#216 - A Good Deal | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show we are here without. wi-fi in the middle of the desert in the. middle of a. california heat wave wildfires. 118 degrees. scorched earth everywhere you look the. smell of. sulfur or burning. the brown landscape just being charred. in front of your own. eyes but that's where we've chosen to. make our stand. from that's where we've chosen to plant.

our flag. here in the middle of the desert. literally on the surface of mars i'll be. here for a few more months and then i. have to rejoin. society little by little um. thank you to everybody who came out to. the stress factory in new jersey we had. a lot of fun. that is the club in america right now. that i believe. and this is from other people that have. done this as well that is. really uh having the best results. with an outdoor setup.

the stress factory the owner of any. brand put a lot of money. into an outdoor fully functional. comedy club you have 150 seats. you have lighting you have sound you. have. everything that would make a regular. comedy club it really feels. like you're at a festival like an. outdoor festival. uh it's a great experience and we sold. out four shows there immediately. and for everyone that you know didn't.

get in that wanted to get in we'll be. back. you know hopefully sooner rather than. later more shows. are being announced we're back out on. the road you know things are opening up. a lot of comedy clubs are opening up at. 50 capacity. uh some are socially distanced and i. mean this is what we're gonna have to do. you know in the beginning i said i'm not. gonna be out on the road we didn't know. what the hell was going on. um i still don't want to perform in. front of cars i still don't want to. perform on the street. i don't want to perform in the middle of. a park i mean these are. i'm not saying i'll never perform at one.

of those car things i'm a little curious. but i don't i i just don't want to do it. and because the show is. you know very successful and we could be. funny on this show. uh we don't need to do it thankfully but. um. now that things are opening up i gotta. go back out and be a comedian that's. part that's part of what i do it's part. of the attack. uh plan here you know and um. we're doing it as safely as we can i. mean the numbers are going down even in. the states that are hot.

you know now the covid craziness has. become. q anon for the left this is what it is. it's. my aunt calls me about it she starts. quoting models and doctors from other. countries. and 80 000 30 000 to beds in the er. and you don't understand a latency pier. i mean. you know it's become a q anon movement. for the lefty the insanity and the. obsession with colvin i'm not saying to. not be careful. i'm not saying it isn't real i'm not. saying i can't get it and drop dead.

tomorrow all of these things could. happen. what i am saying is that this incessant. need and desire. to sit at home drink wine and imagine. worst case scenarios is infecting the. body politic and it's not healthy. i'm just saying that on both sides on q. and on kids in the tunnels and on. everybody's going to get coveted. nobody's going to be able to draw a. single breath. that they are both unhealthy extremes. where people are imagining the worst.

over and over again any boomer that is. plugged into politics. heavily is q or coven that is. it truly that is where they live they're. either hardcore q or hardcore covenant. you know they are. they might be your parents your aunt. your uncle they call you up and they. have statistics. when somebody has statistics ready it's. a problem. okay if you're out to dinner with. someone and they start. talking about a chart it's not going to.

be a good night. if they bring out a model my aunt called. me i'm in the car i'm in a car i'm in. the cab. on the way back i'm with dan who opened. for me. um and we're on the way back to the. house and uh my aunt calls me starts. talking about models. so it's talking to me about the the. model they've built and the cover deaths. and what's gonna happen. and where we're all going and and i'm. like i'm kind of laughing and the cab. driver is laughing too. because it's like no one [ __ ] knows. anything about anything here.

the one thing that we've proven over the. last [ __ ] six months is that nobody. really knows anything. some people have been more right than. others. but we're still figuring out what the. [ __ ] going on supposedly doctors now. have a better. way to treat this they have a cocktail. of drugs uh they're using ventilators as. a last resort. listen i'm not telling anybody what. risks you should take or what you. shouldn't take. but there's a whole hell of a lot of. people in this country that never got a. [ __ ] quarantine. they've been [ __ ] working have you.

gone through a del taco they've been at. work. have you gone to a hospital they've been. at work when they're not tick-tocking. have you gone to a [ __ ] store or. grocery store they've been at work a lot. of people have been at work. so it's time to start dipping our toe. back. out there and going back to work there's. no other option there's no other option. you can't sit around. and and wait for a a vaccine that may. never come which i don't personally. really want. to put synthetic coronavirus in me.

i've never gotten a flu vaccine i've. never had the flu. i don't want to walk into a walgreens. and get shot up with synthetic. coronavirus. some people do and that's great but i. personally at this moment in my life. maybe i'll regret that decision that's. what's great about decisions. you may regret them you may not but i. mean is anybody. excited about the coronavirus vaccine. i'm excited about the idea of there. being a vaccine. no one's excited for that needle nobody.

i don't care who you are nobody's. excited. you like the idea of it you want other. people again give it to everyone else i. want to go to dinner. give it to everyone else but not one. person when you imagine the vaccine it's. kind of hilarious. you imagine it as like this [ __ ]. concept that you're never gonna really. have to get. right in line to get i imagine the. coronavirus vaccine is something i read. about the news. oh good good good the more seats are. open and whatever. i don't want to go to shop to lab corp.

and get. a needle in my ass bill melinda gates. that's just. so we think about the vaccine it's like. an idea. that is a positive idea for society. overall but for me personally and a lot. of people that i know. and then i talk to nobody's running out. of their house demanding to be one of. the first [ __ ] trials of this thing. nobody wants yet you know we need it and. i hope some people get it but i don't. want to get that. let the other people get it you know.

the others i'm not saying racially. give it to the elderly they're on a way. out let them see if it works see if it. works. i don't know people with pre-existing. conditions maybe they need it and want. it and it's. i'm just saying that we're back out on. the road. dates are coming tickets sell out fast. people are hungry they want to get out. they want to have fun you know we we we. we're not doing meet and greets we're. not be we're being careful.

all these comedians that are [ __ ] on. people on the road are usually. comedians that have never been on the. road you know and they're like oh these. comedians are back on the road i'm like. you've never been on the road. what are you you no one's coming what. are you upset about. you know listen throughout this whole. process i never judged one [ __ ]. that went to work. i wasn't doing it like i'm not judging. you if if you put a needle in your ass. the minute that the vaccine debuts at. wherever the [ __ ] they're gonna start. letting people get it mcdonald's i don't.

know. but i i don't judge any i'm going what. i'm gonna do. and what i'm gonna do is now kind of go. out because i've seen numbers and i've. seen things. that lead me to believe this is the. appropriate time to begin to. start going out but when there were. there were comics out three months ago i. didn't judge them and you do what you. got to do. you if you're earning money in live. situations. only or even just primarily you got to. do what you got to do i don't judge. anybody. you know i mean a lot of people have.

been working. cops have been working. right i mean there's many videos of them. doing their jobs police. in major cities working. god man i saw that video where they put. a hood over a guy's head. and then they the guy suffocates and. then they push him into the ground. and it's like what what is the excuse.

for that behavior. i mean truly the guy who was sick maybe. he had corona he had something they. didn't want to i don't know what the. argument's going to be yelling he had. kova 19 so they put a spit hood on him. to protect. themselves this was back in march yeah. it's part of the is part of the. medici medication for cover 19 slamming. a guy into the ground like. and then the guy suffocates man i mean. it it. the country's gonna burn i mean i don't.

know what else to tell you like. you watch some of these videos and they. are. [ __ ] wild and they're you know you. don't know what's going on. and i talk about this in my act and i'm. not gonna give away this joke but. i would like to defend more police but a. lot of the people i know personally and. i've said it before on the show. that have car that are cops that have. guns should not have guns. so i do understand that there's we the. screening process for the cops is. apparently. i know people are gonna email me and go.

it's actually great well it clearly. isn't. there's clearly a problem for smashing. people into the ground. you know we don't need to put hoods on. people i mean what i mean this is like. this is the way ellen degeneres treats. her staff. that's how bad it is putting hoods on. people it's not right. we were just in the uh the party store. we go to these dumb. halloween pop-ups a lot of times you. know one of the things about being in la. proper was that there was a lot of. costume shops there's a lot of places.

you know the coronavirus costume the. epstein temple costume we had. actual costume designers design those. costumes because they have to be. really cool to look at but they also. have to be durable we get in and out of. cars we're all over the place. and um that was a benefit of being in la. but now we're in the desert you've got. to go to these halloween pop-up stores. and uh we're at this pop-up store just. looking at stuff you know might make. stuff. might not and i'm i'm looking at. this section of the store and i'm seeing.

inflatable boom box. i'm seeing gold chains. i'm seeing hoop earrings and i'm going. this halloween's gonna go bad for some. people. i'm telling you that right now i don't. know what. section i was in but that was the. section of the halloween pop-up where. you're going to lose your job. that was dissection if you're white.

i'm just say whether you agree with it. or not just don't. show up with hoop earrings and an. inflatable boom box. to the office party this year let's just. let this year be the year you do cat. ears. do sexy cat don't show up with gold. chains and dress up as run dmc this year. at the holiday party race relations are. not at the best moment. they've been just a little advice from. me to you. i know i know cultural appropriation is.

kind of bs and. blah blah i'm just saying. for your own advice out there this is. really not the halloween to be. are they still making cop uniforms by. the way for halloween. i think we saw one yeah i think we did i. mean. good luck good luck going a sexy. derrick chauvin this year on. for halloween by the way i bet those cop.

uniforms are gonna take a hit some. people will dress their kids up as cops. we support the police blue lives matter. you know there's some poor kid who's. like i want to be a vampire and you're. like. you're not going to be satan you're. going to be a cop. that's what you're going to be a lot of. parents are going to be dressing their. children up as police. um and then halloween is right before. the election isn't that fun right before. uh the election which from all of the. media reports should go off without a. hitch.

should be very calm and peaceful. the media is literally going out every. minute going uh there's going to be. civil unrest. there's going to be uh i mean what are. we all preparing for. voting's already started it's mail-in. voting you can ready vote trump's. telling people to vote twice. everybody and i tweeted today. this is so much of a bigger problem than. trump trump is a big. problem he's not doing a good job that.

being. i mean that's putting it as mildly as i. can put it for you psychopaths out there. they're like. no no so many people get mad at me when. i say that. no and here's the other thing he doesn't. like the military guys you know he. doesn't like the military. i think that article in the atlantic. should have been sourced but you know he. doesn't like the military. you know he doesn't respect people that. wear uniforms for no money i don't care. what you do garbage man. uh anything he doesn't respect that he. does not like the military.

he doesn't give a [ __ ] about first. responders he doesn't get it in his own. mind he doesn't get he might not. actively hate them. he doesn't get it he doesn't get it why. a guy would wear a uniform and. potentially die. for a job that pays him 70 000 a year. maybe and that's not even i mean that's. like after you've been in for a while. he doesn't get that you're you you don't. get trump if you think. he's perplexed i think he's genuinely. confused. as to why anybody would do anything that. doesn't net them.

a lot of money and the ability to [ __ ]. models. and live in a mansion or live in a. high-rise apartment like. he doesn't get it it's just not his game. you see. it's not what he's into he doesn't he. doesn't respect like uh. emt's first response i mean it's not his. thing. you think he really likes the military. by the way do you really believe. when you put your head on the pillow do. you truly believe. that donald trump understands like the.

sacrifices. that servicemen and women make do you. believe that. you don't believe trump's a little. confused. you don't think if he looked and goes. you're making 36 000. a year what are you doing get out of. here. you don't think he's a little perplexed. by that. he doesn't get it what does he do that's. not for him. what has he ever done in his entire life. that doesn't directly benefit him. well the presidency i love that people.

go well he's president he's actually. losing money. he's not and also people there's some. people that would argue being the leader. of the free world's a. benefit some people would say that. that's a benefit. so he's not actually it's not a selfless. pursuit you see controlling a nuclear. arsenal. the world's you know most powerful. military running. you know the economy you know to the. extent he. wants to or can that's not exactly uh.

a step down from where he was so. he doesn't like the military i mean it's. just what it is there's a great part in. that atlantic article this is an article. if you don't know. came out in the atlantic magazine. jeffrey goldberg who's the editor of the. atlantic. uh some of their shit's fine that they. write and some of it i don't like i. think they should have been on the. record by the way. fox news though did confirm a few high. high-ranking trump administration. officials that were on board with this. uh the military does not want him in. they do not want him in so you can. continue to like and love and support.

him. the military doesn't want to they want. people they want recruitment numbers up. and the recruitment numbers. don't aren't high if you're joining. military and you think you're going to. fight your friend in the street. so when trump says we're going to send. the military in everywhere you might. agree with it you might say we need law. and order. but it doesn't exactly help it doesn't. drive recruitment numbers. if you think you're going to be deployed. on on your streets fighting. nobody really signs up for that so the. military. is just a lot of them are just not a fan.

of this guy some of them are some of. them certainly are. but a lot of them aren't and they know. he's doesn't respect what they do. they know that and you know that if you. think. doesn't respect can you imagine. explaining to trump. why you joined them like i believe. that i'm making a sacrifice for other. people's freedom. his eyes would glaze over in his head. like you were speaking in alien language.

by the way my eyes almost glaze over. in my head when you tell me that's why. you're joining the military. i am a little like what. i'm like and by the way i'm glad people. do it but after we know. what the leaders of this country ask. these people to do. i'm a little like really like i would. understand much more if a guy goes i. love. killing i can't kill at home i gotta.

kill abroad. and then i go okay he goes i like. violence that's how i come. i enjoy making someone go bye-bye. and i know that that's not everyone in. there there's a lot of people in there. that do believe in ideals and that's. great. but there's a few people in there's. certainly a few there's a couple of. people in there. that really just want to bathe. themselves in blood. and i would understand that as an. explanation almost a little more than.

somebody who's like. i just want to secure our freedom and i. go okay. good for you again i don't understand it. either so stop pretending that trump. understands it. like i barely understand let's be very. honest you don't understand that. and if you did you'd be there unless you. are in the military and. and thank you for your service and. everything whatever. i do thank you for your service i mean. some of it some of it i thank you for.

some of it i think we got to stop doing. i got to be honest. it's a half and half some of your. service i say yes and some of it i go we. can't do that anymore. it's a problem but i don't understand do. you understand it of all the jobs you. could get it's hard to understand. right it's very hard to understand i'm. gonna back up trump here a little bit. it's a little difficult to understand. i'm kind of with him if we were eating a. steak on the upper east side of. manhattan and donny turned to me goes. what the [ __ ] are they doing. i'd go yeah i don't know donny.

yeah i don't really know it's freedom. and it's our freedom and they. he'd go thank god someone's doing it and. then we'd have a nice little cheesecake. i'm telling you. i'm telling you stop the fantasy that. this guy is like. some proud military historian who loves. the millage just. not what it is i know we need a military. they need to be strong they need to kick. ass. some some of my fans are in it i'm. [ __ ] happy they do it i wish they had. better civilian leadership.

i wish the people in the military cared. more. and i don't mean the the rank and file i. mean the brass and more so than even the. brass the politicians. those are the problems i wish they cared. more about. veterans yes and i wish we had better. veteran health care. mental health care all of that [ __ ] 100. okay but let's just analyze for example. let's just take a look at. the decision that level of selflessness. of bravery uh you know in many cases.

we're excluding now the sociopaths we. just want to watch things blow up. we're saying the other people that is. hard to understand. i don't i don't want to go to iraq. i don't. it's a little difficult to grasp and i. know that. and i know that we're all you know. everyone's horrified they're trump but. most guys that make millions and. millions of dollars. don't understand people that do anything.

especially if it could kill them. for for not a lot of money they don't. get it. but people get people get high on. different things in life right. some people like danger some people like. risk some people like physical. physicality they want to be out moving. they want to work with their hands. some people want to sit behind a desk i. mean all those wall street [ __ ] their. risk is. is financial you know primarily like. they're not putting. their bodies in danger but they're. putting you know they might be putting. uh their family or their their financial.

uh you know their entire enterprise. at risk all the time depending on the. decisions they make. and that could affect themselves their. company their employees but they don't. put their body in teacher. so it's hard to explain to guys like. that. why you would do a job that might get. you killed. it's tough you know when people become i. don't understand why anyone becomes a. cop. either i don't get it i get firemen. because it's fun. because there aren't a lot of fires and. they don't really do much.

and they have these big meals in the. firehouse and the first. guy i sucked off was a i think a. volunteer fireman i don't even know but. something it was after 9 11 he was. trying to do it i don't know if he ended. up doing it or not. but he had a huge dick and i always. remember his dick like. of all firemen have that dick whereas. like not. insanely long but fat like a hose you. could use. now i don't know what happened to that. person i assume he's dead. but i'm kidding of course about they're. not being fires there are fires. in los angeles all the time there's so.

many fires just kind of embarrassing. but everyone's like are you donating the. firefighters it's like not really. because the fires come back every year. so we're at a certain point now where. it's like i just don't know if we're. gonna get we're just throwing good money. after bad here. it's like guys can you do a job or not. i mean you do the job and then two weeks. later there's fires back so. i'm no expert and yet i still think. that's not really a good track record. okay people are getting evacuated. three or four or five times out of their. [ __ ] houses but i understand that job. but if somebody tells me i'm gonna be a.

beat cop i'm just gonna walk around. and we need them we need people to do. these jobs but let. me but let's be a comedian that's a. great angle. who the [ __ ] on can go explain that to. someone. yes i'm gonna work for 10 years and be. broken maybe even longer than that. on the off chance that maybe i i. figure out how to be funny and then an. even slimmer chance. that i can market that to people and. make a living doing that and it's a.

brutal. process so people don't understand that. no one understands anything really. other than like oh you make money got a. big house. so if i do the job that makes me i get. the house and the money in the car i get. that. but anything that you do that doesn't. immediately net you financial results. nobody in america understands i don't. understand it. and i do one of those things i spent a. decade doing it. i was just like a weird calling it was. something i had to do and maybe that is. the military but trump doesn't.

understand that he doesn't understand a. calling. he doesn't understand like higher. purpose or the idea that this is what. you should do in your life. he doesn't get that everything's a game. this is he's a casino magnet. he's playing a game and why play such a. game that could. kill you why play a game that could. knock you out. and that's that's a fact and that's just. what it is. i understand you know but it would have. been nice if they sourced the article i. don't know maybe they will.

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ridge wallet yum. [Music]. get your ridge wallet. this article in the atlantic and you can. just put up because you have no wi-fi in. post you can just throw up. these two articles there's an article in. the atlantic. i'm sure there's an article about an. article in the atlantic and it was a. cover story in the atlantic that they. did on transgender kids. and i'm gonna try to get this right here. because i don't i.

you know i it's so hard to talk about. without misgendering somebody and i i. i'm real we do not have the wi-fi. so i do i know that the person on the. article is now going by the he. him pronoun at the time they were going. by the they them pronoun. and i believe potentially before that. they were biologically born a female. because. we gotta say that right because that's. the whole thing about. transgender is that someone has a thing. with their biological sex they have an. issue with it and they wanna. so i'm trying to discuss this. respectfully okay i just don't have the.

wi-fi. i don't have the wi-fi so i'm trying to. remember who everybody is at any given. moment it's a little difficult. it's a little trying. um the person shows up. they because at the time they were they. they sho because it's a journey. i think from from from female to they to. male perhaps. in this person's case right we're all. people. so.

they show up to just do a photo shoot. for lgbtqia. x l e z k n i. i was gonna spell the n-word a little. bit and then pull back from it. because but i realize that that's just. not even funny but. i'm just gonna say [ __ ] just as a joke. and then pull back from it. just to see if any of you are paying. attention but none of you are. the point i was saying is that these. these. children show up to get the photos taken.

the atlantic then makes them sign you. know that standard release we can use it. anywhere in the magazine wherever we. want. they put this person on the cover. of the atlantic and say your kid is. trans. the the kid had no idea they were going. on the cover their parents didn't know. the kids i think uncle or grandfather i. don't have wi-fi. had a subscription to the atlantic and. ended up being like oh man.

this is blank i don't know the name. this is that person that we know um. and so the the kid and they also. misgendered the person they. mischaracterized the whole thing. it's really crazy and i and i read the. article. and uh and again it's it was a real. it was an article about. what to do or the debate around.

uh children who want to transition okay. which i'm not saying anything about. right now i can't i can't wait into this. i don't have children you know there's a. certain point where. you got to step back you can't be in. every fight all the time. i've said before and i stick with it i. don't think anyone should do anything at. nine. people should wait till they're older i. don't know if that's age is 18 or if. it's in their teen. i don't know what it is i'm just saying. i don't think anyone should be making. life-changing decisions at.

six but i don't have k i'm not i'm. really not if i can't get involved in. all the fights i can't. i can't be involved in everything. everything can't be. god bless these people that every day. brett weinstein and heather heing and. all these [ __ ] every day they. every day heather hines like hello. it's heather hying hello it's heather. and then brett's like hello heather. today. as portland is bombed we're going to sit.

here with our cat. and discuss you know and it's like i. understand. i get it and i'm sure everyone's serving. a function i just can't be involved. i have to i have to step back i mean. i have to draw a circle around myself. and only care about certain things. i you know it is what it is here if i. have a child. if i have a child i will encourage that. child to be a financial criminal. regardless of gender i will encourage.

that child to go into banking. to live in the hamptons to have a you. know to live in the city to have a home. in the hamptons. i will want that child to work in. private equity or hedge funds. i will i i i i and like that like the. transgender person on billions the. non-binary. person on billions i would hope that. that is my child i would hope. that my child in addition to being. non-binary would be. um kind of a numbers whiz with a real. real kind of loose sense of morality. that could infiltrate. an institution and that that would be my.

hope i mean that would be my hope i. don't think i'll adopt a child but. if i do adopt a child when i sit down. with the adoption agency i'll say is. there any way that we can know which one. um you know will be a criminal because i. would want that one like an intelligent. criminal not an idiot and a bodega. [Music]. but like a fun criminal because that i. would want to give that kid advice. and i think you know when i'm older in. my life if i have a child if i have the. the you know if i adopt if i'm in a. relationship with somebody. who's sober which is a big and.

they're uh you know not in jail or. something and we want to have a child. or like raise a kid which i don't think. sometimes i think about like i don't. know like i think about getting a dog. i have a dog for an hour and then you go. this is enough so. uh but it might be nice to raise a kid. but i'd want the kid to do something. i'd want a [ __ ] real deal like. olympic. kid like i wouldn't want a humdrum. regular loser i'd really want. like a kid who was like obsessed with. sports or.

you know a chess grand master you know. not like bobby fischer who just wanted. to he just starts talking about the jews. but i mean someone just displays a. tremendous amount of skill at something. i want a driven kid you know i want a. kid that it's hard to relate to. i open the door to his or her room or. their room. and uh they just kind of look at me with. disgust because they have no respect for. me because they're like yeah you have a. big house but you're a fat clown you. know. what are you really what are you what's. your legacy i want my kid to say to me. what's my legacy and i want to crumble a. guy i don't think i. i don't i could just say you know comedy.

doesn't really age i don't know you know. but i want my kid to be like a stone. cold. little psychopath that's what i want i. don't know if i can get that. i don't know if i'll get that but that. that's kind of what i want like a tough. sharp you know i mean that's that's what. i would like. if i if i had the chance to to have a. child. you know that's all. you know it's also like what kind of. grandparents would my child have because. my mother is. insane and my father is has a putting.

green in his backyard. so it's like what exactly am i bringing. the child into the world. in terms of grandparents for like what. guidance will my. child will clearly get no guidance from. my parents you know who gave me no. guidance. and uh gave themselves very little. guidance. so my parents like many boomers are just. on a sailboat. sailing the wind is blowing them around. and they'll land where they land. um so the idea of you know like where's.

grandma and grandpa you know where's. grandma well grandma's in a mental. institution. and grandpa's uh putting in his backyard. you know but the election's gonna be fun. folks get ready for the election it's. it's gonna be a fun one. and i i do think. democracy has not worked can we say that. can we put that out there as a thesis.

can we throw that out as a thesis and. then work backwards from there. yes or yes i'm i'm asking you do you. look around and feel that democracy. has really worked maybe it hasn't even. been tried i mean we're a republic we're. not a democracy. but uh we're not even that we're more. like an oligarchy and then that's also. failing right the oligarchy's kind of. failing because. you know dave smith made a good point. about this.

i'm not a libertarian but i do like dave. a lot um. people we we all know the people are. nuts. you know the people a lot of the blm. antifa types that are like knocking over. restaurants. are nuts we know that we see them we go. that's a crazy person. we see we we say that's a crazy person. because we know. there's no root from what they're doing. to anything. better right we know that by knocking. over brunch tables we're not gonna we're. not getting to an equitable fair. uh society where people are treated with.

respect and it's also the wrong goal. by the way the goal should be. uh to change laws and to have laws. uh govern people's lives so that they. have uh the maximum amount of. opportunity the goal should not be. um to uh create or. change everything at once because none. of that ever happens or ever works. um each we should there should be. specific pinpoint. focus on things that are [ __ ] people.

and that you can change and and that it. you it shouldn't just be this broad. eat the rich horseshit that never works. never has worked. um and and the other side of eat the. rich is just some type of authoritarian. uh socialist uh state that is run by. people. that will uh corrupt like every leader. does and then run the state into the. ground. and run everybody uh that lives there. into the ground as well. um that's just historically what has.

happened right there's no. that doesn't mean that you shouldn't. like the carried interest loophole on. wall street you should eliminate. that should be a [ __ ] get rid of that. first. does it mean you don't do anything else. but it means like there's things you can. actually [ __ ] do. or try to do um but we know that the. people knocking over. the brunch tables are nuts and we know. on the other side the people that are. walking around. talking about an ethno state uh you know. with ar-15s you don't really want to. throw your hat in with those people.

either that's just not what you. you look at both groups of people you go. i bet they're not going to run a real. great society. if we give them the opportunity right. 17 year old gamers who want to bring. back the monarchy. versus fat non-binary women from seattle. both. options negan for society. but we forget and this is dave smith's. point how radical the center is. how crazy the center is. how truly detached the elites are the.

center. they have also left the planet. the center and i don't mean the. the majority of people in america when i. say the center i mean the people that. have any power. any influence the people that are. elected the people that are behind the. people that are elected. those people as well are completely out. of it the. centrists the ones in the middle cannot. just be. for eternal war and a financial system.

that crushes people. and and and no health care and that's. the center. those are the safe people that's the. safe. choice just unending war. manipulating [ __ ] you know. currency crashing economies all over the. world. driving our economy off a cliff every. seven years. in his boom and bus cycle you know. charging off all of our debt letting it. be serviced by all these other countries.

that's the center and that's. also a big problem i think people forget. that because it's easy to point out. how crazy the people on the streets are. but why are the people on the streets. because the center. the people in the suits the people that. look respectable. the people that have lovely families and. you go sit down with them you have lunch. with them. when they start talking you go oh you as. well are [ __ ] insane. you as well have lost it i was in the. hamptons talking to people they're going.

isn't the aren't the problems mainly on. twitter. i'm like they're burning down what. did cities are falling and you people. are drinking rose in your backyard. they don't have a clue they're out of it. they're living in this. insular bubble they have no idea. what is happening and they're the center. they are the buddha judge. klobuchar centrist they're not.

people that you would ever uh point out. and go that's a lunatic. but when you hear them talk and when you. realize that the policies they. they don't think it's a problem that we. have the. level of wealth and equality that we do. they don't think it's an issue. um and i and i and one of them said to. me that one of them said well wait a. minute. they go what is this so what's the. problem with this so wealth inequality. so i'll give you a few problems but i. said the the one the one major. one of the major issues that i can. because i'm i'm i'm smart enough to.

realize i'm not gonna try like an. emotional appeal with these people. i said a lot of if you have a small. group of people. that have all of the money they also. have all the political power. so the problem is that in a democratic. system or a republic or whatever we. [ __ ] are under the impression this. thing is. if you give all of them if the money is. earned and. hoarded and capped by one small group of. people they also make all of the. decisions. uh syringe in your ass bill gates you.

know so that becomes an issue too. and um and they said oh i can see your. point there a little. i go yeah a little bit i see that i said. you see. she said people don't have any power. anymore right. yeah yeah yeah and then one of them goes. well they can vote that's what they say. you can vote just vote. what's the problem and i'm like yeah but. the lobbying and the legalized bribery.

the bribery that isn't legal the. blackmail. all the skullduggery all the fun that. you people have been having forever. yeah that that kind of that that kind of. overrides the vote. doesn't it not saying you shouldn't vote. um and i'm not saying by the way that. the opposite of voting is like let's go. [ __ ] up a brunch. because somehow then these people are. going to be dethroned. but the centers is fairly radical it's.

wild when you talk to people. and they're not radical in their. appearance and they're not radical. in um in in many of their beliefs like. many of them are. are pretty you know regular. you know down the down the middle kind. of but when you start talking to them. we're all radicalized by our. self-interest this is really what it. comes down to i think that's. part of the issue the radical nature of. a lot of people's beliefs. um sometimes it goes against their.

self-interest. but a lot of times it is perfectly in. line with what they. want either the world to look like and. even if you don't understand someone's. self-interest like you look at all these. rich kids. uh saying that they want communism well. that doesn't make any sense. it does when you realize that they. actually just want. anyone to pay attention to them and that. that's the one thing they haven't been. able to buy. is their value and worth as a human. being. so that's why they're they're walking. around unironically calling themselves.

maoists. walking at a starbucks with a cold brew. and then. and then stomping around the suburbs. saying that they're maoist they just. want [ __ ] attention. so that is in their self-interest but i. mean all these wall street [ __ ]. out there in the hamptons and i only. spoke to a handful of them. but the ones that i spoke to are are. incredibly detached from what is. actually happening out there they just. don't care. and and when they talk about it. their belief it is a radical belief to.

say. is aren't the problems just on twitter. that's a pretty radical wild. take because they they can afford. the news many of them. are friends of the people who run those. company you know the news. right you could just turn it on or. glance at it occasionally. and you would see how big these problems.

are and how widespread they are. to say something like isn't it mainly on. twitter. shows that you're just so completely. removed from it and that's why. a lot of these elites are just incapable. of charting the right course. for america so so if trump leaves don't. think for a minute that. the people coming in i mean biden was.

chosen because he is a corpse make no. mistake. he was chosen because he is a corpse and. because he's a company man. and he's gonna go in there and they're. gonna keep. with the same policies and the same. attitude. that created trump that type of. empire at all costs [ __ ] the people. mentality uh politics is beyonce. shaking her ass and having a trans.

batman that. level of commitment to the american. people. workers can [ __ ] off people that have. families can [ __ ] off. uh you know but if you want to jet. around to little st. james you'll have the best legal defense. possible. um but politics being primarily the. color of the superhero. is has not worked and that's what it is. a very aesthetic. optics-based politics in which nothing.

gets done. by design and little people get little. uh bread crumbs a little nugget of this. and that here you go. enjoy this obama came in tried. you know that didn't work doesn't mean. that. uh you know so that's just that's how. radical. and and as far as the antifa people can. you start knocking over hollywood. restaurants stop with these like middle. class or upper middle class brunch.

places in dc. start knocking over restaurants at. beverly hills because here's the deal. they're gonna. that the celebrities are kind of gonna. have to agree with you. like that's what's gonna be funny about. it they're gonna have to agree with you. they're gonna have to. like sofia vergara is gonna have to. throw a fork. and say black lives matter they're gonna. have to do it. like reese witherspoon's gonna have to. kind of go along with the chant. like she might be sitting there. completely like. wow but she is gonna have to be a little.

bit like as they come in and start you. know. doing the table she's gonna have to sit. there and kind of go like. black lives matter i agree like that. because these celebrities kind of have. to do it right aaron paul. that guy from breaking bad let me go to. a restaurant he's. at you know. they're gonna go to go go go to where. bette midler's. hanging out they're gonna have to agree. right. they can't be like this is absurd.

no they're gonna have to say yes yes. destroy it. yes beat me with a salt and pepper. shaker. why not i believe i agree with this. i agree with you i'm a great look at me. agreeing. yes dude the dude in the restaurant. beverly hills these [ __ ] idiots will. sit there and be like. yes good we agree.

and of course the poor restaurant owner. will watch this restaurant get trashed. while these celebrities sit there and. cheer it on. cheer it on let let that happen why not. better help help folks i'm telling you. better help help. is there something interfering with your. happiness or preventing you from. achieving your goals. many times i have those problems i get. up and i'm. sad or too happy sometimes too happy is.

a problem people don't realize that but. when you're too happy it's very. off-putting people don't like that i. certainly don't. so how do you get even keel you can. start communicating in under 48 hours. with better help. it will help assess your needs and match. you with a licensed. professional therapist there's a broad. range of expertise available which may. or. which may or may not be locally. available in many areas you might not. get it in many areas you're living in. but you can get it with better help. because it's online especially now with. covid.

a pandemic you want to be online. i'm telling you right now you'll get. timely and thoughtful responses plus you. can schedule weekly video or phone. sessions. so you won't ever have to sit in an. uncomfortable waiting room. like traditional therapy better help. help. is committed is committed to. facilitating great therapeutic matches. so they make it easy and free. to change counselors if you need it is. more affordable than traditional online. offline counseling and financial aid is. available. better help wants you to start living a.

happier life today. so easy if you've got problems you want. to talk them out these are real. counselors. real therapists they got licenses you. don't have to drive there. get parking it's expensive covered. you have to sit in an office while some. of the therapists you don't know is. chewing on a bat. this is a healthy way to live your life. go to their website www.betterhelp.com. tim d. that's betterhelp.com.

timd and join over the 1 million people. taking charge of their mental health. with the help of an experienced. professional. so many people have been using better. help that they are recruiting. additional counselors in all 50 states. special offers for the tim dillon show. listeners they get 10 percent off your. first month. at betterhelp.comd 10 off your first. month at betterhelp.com. timdy it's such a good idea so many. people are walking around right now and.

they're absolutely [ __ ] insane. and it's just better for them to get. help. some people tell me you know they say to. me sometimes i'm getting help and you. know what i say to them. i look them in in their face and i. say you're getting help they go yeah i. said. why don't you get better. help. how about that you know what they say to. me they say. what should i do and i go you go to.

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draftkings.com football. ma me yeah. we went to a restaurant the other night. we were inside we're in north salem. um there's a nice area letterman lives. up there nice here in new york and i was. there with a few people and the food was. so bad. but it was just so fun to complain about. you know to each other we didn't tell. the restaurant a few of the women at the. table like we should. you know we should [ __ ] lay and. because you know that area is just all. wasps and wasps don't complain about. food jews do.

so that's why you know where jews live. you get good food because they'll. complain and ethnics will complain. um and people like my mother like she's. who's irish cat but wasps are but you. know above everything in their own head. so they don't complain they don't like. they don't complain because a wasp. doesn't want to even have eye contact. with the server. they don't even want to discuss anything. with the help so. if the dover soul wasn't good it's like. whatever it doesn't matter wasp. just want to be around other wasps so as. long as the restaurant looks like an old.

inn. that george washington would go to and. as long as it looks like that and as. long as that uh. the uh makeup of the restaurant is. pretty. uniform if you know what i mean the. wasps don't really care they just. you know they go in with their bow shoes. they sit very quietly. they have very quiet respectful. conversations and then. you know the dudes go home and watch. porn that would make your eyes bleed i. mean the things that those people. probably watch. but that's what they do and i'm in there. with ethnics we got italians greeks.

we got jews we got it was ethnics in. there and people you know we're loud and. we're fat. some of us not all of us but some of us. and when you know we're like you know. what a couple of them were like i wanna. yeah we shouldn't be paying for this. i was like i agree but we didn't we. didn't complain obviously we're not. we're not trying to hurt anybody. um but it was just so fun to sit around. inside the restaurant we said we. wouldn't think we'd be doing this to. just sit here it's a real luxury. to sit there and complain about food. that isn't good there's sometimes it's. really fun. to go to a restaurant where everything.

is bad you know my uncles. works for a restaurant group manhattan. and they are some of the best. steakhouses in the country quality meats. and. quality italian smithinskis they're just. legendary spots. they're really good maloney and porcelli. and park avenue i mean. they're part of the fabric of what makes. new york dining great i mean the guy. that he works for. uh started tgi fridays i mean these are. legendary people. but they opened a restaurant called. quality french which was and i took two. of my friends there to history hyenas. chris and giannis and.

i to say that the experience was. atrocious. i mean his restaurant they love doing. fun things like in one of their. restaurants quality italian. they have a chicken parm shaped like a. pizza. so they like doing fun tableside [ __ ]. you know they finish the penny alla. vodka with the lobster they finish it. with a flame next to the table and. they're you know it's it's a show. it's theatrics so the first thing they. do. they come over here is they go they have. herbed butter they bring out. a hunk and i mean a honk like this big.

like the size of like like a small box. of butter just seeing. that amount of butter was so viscerally. disturbing. that we were like our stomach started to. churn. then the food started to come out and i. mean it was but everything was bad the. french onion. i went to the manager afterwards i said. listen i come to these restaurants a lot. i love them. this experience was atrocious and i am.

now very upset. and i said i don't know and she was like. a sweet older asian woman she's like i. understand i'm like i don't. i don't know when i will be able to make. this okay in my own head what just. happened here. because what happened here was an act of. war. the the moo the chocolate moose. you know the chocolate moose has done in. a way that it makes it look like ice. cream. they decided to not do that they decided. to smear it. on a slate to make it look modern and.

you know what it looked like. dog [ __ ] actual. [ __ ] it looked like i had stepped it. looked like a slate of concrete sidewalk. with a smear of dog [ __ ]. on it and i called the manager over and. said let me ask you a question. what does this look like she said what. i said what does it look like if i had. to ask you. to describe this in a few words.

what would you say it looked like and. she looked down. and she said it kind of looks like poop. i said yes it looks like poop. correct why is it on my table why did we. pay. 18 for [ __ ]. it was an atrocious experience but we. had so much fun. [ __ ] on the experience we had so. much fun.

seeing something go wrong there's. there's. nothing better when i used to eat out in. new york i'd eat alone at the bar a lot. and you'd watch these restaurants. struggle to keep up with the flow of a. friday night or something and you just. see the wheels come off and the waiters. start to go nuts and shake and. you hear glasses dropping and people. like getting upset and the kitchen door. would open you just. brief screaming before closed again and. you know people were getting reamed out. and they were in the weeds you know it. was tough and. i would just watch that and it was.

really nothing that made me happier than. just watching that operation just at the. at the brink just buckling under the. pressure of the flow of people. nasty loud taurus demanding new yorkers. just a cocktail of. horror and they didn't keep coming they. kept coming and i just sat. at the barn would just chew a soft. ciabatta just. and watch watch people lose their. minds watch them curse the decision they. made to move to new york.

to be an actor or this or that watch. them. curse their co-workers watch their. hearts. filled with hatred while this was. happening i watched. customers roll their eyes hold glasses. up in the air for more. water pound on the table wanting to get. the attention of the server. crowd the maitre d similar to the way. the blm folks are doing now. almost in a threatening posture but this. wasn't about equality it was about. calamari.

but i've watched all of that happen and. there's nothing more enjoyable than that. and i don't know why. it's a funny thing but i don't know why. there's nothing better i've been at work. i've been. when i was a tour guide i remember when. it was raining and people were screaming. they had tickets they were trying to get. on the double decker bus. that was a tour guide of and they. couldn't get on and i had to hang over. the bus and go i'm sorry another bus is. coming. and the people you know would just shout. and all their different accents they'd. go. saying liar cause they knew i was lying. lawyer you're a.

[ __ ] liar and i'd have to wave to. them and the rain was coming down and. people we had to hand out ponchos or. trying to handle ponchos on the bus and. people are screaming and. the bus just old metal death trap they. pay off the city to just say it [ __ ]. works. it's weaving side to side and people are. screaming because they. they can't make their broadway show. tickets and they realize that the entire. vacation. has just been a succession of of. stressful. moments where they're just trying to. move from one thing to the other so i.

understand. what it's like to be in that position to. be in that. nightmarish position and there's just. nothing better. than watching it just kind of eating a. soft ciabatta. there's just something about not being. at work it's not being there you know. was there ever something that went. really out of control. yeah when we'd serve liquor there on uh. wait hold on. i'm gonna flip out the name of the store. because i can't i can't.

serve liquor i gotta bleep that out. again yeah. why because it's illegal it's illegal to. do we would do it on. like fourth of july days like that and. usually homeless. are you envisioning and i'm not gonna. say the name again but are you. envisioning people. suing or trying to get you in trouble. legally. uh maybe i mean okay it's highly illegal. to do well then well then you bleep the. two names and i won't say it again. can i say the genre of story sure it was. a pet store.

you were serving alcohol at a pet store. why. to celebrate independence day and we. would do it on halloween. why are people celebrating uh. independence day at a pet store. because they want to dress up their pet. in the costumes that we have and. you had pet costumes as well yeah. [ __ ] wow. i thought it was just mainly like toys. chew toys and dog food. it was the whole works i mean it was. people that really loved their pets came. to that store.

was there ever a question about a pet's. gender identity i'm dead serious. no but people would correct me if i said. he or she on accident. okay yeah i don't i recall one person. by the way there is it it it. it's a beast it's a beast. i'm reading a book right now about. people so what would go to when you got. people drunk. was there every situation we go this is. getting out of control. yeah this guy who loved birds came in.

and he was he would talk to us for hours. and he got. just [ __ ] wasted in the store and we. basically had to ask him to leave. because he was just too drunk but people. would just get hammered and just kind of. hang out. a couple homeless people came in and. started drinking we had to ask them to. leave. too because you can't assume in like. eagle rock and silver lake that. someone's homeless. until you kind of put two and two. together don't give people hints about. the store now. giving people hints. but there's something nice about being.

a person who's experienced hell while. you work. which that doesn't sound like hell it. just sounds a little annoying i'm. talking about real like. heavy workload people are going crazy. right. and um i've experienced that so to. to not experience that but to be. somewhere where i can observe. other people going through that that's. nice. that's kind of what all the people in. the hamptons are doing they're just. chewing us off ciabatta at the bar.

staring at all of the waiters trying to. make it through the night they're all. just sitting at the bar. chewing just watching staring at it. looking at it in an academic sense. not really invested in the outcome they. don't really care if somebody drops a. bowl of lobster bisque on the floor. they don't really care if this girl is. going to sprain her ankle and not be. able to work. doesn't really matter to them they're. just chewing a little roll.

watching it all go to hell. that's what they're doing you know and. people have to remember that that's. the problem all of the other things uh. trump people dressed in black a lot of. these people are uh. side effects of the medication. but the real issue is the people who. drove the country. to this point those people. who still don't care i mean they still.

don't care. i mean there's riots in this i still. don't care i mean things are burning. that air still unconcerned. they still don't give a [ __ ] what would. make them care the white house will be. on fire they'll go isn't that on twitter. is that mainly on twitter that's an. instagram problem right. what do they storm the white house is. that a tick tock thing or is that. no it's real life crazy. [Music]. you forget how [ __ ] nuts these people. are just because they look nice to have.

collared shirts. they're [ __ ] nuts i'm reading a book. about. people disappearing in national parks. called what is it called. oh a cold the cold vanish. the cold vanish yeah i just picked it. out at random in an airport because i do. that a lot with books i usually read a. chapter of it and then. say i'm gonna read the rest and never do. but this book is interest people and i. don't really. and the reason i don't care this much. about this topic is number one i don't. think it's bigfoot i don't think it's. aliens i do think people might be.

getting abducted i don't care that much. about. nature of people that really seek out. nature i think they're very sick. i think people i don't mind you know. obviously a beach or something like that. but i like civilization i like. small town a couple of restaurants and. in a natural setting it's nice but i. think people that go into national parks. are very sick and very ill. and i believe that i believe if you're. looking for you know people that set up. tents and do like 10-day. camping in a national bar are very sick. people that have a lot to hide. truly i believe that and i believe that. if you are.

in in those situations i don't know what. the [ __ ] you're into. so i don't know why you disappeared i. don't know what you're doing but you. you i think you're very very sick. and i don't know what's going on i think. a light hike is fine. but when you start telling me you're. like spending days upon days in. zion national but i mean get away from. me. oh you got to go to yellowstone get away. from me i'll go to yellowstone for a. minute. hey look at that.

that's where satan is. okay so anybody that wants to be in the. woods for an extended period of time. i believe is out of their [ __ ] mind. i don't know what influence they're. under. spiritual or otherwise but i think it's. a big problem i truly believe that and i. know i say a lot of things. for effect here but i mean. you know all these peop joshua tree. everybody i want you gotta go to joshua.

tree. and take mushrooms and then figure your. life out. i'll figure your life out for you first. instead of going to joshua tree blow. your brains out in the car. how about that i'll figure it out. don't bother the aliens with your life. decisions. i'll tell you what to do pull off the 10. east and swallow a desert eagle.

stop looking for mystical experiences. and go to work. jesus christ we are a selfish generation. of sick [ __ ]. what do you want to commune with so what. you could get a better deal on sneakers. give up this mystical realm you all keep. [ __ ] around in. you are slovenly selfish pigs. you have no [ __ ] thought in. to what it would what are you gonna.

commune with the uh. for what what do you think your terence. mckenna. you're going out to joshua tree to get. more energy so you could go back to your. job. ripping people off. take shrooms for the fun of it but don't. pretend it's a [ __ ] journey you're. not a shaman. you're not a shaman you work at a. production company to make shows about. midgets. i'm just saying.

enough already with the nate the. national parks who gives a [ __ ]. can we solve the blood in the streets. the streets are running with blood. stop with the park all the time and the. hiking in the [ __ ] view. i mean christ almighty enough. stop fleeing to these [ __ ] parks. so you can sit there and get high by. rock formations the earth is burning.

civilizations buildings bridges. restaurants schools hospitals let's. figure that out. enough already we want to take like a. trip. and i hope you get abducted i hope a. bear. rapes and kills you stay the. [ __ ] out of nature. it's disgusting nothing makes me happier.

than when instagram people take a photo. on like a cliff and then die. immediately afterwards nothing fills my. heart with hope. more than that and i hope that keeps. happening. a little beach is fine a little light. woods are nice. you start going for a week-long trek in. the wood. you are it there's a problem. and some of these joggers that go into. these national parks to get abducted. it's. just [ __ ] jog on the street.

but it's a better yeah it looks nice. well then you take your risk. but this whole thing i'm i'm a little. sick of these [ __ ] corporate tech. pieces of [ __ ] pretending that they give. a flying [ __ ] about nature. they don't they don't okay. all these [ __ ] people at burning man. which is. virtual this year god forbid they not. have. burning man it's got to be a zoom.

meeting of burning man. so these people that work at goldman. sachs who spend their day. destroying economies and these people. that design. uh you know uh the type of security. systems that uh. keep the children in cages for ice. they need to go do a virtual burning man. this year because it's not like the real. thing. they can't dress up like a [ __ ] weird. starfish. weird steampunk angel on roller skates. and go [ __ ] around in the black rock.

desert. so they can recharge themselves to go. sit behind their desk. and take more of your freedom and. control more of your mind. that's what all those new age burning. man types are doing. they're leaving that [ __ ] thing and. then deleting you on social media. they're they're they're they're a. burning man and they're like. and then they go back to their [ __ ]. office and and they just program. fights for you they just program how.

many family members you should fight. with for the next. three months they just say ah. everybody's [ __ ] it's all fun when. you're eating you know peyote. [ __ ] you know frittatas or whatever's. going down there. that's my my my my opinion on that stay. the [ __ ]. stop pretending to be some connoisseur. of the natural world you're a demon from. hell.

own it own it. what happened to the old wall street. types michael douglas in wall street. wasn't like you know what i. you know what i really like i like. winning. i like winning and yosemite i love. yosemite. because the hot springs no. own it enough with these [ __ ]. benny's returned to the show ben was. suspended for a week he had a suspension. uh because an article came out about him.

in the la times where he was accused of. multiple rapes. [Laughter]. and uh he was just and we thought that. the punishment for that was a suspension. for a week. and one of the one of the women is. alleging that he branded her and. uh so he's now back and. if we're sourcing these claims and if it. is true. he will be suspended for another week. and then that will be that will be his. punishment but we're not we haven't. we haven't really found the validity in.

them. we're going to start putting up new. dates on instagram tim j dillon. d-i-l-o-o-n. twitter tim j dillon d-i-l-l-o-n. follow me on facebook tim dillon tim. dilloncomedy.com. we are going to throw some new dates up. we're back on the road september october. november. we've got dates we're coming to texas. we're coming to florida we are going. places. as soon as all of those offers and deals. that we have. cooking as long as we can verify that. they're gonna happen and we can put.

those tickets on sale. we're going out we've got some new. materials some old materials some. crowd work some riffing some [ __ ]. just having fun talking about this. craziness that we're in. uh subscribe rate review our podcast. five stars. tell friends about it if you like it uh. rate us on itunes tell everybody about. us call spotify tom to give us a [ __ ]. hundred million dollars. uh whatever you wanna do this is uh we. appreciate this the show's grown. dramatically. it's only gonna grow more hopefully and.

uh. we're looking at some some new options. for later on in the year early next year. we're gonna have a cool new studio. um you know we're taking a lot of the. production quality the videos has gone. up you've noticed we're going. uh in a different direction hopefully we. have a fully functional. like kind of like a late night show. that's actually funny wouldn't that be. nice an. actual funny late night show eventually. so. like something that you could actually. watch oh that was comedic and i enjoyed. it. which is nothing that is happening right. now.

there's not one thing you think is funny. truly there's not what the only funny. thing right now. truly to watch is the news because. literally you watch it and you just see. you know people climbing through the. windows and fridays with. blow torches and you go. honey you got to come in here and see. you got to come in here. big guy he's got a bat he's in i think. he's ruby tuesdays. [Laughter]. i can't wait i can't wait for trump to.

not. accept the election results or whatever. when there to be like this weird civil. war but by the way all of this military. stuff is there the military is sending a. strong signal with trump. don't count on us that's what a lot of. it is they're sending a strong signal. going. don't count on us we're not with you um. and i just can't wait for that to happen. and there to be like some real. uh just civil unrest and some real. problems in the country and then uh. you know uh one of these guys on wall. street's you know just drinking a.

cabernet. and he's just sitting there and he just. you know like. turns on the tv and he's just scenes. like trying to understand he's like. squinting. he's squinting and he's just seeing you. know burning and everything like that. and he just. he just kind of shuts it off and then he. goes ah you know. his wife goes what's going on is there a. problem he goes you know they blow it up. the media they make it bigger than it is. you know. everything's fine everything's okay and. you know. he just [ __ ] ignores it just [ __ ].

lights a cigar and everything like that. and then. he hears like the sound of distant. chanting and he goes it's probably. it's interesting you know the neighbors. are loud they're usually not that loud. but i guess you're having an event you. know and he smiles he goes it's nice to. have parties he remembers when he used. to have parties. and the chanting's growing louder and he. doesn't understand pretending he's. growing louder and now he's a little. curious he gets up he's got to cigar. maybe maybe he's moved on from the. cabernet maybe a little sniffed or a. brandy or something you know he's a. macallan a nice whiskey and.

he just sees and all of a sudden he just. sees the uh. you know he just sees the people and. many of them are in black and many of. them aren't and they're just. they're angry and they're and they're. carrying things that look like weapons. you know batons and clubs and things. like that. and maybe one guy's got a chainsaw and. now he's a little nervous. he's a little nervous he doesn't he. doesn't quite. understand what's uh what's going on you. know and they they come into his. property and they start lighting it on. fire. and now he's he's a little disappointed.

you know he's. he doesn't really mind the house burning. down because the house was never what he. wanted he loves the property and he. thinks maybe i mean i'm. sure maybe i could build something else. so even in the initial stages of them. burning his home he sees the opportunity. in it ryan he sees this could be like a. blessing in disguise you know he sees. the thing going up and he goes well you. know i got a good policy on this house. you know and even if the wife gets it he. goes you know me and her haven't been. connecting. we haven't been connecting as much you. know so he sees the opportunity and i i. mean i mean maybe she gets horribly. scarred and. he just sends her away to some. sanitarium and then he could kind of.

you know uh you know call that waitress. at bobby vance and said harvard that he. really likes you know and. you know because she's an older woman. but she's you know big tits and she gets. them and. she likes power and she appreciates him. you know not like his wife does anymore. she doesn't appreciate him you know this. new one does because you know. she's new and new is important and new. is good you know and. it's been a while since he's had any. news so he's watching his house burn. down and he's thinking about maybe his. wife being horribly scarred. and still and still there's.

nothing that's really troubling him and. then. a couple of the people start to approach. him and he says to himself. yeah it's it's not a huge deal i mean. i'm sure they just want to talk and then. then they kind of start pushing them and. this is when he goes. now his physical safety starts to enter. his mind for the very first time in the. whole equation. and he goes yeah this is you know this. is a real. this is a real issue and uh i don't know. how i'm gonna make it out of this you. know. he's thinking in his mind as you know. any fighting moves not really.

not really you know he's been in only a. few scrapes he's lost most of them you. know he's a wiry framed small man that. made all his money. you know just you know closing down the. companies that he imagined big surly. guys. work at you know and so they're they're. they're. they're um they're they're they're now. getting him and now they've hoisted him. up and they're. carrying him and he's now very. uncomfortable because he he now realizes. that this might just go left here you. know like even though he's tried really. really hard this just. this may not this may not be a good.

equation this might just end very. very badly and he doesn't he doesn't. really know where this is going to go. and they. they walk him and then they're walking. him to a tree. in the middle of his property it's a big. tree he's always loved this tree you. know. and they they're just you know they they. start tying him around this tree and he. goes this seems very strange you know it. reminds him actually of. one of these kind of fun rituals they. used to do bohemian grove he thought. maybe that was going to be it he's like. maybe they just want to have fun in.

nature you know nature huh. but no they start tying him around a. tree and then they start dousing him. with something and he recognizes that. smell it's kerosene. it's kerosene and they're dashing him. and finally he goes oh i think they're. gonna light me on fire he's still very. calm and collected you know. he didn't realize he was gonna die like. this but he's had a pretty decent life. you know he's made a lot of money some. people have made more a hell of a lot of. people have made less you know. the kids went to the best schools he's. only cheated on the wife a few times and. he. tested himself for stds before he had. sex with her again he's done everything.

responsibly and right you know. and he just he's there and he's just you. know soaked in kerosene he just. wants he doesn't want to say anything. offensive he doesn't want he's thinking. of legacy now you know you think of his. legacy and. it's kind of a proud legacy to be burned. at the stake in the hamptons really. by an angry mob you know he'll probably. be remembered if he is remembered it'll. probably be with some type of sympathy. right it'll. probably be with some type of sympathy. in there. they're burning them and they're they. haven't burned them yet but they all. have torches and they're.

they're getting ready to burn them and. he's just there and he's he's doused in. kerosene. and everything like that and he's he's. tied to the tree. and he finally he finally starts. understanding. you know that there are some problems. in america there are issues. in america there and he never he never. understood that. you know and so then they they start. burning him. and he's he's smelling his own flesh. burn.

and the pain is so intense he's gritting. his teeth and his teeth are almost. breaking and the blood. is kind of oozing out of his mouth he's. just clenching his teeth and he can't. even. speak there's so much pain. you know there's so much. pain and he's just as he drifts off. and he's just again cooking tied to a. tree. in his southampton home as he's cooking.

the last thing that he thinks. to himself is he goes man maybe we. should have let them get a knee. operation. i guess but then he reminds himself that. hindsight is 20 20. and he cares he cares more about the. fact that as soon as that house is. burned. and that that tree is burned and then. his body's burned a nice. young family of guys like him will move.

in there. so even though he's dead his last. thought is you know what. [ __ ] him you know how expensive it is to. put in a new knee. a hell of a lot more pricey if you. multiply it by the amount of people that. really need it. it's a hell of a lot more pricey than. just building a new house. for another hedge fund guy that can just. move in there and that hedge fund guy. will look out at that burnt tree and. he'll maybe. learn a few lessons but i bet he won't. you know.

so even in the last throws of. consciousness he decides against the. knee operations. he says [ __ ] it you know what the. system's important. what is my flesh what is what do i have. to say. that will ever be greater than the. system that's what gets people up in the. morning. right my life is nothing. so he kind of has a smile on his face he. has a smile on his face. and it's charred you can kind of see it. but the smile is because the last.

thought he had he goes. man the next guy who buys this property. is gonna get such a good. [ __ ] deal. good night.