#188 - Best of Patreon Vol. 1 | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dylan show live from Los Angeles. California hey guys it's been a 'very. the producer we have a special treat for. you tonight it's the best of patreon vol. 1 so I went through 6 of my favorite. episodes and found excerpts from them. and what we're gonna play for you is. just sort of the tip of the iceberg when. it comes to everything we have behind. that pay wall on the patreon if you want. to go find those episodes that I pulled.

stuff from I will have links in the. description it's only $5 a month. patreon.com slash the Tim Dylan show. it's a way to get a bonus RSS feed that. me and Tim put stuff out on we have a. lot of great great great episodes on. there not even to mention we have a. hundred forty-five archives of old. episodes of the show with interviews. with CIA agents russ Baker Nick Bryant.

there's tons of stuff with Tim and Ray. that's absolutely hysterical along with. a lot of other comedians on the patreon. bonus episodes now we're around 29 bonus. episodes so far that feature gown is. Papa's crista Stefano Jessa read and a. lot of other comedians mostly it's just. Tim doing solo or Tim and Ray so go. check out the patreon patreon comm slash.

the Tim Dillon show so I'm now going to. play you six things I pulled from random. patreon episodes that I really liked. this next segment is from bonus episode. 6 put it on the ham where Tim tells a. really funny story about growing up and. to lead into that story it's going to. start with Tim talking about the passing. of the late great Karl Ruiz you know we.

all have those moments where you look. around and you go I gotta get out of. here whatever here is. you know you might be in a party you. might be in a bar you might be in a. relationship you might be at a job you. just look around you gotta get the [ __ ]. out of here. and I gotta try to figure out how I got. here how did they get here right and. where and how do I get somewhere else. and Carl was a [ __ ] character man he.

was very funny as funny the most. comedians you know he was passionate. about food love would would review like. you know the popeyes chicken sandwich. he'd review like fast food he'd review. everything he loved working-class people. genuinely genuinely he didn't pretend to. yeah he loved the food that they ate he. loved the places they hung out. he loved the bars that they went to he. spent a lot of time in those places he. would go and get you know chip beef.

sandwich upstate he'd go [ __ ] all. over the place and he genuinely loved. those types of people there's a lot of. people in my business that pretend to. like those people on the left and the. right yeah whether you're lean to left. to lean to the right. in entertainment as a lot of people. pretend to like working-class people. which I never have by the way thank you. isn't that nice I've never really. pretended yeah I've claimed to only be. interested in the super-rich and I've. been pretty consistent about that yeah. you know you got integrity I mean I've.

been pretty you know it's like you see. me outside of a factory and like don't. close it what no I listen I like working. things but I love characters and I won't. even have health insurance and stuff. like that but I mean the people that. interest me are rich people I've been. very honest about that because I think. they're doing a lot of [ __ ] up wild. [ __ ] these are those are the people that. I not to say that like you know I'm. working class all my friends are working. class everyone I grew up with and I know. his working class so it's not like those.

are the fun or people those that people. want to perform comedy for you know what. Carl literally loved those people met. Carl really cared about people he cared. about the guys that were line cooks he. cared about the guys that he stood next. to in the kitchen he gave a [ __ ] about. all of those people and it's just so. funny because he didn't advertise it in. the way that people do in this business. when they're like I love the working. class like he never said they just love. the working place selfies with janitors.

yeah he just cared about people yeah. mani can he care and he went to the. places they hung out and he loved you. know the food and he understood it and. he was like [ __ ] he understood. people's relationship with food and that. some of it was destructive some of it. was you know hehe guising to be fully. great I mean I I since I was a kid I've. loved restaurants and food and the whole. culture of it and a lot of it mirrors.

the culture of drugs or an access or you. know anything. and there's rituals there's you know all. that stuff involved in eating and in. taking drugs and use drugs and drinking. and sax or whatever it is and Carl kind. of understood maybe better than so many. other people the role that food played. especially in the lives of people who. didn't have a lot and this was a fun. thing for them to do the food and drink.

was actually a fun thing to do was kind. of this escape it was a release it was a. place where even if they didn't have a. lot of money they could save some money. to go to a nice restaurant and it's an. indulgence and they enjoyed it they. could afford that they could never. afford a Maserati it could never afford. a house in the hills of LA they could. never afford a mansion you know wherever. and wherever but they were able to go. out and eat something good and I I was.

always a guy who the only things I ever. did with money was go out and eat so. Carl got that he I think he understood. that food was important to people. especially working-class people people. that didn't have enough you know and he. you know he had this whole thing rui-zi. it was hashtag reason which was rui-zi I. mean I think a few days before he died a. week before he died he was like on the. Long Island Rail Road heading out to. Long Island and he tweeted will somebody. meet me with a pack of cigarettes and.

and and some white cloth something at. the train station and immediately it. happen. you know like a guy was waiting for him. as soon as he got off the train but. that's what Carl would do there were no. strangers in you know and I'll talk. about this a little bit on the on the. regular episode not not as long but like. that guy didn't they weren't it they. would they were Frank like it sounds. cliche and stupid like oh there are. people that are that guy that we know. strangers they were just friends he. hadn't met yet but that guy made friends.

with people you know he just wanted to. hang out he wanted to drink he wanted to. eat he wanted to laugh that's all he. wanted to do he didn't want to hurt. anybody. he didn't want to be powerful he wanted. he didn't want to Bews people he didn't. want to Lord power over everybody he. genuinely was passionate about cooking. about laughing and you know that's a. [ __ ] great example of somebody who. lives really lives who they are like you.

know but it sucks because I would have. rather dim be around for a lot longer. you know which is why I think you do. have to moderate that dude you can't go. as hard all the time as you want to go. there's you know and I'm not you know. he's a very successful guy he's very. talented guy you know and he could up. you know it's very sad that he wasn't. around for as long as he could have been. you know and I don't know the. circumstances of his death but I just do. know that you know he was rui-zi.

you know he went out he drank he ate he. laughed he had fun with people you know. and that's a shitty thing you know but I. mean that's all I can do is basically. say to myself like I want to be around. for a while you know and whatever that. means by someone I have fun and I still. want to be the type of guy that he was I. think you have to work harder at being. fun like if you if you say to yourself.

I'm gonna get rid of the booze I'm gonna. get rid of it I'm not gonna be the guy. that just eats ridiculous [ __ ]. uh but I'm I still want to be fun like I. still want people to like me I still. want to be funny and I still want to. like be the life of the party to an. extent like. that might be a little harder but I. think it's you got to do it like I still. won't have a personality you know but I. don't want it to kill me. and so many dudes out there just kills. him we know guys not measuring their.

names we know guys you look at them you. know you're being killed yeah you know. who you are is killing it mm-hmm you. know and and I just fall into that trap. dude of like not seeing a way out and. not going well I've only been this how. am I gonna be something else you know. you know I mean it's like it's tricky. you know I mean that being said put. Greta Thun Berg in jail put her in jail. throw away the key.

what did Trump say about her because. happy girl happy girl excited for a. bright future yeah I mean this is who. you're putting in a que like this is he. putting in the Roman Colosseum with. Trump the 16 year old Swedish girl. mm-hmm this is how deeply immoral our. society is the master troll psychopath. Donald Trump who has absolutely no. feelings who would feed his own kids to. a [ __ ] tiger if you needed to yeah.

and we're putting in the Roman Colosseum. with him we're putting a 16 year old. Swedish girl autistic Swedish girl and. that's that's what we're gonna do. seems like not the move you know seems a. little ridiculous but yeah I'm bummed. man I was gonna fly bad or no if they do. in a memorial form or something but I. was gonna get I've gotta be in LA and. fortunately this thing about but you. know I mean this is what happens is any.

good friend of yours died me me call it. wasn't like a insanely good friend but I. really did like him mmm what about any. but good friend of yours ever died no. I'm not yet known about you Ben yeah I. wish that for you both of you you know. we'll be probably the only some the only. somewhat the only somewhat successful. person either one of you have ever. really met everybody else is just a.

complete loser. just go back to sitting on the porch. getting mad at people with 300 Twitter. followers it's ridiculous but it is a. [ __ ] it is a wake-up call man it's a. wake-up call it should be a wake-up call. where you're just like but he really did. understand that not that's what food is. dude food is a [ __ ] drug I mean. you're sitting in a fast food place you. open up this hot warm salty fatty sugar.

you know and you you open it up and you. just go this is this is something nice. I've worked a hellish job it sucked and. I'm just gonna have this one thing that. tastes good I just want to have this one. [ __ ] thing right now that tastes good. you know so I could feel full and I can. go to bed and I don't have to think. about you know yeah I just want to. really it's such a small amount of time.

to like that we we give for like food. it's just a nice taste for three four. minutes so you know I mean like it's. like that long of a of a thing to. indulge in but we just it's it's we love. it for a lot of people man it's the only. indulgence yeah you know you're not on. your boat yeah they're not on the boat : this is nice they get a few minutes a. day at lunch now when they get out of. work you know yeah I almost never look. at food is like fuel I just want it I.

just want something fun you know yeah I. mean that's that's that's a lot of us. man especially when I stopped drinking I. started getting really into like dessert. I never cared about dessert I always. wanted to leave the restaurant go to a. bar right I didn't care then you stopped. drinking you're like oh I'll have all. the desserts because I just want to eat. you know eat sugar now you know you got. to train yourself man and it's [ __ ]. sucks you know especially when you were. raised with the attitudes towards food I.

was raised with which was raised by two. people that exemplified the group of. people the boomers who everything was. convenience and what was easy. and if it was easy to just get a pizza. from Pizza Hut or get fast food on the. way back like and and listen you know in. defense of them they had jobs they had. you know all right it is what it is they. [ __ ] you know but you know when.

you're raised to it I was raised I mean. these are the rest like these are the. places that I ain't growing up okay did. I and I can remember them I can remember. all of them that I would eat like I. would consider somewhat frequently. McDonald's McDonald's is one of my. earliest memories for a lot of people. dude for a lot of people one of your.

earliest memories is it you're eating. McDonald's yeah good and you like it and. then you ask your parents to go back. they got the play place and they're all. the characters are fun and you're in. McDonald's McDonald's when I was a kid. Boston Market when I was a kid I've. loved Boston Market Kentucky Fried. Chicken when I was a kid what the Boston. Market one day I used to come in after. dance class and I had this like and I. was like squeezed in this leotard and I.

was like just like newly fat body. squeezed and like this purple and black. leotard that made me look try to look. like a hip-hop DJ uh-huh and I was. standing there and I used to sneak if. you get two sides when you got your. chair hey am I using it am and I would. sneak a third side on which was cinnamon. apples but the way I snuck it on as I'd. say put it on the ham and then the woman. would put it on the ham move it off I. actually put it on the ham then I would. get the beans and the mac and cheese but.

I said hey put the apples on a half the. way this is a way that you would get a. third side yeah in Boston Market so I. remember I remember standing there and I. was in with my you know just dressed. like a hip-hop DJ with my midriff my. little gut sticking out of my midriff. and there was a new woman there and she. like barely spoke English and I said I. want to see him in a pose but put it on. the ham and she. and she put it in one of the things and.

I I just I just I'd had a very grueling. day at dance where I'd fallen a bunch of. times so I was like almost bursting into. tears and I just started screaming put. it on the ham what the [ __ ] is wrong. with you. put it on the ham and the two african. guys in back of her that were carving. the chicken started chanting put it on. dom bulges and aha and I was like. screaming and crying and then this lady. started crying she cuz she didn't know. what was happening and then the woman.

who is a manager always like a. middle-aged white woman with glasses she. came over and I explained to her and she. was well usually we would charge extra. for that but you know we'll do it we'll. just put some cinnamon apples on the ham. it's not a big deal and I was like thank. you but now no matter what I do like. whether it's a Netflix special I always. stand before I go onstage whether it's. Comedy Central whether it's you know. rogue but it's something important I. just I I always say put it on the ham.

[ __ ]. before I do I'm kidding I don't but this. next excerpt is from bonus episode 7. Beverly Hills Cop where me and Tim were. just driving around in my toyota up. through the hills of Beverly Hills. making our way to North Beverly Park and. Tim is just talking about dark money and. epstein and he's sort of getting back. into the role of being a tour guide. which I really love this is a really. long episode this is a 20-minute part.

from it I found super fascinating this. is really really wealthy a lot of these. houses they start around five million. and then they climb pretty quickly into. the 20s and 30s you know and then even. you know there are estates in Beverly. Hills that are 75 million 80 million 100. million and I think there's a house for. the market in LA and I think it's. perfectly Hills for a hundred and. seventy five million and you know the. person who owns that is guidance.

counselor and she just believed in her. kids and that's how she made that kind. of money you know no no. people ask about this kind of money. they're like where does this kind of. money come from does it come from. lawyers and doctors and the professional. class account and stuff like that not. really this isn't really even CEOs or. companies unless they're large major. multinationals the reality here is the. majority of people that are not in the. entertainment business are in finance or.

they're in tech or they're in the. extraction of natural resources they. work at an energy company or they work. in some you know I mean most of the war. money is in and around Maryland in. Virginia and DC which is why the you. know the top 10 wealthiest counties I. think eight of them are right there but. some of those [ __ ] live out here. chill don't kid yourself some of these. [ __ ] live right out here but that's. what people are doing to make that kind. of money there's not too many lawyers up. here with 30 or 40 million dollar houses.

unless they're in the top you know 0.001. percent of all lawyers you know so the. professional class of people did it kind. of most people are familiar with don't. live up here a lot of this is foreign. money it's inherited money it's. descendants of royalty tack on a very. high level CEOs of companies that are. major corporations major multinationals. or you have people that have private. companies that you've never heard of.

that make doodles of money also you. might potentially have obviously actors. actresses sports people and he's an. interesting one been the black house. nothing satanic going on there they. answer the door every day they're like. I'll Satan's all hello we just passed a. solid black house in Beverly Hills. nothing Goods happening in that basement. folks tell you that much and as you walk.

you're obviously see their people. polishing cars and some of these houses. are actually not impressive right here. these are some not impressed you know. some of them are nice but we're heading. up into an area that's completely gated. where we will be asked to leave and turn. around. because these people do not want people. like me we were driving right now and. Benz what is this it's an Avalon it. looks like an uber that's a nice. it's relatively new how old is it 2008. it's not new at all I'm disgusted I'm in.

this car now that I found that out and. I'm sitting in the front seat with a. microphone and we're we're heading up. and the houses starting a little bigger. they were bigger on the as you go up the. hill the houses get a little smaller. they're bigger down by the base and then. they're big once you get to the top of. the hill but as you go up the hill the. houses are not nearly as impressive I. imagine these people are like the middle. class they make five to ten million a. year you know which was the middle class. I don't think they make much less than.

five a year maybe they do maybe some of. these people do make less than five. million dollars a year but once you get. up into two go [ __ ] your mother money. section these are people who are making. you know I remember I told people that. you know David Tepper who's a hedge fund. manager he bought all the stocks. financials he bought all those up with. his hedge fund when they cratered in. 2007 he sold them or but in 2008. whatever he sold him in 2013 his hedge. fund made 7.5 billion his personal.

income that year was 3.5 billion there. our hedge fund guys had make eight. hundred million a year three hundred. million a year you know what I mean and. I think that's what people don't realize. you feel in your ears when you go up the. hill don't you Ben so I mean the amount. of money that is made I think is. unfathomable Chris Rock said once you. guys if people knew how rich people were. there'd be a riot which is true like the. amount of money when you get up here is. crazy and then you'd have to look up. these people you'd have to google these. people how did they make this kind of.

[ __ ] money and I got on this kick. when I was a tour guide in New York City. and I'd show people a building I would. look at the average price of the. building I mean the average price of the. apartment in the building it would be. like 20 million dollars I'd be like well. what the [ __ ] do these people do who are. they and then you'd learn really crazy. [ __ ] like there was this woman Louise. crane who lived in one of these. buildings I think it was 834 8th 25th. Avenue she lived she her family sold the. paper to the mint that our money was. printed on that our currency was printed. on this [ __ ] own money so now we are.

here at the top of the hill we're at. Beverly Park the cave houses let's do. Souths with these are the gate houses to. get up in a Beverly Park this is the. most expensive section of the country. other than of course Sagaponack in the. Hamptons perhaps you've heard of it New. York shout out to New York and people. that also hate me they're people that. want nothing to do but I have that. hometown pride even though those people. would kill me so now we're gonna have to. turn around Benjamin we go right to the.

gatehouse Benjamin see the gates we're. right up here at the gatehouse look at. the view Benjamin look at all the houses. Ben grew up in Texas and a bag of Fritos. and it's very nice from to see this it's. very inspiring for him because he grew. up in a house where they just ate bloody. meat and they were like Jesus Saves. if Jesus came to you Durkin off he gonna. kill you and Ben was like oh I'm sorry. mother he was British I'm sorry mother. you see some of the houses Ben you see.

the bat is the Beverly Park over there. that's North Beverly Park let's go up to. the gatehouse up here up here right at. the understand you see Joe and the. reality is the idea that I'm not. welcomed into these communities is. frankly disgusting it's frankly. disgusting because I've done nothing but. entertain for free so Rolls Royce. Phantom Bentley's now it's getting. banana now it's getting bananas it's. getting stupid now stupid this is stupid.

money so now we're getting into some. houses they're like [ __ ] you Benjamin. you got to go back down that Street cuz. that was to the gatehouse we got to go. to the gatehouse we got to go to the. gate make them tell us no Benjamin don't. don't be poor you rich [ __ ] seeing that. the Antwoord saw him rich [ __ ] I'm a. rich [ __ ] but that's the thing about.

this type of money it's actually. fascinating to start looking up we're. gonna do more of that [ __ ] on the. patreon where we'll actually talk about. some of these people so it is kind of. fascinating and interesting how much. money and how much power certain people. have which why I think a guy like. Sanders would be good to shake the tree. I don't know how much shaking the tree. would matter and I think if Bernie shook. the tree it might land on him you know a.

lot of people shake the tree so now it's. not a through Street but that's okay. violators will be prosecuted trespassing. doesn't matter Benjamin keep going have. balls now we are in the most exclusive. area in the country right now folks. North Beverly Park. keep going bad don't be a [ __ ] here's. the game the gate stops us I thought. we're gonna get in Ben now just make the. uee I thought we were gonna get in gated. community but look at the house right.

behind the gate here. I mean Disney World you see it up in the. tree you can barely say it you can't say. it yeah it's wild did I mean it's wild. they do not let you in here. and that's okay but you could see them. over there the houses the homes these. are massive estates folks these are. massive and you know I'm be I've been. kept out of these communities I've been. denied. I've been literally [ __ ] on my whole.

life people just open they open my mouth. and they [ __ ] directly into my mouth and. I have to swallow that [ __ ] for many. many years and all I all I've tried to. do is go into wealthy areas now what I. will do and then I'll tell you this I. will walk around in wealthy areas. without case I get a cup of coffee and I. and I will like sweatpants to look like. I just woke up and I'll just walk around. these areas like Hancock Park that are. rich that don't have gates I guarantee.

there are areas that will have gates in. California in three years because of me. the residents will get together and go. get that fat [ __ ] out of here we're. putting up a game guaranteed folks. guaran-fucking-tee it's a beautiful fall. day here if I could do it all over again. I'd just be rich as [ __ ] and I'd kill. people I wish I was [ __ ] just crazy. rich but instead I'm a creative genius.

[ __ ] now we're we're in a coldest. it's a dead end there are several. Mexicans and they're all looking at me. and benches they know that we're not the. type of white that belongs here a lot of. construction going on here Alyssa these. areas are over built New York City's. over built there's too much high-end. [ __ ] on the market there's not enough. foreign money to pump into these markets.

you will see you know values decline to. a degree in these areas because you know. especially once we head into the. recession but you've already see wealthy. people are starting to hoard cash. because they know what's coming they. know before us what's gonna happen. because they make it happen through the. gray so they're already starting to. hoard money and not buy these homes we.

got to remember one of the real reasons. that New York City real estate market. did not suffer during the financial. crisis is that domestic money was. replaced by foreign money and foreign. people came over to America and they. wanted to move their money out of Russia. and China and the United Arab Emirates. and Brazil and India and they wanted to. buy homes in New York and London and. also Los Angeles to a degree to a lesser. degree and you know London is a great.

financial capital that's halfway between. New York and Asia so London is number. one. London is number one with foreign money. sixty to seventy percent of all new. construction in London is is it it was. at one time and I'm sure it still hovers. around that percentage now going to. people that do not live in Britain they. are not you know they might have. citizenship but the majority is a lot of. them are foreign nationals without. citizenship and it's not their primary. residence and they're buying up. snatching up lots of real estate their.

New York is second there's a lot of. people buying in New York you get rid. great return on your investment in a. city like New York in London you could. let it sit vacant and it'll just. appreciate in value if you buy an. apartment you could also rent it out and. you get a lot of money and none of these. people are buying it under their own. name they're buying it under the name of. a. shell Corp which is a corporation that. is set up really primarily to invest in. real estate also private companies but a. lot of times it's real estate and what.

people why do people use a shell Corp so. that they are not on the hook for taxes. that they can kind of launder money in. these cities through real estate and the. extent to which real estate it's used. for money laundering is pretty well. known but it's only intensified over the. last decade slow down a little bit now. but you want to talk about you know how. crazy it was going you know right after. the financial crisis people came over. here and just started buying buying.

buying and that's where you get into. like things like the Panama papers and. the person that released the Panama. papers is now dead I forget how probably. a bad called and the Panama papers were. an explanation of this of this other. financial system that wealthy people had. set up for themselves where they put. their money offshore and you know the. New York Times to their credit actually. read a great article that was pretty. complicated that very few people read. that was about how people especially.

wealthy people route their money through. companies that don't exist so that they. can pay corporate tax rates and these. companies don't exist and they have you. know they have addresses but there's. there's no employees and there's no. offices and there's no they they just. exist simply to kind of clear money. they're like a clearinghouse of money. I'll post some of these articles on the. patreon because I would imagine some of. the people that are listening to this. are a little smarter than the regular. people we got we're over a hundred.

thousand downloads on the episode now so. there's a lot of different kinds of. people listening to show they're in all. kinds of different [ __ ] you people are. probably a little bit smarter now not. all of you not all of you I will let. rain that in let's roll that back. there's many people here that are not. but there are a few people that want to. read some of these articles so we will. post them it's a great article it's a. dense article it's a long article but. you start to look at what what a. separate financial system looks like.

because it's really completely separate. four people at a certain net worth and I. think it a certain net worth you just. start to spend time with people that. just kind of piss in your ear I'm not. even talking about people that are make. it five million a year I'm talking about. serious money intergenerational wealth. where where this is just the way things. are done and and there's all kinds of. people that make money showing you how. to shield yourself from taxes and. accountability and and and guys like I. forget his name I think it's a neat.

Agarwal Agarwal his last name I forget. his first name who bought an apartment. of the Time Warner Center. this is a very controversial mining. magnate who like poison to River and. Zambia and he so what you have you see. two girls there at stand in front of a. pink house with pink hair. is that--do Jacquet we're hunting for. dosha cat we want to find the cat. what do you think she isn't jollibee but.

what the whole thing is I want to flesh. out some of this stuff because this is. by the way this is the key to Epstein. this is the key taps team and I want you. to start thinking about this in a more. broader context than just pedophiles and. Satanism and human sacrifice which by. the way all probably happening why did. you stay there benjamin been stayed.

oh that's we're which isin used to live. Ben is one of the slaves for the Eisen. family and was for many years good for. him this is what I want you to think of. it I've seen in a more broad context of. the human trafficking obviously. paedophile blackmail obviously but what. Epstein did I think and from from people. that are that from when you where boy I. spoke to who's done a lot of great work. on it and from a lot of people that I.

spoke to both on and off the record they. believe Jeffries main other than the. blackmail and all of that stuff they. believe one of his main functions was. washing dirty money laundering money. okay um it wasn't only the type of money. that would be earned from human. trafficking but you're looking at. narco-terrorism drugs you're looking at.

god only knows the kind of corporate. malfeasance he was tasked with making go. away or cleaning up in the financial. system finding places to put the money. finding places for the money to go you. got to remember Lex west or less wax. know who is Jeffery Epstein's mentor and. good friend and gave him his mansion in. New York City and gave him les Wexner. was questioned his attorney or. accountant I think his accountant was.

going to testify about offshoring. profits who's gonna testify about. offshoring money and he was shot in the. face before he's able to do that he was. killed in broad daylight in a mafia. style head so this issue cuts right to. the core of what we're talking about so. it's like we're driving around Beverly. Hills and you're like well how does that. connect to everything well it connects.

to everything actually it is everything. it actually is the core of everything. because there isn't one. only one illicit stream of money there. are many illicit streams of money that. are not accounted for that are not taxed. the CIA uses illicit money black-budget. all the time because they do things that. they don't want to sorry Bryan Callen. they do things that they don't want the. Senate Intelligence Committee to know. about that's why they bugged the Senate. Intelligence Committee that's why. they've admitted to spying on the Senate. Intelligence Committee because they.

don't want the Senate Intelligence. Committee to know what they're doing so. they want to know what the Senate. Intelligence Committee knows because. they do underground activities the CIA. so when you talk about the illicit. streams of money that guys like Jeffrey. Epstein direct and manage and you look. at the amount of people not all of the. pedophiles some of them just regular. crooks to regular old crooks and.

so then it gets very messy right so now. you took a bit Epstein right so let's we. talk about like well what happens if. Jeffrey goes in and sinks is it just. people that have been to his island that. go down or does he hold the key to a lot. of nefarious activities and a lot of. bold-faced names and a lot of powerful. people that are beyond the scope of even. that island you know what I mean and I.

think the reason that you can't let. Jeffrey sing obviously. you can't let him talk about politicians. diddling children on an island that is. no good that is a problem but the other. reason is because I don't think the. press can truly get a whiff of how. insanely corrupt the financial system is. how many people are benefiting from it. and the role of guys like Jeffrey.

Epstein or kind of these cowboys that. are somewhat rootless he blows around. the globe he's friends with everybody's. friends with Mohammed bin Salman in. Saudi Arabia he's friends with political. leaders in the United States and yes a. lot of it is probably the you know. pedophilia and stuff like that be gonna. realize it's pretty nobody's a pedophile. that's also refute like nobody's a. pedophile but doesn't cheat on their. taxes is what I mean like if you're. doing that you're probably open to drugs.

and cheating in any way that you can you. know and illegal arms dealing that's why. he's friends with kugali and you know. kakashi this huge arms dealer Epstein. was good friends with two so there's. this whole underground economy where you. have illicit streams of money you have. capital that needs to find a home and. you have guys like Jeffrey Epstein so as. much as it is about this island and it. is about the appetites of the wealthy.

enough these people are getting out of. control because now we're back down in. the area where you have you know some of. the poor here and you know I mean poor B. meaning BMWs like three and five series. no good very aggressive. they're striving to climber's they're. trying to get to the top of the hill and. they're there in a rush people at the. top of the hill aren't even a rush. they're not even home they don't even. exist go to a rich area you never see. the people cuz they they maintain. multiple properties there's somewhere.

else here's a couple of just nice. autistic brothers walking around countin. blades of grass God loved him jumping -. bonus episode 26 steyr Stan in this. segment. Tim talks about the healthcare industry. and what we'd have to do to actually get. people to be healthy in this country. this is why I'm literally this is me now. I'm gonna run I'm gonna run Ben and I. want you to ask me questions that you. hear people asking I'm gonna give you my. real answers I'm on the stage I'm I'm.

running Tim Dylan is now running for the. Presidency of America I want you to ask. me real questions okay Tim Dylan what is. your proposal for our immigration policy. that we have right now in America. here's a reality of the situation folks. there's a lot of boomers that are. retiring somebody's gonna need to wipe. their ass we're gonna shove them into. assisted living facilities hopefully. immediately hopefully by force we're.

gonna need people to go in there drug. these boomers up they're gonna be. drooling and [ __ ] all over the place. and we're gonna need somebody to do it I. don't really want to do it many of my. lazy friends are probably not going to. do it either so we need some immigrants. to just chain my parents and your. parents to their beds so that they can. piss and [ __ ] themselves until they die. now that being said we can't let. everybody in because that would break.

the economy so what we're gonna have to. do is we're gonna bring immigrants in. that have the skillset to chain my aunt. Kathleen to a chair and an assisted. living facility and be her we're gonna. give them on Facebook we give them on. Facebook and let them scream into the. void so we need some immigrants we don't. we but we can't have everybody next. question what is your plan with with. health care in America. two real ongoing issue a lot of people.

weren't covered there in medical debt. how do you seek to rectify this whole. situation here's what we're gonna do. with health care here's what we're gonna. do with health care we're going to. here's what you really have to do by the. way yeah this is what people don't want. to hear you're gonna have to like outlaw. Denny's and IHOP and Carl's jr. you're. gonna have to put the military around. calls junior numb doesn't up like. actually dead serious now you're gonna. have to put people with guns outside of.

Popeyes and calls Junior you're gonna. have to outlaw like buffets you're gonna. have to outlaw breakfast cereals that. literally deliver more sugar to the. brain of a child than they should have. in their entire existence in a sitting. um like we could give you free. healthcare folks and you should get it. health care should be a right but I mean. if we don't you know we're gonna have to.

just go in there and we're gonna have to. tell people that they have to stop with. the food and the booze I mean I don't. know that anybody wants to hear this. you're gonna have to get like a you're. gonna have to get like a card where you. get to go out to eat you get to go out. to eat like it's we're gonna have to run. the country like Weight Watchers except. it's gonna have to be enforced by the. prison system like if you go over your.

points we're gonna have to put you in. jail like if you if you go over your. points and Weight Watchers we're gonna. have to have a Stasi like police force. drag you out of your house and throw you. in prison because all the health care in. the world is not gonna work when Denny's. is slinging salted caramel banana cream. french toast to 400-pound people in San. Antonio it's just not gonna work. literally every theme restaurant in the. country is trying to kill everyone that.

lives here and literally every single I. mean the menu would get get the menu get. up the menu at Denny's just get up the. menu. deniz like this is the real nobody will. do this by the way onstage like nobody. will go let's take a look I want that. candidate who goes yeah oh great. yeah health care it's that so bad but. let's look at the menu at America's. diner quote their words America's diner.

let's see what we have you want to see. featured items first um let's go to. fluffy pancakes how we start our day. this is how America starts our dad this. is how we start the day please read us. some of the offerings Benjamin classic. tres leches pancakes tres leches. pancakes cinnamon roll pancake breakfast. salted caramel and banana cream pancake. breakfasts that doesn't even sound good. by the way go-to salted caramel banana. cream pancake breakfast let's view the. item now buttermilk pancakes now read.

read this by the way in Europe like this. would be illegal and people would be. sent to jail if they would firebomb a. restaurant to try to serve this by the. way it's almost hilarious discussing. health care and leaving out all of this. right let's read the description of the. item buttermilk pancakes cooked with. shortbread pieces and topped with. vanilla cream banana and even more. shortbread pieces by the way that is. literally their quote serve with a.

picture of warm serve the pitcher of. warm salted caramel for drizzling serve. with two eggs two eggs two eggs hash. browns plus two bacon strips or two. sausage links and I bet you could turn. that or into an and nutritional facts. how many calories Benjamin fourteen. hundred and thirty calories okay let's. look at something else let's look at.

something else let's go to the double. berry banana pancake breakfast because. this looks good as [ __ ] buttermilk. pancakes cooked with blueberries atop. with fresh seasonal berries bananas and. whipped cream served with two eggs hash. browns two bacon strips okay this is. their healthy meal it's only a thousand. calories how much was the cinnamon roll. breakfast o'clock in a nap. 1810 1810 let's see what in 1810.

calories on buttermilk pancakes cook. with cinnamon crumb topping and top. serve with a picture of warm cream. cheese. serve with a picture of warm cream. cheese icing for drizzling plus 2x. resume guys what health care let's be. honest what health care program is going. to compete with America's diner 1800. cinnamon roll pancake everybody in this. country should be forced to smoke.

cigarettes in a health initiative right. now there should be a health initiative. called light up if it if it even saves. your appetite off for a minute now go to. the grand slam which Benjamin find the. ps2 resistance the Grand Slam become the. Grand Slam which by the way this is a. bigger threat to our country than. terrorism has ever been has ever been. let's find the Grand Slam which the. Grand Slam which is my favorite so it.

might not be in super sandwiches it's. not there oh it's not a super sandwiches. no maybe featured items classic. breakfast faves go to classic breakfast. faves right there yeah I think we're. gonna I think we're getting to the yep. now go to the grand slam which what do. we got here. 11 of 50 calories listen to this folks. listen to this by the way it looks like. someone vomited on bread scrambled eggs.

this is my favorite scrambled eggs. sausage bacon ham American cheese on. potato bread grilled with a maple spice. spread served with hash browns so here's. the thing with health care I mean folks. well what are we doing like Denny's I. hop go to Carl's jr. Google Carl's jr.

you want to get a health care like it. it's one thing it's an immoral health. care system but I mean I hate to say it. but we're. need to put the military outside of. Carl's jr. let's see the different. burger options because I think one of. them has five four or five patties on it. okay all right see sorry it's a little. we have a little traffic here we're. sitting out on the the new porch let's.

look at the Western bacon cheeseburger. what are we looking at on the Western. bacon burger. did they give you calorie counts no this. the thing isn't loading on their website. here that's convenient. this rep website is run by acronym that. brought you shadow oh here I got it now. you have to add the item okay but go. find the one that has five patties or.

whatever it is the big Carl or they're. really it's the really big goat of a. really big Carl how many patties on the. really big car this one's got three. three patties on the really big Carl let. me add it to my cart add the really big. Carl to the car okay this is great how. do you add it again I this one is not. letting me at it here's what I think. people need to realize here it's like.

people talk about like the weapons. industry and the pharmaceutical industry. but the food industry like fast food and. fast casual food now many people know. about me that I called Tim you're fat. fine Steakhouse fat that's still bad. still bad I'm not called jr. fat like I. didn't get fat it calls Junior I got fat. if you come to my live show you'll will. do we talk about Wendy's you talk about. the hot but I mean this is the problem. with health care it's like this is and. dude forget show duh forget that I don't.

drink so I've never drank anything with. bubbles I just don't like carbonation. but think about the amount of people. that are eating this food day in and day. out you know it's just it's kind of a. nightmare and I'm a freedom guy I want. everyone to have freedom. but at what point do you say and for all. on it if we're all on a program right. like if we're all on a healthcare. program a public option at what point do.

you say like you can't go out and have a. big Karl every day at lunch you can't. have a big Karl should there be a card. that you go to use and they got nob. you've had two big Karl's you've already. had two big car and a really big car oh. yeah you've had a really big car. yesterday you had a really big Karl. today you came in here to have a big car. like you it's you can't do it you can't. eat tres leches pancakes.

in the morning you know go to the. unhealthiest items in America I mean the. Cheesecake Factory got a bunch I mean we. won't do the whole episode talking about. this but like there is just this idea. that personal responsibility is. completely vanished from like anything. and that nobody's responsible for. anything.

yeah let's read some of these okay 15. highest calorie restaurant meals Buffalo. Wild Wings we got at 15 the cheese curd. bacon burger dude that's vomit-inducing. Jesus dude cheese curds are disgusting. I'm sorry if you're from that frozen. tundra of Wisconsin with all those [ __ ]. but they're disgusting and they put it. deep fried cheese curds on top of a. bacon cheeseburger 2,000 calories I mean. dude it's not even good I love Outback.

Steakhouse herb-roasted prime rib is. next look at that big fat slab my mother. loves that 2,400 cows i hot cheese. burger omelet with pancakes I mean if. you go to another country and you showed. them this food literally if you sat down. with someone in Belgium if someone. started to make this food like this is. where age is getting fact is they're now. getting our fast food and you're seeing.

like fat Asians for the first time but. like other European countries every. about these socialist countries like. Denmark and Norway here's what they're. not doing they're not slinging. cheeseburger omelets and tres leches. pancakes to the population by the way. for a very like low price this is not. expensive no you can go in and kill. yourself from $9 Shake Shack keep going. down listen to the Sonics pineapple. upside-down master blast shake I'm by.

the way gross vanilla ice cream. pineapple salted caramel and pie crust. pieces this is the thing folks it's this. is not even good it doesn't taste good. like that's what I think people and I. guess people just so upset. and they don't realize that literally. you're ingesting poison that isn't even.

enjoyable it's a literal drug and Dave &. Buster's carnivore Pizza dia it doesn't. it sounds like an attack it doesn't even. sound like food 2000 calories a giant. quesadilla stuff with Manchego chatter. cheese pepperoni sausage smother no more. cheese pepperoni sausage me and Ben were. in Vegas and we walked past a heart. attack grill which is where people die. while eating there and they're proud of. it and you're looking at people sitting.

in this place eating butter fat. milkshakes and like six patty burgers. and it's like it's become as big of a. problem as the opioid crisis now it's. not as expensive as heroin so no one's. killing you no one's stabbing you in the. street to go get tres leches pancakes. but you remember what Michelle oh my. Christine funny comic out of New York. had a great joke about this he's like. remember when Michelle Obama's like we. should all eat salads and then one fat.

white woman was like but I feel. beautiful the way I am and we're like. all right yeah [ __ ] the salad initiative. lena Dunham's like no but I'm booty-ful. everyone's like okay you're right. everyone gets so mad that Michelle Obama. was trying to feed kids broccoli. remember that people like she's a. communist she's trying to make these key. because she just didn't want like people. eating whoppers for lunch bonus episode. 27 live from Toronto this was recorded. last week Tim and the great Raymond. Kampf performed the podcast live I hope.

you enjoyed this segment I mean would. you prefer royalty to what we have in. America now I mean what do we what would. you even call what we have. it's like rape boil tea or something. yeah I mean what we have now is just. cottage close to professional wrestling. yeah as it's ever been. I mean it's it's pretty just people. hitting each other with chairs up there. right I mean how great with me though. it's like we had to like literally put a. crown on Trump yeah I mean that's yeah.

that would be fun what people don't get. us it's like it is the ruling classes. just losing power yeah and it is wild to. watch like they don't know what that you. Michael Bloomberg's trying to buy the. electors they don't know what to do. anymore. there's you're spending all this money. they don't know what to do it's there's. nothing to do I don't know what people. think is gonna like this is [ __ ] over. all right Chinese are taking over like. and like white man can not that [ __ ] I'm.

just saying we've been scamming. everything for 200 years now it's done. you had it we had a run we had a good. run we had a nice run balance the books. it's like like I had a kid last night in. the show. he's like I'm majoring in social work. I'm like what are you you're gonna help. what are you doing with that like Social. Work where social putting people to mass. graves yeah I don't even know what it is.

yeah it's not it's some kid getting. burned with cigarettes and you walk in. or we would just mean you would make it. so much worse the kid with my parents. hit me we're like 911 didn't even happen. you're whining about your parents. homeless heroin addict me like let's do. your taxes we're just all like poisoned. yeah cuz that is what social work is. it's like some junkie. like let's do a questionnaires.

yeah good at let's do a questionnaire. what would you like when they have to. sit down and be like what do you want to. accomplish in this program really is she. right now would you like to accomplish. in this program sir. it's you know listen you know we we we. kid but you know God love everyone it's. a real problem there it's a real problem. Trump will probably win again you know. I'd imagine he would but Bernie Sanders.

as a messianic thing going on and he's. good we like I don't think we'll get. anything done but that is what it is. like ideal it's what it is I mean switch. what where we live I don't understand. about the left is that you have it's. like there's Justin of whatever you. wanna call it the deeps whatever the. [ __ ] you call you loominatee they star. wars whenever the [ __ ] they feel like it.

and you're trying to give away your. assault rifles right like what I. understand like resist on Twitter yeah. resist wrote Bernie it's like they got. who are you resisting with a [ __ ]. tweet or [ __ ] like yeah shoot people. right that's what we're saying I gotta. [ __ ] dustpan will hit you with it. like no but the other problem is that. all the pro-gun knots to say they don't. want to give up their guns cuz they're. like well it's if the government gets. too radical it's like it's too radical. now you're gonna shoot anyone start now.

this is an entertainment show all shows. entertainment it's an entertaining show. it's entertainment it's not the only. real home defense. I think shouldn't be able to have a gun. for home defense I want you to be home. invaded and be cocked in a weird. scenario I don't care about that but I. do I do like the idea of like. overthrowing a government I think least. in America I mean the way you guys feel.

about it but like that's how we were. raised nobody's gonna do that in America. except what's to fact exactly and the. only people who are doing it or like. defending racist statues right we like. militia. yeah the only thing they care about is. race and stature like you can [ __ ] our. kids but don't touch that robert e lee. statue. don't you dare that's our heritage. that's our goddamn history bill just.

Barcia for like health care yeah they. would love them keep the guns it's so. true they never bring the guns out for. anything good yeah they're never like. clean up the planet with the guns they. never marched around with ak-47s Beyonce. a Grammy yeah she deserves it. what about the state of popular culture. and music I mean it's you were making. electronic music now many people don't. know this oh yeah I mean I dabble with. it I'm not you know it reminds me when.

Diana died I was listening to techno. music on our radio bridges is dead the. princess here did you see yourself. becoming a DJ like Skrillex. I need to find maybe I mean the mouse. head Armin van Buuren I don't know these. people. Steve Aoki that dia you know the guy who.

looks like a wizard I feel like I have. this vision of me like DJ and like I'm. dressed like a baby and how do I dress. how do you dress like a baby diaper and. just say you're in a diaper setup where. I'm like going through the crib I'm. spinning records I gotta be honest with.

you this sounds amazing that's the thing. were that was happening in LA I'm not. even kidding if you walked in because la. showed knots and everyone's on so many. drugs that if they if they just saw you. in a big cage doing that people be like. yo that's baby calm that's DJ baby calm. like [ __ ] really man whoa. that guy. rad yeah with deadmau5 or whatever he's. rich. yeah he is rich so yeah I mean but the.

state of music today I mean it just. seems like Gregorian chant for like. molesting children is like that's really. bad I wanna [ __ ] your dad and suck on. his tits use me like a toilet and then. like I'm your toilet. would you like Doge ikata look the OSHA. cat is just like the whole thing. crashing yeah it's like the simulation. just being like it's a good song that. juicy song do we have the ability here.

to play music no no good phenomenal so. just out of curiosity I knew the answer. but I was gonna treat everyone to a song. but anyway I don't wanna be the old. fogey or whatever is that offensive. hello. don't worry he bites I'm a photographer.

oh yeah that was that I'm scared I'm a. photographer you want me to show you how. to take a pretty face. I used to photograph weddings and bar. mitzvahs sweet 16 everything anything. you want. what mince words are great well you into. somatic all right. [Applause]. not mutually exclusive plenty of. self-hating Jews we found a self-hating. Jew and I love all because she doesn't. want to photograph apartments which no.

one wants to run around a party and. photograph over a woman a Bar Mitzvah. why now yeah so anyway yeah I don't know. being like yeah what's her name again. Billy Eilish Billy Eilish she's no. Whitney Houston no wouldn't use it was. maybe the greatest singer of our time. right and you still end up getting a tub. you'll never not die in a tub that's the. point you go to Hollywood with all these. big ideas you die in a tub if you're.

lucky we don't want like there's no. aspirational art anymore no we don't. want that we want like somebody that one. could do it I want like some amazing. night amazing so I want something decent. that randomly came out of a dying cancer. patients like notebook right and then. like you knew the guy that guy's also a. junkie I'm doing fine. yeah yeah that's what we no one wants to. be like I have to like spend ten years. like doing vocal lessons was like even. lizzo who's good but she's not great no.

she's not like look market and Kerry. she's fat but like used to holding look. how proud of her bat by she is she's a. gem and like I don't care but like give. it like no-one's like what is this for. like what is this they're trying to keep. us as like cattle or something. like fat cattle yeah government wants me. to be fat yes. and like wants me that rotten teeth. that's why they [ __ ] made me drink. diet coke every day.

Liz's gonna have a song soon my teeth. are rotten do you have dental samman I. want to perform my own operation on my -. why my teeth are [ __ ]. [Music]. what is a good thing to get that we. cannot get in America what no butene. here what'd you say.

well here's the thing guys usually thing. with the poutine I'm not getting it at. McDonald's I mean that seems [ __ ] up. yeah Montreal yeah yeah that's that's. the other festival that's not in the. homeless shelter what is poutine like. french fries with cabbage french fries. cheese curds and like gravy it's pretty. good what else did you want to known for. a lot of Middle Eastern food right steak.

they have a lot of steak houses here oh. you have a lot of steak here nice. well-done steak [ __ ] you yeah yeah. here's here's your charred beef and. don't and you'll put you jail if you say. the wrong thing here put me in jail for. [ __ ] being fat yeah well they should. I just want to be in a cage yeah he was. so excited I'm like you might go to jail.

oh good he's like can we arrange this so. that I do go to jail like I don't want. to be using a toilet right the greatest. part of that sentence was but you're. like I don't want to be used like a. toilet but last but not least bonus. episode 8 it's a vibe this is one of my. favorite moments from any of the patreon. episodes where Tim talks about how easy.

it is to be a recording artist and he's. just talking about Billy Eilish and this. guy he met in Houston I just love this. little chunk here enjoy a lot of people. from my high school graduate people seem. to be closer with people they met in. high school in college yes because you. go back I guess to this hometown and. stuff and many of the people that I am. that I was friendly with in high school. don't really talk to anymore they don't. reach out to me they're intimidated by. my fame and I remember the last time I. went back to Long Island I was trying to. get a bagel and I was inundated with.

people that wanted pictures with me and. they wanted my autograph and many of. them are trying to [ __ ] me as I walked. in to get a bagel it was just very. annoying and they were just like hey can. I get a picture and [ __ ] you I was like. alright fine so I was on the big line I. was just [ __ ] them and they were. taking photos with me like selfies it. was just awkward but listen I get it. it's nice when someone you know ends up.

being a famous star like me or Billy. I'll if Satan is my father in the night. he comes in my room and he gives me a. baby. save the world. and Jimmy found like that's great you're.

such a talent I'd hug you but I'm. chained to my desk we don't want another. incident you know so all I'm saying. folks I don't know how to tell you how. to live just go to if you're a kid you. want to go away to school go away to. school have some fun out there enjoy. yourself you know go away go somewhere. different I've only lived in New York or. LA I've only lived in New York or Los.

Angeles you know it's crazy to think. about and I'll probably never live. anywhere else you know I can't envision. baby when I'm older I'll move somewhere. else I think about that often but these. are the only two places I've lived it's. very unhealthy to very unhealthy. environments you know but they're really. the only two places that I can do what I. do you know which is inspire people all.

over the world to really live I I got a. message other day from a child in India. who watches the show he's four and he. said Tim Tim Tim I don't know I can't do. an accent stop I just got it's not that. I'm against it I just can't even ice I'm. so bad at it why is it why is it it's. not I don't I'm not. disrespecting anyone if I do it but I. just they smoked a few cigarettes I.

can't hello he says four year old wrote. me a letter he said Tim he said you know. things are not great here because I live. in a slum and he goes I think I you know. you know I think that it's very hard to. you know we don't really have Wi-Fi we. have one little computer here in the.

whole small village and we all get. together and we watch the show all the. villagers will watch the podcast every. week and we they cancel their. subscriptions to guest in general many. of them after I left I didn't tell them. to do that but they did that they could. say what they would do he goes with. eating literal garbage here we're eating. garbage we're living in garbage we're. living living in in towns made of.

garbage but when we watch your show and. you tell us that it's not gonna get. better we get it and we connect with it. now we understand and it makes sense to. us and we laugh because we laugh because. my brother was eaten by a tiger and he. said but watching you just kind of smoke. cigarettes on a porch in Los Angeles and. scream made me understand that even.

though there probably is no God and we. live in an unending hellscape and. literal demons run this earth in this. reality reptilians from another. dimension suck joy out of people and. then they feed off negative energy and. they use it to create this paradigm that. we will live in and we can't get out of. it we don't know how the only way to do. it is high doses of psychedelic drugs. which I can't even afford.

he goes even though that's all the case. and I know that I think this guy's for. spring even though that's the case he. because I still just get enjoyment from. watching you blow smoke into the Los. Angeles sky that's why I do it that's. why I do it I don't do it I don't do for. the money I'm gonna do for the fame I do. I do it for both I do it really for.

those two things it's predominantly why. I do it those are the only two reasons I. do it literally those are literally the. only two reasons that anyone does it. anyone that says you don't do anything. for money or fame is a flyer they're. lying to your face I just do it for the. kids. yeah yeah okay but you know it is one of. my regrets if I gone to college what.

kind of life would I've lived but I've. been a swimmer and good-looking not. funny then I would have really succeeded. in comedy I'd live in a small little. liberal arts ecology [ __ ] town and. I'd maybe I was still drank smoked a. little weed get in front of a room of. dumb kids and inspire those losers and. say I'm a teacher aren't I cool I'm the. cool teacher maybe I would have been the. cool teacher hey I'm the cool drama.

teacher I'm the cool you know I was in. Houston with Christ room and there was a. couple of kids who are volunteering I. love cutting kids down it's one of my. favorite things I just just just looking. at him and going you're a fraud you know. I see that the baby sometimes I look at. him I go you're a fraud I'm but then. some babies are like [ __ ] you [ __ ] and. then I'm like interesting I respect you. there were these Street kids that were. they were volunteering at the theater. and I said what do you guys do they're.

like we're in the theater program I said. oh that's good and I said so what. happens like after you graduate you move. to New York or LA and they go no. actually they go no actually uh Houston. got the third-largest arts community in. the country and I just went and I left. in their face and I went guys come on. don't be stupid as soon as I told that. to Bernie laughs I said and they said no.

usually got the third largest liberal. arts community Brad the third largest. arts community and Bert laughed so hard. because you don't have it to go and. [ __ ] get kicked in the face there's. nothing wrong with that you know but. don't pretend that you're gonna make. some kind of career in [ __ ] Houston. Texas as a theater made can you stop cut. it out I just looked into my left right. in their goddamn faces and I said that's.

it man I was a theatre group on my tour. bus one day when I was doing the tours. and they were like yeah some girl that. graduated she moved to New York City now. she thinks she's better than all of us. I'm like she is she is I went to a Long. Island a Holy Trinity High School that. we had one of the best theatre programs. we one of the first high schools and. what about dule Missouri I wasn't in the. theater groups I'm not a loser. I'm in the real theater okay okay tough. guy um and one of the one of the you.

know that theater group produced the. best theater group on Lamont produced a. lot of lawyers because you're all full. of [ __ ] every one of those theater kids. should should have been made to play Jim. and made to do what I did run around a. track being chased by a fire-breathing. Dyke and look at penises while. pretending they weren't that would have.

been a much better skill set for them to. [ __ ] have then [ __ ] this fake. [ __ ] theater [ __ ] thing then. nobody you should you should sign a. pledge if you get out of gym for four. years that you have to do theater for. ten years and ruin your life you should. be living in an inner in a [ __ ] you. know in a [ __ ] dirty apartment New. York with no hot water. going on auditions will you [ __ ].

clunky ass trying to dance around and. try to do it. Broadway's a hell if you get on Broadway. it's an absolute hell nobody gives a. [ __ ] about you we went to go see that. ferryman show so great nobody gives a. [ __ ] about those people spit on him. right in the street. I love the Shelf I ever saw one of those. people I would just spit right on him I. [Laughter]. saw that show three times.

I liked it someone so good I I Phantom. of the Opera which sucks now it is just. it is so bad now so bad dude he used to. be so good there was a guy who was. clearly drunk yet no voice and he was. like one of the principles it was like. $600 she's like so expensive and the. guys like the guy was singing he's like. hi tattoo him people look alike is this.

guy out late last night probably got a. victim he's probably homeless but that. sure I knew the lady that played mag in. that show who's not the lead the lead is. Christine the other one is Meg Meg I. knew she used to sit in the Food. Emporium and drink clam chowder and. stare at the rain every day before she. had to walk into the theater she was a. cat-like woman very pensive startled. easily and you see these people they.

just dedicate their lives to theater. like three people succeed my cousin my. third cousin is one of them. Bobby Lopez he wrote the music for. Avenue Q Book of Mormon frozen he got. winner Emmy Grammy Oscar Tony to to. leach is one thing he got twice he's won. two Emmys two Grammy to Oscar to Tony's. he's in the most elite but he deals like. Bob Michael Eisner who's the guy who. owns Bob Iger at Disney I don't know he. deals with those people personally he. said why do I have an ancient he said.

what's think I don't know why I have W. babies like we're these people directly. he's the agent called him watch like. we're gonna get you more work he's more. work what there's no more work. dude frozen to like I'm doing like guys. got money he's like theater royalty his. best friends lin-manuel Miranda he came. to my grandma's you know once I'm like. hey come check out one of my comedy. shows he's like well your grandmother. was a good woman. that was it which is fair I get it it's. theater royalty but there's guys like.

him his brother his little brother ended. up getting [ __ ] over he went into like. Nickelodeon or something and they stole. his idea or maybe was Adult Swim I don't. know one of those places maybe who's MTV. or Nickelodeon one of those things he. just went and pitched something then. three months later this tried to make it. I think it lawyers and everything yeah. do people don't care let's steal your. [ __ ] but most people in theater are. damned. so I think if you get out of dice jam. for four years you should have to at. least give it a shot you know it's a.

tough profession man it's [ __ ] hard. as [ __ ] it's a very talented people is. very hard to bed idina menzel became. super famous she was that she was in. rant and then in wicked and then it. frozen she became super famous but dude. the amount of people that become super. famous for Broadway it's like three of. them it's very very hard and uh and I. don't care but I don't care it's that's.

what it's supposed to be but it's what. it is to calling you believe in its. religion it's like everything we talked. about but those kids in Houston were. hilarious well actually use it as a. third largest time you shut the [ __ ] up. you clown pieces of fat one of the. fattest cities in America the only thing. they have the third-largest of is people. having coronaries at [ __ ] Arby's you. have the third-largest people in America. not the third largest art scene maybe.

they view of the third but I think that. Bill Hicks joke you know when he goes. Iraq at the fourth largest in the world. but yeah after the first three armies a. real drop off after New York in LA but. is a real drop-off in art scenes Liz. Loza ass as the fourth largest art scene. in the country. try not to Liz I'm clapping with her. soon. dosha cat Eilish Liz Oh Dylan that's. much it what if I what if I somehow.

became a recording artist you know what. what music would I have to do what kind. of music hmm hip-hop or something hey. that's for the blacks now oh really I. think they want I think that's what. makes it cool is that it's people black. people getting into a genre of music. they hadn't previously been into yeah I.

picturing you with big black framed. glasses like FUBU full jumpsuit chains I. really picture you doing it I mean. there's so many people we know that. aren't funny at all that are very. successful as comic yeah most so it's. not layer majora it's not hard imagine a. big majority give a beat can you get a. beat up right now yeah let's see like a. beat where I could be a recording artist. I want to be like close Maloney though. I've been into rock star with my [ __ ].

I've been in a club with this ho she be. looking at me all night though I'll be. like where you going you ho she's like. I'm gonna go and get to blow I said. maybe we shouldn't do blow hold on yeah. this is we're tired you want to see how. easy it is to be recording artist I'll. give it to you right now. here we go I pull up in the belly she be.

looking for a long time. r-really hard days but I gotta make the. song run this is ruining it little baby. not hold on I got a vibe with the beat. see me out of sunset all my boys and my. girls in the car everybody like this. isn't even fun yet and I'm like. society's collapsing cuz the corporate.

state is owned and us we're livin. inverted totalitarianism my boss shall. the rolling corn that term he's dead now. Chris Hedges loves him where my HOS at. we might as well be foes now because we. can only come if it's violent we need a. lot of sexual violence our society is.

built on war and murder of the innocent. the torture and rape of the innocent and. the murder of children because you know. that killing children and I'll be. chilling in my Rover American Empire is. over where my home who's that for you a. home for the corporate state I am spread.

my [ __ ]. ExxonMobil [ __ ] me in my mouth yo. ExxonMobil [ __ ] me in my mouth yo. [Music]. sadi soda in my [ __ ] mouth bro put. your oil in my mouth and my ass. [Music].

[Music]. [Music]. I was to survive I mean I think that's.

that that's now the critique of that. song would be that it's it's it's a. little too. it's very lyrical it's very lyrical and. but it's a vibe you know. yeah patreon.com slash the Tim Dylan.

show please go sign up it's only $5 a. month. there's hundreds of hours of bonus. content on there it's a great way to. support the show also go to Tim Dylan. comedy comm he has a lot of shows coming. up New York New York. Caroline's March 12th through the 14th. Tim's going to be in Philadelphia. Pennsylvania at helium comedy club. March 19th through the 21st he's gonna. be in Des Moines at the funny bone in. Iowa March 26th through the 28th funny.

bone in Manchester Connecticut April 3rd. through the 5th. Bloomington at the house of comedy April. 9th through the 11th Albert. New York he's gonna be at the funny bone. April 17th to the 19th Dallas Texas. hyenas comedy club April 23rd 24th and. 25th Phoenix Arizona is gonna be at the. house of comedy May 7th through the 9th. Columbus Ohio he's gonna be at the funny. bone May 21st through the 24th Omaha. Nebraska May 28th through the 30th at. the funny bone he's gonna be in San.

Francisco over the summer June 4th. through the 6th at the punchline he's. gonna be in Springfield Missouri. June 12th through the 13th of the Blue. Room he's going back to Canada. June 18th through the 20th and Edmonton. at the comic strip and July 7th through. July 12th he's gonna be in New York at. levity live in West Nyack hope I'm. saying that right also remember that we. have merch we have a store on bonfire. I'll put a link in the description for.

that two shirts with Tim dressed up as. Megan McCain on them we have life in the. big city shirts we have mugs we also. have a growing subreddit where you can. share clips from the show and talk to. other fans our slash Tim Dylan go check. that out follow Tim on Twitter at Tim. Jay Dylan follow him on Instagram at Tim. Jay Dylan as well and that's all for now. guys I hope you enjoyed all this bonus. content and we'll see you next week.