#185 - Stunning Estate | The Tim Dillon Show
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim. Dylan show here from the new studio I'm. wearing a blue shirt to contrast from. the black background I do not work at. Best Buy but [ __ ] you to the person who. said that let's kind of address the Ari. Shaffir a tweet because a lot of people. are talking about it and it's been a you. know a lot of people are kind of. reacting to it let me read this very. controversial tweet. Ari Shaffir Road Aretha Franklin showed. generations of black people that big can. be beautiful dooming them to a diabetes.
epidemic roast in hell monster um again. it's a lot and I can understand why that. angered certain people Aretha Franklin. is an icon maybe one of the greatest. singers songwriters of all time not. songwriters but she's you know she's a. performer she's amazing she's an icon. and I totally understand why some people. were not appreciative of Ahri's. insinuation that somehow her being a big.
woman somehow made diabetes prevalent in. the black community and that somehow. there she was somehow responsible for. that IIIi do understand why people are. angry about that and I think that re. does as well and you know he's faced. some consequences for that tweet well. you let why laughing mmm that's why what.
is funny about that nothing cuz I don't. think it was that funny no was that very. offensive about Aretha Franklin mm-hmm. that's what people are angry with him. right yeah is that is that not it I mean. your [ __ ] is it is theirs I mean you're. looking at me like I'm wrong what well. you know about the the coke people were. mad at him about the Kobe thing what. What did he say about Kobe. he said Kobe died 28 years too late [ __ ].
the Lakers [ __ ] Kobe he's kind of. celebrating that Kobe died I don't know. if you saw that that's why people are. upset yeah yeah that's what it is yeah. the day dug up the Aretha Franklin. Twitter. they're mad at him about yeah get it up. what he said about coke this is [ __ ]. crazy to me I had no idea. I thought they found in Aretha Franklin. tweet let's see let me find this here.
Kobe Bryant died 23 years too late today. he got away with rape because all the. Hollywood liberals who attack comedy. enjoy rooting for the Lakers more than. they dislike rape Big Ups to the hero. who forgot to gas up his chopper I hate. the Lakers what a great day hashtag. [ __ ] the Lakers that's why people are. angry yeah I get it now because I had. thought that they were angry because. they dug up the Aretha Franklin Death. tweet mm-hmm well folks I'm kidding of.
course that's our opening [ __ ]. I I know what happened I'm not out of it. I'm well aware of what's going on I you. know I'm like anyone else I you know I'm. like any other American I just you know. survive in a haze of junk food and. self-hatred and then every now and then. I perk right up when I hear that there's. a controversy and I get my ears and eyes. peeled and I you know feel things cuz.
that's what we all need to feel things. now we need we need Rage to just feel. it's not enough to be like oh it's a. sunny day we need to feel like something. is being you know happening and. unfolding in front of us we love that we. like a controversy we like a fight we. like you know so I think that that his.
tweet if when I look at it I go you know. I would not have said that I mean that's. but Ari is consistent with that bit that. he does where when somebody dies he says. some the most [ __ ] up thing he can say. about the person and he does it. rather immediately like this is what he. does after every single notable person.
dies or celebrity dies he goes and he. tweets something really heinous as their. body is still warm. and I think this is clearly by far the. most flak he's ever gotten for it. because this is the biggest person he's. ever said it about you know Kobe's you. know an icon the whole entire city of. Los Angeles is mourning we have friends. that have been really upset because.
they've been like Kobe was like a father. to me which that also doesn't make sense. that's also Ari saying the wrong thing. but that's also insane on the other side. to say these guys your day dad if it. when you have a dad you can't that's not. he's not your dad she's what it is he. said he's an iconic figure and I and I. get that everyone's processing it in. different ways but there's people I've. seen on Twitter they've been accused. look remember my family what huh I'm.
lost but I do get the importance of the. the guy and you know now I think you. know people are ease parents have been. doxed people are calling in bomb threats. to the venue's he's performing out I. mean it is you know I mean the internet. they they get it poppin they really do I. mean they don't waste any time trying to. dismantle your life when something like. that happens I you know I remember when.
Dina Hashem made a joke about xxx 10 C. on the wrapper and she had to make all. of her accounts private because you know. like black emo teenagers were. threatening to kill her or something I. don't know who that guy's fanbase was. but I mean hey I get it I've made a few. jokes about Billy Eilish and you know. people they hurt you know young goth. women have you know surrounded me you.
know the Roscoe's chicken and waffles. I've taken many many a beating for that. you know I've taken a. I've taken some body blows for I've just. not a huge fan of the music that's all. um re is a funny guy he's been a good. person to me as a as another comic he's. always been somebody who's looked out I.
think for comics he's introduced me to. people he showed my stuff to people he. is not but III do understand why people. I'll never understand why somebody Doc's. as someone's parents I mean I'll never. understand why somebody goes online and. tries to like people that had nothing to. do with this like Ari's [ __ ] parents. survived the Holocaust like they had. nothing I think his dad survived the.
holiday it's not only his dad's texting. him what to say about Kobe Bryant it's. oh it's so absurd that anybody would do. that that being said I I know why people. are angry and upset about it and um you. know hey I mean I think that we should.
all choose our words carefully when. someone has died that is a beloved. figure you got to choose your words. carefully now you know I I have a video. where I say that Megan McCain will only. have sex with her father and I say that. she'll [ __ ] his corpse she'll [ __ ] his. corpse daddy and that's a video I have. right I say that Megan McCain will only.
have sexual relations with her father's. corpse so and it's like you know fun. it's like a funny video to me I. understand maybe why somebody but I. didn't do it the day he died but I'm. clearly not gonna get on like a moral. high horse. like what type of things people can say. I'm sure there's things that I've said. or will say that might get people you.
know what are you gonna do you know I. you know I mean I wish them the best. I've kind of been not paying attention. to this as much as you know I should or. I really shouldn't no one should pay. attention to anything in my book just. [ __ ] turn it off turn it off I've. been watching real estate shows for the. past 72 hours I've been watching real.
estate shows based in LA million dollar. listing selling Sunset and what I like. about these shows they're not about. anything none of the characters are. particularly memorable they all try to. be that's the thing with like these. reality shows they try to be quirky or. different but they're not the only. reason people watch these is it's real. estate porn and they shoot the houses so.
beautifully and everything about la is. sun-drenched and gorgeous and then it's. and then when you walk around I like. even some of these nice houses they're. just boxes and dirt that's what a lot of. them are especially when go over to the. Hollywood Hills they're just concrete. boxes that someone's stuck in a mound of. cat litter and they put little infinity. pools outside and everybody pays ten. million dollars to live there but it's. really when you see it it's not nearly.
as impressive as this beautiful. seductive style of shooting where. because bad always tells me all we can't. shoot in the middle of the day because. it's too sunny but somehow the Bravo. team has found a way to like like it's. sexual and they do is that why can we. never do it but they can do it is. because their equipment is better well. they have a forty thousand dollar camera. oh yeah so that's that's what why do you.
talk like that well how much. you don't talk like that in real life. you're gonna have to have a 40,000 I. didn't look like deep and I listen back. I don't think I sound like that you. never speak the way you're speaking. right now I asked him back. these [ __ ] shows they're so vapid. and they're not real like none of the.
negotiations are real because the. negotiations are all very like you're at. ten five we got to find a way to get to. 13 we got to find a way to get to 13. five for a million apart it's too far. which is too far apart we've got to make. a deal work but the real negotiations I. feel like I like listen this is a little. Chinese blood money they can't get this. amount of money out of the country. immediately you're gonna need to [ __ ] it. take a few contingencies on this deal. okay this guy's on the [ __ ] run he. just poisoned a river they want him for.
genocide but he loves infinity pools so. he wants his property but he could be in. the UN Criminal Court soon at The Hague. I mean they want him for torture I mean. literally but he adores this property. he likes the finishes he loves the onyx. table he loves it he's got multiple. exposures he loves it as one of the best. streets in Beverly Hills but you got to. give him some time to get the money out. of the country because he's being. accused of genocide.
he's just being accused of genocide but. he adores that he can get three thousand. feet of outdoor living space because. that's a lot to get I explained this to. him I explained this to him while he was. showing off the arm of one of his. political opponents I said will you just. cut the buzzsaw down for a minute and. listen to me. you're getting 3,000 feet of outdoor. living space in the hills this is big no.
one gets this not for this price point. because that's who's buying a lot of. these properties. it's dictators it's blood money a lot of. this is but that's why the real-estate. show should just be called blood money. it should be called blood money and it's. should be about people talking about. that they now have to sell these. high-end properties to third world the. dictators of third world countries. that's what the show should be it should.
be blood money you should be like. there's a lot of powerful people in the. world and sometimes they have to leave. their countries after a coup but they. love the sexy Los Angeles Sun so we're. selling them hot properties sure many of. them have been accused credibly of. genocide and poisoning entire races of. people but one thing they love is a nice. view so come on and swatch blood money.
they'll be like the only people that can. really afford these hi no just be a real. trip be like a good-looking realtor with. like hot Manolo Blahnik shoes she'll be. sitting on Sunset Boulevard and she'll. be like you know some of the only people. that can afford these properties right. now are murderers I mean real murderers. I'm not even talking about OJ I mean. they've done [ __ ] I'm talking about. biblical proportions I mean they have. laid down hundreds of thousands if not. millions of people but they're coming it.
like Michael Bloomberg I remember who. like delusional people think is going to. be the president like how nuts do you. have to be to think Bloomberg has a shot. or how rich because that's also I've my. friends parents are very wealthy and. they're like we like Bloomberg. and it's like yeah of course you do um. so how rich or how insane do you have to. be to think Bloomberg is a Bloomberg. said about New York City's like bring. all the billionaires we want them all we. want them all and like you have to.
realize as a kid but some of them have. done some dirty deeds you know we want. all of the billionaires so what they've. you know poison people in their own. country they like shrimp cocktail they. like steak let him come here we'll get. him a beautiful penthouse but that's. what it should be cold should just be. called blood money you know selling the. Hyatt you know because that's what we're. doing we're just shelling the rest of. New York in LA to people.
a lot of them who've earned their money. by grinding people into a paste so they. can have the kind of money where they. can come over here because they go you. know I ground everyone into a paste. everybody's upset about it but I want my. kids to go to NYU so I want to get. something nice and Tribeca you know my. kids love Gossip Girl my daughter's love.
Gossip Girl so I want to get something. on the Upper East Side you know my. daughters are just huge fans of the. hills they love you know they just they. just want to watch it so but that is. literally what I did this show on a tour. bus in New York City where we rented out. a double-decker bus and took it through. New York we would point out where these. like rush and fertilizer magnets lived. and these you know Chinese amusement. park tycoons and you know Russian. gangsters and a lot of these people.
we're gangsters and I don't even mean. I'm not one of these guys who just says. oh if you're a billionaire you're. necessarily a murderer that's not the. worst by the way I mean you'd you would. if you were throwing a dart board it. because there's a lot you know if you. threw a dart board and if you threw. darts at a bunch of billionaires on the. board you would hit a few murderers. pretty quickly but I'm not one of those. guys who's like oh you're necessarily. like an evil guy but a lot of these. people that were just stashing their. money in real estate in New York or LA.
were actually really like nefarious. characters that had you know one guy. that lived in the time warner center had. poison to River in Zambia like he was a. was a mining magnate I think he was a. neat Aggarwal he was a mining magnate. and he had basically you know he was. like you know somebody who had done some. really deadly things with the waste that.
his like mine produced any day they. wanted they won they was like he was. literally being accused of like a. genocide or at least like poisoning. River and killing a bunch of people and. then just the idea that. you know he came over to New York and. and and that's why he didn't want this. is why real estate in New York or LA is. so attractive to these people is that. number one they don't buy it under their. own name like nobody gets real estate.
under their name they get it under a. shell Corp and a shell Corp is a. corporation that has formed usually for. the expressed purposes of buying real. estate it could be for investing in a. company you could set up a shell covert. to invest in a start-up or something. like that. but usually it's a corporation where you. don't have a feel like the physical. address is different from your address. and it's not you know you have to jump. through a lot of Hoops to find out who. the shell Corp is registered to a lot of. these people have addresses that Cayman. Islands or whatever it's a great way to. just move money around and when you're.
buying real estate in places like New. York or London. you know half of new construction in. London has gone to foreign nationals. a lot of it in New York has gone to. foreign nationals you know I think at. one point in New York City half of the. real estate market was was foreign. nationals half of the entire market and. it bumped the condo prices up the. average condo price was like over two. million dollars and you're like well why. are all these people buying all this. real estate because number one's a good. asset it's a hard asset you can live in. it you can rent it out but also it's a.
great way to evade taxes is just a great. way to get them getting the money out of. your country it's a good way to get the. money out of the country and hide it and. god only knows where you made it you. know could be drugs narco trafficking. human trafficking d'arco terrorism could. be just you know good old-fashioned you. know the the Wild West of natural gas. and Kazakhstan where god only knows. what's happening you know it's like god. only knows where the money's coming from. nobody cares nobody in the real estate. market cares these people don't care. they're not asking questions I get it.
there's not asking questions you look at. these people you're making a lot of. money they're just not asking questions. where the money comes they don't care. where the money comes from they don't. care does it matter does it matter that. someone's sold Epstein that Island. someone sold him that Island there. should be a show where Realtors show. pedophile billionaires Islands you know. and it should be called million dollar. fisting. we're just you know Realtors like Rosa.
like it would start like this you'd be. like there's a certain type of person. that loves luxury but even more than. luxury they love privacy these are some. of the top Island brokers in the world. it's not enough to just have an. apartment or a beautiful estate these. people need their own private island. with a private heliport where they can. go and come as they please and take. whoever the hell they want they're.
welcome to million dollar fisting they. would just be some chick who's like you. know I was trafficked to one of these. islands as a girl and I realized that I. loved real estate I just had an eye for. it. and I understood why the island was. perfect it was just private it was in. the middle of the Virgin Islands I was. just you know in love with the beaches I. I love that it was just you know I think. it was about 75 acres and you know it. had several places where we could dock. boats it was just it was just one of. those eyes so many of the traffic girls.
unfortunately you know went into lives. of crime or drugs but I really just got. into the idea of selling high-end. islands to pedophiles so that's what I. do now I know more islands than anyone. else I know the ins and outs were not. and it would just be a you know realtor. just showing you know showing somebody. around like an island like little st. James and being like you know hey how. are you guys oh it's good to meet you. how are you hello hi senator how are you. I think you really love about this.
island. I was listening everything you told me. and I really started to think about it I. think this is really the perfect. property for you it's very private it. has a heliport right near the house so. there's not a long walk between the. heliport to the house I know that's a. concern for you you know because you. know who knows what state people are. gonna be arriving here in okay. you've got great 360 degree views from. your bedroom so you can walk out on the. deck and see who's coming in from where. and that's super important you know. they've also got a lot of different boat. slips here it's a quick you can make a.
quick getaway it's really great and I. just think it's super there's a lot of. underground space which I know is super. important to you it's super important to. have underground space you know. now you could really construct anything. here we're talking about you know four. or five thousand square feet of. underground living space with absolutely. no light coming in it's a very kind of. medieval dungeon feel I just think. that's something that you guys would. really like you know the price is about. it's about thirty million I know it's a.
little more than you were looking to. spend but there is some wiggle room. this is owned currently by Saudi prince. but he wants to get rid of it he's. upgrading his operation right now and so. there is a little wiggle room on price. so do you want maybe are you interested. because I could just call him right now. hi how are you great listen I have my. client right here he absolutely loves it. he adores the underground dungeon space. okay we're coming in right now at about. twenty seven five it's an all-cash deal. and we can close in two weeks I don't.
know he doesn't love that number he. doesn't love 27:5 I understand but this. is a qualified buyer we're coming in all. cash there's no contingencies here am i. calling someone just calling one of my. friends think I've lost my mind but. that's really what like that's that's. where we're headed hmm with like a lot. of these real estate shows and I just. love them they're hypnotic they. hypnotize you and you just look at and.
you know there's these they're all coked. out these [ __ ] realtors is this one. British guzzle look at this house it's. just stunning a sight he's so good to. have stunning sight and you could just. taste a chalk as it goes down his. [ __ ] throat it's stunning sight well. number one broker here in Hollywood. Hughes but that's that that's where. we're at with with television is just. we're all kind of being hypnotized and. just looking at these and nobody's going.
to own like the amount of money you have. to have to own any of this like none of. it's even aspirational you can't imagine. it you can bear because it's so much. money that it's like you're put in a. safe distance from it you could just. kind of ogle it it's got its porn it's. literally porn you look at something in. a porn you go I can't really do that. that's not something I can do and I. don't. know anyone that can get in that. position it's just not gonna happen so. you can appreciate it just from like you.
know it's impressive and that's what. this stuff is it's just real estate porn. that's where those Real Housewives shows. we're interesting to me not because of. the like the drama or any of that. garbage I just like seeing where rich. people lived and a lot of these people. by the way and that's the great thing. about real estate you look at these real. estate agents and you're like these. people have made money and they're. [ __ ] so that does give you hope you. like these people have because you can't.
just be a hedge fund manager like you'd. have to go to school you can't do but. Real Estate's a job where you literally. in the middle of your life if everything. else is [ __ ] fallen by the wayside. you could literally go get a real estate. license and start showing properties and. you might be good at it real estate. agents have social intelligence they're. not that intelligent being too. intelligent is probably a negative to. selling real estate you have to be kind. of a vapid person whose real estate is. vapid you want like like small talk you.
know you can't like mention you know it. would be amazing to me to meet all these. people every day not mention that they. all drove through a post-apocalyptic. like la is just tents everywhere in tent. cities it would be hard for me to not. mention some of that while showing them. the house but that wouldn't go over back. because theyíve got to pretend like that. stuff's not even happening just doesn't. exist it's not real don't don't worry. your little head about it you know one. of my old bosses used to be like don't. watch the news the news is not your.
friend. don't watch the news don't live in the. real world. that's not the place to live you know he. would just be like just go out there and. but I've always my fantasy life is. selling real estate my fantasy life is. still a shitty life which is great I'm. still a like I'm still some type of like. most people are like their fantasy life. is they're like they're the guy being. sold the house my fantasy life is I'm. still as schmuck they're just selling.
high-end real estate to Daryl X like. that's the life that I think that I. should live is just you know shelling. because I always thought it would be. it's the the Commission's on these. houses are quarter million dollars you. know two hundred thousand dollars one. hundred and eighty thousand dollars. life-changing commissions you earn one. commission on one of these houses your. life is changes very few things you can. sell where your life has changed after. one deal you close one deal your life.
has changed you sell a five million. dollar house your life has changed for. most people and that is what I always. found interesting about it's like you. and you could do it you could just be. the right place right time you know I'm. not saying it's easy but there's a lot. you know what I do is much harder and. that's not saying that there's a lot of. people that are work a hell of a lot. harder than me but I think it's just. harder to entertain a roomful of people. for an hour then being hot and standing. in a house and having someone fall in. love with it and go okay and I know.
that's not all of what it is but it's a. lot of what it is it's a lot of what it. is and obviously there's work that goes. into it but let's cut it out. okay these are brain-dead people when. you watch these shows they're literally. brain dead okay they say the same five. [ __ ] things over and over again so. really unique property you kind of look. at the finishes the finishes are all. updated there's three exposures look at. the view got some outdoor living space. it's really great got a jump on it now. it's been a lot of interest it's not. there's nothing prophetic agents you.
meet with agents they don't say anything. profound they're like oh good you're. selling tickets you should sell more. thank thank you good and when you sell. more tickets you'll be playing bigger. Pena's yeah like that Gary Gary Vee the. advice he gave to that tick-tock girl. yeah yeah he he meets the tick-tock girl. Gary Vee goes she goes what should I do. right now we go stay on tick-tock. it's like yeah of course then she goes. should I go to YouTube because I don't. know maybe you won't translate maybe you. will it's like is this advice I mean.
literally I'm asking I'm not I'm not. trying to hate on him all the time but. like is this literally actionable advice. to give to another human being yeah you. know the thing that you're doing is. working just do that and then the other. thing that you're thinking about doing. might not work as well but it's just you. know it is the way to give people non. advice. show that I've just hold on did swingers. cancel my order again I would say my.
order was delivered oh really you go. check let me check yeah this chat you. wanna keep going yeah I'm gonna keep. going I don't think it was delivered. I have criticized swingers in West. Hollywood because they run a human. trafficking ring and I'm against that. so I've criticized them and I've sort of. suggested that people rise up and as. vigilantes burn the place down. but did we get it okay we did get it.
okay well I mean all right well don't. burn the pie was just trying to get. people to go burn the place down. well don't do that now don't do it now. put it down I don't want it now we're. doing a show sit down focus I wish I. could play some of these videos for. these people that would really make the. show a lot better can we edit the men in. post from the actual TV show no from. YouTube which showed the million dollar.
listing or the ones you were showing me. is that ones I was showing you there. like long island one yeah cuz you're. hilarious like I want to show people the. difference between is there a way to. edit a YouTube video into that I don't. know if then I think they could pull the. video because it's like copyrighted. because it's on their channel so I think. YouTube can recognize that an algorithm. yeah yeah unfreeze that true I think so. I can post a link to that one video you. kept watching but it's not well we're. gonna do this again when we can what do.
we have to do to get that to work well I. mean we need a switcher we need a HDMI. cable yeah we got it we got to get the. TV working because then we can show you. some of the stuff you know like we could. show you that Ari Shaffir tweet on the. TV yeah just show you new you know man. re man God love him but you know hey. sometimes you just step in it he just. stepped in it that's all you know. I'm sure he'll come out of it you know I.
mean what do you do do you double down. do you go even harder is that what you. think he's gonna do I hope not. I don't think I don't think he's gonna. do that I think he's probably taking a. step back it might be a good time for. him to go on one of the sabbaticals he. does where he goes to Tibet for a little. while go and take a month you know he. does that he'll disappear for a little. bit and go maybe it's time to just let. the heat cool off let it cool off a.
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just clean. your package you know a lot of people. aren't having sex right now they're just. not having sex you know there's too much. porn out there they're on SSRIs they. can't get hard for whatever reason they. don't know how to talk to women they're. lonely they're lonely people and they're. being radicalized online and you know on. the dark web or wherever they go even on.
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work but it could so I think it's a. great way to just try just give it a. shot. manscape comm promo code t IM for 20%. off your first order thank you. there's just you know I said this on the. patreon the other day I don't really get. that upset with what people say because. I know how cheap words are and most. people that are talking to you are lying. and making things up most people are.
trying to make themselves sound more. interesting by lying they'll they'll. make up things it never happened to them. and they'll say it they'll tell you. stories from movies that they think you. didn't see and then try to pretend that. they lived through them this is how. desperate most human beings are for any. level of attention they just don't care. so words to me don't mean anything. literally no matter what you say I. understand that words of course do mean.
things but I always I'm very cynical. unless you show me something unless I'm. able to deduce like what you say to me. is is is absolutely for the most part as. you relevant is anything. when people just pop off and talk I mean. I just I have friends that I like that I. know are pathological liars that will. sit at a table with you and make up. something that's just completely untrue. and get called out on it and really. don't have they don't have any shame.
this is just you know I assume when. people are talking to me I assume that. most of them are lying I just assume. you're making you're making something up. and then if I eat turns out to be true I. go nice if it turns out to be an. actually true thing I go oh that's. that's nice you know I just you can't. trust people because all they're trying. to do is be funny or interesting and.
they'll say anything people literally. just say anything people talk about. things they have no idea what they're. talking about and they just go they just. go there's no shame they just they just. go they just go right they just let it. out let doesn't matter they don't have. to know about how many times do we sit. in a room and some people start talking. to Rogen about fighting they start. telling him what the deal is he said. what are you saying shut up will you.
shut up they don't care they just talk. cuz they don't know what else to do. they're very uncomfortable with silence. mmm so they just they just talk yeah. I've members of my family like that they. don't know anything and they say. ridiculous things because people don't. call them out and they just say things. you don't make any sense you know yes. just let it happen you can't get angry. people get angry the boomers go on. Facebook and light it up it cares it's.
funny they're crazy they're almost dead. they just they've never had a platform. like this where they could just just. launch they could just go it used to be. a corner bar now it's Facebook they. could just launch they don't need to. have the facts doesn't matter to them. they want to be heard boomers by the way. it's the first generation that has a. [ __ ] ton of life experience and and and. and and and and no wisdom I feel like.
I've been on this planet a long time. it's and you ruined it shut the [ __ ] up. half of you not all of you but a lot of. you should just pipe down just go out. quietly you destroy it's like you. inherit a house you burn the house down. just leave quietly just exit quietly. don't be loud on the way out it burned. it down you know and that's not everyone. but you know let them let them launch on.
Facebook let them pop off anyone still. on Facebook in any meaningful sense. right now ISM is a mental patient and I. mean that if you're on Facebook trying. to make a point you're nuts. it's oh it's a graveyard I see people. that I like kind of respect on fate and.
they go into these multi paragraph. things on Facebook and the trilling well. here's what I Sears how I see here's our. eyes yeah. could there be anything less appropriate. than your take on Facebook there's. nothing to say anymore. on that site it's like the people still.
there are sick you're convincing sick. people my mother is in a mental. institution they're all more. well-adjusted than my Facebook Timeline. people talk about drama in these little. comedy community no one cares about your. drama in burnt corn Alabama's comedy. scene stop talking about the open mic.
that banned you because you used a word. oriental and then you and did nine other. people in that scene you're gonna have a. 2000 comment thread about free speech. after the or anything you can people. doing these big comment threads about. fries be shut the [ __ ] up you also have. the freedom to not speak does it affect. you you're unaffected by this you don't. need to go into all but this is what. people do when and I've said it before.
they're feral they've been bit social. media has given them this idea that they. have to have a take on things just just. let it go does it no one gives a [ __ ]. about what you're saying calm down. it's crazy stop posting libertarian. memes if you live with your mother. stop talking about a bad socialism is if. you live with your mother get out of. your how these Long Island guys live.
with their mom socialism is burn. cropland will you shut up you're eating. cereal that someone bought for you. you're on a family plan you and you. about you're in your 30s. it's like that's what Facebook is it's. like people have authority okay I'll you. my favorite ones that go get off my page. take that off my page this is my page I. don't own a house but I own this page I. this page where I can enforce the rules.
go I have it to sell some tickets to put. some merch out there but there was a lot. I had a lot of fun with it back in the. day I used to write these long things. troll people there was a lot of fun but. it's over now and if you 96 you know. don't be on tech not like maybe we'll. all have to be on tick-tock there's just. something super sad about seeing old. people on that app I know that we have. to get on it probably for our careers.
but there's something sad about it but. you know you feel odd being on examines. 15 it's like I'm not really trying to. entertain 15 year-olds I don't care I. don't know you you shouldn't think I'm. funny. you can't buy tickets to my show you. there's we're not doing anything here. there's no overlapping life experiences. of me and you. you were born after 9/11 you know what I. mean. I was born before 9/11 and then I.
learned that 9/11 wasn't real so yeah. we're never gonna yeah I'm not doing. your new dance on tick-tock okay. i watch the Towers fall and then found. out they were Holograms I am NOT doing. you dance. I'm not doing you fortnight dance okay. I'm awake you don't get it you've little. punk [ __ ] you don't know what it's like.
to listen to people talk about lizard. people then find out they're right me. and Ray were saying this is why people. go so [ __ ] nuts me and Ray and you. have [ __ ] everything we knew I [ __ ]. all government was but then most people. just found out about it with kid [ __ ]. so that's that's how their minds melted. because if you know how banner about. Kennedy and about all of these coos that. we did if you knew about these. democratically if you knew about how. fake everything was and the murder an.
assassination of blackmail you knew this. [ __ ] the CIA was into if you paid. attention if you'd read any of those. books if you knew oh you know our. appetite for skullduggery and the things. that we had done to other people. children if you knew about MKULTRA if. you knew about that [ __ ] then once you. got to the pedophile cults and Epstein. you were kind of like ah yeah this is a. heinous. but logical conclusion to the. infrastructure the groundwork that we. already laid in our mind but if you just. arrived at that your mind melts and.
that's what you're seeing is people's. minds melt see like oh [ __ ]. wait watch it's crazy if your entrance. point into how [ __ ] up everything is. is your private islands were politicians. or [ __ ] kids your mind will melt and. I'm not saying it's not shocking if you. if you knew other things but it's less. shocking if you knew what these people. are capable of if you just know what. they're capable of you're not like. you're like yeah this is what we had.
thought it could be and it is that but. that's what people's mind you're. mouthing and they're they don't know. what to do. so I think that's where the Qi on stuff. comes in it's like they're just looking. to believe thanks you know they're. looking to they're like well I hope to. god that everything's you know but now. it'll be okay right you're like but now. cuz that's what all these things are. like but now it's good because now we're. in there's the secret war that's hatton.
you're like well I don't know hopefully. you're right hopefully there is a sequel. I don't you know what am I telling you I. would love if there was a secret war and. good people won great you know but I. just you know it's like thinking that. Donald Trump is leading that war to me. is I almost have to believe that one of. these realtors on Bravo is doing it. because there's it's the same type of. person they I would almost have to.
believe that you know yeah one of the. guys from million-dollar listing is uh. fighting a secret war to free all the. kids that are being [ __ ] really good. you would say good you'd go bad the guy. from million dollar listing that showed. the house the big house with the rooftop. pool he's doing the secret war oh well. I'm happy about that I'm not against.
that I'm for that if it's happening I'm. for it. I you know I have no investment in it. not happening good you know that's what. Ari Shaffir has to do to get in. everyone's good graces he's got to. figure out who killed Epstein Ari's got. to solve the Jeffrey Epstein murder and. then come back with a fire tweet naming.
the perpetrator John McAfee did it. recently he's like it was dark Taglioni. it was just prison guard and we're. piecing the other things together he's. like if you know how it happened I'll. buy you dinner it's like okay. Prince Andrew not cooperating that's a. shock it's a shock. to shock they're still trying like. they're still there's still elements I'm. sure the FBI that have some good people.
in them and there's still like trying to. there's you know we wish everyone luck. you just lay Maxwell in a few years will. be somebody buying a house in one of. these Bravo real-estate shows you know. they'd be law is one thing I know about. your slide she loves a stunning a sty. she's lying is a socialite she's made of. money hanging out people in a law style. so I'm gonna show her house in the bird.
streets the birds feature like the hot. Hollywood Hills you people don't know. the truth Dale Estates a lot of this. stuff is gated when I was a kid I grew. up we used to drive through wealthy. areas and smoke pot in the car and. that's how you know why privilege it's. annoying to hear but it is true because. I literally used to get high and look at. all my friends ago I want to see the. mansions and we would just drive around. mansions just stoned and on other things. and then we just get out of the car. sometimes like creep creep up the lawn.
of these old mansions I'd be smoking a. cigarette I'm like look at this property. it's gorgeous. weed I was driving through Sands Point. Long Island I was smoking pot my buddy. tom was now works for the government. he's like a US Marshal and we were. driving and we had the windows down. we're smoking pot driving through all. these mansions and I was just screaming. top my luck these people are so much. better than us there's so much better. than us. and I wasn't kidding I was awake and.
aware and and I got and that was fun you. can't do that in California cause of the. goddamn gates these [ __ ] scaredy cats. they always need to be behind the gates. but in Long Island a lot of those areas. weren't gated so you could drive around. you know all coked out look at Christmas. lights there was something nice to be. coked out and look at Christmas lights. it's much nicer when you're stoned. obviously it's nicer it's nice when. you're stoned you have a little hot. chocolate from Dunkin Donuts and you can. go look at the lights so fun baby baby.
you got a ridge wallet no you don't have. a ridge wallet what are you like a piece. of [ __ ] Ridge is the [ __ ] best it is. a small front pocket wallet. it comes in titanium carbon fiber. aluminum and over a dozen different. styles and colors I've talked about this. before one of the most embarrassing.
things about my dad was used to pull out. this old leather wallet with business. cards of people he'd never done business. with and they'd all fall out and he'd. have a bunch of ones that he stuffed in. there just stripper money stuffed right. into the wallet and it was filthy it was. disorganized it made him look. unsuccessful you don't want that you. want a streamline tight sharp Ridge. wallet that only has a few debit cards. and a credit card or a cashless society.
maybe maybe a $100 bill something really. crisp you throw in there but the great. thing about a Ridge wallet is it forces. you to organize your life you don't have. this big cumbersome you know ball of. [ __ ] in your pocket that you don't need. okay you have something that is. streamlined and it encourages it. necessitates you to start looking at. what is and isn't an actual necessity in. your life now we've talked about this.
before it starts with Ridge wallet but. then it goes to people who do you really. need in your life who needs to get out. where do you really need to go you know. what do you really need to do is the job. you're at there I mean everything starts. with your wallet. everything starts with choices be in you. know be Adam every choice in life that. you have should be intentional you. should say to yourself I want to do. something and then you do it and.
something about a Ridge wallet and I. have a Ridge wallet there's something. about it that really forces you to to. basically strip your life down to the. bare essentials because that is what we. all need we need essentials my mother. was a hoarder. we had rooms in my house that were just. stacked up shoeboxes filled with beanie. babies McDonald's toys has trucks okay. that we're gonna get sold in the after. market never can never never. materialized never came to fruition.
my mother's retirement plan never worked. i thank god she's in a mental. institution she doesn't really need one. but what I'm saying is that a Ridge. wallet prevents that that type of. thinking doesn't exist when you have a. Ridge wallet okay it's very easy you got. to use promo code Tim ego Ridge comm /t. I am use TI em it's the link in the. description okay they've been sponsoring. our podcast we're very proud to be in a.
business with them in business with them. we like them they're good people. they put out a good product people are. happy with it can they buy the backpacks. - yeah not with the code but they can. still buy their backpacks I need the. code for the backpack enough you get the. code for the wallet okay. 10% off free worldwide shipping and. returns if you don't like it doesn't.
matter where you are it doesn't matter. what radical group you're part of that. you're listening to the show. they'll send your Ridge wallet gold and. dawn over there and I think it's a it's. a right-wing group in Greece I don't. know. the point is I'm just picking out of the. sky no matter where you are maybe you're. a special ops guy and you're hanging out. in Africa just you know helping those. people on behalf of the United States. government and you need a Ridge wallet. well then you get one free worldwide.
shipping maybe you were in Syria waiting. for it to pop off again cuz that'll be. coming in about six months. who knows maybe you're in the Ukraine. pissing putin off trying to start some. [ __ ] you know get a ridge wallet will. ship it to you and you can return it if. you don't like it but i think you'll. love it free returns means they are. confident that you're gonna love the. ridge wallet doesn't matter where you. are you could be in america you could be. in any country's world.
this is a worldwide company Ridge wallet. is baller [ __ ] people it's a. conversation starter people like what is. that you go it's my [ __ ] Ridge wallet. they go Wow. then you start talking about this show. you go I listen to the Tim Dillon show I. purchased a ridge wallet. it's been great like what do you mean. the Tim village right now of course they. know what it is I'm lying I'm making. this up there you go they usually go oh. I love that show or they go my family. list is that show I don't listen to that.
show but I should everyone tells me it's. so funny Tim Dylan's a genius is that. true when somebody goes well of course. it is this is what happened and then. maybe there's an attractive woman at the. bar and she just says to you oh you you. what do you list it Tim Dylan show you. got a ridge wallet you're a [ __ ]. you're I want to have sex with you and I. want to have children with you and I. want to build a life with you and I will. be faithful to you and you don't have to. be faithful to me I don't expect that I. don't expect that because you're too. attractive and successful all of this.
started because you had a ridge wallet. all of those things happen okay now of. course that's not gonna happen for. everyone I mean more likely you get the. ridge wallet you take it out you're. playing with it and then you know the. guy Duncan Donna says we're closing they. start flicking the lights on and off. tell you to get out you know and you're. not listening because you have your. earbuds in and you're listening to the. podcast and the guy has to come over you. and you guys to lightly start shaking. motioning the door it's time to go.
because it's you know the results are. different we can't guarantee the results. of the ridge wallet you know many of you. will purchase this and still have. horrible lives I mean horrible but some. of you this will this will this will. turn it around and are you willing to. take that chance you should be you. should be I'm telling you right now my. dad bought a million of these and didn't. use the promo code thank you he didn't. he bought it for everyone he knows and. he does not use the promo code so it.
doesn't help me at all but then he goes. well I'm sure it helps somehow and I go. it does not it does not but again that's. the boomer mentality of like hey it's. the thought that counts. no it's not it's actually not the. thought that's ever counted. that's the whole generation they believe. that's the thought the cat's no it. doesn't not at all not at all the. thought that counts it's actually what. you do that counts okay but they don't. care they don't golf oh I don't care. doesn't matter to them I'm sure it helps.
no but thanks anyway thanks for trying. that's okay I appreciate it. rage calm slash Tim T I am use code T I. am for the love of God. use the code don't [ __ ] get it. without the code use the code that's why. we have a code you'll get 10% off and. more importantly they'll know that you.
got there from my goddamn show don't. tell me that you didn't use the code be. methodical use the code don't be like my. dad great guy but doesn't use the. [ __ ] code use the code the code is. your friend the code is here to help you. and and help me that's why we need codes. codes are good promo codes are good. they're exclusive don't you want to be. in the club the Bohemian Grove you can't.
get that but here's what you can do you. can get a [ __ ] Ridge wallet with the. code TI m so use the goddamn code please. don't message me as many people have and. say I forgot to use the code I hope this. counts it doesn't count how many times. do out there how in God's name would it. count they don't know where you're. showing up from the code is essential so.
that I get credit for what you do and it. end the code is essential for you to get. to ten percent off okay that's the. important thing. so let's all use the code and the code. is T I am it's not confusing it's just. my name t IM easy isn't it easy all of. you can remember and hopefully spell the. Tim so let's please use that code one.
more time Ridge comm /t I M to buy the. [ __ ] wallet when you purchase the. [ __ ] wallet you'll get 10% off today. with free worldwide shipping and returns. that means shipping to anywhere in the. world and returns from anywhere in the. world. that's what worldwide means thank you to.
our partners over at Ridge it's a new. year it's a new time for all of the. people out there to get a [ __ ] wallet. that's it thank you so fun there's very. you really smoking pot it's supposed to. be when you're in your late teens or. early twenties that's what it's for. stop doing it if you're older than that. it's an enough already enough you know I.
get it that you people can't put it down. but put it down it'll never be as much. fun oh I started smoking pot at 32 oh. okay you [ __ ] loser. enough it's for children it's for teens. and young adults that's when it's the. most fun you don't need to be doing it. for your entire life your mind will melt. trust me you just don't need to do it. it's not the move there's other things. to do and I know this is super. controversial because there's a lot of. people who listen to this show the love. weed just just try try a little time.
without it just space it out a little. bit take a hit every now and then you. know you don't you stop there's. something weird about being in your 30s. and it's like everything's about weed. something odd about that grow up you. know drink wine take pills take pills. and drink wine get drunk OD in your bed. die do something adult for once be a.
[ __ ] adult do something dolt like get. a drinking problem and lose your kids. that's what adults do. they don't [ __ ] smoke pot talk about. disappointing the new Star Wars was lose. your firm snort your house destroy your. shelf with pharmaceuticals I don't care. I'm not telling you to be a moralist but. enough with being a [ __ ] you know.
pothead when you're in your mid-30s grow. the [ __ ] up I smoke to go to sleep will. deal with your demons make peace with. the monster under the bed to feed him be. him I'm just yelling this there's just a. kindergarten class looking at me like. this was an appropriate time and this. wasn't really great you know but that. I've had enough with the weed living in. LA every snows a weed store that's the. only thing left in this economy is the.
tick tock and weed that's all that's. left. it's just people dancing and and and. edibles nobody can live anymore unless. they're shoving an edible down their. throat how did we all sleep before weed. I need an edible so I can eat and sleep. what so problem it's a serious problem. little our friend that k2 runs our. website little Alex they were gonna. start making him smoke weed because he's. like very tiny for like medical reasons. right yeah because he can like eat he.
fills up very quickly and he needs to. like blow himself up because he's like. this tiny little bird-like creature and. he needs to just get bigger so what he. needs to do with smoke weed so we just. eats brownies and stretches his stomach. out or something okay I don't know I. don't know how it works folks I'm just. saying. I'm not trying to I don't want the wrath. of the weed people here I'm just saying. it's [ __ ] do something adult you know. and there's nothing adult but like.
there's something adult about developing. an addiction to painkillers there's. something classy about a nice corporate. pill slides right down little feed. little Fiji water you slide that sexy. pill down your throat. and you just light up a little sig lady. and you have fun stop the nature weed.
shed embrace the Sackler family embrace. go sometimes I wonder sometimes I wonder. like what if there are impressionable. people that listen to this like I'm I'm. joking now but I'm also serious in a way. like I don't like the weed culture is. not for me it's grotesque. it's truly grotesque people that sell.
weed are stupid when you when they're. when they're out and they start talking. about their weed company you wanted to. throw yourself in front of a car because. or you want to throw them in front of a. car they're uninteresting people okay. they just talk about with my friend. Michael took a weed all the time you. know and he tries to make it sound like. he's you know building a supercomputer. it's like you shut the [ __ ] up. yeah people you have weed and people. smoke and I get the fundamentals of the. business I get what it is oh you put.
weed in the gummy bear now you put it in. a meatball you put it in a brownie I. know what you're doing about you don't. have to go on like your Warren Buffett a. weed and talk about how fascinating whoa. we got a lot of shop you got grow or. grow operation or do it shut up we don't. need your mouth shut up with the weed. business uh 'king interesting a be. interesting if you're working with the. cartel the [ __ ] it chopping people's. heads off but it's not [ __ ]. interesting when you [ __ ] tell me. you're having a problem to your graphic.
designer just [ __ ] kids are we hard. not working hard Rosalie shut up. I can listen my [ __ ] friends talk. about their stupid corporate jobs I. don't need that my friendship with me. requires you to shut your mouth and let. me speak we sit down we have a lunch I. talk for 45 minutes at the end of the. lunch you I hand you you I will hand you. a script these are the three lines. you're allowed to Sarah I can't believe. you are not more famous it is a tragedy.
then you also say everything you do is. so good and it's all moving in the right. direction don't. hurry about it it's gonna be great and. then I say thanks man I appreciate it. and then we leave the restaurant and I. pack and that's a friendship with me. there's nothing else there's no you tell. me about your the office politics it. does the weed shop who cares. oh he goes he said to me one day goes.
your businesses so you only have to rely. on yourself I have to rely on all these. other people you'd stop I have to rely. on all these other people there's so. many people there's so many things it's. so hard everybody's dog you know all you. gotta work oh you gotta work you can't. just sit around get high and walk your. dog well welcome to welcome to the races. yeah you gave a bunch of degenerates. office buildings now they're all [ __ ].
legged sword yeah it's easy to sit in. Wendy's and sell dime bags to me and my. dirtbag friends sure it's a little more. difficult now that to go he's like. everybody the government's involved and. regulated hee ha it's what it is you. have a business now you're not just. selling ACE from your mom's Camry I. don't even know what I'm saying at this. point I just know that I'm I am my. righteous anger as well earned and I'm. right know that I'm right I know that my. targets adjust and I'm right.
that's all you just have to follow me. folks I'm not saying you should do. oxycontin I'm saying and you can't even. argue me on this it is more adult to be. addicted to percocet than it is to be. high all the time I just respect a. corporate addiction I respect when. someone shows up and they're scratching. because they're on opiates not fentanyl. that's too much too far but I respect a.
a person who's you know just addicted to. a kind of a a more exclusive drug that's. all don't smoke weed all the time we. don't need it you don't need it all the. time. it did dims you it dulls you it makes. you. even less interesting than you are super. you're even less interesting than you. are right now with the weed you know.
enough with the weed all the time. now we are sponsored by a lot of weed. companies and that now this is awkward. because I do I do want to say that. everything I just said was a bit and a. joke and I don't mean any of it and that. I think weed is great it's natural it's. fun it's sexy and great I want everyone. to do it every minute of every day every. minute of every day I just want to smell.
weed I just want to live at Coachella I. want to live in a music festival where. everybody's high all the time and nobody. knows exactly who's talking to who what. what um. I'm kidding we don't we don't have any. weed sponsors but uh I'll just tell you. you know I get it your mind gets melted. and you know I've been addicted to. marijuana alcohol percocet. cocaine vicodin but really led me to.
Ferguson I've been addicted to all those. things and you can kick them you can be. done with them and I'm not I'm not. saying that they're all the same but. weed is annoying it's like an annoying. addiction you know it's annoying. it annoys me I would rather you go take. pills in your bathroom and I don't have. to deal with you and you can I can you. we can you can suffer in silence just go. to your desk just take what you need to.
and go to your desk I don't want to have. to be inundated with your culture of. your drug you know I used to take. psychedelics I never got into the. culture of psychedelics which is like go. to nature be a better person I never did. that I would take acid and go to the. Garden City hotel and talk about the. fact that the people lived in the next. town over Rockville Center hadn't really. made it I'm like they don't have any. real [ __ ] money okay because I.
embraced the material even when I was. high I knew that the material world was. right but the empty it doesn't matter. I go to the [ __ ] I go to the other. realm I'll try to sell the aliens condos. I'll convert them they'll be like we're. all hyper sound it'd be like will you. shut the [ __ ] up do you want a stunning. estate yes or no I don't need the. culture of these drugs you can do a sit. and be a materialistic piece of [ __ ] I. did it for years you don't have to.
embrace you don't have to become a. better person on psychedelics you can. find it you could just take shrooms and. touch your friend's dick you don't have. to you don't have to have any great. realizations you can avoid them you can. avoid those you can avoid those. realizations like the plague I get it. for years you don't have to be a better. person while taking psychedelics you can. just be the same shitty person you are.
except you see trails that's what it is. how much longer do we have we're at 58. 58 we gotta wrap this up cuz we have. some ads and we have some other things. to do what I haven't eaten since lunch I. do need to eat something I will begin. the keto journey again very soon the. keto journey will begin again I've been. off keto because it is very hard to stay.
on it because it's very restrictive but. I will be getting back to it very. shortly that keto cookie guy was gonna. sponsor the shower he [ __ ] he [ __ ]. hightail it out of here. [ __ ] you your cookies suck they did they. got sugar alcohols in if they make you. [ __ ] can't have cookies don't eat don't.
you can't ever replace my cookies Bryan. Callen saw me when I was on keto three. days he knew and I was like have you. heard of the keto bakery bran Kalecgos. this is not gonna work is it. I was like geez Aikido bakery in Santa. Clarita you guys this is not gonna work. but to bring it full circle here's where. I think about Kobe no I'm kidding he was. a Nikon man he was a Nikon he was not. your dad he wasn't your brother he. wasn't your best friend.
folks cherish the people in your lives. that are real I know this shitty I know. they haven't accomplished anything great. I know they don't inspire you I know. many of them smell I know they suck I. know they're fallible they're imperfect. but they're real they're actually there. and many of you they're the people. around you that you deserve you're not. gonna get a kobe to inspire you you just.
be inspired by your real uncle who just. got away with a Bailey you know like the. people in your life as shitty as they. are and as unimportant as they are yes. maybe they're not buying estates in. Beverly Hills with blood money maybe. they're not you know leading the Lakers. to a championship but you can reach out. and touch them and say get away from me. that means something cuz they're real. they're actually in your life yes.
they're not inspiring figures you're. never gonna look at them and go wow you. know but you could look at them and go. ah they're actually here we're sharing a. physical space that's important you know. it's important that you embrace reality. they're there to disappoint you they're. there to make you feel better when you. fail because they also fail they're.
there to be poor with you to be gross. but they're there and that's what's. important embrace them they're the real. heroes the people that you do just a. little better than those are the heroes. the people that you could look at and go. god that guy's a [ __ ] real piece of. [ __ ]. he wound his whole life he threw his. entire life away the kid from your town.
died in a car accident that's the guy. you go that guy's dead it wasn't even. his fault he's dead now and you're not. dead and even if you're [ __ ] every. other way you're not dead and that guy. is that should be your Co be the guy. that should inspire you is the scumbag. who's just dead now.
not the greatest iconic basketball. player that's amazing and true yeah yeah. yeah yeah but you're not gonna do it. stop it's insulting to him that you like. him so much I'm inspired by people who. own convenience stores like the Indian. guy who keeps a shotgun behind the thing. I like I like that. I go good for him maybe one day I'll be. him you know maybe one day I'll do to go.
to another country and open a business. that [ __ ] works it's not easy it's. not easy okay see this is my rant about. that it's you know I you know we covered. a lot today do oxys don't smoke weed go. into real estate if you can because you. can be brain dead and do it and you. should and embrace the real people in. your life all the stars in your life. people like Kobe Bryant or myself we are.
there to really you know make you feel. like things are possible but they're but. they're not so embrace the people in. your life that are actually there you. know that fat woman who just puts up. with you she doesn't mind that you have. IBS and then you don't have any money. you know she's not gonna die in a. helicopter she'll never be in a. helicopter an entire life she only been.
in a plane once and it was to go to an. all-inclusive resort we threw up all. over your shoes. that's your hero not to be blonde TV not. the people that do great things that. beast of a woman who puts up with you. and and loves you because her father. touched her dad that's America and.
that's beautiful. all right P Kobe RI p re goodnight.
