#201 - A Sense Of Time (ft. Ray Kump) | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dylan show at his Memorial Day weekend. the kickoff to summer and what a wild. and wet summer it's gonna be it's gonna. be partying boozing it up at the beach. buds and suds real fun splishing and. splashing what a joyous time we're gonna. have this summer I mean could anything. be more fun masks and gloves and spikes. and wave runners jet skis beach balls.

and corona balls and just you know make. of it what you will the funds there if. you find it the fun is there if you find. it ventilators and fireworks. what is summer beaches are opening up I. guess they have a drones drones will fly. over the beaches tell you to social. distance in the water. that'll be nice Bonin won't that be nice.

you're on the beach and a drone goes. please keep six feet I've just ends be. nice just she'll be like is that a. jellyfish you'll see it's just a drone. she just drones in the water swimming. around is that a shark no it's a robotic. it's a robotic reminder to stay six feet. away from another human being isn't that. nice. what a fun summer it's gonna be I'm. trying to do I'm on these some of these.

dating apps man the nightmare the hell. of some of these dating apps people are. just really first of all the humor on. dating apps like the cute-cutesy humor. like the great thing about people that. are really hot is that they never have. to communicate effectively that's such. an important part of really hot people's. relationships is because they're. commuting their communications all. physical so when you see really hot. people talk to each other they just. giggle because they're just want to [ __ ]. each other the whole time and they're.

just thinking about how much they want. to [ __ ] the other person and then. they're just like laughing at that. they're like giggling like oh oh that. breads good I wanted to be your dick but. other people have to like actually. to relate to other people and it's. nightmarish like they're on these dating. I'm saying one guy goes if you don't. like Disney like we'll get along if you. like Disney it's like you of it you have. a Disney ultimatum like what is wrong. with you you have a Disney deal-breaker.

just two dumb jokes and also the [ __ ]. Trump shirts and the like that's your. life that you don't like Trump that's. your whole that's what you you that's. what you're selling that you you you. don't like Trump there's nothing else. except that how sad how deeply tragic.

your life must be and all these dating. have questions are like if there was a. movie about your life what would it be. it's like these stupid dumb meaningless. you know cutesy fun questions you're. supposed to have like cute banter you're. supposed to like comment on people's. questions and everything like that it's.

so worthless you know like you look at. these my favorite thing to do alone is. listen to vibey music and chill this is. these are real people fact about me that. surprises people I speak Spanish. fluently I mean what I wanted to write. like fact about me that surprises.

someone I killed a woman something like. that. that's real humor not some goofy [ __ ]. that's something like actually funny my. love language is acts of service. I mean how sick. are these people my personal brand is. dark humor as a defense coping mechanism.

that's somebody and I guarantee they. have a horrible sense of humor it's just. so bad out there man I'm not saying I'm. some prize but I'm able to come up with. better answers than this what I order. for the table every time somebody goes. mozzarella sticks every time where are. you where are you eating you trash bag. okay guys always think to the star of. their own movie so they love things like. this they're they're they're incapable. of realizing that there are other people. out there and that they are not.

interesting they're not stars they're. not the whole show does not need to be. centered around them but it's not. possible for many of them because many. of them were told they were very special. their whole entire life people told me I. was special but they were right see the. difference they were correct but a lot. of other people were getting bad. information fake news the summer is here. and the beaches are opening and it's. going to be very fun to see how this.

plays out I don't know anything about. virus transmissions so we shall see CDC. was like by the way doesn't really live. on surfaces our bad thought I lived on. surfaces you know how you were wiping. down your groceries for the last three. months. frantically scrubbing every surface you. came in contact with well we were wrong. about that sorry we figured we would. earn on the side of caution and just. tell you that this thing's trying to.

kill you on every way on inanimate. objects out of the mouths of people we. just figured that the default was to. have you terrified of everything not. only people but desks elevator buttons. anything no I'm sure it is possible. transmission but they say that. transmission is actually rather unlikely. the great Ray Cup will be coming up in. the broadcast later on he is not dead. that was a rumor floating around ray.

Kumpf is alive and wild as ever and when. he comes on the show today he. drop some I mean things we should. probably edit out he's completely he's. just he's an untamed man you know he is. just I believe I asked him how he was. doing with the quarantine one time and. he said I'm no longer in the dark room I. have a sense of time that was his answer. I am no longer in a dark room I have a. sense of time so just to give you an.

idea of what you're dealing with there. with the great rate comp when he joins. us as well thank you everybody for. retweeting you know or sharing on. instagram the corona ball video that we. made where I wore a corona ball costume. and went around Los Angeles I did not. think my career was going to be this but. it is we live in a you know life is an. unending series of nightmares and that. is I got rid of my manager who I'd been.

with for three years good guy but we. just had to part ways I wanted a real. Hollywood manager I've signed with. somebody by the name of gist Lane. Maxwell and she is going to be. representing me we'll put her info on. the website if anybody wants to contact. her we haven't had a face-to-face. meeting yet but she seems very excited. about the brand she wants to meet me in. a canyon by Malibu late at night so who. knows she told me to come alone without.

a cell phone. weird these Hollywood managers are weird. you know Melinda Gates is gonna drive me. Melinda Gates that she'll drive me to. this meeting with my new Hollywood. manager you know it'll be awkward if I'm. at Bill & Melinda you know yeah I was. like hey what's up Bill Gates is like. did you do a video where you implied. that I had sex with a bat and gave birth. to coronavirus and I'd have to go yes I.

did because you didn't not do that bill. you know but go smash that retweet. button that's what youtubers talk to. like yeah what's up it's your boy it's. your boy Tim Dylan YouTube yo what's up. YouTube it's your boy tiptoe. like button smash every trip today we're. filling my kiddie pool with Cheerios I. don't know why we're doing it but we're. doing it and it's got 90 million views. because we live in a fallen world where.

people have no families and they roll on. opiates so they just want to put makeup. on their face and watch me swim around. in Cheerios cuz life's a hell anyway. death to anyone that had any Talent like. and subscribe. smash that retweet button today I'm. driving a Lamborghini up a hill don't. know why but you're gonna [ __ ] watch. it love it and share it don't you wish. you had a Lamborghini you've got nothing.

inside of you don't even look don't even. look for anything to put inside of you. just like and subscribe smash it baby. it's what YouTube's all about you know. YouTube's all about it said what if we. ate chicken fingers in a hot-air balloon. that's like what YouTube content is. they're like like and subscribe you know. we're spend a lot of money on this video. but I don't care because I want to make. you guys happy I want to make you guys.

happy that's why for this video we're. giving my grandma over 19 that's right. it's just like six kids going just grab. it an old woman go just coughing down. the truck we're switching my. grandmother's venture ventilator out. with an accordion like it subscribe. smash that retweet button I literally. never felt I have no conscience I'm. perfectly suited to succeed in this. country liked it subscribe smash to.

retweet button my best friend died in. front of me and I didn't blink. smash that retweet button like and. subscribe I'm 46 and I dressed like a 12. year old liked it subscribe I'm in my. mid-40s my fanbase is nine like it. subscribe I mean so we're just trying to. succeed in new mediums that's what we're. trying to do we're trying to go into new. mediums it's I'm not perfect I get it.

you know I'm just you know. I'm just trying to branch out into the. into the new world we're trying to make. funny things that's all so go like and. subscribe so go subscribe to the Tim. Dillon show on YouTube if all of you did. that that would be great but many of you. don't do that and I don't know why cuz. you think you better cuz you're. listening to this while you jog around. and you know go subscribe ok support. YouTube's not helping us Instagram is.

not gonna help us none of these tech. giant's are going to help us because. were you know a little edgy little. unpredictable were funny it's just funny. mark Normand at a great point cuz edgy. just used to mean funny like he would go. to meetings and they'd be okay that. that's this thing you're doing is edgy. like that's good right maybe like we're. nervous but like it just meant funny so. all we are here is funny so go and. support us we appreciate how much you. guys support the patreon we love that.

that's great our patron episodes are. good but also in the larger scheme of. things we also need to make sure that. you guys are out there and you know. wearing the merch sharing the episodes. literally being devoted to me in a way. that's unhealthy scaring people losing. friends over how much you bring up the. videos stalking me trying to kill me. forcing me to live somewhere else deep. in the Hollywood Hills with security. afraid to leave my house coming up to me.

and grocery store screaming when you see. me falling down on the street crying. making it uncomfortable threatening to. kill yourself killing yourself coming. back to life cuz it didn't work telling. me that I'm the reason that you came. back to life you met me in the afterlife. and I am God that's the YouTube fame. that's the type of Fame that those. [ __ ] having that's a Fame that. I deserve I deserve a fanbase of emo. Psychopaths on the edge of a mass. shooting or killing themselves but. instead they decide to consume my. content I deserve Instagram dm's and.

Twitter DMS from people telling me that. I'm the only thing that stands between. them and putting a gun in their mouth. that's what I deserve that's the kind of. fanbase I deserve not these [ __ ]. lackluster thirty year olds it may see. me at Zanies and may not. I mean a hardcore group of sick fox that. need help. cutters people that are afraid to leave. their home the only reason they do it is. on the off chance that they'll bump into. me in a Barking Lot and it'll be like. Moses in the burning bush and they fall.

and start screaming think they dropped. their phone cuz they're shaking they go. into some parkinson's-like frenzy. whenever they see me and people that. even look like me fat people and. lesbians anybody that looks like me they. do a double-take in their pulse quickens. and their heart goes up that's the kind. of fan base I deserve I'm sick of these. comedy fan lackluster maybe we'll see. him when he comes into Tulsa maybe he. won't. I want a digital fanbase of psychopaths. kids that are sent home from school. because they're good they're there there.

they might sell farm and I want the only. thing to be in their phone is a picture. of me and they've carved an axe into my. face because I am a god to them I am a. deity that's online same and I want it. just by the shirt that's what I'm saying. by the life in the big city shirt you. see these youtubers that go to malls. people go crazy they start screaming for. them these tick tock errs why am I not.

in the hype house or the sway house I. think sway house is better as well. why am I why can't I be big Cuddy. there's a little honey I should be big. honey little huh tea is a tick tock er. who's got three trillion followers and. he's he weighs 19 pounds and he's just. like he looks like rider strong the kid. was in Boy Meets World and his name is. chase hugs it's like could there be a.

more tick tocking name than chase hood. it's like my name is chases my name is. Madison chase I'm rich and you're not. you know my name is is this is Gucci. Lamborghini you know it's like and and. this this kid is just a massive massive. success and I don't forget anyone their. success he's successful because like. till they do a rap song and they sing to. it and they try to avoid the N word. they're like oh my. not gonna mouth that one dance by the.

pool they just dance by the pool that's. what it is just dance by the pool you. know and God loved them but that's what. I want to do I want to be invited to one. of these homes and I want to begin to. make content with these people I think I. have a lot to add I think I have a lot. why let's make a dance about imperialism. let's do it. let's make a dance about the CIA killing.

michael hastings in front of the tree. let's do it a tic toc like look here. goes the car we drive the car. kennedy would do the kennedy dance like. why not involve some element of. conspiracy thinking in the dance why not. do a great depression dance well we all. were all in line and like the food bank. people are coughing Sidda have any. health insurance I'm just saying I can.

go to different media I'm trying to. expand the mediums I don't want to just. sit here in yelling no microphone while. I just gets the cab dispatcher fat. because that's no reason to not can't. dispatchers in Long Island like 7,000. pounds of the guys whose arm does anyone. like a Bobby dukka dukka head go to to. car you just picked that guy up on Ocean. Avenue to car to car you pick up up on. ocean yes so call we just got them we.

put them up on Ocean all right you'd be. swell gonna sit here all right I ride. all right you got to go down and. McDonald Street got a two-car go to. McDonald's Street I'm 600 pounds I. smoked a cigarette. go to McDonald Street dukka dukka they. never left it was always a small little. room in a train station they never left. it was like a little hot and they fit. just in the hot nerd fat was like it was. like literally pouring out of the. windows and they just like the only. movement they did was they would move. their hand to their mouth with the.

cigarette that was in the old days when. you used to take cabs to do cocaine to. get cocaine and do it you know not. everybody could do cocaine in the. Hollywood Hills. people have to do it in Long Island in a. cab we used to be able to smoke. cigarettes and cabs it worked they were. great times in this country is what I'm. saying you don't know what freedom was. freedom was stealing money from your. family and being able to smoke a. cigarette in a cab on the way to get.

cocaine with a pregnant woman named. Michelle the great Raymond comp will. come up is coming up here this episode. of the Tim Dylan show is sponsored by. blue Chu guys remember the days when you. were always ready to go it's summer it's. time to [ __ ] blue troop brings you the. first chewable with the same. fda-approved active ingredients as. viagra cialis blue she was prescribed. online by licensed physicians you don't. have to go to the doctor officer wait in. line at the pharmacy and it shifts right.

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do something get yourself in a tip-top. shape okay phenomenal. alright everybody he's a longtime. listener first-time caller he is not. dead so many people messaged me is ray. dead he hasn't put out his podcast we've. not heard from him on social media what. say you sir I've gone over some. existential depression I'm feeling.

better people better people like you do. not get to have existential crises I. look I was playing that before you. called me and thank you for calming. having me on the show I was planning on. you know restarting the podcast this. weekend. look my podcast is I don't wanna like. you know liking myself toward Andy. Kaufman or a UH or Lenny Bruce but you.

know I'm a mercurial figure in the world. and that's why you know that that's my. value I'm not the guy I'm not the. bread-and-butter guy I'm the guy I'm the. spicy add in crying out to go back. underground. you're the spice that gets added to the. bread and butter where people go wait a. minute what's going on. ah no I told people that I said the. great thing about race you couldn't get. what you get when you get it it look I.

my friend am I try me you know uh a. terrorist about it but from a. egotistical but you know it's uh if. there's. genius to me it comes in you know I'm. not gonna force it I'm not gonna give. you I'm a Ryan Seacrest. all right the promise will make me him. now and it is awkward for many people. because many fans you you share a. considerable fan base with Ryan Seacrest. people that would be into what he's. doing you are a close second look and.

but Ryan doesn't he does I'm out here. can tell them before it you know how. great would it be if you had a meeting. like a manager an agent right secret. says what is that I'm not gonna condemn. him for it but I'm offering something. similar that I think a lot of people. will respond positively to if you know. economics I'm a substitution clinical. term I know you know is but it.

I remember being economics class in high. school and they told me that Pepsi. wasn't a substitution for Coke but. mustard was a substitution for ketchup. which I understand I still think it's. [ __ ] there's the kind of thing they. teach you in high school instead of how. the Federal Reserve works right that's. true that's a very good point yeah I. liked it immediately we went from. substitution economics to food like. that's the only way you could teach. Americans anything like peanut butter is. not a substitution for jelly listen up.

listen up you fat [ __ ] baked beans. however is the substitution for Funyuns. it feels like we're right right. make sense it is a Memorial Day weekend. what have you done for the troops what. have you done for this country what have. you done to commemorate to sack the. brave men and women who've sacrificed. their lives so that we can see it here. today many American ones nothing with. the Americans no sorry look I respect.

bravery where I see it bravery you know. you don't get to be us and be brave. you're gonna grieve about you know. bombing a village when you're in some. kind of you know like hamster wheel. plane can't be hurt I think it's almost. more impressed. that were not brave we're like running. the world and we're kind of chicken [ __ ]. right that's hot we're terrified if. everything in this country and the idea. that we've sold ourselves as like brave.

and it's kind of even better what's. interesting though is some respect to. the troops because it's a weird it's not. like could we grow up thinking that you. know any we're told us that like this. weird sheltered MIT that's still weird. that like basically they would not let a. single American die even if it meant. killing a hundred enemy right like. that's kind of the model like Black Hawk. Down but nah we don't care we'll get. their body back when reality they'll let.

the troops you know it's more about like. you know Mitch McConnell being safe and. vanaya. we're not ever criticizing the troops. there you are sometimes and I do. sometimes too but I say about the troops. I will suck many of the troops dicks. depending on as long as they're good in. good shape yeah but we we're always. criticizing the government that sends. the troops out to do the things subset.

of troops much like cops not all cops. but they join because they want to do. certain things very true I mean. sometimes you get in the game cuz you. want to play right right it's just you. know and it's look I made even. condemning that I get it I get why. hurting people could be fun from a. certain point of view yes you know but. yeah we just can't allow it in civilized. society sometimes do it over there be a. hero and good right there don't hurt him.

Oh in your own town am I too old to join. up at this point I think I might be um I. don't know if it's age but it's. literally everything else right about. you and me to offer them I have a lot to. offer militarily I mean I'm all anti-war. but they gave me the keys I'll [ __ ]. drop some bombs give me some power. I'll [ __ ] you know I'll make up for.

yeah I'm like [ __ ] what's this. I'm like uh mrs. Kissinger I wish we. were in Long Island and we could go to. like the Blue Angels fly over at Jones. Beach you know from jobs they had the. young I mean my family go away until. this weekend so they get pictures with. them like 40 year old men we will go to. see the Blue Angels this weekend they. fly over and they make us proud well are. those guys like current Air Force guys.

or like drunk like you know the kind of. like the the ex gunslinger is like going. around Buffalo Bill I mean these are. guys you like did the My Lai massacre. you know these are like these are people. who've done the worst things they're. probably the biggest war criminals we. have we just put them in blue planes and. they do tricks yeah I mean these are. people have probably - blood on their.

hands this have hundreds of thousands of. millions and you imagine in Long Island. that's what they say like they point up. to the sky to go you see that plane the. guy in that plane killed 80,000 people. he's the first guy to drop Agent Orange. he killed 80,000 people 5,000 them were. our own troops who made the sacrifice. because we were testing out drugs on. them they came is spelled a foley and.

did you ever do anything for Memorial. Day is Memorial Day something people. celebrate I can't even remember yeah at. least have like um I see I could get. blurred together because my Uncle Mike. would have a barbeque on Memorial and. Veterans Day. so start then to summer be and he had a. nice like a half acre property in. Commack and uh let me was he a veteran I. think he was better in Korea he was a. medic but he got you know stabbed in the. arm okay yeah should he's had to over.

lizard like a lizard on his arm got. stabbed there yeah Purple Heart didn't. ever get intense when he had a barbecue. you ever throw a few back and it get a. little weird. oh well he threw a few back he was. definitely. the drunker side of an alcoholic yeah. but you know drunk yeah well he was. never he got he used to like Tabasco he. was he loved spice he loves spicy food. you love Tabasco I remember my grandma.

complaining once because he like almost. died choking on Tabasco sauce of. Thanksgiving and it would make scenes in. that way but he wasn't yeah he wasn't a. racist I think it probably was but how. do you choke on a sauce well I think. it's just going into convulsions. you know just closing up your throat. maybe I'm not sure but he would just. dose it keep going with it you know just. just the whole bottle on the turkey hit.

all right P Mike you know all right Pete. Uncle Mike he's a good man. yeah he's a good man there's always like. a time usually if you're at like a. barbecue what's a guy who served. especially that age group. we're like he gets drunk and then in the. middle you just he ever say so much. better man you know like some like scent. of a woman like outburst well he would. never do that so now I'm an adult man. I'm looking back forever and thought.

about in a while but keep so nice he was. so like oh he's not white for the party. and no he's just good-hearted so he. probably did some bad [ __ ] yeah he. probably was you know if I had he. probably got his fill of being. aggressive yeah I don't remember I. remember like like we would me and my. father would go like when they had these. Blue Angel flyovers like we would hang. out with his friend who owned a steak. house and and and a few of his friends. and we would all like drive to Jones.

Beach that strip of land in Long Island. and then watched the Blue Angels and. then just drive back to you know. someone's house and sit in the backyard. and you know and I don't remember if. that was a Memorial Day or fourth of. July it all kind of blurs I mean if you. think about fourth of July see I can't. be always the state put on 4th of July. but I guess people move around I guess. people go. the beach and stuff but uh morphos July.

feels more like you know you wouldn't. want to leave like jump houses back and. forth but many people do I guess we. always has our house what I love about. Long Island is there's an unending well. just a deep well of patriotism yeah well. after 9/11 we went driving around just. honking our horns just waving flags you. know it was fun I mean like it was. anyway but I'm not saying it was worth. it but it was nice yeah well we bang.

there are people that bang pots and pans. now for nurses that can't hear them yeah. I mean I live in Brooklyn I'm here. apparently they cheer every day I've. ever heard this apartment in two and a. half three months you went out and you. started banging a pot or a pan you would. be immediately arrested. the cops are back get in the [ __ ] car. you bet I'm doing this for the heroes. you better get the [ __ ] in this car he's.

talking about his nurse I think he's. four yeah he's trying to kill this nurse. with a pot he's got a wife shooting. three times he's got a weapon I'm trying. to do this from the [ __ ] hero. I mean look what's going I mean I think. we're at a third of what we were the. peak in New York I went through wherever. I was a month and a half ago I kind of. know about as much I kind of stopped. listening to anything I know a few and.

they're starting to try to reopen this. [ __ ] so we're probably gonna go right. back into a pandemic look at the split. yeah I just don't know if the people or. the system of government I don't know. what is worth saving here Oh a great. point cuz here's the thing we have. handled this so poorly on that we have. to do this we have to ruin the economy. know if any of us were reasonable I mean. if Trump and his cronies had gotten.

tests but also if people had just like. stayed home on st. Patty's Day it would. have saved lives right no drink green. beer and eggs or whatever they do yeah. don't want to live I mean that's really. the crux of it people in this country. have a death wish. and they're allowed to have it and they. should have it what we have to live for. right right look it's one thing people. have this image of Rome where like the. the Huns and Attila was on the footsteps.

of Rome and it was all and like we won't. we don't mind going out like that the. blades of glory they forget that there. was hundreds of years of kind of decay. and like you know losing your grip. before that happened and that's what. we're in like there's there's no fun. being in the gradual free fall yeah. there was hundreds of years in Rome of. payday loans and bad baby and [ __ ]. whatever verges the dumbing down of. everybody and apes giving people [ __ ].

epilepsy or whatever yeah just two plays. being bad you know whatever Roman. version of theater they had people be. like these suck now these used to be. funny I mean the tiger eating a [ __ ]. I don't know like a [ __ ] no more. crispy they stopped eating the critter. that's the problem for a while they were. eating the Christians and people like. that then they they start becoming. Christian and they know who wants this. yeah we want [ __ ] Rome was founded on.

like let's kill each other let's get. some blood in their hands and they come. up with Jesus was like what no we got. rid of him Jesus or as we call them. today Andrew Cuomo right oh maybe don't. kill you a Grimm like the idea that like. I knew that I was like having a cosmic. break or like a split with humanity. well like people I know and respect it. thank God not uke's for usually on the.

same page but they like no one liked. well like you got a watch Andrew Cuomo. speech it is the most inspirational. thing you'll ever see and I watched it. I'm like what the [ __ ] are these people. talking about the bar is so low now look. if you go back and watch Jack Kennedy. John F Kennedy President Kennedy the. speeches were well written you know. Charles. with whatever whoever he had writing for. him there were good speeches it was. barely inspiring Obama was pretty good.

like though and they blow away this. [ __ ] meatball peddler all right but. you also can't bring people because like. they're just impressed that someone. isn't literally calling someone you know. the n-word right behind the scenes watch. the governor right now he has not said. the n-word this is a leader this is. somebody we can all get behind he says. it behind closed doors with his family I.

bet you he says a plenty during a sweet. 16 of Knights of Columbus right when. he's goosing 17 year old girls dirty. Andrew Cuomo. let's start a rumor that Andrew Cuomo is. a pedophile he's in a heap of file or. whatever they call let's let's start. something called meatball gate about the. Cuomo brothers and say that they're both. running a human trafficking ring they.

hold a meat ball between each other's. [ __ ] when the girl has to come and eat. the meatball you have no idea what the. Cuomo boys do there's something called. sausage and peppers okay. you know it's sausage and peppers is. when they take their dicks and they're. both [ __ ] a girl and then they start. cutting her skin up with knives so it's. like onions and peppers that's sick the. Cuomo boys yeah I mean I also hear his. brother is he still like like dying in a.

basement somewhere in like Westchester. whole thing was fake right he claimed to. have coronavirus and he claimed to cure. it by stretching he was like I do these. breathing exercises it's not just. breathe you have to really breathe he. silver halide yeah and then like two. days later he's like dancing in his. house and every I mean it's like hey. listen I don't I need to see the test. result III I smell a rat not sure look.

eaters Alba probably didn't have it Tom. didn't like you know I think it's a real. thing I do think some of these. celebrities you know they just [ __ ]. said hey yeah we would need to calm. people down once you go do a little. Skype Channel thing do you think what do. you think Boris Johnson had it or you. think he'd just spent a few days in a. hotel that dumb [ __ ] wouldn't stop. shaking the hands of like dying patients. he's old-school British he's going to. the third world and my kissing [ __ ].

third-world people like lepers you know. the British Empire to walk around Mumbai. and just kiss kiss legless legless women. they they're thankful for Britain. they're thankful for it and I make sure. they know how lucky they are. I'll give him a big wet kiss have one. tooth in their mouth and I'll lick it. yeah he say he's an interesting. character what's your pretty friends. have David Cameron right look he went in.

one of the same prep schools and. everything I didn't know that yeah he's. [ __ ] Street pretends to be this. [ __ ] like man the people kind of guy. he went out the same exact [ __ ] look. was it Wharton over there are you. telling me are you telling me that the. ruling class has split off into two. groups one that pretends to be men of. the people and one that are clearly. comfortable being not men of the people. and yet they're both rich they both. protect each other and they both. propagate the same policies large latent.

I'm whoa I let me proof yet but go watch. the Blue Angels to get proud of being an. American. those guys drop bombs on people and. murdered to make killed all those people. that we're gonna kill us. all those people of Vietnam that we're. gonna come here and kill you family that. killed them all those kids was it. impressive when you saw it I mean not. really even then I think as a kid you. barely care you're a kid you don't give. a [ __ ] you just want to go smoke weed.

you know you just want to get high you. don't want to give the camera to what. the [ __ ] Blue Angels are doing the. displays of patriotism in Long Island. are particularly hysterical well love is. like cuz you look Russian so why we both. watch the Americans again. and like you know still like people who. were alive during World War two from. Russia by the embrace like how brutal. are we lost 40 million people the.

world's eating [ __ ] and [ __ ] you know. he eating rocks America like the height. of patriotism was like the first Gulf. War where like no one died that's. patriotism in America is which when like. absolutely no sacrifice yeah. like Black Hawk Down like I think we. lost ten guys and killed a thousand and. people found that depressing deep. depression because of that and we pulled. out like it's a it's really a real. patriotism yeah it's the greatest the.

greatest Wars to go for because it's a. guy that we installed put her power. supported armed tried to take out didn't. take him out like you like Kuwait Yeah. right right tricked him into going into. Kuwait right with Operation Gladio the. [ __ ] Rumsfeld whoever give him the. nod why go ahead we basically implied. that we wouldn't care just do what you.

got to do we just want the oil doing. Blue Angels fly over you to say trying. to inspire the people I mean he'll give. [ __ ] of trouble about half his military. parade or whatever but what's the Blue. Angels right he's right I just loved the. idea like remember JetBlue started doing. that low flyover over New York City for. coronavirus and everybody was like every. thought 9/11 was happening they're like. what the [ __ ] is wrong with JetBlue it's.

dumb on their part but also like after. the fifth day we knew own planes aren't. gonna hit us again never did in the. first place probably he's probably CIA. like you like can you stop being such. [ __ ] cops that you're afraid my. eleven again by bursting go you just. imagine like somewhere Langley Virginia. they're doing a pitch meeting and. what about more plays ago we got a virus.

it's great what we got right now is. great they don't leave their houses get. terrified they're gonna let us put chips. in their ass like we don't need any. planes it's just a disappointed CIA guy. he's got two planes like Leckie he. worked hard on this mock-up and he's. just like he just walks out of the room. he's like [ __ ] you know he's like [ __ ]. it's all the German people now that's. all they care about is the cherub people. he's trapped three Muslim guys last week. no one cares he called up Larry.

Silverstein like sorry Larry's a no-go. Larry Chino ago we tried he we tried. he's like he's like I handed three. Muslim guys the anthrax last week no one. cares no one cares because of this bat. disease who came up with this you know I. mean we're just having fun folks it's an. entertaining program we don't believe. any of this we believe everything that. we're told Michael Hastings was a. [ __ ] traitor.

he was I love like going overboard where. you're like you tried to back the. official narrative but then you go like. well where'd you like JFK had it coming. and I mean that a random guy killed him. JFK was a rapist and he sold out this. country and what I mean by that I mean. what do you think happens with the sub. what kind of summer are you are you. expecting to have not much.

I might depending on situation uber at. the Long Island see some people if it's. like you know open but we're pretty much. staying inside I'm working from home. right now honestly the time blurs for me. it's kind of weird like it's I mean. happy what I have a balcony so something. I'm just you know in a way I'm not like. in a lightless room like I used to be I. I have a sense of time but I will be. doing I'm not gonna be barbecuing every. weekend the idea that somebody calls you.

to check up on you and they're like hey. how are you doing and you're like I'm. not in a lightless room like I used to. be. I have a sense of time I have a sense of. time now it's like it's like what kind. of Game of Thrones answer is that like. the three-eyed Raven has seen the future. and the future is the Blue Angels will. fly over Long Island and fat people will. say the n-word yeah I see myself being a.

little more careful than a lot of people. probably well both are not small No yeah. not particularly healthy not. particularly healthy I mean I'm trying. it's very hard it's very difficult right. so I'm not going to venture out too much. maybe do these meals where they send you. the meal like blue apron yes but they're. did that you cook they have ones where. it's like meal prep you just buy a bunch. of meals it's like nine or ten dollars a.

meal and you just heat them up and eat. them that's not bad I mean was the. company we'll talk about later there's a. luncheon. none of them response from the show so. I'm not advertising any of them every. magic spoon keto cereal is it good no it. tastes like fruit loops you like fruit. loops. sure so if you eat magic spoon it's. fruit loops but it's none of the guilt. what's it gonna add this week we did.

like if we you what is it me it's a meat. cereal yes not serious it's meats tried. turkey meat wow it's a dried fruit it's. tried turkey meat and they toss it in a. fruit dust fruit to us but fruits got. sugar in it but it's not fruit it's it's. it's meat that tastes like fruit so. you're eating meat with milk it's me. it's a meat it's meat milk they call it. meat milk no I'm kidding I'm joking you.

but what I am Telling You is about magic. spoon dot-com / Tim Dunn what's in it. will they make it they take monk fruit. and they use it to sweeten the cereal. that's what's read part what it's like. instead of grain what is it Parmesan. cheese it's other. it's a high-fat keto paleo everything's. okay that's what it is everything's okay. I'm sure it's fine I'm just asking.

because what's good about it is you can. eat it without the guilt because it's. it's fat and not sugar and fat is good. and sugar is bad right no I'm totally. I'm totally in so it's basically chicken. skin that's been fried and rolled into a. circle it is deep-fried pork products. okay it's pork rinds. it's pork rinds that have been made in. cereal it sounds like I wouldn't think. it would go well with milk but I mean I. might like go preach out on I'm kidding.

magic spoon is a great cereal everybody. loves it if you're on a keto or Paleo. diet it's an easy meal replacement what. you're able to do is eat it late at. night not feel guilty if you need. something to taste sweet it's date they. use high quality sweetness like monk. fruit I understand I just don't know. what the base is I will tell you what it. is I'll tell you what it you want to. know you wiseass yeah it has your sugar.

12 grams of protein 3 I'm gonna tell you. right now what it is. it's keto friendly gluten free grain. free soy free low carb GMO free they've. got good ingredients I'm sure they're. great but are they meet I don't think. it's me okay I definitely go out and buy. it I'm just curious.

well you might have to go out and buy it. you got a magic spoon calm slash Jim. Dylan and grab a variety pack and try it. today. romantic song calm slash Tim Dylan and. then you buy it right from the now gray. it is a little pricey it's $10 but what. is right what for how many boxes no it's. the fruit you get a box for 10 look. meats not cheap so I get it it's not me. but it's high protest waiting just the. cold cereals can be cheap it's like it's.

flaming yard you're eating it's a. by and everybody writes a fruity ribeye. and everybody won't be cheap about it if. I can buy you a nice treat I hope they. changed their model too. just as we call it cereal don't mean it. ate steak that's the way you gotta look. at it it's a great way to phrase it. right you gotta look at it like that it. isn't cereal as much as it is a bowl of.

high-protein very healthy food right. like no it reminds you of your childhood. but it's actually recently killed goat. yes and what's good about it is that. you're able to enjoy nostalgia exactly. but I never liked about cereal is that. was never butchered first yes this is. butchered and and drained of its blood. by being hung upside down right is it.

kosher. we're like a dirty animal it it's it's. clean and I believe halal and kosher. okay so the day after like hanging up by. its [ __ ] foot and drink cut its neck. yeah they do every day don't the animal. doesn't know it's dying its slaughtered. and then made into cereal somewhere in a. lab the animal never knows it's gonna be. cereal I think they have a talk with it. first but they explain to it that we. have such a weight problem in this. country they're dying for the much like.

those children with Boris Johnson yes. for the Empire here's what I will say. the magic spoon / Tim tail and all. kidding aside I enjoy the cereal I tell. everyone about it it's great to get. healthy there's a lot of people out. there that want to get healthy but need. to eat a sugar cereal like for a child. it's true there's a lot of people that. are deeply committed to health but can't. not eat cocoa puffs if you're the kind. of person who you know decides I'm gonna.

lose a few hundred pounds but still be. fat but lose a few hundred pounds and. like has to do it eating strange husk. oat pancakes yes you might magic yes. absolutely we follow some fat people on. on Facebook who. or what they do is they're losing weight. by like substituting the most unhealthy. things but substituting like almond. flour and that and then just still. making like pancakes with whipped cream. every morning with caramel sauce but.

they use like low sugar caramel and it's. like you still sad it's like it's a it's. a Crisco but with caraway seeds in it. right we should really honestly how. great would it be if we became like. serial killers who killed fat people. [Laughter]. great pitch we should pitch that show. we're so disgusted by other fat by the. way and you'll back me up on this is.

anyone more hostile to fat people more. than other fat people no especially when. you start losing weight even if you lose. 5 pounds you come just stood by people. who are less fat than you yes I am. telling you right now I've been fat for. a lot for a long time the hatred I have. of other fat people. there's no way thin people hate fat. people as much as I do there's no way. there's no way because thin people don't. see themselves in a fat person they.

don't care but when I see a fat person. I'm like oh [ __ ] you stop wearing that. pugsley shirt take care of yourself like. me and Ray went to the pizza buffet in. Long Island and we were so all these. other fat people walking in and we're. like what a disgusting country meanwhile. we're just like [ __ ] dripping pizza. sauce into our recorder. yeah we're like what a disgusting. country the guy who helped us do that. episode is now having a baby. oh is it yeah he's having a baby his. name on here I don't want to say his.

name okay yeah he also I heard them. things about his steaks. I said I'm guy right steaks you have an. episode we were gonna get into it what. hey can you [ __ ] get mad about it. well he Cleo he cooked a well-done steak. for me and I didn't I thought it was. I thought it was should have been called. out yeah but now he's having a baby so. you know it's nice. good for him is he gonna keep it they.

don't know she's she's like four or five. months in they're gonna make the. decision in a few months like eight or. nine months in just go in there and get. it yeah I mean look why not wait and see. if it's gonna be a good-looking baby. maybe he's got a great dick maybe it's. [ __ ] a pretty baby you know why you. know like you know dump your dumper your. hand before you know what if he went. what it what if literally what if the. first thing he said to the doctor he. looked at the doctor because you know we.

were gonna kill it but it's got a great. dick doctors like ah I report these. people did you see what do you say my. mom always tells me the I as a baby had. a great dick well when he circumcised. mean he had to use two forceps is that. true so she tells me what a great. anecdote to share with people thank you. that's you the way you should start your. college commencement speech. my mother said when I was a baby the. doctor I used to to forceps or.

circumcise my death she also had friends. your prayer group I might mention this. on the old episode who would who. confided to her their church prayer. group that she was with her baby would. cry not because she wanted to you know. for her own sexual gratification but her. baby wouldn't stop crying and the only. way she could get to stop crying was the. second stick no ray we're trying to.

advertise and make money here what do. you mean what do you mean that is some. woman in a prayer group said dad my mom. was part of what they called a. charismatic prayer group what this is. Morris matic prayer group it's not what. it sounds like they would get together. and they would pray very intently for. one thing to happen so like so we would. win the Iraq war or whatever I mean this.

is the 80s probably just so that you. know Michael Jackson. would make you know another great album. with anything you know Grenada would. what the operation Grenada would go well. whatever so you know they would get. together and then I guess during the. coffee break or whatever this woman can. fight it to my mother that her baby. McNown I just couldn't stop crying and. was driving me crazy. and look you know some people go so. crazy from your baby crying they shove.

it in the freezer and they kill it it's. a it's a thing it's traumatic to some. mothers. so but in this case she didn't feel it. many people how many people are putting. the baby in a freezer because nice. according to like you know Sally Jessy. Raphael at least five okay I remember. seeing these people on the panel it. happens I'm not saying it's common so. I'm not saying it's common for what this. woman did but she went a different. direction.

she said look I just I realized I was. just trying different things I put his. penis in my mouth and stopped crying so. don't do that. did your mother report her no I think. she told I mean I would have my mom. didn't think it was you know she wasn't. she wasn't supportive of it she probably. should report her but I don't think that. his woman was getting off on it but it's. not good it's definitely rape how do I.

talk about Ridge wallet now situation so. keep his card in your Ridge wallet I. mean the horrors of the world what. people could find to each other in. prayer groups are right I mean these are. all the churches we need to reopen by. the way these are all the churches that. need their essential we need to reopen. them make sure yeah I can.

don't don't social distance from his. dick I guess Jesus Raymond Cobb. I mean Anwar we're gonna we're gonna let. you go you are into them you're an. amazing character thank you so much tell. the people Harry tell the people word if. I just can't I. know that we can legally top that story. on the air so you can find me at rate. comp on Twitter and Instagram the. podcast is come weekend and the patreon.

is ramping up of making up for lost time. so you don't worry about that we're. gonna be we have we have a week of come. per something like yeah it's gonna be a. cavalcade of ten did you hear about this. new show where there's a [ __ ] in the UK. it's called labor of love and there's. going to be like a bunch of people. living in a house competing to. impregnate a 41 year old woman I mean. can I get an IV but but are the chances.

of the baby being born with something. wrong when you're 41 so much hot I mean. what's one more [ __ ] you know [ __ ]. up baby. who cares I mean you know what the. show's gonna make millions of dollars. you can tell me that like so we'll take. care of the baby like they probably have. accountants and lawyers like alright so. we have to like pay for scholarship for. this kid to go to like second grade and. then that's it whatever we have a second.

grade scholarship it's gonna get a lot. worse than that that's all I'm saying. if you're offended by that just know. it's gonna get a lot worse than that. it's gonna get a lot worse than that. rate comp I hope people go and find you. did you watch the video today the karana. ball oh you did no I didn't tell me that. very well you should go check it out.

it's a good it's a good video people are. enjoying it I'm sure it's great. hi DRAM thank you thank you sir.