#176 - The Florida Project | The Tim Dillon Show

hi I'm Timmy the trashcan and I love. trash. they all taste so good instead of. throwing your trash on the floor won't. you please give it to me thank you for. considering your fellow patrons welcome. to the Tim Dylan show everybody Black. Friday special it's the Black Friday. special we're offering an exclusive.

patreon deal five dollars a month we'll. get you an extra episode every week $20. a month. we'll get you an extra episode every. week plus an extra episode every month. get it now all salesmen Oh all sales are. final all supplies must go get the best. of comedy and podcasting major world. this is there used to be a a there's a. big car dealership in New York City on. Northern Boulevard in Queens I used to. live a few blocks away and they'd be. like and what they would do is they.

would get cars that people literally. were lucky they were in an accident and. they would just be like literally wiping. the blood off a Nissan Altima and they. would bring it on the lot and they'd be. like major world come on down these. deals are so hot and it's just all cars. that you know drug dealers you know they. would go to like police auto auctions. and buy it or whatever it was just it. was wild um it is Black Friday I didn't. go shopping today and get anything you. know last night I was we're gonna tell.

the whole story about where I was last. night but one of my favorite moments. last night was some guy at a bar going. like this going hey his blood Friday we. should go to Target and then everybody. else at the bar turning around and going. yeah yeah we should go to Target and I. was like that's not a half-bad idea he's. like I think it's a great idea what are. you gonna you know go in there is it. even is Black Friday even still a thing. to people I know that I defended Black. Friday because like I know that a lot of.

like you know upper-middle class people. look down on it but there are people out. there that [ __ ] need deals so it is. what it is and they you know they need. to go out and [ __ ] you know swing a. bike lock around so they could grab a. [ __ ]. a wave and [ __ ] run out of Walmart it. is what it is there are people that are. in that circumstance so I've always. defended like and I know it's crass and. you know is you know it's vulgar and. it's you know it's everything that's. wrong with America but it's like you. know as long as we're all living in this. system we might as well take advantage.

of its dwindling benefits and one of. them would be you know at 2:00 a.m. going in and [ __ ] you know going into. a [ __ ] target mosh pit and pulling. out a few [ __ ] you know toasters or. whatever you get I don't know. a few uh a few backpacks for the kids I. don't know what target even sells but I. would imagine they have those things you. know I mean every you know we used to. grow up you would see some then there. was a stampede I think in Long Island.

there was a stampede and I'm pretty sure. it was a Walmart and then everybody was. like we have to do some soul-searching. because of this stampede at a Walmart I. believe look when that stampede happened. because I'm pretty sure it was around. the time we were kidnapping people and. torturing them and underground prisons. that no and no one had an issue with. that but it was the Black Friday. Stampede that really got 2014 it looks. like was it 2014 I guess it was but I.

mean people used to buy don't even think. now there's cyber monday hmm and there's. other you know opportunities what a. Thanksgiving I had last night let me. tell you let me tell you folks if you. don't have a family you should be. legally prohibited from celebrating. Thanksgiving because it's really not for. you and I said to a friend of Mike's. you're both gonna be in LA now I could. have flown home to be with my family but.

I chose not to because I'm gonna be back. in town for Christmas and I'm like I. just I'm on planes all the time I just. can't do it I just can't make it happen. so I was in LA and I said to a friend of. mine I'm like why don't we can go out to. dinner which is you never go out on. Thanksgiving you never ever go out on. thanks you do not leave your [ __ ]. house ever on Thanksgiving I don't know. why I forgot that I don't know why that. didn't died there for whatever reason. that idea didn't register. like well I'm in LA and things are. different with it but you don't you sit.

on your couch and you [ __ ] eat. stuffing and you listen to your aunt. talk you know talk about queueing on. what you don't do is [ __ ] travel you. just don't do it it's just not what you. should do and I forgot that and I and I. was looking at places that have. Thanksgivings and I find this place in. Calabasas which is where like the. Kardashians of it's out by Malibu's. about an hour from my home in West. Hollywood it's about a solid hour it's. out there in the canyons with Kanye and.

[ __ ] you know there's big houses out. there and you know go [ __ ] your mother. money and they have this place called. The Saddle Peak lodge and The Saddle. Peak Lodge Rogan loves it it looks like. it's got it's got big moose heads and. elk and you know it's a [ __ ] Lodge. you know it it looks exactly what you. think you know some Illuminati you know. Mason Lodge would look like and it's in. Calabasas and supposedly you know it's. good food or whatever so I'm like oh.

we'll do it and it was hard to get in. because I ladies got a lot of people. that came to LA and for whatever reason. they're still in LA and they are just. they go out to dinner because they're. either older or then I mean we were. looking around we got to this rest first. of all it's an hour it's raining it's. torrential rain we get into an uber my. friend shows up my house we're getting a. [ __ ] Auber its torrential rain it's a.

it's 56 minutes in torrential rain in an. uber and by the way it's not it's. through canyons and up mountain it's. crazy we think and there's people that. are rich so and we got a late. reservation at 6:45 so the people on the. road are already drunk they're already. coming back from things hammered so like. the guy stopping and she's swerving in. and out of lanes just to avoid these. people that are shit-faced and left. their [ __ ] family party so we're. heading to this [ __ ] we're heading to.

this Lodge in the middle of [ __ ]. nowhere to have a Thanksgiving we get. there we get there and by the way what I. say. this place is hidden it's an. understatement it is dark you cannot see. anything my friend is mad my friend who. I love but he's like oh he's a pouty. [ __ ] like he's pouty he's one of these. guys who doesn't tell you he's angry he. pouts he's got the frame of a woman he. [ __ ] a lot of hot chicks he's got the. frame of not now he's got a girlfriend. but he's got the frame of a woman and he.

acts very womanly in and and you know. EEE pouch he pouts he wins he wins in. pouts you know and so he's like already. whining and pest who as soon as we get. into the [ __ ] uber it's a probably go. for ways all right all right you know. it's far away we get there there is an. ambulance outside there's a stretcher. outside I walk in I tell them I said we. have a reservation for two for 6:45 the. the maitre d or the ho whatever she goes.

okay we're having a little issue here. because there's two ambulances outside. in any stretcher and I said oh that's. good I'm having an issue - it's called. Thanksgiving dinner and it's it's 6:45. for two people that would be my issue. and I'm glad that you're having an issue. but let's all have the issues together. let me have so she I'm not taking those. [ __ ] is what I'm saying if you're. killing people with your food and. they're leaving in stretchers that's.

clearly not my issue now many of the. people in in LA because they are demons. from hell agree with me and they are now. mad that their tables are not ready and. an uncomfortable amount of people are. now start out cluttered around the. maitre d and we don't give a [ __ ] and we. do not care at all so the the EMTs come. in they bring down this nine year old. woman who's bombed who's just the whites. in hit her or whatever and they she's.

asleep and they put her on the stretcher. and they take her out by the way this is. great Thanksgiving you just show up to. the restaurant and and somebody's. leaving in a stretcher that's it's a. great welcome. Happy Thanksgiving so we get there. there's this old woman on a stretcher. hammered asleep okay and and we're. having none of it because we've all been. waiting 15 or 20 minutes I'm. we're having none of it okay we're mad. at this woman we're judging her somebody. else cuz I bet she's just drunk and I'm.

like I bet she is too she's just this 90. year old woman came here and she got. shit-faced and now she's got you know. whatever she fell asleep at the table or. whatever so I go to the after they clear. the nine year old woman out I go back to. the hostess and go listen there's. clearly a table open now right I mean. there's clearly we I mean she's out so. and she goes well I don't know if her. party is going to leave and I go you you. don't know if her party is leaving.

they're gonna sit that one of them just. got taken out in his stretcher and. they're gonna sit there any cranberry. sauce kick him out get him out of here. and she goes why I don't know if they're. leaving but we'll we'll see don't worry. we're gonna set the table shortly it's. it's like amazing to me some guys in. there with a service dog a little collie. who's running around with a service and. I said I said that my friend Michael I. said god help them I said if this food. is not good I am gonna leave in a.

stretcher because the reality is there's. no ubers III I was like there's no way. in Hoover's gonna we're [ __ ] and I'm. genuinely gonna call an ambulance to. leave if I have to I'm dead serious. no no no part of me is kidding I'm like. I will call an ambulance and give a fake. name like I've said many times before. and I will kick the door open and jump. out of the ambulance and leave okay am i. Michael is getting a little. uncomfortable because he knows I'm not. I'm not know part of me is kidding so we.

finally sit down in this [ __ ] Lodge. and we're looking around and I mean it. is it is the Damned it is the Damned in. this place people without families older. people there's like a mom with two older. daughters you could tell the Dodgers. died like they're very sad and you could. tell the dad just died there's a table. of like older people it early says. loudly to the whole table of people he. goes I wasn't supposed to be here so. that's the that's the mood everyone's in.

some people are leaving in stretchers so. everyone knows that they're there. they failed whatever you're supposed to. be in a home with family you're not. supposed to be in this Lodge now now to. top it off the food is also atrocious. which is great it's Thanksgiving. catering hall food it's B it's just bad. it's just not good I'm sure it's a. decent restaurant when it's normal so. I'm like the food sucks and of course my. friend there's this new thing where.

people start defending the restaurant. now like this happens a lot people now. like what I'll comment on something. people start defending the right like my. friend Michaels like you know it's very. hard to make food for this amount of. people I'm like well then do it for free. if it's that hard we're all paying money. for this figure out a way to do it I. mean this is grotesque one guy just. literally yells at the top of his lungs. I swear to God in the middle of the. ego's it's not hot and then he's with.

some chick she goes I like it cold and. he goes well I don't I want it hot it's. Thanksgiving so the poor manager goes. over to their table and this guy I wish. had a photo of them he was just he was. the same guy that said I wasn't even. supposed to be here he's having a. full-on breakdown because this is his. life it is bad and it's Thanksgiving and. we're in the middle of a rainstorm in. this [ __ ] hunting lodge and he's at. this table of people and no one cares. about anybody and there's no love and.

all we want is the food to be [ __ ]. hot just make it hot and he calls the. manager over and he goes listen he goes. I want it hot it isn't hot he swear to. God he goes like this is the manager he. goes put your finger in it the match is. like I don't want to touch it. I believe you the manager is like I. believe you the guy's like no touch it. the guy takes the manager's finger and. he puts it in the stuffing and smash. goes yeah that's that is called he goes. okay so the manager now the poor manager.

is shot everybody here is shot it is a. rainstorm it is nasty we finally get. through dinner it's not good you know. one of the waitresses it was an older. woman she was funny what kind of we're. kind of kidding around with her. and um at the end of the meal I go to. try to call an uber and there are no. cars available there are no cars so we. are in Malibu we're in a canyon there. are no cars there is no way to leave now.

we now we now cannot leave and so we. finally get an uber he's like you know I. don't know 30 minutes away I mean it's. ridiculous he's like 17 minutes away he. finally arrives and I don't know where. he is now so I call it and this is a. thing that uber drivers were they they. they don't they can't hear you but I. think they can't hear you and they just. keep saying hello like I was like where. are you and he's like whole I'm like. where are you I forget his name was like. are mean I'm like are mean where are you.

he's like oh ho I'm like are mean he. goes I am a good place I'm like you're. not here or mean you're not anywhere I. said now I am in the middle of the. canyon in the rain I've left the. restaurant I'm walking up a block in the. rain about to get [ __ ] pummeled by a. mountain lion screaming into my phone. are me where are you I'm getting wet our. meat I'm wet so our mean just hangs up.

and cancels the ride which I get charged. $13 for and then I get [ __ ] that I go. to uber and be like okay the guy didn't. show up the guy's nowhere to be found. so we go back in this place we go back. in the place we're now sitting at the. bar and then this place also attracts. just there's a there's a type of rich. person in California who's very earthy. and like they're old hippies and their. parents were hippies but they have a lot. of money and they inherited these big. houses in like Laurel Canyon or Malibu.

or whatever and me embed it into some of. these houses and they're like you know. and they these people look like [ __ ] but. they're loaded and they're all sitting. at the bar and that's the guy that goes. you know we should all go to Target I'm. like that's not a half-bad idea it is. Black Friday. so finally we call over the maitre d we. go can we get a cab so she calls a cab. the cab is an hour away so we have to. sit we're sitting now at the bar now you. think the people in the dining room are. damned. you have no idea that.

the group of the crew that is at the bar. on Thanksgiving at this hunting lodge. okay. one guy is literally literally just. talking about cancer to no one he's. sitting at the bar and just talking. about different kinds of cancer and. every now and then the bartender nods. and fills up his glass and he's just. going on he's like yeah my sister. there's Hodgkins there's non-hodgkin. it's just so and then me and Michael.

they're Michael's of course being a. pouty [ __ ] she's like you know is a lot. of money this was a lot of money and you. know he's being a conte and you want to. just hold off and smack him in the face. you know and we're waiting there we're. waiting there with it finally the cab. comes this is now we get in the cab now. it's a solid hour to get to the comedy. store in the rain in the traffic and the. rain or in a cab. a hundred dollars to get back to us. Hollywood the whole night the dinner was. 300 there was a hundred and the breh. back was a hundred so is a $500 night.

the food was horrific. it was just maybe one of the worst. experiences we've ever had the room full. of people we were we were all aware of. how we looked at each other like yep and. just gulped because we knew why we were. there we were there because we had made. choices that led us away from the warmth. of others we've made choices that have. led us in the other direction of the. embrace of our loved ones we had gone. the other way and now we're sitting in. this [ __ ] hunting lodge eating cold.

lobster bisque. that's not even lobster bisque it's. literally butternut squash soup that. they just threw Lobster in its literally. put the waitress over I go this is. butternut squash soup she starts. laughing yeah I'm like what are you. doing okay I just you shouldn't leave. your home on Thanksgiving Christmas you. can go out Christmas is different. Christmas has a different vibe there are. people that go out for Christmas it's.

split up into two nights Christmas Eve. and Christmas Day so some people will go. out of Christmas Eve or some people go. out of Christmas Day and they do the. family the other night and some people. have to do Thanksgiving if you are in a. rush. you are damned you are absolutely 100%. damned that is it you have made poor. choices and this is that and it's sad. it's very very sad you know and it. really just it [ __ ] really made me. think in that cab on the way back and. then my friend Michael goes to sleep he.

just starts Slee he sleeps the whole. ride back because you know he's the god. of trouble getting up in the morning so. I just have to sleep so I'm alone I even. no one to talk to and a service there's. no service and it's just the rain and. we're just driving through this Canyon. and we're in traffic and I look at all. the other cars and I imagine they have. families and them families whose tummies. are all full with Thanksgiving food and. I'm coming down like hungry again. because it's two hours into it so I go.

to comics right you start eating cold. Pete's and the kids to the comedy store. the waitress I'm like this is I mean how. how much worse could does this get how. much worse does this got then I'm on. stage having like a lackluster set being. like yeah trying to make this funny and. the crowds like me non-dance funny I'm. like what's wrong with you why are you. out [ __ ] Thanksgiving Ridgewell it. you read well it mm what's that route. wait who does that. um it's it's uh Ruby Tuesday's oh yeah.

wait is it reads well it. yum that was Ruby Tuesday's that's the. contempt yeah. Red Robin yeah that is a contempt that. Red Robin has for the people that eat in. their restaurants the utter contempt. they have like they didn't even come up. with a word as much as it's just a shout.

Red Robin YUM. cuz they're like they're like what are. the chances that anybody who would come. to our restaurant needs a multi-word. pitch to come in here let's just keep it. simple. Red Robin YUM mmm and if you go to Red. Robin lemme tell you it is not YUM. it is more like this Red Robin oh that's. really what it is Red Robin but I'll.

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you gots Ben is so Ben we talked to him. does another voice and it gets on the. head okay yeah it's like what's wrong. with you. Ridge wallet. here's another thing folks um I watched. the Irishman does anyone in this. business die does anyone walk the [ __ ]. away when they need can you just get up. and walk away from the table I know.

they're all legends I know they've done. a million things but that movie sucks it. is boring and it sucks and I love. everybody out on social media like. defending its honor it's all these. people that are in love with the past. and they can't let it [ __ ] go and. it's never the people that live through. it it's never the people who are like. actually there it's like [ __ ] people. that I like idolize mobsters even though. they work at Geico and they have no. [ __ ] idea and they think in their in. their lurid imaginations they run some.

card game with Jimmy and Nicki and these. people just [ __ ] they love the past. and you're like I hate all the new. movies I'm not gonna I don't like them. they're all about babies all these do. movies are about babies they're about. Jenna I like when men were men. you know and that people used to smoke. and smack women in the face you know. it's such a [ __ ] first of all the the. first scene of the movie they're all CGI. because they're all the the so these so. these are all older actors like Pesci.

and De Niro and they CGI them to make. them look younger. so you it's just a bunch of CGI corpses. for the first thing in the movie I know. so many talented people that can't. afford water and and it's just the same. people over and over again it's like you. you couldn't make a mob move you. couldn't make this movement but the. whole thing is it's just a [ __ ] money. grab they're like well it Scorsese we're. gonna make it with Keitel and De Niro.

and Pacino and Pesci and they're all old. and it's like it's just not good its. drawn-out its long and and people are. just [ __ ] you know and now people are. getting really testy about it like. people are adopting the Irishman as like. you know this they're like it's a. masterpiece. these are legends and oh you don't like. it because what it's so you don't like. it cuz you're a [ __ ] were you cat videos. you don't like the Irishman it's a guy's.

it we saw it already it was called. Goodfellas it was better it was shorter. there's a movie called Hoffa right we. saw that we did it we've done with these. kind of movies where it's like a. narrator is explaining like hey this is. tall you know the first time I met Tony. I was at the speak it's and good for. Sebastian and Jim Norton guys that I. think are amazing they're in it great. but it's just like let's move the [ __ ]. on let's stop and I see these people on. social media that are really that are.

really loving the movie and it's you. know it's not like it's people that like. think that if they were alive in that. time they'd be like part of the Rat Pack. that's like no you wouldn't be part of. the Rat Pack you'd be a guy who one of. these guys would embarrass and like hit. in the back of the head with a butt of a. gun. so this fantasy land you live in where. you think you're like you know you think. you're Dean Martin it's not the case. it's a boring [ __ ] movie and.

people it like he can't can't understand. or appreciate that we've moved the [ __ ]. on we've moved on from this enough. already. I'll like it cuz it's towards the whole. world and you see the way that the. people used to be into all their legends. no smoking jackets and Cadillacs shut. the [ __ ] up. go back to your cubicle at Geico enough. you [ __ ] clown you think you're some.

[ __ ] Vegas mobster some [ __ ] you're. you'll could not to guys you know could. look to god this is such a Long Island. [ __ ] Jersey movie a bunch of [ __ ]. people that think they're connected to. the Mafia because they're dumb uncle. went to jail once cuz he was used as a. [ __ ] patsy and they think there's. somehow in the mob and they all [ __ ]. have you know Goodfellas and Scarface. posters on their room on their walls and. you're 38 years old they live with their.

mother and they waiting for her to fall. down the stairs so they can inherit a. [ __ ] house and they think they're. like Jimmy Hoffa they think they're like. a real Street guy you know all the. Irishmen so it's great movies you know. you're my cousin you're all because this. is one of those movies where like. everybody will tell they're like I grew. up in a town with legit mafia people and. that and it yet inform that the way I. grew up to an extent but it's like I. don't romanticize any of that horseshit. it's cool the food was good but it's. like why can't we stop you cut it out.

please. you're a [ __ ] grown-up enough with. the plate I'm like you [ __ ] have any. clue the Irishman seven hours I showered. in the middle of it I didn't even stop. it I showered I did launch ready it was. in and out of the room it's so long it's. so long and then they have the scene. where it's not a scene but it's like the. after thing with Scorsese and they're. all talking about like making the movie. and stuff like that it's like Scorsese. how about stepping out of your [ __ ].

comfort zone make a movie about about. black trans women. why don't you impress me stop making. movies about these [ __ ] goons we get. it how about you show that you got a. little. [ __ ] range make him make a movie. about babies who grow up to be gangsters. I mean enough already. I did dentist so I've talked about on.

the show life in the big city love these. movies he loved those and I get it cuz. they had a place and he grew up and he. knew the guys and he knew the plays he. knew it he knew Henry Hill he knew those. guys they lived in a town that I grew up. but the people that are really. identifying what the Irishmen are not. people that had any [ __ ] clue what. was going on during that time at all. they did nothing no [ __ ] idea. they just romanticize it because they.

think that if they had lived then boy. would have been real real real different. you know they would have been really. [ __ ] running the show they'd be. really running the table you know little. insane I just see all these people go oh. yeah old these people don't like the. Irish yeah it's an objectively bad movie. it's boring it's objectively bad have. you seen it yeah yeah it's such a waste. for people like a pest she came out of.

retirement it's like no he should have. stayed in it he did the right thing go. go back to retirement and let somebody. else have a shot let someone have a. chance let somebody else please have a. chance please we don't need this what. are we gonna be doing we're gonna are we. gonna just animate their dead bodies is. that gonna be the next movie that we. make when they when they're literally. dead i I don't understand they're all on.

death's door they've had great lives and. great careers they've done amazing. things let them be nobody needs this but. it is it's a big moneymaker because it's. the boomers love it mmm-hmm boomers love. it so whatever that's my piece on the. Irishman I know that people give me flak. for that and I know people get angry it. did well would it make 140 mil well. that's the budget that's the budget it. was a hundred for. million dollars Jesus that was all spent.

a colostomy bags for the talent so they. could piss themselves and they don't. have to stop filming you know enough. already not enough these [ __ ] people. you know it's you go on social media. it's the same people. it's like Suzy better dad I was like I. love the Irishman it's such a great. that's when things made sense yeah did. they did they how about you gonna make a. lasagna you neanderthal.

I bet you go it does it does make sense. I'd like those yeah you that time when. women were not on Facebook they were. making ravioli so go back to that how. about you follow the example of the. Irishman and shut the [ __ ] up and get. back in the kitchen if you like that. time so much how about you follow the. rules and stop opining about culture we. don't need it Mary Ann we don't need it.

don't make a meatloaf I just you know. it's this the people are like nostalgic. for periods of time that they didn't. even [ __ ] live through this 1950s. horseshit where everything was so good. but we were you know siccing dogs on. black kids trying to go to school you. know like well what did I get it. modernity sucks it has its problems but.

let's stop jerking off the past every. [ __ ] it's the sign of a dead society. that were jerking the past off all the. time and can someone show up to the new. set of Mad About You with a gun and tell. Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt that have. enough [ __ ] money that nobody Marie's. dead the dogs dead nobody needs that. [ __ ] show again that wasn't good when it. was on the air mad about you how empty. are people's lives that they need this. [ __ ]. well what's Frasier Crane been doing.

what the [ __ ] is wrong with you get a. life these people who is this for Disney. Plus. are you doing watching The Little. Mermaid you're a 38 year old man stop. reading Harry Potter in public you're an. adult enough I mean this this Disney. Plus lunacy. if you have kids and you want to show.

them these things I get it but you know. the amount of it. you know Jared Logan had a great point. he's like Disney is the first culture. you're exposed to it's not supposed to. be the last you're not supposed to go. well I'm just gonna stay here all those. movies I saw when I was three that's. where I'll stay I just want to watch the. Lion King on loop when I was on the tour. bus I had these couple that came on my. tour bus they hated New York City they. really didn't like it New York's not for.

everyone but you know this woman and her. husband they hated New York City they. were to you know blobs and they came in. and they sat down and they had disney. shirts on and they go you know we were. gonna take a Disney cruise we take a. Disney cruise every year but this time. we decided to go to New York and they go. we just we didn't really like it we. didn't enjoy it they go the one thing we. did enjoy was the Lion King they go we. saw the Lion King play and that was nice. we don't like anything else we we just. don't like it we don't you know and I'm. like whoa they go we just want to go to. Disney World and I said well why do you. like this new world and they go well. it's just the best place on earth you.

don't have any responsibilities I'm like. but that's not life right I mean I said. to them I go well that's not life right. I mean that's for children children have. no responsibilities because they're. children. but you're adults right so no matter. where you are you have some. responsibilities right and they're like. well no you know Disney World you're. just totally you know you have no. responsibility just it's the best play. Center and like you could say you could. tell that like every question I asked. was making them angrier because I was. like I was it was an assault to them. because they were very happy in their. living coma and they just wanted they.

were just like no I just want to be. taking pictures with Mickey on the. Disney cruise you know you could tell. this was a couple that like held hands. that had never seen each other's. genitals and you know had probably you. know it's sick it's a sickness this is a. disease Disney is a disease it's enough. and they suck these movies don't hold up. I tried to watch lady in the [ __ ] the. other day. sucks and it used to be great but you. know why was a kid. it doesn't really hold on I do like the.

Siamese cat scene that is good still. because I like them and I like the way. that they kind of you know that I like. um that holds up certain films do hold. up song of the south holds up that is a. really that's a joke that's a joke. everyone. don't get excited put the torch down put. the torch down put your citronella. candle out don't get it too excited just. kidding it's comedy.

I just kept tweeting yesterday funny. things and so many people thought I was. here like I tweeted I said you know we. let my six-year-old cousins say grace. and he came out as the non-binary and he. told call my grandfather a colonizing. Pig fun start to dinner and then there. were people that are like who was put up. to like they don't they can't read that. I'm a comedian on Twitter they not there. like he was put up to this no six year. old I'm like out Jesus Christ people. can't get a joke I said one I said some.

of the tweets really funny I go I said. like I said you know my aunt my uncle. I'll just I'll just I'll read some of. these tweets because the amount of. people that thought they were real. tweets and then you know we're attacking. me going I don't believe you or you know. some of those people are trolls but some. of them legitimately they're like they. they literally think that I'm literally. you know talking about real things it. happened okay quick update on holiday my. grandmother just called a restaurant. oriental and now we're beating the [ __ ].

out of you now we're beating the [ __ ]. out of her and then people were like. responding to that there was one where I. said wow this got awkward real quick my. aunt and uncle who her brother and. sister are full-on [ __ ] in the living. room and we're all pretending they left. to get beer this is a wild one lol we're. never gonna let them live this down. the six-year-old cousin one was great I. just loved some of the responses yeah it. was a setup the parents were involved.

colonizing are you British it's great. it's great go to that let's find the. yeah listen to this this is disrespect. is rampant in today's youth more so than. any other time it's a direct reflection. of the failure that is today's parenting. my son would have would have his lips. slapped off if he talked to his. grandfather that way 12 likes on that. response that's a guy with a great sense.

of humor and then you read these. responses and you go oh no it's not. gonna be okay. we're not gonna find this political. solution to whatever these issues are. because that's the public that's John Q. public those are the people out there. that you're gonna have to convince of. the things that you want to do those are. the people the people that are. responding to my clear what was clearly. a joke in a very serious way support for. the Tim Dylan show comes from manscape.

and from viewers like you. let's remember that from like PBS from. your kid oh yeah yeah you know channel. 13 they would do those drives and they'd. be like support for the children's. public television network comes from the. Helena Rubinstein foundation Halliburton. you know Raytheon is true as all defense. contractors and viewers like you. manscaped is the best in men's. below-the-belt grooming it offers. precision engineered tools for your. family jewels tools for the jewels.

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you know sometimes before you hook up. with somebody you just try to get your. dick ready and you try to just shave. your area and you're doing it very quick. and there's a lot of pressure you know. and it's like Ben has one girlfriend so. it's kind of different when you just. have one girlfriend you've had forever. they're like frontier people they're. like Oregon Trail relationship you know. just travel around the country in a. wagon and all the kids have got a. smallpox but like the rest of you you're.

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nobody's shaved their [ __ ] together but. that be the best thing in the world for. you is next Christmas everybody to shave. their balls and deodorize each other's. balls we're gonna do dereyes everyone's. balls before dinner are your balls. deodorized if not you're not coming into. my house don't use the same trimmer on. your face as you use on your balls. that's just nasty Ness Ness key basket.

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leg okay so we have an ashtray here. please what am i living like some less. than [ __ ] pig this is great now he's. going to get a [ __ ] ashtray. three flights up you know this is this. is what you do you get the help you. cannot afford manscape comm where'd you. get that from manscape comm Tim get the.

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so get it get the [ __ ] trimmer and the. beard trimmer and the the crop circle. you know get it all buy it all don't. start with me Red Robin yo Thank You. manscape calm promo code Tim um some. some people found Lisa's lounge you said. on yeah let me pull that up on.

TripAdvisor I love that by the way. TripAdvisor is a site the idea that the. bar that I used to get drunk in and. throw my that that many people have. thrown their lives away and lisas lounge. in Long Island the fact that anyone. raided it on Trip Advisor that someone. took a trip and thought it was. appropriate to rate Lisa's lounge to me. like imagine being that person. imagine stumbling into a corner bar and. then going home and writing a paragraph.

about it right love I like by the way. how many reviews on TripAdvisor doesn't. have only two. what a strange spooky night when here. some years back to see a rather awful. ban truthfully our pet well by the way. I've never seen a band there I have no. idea there's no place for anyone to play. there's really no place for anyone to. play music but they go they go. our pal was filling in with them place. was completely empty for Saturday night. every 20 minutes there were equipment. failures one old guy at the bar and a.

very nervous bartender because they're. they're doing coke place was icy cold in. spots in the bathroom you felt like. somebody was watching you after a while. we went and then so then they go down. and they go oh we were told that a guy. was shot outside two people were shot. outside we called the double homicide. that was a nickname of the place and the. poor guys body was dragged out the back. door as the cops ambulance arrived out. of there and no we never returned. although the drinks food were good they. don't serve food so this is how like. people are out just still out of it and.

then the next one go down to the next. one the next one goes not your normal. neighborhood place I don't know if they. serve food here but the place is dirty. I'll never go back dive bar real dive. bar you didn't get it that it was called. Lisa's lounge and it was. on the corner in a residential area it's. clearly not a destination spot you know. I love Pam this place was dirty I'll. never go back that's the point go to. Yelp see if they have anything up on. yoga I love Lisa's lounge and I spent.

Christmas in Lisa's lounge and I don't. regret it at all it was a lot funner. than being at that goddamn [ __ ] Mason. Lodge wherever the [ __ ] I wasn't Malibu. and it was you know Lisa's lounge is fun. there was about four or five people. there on Christmas Eve and me and my. friend Joe had a great [ __ ] time. Lisa's Lodge three reviews on Yelp. let's see upon coming back this is a. hidden gem really there's a pool table.

and a nice staff if you're a veteran. there will oblige you to a free beer. they're nice stop by sometime at this. nice little dive that's sweet. good here's another one decent little. dive bar and bald a nice cozy good crowd. close to home well not a NAT triplet. stop for a drink after lunch with a. girlfriend and see the lovely Erica. bartending I had a shrimp out of her. mouth once it was a dare and I was drunk. we were also pleasantly surprised to see. the bar nicely decorated for Christmas.

it's really nice on Christmas it really. is nice they really deck it out they put. lights all over the place it really is a. nice Christmas if you want to make a. nice Christmas memory there was a woman. named Marge once Marge used to come in. and shoot herself marge was an old woman. and she would come in the bar and she. would buy everyone drinks she'd go give. the boys the boys another round on me. and then her daughter would show up and. have to take her out of there because. she would get and and it went once she.

[ __ ] herself and then everybody the bar. started laughing you know like we think. Marge [ __ ] herself and she was like. she's like she's she's like we were. obviously not saying it to her face she. was a elderly woman but she just started. screaming the top of her lungs she goes. she goes are you laughing at me [ __ ]. I just bought you a bunch of drinks and. you're laughing at me [ __ ] she goes I. should have my husband come down here. and kick your ass. dad years ago so our daughter comes in. here and her daughter's like mom you.

[ __ ] yourself and so they carry Marg out. and as they're carrying her out she's. literally screaming it's not for a long. [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] she's just. screaming fake which is why you can't. really get rid of the word [ __ ]. because it was at that moment there's. really no other appropriate word for. Marg to use because she was angry she. just said her [ __ ] herself she had spent. a year she spent years and years and. years of her life just imbibing alcohol. and you know and at that moment I guess. she could have yelled the n-word but we.

were all white that would have been. awkward also funny but it was a perfect. word I thought you never go up to gay. person and say hey that's [ __ ] up but. Marge yelling [ __ ] with it with it. with a with her her pants full of [ __ ]. as as her daughter and two guys had to. walk her out of the bar to me is. appropriate and I would like to sit down. with any of these kids at Oberlin or. Wesleyan and explain to them. well what word should Marge have used at. that particular juncture she had bought.

us drinks it was somewhat cruel of us to. laugh at her after she [ __ ] her I mean. it was we were kind of being [ __ ] I. guess we should have just quietly but we. were just laughing you know we were kind. of being [ __ ] about the whole thing. and there didn't seem an appropriate. word for Marge to use as she was carried. out of Lisa's loud I think for the last. time I don't think she ever came back. there note I believe this is a cash bar. only a good place for friends to hang. out we'll definitely return quiet townie. bar drinks are cheap love a good local.

dive when I told my father I was hanging. out here instead of my dad being like oh. you have a problem we should put you in. a home or we should put you in rehab. he's like you know he looked at me goes. son such a bloomer response he goes you. know son a like a dirtbag bar has played. a role in every Dylan's life your uncle. Tommy had a place called Buckley's I. used to go to a place called my father's. place like he would just you know and. I'm like great it says this is good you. know it's like son you're you're.

following a long tradition of people. that have made very bad choices in a. very similar way to the ones you're. making. right now Lisa's lounge if you're in. Baldwin Long Island stop in and have a. pop have a cocktail many of the people I. know are dead that you know I brought. did you come in there with me yeah we. went back but I don't think you. recognized anybody right no because. remember there was like a bunch of. pictures on the wall of the people that. are now dead yeah and you're like.

whatever happened to Trevor and you're. like they were like yeah throat cancer. when a year Susu died yeah. they lived hard these people lived very. hard they they really didn't take care. of themselves um many of them chose the. bar over their families and their you. know it was you know alcoholism is very. tough. that being said um it was a lot of fun.

there was a time there when we had a. really good time when you just say to. yourself let's just make the best of it. every now and then somebody would. stumble into that bar didn't know what. it was about it was a place where you. were you were unable to enjoy it. ironically which is great like you know. every now and then like you'd see a. hipster piece of [ __ ] walk in and try to. like enjoy it ironically but you. couldn't do that because it was like. there was a woman Janna used to hang out. there and she had that she had those. diabetic shoes those big shoes and she.

would walk in and she was in a she was. in a group home but she would get a day. pass and then she would go out to Lisa's. lounge and she was ill she was mentally. ill so again you'd feel uncomfortable. automat like immediately if you came in. there to just like God such a dirty. little dive bar I'm just gonna go in and. have a little drink immediately you. would you would be like oh this is. really bad because all the horrors of. the world were on full display as they. should have been like Jen for example. one day Jen came in there was a newer.

bartender and this was a great story Jen. came in I was there and the newer. bartender was there and Jen walked in. and Jen goes I'm having a party for the. fire department here tonight. I need chafing dishes out I need [ __ ]. I need you to be ready and the bartender. was like okay all right. and and I was just sitting there at me. and a few other people were sitting. there were all just kind of smiling. weren't really saying anything and you. know Jen walked in and she goes we're.

having that we're having a party for the. fire department they're all coming here. tonight the bartender was like okay that. seems strange but hey it's a local bar. this is what local bars do they support. the local you know first responders okay. so Jen set up all the chafing dishes and. of course the food never came because. there was no food and then the. firefighters never came because that was. also not real but Jen just got bombed. and played pool by herself and played.

music from the jukebox and didn't seem. to mind that nope not nobody was. actually there. she didn't address it she never brought. it up and nobody brought it up and and. then the bartender just obviously. stopped asking when they were arriving. because she realized pretty quickly that. Jen was mentally ill and in Jen's mine. the bar was full of firefighters and she. was having a great time and and throwing. a party so it wasn't a place where like. you could like go and you had to be down. with that you had to be down with.

drinking with crazy Jen you had to be. death or crazy patty who came and crazy. patty had done some time in jail because. she'd carved up another woman's face. when they were children for maybe a man. I forget but patty my grandmother taught. patty it's like fourth grade or. something patty had and Patty son called. her Watson me my friends over there when. Patty son called her and Patty son was. like mom and we heard we heard him say.

over the phone to mama in Vegas I think. I took too much of something mom I'm in. Vegas I think I took too much and she. just looked and she goes all right honey. I'll see you later and just hung up the. phone and then me her and my friend Joe. did shots you know you had to be okay. with that if you weren't okay with if. you were gonna be the type of person. that said is your son okay you would. have to leave you would have to leave at.

that point if you couldn't enjoy or just. at least. make peace with the fact that you know. this was the way it was you sure like. you know all these speakeasies like. these bars they try to market themselves. as speakeasies and all these [ __ ] you. know young professional Millennials go. there and they're like ooh this is what. it was like to drink bathtub gin yeah. you know you know Lisa's lounge was it. was a real horror show it was a real Rob.

Zombie movie and you had to be okay with. that and we were okay I was okay with it. didn't I didn't mind you know my friend. Julie who I brought to Lisa's loud she. lived next my friend Joe and I said hi. Julie how are you what happened you know. what I don't know why I asked her what. how could she said my husband's in jail. and I said well what happened she goes. well let me give you the Reader's Digest. version and I said okay and she goes he. came home one night he was really on a. bender he tried to kill me and then the.

cops got him three houses away it was. covered in my blood if that bothered you. you couldn't hang out there you had to. say well I'm glad things are going well. today would you like a shot and she. always would want a shot she was a fun. woman and you just had to be okay with. that but then every now and then there'd. be people that would stumble in because. they thought that it was like a fun. little divey bar for them to like you.

know just kind of ironically enjoy. but you couldn't ironically enjoy it. because you were surrounded by people. who are dead serious. like it wasn't a crowd of people like. these were people that were dead serious. there was a guy named Bobby and his wife. Sally and she would spit a sheer quill. or some drug into his beer every night. so he would literally pass out and. that's the only way she could drag him. out of the bar that he would wake up the. next day is she had to drug him every. night and you would have to witness that. and go okay okay that's the way they.

live you know he choked once and Sally. looked so happy because he was about to. die literally his name is Bobby ha ha he. was like 50 but he looked 90 and he you. got a laugh like this you go and he had. the glass he had the glass shop next to. the bar. and every night then he laughs you know. that's how he last we couldn't Bobby hi. and one night he almost died and I mean. literally I've never seen someone choke.

to the point where their air their air. was literally blocked but he was so. beet-red and it was at the point was no. longer choking he just started and. everyone at the bar was just kind of. watching Sally was just like all right. he's done now I guess and then the. bartender came up to his bartender Tracy. and he goes he finally I don't know what. the [ __ ] happened I think somebody. smacked him on his back or whatever and. he just coughed up this like chicken. wing this chunk of meat they'd been.

choking on and as soon as he got enough. air he went I guess he went I started. laughing and Tracy goes Bobby are you. okay and he looked at her you got a fast. now that was disturbing for a lot of. people people couldn't have fun in that. environment a lot of people couldn't. have fun in that environment but I. always thought it was fun and. challenging it's challenging morally was. that the same crowd at the helm. yeah well the crowd at the helm the helm.

was an old fisherman bar and the helm. had been around since like the 60s or. 70s and the helm had been flooded so. many times the the the floor was kind of. warped the wood had been worn um the. helmet the best cheeseburger I've ever. had it's still the best cheeseburger. I've ever had and I always wondered why. I think it's cuz they never cleaned the. grill I asked a guy once he said why is. his burger the best he's like because. it's 3 a.m. and we're drunk and I was. like well that might be it but it was. really a great burger if you're ever in. Freeport I don't know if it's the same. go to the bar get the burger American.

cheese sautéed onions it's great the. helm the helm had a very similar there. was a guy named Lou at the helm oh hang. out who didn't have a nose set a hole in. the middle of his face he snorted his. nose off it was the same type of people. but the helm was a little people would. more people could kind of go to the helm. and enjoy it because it was on the water. but not many of them like you know we're.

talking about. we're talking about like the difference. between a person that's a lifer at a bar. like this and a casual and at least it. was very hard to be a casual you know. you really have to just resign yourself. to what Lisa's lounge was the power of. the lounge I just used took my friends. would call me think oh where are you I'm. at the lounge and then they would come. and my friends would always come and. enjoy because I mean they're dirtbags my. friends would dirtbags I love them all. but they were dirtbags so that's why.

they liked it they thought it was great. but every now and then the hell you know. the hell might get some people in there. that were not that were just you know. not aware of what it was and might have. a drink you know on a Friday night at 6. p.m. and then leave and then go to. dinner and not really get it but the. helm really came alive you know around. you know midnight when it was just the. people that really belonged there and.

you know Joan who's a great bartender. Joanie either were fights at the helm. people smash glasses over each other's. heads it was you know this is that type. of place it was just you know it was. that type of crew but a great burger and. many people have never spent any time in. these bars. they've never spent time in bars like. this you know like Ryan what's his name. Philippi Philippe how do you pronounce. that name I am Not sure he comma diddid. that he liked the last episode I don't. know if he listens a lot or he lives. like a guy like that - probably not.

spent a ton of time in bars like this. you know like he you know a guy that's a. good like a good looking Hollywood actor. yeah he's probably not spent an. inordinate amount of time and I'm in. these blood boxes nor should he have I. can see now this is this is you know but. it's like there are people out there. that just never true and some of them. will just go to a bar like this once and. they don't they don't just settle into.

it and become a regular to be a regular. at a bar like this changes you a little. bit because you know when I was growing. up like the thing about when I was. growing up and doing a lot of drugs. you would. like the type of poverty I saw had a lot. to do with drugs like the people that. didn't have money or they didn't have. and I'm not saying all poverty has to do. with that most of it does not say don't. [ __ ] yeah tell me I'm saying that.

what I because I was druggie the. situations that I got myself into and. you know when I would see when I would. go and hang out at you know crack house. whatever you wanna call it a house where. they were selling cocaine and you know. three or four families were living in. this little house and you know it was. largely drugs and people just didn't. have good jobs and they weren't saving. for their retirement you know and none. of that was hat because they were on. drugs they were selling drugs they were. they were you know going out with.

somebody who sold drugs this is how they. were earning a living it's how they were. making money and and of course there. were you know people you know you and. there were kids around and it was shitty. it was sad because a lot of those a lot. of those kids you know would bother you. they would just bought we were all. trying to do drugs and a lot of these. kids would just bother you all the time. because every children very selfish but. it was also sad that you know they. weren't gonna have a shot at life blah. blah blah but it is very I didn't do it. but you would feel bad you'd feel.

morally like oh because you'd be doing. coke in a room and then in another room. like somebody had a baby and you're like. oh that baby is not gonna have a lot of. advantages that that baby should have. you know I mean it's just so when you. become a regular at these bars you you. really see you want to talk about like. the middle class you see what happens. when people don't have a career when.

they have a job and when they don't make. enough money and they don't have a. stable living situation and they don't. have any community of people they find a. community and they're also an alcoholic. the community becomes the bar they go. out to the bar they network at the bar. if somebody needs somebody to help them. with something if they need an apartment. they ask around at the bar this becomes. their. you know so being in these you know bars.

and spending time there are kind of. becoming a regular there I would see. that and I myself you know would you. know I'd be like hey you got a guy for. this you know somebody does this it was. like these were people that you know. unfortunately some of them had kids some. of the midwives but this is you know the. choice that they made they they just. spent a lot of time and their entire. life revolved around their addiction and. their addiction their addictions you.

know destroyed their lives and they. destroyed their families and they. destroyed their careers and they destroy. their communities and not unless you're. a regular at a place like that unless. you see people over a span of time it's. hard to understand that but it does give. you kind of a good and I was doing it. myself in any of these people I was. doing the same [ __ ] thing all right a. house I couldn't afford he's being. rapidly foreclosed on I was not out of.

the closet yet I wasn't dating anybody I. was in my life shocked I was just going. to this you know decrepit mortgage. office every day and then what was it. doing every single night I talk to my. friends about it they were like yeah we. just figured you were like figuring. things out I was like oh good yeah. that's what was going on and I'm and I. was in a way but you know I was there. every single night I was twenty [ __ ]. three years old 23 24 you know I meet. young people that are young and they're. they're happy and they got chacón for. them they're the truant whatever it were.

whatever it is you know you know I was. 22 or 23 living the life of a 50 year. old guy going to a dirtbag bar every. night and just getting [ __ ] hammered. and you know and but being a regular at. a place like that really kind of gives. you a perspective on how easy it is to. fall into a bad community you know if. you grow up in the projects and you have. to join a gang for safety or whatever. you know you understand how people end. up in a situation they shouldn't be in.

and they don't leave because it becomes. you know who you these are other people. you associate with and these are the. people that you spend time with and. these are the people that. you know you commiserate with and these. are the you know you experience things. in this place you know you know the TV. was on at least his lounge and we would. see you know watch the Super Bowl or. whatever this is how they live this is. this was their life and there are people. who just never get out of that there are. people that never get out of that they. spend their entire life in a place like.

that or they bounce from one at play and. then it's all the booze it's not because. Lisa's lounge is charming and fun and. quaint and kitschy and oh I love the guy. I love a corner bar like even the Yelp. reviews people like I love a dive bar I. love a corner dive bar it's like yep you. do cuz you don't know what's going on. there you haven't really appreciated you. haven't seen some kid walk in and try to. drag his parent his father out of there. because he's like we haven't seen you no.

kidding is what mother would come in and. try to drag a dad out but are you gonna. come home here every night. so wouldn't you you know you haven't. seen that you haven't really gotten the. full picture of what a what a bar like. that is uh you know this is why I like. now I think about like one people don't. go out a lot anymore I mean they go out. you know everything's clean up people. out the clubs you had whatever I used to. go out to clubs I never was at home at a.

club I've gone out to those you know New. York City night clubs you know when I. was doing mortgages and [ __ ] I never. felt at home there I never felt like I. belong to there I was there it was fun. it was a good time but these bars I felt. at home because I was just anesthetized. myself every night with [ __ ] booze. and I just wanted to drink and I met and. I really hung out there for a while like. you know I mean and we go back every. time you know when we go to New York. I'll bring I'll bring and this is my.

friends don't like my friend Michael. that went to Thanksgiving with when I. brought him there is a but did you want. to get laid I don't understand there's. nobody and I'm like you don't get add. you don't get what it is when you're in. the throes of a really deep addiction. you just need booze I would just drink. kettle on the rocks every single night. and there'd be bugs in the glass and you. who gives a [ __ ] Tracy would pour some. cattle one out you just get [ __ ] up. every night and I would stumble back to. my house cuz I lived the block away and. that was that was my you know there was.

no like it was it was there was no like. you know when I look back when I was. like a party or I look back it was like. it was there wasn't a party wasn't I. mean it was a party I was like in high. school. maybe a year into college you're a cop. but once I settled into just being a. degenerate alcoholic it was just a means. to an end of like this was a fun place. to get [ __ ] up where nobody would. judge you no matter what you had going. on you could just walk into this place. and get hammered and I was losing my.

house and that was okay nobody cared. nobody really asked questions and if you. were like you know I'm losing my house. like somebody else at the bar would you. know razorsharp doesn't be like I've. lost my house so it's like oh good we. found each other this is a group this is. a community of people the Tim Dylan show. sponsored by can i progear the world is. going to hell in a handbasket you got to. be ready for battle and it starts with a. good backpack that's right [ __ ] the. transport okay get that NPR tote bag and.

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Tim I was I'm wondering if I should get. on tick-tock and I was I think tick-tock. is interesting because the younger. generation seems to not they did not. take social media seriously and tick. tock seems to be this you know it's kind. of you know a thing where you know. people do these really dumb videos where. it's like people are dancing or people. are falling down or people are kind of. but it all seems to be very fun and.

casual and people are just kind of you. you're just kind of being a voyeur to an. extent and you're just watching people. do these you know funny wacky things. that way and and on its face it's a bit. ridiculous but it also what I think. about it it makes a lot more sense than. how generations above them have kind of. used social media like you know if you. said what is social media supposed to be. for is it supposed to be for 300. comments for fight about climate change. on Facebook you know is it or is it.

supposed to be for just zany wacky goofy. [ __ ] that you could waste your time. watching while you're online at your. pote line that's what tick tock is so. that as you know and we saw will people. monetize it how are people I'm sure. eventually all that'll happen but like. as goofy and zany and stupid as it is. that's like yeah but that's kind of what. it should be you know like it should be. that it should be this thing where. people are like who cares yeah I've all. these followers but who cares and some. people I guess are taking it seriously.

but it just it doesn't seem like a. serious thing you know and I think that. that but maybe I should get on it I mean. I don't know it's hard to know I mean I. mean I should go to Lisa's lounge you. just have them do tic TOCs. I don't even know I think they're all. dead it's so funny to go back to a bar. you hung out in and they're all dead. it's interesting it's like yeah they all. those people check out in their sixties. yeah. they check out in their sixties because. they live hard and they just check out.

and they just you know that's what it is. that's Long Island baby. they love the Irishman they'd love the. Irishman man there'd be a screening of. the IRA I mean we'd be too long and. nobody would pay. but that's you know that's who that's. for you know those you know that's who. that's for those people that they view. the future with dread but they love the. past it's the same thing with Irish. people Irish people really hate the.

future they're scared of it they dread. it but the past is always warm and. comforting and it's in their mind and. they love the idea of you know remember. how things used to be remember how. things were and they just you know and. that that is you know the people that I. really see connect unless I'm sure the. Irishmen there's an argument whose good. movie or whatever I have no interest in. hearing your argument that it's a good. [ __ ] movie but at the end of the day. it's like I think that's those type of. movies to me I just get to a point now.

where I'm like I see so much of evidence. that there's no new ideas and there's so. many talented people that I know. personally who are struggling and could. bring a lot of new fun [ __ ] to the fore. and and none of them are getting. opportunities but they're remaking mad. about you and Frazier they're just remit. we did it we're done guys we don't need. to like nobody needs the constant.

glorification of the past it was fun I. loved Frazier it was a great [ __ ]. show but let's move on let's do. something else. and it's just it's kind of depressing. everything's a romantic everything's a. remake it's like let's do something else. you know and when they do something new. it's always like euphoria and I don't. know if that's good or not but I I mean. I don't know what that it's just about. you know kids doing heroin in high.

school is that what it's about yeah. doing webcam stuff so on their bodies. online yeah to older guys it's right hey. you know what this is what it is this is. where we're at least you're making a. show about how it is I don't know I mean. I just I was watching an Irishman and I. could just tell it immediately I was. like oh I know the people are gonna love. this I know that people are gonna. [ __ ] eat this up I'm gonna go back.

and do Christmas with my family cuz I. realized it's more tragic until you've. built your new family or whatever it's. actually more tragic to go out you know. for the holidays with that you just just. you know it's it's really [ __ ] sad. out there and then you see some people's. tweets they're like I Love New York City. in the holidays cuz everybody's gone I. have the city to myself it's like oh god. poor guys putting a gun in his mouth. it's so nice I get the whole city to.

myself everybody's gone with their. families and I'm just here enjoying an. empty Obon pond isn't this nice isn't it. fun no it's not you know it really is it. really is a [ __ ] tragedy you know but. how long have we done our three our. three a few other things I want to. discuss we're not on the porch right now. we're good we're looking for studio 2020. it's very cold in LA and you can't.

really broadcast outside right now. really until the spring because it's. freezing and the winds are high the mics. don't sound good wait we really were. flirting today what if we move the whole. operation of Florida why not. what if we move the whole operation to. sunny Florida and I'm not talking about. immediately but eventually down the road. you know the prices in New York in LA of. their little bit ridiculous and when you. look at you know the bang for your buck. your Florida's got negatives sure you.

know the bath salts - eating of the. faces we get it but I'm pretty sure that. you could find places where that's not. happening and I just I don't know that. when I was in Florida I find weird. feeling I was like I'm not gonna end up. in Florida you know my mother loved. Florida she was a [ __ ] mermaid. a Weeki Wachee mermaid I mean that's. where I come from I come from a woman. who swam around in a tank in Florida to. entertain truckers because strip clubs. weren't open you know they'd watch young.

women float around in a tank with fins. on and then probably jerk off in there. cause that's where I come from and I. just wonder if that's where I'm going. there's something nice about Florida 79. degrees and he's freezing in LA right. there's something nice about it I'm. looking at it's inexpensive that I think. there's no income tax or it's very low. double-fist all your [ __ ] money down. there it just seems like maybe that's. where I where I end up eventually.

I don't know weigh in people tell me if. I'm crazy or it's Florida the move build. a studio in the house travel do live. dates all around the country and just. live in Florida maybe have a little. apartment in New York bounce around you. know I'm not leaving LA anytime soon but. I'm just flirting with this idea Florida. I don't know it's where a lot of people.

go to give up and that sounds nice I. won't be down there to give up I'll. still be funny but you know he could be. funny from anywhere do the show from. anywhere get on the go on the road and. entertain people from anywhere do I need. to be in LA you know yeah is it Canyon. living doesn't appeal to me I don't want. to live in a Canyon. you know there's some beautiful homes in. LA but there are millions and millions. and millions of dollars a traffic is. horrendous.

I love the Comedy Store I love a lot of. my friends or love a lot of the comics. here that also you know that also. doesn't justify you spending 7 times the. amount of money on a home that you have. to evacuate like three to four times a. year because there's a fire just. surrounding your house you know yes it's. burning it's literally on fire so I. wonder I wonder if down the road that's. going to be a reality and I mean. somewhere in the space of around 24. months in two years I'm thinking if we.

build a show up enough like you know do. we stay do I stay forever in LA I mean. if the weather in LA was great all year. round that would be one thing it's just. really not and the people that have. spent time here kind of know that's it's. kind of cold every now and then it will. rain I don't know I just I know Florida. is a swamp climate it's a little more. tropical but I don't know as I as I age. I'm like 34 and I'm like where do I want. to be 45 you know do I want to be 45 in.

LA maybe if I really kid it out of the. park and we start making crazy money. but but even then it's like I don't know. there's something nice about Florida. what's the big con of Florida just the. hurricane season that's it the people. the people the people are the negative. the others the people you know the. pedophile parks and all that that's Shh. no that's that's pretty isolated I think.

that the real I mean the weather there. you running issues to get hot and swampy. but you just look but you know you look. at the amount of money you pay I don't. know I just think this could it could be. the move. I got gonna get a bunch of messages from. people that are like they love Florida. you know there's just something nice. about going out to dinner at 3:30 p.m. something nice something nice about it.

going there into the backwoods you'd. have to go somewhere we could build a. nice big house or buy a house or an. apartment it would be inexpensive I have. no interest in spending a lot of money. down there so I want to go somewhere I'd. be put somewhat isolated if I isolate. myself I have to isolate myself and I'd. have to you know you know I wouldn't. want to be too isolated ever but I I. would I could I could probably go 20. minutes 30 minutes out of a city and. find something that's inexpensive and.

just much better to live no traffic. light traffic you know get a studio. there or build one in the house and you. could go down there and golf mm-hmm you. send your kids to parkland I'm sure it's. safe now but like you know that's the. thought that's what I'm kicking around. in my head one day like today but it's. really cold I kicked that thought around.

in my head I got maybe maybe down the. road a few years from now I I think. about a little relocation so I'm never. gonna do the winters in the Northeast. again I'm just not doing it. I'm not doing the New York City Way it's. just I'm not doing it. I just won't ever do it again and the. winters in LA are not great I'm not. loving them so I don't know maybe a nice. sunny Floridian maybe that's how I end. up like leg Rush Limbaugh just eatin.

oxys talking into a microphone living in. Florida is it the worst life just. scratching my skin off eatin conch. fritters I don't know maybe not maybe. I'm crazy but there's something nice. about that state there's something scary. about it there's a lot of things that. are also very scary about it but there's. there's something when I was down there. I was in st. Pete Beach and I went you.

know I don't know if the future of this. I don't know if the future of the way. that I exist in this business is New. York or LA I don't need to be here I. don't need it I do need it right now but. I might not need it in the future and I. certainly don't need to be in New York I. don't need to do 13 comedy shows a night. till I drop dead I just don't need to do. it god bless everyone that's doing that. but you're missing out on other things.

you could be a great comedian and not. get up 75 times a night you just can do. it you don't need to just [ __ ]. there's other things you should. experience in the world besides getting. on stage in a dark room and telling. everybody you know they need to [ __ ]. listen here and you need to laugh I love. it it's great but I'm like hey could I. [ __ ] I could go on the road I could. you know it's it's you know eventually.

that might be that maybe they and I mean. let's say there's other places in. Georgia there's a lot of other places I. have friends that are very happy outside. of Atlanta there's something about. Florida something Florida that I like I. gotta take you down there I want you to. really see see what it's about when's. your next date down there I don't know I. don't have one. there's a comedy club in Key West. funny guy from Boston and Tom Dustin. runs I could talk to him about getting. some but think the keys are not really. indicative of flarb and the keys are. like it so that's a whole other thing. but it would give you the idea of.

Florida but I mean I could go down there. and get a date I was just assigned. splitters which I loved you know but who. knows I mean this is just you know it's. just again we're just playing around. here we don't know what's gonna happen. we might be in LA well I might stay in. LA forever you know I don't know but it. also might just be like well when do you. pull the switch at what point do you. pull the escape I'm just sick you know I. read these like the the people there's. people that I started comedy with God.

loved them that are still doing open. mics in Brooklyn they're still filing. into a room and putting your name on a. piece of paper and somebody's pulling. out of a bucket and it's like guys I. know I don't hate on anyone god bless. you and you know I hope that you find. the success you want or whatever number. one I'm like succeeding it's still not. great so there's that I will tell you. that it's it's better than being in. Brooklyn pulling a get my name pulled. out of a bucket but it's you know it's. still you know so the idea of like just.

your entire life your entire life I. think just doing just your entire life. you go yeah I just did stand-up and. nothing else I didn't do anything else I. never I just you know which is a crew is. great but it's also like are you missing. out on literally everything else you. know and then some of that hit me when I. was sitting in that [ __ ] restaurant. and Thanksgiving last night I'm like. what am I missing out I'm missing out on.

a lot to do this I mean I'm missing out. on a lot to be on the road constantly to. be just broadcasting all the time to be. do is there a way to do this it's less. time intensive where I have more time to. create a life that's more meaningful. then just this business because you see. the people where their entire life is. this business they're rotted they rot. from the inside and you just see them. and there's nothing behind their eyes. they just become vessels and then.

everything's about you know just trying. to make. they're still just trying to and I get. it you want to keep building and you. want more and the audiences have to be. bigger and I get all of that I'm it's. very much in me to keep being that. person it's how I'm wired. but you think to yourself at a certain. point do you just want to get out of. that and and still be a comedian and. still perform and still do the show but. not be running around LA or running.

around New York proving what what are. you proving at a certain point at a. certain point it really is that's the. [ __ ] question that's the question. what am i proving I know I'm funny the. people that enjoy what I do know I'm. funny. Who am I proving some [ __ ] executive. who doesn't know anything you know some. executive who's basically kept their job. by not having any discerning to and just.

sitting around and being a yes-man and. just sitting there and you know saying. crazy you know stuff and just sitting. there and being like oh yes well we just. want you know strong point of view or. look we're just funny first we want. funny for it oh shut up we're all being. funny you don't care so what are we. doing here there's no movie coming maybe. I'm wrong about that but you know I'm.

settling into the idea that if this just. gets if we just get more people to enjoy. what we're doing right now then what the. [ __ ] is the point of living 20 minutes. from the Paramount studio why what are. we doing I'm not 20 I'm adding these. rooms with these people I'm like you you. you're gonna be fired in a few months. oh you know I get it it's like at a.

certain point you go what am i doing the. dance for what do I you know you you. know a certain certain you guys at a. certain point the guy I love the comedy. store I love the stand they both work me. they're greats my New York home clubs my. LA home club. I go on the road my agents grade she. puts me in all these places but it's. like there's some clubs that just don't. [ __ ] with me in New York and that's fine. too I don't care anymore I'm not mad. about it anymore like I used to you know. you submitted veils when you're a.

comedian you email a club and go book me. some of them just don't book you and for. a while you're real mad at that and. you're like I gotta [ __ ] get I gotta. convince this [ __ ] person that I'm. fun and then you got I don't know I. don't know I don't know I know that's. fine good for them you might not feel. you're not feeling me that's okay I'm. not gonna spend my entire life clawing. and you know it's unhealthy to spend. your entire life never chasing a dream. but it's also on very unhealthy to just.

keep chasing forever chase chase just. keep you know listen we all want to be. better at what we're doing we all want. to get funnier and sharper we want to. build audiences but a lot of the tools. to do that now are in our possession. they're in our hands and for me to run. around and just convince gatekeepers and. I'm good or just convince Pete it just. seems to be a fool's errand and that's. you know there's a lot of people that. listen to the show that might be. comedian it's a fool's errand you can.

just go to people right now and then. just figure out a way to get them the. content that they want get them [ __ ]. that makes them laugh and that's where. the idea of like it doesn't mean. quitting it doesn't mean you know it. just means like am I gonna truck kill. myself trying to be Kevin Hart is that. the point is the point to spend the rest. of my life trying to play arenas I don't. know maybe it is but maybe it's not. maybe the point is to go hey in a year.

or two when I when we built the show up. more and we built the money up more. there's another way to do this so that I. don't end up you know at a lodge in the. middle of Calabasas eating a. Thanksgiving dinner. that sucks with my friend who's you know. I don't know what he's in the CBD. business I don't know what he does sells. incense or whatever and you know maybe. that maybe that's not maybe it's not. worth it.

it's not worth it folks you know maybe. it isn't maybe you know you get to a. point you start really reading stuff and. you go well what's the point what's the. point again so you make money and you. hustle and you get on the dumb little. like we're all at the end of this. everybody's gonna die and no one's gonna. remember you you know what I really. realized that I was sitting in Spokane. comedy club and they're real fun I went.

on stage as a joke I said the audience. is real white here and they all clapped. at one damn right and I'm like well this. is fun huh I was sitting in Spokane. comedy club best green remember they. have Mario and they have great hot dogs. and you can play you know the old school. like Super Mario World and I love the. plant please book me again I love your. green room it's a great club I was. kidding. the crowds are fine so one listen some. of them just want to take another look. at the Holocaust. sure that's fine again here's my mouth. get me into trouble.

I didn't mean it it's all fine love it. honored to be there love to go back. anyway. point is this but again what you know at. a certain point it's like I gotta say. what I want to say here so you know if. nobody can't a got banned from a Long. Island Club cuz I said that the audience. came into sweatpants they did then came. into starter jackets and sweatpants I'm. sorry they did I'm also a slob that's. why I did well there but you see now I. can't work there anymore so it's like. okay I guess I could just never open my. mouth I shouldn't say anything you know.

I can't make an honest observation god. forbid I do that it's not my [ __ ] job. is it comedian to make an honest. observation and go yeah a lot of people. in the audience at the Long Island Club. happen to be wearing sweatpants on. Saturday night and that's just what it. is it's a great club I love the owners I. like a lot of the other comics that work. there it's just I commented on the. audience it's just the truth okay. right this book can't comedy club and.

the hot dogs they have are named after. comedians they have the Joan Rivers to. have the Richard Pryor they have the. Carlin and I think I even posted on. Instagram oh she was Munoz for as you. get in this business you're gonna end up. a hot dog. you end up a hotdog you end up a hotdog. there's some white supremacist orders. and goes can I get the Richard Pryor. which is ironic but like that's that's. where it ends here folks what you're. running a race for no one you're running.

a race for nobody you're gonna be a. hotdog. best case those are legends you're not. even gonna be a hotdog hotdog is best. case you're a [ __ ] picture on a wall. you're a portrait you're a [ __ ] clip. that somebody plays you go to history. book no one reads you know I'm not. telling you to not go out and pursue the. thing you want to do because I wouldn't. I wouldn't have life be any other way I.

wouldn't I wouldn't have wanted to stay. a mortgage guy whatever I I'm still so. [ __ ] I love making those videos and I. love broadcasting and I love doing. stand-up comedy but at a certain point. you have to look around and you go how. do we build a life here that is somewhat. sustainable and is it in a place that's. constantly on fire. where I'm tap-dancing for soulless. executives who have no [ __ ] clue. whose networks are melting in front of. them and I got to sit there in a room.

and look at these people who'd these. people should be strapped to a gurney. they should have straight jackets on and. I have to sit there and and try to like. it like um how about so maybe this is. the show eighties no show this is the. show there's nothing else it's me and. the [ __ ] people you don't like it. don't come don't listen if we is the. only thing that's gonna happen is if we. put 20 cameras on me and give me a.

budget it's just gonna be some [ __ ]. 26 year old it's like I don't know I. think some of the things you said we. need to just kind you know it just is. what it it's not it's you know nobody. gives a [ __ ] they don't let me make an. Ozark he's not gonna be Game of Thrones. with Tim Dylan it's just not unless next. week it is in which will delete this. episode. know how it works don't come at me what.

about your integrity eighty people are. like Oh your integrity is clearly for. sale it's like if it's capitalism dummy. I'm not sacrificing kids but if you want. to give me a dumb game show I'll. probably do it but you're not even. giving me the dumb game show so why am I. here what am I here to do just talking. to a mic to spend crazy amount of money. to live in the house of a crazy woman.

who I love but I live in her crazy house. cuz it's a block from the Hollywood. improv a club that does it work to me. once a month they go hey can you come in. at 3 a.m. and do a spot in our lab which. should have been a vape shop no no I. can't I'll sit home thank you thanks. again what is the daddy's going to. Florida is what's what's gonna happen.

I'm starting to feel like a sucker. starting to feel like a sucker every. time I [ __ ] get parking validated to. go sit in a high-rise with some goon and. tell him why he should give me the next. version of Deal or No Deal. how about this how about no deal how. about a show called No Deal where you. film me moving to Florida the next time. I see an executive I can sit down and go. when's the last time you saw your kids. they're probably doing coke right now.

it's stealing people's jewelry in some. mansion why don't you spend a little. time with them a little more time with. them and a little less time with me. figuring out what the next version of. Deal or No Deal is gonna be what. mainstream entertainment it doesn't even. excite me I'm gonna go sit sit there. with Jimmy Fallon and he'll talk about. what it's just not for me. I don't care what am I gonna [ __ ].

digging it digging it what am I gonna go. down a float and the Macy's Thanksgiving. Day Parade dressed like just lame max. well it's not. she's not gonna happen I mean so it's. anybody's [ __ ] guess why I'm [ __ ]. I love the Comedy Store and I love my. friends that are here and I love the. podcasts that are here and I'm inspired. by the other talented people here which. is why I'm here for the moment and why. I'll stay here but I'm getting older and.

and this business is for people that are. very young and they can tolerate large. doses of [ __ ] forever and I don't. know how long I can tolerate all of that. horseshit for and it's not just this. business it's any business it's anybody. out there that stitch that you know. trying the [ __ ] claw their way to the. next level of something is eventually. you have to decide what the [ __ ] is the. point what is the point you know what is.

the money worth what is the money worth. the only thing I value is freedom I'm. free to do what I want you know if I if. I was making a shitload of money but I. had to get up early everyday and go do. some [ __ ] I hate it you know would. that be worth it probably not it depends. on how much money it is but you look. back and you go what the [ __ ] was the. point. you know what was the point of all this. you know you know and and that that's. that's what got me now that's what I've. been thinking about in the last 24 hours.

I've been thinking about like starting a. militia you know and I'm not hating on. the Hollywood improv don't use me it's. okay you know it is what it is but it's. just funny I live around the block and. all this [ __ ] money it's like I'm. also close to the store which is great. but like it's the idea of like you know. sometimes I'll get the avails email. they're semi avails in they don't book. me and I get mad and I'm like but I.

don't even need so what am i doing so I. can go to a spot at midnight for freedom. for $15 for some confused tourists to. came to LA enough enough already. rein it in pack it up leave it for. someone else. oh here's Michael and Michael goes. Michael goes to be fair if we had even a. great but not out-of-this-world meal. yesterday we would have forgotten about. it last night by tomorrow okay well I. thought he was complaining again I'm.

just at the point now the tolerance I. have for people's horseshit is. decreasing and it you need to have a. tolerance for it to live here you really. do I just like you know eventually I'm. just saying I'm just saying it might. there might be a change of venue not. tomorrow not soon maybe sooner then I.

would imagine I don't know definitely. not you know yeah I'm here for another. solid year probably more than that is we. still got to build the [ __ ] show but. it's it's it's at a point we start to. look around and you start to see some of. the other people that you're around and. you people are just I get it man you. just lit you're just on that hamster. wheel of like just you know the there's. a certain age where desperation you know.

when you're younger you can be you. should be a little hungry and desperate. you should be in that situation where. you're like you know you know you're. you're running on all cylinders you're. trying to me and then at a certain age. you go what's the what's the rest of my. life gonna look like am I gonna be a. person that you know at a certain age is. still just or we have the tools in other.

comics back back in the day you didn't. have the tools you know back in the. irishman you didn't you you had the. [ __ ] live here you had to live in New. York I just think now there's a lot of. people that that are successfully doing. in other places and I think maybe that's. that might be the solution I don't know. I don't know Tim Dylan comedy calm for. live tickets Bridgeport Connecticut. when does this come out Saturday so it. comes out the first yeah so December 5th.

through the 7th if you're in Connecticut. or know anyone who is I'm at the stress. factory Providence what. in the comedy connection December 13. through the 14th timonium Maryland. McGoo B's January 9th through the 11th. Las Vegas Nevada this thing called the. laughed out queer Comedy Festival its. non-traditional gay comedian so god only. knows it's gonna be fun it's gonna be. interesting Tyra Vera's running it who's. a hilarious comedian he's in Vegas and. he's what's great about ties he.

certainly he doesn't mind a little. controversy that's what I like about him. he doesn't mind the little guy he's what. a real when people ask what a real like. comic is it's really ty Rivera that's a. guy who is more of a comic than all. these [ __ ] drones that like you know. file into these offices every day to. write. you know garbage jokes or whatever he. really puts himself out there doesn't.

give a [ __ ] he's deeply human if he's. wrong a bit a cat was wrong but he'll. let it fly so go follow that guy and he. just lets it fly and III predict can you. pull up when he when he talks about. Monique bring up ty Rivera talking about. Monique this is the one of the funniest. things I've ever seen go to his YouTube. channel Monique is suing Netflix because. she does it she thinks she should have. gotten more money ty Rivera has to one.

of the funniest things I've ever seen go. I don't know if it's a suit I think go. to his YouTube he has a podcast called. unbothered or something and he talks. about Monique but it's just one of the. funniest things it's just a great he. just kind of sums up like the whole. thing and it's just kind of funny it's. just kind of funny let's see he goes. right there just thank God for flame. Monroe who's the who's the who's the.

great comic that went on The Breakfast. Club that's another great interview you. should watch his flame Monroe on The. Breakfast Club try to find Tyra hair. Monique. please can we play this on the show. please everybody Tyra barrier for the. absolute best LG. btq comedian in the world so Monique had. decided that she was going to sue. Netflix she went ahead and filed the. paperwork she put out a statement on her. Instagram I believe where she was like. hey my and I'm gonna tell you guys I.

went to see Monique show here in Las. Vegas that it was at the SLS at the time. which is now back to being the Sahara. again and what I can tell you about. Monique's show is that it was good it. was fun it was a decent show to watch. but was i holding my sides was i like. yeah this needs to be a special and she. needs to get millions of dollars for it. honestly no I wasn't and I'm not a hater.

on any level. I do like Monique a lot I've liked her. stuff in the past I know different. people were upset about different things. that she said and her situation with the. movie that she did precious where she. didn't feel like they were treating her. right but it just seems to be turning. into a pattern where Monique always. thinks she's being shorted in some way. and I don't think that a lot of the. general public feels like her talent. necessarily matches the level that she. thinks that she's supposed to be at.

she's just not one of the voices of our. time and she's not particularly. charismatic in the way that nobody's. sitting a letter about Monique and a. good or bad way nobody's like oh I can't. wait till the new Monique special drops. or so it's just so fun he just lets it. fly. he doesn't Kyle of it he goes he's just. not one of the voices of our time you're.

just not one of the voices evident by. the way that was summed up better than. most people could sum up anything he. goes you're just not one of the voices. of our time what a [ __ ] way to say it. you just what it like it's just funny. so he's booked this festival in Las. Vegas and it'll be I think it's me it's. Mila innopolis it's the gay guy Greg. Johnson who's the white nationalist. account occurrence I'm kidding these are. all junk.

I'm a comedian and these are jokes but I. don't know but there's very funny comics. on there but it's just funny which gives. us like tie it's ty Rivera's fest of all. and Johnson sharp who's another funny. comic in Vegas but it's just a funny. idea I watched that money clip man I. don't know where I was I was just. laughing so hard he was just like hey. just not wanna she's not a voice of our. time which is such a [ __ ] funny. no no shade the Monique who I'd never. met and I don't give a [ __ ] but I think. Moe needs hilarious we've watched some.

among yet and you know are queens of. comedy she's just very funny she's very. fun I mean it's just literally [ __ ]. hilarious but who knows what's going on. I didn't see your new show I didn't see. a new special I just think it's so funny. and tuyas no problem just putting it out. there. he'll just put it out there like he did. a review of the people that did the. Netflix chats the 15 minutes ends and it. was so funny he's like yeah he said nice. things about me but he was just like. ayzik did they tell them not to kill not.

to kill I don't know but you need this. do you need guys like this you just. don't give a [ __ ] he's living in Vegas. he's not in LA he's not doing the tap. dance. he's just you're gonna get the way he. feels whether it is what you like or. what you don't like you're just gonna. get his unvarnished uncensored opinion. and it's just very very funny I mean. it's just he just doesn't care.

I mean it's just put what I'll what else. let me see what else is he reviewed. anything else originally but I just love. the egos uh but yeah but he does like um. he does like a UH Gina Rodriguez use the. n-word it's just funny man anyway it's. just funny it's just so that's it let's. go back to the dates when is that cuz.

that's in Vegas I'll be there I think it. is January 18th January 18th I'll be. there it'll be funny. Chicago's a nice comedy club Wednesday. the 5th through the 8th. Theriault Canada the grand raw theater. people keep asking me when are you gonna. be in Toronto Friday February 14th and. February and February 15th there is a. live podcast as well in addition to me. doing stand-up there so grab tickets for. that it's gonna be a lot of fun I don't.

know I'm pretty sure that's a bill that. I'm on with mark norm and Shane Gillis I. mean it's [ __ ] crazy check that out. before but I'm pretty sure that those. guys are involved in that as well. um Indio California fantasy Springs. Resort Hotel and Casino February 27th. and 28th caroline's this is the big one. New York City. March 12th through the 14th Thursday. Friday Saturday at Caroline's amazing. show we are you know really gonna put on.

a great show I'm gonna have great. openers I'm gonna have people that are. really really funny I might have a few. guest spots you might see ah maybe I'll. admit I'm not gonna even tell you who. these people are gonna be but I'm just. gonna try to entice them to come out and. do guest spots on the show and if you. know who some of my friends are and some. of the people that I podcast with you. might have an idea of who these people. are gonna be I'm not telling you because. I don't know if I'll get him but. Bloomington Minnesota April 9th to the. 11th I'm at the house of comedy Phoenix. Arizona House a comedy May 7 through the. 9th Edmonton Canada the comic strip.

June 18th through the 20th there's more. dates it'll be added those are the dates. that we have now if you go to Tim Dylan. comedy calm we have links on the website. for all of those tickets but which is. funny man. it's just funny and like like I said. it's kind of the you know it's like with. you know I would tie it's kind of like. you get to a point we just don't give a. [ __ ] you stop giving you can't give a.

[ __ ] your whole career you you start to. get unfunny and I understand if people. cutting you big checks to be whatever do. that I'm not hating I'm do that I'm not. but nobody's like I think that I'm not. meant to get those big checks to be. palatable to the masses I gotta be you. gotta like what I'm doing and that's. that if you don't like what I'm doing it. is what it is but. those are the dates that's the way it is. folks the go watch the Irishmen tell me.

that it's not a hunk of [ __ ] we know. it's bad a CGI corpse is walking around. just not what it you know you know I. don't know I just it's an interesting. time it's an interesting time and I'm. wondering where it all goes where it all. leads were very excited subscribe to us. on YouTube the Tim Dillon show on. YouTube that is where all the stuff goes. it's where the podcasts go everyone who.

asked me about why did the podcast come. down let's address this because a lot of. people you know I have a lot of sober. rational fans and think it's you know. because the CIA is activated my cell so. what happened was Sam Tripoli's YouTube. channel came down Sam's a friend of ours. he does tinfoil hat we've been on his. live show we're gonna do more live stuff. with him in the future I'll always have. a lot of fun with Sam Sam's Channel came. down because there was some ad and I.

don't know if the ad was for CBD or. whatever it was but YouTube deleted his. whole channel now his channel came back. up and they you know so we have ads on. our podcast for CBD for blue 2 for all. these things we don't know we don't know. what could be gambling could be gambling. could be my bookie we don't know so we. took all of the podcasts off the channel. because we wanted to figure out what's. going on and then we'll probably and. we're gonna edit them we'll edit out. what needs to be edited out we'll reload. them so that you can show people too but.

we want them out there we want you. watching them we want you showing your. friends then we want all of that but the. reality is it's it's crucial that we. don't have the channel ripped down you. know we went on rogue and we doubled our. subscribers we're around 40,000. subscribers for the channel now. hopefully that builds it continues to. build what we don't want to do is get. the [ __ ] channel yanked down and if. the channels yanked down then it's you. know then yeah it's all for nothing so. what we're doing is we're trying to.

figure out what the best move is going. forward and how to you know handle this. to not get our channel yanked down. but like you know that's that's where. we're at and going forward we're gonna. have to just be careful we're gonna have. to be careful a little bit with the ads. do we upload it's just the way it is. it's not we don't really have a choice. you know. now if the patreon is big enough we tell. these companies to [ __ ] off we're just a. Florida we're just in sunny Florida.

sitting there with lizards not giving a. [ __ ] then that might be the move I don't. know the move um I'm back on keto I had. no bread today no sugar today I've. smoked nine Marber lights so I hadn't. smoked in a long time but that's where. we're at where are we at now timelines.

our 41. yeah good nice and long mm-hmm so I mean. that's it folks go become a regular at a. dirtbag bar go through a life wait don't. don't do that don't do that don't do. that folks I don't know what to tell you. or do it I don't know some people need. some people need that they need to go. there and they need to they need to you. know they need to peer into the void I.

need it too so that's it get tickets to. live dates patreon episodes are coming. up we try to get ray on the patreon as. much as we can we love ray you guys know. the diehards of the show know that ray. and me started the show we're living in. different places maybe we get ray come. to come down to Florida what we'll put. them on the patreon all the time you. know if you're at listen if you love the. show that me and Ray did for you I love. doing the show solo now it's just that's. the way the show is a lot of people like. the solo show but you know we also love.

Ray so ray comes on a lot of our patreon. episodes we have fun and we do exactly. what we used to do so if you guys are. into that you know it's $5 a month you. get those episodes and he's uh he's a. wild man and it's a lot of fun so as. always thank you for listening. enjoy it's the holiday season merch is. coming the shirt the life of the big. city shirt is coming out. very soon and we've had a a professional. designer worked very very hard on this. and you'll get that joke when the cher.

comes up but it's it's a you know very. very beautiful design intricate. beautiful design that were very proud of. because we're going to go into the. garment business we're going to go into. the fashion which is what comedians I. think will do I think a lot of comedians. that are big into the merge game they'll. eventually get in you know I have no. interest in that really no interest in. you know selling sneakers but a lot of. other people will be very good at it you.

know some people are phenomenal at. Mullin I was on the phone dick mom the. other day he he's like easy [ __ ] guys. amazing he knows the ins and outs of. shipping it out even the guys [ __ ] a. met like you know he's so smart and he. does it all himself and his shirts are. great and they're very funny and check. that [ __ ] out what does it come techcom. dad what is that aside over there let me. see him because his shirts are [ __ ]. great and he does it all himself and he. fussed so he was giving me kind of. advice on how to do it yeah come town. yeah come downtown go get his shirts cuz.

they're [ __ ] great you know this is. another part of the business off to. learn but he was he's very uh you know. he took me through it and I appreciate. that um so you know by the life in the. big city shirt when it comes out we're. taking a dollar from every sale and. we're going to donate it to David Koch. so that might entice you as well. we're gonna give a dollar from every.

sale to the Koch family the Koch. brothers who's alive I think one of them. just died yeah one died let's see who. did well we're giving it to the other. one. I like I like knowing that they got. billions son I like knowing that they're. trying to strangle us with their money. Oh David died David died who's the other. one let's see there's the other coke. berry no I forget his name Tommy Tommy. coke Frederick Frederick we're gonna.

give all the money to Freddie so every. dollar from the shark goes to Fred Koch. and Koch Industries so because it's the. holidays. so we wanted to find an organization and. we decided the Salvation Army's little. shady Red Cross's little shady and we. might as well just give it to the cokes. that's where it's going anyway. so dollar from every sale goes. personally to Fred Koch we're gonna. write checks to Fred Koch should we send. him I'm not even kidding she would just.

send a cheque to Fred Koch for money. holla larious would that be we just. write a cheque to Fred Koch send it to. him to the Park Avenue apartment in. Manhattan he lives in he has like a 40. million dollar apartment on Park Avenue. just send him a check. Hague Fred this is from the Tim Dylan. show in LA now but soon to be located in. sunny South Beach Florida this is for.

you Fred use the money well we know you. will. we know you I trust Fred Koch with the. money folks a lot more than I trust a. Red Cross those those are all fraud says. the Salvation Army in the Red Cross I. don't know I don't know if they really. help people so that's where we're gonna. send the money directly to Fred Freddie. we love you Freddie Fred Koch we're. gonna write all the checks to Charlie. Kirk we'll give him all the money give. them all the money directly goodbye.