#179 - Sal Vulcano | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen it is Tim Dylan. there welcome to the Tim Dylan show. Christmas episode we're very very. excited we're bringing you a special. treat we're taking famous 20 minute rant. from the patron archives called my last. Christmas which is about why I decided. to retire from spending the holidays. with my family only partially retire I. do go back occasionally for holidays but. it's really just kind of this kind of. epic rant that a lot of people connected.

with about really trying to get rid of. your family and friends and trying to. level up that's what the holidays to me. are about thinking about what you have. in your life and what you can get rid of. who you can get rid of how fast you can. do it and how quickly you can leave. those people in the dust and ascend to. higher levels that's what I believe the. holidays are about they're about taking. stock of where you are and who you are. and trying to change both of those. things dramatically and immediately if.

possible so I did this rant and it was. about a Christmas that I had and it was. a Christmas that shook me to the core it. made me realize that it was time to. enter a new phase of my life and a lot. of people have connected with it so we. hope you enjoy it if you don't enjoy it. it's probably because you're threatened. by it. because you know I'm right or maybe you. are one of these people that I don't.

understand the thinks the holidays are. about togetherness and just making do. with what you have a lot of people feel. that way they're like the holidays are. just about being grateful and thankful. for what you have shut the [ __ ] up. that's not what they're about they're. about saying I want more okay enough. stop lying to yourself another stop. denying yourself you're an animal you're. on earth you're an animal now obviously.

there's maybe some divinity you have the. ability to reason you know maybe there. is a God maybe you can I'm not saying. you have to stay an animal but you have. you know you have instincts you know. there's a. nature to you you want things it's. nothing wrong with that stop denying. yourself the pleasures of getting rid of. people the holidays are just about. looking around and saying thanks thank.

you for this shitty job and this even. shittier family no they're not the. holidays are about driving by a big. beautiful house with a big beautiful. wreath on the door and a big beautiful. Christmas tree and looking at that house. and going I want that I want that I want. that warmth that security and that. safety and I deserve it and you know. what a lot of the people in my life. right now aren't helping me get that so.

you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna. pretend I don't know them because our. friendships based on mutually assured. destruction that we both destroy each. other and my family is just based on. we're just a bunch of people don't know. we don't know what the hell we're doing. anymore world just staring at each other. some of that's nice the majority of it. isn't and we know that we're eating. garbage food and sweatpants were phoning. it in we're throwing a lot of good money.

after bad so that's what the holidays. have always symbolized to me and I know. people have all kinds of different views. about it and I don't hold that against. anyone but the reality is the holidays. are about it's a quarterly review for. your life it's the end of the fiscal. year or the quarter whatever you say to. yourself listen let me figure it out let. me figure it out and that's what the. holidays are about looking around to. people going who's a central who's not. so that's the first part of the episode.

second part of the episode we talk to. the great Sal Vulcano is one of the. Impractical Jokers it is the most. successful you know whatever you want to. call it prank show which they're not. really fans of that name they don't like. reality show either you know it has. elements of a game show but it is a. hybrid it's a few different genres it's. one of the most successful shows in the. last decade. it's a worldwide phenomenon those guys. sell out arenas all over the world and. and and they all experience success and.

they're late in their mid-30s very. interesting story about how they came. together how long they all work day jobs. how long before they started making. money and then just you know the show. growing into the [ __ ] powerhouse that. it is today. where it's a worldwide sensation and. everybody knows about it it sounds an. insanely famous person when I've gone. out with them to dinner. people always recognize him it's really.

insane especially in New York City but. pretty much I'm sure wherever he goes. there are people out there so it's very. interesting talking to him about that so. that's really the episode today we have. those two things happening is this our. final episode of the year then no we. have one coming out on the one on the. 30th I think because [ __ ] month sucks. yeah you can't as my father said can't. get ahead can't get ahead they're always.

trying to get you go get you can't get. ahead I've spent a lot of time we. released a Boomer Christmas video that's. funny I spent a lot of time with the. boomers over the last week they're. they're great people and they're very. fascinating to me because what's great. about the boomers is I've talked to. different boomers from different tax. brackets all over the place different. locations the sense of injustice that.

they all have about the things that. they've been denied I love just they're. just they're somehow old victims many of. them have inherited homes victims you. know because then you got to renovate. those homes what a project many of them. you know worked at one company for 40. years that's not gonna happen anymore to. anyone we know. and I'm not saying these people should.

be derided but I'm just saying I love. the idea that it's like still like her. it's rough man it's rough it's been. rough. you have no idea rough it's gonna get so. it's really it's a really fun episode. and maybe you like it maybe you don't. subscribe to the Tim Dylan show rate. review leave a 5 star rating we do. appreciate that tell friends and family.

Thanks to everyone who bought the shirt. send us photos of you in the shirt we'll. put it up unless you're completely. hideous we're kidding we'll put it up. even if you're hideous doesn't matter. unless you're like deformed feel like. Elephant Man well actually if you are. Elephant Man we will put it up like if. you are deformed we'll put it up if. you're just kind of regular ugly I don't. know that it helps me or you but if. you're really good-looking or deformed. I'd like one of the extremes I don't.

need you to just be like Plain Jane you. know but you know let me know let me. know how you feel folks send me the send. me the photos also live dates a lot of. them coming up Tim de la comédie dot-com. all over the place we're going to Austin. Texas in January we're going to Magoo. B's January in Baltimore Maryland we're. going up to Toronto coming back to.

Caroline's in New York City in March. headlining those rooms so please check. out Tim Dillon comedy calm all the links. for tickets are on the website enjoy the. episode we'll be back we got another. episode coming on patreon with Luke. radowski the guy who stormed Epstein's. island in the Virgin Islands he's gonna. come on the show also we have patreon is. coming up with always the great ray Kump.

and you know folks will have more shirts. working on a mega McCain shirt that. could be epic but it's got to be done. the right way it's got to be done the. right way I know somebody that knows her. they were with her the other night she's. not a fan of me understandable and we're. working on that we are working on. that'd be great to do Rogen with her me. as her her as her Joe as Joe fun times. when does this come out though tonight.

Merry Christmas everybody. Happy New Year happy Kwanzaa Happy. Hanukkah happy winter solstice happy. [ __ ] holiday whatever the saternus. are Sam Tripoli will know what holiday. [ __ ] celebrate happy holidays. somebody on little st. James is singing. like in that Robert Goulet voice [ __ ].

wild [ __ ] world we live in man. it's truly unhinged. to an alarming degree really is not much. can be done this is not the boomers. become the boomers by the way I'm gonna. become the same thing people are gonna. come to mean you know 20 years if I'm. still around and they'll be like hey. [ __ ] going on I'll be like can't get. ahead always trying to get you gonna be.

like satanic pedophiles run the whole. government I never like not good got to. make time to golf. hit hit the ball a little bit play 9. take some time they give you the card. you outraged be like buddy. we were outraged years ago we were. outraged decades ago but then we decided. that there's not really much left to do. except eat meatballs and wait for death. gotta take a moment for yourself you. know I'll you know what I'll be going to.

see whatever act is like an old active. at that time I think I'm gonna see Liz. oh she's on her comeback tour you know. she lost her foot diabetes but she's. back she's playing the hits so that's it. folks that's what's gonna happen boomers. we're in porn boomers they became them. and I understand I it's you know all. these politically active people that are. on the ride in the laughs our ride far.

laugh they're gonna realize it the. system's just gonna crush them like. everybody else don't call it a black. pill you stupid Fox. there's no blood pooling it's not a. black pill it's the pill it's the only. pill go get a [ __ ] life go get. married have kids do whatever you want. to do don't cocoon yourself on Twitter. with another with with a bunch of losers. it's not gonna work. the revolutions not coming shut up go.

find something to [ __ ] do I'm not. saying don't be you know concerned don't. care but care about real people in real. life [ __ ] jump on the hashtags shut. up. get a life how about 2020 you get a. [ __ ] life stop talking about. Elizabeth Warren and Donald Trump they. don't care about you doesn't matter to. them you're a statistic on a sheet you.

could take care of yourself you get. you'd be eaten alive it's the truth. you don't want to think like that you. think your tweets gonna save you you. think one of these shows he'll pass you. spends their time eating children he's. gonna turn around and like yeah you know. like you you think you're gonna send. them a letter about your papa don't work. at the factory and they're gonna be grow. up grown up go to Washington DC walk.

around it's all demons from hell. it's all it is all the people that write. about politics talk about politics. they're soul these are kids you've never. been invited to parties they've never. had any fun they've never laughed they. Jay they're like drones they've had. their souls replaced by teleprompters. [ __ ] listicles these peoples. throughout you look in their eyes. there's nothing there.

they're just go on MSNBC or Fox and they. spout inane nonsense. and you people oh oh look what does one. sad look what that one sir no no get a. [ __ ] go be somebody go start a [ __ ]. drug business become a crisis actor go.

fake terrorist attacks go do something. real you know we will be I'll be putting. out on the patreon an article about the. Boston Marathon bombing if you want to. talk to your family over the weekend. about something Merry Christmas. why can't we hear from doe cars are not. yeah Happy Holidays. why does Dzhokhar tsarnaev not able to.

give an interview is it because the FBI. used him and his brother is informants. and then said they didn't know who they. were and that they probably were not. sophisticated enough to make that bomb. maybe the FBI allowed them to have a. bomb so that they could catch other. people with bombs and then that bomb. went off and then they decided to lie. and say that they didn't know who they. were and then they got caught in a boat. one of them was shot they were clearly. trying to shoot both of them and then. they also killed a cop on MIT for no. reason they didn't even really try to.

get away they just drove around in. Boston happy holiday. you know what you can do where you get. down. that's my new attitude in 2020 that. voice I'm gonna I mean comic comedy now. has been invaded by wealthy white woman. all every night you just performed the. ugg boots of boots and 300 and $400.

sweaters that just stare at you they. want you to talk about dating and. avocado toast that's what they want to. talk about they're all just Chardonnay. Chardonnay and ugg boots to misery. nanahara. life's an unending merciless hell enjoy.

the holidays folks if you have a turkey. let me say this before I leave if you. have a turkey again on Christmas you're. a [ __ ] psychopath. you should have turkey on Thanksgiving. and the Christmas you have a meat you've. Chateaubriand filet mignon of steak you. know you have maybe a ham the pasta. Seven Fishes you know pasta like a. lasagna whatever you don't have Turkey. again if you have Turkey again it's your.

from a sick place with sick people and. you need to get away from them ASAP if. you're going to someone's holiday for. the first time and they're having Turkey. get the [ __ ] away from them get away. from them I wish if I could do it all. over again I'd be heterosexual I'd be a. banker I would date one of these [ __ ]. out boots that I have to make laughs and. we would go to ugg boots house and we'd. we'd meet mother ugh. mother ugh would be drinking maybe a.

little brandy and she'd go hello hi. Colton my name would be Colton and I. thought I have a Patagonia jacket and. leather boots and I'd say whoo moon is. cool I went to Princeton and she's dying. Alton my name is Felicity and this is my. husband Benson hello. Colton I'm Benson no I went hunting. earlier this year or we'd be in secret.

societies and we wear hoods and we'd go. in the middle of a field I don't know. what they do they probably do like a big. dance number where they're like Satan is. great. Satan is great Satan is great but. whatever okay but I'm not in a [ __ ]. green room of a comedy club I got to. entertain a bunch of ugg boots would. Tina Turner have been good if she didn't.

get smacked in the face yes or no these. are questions for the the holiday. Christmas or would she have phoned it in. how do you how do you get what's love. got to do with it you get that if you're. happy now stop wanting your entertainers. to be happy there's a lot of. entertainers that are happy and healthy. and that's where everything is dog [ __ ]. it is dog [ __ ]. and you like it because entertainment.

now it's just something that you know. happened you dumb [ __ ] oh he's talking. about uber I take ubers entertainment. that's not it that ain't it the highest. sacrament now is being relatable how. disgusting his dad that you have to go. into their world they don't want to come. into your world you have to go into. their world and they're [ __ ] dumb. world they're dumb world whatever these. retards are talking about. oh just disgusting I got to go now and.

perform for the sorority that's here. [ __ ] Fairfield Connecticut snow. bunnies I'm gonna have to get up there. and tell them the truth tell them that. the country is run by a cabal of demons. that's what I'm gonna tell them and I. will also do jokes about the death of. the diner. declining quality of Wendy's and other.

important things that while they night. might not be as important or certainly. important certainly not gonna skip over. them thank you could you let me know. what I have to go right I love you. thanks we're firing everyone after. tonight I'm gonna fire everyone and. every comedy club I work I bring them. and I go we appreciate it but tonight's. gonna be it tonight's gonna be it for. you thanks for coming tonight's gonna be. it we've enjoyed it we hope you've. enjoyed it you don't have to go home but.

you can't stay here that's how I'd. firefighter business had fire everyone. like that ago hey you don't have to go. home but you can't stay here and they go. what do you mean I go you're out that's. what I mean my heart goes out to. everybody who's working on Christmas. like myself by the way I'm [ __ ]. working too so don't give me nothing I. got seven shows on New Year's Eve. so the reality of this situation folks. is this some God you see mailed me hey.

how's next Monday morning or Tuesday. morning or even Sunday for what's this. guy mentally ill oh this is this so I. like this guy this is our future. I like James Altucher yeah some kid. asked me to do the show in Highland Park. no no no no more no more I'm gonna start.

diving into the audience at these. hipster shows and biting people in the. face and we'll see how many shows I get. asked to do hey was Tim Dylan funny the. other night you know he was doing okay. but then he just bit someone's face the. cops had to come so we're not gonna. invite him anymore. yeah leave me alone hey if you don't own. a club don't message me unless you're in. skullenbones you [ __ ] you can get me. in these retards call me they look I'm. in the Penn State's combos.

hey shut the [ __ ] up yeah I'm in the. National Community College combo shut up. please. you [ __ ] d-list [ __ ] scabs I can't. get a goddamn real. I got these [ __ ] tertiary people. third and fourth tee and nobody's. messaging me I'm trying to get in a real. elite a Rothschild something like that. getting these [ __ ] nobodies he's. [ __ ] the fourth or fifth guy that. rounds out the [ __ ] golf trip that. nobody gives a [ __ ] about he's messaging.

me tell me know what's really like not. even that cool yeah I know it isn't I'm. talking to you. God stand-up comedy sucks it really is. the worst art form I mean it's the best. but it sucks so much who's that guy fire. him fire him he's fired who's that he's. getting from firing him character that. guy's everybody's gonna get fired by the. way it's called I walk around fire. everybody hello sir how are you.

what's your name again Tim Dylan nice to. meet you have a good holiday are you. excited about the holiday you excited. about the holiday [ __ ] yeah you're. you're Puerto Rican you do not look. Porter ticket a white guy just walked in. I was like I'm cooking Porto Rican like. what does that mean you're cooking out. Puerto Rican it's interesting well have. a good holiday sir we'll wrap this up.

folks cuz frankly I'm not paid enough to. do what I do I give you everything for. free and you take a [ __ ] in my throat. okay every other podcast you've got nine. houses I'm struggling to feed that fat. cat in LA okay I should have made my. podcast avocado toast in your [ __ ] and. then I'd have 75 million people. listening to it and I talk about my dry. snatch like everybody else cuz that's. what everybody wants they want to hear. about you dry snatch and how [ __ ] up. you got in college and at your friend's. wedding okay we're not doing that okay.

we're telling you the truth. and that's hard to [ __ ] monetize so if. I could do it all over again I'd be a. single loudmouth Jewess with a dry. snatch hi I'm Timmy the trash can. and I love trash popcorn boxes and candy. wrappers hmm. they all taste so good instead of. throwing your trash on the floor won't.

you please give it to me thank you for. considering your fellow patrons. Christmas week is now this is the week. between Christmas and New Year's when. you were a little kid this was the best. week of the year because you could play. with all the toys you got at Christmas. and you were off from school and all of. your friends were off from school and it. made it the best week of the year when.

you're an adult this week is harrowing. it's horrible it's it's like it's like a. hangover for an entire week you don't. know what time it is you don't know what. day it is you're not really you're not. at work. nothing's going on but you're not also. not at work somehow you're like involved. you know work is coming it's a nightmare. week it doesn't ever feel like it should.

be daylight out you walk outside it's. like if you were ever if you went to I. was at parties in high school not to. brag I went to a few parties in every. now and then I used to love drugs and. alcohol so I would wake up the next day. at the party house which by the way bad. move and a real almond of things to come. if you're waking up at the party house. it means you have a problem but what I. saw is what you should never see which. is the house the day after the party it.

has that dank feel it smells bad it's. just ashtrays overflowing with cigarette. butts stains from your hope booze and. you're looking around the house and. there's just Sun peering in illuminating. the filth which seems so fun only a few. hours before it seemed okay the family. that embraced this that lived like this.

that open their home and allowed you to. [ __ ] you thought these are good people. they let us come in here do drugs. alcohol with them with their children. they let us trash the small piece of. real estate they happen to own they let. us depress the value of it for several. hours and then we all leave we don't. give a [ __ ] and if you still leave at 3. a.m. in the dark and you wake up in your. house or somebody else's house you're. fine and that magic still stays with you. and that's an important magic to retain.

for as long as possible but when you. wake up the next day at the party house. and you see it in the day and you see. the family in the day these people these. vampires that are but sunlight they. scatter around like roaches you save. yourself this is not good this is what. the week between Christmas and New. Year's feels like to a person you feel. like you are seeing something you. shouldn't see you feel like it should go. Christmas and then you have like an hour.

or two and then New Year's party and. then let's go it's a new year we're in. this weird vortex between the absolute. hell and the vapid conversation you have. to suffer through with your family oh my. god on it it doesn't feel like Christmas. this year I don't you know the you know. and I went to my party and this is the. end of and I've been pretty open about. this this is my final year spending the.

holidays with my family and I will. because I want to be successful and I've. realized that success requires to. constantly keep climbing and when I look. around these parties these holiday. parties I'm at them like this very. little room to move up in this structure. you know there's nowhere to really go. we've done it and I'm thankful and. they're good people these people but. next year I think I'll go to an island. or I'll get away somewhere and I'll or.

maybe I'll go spend it with friends I. was invited to spend it with friends. this year and I said now I'm gonna go. and I'm gonna spend it with my family. and it was nice because it was only nice. because I I felt like it was a kind of. the closing of a chapter. and here's my thing and I'll throw this. out there to the phoning and in of the. holidays across the board has got to. stop and this is happening and what the. older generations are now dead or.

they're dying they're bedridden they. can't do anything anymore they're old. they're there they're sitting in a chair. we love them we thank them but they're. not they're not the captain of the ship. my grandmother has died my nanny is left. but she's not really doing anything. anymore. so the responsibility for the holidays. falls on the baby boomers a selfish. generation of people who have sucked.

everything out of this country and given. it nothing. demonic drug addicts who were drunk on. cheap credit for their entire lives. mortgage their future mortgaged our. future disgusting selfish hedonistic. people without honor without valor. without intelligence and I and I say. this with all due respect many of them. are fans but that generation largely not. all of them but a lot of them.

it's phoning in time and you know like. one of them said to me and I'm not gonna. say who but because this is you know. this is my family but it's also there's. other people's families involved and I. just observed holidays on Facebook and. Twitter people paper plates plastic cups. is it a GoFundMe I thought that was a. GoFundMe I thought I was gonna take out. a credit card and donate to you why are. you advertising your inability to own.

glassware I mean this is really. something that I I've seen I've seen. these holiday look at photos I'm not. making this up look at photos of. holidays from the 50s from the 60s from. the seventies from the eighties look at. photos of holidays now everybody's. dressed like a bum people are sitting in. the basement of Red Solo cups it's like. you're playing a beer pong in the. basement like a [ __ ] child. people go to supermarkets to cater the. meal supermarkets where the staff is on.

heroin okay I went with my father he. goes we're picking up some food we're. having catered not from a caterer not. from a restaurant from the super-mo we. went to the supermarket and got the food. can you imagine this is the day Christ. was born come to our house and you could. eat supermarket food in the den this is.

ridiculous well I have a holiday. somebody said to me they're like nobody. cares where the food comes from yes they. do I do I do I don't get it I also don't. get the this potluck dessert will you. just give up and you go all host but I. need everybody else to bring dessert. because I can't manage to buy a dessert. or make a dessert even though I'm. hosting the party and it is my.

responsibility to ensure that people. have a good time I'm gonna just let. whatever dirtbags I have coming over. stop at some local [ __ ] 7-eleven and. buy a [ __ ] cheesecake and have them. bring it over I'm gonna let my my aunt. make a chocolate pudding pot it looks. like a child made it where the crust is. uneven and the mousse is overflowing and. it's looked like a jello no bake. remember those remember when jello came.

out and said to fat people. you shouldn't go near an oven you're fat. but what about if we gave you something. you could just stir put in the. refrigerator for a half hour and then. eat like a pig. on your couch while you watch The Drew. Carey Show and it sold well so well but. that's what that's what we're eating. we're eating pudding pie there was a. dessert I swear to Christ called dirt. there's a dessert called dirt these are.

adults these were adults it was a bowl. and they told you how they made it they. weren't embarrassed they told you how. they made it. whip cream pudding cream cheese it's. just this glop. that looks like human [ __ ] and then they. take cookies and crumble the cookies up. and put them on the top and then they. put gummy worms in it so that it looks. like the dirt how about bringing actual. dirt could it have been more insulting.

if you had brought actual dirt with real. worms I mean this is disgusting and. people eat it like it's okay not okay if. you host you do the dessert you don't. trust people to bring [ __ ] to your home. you know what they're gonna do they're. gonna do it on the [ __ ] cheap cuz. they're just gonna [ __ ] nobody knows. who brought what that's what it is if. you do a potluck dessert you still have. to stand in a circle and go what did you.

bring and you should be judged [ __ ]. harshly but nobody does that they throw. it on the table and they run away to the. other room they don't give a [ __ ] that. nobody's eating the garbage fire of a. [ __ ] dessert because they're gone. so again when I was growing up we had a. New Year's Day party and the New Year's. Day party we had great food but the. dessert was Peach Melba one dessert that. was it now I know people now they're. like well you know some people chocolate.

people some people aren't some people. want cheesecake you know what folks were. trying to please everyone and we're. pleasing no one that's what we're doing. we're trying to include everyone and. we're including no one ok so it bothers. me again I just felt a lot of the food. where I was was was phoned in phoned in. and I don't like that because I remember. when I was growing up my grandmother and. and my nanny and he ends the man as well. everybody would help they would really. get into it they would cook for days and.

it was a mark of pride it was a mark of. pride of great the food was everyone. looked forward to it all [ __ ] year now. these people go to a supermarket and buy. something they buy macaroni and cheese. that somebody stirred in an oxycontin. frenzy in Long Island I what are we. doing why. are you inviting me to your home I'm. insulted I don't know how you're not. insulted I mean I try not to yell but it.

gets angry and I know that everyone says. y'all read it everyone's like you're. loud and sad and that's very instructive. I had no idea I appreciate that I. appreciate your candor these guys will. hopefully fix the levels very tough for. me I know I'll kill tell me everyone was. like you're loud you're loud on it. because I'm playing to a room of people. it's 300 people and when I get worked up. I get worked up and you know it's not my.

fault you should be watching kiloton I. don't know who listens to kill to kill. Tony's a visual experience you're. watching on the live Jimmy watch to. YouTube but I am trying I'm working on. that I'm working on not being his lap. but I get angry I get angry because. there's real issues there are real. problems. I saw people's holidays and I just I sit. back and I judge on social media and I. think that listen I think that I. understand people that say you know what. we're gonna use paper and plastic and. you know what I'm not I'm not saying in.

every instance that's not appropriate. okay what I'm saying is that the. formality of the holiday to me matters. and I think you should you should say to. yourself you know what we're gonna we're. gonna let everybody drink at a big-boy. cups and they're gonna eat on plates. like people we're not gonna give them. we're not gonna give them plastic knives. that break in the food and forts were.

they the [ __ ] things fly off we're. gonna give them real utensils because. Christ was born today and whether you're. whatever you feel religiously the. significance of that event my stepmother. got everybody's slippers she does this. every year she gets a gift for the whole. group last year was Snuggies you know I. always try to talk about 9/11 when she. hands out the Snuggies to everybody. everyone's like it's so soft it's so.

soft I said why why did building seven. fall. it wasn't even hit it's just fun I like. to have fun because you end up in these. conversations with people that are vapid. and meaningless people are talking about. why they why they decided to become a. teacher could anything we know what you. decided to become a teacher cuz you. don't like to work and you have nothing. to offer the world that's we get it we. get it why don't you become a teacher.

you're not a fan of hard work and you. don't have anything to offer that's what. that's the only thing anyone should ever. say why they became a teacher became a. teacher like it's a [ __ ] like you won. the Heisman you're gonna go through each. story start talking about how you did it. why do what was your origin story tell. us tell us. ah you went to college and you realize. you wanted to have the two best months. of the year off well you did nothing and.

he wanted to be done with your job every. day by 2:30 ha ha okay listen my. grandmother was a teacher I know a lot. of teachers get mad at me because I talk. a lot of [ __ ] about them like I just did. but the reality of the situation is just. I never [ __ ] on teachers until they. started saying that the most important. job in the world would you you don't. it's not even in the top hundred jobs. that are important teaching you know. here's why everyone wants to do it. there's no shortage of people doing it. okay so if you decide to not go to work.

tomorrow there's [ __ ] a trillion. people called subs that are there to. step in and can do your job immediately. maybe not as good as you but they can do. your job they can approximate your job. but this is what you got to do and. you're there in the holidays you're. gonna sit down and you're gonna tolerate. that you have to tolerate that as an. appropriate conversation someone in the. room telling you why they decided to be. a teacher and you have to sit there and. go yeah I started assigning that you. know how to cheat it you just wanted to.

be a teacher oh that's good it's not. it's ridiculous so we get these slippers. and then she's like everyone put the. slippers on I don't want to slippers on. okay I want to tie a noose around my. neck but she didn't buy everyone a noose. that would be funny. you know what I got everyone this year a. noose funny she goes that would be great. gifts because 2019 is gonna be rough but. don't worry everyone I got us old nooses. that would have been too dark people.

would got upset so we all put the. slippers on to take a photo with. everyone with the slippers on okay to. commemorate this and then one of my. aunts starts like well standing a circle. to dump slippers one of my aunt's like. through the hokey-pokey and everyone. starts doing the hokey-pokey and I'm. standing there and I want to kill myself. I literally want to end my own way I. want to grab something sharp and stab.

myself and I want my blood to sputter. out while everyone's doing the hook. because I'm like this is [ __ ] crazy. that this is going on right now the. Hokey [ __ ] Pokey we're all adults. there's no children here there are no. kids this is an important distinction. there are no kick these are all adult. people they're doing the hokey-pokey and. it's like all right well you're not. really listening to this show if you're. doing the hokey-pokey. you'll probably don't want to hear that. George W Bush George HW Bush might have.

had a hand in killing Kennedy or at. least knew who did you don't want to. hear about satanic pedophile cults and. you don't wanna hear about the Russian. mob you don't want to hear about the. deep state the underworld the overworld. I get it's fine it's fine with me you. don't want to hear about the Craigslist. sex stories you don't want to hear about. the morgue and dead hookers Raycom. finding things in the cavities of. people's bodies fine there's got to be a. happy medium between that and the. [ __ ] hokey-pokey I know my dad is a. musician my dad sits down he starts to.

play guitar and here's the thing with my. dad I love my dad my dad is very. talented he's a great guitar player and. he hasn't done in a while and he can. still play guitar but the songs he's. writing are not good anymore he's. they're not good songs anymore because. he's out of practice okay and he's just. writing about the [ __ ] he does every day. he's a wine salesman he sells wine so. all of the [ __ ] songs are like a.

the train today to sell a little wine I. go into the city and I go when I sell. red wine sometimes it's white wine and. I'm like you know you're really. describing your day with three cords of. music this is not they're just not deep. songs because he's he's checked out he's. at an age where he's got his wife he's. got his three dogs who he loves and.

they're all named Maya's named after. Maya Angelou Ruth is named as Ruth Bader. Ginsburg and Fred is named after. Frederick Douglass swear to God I don't. know why they're so these politically. charged names or whatever but his wife's. big liberal and the kids a big liberal. the grand-prize a huge liberals so this. is their into this [ __ ] and he tells. people about the names the history of. the names of the dogs no one cares he. did it at my grandmother's funeral it. was wildly inappropriate people were. crying he's showing the pictures going. fred has named it for Frederick Douglass.

it was like hey cool it rein it in rein. it in but he he start singing these. songs and he's like I take a newspaper. ride on the train with coffee that I. drink to sell the wine what I'm sitting. everybody's [ __ ] great he's like I. want to move down south cuz it's. summertime everywhere I'm like God.

writing songs are so [ __ ] easy I was. sitting there going man if I did that. [ __ ] writing songs are so goddamn easy. and pointless in the summer it is hot. but in the winter it is not if you have. an acoustic guitar behind it people are. like oh yeah this is great. he's an artist he's gonna artist well. these other idiots in the room were like. this is deep this is deep [ __ ] this is. good and then my uncle's girlfriend's.

son who's 47 I don't know how old she is. a hundred she looks great but her son I. figured your son's coming he's 47 I'm. like he oh he's elderly your elderly son. is coming so he walks in he's all. so a guitarist so he starts to play when. I swear to God he goes I spending time. with my friend and she has an 11 year. old son and me and me and the 11 year. old started to write a song together so. then he goes and plays the song that an.

11 year old wrote I swear to God and. he's like and it's all based on the. colors. he's like rainbow shine blue what are. you gonna do green green green whatever. and yellow. you're so mellow and I'm like are you. [ __ ] that kid because that's a bad. song how are you how are you a 47 year. old man you're gonna play a song and 11. year old wrote and he's like he's like. children it's just so beautiful you know.

where their minds go and I'm like what. children are idiots they're stupid and. their thoughts are worthless okay for. the most part okay I know sometimes like. a child's like they're they have that. childlike wonder and they're like. they're nice and they're like oh they're. like let's not you know they don't know. what genocide is yet and they're not on. you know they don't live stream from. some bunker and there's lots of benefits. to them but I don't wanna hear song. written by children it's stupid but my. father songs weren't all that much. better I'm on the train with coffee it's.

the morning later on it'll be the. afternoon and so I'm watching these two. people seeing these will do respect. [ __ ] songs literally [ __ ] songs. blue what are you gonna do and we're all. in the den and they're playing these. guitars red what do you say when it's. red violet it's like what and and I just. I'm checking out I'm just really and I.

said to myself I said this is great I'm. enjoying this it's lovely and I'm not. but I'm saying this is nice because this. is the end this is the final Christmas. the last Christmas I wish everyone well. and next Christmas I don't know what. I'll do I don't know where I'm going but. it is not there's no more sing-along. hokey-pokey [ __ ] going on we're done no. more supermarket pie no more so what. made you want to be. teacher I've never met a teacher before.

is it the benefits and the exorbitant. amount of money is that it is it the. time you have off. is it the relatively short day is it the. commute from your home ah. is it the fact you get to boss people. around all the time that aren't of age. well you know if folks I don't want to. sound bitter they did get me uh they did. get me slippers I did get slap bars all.

right we are here in the in the kitchen. of Sal Vulcano. we've just got me four slices of. cheesecake this is you know when you. have friends like this it's like you. know it's very easy to stay on the. straight and narrow and stay in a good. place food wise when you have people. like this in your life that really treat. you well this is it's the cheesecake is. the best cheesecake I think in New York.

you know I'm so glad that you say that. because yeah I respect your opinion we. got to eat a bunch yeah we talk food a. bunch yeah I also just see you're. instagramming they're not I look to you. as an authority oh yeah and I and and I. see I share a love but you have way more. education on food than well my family's. in the business to an extent right I. mean my uncle is and we grew up around. really good restaurants and I really. it's the one other business that I would. consider getting into like I love comedy. I love being a comedian but if I.

succeeded on the level of you you know. or you know in that orbit would it be. something I played around with the idea. of like opening a small rationally you. would yeah you know I was talking the. other night we went out to dinner is me. and Andrew Schultz and Yanis and Chris. and I'm like I'm coming to everybody in. five years for investors in a restaurant. they all loved because we all you know. we all like eating ingly but I'm. investing in one now for my childhood. friends yeah it's it's it's a thing like. I just observed the business for so long.

and I have a great asset and my uncle a. great resource sure that I I feel like I. would you know listen everything's a. risk but I think with the amount of with. the right amount of money it would be a. that calculated rest I would like a. million dollars before I leave ah you. know I have a menu on my phone that I. will show you know but this cheesecake. is from Peppa Lee nose yeah which I. stumbled upon it's good I mean everybody. says juniors I like juniors SNS and the. Bronx is great blah blah blah but this.

place is the lightest cheesecake on the. planet let's not get it I mean I've had. I've had plenty of amazing cheesecake. right some that have blown my balls off. right so but you know when I give this. cheesecake to you and you confirm I feel. it means the what because sometimes if. you can believe it. yeah I've given this cheesecake to. people who are like it's really good I. don't know if it's the best time well. well you know what it is my friend I. sent my friend and his girlfriend to don. Angie which is in the West arrestor on.

the West Village. the other day one of the most. interesting Italian restaurants really. good food. you know phenomenal food and you know. they were basically like uh-uh it's okay. and it's like but you you don't know the. dip. what are you looking for you need a. simple dish yeah a simple dish right. people could look at a simple dish be. like oh it's just you know it's just. rigatoni with a little bit of red sauce. right I think no no you and you have to. understand something this. distinguishment between those things. yeah this is made perfectly it's really. it's it's the line from I think it was.

you know I forget maybe who's the. birdcage where it was just like you know. most people are animals it's like if you. can't appreciate something don't pretend. like I don't know a lot about fashion I. know very little about fashion so I. don't walk around Madison Avenue and. tell people what's what right I don't. tell people what's is that jacket worth. 10 grand maybe it is to me it's not. yours like I don't know. so if it's worth it to you and that's. how you want to spend your money go do. it. but I don't tell people their value.

system is wrong you know sure cuz I. don't know about it I don't know what. lambskin leather is right I'm sure it's. great it sounds nice as fashion is a lot. like art where it is wholly subjective. and questionable yeah and its person a. person and there's no right or wrong. right food food your body tells you yes. is-is-is excellent lie yeah this is more. like sports because athleticism to me. about consistency like somebody that can. do something over and over again better.

than everybody else. right to me that is 100% like what you. look for in a restaurant like they're. hitting the mark more often than not all. the time that doesn't mean every single. meal right what it means what maybe. every dish on the menu yeah that's why. I'll never write someplace well I'll. write a place off of everything's. terrible service in the food you could. tell right away oh [ __ ] this is yeah I. got myself in this [ __ ] here yeah but if. something like you know something. sometimes it's one dish that's why I. always yes a lot of times I'll ask the. waiter is there a dish on this menu that.

you think is prepared in a more unique. way or a way that like that you think is. special and I need to try I'll always. defer to them hopefully they say what I. wanted yes if they don't it's a little. bit of a confidence it's a tug of war. I always ask a waiter I love when I. sometimes you go to a place and they're. very honest like Long Island for example. they are brutally honest and a lot of. the waitresses at diners and stuff are. holder and they just don't care anymore. about anything and you'll say is there. something here you like [ __ ] I don't. need anything you know they just have. that gritty voice of somebody she's like.

I wouldn't need anything yeah you're. like okay well you know I think are you. a guy that grew up eating good stuff or. is it something he came to kind of later. on and not in I wouldn't say grew up in. any type of I didn't have a palate for. anything like that. no not at all just just homemade stuff. maybe yeah he's my grandma my grandma. cooked really well on my grandpa and my. my my stepmom cooks really well do you. got cook no yeah I don't right my lady.

my lady's a great cook yeah Domino I had. Super Bowl party food that was yeah. beyond belief but I don't actually and I. lived alone for like a cool decade and I. was a guy that didn't complete basics or. I just bought my food now that the shell. is so big its massive now it's worldwide. you guys are on Stadium tours oriented. towards things like that do you ever. look back at think like what do you miss. the most you're just not able to do now. because I've gone out with you and it's.

amazing to me I know how successful you. are. but it's so when you. I mean we've gone to Broadway shows. where the entire theater turns around. and looks at you when you walk in the. theater you know taffy and I like my. sign Pretender look at me - you'll wave. and I pose but you you are really just a. magnet for people and you say people. come up to you on the street don't you. start recording here blessing and a.

curse. Rhino first of all when I on places like. it doesn't always happen but I live I I. the other guys are more open to it than. I especially Joe and James on the show. right which I envy right you know James. who actively welcomes it yeah I think. that that's probably better than what I. do it's not that I don't appreciate it. or welcome it or anything like that it's. just that I'm by nature a very much more. probably person I always have been right. I preferred not to be noticed yeah.

and especially if I you know these days. that we're humans and we do you don't I. find I have to do a low hat no hood and. things I got a lot it helps a little bit. even if it deters 50 percent or whatever. right but you get to I had to constantly. remind myself I just [ __ ] relax. because yeah but you don't realize the. sauce is festering and I and I end up. getting social anxiety yeah because I I. feel like people were let me tell you. just from the other side it is much. worse to not have to disguise yourself.

and not because that is in much more I. know several people in that position me. being one of them and it is is far. preferable to be like how do i I don't. sneak into this restaurant instead of. being like well I could just walk. through this restaurant naked and no one. will care it's just you know it is it is. just and I'm I never turn down a kid I'm. open to talking to anyone at any time. right. it's just said if I'm with if I'm on. like if I'm with my you know significant.

other or with children or my grandma or. things like that yeah well in the middle. of chewing at a restaurant yeah just. certain times it's like each I wish this. wouldn't happen yeah other than open to. whatever and also especially when people. are very respectful yeah yeah most of. them you know a lot of times they'll. just turn on the camera which is just a. weird [ __ ] thing yeah. something is broke in somebody's mind. yeah if they don't know that not even. I'm [ __ ] basic-cable successful you. know I'm you know making my way in.

comedy yeah I don't get me wrong I would. never change anything for the world and. I am more successful than I ever thought. I was I can't even imagine what reals. real celebrities and real successful. people right and real like who consider. real celebrities I mean the people that. are globally famous for a decade like. what would you say Tom Hanks yeah Smith. I don't know these people these people. beyond say oh yeah yeah these people. they will then again here's the thing. though they their success their wealth I.

think matches their success in a way. that they can set up an infrastructure. to navigate something like it's hard to. be able to run up to Beyonce with an. iPhone it would say it is right what's. the weirdest phenomenon I learned is it. now it's a little different but when we. first got on TV people just equate. television with and any type of Fame. with complete wealth yeah right well I. was making other thing I make millions. of dollars I live in a box. I made a very modest if not low wage. from the first few years of course.

so like I'm you know I'm the same as. having a decent regular job and everyone. just thinks you know and then and but. then that the show is getting popular to. a place where they play it so much that. everyone kind of knows me but then my my. I don't have the infrastructure to. shield myself from anything like that so. I'm just out there man how does this. idea of becoming a comedian happen in. your life like how does this start. wanted to be a comedian since I'm a. child oh wow I don't know why I how I. did some school stuff on stage got some.

laughs I was a class clown but not like. disrespectful just [ __ ] the guy that. I made everyone laugh right and that was. like through grammar school in high. school at least I feel I don't know and. I just I always wanted to I just I. idolized Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby as. a kid right. how do you link up with the Joker's. eventually do you start on your own and. then yes oh yeah sure so I started doing. improv at first yeah I was too nervous. to do stand-up actually like 20 years.

ago maybe even more I did like stand-up. writing classes because I was so. desperate to to want to be one but I was. too nervous to get up and I didn't know. anyone and I didn't know how to get my. foot in the door so what is Writers. Workshop and I went and it was like a. stand-up comic teaching a class and he'd. give writing assignments and we come in. read them share them critique him come. back refine them and I think like it's. like eight weeks or 12 weeks earth was. you'd have a class show you know what's.

funny there are people in that that we. took that class with you that bring it. up they're like I took that class which. sounds there's no way they remember you. don't think so no way in the world oh. hell I will tell you yeah I remember the. teacher and I remember no joke I. remember like at least my face if not. name almost don't hold like dozen people. in that class and only one person I. thought was really could have been a. comic everyone else was because it's a. mixture it's a course it's like I want. to be better at public speaking I want. to be better at parties it's like you. know [ __ ] you I'm trying right yeah but.

it was oh me my friend still talked. about it. there was this old German couple okay I. could find their names because I kept. the class contact sheet it's like I'm a. hoarder and I keep [ __ ] like that I have. it to this day that's and we'd come in. and you know this is we were writing on. people call all of those people and tell. them how much more successful you are. than that you should just call them ago. hey we took a class 20 years ago at. Gotham I don't know if you remember the. here's what you guys been up to here's. what I want to do yeah I'm gonna [ __ ] I. know I have the shape you can because.

recently the Staten Island Museum did an. exhibit on us from from high school to. now and it was there for like eight. months and I dug through all this stuff. to give them all these like they put him. in like the you know like oh here's the. right the email where we decided what. the name of the group and wrote a [ __ ]. and I found that so I know I have it. next time I do you're next on to your. podcast I'll bring it we'll go through. the list we will call them amazing I. would love that be it would be. fascinating so you take that writing. class were talking mm yeah 19 I was 98.

90 I was in college coming out of. college and going to add a finance. degree I was gonna go work at Prudential. securities and I knew that that wasn't. really what I looked you start college. at 17 they're like what do you want to. do and I'm just like I have no clue what. whatever buddy knows well how do you. make money I'm like this was my literal. reasoning at 17 don't know what I want. to do no I want to make money finance. means money right so I'll do finance. didn't know any I didn't know what it. meant didn't know what I was doing right.

pick tip graduated with that degree yeah. mind you hated it skirt skated through. college got good grades. cuz I I knew how to do school yeah but I. only retain things I was interested in I. have no knowledge of finance that came. out of the school I started working at. Prudential securities with a finance. degree and then I started going to these. classes I started going to acting. classes at HB studios just cuz I needed. to know that I was also doing that you. needed to have that that thing that. you're passionate about yeah you have.

some role in your life no it's funny to. all we should do this okay yeah I also I. think I believe that we used to write. and what you said make photocopies of. the material back to Gotham yeah and. bring in if there's 12 kids in the class. you would write your stuff and photocopy. it and give out your work to the other. 12 people so when you read it everyone. could read it out loud and critique so. we hand wrote so I believe to that I. saved other students material Wow. and the old German couple they would no. joke I think they were about 70 they. were like native New Yorkers write this.

and they just were like a cute. fun-loving couple that was still kind of. in love I guess but they had thick. accents and they thought they were wave. they were pretty [ __ ] cool now. there's 17 going to a Gotham workshop. classroom together but they also had an. air of arrogance about them yeah and. they were beyond criticism in the class. which was fascinating right she thought. especially the woman the guy was like. was like very like sophomoric in an.

endearing way none of the material I. mean this was hogwash material picture. just handing a pencil and paper to a. I'm saying right jars of course and she. I remember she came in and she was so. proud one day and she said I have like. this whole bit on dieting yeah and she. went to go and he's like all right why. don't you go ahead and I forgot her name. and she was okay and she like everyone. kept a stouter papers and she looks down. and she was brimming with anticipation. like smirking like wait till you hear. what I'm about to drop on you I remember. an old a 75 year old she's had it right.

here and she looks up she goes and. people cannot see my face but you see. what I'm crying she was like wait you're. not ready for me right and then she said. dieting is not easy you you gain you. lose two pounds you eat a slice of. tomato you gain three and then she. leaned back and waited leave her just. like adorn me yeah with cheers yeah it.

was amazing and then you know we were. like okay you know like yeah you know. you know okay you know can you expound. on it I read you the joy I've made the. Peretti joke that was that was the joke. yeah that she wrote that way yeah yeah. that's so crazy yeah but you know you. get a glimpse in a classroom like that. what's very interesting is you get a. glimpse into I think the delusion that. you need you need a little bit agree. wholeheartedly you need a little bit of.

delusion to push you through especially. the beginning the beginning of comedy is. brutal and most people don't understand. how brutal because they haven't that's. like you are you're literally in the in. a pitch-black room and you don't know. what you're doing you don't know how you. don't know where to go what to say who. determine what's good what's not good. right there's something in your head you. think is good is by the way my stuff was. [ __ ] right I mean III remember I want I. just remember one of my topics I was. engaging in how like religious people.

are hypocrites right I'm in behind you I. was raised Catholic I went to Catholic. school from from kindergarten to senior. of college right I'm not mean I'm not. religious but I was not not not not what. I say they would double agent my bit was. how they you're in church and you give. this peace be with you and then two. minutes later. they're all flipping each other off. cutting each other off in the parking. lot when they're leaving right and and. so on and so it wasn't good right at. least was just touching upon something. that I knew about or it wasn't you gain.

do you lose two pounds you have a tomato. you gain three game three yeah that you. you weren't that's um that's my crop. like in the beginning most people I. think are you know when you tell anybody. that you're doing comedy you're gonna be. a comedian there are people that think. you're funny that are supportive but the. idea that you would make a living at it. or you'd make a career of it people are. just like okay buddy you know yeah nor. did I know if I would make a career. right I loved it. yeah my goal at that point yet wasn't. yet a career I was like cuz cuz you know.

honestly a career feels pretty grand. right unless you're sacrificing. everything yes and you know that I'm on. a couch and I'm poor and I'm not doing. anything but this and that's your goal. but I didn't commit that far yet I had a. full-time job really that's what it's. about I think cuz we tell everybody in. our culture right now that you can be. whatever you want to be you can follow. your dreams these are all good and. positive things to tell people but we.

don't tell anybody about the word. sacrifice we don't that is that is it. been eliminated and there's something. very dishonest sacrifice everything. every thought it's not something crap. it's sacrifice quality of life yes. sacrifice sleep and health yeah. sacrifice personal relationships correct. sacrifice dignity correct sacrifice just. not sleep back yeah I still have the rat. I still have I still have quality of.

life dig I'm waiting for dignity back we. take it a year or two I just got more I. can sleep a little better but nothing. but yet no it is by the by I still feel. those things now even with success sure. I mean that's what I think people don't. understand is that you it really is. everything yeah and when did you know. that you were gonna make that sacrifice. at what point did that happen yes so the. guys and I we did improv and each other. we didn't we met in high school okay. just that that is what makes you show so.

great you guys have known each other 30. this year Wow we've met with the same. exact age all born in 76 we met as. freshmen in the same exact school 1990. and and we by the end of it we weren't. even like a clique or anything but we. just were all friendly we just went to a. small school so I knew each other we did. improv in high school we left we all. went separate ways I continued like I. said I did and um I took some acting. classes and then when we all got back. from college in 98 we all were kind of.

still doing it a little bit so that. what's interesting is that you all went. to college and then after college it you. guys like you like ran into someone at. the mall let's get the band back. together Peter James at the mall Wow and. he said I started he's like I started an. improv troupe at Georgetown they didn't. have one and actually James James went. to Georgetown with he did improv there. with Birbiglia Kroll and then when he. left Mulaney came in but all those guys. were Jacqueline Novak was yeah oh yeah.

oh yeah don't like George challenger's. put out the funniest most successful. those guys like Millay I mean come on. Jesus God even crawled those guys III. admire this story of those guys it's. just a story of how far you can go. coming from poverty you know what I mean. it's just it's so impressive to see very. poor underprivileged people figure it. out. like that's the American dream yeah I. love everyone but yes the Ivy League.

schools really put our cross yeah but. those guys are really dumb so funny. because I I i live i their brilliant. Mulaney really big they brilliant. brilliant but yes so he came out of that. little crop and and anyway he was like. oh he's like you want to try do like. improv and stuff and I was like yeah. that's like let's call Joe and then we. called our buddy Mike Q Brian Quinn on. the show he was peripherally around he.

was writing and working for Kevin Smith. I think and doing like comic books and. he was writing movies and stuff he was. oh he's very talented he was always. inclined that way and he would join us. at shows and like be a guest on shows. but first it was our buddy Mike and you. guys were the tenderloins yes that's. correct. yeah so my buddy Mike. he kind of left a long time ago started. a family is very successful in his own. right and went a different way and then. somewhere in the middle Chu decided to. join us and then after that was when we. got like was when MySpace and YouTube.

started and that's when we transferred. all of the stage stuff we moved on to. sketch comedy right and then we moved on. to filming those sketches and putting. them online so somebody at YouTube and. somebody at myspace saw them would put. them on the homepage and sometimes they. get hundreds of thousands of views in a. couple hours and what had happened was. and I told the store before so I. apologize if people listen and they've. heard this stuff but there was a. competition NBC was having to find a. best sketch comedy troupe and it was. really their way of finding talent on.

they were hosting an online competition. they were gonna turn it into a show yeah. but instead of interviewing people they. just held a an online competition for. submissions and every week they gave you. a theme and you had to turn over a. sketch in a week and if you won you. could win a thousand dollars and they. did that for like 20 weeks and hundreds. of sketch troops from all of the country. kept submitting and it was online voting. and out of those twenty weeks we won. like eleven of them. Wow so we won eleven thousand dollars in. twenty weeks filming these sketches with.

a handycam and the four of us and they. said were they were they similar to what. you do and practical joker style no. absolutely not they're just pure sketch. comedy actually they still live on. YouTube online some of them hold up some. of them are embarrassed right well it is. what it is you need to crawl before you. can walk. I'm not even sure of course and we will. $11,000 was like literally we won the. Powerball yeah and and then what they. did was at the end of that run it was. gonna be a studio show hosted by Carson. Daly on NBC called like the Battle of.

the what-have-yous I don't know and they. took the five best videos they thought. that they found from that whole thing. which by the way that was gonna be their. pilot episode they got content for. $5,000. cuz five videos and then they filmed a. pilot and the audience voted and we won. $100,000 Wow and this was what year this. was 1990. seven so this is a big I was sleeping on. a couch yeah and in a little basement.

apartment and we split it and that was. like at the tax it was like 20 grand. each and it was transformative because I. didn't have to worry about like renting. something right and then um the show. never aired to put legally they had to. pay us right so they paid us and from. that we got an agent and then our agent. was at a small boutique agency and later. went to CAA and we migrated with him so. that's how we got a small arrogant to a. bigger agent and then after that we. started writing a pitching TV show how. many shows would you say that you. pitched before Impractical Jokers was.

born probably 20 20 shows going into the. pitch meaning how many souls sold 20 no. no no no no yeah pitch 20 maybe sold uh. four so for people that don't understand. you you going to pitch a show when you. sell a show yeah in most cases not. always but you film a pilot yes if. you're lucky. yeah sometimes a good gesture can take a. shorter version of it yeah you film and. I a pilot episode of the show so you did. that a few times yes pilot presentation.

about four times for everything from. like we had a show a single-camera. scripted levels like it's always sunny. right that was the first bite we got Fox. and Spike offered to buy it and we were. nervous to go with Fox yeah and we. thought we went with Spike it was a much. smaller boutique thing aimed at guy. sorry just chew you up and spit you out. Fox even offered more money right to. shoot it but well they're they're gonna. they're gonna take a flyer on a hundred. shows and maybe pick two or three right.

spike might be doing 1015 shows and. picking two or three right so we went. with spike it was a learning experience. the production company that we did it. with they were a little green to I think. and then the end of it we both learned a. lot it wasn't the best experience now. during this process of pitching shows. and pilots there's everybody a hundred. percent in or do you have to grab one of. you guys one point oh no it's gonna work. out there's like there's somebody is it. because you have that early success you. had that hundred thousand you you won.

that contest that there was just this. idea that it was gonna work. well we all. [ __ ] people he also had full-time jobs. oh so nothing's changed nothing's. changing right we were doing those. things everything we've ever done has. been in addition to our full-time job. right so now we have people that can get. us a meeting and so now what now the now. the guys and I are sitting down and. every day having lunch I mean like. what's an idea let's develop another. idea that's because when we go in these. meetings we don't want one idea we want. five ideas right right and we go and.

sometimes they fail miserably and now. when we filmed the pilot a pilot. presentation and they only wanted to. gave us like 75 grand spike and they. wanted like five six minutes is Spike TV. still around I have no idea but that was. like television for dudes man and it was. like Robot Wars right as I recall it was. and it was like a digital niche right I. thought maybe we we could succeed there. you know like so so we made it but the. production come there made made it with. decided we're gonna give them the full.

30 minutes right because we want them to. see that we could produce this amount of. Tyrael in this amount of time for this. amount of money the fact is we couldn't. do any of that right we spread ourselves. thin we had a loss in quality we had to. put in extra money of our own because it. didn't because we went through their. money right it took longer to deliver. and we didn't give them what they asked. for. right we didn't know any better we just. deferred to them now we know so we were. so salad with that experience that we. left we said we can do this better. a newer idea better by ourselves with no.

one else for less money we called in all. favors from friends that we were making. the videos with over the years and. friends that were comics and had talent. we put together a volunteer crew we. chipped in our own money and for $5,000. we made another pilot out there on our. own any con to all these festivals so. that's the lesson is to do it yourself. do yourself that's the lesson the lesson. is if you can do it yourself do it. yourself if you can call in every favor. and do and you will learn more right. because I learned I learned from the.

first one but you learn more when you're. making the mistakes yourself too and we. made mistakes too and it didn't and. ultimately that didn't really get picked. up either we almost got a deal with. YouTube at the time but that didn't get. picked up and then we had a couple of. game shows that we shot out they didn't. get picked up and but nobody in the for. view which is. interesting cuz [ __ ] this we're done. nobody everybody now because it was. exciting cuz yeah we went we went in. closer every now is close one yeah is. without an agent now I have one he's. telling us give us ideas so we were. young I mean not we weren't young but it.

was we was 30 or no actually no such so. sorry we first started him probably with. 20 to 23 by the time this rolled around. we were 30 31 yeah and we were like but. we still felt young I mean we were worse. we had no accomplishments right and and. you know that is still young actually it. is young and you didn't mind living on. the couch and he didn't mind kind of. work the day job and I was getting. little nervous I didn't have health. insurance right I was bartending I was. making really good money bartending yeah. I got into a neighborhood spot and I.

really like was good at my job I enjoyed. it and so I was making money to save and. pay all my bills I felt good but it was. off the books with no health insurance I. knew sooner or later something was gonna. give I mean I had a finance degree I you. know I could always go back cuz I left. Prudential and they told me that if I. want to come back I could write and and. I always knew I can go back and then. just as luck would have it after after. we kept failing we said what can be an. idea where we don't have to try to learn. how to do that idea and it's like well.

that would just be being ourselves so. what's an idea where we could just be. ourself and then things will hopefully. fall into place and we said well we just. improvise and [ __ ] with each other and. play each other then what do we really. have to learn then we just got to figure. out how to edit it funny and no trust. what we think is funny and that's it we. don't have no camera angles and story. structure and pacing and how to act. better than we did because we didn't. really know how to act right so now. let's not act let's just be ourselves. and then that idea went to true we went.

we okay so we had they set us up with. around the pitch meetings before we had. any ideas okay we had the meetings with. it's true and the rest of things. scheduled no idea yet it was a week away. and we sat down thought of it at a lunch. we throw a few ideas that was one of. them and we had the meeting booked. before the idea is the name something. you guys came up with no I hate the name. okay I just I the name is now grown on. me I name is great. I think it I thought it was the word I.

was her I was mortified by the name they. they put it on us we went to it and. we're gonna call it a mission. uncomfortable okay because the original. conceit was and we tweaked a little bit. was that we drove around in this van we. pull up outside locations and then. people viewers would send in these. missions for us to do and we'd go in and. compete and see who could do them better. and the van was like it and it was gonna. be voiced by Patrick Stewart and he had. and he didn't like us and he was like an. extra character it was like it went to.

alliterations right then we said we got. there where we sitting that [ __ ] the van. you know and [ __ ] submissions let's. write these things ourselves right so he. tweaked it a bit but um what was what. was your where we're going I was saying. the name yeah that's why I was called. mission accountable we thought it fit. well but I will tell you a blessing was. that they named the show what we it was. it now its eponymous it's basically now. what we're called is the name of the. show which is really good to have your. identity tied to the Brent than yes.

because I'll bring but when they came. back they were gonna call us Daredevils. and I said I will literally not do the. show right and then they said. Impractical Jokers and I said people are. gonna start calling us the Joker's right. I was like guys I'm a thirtysomething. year-old man I'm trying to take my. comedy seriously like right and who says. the word Impractical its amount 'full. it's an odd word right that people. aren't gonna latch on to also it's corny. yeah a practical joke we're gonna do an. impractical one yeah and I had a feeling.

in my gut because all my peers in comedy. because I used to UM run this bar and I. was in comedy already and I hosted a. comedy show every Tuesday night with jf. Aris my buddy he would host it was. called grab-ass it lasted by three or. four years what year was that 2008 eight. nine ten eleven okay and every comic. that you know right now in the city. everyone from Michael che to every. person we know has done that show and I.

knew them already as the bartender. manager of this bar that was also in. comedy. before I got in so all my peers I was. like they're gonna hear I got a show and. it's gonna be called Impractical Jokers. and I say. is just demeaning isn't it funny how. that she it's the first reaction you. have is that it's gonna be a demean who. has a video itself has a video of them. telling me he turned the video on and. they told me on the video that the. network is insisting in sis and that's. what it has to be and I had a visceral.

nauseated I only lost the blood in my. face I went I turned like a white green. yeah and I literally like was close to. dry heaving he has it on it we cry. laughing when it's off it's the most. successful prank show in history candid. camera okay it's it's getting close. though I appreciate that it's getting. close. I understand historically you have an. argument there but I mean it just or we. don't exist without them but we try to.

work multiple genres who's the guy. who's the candid camera guy Allen Funt. Allen Funt correct yeah it was different. it was different but that's the impetus. of everything that came after it yes. that's a great point but we we we don't. even like we don't even call it a prank. show like we don't we don't I mean right. look you get written up and we get. discussed and is it yes it is in an. element of it but when we're making it. we didn't want to fall into that trap I. feel like sometimes you paint yourself.

we didn't want to paint ourselves into. being the pranksters and unfortunately a. byproduct of this is that a lot of times. we are and a lot of times people don't. know the show and don't know us and I. meet them I see the judgment because I. think that they don't know what we're. about they haven't given the show a. chance they don't know what I've done. outside of it I've been in the comedy. world I've made a dozen shows I've. written and contributed to a lot of. things I'm a stand-up I'm right I do a. lot of stuff economy but III see even. sometimes one will do like talk shows. right yeah so you guys are the the.

pranksters you know it's like look I'm a. I'm a middle-aged man I'm not I'm not. like a YouTube kid turning on my things. slapping somebody in the back of the. head and running like it just they I. feel like it is it's reductive it's sure. but I think when you do it really well. it's an art form I mean it's quite. appreciate that yeah. with the goal you know yeah but but I. thought that the name Impractical Jokers. would would you know perpetuate that. right brand you and and and but now.

something happened where it just is what. it is and people over see the name are. you and and honestly it was a blessing. because you the cult we wouldn't be. called the mission uncomfortable now. like so call me a joker. go ahead people people don't do it. anymore with like that's corniest [ __ ]. they just do it like it is what it is. they're the job what is the advice for. people out there that are trying to get. something off the ground that haven't. been able to get it off the ground what. I mean the the it seems you know the.

trial and error part of it seems to be. so essential like there's I think I know. certain people I go you're not failing. enough and it sounds wild I think you're. not failing enough I have failed at so. many things I'm still failing at I still. throw things out and I go that wasn't. what I wanted it to be we just fail up. fail up that's the whole move because. there's people out there that are afraid. to try and they're even in the business. of comedy they've you know pushed off. the doctor for you yeah I'm sure right.

if you're not you're doing it wrong. right I'm afraid I see comedians I see. young kids I see over my cars with more. confidence than I know that I have I. don't think by the way that's an issue. for them it is because I'm sitting in. your home and they should I'm not saying. that I don't have confidence but I'm. saying I doubt myself routinely I'm. nervous routinely I question if I'm good. enough routinely sometimes I feel good. sometimes I feel bad sometimes I feel. like I belong sometimes they don't.

sometimes I feel like I earned and. deserve what I have sometimes I feel. like no one really should earn or. deserve that much for I don't I don't I. I flip flop all the time. but I'll be still in a room and be like. especially I'm trying new stuff or if. there's someone around that I really. respect you know but I see some of these. people walk into a room and god bless. them. because they don't have anything to back. it up per se and I don't mean their. material may be the material sucks maybe. it's okay maybe it's really good but. they're still young and they don't have. a body or they don't have not even warm.

perience to back up the feeling but. maybe that's where I'm wrong. cuz maybe they are not mutually. exclusive right if you're that person. that walks around like that every day. and that's who you are then that's who. you got to get out I think sometimes. that can be an asset sometimes it can be. it can really hinder somebody yeah. because the reality is those types of. people go very far or nowhere I've kind. of feel you know because that I've seen. that some of that is genuine some of. that confidence some of that's just. being a sociopath and be like sure I'm.

doing I'm a star and here's the thing if. that's where you present yourself and. you position yourself like that. sometimes it works people go oh you're a. star your house it's a fake it till you. make it type things yeah you you if. you're that enough people will be like. oh he's that right then again just get. you could be that keep but sometimes it. doesn't work because what happens is. those people don't have those like dark. nights of the soul where they go man am. i fraud am i even good what am i doing. because I think those are the nights.

that make you go okay what do I do. that's going to be funny now like I. transition to doing a lot more stuff on. social media because that was where a. lot of prospective fans were sure and. you know I I was in the development. process and you something similar to. what you described not nearly as many. but like you go through it a few times. and you go I'm watching my career sail. away right because I'm not connecting. with people because I'm working with. suits an industry right and they like me.

right they're coming out to shows and. they're going great set and let's make a. show and blah blah blah and that's great. but I'm losing this whole chunk of. people that I need to buy tickets yeah. and really to enjoy what I do because I. want to make people laugh sure and. they're on Instagram and Twitter and. social media and YouTube and that's how. I pivoted to that but again if I if I. maybe was the type of person that was. just like hey well I'm getting meetings. and people like me and to hell with it.

I'm gonna you know yeah you know I think. there was part of it of like sitting in. you know my producers garage in Los. Angeles going well what are we gonna do. now you know the pilot is not gonna go. yeah. the scripted show is not gonna go and we. have these tools and maybe we can just. maybe we can be funny and put it out. online and see what happens and then. these dumb little sketches and things we. do you know Joe Rogan's playing them for. Kevin Hart yeah you know people are you. know people like you people that I.

respect to go oh these are really funny. things yeah yeah I you know I've. championed you for now you have to tell. anybody we'll listen I can't you write a. book I appreciate your shoes out all the. time no it's it the book is definitely. gonna I'd like to do that that's. something I'd like I'm doing on your bus. tours yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna do maybe. another one of those in the spring it's. so it really is about is it's kind of. like failing out personally now do you. feel you're you're accomplished or.

successful you guys have done it is it. ever do you ever get anxiety now because. you're like well what now Oh make no. mistake. I just I'm a person that lives with. anxiety right yeah yeah I mean I think. that every day yeah I I am you know even. when we got the show the show could be. cancelled any moment right we're now. luckily about to start season 9 I think. now the show's not gonna be that the. season 1 you didn't know this issue we. didn't know they held that over us. Rhino you not even their choice what do. people stop watching also we got the.

show and didn't know how to make a show. we had the idea we knew we want to do. but then we also have to learn on while. we were doing it how to do it yeah and. now we know how to do it but if I. venture outside of this box I'm gonna. have that process all over again and. this show what while bittersweet will. end soon enough and it'll be a silver. lining because I love the show this is. the golden years I don't know if I'll. ever have something that'll be as big a. legacy as this to me. but I am ready willing and wanting to. explore so many other projects and.

creative outlets so that will be the. saving grace when this golden time of. this show passes and I get you know we. lose all the staff that we've become. family another but I'm just looking at. it like alright we'll also like let me. Adam because I want to go and do all. this other stuff. not including stand-up because I got. right now well you know my stand-up is. in every free moment that I have right. but I wanna I wanna you know yeah it's. great problem to have but I want to you. know be online with my peers that are.

right putting in you know I want to be. put at full capacity. yeah yeah that's why I won't even do a. special until I could do that so I'm. like waiting until this all ends and I. could dedicate all my time only my time. just to that and then see if I put if I. can put something out that I I'm proud. of and if I and I don't think I can then. I won't write but I but I'm nervous I. don't know like what I'm gonna do after. this and like you know I just I just. know having this there's having money. change cuz there are people that talk.

about this is having money change the. the the sense of urgency or the sense of. like you know being being successful. does that cuz some people go I lose my. motivation now no well it's a case the. case I'm sure right and I'll say yes and. no it's gray I know I don't lose. motivation it makes it easier less. stressful to know that I don't have to. worry that I can't pay my rent or. something like that right that peace of.

mind is an intangible I mean it's you. can't even but I mean it's that's yes. that helps but I have something that I. want that I haven't achieved yet and I. want to do that because I have a passion. for it not because I'm trying to make. money yeah so that hunger for me is. there and that's the type of person. you've always been because people that. get into this business even though that. they want to make money that they're. their main thing is they want to do. something they like they want to do. something that excites them first of all. anyone getting into comedy or acting or. anything because they like think and it. sounds trite to even say that it sounds.

like it's obvious but if you're. listening to this and you want to be an. actor and actress because you want to be. a movie star and you want to be famous. and you want to be rich like you should. not do this you're not going to succeed. right guys no this has nothing to do it. you have no shot I would bet my I would. bet my hard-earned money that you will. never be successful right yeah because. you have to you have to I always check.

that this can be the I had to tell you a. story because this is great I mean I had. to tell you a story when you when we go. offline I can't tell it off course that. I wish I could tell online but I don't I. haven't figured out yet how to tell it. where it wouldn't affect people. negatively of course less you will do a. tumble sauce if I tell you off okay well. yeah but anyway. someone's in life need to be pregnant. but yeah but my back my point is is that. like you can't you can't go to the shows. one of the things I like is that when we. see these human the ferryman how.

talented are those people yeah I took. Ben to see that show yeah you know those. people are looking guy are not do you. model I should let's not give him a head. looks like freakin a young Brad Pitt. he's fine. the reality is he's got a fashion sense. with those glasses on there's no. six-pack to smile he's got a his hair. flops to the right he's a nice ability. is a nice 5 o'clock shadow 25 years old. 25 I wouldn't walk around with somebody. was an Argo yeah you know he's good a.

lot of people say that that he's. good-looking and I think it fills his. head but III yeah I'll get you some work. yeah I what get me so been so like the. whole thing is really that these guys. you watch them in the ferry menu like. these are great actors and actresses. some of them are known most of them are. not they're not gonna be known yeah make.

some money. maybe they'll but they're doing it. because they love it yes they're. probably happy they're probably happy. yeah yeah and homeless many don't have. homes I can't I I this I promise you. this is real sound will sound syrupy a. little bit every day every [ __ ] day I. can't believe my life and I cannot. believe this happened to me and I'm very. thankful every single [ __ ] day I wake. up I think about it I go to bed I think.

about it I don't miss a day I feel that. way I said I can't believe it. like I didn't come from money you know I. came from a good family but not money. and I get to support my entire family. now and I that is there now you're at a. point where you can support. members of your family I'm not saying. I'm not family this is nice but I just. mean like now I feel my feel me doesn't. have to worry us if I worry about money. I don't worry about like my money for me. but I I do worry about money still.

because like obviously you I'm I didn't. make money in the beginning even with. the show and now I'm at a place where I. kind of M right yeah and then when that. goes away I I will do other projects and. I'm gonna be comic for the rest of my. life and I'll tour but I might not who. knows is the the level will be at the. level that I'm at after a nine-year. tenure on a project right right who. knows but so I am saving same because I. know that I just want to have peace of. mind that my family won't have to worry. extended family yeah well not have to. worry about anything as long as I'm here.

and I did so I have anxiety about that. though the main reason that I've always. wanted to make money is to let my family. know I want to succeed is to let them. know that you have to worry no matter. how I'm doing it has nothing to do with. you you know but I I don't mean to. discourage anyone but it's not a it's. not what you get into something you.

don't get into you don't get it stumbles. in it happens you had to love the art. otherwise it's not gonna the lady you. date she's so cool with everything. that's important yeah yeah come easy. yeah that didn't come easy it's a it's a. weird life we live yeah I'm I'm aware. I'm working all day and all night. yeah all day and all night right and. then I'm away you know two three or four. weekends a month sometimes I you know. sometimes I'm not home for a month. sometimes I am not home before you know.

3:00 a.m. for a week straight sometimes. I have one not always but sometimes I. have I'll have one day off in a month. right you know like whatever it is like. so so that's an adjustment period but I. think that once you weather it a little. bit and then you know she was able to. see like this isn't like me partying. this isn't me choosing not to be here. this isn't me doing something social. this is me putting all of my efforts and. energy into something I love in order to. succeed.

to help us right you know and once you. see that it's just like okay and then. then you get on that team and then she. helps me because like I you need a sub. if you're in a relationship you need the. full support of that person and I will. tell you wrinkles on my wall right there. I got to meet Rickles before he passed. yeah and I talked to him for a while and. that was one of the first things I met. him what my dad and she was there and he. sat down he talked about cuz he's. married till the end he married when he. passed to his wife and he said that that.

was the most important thing to him was. to have someone that was his backbone. that understood what he was doing. supported it didn't question it and only. enabled it and helped it you know. despite all the regular bumps that yeah. no [ __ ] and I believe that I believe. that cuz it's gonna it's gotta be hard. because you you don't want any any uh. any barriers to entry of what you're. trying to do and it's a person that you. that you're involved with isn't getting. it how many people that are pursuing. something creative let's be honest their. partner's not into it and they pretend.

to be into it. most people are just not into it I think. it's specifically in a in a place where. one person has an unconventional career. right you know I'm everyone if you both. do in separate nine-to-five so oh you. have a job or whatever it is if it's. something but when it's something this. unconventional the other person has to. and then by the way with success comes. you know more challenges because like. who the hell wants to be like your. pictures put up people say mean things. about you and force walk around people. yeah have an opinion it's just not a you.

just sacrifice privacy that's a good. thing too yeah and and no privacy is. tough in for relationship to so there. are like these little things that you. never really think about but then they. present themselves do you have to. navigate them I wouldn't change anything. for the world of course if you want a. little insight as to like that kind of. feeling yeah there's always a set of. challenges what do you love about Staten. Island because I love Staten Island. because I wouldn't think well when I ya. Ivan history with Staten Island when I. first started stand-up comedy I was. selling copiers telemarketing copiers in.

Tottenville at a place called reliable. office systems and is just the best name. ever. yeah reliable office systems we're. reliable that was that was it. that was the hook and I would take a. ferry I was living in midtown Manhattan. with Jan lures by the way I'm Jesse. Dodge. I was literally not I didn't know that. was living with that in the spare room. of their apartment it was it was the. second Forester watched it was crazy. first one was my parents second one was.

damn I bear responsibility I think a. little bit for both I reverse commuted. that's when I reverse commuted which is. and I had a whole joke about a whole bit. about it where I was like we're going to. pass a statue Liberty but we're going. the wrong way and it was crazy and I. would I would take a train to the Staten. Island Ferry and then I would get on the. ferry get off the ferry and by the way. get on the S 74 bus yeah the Tottenville. which is another hour that's before our. the commute was a two-hour process to. get to reliable office systems I'll get. up at 6:30 I get to my desk by 9:00 I'd.

worked to 1 or 2 I'd get back into the. city by 4:00 or 4:30 and then do open. mic and you had to because that's where. the work was that's why would. immediately be like where can I do this. where I am well then they eventually. after a few months of that they moved me. to their office on 6th Avenue and made. me like a copier guy and then I was like. the problem was I was getting dragged. into the nine-to-five world where they. were like oh you're gonna wear suits and. you're gonna be this is why every. bartender and then I had to stay so. eventually while I was walking home I. saw one of the tour buses and I went oh. that seems so free to just stand on that.

bus and talk and nobody cares that's. what I have to do I can't beat an office. all day because then you start to go out. to work dinners and everything and you. start to get sucked into that vortex. yeah you saw a bus pass and the light. bulb went off light bulb went off and I. said I should do that while I wanted. while I learn what I need to learn and. while I you know can't make money a. comedy I shouldn't be in an office but. the time I was in Staten Island maybe. three months four months intense tatting.

on him he sat on an everyday dinner and. Angelina's a lot quarterly dinners might. like I'm a lovin Island Christmas. parties I I really for whatever so this. is your sister he's very similar very. similar. everybody's Italian everybody's kind of. in the mob. they're in the mob yeah yes your opening. sale for sure yeah hunger scholar it's. it's it's more conservative right it's. old-school. it's it's just like any other place I.

like to say cuz I know Staten Island. there's a stigma with it and it does get. a bad rap and not not for no reason cuz. taro type disease is for a reason one of. my jobs you know it's a with the worst. place in the cities you have to take a. boat to get there and it's free that was. my job 30 minute boat ride the city's. like this is on us that's great yeah. bull rides the best charming as [ __ ] get.

at all boys sit outside see the statue. go back and forth this spring and summer. there's nothing better um I love it here. because this is the this is what made me. who I am. right simple as that that's what I like. Who I am I take the good with the bad. here I get what people don't like. certain things I just don't like when. people trash it just like I was saying. at the top of our conversation like even. about like our show or just like I don't. like when people judge right and I and. and look I I just don't like when people.

if people are educated and can trash it. but then also good tell me the good. things they like about it right I didn't. give me a well-balanced take on it. that's no problem 100% people are just. like [ __ ] these people [ __ ] oh you're. from there oh you're automatically this. which I get all the time my name is Sam. yeah I'm Staten Island you know I do a. prank quote-unquote show which I [ __ ]. hate I don't use the word prank in the. office right we don't have to say it. interesting it's it's a hidden camera. show okay and and and it's about friends. right that's what it is right and we. write the [ __ ] out of that show right.

improvise but we write they [ __ ] out of. headquarters well not a lot this is. because it's non-union so it's like so. it's like they could put it in under the. geyser like they put it in a reality. show right so people call when we can do. interviews they call it a prank show. which we don't think it is and a reality. show which we don't think it is a. reality when you think of reality show. you think of you know car - you know. whatever they matter work that goes into. your show - yeah yeah just you know. contrived people looking for you know. it's a contrived it's produced and it. it's you know they're looking for these.

sound bites in. right your flair right to have you know. nuggets to put online to get viral it is. what it is in it and these people don't. like that and I've watched reality shows. but we're not that so you know it is. what it is but um what was I so yeah but. if you judge the island then you don't. know much about it I I don't I don't. like that cuz this the some of the best. most salt of the earth wonderful people. that I've met here some of my lifelong. friends here my family's here you know. good good people yeah of course so just.

like anything else is some [ __ ] there's. some [ __ ] but it's nice it's nice and. it's a stone's throw from the island but. you get like a bit of the suburbs here. like have you ever so you've taken the. train I don't know how much you've. actually traversed I've taken the train. up and down Staten Island so you know. the train cars here take you through. like some places and you wouldn't even. know you were in style oh it's beautiful. isin the suburbs and it's gorgeous yeah. there's there's a lot of history here. which people don't know about. yeah for sure for you know I love it. here because there's a lot of character.

here and I like character one of my. complaints about Manhattan is everything. so corporate now that you the character. is unfortunately has been lessened by. that you don't have as many mom-and-pop. stores or little diners or restaurants. and the people that would hang out in. those places yeah and the people that. would own those places you're much more. likely to find in Queens or Brooklyn or. Staten Island oh they're all over this. yeah so those are the characters that to. me make New York fine and the. neighborhood the people in your. neighborhood and the you know you now.

the people in your neighborhood is like. chase you know $300 a head sushi place. you know and it's like okay that's not. what I think of when I think about New. York the friendships with the guys they. all have they changed over the last. thirty years is it still the same this. is pretty much the same wild I mean. we're closer than we ever were because. we have to be with each other. legitimately all the time 24 [ __ ] 7. so is another rule when you pick people. to collaborate with pick people that you.

can spend time with and people that you. can oh boy yeah yeah yeah and I think. that we do a good job at that despite. even our own disagreements arguments. everyone occasional blowouts to set the. other we got us and we are for not even. to we we have to it's a democracy a lot. of times. but we trust each other and a lot of. times we'll if someone is so there are. arguments yeah if there are well yeah oh. they're not too many arguments there are. yeah but um but when it comes to the. creative part of it it's we're pretty.

good we're pretty good we'll convince. each other if we think an idea is good. and someone doesn't or we'll give it a. whirl and if it doesn't work we'll learn. from the mistake but it's not so much. the creative part as much as is the. business side too like we have them we. have collectively probably sometimes. anywhere from one no joke to 100. decisions to make a day as a team right. so we have learned how to do that but. every once in a while it's still like oh.

we hit a stalemate you know but it's no. small feat to be like sometimes just be. asked like 50 questions there's a lot of. people I think that aren't for whatever. reason aren't ready to take the next. step or they're not ready to be. successful or they're not ready to have. any Mallick what do you think the. challenges are people don't really. understand like there's a lot of people. that constantly get in their own way and. that's either subconsciously maybe fear. of success fear of failure. whatever it is self sabotage now what do. you think separates people that are. willing to take the next step or ready.

really ready because a lot of people are. willing they're just not ready how do. you what makes people ready to make a. hundred decisions today sure if they. need to that's a big thing I don't think. anyone is ready right um and I don't. think if you think you're ready you're. probably not it's just about a a knowing. that you have to be ready whether you. like it or not and then do the best you. can I would I wasn't ready for there's. no one's ready for it but I think a big.

help is to like you said have a lot of. failures I got I got this kind of. success relatively late in my life yeah. so we got two shows I know a lot of. YouTube kids in LA and they're 23 and. they have millions of dollars that's I. think look God blessed them right good. luck with them and I wish I'm the best I. hope they manage the money and I hope. they manage their day-to-day and their. relationships the right way and they get. out on the other end of that because. if it's also the way you were raised I.

think and I think that younger people. now and I could be completely wrong and. I think everything's cyclical and I. think people probably said this about us. and people said this about our parents. and the rock music and the rap man all. that [ __ ] whatever it is but I think I. think especially now kids are being. raised with the Internet which i think. is different than television in the fact. that people's opinions ideas the world.

is very six accessible around them. they're saturated with information about. everything opinions about everything and. and I think that success now is equated. with you know likes friends retweets and. so people are chasing Klout now as a kid. I think cloud is important to young kids. now in a way that it wasn't before cloud. in high school maybe right was my thing. of that cloud in the neighborhood you.

know not clout globally right and so. when kids now are they're square one is. like how do I get global clout right. that is a very right that's right that's. a great point like how can I be a global. phenomenon before how can I clear these. out the priorities I never learned. does it ever worry you I look at some. you know I look at comedy and where it. is right now and there's so much and I. understand it I have to do it myself. there's so much of an emphasis on.

marketing getting yourself out there. it's like comics from learning how to. you know they're selling t-shirts before. they have an act I mean everything is. like it doesn't ever worry you about. just the future of like art in general. the idea that everything is so. fast-paced and that you need to really. learn and and the emphasis and the focus. seems to be on just getting so much. stuff out there forget whether it's good. or not forget whether it's you know. valuable or not just putting stuff out. there and everybody's got to see.

themselves as like you know everybody's. got to be like a marketing company and. does it ever do you ever wonder like you. know where that leads does that lead to. just kind of very. sheep are eventually I think well an. argument you mean from every side as art. is so subjective right like that [ __ ]. guy that that they near the banana to. the wall last week and he [ __ ] ate it. and like what glares that yeah what the. fry and that's old people so they're. fried up to right i still selling. bananas both quarter million right but i.

think that someone could it could be. said that look ever art begets art and. this is all art and take it or leave it. and so you know it's whatever someone is. into is valid i don't i think it's a. dangerous thing yeah because i think. that like i just said that is the trend. from square one so we already have. saturation in the form of how we can. access his information. now this saturation in the amount of. people that are trying to do it as well. right it's just it's expounds it's just.

it's to the point where when we first. started doing the YouTube stuff and. someone put us on we got a few hundred. thousand views we were like whoa. and then the myspace blew up and then. they were ranking comedians and then it. felt like this gold rush right right. this type of thing which is now having a. revolution still going there's a. renaissance of the like but I would say. oh [ __ ] like everyone's doing it now so. like now how are we gonna keep up and I. remember having this conversation with a. friend of mine he's like look like. anything else people will rush to it and.

then a lot of output will be made and. then that the best stuff will rise to. the top and you know and you'll see like. you know if it's good it's good and that. should be the great the great equalizer. the people will find the good stuff and. the trash will fall by the wayside and. those people will give up and you'll you. will get good content from it. I believed that at the time now I think. we've have a somewhat of an epidemic. because now I think that we are so. saturated and then flooded with content. that it's the new normal and people.

cannot even find the good content or at. least it's harder to and all of these. kids now are accepting and I mean this. even and I'm not calling anyone. specifically I they're a very talented. internet people of Corey counted. SoundCloud people interested there also. is so much [ __ ] just like anything else. and I think that there's so much [ __ ]. available that the masses of young. people are now just. accepting the [ __ ] as the baseline good. right and they're redefining what is.

acceptable as quality yeah and they are. outnumbering us we're dying yeah. they're not there of the perfect spent. twenty years to get to where they're. going and and I'm only 43 I'm not like. I'm an old man no of course I'm. traditional kind of being supplanted and. replaced by people like you said that. are just kind of like this even the. people that are putting great content up. on the internet right now are outweighed.

by 1 billion teens that are just like. Johnny on the camera right jump cutting. themselves twirling their hair right. blowing bubblegum. slapping their friend in the face with a. piece of ham or saying I write this nail. polish or whatever it's and now these. people are getting 10 billion views yeah. and they cannot be denied by. corporations so they have to give them. money because they need views on. anything and we are changing the. landscape we're lowering the bar we are. no and I think that even someone who's.

honest with themselves even someone. who's gotten success from that medium. should be able to say well hopefully you. know I got success but this people this. frauds out there that our successful. have no right to be we all know that. before again that's happened in every. iteration like even when we were younger. people fall into success that shouldn't. be there I suppose but but I just think. it's bad because because this is about. hive mind now that oh this is what this. is what is entertaining this is what is.

quality this is what should be inspiring. me this is what I'm taking my cues from. right yeah I mean yeah so I don't you. cared because I like just I don't have. it in me to be the guy that's always. turning on some of our friends are. really good at it like um Bert Kreischer. amazing at it Chris Edie amazing at it. like they're just really good they turn. on the camera they could say whatever. they want you you're great at it yeah. you know and but but I don't have the.

inclination and maybe and maybe it's. because I I just I spread myself a. little. and so when it comes to like put this up. promote this say so I'm funny well let. him into my kitchen and see what I'm. doing over here or you know give him. today's quip or whatever I just I just. don't have I just don't have the I don't. have the motivation to do it and I know. that it's to my own detriment like I do. it but I do it like very half-assed I'm. not gonna do all the I haven't done the. snapchat I'm not gonna do the tick-tock.

I'm not going to do any last thing I. don't even do I even have issues with. instagrams stories right you know I'll. do the Instagram post yeah but luckily I. got a little success right now I don't. have to like lean on a hard but alive. ticket sales it's everything is it sad. when you see comics in their mid-forties. and their truth they just have to do. this stuff I don't think it's sad I. think as long as they do it well right. then they utilize it was like its help. sometimes you see like older Long Island. comics who are like my daughter told me.

about the use exactly they're out of its. Alvin I really appreciate you talking he. had way more of a I'm in you know I. didn't give you I don't know if we had. any go Falls I wanted to know it's. [ __ ] it up but I you know I also want. to need to know they're gonna fail and. that's what my shows funny enough you.

got archives it's very popular people. can laugh but every now and then we need. to do an episode telling people that. they are going to fail you're gonna fail. and that's the thing if people need to. know that and I mean people pay. attention the people are the people that. know someone that's gonna fail tell them. tell them you're not being a friend yes. you're not being a friend to them tell. them they're gonna tell them listen to. me I love you maybe this isn't for you. this isn't for you at least keep it in. mind yes I feel like I you might hate me.

but one day if you mature enough you. will know that I did you a service the. people around the people that are going. to fail tell them and by the way if you. persevere past that and you succeed good. you were meant to succeed right and and. and. and you needed that to succeed right but. the people that aren't gonna succeed. just try to be a little more self-aware. two main lessons from the show are you. personally you're going to fail and you.

should also tell others that they are. going to fail that's true you can. encourage them you can encourage him. saying you know what listen listen you. could do a lot of things nobody that's. the other thing sometimes you know there. was there was a friend of mine who. wasn't doing a lot of stand-up and their. friend said something about like oh you. should do more stand-up or you're. hanging out with this person they don't. do you know they're not pushing you to. do standard but here's the thing with. everything people do what they want they. do what they're good at and no one can.

tell anyone what to do this is the thing. that nobody will realize nobody could. this is my problem with a lot of these. online motivational speakers and things. like that it's all great I'm glad it. pumps yob it makes you feel good it's. really entertainment more than anything. else because a lot of people are gonna. go to where they're gonna go they might. take a weird route to it yeah they might. take a straight route to it they might. go well you know some of them might not. get there but they're gonna end up where. they're kind of gonna end up so this. whole collective identity and idea of.

like all you know worrying about what. other people are doing or worrying about. other people influencing you like there. are no influences there are influences. creatively they're anything but you're. either gonna do it or you're not. look.this also let me look there's also. people that are naturally funny and. that's something you can't teach right. there are people that are not. necessarily naturally funny but work. hard learn how to tell and write jokes. and become great at it excel at it that. I probably even famous right now right. I'm not saying to you that if you've. tried for five years and haven't made it.

you're gonna fail and you suck I'm not. saying that at all I'm saying that I'm. saying that just be self-aware yes like. make goals short and long-term see if. you're making progress see if you be. honest with yourself is all I'm saying. because if you're half-assing it and and. you're not then you're wasting. everyone's time right I'm just saying. like even if you have to be the friend. to be like look I want you to see it I. wanted to keep trying I think you're. funny I think you do have talent but I. the way that you're approaching it I.

don't see something happening for you. and look if your. strong enough of a person and you're. talented if enough of a person that's. not gonna matter but I just don't want. to see someone who's trying a year two. three four five ten and we gotta look. down deep and go why am I really do you. need a plan everyone said that just get. on stage yeah get on stage just get on. stage that's the first thing yeah but. also you need a [ __ ] plan yes don't. you can't just be like people tell me. I'm funny or I like doctor I want to be. bad you need a plan every day follow the. plan.

take notes see if you're making any. progress you know you have to do that. and I I don't know I just don't want to. be like you know but motor will always. get at least most people are not funny. strictly talking comedy it's hard to. make a career out of being funny yeah it. is a very difficult thing it can be done. it is done a lot of people will do it. but it's tough it is not easy and you. got to have a plan and you got to be. willing to do everything you gotta like. drop all your preconceived notion.

yourself with people that are positive. and good at what they do and that you. can learn from but not in a way to like. these young comics that just become like. Ryan incessant in-your-face to the point. where like I get that you're hungry and. I get that you're trying to make. opportunity right but you also have to. remember that there's a human element to. it and you cannot go savagery. just be make natural friendships organic. natural friendships put yourself in a. place if your people do that to you. where they're just crazy yes. yeah and that's I get it I get it I get.

hey you think I could help you right you. even it whether it's like some people. all like can you just get me work or. Julie put me on a show get make a show. for me let me be on your show I was at. the cellar the other day a guy hits me I. won't name names I will after we hang up. do we hang up the phone here that one is. he had some egos hey how you doing I. said good he goes you're that guy if. you're that guy from the show the. printables this is what he called it. like he literally Mutual's. he goes you're on a prank couples you're.

on HBO I said yeah he goes what you name. ed I might yeah. what's the name of your show now I got. to tell him in practice that's it. huge fan watch it all the time can I get. on a show I love it how so. like I'm really funny everyone knows. IIIi play here I play here he says I'm a. teller he could like play here yeah he. goes so uh can I get on the show I said. well the show don't really work that way. you know it's the four of us were 30.

years old right yeah no problem but here. here's my youtube here's my card look me. up and then he goes you got it you got a. pen and I was like no I guess this is my. youtube but my Instagram is this but. with an underscore and my other one is. this whether that look me up tonight. leave me a message let me know rut a. mail me this is my email I'm not kidding. with it Wow who was saying what Vito was. sitting with me yeah he was all right my. name is this III I work here I'm good. yeah I mean I just keep you know and I'm. sometimes people will break into the.

[ __ ] green room and be like I just. can I get on your show can you get can. you give me a show Wow so that don't do. that but go go to where the people are. that you want to be hang out make. natural friendships let people like you. for who you are and then stick with. those people stick with like-minded. people especially if you want to be a. comedian yeah go to the clubs plant your. ass there right observe work talk do it. it might take a long time to do it make. those friendships then you got to get. around like-minded people you got to you.

can't be an island alone trying to do. something you have to change your. lifestyle to where everyone else around. you is thinking the way that you're. thinking I think that's a good. accelerator and I would also say have. like when you said have a plan is so. important but also have an idea of what. you want to do and who would out there. would enjoy it like yeah cuz talking to. who is this for Musa for who is it for.

by the way I speak like I'm I'm talking. like I'm Jerry Seinfeld over here yeah. I'm I'm still young in comedy I got. lucky I still have all my doubts I I. don't do everything right I'm not. speaking like some I'm giving you my. experience in opinion not speaking like. I'm the law on this right. still learn every single day and I'm. still afraid to fail and I question all. that stuff too but I at least I will say. that I know that I'm self aware of yeah. you know I mean so just be that at least.

you know yeah yeah be that folks be self. aware I like its opening I'm talking I. know doling out advice like I'm this. like so yeah your shows in the history. of television not mistake this for me. doling out from my [ __ ] the people. need to be the water the people that are.

listening to this that this might apply. to need to have their oxygen card you. were more successful than anyone at the. cellar I needed the cellar there. whatever they want to do mothers like. Seinfeld and a few of them it's really. it's the reality I don't mean mommy. there's a lot of people there that are. eating pigeons in the park and then. having really good SATs but let's get.

real about let's get real they're gonna. die people will find salad Sal Vulcano. and a practical jokers you know where I. actually please I'm about to announce my. 2020 theater tour for myself soon on Sal. Vulcano comedy calm and the guys and I. just announced a 40-something city tour. of all next summer and we we got because.

I want your audience to know about this. stuff too who knows if we share him of. course and then the new show misery and. next on TBS got picked up for season 2. my comedy is very family friend we got a. tree should have talked about that. because I also try to have you with me. when I can here and there did a cruise. and it was you're [ __ ] fantastic it. was hysterical also hysterical which we. didn't touch on the the I think it was a. history hyenas you did. so funny we have not so on next time. 100% yeah so just the tour Sal Vulcano.

comedy calm and what the [ __ ] else was. it oh the movie our movie comes out. practical jokers fell February 21st. fairy gun jokes get it get it get it. Tim villain comedy calm all that crap. Tim dude don't let Instagram Twitter. thank you rate review subscribe you're. gonna fail thank you.