#191 - Corona Cast | The Tim Dillon Show

and we are here ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the show it is the corona. cast Tim Dylan Ben Avery our producer. braving the new reality here from the. studio broadcasting this is it you know. I I don't always want to be right but. sometimes I'm right I said that that. music in America would be sooner rather. than later just a large bulbous ass that.

would shake then Liz Oh went and. famously performed in front of a large. shaking ass this is true I said a lot of. other predictions that were right Ike. yeah I can't I'm mad I can't think of. what they are now but there was a few of. them there was actually a few of them. there was one that was recent was after. the Lizza one where I predicted it.

people like [ __ ] it's exactly what you. said oh you said ah uh eventually the. biggest stand-up is going to be someone. dancing around on tick-tock with just. like jingles and jangles like he's not. even saying anything yes that's the. biggest stand-up video on tick-tock. right right well that was one of them I. said a lot of things I don't I have a. great track record okay and I said last. week I believe that the only economic.

activities left will be what I'm doing. right now and the double penetration. seen from requiem for a dream those are. the two options you have to earn money. right now or posts mates no matter what. happens forever there will be post mates. thank God. someone with a mask will hand you a. Pokeball through a door or a slot and. they will scurry away into the darkness.

forever and ever no matter if the. Yellowstone supervolcano goes off and. ash blocks out the Sun there will be. creatures that adapt in that environment. meant to glow and deliver post mates. it's just the one constant we have in. America hopefully we don't know what's. going on this is something that's very. interesting. I watched everybody become a conspiracy.

theorist over the last two years maybe. even more than that I watched it happen. on the right I watched it happen on the. left I watched normies people that had. never given the Kennedy assassination a. second thought that it never read books. like the Franklin scandal I watched them. go hard into conspiracies. i watch people on the left go hard into.

intrigue espionage trying to figure out. the Russia gate issue I've watched it. and I've watched it be done recklessly. sloppily as you would imagine people do. when their minds melt that's what. happens after you spend an entire. lifetime in the mainstream and you're. just you know eating tomato soup with.

grilled cheese and you're just out there. trying to go to college or get your kids. into college where's a fun spot for a. vacation what kind of dog is good with. the kids we have a decent sized yard. it's nothing crazy he'll have some space. but you know how much I take like you go. from that you go from that to Epstein.

overnight your mind melts it's true you. go from that to waking up that your. leaders are no good. worse than you thought bad in ways you. can barely comprehend unimaginable. overnight that happens what how can I.

get mad at you how can I get mad at. these queueing on people even though. many of them are I believe to be. functionally [ __ ] and I mean you. know unfortunate people how can I get. that mad at them when they're forced to. adapt to to this new world where the. conclusions you come to or show black.

pilling so empty that you are forced to. concoct stories in your head about what. is really happening and just like I. watched that I watched people last week. become Preppers I watched people become. n timers over the last week and a half. people that had nothing but positive. things to say are now changing their.

tune and I've you know I kid around and. saying that we've been preparing for. this type of thing for a long time but I. mean look this is the set we are the. broadcaster's at the end of the world I. am the anchorman at the end of the world. it's not Ted Koppel it's me it's not the. guy he went on NBC could barely make. sense anymore Tom Brokaw went on NBC he.

could barely speak no it's me. I'm the anchorman at the end of the. world that doesn't make me happy it. doesn't please me but it doesn't shock. me either. I'm not surprised by it I'm not. surprised they corrupt oligarchy of. clowns didn't anticipate and or bungled. the response to a pandemic this is what. happens when you erect a society run by. sociopaths who don't care as Kurt.

Vonnegut said they get too. where they go you know they get to the. places they said to those positions of. power because they don't care what. happens next just go do it do it do that. do this do that do that they don't. contemplate they don't sit back they're. not thoughtful contemplative people. they're doers not thinkers so when. you're a doer it all works until it. doesn't. you know Trump is great in boom times. he's you know an eighties political. cartoon money's being made things are.

good now it's a little bleak he doesn't. look great he looks like he might ever. touch a corona we are recording this. Friday everything's changing so much by. the hour yeah that I want to I want to. let you know we're recording this Friday. because I don't know I I heard New York. City was gonna be in quarantine by now. it still may happen we all got that text. from somebody everybody's got a friend.

is highly placed in the government by. the way during the pandemic nobody can. get you a [ __ ] parking pass nobody. can help you at all when it's not a. pandemic. now one human being can do anything for. you they have no they can't get you a. reservation at a restaurant they can't. help you at all. but at the end of the world everybody's. got a highly placed source in the. government that's delivering terrible. news and they want you to hear first and.

I heard that they were gonna quarantine. New York City seems like it's an. adventure allottee that certain areas. are gonna get quarantined then you know. BuzzFeed had that thing. quoting the NYPD saying that's all fake. it's not gonna happen. there's no plans which great either get. out of it too like there's no plans at. this time at this time is a great way to. say anything you know at this time no. plans to shut down roads what you little. quarantine would be shutting down the in. or out whether they get people to stay.

in their house or they you know I mean. after the Boston Marathon bombing they. shut down Boston he told people to stay. in their homes okay until they caught. the terrorists we're not gonna go into. that but that's you know. now we're thinking about you know Drudge. Report today headline nationwide shut. down being talked about what does that. mean what does that look like how do you. shut down a country of 350 million.

people how do you keep all of those. people in their homes there's a lot of. people and a lot of guns I'm not even. saying it's it might not be necessary on. some level you you have to stop the. transmission of this thing you have to. curb the transmission unless we're all. gonna be [ __ ] if you look at Italy you. look at these other countries you know. we're following the same path they are. our healthcare infrastructure by the way. not that much better than Italy you know.

I know that but we're America no we have. more people and many of our systems are. as unprepared or maybe even more. unprepared than they're there you know. then there are in other parts of the. world so I wouldn't take any false. confidence don't you know in the idea. that we are a first world country well. we are in some respects and a lot of. respects but you know we're gonna put.

that to the test also you know yeah you. know it's also like P of the conspiracy. people going they don't believe in the. virus that doesn't seem helpful but it. is interesting you know I do understand. because their minds have been melted. over the past couple of years and you're. dealing with candle wax minds you know. broken brains um you know I do. understand whose the government's like. well we can't test yeah. if you feel symptoms don't go to the.

hospital don't get tested you start. going is this happening is this real are. we gonna go to [ __ ] the hospitals see. a bunch of nurses playing cards what's. the deal what do you mean don't get. tested if you have symptoms what's that. mean we don't have any [ __ ] tests. that's not good it's a problem I. understand it like well you're you're. not. acceptable to it da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

I was the first comic to cancel my shows. I've chosen 2021 cancelled right now I. cancelled the tour after the cancel your. family tour I cannot believe I was. watching people debating there's people. doing shows tonight where DC improv zany. that shut it down shut it down some of. these people I know for a fact I've.

money yeah they have money and they have. mansions go home you sick narcissists do. you really need approval from from. people that badly that you're willing to. go home and kill your grandmother cuz. you couldn't walk out of [ __ ] Zanies. is that where we're at now you're. willing to risk coughing on an old. person on the train and killing them.

because you want to get some chuckles up. and Winnipeg shut it down please it's a. moral issue I understand if you broke a. lot of comics out they're broke and they. got to get every dollar I get it I get. it I'm not I'm not going at you know if. you have to work if you choose to work. it is with it if you have the money to.

not work right now as a comic don't. [ __ ] work don't bring your fans out. people were angry at me for cancelling. Caroline's in a few other dates I'm. cancelled too early April. listen [ __ ] a lot of [ __ ] ain't worth. comedy I love comedy it's how I live my. life it's the the greatest thing I do is. get up and perform in front of people. but I could take some [ __ ] time off. if the result of me doing what I like to.

do kills people you see see if me doing. what I want to do kills people. then I'll take. either take some time Podcast make a. video I don't know what to tell you but. I love how reticent people were to. cancel they were like well I don't am I. supposed to not I people paid to see me.

they paid to see me and get killed I was. first I called my agent last week I said. let's get let's take it out nobody's. even talking about coronavirus I was. like just cancel cancel cancel you by. next 2021 take a big take a red pen in. the big acts out acts done who these.

[ __ ] that need to work what's wrong. with you it's a sick day times a. thousand what kind of cuck are you. showing up to the office they told us we. don't have to show up to the office we. can go home jerk-off a tea SpaghettiOs. do that. it's that ruining everybody's fun you. [ __ ] wacko I get it if you need to. work if you don't have any money's gonna.

get bad economically out there tip. people tip the postmates speak there's. people are gonna get [ __ ] and then. they're gonna come for you if you're. less [ __ ] keep the guns keep the bars. on the windows I'm telling you I hope. I'm wrong but it's probably gonna get. hairy and it's probably gonna get tough. anything could get out of a city get out. of the city I can't I gotta be here. broadcasting during the end of the world. but if you can get out get out go to.

some ranch in my time I don't know I. can't tell you how to live and if you're. young and you have immunity or you had. it you got over it this is the [ __ ]. time to travel the world [ __ ] get out. there get out there take advantage of. cheap flights go eat that Wu hen bat. sandwich go spit the strangers mouth. you're young you. take it I wish I was young I'm 35 and.

yes I'm in great shape and I do. triathlons but there's other people that. aren't and I don't want to put them at. risk but if I was 22 and in the shape I. never was I would be really rocking out. I would be jetting all over this globe. [ __ ] yeah. let me out of [ __ ] college and I'm. sorry I know it's very hard listen it's. I I my senior year of high school was. great was one of the funnest years of my.

life I was nominated for homecoming king. I was extremely popular everybody loved. me blah blah blah that being said I know. that there's a lot of people now that. their senior year of high school or. college has been cut short whether some. of them are athletes and they can't play. their season their last season some of. them that might have been tapped into. skullenbones and now that's not. happening I'm very sorry and I know it's. very tough and a lot of the cross. players aren't gonna get to play and a.

lot of people aren't gonna get to go to. the prom but I I I say this and I say. this shut up. Italy's burning there are countries in. the world right now when they're. choosing who lives and who dies so sit. down with your privileged little. lacrosse rapists you've raised and sit. him down and say Tommy listen I know. you're upset that you can't play but let. me show you the country of Italy. remember when we went there two years. ago it's burning to the ground now.

because they didn't follow these rules. so there are people that have worse. problems than you you little prick. you're gonna grow up and be fine you're. gonna grow up and be fine and you'll. remember this pandemic and you can tell. your kids how tough it was that you. didn't get to play your last season of. lacrosse which is a fake sport anyway. that doesn't go anywhere. there's no professional lacrosse I mean. there's a few of teams in Long Island. like the Long Island lizards and stuff.

like that but I mean that at that point. just I mean I would rather my kid get. Wuan and check the [ __ ] out not be in. the Long Island lizards. let's get some statistics go to Drudge. Report where the headlines out right now. this is again Friday 7:20 Pacific time. in Los Angeles California. all right we're at The Drudge Report. here we go. you want some headlines headlines right. now the the top headlines it's an. emergency. in red yeah Trump to be tested complete.

shutdown on table modern life turns. surreal so here's that's so that yeah so. that's the interesting thing they're. using these words now like complete. shutdown today was national emergency he. had the press conference day but they're. using these words complete shutdown now. what does that mean click that let's see. if they elaborate on what a complete. shutdown looks like because I think it. it might be the grounding of domestic. travel it might be checkpoints it might.

be quarantine it might be stay in your. home it might be all non-essential. businesses will be closed I'm wondering. what that entails and what it looks like. in a country as big as ours so this is a. white house coronavirus expert dr. Anthony Fauci yeah well he's the he's. the you know we everybody else has a Jew. we have a [ __ ]. we got a garlic knot we have a [ __ ]. meatball giving us instructions here. thank God can we get a Jew please you.

[ __ ] morons yeah doctor foul Qi hey. are you throwing you know like yo. coronavirus like don't put your head. over the meatball pot cuz then you. droplets from your nose fall into the. pot then everybody gets sick how did we. get this goon Jesus Christ but so foul a. they asked him a question they said. listen is a complete shutdown on the. table I think he said anything's on the. table right yeah it's pretty vague very.

vague well yeah there's there's no. explanation for what complete shutdown. mean how many deaths we got what do we. got what do we got death wise what do we. got case wise New York City's leading. the cases right now so we got more than. two thousand people in the US with the. virus and 43 have died as of right now. more than that hmm we get a lot more. than that I've been coughing I don't. know what the [ __ ] I have they tell me. that I can't go anywhere and get tested. but I just had strapped I came off of.

strapped maybe I got a little sinus. infection during strep I don't have a. fever so that seems to be the real thing. is the fever if you're really if you're. really hot if you're really hot then you. got it you know but I'm self isolating. anyway I'm quarantined there's nowhere. to go is nothing to do mmm it's raining. here it's raining in LA it's depressing. the Comedy Store shut down The Improv. shut down there's still clubs in New. York happening what's going on over. there. do you people have a death wish I know.

many of you were destitute. in New York City but God God it's really. kind of gross to not realize the gravity. of the situation. and I mean unless everyone is wrong. within a week or two we'll all be. looking back at the businesses that kind. of stayed open uh and we'll be like what. the [ __ ] was that yeah you know maybe.

not I hope not maybe again I would like. to be wrong about all this [ __ ] I would. like to be wrong but I don't know. there's gonna be a lot of pressure to. speak to friends and family in the. coming days and weeks I'd like my. audience to fight it and stay positive. there's no reason to make amends with. people reach out there's no reason to. build those bridges it's fake if you had. to wait till a pandemic to call someone. you don't want to talk to him enough. stop hey man how are you so like this is.

crazy. hang up go into the darkness let it. become you unless you can get a little. money out of them get a little change. nothing wrong with grease in the wheel a. little bit nothing wrong with throwing a. guilt play for a little capital that's. what I say give them some you know I am. I there are comics that are that are.

still out there man. god bless them but I just think. right now if you cannot work if you. cannot participate in getting people. together in a room just don't just don't. do it you know where how many cases is. New York City have right now New York. seems to be a hot spot I mean New York. City I love it but it's a petri dish of. germs the subways the surfaces forget it.

it's climbed over 400 today there's over. four over just today or not all together. it's for over 400 no total over 400 yeah. we're gonna have a problem in New York. City they're gonna have an issue and I. don't see how it gets resolved without a. quarantine I don't know if they're gonna. be able to keep people in their houses. though I don't know how they're gonna do. that but I guess they're gonna try all. these PT and I was in Bristol Farms. yesterday I'm standing there next to. Tyler the Creator because it's you know.

I live right on the edge of Beverly. Hills and and in the Hollywood Hills and. you know people are Bristol Farms you. know the rich are going to stockpiling. crab legs in case it's the end mm-hmm. they're getting their almond milk the. free-range chicken and I'm just watching. everybody you know buy all the food and. it's like there's gonna be food folks I. think there's gonna be food I could be. wrong pavilions closed a lot of a lot of. stores closed but they'll be food I.

think there's gonna be post mates I. think they're gonna stay open I think. those restaurants gonna stay open. strictly to make and deliver food. they're gonna make millions of dollars. you're gonna make a mint they're gonna. make a [ __ ] mint right now why would. you not just employ a chef or two to. cook food and send it out we do have a. you know we have been looking at some of. these crazy projections where they're.

like you know 70 or 150 million people. end up getting the disease several. million died with a mortality rate of. around 3 percent I mean it's it's. mind-boggling when you think about that. stuff Yanis pop has told me to watch an. old Bill Gates pee. and I did today which was terrifying. where Bill Gates kind of really called. this whole whole thing so accurately. that a lot of the people in the. conspiracy side of Twitter elected he. planned this I think like Cedric the.

Entertainer reposted a video on. Instagram where he's like well Bill. Gates planned this [ __ ] and then like DL. Hughley was like hmm maybe he did and. then you know there's some other comic. Gary Owen was like the wise a white. Durbin comic I think they were all like. they were all kind of pumping that idea. who knows I don't know. I think Gates probably called it out. pretty pretty accurately but they don't. none of them care this is the problem is.

like everybody talks everybody says how. you know we got to prepare we're not. prepared were woefully underprepared and. then nobody prepares nobody cares it all. goes back to it's a selfish country. where if you're not being affected I. mean dude we watched you when you think. about it we watch this unfold in China. for like over a month yeah and did. nothing since like early January I mean. Trump put a travel ban on China great. but he didn't get more tests here hmm.

like Google's building a website now to. test people or or you know to help help. them realize if they have symptoms or. not but that could have been done oh and. I mean listen it's that Trump's fault. the coronavirus but it does unmask a. little bit you know where Trump is weak. and he's weak and a pandemic he's not. the president you really wanted a. pandemic you want somebody that is a. little bit more cerebral in a pandemic. you go to bed a little easier with an. Obama type in office then you do with.

Trump Trump's great when the economy's. roaring you know but when uh you know. when you're and and what's weird about. this cuz one of our other friends call. me and said um you Becky is like you've. been through 9/11 you've been through. other things how does this differ you. know and I was like well in those. periods of time.

you saw a lot of compassion and empathy. human compassion empathy now because. everybody's terrified of getting sick. you don't see any of that people are. terrified of each other. somebody coughing makes them an enemy so. people are looking out for themselves. and their families in there's a dearth. of compassion togetherness just being. outside being with other people people. are cut off from each other in in a real. meaningful way that you know you didn't.

see during 9/11 they had the candlelight. vigils and hand-holding and the people. coming out and 9/11 was scary for a. bunch of other reasons people that what. the [ __ ] you know people who seeing Jets. rip up the sky going like what's coming. next as SARS it's an anthrax there's. that bio you know every news week every. different cover was like is it sarin gas. what's coming what's the threat level is. it burnt sienna what does that mean um. but you could go outside you could talk.

to people you could go out with your. friends you eventually could go to movie. theaters and shows and concert I mean. you could just life went back to normal. we're in the initial stages here of how. how big this disruption is gonna be but. one thing I think that people can't. fully appreciate is the end-times feel. of a society that where everybody's cut.

off from each other because it truly. does feel like we're heading into this. uncharted territory and we don't you. like you know how we deal with this in. mentally emotionally these are all real. questions you know how is this going to. affect people when they're cut off when. they can't work when they can't go out. when they can't exercise in the way that. they want when they when they have to. just stay home how many marriages are.

gonna fail because husbands and wives. are gonna have to talk to each other you. know I mean it's gonna be a little crazy. all schools are they're letting them out. so now there's kids everywhere I'm power. [ __ ] some of them are still working. like what am I gonna do there's gonna be. roving bands of tic toc errs prowling. around they're all immune all these. little [ __ ] tick tock [ __ ] are. immune they're not getting this it's not.

affecting them so they're gonna be going. out playing with dead bodies you thought. what Logan Paul did was bad what about. that times a trillion go look at the. statistics these little kids are gonna. be doing Michael Jackson [ __ ] what's. that thing he done what's the Thriller. videos with real bodies I'm telling you. it's gonna happen these little. narcissist go on that app they don't. even blink these tick tock fox they're. craving bitter little monsters and that.

bitter for any real reason just their. acidic toxic little human beings black. pill they grew up believing in nothing. they care about nothing except except. likes and followers and views and money. merch they believe in nothing they're. perfectly suited for this environment. they're gonna play with dead boomer. bodies and dance around the streets. they're gonna dance around as the bodies.

burn and you're gonna learn to fear. those little bastards you're gonna learn. to feel those little tick-tock Fox. running around with their phones. documenting their brutality little gangs. of tick stalkers documenting what they. do to the bodies and you'll be sitting. in your houses terrified watching the TV. it's gonna be rough folks that's at. least what I see happening I could be.

wrong but again am I ever have I ever. been you're gonna see very soon just. bodies little tick stalkers using real. bodies like marionettes it's some of it. will be artful. some of it will be interesting visually. appealing and stimulating and you might. say oh this isn't that bad but their. bodies these are just my thoughts. unfiltered you know these are just the.

things that I think about the things. that need to be said but nobody else is. saying and it's gonna be we're gonna. have problems we're gonna have a lot of. problems but if you're locked up you're. gonna need to have sex and you're gonna. need to have it with a nice blue shaved. penis or vagina or penis that's been. made out of clitoris which they can do. okay don't debate me at all this it's. not as important remember when the.

problem was to drag queens in the. libraries yeah that was fun remember. when that was a big moral issue with a. drag queen should we read to kids now. it's like everybody's everybody's gonna. die the engineers at manscaped have. spent the last 18 months creating the. perfect ball hair trimmer man they. should have been working on a vaccine. and they've just released a new and. improved lawn mower 3.0 smooth out your.

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economy's collapsed so this is just. great ways to to fill up your day now. that you don't have a job and you can't. go outside because you're gonna be. killed by roving. to take soccers that are immune to the. plague the battery now lasts up to 90. minutes and the charging stand is. powered by USB this couldn't be safer to. use get 2000 it's ray cop is calling us. should we answer it let's connect the. Bluetooth real quick hold on let's. connect the Bluetooth okay turn your. Bluetooth on we'll call him right back.

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says connected now all I have to do is. call him Ryan call Raymond we're gonna. call ray back now he's in New York. Roseanne is also gonna be on the show I. didn't want I wouldn't want to I don't. want to tease you but we got big things. coming up here this is what we're really. gonna shine in the quarantine and we're.

gonna keep doing the show until we can. legally not do it then I have to call. Ben on FaceTime and then he'll upload I. mean we'll just we're gonna keep getting. it out folks right what did that fat. [ __ ] do we hate is found well way from. the callback but my point here is this. we're gonna keep this show going full. steam ahead we got a lot of people. coming up we did a nice little Corona. special we had dr. Steve from ona he. answered some questions we had my. friends heartless fiance I call who's a.

nurse who was like this will help with. social security because all the old. people are gonna die everybody was like. oh my god but that's that nurses and. flight attendants don't see any value in. human life they don't care nurses he. death every day and flight attendants. have made peace with their own death and. the death of everyone on that vehicle. flight attendants are sick have you ever. looked in the eyes of a flight attendant. SiC they get up on Southwest to do a. little comedy routine hey that's a sick.

job for sick people to be up there at. that altitude and not give a [ __ ] you. freak. drinking tomato juice and pineapple. juice at 35,000 feet getting whipped. around by the hand of God you're defying. God every time that plane takes off you. monster. they don't care flight attendants and. they know it I knew a few flight. attendants drug addicts straight-up drug. they are so peeled up they don't even. know they're on a plane these [ __ ].

[ __ ]. and then a lot of gay guys do the flight. attendant job to it's just they just. [ __ ] and do drugs and they all want that. plane to crash they hate landing they. love taking off because there's a chance. to play in a limo liate in the air they. hate landing. they're all [ __ ] chunked up druggies. anyway that's neither here nor there. we're in the midst of a plague this is a.

sinus infection I have I don't think. it's Corona I don't have a fever I can. and I've been coughing for like a month. you would have it by now yeah other. people that have been around me would. have it I've just been coughing because. I went to Toronto and I was smoking. cigarettes and I just kind of in then I. had strep throat and that [ __ ] me up. so I'm just trying to like I'm not. smoking cigs and I die I will smoke. occasionally I have not smoked cigs in. like a month or three weeks I'm not. gonna smoke them anymore.

we need our lung capacity now so I'm not. smoking cigarettes I just I need to. build a lung capacity lungs because this. is a disease of the lungs if you get it. and it gets bad you feel like you're. drowning in there it's not good nobody. wants it you got to stop the weed too I. know a lot of you switch to edibles stop. smoking the weed I mean it's you know or. don't switch to edibles and get off. drugs be a person start thinking about.

what's important like supporting this. goddamn show and your family in that. order. because we're gonna have a lot of. problems here are they quarantining all. of us let's try ray one more time what. the [ __ ] just happened you think you. just called me right before just passed. out in Ag in a corona haze does he butt. dial a lot not really. now I'm only hearing him in one ear I.

wonder if he's been quarantined like. he's been put in he's being like dragged. away listen to me. Robert Howard self isolating that put me. in this are you a general I want to be. taken away by general not the National. Guard is his his um his thing is so nice. is the colostrum and to come I can't.

come to the phone and then you see him. like what his real message should be if. his message looked sounded the way he. looked it would just be this just he's. in the throes of some nightmare. considering a total complete shutdown. how many cases in Seattle and Portland. that's another hot spot the Pacific. Northwest is a big hot spot for this. [ __ ] came out of a nursing facility a. nursing home up there it's a real issue.

everybody's getting those texts and. you're the next to be quarantine. everybody's like I don't want to alarm. you but I don't want to alarm you but I. will let you know that my sister works. for the CDC and she said that tomorrow. they're putting a dome over Portland you. know this is this is what everybody's. saying I don't want to alarm anybody but. I have a highly placed source in the. government that says that tomorrow.

morning at 9 o'clock the military is. gonna come into your house and [ __ ] you. and your ass in front of everyone you. know and upload it and put it on the. internet I don't want to alarm anybody I. don't want to alarm you hey I don't want. to alarm anybody but I have a source. right now that says that the government. has decided to nuke Portland don't want. to alarm and. one that's happening tomorrow around. 3:00 what does it say Seattle and King. County. yeah they got hit hard I got hit hard. fifty eight new cases today yeah five.

deaths problema county total is now 32. deaths and 328 total cases this is why. we're trying to cut you got a curb it. you got a curb this thing you got a curb. the transmission of this virus if you. can by not going out you can't go out. you can't talk to your friend you got to. stop with the drinks after work cut it. out maybe it is maybe the virus is fake. and maybe they're using this as a way to. Institute martial law but let's help.

them I'm kidding the virus is not fake I. mean you can't look at Italy and say. this is fake you can't look at your eye. and say this is fake now I don't know. where the [ __ ] it came from maybe. there's a bio weapon maybe it's not I. don't know it's you know at this point. does it matter just get the [ __ ] off. stage and stop you don't have to talk. about your dick in front of a roomful of. 300 people you can wait that can wait. people are sick. this thing's a nasty [ __ ] bug dude. it's a nasty [ __ ] bug and it's coming. coming for a lot of people Seattle's.

[ __ ] yeah New York is [ __ ] - check. la what's california god okay i think. we're doing kind of okay here I think. we're doing okay I could be wrong. six deaths 247 cases currently in Los. Angeles Los Angeles County yeah it's a. big County but that's still ain't great. 300 cases confirmed cases in LA six.

deaths the majority of these are gonna. be older people that being said some of. them would be you know autoimmune people. that have you know they're compromised. that have underlying conditions but you. know who knows we've got a lot of risk. factors in the country fat people. smokers I don't know we got 40 in LA 40. cases in Los Angeles yeah.

but you know there's so much more dude. yeah dude there's so much more what do. you think it really is 4,000 probably 10. times what they think right it has to if. I got it I would just stay inside I want. to go to a hospital well that's what. they're telling people to do they like. don't go to a hospital and you're like. why they're like cuz this is fake yeah. they keep saying they're like why can I. not go to a hospital they go cuz this is. faith this is pretend this is just a way. to yeah soon we're gonna be broadcasting.

you're gonna see a butt of a gun pressed. in my head and the military's gonna be. behind us and the military's gonna read. ads for Ridge wallet wouldn't that be. great generals just handing me ads for. Ridge wallet and I'm like Hello Colonel. has a Ridge wallet don't you remember. when it was just that the country was. run by satanic pedophiles those were. just good old days those were the good. old days a corrupt oligarchy of.

politicians who murder in blackmail each. other while they steal the resources. pillage destroy the planet but you still. got to go to Disney World and TGI. Fridays now you can't even do that you. can't have a three for all which is. mozzarella sticks buffalo wings potato. skins can't even do that anymore. everyone's gonna become a [ __ ]. conspiracy head I can't wait till. everybody starts discovering Reddit and. 4chan what if the whole country goes.

unfortunate what if the whole country. goes on reddit what if the entire. country just [ __ ] goes off the. [ __ ] deep and gets [ __ ] red pills. and starts going crazy I mean it could. happen some of them are there some of. them are gonna go down the Batchelor. wormhole or whatever so lots of there's. lots of places online you can reside I. don't think it's healthy to spend all. your time reading about the demons that. run the show but you do have to peek.

behind the curtain take a look at the. demon every now and then we weren't CBS. today and it's a very cavalier attitude. nobody's got masks on and the. pharmacists we are so one mask the. majority of them do not have masks. mm-hmm no gloves it seems pretty lacks. now you wonder if in a week or two. that's gonna be like oh boy I can't. believe can't believe we were [ __ ]. that lakhs right it might be I don't.

know but I mean I could also tell you. this you know we all got to keep our. wits about us folks because we're gonna. get over this we're gonna get through. this okay. I'm gonna tell you right now we're gonna. we're gonna get through it and I know. that a lot of people didn't feel. comfortable because Trump looks like he. kind of has it but he's looks puffy and. sniffly you know but I will say to all. of you out there we're gonna get through.

it. we're gonna get through it and then. we're gonna be as selfish and as. unprepared as we were for this don't. worry don't worry don't worry tick-tock. errs when you grow up and you're. pandemic its we will have done nothing. to prepare trust me. I'm telling you right now I mean maybe. I'm wrong but we're gonna get through it. we're gonna fight through it we're gonna. get through it the way we we get through.

everything in this country by sitting on. our fat ass isn't eating we're gonna get. through it the way we get through. everything by not leaving our homes and. watching streaming services and putting. things in our mouths that's how we're. gonna get through it don't worry about. it. don't give it a second thought if. there's one thing that people in this. country can do it they can sit on their. couch Goddard do I have faith in this. population of people Raymond you're on.

the podcast you called in the middle of. us recording hello Raymond he should be. character now yes you're on the podcast. you called in the middle of us recording. well you called me hello everybody how. are you you called me first I called you. back twice oh I am [ __ ] I'll jump. forever anyway it's great to be on the. show. what's going on if we [ __ ] but it.

what a sweet sweetheart update us from. New York you're our point you're our. connection in New York what's going on a. lot of hoarding going on. I mean you going to these stores it's. [ __ ] the showings are pretty bare. I got toilet paper I don't know what. they're talking about I got plenty of. toilet paper it's definitely taken yeah. but other stuff you know corn rice.

things like that you know quinoa it's. definitely uh you try getting like. [ __ ] whole food take like a week now. you and your lover have a footy of a. 50-pound bag of rice you said I got a. twenty pound oh wait let me check what. the [ __ ] right now do you deal with a 20. pound bag of rice I mean look you open. it up and you because your mouths into. it you know you chew it. no I didn't in case in the disruption oh.

no I'm just I'm prepared right I love. that you were you were [ __ ] on. everybody last week for preparing now. you're getting bags of rice right on the. ground of change are they gonna be able. to keep everyone in their house if they. do a nationwide lockdown quarantine that. thing aren't there too many people too. many guns I mean do you think it's a.

quarantine that I don't know you you. might know better than me you might not. does a quarantine mean everyone has to. stay in their house. what does it mean you just can't leave. it like can you take a walk what's the. deal well I'm not sure what. terminologies why I think in Italy right. now they can't eat right yeah that's all. there is that video of it all playing. the tarantella or whatever like you know. calm each other down yeah they're on. they're on the porch they're on their. balconies banging tambourines well I.

mean in New York City. the NYPD or just you know I think a. [ __ ] nice things just you know if I. get out of line but uh you know. the country I mean it's not as you know. if you live in some rural area where. like your camera clicking like house I. mean it's not as big a deal if you need. to have and whatever further will they. will lock every wound a little bit a lot. people down in the areas where badges. probably right yeah I mean using people.

going like that you're shooting their. way out of the block. who knows dude you know this country who. knows there's a sizable amount of people. on Twitter who think that you know this. is a cover for Trump is gonna go arrest. Obama and then all the celebrities for. the pedophile stuff [ __ ] what's his. name people aren't like I'm seeing this.

[ __ ] and it's just like there's chewin. on rambling a definition but pointy. queuing on people and [ __ ] there's no. there's no one had an end game no one. has a [ __ ] reason it's just like the. Liberals I mean some random some media. guys later finally yeah big business I. mean you did this serene cancel only. event sweet Harper right a good point. yeah I mean I just [ __ ] I don't I mean. you know me I'm down for a good yeah I.

believe I'm like half the I'm like. halfway like the cute on people I'm like. I'm with him halfway there like. everybody empowers a satanic pedophile. I'm like okay and then they're like and. they're all going to jail I'm like now. yeah probably not yeah sadly no I don't. see any I don't see any proof that's. happening but but yeah that was so what. they said is though this is a false flag. or whatever you want to call it so. they're they're you know they're closing.

the schools and the sports and all the. arenas so that they can go arrest Obama. and Hillary and that Obama and Hillary. won't launch attacks it's safer that the. elites major in chief if you want arrest. Obama I mean it's bad form but you can. do it but you know me. you have had this talk this is what. happens when your whole life is pretty. mainstream you believe mainstream things.

then all of a sudden you get read pilled. overnight your mind melts and then you. you can't cope with the world as it is. and you start concocting stories about. what's [ __ ] really happening people. love me so and Hillary the way these. people see Bill Hillary right it's a. Batman movie realized if I can take it. neurotoxin yeah it's like using your. secret agent right [ __ ] you there. yeah we've had people killed but like I.

don't know a thing cuz I'm like [ __ ]. like epic chess match of like [ __ ]. spies going on here it's a bunch of. pedophiles and people who want pipeline. yeah ain't that sexy folks I mean why. would why don't they face it out right I. think it's a crock good point. well I'll tell you why this is do you. want to know the answer because I read. it on Twitter they did it someone from.

chase told this guy on Twitter that. we're in a transitional economy trump's. trying to get rid of the Fed so they. have to tank the economy in order to. rebuild the new economy without a Fed I. don't think they know right yeah I mean. I'm not saying it but I mean I don't I.

think Trump is crazy because they got. badges they were like raisins race like. a 1/4 of a baker point but you know but. most these presidents I mean they don't. do everything that [ __ ] runs on. Morgan's anymore well listen you asked a. question and you got an answer why were. they tenth because they always have an. answer and the answer is one of nine. possibilities and that's the answer and. they've gone from the virus they people.

people are [ __ ] is weirding leftist. or the one but rightfully delicious or. like I'm weakening. you like to [ __ ] eat food Robin tax. incentive [ __ ] supposedly and adderal. just freaking advocate something you. know are getting off on your face man. but uh but here is a repeating at the. end of monetary policy that's like I. don't under they really think there's. more to they really think there's that. people like people don't know what. they're doing Ben Bernanke barely knew.

what he was doing at all yeah people are. just riding but it's either [ __ ]. that's what it's so hard for people to. understand that the people at the top. it's not necessarily like this. well-orchestrated thing it's actually. just [ __ ] like you know hold on to. your hat we're just going we don't know. what's gonna happen and let's just. [ __ ] cover our tracks as we go yeah I. mean but in Norway happiness we're like.

we don't want you to die thank you US. economy after like for a hundred years. like I mean like yeah you don't want. politics aside you don't want to be the. [ __ ] [ __ ] just drop the ball I mean. no Trump seems to be a little immune to. that he really seems I mean now he's. getting their mother-in-law baby but but. he doesn't seem to give a [ __ ] about. like you know I don't think people fully. understand the level of indifference and. I think that is what bothers people it's. like that you know there's a great line.

from a song you know it's a better you. know John Gorka as if folks here he goes. you know it's not hatred there's no hate. from her the facts of indifference are. cruel and it's like I don't think people. truly comprehend that these people don't. care they're sociopaths. it isn't this well-planned you know 3d. chess thing it's people that are just. trying to as russ Baker said preserve.

themselves at all costs yeah they're. just trying to preserve their self. the only thing acting unusual about. troubles before it's like he did not. like 11 billion but he probably has a. couple billion right there all right. it's like and only fans knew I believe. [ __ ] making money at bar-ilan Alisha. but why should a tune of tens of million. maybe even a hundred play interest or. like what crazy is that like when you.

already have a few billion you're gonna. like I'm not saying you care that much. about the presidency but you care so. little that you'll just ruined your name. for history for like money that really. doesn't mean that much that's the funny. thing about ahead sound that much right. well yeah I wasn't completely broke. there's only paper I don't think it's. completely broke but I also think he. doesn't think he's degrading his name. you know I I mean it's it's like the.

George Carlin line when he goes you know. sociopaths a very high self-esteem you. know I don't I tend to believe he thinks. this is the only way to cement his. position in history I mean I don't think. you know he would have gotten into. history the books for The Apprentice. certainly not in the way that he's in. there now but I do think this could be. the end of his political career I mean. this could get her a bad you know people. you know it yeah we might miss the.

window we might have missed. I don't want to buy too much into. immediately into like the worst case. scenario but there are a few different. people out there like your scientists. saying like now in containment there's a. we missed that we missed something. am I talking about a million dead. America possibly like yeah yeah I look. great in November or October when you're. running but the guy running against him. is like has full onset dementia Joe.

Biden wait you don't think you don't. think it's a good chance I'm not saying. that I think is that there's a even. minor chance maybe that with all this. hysteria people start shifting on birth. I hope so and I mean there's that debate. so I think what Bernie I stood to see. Bernie I think one of the things about. Bernie Bernie kind of lacks this killer. instinct where like Bernie has to leave. Biden on the floor in that debate he has. to leave him on the floor and he has to.

you know make them really expose him. for what he is which is kind of like. this mentally [ __ ] you know like he's. incapable of doing this job you know and. I think Bernie yeah he's a team today. another video out of a white background. where he just blabbering yes and like. United patiently member no I'm sorry. speakerphone yeah yeah it's almost like. that like that's is Harry not not the.

vibrant like right well it's a perfect. storm now of like everything that could. go wrong it's like you have a pandemic. you have a country as twenty trillion. dollars in debt we have Foreign Wars and. entanglements we have a bloated corrupt. oligarchy and the two people that are. running it are elderly men that both may. be kind of mentally unfit for the job. like there's no new blood nobody's young. nobody's interesting nobody's exciting.

every but I mean it's like you want to. talk about the end of an empire it's. like it ends with these elderly. kleptocrats other than Bernie just. trying to steal the rest of this did you. try to loot and you look at Biden son in. the Ukraine it's like kind of hilarious. it like everybody in Washington's kid. works for a Ukrainian natural gas. company I mean it's like it's clearly. just late-stage like let's loot let's. you know it's their version of going. into a grocery store it's a. smash-and-grab and yeah I think Bernie.

has to leave them on the floor in that. debate and then this is Bernie's type if. there was ever a time for a guy like. Bernie it's right now like [ __ ] the bed. the [ __ ] really like Biden just comes. restaurant I mean it would be so all. these means I like Bernie I hope I hope. it does take care of that but it would. just be like he hasn't great not great.

work Tory sense but me we get going it. didn't usually doesn't really. he doesn't lean in you said the best. thing when I'm like hey I think it's the. beginning of the end of the Trump. presidency because it can't be funny. anymore with the circumstances. you said something brilliant you go. he'll find a way to be funny about dead. bodies remember that you're like he'll. find a way to make the the deaths of.

your neighbor funny like that's our. weekend at Bernie's yeah. what a dark thought Trump's roasting the. dead. you know but the next election he's like. that didn't work out too well for those. people hey you didn't vote for me didn't. work out too well for you now you're. burning industry you think there's any. you have any chance he tries to bomb his. way out. what are you gonna bomb see our of. Portland. I'm gonna Bob no I mean I mean the.

platform the fact that like you know. October comes oh yeah I understand what. you're saying who knows I mean I don't. know you know there's a lot of people. saying oh oh they'll cancel the election. but it's like here's the deal. it's a [ __ ] it's all unprecedented. you don't know what he's gonna do. I hope to god this is a three-month. saying two to three months I don't think. it will be I think it's gonna be more.

like six months by I don't know if it's. six months of being stuck inside but I. think it's six months of disruption you. know her disruption the China is pretty. much China like getting back on track I. mean they had the hotel collapse on. people I mean China gets back on track. they'll just they'll just torch your. city you know they'll just torch your. city and be like back to business.

you know I mean read too hard that have. you no no nothing is not better no but. no but we're sentimentalist so we're. gonna have like a bunch of vigils is. gonna be coronavirus to musical you know. it's it's gonna be a different process. than china who's just like okay that's. done. next you know break up yeah well one.

more question. what do you have to say. I'm saying like dick verse 911 is. definitely a bigger scope to it yes I. don't think it does I'll tell you no 911. you could see human compassion and. empathy now people are scared of each. other when you when someone coughs they. become your enemy that does a lot it's. isolating it's lonely in 911 in that. time you had these vigils you have. people going out you're people.

connecting with other people. we're eliminating that now and I'm. telling you right now it's gonna be. [ __ ] quiet to watch people just go on. lot people are spending enough time. online now we're just locking people in. and saying go on the Internet we're. gonna see people go we're gonna see a. lot a large portion of the country will. become schizophrenic in the next 90 days. I mean I don't know a long time you know.

you can find me on Twitter Instagram a. tray come do something yes enjoy thanks. he's got a patreon it's called what's. your patreon patreon uh best request. rate um you can go but you got my. Twitter pages on there sadhus Twitter. page folks support and I need to need to. be a patron of the Arts right now and. weird the arts you know thank you right.

I'll thank you God bless you and God. bless america well there it is folks. quick little update from New York from. the great Rick comp you know it is. Friday 806 this comes out Saturday you. know Sunday in New York 12:00 a.m. 9:00. p.m. you're on the west coast but it's a. Sunday show so we don't know where we're. at we don't know where we're going we. don't know what's happening we don't. know when and if the quarantines are.

coming we're just sitting here waiting. just like you broadcasting into the. night going into the darkness head on. with good spirits high hopes we believe. that we'll get through this. I mean this is just what we do we'll get. through it. we'll sit I'll be a lot of sitting we'll. get through it with some good conspiracy. mongering on every side either side and.

they'll be sadly there'll be some death. and there'll be some destruction you. know and they'll be destruction there'll. be disruption they'll be you know. hopefully it's not the end of society. hopefully it's not martial law end times. things like that I don't know hopefully. it's not contagion I mean we watch. contagion the other day that movie sucks. it's not good does these movies are. never that good um but you know on the.

flip side of it we are here to provide. you with the analysis we're gonna bring. the experts on Roseanne's coming on. we're bringing on the people that you. need to hear from at this moment we. brought my friends some chick he's. dating as a nurse on brought dr. Steve. from Opie and Anthony the great Rick. comp in New York City giving us updates. he's our New York bureau Chair of our. news service but this is it folks this. is this is the news I am the anchor this.

is the news this is the new reality you. might not love it you probably don't. there's negatives to it but let's also. embrace some of the positives you're. gonna get some time now you know. comedies canceled let's enjoy that for a. few weeks. let's enjoy that for a few weeks it's. enjoy Netflix not taping another special. for a little while might be nice I'm. hoping to God that everything gets back. up and running soon so we're all gonna.

lose our [ __ ] minds so let's take two. months let's hit this out let's see what. happens we're gonna keep podcasting and. then let's come back on the other end of. this strong go back on the road go back. on tour see what happens I mean two. months is a real [ __ ] pollyannish. lofty aspirational timeline but who. knows maybe maybe it won't be as bad. our people that you know handling this.

pretty underwhelmed yeah I mean even at. sprouts last night in Eagle Rock you. were behind Tyler the crater in Bristol. Farms yeah in Eagle Rock at sprouts I. was behind badger from breaking bad so. you can kind of see the class disparity. there yeah with who were were around but. no one really people were just kind of. waltzing around talking on the phone. making jokes about Crona but just. grabbing food no one seems to really. even at CVS did people seem to be that. was how it was in the beginning of Italy. yeah.

really people good on just making jokes. cappuccino and now they're just just. banging tambourines on their [ __ ] you. know [ __ ] patios it's a nightmare. so I don't know I don't know which way. we're going but Germany seems okay how. many cases Germany right now. Germany seems like they're doing okay I. don't know ah three thousand six hundred.

seventy five cases and eight deaths and. forty six have recovered so far yeah I. mean I don't know 3,000 cases 3,500 case. how many cases in Italy let's go look at. Italy because that seems to be outside. of China I think Italy's the hardest hit. Italy has I mean just this past week.

fourteen thousand new cases but they. have seventeen thousand cases so what. does that mean seventeen thousand in. total yeah but like this past week. fourteen thousand new cases yeah yeah so. they are being ravaged and Jesus Christ. I feel horrible that's [ __ ] up yeah. they're being ravaged the country of. Italy is gonna take a while to come back. from this you know yeah if you look at. the map it's all over the country yeah.

looks like Milan and everywhere up there. got hit hard Rome only has 215 I wonder. if there were some rich people that got. the [ __ ] out of Italy you know yeah. I wonder if there was anybody who said. let's get out of here I don't know. nobody could nobody knew how bad it was. gonna get right mm-hmm. nobody could know nobody could know. we're all just [ __ ] waiting you know.

for the end Tim de la comédie calm no. live dates don't get any tickets to. anything chill out relax buy them it's. not message you mean ask me should I buy. tickets buy them in a month or two. listen buy them when I'm coming don't. buy anything right now I don't know. what's gonna happen nobody [ __ ] knows. what's gonna happen as of right now you. know Philly's cancelled des moines.

cancelled. Minnesota's cancelled those are the only. things that are canceled everything's. still on the books right now but I would. not buy tickets right now because I. don't know what the [ __ ] is going on I'm. neither do you and I don't know which. one of you most of these clubs give. refunds some of them will just give you. new tickets I don't know I'd rather not. I'd rather just tell everybody to just. chill the [ __ ] out right now and buy. tickets when we're back up and running I. don't know how long this is gonna be if. you want to support us patreon calm the.

tin Dylan show buy this stuff get the. ridge Wallach at the band scape support. the sponsors on the show it's great way. to support the show patreon you get one. extra episode every single week we're. gonna start live streaming to YouTube. that's going to come very soon we're. gonna start putting together more more. and more different types of corona. specials we got Roseanne coming up I'm a. huge fan of her love her we got a lot of. people that are going to come up on the. program so again you know our live.

podcast it may is sold out with Ray. comprar a preliminary think it's Matt. early may hopefully that happens let's. see. but you know Tim Jay Dylan TI ll went on. Instagram and Twitter. get on there subscribe to the Tim Dillon. show on YouTube if you can Whitaker who. you are you could be a Q&R hat. you're welcome here mm-hmm you know you.

know we don't we know we don't think. you're right you're right about. something's not about others you could. be a violent communist you're welcome. here. we welcome everyone Isis get in here. you're not everybody needs content. everybody needs content because that's. all we have left. get a podcast or a little bit up we're. in the darkness now goodbye.