#224 - American Chainsaw Massacre | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show and happy halloween. uh we're here with uh chief. vaping silence. and he is the chief. and. he's it ben is actually dressed as a as. a proud indian chief. who. was very pro-colonist. and there are this is not written about. but many. of the uh indian chiefs love the.

colonists. and um. [Music]. ben is is dressed up after that chief. who said our way of life is valid. however. progress is what it is. and you know. and he he started the uh. it's uh the native am america exit the. native americas exit the native american.

the native american. were like blexit. candace owens you did blexits you did. native. amer. it's hard. it's very difficult. this is just something that we didn't. use for sketch we bought it we had it i. threw it on. is everyone ready for election day. it's election day in america board up. the stores and get a gun. board up the stores and get a gun.

it's a healthy. democracy we've boarded up all the. stores all the glass that can be smashed. is now behind wood. that's how you know we're doing good. walmart has stopped selling guns in. ammunition but they're still selling. liquor just booze it up trump or biden. booze it up high spaghettios booze it up. don't ask about your job. don't ask about your health insurance.

don't ask why your kids are on drugs. don't ask about the vaccine just put the. needle in your ass. don't question us and we won't have to. kill you or make things so bad that you. kill yourself. [Music]. what a week. i did one of the biggest podcasts ever. recorded.

and i sat. next love him or hate him i sat one next. to one of the most fascinating people. ever little zan. and and that was such a meaningful event. in my life to be part of that podcast. to sit there. and and and and do some time with the. thinker. i am i am of course. being. silly. the podcast i'm talking about was the. one with joe rogan and alex jones may be.

one of the best podcasts ever recorded. not because of me i was funny but what a. great podcast of course. love or hate alex jones he's the most. entertaining person on the planet. um. in terms of skill as a broadcaster he. it's beyond anything i've ever seen. up close in person it's truly amazing. and i i had some really good funny. moments. and and joe did a great job everyone's. mad at the fact checking it's like joe's. got to do that because that's what makes.

a good listening experience. even though some of you are angry at it. i get i understand what you're saying. but when joe's like let's slow down and. look at these things and alex ends up. getting proven right right. that's literally what differentiates. that podcast from something where you. let alex rant and then the people go. well [ __ ] that it's all wrong. can't say that about this podcast. because we have the receipts and joe was. like going through every story with him.

so that was. that was really interesting to do and um. i'm happy i did it. and then i'm back with joe and kyle. kuklinski for the election special on. november 2nd. election day a lot of people have. already voted more than half of the. country has already voted or something. like that is it could that be a real. statistic. who are these people doing early voting. i think a large percentage of the.

electorate has already cast a ballot. it's shocking to me so more than 80. million americans it looks like more. than 80 million americans have already. voted in the presidential election and. 50 million of those people have boarded. up their homes. and isn't that nice. i'm telling you this. what it really. i mean. could anything be more of an omen. for this country than walmart.

stop they had to stop selling guns out. of fear. of what's coming. could anything. be more perfect than walmart saying you. can't come on down here to get socks and. ammunition. you gotta relax. walmart returns returns guns and ammo to. store floors saying civil unrest was. isolated oh so they did it for like two. days and then oh they're back they're. back.

what am i saying. thank the lord. walmart on friday said it's returning. guns and ammunition to store floors. describing incidents of what the. retailer called civil unrest and several. of its stores earlier this week as. isolated hey that's only a few cities. only a few of our locations have been. completely destroyed get the guns back. out i like that attitude hey get the. guns out what are you doing some you. know some guy walked in a walmart. there's like a bunch of people carrying.

crates of ammunition some manager goes. hey what the [ __ ] going on didn't you. hear we got word from up top get the. bullets back out on the shelves. they go well i just spoke to someone in. in the philadelphia store who just got. stamped to death they said hey isolated. incident dummy. haven't you heard. that person had children that got. trampled to death it's isolated we don't. expect it to happen here. so put the guns back out.

next to the waffle irons and everybody. get ready. major cities are boarding up their. storefronts just in case people. have a little fun on election day. major. preparation is underway for. boarded up windows and increased. security retailers brace for the. election there's that rodeo drive. oh yeah it is that's rodeo drive in.

sunny california. nordstrom the high-end department store. chain said it planned to board up some. of its 350 stores and hire extra. security for election day tiffany and. company the luxury jeweler. said that windows of select stores in. key cities will be boarded up in. anticipation of potential election. related activity isn't that a fun way to. say it. well. there is potential election related. activity that could look like bricks.

through our windows. in beverly hills the police said they. would take a proactive approach and. close rodeo drive. a renowned strip of luxury retailers on. tuesday and wednesday citing the. likelihood of protest activity quote. quote unquote protest activity. the police working with private security. companies cia massa mi6. said they would also be on full alert. throughout beverly hills starting on. halloween and continuing what is.

halloween going to be this year. what is it going to be we've got. socially distanced trick-or-treating. what are you going to be doing how are. you going to do this. what are the guidelines. what is. because kovitz back baby i don't know if. you know this but kovitz back we're. gonna have to reschedule some of our. comedy shows my fans are gonna get mad. at me here's why we're gonna have to do. that i don't know which ones yet here's. why. comedy is fun when they let people in. the building you see it's kind of a.

requirement when they decrease the. amount of people you can have in by. hundreds of people you go this isn't fun. i want to come back when we're big and. we can do it big. we've had great shows in dallas and fort. worth in nashville and west palm and. tampa phenomenal shows san antonio and. those rooms have been packed i mean. they've been coveted festivals nobody's. got a mask i mean it's been the good old. days you know. the good old days of uh you know me.

going up there killing for an hour and. then people on youtube going i don't. whatever. and the good old days but it's been. great dan's opening for me he's been. killing we've been having an amazing. time we can't do the meet and greets. after people get mad at me they get. angry they're like stop that way or not. i can't because then the rats and there. are rats they find these photos and go. he's doing meet and greets close this. club down because they're miserable. people. so i'm trying to protect the interests. of the club.

and myself i don't want to get sick more. importantly i don't want a fan getting. sick i don't want and i don't want the. club having to deal with bad press and. [ __ ] these places have not been open. they're trying to make [ __ ] money but. the problem with a lot of these uh. things now is that the cases are spiking. so the clubs are coming back and going. okay we're getting all these increased. regulations and we're gonna have to do a. certain percentage of people. that to me is not fun i'd rather wait a. month or two and go back out on the. roadway it was my rationale in the.

beginning. i want comedy to be fun for everyone. involved. we've got 90 000 corona cases in 24. hours for the first time. which is a record. it's a resurgence of covert 19 covet 19. is back. covent is back baby. you just see bill and melinda gates like. somebody's watching me. you know it's like 90 000 cases just. them and fauci just dancing in one of. his nine mansions.

you know like 90 000 baby. it's back baby with event now i don't. know what this thing is i don't know if. i've had it i've had it for 10 years i'm. gonna get it i'm gonna die i don't know. what it is i've been exposed to it. probably i've been out we've been out. i've been in clubs i mean we've been. careful i've been in planes i put on. masks i don't even know anymore. no one knows it's just back and it's big. it's bigger than ever it's covered two. it's a summer blockbuster.

coven is back. that's right. just in time for the holidays it'll be. like a movie you know just in time for. the holidays kovit is back and better. than ever. national lampoon's covered christmas. i don't know what's gonna happen. i'm just saying we're gonna have to move. some of these dates to the under the. other end of whatever this is hopefully. it's february march. we can kind of get into those markets. and and and play to rooms full of people.

not. a hundred people socially distanced in a. room of 400. that to me is not fun. and you know and i love everybody that. buy tickets it's [ __ ] we've had an. amazing time west palm beach was some of. the most fun i've had doing stand-up i. mean drunk monstrous crowds horrible. people like myself. that's when i know i'm having fun when i. go look in the audience and i go these. are bad people. and that's why they enjoy me because i'm. a bad bird and it works.

sometimes i look at a crowd and i go ugh. they're not going to want to laugh west. palms great you're the ocean the. mansions the human trafficking in the. middle of one of the shows i'm [ __ ]. on jesus maxwell she stood up and. started a wave. and the whole room did it that's the. type of [ __ ] i want that's the type of. fun i want you know are kids allowed to. trick-or-treat bring something up about. that are they allowed. if the kid shows up at my house.

trick-or-treating i'm gonna. sit that youngster down and tell them. about civic duty. i'd say what is wrong with you. don't you know. 0.0001 percent of people die of this so. we're on the cdc's website we're on the. cdc's website here we go steps to take. when trick-or-treating. avoid direct contact with. trick-or-treaters. so if your son sees his friend make sure. they go nowhere near each other. trick-or-treating should be an isolated.

activity. it should be isolated and scary. give give out treats outdoors if. possible isn't that always how it's been. right who's trick-or-treating what. pedophile is going you want candy come. on in the living room. isn't it always an outdoor thing isn't. it always a doorstep thing it always is. what weird epstein type is going the. real candies in the kitchen. set up a station with individually.

bagged treats for kids to take. okay that always works out well some. fatty goes and steals them all. wash hands before handing treats and. finally wear a mask well it's halloween. that shouldn't be that hard. make your cloth mask part of your. costume. fun. fun. a costume mask is not a substitute for a. cloth mask. mask should not be worn by children.

under the age of two or anyone who has. trouble breathing wait a minute. hold on. hold on. we're gonna let a bunch of one-year-olds. not be masked up i think not. stay at least six feet away from others. who do not live with you. yeah most people don't live with you. use bring hand sanitizer with you and. use it after touching objects or other. people.

parents supervise young children using. hand sanitizer how great would it be if. a bunch of young hooligans. went out and instead of toilet papering. cars and throwing eggs this year just. started blasting hand sanitizer all over. things. how about this year instead of toilet. paper you just see masks hanging from. trees and houses remember that did you. ever get into trouble on halloween all. hallows eve yeah teepeeing teepeeing. where you throw the.

the toilet paper rolls and that was a. real because your family didn't have a. lot of that so that was a real thing for. you to do yeah. can you take that off now we've had fun. with the costumes please it's bothering. me can you take this off what are you he. wore that to what are you in full. regalia here. he got excited about the costume the. love of god. my culture is not your costume. don't disrespect the mayans who used to. sacrifice children on a mountain.

the minds didn't dress like that i know. what's going on folks. i'm incredibly intelligent. many people are shocked by that. i i used to i remember eighth grade i i. said this is the time to be cool there. are times in your life when you should. be cool. many of you have never been cool how sad. is that. being cool is destroying property like. antifa. if if i was a kid right now i'd be an. antifa because it's cool.

that's what i'd be. you know. i'd be in i'd be like fat antifa which. is the saddest antifa. where it's like you're. you're like heavily breathing. everybody else is really getting in the. riding you're kind of in the back. you know. you just have a lot of fun things to say. about karl marx but like dude you. weren't even there you're like oh i was. there. dude you didn't even do anything we all. got arrested. you didn't even run up the hill you sat. down.

you sat down in all black no. i would provide the intellectual. fire. me and ray comp are going to do a great. sketch called fat antifa. where it's two guys that were on their. way to charlottesville to fight the. right wing people but they kept getting. distracted by fast food restaurants. and then. and they kept eating. and then eventually they were just. beaten to a bloody pulp by a female.

trump supporter in like a golden corral. parking lot. we never did it. but i remembered 8th grade it was like. it's time to be cool so the cool guys at. my school they had names like johnny and. alfred. we went. to [ __ ] be cool and throw eggs and. hang out in the park and shaving cream. things and that was cool and i wish that. for all of you i hope you have a journey. that involves a night like that where. you can be cool and hang out with people.

like johnny and alfred and throw eggs. and do shaving cream and then i went to. my i after that night i went at the end. of that night when my dad was eating. dinner at a steakhouse the steakhouse in. the town i grew up in and i came and i. smelled like shaving cream but i said it. was cologne. and my father's friend who owned the. steakhouse was like ah you got the. cologne on for the girls i was like yep. that's exactly right. that's exactly right. little do you know i've been sucking. dick in the bushes i was not i was not i.

was not doing that i was throwing eggs. and doing shaving cream so i i hope. there's a way for kids to vandalize. safely. you can't even be against vandalism. anymore as long as you just say well. it's uh it's political right. political so if you're a kid and you're. leaving your house with two dozen eggs. and your parents go what are you doing. you turn around and say. shut up you capitalist pig and shut the. door. they can't say [ __ ] to you.

be like oh what am i doing uh it's. called a revolution. how about you keep watching how i met. your mother okay. and yes i will have leftovers leave them. in the fridge but i'm gonna do out go. out and do revolution with my friends. be with my friends. so much of this sad shitty life we all. live is social once you realize that you. realize that there's there's no hope in. ideas everybody wants to just get hugged. there's no hope and ideas dummy.

i'm going out with my friends to burn. down the courthouse. i have friends too. it's a [ __ ] so everybody's a [ __ ]. social. these maga hat [ __ ] since so. they're driving around in cadillac see. you know they're are you on the team i'm. on the team we got something to do. so much of this pitiful miserable. experience of life is just finding. people to [ __ ] and tolerate you that's.

it. this this is all thing. i remember that you don't get smarter. than when you're in eighth grade and you. go i want to throw eggs with the cool. cake you're just everybody wants to. throw eggs with the cool kids you just. want to get invited you want to have. value you want to have worth shut up. stop being bigger and better than. everything you just want to shave and. cream someone's car with johnny and. alfred that's what you want to do. now whatever that version of that is.

playing golf and having a 401k who cares. same [ __ ] it's all social. we're social creatures nobody's really. an island some people very few the. majority of us are organisms that need. others in validation constantly and. i love halloween i've always liked. halloween i like it because. it's about. simulated. horror. and i think simulated horror is a nice.

way to get away from actual horror with. actual horror happens. from uh. november 1st all the way to october 30th. and then one day everyone goes let's. pretend that we're scared. let's find things to scare us. boo. like haunted houses and scary movies but. the other 364 days are filled with very.

real. verifiable accounts of nightmarish. behavior. that by the very grace of god and sheer. luck you don't find yourself embroiled. in. it's hard to enjoy movies like hostile. because i i used to think they were fake. i can't enjoy them anymore as much. because i guarantee you there is a place. in bratislava where you can take a drill. and go through some taurus eye and if. there isn't there should be.

because if there's not you're leaving a. lot of money on the goddamn table. you can't enjoy texas chainsaw i'm. asking her anymore. why because now you don't see leather. face as someone scary you see him as. somebody that runs for the senate. how can you enjoy a horror film it's. better any. jason. freddy krueg these people are all better. than the people who run the country. they've all done less killing.

they've all done less killing than our. leaders. how do you enjoy a horror movie. house of a thousand corpses how nice it. would be if there were only a thousand. corpses. do you know how many of these third. world countries would go you only killed. a thousand of us they'd be dancing in. the street with american flags on right. now a thousand corpses is tuesday. morning. before you have [ __ ] lunch. how can you enjoy a horror movie now. it's hard it's difficult. when you know the actual [ __ ] that goes.

on. if leatherface was around today. he'd be running a a major facebook q and. on account that just got. shut down. and he'd come out and say they shouldn't. have shut me down and i kind of agree. with leatherface i think he's got crazy. ideas but i agree with leatherface. and then he'd mount a campaign for you. know local congress or something. hold your watch up look at this watch.

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tim dillon ship station make ship happen. and you can and will and i'm telling you. this is the best way i have friends that. have e-commerce businesses uh this is. the way to do it. what are your favorite scary movies. favorite halloween. movies favorite halloween movie uh off. the top of my head hocus pocus because i. watched it when i was a kid very gay. hocus pocus now ben is a wife and i i. hope she's not in therapy in years from. now.

hocus pocus is a gay. iconic movie i like it it's very gay. it's it's a bette midler and uh i'm. aware it's kathy najimy. [Music]. similarities. who's brilliant and uh sarah jessica. parker and it's a very gay funny movie. and i i enjoy that too it's not really a. horror movie right uh favorite it's. scary. here's why hocus pocus is legitimately. scary everybody in the movie is white. [Music].

that's terrifies me. that they would have such a lack of. concern. for diverse was there one disabled. person was there one person going. through a transition in the film. no thank you was there one black panther. in the movie no no. no good. i like a movie called jacob's ladder. with uh tim robbins and. the guy yeah yeah phenomenal film and.

danny aiello great someone said and they. were right they were like danny aiello's. face is is on in every pizzeria in. manhattan if you've ever been in new. york. the celebrity like pizzeria has put the. celebrities that have eaten there on the. wall and danny aiello is in like more of. them than anyone else this is uh. oh my god does he look bad he looks oh. jesus. is he still alive. i like danny aiello. no he died in december 12 2019 sad.

he's great. well anyway. yeah jacob's ladder yeah great yeah. and it's about a guy that with the. vietnam and this is why i like it. because there's a little bit of a. backstory it was about a guy that went. to vietnam and the government. experimented very similar to agent. orange they experimented with this drug. called the latter which made. uh american servicemen more vicious. and they in the movie they explained. that we were we were not convinced that.

we could win vietnam because our boys. were soft we needed them to be more. vicious so we needed to unlock the real. nightmares inside of them and they they. all took the struggle the latter it's a. cool movie and many of you may enjoy it. and then i think at the end danny. aiello's like. there's there's this great quote in it. that i like. danny aiello demons quote jacob's ladder. demons quote demons and angels quote. it's kind of a fun. little quote.

demons are really angels yeah that's the. quote this is a fun movie by the way. many couples i see many couples come out. to the shows and i like that i like that. my fan base is primarily heterosexual. but at least many of them are coupled up. it's good to do something every night. and not have one person that potentially. will like me ever so i enjoy that it's. nice you know straight guys do comedy. people message them hey it was great you. wanna have a dr you know what i mean. people message me hey look at this pizza. menu in omaha do you think the s is.

really uh. jacob. this is a quote i like if you're afraid. of dying and you're holding on you'll. see devil's tearing your life away but. if you've made your peace then the. devils are really angels freeing you. from the world it all depends on how you. look at it but danny aiello does the. quote so danielle is like. if you made a piece the devil's really. angels free you from the world he's got. garlic not falling out of his mouth it. all depends on how you look at it. you see.

i enjoy that film i like a lot of the. rob zombie movies devils rejects. which is a movie about comedians. i'm kidding house of a thousand corpses. so by the way after i did the rogan. episode i you know. how much i love. and and value journalists. because they write about our world. and it's so important.

and. many of the. a few articles are written about me. who's this tim doe he says he sold. subprime mortgages and his mothers are. schizophrenic it's like the the level of. research they do is like nothing it's. like yeah that's in a five-minute set. you can find online well done. um. and so and then some of them are like. he's made controversial comments and by. the way these aren't journalists let me. correct myself there's like seven. journalists in america that's why.

everyone's like trump hates journalists. there are no journal they don't exist. they're not real they're like santy. claus they're not a thing okay. there's a few of them very few of them. who actually. cultivate sources break story they did. not happen the majority of these people. are stenographers they write things they. hear they hear gangnam. and then they type it and they write. listicles and buzzfeed one of them was. like the top 10 craziest things you hear.

from the rogan alex jones. this is not journalism it is something. else entirely um and then of course. there are and this is very very funny. people who put the words comedy. and journalist in. one job title i'm a comedy journalist my. beat is people that make. sillies. i write about them.

and. some of these people like they'll be. like tim dillon's made. controversial statements about the. kenosha shooting the kyle rittenhouse. and the and none of and then i read. what's supposedly controversial. and it's like tim dillon said there was. looting and right and it's like no. objective reality. has. said that. i have repeated it because i have ears.

and eyes and senses. and i don't go at it with like the need. to. slant i just go i'm watching tv. i'm watching things burn. i'm watching people throw things through. windows what would i call that if i had. to describe and whatever it is what it. is fine when i [ __ ] i'm not saying. people shouldn't be pissed i get it. you know. but. this idea that like i uh oh your car has.

made some controversy and the. controversial statement i saw was that. the the written house guy was being. chased i was being chased i think. somebody and somebody had a gun or. whatever like and again i saw the video. i saw the video i said what i saw in the. video. and then they take all these things out. of context that are very very funny i. made some very funny statements about. that very very funny about the family. you know the written houses i said. they're a bit off and they're like he's. sad they're a bit like it's it's it's. clearly humor and these people don't. have a sense of humor.

all these tech journalists these tech. journalists these women or. not sorry sorry sorry these entities. with you know green hair and a usb port. for a [ __ ]. are. are you know. these miserable people they're miserable. they're unhappy. they're unhappy and it's my fault. it's my fault you're miserable. and they were and then i look and. twitter many of them have blocked me. they've already blocked me and i'm like. what am i. what did i do.

what did i do did i shoot anyone. did i go to the protest with the gun. with my mother i don't just see my. family during good times. i didn't grab my family and say let's. all get in the van go to the protest. i'm commentating on it. tim dylan get it up here get up google. me and say let's get this article up. it's it's absurd. tim dillon made uh. do google tim dillon kenosha how great. is how fun is my life because.

yeah. go to me what is this meow is it meow. i guess this is the one. joe rogan puts alex jones tim dillon on. his podcast internet angry he featured. anti-vaxxer during pandemic keep going. down. and then. control f here. yeah and then they. but who is tim dillon. he owns a podcast called tim dolan's. going to hell that has not been the name.

of the podcast for years. some of his comments during the black. lives matter protest have received sharp. criticism from who. case in point in the aftermath of the. shooting in kenosha wisconsin in late. august commenting on armed civilians. tylon had said quote when the police are. defunded abolish this will be the scene. in many major cities militias finding. each other on the street. [Music]. well what do you think the scene will be. compliance do you think everybody i mean. what i mean. how dumb are these people.

so keep going down then they find a. tweet. where i say a logical rational thing. so with these two guests on board it is. only likely that people will criticize. rogue's decision to host them one. twitter user said wtf is wrong with him. oh. there was a time years ago and his. podcast had some interesting. thought-provoking episodes now it's just. crazy town. oh it wasn't thought-provoking aren't. you having thoughts right now.

aren't you having thoughts. it's not thought provoking you went on. twitter and started writing about it. apparently you were provoked and you. were having thoughts. come on. it's there's there's there's a children. in the country i mean we don't deserve a. government or our future and we and. here's the good news we probably won't. have one um. it's it's childish. we can officially count his show among. the most dangerous propaganda outlets in.

the guy by the way guarantee that person. has a podcast it's not doing well anyone. that's really mad at this let's let's. really unpack the problem. by the way. all of these people are have to here's. it let's break this down for a minute. you know i never talk about comedy but. let me get in here for a minute let me. get in here for a minute. comedy is a haven for the mentally ill. there is actually very little comedy the. majority of comedy and comedians are are. mentally ill people they're sick. including me the difference is that i'm.

funny you see if i was sick and not. funny i'd be. angry because they'd be like well i'm. sick and i'm not funny like i have these. obsessions and i'm crazy and everybody. knows bloody blue and. and i talk about all this [ __ ]. and and it's funny and i find a way to. make it funny and that's how i survive. on this planet right but if i didn't. have the converter if i wasn't able to. make it funny a la many of the people i. know. i would be in trouble.

and many of these people are trouble and. then i would look at funny people and. look at successful people and i'd be in. a blind rage which is where these people. live they've wasted their entire life i. hate using a hack example i hate using a. hack example i'm gonna use a dumb hack. example again that i've used a million. times but if i showed up every day to. ford modeling agency someone there would. have to sit me down and go explain to us. why you think this is gonna work. explain to us what you're seeing in the.

world that makes you think that we want. a blotchy. overweight irishman in any of our ads we. want mediterranean muscle baby black. white whatever don't care. why do you think this is going to work. nowhere in our in our pre do we want. redness. occasional redness unexplained redness. i don't even know why it happens i just. get red. in parts of my body my skin my emotions.

bleed out of my skin. these people are going to ford modeling. and i don't even know who this is and. i'm sure they're not a horrible person. and would i don't care this is not like. beefs and feuds it doesn't matter to me. maybe they are funny no but. let's not leave this up i don't want to. [ __ ] look at this [ __ ] article. let's let's get something fun up like a. jack-o-lantern. but the whole thing here is. be very very very be very.

honest here. is a little bit of the anger. jealousy. that. joe has done something that none of. these people were able to do these. people think they're intelligent and. they're smart. and and they're too good to have the. biggest podcast in the world they're too. smart. they're too smart. to have the biggest podcast in the world. what a take. they're too good for success me and. mullen used to talk about that all the.

time people are too good to succeed. they're too funny to perform in front of. other people they're too good. so. the rage that these people live with all. all the time they're just angry they're. just very very angry that they've. dedicated their life to something that. hasn't worked out and here's the quest. here's the quest who. told you. to do that. who. told you that that was a good idea i bet.

no one did. no when you go to thanksgiving you go. i'm a comedian your family goes thanks. great peel the potato no one cares. imagine going to your family going i'm a. comedy journalist. this is a million people who want to be. chapel trap house you're not they are. very very funny they're hilarious. whatever you think about their chat and. they talk [ __ ] about everybody but. they're very funny you know i don't even. know who they are but whatever they. mullin live with one of them the skinny. woman with the cat i i think they're. good i they're funny.

and then there's 90 million other people. and then the red people are funny too. red uh the the communist [ __ ] i don't. know whatever that show is scary they're. good too they're funny right some of. them i don't know but occasionally i've. heard things like i like it. uh. whatever i don't mind i don't mind. little marxism baby. but then there's 90 million [ __ ]. people that aren't funny that are just. angry because things are unfair. that i'm oh yes things are not good.

did i do i come out here every week and. go it's it's getting better and. lives what am i ben shapiro well. actually folks it's actually not as bad. as you think no i think i'm pretty. honest about how [ __ ] we are. and if you think that the reason we're. [ __ ] is alex jones man are you out to. [ __ ] lunch how lucky would we be how. lucky would we be if the biggest problem. in this country was some it's like a. conspiracy guy in texas that's crazy. the problems are so institutional so. deep rooted.

that this selective rage and a. successful podcast having a guy on a. broadcaster and then fact checking him. in real [ __ ] time. i mean that's crazy that you would get. so angry about that but it's it's really. about. just the rick because they never were. cool they just want to be they just want. to throw eggs with johnny and alfred. well i don't know there johnny came to. see me in west palm beach by the way. thank you for coming i didn't let him in. the green room as a coven. i love that now because it covered i got.

no one could come in the green room. because of covert the manager can't talk. to me because they're covered uh uh uh. my f no i don't have a next of kin clove. it. go to the doctor that you're gonna fill. out that next to kin i just write. covered they're all dead. ridge wallet. ridge wallet is a wallet and it is metal. and you sanitize it easily and it is. thirty thousand five star reviews they. have partnered with this show for a long. time ridge wallet is a phenomenal.

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like you're not interested in what. happened to my friend when he made the. tragic. mistake. of of not getting a rich wallet. you know what happened. what happened to him his. children and this is in the news you can. look it up his. own. children. killed him. do you know how old they were. how old two and four. and they killed their father.

you know how they did it yeah they lit. him on fire while he slapped. and you know what they said when they. were asked why they did it. what he didn't get a ridge wallet and. you know what the state did not press. charges and the wife said i will get. another father who's smarter. she didn't care. even. as the smell of his burnt corpse. was in her nostrils.

she said he should have made a better. decision. if you like my show. if you like podcasting if you like. comedy if you like wallets if you like. other people and want to give them gifts. if you want to do this as a bit. if you want to play a practical joke and. get these. wallets all i want you to do. is go to ridge.com. timtimridge.com and use the code tim the. link is in the description get 10 off.

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amazing. so much better than the airpods. i agree yeah. they're wireless. they're cool. people go hey. let's do it a conversation should be. like you're an attractive woman i'm a. guy and and i you know what what are. those are those airpods. oh my god can i ask you what are those. are those airpods um they're raycon you. stupid [ __ ].

why did you think they were air pods. they're black they're a different color. okay i'm sorry i just i just thought. they were white they were just sticking. out i thought it was air pods or. something i don't know yeah why don't. you start paying attention to your. surroundings before you get thrown in a. van oh god. you understand that. oh my god. well the greatest thing about these. things they don't cost a lot of money. get the same thing it's the same thing. spending more money for what you you. know. they're premium wireless earbuds.

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people aren't thinkers. these people aren't. actualized human. beings they want a hug. they want someone to go you're you. matter you're valid. you you you're you're you should be here. and i mean on earth. hey you should be here on this planet. that's all these people are trying to do. and don't think. anything of it. you think alex jones is changing minds. the joe rogan experience.

you think my aunt who's a hardcore biden. voter is gonna go well you know alex. made a good point about. inter-dimensional. uh lizards so i think i'm going to go in. there and vote red. no. this whole thing of people influencing. each other it's like there's such a. small sliver of people that can even be. influenced. you know. and alex is more is a complex guy smart. guy made some mistakes very clear. but. this whole blind rage that everybody. flies into every time joe has a.

conversation with people they don't like. is is embarrassing i'm embarrassed for a. lot of these people i'm like why have. you not. like. figured out. that. you're the entire problem the entire. reason you know the red scare at steve. bannon on people went nuts they got mad. they got angry why. why. they're having a conversation what's. dangerous about having a conversation. i don't understand it's.

but it goes back to just social i get. you know i get i get it's it's you learn. all those lessons young if you pay. attention you learn all those lessons. young you people just want to be. uh accepted they want to accept each. other they just want to be and all these. people just want to be a revolution they. just want to it's not it's got to matter. right it's got to matter can all be. shitty job interviews in panera let me. throw a brick through the [ __ ] louis. vuitton and let's do a little revolution. i'm bored. can't all be broccoli and cheese soup on. the way to some hell. i want a revolution i want to i want i. want to live in historic times.

i want to do something well then do. something do something actually. something and i'm not saying you know. don't [ __ ] i know that comfort is. showing. but you know what i'm saying like create. something. help people help someone and don't do. that. go go ask any of these people if they. volunteer their suitcase they'll look. you like uh you you have 10 heads. you know i know people that go i don't. like comedians that go to like a help.

the homeless workshop they all see each. other and then they never help the. homeless. what is a help the homeless workshop by. the way can anyone explain to me what. that even is. so [ __ ] hipster and echo park being. like what we really should do is be. working can you imagine some homeless. guy who's like mentally ill who's done. three tours in iraq he unzips um he. unzips uh his tent and like brandon. wardell's there with a clipboard like. hey man can you get and i love brandon. but you know what i mean like what what.

is that the solution what are we talking. about paul f tompkins is gonna walk. around under bridges and help the. homeless can we get real. amy man's gonna be there with a guitar. sorry you're homeless sorry you're. harmless doesn't it suck. i i'm and i'm at fault somehow i'm at. fault. and i like brandon brendan what's his. name brandon brandon brandon yeah i'm. kidding with him i know i like him.

i like them all i have no problems with. anyone. people don't like me. huh. what's that. odd. very strange. i don't understand. have i said things in the past would. lead people to uh dislike me probably. probably have i been wrong no.

that should matter. shouldn't that matter. i said sanders was a good idea people. got mad at me for that. i think healthcare is my mother's a. mental institution. uh that's run by the state uh you want. to talk about a horror movie. and they still can't find a way to kill. her. we're paying good money. christ almighty. if we lose this covert window to get rid. of this [ __ ] we'll never do it. she'll live forever.

i think it's a great idea if my aunt. wasn't a saint and didn't work her ass. off getting my mother into that hospital. there would be. my mother might be homeless okay. that is why i said sanders was good. because i believe that people that are. mentally ill especially the people that. have served the country or whatever. should not be allowed to die in the. streets that is what i believe. that position. is apparently. alt-right.

i was willing to vote for bernie sanders. i'm not voting this time because i don't. know how to vote i don't have a voting. plan. my business manager called me goes. should you should we register you in. california i said will you leave me. alone. go vote. it looks gross. have you seen it have you seen these. people voting they look sad and. desperate.

i don't want to go to libraries and. firehouses let's go to dinner. if my friend called me and said are we. gonna go vote i said why don't we just. go to dinner. i think me and my friends went to vote. once we just went to dinner. yeah. cares. the line's too long i got us a table. let's go have a few laughs we're all. dead tomorrow we're dead now here's the. funny thing we're dead now.

[Laughter]. i mean. california is not a swing state i don't. want to vote for trump and i don't want. to vote for joe biden and uh. you know uh calamari harris i don't want. to be involved in in any of that so what. they could start a war with north korea. and russia in five months to prove a. point and nothing could get any [ __ ]. better or we're going to vote for trump. again who's now talking about jesus. because he knows it's almost over did.

you see that clip today the trump jesus. clip pull that up. this is a guy the only time he's been in. the church is when he got married. [ __ ] nine times. here we go and it's a tricky thing. it's uh it's dust it's a little tricky. thing. masks no mess everything you can do all. you want but you know you still need. help. from the boss. we need help from the boss that's what. happened. we need help. [Music]. [Applause].

i love and you got to love him what a. con. what a was it for man. what a con i mean forever and all things. and i can't there's a soft spot in my. heart for a huckster. there's a soft spot in my heart for a. connor he is standing there he's at the. end. and he might be losing and he might not. be but he's just like the great khan is. always the first con and it's christ. it's god it's jesus it's the it's with. the all good con artists go back to that.

first con at the end they all go to. jesus at the end and that's the truly. poetic. thing about trump here is you are. watching somebody. at the end of a long con that has been. more successful than any other it makes. enron look like nothing i mean this is. truly. a thing to watch and let's watch this. you know it's all right to say now. they'll criticize me for that how dare.

he say that how dare he say that no i'll. say it. i'll say it. i'll say it. somebody said to me the other day you're. the most famous person in the world by. far i said no i'm not. no i'm not they said yes you are said no. i said who's more famous i said jesus. christ. yeah it feels like it's almost over it. kind of does. i'm not taking any chances i'm not going.

to have a dog hey i'm not having any. arguments. jesus christ. i'm not going to take any chances house. give it i guarantee. and let me look up and i'll say and it's. not even close. if he goes down and he will maybe i mean. that's what the numbers say but he also. may not right. uh if he. he will be the funnest post president. he'll have the funnest post-presidency.

they'll have him on all the shows. they'll have them on all the chat shows. hollywood will embrace him they'll all. embrace him. they'll all embrace him because they. just want to win they want to win at a. small game a petty game and as soon as. he's gone they'll do what they did with. george w bush it might take a while he. might die before it can fully happen. but. if he's still around and he might be. he's figured out something that works. mcchickens and adderalls i don't know. what he does but it's fine he figures it. out.

um. they will have him on. he'll go on he'll goof around he'll be. funny he'll go back to being a celebrity. he'll go back to being uh hollywood. and uh and everybody. will just be okay with that everybody. will be okay with it because they don't. really care. they don't really care. um. and it'll just be it'll be fun to see. right because they they will have they. will have then done it they will have. gone and thrown eggs with johnny and.

alfred on halloween night and they will. have gotten it out of their system they. will have gotten it out of their system. they said we shave and cream the cars. and we threw all the eggs and all the. popular kids hung out we all roamed. together we all roamed together in one. pack and nobody stood out too much and. it was just fun. it was just fun because for from a. moment i felt like. i mattered and and i and i i did the. thing that i came to do right and. there's all these people when he when he. loses if he loses that's what.

uh will happen i believe i believe that. the hysteria. will calm down. um i believe that. you know or may not it may intensify and. increase i mean we are you know who the. [ __ ] knows what will happen but. when you see him there and he's in his. element he's with these people he's so. funny he's so on his. game. um. you know he will he doesn't care to a. great con doesn't get invested you. dummies oh he cares about there are.

things he cares about i'm sure but a. great khan like he is. you know. like a guy who truly. is you know a craven narcissist a. megalomaniac uh you know. he's up there. and he's basically saying it's me in. christ. that's what that whole thing is because. it's me and that should almost be the. last thing he says it's the perfect coda. to it yeah there's one guy bigger than. me and it's jesus.

and i don't want to take any chances. there's one guy bigger than me because. in he's right. he's not wrong. to his people. and at this moment and at this moment in. history. he is the biggest other than jesus you. did it. donald you did it you threw all the eggs. you shave and creamed all the car. there's nothing left to do. there's nothing left to do you did it. you made all of the [ __ ] deals that.

you didn't make and who cares anyway. you know you made the big deal. which is the deal. with. your people your followers your fans. your rock star. you're a rock star the second term will. barely be fun you're not going to get. anything done that god only knows. you did it you had kind of the rock star. presidency you can always blame the. economy and you wouldn't be wrong to say.

the economy crashed because of covet say. i was rocking out and then coveted came. and [ __ ] man. yeah the second album never happened but. that first album. man that was a good one. that first album was billy joel the. stranger or whatever in the 70s or. whatever you know that was the big one. that was you know that was the one that. we we're still playing the hits. billy joel's still playing the hits. isn't he he's still playing those hits. and donald you can you can still go play. the hits you can still do the rallies.

you can still have the fun you can still. be. this massive force and and if this is. this may be do we have another one. coming out before the election. no well patreon yeah. join that. um. but. this may be the last episode where. donald trump is president yeah yeah. and i will say this. as someone who who's always who knows. what he is and there's no uh. i've no i understand what he's doing so.

i'm not taking in like many of you into. this emotional you spiral many of you. will spiral when biden wins i will wake. up and go man. and vice versa but many of you will. spiral because you are children and. we've talked about this many times and. yet telling your children does not get. you to not act like them. um and it's because it's [ __ ] that's. what like if you turn around and go. you're a child what does a kid do do. they start there they straighten up and. go you're right now they go. doesn't work. i've tried. um. but.

i will say this. this man emerged in 2016. um he's done some very bad things some. good ones. some that. and a lot of nothing you know so somehow. a lot of like nothing right. um. but i will say this. it has driven. the people in my business to the brink. of insanity and then some. it has driven.

those people. insane it has rendered them ineffective. and useless and it is paved the way. for people like me and and the other. people that i mentioned in the show the. chapos and the whoevers of the world. to really. [ __ ] look at our business for what it. is. which was also a con for many for a very. long time. and one con exposed another khan and if. donald trump has done nothing else. but destroy. the facade of hollywood.

and. he does nothing else other than that and. to pull the cover back on on the. corporate media and hollywood. then hey. you did it. you did something. you know you truly did something. because. they don't matter anymore these people. they don't matter. no one cares. i live here i know that no one cares and. if that's the only thing that trump was.

able to accomplish. you know and he asked the kids in the. cages obama had him there he didn't care. that he cared now. it was bad when he did it bad when trump. did it bad bad bad get an immigration. policy can't let everybody in to press. his wages it's again we pass this we'll. pass it we all know you don't care you. don't care what the facts are it doesn't. matter on both sides you don't care what. the fact nobody cares right so what am i. going to do with the data we're going to. put the graph up. what are we going to do. we know this immigration shouldn't be an. emotional issue. do we need more immigrants do we not.

what's unemployment look like what's. inequality look like what do do people. have health care do they have anything. should we be importing low-wage labor. unskilled labor at this moment right now. more of it less of it it's a gradient. it's you know but whatever nobody cares. i'm not going to care aoc is a vanity. fair man stop it. she's throwing eggs. i don't want to throw eggs. so. but i will say that's the enduring. legacy of trump to me. the enduring legacy uh trump to me is it. took a guy from hollywood to break.

everybody's minds. because he used. their system against. them. he weaponized the structures that they. had created. the obsession with celebrities the. narcissism the vulgarity the vanity the. ugliness. he turned it. on its head. he made it cool.

he wanted to be the president and he. found a way to do it using twitter from. his. toilet he took. your. value system and ran with it. he became the best. version of you. he took. all of the things. that you believed in that you worshipped. and that you idolized and he used them.

to defeat you he didn't do it with. knowledge he didn't do it with hard work. he didn't do it with. you know faith. he didn't do it with. competence he did it with vanity. vulgarity. narcissism he did it with cheap. and he took it and he sold it. back. to you. right. yes or yes.

that's what happened. so don't be mad. benjamin franklin once said. don't hate the player. hate the game. and there's a lot of people in this. country. that think that the only problems are. the players. it's just the players it's just that. conspiracy theorists we don't like on.

rogan. it's just that game show host who became. president. but it is the game a little bit isn't it. and it's it's all of us it's just all of. us right. it's it's kind of the folly of humanity. at the end of the day it's why i like. halloween. i like halloween. because it makes people pretend. for a day. that all of the horrors are fake. and that we can control them.

we have power on halloween. we dress up and we decide what haunted. house to go to and we like to get scared. and spooked in a controlled environment. and we like to have fun. on halloween that's why i've always. liked halloween it's simulating. something that really terrifies us down. deep it's a simulation. of something.

and when donald trump. took office in 2016. the simulation. won. good night.