#182 - Beware the Villas | The Tim Dillon Show

hi I'm Timmy the trashcan and I love. trash. they all taste so good instead of. throwing your trash on the floor won't. you please give it to me thank you for. considering your fellow patrons so we. are live here from the Maryland Holiday. Inn in Timonium Maryland a rest stop.

essentially a truck stop where they have. it's like a woman described it to me she. goes it's like a rest stop that they. built a town around that's kind of the. vibe here I'm playing at Magoo B's. comedy club all weekend and staying in. the Holiday Inn and I figured I would. release this episode we were gonna re. release an old episode and then just. stuff ads in that and you know something.

you people haven't heard and but one of. the reasons I'm not more successful is I. don't have other contempt for my fanbase. I'm trying to acquire that that is such. an ingredient to success you look at the. people that are really successful and. they they they walk off stage and you. can tell they're disgusted by the people. that they just had to entertain and I. don't really feel that way so I try to. like do the right thing by you people. which will lead me down a road to. poverty because like it just doesn't.

it's you I need to just literally bash. you over the head every chance I get. robbed you you know if I was a tow truck. guy I would shoot your tires out and. then you know drive by pretend I didn't. see you be like oh would you have a. problem here. that's what successful people do so I'm. learning how to do that I'm trying to do. that but I'm staying the beautiful. Holiday Inn which is what what do you. think it is you know towels it when you.

use them to wash your face take a layer. of skin off your face you know so. industrial soap like if you've ever felt. like. I would imagine prison soap feels like. I've never been to prison I've never. really been to jail. because I'm white I should have gone. many many times but I have not but I. imagine that prison shop has a feel like. the Holiday Inn Shop where it smells.

like so like they've done nothing to. disguise the smell of soap like it's not. there's no lavender there's nothing in. it that makes you feel it's soap it's. straight-up. old-school hand soap that you would use. after painting class in kindergarten in. the 90s when they didn't know any better. and they were just like yeah wash your. hands with this we also wash the floor. with it that's what Holiday Inns are. using to say you can wash yourself just.

industrial-strength ammonia Laden soap. and it's nice and then you look around. Baltimore you let you take it out of. here should I spend more money on a. hotel why why they get shot in a better. area of town to get shot walking to a. nicer hotel it doesn't matter the area. has a lot of problems you know I'm not. even in Baltimore I'm 20 minutes out 25. minutes out in Timonium which sounds. like ammonia like it the name of the.

place sounds like a chemical that they. found like a toxic chemical that they. found a company dumping in a river. that's what it sounds like it's like oh. yeah well the babies were born with real. real issues because they were dumped in. Timonium and that river for so long and. nobody knew that's what it feels like. and then you look at the people you're. like yeah that may be what it is because. it's got a real interesting feel here. what did you say Josh josh is a local.

comic he's he's helping me record this. podcast what did you say another comic. said about these people we won't say who. the comic is but he said he's like I. feel like I'm performing for people that. work at Home Depot and I was like no no. you're performing for people that aspire. to work at home deep yeah it's yeah this. is they would love to have that orange. apron and be like yeah yeah I did it. it's a it's a rough road. out here it just seems to be you know.

cuz they're they're kind of well outside. the realm of that defense industrial. complex Mario yeah they want that that. you know what I performed at the. Bethesda Maryland Country Club for you. know people that were literally dripping. in blood it was a very different vibe. you know when you drove through Bethesda. Maryland you're driving you're looking. at these beautiful English Tudor style. homes these brick castles stone castles. set back far from the road really nice. and then and you're like oh this is all.

built with blood money all of it you. know but this area you're like man this. could use some blood money. this could really use something like. these people were disappointed when they. they couldn't go to Iran I think half of. these people were excited as [ __ ] about. the draft they were like I'm psyched I. get to go to Tehran and maybe get killed. [ __ ] yeah. they're Deron's pretty nice yeah they. were so happy and then that we averted. war and they were so upset and they're.

just [ __ ] they're like [ __ ] I was so. glad so many of my friend nobody really. wants to admit this we need we need like. six wars right now with the amount of. people we have selling CBD oil we need. war a lot of war and I mean this is. unpopular to say people won't like this. I'm against war as like in the sense and. I'm principled and I don't want people. to die however however let's look at the. numbers we got to get rid of you a few.

of my friends need to go to the desert. and get shot that's the way it is and. that's an uncomfortable thing to say. especially to them and I've said this to. them and when they've asked me for. advice I'm like the reality is you need. to get shot in the desert because with. so many people that I know the best. version of them is a flag on a mantle. like they're just dead and they can. inspire future generations of people. yeah I remember going over to my.

grandfather's house they just point to a. flag on the mantel and go uncle Jerrod. gave it all. there's a little kid you just kind of. remember that it makes an impact on you. it's so mu now we're gonna be like uncle. gerard sells CBD it's much better than. he's a hero who knows what he did. they're probably committed rampant. sexual assault and then [ __ ] got. killed and friendly fire but it doesn't. matter it doesn't matter that he killed. himself or he his friend shot him in the.

night cuz he who knows it's it's joke. yeah you still get a flag you still. inspired generations of people that are. and that's the thing that nobody wants. to talk about nobody wants to admit that. we we need a war we need a war or we. need to shave some numbers off we've got. too many people wandering around that. really have no clue as to what they're. gonna do and there's people listening to. this show right now that say I'm one of.

those people and the reality is I'm. saying to you very nicely and very. reasonably the best thing you can do the. best thing you can do for your friends. and your family is go get killed in Iraq. or Afghanistan or Iran don't go by the. way don't go and then come back with. PTSD and get a pit bull and be homeless. instead of pretend and then I'm supposed. to contribute from it I don't want that. either we're not looking we're not.

looking for that what we're looking for. is you gotta go and you got to not come. back that's your reality a lot of my. friends you will have to go and not come. back where you come back as a flag. that's what that's what you come back at. ya you come back as a flag you come back. as somebody that's you know or you just. come back and you're happy and it's fine. I'm not trying to deal with people that. are like scarred my friend was a marine. he went there. probably killed a bunch of people and. he's really a nice guy he's fine and.

he's a cool dude and I I'm not into the. flashbacks and the like dark persona and. I'm not saying it's not needed but just. it is what it is you know what we're. doing over there there's nobody that. should join the military now and shocked. about what it really is you know what it. really is you know you're not handing. out. Kandee to the townspeople it is what it. is you're putting a gun in a toddler's. face and saying where's daddy you know. what it is and you're gonna do that yet.

no hate for me but just don't come back. all shocked that would be the SD because. it wasn't what you thought you thought. you were gonna be to helping people in. Iraq find their lost dogs I'm just. picturing you as a recruiter like a. daddy recruiter in a high school just. yelling at 17-year old I'd recruit a lot. more people because I'd be honest I'd be. like who wants to shoot up this school. do you want to shoot form a line how. let's go he just put you keep that. thought hold that thought.

can on a plane you know where else their. schools we're gonna really be on a plane. and we're just gonna have you shoot up. other schools there's bullies there too. they won't like you either see I like. that you're taking their talents and. then guiding it somewhere else yeah I. mean listen at the end of the day I know. that there's a lot of heroic people in. the military that have great people that. are doing something that I do not have. the balls to do and that's great but. then there's also a lot of my personal. friends that need to get killed and are.

living in safe areas and they're never. gonna be killed and because they live in. the suburbs they're never gonna be. caught in the crossfire of a bad drug. deal for the most part at least not for. a few years till things really start. heating up out there but for right now. it's just bacon egg and cheese and and. and nothing so what they need is to be. heroes all of my friends need to be. heroes that's all and who's to say what. a hero is I mean you know one guy's hero.

is another person's you literally shot. my baby so I don't I'm not saying what. it is I just know that you're joining. the military now understand what it is. right and a lot of it is good listen. we've done a lot of great things at the. military we've done a lot of. not-so-great things I don't know which. one of them you're gonna do and neither. do you. that's the fun of it you don't really. know which which end you're gonna be on. you could get there and go well there. this doesn't seem great but you're in.

now and it is what it is you know I. thought comedy. is gonna be different it's eight it's. not but you know it's not like PTSD. where I'm like being like [ __ ] I thought. it was gonna be you know I'm you know. yeah I'm not gonna hang myself I'm not. gonna you know yet if I do I'll do it. quietly you know yeah. and I do think we should provide better. mental health care for the soldiers that. come back but I also think a way to. avoid some of it is to be very honest.

about kind of what it might be like we. might be like you might be helping. people and killing terrorists you also. might be the terrorist we don't know yet. we don't know which mission you're gonna. be on if we don't know no kind of makes. it fun yes your honor that's what makes. it fun so just understood but the the. larger point here is that that so many. people in this country need to be heroes. and they we need to give them a way for.

them to be heroes and if they continue. along their path of not getting shot in. a foreign country it will help no one so. that's just my point so I'm telling all. my friends baby it's time to enlist I. don't know maybe it's not but at the end. of the day it's something to think hey. it's something to think about I just. moved I just moved I got a new apartment. I'm I'm in the Hollywood Hills but I'm. not up in the Hills Hills I'm I'm on.

like a hill on the way to the hills it. it's nice it's fine and and the parking. situation is very very bad there and. they they tow I don't know if you guys. you've ever been in area where they tow. people all the time they just tow and. and and one of and the reason I think. that they tell people all the time on. this block is because this is a block of. predominantly apartments and people that. live in apartment and specifically nice. apartments like condos or as they call.

them on my block villas they're. certainly not villas but they call them. villas what a rebrand people get people. that live in villas are are are rats. like they'll pick up the. Caldecott people that live in big. estates and mansions don't they're not. paying attention they're barely home. they're relying on their staff to really.

inform on the poor [ __ ] who parked his. car where he shouldn't have but people. in a pretend villa or a high-end. apartment that they can't afford a house. and maybe they don't have it because. they don't have any children and they're. just angry they're angry because they're. above the people that don't have the. money to live in the villa but they're. far below the people who live in an. actual home with an actual family and. have a net so these people pick up the. phone every chance they get to call the.

management company or the police they. are rats this is they're just angry. they'll do it then and I could see them. they look through their little windows. with their beady eyes or a little mirror. do Wells and they you know they probably. you know they make a decent income. compared it to [ __ ] Timonium but. compared to LA they're constantly in the. shadow of real wealth and it makes them. angry literally in the shadow literally. in the shadows it houses on the hills. that literally just look look down on.

them people in Maseratis cutting them. off every day fifteen year old with. YouTube channels grossing more money. than they'll see in their life you know. hot chicks just walking around taking. selfies you know selling their [ __ ] on. the street for millions of dollars and. these people and villas these stupid. little villas just waiting to call the. cops on somebody because it's 7:01 and. it's time to tow this [ __ ] car and. they they I'm sure they look out their. window and enjoy it they enjoy it they.

enjoy watching it get towed they like it. they like rules is that they're only. ownership they're just like that's my. parking lot at the villa yeah I think. they just are in love with rules because. the the middle like people that get to. the villa level in life or. rule-followers for the most part and you. know unless they started at zero and. then you know the apartment villa levels. like war. oh good for you like if you start in a.

closet getting burned by cigarettes by. your foster mother you want to be in the. Ville and then you're passed around all. the uncles and then then but getting to. the villa is a [ __ ] good for you. mm-hmm but a lot of people that get to. the villa level and I don't mean real. villa we're talking about fake. apartments Villa. you know mustard-yellow stuck like it. whatever like you know those people are. rule followers they went to stay played. by all the rules and they got nothing.

and you can hear it you'll hear it when. you talk to them there's an anger under. their voice there's abiding anger. because they went they got the good. grades and they got into the good school. and they maybe even went to grad school. and they got the internship and they did. the right thing and they just forgot. that they weren't particularly talented. and they didn't particularly matter at. all they weren't unique and they didn't. have any perspective or point of view. that was interesting or important and.

they couldn't think outside the box so. they didn't bring anything special to. whatever institution they were working. in and they just basically died on the. vine they were a person they were a. paper-pusher they were just sitting. there everything was about health. insurance I just need to get the right. health insurance because they were. always googling diseases they didn't. have waiting to die I open the season as. a November this is a certain type of. yeah this is a certain type of person. that she's waiting to die they're. waiting to get a terminal illness their. entire life and I just Google and Google.

and every job they take is about what. health plan will help when I finally get. this thing I'm convinced I have because. I have a headache sometimes Tuesday. mornings and this is I have aunts like. this I know people like this and they're. not bad people but they're careful. people they've had rules beaten into. their head since they were a little kid. and then you meet really successful. people and they don't give a [ __ ] about. the rules mm-hmm and you wonder you're. like oh there's maybe a correlation here. they're really successful people a lot.

of times take now sometimes yes it's. because they were born rich and they. have a lot of money and it's easy to not. care about the rules when your [ __ ]. dad owns [ __ ] you know paramount I. that but then you meet a lot of people. that were successful and got successful. by not giving a [ __ ] that went on the. outside that didn't care that weren't. living every day like they were gonna. die tomorrow don't prepare for your own. death I know that many people out there. like fetishize that they loved it they.

loved it they loved telling your stories. about people were [ __ ]. they like car accident lost everything. medical day you know my aunt will do. that she'll go I'm never gonna walk. again a tickle dad. medical dad bankruptcy and then like. invariably you know sometimes I'll meet. some of these people from my town that. like are being talked about and they're. fine yeah I declare bankruptcy I'm fine. like but it's just this horror story. that keeps everyone in line you know and.

my aunt would do that she would be a. collection of the tales depressing. stories depressing stories that were. supposed to teach you to follow the. [ __ ] rules and if you didn't somebody. somewhere was gonna kill you you were. gonna die or you were gonna live in. agony and pain who didn't follow the. [ __ ] rules that car is supposed to be. out of here at 7:00 p.m. and it's just. like these are the rule followers and.

the rule followers are they're shocked. that they don't get further because. they've done all the things that they. should do they've checked all the boxes. they've dotted the i's they've crossed. the t's and in that process they've. forgotten to bring anything new or. particularly valuable to the table. they just don't the status quo. through-and-through status quo they're. doing the job that a lot of other people. can do they'll even tell you this.

sometimes they'll pride themselves on it. like it's a mark of achievement they. feel like a lot of people can do this. job and I'm doing it it's like well no. that's not the move his head but they. love rules and they that's why they love. school. they love college and they love health. care they love having health care and. they loved it and they're like other. people don't they're just like I'm just. waiting to die. they're like I'm just waiting to get in. this car and have a semi wiped me off. the [ __ ] because I just mean while.

health care does even cover that by the. way if you do get any of those things. they won't even cover it so it's kind of. a I mean the health care industry is. like it's organized crime like no matter. what kind of health care you have you're. probably [ __ ] there's something really. horrendous happens this episode of the. Tim Dylan show is sponsored by blue Chu. guys remember the days when you were. always ready to go always ready to go. you know before me - I'm kidding. remember the days when you could. adequately perform for your partner. remember those days when your penis got.

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you know thing yeah you see that Toyota. Prius at 7:01 you're like no you know no. cancer you must know some of these. people because you work in the Social. Security office all right absolutely. this [ __ ] the people care about is. insane RINO it's like like you know we. can park there's a reserved parking lot. and that's for people that are grades GS. 14 and above but after 2 p.m. you're. allowed to park there I'm like okay. right Park wherever you're walking to. work either way your people that need.

cancer like they need the best thing to. happen to them yeah would you - [ __ ]. there live around like to give them some. perspective on life how much of life for. these people is figuring out parking. they're on planet earth for a certain. amount of time so much' life for people. is figuring out that I get my parking. validated am I in the right slip am I. and careful rule following people just. are and God love them you need them but.

they're they're always kind of surprised. they didn't go further in life. right actually when they see somebody. that didn't go by the rules gets further. like what you know yeah they're shocked. they're shocked they're shocked that. somebody that went on the outside of the. system figured out a way to crash-land. into something successful you know and I. think a lot of it has to do with how you. raised it because we I was raised by. boomer parents who took they took the.

eighteen years of raising me they took. oh they took off they took a vacation. for raising the children as most boomer. parents did I mean they were there but. they weren't there they were and I get a. lot of flack for this from from older. people that message me hey hey. [ __ ] off but the boomer generation in in. a lot of cases was a generation driven. by self-interest greed.

self-actualization not in any real way. by the way just constantly trying to. please themselves at the expense of. their children they didn't really care. about their kids this isn't like a new. thing I'm not saying it it was a. generation of fast food stuffing food in. your kid's face you know giving them. activities to do so you didn't have to. raise them you're in dance you're at. sports you're here hey go get molested. at this camp I gotta go and have dinner. with Aunt Sue go get molested and don't.

bother me I'm going to dinner with so it. was a group of people with that for the. most part it was about them their. children were about that yes and and and. and and so and you know you would the. food you ate when you grew up it was. poison I mean McDonald's at two you were. being poisoned from the jump with with. these and then I think subsequent.

generations maybe over corrected tooth. now were they the helicopter parent and. like the kid but it's better that's. better than the alternative like my dad. mom or like yeah you should go to. college but that was there and. that was the end of their commitment to. it just just suggesting it they they. lightly suggested it a few times like. yeah you should probably go to college. now there are parents that they started.

middle school and they and and during. high school they're taking their kids on. college trips and they're going to see. colleges together and they're really. taking an interest in their children my. [ __ ] parents like yeah you should go. to college. I never went and I regret it you should. go then it's not like here's how you do. it we're gonna help you apply. here's your extracurricular activities. my this is a great story about my father. I was standing on the school bus stop up. the block from my house on the corner.

there were two schools in my town right. before I got on the bus I was a little. kid it was my first day of school I was. somewhat nervous I said dad which school. am I going to he goes oh I don't know. get on the bus you know that today they. would be arrested right no oh hey get on. the bus what do you want from me I'm. only your guardian I'm only your father. guardian and I know there's two options. and I should know which one the little. kids go through and watch one of the. bigger kids go to but I don't have the. time for that so why don't you just get.

on this [ __ ] bus which by the way. could have been taking me too Epstein's. aren't like nobody knew where that bus. was going he didn't even know if it was. to the school I was supposed to go to. he's like just get on the bus and figure. it out son. you know what's the worst thing that. happens you'll get sold in the sex. slavery and we never see again. and we have to [ __ ] have a nice. charity dinner and get a bunch of money. hey this is what's going on here huh but. you know and then you look at like.

certain really successful people when. the kids in the womb they're planning. the school that that kids going to right. right you're like they're like oh I know. the kindergarten that this kid's gonna. go to while this kid is in my womb right. it's just every level of commitment. that's how I love my parents. yeah I actually thought about this the. other day because I'm you know last. night I was here and you know there. weren't a lot of older people which is. nice but sometimes you'd go into like. local scenes and there is older and I. love older people but here's what I. don't love is older people that are.

I think they have a shot in comedy oh. that that is the proudest I have ever. been of my dad my dad was a musician. when I was younger and he was good he. was like you know you played guitar he. sang he wrote songs he had a band he you. know traveled around but you know when I. was born II had to get serious at length. by the way like many comics don't they. just said oh well we'll raise the kids. in squalor. but he got a job he got a job and and. and and and and and instead of you know. not making money at being a musician he.

got a job and he didn't make money at. that you know he was just a bad. salesperson which I appreciate at least. you have the optics of trying sure and. and and he gave it a shot at me and I. had what I I had food and everything. like that you know I clearly but I. didn't have emotional you know you know. but I had the food we had Wendy's I. wanted you know there was some type of. school bus taking you somewhere I was on. a bus going somewhere I had a Monterey. ranch chicken sandwich from Wendy's. there no big deal everything was fine.

and but one of the proudest moments I've. ever been in my dad was when he said to. me he started to play music again in. like the local scene in Long Island. where he lives and he did this maybe. this was like four years ago. and he said to me he goes I was playing. out I was going around doing these open. mikes. and then he goes some of the younger. guys were like you're really [ __ ]. good you should do this gig with us like. upstate and he goes okay and it was like.

a few hours away from his house and he. goes yeah I just I took a ride with them. we did this gig and then then they were. like you're so good we're planning like. this little door and then he said he. goes what am i insane he's like I'm in. my [ __ ] mid 60's I need to go to Coba. and I was never more proud of him that. when he said that he goes I need to go. home and watch television with my wife I. was so proud of him so proud of him yeah. and I speak for all of it if you're an. older person and you're following your.

dream. stop literally if you were an older. person and you are indulging a passion. or following a dream please for the love. of God. stop it because it's over yeah and it's. it's not the move it's not the course I. was so proud of my dad when he's like. what the [ __ ] do I think is gonna have. yeah good for him what do I think is. gonna [ __ ] happen I'm gonna go beyond. the voice can you imagine him telling.

his wife like I'm gonna be out of town. for the next couple weeks. yeah boy sure hit the road and the boys. are hitting the road we think we're. gonna do it this time I'm 67 it's time. to get serious it's time to really. buckle down it's like listen guys he had. that time he played the music it was. great you probably [ __ ] some chicks that. were you know good-looking or whatever. whatever whatever you get out of that. you know what I mean you certainly don't. get a windfall of money no but at least. it was good and at the end of the day.

you gotta realize it like everybody's. like but Rodney danger. no no no stop using that one example. yeah I'm not saying if you're like if. you're an old person you always wanted. to do stand-up comedy go give it a shot. go try it once don't be sitting. somewhere in an open mic talking to. somebody about how you plan them on. making it let's cut that out cuz there. are older people there's guys in there. 52 like you know I don't know how to. play this here's how to play it go home. this is how to play it get in the car. and go to your home go to your villa and.

make sure people don't Park past 7:00. p.m. you know the thing that kept you. from doing this for 30 years. that won that thing won the fear that. kept you from doing this by the way a. very rational fear that knew you better. than you did that knew you weren't gonna. make it they kept you [ __ ] married. with kids in a job that rational fear. that keeps people alive one mm-hmm. go acquaint yourself with that fear.

again snuggle with it cuddle with it. that fear is not meant to be conquered. this whole thing about conquering fear. has got to go indulge it [ __ ] the fear. literally the fear is what loves you. the fear is what wants you to have a. home and the food this whole thing you. gotta conquer the fear no no no no no no. no no no no no no no the fear is your. friend and that's what people don't. realize the fee. is your friend like I was talking this. guy once he's in his mid-50s he's like I.

was just always afraid yeah yes you. should still be afraid I know that fear. follow the fear back to your home. the fear is why you have a home you. weren't gonna make it 30 years ago well. here's what you would have done you. would have ruined your life you would. have been broke and now I know that all. these guys built bar and all these. amazing brilliant comedians and I have a. ton of respect for give people speeches. like follow your dream it's not that bad. to be living on a couch and you know.

that that quote yeah a lot of people use. so they don't have to raise your. children that are broke yeah people that. people that use that quote that use that. Bill burr quote as a way to not raise. their kids by the way the like it's not. bad living on a couch when your third. hey shut up in there daddy's doing a. podcast you know it's girl by the way. you say something like that to try to. inspire people then you realize there's. a lot of dirtbags using it as an excuse. to take food out of their children's. mouths absolutely so that they can do. new talent night were they paid to do it.

right it's like I feel I feel you know. listen we all get listen you don't want. to tell people you don't ever close the. door behind you like you don't want to. be like we're the last generation of. people to ever do this obviously no one. is saying that there's a lot of people. that are gonna far exceed my success and. career and be better at it and. everything but not when you're 50 you. don't start when you're 50 you just. don't. um also you don't mortgage your. children's future to do this that's.

immoral that's a bad you're a bad person. you're a bad person right you're a bad. person for doing that. yeah and it's it's it's very very sad. when that happens yeah Child Protective. Services should come in yeah you're at. open mikes five nights a week. interesting you can't have a child that. is asking you mommy where are you going. or daddy where are you going and you're. going to an unpaid bar show it's immoral.

and you have to stop it and you're a bad. person if you're doing that you're not. good I'm not. saying if you have a day job you're. providing for the kids do anything you. want as a hobby do it and by the way. still not this do something else and. make more money for the college fund you. [ __ ] skel you're a skel but I'm not. [ __ ] on how you spend your free time. just I meet certain people they look I'd. better figure it out I got kids it's.

like yeah you should have figured it a. long time ago but that's the thing. there's just this idea of like that fear. is always bad and we always have to. conquer it and I don't think so I think. we have to lean into it like and. appreciate it a little bit and. understand that that fear is what's. what's the only reason that you have now. obviously people will say well now. you're contradicting yourself because. the rule-followers are also motivated by. fear untrue the rule file was actually.

not motivated by fear they're motivated. by the desire to control which is. different now maybe that's motivated by. fear or whatever if you unpack it but. the rule followers actually people yeah. that are they want control and they. actually want to seem they they just. want to be better than other people they. want to look down on someone even if. it's someone that should just be you. should just pity right they want to look. down on said they look down on the guy. that didn't get health insurance and. then a car hit him they were like well. that wasn't smart was it these poor guys.

laying there in a coma and they have to. be like well well CD you see what. happened was you break the rules when. you break the rules is poor guy he's. flatlining. you get t-boned by a bus yeah and these. people they just want to feel a little. better than him that's what it is it's. not so much that rational fear because. they in their minds they should be the. king of the castle they don't realize. the rules they played the game they. played the game yeah so when you meet. people like that you just have to say to.

yourself all right I get what you are. there's nothing you know inherently like. evil about you but I know where you are. and I know that you're gonna call the. police if this car is here at 7:05. praise that's what you're built to do. you're built to do that because you. believe if you rat on the guy that. parked his car in the wrong spot then. that means. that that everything is right with the. world are above them you're above them. and that you're gonna move up the ladder. because you think that's how people move. up the ladder by being rats by being.

rats and informants and these are the. first people by the way the inner. tyrannical government would inform on. their neighbors and get them dragged. away to a reeducation capital if they're. the first people to dime on their. friends and family and have them dragged. away. it's just who they are you know but. that's different than rational fear. rational fears gotta be ringed into.

right because rational fear even if you. decide to do something outside of the. box rational fear makes you work hard. I'm afraid I'm doing a podcast right now. in a hotel room in Timonium Maryland. because I don't want to re-release an. old podcast because I have respect for. my families III because I fear that if I. don't do things all the time that are. funny or interesting or good people will. tell me to go [ __ ] myself as they should. as they should you know but there are.

people they just have you know no fear. at all and that's and those are the. people that seem insane because children. have no fear children are insane if you. speak to them they believe things that. aren't true they believe in Santa Claus. children are they're insane and if you. don't become an adult like I had. somebody last night asked me sweet woman. but she goes how do I become a feature. and it's like I there is no answer that. I can give you there is no answer that I.

can give you there are no answers to. those questions because you either are. going to become a feature which doesn't. matter if you were featuring friend no. one cares but you're either going to. become that or you're not going to. become that and it's either gonna take. you two years or five years or no years. and I have nothing to say about it then. it doesn't it not does it make me a dick. doesn't make I'm that there's no secret. I can share with you that I'm not. there's no investment advice I can give. you what about investment advice that's.

what it whenever like a comedian asked. like somebody for. specific advice about a situation which. I do all the time to people like rogue. and people that I respect I'm like what. should I do here but like very vague. general if isochrone how do I lose so. Dickens how do I got people to like me. I want a headline yeah I wanna know how. do I make a million dollars hey how do I. make a million dollars how do I make 1. million dollars it's like hey I don't.

know man but I feel like if I gave you. the advice and I really want to give you. it would involve you getting a gun it. would involve you purchasing a weapon to. probably use in yourself because there. are some people in comedy that you meet. and you go if you got it together you. wouldn't do this like if I could tell. you the skills that you needed to get. better at this you would actually if you. were the type of person who would. succeed at this you wouldn't do it and.

that's the crazy thing and that's what. people don't want to hear like if you. had any of the dedication or. self-awareness or or or talent or. whatever that was needed you'd be on the. outside doing fine yeah you would take. that drive and channel it somewhere else. yeah you'd be doing something it's a. rare group of people that can did [ __ ]. flick I'm one of them that just [ __ ]. hit the wall everywhere else and come. into this and they're like ok so I can. figure out how to maneuver and navigate. and I can work hard and I can be.

dedicated I can do what I need to do but. there's a lot of people that if they had. those skills they would never have done. this in the first place. there's a lot of people here they just. want to get high they want to get high. and go out with their buddies and that's. fine too right but then you can't ask. why you're not you know what you're not. doing well well you're not doing well. should I get [ __ ] up more oh yeah I. don't know go I go watch it Gary. Vaynerchuk maybe pick a motivational. speaker to fill you with nothing. yeah you know pick pick somebody to tell.

you why you're not whole do you think. what you're missing do you think that's. why he's so big because it is general. advice like for gosh like how come I'm. not better it's like cuz you gotta be. better like right they gotta be but. cause he the hard truth. of what it is and that he can't tell. people and I understand why but I don't. hate him like when I'd make fun of him. it's because he does ridiculous things. yeah they're funny but I don't like I. have no hatred trim I don't I don't. think he's ruining the world or anything.

I think if you for Italy to see dude if. you think the Long Island medium is. talking your daughter you deserve to get. your money stolen right they're hustlers. you deserve to get your money take if. you're in the back of an Italian. restaurant in Long Island and you've. paid $300 to sit there with a bunch of. other meatballs and this woman walks out. and she pretends like she's talking to. your daughter Nicole who died in a. boating accident and you believe that.

and it makes you feel better or whatever. if this is a transactional thing you. know you know or maybe you don't know. but I know that you should get robbed. you should have your money taken from. you cuz it'll just go to something else. stupid right you're not gonna invest in. the next thing that becomes uber it's. just gonna go to a fad diet or some cat. no cash down real estate scam or some of.

you would buy that miracle spring water. that idiot sells at 2:00 a.m. like. there's nothing that you people won't. open my mother took money and bought. beanie babies you know at McDonald's and. tried to retire on the mic like. collecting them would her money have. been any worse giving it to Gary. Vaynerchuk or the Long Island medium. though now had my mother flip those. beanie babies in a reasonable amount of. time we'd have a little bit more money. but she waited too long she kept waiting. for like well one day there'll be the. price of diamonds it's like no they're.

not no it's people are gonna be like who. gives a [ __ ] there'll be the price of. moon rocks eventually I'm like no this. isn't a currency that continues to. appreciate just get rid of them now. unload them now for the love of God you. know after 9/11 it seems a little weird. to be playing with beanie babies no one. really cares. you know we have to come together as a. country remember the largest Diana bear.

how [ __ ] dark that was here's the. Princess Diana bear my mother had and. that was like the big one of the big. beanie babies was he commemorative. Princess Diana beanie baby want to talk. about dark you know very but the whole. [ __ ] the whole thing is like yeah. would her money have been better spent. with the Long Island medium or Caravan. or any of these hucksters sure so what. Gary is unable to tell people what he's.

unable to tell people because it's not. terra a terribly inspirational message. is you have to look at people and go the. majority of you are not going to derive. any pleasure from what you do from or. from your job it's just not it's not. gonna happen. that's not the way the world is set up. it's not the way the world is set up for. you to I'm not saying you have to be. miserable I'm not saying you have to.

hate what you do you shouldn't but the. idea that you're going to be your own. boss and it's gonna be interesting and. exhilarating and exciting and you're. gonna wake up Monday and you're like I. love that it's Monday I'm so excited. it's Monday let's get it let's get it. hustle grunt it's not gonna [ __ ]. happen and if you're looking for that. get ready for whatever comes with that. which is hard drinking or whatever or or. you're watching spikes get driven.

through people's hands on the dark web. to come let's get it whatever it is like. understand that what makes most people. happy is their family their friends the. community hobbies which we not rid of. nobody has hobbies anymore like people. just everything they do they try to. monetize like things that are gonna make. you happy or not now there's a specific. group of people that are gonna be. entrepreneurs but I'm not an. entrepreneur I'm a comedian that has to. do it on my own. who's learning about business I'm not an.

entrepreneur I don't get off on the. numbers the base I don't get up every. day and I'm like I just where does our. business time what am i analytic. we gotta grow like I don't think I like. to perform and make funny [ __ ] and then. you have to figure out how to have a. career doing that but I don't get hard. at the [ __ ] business like there are a. group of people that just do they're. into it you know entrepreneurs there's a. certain group of people that are gonna. go that direction and be great at it and.

and whether they know who Gary Vee is or. not Gary Vee is not making a difference. between you having a business or not. none of these people are none of these. none of these Thai Lopez any of these. people who don't decide whether you have. a business or not they can tell their. ten-point plan that the videos they said. it none of it is gonna met you're either. a person who wants to work if you're out.

on a Saturday night and everybody else. is getting drunk around you and having. fun and hanging out and you want to be. working which I never did I was very fun. to be drunk if you want and I wanted to. tell stories and have people laugh at me. but if you want to be building a. business while everyone else is getting. [ __ ] up then you know okay maybe I'm. one of these people if you're at the. beach and you're like getting antsy. and you're like you know I'd rather not. be here I want to be in an office right.

now figuring out how to make money I. don't want to be at the beach I'm. getting antsy I don't want to be in a. back yard with my friends having fun I'm. done with that I did that enough of it. and by the way that was what I felt like. when I was 25 and I got into comedy I. was like I've done I've been in enough. backyards and I've been hammered enough. I've gotten drunk enough I've been you. enough bars I've gone out to dinner. enough I gotta do something else now.

otherwise I'm gonna have a completely. wasted [ __ ] life right but that was. because I had that internal realization. it wasn't because I watched I Lopez tell. me. and then I [ __ ] spent three grand on. his 10-point plan and he was like and. here's my Ferrari do you have really. ya know you [ __ ] so it doesn't mean. that you're not suited for that but. there's a lot of be like I have friends. and aren't suited my friends are alright. now wanna be in it and they think I'm. crazy and they're probably not wrong.

they're not wrong it isn't saying the. people that are like what do you do just. have fun like I have friends that are on. a beach right now that I spoke to that. are on a penis that are like who they. are not trying to light the world on. fire at all they're not trying like they. just want to enjoy their [ __ ] life. that's what people should aspire to is a. kindred but then there's people that are. not I'm not I'm built to like enjoy life.

some people aren't built to enjoy life. we're built to like to do things that. that are good or great or whatever we. want to be great at something if you. want to be great at something you're the. baseline will not be enjoyment she's not. gonna be right it's gonna be fulfillment. and it'll you'll never be fulfilling. it's very long-term it's very long-term. and it's a different set of you know. qualifiers the whole thing is different. right right I have friends that just. want to enjoy that's great because as.

long as they have like a coconut shrimp. in their mouth and a shot of rum and. somebody's banging his steel drum and. they don't have to work the next day and. there aren't some beat they're good. mm-hmm and you know but Gary Vaynerchuk. can't tell people he can't walk out and. go guys here's the your biggest issue. you're built to enjoy life that's why. you're not succeeding in the way that. you want because when you're around. other people and they love you that's. enough it can't be enough guys it wasn't.

enough for a lot of the Carnegie. Rockefeller it wasn't enough for any of. those people it's not enough for me if. Gary Vaynerchuk said it's not enough for. me the love of my wife and kid doesn't. get me off enough I need more but that's. the honest what it is and there's. nothing I don't think there's anything. wrong with it you need the guy that. needs more because civilization has to. go forward right my friends aren't. driving civilization forward no they're. they're driving illegally a car and.

they're hammered and they shouldn't even. be driving the car. but they're certainly not driving. civilization forward it's just what it. is you know right right and you're just. either that person who you're not this. whole idea that you're gonna like flip. and sweat and like oh you turn over. newly it's like yeah that every person. innately has that in them. I was always an entertainer and I found. a way to be an entertainer since I was a. little kid right I'm not a business. person I'm not an entrepreneur I'm not a. deal maker I'm not a hustler I'm not a. grinder I'm I'm very hot like I am now I.

work very hard at what I do now but I'm. very happy to not hustle like I fight my. own nature right now why I'm able to. hustle is because I genuinely enjoy. making people laugh and I like making. stupid [ __ ] and having fun right I like. doing this even the parts of it I don't. like I can get through to get to the. parts of it that I like but by no. stretch of the imagination. am I like some [ __ ] so you gotta be.

honest about what your nature is I'm not. like a business person I would never. like let's say I'd make a lot of money. it is I'm making decent money now I. would never. yeah it's call myself a business person. I've seen your hotel room you're doing. great I mean yeah this is the Holiday. Inn in Timonium but there's no in my. head there's no like oh I'm a business. guy yeah I'm a CEO I'm a Titan I know. comics that are like that good for that. I'm a boss I'm a boss I'm the boss I. don't know I don't want to be I don't. care right I don't want to be I don't.

want people working for me I mean I want. I want people that are working for me. that like enjoy what we're doing yeah. but none of its like me being like oh. you better [ __ ] it like yeah that. doesn't come naturally to me I'm a loner. I want to be alone I want to breeze. through the country doing comedy clubs I. don't care I don't want to be in a. writers room I don't want to like I. don't have I would love to having a show. on TV I'd love to do something like that. but like the idea of being in like a. structure and being like I work for. you're like I don't care.

well that corporate [ __ ] just doesn't. matter it doesn't mean that that is like. the wrong way to go it's just for me I. don't none of it matter. hey everybody The Bachelor kicked off. this week on ABC and everyone's very. excited and you know me I've never said. a bad word of. The Bachelor I think it's great and I. think we should spend more time not only. watching it but discussing it if you. watch ABC's The Bachelor you should be. listening to a companion podcast it's. what's done you're not getting the most.

out of the show otherwise the problem is. most of the companion shows are absolute. [ __ ] the one you should be listening to. is called another bachelor podcast. that's the name another bachelor podcast. these guys are [ __ ] hilarious there. are three sis wife males with a lot of. perspective on what girls are going. through one of the hosts neck really. funny story he's from La Crosse. Wisconsin which funny enough is where. the smiley face killer did a good amount. of work but sadly not to Nick that's why. he's producing podcasts but it'll be.

much better fused at the bottom of a. lake anyway Nick was raised by his. grandmother both of his parents were. diagnosed schizophrenic switch is a bad. roll of the dice but he's a good kid if. Nick was a schizophrenic he'd be funnier. anyway I'm kidding I like Nick I met. Nick once another guy on there Dylan. really funny Jewish from Studio City. mom's from Queens dad's a Trump loving. Vietnam vet from the backwoods of. Virginia by the way all they're doing. with this ad is describing how much. better their parents podcast would be.

give me the Trump loving Vietnam vet in. the skid shows a child of divorce to. state the obvious and then there's a. producer Pat from Lumbergh Massachusetts. a heroine ravaged land he was raised by. his mother and stepfather Jimmy Dell who. has a contentious relationship with Pats. 15 he dyes his hair often every week. these guys take the piss out of one of. the best shows on television The. Bachelor take out the latest episode. breaking down the limo exits and. shocking return of out of brown.

subscribe to another Bachelor podcast on. Apple podcast Spotify YouTube or. wherever you list the podcast and get. ready to laugh your dick off. NIC produces this past weekend with Theo. von nick is a good guy Nick has brought. ABS on the show so we're plugging his. bachelor pad cast um I have not listened. to the podcast but I'm going to and Nick. is like funny when you talk to him so. it's probably not the worst bet like if. you listen. The Bachelor it's not the worst you know.

what I mean like so if you if you live. if you watch The Bachelor religiously. and like people like these bachelor. companion podcasts I don't know why I. think it's because the Empire is over. and we we're beginning our transition to. AI and humanity as a race has failed and. and and we're just sucking up the last. little bit of resources on the planet. before a stronger more durable. intelligence comes and takes us over. that's what I believe is happening so I. believe that in this weird interim time.

the bachelors like fun you know it's. like a fun way to kind of just like. circle the drain as humanity you know so. they're doing this bachelor kick-off. podcast and I guess it's really good you. know Nick's from La Crosse Wisconsin. he's a podcast producer and he's got his. buddies with him he's got Dylan why did. they put into these Jewish really funny. Jewish from Studio City what's that. about mom's from Queens dad's a Trump.

loving Vietnam vet so that's why they. sure that's why they've given you the. backstory guys so it's not only that. they're talking about The Bachelor their. comedic perspectives are informed by. these very interesting lives like Nick's. both of his parents were schizophrenic. and he was raised by his grandma so that. makes him hilarious and then Pat's mom's. from Queens or not Pat I'm sorry uh-uh. who else here Dylan's mother's from. Queens so he's a [ __ ] rip this guy's.

a rib his dad supports Trump like 65% of. men in the country but so it gives. dealing this unique perspective like. what's it like to be Jewish and live in. Studio City and then Pat is a 50 year. old who god only knows why he's doing. this he's probably on the edge of. killing himself listen to the show so. Pat doesn't kill himself he was raised.

by his mother and stepfather. he's 15 he dyed his hair off if v is an. interesting edge it's not an age where. like this is a cute fun thing to do he. thinks this is gonna like become a thing. I don't know hopefully Pat's. independently wealthy I'm skeptical but. it's another Bachelor podcast and you. can get it let's tell you where you can. get it folks cuz you know you don't know. how to [ __ ] you don't know we're. podcaster how do you get a podcast. nowadays how would I even get it if I. wanted to listen so you can subscribe to. it on Apple podcast Spotify YouTube or.

wherever you listen to podcast and. you're ready to laugh your dick off. again it's called another Bachelor. podcast another Bachelor podcast with. Nick whose parents are nuts. Dylan who's Jewish and Pat who dyes his. hair and I'll tell you right now it's a. good lineup of people give it a shot if. you're into The Bachelor there's some. women listening to my program seven or. eight if you I'm kidding there's there's. more than that it meant men like The.

Bachelor - men are idiots. the point is this if you watch The. Bachelor this is a good thing to check. out thank you very much goodbye so when. did you figure it out like that you. wanted to channel all this into comedy. then why was twenty five and I was 25. and I had to bottom out first which is. another thing Gary Vee I don't know that. Gary Vee may say this to people I think. Gary Vee does oh I'd love to go on his. podcast and kind of talk to him about. this and be and be like because he would. open my eyes up to some things - and.

he'd be like if you know he'd be like if. my thing only helps like 20 people that. who's to say they're not gonna start. Disney and laugh I'm like whatever and. I'm like yeah that's right does [ __ ] a. lot of kids but I mean Splash Mountain. is fun so I get it you know Mickey. waffles but I get what he's saying. I had to bottom out I guess he does I. think he does do this I think he does go. on the route of like you're not failing. enough I think a lot of these guys do. that tell people they're not failing.

enough well that's a good way to have. people buy into like I fail all the time. yeah I'm on the right great but I think. what you gotta tell people is just like. kind of got a bottom out or you gotta. hit a wall and then you got like I hit a. wall when I was 25 years old I hit a. wall where I was drinking every night I. was working at a job that really no. longer exists. I was trying to sell select mortgages in. 2009 after the financial crisis like.

post crisis I was trying to sell more. it's insane right it made no sense and I. was with a group of people who were we. were all sitting in an office. it was decrepid and there were fruit. flies and leaks from the ceiling and it. was a windowless office in Long Island a. broad hollow road and all of the. mortgage guys had left like it was like. life after people like essentially like. it was like almost tumbleweeds blowing.

through the parking lot because all the. Porsches and Maseratis and BMWs they'd. all either been repossessed or they. drove them somewhere else you know these. people were all gone and it was like my. friend's old Chevy and like me with my. suburban that I couldn't afford to put. gas in and I was in the bad job and I. was drinking a lot and then I got a. summons to be a juror on on a on a trial. am i looked at the summons and I was.

like okay this might be interesting I. knew immediately that it might be like a. weirdly pivotal event I can't explain. how I just looked at the thing and I'm. like this might be [ __ ] weird and I. got to the courthouse and my friend by. the way my friend Ryan who I love to. death was driving me to the thing and we. both had no do right we were. directionless 25 years old long island. directions which meant we're having a. great time we're having a great time. being white interaction listen Long. Island it's fun. smoking weed booze him eating in a.

corporate steakhouse whenever we wanted. he would steal money from his parents. and just we would go I would steal like. we're thieves would just take things. Garrus you don't need it it's mine now. and not even like we're heroin addicts. like he would just take a hundred. dollars off the mantle and we'd go over. a ribeye with his mother would be like I. left a hundred on the man or we'd be. like why and I would just have whatever. money that I had because I was my I had. bought a house when I was 22 over.

everybody that's listen to the show. knows this a lot of people know this but. I had stopped making mortgage payments. because not on. couldn't I make them but it didn't even. make sense. how's it look 50% of its value in the. last two years so it would be crazy to. keep making them but so here's the deal. right I'm living rent-free so I'm not. making mortgage payments so I'm living. rent-free my buddy so we're just we're. just eating in Vince's clam bar things.

are okay and and I don't mean okay I. mean we're all life is beating the [ __ ]. out of us but you'd never know you'd. never know we just and that's why I. think I was able to do comedy because. like for a while when comedies throwing. dirt in your face you have to just kind. of walk around like a good Howard thinks. they're good they're good oh this dirt. oh nothing I love dirt I'm sleeping in a. [ __ ] you know in a garbage pile as it.

bit but we when he dropped me off he. goes good luck it was the craziest thing. because he knew I wanted to get jury. duty because I'm like I was like I think. this might be fun to do he's like yeah. dude because again you have to. understand what being directionless. means we had no direction we didn't know. where we were got nobody knew which way. we were going so like the idea of jury. duty said this is new most people dread. it they want to get out of it we're like. uh could be fun new experience could be.

fun I show up and I see like there's. news vans outside of the courthouse yes. I'm like this is interesting I thought. it's gonna be like some guy like the. Long Island jury duty is usually like. some old Jewish woman fella no Wendy's. she wants a hundred and fifty K Wendy's. wants to give her 80 because she was. drunk. something like that to give and take. something in that realm of you know I. get there and they're like this is a. trial for murder torture rape.

immediately I'm excited I'm excited. immediately because you're like they're. this number one cool like let's be very. honest cool it's a cool thing that. someone was murdered and tortured and. been raped. but by the way they got a conviction of. right allegedly right allegedly but. here's what's cool about it here's. what's cool but not that it happened not. that it happened what's cool about it is.

I get to now go undercover and figure it. all out I'm the detective now if I get. selected so I walked in and I I found. out later that I was a deflected defense. pick like the defense wanted me which. means they looked at me and were like. he'll understand torture. that's literally hell he's probably done. it yeah no they look at me in they're. like look at that guy's face he. understands extenuating circumstances he.

gets that sometimes things need to be. done and they weren't wrong at that. point in my life I was a 25 year old. degenerate alcoholic with a foreclosed. house Long Island I knew that sometimes. you had to carve a [ __ ] up I was in the. closet I hadn't come out of the closet. yet I was still occasionally trying to. date like Long Island women like like. yeah like like that were men I mean Long. Island women wore a certain level of. long I'm an Italian woman is a dude it's. like literally a guy it just becomes a.

guy like go from like here to like here. it's like God but so I was like I was so. I knew going in I'm like my license and. this is how great Long Island is my. license is currently suspended. it's like currently suspended it's been. suspended like over 20 times I legally. couldn't even drive to the court that's. why I had my friend drop me off because. I'm like I can't get pulled over driving. to the court so I'm a criminal who's.

coming in for jury duty to decide the. fate of something inside the faith of. this of this guy and so they say to me. so I'm like I got number one I can't. look too eager because then they're not. gonna want me so I got letting by the. way this is advice to any of you that. maybe want jury duty this is advice as. to how to get it and only get it if it's. something good like torture you know. sure jury duty you can't look too eager. you have to roll your eyes you have to. like [ __ ] I can't believe this whatever.

so that the prosecutor said to me she. goes mr. Dhillon your license has been. suspended a bunch I'm sure you hate the. police you don't like them and I said no. I hate myself for being irresponsible. not paying those tickets Wow boom. great answer she sits down the defense. attorney gets up this lady who wore like. you know miss Frizzle and the Magic. School Bus she wore those outfits and.

crazy jewelry and later someone said. that's to distract the jury and I was. like that's kind of brilliant like. sometimes like she's like we're like. that she just wears crazy [ __ ] to court. mm-hmm because like they said one lawyer. back.all it's going to get so smokin. courtrooms which smoke a cigar and he. had a wire going to the ash never fell. off so the jury would look at his cigar. and to be smoking it down wondering when. ash was gonna fall off right and [ __ ]. they wouldn't hear anything the other. guy said so it's like this is brilliant. so maybe this [ __ ] he's doing this on.

purpose because she's dressed like a. literal clown right she gets up she's. like mr. Dhillon murder torture rape how. can you be impartial when you hear words. like this and I was like because and she. gave me a pretty easy one cuz she wanted. me I think that's a pitcher but I was. like ah they're just words they're. literally just worth I've not seen one. shred of evidence there are only words.

and I was like words mean nothing and. she was like oh good and I knew her when. I said words mean nothing I knew I'm. like oh he probably threatened his [ __ ]. a million times and she's gonna love. that. I said words mean nothing because the. defense is gonna be like oh great. if he believes words mean nothing he's. gonna be able to excuse all of these. threats all of these verbal assaults. that have been documented by countless. witnesses yeah when you're saying this. stuff is it like having a good set do.

you know you're like damn I'm crushing. yeah I knew I'm do I know I'm doing good. and I know I need to get this and I. don't know why yeah this is what garyvee. can't tell you guys you can't be like. wait till someone's tortured get on jury. duty like this is how I had you know. show you. these moments in life organically you. can't plan them out you don't get them. if ty Lopez tells you to now I'm not. saying you have to get them through a. murder torture rape trial but there's. worse ways to do it and it certainly. helps it certainly helps um you know and.

then I was old and up with my friend. picked me up he's like I was like I got. it man he's like I knew you would was. like an addition anything I knew you. would do that trial was just his. two-week intense week and a half. intense like rah meditation on mortality. like the idea that every day you were. hearing about somebody whose life was. taken and somebody whose life we. convicted him life plus 50 years no. parole because he was literally guilty.

so I mean really guilty you know I don't. I don't really know I didn't listen that. much but it seemed bad he had weird eyes. no he was seriously I listened to. everything I was into it he was he was. so guilty I thought the next I thought. the next thing was gonna be like and and. now here's the YouTube clip of the crime. like that's how bad it was but during. this whole thing I was I was like. looking at the the a DA who's now like. the DA or the Congress where I forgot.

what she is now but she was really good. at her job so good at her [ __ ] job. that you know you were like this is. exactly what she's meant to do she's. meant to do this you know she was had a. Special Victims Unit and I was like I'm. not meant to sell mortgages in a strip. mall in long night like I'm just not. meant to be it was it's not a strip mall. is an office building whatever I was. like I got a not do that you know I got. to figure out a way not to do that and I.

think I started comedy in that was in. the spring that trial and I started. comedy in the fall late August mm-hmm. late August and I had one more summer of. drinking in me at one more summer still. didn't get it had to like my friend's. father me had that get into boating. accidents that summer I mean I still was. being beaten in a mad but by the time by. the time that summer right the rape. trial wasn't enough. I mean that's what this guy was a cool. guy who's so cool when you get the two.

boating accidents with someone they're. fun to get back on a boat with someone. you got into an accident with means they. they're fun um but at the end of that I. was like okay it's time to change. because sometimes you just got to get. something out of your system you got to. get being a loser out of your system. right I being a loser is fun no one will. admit like that being a loser has its. benefits and and actually starting to. not be losers is can suck and then you. have to worry about like look now I got.

a stay not a loser right right obviously. you don't want to be a loser but like. and then people people would look back. oh you would never lose I'm like yeah I. was I was an absolute like ever I had. lost everything and I was like I was the. definition of lose like right but. sometimes you just got to get that [ __ ]. out of your system before you can go and. some unfortunately sometimes that kills. you right sometimes that kills you. sometimes the things you have to do to. get being a loser out of your system. kill you so it's unfortunate and then.

sometimes you'll never get being a loser. out of your system which is why you need. to get killed in Iran you need to get. shot in Iran sometimes it will never. work. it's you're never gonna see the light so. you just need to go to Iran and get shot. and it's not this is nothing negative. about you it's just an observation I. have from 30,000 feet looking at your. life and I'm going you need to be a flag.

on a mantel that someone points to that. is your moment. that's your pivot and they point to it. with pride I would give garyvee all of. my money if he started his next lecture. by grabbing the mic and going half of. you in this room need to be in Iran. getting shot at right now you need to be. getting shot at in Tehran right now and. 10% of you should have your own.

companies all right thank you guys for. listening I really appreciate it thank. you for coming on yeah you think you're. the best Josh plug your social media if. anyone's around Baltimore do you. showered is umar run that show my runs. his show gin and jokes at Joe squared. and Baltimore the first Thursday of. every month Matt Josh could earn on all. it's a great show and he gets some. really funny comics yeah it's a great. show Matt Josh get dirt on all social. media stuff and Omar and I have a. podcast called the digression session so. check that out well thank you so much. thank you the best thanks a lot buddy.