#232 - Andrew Schulz | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show it is christmas night right. it's the 26th night what does that mean. so it's the night after christmas. it's the night after christmas so. christmas is the 25th. oh that's correct and then which i know. and then the 26th is what. um like. aren't you religious what is it supposed. to be is it something. it's the day it's gotta be sad i guess.

it's the first day of jesus's life. right shut up i hope everyone enjoyed. their holiday we have a great interview. with andrew schultz coming up we just. got back from new york city we went to. new york. for a few days uh to see my parents to. surprise. both of my parents to do a socially. distanced uh. truncated holiday which is really the. way i want to do them from now on. 10 minutes socially distanced you're. live i'm alive okay. cool bye we're out of there i surprised.

my mother who's in a mental institution. by the way. everyone's like she's gonna be so. surprised i'm like she's insane it's not. gonna be that much of a surprise. every day she they just go today is. another thing and she goes okay. she's in an institution i'm sure she was. i'm sure the level of surprise was. somewhat muted you know i was i told her. i'm sorry trump lost she felt very bad. about that she goes i know i know. and we got to do it through a plate of. glass like she's a felon. because of corona so i gotta covet.

whatever you gotta stand i like corona i. like calling it the old school yeah i. like that. i gotta stand outside the plate glass. window and then she kept demeaning ben. she kept going i was like yeah ben's my. co-producer she's like oh you're. secretary. like not really he's he edits all my. content she's like your secretary i'm. like well. my best friend she's like your secretary. he's a secretary. like well you know certainly some of his. duties are secretarial i mean there's. you know but you you you took it in.

stride she's a lovely woman. you took it in stride i think she. thought it was funny to keep calling me. a secretary i could see her smiling yeah. you you you. need to be beaten and people realize. that. if someone gives you too many. compliments the things you will do the. horror you will bring upon the world. would be uh unquantifiable this is true. the nightmares that you if you are not. constantly made to feel bad about who. you are. you are not at your best it's true it's. true it's a fact.

some people just need it and then we. went to see my father. and uh the woman he married those two. goons. they just uh built a new house uh they. didn't build it they bought a new house. two blocks away from their old house. because they were bored. during the quarantine and because as. always they have no money and they're. perpetual victims and life is hard so. they bought a new house that's big. not as big as my house that doesn't. matter it does. and they uh they're living there now. in a lovely idyllic kind of town.

you know we go there we surprise my. father you know the first thing he says. he looks at me goes. you know what's so nice here he goes. during the summer. the kids all throw water balloons at the. fire trucks on the fourth of july. he goes this real americana i'm like oh. that's nice why didn't we live here when. i was growing up. why didn't you give a [ __ ] about that i. was growing up doing cocaine. at 13 years old in in my best friend's. house whose mother was a prostitute.

and we were doing blow where was your. care about americana back then. where was santa claus in the fire truck. back then you didn't give a [ __ ]. now you care that you're 70 and you have. no children. him and his chick their kids are gone. they've all been raised and they're out. of the house now they've decided to get. a. what a great place to raise ours no. children. what a great place to raise our dogs our. dogs. and then my stepmother who i've you know. we've had issues but i mean.

we're fine you know i you know i have no. issue with anybody. but she likes to dig she digs. and many of you know this because you. have family members that do this they. give a compliment. which is actually uh the worst thing. you've ever heard. they give you a compliment and then. follow it up with the meanest someone. can be to you. they try to find your weaknesses isolate. them and then attack. which is what the woman does she she. started with me she goes oh you gotta. you got a nice big house i said yeah she.

goes. are you all alone there. she doesn't even ask like that she goes. like this she goes first she goes. so does ben live with you i'm like no. ben lives with his wife and. oh she goes oh so you're alone in the. house i'm like yeah i'm a lunch because. does it get lonely there. and i'm like no it's fine i like it i. live alone a lot of people live alone. doesn't it's not a big deal but she's. just going she's digging in. and then she goes at him she goes she. goes so you. work with him she goes how did you meet.

and he goes why why he's a comedian in. l.a she goes. oh so you used to do comedy she goes you. don't really do comedy anymore. and ben's like no my desk well he works. with tim and they do this whole thing. and. she goes oh so you don't do your own. comedy. anymore like again just trying to needle. and then he it says to work on him. he starts to get like sad he goes i'm. just a laugh track. i'm just a laugh track that's all i do. and i'm like god damn it no. don't let her do this then she starts. talking about her own daughter she goes.

my daughter lives in a small apartment. and doesn't have any friends. she goes the law firm's keeping her very. busy but she doesn't have any friends. because she hasn't lived in long island. in a decade. and the only joy in her life is when me. and your father take her out for dinner. i'm like well i'm sure that's not true. i'm sure that's completely untrue and if. she's having such a hard time of it in. life. why are you telling me this god. keep it in but she likes that she likes. to spread.

horror she does i mean that's just what. it is and poor little ben was like i'm. like ben runs our company ben does. everything. and ben was just like i'm just a laugh. track. i'm just a laugh track that's all i do. and i'm just like where you could tell. she doesn't work on me i don't care i go. yeah i like being alone. and then we start telling all about. patreon and all the money that we make. and everything. just because i would never do that but. the way i i only behaved in that manner. because. she it angered her it angers them when i.

talk about money. that angers them right um. [Music]. but but we were in and out of there what. 10 minutes. yeah 10 minutes both of us thoroughly. insulted. and this is what you this is what you. can do instead of doing the whole. holiday party. because holidays are fun if you have. little kids and you give them batman it. goes daddy i love you. that's not it for a lot of us for a lot. of us it's going to a family. sitting around a room with a bunch of. people with drinking problems.

and divorcees multiple bankruptcies. people don't even know who each other. are anymore you're like who are you. again you're dating who. you're your uncle. [ __ ] rick's girlfriend you've been. seeing each other how long like. no one knows you it's like it's also i'm. a divorced family so i don't even know. the uncle whose girlfriend this is. like uh yeah i'm sharon i date steve. who's steve. what are we all doing here it's a waste.

of our time. everybody's like one you know we're all. like somehow. this is this odd configuration of human. beings in. a a divorced family where people have. several marriages and different children. it's a have you ever been at these. holiday parties where like. the kids come in like after they were. with their other. family this is true it's like the. saddest thing. it's like and now the kids are back from. dads. and the kids run in all manic and they.

and they have to start like they fling. their. jackets off and then they grab their. presents. and then they like they're like i'm now. i'm enjoying my second. christmas with this other family i. really don't know. it's so weird and then they introduce. the kids to you. and you're like hey whatever their names. are you know. hey ralph no one's name ralph but you. know what i mean i don't. there's too many of their real names for. me to use even though i do talk about.

i don't know why i'm shielding the. children but i feel like it just makes. sense. but then you look at them and they're. like you know some i love like the. the the girls who are kind of [ __ ] like. the like girls and they're like early. teens or whatever. like this is tim this is timmy's son and. they're just like they say go. you know and i'm like yeah merry. christmas. mary i don't know why i'm here merry. christmas i hate. this.

it's such a i mean the christmases have. just gotten tragic. and then people you barely know hand you. garbage gifts. they hand you [ __ ] gifts my stepmother's. father once gave me a hard drive i'm. like what is this. the zapruder film it was [ __ ]. he goes it's it just says all these. facts because you're a comedian you. should know a bunch of facts. it was just endless pages of facts about. everything you could think about. really yeah i'm like what the [ __ ] is.

going on here. what is this. but you don't know these people they. shouldn't even be giving you gifts and. yet they are. you just fall out of families you fall. out. like i said to ben like ben is my family. because like my mom's not. i'm like dad i love him but he's had a. lobotomy i mean he's been mcmurphy he's. talking about his dogs and then his wife. maleficent is trying to ruin our lives. here. she's trying to just destroy any.

semblance of self-respect me and this. kid have. and then i i i choose that or my lunatic. mother. you know in a stop the steel hat with. tina 40. so and i know and my cousins and my god. listen to this. my cousin okay the ones that aren't. in jail currently text me and goes. hey i don't ask for much by the way. good i don't ask for anything. so when you go i don't ask for much i go.

good please don't change. that please have that be the only text. hey i don't ask for much. oh noted merry christmas. but then he goes like this i'm gonna. read the text. it's out of his goddamn mind these. people. and i love everyone and respect them but. i have to let everyone know. listen to this listen throwing this out. there i don't ask for much.

i don't have a twitter and budweiser is. doing this thing if you send them a pic. of your dog they will put it. on their beer can can you send this. picture to budweiser. and send the hashtag pupwiser. hashtag put what aren't you in recovery. why do you want a dog on a can of. budweiser. what's the next thing you want me to do. get a picture of your dog on a syringe. you want an oxycont with a picture of. your cat get to work folks.

i've had enough. then he goes you know i'll save the. trouble if you answer. i'll just go [ __ ] myself correct love. the little guy but enough. no i'm not putting your dog on a can of. budweiser. many people in our family have wet brain. because of that product. okay there's people that can't stand up. straight without getting vertigo. yeah i don't think we should put your. puppy on a on a beer bottle. enough with the substances for christ.

[ __ ] irish slobs one at all. my skin looks horrible because i just. got back from new york and i'm related. to these people. and i believe my emotions bleed out of. my face that's why i. uploaded that photo of the studio and. everyone's [ __ ] on me because i look. so bad so bad get it up and show them. how bad i look. i want you to know how bad i look and i. know i don't look good now. but i looked horrible i looked good a. week ago though many of you commented on. that.

look oh wait go how much did the vaccine. one get that's fun. 25 000. oh that's just fun though this. is me getting the vaccine can we play. that yeah of course. my own goddamn twitter. this is me getting the vaccine. come on i got the vaccine yesterday and. i feel great. thank you for the vaccine i'm very happy. about the vaccine and i feel good. just fun now look at this photo i mean.

and can you do the close-up mm-hmm. do a close-up on me in this photo if you. can it is so. hard go in deep yes. further further as i can go. find a way to go further okay hold on. this is so harrowing and ben looks great. by the way. adding nothing as he usually does. i it is so harrowing this photo of.

myself. that i was so i didn't want to post it. but i'm like. i'm gonna have to post it and i did. and i just took my medicine because. people. people were honestly like this is. horrific. and they were right but it was a boss. picture sometimes you gotta look. my god my god look at that. man look at that.

everything is the hair the gray the. blotchiness. the breakout the fat [ __ ] like. everything came together the expression. the bags under the eyes everything came. together. for just a a moment of horror. a corpse an irish corpse. better looking than 75 percent of irish. women though let's be honest. that's what an irish woman looks like. when she gets older that's the best. you're gonna do if someone's named terry.

or colleen. but what a horror if you're not if. you're not. if you're not watching this should go to. my instagram and you'll see it get it. away please. but i was in new york and because i have. to deal now thank god we were able to go. to artie's. south shore fish in island park which. reopened. it is the best fish restaurant on long. island. still they've got the same chef they've. got the same fish guy. it is truly amazing and i'm happy to.

have gone there to have flown across the. country. flown across the country to have. patronized such an establishment and i. think that that's a great thing that we. did. there it is artie's south shore fish in. a blizzard. no less and we did it. the tuna tartare buffalo calamari shrimp. cocktail. tuna tidbits baby crab cakes any of the. fishes their soul is great they have.

everything you go in there you say what. came in today. what's fresh halibut whatever you get a. little white wine. lemon get some potatoes maybe a sweet. potato a little spinach boom you're done. it's great don't shut down more. restaurants please. stop shutting down restaurants. they have done so much work the. government has done nothing. the government has spent eight months. twiddling their [ __ ] thumbs. they haven't passed a relief bill they. haven't done anything. they haven't they haven't they've not.

increased icu capacity. they haven't built more hospitals. they've done nothing restaurants on the. other hand. have worked their asses off trying to. operate safely. they've done they've spent tons of money. to put outdoor dining. in they put those glass partitions up. between tables they went through all of. these different regulations. okay they want to keep their customers. safe they want to keep their employees. safe they work harder. than the government and gavin newsom and. andrew cuomo and the other scumbags.

who run these states uh are shutting. them down. and destroying their ability to earn a. living and earn money and i know it's a. real disease. and i know it is spiking but there has. to be. a better way to do this than to destroy. people's livelihoods. forever and then let all this [ __ ]. money. these bailouts that get passed go to. corporate america and jimmy dore did a. whole great thing on this where he goes. this is an upward transfer wealth which.

i i spoke to mullen when this first. happened and after 9 11 after all of. these things after the. the mortgage crisis there just is this. massive transfer of wealth. upwards to the most powerful people the. least vulnerable people in our society. are rewarded and the most vulnerable. people in our society are [ __ ]. people that work people that work at. [ __ ] food. uh distribution centers that you know. the tyson. chicken factory people that have to have. to go to work essential workers.

restaurant workers people that are. earning a living um. not in their house like we are lucky. enough to do they're out there [ __ ]. actually going out. and earning a [ __ ] living and by the. way everybody has a problem with comics. doing shows nobody has a problem with. people working at ralph's because they. don't give a [ __ ] about those people. okay. nobody has a problem with that nobody. has a problem with other. workers that are going out doing. essential oil i know there's good. arguments why comics shouldn't do shows. i'm not doing shows right now i. hopefully will get back to them in march. okay.

um but there also has to be an. understanding like for some people there. was never a quarantine. those people never had the luxury of. being off okay. whether they worked at a grocery store. or a place like walmart. or target or whatever it was or they. drove an uber. or a lyft and they had to earn [ __ ]. money and. it's just disgust i mean what is left to. do. with people like nancy pelosi and chuck. schumer. and mitch mcconnell other than publicly. execute them.

and i know and i say that as an. intellectual exercise. but what is left to do with this. government right now. truly what is left to do with the. government these are these people. have ordered businesses to shut down. they have not provided any relief. and then they are they go and give you. tours of their freezer. like that that that old witch nancy. pelosi did seven months ago where she's. walking around showing you that she's. got gelato in the freak what. what can be done with these people.

other than to to draw and quarter them. catholic inquisition style put them on. iraq. i mean honestly why are these people. still around. why in god's name is nancy pelosi she's. the wicked witch. of the west's sister like she's the one. where you just saw the feet furl up yeah. yeah. why is she there why is chuck schumer. these people they don't leave they have.

been a part. of these wealth transfers jimmy dore. that great kind of viral clip. they've engineered them yeah republicans. and democrats have engineered these. things they think. they think these things are great so. i don't know what's left to do truly and. i i would. never and i'm not now advocating any. type of violence but i do understand. people's frustration and they go. what do you do with a government that. has just really completely failed on on. every level here. you got to vote all of these people out.

i guess i mean that's the only thing. you can really do they are truly uh. enemies of the public good in in every. way. they are enriching themselves and their. friends at the expense of everybody else. there was a way to do this. there was a way to do masks and. distancing and compromising. and building more icus and building more. beds and increasing hospital. uh capabilities and maybe invoking the. defense production act. using companies that didn't. traditionally make medical equipment and. ppe to start doing it.

there were ways to do all of this there. were ways to do it and we didn't do it. we failed at every level. from trump on down to laurie lightfoot. who's leading chicago. can you get up lori lightfoot when she. dressed up on halloween. lori lightfoot halloween costume this. year please. as she came in as like the defeater of. corona or something. she she came in. are these people are these people insane.

this is the your government these. people are running major american cities. but she had another costume it was like. there was something even. more oh the rona destroyer yes the rona. destroyer. this is laurie life was the mayor of. chicago.

as the rona just. i mean the woman runs the city of. chicago. not like a little town she's running the. city of chicago. dressed in a cape that's just the rona. destroyer. go get up gavin newsom get up this loser. go to dinner party put get the image on. that this is gavin newsom's dinner party.

that he was at the french laundry which. is a phenomenal restaurant. this is it right here there it is. everybody an indoor dinner party which. has been covered at nauseum. and i don't want to spend a lot of time. on it but i just want to say there he is. at an indoor dinner party resign resign. no i'm not kidding yes resign who's the. mayor of austin and did the same thing. yeah he flew to cabra. resign yeah resign if you break your own. lockdown rule that is impoverishing and. destroying the lives of people.

in order to supposedly save them you. need to resign. look at this criminal yeah who's this. the mayor of what. austin god yep. steve adler yeah resign. truly if you're going to do this you. have to resign yeah. i mean i i don't you know i know they. never will these people never relinquish. power. at all but you have to resign if you're. staunchly pro-lockdown. that's your position but you have to not.

go and do. dinner parties at the french laundry and. take planes to cabo. you can't do it you can't ask everybody. you can't destroy people's lives. and then go out and party. how are the holidays how are the holiday. shopping numbers. how are the retail numbers well john. let's see. that's the old thing we pulled up too. it's it says it's doing good i mean.

the economy's doing great you know the. dow hit 30 000. no i mean. there's i'm sure there's numbers at the. end of this there we're going to find. the numbers you know. after the holiday season is over people. are going to look back at the earnings. how it always is and they're going to go. yeah. there's probably a week i mean look at. the unemployment what are the. unemployment numbers right now ben i. mean it's like the craziest thing i've. ever seen in my life.

unemployment rate is. people are filing claims every week. and it's really really bad you know i. mean it's really. really really bad it's gone down but. it's going back. up again we got to find out how many. people. try to find out how many people filed. for unemployment last week.

if we had jamie vernon we'd have it up. this will take another hour i hope. nobody has anything to do. i hope nobody has anything to do it's. just another two or three hours here. before we get it in. thank you ben 751. 000 people filed for jobless claims last. week you know the week before that was. 758. 000. and two of those [ __ ]. should be gavin newsom. and that guy in austin truly i mean. this is [ __ ] it's crazy.

outdoor dining in l.a should not be. closed down it accounts for such a small. percentage of transmission outdoor. dining in the sun. in la should not be shut down indoor. dining i don't know enough about it but. i know that when we're in new york. and we're eating in [ __ ] these weird. vestibules they've built these like. stables on the street these stalls. that look like a horse would go in but. we're eating in it. and we're eating in 35 degree weather. but it's again it's a building. you have insulation to a degree it's not.

insulated and warm. but you're seeing yourself i'm in a. [ __ ] building it's a mind [ __ ]. like i'm in a building on the street. instead of in a building. so i don't get it why not invest in. better air filtration systems we could. have done all of this. yeah we could have done all of this but. we didn't do anything. and trump has been no [ __ ] help he's. out i mean he's over it. you know and um it's just frustrating. it's frustrating because it's going to. be a very. it's going to be a tough holiday season. for a lot of people my father.

is in the wine business and it's doing. very well because a lot of people are. drinking but a lot of his friends are in. the restaurant business and they're. suffering and they're all scared about. another shutdown they're like if there's. another shutdown we're all [ __ ]. i don't think a lot of people can handle. another shutdown especially in that. industry. you know so it's going to be. difficult my stepmother now works from. home permanently lucky. him i'm lucky my dad um but it's. you know listen.

it's it's it's it's a tough season so. we've got to find a way to do have you. found a way for us to do charity i mean. no you're smiling you're smiling but. it's i ask you to do it a lot. yeah i researched the best thing we can. do is find a church that. that we like and the church of satan. the best thing we can do is directly go. to the people like you said so we need. to find a church that we like. and go door-to-door give people you know.

there's canned food there's rent relief. things like that i'm trying not to throw. out a general. thing but that's what we should do so we. don't have to give to one of these. big companies so we go to work let me. ask you a few questions. we go to a church and they give us. people's addresses we show them the. house. well you go with a well you're supposed. to go with a group of people but now i'm. what do you mean we good we got covered. out there and we don't. have any friends what do you think about. a group of people you want me to go. little zan what what are we doing here. you want me and candace owens to knock.

on doors what group. you go door to door you ask people for. canned food if they have any canned food. they don't need you take that and then. you give it to people that need it. like wait a minute wait a minute this is. the. stupidest thing i've ever heard in my. [ __ ] life where did you read this you. go to someone's house and you ask them. for canned food we used to. give it to someone else we did this in. texas why didn't you just buy the canned. food it's 10 cents or you can go buy. canned food too. totally yeah it seems crazy to go knock. on someone's door you have any corn.

you're not using i want to redistribute. it it's small towns of texas it's not. that insane. because it's like everybody knows. everybody you know you knock you go hey. donna you got. any you know any green beans or. something. okay i'll give you the benefit of the. doubt there i i. i don't know where the hell i'm gonna do. where am i gonna walk around beverly. hills. hi hey. first of all beautiful home this is. stunning did you just buy. i've been here two years what a two. years it's been i know.

anyway so me and my producer are. thank you oh my well it is familiar. because i'm on. i'm on podcast a lot well rogan i'm a. regular on that my own show is kind of. big and. right thank you i put lights out with. david spade no. you saw that you saw lights out with. david spain. well yeah well thank you i think i was. one of the funnier ones many of the. people that went in there. they're on drugs let's be honest and. they don't work but i. really appreciate that you said all. those kind things.

me and my producer i guess who you know. right you're a fan. are trying to do a like a charity. where if you have any extra. i haven't eaten i have not eaten at all. actually i'm. craigs you ordered cracks that's amazing. it's too much for you for one per hey. i mean pinch my you know come on i'll. eat some crags. if you ordered craig's that's that's. phenomenal okay. and you've got some of the pints of the.

vegan peanut butter chip ice cream. i'd love to see the backyard i'll i. would absolutely love to see the. backyard. oh well me and my producer were just. doing um. we're doing like a a charity she did get. fat. she got very fat and i think that's why. she's not working. she's very fat and it's why she's not. working right now and it's sad because. i think it's it's booze fat it's that. flabby booze fat. it's not you know you don't look at her.

and go she's full of a christmas roast. you go she's full of cheap fuel. if you know what i mean like gasoline. that type of thing yeah but i mean i've. met her a few times but. there's a [ __ ] oh i don't care [ __ ] her. [ __ ] her and a husband i don't give a. [ __ ] about any of it yeah. well no me and my producer were trying. to collect. food for uh needy people. uh i thought oh my god i know it was. crazy did they come down the street.

did they come down the street chanting. oh my god eat the rich on this street. i mean it's disgusting of course it's. the universities. it's absolutely the universities. absolutely. i would love one and evian is fine thank. you. it's the universities and i've said it. before there's a lot of problems. in the schools and we've kind of let. them get insane and i love. dogs i love them i love them yeah. a shih tzu they're fun it's a very. beverly hills dog. isn't it you know it just kind of just.

sits on a couch i love. is this ovo leather it's very soft. yes it's very very soft oh the guy's. here he's here. ben get the craigs that'll do he'll get. it he doesn't mind no he doesn't. oh you you have one okay get okay. thank you thank you nadja bomban. yes well it's i mean listen it's. it's so great to to meet you and this. has been so enjoyable. absolutely oh we were just trying to. figure out like a like a charity or.

something or oh it's very interesting so. you actually. have a charity interesting. so what are you trying to do okay so. you're trying to like. interesting fashion for women in. afghanistan. so smart so smart. and you own so you own some textile. mills okay. and you're just trying to kind of. because if people look good and feel. good of course.

i well listen are you doing a dinner for. it okay. here's the deal take my information. let me know if you ever want to do you. know i'll come we'll do a dinner i love. if you ever need a comedian to kind of. lighten things up when you have one of. these dinners. let's try to build more textile. factories. so we can churn out some kind of fashion. forward. clothing for those women in afghanistan. without clits. that sounds great well it's good to meet.

you i lo. you can't go wrong with craigs let me. what am i going to do. that's door-to-door in this in this town. yeah. what do you mean door-to-door ben. avery's door-to-door. lucy you know me it's tough to quit. smoking cigarettes but i've been really. helped by lucy lucy is a lozenge. okay it comes in three cool flavors. winter green cinnamon pomegranate it is. a lozenge that has four milligrams of. nicotine. and it allows you to gradually step down. so you could turn yourself into a.

non-smoker. you don't have to vape you don't have to. do any other crazy stuff you don't have. to eat. you know waffle sundaes and bacon. cheeseburgers. what we want you to do is basically try. to. gradually you know remove your. dependence. on nicotine it's a company founded by. caltech scientists. and former smokers looking for a better. and cleaner. nicotine alternative okay finally. tobacco alternatives that really don't. suck. they've got a lot of cool flavors so. it's 20 20 get rid of the cigarettes.

unplug your vape throw out your dip and. get some lucy nicotine gum or lozenges. this is the real deal a subscription to. lucy comes directly to your door each. month it's so simple you don't have to. leave your house because lucy has. delivery down. timberland listeners go to lucy.co use. promo code tim. get 20 off all products lucy.co and use. promo code tim to get 20. all off all products including gum or. lozenges. that's lucy.co and use promo code tim at. checkout.

also i have to give this disclaimer. warning this product contains nicotine. derived from tobacco nicotine is an. addictive chemical. higher side chats we talked about this. the other day this is really a great. podcast about conspiracies it's hosted. by greg karlwood. friends of mine will send me some of his. episodes i listen to a great one on. underground military bases. he's got everything okay i mean ancient. civilization seeker. uh graham hancock he's got people like. whitney webb. i mean secret societies false flags. alien moon bases tesla technology.

the coven 1984 agenda the higher side. chats encourages people to hear. from counter culture scholars authors. doctors and interesting characters that. don't have a voice in the mainstream. and see how that perspective and. research stands up to the puppet masters. carefully. crafted monoculture use the coupon code. tim dillon for a free month of the. higher side chats premium. go to the highersidechats.com to sign up. coupon code tim dillon. for free month of the higher side chats. premium i'm telling you i don't really. plug a lot of [ __ ]. but this guy's got a great interview. style he loves smoking weed.

he loves mixing it up with these people. and these. these episodes are pretty damn. interesting it's a cool pace he's. relaxed. there's a lot of podcasts i want to. advertise on here and i don't take the. ads usually. but this show that i've heard i don't. listen all the time i don't listen to. anything all the time. but i've heard this show i've enjoyed it. i think greg callwood is a great style. of interviewing people. and i think this is a very interesting. show even if you don't agree with this. or believe it you know you know. you don't have to believe anything i. think the strength of the show is if if. you don't believe any of it is it still.

entertaining and it is that shows a. great show. so go to the highersidechats.com to sign. up and you use the copa. coupon code tim dillon for a free month. you know i can help people privately but. it's hard to. give money to an organization i really. don't trust the red cross. and i really don't trust a lot of. different organizations. because i know how they're run and. they're not run well. and it's unfortunate um what is my. christmas present. your do you want to know your christmas. present me and katie talked about it.

today oh stop this let me tell you right. now. though let me tell you how that let me. you want to see how that conversation. went. let's imagine him and his wife. discussing my christmas. no let's imagine that ready let's. imagine that let's have a full fun. let's have a little fun imaging. i guess we have to get tim the christmas. present. bam he's the fat ogre and he abuses you. you don't need to get him anything you. should cut his throat while he sleeps. k i will do that but.

before i have you know another. opportunity. we should probably get him like. something he'll like. like a big bowl of pancake batter. that he can just cook and eat because. he's. he's a pig man can we give him something. and poison him. he's destroyed your life he's destroyed. our lives you're supposed to be the. biggest arena comedian in america. and now you're working for this fat near. duel i hate him he's disgusting.

so you discuss the present by the way. that is the exact. word-for-word conversation that happens. in that home. that's the exact that's why he's. laughing. it's word for word what happens in that. home. he does nothing but take advantage of. you and a beauja. he's the worst.

so what what uh christmas present have. you and the mrs. cooked up for me i'm such a lucky boy. well i'm such a lucky man i know you so. much better she was like what if i. got like a framed photo of like all the. studios you guys have been in over the. years like from the porch to the. and i was like no he'll hate that she's. like well what does he like i'm like. well he likes. rolls royces yeah so she was like. i like more than that now you're. cheapening me you're making me into a. cartoon and a character but you love. rolls-royce.

who doesn't it's not a knock on you no. i'm not. i don't think it is but it's so we were. either going to get you i almost like. people that don't plot to kill me. people don't plot the poise of me for. christmas you want the cia to not kill. you. yeah well cia you and her whoever. so uh like a collectible the the. rolls-royce continental like uh. because i can't get you an actual so. you're gonna get me a little car. yeah yeah but you love looking at the. rolls royces i love them you look.

well that's sweet yeah or an ornament a. rolls-royce ornament katie. mentioned which was funny because of the. the ornament that. the the greyhound ornament is it's just. funny that she even mentioned that she's. what about a rolls-royce ornament well i. think that if you and her got all of. your money together and got some loans. you'd probably get me an old rolls-royce. how much are how much are old voices go. look it up right now. look it up right now i think you could.

you could get you could go really old. you could get let's look at the. rolls-royce pasadena here. pre-owned yeah let's see well. wait 123 000. is that it yeah. i mean ben let's be honest. you're going to get me an ornament why. don't you do the real thing. go back up what year is that what year. is that 126. the ghost 2011. 18 000 miles that's it i mean i got to.

be honest with you why didn't i buy that. why did i get this dumb range rover. the [ __ ] wrong with me that is pretty. sick dude let me look at that again. yeah it's nice i mean dude. what the [ __ ] dude 2013 ghost can i see. that yeah yeah. dude what if i s what if i sell the. range i get the ghost. all right this isn't good broadcast i'm. not getting it rolls royce ghost but i. think you and your wife should. for me we'll get you one one day.

a lot of talk you know your christmas. present. is it what your spanish teacher used to. say. she used to say mr dillon you've got the. robin's egg again you get zero. no here's your christmas present. you know what it is it's a job. we wish you a merry christmas we wish. you a merry christmas. we wish you a merry christmas.

you continue to have a job. that's right cratchit. you still have a job we literally had a. thanksgiving where it was cratchit where. he wanted. thanksgiving morning i needed him to. move furniture out of whitney cummings. house. and he couldn't because him and his wife. were doing some god only knows. thanksgiving brunch. and i and i so you know so i would i of. course. i'm like work grind help to you know get.

the movers. give them money give everyone hit. everybody off give everyone and you know. him is very deeply selfish. so he had that uh cratchit moment where. he goes i don't need to work and i'll. just kind of loaf around. and then i'm like you should just come. to the job and he goes by i'll start. going to therapy and i'm like no that's. not it. that's his generation damn does that. [ __ ] too they're weak. and they go uh well just come through. he's like no you could just do the job. that you should be doing but. hey i appreciate the little car.

the tiny little the the matchbox car. that you and your wife are gonna get me. well we haven't found it yet. well but hey i i this is why i love. christmas. this is why i love christmas because. i have shared with ben my my mind. my comedy my career my life. my you know all of my friends all of my. connections. i've taken him all over the country he's. met some fascinating people. and he has seen some of the most.

interesting and exciting things. that have gone down in media and comedy. over the last two years. and i am very excited about my. matchbooks. my matchbook rolls royce that you and. your wife are going to give me a little. matchbook. card isn't it isn't it sweet. well it'll be bigger than that i want to. find like one that's like that big. i think it's hey i love it. i think it's sweet and that's what i. love about christmas. that's what i love about christmas is.

that we can give each other the gifts. yes you know that's. why are you laughing it's just funny but. it is funny it is funny yeah yeah. it is because what are you gonna get me. it's hard to get me things right. it's very hard to get you things very. hard to get me something yeah so why not. a matchbook car. like a toy for child right like it's. like a child's toy. no like i thought you'd put it maybe. just get him out let him browse rise. that fat [ __ ].

hopefully he'll think it's food he'll. choke on it and die. i hate him ben i hope he dies. well i'm eagerly anticipating my. matchbook car. from my best friend and business partner. who will be giving me him and his wife. would say put thought into it. and decided that they wanted to get me a. little model car and. maybe maybe i'll get them a model train. set.

fun andrew schultz has released a. four-part comedy special called schultz. saves america on. netflix he is incredibly funny he's also. very savvy. very smart he understands his business. better than many many people. and this episode is really good because. not only i think. will it entertain people that aren't in. this business but if you're a young. person. or or whatever age you are if you're a. creator if you're.

in a business where you have to be. forward thinking and you've got to. evolve. um this is a very interesting. conversation about. how to evolve how to utilize things. uh like social media and youtube to. build kind of enough. uh you know traction equity whatever. so you can go out there and get larger. companies to [ __ ] with you it's an. interesting conversation and andrew. knows more about it than pretty much. anyone else you know so he's been able. to do some really amazing [ __ ]. and we talk about it for an hour then we.

also go into other stuff too. um so as always we thank you for the. will we have another. we have another episode before the end. of the year no no no no no that's it. uh so the 26th and 27th 28th. no no i think our next episode it drops. on the second or third. this is the last one of the year yeah i. want to end with a thought. i would having this thought. because i am hopeful about things and i. i. how great would it be if new year's eve.

coming up in about a week right. clock strikes 12. every. country decides to nuke us. at the same time i mean every single one. how great would that be great. for old acquaintances and just. every kind i mean little countries just. firing off whatever they got.

just ever just nukes us at the same time. on new year's eve that'd be great. just an idea just a thought. um i mean it's such a crazy year to. really think about. where this show is what the show has. become. what was the first episode of last year. can you find it please. thank you this is crazy to think where.

the show has grown and how much the show. has grown in a year. and the most insane year that i've ever. been a part of in my life. i want to know what the first episode. was last year. so our last one of the year was sal. volcano so then it was. let me see not there. it was the historians was the last one. and then low-cost high quality. the one we did in the car uh and that.

was the first episode of last year. low-cost high quality yeah january 4th. this has been a year to. really remember for many reasons but. this show has grown. so dramatically in a year right yeah. i mean it's crazy insane um we. appreciate everybody that watches the. show that listens to it that tells their. friends and family about it.

um this has been a crazy journey for us. we had no idea we'd be able to do the. things we are now doing. you know we're going all around the. country the shows are all sold out. we've been on the joe rogan experience. you know i've been on it now seven times. once with an election live stream and. once with one of the most epic podcasts. ever recorded sitting next to alex jones. it was. so cool one of the coolest things ever. me and ben used to sit in the garage. in california and watch people like. rogan. and watch alex and watch all these. people and wonder how we could catapult.

ourselves into that reality. truly you know what i mean and um. and it's kind of amazing to see that. we've been able to do that. you know we've been able to do that. we've been able to kind of. claim some turf and from there be really. funny. about a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] that's. been happening a lot of dark stuff. that's been happening. and we've been as funny about it as we. can we can be and we've been doing that. for years but this year it really. it really kind of caught on you know and.

um. you know we first met. in 2016. yes yeah. and we sat in that garage for a few. years. and just made [ __ ] and. talked and smoked cigarettes. and which i love right now. but it was tr it's truly amazing to be. here be in a new studio.

you know and it's it's the most insane. professional journey i've ever been on. in my life. i've done specials i've sold pilots i've. i've shot pilots i've had. big people produce things that never. went anywhere i've done you know i've. toured i've done all this [ __ ] but the. building this show has been the most. insane. professional journey of my life and i'm. sure for you it's in the top five. you know i would hope um.

but i mean do you want to say anything. somewhat. sincere about the show. now um do you want to get a matchbook. car for all the listeners. like oprah where they look under the sea. yeah get in my car. would you like to get a toy car for. everyone. um so i can say something sincere yes. um here's what i'll say.

here's what i'll say about what. the direction we're moving in we're. we're very excited. no do it do it do it you're gonna say. something sincere no you'll just make. fun of me i'm not gonna make fun of you. i'm not gonna make fun of you this has. been the. the coolest thing ever it's so surreal. to go from the garage making sketches on. the iphone. because we didn't have a camera we. didn't have a computer we didn't have. any of this stuff and. and we still did it too it's been cool. to watch you. get successful and famous it's been.

really exciting for me. and uh uh i love you a lot. that's what i wanted to say you wanted. me to be real. and i i thank you for everything well i. thank you. i know people think you hate me or. something but it's they don't get that. it's a joke and stuff but. it's been really cool to know you well. listen. i just want to say. that instead of saying all that you.

could just show it to me by getting me a. small. model of a rolls royce that i could play. with on this desk. no i love you you're my only family on. earth literally. it's you yeah jake paul and candace. owens. no as your stepmother pointed out you. she was like so you guys only have each. other. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you guys are. losers you don't have any other friends. yeah well that's. yeah well you know. okay but she also looks like danny. aiello.

so hey. so happy new year everybody i'm that by. the way i i can't even imagine anyone. from my family still talks to me. but i just don't lie um so many comics. out there just. they make [ __ ] up and they lie i just. talk about the [ __ ] that. i gotta talk about that is real to me. the fact that this show resonates with. people i guess i should. look at the fight there's all these. rules i gotta look at the camera wow. the fact that this show resonates with. people the fact that you guys [ __ ]. watch it and you and you send me photos.

of. the fact you guys went and saw me and. dan out there when we were out there. performing live. and the fact that like you know you. you've allowed this show to grow to what. it is and hopefully it grows even more. is huge it is it is something that we. really enjoy doing. and um you know we we are grateful for. it i'm grateful for it. you know and i i think that we i don't. say that enough. you know because i'm trying to be funny. which is i'm you know that's the job of. me. um but we're definitely grateful for the.

fact that you guys have been. as aggressive in supporting this show. not not only the patrons which we. appreciate the [ __ ] out of but. everybody who watches on youtube. everybody who shares it. this that and the other thing and um you. know the show's not gonna be like a. touchy-feely sentimental show. now but we just wanted for the end of. the year. you know i mean this guy loves me so. much he's got me a toy car. you see what i mean so i just want to.

let you know that i appreciate you as. much as he appreciates me. and if you guys were here i would. too give you a toy car. of a car you can't afford so that you. could play with it like a child. or as my stepmother said i would i would. bring you into my home and uh you know. dress you down i'd dress. i would dress you down but for all of us. here at the tim dylan show.

which is just literally all of us it's. just. it's ben and me that's all that's the. only team that really matters there's. other people on the team and they're. whatever you know we got agents and. managers and people that. we like and they're doing good jobs but. the reality is me and ben are the team. and we've taken this thing as as. you know we'll continue to take it um as. far as we can take it and you guys. allow us to take it you know because i. think.

that if we really got smart here. we could turn this audience. into a violent militia not kidding. get out of here as guys so much of our. identity is wrapped up in our hair from. how it feels after getting a fresh cut. to the way it's perfectly styled before. going out. long story short you don't want to go. bald keeps is a great product that helps. you keep your. hair okay all of the all of the um. you know products out there hair.

replacement things like that. none of them are good they don't look. good keeps helps you keep the hair that. you have right now. prevention is key okay keeps treatments. typically take between four and six. months to see results. so it's important to act fast the sooner. you start using keeps the more hair. you'll save find out what keeps us more. five-star reviews. than any of its competitors and more. than a hundred thousand men. trust keeps to keep their hair on their. head it's only ten dollars a month is. that i mean that's clearly worth. keeping your hair okay i mean.

it really is you know i mean i have. friends that take this this is really. important. other comedians not gonna say who will. keep everyone's uh. anonymity whatever but i'll tell you. right now it's really good if you go to. keeps.com. tim dillon to receive your first month. of treatment for free. that's k-e-e-p-s dot com tim dillon. k-e-e-p-s dot com tim dillon okay. and i'm telling you right now this is. the move. they have all the fda stuff in there but.

it's cheaper. so this is the generic the two fda. approved. medications this is the generic cheaper. form you got it. you got to do it keeps. ridge wallet. i mean what can i say about ridge wallet. other than. that it is a wallet i have done this. advertisement now a trillion times. um i.

love the ridge wallet it's a metal. wallet. get it out i got it right here all right. god. it is a front pocket wallet. okay you put it in your front pocket it. uh you keep your cards in there and your. cash in there. it's not a big clunky wallet with all.

the [ __ ] it's a cool wallet. small sleek sexy. modern easy to sanitize. go get me some of the hand sanitizer. from the kitchen i want to do a. demonstration here. because people don't realize that we're. living in in. perilous times and i'm trying to show. you why the ridge wallet. is actually the safest i don't even know. why they don't put this in their ad copy. i mean it's like. uh who's working over there but here we.

go. all other wallets we don't know how to. sanitize them right watch this. sanitizer goes in the hand here goes the. ridge. ridge wallet look at this look how easy. this is to sanitize. super easy your wallet has now been. sanitized. go to ridge.com t-i-m-ridge.com. tim use the code tim link in the. description that's ridge.com tim and use. code tim link in description.

bravo's below deck is a show where. severely damaged people clean boats in. 10 to millionaires it's very. entertaining this season the chef on. board started yelling eat my. cooter at the production crew and then. quit if you want to hear. three cis white males break down the. show then listen to another below deck. podcast. hosted by dylan pat and nick davis the. producer of this past weekend and the. king and the sting with the yvonne. if you like the bachelor they've got. another bachelor podcast nick dylan and. pat just got done with the most recent. season that was filmed this summer.

quarantine at la quinta resort in palm. springs. it's not that nice it featured a bulimic. army that who tried to take his own life. no hate on the resort i've just been. nicer places i have my private home. uh it featured a bulimic army vet who. tried to take his own life twice in 2019. a former drug addict who was caught. trying to steal. his father's checks and an engineer. whose brother is a jailbird. with tear tattoos on his face. none of this is made up in any way the. next season of the bachelor featuring. the first black male lead in the show's.

history starts next week and promises to. feature. and take advantage of equally as damaged. people as contestants okay. so go to another below deck podcast and. another bachelor podcast on apple. podcast and leave a five star review. that says tim dillon sent you okay. that's another below deck podcast. and another bachelor podcast and leave a. five-star review that said tim. dillon sent you ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the tim dillon show andrew. schultz is with us schultz saves america.

trending right now on netflix. six part comedy series one part. four part. [Laughter]. it's on hulu right now it is a six-part. documentary. about andrew's parents and it is on. amazon prime dance studios. ballroom dance save america no it's four. part they're calling it a comedy special. yeah because it's funny yeah and it's.

you it's kind of like your year in. review. yes exactly yeah yeah yeah and you were. doing these things on. instagram yeah and you were doing to. turn your phone everybody [ __ ] loved. them the rock was. wat like everybody was watching me real. cool about that and and. then you you got the opportunity to take. it to netflix how was it going from. instagram where you could do whatever. you want say whatever you want. to netflix because that's i think a big. question in people's heads like yeah. you're the independent guy you do and. say what you want yeah. you get away with a lot of [ __ ] too on. the netflix they they were great.

okay they were great yeah legally it's. tricky. right there's certain things you just. can't say legally right or. images was the biggest pain in the ass. because when we were doing youtube [ __ ]. you just grab. any [ __ ] image off the internet like. right now you gotta pay for images. everything costs money we probably spent. i don't even know if i should say. probably between 50 and 100 000. on images yeah images we did that show. tournament of laughs on tbs we had a. sketch about. uh jeffrey epstein's island and they go. we can't afford epstein's island can we.

do another island. i'm like no there's a picture of yeah. the picture they couldn't afford the. picture. they're like we need another island can. we make it work with another island i'm. like. no use kona yeah yeah right right. and legally it's what you can say about. people yeah so like there was like weird. things that they pushed back like i have. like. crazy jokes in it it's just absolutely. right and then like there was one joke. that was an aside it wasn't even like a. real joke right it was like. we were talking about corona and i think. the line was like uh.

i think it was like uh trump with no. experiences and experienced it with. viruses outside of the ones he got from. stormy. this is not even a joke right like you. know my stuff. it's just yeah they're like you can't. say that and i go. what do you mean have you listened to. the rest right like within the first 10. seconds there's a joke about like. female genital mutilation yeah i saw. that so it's just like. why is this and then the lawyer goes i. basically say that i'm like getting a. little upset about it i'm like what's.

going on. right and i go uh i go why can't we say. well there's no proof that she's had. stds and i go well she's a [ __ ]. right for a living she's a [ __ ] it's a. it's a job required. and then he goes that's why i go what he. goes. you could hurt her ability to do her job. oh wow. so it's not just saying somebody's ugly. or whatever that's fine. that's okay but her job is to [ __ ] for. money and if you say she's got an std. she might not be able to [ __ ] for money. it's an impact even though it's an.

illegal job. technically yeah is it legal or i don't. think it's legal right. i think you could be a [ __ ] some places. i think in like vague. not vegas uh outside of vegas like we're. the bunny ranchers okay yeah yeah yeah. okay wow. that's so that was like i'm not gonna. fight that one like i don't care when. you do. jokes about uh the coronavirus. yeah and you do some chinese jokes do. you get yeah and people get a little. uh offended about that yeah nobody has. been offended. know what no well it's also like you're. doing a joke about the president of.

china. not chinese people i literally right. this is like i literally say. in it like my thing is like is like it's. specifically sarcastic and the people. that i'm making fun of are my friends. of course you know i mean like so when i. say gently and i put. bobby lee's picture instead right right. like that's a nod to bobby. right you know what i mean right but. like this is. i hate when it's that predictable like. our whole thing was. good comedy reviews yeah useless to me. they're useless to everyone.

i need outrage right right and anger and. anger. right and they literally you could tell. they didn't watch the last episode. because in the last episode i go this is. how media works. yeah bloggers right that mean nothing. get angry. right real organizations react to the. fake news story that the bloggers made. as if it's real. right then the bloggers react to the. news story and now you've created news. out of nothing. right right so we literally say it and. then and then it happens it happens it. happens immediately and all of us are. just saying like. thank you what do you think after.

quarantine you're you have an. interesting eye on culture. and the way people behave nobody really. knows what's going to happen. after this ends right when we get a. vaccine when does it end is it the. vaccination. i i think by september we're totally. done yeah i think we're done in phases. and i think we're done late spring or at. least summer yeah we start to really see. it and then by september i think we're. good. okay or do people run out of their homes. and go. [ __ ] and take their computers and phones. and throw them away and go [ __ ] that.

i just wanna live and jump in a lake and. [ __ ] and go to bars and do country line. dancing. do people do that or do they go i've. just. programmed now to live on this device. and i'm gonna live on it forever what do. you think. i don't know yeah i and i've said before. in the show i don't know. i i don't know but we've learned how to. live on these devices. one week of [ __ ] and then everyone's. back it's like yeah why was i doing that. right i think it's one week to just know. that you could do it it'll be a one week. to go out.

hedonism yeah crazy do [ __ ] call family. members you don't even like. and then you have to see them i kind of. like that christmas is cancelled. i love it and everyone's so angry at me. but i love it. i did ten minute socially distance of. things with my parents. wave in new york drive-by. right now just calm down make an. underhanded you know i went i went i saw. my father my stepmother. i said hey how are you i said i got a. new house it's really nice my stepmother. goes. yeah but you're all alone there don't.

you get lonely i'm like you got me. all right you won. you did it we can leave so but i i don't. know but you're engaged. yeah you're engaged yeah you're gonna. get married i'm gonna get ready what. made you decide this was just. the time um i got a great girl man i. wish. i i want to be like you know cynical. about it but i really got great girl man. yeah so it's just lock it up. literally yeah she's just a great girl. it's just awesome. are kids coming soon she's getting her.

masters so like. i want her to do whatever she wants and. you know maybe get a job and then get. one of those. big fans she what is she into doing. um she's gonna try to work in tech i. mean that's that's the idea but like. every company's tech. you know what i mean so everything's. attached yeah exactly if it's working. for amazon. or whatever it is one of these last time. you came out a lot of people that. listened were in the creative space. like writers comics musicians i got hit. up by musicians aspiring rappers whoever. people right. yeah and many of them are dead now uh.

because that's the way that's the way. this business works. it's very sad but that's the way the. business it's working out for you i mean. you you've got a pool. it's and it's good it's been good it's a. jacuzzi hey there's bigger pools. did you know people did people pronounce. it jacuzz. um or did they do jacuzzi oh interesting. no we. in in long island we said jacuzz was too. close to. the jews so we said. yeah yeah yeah they were like wait a.

minute or you said i got to jakku and. they said good let's start getting them. together and try to. fix this place up a bit uh. but what are what are people doing now. that's working and what are people that. are not like if you're a young guy now. young gal yeah young non-binary person. yeah yeah and you wanna elliot. shout out to elliot page yeah and you. wanna get all the money all the money. marvel. lit all of them hey marvel but like the. straight money. well i'm co i'm coming in i wanna come.

out as trans to. prove that there's a trans person they. won't [ __ ] with. because i've proven it with gay i've. proven it with gay. i've proven it with fat and gay now i'm. gonna prove it with trans. where i still they're gonna go no no no. no not him you know what's funny is like. everybody will still be like tim we. don't care yeah we don't just keep. ranting we don't care what you do with. your private time yeah. so what do you what do you think what do. you think tim's in the special by the. way did you see your passion i'm excited.

what are people doing thank you for. sending it over ben sorry yeah. no thank you three times three days. after i. go damn can we get a picture of you in. the what was it. yeah yeah i don't know i'm just. wandering around like mini malls yes i. got you. yeah three days go by i go damn how's. that picture yeah i'm like this is my. guy. yeah i'm talking about couches with. housewives it's i'm i'm living in the. suburbs now it's a different world. you go to jacuzzi yeah. it's very nice you could get soft i.

think you're getting soft well. i'm trying not a little bit we had. candace owens on that did. that's what you're trying to harden up. yeah you almost ran over that black kid. on the scooter. remember. yeah so what are people doing now that. you go you're looking at them and going. this is interesting this is working or. even like. in a general sense if somebody's out. there and they're going [ __ ] i love what. andrew did how do i do that what do they. do i love what you're doing. well that's very i've been you know i've. always loved you you've always been a. big fan and a supporter and.

now you got it you got it man you got it. i appreciate it yeah so i love what. you're doing. here's the thing i don't know i don't. know. for what you do i don't know if it's. replicatable. does that make sense uh well like last. time i came on here i was like. people have to really destroy their. lives to be me you have to really. to really put the time in yeah yeah yeah. yeah um. but i i think you just i think you'd. like you said was it worth it like yeah.

a million times no i don't want to do. any of this. i truly don't i don't want to be in the. business there are bigger pools but i. think what you're doing. isn't replicatable either because nobody. else is doing it on the level you're. doing it nobody's doing it well. yeah to be honest there's a lot of. people that had the chance. to do the funnier version of the daily. show yeah the funnier version of that. and they've not. done it how have you been able to do it. how have you been able to do it. and what does that say to other people. that might want to do it out there uh. first of all uh and i don't care if it. sounds corny i have a great team of guys.

that are. like absolutely hilarious right and. they're really good so mark gagnon. co-created the show with me and he's the. co-creator on the special. right uh robbie slovick is a hilarious i. love robbie. funny he writes for the show my guy fa. ill guy he was a guy who never did come. in his life he's a. lawyer in london yeah love it and i was. just like dude you want to come and just. be part of this yeah yeah and uh he's. got the suit and his girlfriend and. that's where that joke ended up coming. from. wow and uh but yeah so these guys are. great and then alex media the guy. my ben right he directed the whole thing.

but so these guys are incredible and. they're all really smart. and um we come up with these ideas. together so i can't take credit. this leads me to my next question is. comedy now. a team sport is this a team does it if. you want to do it at the level. that we're doing it and when i say we i. don't just be me i mean like you. and there are other guys that are. actually doing it at an elite level. where you're. affecting culture yeah you cannot do it. only by yourself. because i'm not you're competing with me.

right and my guys. there's no way right you could do that. by yourself. yeah because i'm not i'm not talking to. you i'm talking the average comic. right i'm better than you i can't do it. either if you've seen what i. work with him and and dan carney i mean. it's a rough go. for me i mean it is very hard very. difficult. we had these comments we would be like. we had these combos where you were. talking about. you and ben and you're like yeah i have. my guy you can do this [ __ ] he's amazing. what is that yeah legit without him i'm. [ __ ]. i'm not me yeah without him literally.

yeah he's amazing yeah. uh so that's very interesting so if. you're a comic now and you're coming out. obviously you get it like all these guys. they want all the credit for themselves. and it's like we're going to end up. getting the credit. yeah let people know about the squad. yeah it's just not gonna. i had i had dan dan the funny guy was. opening for me and he did really well. one night in salt lake city i. got on him the night before him i was. like i said well no i said doing the. night before i'm like i want you to go. take risks on stage yeah yeah and do. things you had like. not just joke just go out there and he. went and he murdered and as he was.

murdering i said i gotta. destroy him yes so then i got up there. and i just i called people up on a stage. i mean it was just an out-of-body. experience you got to make them forget. all about him yes he doesn't exist and i. explained to him afterwards i said. that's what's great about having funny. people in your orbit yes is it's a. healthy competition. and you want to you know you watch. you push push me yeah yeah say hi with. martin i want to get marcus. very funny guy i can't be lazy you know. what i'm saying i cannot be lazy i gotta. [ __ ] go he opens up for me on the.

road yeah yeah yeah. but yeah so having these guys is like. it's it we can create things that just. people can't create. and like that's the thing like how do. you find those people this is a question. a lot of people are going to ask for. competency okay so like. if you're competent you can learn. anything okay so. if so alex media learned how to edit on. premiere eight days before. the special came out wow right or before. we had to edit the special right and he. added the special yeah. and mark as well but mark had his. premiere but like he's so competent.

that i'm like yeah you're gonna figure. it out so i'm only looking for. competence and then i. and i look for do you have as high. standards for the content as i do. because if you do. i can relax right if you don't. everything you put out i gotta double. check. and that's it i might as well just done. it myself yeah yeah you know so like. those are the things i'm always yeah i. think it's the same thing i look for. people that want. to like win for lack of a better word. they want to put out things that people. really resonate with yes and they go. this is and and then. and sometimes you gotta you're sometimes.

they think that like. you know it's hard to. it not that it's hard but i feel like. it's it's a challenge. not always working alone because we're. used to as stand-ups we're used to like. like we're just we're it's just us yeah. and we go out there we work on our jokes. we go out and do this thing but when you. have other people you have a team of. people. there's a give and take push and pull. there's it's a different challenge. and and you can make something greater. you can make something great what human. beings have done right yeah it's like we.

sacrifice a little bit of ourselves for. the greater good. how you make the pyramids do you ever. get in disagreements where you go like. i'm going to i'm going to let mark win. this one because i trust him the best. idea wins. yeah best idea was no i like that i have. no ego no we go best i. look like i have a lot of ego yeah when. it comes to. the content the best idea wins and. everybody knows it that's the thing. about you a lot of people look at you. and go you have a lot of ego and that's. only because of what you say and do yes. 100 percent yeah yeah. the way you present yourself that's the. only reason people would ever think that.

but but actually here's what's smart. about you. you're humble they're a bigger pool. i'm dying i'm dying for christmas tree. but that's how tall trees get. freeze come on this is nature it's a. horror. my life is a heart no i'm very listen. i'm lucky. and i've done well horror story. i'm lucky and things have been good but. it's also it was a long stretch of not.

good. so yeah but it's best idea wins you the. thing about you is you surround yourself. with very smart people yep you take. advice. you ask people like that and that's what. makes people very successful. yeah is this the funniest thing is this. hey this is my pitch for the joke. yeah and then i got to make everybody in. the room that i'm paying. feel comfortable enough to tell me it's. not. funny right right right and then so that. is the initial period that everybody. gets there. yeah obviously no we're not like.

trashing ideas of jokes we're always. like how can we build that like. right somebody will come up with like. all right well what can we do that's. kind of connecting tom hanks in this way. right and then oh what if we did that. and right okay. i think the woody joke came around like. that you know. okay tom hanks they're calling him a. pedophile it's so dense with jokes. like it has a lot of jokes so so that's. yeah and i haven't said this on any pot. i'll save it here okay for here but like. the first time i think i i was going. okay how can i do comedy in a way where. i can compete with these big [ __ ].

streaming things but i gotta get it to. the people so i'm like. okay i can utilize the internet and like. if you don't trust me maybe i'll give. you smaller versions etc. so we figured that out how the average. comic that's funny can put their stuff. up and start to like put together a. career right and like. we got that this time the thing that. i've always thought about comedy that. was so. shitty is this shelf life it's like a. magic trick that you. tell how you do the trick afterwards. right so if you tell the same. if you tell the joke we're not talking. about impressionists right we're just. talking about like punch lines whatever.

if i tell you that joke once the next. time i tell it to you. you're like yeah least funny thing right. right like it's not funny you've loaded. it with so many jokes people can watch. it again and again and. pull new things out of it every time so. that's what i was like how do i increase. the shelf life. and load it with so many jokes and the. pictures. punch the jokes right so now i'm not. doing what these [ __ ] idiots on late. night do i can't believe. that they thought that this was okay to. tell jokes and wait for a punch line. when nobody's there. right wait for the laugh kitchen table. it's absurd. yeah it makes you feel so uncomfortable.

at home i feel very strange. but that shows you how detached they are. to like actually like connecting. i think this quarantine one of the. things it's done is it's taking them out. of the theaters and taking them out of. makeup and taking the writers. and you're you're kind of like well i'm. sure the writers are still there but. like. you see them unmasked for lack of a. better word and you go oh my god you. suck you suck you suck you're not good. yeah. i should be famous like people on the. couch go i can be ellen i can be not. funny too. right yeah wow yeah that's what he was. like let's make it so joke dance we're.

not gonna. we're not gonna sit and like bask in our. laughs we're literally just gonna the. second a joke is finished another one. comes right. and then the images are gonna punch the. jokes so you know exactly like there's. we measure those images like when we say. it when i say. align the image is coming out on a. specific line. right it takes hours to line those. images up and then what we do is we hide. all these things in the images. so when you watch the special and you. look at me and you kind of look at. images you see one thing. if you watch the special and only look. at the images it's a different special.

wow so you have you have like also. sensory. differences two different specials yeah. happening they're happening at the same. time yeah so then people start listening. to it and it has this almost like rap. effect where you're like oh i didn't. notice. jay-z said that line right or something. people are going back and forth on. twitter with you and it's like. interactive. without being hokey exactly. but let's do we have like these little. lines in there like i. i want to do something where we can sit. down and like go over. like we have this one line it's we're. talking about the amy cooper yeah.

and uh uh instead of saying you probably. haven't heard about her up until now. yeah we say you probably haven't heard. about her emmett till now. yeah yeah jesus yeah right and it's. quick it's quick and then the next line. is. so i'll jog your memory and the picture. is ahmad arbory. yeah and it's like flashing it's like. these things are going so fast. it's very racially triggering in very. different ways. like it's that is what you just. described so it's like the people that. kept us. about it that's a nightmare for like a. freshman at columbia university.

what you just described it's like emmett. till arbor you're like oh my god. they're like short circuiting they're. falling on a dorm room floor yeah but if. you've got about asian jokes it's like. do you just not care about any other. group of people they don't everybody got. made fun of yeah everybody got what. like i said i look like a [ __ ] banker. from gringotts right the hair like i'm. trashing me yeah everybody's everybody. gets it so it's like don't put yourself. on a pedestal what is what do you want. to do. when quarantine ends and when you can go. back out are you like let's go all over. the world. i still got the stand-up special yeah i.

want to put out you want to put out so i. just. didn't film it we got shut down by that. so i want to do that and then um. i want to get back to doing these but. just like shorter we'll do that you know. on youtube. yeah and then because i want to go like. i want to go i realized like. i want to go and i lean to my age and. say i want to see the world a little bit. yeah yeah. when this whole thing happened yeah i'm. like you know i've been to cleveland. four times. i've been to cleveland and listen love. hilarities love everyone there i got the. engraved bat thank you. uh i want to go to amsterdam all of that.

yeah. i want to see europe and the uk and. brussels and ireland and like. i want to do comedy everywhere that i. can when everything was shutting down i. was like. [ __ ] yeah i really missed my chance i. wanted to be in australia and obviously. the world's going to open up again but. you you kind of gained so much effort. yeah i gained a lot now when you go over. there it's worth it tickets will sell. exactly it'll be worth it before when. you would go over there it would be like. oh i got a few friends in brussels. i've done that tour in europe like some. people know you right and then i did a. tour in europe where. a lot of people knew me it's different.

and the second one is so much much. better. yeah so much better yeah and then that's. what you'll have now. yeah and then yeah it's [ __ ] sick you. just travel europe you're just eating. this delicious food. yeah it's great everything's fun it's. just fun yeah that's that's what i'm i'm. hoping for i've been eating good by the. way yeah yeah. you've been noticing i've been seeing. what your girl no [ __ ]. my girl cooks even though she's nice the. restaurants that she picks up oh yeah. she does great restaurants she's. she's like you she's like great she. knows march she gets it we should all. have a little. let's do it we'll go absolutely yeah. we'll go out to bernie.

baby i love it first time i went there. my dad took me when i was seven. okay yeah my gosh you hate it seven. years old. seven years old seventh grade okay so. seventh grade i went because i wanted to. go i was. explaining what it is it's the best it's. the it's really the best. probably seafood restaurant in the world. yeah i would say so okay it's the top. two to three restaurants in new york. city top five to ten in america. you know conservatively speaking um. a a a uh just palace.

you know of of seafood and the the way. they prepare the food and everything's. executed. incredibly well and and uh eric repair. and the maguila cos rip who died. uh the the vision of that restaurant was. to make this glittering seafood palace. in new york city. that would rival the the greatest. restaurants of of paris and and. and it did successful successfully yeah. truly amazing and i went there at. seventh grade and. and and this is my big date to celebrate. nothing yeah my girlfriend oh and.

yeah i went there when i was popping. pimples off my back yeah yeah no it was. it was it was amazing. it was amazing and then i just realized. schultz yeah. i realized that like you know after that. you look at. you look at other things and you go ever. it's great. to listen here's the thing it's great to. drive in a rolls-royce. yeah you don't have to own one but it's. great to drive into a rolls-royce test. just know and you know why know why it's. rolls-royce. that's the reality know why it's rules.

right and that's and. my friends jeffrey and just lane would. say these things too you have to drive. rolls-royce and i don't know what they. were talking about but they said yeah i. have to drive it. it's very odd but they kept bringing. that up rolls royce i don't know but no. but. la bernadine is that russia where you go. tweet then you know what everything else. is. you go oh i get it yeah yeah yeah i get. it and it just. it it it puts things in an order yeah. and it orders things for you yeah. in a way it's like a great athlete or. even a great comic like yeah. patrice o'neil but you're just like oh. that is the best you watch elephant in. the room and you get it you go okay now.

i can put everything together and i can. organize these things in my head because. i've seen this really amazing thing. that is so rare yeah yeah and and will. never happen again in the configuration. it is right. they'll never be another patrice they'll. never be another bernadette they'll be. great restaurants right right but. that set of circumstances that made that. restaurant what it was. the location the this or that it's all. there and that's. what i i love about going out to eat in. really nice places is that. you know that eventually i went to. luger's the other day and i went.

it's over bro it's over it's over it's. over there. it is it's over for my birthday with my. folks yes it's over. they're broken they're broken broken by. that new york times no one's there. it's like but you know what it is it's. okay because. it would be weirder if it wasn't over. because it would open in 1863. it's like it's supposed to stop it's. supposed to stay. too long there's too much there's got to. be a new era of. restaurants of of of of restaurant tours.

of chefs of people. that keep reinventing and reimagining. things to make them better yeah it's. like comedy it's like news yeah. media it's like everything there you. have to shed this now you look you said. something very interesting once i want. to talk to you about this about youtube. okay yeah you said comics are some of. the funniest people in the world but. they don't utilize social media. effectively and they don't. yeah and then you look at a lot of. youtubers i'm friends with youtubers out. here in california they're nice people. but their content is fundamentally. different from comics right. fundamentally different it's more like. hey this is my day in the life. whatever it is some of them are funny. but their job is not to be funny the job. should be relatable or to be accessible.

whatever it is right aspirational. aspirational a lot of them the life is. aspirational oh that would be cool to. drive in that car. to go to these places how does a comic. yeah whose job is to be very. funny yeah kind of get into this world. of youtube where it's like we can't do. those things or we. we would have to be funny we have to be. funny yeah we are fun we can be funny. because it's it's it is an interesting. divide right because you do look at. some of the stuff on there and you go. this is some of this content's.

interesting some of it's you know i. don't even know what it is. some of it truly i don't know what it is. i'm not watching mukbang somebody's just. brushing their teeth for three hours. it's got 10 million views i think. society's in trouble yeah. um but what is it about comedians that. they. in those environments don't catch on i. think that. two things happen one we get a false. sense of validation from being on stage. that's true they don't have the stage so. they. need the views that's. right right they can't go up in front of.

30 people at the village lantern and do. decently and be like i'm funny. i did it i did it i did it they need to. put out the video and then by putting. out the video if it's good. so many more people see it like think. about how many more people listen to. this podcast than see you at a comedy. club in texas so you can't even. fathom but you could get hundreds of. thousands of views that you're getting. right now and that's right. but when we go sell out a theater we. think we made it. right like how crazy are we when we're. thinking there's so much. well half a million people see something. listen to something we do.

two thousand people come to us what we. what we do in the in that space. is um is is unique right because. it's it's kind of what the same reason. that the restaurants are great or what i. it's it's it's it's an audience yes and. you you you appreciate all that yes. this hundred percent not to do also i. want to say something we do but you're. right. long term you got to reach more people. than who come out to have that truly. unique experience. what we're doing yeah but i totally. understand the connection between. chef and comic now yes yeah it is the.

closest that i've seen yes in the. creative field i believe i agree with. you in comic people oh it's like boxing. i use the box it's nothing like boxing. right. but chef right yes yes and i've watched. those shows that everybody's watching on. netflix whatever but even going through. like. the experience they go through almost. like the borderline psychosis. yeah so like trying to take things that. are like mundane and make them. interesting like. that's literally what we do right and. then having to sit there and watch. people consume. and they have to curate an experience.

it's a diner for the whole thing from. when they walk into that restaurant when. they leave yeah yeah every course of. food the service what it looks like. they have to curate that experience. that's that to me i've always seen that. overlap. but to me i'm almost like like i want my. show to be that way at the theater of. the club like. i wanted to start when you walk in the. door right not when i go on stage and. say hello. when you walk in the door there should. be something there should be a music. there should be something visual the. show begins when you walk in it sets a. tone yeah right like okay if we go to.

the bernadine or whatever. you walk out the [ __ ] somalia is. walking around with the the the pimp cup. chains right. right and yeah and you're just like what. the [ __ ] is going on i i didn't know. anything like that i don't know anything. about these places my girl knows this. [ __ ] i asked the [ __ ] lady i was like. what are you like what's up with the. chain. yeah and uh i thought that she was like. the head waitress. right do you know i thought like you. know she was like. that was like yeah yeah yeah yeah and. it's a test of in or whatever i think is. the term. uh taste of wine yeah yeah something.

like that yes yes and i guess. it's just an ancient thing to have a. little what are we doing when we. get back into stand up like yeah what. are we doing for our shows like. enough uh you know when. you know because everyone's used to. seeing us do all these other things. you're on netflix with a podcast are we. going to have to beef up our live shows. to make them. it's totally different yeah i want to be. a carnival me too. like i i agree with you and yeah you. would actually fit this perfectly. right because it's like i want to have.

the hour that we put. that that we put out we put together and. yeah i don't care if it's done in a tiny. little comedy club or a big theater. whatever it is and that was but when i. go. tour tour yeah and we're doing [ __ ]. theaters and arenas. yeah i want this to be a carnival right. i want there to be stand-up i want us. all to be [ __ ] singing. yeah i want i want it to be a wild. experience yes yes. because the reality is is like one of. the reasons why i've been so successful. on the road is because i create these. unique experiences. through interacting with the crowd right. yeah so like when you come there you. know. that's never going to happen again yeah.

so you're like i can't miss. what that's what i try to do with that. you brought the people up on the stage. yeah that's what i'm trying to everybody. there is telling their friends i don't. know what was happening he's got people. i want people to come to the show and. experience an act of domestic terrorism. you know i want the fbi to look at what. constitutes a terrorist group and say. does this does this fit that. but i i think it's not enough anymore to. just. do stand up i think it is enough but i. think. going forward like people are going to.

want all kinds of different [ __ ]. i think that because it's that element. of uncertainty yes because they walk in. they know you're going to do funny stuff. it's going to be funny. but i think that crowd interaction or. crowd work or riffing or any of that. and then you add other people into it. you add other things that's what people. may want. because people that are going to go out. they go i want a [ __ ] concert i want. a [ __ ]. really insane night i want something to. tell people about. yeah i want to have that experience it's. like the [ __ ] restaurant you could go. have the dover soul right or you could. have dover soul.

and then cut it with a fish knife right. i don't know what a fish knife. is right but you want sharp yeah right. but i got this specific knife and. they're like oh yeah. oh yeah because it's so soft that you. don't need to saw through it. yeah it's a little trick day and now i'm. telling you about it let me ask you a. controversial question yes. should comics be doing like 10 specials. or is it time to hang it up. is it time what's going on i don't want. to do a special unless i have to talk. about something. right right do you know what i'm saying. like yeah i mean there's uh so many.

comics have been around forever since. we're two yeah. is it time for any of them to leave and. this is one of my. this is one of the things i say and i. want the tim dil do i want to do the tim. dylan show answer. or do i is it the real answer it's the. real answer the real answer is. keep on doing until the wheels fall off. it makes you happy the tim dillon show. answers. a lot of guys got to go. i love you but you gotta go you gotta go. and i respect you and you've done it but. what are we still. doing at a certain point right.

at a certain point you've done it like. how much can you do it like it's you. know. yeah what do you see yeah i mean i get. it if it makes you happy do whatever. makes you happy. what if we doesn't do what makes me. happy and what makes me happy is you. not doing this anymore they have to go. yes or yes. yeah they gotta go man i love you i. think yeah yes or yes. we should do a yearly purge yeah of them. yeah. we just sit down it has to happen and we.

just instead of like the time what is. gonna happen to comedy clubs in this. in in this i think comedy clubs are good. because i think that's. i think comic clubs are going to be good. they'll be good i think they can hang on. because it's just a hard. yeah economic thing a lot of them will. hang out yeah for whatever reason i. think a lot of them will but i think. they're good and i think that will be. one of the first experiences that people. go back out in public to do. yeah it's kind of safe you're not making. out with strangers on a dance floor. right. you're you are already somewhat distant. guys you're with your friends you're. laughing and you're kind of like. somebody's regaling the times and you.

want to relate to it i think right i. think they'll thrive. 100 the comedy clubs is where we'll be. working on our bits and then have these. kind of intimate experiences. but when it comes to creating a show. yeah. the reality is if i'm doing the garden. yeah and i'm making fun of someone in. the front row. nobody else in the garden can see that. person in the front right so i have to. change my show to accommodate. that venue the venue right experience. you can't. even doing the the monologue what we're. doing is like i have to constantly.

change what i'm doing like right early. in my career i'm just doing material i. put out two special materials. right okay i got really good at that and. i'm not trying to pat myself in the. background i was really good at it right. what am i not really good at how better. let's get better yeah okay i see these. guys doing monologues all the time. never once have i thought they're funny. right and i'm just like how has nobody. tried to do this funny yet. right they suck right okay maybe i could. i'm terrified. of looking like an idiot right terrified. good i should go do that thing i'm. terrified of.

we start doing it and then why don't. people do more [ __ ] that scares them. why do you think i don't know i mean i i. i would say that you it's painful yeah. but you will do it. why will you do it i mean i'm a little. crazy you're a little crazy but you also. don't have shame. i want i don't have shame you won't. [ __ ] fail i'll fail. i'll fail i'll fail why won't i pay. putty on yeah i'll fail. why would i have a what i had that. hoodie that bay pudding. give me that hoodie give me that little.

fail no it's just. this hoodie that i that everyone makes. fun of me for because i did a sketch. with it on. but when i put this hoodie on i become a. different person people don't understand. i don't i don't give a [ __ ] about. politics anymore when i put this hoodie. on i don't care. about [ __ ] oh do you read a book what. book you read you want to [ __ ]. yo what do you think is gonna happen no. no yeah when i put this hoodie on i. realize. that i am beautiful you are gorgeous and. that yeah because the black man came up. to me and he said you look fresh as [ __ ].

when i had this on yeah and no one had. ever been complimentary to me like that. before. and i've discovered that i can be a new. person with just one garment of clothing. yeah. and i could maybe start smoking weed. again and doing pills and drinking that. coffee. that person doesn't have a drug problem. the person in this. is responsible he can no but i. i you know mike lawrence said something. really good once somebody said i'm. afraid to do this show and mike lawrence. goes are you too good to fail.

i've never felt like i was too good to. fail yeah i think that's part of why i. do [ __ ]. i don't feel like i'm too good to fail. yeah i don't feel like i'm too if i put. out a. [ __ ] video and it gets a few thousand. views that's okay. a lot of comics don't want to start. pursuing [ __ ] online because they're. like what am i gonna have to build this. [ __ ]. social media network yeah you do in the. beginning yeah you do you have to do it. yeah and keep doing it yeah and it is. what it is in the beginning. we i had no followers i had nothing you. know but i i don't feel like too good to. i feel like i got. as long as i'm playing i'm okay if i'm.

on the field i'm okay. if i'm on the bench pointing at people. on the field going [ __ ] them. loser that's where i get depressed. yeah i gotta play yeah and if that's the. way that i i feel good about myself. decent about myself not tremendous but. there's a guy i grew up with siddiqui. thomas right yes jamaican dude. yeah hilarious he would hit on every. girl. right he would he would his rate of like. closing was probably like. 2 out of 10 or 3 out of ten right which.

is good okay. it's good yeah i didn't think he was a. loser when he failed. right i thought he was the bravest. [ __ ] i've ever seen. because when i was young i was terrified. right of not only getting rejected but. my friends seeing me get rejected. right and then then i thought in my mind. i was like i'm gonna lose some sort of. social currency to my friends. they think i'm cool the bravest thing. anyone can do right now literally to me. yeah is talk to a woman to. sit down and speak to a woman and listen.

to them. and take their opinion seriously is to. me. braver than jumping out of a plane. without a parachute. in my life like for me to have to do. that. is huge so that's a big no no upside for. you. very little upside down well whitney. company gave us that table in the back. which we paid her for. she keeps acting like it's charity i'm. like dude we just gave you money. it sounds enough yeah but i love her i. love whitney. because whitney is a power you know.

she's a real [ __ ]. she's a great comic and she's a great. comic great unstoppable force. unstoppable force she will get it done. she'll get it she's not afraid as well. she thinks she's afraid. right but that is what pushes her does. that make sense how do you. when you see people that. do you believe that hard work is genetic. george carlin said maybe it is genetic. there's something very interesting about. that yeah i know people who i look at or. uh yeah. what is it um nature versus nurture i. think it's. it's nurture but i think you have to see.

hard work at a very young age. to get it to and then that's like i saw. my mom getting up every day yeah. coaching a swim team getting up at 5am. doing everything uh. i i get it i also saw my dad who i love. like. you know was a really great musician but. never took it to the level he could have. yeah i so i. had both of those experiences right why. were you afraid of repeating what your. dad. oh yeah i was afraid of having a studio. in my house in the suburbs yeah. uh wait like my dad oh no. my dad had a studio or he would just sit.

in a room in his house in the suburbs. but no one cared he was just playing his. guitar okay. that's way different totally different i. have one father yeah and. um he but no i was afraid of and my dad. was a really talented guy and he was. talented because i knew that because. other people tell me he wouldn't. like other people would say your dad at. this massive band on long island the 70s. was really big. did you know about that i'm like kinda. and my dad didn't really keep a lot of. that stuff around right there was no. like photos of it. so i was like oh okay catholic thing. like uh no just didn't.

i think he didn't want to remind himself. that he was on this track that never. panned. out yeah it's hard yeah it's tough right. and i get it he had a kid either well. you gotta. you know got a sales job or whatever but. i when i got into this i was 25 years. old and i'm like. this is my the last thing that i have. the shot to be good at. there's not a lot of things you can do. at 25 right i mean. there's some certainly but a lot this is. the other thing about life that people. don't really want to. talk about which is like you know at a. certain point you gotta you gotta.

make uh uh a decision and stick with it. you don't ha you can't reinvent yourself. over 40 years what point i don't know i. don't think it's 25. no i think it'll be later i think i. don't think it's a specific age okay. i think that it's a it's a it's a moment. and i don't think i don't think you can. uh reinvent everything you want like i. know people that have wanted to be ten. things yeah and i'm like well this is a. problem yeah every three years you want. to be another thing. and you know what i notice about those. people the each one of those things.

has one thing in common right and. they're just. lily padding to the next thing because. that one isn't working and it's usually. validation i look at yes it's like i. want people to like me okay i'm gonna do. i'm gonna be an actress it doesn't work. i'm going to be a pilates coach. that's on youtube uh it's not really i. look at people that are really funny and. i say to myself. i look at people that are really funny. and haven't made a. haven't made much of their careers and i.

and i and i and i think a lot of that is. because they. they don't get bored easily i get very. bored. who is that i look at comics that are. very funny that haven't. built a fan base that's a lot of people. right. is it no that's the thing like there's. really there's. i don't want to be insulting but there's. there are guys that we know this should. be bigger i can. and i would be bigger is yes and i think. but they have drug issues. usually people that that are no yeah i. don't know i don't know if they do.

there's different levels of funny right. like like if we're just being honest. let's be honest. there is a lot of young comics you're. gonna listen to this they should and. they should [ __ ] pay. extra close attention because they're. not the elite level funny yet yes and. you and i were about young comics i mean. bill burns no i'm kidding. i just i'm just. i'm kidding but uh like you and i were. both at the. at the point where we're not funny right. and then we start to get to the point. where we're funny. right but we're not elite funny yet yes. and then we get to the point where.

you want to get to elite funny right and. people are elite funny. it's so hard to get to now it's hard to. get to but they are making a living. even if they're [ __ ] drug addicts. they're making a living yeah. if they're drug addicts they're not as. famous as they should be. but they're still living they're living. that's how. yeah few people are elite right that's a. great point there's so this this is such. a small group of people. it gets whittled down it constantly gets. whittled down there's a hand it was a. handful of people there's really a. handful of us. like when you think about it so it's. like there's a lot of people in the.

middle and they're like why don't i have. a career it's like well that's not how. it works. yeah this [ __ ] is too fun for everybody. to do it yeah so if you want to have the. career career you have to be elite right. you have don't you think there's a value. in the fact that people like you. and i think people like me get bored. which [ __ ] easily we get bored. and we go i want to do cool [ __ ] and new. [ __ ] i can tell you exactly why i love. stand up. yeah because it is. the basketball hoop changing height. every single time you go on the court.

right so you practice your free throws. on a ten foot. yeah right you're like i got that down. right and then you go up. at hilarity's and clean there's a way. that we can use a white sport. yes just for my yes is the ten the. tennis. i got it right okay okay ready yes here. we go i'm ready. tennis yes every time you go onto the. court. you have a different size racket wow yes. now you're with me. yes so now you're like i perfected it. with that one racket. but i met hilarity's and it's this tiny. little racket and now when i try to.

serve it doesn't do the whole. so i got to figure out i got to figure. out how to be so good at this no matter. what size. racket i have yeah it's i'm gonna be. successful and that's gonna take. you [ __ ] decades so people like you. and i that can get bored of [ __ ] that we. can get good at quickly. right we're gonna go okay okay i'm. moving i know some of these young guys. who say things like i just want a good. quality of life. kill yourself right yeah yeah yeah yeah. i love that yeah. why are we yeah yeah why would you tell. me that why would you tell me that. i want to conquer the world right right.

but it's true. if you're using those words and you're. in your 20s you're you're in trouble. i mean like you're in [ __ ] trouble i. tell people you will go no further than. your dream. right with this business right right. right no further so if you just want to. make a living. that is if you're lucky right you'll get. there if you're lucky. right if you say i want to sell out. arenas. you might get to theaters yeah and. that's pretty [ __ ] that's pretty cool. right yeah but you gotta go like dreams. cost nothing. yeah this will just [ __ ] dream yeah i.

want to make a living to me you quit. already. right you quit i said that i wanted to. get killed by the cia but i may settle. for. i may settle for half a million youtube. subscribers. heyo um. when trump is gone yeah when he leaves. does he leave. or is he still like obviously he'll. leave but like is he still gonna be a. force does he just go play. off what do you think he does does he. keep doing the rallies i'm curious it's. hard he's he's the biggest star. he is so talented he's so talented what. is that called that's not stand-up but.

what i don't know what it is. it doesn't have a name but is it like. are you emceeing. like what is that skill that he's he's. off the top he's riffing he's. he's in the moment he's with his people. he's just leading that cult like. does he keep doing that does he if it's. that easy. how could you not imagine standing i. know it was that easy was that easy. like he's literally doing what every. stand-up. wishes stand stand-up was yeah which is. i'll go up there just be me. i'll be i just talk you guys go crazy.

yeah i don't have to think of these like. brilliant clever like. switches and premises that are genius. literally just say what are the words. you guys wanted me to say. right lock her up yeah it goes crazy so. it's like. how could you not do that right the. question is. his age don't you think his age it plays. a little. it's high he's up there if he's 64. this. guy's gonna be a nuisance yeah but he's. in his 70s late set yeah it's getting. there do you want to do that do you want. to be on adderall at a certain point you. have to.

you have to you have to close it up yeah. just for like life value like. right do you really want to like go. through it right tweet all [ __ ] day i. think that he says no right. now if he's that much of a maniac which. all them are that he's really thinking. he's going to run again. right then he's got to stay in. i think he's just fronting like he's. going to do it because he wants to have. enough. political leverage to get [ __ ] he wants. yeah probably right right. yeah i don't think he's gonna he wants. to run again i know somebody talks to. him he does think he's running again.

he's not right that's he's not running. again but now do you think they're gonna. lock him. up no i i agree they won't they don't. want to tear the country apart. don't even tell the country it looks bad. you can't lock up presidents. it's just it's a bad bad look for. everyone in the world yeah just let it. go. exactly you let it go everything's cool. it's like always a crook it's like. that's why people like him. yeah you've identified why people like. it you identify why he has a family. yeah yeah yeah it's like brooks yeah. it's not a crook. right it's true who's not a crook.

but that's the thing like if we were. crooks we wouldn't be in entertainment. no we'd be in politics yeah it's true. like if you actually. care about the world at all i'm not. saying we're actually a [ __ ] change. in the world like i'm not like. doing this like you know narcissistic. approach to. content right but like i think that we. have. way more sway on the average person's. thinking than a politician. like what the [ __ ] do they ever do they. just they do nothing nothing. so the last time you were on rogue or. not the last time but a few times ago.

you said netflix going out of business. yes and now you have a show on netflix. yeah do you have any more predictions. i'm a politician baby. do you have any more predictions that. might come true like do you want to can. i just. do that amazon prime's going out of. business and in two years from now. you're uh uh. like could i be honest you have a huge. deal you know more than most people yeah. what is it fake business is your shirt. right fake business i didn't understand. yeah modern capitalism right right i i l. i was approaching netflix right.

like most businesses where in order to. stay around you have to produce a profit. no it's fake i didn't realize this we're. in the arab fake business. so so yeah when i say that i'm not just. going out there like. i joke around on the podcast like the 48. laws of power you got to stir up water. to catch fish yeah. yeah this is all part of my my grandpa. yeah no it wasn't i literally was going. okay if they haven't declared themselves. that they're you know profiting. off their business and they're about to. lose the most watched shows. then it's a problem how the [ __ ] are you.

going to stay in business yeah but. right and then i found out oh it's a. stock. it's a stock as long as the stock price. is high yeah you don't it's the same. thing with amazon they don't even make. any money. sirius xm spotify a lot of these major. media operations are stock skills so. when i find out that it's. fake business it's just then you do some. money. it's not a big deal yeah it's not a big. deal that's just what it. that's just what it comes down to all. seriousness i was like when i found it. that that's how these things work and.

that's how uber works and that's how. a lot of these like tech based companies. work i i was like oh i have to start. thinking about okay this is this is very. different like when it goes public. public is just a way that the initial. investors get to cast that cash out it's. quite fascinating how it works yeah like. going the whole idea of the stock market. was. raising money right right now the. fundraising happens. first right that's the sorry that's the. initial stock market if you will. yes then they cash out on the [ __ ].

dummies that go buy it on the stock. market and then whatever happens to the. company they don't give a flying [ __ ]. it's the era of uh it's smoke you know. yeah. that's exactly what it is once i. realized that i was like okay this is. the game. there are so many people that value uh. a streaming platform more than they. value youtube and social media. right you and i are entrenched in. youtube and social media right. yeah so we value content. i don't care what screen it's on right. i realized how valuable a name brand is.

to some people. when i announced the netflix thing and i. had family members message me and they. were like uh congratulations on netflix. and your engagement. and i was like you didn't do those two. things in the same sense. it's like you knew i was engaged for a. while yeah. but that wasn't big enough and the. engagement yeah then netflix happened. they were like okay i think i should do. a little double congratulations netflix. is. is become a part of our vocabulary it's. become a. a part of everything netflix and chill.

all that so for me i just want to. i want to create stuff for the most. people the people have always been my. salvation so it's like. right i want to be in front of the most. people possible and if there's more. people over there. that i haven't touched it and i think. they could really be interested in the. content we're making. i want to yeah i wanna do that of course. and honestly. i i gotta give credit where it's due. these [ __ ]. were cool with the content i thought it. was cool yeah. i thought it was gonna be fun they just. let me put out whatever yeah like.

they were and i'm not saying my. experience is going to be the average. comics experience like i came in with a. lot of. equity and it wasn't something i really. like needed. but they were super supportive they we. went over budget. they stepped in yeah like. i feel like when execs do the right. thing you gotta say. complimentary [ __ ] like the executive. let ricky gervais do that. golden globes speech it's like i don't. know who that is but we gotta. congratulate him because he's. that person his [ __ ] is on the line too.

and also netflix let kevin spacey direct. the whole thing which is. basically directed the whole thing your. whole show he's unbelievable. amazing and he is let me tell you. something about kevin and his lap. the guy will sit you down yeah and and. and he'll. start just petting you dude and like you. you'll feel insecure. and he'll just pet you back into having. that self-esteem that you need to save. america you know what i mean. maybe mark shout out to kevin dude for. real yeah kevin's great i'll tell you. this. it is it's crazy to watch how much. you've done in the span of time you've. done it because it's not i mean you've.

been to a comedy a long time. but you've you've been able to do a lot. of really cool things in. in a span of years yeah and it's like. you're. right it's not rushing but like you are. you're running at a pace. of somebody who wants to really have a. lot of things. more so than just a comic right do you. ever see yourself down the road. with a platform with a network with. a uh whatever it is because you're. running at the pace of somebody that. wants. more than ju and it's it's a compliment.

it's yeah you seem to want more than. just. i'm a great comedian do you you you like. helping people you like prov you know. is there a version of andrew schultz. down the road that. has something that's bigger than just. his own career that has kind of a. movement of culture or whatever. i bigger than career sure but not. necessarily like a platform like. i i got i'm going to do a film one of. these days yeah i really want to create. that and i want it to be like. i want to kind of create this like rat.

pack vibe yeah what i mean like i think. that's what podcasts are in a lot of. ways yeah like. we watched those movies like the oceans. elevens movies yeah absolutely we're. just watching. characters hanging out that's a podcast. that's exactly what it is and like this. is a pocket like absolutely like we're. just hanging right yeah like. if we can for me what i would love to do. is create that environment and then. insert. all of us into that environment as a. film and then do that every couple years. like i think what i'll eventually do in. my career is do less projects but just. kind of bigger projects. okay and then like everybody in that.

world. i want them to be you know millionaires. again it really is like it used to be. every man for himself it feels a lot. less like that now. that's the worst model the model is a. team model. people helping each other out not. relying as much on. uh people in the industry although when. you can collaborate and work with people. that support you that's great build up. enough equity so that you're doing. the show you want to do with them right. and you need to build the equity up. because. why would they take a risk why would.

they go out there and take a risk. on you if you haven't proved it works. right dude i mean like. chappelle you know god bless his soul. he's whining about the deal that he got. from. comedy central it's like the guy didn't. have a hit. before that show right why would you get. it's also why would you. pull why would you pull a d why would. you pull a show off. platforms where like people that just. poor people want to watch your show they. love your show yeah the whole thing is. wow yeah but but it's like i mean as a. creator.

i support him getting all the rights in. whatever way he do get it the way he's. going about it is his corner to me but. he's like yeah i got to feel bad that. you were bullied like well we have them. get them out dave shipping come on come. on out um. but it's like yeah so it's just like i. don't know i want to i want to. create that [ __ ] i want us to just i. just want us to run things i want to. create really cool projects and i want. to have enough equity to like do the. comedy that we want to do that the. majority of people like and it's not you. know infiltrated by [ __ ]. the bloggers or whatever like that like. i don't want right you know i don't want.

to deal with that no one cares i mean no. one cares. no i don't care yeah i don't care i'd be. upset if there weren't. yeah yeah yeah if you're not talking. about me i'm irrelevant. yeah so i need you to say bad things so. that people watch it. yeah yeah imagine watching the thing. that people go it is a. it is just so much fun or you know what. it is the worst the worst. i think the worst uh thing you can say. about anything is what was that again. right you know what i mean nobody knows. what it is when does new york. find a couple of questions here about. new york cause you're such a new york. guy do you ever leave new york and when.

do you think it comes back. i think and i'm you know me i'm very. bullish on new york. right but like i was too and then i left. i know and you have this like. insane life here and don't get me wrong. i come to your home yeah. and i i go this is nice. yeah you know like my girl i was telling. you lives up in santa barbara yeah we're. not shooting. her family's from santa barbara and i've. seen like the way that they live and. it's just like yeah. dude i'd love to wake up and have a view. of the water yeah all these things like. right. i mean this is [ __ ] life yeah um and.

when comedy clubs and [ __ ] are shut down. you start going like. i could do that right right so i'm i'm. not against that but i. i am in new york my studio's in new york. my guys are in new york. and it's like i don't at this point i'm. not ready to have the conversation where. i forced them to make a decision where. they were no of course and you know when. i came to la i was really worried about. i i just figure for whatever reason i've. adjusted here i and i don't think la's. at the spot really anymore and like it.

might be i hope it is i'm here for. another year we'll see. yeah i don't know where the spots could. have been that's where the talent is. it's where the talent is if we want to. move to tallahassee that's the thing. right. i really agree i agree with you so it's. just like yeah we're we're the gravity. yeah and we're going to make cool [ __ ]. yeah and like who knows what happens. with stand up who knows i think what. you're doing right now is just like. that's what i'm telling my girl i'm like. yo let's rent a place literally what. you've done. you're like what like two months ahead. of me like yeah it's an. insane place not even two months or a. month ahead of me like rent an insane.

place yeah that's. it's expensive it's not that's what you. should aspire to have a place like this. yeah. yeah create you're there for a year we. don't know what the world looks like in. a year. if everything snaps back you're like i'm. in la baby and i got my great place. yeah if it doesn't you're like okay. maybe i moved to someplace that has the. perfect environment that i want to. create. the other thing i'm i'm here for a year. it's uh and the reason that we got we. got the house is we can put a stew we. want to put a really cool studio. here and we put a cool studio in yeah. and and and uh. and i want to do other things uh we're.

doing other types of shows we're gonna. do stuff with social media people which. could be interesting right. because i'm outside of that world a. little bit we're going to start doing. stuff with. people that i wouldn't work with. necessarily you should. but i should yeah why not and and we're. going to figure all that out. and i think that it's going to be like. it's an adventure. there are so few certainties. right now yeah everything is up in the. air but that's kind of where. guys like us thrive yeah that's why i i. don't mind it i don't mind it i. i actually like it i don't mind it um.

final question. yeah i just want to say like i knew. we were going to win the pandemic yeah i. knew this well i appreciate it but i. knew this. yes at the beginning yeah i knew this. yeah i would not be surprised if we. didn't have text message conversations. about this we're probably dead. it's just and what does two sociopaths. just going we're going to win the. pandemic yeah like the. the news being like there's another. mobile movement 100 000 people. like we're going to win this and i'm. like i agree that's you that video is.

popping yeah yeah. it sounds crazy but at the same time. like. when there's chaos yeah certain people. can thrive in that. right because chaos one what about the. people that took this period off. [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] what about the people. that. left the places and went like people. that just. didn't fight this out well does that say. something about their. their character they're different.

between leaving they're different. between leaving. and not fighting okay because like i. think la is. horrible the way that this oh it's a. horrible place everything's [ __ ]. close it's horrible it's. when it's not. i'm not going to say the available but. like a very nice. restaurant in new york i had a party of.

like. 12 people right right we're all good. because we're getting tested for netflix. right. i know right literally everybody does. not have corona. right right right for a fact of course. so we're having a little celebration. i look at cert certain people where i go. like i was like. i feel like some people rose to the. occasion in terms of just working yeah. just work. yeah yeah i love working right yeah i. was a drug addict so if i'm not working. i'm in trouble doing drugs. correct so at the end of the day i just. look at certain people and i go and i. get it if you're a young comic i get it. i get like no no yeah yeah you're right.

about the restaurant good point you're. not wrong they said they said number. 10 people yeah it has to be under 10. people i call the guy i'm like hey i got. 12 people ever. can you do this of course that's new. york everything's negotiable it's. negotiable everything's negotiable so. it's like. did people think oh new york is all shut. down nothing's shut down right i get a. slice of pizza if i want to figure it. out. whatever but the same thing it's like yo. if you're a young comic and you're. getting paid by the government to not do. anything. and you're better creating [ __ ] you're. crazy [ __ ] nuts dude yeah which is. i'm proud of the dudes that i work with. you know. ben always you know my that kid dan that.

opens for me was out there in florida. making stuff like. when you see people making stuff it's. it's positive. ben works his ass off all the time like. to just make the show better. this whole studio is him this i have. nothing to do with this studio right. literally i mean i walked in i saw i'm. like it's amazing. i have nothing to do with this studio. yeah i mean ben. coordinated this entire thing yeah so it. it's like just. find i think a way to work yeah and. don't wait like there's too many people. right now that are like waiting they're. like waiting.

for someone to open the barn door it's. like guys. like they get upset at us i think a lot. of times. and it's i think it's because. they don't like the fact that we took. our career in our own hands. right and i think it kills them that. they exist on the charity. of others yes where we exist on. connectivity of people like my career is. because people [ __ ] with me. and that's always been the way it was. that's it like if i ever was on a show. the executives never really liked me.

they would test it you know what it's. called like focus group or something. yeah yeah focus group they focus group. it and then like i do really well and. they're like oh i guess people like this. kid. right right so for me put me in front of. the people give me the people that's all. i care about. i want to say especially with the. [ __ ] netflix thing like i want to. express what i think. most people are actually feeling and. nobody's [ __ ] saying or very few of. us are saying. and it's like that's where i put my. faith in i literally. put my faith in p i have tons of faith. in people yeah. i don't but i they find me funny and.

that's okay like. that is yeah yeah yeah yeah and they. finally. no but i get in a way i do because they. finance they fun things like listen. at the end of the day i do think people. can recognize uh. funny yes i think they can recognize. funny and like being authentic. yeah it's like people i don't know it's. not that [ __ ] hard people act like. being like. like a talent exec is a hard job it's. like we make it no it's not. it's not a hard job at all yeah it's. like i could tell you're funny yeah like.

when i saw the videos i was like oh yeah. this guy's. funny yeah you know i mean like ryan. long we were talking about anything. funny like i could tell he's got it you. got it right so it's like and then i see. certain people and i go you're trying. really hard you don't have it yet. maybe you won't ever get it but you. might get it but you might get it but. you don't have it yet. yeah and that's just what it is what's. the that so that's interesting maybe to. end on. what is the differential between. eventually getting it. and never getting it and and is it even. something that we even know. i think it's just an unknown i think.

it's like. i think some people have something that. is. that almost everybody can attach on to. it's like lizard there's like a lizard. quality to it where it's just like oh. this. is funny like [ __ ] what is his name. chris farley or whatever. yeah like he had a lizard funny yeah i. don't think he said a single. setup punch in his life but when he did. things. it was funny amazing and you laugh right. and it's. lizard right primal [ __ ] right yeah so.

some of us have like eddie murphy people. like that too. primal right like bernie mac primal. right like. so it's like some of us have a primal. connectivity right. some people will have 60 000. fans that really relate to their. specific experience and. having that fan base has never existed. in history except right now. maybe with colts so like you might not. have it. where the world will gravitate to you. that's there's only a few of us that are.

going to have that. but you have the opportunity with the. internet to find the other 60 000 people. who have existed in life. just like you and you're speaking for. them right. and that has never existed before and. now it has so it's just like figure it. out. yeah find those [ __ ] find the people. find the [ __ ] people. yeah so to me that's why it gets. annoying if i hear bitching about [ __ ]. yeah there's just there's there's enough. avenues out there. dude this comes out when christmas or. something uh the 26th yeah yeah the day. after christmas.

so new year's is coming yeah what do you. what do you say yeah you say. 2020 was crazy here. yeah very good for you good for me bad. for many. bad for many yeah but isn't that every. year. this one's a little this was a little. extreme. 2021 yeah what are we thinking. okay so what is it like every every uh. correction is an over correction i think.

is that what you say. yes so so if every correction is an over. correction are we. over correcting joy so like. right if this this year was over. correcting sad. sadness yeah it is next year like we're. just going to lean into the things that. make us feel good. yeah and is it too much even and then. maybe 2022 we start going. let's let's even yeah let's level it up. yeah like i think. you said something brilliant this is too. much joy i think i think you're gonna. you said something brilliant in the.

beginning it's gonna be a week of like. whoa. yeah whoa yeah and they're calling old. friends like i think people are gonna. call. old friends and then you're gonna be at. lunch with them going man. i liked when we couldn't legally do this. yeah you know. like i appreciate it tell everyone and. they follow you already anyway. but tell people where to go again this. is saves america on netflix yeah check. it out on netflix and uh that'd be great. man there's a conspiracy. uh uh theories episode that uh i wanted. i really wanted you to see and just see. what you thought. i didn't watch it i'm excited i know.

that that's the second episode but like. you know we would always call tim and. ask him. you know i love when you call because i. love just talking yeah yeah yeah you. know. this really well and i know a lot of it. you know in a funny way too that's. another thing like yeah. some conspiracy folks like there's two. things yeah it's. my conspiracy is like late night wendy's. parking lot yeah. like that's really what it was like me. and my friends coming down. smoking weed just eating wendy's and. talking [ __ ] and. you gotta make people laugh if you want. their attention they got to make them. laugh yeah. yeah and that's what trump that's what.

trump did you know. he got our attention by making us laugh. yes that was. comedy so it's like yeah i mean that's. the other thing and in closing it's like. if you're out there. and you don't have somebody's attention. [ __ ] make them laugh make them laugh. and you'll get their attention andrew. schultz thank you. once again thanks for having me brother. thank you.