'd. have a great [ __ ]. cereal breakfast and that's what i was. trying to capture. and then some blue hair [ __ ] tech. [ __ ] they. they got really mad about the the part i. had to edit out was. about the kid getting tied to the.

radiator and getting his head beaten in. and then them running him over with the. car over and over. that was brilliant i felt hungry. hearing that i wanted a nice. crunchy keto cereal when hearing. about that kid being beaten and then ran. over with a car. they didn't like that and what do you. who do you talk to over there people. have to call you. yeah they they they contact me through. our ad guy and then i have to barter.

with him and then why not why don't they. contact me. i can include you on the call oh no bad. idea. bad idea i'll give them a [ __ ] piece. of my mind. i'm not allowed to speak to anyone this. is after the whole airbnb fiasco. i am to be kept silent in a room. with cigarettes and i'm to be let out an. hour a week. and then back into the cage i cannot.

speak to the world uh you know but they. never sued us those ladies. oh mila and uh yeah no no do with the. names now so. not test that sorry but they never sued. us. no never never but uh they were happy. about rogan's comment they were like joe. rogan is welcome any time at the time. you know is that what they said. yeah that's what they said on their. instagram stories what they said. yeah oh good uh joe rogan doesn't need. to go to your house you dirty dyke. because he has real [ __ ] money you. stupid piece of [ __ ].

nobody needs to stay in your litter box. of a [ __ ] house you [ __ ]. wait honeys wait and watch we're just. getting started. okay we're just getting [ __ ] started. you [ __ ] clam divers. they [ __ ] went at me on the gram like. that and you didn't [ __ ] tell me. stories i thought you saw it. i didn't [ __ ] i'm blocked. no every screenshot ever since i. threatened to kill them i'm blocked.

i threatened to kill them they blocked. me like children. so wait a minute what what did they do. they shared that thing. uh that rogan said when you did the. podcast last about how rogan said it was. a beautiful place and he'd love to stay. at a place like he's on. dmt and they said joe rogan is welcome. any time at our airbnb. thank you so much joe. whatever i don't like this alliance. between joe rogan and these two dykes.

i don't like it i can see it shaping up. and i don't like it. do you think i did anything wrong no. [Laughter]. dan dan sees a lot of my behavior and. much of it you probably disagree with. uh i mean who can agree with everything. that someone does. you know but you're a young person what. you need to understand. is when you're an older person you. realize the value of going to war with. every person that you saved.

we got in trouble for cutting the line. at a whataburger we did that was. [ __ ] though. we didn't even we didn't even know the. line worked we didn't even know the line. was functioning. yeah and it's supposed to be texas tough. guy i'm texas i'm a tough guy i'm going. to shoot you. and then you go on a facebook group like. a con and whine about it. yeah neighbors uncensored yeah neighbors. uncensored. 25. you know what that group's about. hard r. you know what that neighbor's uncensored.

in texas is about. letting it fly neighbors uncensored how. much coded racial language is in that. group. i just want to post on neighbors. uncensored about the new neighbors they. seem a little. different does anyone share my concerns. about the new neighbors they have a. lot of children i don't know athletic. sure but i'm a little nervous. i'm a little nervous about them darting. out into the middle of the street to get.

a basketball. if you hear what i'm saying it's. neighbors uncensored in texas. expressvpn if you you know what's not. fair. the fact that netflix hides thousands of. shows and movies. from you based on your location and they. have the ner. and then they have the nerve to increase. the price that's right. they've just raised their prices once. again now you could just cancel your. subscription to protest.

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the real hope with this service. is that you are watching japanese. netflix. i pray i'm not saying it. i'm saying i pray to god. that you are using this service yes to. watch. japanese netflix. [Laughter]. here's the best part it's not just for.

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so you can watch your shows on the big. screen. with zero buffering what. ring of hell is reserved for me after. reading this ad. call to action so be smart. stop paying for i gotta cut that out i. gotta cut that out. it's a joke you can't make it out edit. it out sorry. it's all right it's our last week on. youtube like every week. i hope he gets us that [ __ ] wait to get. your broken spotify buddy.

so it lands every time every episode we. go this will be it. so hopefully patreon is still. holding out for now yeah all of their. shows are what patreon's wild. they've got chapel and kumtown and us. and like anime. people just want to [ __ ] cartoons yeah. anime asmr is big on there. what the [ __ ] is that anime like a. cartoon yeah it's anime but the anime. characters are doing asmr so people can. you know you like asmr daniel no why not.

i don't know i mean i don't have nothing. against it i just do you ever feel like. weird when someone goes. [Laughter]. i told you this the other day what if it. was a really hot girl with my exact. voice. like hottest girls you've seen big tits. everything perfect but it's just my. exact voice. practice i turn off the lights she's. like it's dark yeah. it's real doctor this country is wrong. let's practice right now you're on a. date can you do it all right all right.

so. hey it's nice to meet you yeah. you're from florida yeah i am where are. you from new york. yeah but i'm hot like i'm really hot. huge dance. i'm just fingering my perfectly bald. pink [ __ ]. but i'm going ah. so just get expressvpn it helps the show. that's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-vpn.com.

tim dillon that's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p on. vpn.com tim dillon to learn more. see what happened to those hands we'll. we'll shave them down. maybe we'll just put them out but i will. bleep out the that part. well don't we have to get we have to get. approval so we have. we're not in a contract to get approval. but we our word is our bond. right what a. horrible bond.

what a horrible bond um should we do the. wireless mic by the way with the having. a wireless mic is anyone working here. okay thank you i feel like we've just. gotten into like an abandoned homeless. give the wireless mic to someone i don't. even care who it is just give it to. someone. someone that looks uh i. spoke to melanie the other day yeah. really uh what was the follow-up you. were supposed to call her a year ago but. it was 1 45 in the morning and.

where are the dirt bags yes see the. thing about having a fan base. is sometimes it's very scary. [Applause]. sometimes it's very very scary um. i i do speak to melanie melanie's gonna. hopefully come out to visit us. and podcast with us in march. are you melanie. was that your que the only question that. was it. okay well we're gonna get now we love.

melanie. dude cleveland is [ __ ] wild. remember three years ago somebody named. melanie we're gonna call her what. happened with that. i don't know we're still gonna do that. we haven't found the time was that it. yeah. that's my that's my question it's been. keeping me up nice for the last year and. a half you know i was laying on a. ventilator going what am i melanie. okay give it to someone else if you can. i apologize. uh when you guys come to the city what.

do you actually do because i live here. and. this is the first time i've left my. house in four months. yeah well by the way that's correct. you're doing the right thing what do we. do what did we do we went to the. fig place what's the what was it called. the flying fig. we went to the flying fig all right. bring it in. uh it was fine sweet people loved it. loved. them we went to uh town hall yeah we. went videos today. i mean i don't know i don't want to. break some bad news to you there's not a.

ton. of extracurricular activities here that. don't involve cooking a bunch of crystal. and smoking it in an alley. i don't exactly i don't want to walk. through the rock and roll hall of fame. oh the ramones like who gives a [ __ ]. like. i wish it was nicer weather and i'd go. walk around by the nestle quick colored. river or something and. think about throwing myself in which is. usually i'm usually here in the summer. and i just walk by the river and imagine. how many dead hookers. oh i wanted to talk about my friend bud.

munster he died my friend bud monster. died and bud is a character from the. show. he uh he's my friend joe's father. he um i've gotten two boating accidents. with him. uh we used to drink together and do. cocaine and take uh. pills and he died which is very sad. because he'd never stop doing that which. is. not advisable but he was the coolest guy. and one of my favorite people in the. world and he said some of the funniest.

things that i've ever heard in my life. uh you know once his wife said to him. bud you should get he was like the fun. guy the party guy. we'd all go over to their house high. school parties and [ __ ] like that. um he'd take people out on his boat for. 48 hours straight just drunk and throw. them in the water and watch them drown. and stuff. he was a good guy he loved freedom you. know people don't value freedom anymore. and you know these tick tocks come. and everyone else but bud uh you know. his wife said to him once his wife goes. why don't you get a [ __ ] job and he. looked at he goes what am i gonna work.

like some loser those are. memories that i really um i cherish he. was a good a great man and it was very. sad. he kind of i don't know if it was od i. think it was kind of a suicide yeah. and his kids were my friends are so dark. they are the darkest why i tell dan. story i mean this poor little kid's head. but i mean my friends are the darkest. he texted his family um uh. my life of service is over let me get. the exact text. it's on my phone i wish i had it first.

of all you didn't serve anyone so that's. kind of hilarious. like my life of service is over like he. never. did any for like anyone but he was fun. with me like we had fun. and that's important too so many people. forget that it's important to have fun. even with people that are doing horrible. things and he. said um he said like my life of service. is over. and he said uh my earthly ron whatever. he said he goes. he's over and his son had no idea he was. serious because he used to threaten us. all the time. so his son literally said this was the.

last words he said his father his son. literally texted him. okay take care. and then he did it but that's so [ __ ]. bad. that's so bad to just end it like that. [ __ ] bun just where he goes they're. all gonna feel like a piece of [ __ ] now. i know that's what bud felt like right. at the end he goes you know what. they're all gonna feel like [ __ ] okay. take care oh i will take care. oh i will take care and you're going to.

be feeling pretty stupid but we're all. laughing. about it you know they're they want me. to do the eulogy and i do want to we. might have to cancel the show i might. have to fly down there and do the eulogy. because i've had so many fun times with. the guy he introduced me to lisa's. lounge. uh to to a place called the helm i spent. a decade of my life. in a crippling drug addiction and. financial ruin. and a lot of that was with him and. without that. there's no podcast truly to be honest. with you there's no podcast i would have. went to some.

[ __ ] liberal arts school truly i. would have been like. i believe in the future and hope and. i have a taint and whatever i would. major in like. i just be like [ __ ] i'd be a fat. activist just like. on the cover of a magazine with my. [ __ ] [ __ ] out. and i'd be living in vermont and [ __ ]. i'd be a full dyke i would have. transitioned to allez. i would have split my [ __ ] irish dick. out and just made it into a fat. [ __ ] fat french dip.

and i narrowly. avoided that okay fate could have came. out of the closet easier like when i was. younger and been happy. and like been financially stable and had. a good life. and man we would all not be here so one. of the reasons i didn't do that was. because blood monster showed me. sometimes it is more important. to go out and get drunk than to heal the. wounds of your childhood. you know what i mean sometimes in.

cleveland you get this. sometimes that line of coke is more. important than seeing a shrink. sometimes that oxycontin is just what. you need you don't need to call an old. friend. do you understand sometimes being drunk. on a boat is just the best thing you can. do. at the time bud monster was. uh a guy that went with me every day to. a murder trial. that changed my life because after the. murder trial i said i'm gonna sober up. i'm gonna come out of the closet and.

then i'm gonna do stand-up comedy. but i was 25 years old i was the same. age as you literally you know. and uh bud came to the murder trial. every day with me because he was. unemployed. and he didn't have anything to do and he. loved murder trials. because they're really fun and they're. interesting and if you ever get a chance. to be a juror on a murder trial do it. not. one of these dumb things where like. somebody slips and falls into wendy's. and they're like i want 80 grand who. cares. but i mean i'm talking this was murder. torture rape the guy. uh stabbed her in each eye stabbed her.

so many times. that the coroner didn't know uh how many. they had to stop at 65. he goes to flesh. is so bruised that at 65 times. we had to stop so what i'm trying to say. is this was. well worth it you know like this was a. good. i mean you know it's it's it was a rough. experience for everyone her more so. i did a lot of sitting and judging which. is nice in a jury box you sit and judge.

and i would crinkle chips you know as. the coroner was saying this i'd be like. i'd be like and there was a laceration. on each eye. and bud would be sitting in the back. they thought bud was a member of the. family they let blood in the sentencing. they let bud go into sentencing because. they thought bud every day bud would. come. to and then after uh we'd go to lunch. every day and then after the trial we'd. drive home. and get drunk and then tell everyone at. the local bar everything that was going. on with the truck.

we would like update them we'd be like. oh they [ __ ] brought this expert in. and. whatever and [ __ ] you know and the guy. was really guilty i don't i'm i'm not. super sure about that but he was like he. looked weird. and he's in jail life plus 50 but. whatevs and. bud was a real big part of my life. because he was there. and uh we'd go to the trial every day. and uh then he went to sentencing we. went back for. and me and bud went back for the. sentencing the jury came back it was.

like a big deal on long island you could. look it up. you know don't overturn it or but uh and. then. bud went to the sentencing and then we. went out afterwards a few days later. we're on his boat and we crashed into. the piling of a bridge. and we fell off the boat and then we're. like both bleeding and he looked at me. because you can't hang out with me. anymore and i said why. and he goes i'm trying to kill myself. like he said it very seriously. he's like i'm trying to kill myself and. then it hit me i'm like oh.

he's trying to kill himself you know. what i mean. like this is not fun for him he's in the. depths of an addiction. but it was also a little fun but it was. like. you know and then i forgot what i said i. probably said okay take care but at the. end of it. i don't know what i said but and then. the last time i saw him was with you. yeah and and you had met him briefly i. did. yeah and what were your impression.

it's not the most surprising thing yeah. you know like he didn't seem. super healthy you know yeah you ever. seen the movie adaptation. yes what was that actor chris cooper. michael cooper yeah that guy. chris cooper this is a dan carney basic. [ __ ] simulation this is what he does. it's the academy award-winning film i. know i know. this is what daniel kind of looks like. have you ever seen. [ __ ] american pie. [Applause]. you know stifler's mom yeah well.

but no i know what do you kind of look. like him but like with. less ambition bud had lived a life a. wildlife. he had like sold blow with like george. young back in the day. he he was hanging out in fort lauderdale. when it was like called fort. luderdale because there were so many. quaaludes there he spent a lot of time. in florida. uh you know it really didn't work like. rarely worked. barely worked didn't really work didn't. have jobs which i always liked.

i like people that don't work i think. they're fun. have you ever gone to someone's house a. tuesday at 11am and they're there. there's something nice about that. right isn't there something nice when. someone's there at 11am they'll just. like yeah if you want to do something. i'm like yeah. [ __ ] let's do it you know i don't. want to deal with people that are like. well i got three meetings i got a four. o'clock i like it at 7 30. no. he was always home uh.

he was a a special character you know. and it's sad that he um. is no longer with us but i guess in one. way it's good because i don't know what. the next. i don't know what like the back nine was. gonna be. like there was no shot that it was gonna. turn around. and be good you know he built a house in. georgia. that's like crazy it looks crazy it's. like. it's it's like literally like built like. like a like. just like someone on drugs.

built a house like that's literally what. it looks like like things are uneven and. walls don't make sense like it's. literally. like a [ __ ] maze so. but it is i mean it's sad everyone's. dying. except my family how. how in god's name has my. family escaped. what has come for everyone you know.

cleveland it's a it's an honor to to be. here. you know this is a real world-class. city. you may say hey a large percentage of. our population dresses in. reynold's wrap who cares. who cares many of our restaurants serve. fish which is actually just chicken or. fried bread doesn't matter.

it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it's. gonna turn around. i said i believe i believe your time is. coming. you know what like i truly truly believe. that cleveland like its best days are. ahead of them. but but i also believe that about bud. munster. thank you guys so much you're a lot of. fun thank you guys for coming out.

we got a stand-up show you guys rock ben. avery dan carney follow these guys. thank you so much we really appreciate. it have a good night.