#211 - Snubbed | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim. dillon show and thank you for joining us. here on the broadcast. first things first we have a little. housekeeping a matter of great import. earlier today i was contacted by members. of dan soder super pac. um where they wanted to purchase an ad. on this program. to basically uh. get my fans and the fans of this program. to vote for ari shafir. as the president of legion of skanks.

and um i thought about it and. i was considering doing it. but after some real soul searching. about what is best not only for legion. of skanks but what is best for the. country. um i have decided along with the bryant. family to endorse louis j. gomez for president of legion of skanks. go to skankthevote.com at gmail and.

register before. august 7th to cast a vote for. louis gomez again this is from tim. dillon and the bryant. family that is their super pac who paid. for this ad so. thank you so much now we will start the. program also we will have a. uh a hotline number later for you if you. have been sexually assaulted at the. ellen degeneres program.

which uh everyone that has ever worked. there has apparently been. goosed in the dressing room at the lng. what is going on at ellen. she's out there dancing and in the back. it's a free-for-all apparently. it's the marquis de sade is running. around the dressing room and ellen. terrifying. the employees i thought she was just a. [ __ ]. that's what i thought i know people that.

know her but apparently it's not that. there's sexual deviants running around. and they're making people feel. uncomfortable they're sick get up how. many people. have been sexually assaulted ellen i. won't stand for it. i won't stand for this anymore. do i like the show more now that's the. question. do i like it more now that i know that.

ellen degeneres has been running a rape. room. in the back of her fun. positive show. i mean more trouble at the ellen. degeneres show former employees make. sexual misconduct. allegation dozens does is a former ellen. degeneres show employees. accuse multiple executive producers of. sexual misconduct. harassment and assault. wow degeneres apologized as an ongoing.

internal investigation. into toxic worse workplace allegations. revealed. deficiencies related to the show's. day-to-day management. nearly a dozen former employees accused. head writer and executive producer. kevin lehmann of sexual misconduct. including. groping making sexually explicit. comments. and behaving inappropriately at a. company party well. it's a party while layman said he denied.

any kind. of sexual impropriety multiple former. employees. accused executive producer ed glavin of. being handsy with women. and leading the team by creating a. culture of fear. and intimidation though glavin did not. comment. 36 former employees. independently corroborated incidents of. sexual misconduct. 36 employees at ellen. the friendly show where the woman dances.

in china they don't even call it they. call it dancing lady in china. so 36 former employees that dancing lady. have been sexually assaulted and i'm not. trying to make light of that. although it is my job to and also i am. but the point is. i'm not making light of the sexual. assault i'm making light of the fact. that while it's going on. ellen is bringing out sloths to make. kristin bell.

giggle. you expect that type of stuff in certain. environments fox news i don't even think. there were 36 people at fox news. and roger ailes was just running around. grabbing blondes and. throwing them out of windows for months. that guy ran that place with an iron. fist. i mean bill o'reilly was just taking. women's head and holding them in fish. tanks. and you still didn't get to 36 women.

bill o'reilly paid like 38 million. dollars. to somebody god only knows what that guy. did what did you do to someone to pay. him 38 million. kill them i mean that's the type of. settlement you get when you murder. somebody. and still i don't believe and i could be. wrong but i don't believe they had. 36. i mean it's wild and you know they. complained. ellen about it they were like you know.

kevin got a little handsy or ed. got a little handsy with me and you know. she just looked at them with that stone. face because she's in the cia and she's. an asset uh. uh who is the the uh jorge campos jorge. raymond. yeah jorge campos i do this all the time. jorge ramos a guy at univision. compost the only guy to meet. stephen paddock goes in his interviewed. on. ellen it's a little weird. couple that which she's sitting next to.

george w bush and they yuck it up. yucking it up about all their fun days. at abu ghraib. and she's you know there's all kinds of. emails that came out where you know. hillary clinton's on the show promoting. uh you know whatever war. that she wants to have on a wednesday. afternoon and ellen goes come on in. i'll work in between the dance and the. kristen bell sloth and you could tell us. why we gotta bomb syria hill come on. in come on down and in the back we're. gonna have women running for their lives.

that's why hillary looks so comfortable. on the show because behind the scenes. you could hear the screams of women. being muffled. huh that's why you gotta dance and they. turn the music up. so you don't hear help. that's the official shot sign of the. ellen degeneres show. huh you know ellen looked at them with. that stone cold. wolf-like face she has and she was like. [ __ ] dance and the girl's like what.

and ellen goes dance and they had to go. it was ellen was a trailblazer she came. out. on her abc sitcom which also sucked but. she came out and that was good. i applaud that and then she joined the. cia. that i don't live and then she. uh did a show where she danced engaged.

in inane. meaningless horseshit conversation and. uh behind the scenes uh people were. being chased around with hammers. so it's been she's gone quite full. circle. uh she did suffer a lot of. discrimination when she came out of the. closet. and apparently that sat with her and she. said what if we just. you know we just set up a daytime talk. show and uh in uh. in the background we'll have uh abu. ghraib.

it's a regular abu ghraib in the ellen. degeneres dressing room. you got dogs people naked stacked. together. get up abu grave photos right now this. is what's going on in ellen. this is what's going on in the back of. ellen. abu grave torture hit image. bring bring that up this is. these are the segment producers at ellen.

if you're a segment producer at ellen. this is how it works out for you. and then your parents call you and. they're real proud of your big la job. and you go yeah mom. there they are go back go get the guy. with the that they're electrocuting the. guy. look at this yeah this by the way. yeah that's the an intern in ellen it. came in late. that's an intern at ellen that was got. stuck in traffic on a 405.

and you know ellen walks by that and. says nothing. she walks by and says nothing because. she's got to go sit in a chair. and do a jig with dick cheney. henry kissinger is coming on they're. going to do the charleston. what's going on over there i want. answers god darn. it. she's never had me on. what a fun interview let's practice.

uh the interview you be ellen we come. out we dance we sit right down. okay hey thanks for doing the show hey. how are you there's like three people. being raped in the back you know about. that. no i have no idea hoof all right anyway. so i have a podcast called the tim. dillon show. so i want to get into this too i want to. get into this because this is a show. with a lot of serious matters and i. don't want to kid around anymore. um you can get this off by the way can.

you imagine. by the way hey q anon where were you did. you care. did anyone care about this did anyone. care about this when we brutally. tortured people many of them were. innocent. did that bother anyone by the way that's. not a conspiracy theory that's the. united states government. by the way that's the united states. government designed by. uh top down by cheney rumsfeld the whole. crew. in league with psychologist mitchell and. jessen we we. took people many of them off off uh we.

grabbed them off a battlefield maybe. they were terrorists maybe they weren't. maybe they were confused kids. and then we sent them the black side. shipped them all over the world and. tortured them. so again that's not chrissy teigen doing. that. that's your government. okay i want to talk about the tbs. tournament of laughs because we are no. longer on the show. and we were robbed and i love jim norton. and i. i respect him and i hope he wins he's. going up against piff the magic dragon.

what an honor and. here's a reality we got to the final. four and we were let go. it's it hurts me what's your dream out. there do you have one. because my dream was to win the. tournament of laughs. on tbs when i got into comedy when i. first started doing it in a coffee house. there was also a tattoo parlor in long. island new york. okay where people would go in with like.

tattoos of [ __ ]. some ex-girlfriend and they had to get. them made into something patriotic. you know can you yeah her name's carrie. can you cover that up and put blue lives. matter. please and i started there and when i. started there i dreamed that one day. there'd be a pandemic i prayed i said. hopefully. a decade in a comedy right as i'm. starting to sell tickets. there'll be a pandemic it'll shut down. the whole operation.

none of us will be able to leave our. homes we'll only be able to upgrade. lo-fi sketches and we'll have to come. and not just to enjoy them to compete. with each other. that's what matters comics competing. with each other. during a pandemic not to raise money for. anything. just to do it so i dreamed of this and. it was my life's. work i fought and i worked and i and i. said to myself. if we do the right things and if china. leaks a bio weapon that the us and china.

probably invented together. the only time they're gonna how great is. it gonna be when we find out the only. time. that we ever got along with china is. when we created coronavirus. because that book's coming out in five. years coronavirus has created it like. some like. u.s joint china thing i guarantee you. we're involved with china and we all. there's there's. definitely a photo of [ __ ]. us and china eating ramen and with a bat. and we said look at this [ __ ].

we're just having fun. it was some like weird convention for. [ __ ]. you know bio research darpa [ __ ] and. they created and cooked up this thing i. guarantee it it's coming out in a few. years that book by the way. and i said i said hopefully that happens. because i want to be in a position where. i can compete. tournament laughs so we made it to the. finals. we didn't think we were going to make it. there the competition was fierce. i mean fierce these other comics were.

you know on drugs in homeless shelters. uploading. videos on their iphones we didn't think. we could. beat them how could we know that we were. going to. to be able to beat them you know i i. don't know what did. we went up again fortune themes to one i. don't know what happened. i don't know what her video was she was. stuck in a revolving door i don't know. it's not my. fault it's not my problem i respect her. the point is this. we won we persevered okay.

and then we got to the finals to do. battle with norton. and whatever the magic dragon is and. he's one america's got talent or. something i don't know. good for him i should dress up like a. magic dragon. now you know what i was thinking by the. way the other you know david dobrik. goes around and gives people and the. face uh clan and face rug whoever these. people are. uh face covet whoever they are they give. people the lamborghinis. i said to myself what if i went around.

and instead of give it giving. people a lamborghini i'd give them like. a a a stern talking to. like instead of when somebody's working. at starbucks instead of showing up with. a lamborghini. i show up i drag them outside and they. they're getting really excited like what. am i going to get and i go what are you. doing. what are you doing with your life let's. talk. why do they cry when they get the car by. the way i know i've brought this up why. do you cry. now you got to go to lamp you got a. starbucks with a lamborghini now. everybody hates you. your life is still shitty you can just.

get to the horrible job. faster thank you for getting me this car. that's going to get. stolen and smashed and so i can. race to my job that i hate faster. thank you so much i'm crying thank you. for this lamborghini. that a company gave you to give me thank. you. tim dillon doesn't do that i show up. with a chris hedges book. america the farewell tour and i say. there you go. no price on knowledge how about that.

i think that's a good show what if i. follow david dobrik around and i give. him beaters. like old cars that people have died in. with his like blood and. guts what if i give david dobrik cars. police cars that were burned in the. riots. just to. he looks like a chipmunk you want to eat. his face. that's why so goddamn successful.

everyone i insult on the show i want to. be by the way ellen david dobrik the. mossad. so we get. [Laughter]. so we get to the finals of tournament. laughs which is literally the only thing. we've we've ever. really tried for i mean hard. hard we tried yeah we made it past. levels and. layers and yes you're telling me tim you. never told anyone to vote you barely. posted a link.

you didn't know when the show was on the. website kept crashing. uh you know your aunt who supports. everything you do referred to the show. as a total embarrassment. um it was my aunt said it was so bad it. was literally confusing. um she didn't know it was a show you. know. that's good but i i. loved it i love being a part of it i. love having the honor. of being because i've loved tbs get up. the shows tbs is done. get get up what tbs has done now.

you're lucky your ass got edited on that. channel. get up with tbs dot the samantha b show. thank you very much the best political. satire that's ever been made. why cause she's yelling and it's about. trump. that's what she does it's trump. uh yeah yes i was happy. to be on a network that had angie. tribeca. yes pull up angie tribeca please.

it's an american comedy television. series. tribeca is a squad of lapd detectives. who investigate. the most serious cases from the murder. of a ventriloquist. to the rash of baker suicides angie. works best alone. the only problem she has a new partner.

jay the squad also includes. a pop apoplectic captain chet. atkins quirky bespeckled medical. examiner dr monica scholes. and detective dj tanner this was my. favorite show. okay what else have they done up there. they just buy shows from other places. what about miracle workers. [ __ ] yeah bring up miracle workers on.

tbs. this is what daniel radcliffe was in. miracle workers on tbs. man frustrated with the current state of. earth. god has pretty much given up to focus on. petty hobbies. thinking the end might be near two. determined angels trying to change his. mind. craig and eliza low-level angels. responsible for handing. handling all of humanity's prayers must. convince their boss. to save humanity and answer their most. impossible prayer yet. help two humans laura and sam fall in.

love. the seven episode limited series based. on simon rich's book. turns the perception of heaven upside. down. do you people understand what an honor. it was. to be on this network that had shows. like. samantha b yells about trump angie. tribeca and whatever the hell this was. with daniel radcliffe and steve buscemi. we're on it. and lauren michael's produced it well. boohoo good.

it's great anyway. i have no beef with laura michaels by. the way i'm available email me. i'll delete this whole show i'll delete. i will delete this whole show sir if you. get behind my career i'll act like it. never happened. i'll act like it never happened i'll. walk into the green room of ellen and. just throw hot acid and those [ __ ]. [ __ ] faces. i will if ellen comes back i will be the. person who sprays mace. at the uh segment producers if they get.

mouthy. so we've already established tbs as a. phenomenal channel. we were lucky to be on it okay. lucky and we got to the finals and then. we said let's. let's kick it up let's kick it up a. little bit. let's not do the normal what we're doing. you know how we usually work together. and just it's me and him. we hired a crew we hired lights we had.

producers we had we had about a crew of. eight people. to do these sketches literally that i. spent i spent thirty. thousand dollars producing each one of. these sketches which i will show for you. right now. they're they're good not yet not yet i. don't mean right now i mean broadcast. right now. in 38 minutes i'm kidding it's coming. soon. but i want to set the stage i spent 30. 000. of whitney cummings money.

buying producers editors writers. we had the best team i mean these people. they had been behind the best shows. angie tribeca. the the big guys samantha bee yells. about trump. all the good shows we hired the best. people. okay eps and line producers you people. don't know you're not in a biz. but we got everybody we got everybody we.

got the guys who made the videos of abu. ghraib. of them raping people which seymour. hirsch said they have. and then the cia destroyed we got those. guys to do the videography. they were the same people on epstein's. island we got those people the people. that installed the blackmail equipment. in little st james came and they helped. us make these videos because they. understand how to when something is high. stakes. they get it they get it so that's what.

we got. we spent a lot of money yes was it. morally questionable sure. but we wanted to win because this was my. dream. we poured our heart and soul into it we. took a week to write. a week ben came over we stayed. one week we didn't sleep we used drugs. adderall cocaine whatever. were huffing household cleaner. anything to write these sketches we were.

tripping mushrooms lsd. ayahuasca we were wandering around the. desert our third eye was. open we were talking to god and the. aliens. everything that we could do to enrich. ourselves so that the. that our bodies and minds would be used. as vessels. and that those vessels would be able to. deliver a message from another world. maybe. to the people of earth that the highest. level of art. art in the sense of the priest and the.

shaman. that's what we were doing we wanted to. have a religious. experience these sketches we put more. work into these sketches. than anything and they refused to. air them on television. they refused to air them on. television and i literally do not. understand why these are the most. intelligent sketches they are.

smart they are sharp and they show that. we not only took this show. seriously but we have respect for the. craft of comedy. and for the great network of tbs who. brought you. great shows like samantha bee yells. about the president of the united states. for 28 minutes. and then angie tribeca. which i've never seen don't don't start. messaging me audrey hey just rebecca's. not even that bad.

if somebody out there right now is like. oh you're sitting on hand she's right. back. you better understand andrew i becca was. kind of i've never. watched it we're gonna play the first. sketch now. this sketch um. took four days to shoot. how many to edit three three or four. yeah.

in an editing room you had three editors. working with you mm-hmm day and night. day and night and they refused. to put this on television on the tbs. network. so now we're going to show you this. sketch which literally i've never worked. harder at anything. than i have doing this and i submitted. it to the tbs network. and they did not air it on television. and i want to know why. and i i and and maybe some of you could. let me know because when you see this. you're going to see how hard we [ __ ].

worked. hey look at this guy over here yeah. my name is frank fauci i'm tony pouchy's. son. in italy what we do is we go right in. the bath like this. we're going to bath in italy everyone. italy. you got to go to emily. it'll even go right to the map forget.

about it don't be stupid. forget about it oh yeah. forget about it hey my father gonna. figure it out. my name is frank fauci the fouchy. family name i have a lot of pride in. that. don't be stupid forget about it this. coronavirus. hey look at this guy over here yeah. my name is frank fauci i'm tony fouchy's.

son. he's the [ __ ] doctor tony thought. she's the doctor forget about. it hey. virus say forget about it right what are. you doing. what are you gonna do my father tony. thought she the country's in good hands. daddy gonna handle it come on down daddy. gonna handle it. he gonna get everybody vaccinated come. on don't worry about nothing forget. about it hey. hey come on donny fauci.

when i was growing up my father used to. say to me used to say hey little frankie. you better be uh you better get your. vaccine. i'm making my favorite drink like this. i can put the water from the sinker like. that. look at that okay and then i put it in. here like this. forget about it i take it through the. brush i. stir it like that forgot about it.

cauliflower. son frank fashion. yeah look at this guy here no coveriana. look at this guy yeah he likes it oh.

it is an insult to me and to you and to. the time we spent on that that that was. not aired on television. truly and if the the ceo of that company. uh and the producers of that show do not. recognize that. for what it is and i don't wanna i don't. wanna be a part of it if you do not. recognize that sketch. and if you don't see the hours that we. put into that if you can't tell the. manpower. if you don't understand the team of. people that we assembled. to put something like that together.

because we respect this show. and the network if you don't get it. i i am i wrong here. when i say that when you watch that. sketch. you think to yourself how in god's name. did they do it with only 30 grand. how did they come up with this we're. doing game of thrones level. [ __ ] here on on you know champagne. taste on a beer budget i mean.

now that sketch i was frank uh dr. fauci's son frank fauci. and that was written and rewritten and. we had a team of writers kind of coming. up with those. lines and yes there was a lot of. repetition of. the forget about yes yes there was but. it was driving a point home. okay about the natural state of chaos it. is the world. and that you have to quite literally. forget about it.

which i thought was a pretty good. message to deliver to tbs. the cowards the cowards at tbs. did not want to put that on the air and. to me. a little upset a little upset at the. producer that we worked with who lived. uh in a small shanty by the 405 who we. used to facetime with. uh she lived literally her her balcony. was in lane. two of the 405 and i every time i had to.

face them with her i'd go are you okay. um i'm a little upset that she didn't. fight harder to get that on the air. i'm a little upset at my friend maureen. who decided to uh. to greenlight the show and then move to. canada go move to an igloo for seven. months. and uh abandon us all abandon the. artists. what about the artists. okay we don't deserve this the people. working on ellen. yes they deserve what they got that's.

different. we're gonna show the second sketch now. the second sketch was even. harder the degree of difficulty have you. ever watched the olympics. you ever watched the summer olympics me. and my father used to like the winter. olympics because the speed skaters had. fun names like hey chavo. now and it wasn't racist we like to say. them hey chavo and we'd eat. ice cream pints of haagen-dazs and watch.

the winter olympics and then was here. people would fall and whatever and. you know then the skier had a fun name. peekaboo street she was a white chick. um and then there were other good names. too i forget. um we always liked watching the russian. gymnasts because you know we knew. that there were stakes and when they you. know when they when they didn't. stick that landing in gymnastics they. went back to russia and they were. literally the shame of a nation you know. and then their their families would be. assassinated. and we felt like that we liked that.

you know and when i would watch. the olympics you would you would you you. would see those gymnasts and they'd have. to stick the landing you'd have to stick. it you couldn't step back you could. have to stick that land and you couldn't. stumble and fall and i feel like with. this next sketch. we stuck the [ __ ] landing. we did a brilliant sketch that was. complex that was layered. had multiple meanings we had a lot going. on in the sketch. and if you know us that's not what we. usually do we usually do like a minute.

or two fun topical thing. this was a real narrative. piece that we put together that the. cowards. at tbs refused to air thereby robbing us. of our. rightful victory and our place in the uh. i imagine the television hall of fame. i don't know but i'm just guessing that. that's where we would have ended up. so without further ado i'm going to play. you maybe the greatest piece of art that.

me or benjamin will ever produce in our. lives. and again the cowards at tbs would not. let you see this but we will. right here on the tim dillon show. i just came home right and look here. this lady's going through my mail who. are you. how are you i'm the owner of this house. so what. i'm a neighbor in the community and i go. around and i read people's mail. to help them who do you think you are.

what are you crazy you go back to your. own country you british bastard. you goddamn limey brit you go back to. your own country. you've gone full mental i'm not mental. you're mitchell. we beat you in the civil war we've been. britain in the civil war. is that your dog yeah i'm gonna kill. your. dog oh my god i'm gonna kill your dog.

your stupid [ __ ]. oh christ oh now you sound australian. are you stupid what's going on. i'm i'm a white woman. i'm a white woman and i'm. the i'm in charge of the country i'm. president of my own [ __ ]. i'm president of my own [ __ ]. i'm gonna party in your house i'm happy.

i'm having a party i'll kill you. get out of here you want to have sex. with me no i'll have sex with you. i'm having a party. [Music]. all right get out of here no you're not. you want my tip.

kiss my ass get it. attack. yeah sickle. oh now you get out of here.

i mean the proof is in the pudding the. proof is in the pudding to not put that. on. on the air to deny the effort. that went into that to me is criminal. completely criminal and i am. a little disappointed.

little disappointed how many times have. i said on this program to buy gold. countless i've never said that. but it's only because i don't always. want to give away the secrets. the tricks of the trade. something about owning gold bullion you. know. it's not like this fake paper currency.

something real you could hold on to it. i would i would if you have a retirement. encounter roth ira or something like. that it's very. important to convert a certain. percentage of that i think to gold to a. precious metal. and that's why today i want to tell you. about the birch gold group. as one of the top dealers of physical. precious metals in the united states. birch gold group helps americans. diversify their savings with gold and. silver. customers can purchase for physical.

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a lot of smart people are doing it i bet. you slade maxwell did it. and don't you don't you say. wwgd what would just lane do. to get you no cost no obligation kit. text tim. to four seven what is that ben. four seven four seven four seven yeah. text. tim to 474747 for limited time.

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remember ducktales yeah. what did they swim around in a pit of. cash remind me. banker's notes bonds. stock certificates what did the. ducktales. ducks swim around in gold. correct. and who was the rich duck scrooge mcduck. scrooge he did what he needed to do.

who was launch pad mcquack. wasn't he like the villain no i don't. think he was. launch pad mcquack. he was a pilot. he works for scrooge mcduck as his pilot. and he flies cocaine for scrooge mcduck.

he later became darkwing duck sidekick. so he became who's the villain in. ducktales. darkwing duck right. so he turned i want kentucky fried. chicken now. the point is this i'm on slim fast i. won't because i'm doing a. thing with big j and soda and ari and. volcano. birch gold group that's what we're. talking about right now.

and we're saying if it's good enough for. the ducks. who was it huey louie and dewey if it's. good enough for those lovable ducks. and screw and that smart businessman. launch bed seemed like he lost oxygen at. birth or something wrong but he made. he did the right thing but they swam in. gold they were comforted by the feeling. of gold against their skin. let that be you text him. to four seven four seven seven.

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i mean alan dershowitz is such a [ __ ]. pedophile. you kind of have to respect how hard in. the paint he's going. he's literally trolling at this point. like he's clearly guilty of like. everything i think he was running the. ring by the way. i don't i think jeff finches lane were. like ins you know instrumental but it. seems like alan dershowitz was like. literally doing everything he's like. written articles where he's like let's. lower the age of consent. it's like that's not a great article to. surface if you're.

literally being accused credibly accused. of like raping children on an island. um i love this alan dershowitz defends. op a. op-ed suggesting that age of consent for. sex should be lowered. it's great alan dershowitz the outspoken. controversial harvard law. emeritus professor is defending himself. on twitter after an op-ed resurfaced in. which he suggested. the age of consent for statutory rape. cases should be lowered. in a 97 op-ed in the la times suggesting. that 15 was a reasonable age of consent.

oh boy no matter how old the partner was. whoa. wow keep it in your pants. dersh what a sick [ __ ]. i mean god statutory rape is an outdated. concept alan dershowitz now go to the uh. the documents that just came out. um which people's name you know bill. clinton is named in them. i had a little fun joke on twitter i. said uh you know trump is about to ban.

tick tock. um so if you want to see 16 year old. girls dancing you got to take a plane. with bill clinton which. is probably true i love bill clinton was. like speaking at john lewis's memorial. and he's like talking about the civil. rights movement and he's like literally. i mean. go hide doesn't anyone hide. i mean so clinton is now named in these. documents. by a witness who says he was at the. island he was at little st james.

with two young women from new york that. is what. um people are saying about bill clinton. other people named of course are alan. dershowitz new mexico governor bill. richardson. there's other people named ron berkel. supermarket billionaire. friends with clinton um there's other. people as well. you know their names are kind of. escaping me i think matt lauer maybe. oh really i think matt lee said. something about matt lauer. uh being named uh as well there's just.

some. odd stuff floating around. uh with that and um. these are the first set of documents. that are going to be released. there are more documents that are coming. out. uh about this case. and um. yeah i mean everybody was really. just lane maxwell obviously.

was not only um recruiting these women. she was abusing them as well. and and that is why you know when we had. whitney webb on the program whitney was. like. why is she not being charged with that. much more serious offense. um so governor bill richardson denies. involvement in epstein's sex driving. imagine all of these people like they. thought they were kind of going to get. away with it and they almost did like. they're almost all dead. that's the other thing like you're gonna. see the line of demons that get trotted.

out for this. they're almost dead they're literally. octogenarians they're 80 years old. they're almost dead. they they would they were almost i mean. they should. want to get covet these people now they. should want to get covert r.i.p herman. cain. godfather's pizza you know raycomb. showed me a fun thing um herman cain of. course died if coronavirus. you know didn't wear a mask whatever you. also had stage four cancer who's 74 we. get it right. but you know coronavirus probably. speeded it up um.

but uh herman cain godfather's pizza. which is like just the most. i mean it is i'm racist against italians. all the time because it's fun. but like godfather's pieces like we'll. make your pizza you can't refuse. you know because you're all criminals um. and then they have they had some guy. tweeted the godfather's pizza. mafia name generator get this up. godfather's pizza your mob name. by the way if you're ordering. godfather's pizza i mean. covet is the best thing to happen to you.

so create your godfather's pizza mob. name so ben. yours is blue eyes the ant. using your first and last international. initials create your godfather's pizza. mobster name. mine is teflon tony the iceman. what are you supposed to do with these. names do they call you that name when. they open the door to your trailer to. give you godfather's pizza.

hey are you richie the clown. just open the door to your trailer hey. we got to meet lovers for richie the. clown. his muscles the grosser there. we got a supreme pizza for mussels the. grocer. how about whitie the wise guy. how about fast frankie the animal. his hot stuff to snake there.

we have some wings made. at godfather's pizza. um but these people almost got away with. it and they're all. yeah the bill clinton looks pretty dead. you know when you see him at the john. lewis. memorial he's he's gone vegan he can't. [ __ ] anymore. he has a heart problem i mean that guy. it's all coming apart. imagine living long enough to see. yourself become the hero in the 90s. the progressive hero like bill clinton.

when i was growing up him and hillary. were like. progressive heroes and that you know. james carville you know the raging cajun. would be like. he'd be like you know revving up the. [ __ ] war room. and everybody that you know like we got. the real candidate we got. bill and hillary we're going all the way. and like you'd see them he'd. be giving stump speeches and he was. amazing at this you know he was amazing. at this he'd be in [ __ ] wherever that. he'd [ __ ] be. you know in oklahoma or iowa. pennsylvania arkansas colorado wherever.

he was. you know he'd be at a diner shaking. somebody's hand or. kissing a baby eating a piece of pie and. he'd get up he'd be like i love you and. i love you and. you know this country and everybody. would be so into it. so imagine living through that like. being. at the height of power you're being. worshipped. and then you live long enough to see. yourself. become i mean it's the old quote right. you know you die a president or you live.

long enough to see yourself become a. pedophile. it's the old famous quote but think. about the journey that that guys had. everybody loved them and everybody got. mad he got his dick sucked. and now he thought that was bad. now 30 years later he's opening the. newspaper and they're like we know. you're [ __ ] kids on the island he's. like oh. god. he's like disgraced beyond disgrace.

and him and hillary won't go away like. they won't go away they're still there. after herman cain's death you know. republicans uh all went on facebook to. make uh. you know not this is my favorite thing. that people do on facebook now they go. this is not a political post. i don't want anybody to fight me on this. it's not a political post. but isn't it fair to say that dr fauci. created aids.

that's my favorite thing people do on. facebook they go this is not a political. i don't want to fight you know i don't. want to fight. this is not a political post i'm asking. questions. can i ask a question the question is and. again it's not political. it's not political. are the people who died from covert. pedophiles. not political i'm just asking.

are we using covert to get rid of. pedophiles just a question. throwing it out there please don't. attack me this is facebook. it's a reasonable question to ask. and now i can tell that the republicans. are. they're acting like they're going to. lose they're going to lose and they. should lose i mean trump should lose. this election forget politics i mean. this is not. the left is so [ __ ] crazy that he may.

not they're running a corpse. i mean they're mentally ill you know. they're talking about like the gender. identity of the covent bats. you know i mean it's it's a it's a real. it's a circus over there and you know. how i feel about it all. but trump's really not running on a. great record here i mean he's not. running on a great. you know my friends like he's kept us. out of a lot of wars and it's like. yeah but also uh not the civil war. that's coming it's like he's kept us out. of a lot of wars and you just go to like.

oh you you know you should go to youtube. and you just hear. these major american cities are on fire. not exactly. it's not exactly the most this isn't the. most peaceful time. um here's why no republic because. they're getting sensitive. they always lose when they become. [ __ ] and if you're a conservative out. there. and you're in any position of power and. i know some of you listen to this. program. um uh listen to me now. you're you're acting when herman cain. died and a lot of people on the left.

were like listen. he didn't wear a mask and now he's dead. and and they were you know whatever. dancing on the guy's grave and you guys. were like you guys were like i can't. believe. that people would speak of the dead in. the way that they are. i am whenever you become like righteous. indignation. and for let people dance on the graves. of their political opponents. it is all that you've given them they.

have nothing left. you've refused to give them health. insurance the serfs should be allowed to. mock the lord who died. can you imagine you pull the turnips out. all day and then you go back to your. hovel. with your family and then they go you. know lord. the lord was stricken they found him in. a bed with a [ __ ]. what are you supposed to say like don't. speak of the lord that way. eat your rabbit cruel and be grateful no.

let them you don't give them retirement. health care. everybody is going to dance with the. graves of their political enemies it's. it's kind of nice it's kind of nice that. this country allows people. it's kind of nice if ruth bader ginsburg. dies. republicans would be like she was a. witch jesus christ killed her. and jesus christ wants her to be dead so. that we can have a conservative on the. court. who funds ice because christ loves ice.

christ fries christ likes. those immigrants getting ripped out of. there that's what jesus if jesus was. alive today he'd be in ice. you'll all dance under grave so stop the. preeming. moralism that's when you're coming from. the posture of. losing righteous indignation. is what losers do when they're about to. lose. i cannot believe it i don't understand.

what kind of gentleman would speak of. the dead in the. you're going to lose now. here's how you beat them when they. say herman cain is dead you say no he's. not and you get his corpse and you sit. him on. fox news and you [ __ ] have tucker. costs and put his hand by and you. puppet act herman get you weekend at. bernie's herman cain's corpse if you.

want to win. do you want a winner yeah yes or yes yes. sir yes do you want to win. liberals say herman died because he. didn't wear a mask say. [ __ ] you herman ain't dead prop him. right. up next to sean hannity. and spray him down with formaldehyde or. hannity can handle the smell. and you sit herman cain there on fox. news and you move his mouth and he goes. i'm not. dead [ __ ] you. i'm still not worried i don't know what.

i'm doing raycon's voice naturally to me. and have ray come to his voice listen to. mary. that's how you beat them you you fight. fire with fire stop the righteous. indignation. weakened at bernie's cane have trump. bring him around to stump speeches. have trump bring herman cain's corpse. around to to events. he should be the keynote speaker at the. republican national convention. the ghost of herman cain get ghoulish.

get ghoulish with it you said the. liberals are ghoulish and yes they are. they get a little nuts with it. like herman cain's dead and good and i. [ __ ]. can't you know they they go nuts but you. go. more nuts and say herman's not dead the. spirit of herman cain is alive. and you bring him out at the republican. national convention to give the keynote. speech. you bring his body out and yes it'll be. uncomfortable. and yes people aren't gonna like it but. the ship's going down anyway folks.

so why not [ __ ] fight fire with a. little bit of fire. it's true that's my idea. you refuse to let that man die his ideas. must live. you say herman's ideas must live i don't. know what they were he had some plan. called the. the 999 plan about taxes and was kind of. like his pizza thing everyone kind of. ridiculed. it but he's having fun god bless him. he's a black uh.

guy worth worth uh 100 million dollars. he [ __ ] kicked ass in life. herman can't kick ass in life and the. people that are [ __ ] on. herman cain suck he kicked ass in life. he was a black guy that suffered all. kinds of discrimination and he made. money. the way you should in america killing. fat people with a racist italian. restaurant. i i couldn't respect herman cain more. and and me suggesting that trump trot. his body around to get votes. he seems like it is disrespectful but. it's really knocks i do like herman cain.

i would say do it to anyone beta. ginsburg any of them don't let any of. them die i don't care. the 999 plan was a tax proposal that was. the centerpiece of her mccain's 2012. campaign. for the republican party's nomination. for president of the united states it. was introduced. august 2011 the plan called for. replacement of all current taxes. such as the payroll tax cap gains tax. and estate tax with a 9. personal income tax nine percent federal. sales tax and a nine percent corporate. tax by the way. sounds fine i'm for it r.i.p herman cain.

ray connier buds apple socks they're. they're they're they're. they're involved with china they're. going to kill your family. ray kind of earbuds started about half. the price of any other premium wireless. earbuds on the market that it's the same. thing it's even better. and it's cheaper just buy them what do. you need. celebrities use them mike tyson snoop. dogg. melissa etheridge it's an interesting. coupling huh it's an interesting crew.

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tail between your legs and your hand on. your ass. and they're gonna tell you what an apple. stand six feet. order online pick it up later what's. your temperature. wish let me vaccinate you what are you. doing. dr fauci's gonna come out and [ __ ]. start spraying you with a water cannon i. don't know what's gonna happen but [ __ ]. that you don't need that [ __ ]. you don't need that [ __ ].

raycons are inexpensive but functional. and even better than functional they're. great. what was the what was what's your. favorite thing about the raycon. they charge quickly very good. and the airpods always hurt my ears. these don't hurt my ears at all. you know what my favorite thing about. the raycon is what. truly what okay i was being. mugged the other day i don't know why.

that's funny. i was being mugged the other day. mugged. and the guy noticed the ray cons in my. ears. and he said i'm not going to mug you. and he didn't. you [ __ ] me. why because raycon is good.

it's very late folks bye raycon.com. tim byraycon.com. stop going to apple they're trying to. kill your kova 19. apple china cover 19. fouchy. magic spoon is my favorite cereal it has. zero sugar 11 grams of protein and three. net. plucked that black trunk [ __ ]. i should have had more magic spoon. cereal yeah i'm having a stroke.

four flavors cocoa fruity frosted and. blueberry it tastes amazing it's like. the cereals you had as a kid. everybody loves it greg gutfeld the fox. news who many of you hate and. probably maybe some of that is. justifiable i don't know he's very nice. to me retweets me but. uh you know he likes it he said. something nice about. it today don't [ __ ] use his coat if. he has one. magicspoon.com tim dillon this is a. cereal to get your kids hooked on if. they like sugary [ __ ].

get em this cereal because it's very low. in sugar very low in carbs. it is high protein okay this is a very. healthy cereal. that mimics the flavor of the sugary. cereals you had as a kid. okay if you're if you're on a keto diet. this is definitely. on there if you go to magicspoon.com tim. dillon magicspoon.com station. post a photo of you with magic spoon i. will repost it on my instagram. and then i will select one lucky winner.

to see my show at madison square garden. next week. where i'm performing in madison square. garden with billy eilish. so how about that magicspool.com but i. will repost you on instagram and i'll. plug. your information i'll say follow. whatever if you do that but you got to. show me with the magic spoon that you. bought with my promo code don't lie. we're going on the honor system.

magicspoon.com tim dillon use the code. tim dillon for free shipping. free shipping's big cereal is not that. pricey for what it is. how pricey is life. how expensive is death. you don't want to leave your family with. a burden live. magic spoon and i've said it before. is the official cereal. of little saint james.

everybody ate magic spoon on the island. that's why they look so good. it's good trust me. i wouldn't lie to you i'm not a liar am. i a liar. i'm a pathological liar but not about. this. not about this no sir. you put the cereal in the bowl and you. eat it and you. shut your mouth.

with the magic spoon in it. and what happens is you're then healthy. you're a healthy boy or girl or a. non-binary gender non-specific organism. that deserves all the respect like. anyone else. just put the cereal in your throat. put it in your throat wouldn't that be. great if like these were old-school. cereal ads like corn flakes like. that was corn flakes motto they were. like put it in your. throat cheerios.

cheerios is fake oh it's a. heart healthy no it's everyone who has. cereal cheerios dies. everyone who eats plain cheerios is a. racist not honey nut. uh but plain cheerios they are racists. you like racism keep doing that uh. you're not a racist. this might not be a great pitch for this. audience but. magicspoon.com tim dillon and use the. code tim dillon.

for free shipping do it. post it tag me i'll repost it. let's start a revolution a serial. revolution. but my point about these epstein fox is. they're somehow. they're so [ __ ] old they can't really. be punished anymore. for anything they've done. get bill richardson's statement out. they're going to blame it on this idiot. they're going to blame it all on bill.

richardson. billy eilish's new song where she's uh. hopeful about the future i. i listen a little bit of that god love. her. i hope she comes on the program no hate. to billy eilish it's. listen hey it's not really for me. i bet i'm not for her she's doing a lot. better than i am in this business and. she always will. tina turner had real gravel in the voice. because she had blood in her throat.

that's what i want the authenticity you. know. everybody under 25 has anxiety shut up. you don't. if you're if you're under if you're if. you're under 25. and you have millions of dollars you're. no longer allowed to have anxiety. you're no longer allowed call it. something else. you can't have anxiety if you're 25 and. you got millions of dollars. well tim that's not fair mental health. is complex. shut up herman cain's corpse coming. these alleys why did tbs not put those.

sketches on you are they out of their. [ __ ] minds. these allegations and inferences are. completely false. governor richardson has never even been. contacted by any party regarding this. lawsuit. to be clear governor richardson gets it. in he gets his dick wet but it's always. with people. that are of age and if some of them. aren't of age he doesn't know that. everybody looks kind of the same. governor richardson has never been to mr. epstein's residence in the virgin. islands although he loves his ranch in. new mexico.

where he's from governor richardson. loves that ranch and they love to eat. tamales and hunt. children kidding governor richardson has. never met mrs. goofy virginia three. um in other news and this is all i'll. kind of be saying about this. um you know when the comedy store in los. angeles opens back up. i will be doing all of the spots so from. one. when do the shows run from eight to two.

a.m i will be doing. all of the spots at the comedy store in. la when they uh reopen. i'm a little i mean you know i got to. get the reps in i got to get the time. and i got to get stage time in. vote for louis gomez my good friend. louis i love. louis is one of those people who i truly. like more and more. all the time and i and i start out. liking him a lot um. because he sees the world for what it is.

i i appreciate that. um follow ray kump on twitter he's got. the best twitter out there right now. it's better than mine i just have more. followers because. i like make stuff like videos and. everything but in terms of actual raw. tweets i mean redcom's twitter is. absolutely insane i mean when he hits he. hits very very hard. he's got 12.6 000 uh followers but go to. my instagram because i i have some of. his amazing tweets on my instagram. ray will of course be back on the. program soon on our patreon. um and then he'll we'll have him on the.

regular episode too. my dad just blurted out in the middle of. dinner what's a gender binary so i just. grabbed him and pulled him across the. table and started hitting him on the. temple. the soul shaker screaming you entitled. white [ __ ] don't you embarrass me at. this olive garden. keep going our grandparents spent their. 20s cowering in europe using world war. ii as an excuse to avoid the. responsibilities of adulthood. while our generation is left to shutter. the burden a shoulder the burden of. running countless news satire blocks. which nobody asked for nobody thinks are. funny. my roommate has been holed up in her. room all day leaving threatening.

voicemails for her ex-boyfriend's. children. now she's blasting gilmore girls at max. volume and hysterically crying. i just want her to go to sleep so i can. eat her meatball sandwich. republicans people need to take personal. responsibility also republicans. buy this gun for your baby you [ __ ]. deadbeat more republicans. oh my god that baby has a gun shoot it. in the spine. democrats we're going to give poor. people a pencil. and this one this might be this is my.

new favorite my mom locked herself in. the bathroom crying. because i kept showing her photoshops i. made of ep scene in the pulp. now i'm threatening to kill myself if. she doesn't come out this is what. speaking truth to power looks like. at raycombe on twitter r-a-y-k-u-m-p i. mean just tweeting from. uh i mean a hole somewhere. he's living in the hole that we found. saddam husseinis go follow my instagram. at tim j. dillon d-i-l-l-o-n go retweet the video. we did about the tick-tock kids that was.

a lot of fun great we made the video one. my friend's son uh casted. all of the kids in the video because i. don't really know anybody in their teens. and all the comedians that do i don't i. can't really talk to anymore. now we're kidding this is a this is a. comedy show. and we're doing funny things about. things that aren't funny. now. now so these kids were great can we play. that on the show. let's play this this is a fun one here.

here's what we're satirizing by the way. if you don't know this there's a guy. that runs around. like la's been taken over by these tick. tock kids and i live up the block from. the steakhouse called boa and. the food at boa is atrocious i'm from. new york. perhaps you've heard of it and we do. steak very well so does texas. l.a doesn't ellie doesn't do much well. except like pokeballs and sushi and. breakfast and beverly hills hotel nice. pancakes and. scrambled eggs locks whatever and. mexican food right and. and vietnamese like you know uh lada's.

thai they do great thai. but they don't do greek well not. italian other than nancy silverton's. austria moza best restaurant la in my. opinion. they don't really do italian that well. greek italian. seafood steak remain east coast it's. just what it is. i don't know about indian food uh it's. not for me. i know that it's great i've had it and. i've enjoyed it a few times. but i just don't eat it regularly i. don't need a new food. to like you know there's some foods. where i'm like let me not let me not get.

really into another food. um but these kids and they're tiny. they're tiny they're like children. and they run around the steakhouse with. like bedazzled jackets on and they're. dressed like hypebeasts and everything. and uh grown-ups paparazzi have to stand. outside. and ask them about their lives like hey. man. hey griffin you broke up with dixie or. whatever and. and these kids are like and you know. these kids are their kids they have no. idea what's going on. they they were going like this two years.

ago. now they're millionaires they're living. in la they're being followed her and by. the way it ain't kids it ends. so get that money while you can because. it ends okay. but as of right now they're living the. dream they're they're [ __ ] each other. they're in this big house in the hills. they're being uh their parents are. probably out of work. their parents are probably shot the kids. are like supporting their families. and again just from this. and i mean you imagine when they grow up. they're like what were you doing during.

the pan. grandpa what were you doing during the. pandemic. well i was dancing in the hollywood. hills for millions of dollars. an energy drink company gave me five. million dollars. but wasn't it wasn't everyone dying yes. but i was dancing i was dancing. and making money so these tick tock kids. are just. running los angeles right now and there. and there are guys you probably came to. la to be like filmmakers. you know life sahara and instead.

or even be like paparazzi like sandra. bullock like. right people that have done things i let. me follow around sofia vergara. somebody who's done something. now they got to follow these like 16. year old kids in the starbucks. while these kids come out and they're. like hi and he's like hey. what's going on with you and they're. like. i'm just like i'm just like.

yeah um so we made this video satirizing. this guy. and i i hope this gets to him because i. respect him i i respect anyone's hustle. and. i i i don't want anyone to get hurt but. let me just say what would be funny. i always worry when i say this i always. worry when i say things like this. would it be funny i don't want any of. the kids getting hurt. but would it be funny if this guy blew. his head off in front of all of them. like one day he just had enough and they.

really didn't want to answer his. questions. and he said okay charlie demilia what do. you think about and she's like i don't. really have time and he goes you don't. look at me for the rest of your life why. do you remember this. i have a degree in film from nyu and. then just these kids wouldn't care you. know what they do they go. but it'd be funny to just his brain. matter splatters on like their high. piece. sweatshirts and by the way that's not a. that's not shade on him i. they say shade shade is a new word uh.

and it's an old word shade really but i. i've just gotten into it now. trump it's not but it's really see. everyone thinks trump invitations are. that hard they're actually not that hard. like if anyone practiced they're kind of. jail jlkovan is the best trump imitation. ever it's [ __ ] hilarious. um so we made this video. you can watch it hey olivia. what's up good morning what are you guys. doing outside my house ah. come on you know we love you listen. olivia what's going on let me ask you. there's so much happening.

do you think ryan should be canceled for. dressing up like a japanese person. i'm not really into cancer culture ah. all right. all right what do you got to say to the. fans what's going on what are you. working on right now. lots of stuff i can't talk about yeah of. course. yeah that's right i don't know ryan. dressed up though like a geisha in. seventh grade that was very insensitive. hey madison what's up ladies guess who. yes you're madison you're never gonna.

guess what i have in my possession right. now what do you have. i have your report card from last year. you. failed chemistry that class was hard. your mother paid for a tutor. talk to me man what's going on what's up. man what are you doing man. dude what's next for you that's what. everybody wants to know it's like what's. next for you. oh i really want to become an actor an. actor yeah man so what type of acting. are you trying to do. uh like you know like actually like. where you're like talking.

yeah yeah i feel that man i feel that yo. geo what's up fam what uh. what's up what's going on with you and. ashley bro i mean. you know i can't really speak on that. right now i'm just just focused on the. music. yeah what kind of music you gonna put. out uh. it's like it's that new [ __ ] yeah like. what like. little dicky meets enya [ __ ] yeah man. yeah are you okay to drive yeah i'm good. all right sam.

you sure you're good bro i'm good look. at a recorder mid-tick-tock. so what's going on you think we're going. to war with china. it's not falling out me and my friends. you're literally like 50 years old. please get out. leave go about go go yeah miss you you. took a trip back home what was that like. yeah i wasn't good man my mom just. passed away uh to covet so. oh man that doesn't slap no it doesn't.

no rip mom you know what i'm saying. yeah that's right r.i.p mom. yeah that kid was great that kid get in. one take. like jay-z. one take uh that was fun though we did. that. uh video about the uh tick tock i. thought some of the tic tac kids would. share it but of course. we're we're still below them that. they're they're living on a cloud they. don't. even want to know people like me exist. and by the way i don't blame them.

um and it's also comedy's not for. good-looking people that where things. are going well then not my comedy you. know. not any comedy i've ever respected it's. like comedy needs to be for people who. like my comedy needs to be for people. who are like. who are like currently on fire. like that's who my comedy's for it's not. for like a kid who just got eight. eight thousand dollars to wear a. sweatshirt for a minute in a video. it's for people who are literally.

their leg is being amputated as we speak. and not even in the hospital by like. another member of antifa who's like [ __ ]. the cops. got uh you know i don't know. jasmine's leg i don't know what the. antifa names are just not jasmine but. whatever. fern what if it's if. a general was named fern. antifa needs a head they're too random.

we need to we nee you need someone to. negotiate you need to be. like a fat non-binary purple hair like. you need. you need like a like a uh. uh dick tracy villain to be the head of. antifa so you can negotiate with like. trump. she like threatened trump we're heading. into like a comic. graphic novel world so we need that.

i'm saddened frelin i'm saddened for the. people that work at that program. i'm saddened for the decay. um i'm saddened by the cowardice of the. executives at tbs. that would not allow me what i consider. two of the greatest pieces of art ever. produced. on the air okay. because apparently they didn't make.

sense. and were literally insane. and it was clear i didn't really care. and i just submitted. nonsense of me playing with the bulldog. i mean that's that was their view. can do you even see how they get that i. don't i don't. tim dilloncomedy.com no dates now or. ever. kidding hopefully we'll be out there. eventually uh tim j. dillon di lloyd on instagram go follow.

me on instagram. go follow me on twitter tim j dillon go. follow raycomp. go follow ben avery what's your handle. shut up. go follow a lot of oscar go down to fila. keep scrolling down the instagram feed. let's find it old let's find a really. old instagram photo. well that was when oscar joined a. national guard there.

well oscar oscar is a very i mean. he joined the national guard right as a. protest we're happening he's very. suspect. right now he's oscar is promoting that. that that jamaican doctor. who says it diseases come from [ __ ]. demons in your sleep. go old i want older go older. i want to see the old world i mean i.

know that we're back into the old world. right now but i'm like. wow go up go up go up. go up go up go up. go to the left no no down down down go. to the right. bring that up. new host of fighter in the kit.

good night everybody. laughs.