#220 - Hail Mary | The Tim Dillon Show

I am Patricia Oliver and this is my. husband Manuel. two years ago our beautiful song Joaquin. was shot and killed at Parkland. every day I think about him. and what his last moments must have been. like. meanwhile every day nearly 100 more. families lose someone they love to go on. blindness. every single day. we keep telling people it doesn't have. to be like this. they don't listen.

so we found a way to bring back someone. that no one will ignore. it's very hard for me to look at this. so please please listen to what our son. has to say. [Music]. yo it's me.

it's guac. I've been gone for two years and. nothing's changed bro people are still. getting killed by guns. what is that. everyone knows it but they don't do. anything. I'm tired of waiting for someone to fix. it. the election in November is the first. one I could have voted in but I'll never. get to choose the kind of world I wanted. to live in so you've got to replace my.

vote. go to unfinishvotes.com register then go. vote vote for politicians who care more. about people's lives than the gun. Lobby's money vote for people not. getting shot bro. I mean. vote for me because I can't. we got to keep on fighting and we got to. end this.

well that was fun. I like that I think that's fun I think. that's a good idea I think reanimating. the corpses of people to come back and. make political points is a good idea and. I know many of you probably are watching. this program didn't expect me to come. down on that side of the issue but I. like it I like it I like making. technology work for us. I think it is such a cool way to get a. message across just bring people back.

from the dead and put words. in their mouth and maybe did he say his. name was guac his name is Joaquin Oliver. okay but he goes by guac he goes by guac. yeah in the beginning he said hey it's. guac. if I die please reanimate me. and have me just slinging promo codes I. hope Ridge wallet does it I hope if I. die Ridge while it brings me back from. the dead. and we and I'm just like I used to sling.

these wallets for years on my show and. I've been dead for three years and. there's still great quality and there's. still great value. I would have bought these wallets if I. was alive but I'm not I'm dead. I don't know. it's a little disturbing. but I get it they're passionate and they. feel like what can we do. I would have liked if they did a rap. song if they had made Joaquin Oliver a.

rapper he could have came back. and did a rap song you know that would. have been a little more impressive I get. it you could do the uh you could. recreate the voice in the imagery creepy. but I know it's possible but make a hit. you really want the kids involved make a. hit that's what I'm saying. have them do a talk. bring them back I want him back again.

for a tick tock viral Dance challenge. and a hit song. I respect that he's got a political. message but let's take it one step. further this is the beginning. of the dystopia that we discuss on the. show day in and day out uh forever since. we've begun talking. uh this is it's materializing now I.

don't know if now that it's. materializing I'm gonna have to go in. like a whole other direction because. it's almost it's like barely funny now. that it's here. you know what I mean. like it's. like it's kind of at a point now where. it's like. substantially less funny that it's. arrived. and it's just mouthgape. jaw-dropping holy [ __ ] they are. literally bringing back a dead kid.

to do a [ __ ] PSA about voting. like this is literally happening it's. real his parents are doing that this is. nuts the president of the United States. has covid the Doomsday planes are in the. air maybe I was wrong maybe Jimmy Fallon. and the Muppets are the way to go. maybe I was wrong. how I mean. it's it's truly.

I said the other night on stage where. Nashville here that's why the studio. looks slightly different the great Ben. Avery flying down to uh make it seamless. here and for you to enjoy our you know. our lovely. Curtin. our Studios a curtain and we want you to. enjoy it and it's simple it's like uh. this is like uh this is a table with a. cloth on it it looks like we uh it looks. like we're a bunch of veterans who sat. up a table in the Nassau Nassau Coliseum.

in Long Island during like a some type. of trade show military history. you know show we have all kinds of. metals set up and we just want to talk. to you. um. but I mean when Ben showed me that this. morning I was like well it's here. like what do you do when it's here like. everything we've discussed I mean it's. just here now. I don't know you want me to do uh uh.

interviews with upcoming bands. I don't know but I mean this is really. truly 100 it's arrived it's not on its. way. it's not coming. it's not a futuristic movie it's not an. article you read it's not an idea it's. not a joke it's not a prank it is 100. in effect. it's here the dystopian nightmare has a.

rot you don't know who's talking to you. if they're real if they're dead when. they were dead. you don't know if the people running for. president are alive are dead. they're being hidden everybody's got. coveted and then no one does. states are opening and they're not I. don't know reality is a. I don't know you just you you key in. we just had this Hattie B's Nashville. Hot Chicken it's disgusting it's just.

disgusting. what's wrong with you people. large swaths of this country are just. drunk near do Wells who just like some. local. garbage I mean the chicken is like so. hot you can't eat it. there's only one reason to have food. that hot and that it's that you had to. put so much spice into it because it's. bad meat.

it's bad meat. just fry the chicken throw a little. Spice in there it shouldn't melt your. face. off in the afternoon but a lot of people. like that here because they're drunk. and they're trying to become uh you know. the next Luke Bryan. trying to become a country music star. how sad is that. country music is sad anyway even when. it's great so when you're failing at it. it's very it's like comedy right it's.

really like stand-up comedy when you go. walking in one of these bars in. Nashville you just see somebody with a. guitar be like hey y'all. I got molested as a girl or whatever. they sing about I don't know but I love. country I like country I love it but it. is sad when you first start out just. like stand-up comedy you're standing in. a room alone and you're revealing all. these things about yourself to uh you. know an audience of drunks who don't. care and then I guess you go eat Hattie. B's. Hot Chicken which is now invading La hot.

chicken. man white people love something where if. they eat it they feel ethnic that's. really what it is right they love eating. something spicy. white women named Sarah with pit bulls. love eating spicy food. they do. they love it so we're down here in. Nashville and Ben came down to put the. Studio together late last night as we're. falling asleep we just got word that the.

president of the United States and his. lovely wife Melania Trump who had a. little whoopsie she was on uh the phone. and she was talking about Christmas. decorations and she goes who cares about. this who cares about this Christmas [ __ ]. but I do it. I do it anyway. the migrant kids who cares. no one cares when Obama does this to the. kids. poor Melania Trump you're hot there's.

some Slovenian model. you know you [ __ ] a billionaire he he. wipes you up. he locks you up in a golden Tower he's. cheating on you you don't care you might. be cheating on him who knows it's some. type of arrangement you're Rich As [ __ ]. things are going well you're going out. you're having fun you know all of the. sudden he goes listen I'm going to be. the president of the United States. and for a minute you think well that. might be a little fun and then as you.

get into it you realize what an absolute. hell. it is I mean she is the most I don't. want to be disrespectful to say she's. like a mail-order bride but she's not. but let's be honest and say if Donald. Trump owned the plumbing company. if he owned the plumbing company he's. not married to Melania Trump probably. right or many of his other wives it's. just what it is. I'm not I hope I'm not. blowing anyone's brains with that. information.

I still hope you believe in love out. there I still hope that you believe in a. connection to soul mates. eyes longingly meaning in a cafe I hope. all of those things to you are still. real but let me not let me not mince. words here uh there would be no way that. Melania and Donald would be together if. Donald didn't have a little bit of a. fortune he has a sizable Fortune it. makes him appealing a sizable fortune.

and the lifestyle can make someone. appealing and now she's in the White. House and she was brooding when she. first got there she wasn't really happy. she didn't like it she was like a dump. they thought it was a dump you know they. said that she had to have the Obama's. toilets removed she didn't like any you. know she thought it was like a dump. because she wants to live you know in a. gold Palace opulent you know the White. House is I guess kind of plain for them. you know. because they live like that because they. love the poor.

Donald and Melania Trump have always had. a deep affection for people that worked. in the coal mines in Pennsylvania and. Ohio they love the Rust Belt that's what. they're about you know forever and. that's why they they live in this. opulent gold fortress on Fifth Avenue. and that's why they didn't want to move. to the White House because they were. like this is a dump you don't want to. move into this dump but she finally got. there. and um. they had a very uh I think they were. kidding around when they did Christmas.

there I think that's what she's talking. about in this leaked phone call do we. have that right here we're gonna play. Melania Trump's leaked phone call I feel. bad for these people. I often feel for billionaires I know. that people say I shouldn't I often feel. for the very rich because you got to put. yourself in their position they're very. rich and all of this is just a bother. like the idea that you're the guy. Jeffrey that was at your house now it's. on the covered a paper that he's running.

a human trafficking ring it's like this. is annoying to me. that's what being very rich feels like. they're just annoyed all the time. there's just little uh annoyances all. the time oh that woman just slain that. used to come to the house you used to. have a couple of uh drinks it was kind. of funny she was kind of funny well. you're not gonna believe this. she's running a human trafficking ring. for the Mossad.

and. it's just their small annoyances that. you have you just get upset like I get. annoyed when uh you know the wi-fi at. the Airbnb doesn't work and I go this is. annoying. there's people gonna know it so I feel. bad for Milani because poor Melania. trumps now in the white house which is a. dump she's in the dumpy white it's not. let's be honest straight it's not that. nice. it's not that nice real estate has moved. on. watch Million Dollar Listing watch.

selling Sunset you can do better than. the White House you can do better than a. [ __ ] old white plain house than a. bunch of school kids walk through ugh a. bunch of fat middle Americans taking. tours every day. ugh no thank you so Milani is already. pretty disgusted because she knows she's. in the private residence but when she. wakes up every morning she knows before. covid that there were like.

gross people on the other side of the. house taking a tour. and she's disgusted by that she's like. this is grotesque she goes I didn't. leave my country to come here to be with. American people I came here to marry a. billionaire and live like a [ __ ] now I. gotta do Christmas decorations and worry. about kids in the cages. so Milani is like what the [ __ ] that.

about. Melania goes I know some women it went. in cages it was the best thing they ever. did. change their life. so here is a leaked phone call I'm not a. fan of leaks I don't know where this. came from her senior advisor her Senior. Advantage but this is just fun and you. could hear in melania's voice is what I. like about it you can hear in melania's. voice just the frustration with the. whole thing like what is this Melania. Trump everybody.

I'm working like a. you have no choice. and then I do it and I say that I'm. working on Christmas planning for the. Christmas and I said oh what about the. children that they were separated give.

me a break. where they were saying anything when. Obama did that I know but I cannot go I. I was trying to get the kid reunited. with the mom I didn't have a chance. needs to go through the process and. through the law but here's my thing did. you hear what you just said but instead. of that if if. you just you're messaging you you were. so loved.

it does not do this. I'm telling you would not believe it. they would not do the story because no. they are not they would not do the story. because they they are they are against. us because they're liberal media yeah if. I go to Fox they will do the story I. don't want to go to parks give me a. break so it gave me a break put the kids. in the cage it's Christmas time.

give me a break with these [ __ ] kids. in the cage. we're having Christmas. I love her I like her immediately don't. you like her when you hear that I like. her because you know what she's she's. angry she goes well they're saying I'm. complicit what do you want me to do I'm. [ __ ] this guy for his money I'm. taking his money. Melania Trump's a feminist hero. she's stealing this guy's money while he. sleeps. now she's [ __ ] got coven and blaming.

her for the goddamn kids in the cages. I feel for her she goes I did the. Christmas decorations who gives a [ __ ]. about that. gives a [ __ ] but I do it. and their Christmas decorations were. weird people were saying on Twitter it. looked like the uh the upside down and. stranger things they were comparing it. to the Obamas because Obama's like a. warm Christmas thing and the Trump said. like I think it was like a cold winter. wonderland theme. I remember that yeah Melania looked like. the White Witch from Narnia it was just.

a strange but I like I like a cold. Christmas theme. I feel for Melania Trump maybe I vote. for Melania. how about that can I vote for just a. spouse. can I vote for Jill Biden. the spouses here have got to be better. than the men the women have got to be. better than the men Joe Biden's got to. be more on the ball than him and from. what I've just heard I think Milani is. more qualified than Donald to do this.

she said she's a [ __ ] Slovenian gold. digger nobody knows more about America. than a woman like that who comes over. and marries Donald Trump nobody. understands this country better than her. by the way people want a [ __ ] on her she. gets it she knows what motivates people. what animates them. I mean the Doomsday planes are up in the. air. Ben told me and what now these doomsday. planes and they but they re they. activated them after Trump got covered.

and they didn't want anyone to freak out. they didn't want anybody upset about. this they just said it was a coincidence. it's a coincidence it's happenstance. it's just one of those things that. happened we just put the Doomsday planes. up in the air because we like to fly we. like to fly them around see what happens. to Doomsday plane and why do we call it. the Doomsday plane no reason. now these are the planes that are what. do they cost as something absurd so I'm. like 220 million 220 million dollars and. the plane is supposed to be able to. withstand what like nuclear radiation.

and yeah uh in the event of a nuclear. war disaster or other large-scale. conflict that threatens key military and. government infrastructure they're used. by the Airborne command post oh good and. there's four of them there's four. doomsday planes do we know how many of. them have been activated all of them I'm. not sure let me look that up we don't. know it's hard to know folks. I love sheath underwear it's amazing I. wear it in the pool it's fun it's like. an underwear but a bathing suit it's. great it cradles your junk you you talk. your [ __ ] and balls into the front.

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sports it's it's what what are we doing. it's there are smart people that are. athletes let's get this out of the way. for all of you that are angry at me go. oh Tim you're fat and you're not an. athlete that's why you're going no no I. am an athlete I'll beat you in a swim. race I was a great athlete third fastest. butterflyer on Long Island at seven. years old that counts that kid doesn't. matter I'm fat now it counts then I was. winning then you've never won. but a journalist who covers basketball.

is not an intelligent human being enough. they're not bright. it's what it is most journalists who. cover politics aren't bright there's. like five of them that I respect. but let's stop but but here's the. problem this little guy who I love is. great but he you know he had like a. basketball podcast you know what they do. is they get the kid you can't tell you. can't tell anyone under 30 right now. that they're not the greatest thing to. have existed on Earth because they think.

it's abuse they stare at you like you're. abusing them if you tell them that they. are not the you know The Reincarnation. of Jesus Christ on the planet. so when when he goes when so he. everybody likes things they can talk. with authority about sure you know what. I mean people like the things they can. speak with authority about uh so when I. was uh denigrating people that talk. about sports professionally for money he. got a little Mana because he's got you. know he had a basketball podcast with.

his very attractive friend I used to. tune in every now and then because the. friend is like insanely attractive and. then you know of course there's the one. that I usually spend time with but. they're just not I mean sports are. important we need them as a country. they're good I'm all for that. competition blah blah I'm with it all. and there's some very smart people that. are coaches and I get that but when you. talk about the people that are are. sports journalists. I mean I don't know how many real. geniuses you have in that crew.

am I is that controversial statement I. don't think so are people getting angry. at me I like Bob Costas. he's kind of he's pretty smart yeah. Brian Gumbel I mean I'm not saying. they're they're on smart people out. there yeah Bill Simmons yeah there's a. lot of support but but by and large on. the whole let's cut it out. what are they analyzing balls going in a. hole. that's what they're doing no there's. more to it than that not really not.

really it isn't. I am I wrong here they're analyzing a. game. that can be played by children it's not. but it can be understood by a child. that's why children play sport children. don't play War and Peace they don't play. geopolitics. because they don't understand it but. they can understand Sports because it's. pretty simple there is a hoop the ball. will now go in the hoop.

is that not what's being analyzed am I. wrong here. uh is there something deeper than that I. know what the sjw [ __ ] and the politics. everybody wants to you know pretend but. let's be very honest here I mean you. love golf are you gonna get mad at me if. I say golf is simple no if I'm writing. about it as a journalist is it. relatively simple no you're whacking a. little ball in the woods tigered Woods. dad at four years old said you're gonna. be great and he got great I turned into. the same thing to his ex-wife Dina said.

you're gonna be great and she got great. I'm not talking about message it doesn't. matter I turn it in and say to Tina go. out to honey and figure it out on your. own time. he said let's get it moving and what. happened Legend what happened to Tiger. Woods Legend. but how complex is this this isn't the. Cold War. it's golf it's [ __ ] basketball cut it. out no damage you don't like sports. you're gay and gay people don't.

appreciate sport I love that Sports the. drama the competition I get it just. don't come around and tell me people. that recap reality shows are also not. bright. am I hurting anyone's feelings when I. say that. people whose main job is to do a recap. of a reality show these are not terribly. intelligent human beings they're crafty. and Savvy maybe there's many of them all.

over the place on social media but the. first words I think of are not. intelligence. when somebody's breaking down a scene. that happened on love island or whatever. horror is being delivered to us. there's not a lot of smart people on. this planet. there's not there's a very small there's. a very small group it is a curse that. I'm wanna I don't want to be one of them. I'd rather not be one of them I'd rather. not be one of the smart people I don't.

want that I'd rather have a huge dick in. a six-pack and not know anything but I. am an oracle of wisdom. no I didn't know that was gonna happen. but it happened. people get mad at me because uh because. you know they don't they don't think. that I respect their a basketball. podcast enough. stop the baby as a basketball podcast. divers I'm sure it's fine but stavi. wouldn't tell you this is a genius level. right because we're talking about sports.

which is not complex it's not that. complicated people make it to be very. comply it's not that complicated by the. way. you have a lot of money you buy the good. players some of them get hurt you got to. buy other ones. I am I. I'm gonna get so much hate for this but. I don't I don't I don't understand it it. it's relatively we I get it. I I love athletes like I like I I I'm.

I'm really impressed by somebody that. gets up every day. and puts work into their their ability. to do something physically I think that. is great I'm a big proponent of that. um. but again are they the brightest people. No No in fact. being dumb is a great asset if you're an. athlete.

it's so so important to be kind of dumb. if you're an athlete. If You Think You're Gonna sink your way. out of winning. I'm telling you if you're too. intelligent it's a curse. you got to be into the physicality the. body the the moving around the the just. focused tunnel vision every day ball. hole.

you can't be you're with your mind that. going in 10 different directions you. can't be a deeply contemplative person. I think it helps. to be. a little dull a little dense. we don't want and that's why you see. athletes they're gorgeous and they're. beautiful we love them we need them but. you don't they're not you know they're. not exactly the smartest people.

it's true. I'm telling you the truth. you don't want the truth you go. somewhere else just don't get mad at me. I felt bad this little guy got mad. he talks when you know he'll make a. point with sports he gets in a tone and. he's like well what you have to. understand shut up. shut up what are you saying are you on. the team. are you on the team are you making money. from the team.

then what are we doing here what I have. to understand what do I have to. understand. about the Golden State Warriors what do. I really have to understand what's. essential that I understand okay. not much. but you can't you can't talk to somebody. who's young and tell them that I mean. it's also like I've done this rant. before I'm not gonna do it again but. men treat sports like women treat. fashion they all like it they all think. that there's some job in it for them and.

in many cases there's not okay. you're not going to be Dave Portnoy and. you're not going to be [ __ ] Tory. Burch it's just what it is every [ __ ]. girl is running around college going I. love fashion I want to work in fashion. and a lot of guys like I want to be a. sports agent because they like sports. everybody likes sport it's like majoring. in tits. you like [ __ ] too I mean I don't but. it's pretty popular. I mean that's what people like I like. fashion what do you mean you like being.

hot right no fat chick ever says that no. grotesque monster goes all right. they don't love fashion. hot chicks like fish because they like. looking hot. it's not a job I mean it is a job. Melania but the reality is so people. just lose their minds when you when you. tell them I mean this guy I think he. majored in like exercise science or. something majored in the elliptical.

I mean the guy I mean this is a major. announce sports medicine and what. toy with sports medicine. what is that jerking off an ex major. league baseball player. is that what we're doing. he majored in that sometimes you know oh. here's. what the hell is that major here's your. knee cream what are we doing but that's. what he made he majored in uh Fitness. and I don't know the philosophy of the. treadmill.

weight training. you know I don't get it. they studied what proofs had to say. about the ketogenic diet I don't know. I'm just saying it's not a major and you. not intelligent. I get it you're all you're good looking. I appreciate that and I respect that and. you all have discipline but don't come. at me and get mad at me. for just saying a little bit of Truth.

audiences in Nashville have been fine. they've been good we sold out six shows. they have not been as amazing as Texas. I've been really getting into Texas a. lot of. we're really thinking about we're. thinking about maybe moving Los Angeles. we talked about this earlier today we're. thinking about getting out of California. and and it it's it it part of it is the. economic collapse the fires the.

homelessness the civil unrest the racial. tension the policing. uh the lack of freedom the dirt. the diseases that are coming back the. High Cost of Living the high property. tax burden the high income tax burden. the mismanagement of the State uh the. political uh issues. um the earthquakes earthquakes the. tectonic issues that's just to name a. few negatives the death of Hollywood.

how embarrassing it is to even be in. this business the idea that everything. is independent now and you don't have to. be in Los Angeles to get any. opportunities and nobody's giving you. any opportunities you give them to. yourself. and the opportunities you get can get. taken right away and we're thinking. we're thinking about moving and I gotta. be honest with you I'm for no other. reason. and me and Ben literally just threw a. [ __ ] we looked at America and we threw a. [ __ ] pin at the country and and and.

we didn't even know where it's gonna go. we're thinking about maybe Austin Texas. and it's just. and we threw a pin and it was the room. was dark and the map was dark and we. just threw a pin and I said what is that. and it was Austin Texas and it's so. and again I don't know if we'll know. anyone there. I don't know if anyone we know lives. there probably not we'll probably be. alone will probably be the biggest.

podcast in Austin Texas if we move there. I'm not saying we will but I imagine if. we do we'll be number one. pretty quickly. but maybe we'll go there I don't know I. spoke to a realtor I called a realtor. but you know me to do a little fake. business I don't know if it becomes real. business but I I am a little sick of the. idea when you sit in LA and you sit in. these restaurants and you watch how.

silly this town is how sad it is uh in. La you have two extremes of people you. have 16 year olds who've just arrived. The Tick Tock kids who are running. around the paparazzi are chasing them. they they've got you know they've got. it's a quick burn their careers but. they're getting money stuff down their. throat uh they're having a ball. um and then on the other side you have. people that won't let Fame go they won't.

let it go they they just you know. they're holding onto it for dear life. the both of those things are very. interesting to watch you're between both. of them in La you have people that are. relevant for no reason immediately uh. who are like just in a days during a. haze these kids don't even know what's. happening they're just being followed. around by Paparazzi they're making all. this money some of them are savvier than. others but they're they're just like wow. what the [ __ ] and then on the other end. you have people that are just at the end.

you know they're they've they've done it. they've done what they came to do and. many of them don't know that yet no. one's informed them no one's pulled them. aside and said. you've done this you did it. it's time to graduate here's your. diploma now walk out you should have did. this years ago walk out with the class. now you can't keep coming back into the. school we know you like the pep rallies. we know you like the pep rallies we know.

you like homecoming we know you enjoy it. we know it's fun and you feel just like. you felt the first time you did it but. I'm here to tell you this everybody's. creeped they're creeped out. you know. and I'm telling you it's like. grizzabella if you've seen cats. it's a gay podcasts I [ __ ] on Sports and. I'm talking about cats but Chris and. Bella in in uh in the play cats is like. an old uh cat and and she's like she.

sings Memories. and she's like just ratty cat that walks. out and that's what you have. in Hollywood you got a bunch of Ratty. cats walking around that don't know it's. time to go die and cats go die alone. sometimes you gotta go die alone Whitney. was making me laugh Whitney Cummings was. like obsessed with helping animals and. uh which is what I like about her if she. helps people who would be grotesque but. I like that she helps animals and uh she.

kept picking up a cat on her way back to. The Comedy Store taking it to the animal. hospital and they kept going the cat's. just trying to die like cats go alone to. die so like literally this cat is trying. to die and the Whitney's like putting it. on her Instagram like saved it again and. the cat's like let me die. so that's what La is there's a lot of. people there that you just gotta let. them walk out but I look and I go what's. my place here you know what's my place. what am I going to do am I really am I. going to walk around Jake Paul's. compound you know with an AR-15 and.

protect him am I gonna what am I gonna. do what what is my purpose here what is. my point I I sit in a BOA Steakhouse and. I I stare at these these uh kids and. they're walking around you know with. face tattoos and they roll on on drugs. I've barely even heard of you know uh. you know they're just they're just. dancing you know they're dancing in. front of their cream spinach and they're. making more money than I could even ever. imagine you know.

and I'm just sitting there like where do. I fit into all of this what am I going. to be in the merch. is that what I'm gonna do is that why I. came to LA to sell t-shirts. I just want to sell merch. here's the new shirt new drops new drops. coming new merch drops coming we're. dropping it getting dropped it's merch. things you could wear. things you could wear you wear them I. sell them you buy them I'm an artist.

is that what we're here to do folks you. want sneakers now we are going to do. merge and don't don't when I do that. don't come back with this and tell me. I've done the wrong thing I'm not. letting it become my whole identity. that's the point that doesn't mean I'm. not going to do it I've done it in the. past but I mean the excitement people. have over merged yeah. get it it's getting dropped. is that we're supposed to I mean the now. kids make a trillion dollars every time. they do a drop it says full send.

if God make billions of dollars those. kids. I like those kids I I because they. embrace the darkness of the world in a. different way they go to college. campuses and tell everybody to just [ __ ]. the corona out of each other and jump. head first into a pool and do all the. drugs and you know light your parents. car on fire I respect that you know they. do fun pranks like I don't know they. drink beer in front of cops and get in. fights they go to jail they try to. recreate 911. all of that stuff I think.

is good it's interesting it's better. than a lot of the [ __ ] my friends are. doing let them do it good for them but. the mer I mean the merch these P they. just go wild with the merch everybody. what young kid they just want that full. send and God love them send me a. full-sense sweatshirt and I'll wear it. but is that what we're supposed to do. are we supposed to hang out in LA and. just meet and talk about merch until we. both blow our brains out.

is that what I'm gonna do to design a. hoodie. Mike other merch is a joke it's fun you. should wear it it's cool but it's a joke. we got a guy to do a sketch is a it's a. bit and it's funny. I'm gonna sit down now and like I'm a. design like I'm a fashion designer and. you look at me you go I want merch from. Ham. what is that comedians are now that's. can you imagine some guy talking to.

Kennison and be like no you're at you're. also a stylist. how did that come about. yeah I've got a new line of merch. that my time as a tent preacher Sam. kinison's doing a new. ship station a lot of people right now. are looking at e-commerce online. business very smart go get the [ __ ] all. over your house and sell it online it is. smart well how do you ship it how do you. keep track of your big orders your small. orders you don't want to do all the back. office work you need to be creative keep. making whatever garbage you're selling. to people online you need ship station. ship station is a product that can.

basically take alleviate the burden of. you having to do all the back office. work ship station is very easy it helps. you ship all kinds of things whether. your shipping needs are very large or. very small ship station will let you. tailor the program to fit your specific. needs as a small or growing business. ship station is amazing it takes all of. the hassle out of doing an online. e-commerce business it is amazing it. utilizes all the major shipping. companies finds you the best rates that. allows you to scale up or down depending. on the volume that you're doing.

shipstation is very important you can. get three months of it free and you know. when you start a business it's very hard. to turn a profit immediately imagine if. you could get three months of this. amazing 60 days 60 days you of course. you want three months you greedy Pig. you're getting two months two [ __ ]. months you want three no you don't get. three it's still America 60 days of this. amazing product free all they have to do. is go to ship station use promo code. what Tim Dillon promo code Tim Dylan at.

ship station you get 60 days of this. product free the first two months half. the quarter on the arm you can organize. you can make sure that you know that. your products are being shipped. efficiently to the people buying them. you can make sure that there is no. backlog you're not doing meetings and. calls you're not running around it is. easily accessible quick digital. everything you want it to be it's so. easy to use yeah you just have to click. on the microphone enjoy it so much I.

don't even have a business I just ship. blank boxes to people and I go did you. get that and they go yeah what the hell. is in it and I go nothing you know. what's in it peace of mind because I. know that ship station's doing a job. just click on the microphone at the top. of the home page and type in the. microphone at the top of the home page. and type in Tim Dylan and all of it. starts you're going to be Warren Buffett. Ridge wallet yum Ridge wallet is the. product we've been advertising on this. show maybe the longest it is a titanium. carbon fiber wallet it comes in many.

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know you're gonna love it yeah and on. top of that you get 10 off 10 off how. about that and what do we what is the. code here ridge.com Tim and use code10. ridge.com Tim and use code Tim ridge.com. Tim and use code Tim and I'll tell you. what folks we are. partying. I mean I don't know I just look around. at La and I go where do I fit. where do I fit 97 of people that do. comedy are mentally ill three percent of.

us are mentally ill and funny. it's the only difference. you got two clubs in La you got the. improvident Comedy Store in the ice. house okay. and flappers. and I love the The Ice House and I love. the Improv and I love the store but I. don't know when things are open I don't. know when garcetti's gonna open that up. they were going to do shows in the park. a lot of the comedy store and they. [ __ ] they already said no right. somebody ratted them out some rat.

you know the Saddle Ranch which is next. to the country it's uh you want to talk. about a horrific restaurant I mean her. Beyond like it's like chicken fingers. it's the most popular restaurant in L.A. right now they've set up tables and. chairs in the parking lot and The Tick. Tock kids go in there and they throw. chicken fingers at each other what is. why is the earthquake not here.

I mean what is going on how do you take. this place seriously how does one grow. old here with any dignity explain that. to me show me how I get it why RuPaul. went and started fracking. okay I'm gonna start fracking if I make. a little more money on his patreon I'm. gonna go to you know RuPaul's got. [ __ ] gas lines in Kazakhstan and I. get it what are you gonna [ __ ] do sit. at the Saddle Ranch and he'd call slow. well 15 year olds finger [ __ ] each other.

in front of the paparazzi you gotta move. into other things. Christ Almighty. no I used to like La when I first met. Benjamin we used to sit in Benjamin's uh. garage and watch Infowars and you know. the news and we'd have a lot of fun and. we did the sketches and they were fun. and we'd go and do spots and we'd go to. the House of Pies and eat pies which. were good but not great but Ben really.

loved them but. did I get you the primer Farms pie I. didn't get it for you uh the one me you. and Ray did on the in Long Island. is that the one you're talking about. where we got the pie and the cider. no the primary is a raspberry cream from. from the the East End by the Hampton we. didn't get it that time but that's the. pie but the point is you know at a. certain point you gotta just know when. to hold them know when to hold them I. guess what's coming good here show me.

what's good. why am I staying why am I staying here. the business I'm in has melted. it's it is goo on the ground now. the idea of having a TV show is. embarrassing it would embat you're. embarrassed now if you have a TV show. are you the guy from that show. no. are you the guy from that show on TruTV. where they talk about whose dog house is. better no yes you are.

that's the guy from truTV. are you the guy that hosts the hot dog. challenge no I'm not please just drive. me home. I saw your show it's really funny. it's an embarrassment already enough is. enough. we Reno 911 arguably one of the funniest. shows of the last decade ends up coming. back on quibby. which is like this app. it's a [ __ ] complete mess.

were you supposed to download it and. watch high quality. Stuff shows in seven minute increments. it's like a joke it's called quibby. these always have dumb names NBC did. something called CSO now they're doing. peacock and is everybody lining up to. watch peacock. what's your favorite show I like to show. on peacock. what are you saying sounds like a gay.

bar. I want to go to Peacock. I'm watching my shows on come stream. I mean. I just think it's it's kind of a joke. now the show is what we're doing the. studio is is what we make it and what we. do the videos are what we decide they. are the guests are who we book. the live show is what the live show is I. mean there's no other components here. and there's there's something a little. frustrating about that when you hit a.

wall and you go well wait a minute. what's the goal is to just try to keep. being funny and keep introducing new. elements to this show to make it better. and and and and that is um that's. interesting and it's challenging but. I'll tell you this right now I I have a. very Bleak view of the future of of the. mainstream of this business and my place. in it specifically and when you when you. when you get rid of that the reasons to. live in LA are not that many it's not a.

beach ain't that nice it's nice it's not. bad Hermosa beach is beautiful Malibu's. okay. but the amount of money you spend there. and the hassle of living there versus. other places to live like Austin Texas. Maybe. we don't know. completely random selection. is a very weird random selection to. choose there but.

I don't know what the Hub of Comedy is. going to be. I don't think it's going to be in LA and. you know what I went back to New York. and I love New York and I meet on New. Yorker and blah blah blah I'm not too. impressed with New York at the moment I. just I'm not too proud I think New. York's got a lot of pain ahead of it and. God bless the people that still live. there I've never defined My Life by uh. geography some people I'm in New York. shut up what are you what are you freak. I'm a new look shut up what'd you do I. think New York gives a [ __ ] about you.

I've never defined My Life by a zip code. I like to get out there I don't really. give a [ __ ] where I live as long as we. can work and make funny [ __ ]. um but yeah I'm not going back to New. York I'll tell you that much. not with de Blasio not with that [ __ ]. nightmare. and all these people in New York. are like it's gonna go back to being. gritty and all the artists that come. back yeah but there's none you see none. of you are talented okay this is like.

CBG CBGB but everybody sucks. there's no David Byrne in the Talking. Heads you can't play the guitar. so you're just getting stabbed and then. there's no upside it's all bad. I got beat up on the way to the club now. I get to walk in and hear this hack it. was horrible it sucks. there's some great comics in New York. but let's be honest comedy right now is. just full of people that for the most. part should be locked in at home. they should not be there should be.

contact tracing for comedians where'd. you go who'd you see who'd you talk to. not all of them. but a fair amount I'm not too impressed. with New York I don't know. the once great City and I'm sure it'll. be great again I don't know that 35. years old I don't have the time to wait. around through another few cycles of uh. you know people of bloodletting. I don't need to wait around through the. bloodletting Ben's trying to start a. family I'm trying to start a harem of. lacrosse players I don't need to be.

sitting there for five years waiting for. like Bill de Blasio or whoever he's. gonna maybe get ousted in 13 months. maybe not 12 months whenever that. election is we're a month away from the. presidential election in America. the president is quarantining for two. weeks. All Souls day Halloween the Doomsday. planes are in the air we've got people. being recreated dead Parkland kids are. being recreated and turned into [ __ ]. voting PSAs.

we are. there so you gotta decide where you want. to be. you got to decide what physical location. you want to be when they're. gets worse because we're already there I. just don't know where there goes. and it could be somewhere not good you. might want a little property you might. want a little space. if you can swing it. you can't swing it that's okay too but. something's coming.

something's ready here. and it's not good and many of us have. paid attention kind of understood this. was happening it's been happening for. decades and decades this is not new. if you've read a book or two that. weren't recommended to you that you. stumbled upon and found and you. understood the deep trouble that we've. been in for a while and and the the. propensity for that trouble to get even. worse. then this isn't a shock. how quickly it's all happening is a.

little shocking it's a little stunning I. was my mouth was wide today when I saw. that. kid got recreated I was I was kind of. shocked at that. so me and Ben might go back to Texas. Ben's a Texas boy he grew up he grew up. in the in in the Texas Hills just. walking around looking for. the devil. we got some live news Tim what is it. Trump is on his way to the hospital.

really he's yeah he's departing the. White House by helicopter late Friday uh. the official said the visit was. precautionary and that Trump would work. from the hospital's Hospital Hospital's. presidential suite uh early Friday the. White House said Trump remains fatigued. and had been injected with an. experimental antibody cocktail but he is. going to be at a military hospital this. weekend very bad news. this is very very bad news and. um obviously nobody wants well I don't. want I'm not going to say nobody because.

I'm I'm sure that that's not a factual. thing. um nobody wants Trump to be uh impaired. drastically by this number one if you're. a thinking person you realize. um how vulnerable that makes the country. even though you know the Pentagon will. step in. um you want an election to happen here. you don't want uh somebody who's. drastically impaired uh this is a very. very trying time uh it is truly. um. we're on the the brink here we're on the. verge we're on the edge as much as we.

joke around as much as we have fun on. the show it's what our job is uh we are. on the brink of of some some challenges. that are that could prove insurmountable. in the short term and I I I think that. people don't quite understand that you. know we we are heading towards a place. there's never been less trust I mean if. you go back to Civil War and stuff fine. but just for the for the purposes of the. point I'm gonna make there's never been. less trust in this country than what I. see now uh people are quick to violence.

uh nobody trusts any of the major. institutions the media the government. um we have a a pandemic we have an. economic collapse we have uh the. president of the United States in the. hospital we have an election that's. already very contentious unraveling uh. and unfolding uh where we're going to. have some answer in a month's time. um it's I mean. one of my favorite quotes hell is empty.

and all the devils are here. William Shakespeare I mean truly this. makes 2009 look like a cake walk in the. park 2009 we just had a recession we had. a cool black dude running a show and. everybody was like well figure it out. but as as far as this goes we are right. now we got dead people coming back to do. commercials here. how's that great Bill Hicks joke about. that that uh Yul Brenner when he died it.

was an anti-smoke in PSA and Bill Hicks. was like yo Brenner is like the. commercial was I'm Yul Brenner and I'm. dead now Bill Hicks was like what's he. selling. a great joke. um. Trump headed to the hospital. precautionary visit with Covent he's on. a cocktail of regenerine it's an. experimental animal he's getting the. best he's getting the best how I mean. this could mean war with China this. could just be you know a war with China.

I mean truly. how he has a fever he's very he's. lethargic they said this is just all. precautions is he 75. I think Trump's 74 let me see I mean. this is who it's gonna get. this is how it's that who it gets yeah. 74. yeah I mean 74 is not the age you. want to be if you got Corona overweight. too he's overweight yeah you know bad. diet doesn't eat the best foods.

I mean you want to talk about. Shakespearean if he died of coronavirus. right. it's a little Shakespearean yeah. little crazy if he died of that. um if his condition worsened that would. be. I mean there's there's this is the. wildest period in American history I. think other than really World War II or. the Civil War I mean I just can't think. of anything where there's just been a. succession of events that have happened.

one after another. like this. you know. it it highlights even how silly La is. what a silly unserious place it is when. this stuff starts to happen and you. start to realize now that you know we're. in uncharted waters here I mean Boris. Johnson went to the hospital with this. yeah and he came out okay but it was. tough it was tough yeah and he was much.

younger than Trump. probably both in not great shape but. a precautionary visit yeah divorce was. 56. here's the thing man he would not be. going to the hospital if there was. nothing going on that's how I'm kind of. yeah I they'd have they'd have doctors. come in there they have doctors there. would come in right so he's going to the. hospital. and. it's not.

it's not good. I mean. uh the power has not been transferred to. the vice president yet but uh this is. all live on drudge I'm here right now. yeah yeah. wow. Mike Pence is healthy. right. we're sitting in an Airbnb in Nashville. you know it's like.

we're sitting in an Airbnb in Nashville. the president of the United States has. just gone to the hospital coronavirus. the 74 year old overweight president of. the United States who happens to be. Donald Trump. today I woke up and I watched a child. who was killed at a Parkland school. shooting. get reanimated to come back and deliver. an anti-gun PSA. okay. I then scroll down on my phone to be.

informed that trust in institutions was. uh at record lows and people were. already starting to see irregularities. with the voting in the election which. has been taking place absentee for I. believe a few weeks. that I looked at. the earthquakes that are happening right. where I live out in the desert in. California that could suggest a larger. and bigger earthquake. okay. then I ate some truly mediocre hot.

chicken out of a box. that my opener waited 35 minutes to get. all the while on the line probably. cursing me because I didn't understand. the importance of his basketball podcast. okay. now we sit down. try to do a nice little episode for. everybody. talk about the things that are happening. defend the honor of the great grifter. and gold digger Melania Trump yes yes it.

was I don't know if she's in the. hospital you think she's accompanying. Donald to the hospital probably she has. mild symptoms though she's supposedly. fine she'll she'll be fine those Eastern. Europeans I mean come on they come to. the country in a crate. you think you can. you can get them. we're on the verge of a civil war. conflict with China we're ready in a. trade war with them cold war Hot War. a a a a a country of endless griffs.

the month of October. the month of October. want to make a hack pumpkin spice latte. joke here but you just can't. because we're on the verge of. you could wake up tomorrow and the. president could not be here anymore and. it'd be pandemonium oh yeah. it could happen during one of my shows. tonight. we could get word God forbid we don't. want this that the president is in a. coma or passed out or dead or anything.

during one of my comedy shows. and. I mean. what a Time. to be performing stand-up comedy. somebody could yell out a Heckle during. my set like Trump's dad now or something. and I guess I would just have to say all. right well in light of this news I don't. think it's appropriate to continue the. show right that makes sense yeah that's. what I would say.

I think that's what I would say. if something like that were to happen. and I'm I I don't usually do stuff like. that but I would say kind of like in. light of the recent developments I would. say tragic I'm in Nashville I'd say a. lot of the recent tragic developments uh. it is inappropriate now for me to. continue my show but we do have a merch. table. outside with a hoodie that I've spent. months designing for you. so if you want to get in.

on this merch. but man. it's [ __ ] wild out. I don't know. where this goes this is the Willy Wonka. boat ride that we're on here you know. can you get that up can we play that a. little bit or is that Willy Wonka boat. right yeah maybe. see if we can get that up. they get on the boat with Wonka.

I can see he's mentally unstable. if that song's not copyrighted I think. we should be able to. it's probably all copyrighted yeah it's. copyrighted all right well YouTube will. take all our money. YouTube will say no more money. wow. well we hope the president. has a speedy recovery we hope there is. an election.

that it is fair. that people are happy with the result. and no one's ever going to be happy with. anything but the people are confident. that it was a free election and that we. still have a democracy. I really hope that. you know yeah. but don't we will be a dictatorship with. merch like we will still have merch. don't worry about it the military Junta. will be firmly in place I will all be.

selling each other [ __ ] hoodies. with funny wacky faces on them. I don't know what to tell you. I'll use the sports analogy it feels. like it's time for a Hail Mary. how about that. it's not fun for everyone a little. Sports analogy right now. we're in end times. it's an odd place to broadcast from. yeah it's an odd place to plug dates.

which I'm about to do right now but. during end times where are you getting. your Chuckles. because. right after this we've got shows in Salt. Lake City Utah we've got shows in Tampa. we have shows in Palm Beach Florida we. have shows in Chicago we have shows in. Oklahoma we have shows in Denver and we.

have shows in Kansas City and then we. are wrapping up this leg of the tour and. then we're going to chill for a few. months in the winter keep doing the. podcast get some of our energy back. regenerate you know and Phoenix too. and Phoenix which is not selling well so. if you're out there in Phoenix please. buy tickets. um Phoenix is selling okay everything. else is really sold out every Market. really except Phoenix I mean and we've. added shows so there's tickets in every. Market but there we've added shows uh. Phoenix could do a little better.

speaking of Phoenix we hope Donald J. Trump Rises Like a Phoenix. you think Milani is at his bedside right. now with a lawyer and the will Donald. you made promises to me many pro Donald. I have to put up Christmas decorations. who gives a [ __ ] about that. wow. I mean by the time this is out he might. be.

I don't know I mean we're hoping that. that does not happen but I mean it I've. never really. we've never seen. sump the wheels come off something so. quickly I I mean I don't I can't even. imagine I can't I can't even begin to. tell you uh how how quick the wheels. have come off this Society. truly. um. but. you know.

get that merch. good night.