#169 - We're The Dirtbags | The Tim Dillon Show

hi I'm Timmy the trashcan and I love. trash popcorn boxes and candy wrappers. hmm. they all taste so good instead of. throwing your trash on the floor won't. you please give it to me and thank you. for considering your fellow patrons. sitting here in the backyard in West. Hollywood we are not on the porch I want.

to apologize everybody on YouTube that. has spent a lot of money to watch this. show done on a porch it will be done on. a porch again fear not the Ben is here I. just got off tour with Bert just got off. a [ __ ] bus. and then a plane and now I'm back in. West Hollywood and I lost my [ __ ]. phone I just lost my phone there is no.

feeling worse than losing your phone it. used to be your wallet because I've lost. both your phone is now your wallet your. I don't care about my while throw my. wallet in a river I don't get what am I. gonna lose business card an executive at. truTV no thanks I'll throw my wallet in. the LA River but my [ __ ] phone is my.

lifeline you can do nothing without a. phone and like an idiot we got off the. plane Bert had a car we jumped in the. car went to Bert's house I got an uber. pulls up in a black Jeep Liberty Russian. chick a lot of plastic surgery I even. said to myself I made a mental note. don't leave anything in this [ __ ] car. you will not see it again cause she'll.

know how to move it she will know how to. get rid of that [ __ ] whatever I leave. in that [ __ ] car which again all I. have is my phone I even made like a. weird mental. when I saw her and as soon as she said. hello and I could hear the accent was. like Russian or you know maybe Ukrainian. one of the ex-soviet republic didn't. feel particularly comfortable with with.

the chance that I would get my property. returned to me I saw the amount of. plastic surgery I'm like she's got a few. different hustles going on and I was one. of those hustles today and I left my. [ __ ] phone in the backseat of this. uber and as soon as I walked in the. house I checked I did I didn't. immediately I didn't make the connection.

and then about cuz I look at my phone. you realize you look at your phone every. few minutes so as soon as I set my [ __ ]. down and I got a glass of water I went. [ __ ] wait what where's the phone I. thought my pocket I'm like where is the. phone and there was no phone and I said. okay and I went I tore my room apart and. then immediately panic began to set in. because I'm like [ __ ] I lost this phone. I have people's numbers in there that.

are important I have people that I don't. want being called I don't need people. calling the numbers I have in the phone. okay um I call been on my FaceTime on my. Mac and Ben goes hey there's a Sprint. store open you can go there no problem. I'll get your lift Ben used to drive. lifts so he deals with lifts it does not.

deal with uber he deals with lifts lifts. is clearly the lesser of the two. services and they employ people who are. both emotionally disturbed you know. mentally deficient these people are I. don't know how anyone who does lift has. a license I don't know how they got a. license when you get in a lift you not. only you. taking your life in your hands I mean. it's crazy it's a real difference it's.

not just a [ __ ] hockey joke premise. although there's a lot of people with. those types of jokes I forget maybe it. was ELISA Lim Paris. I think somebody on Twitter was like she. had a great tweet about like you getting. an uber for skating in a lift you know. and you get or maybe she did a video. about and you get in the lift and it's. [ __ ] mayhem so I'm like okay I'm. gonna go now and I don't know how long.

it's gonna take cause if I have. insurance you know hopefully I have it I. think I have insurance I didn't have. Find My iPhone I thought I did but if. the phone's off it doesn't matter anyway. my phone was dead so it didn't matter. anyway and I get in the lift with a. MacBook and a guy pulls up all guy it's. a lift so it's a chevy cruze to small. bright red Chevy Cruze if I had a Chevy. Cruze boy I would get it in a color that.

blended in you know what I mean like I. would not advertise my Chevy Cruze with. like a candy apple red this is a cruise. it's not a Malibu this is a cruise the. cruise is the smaller car it's like a. two-door it looks like a lot of these. cars now look like somebody [ __ ] a car. it is the the the literal aesthetic of.

the car the shape is like it just. plopped onto the street and I get in the. cruise and I have the MacBook because I. said I'm gonna have to call you back to. order another one of these [ __ ] while. I'm in Sprint they get in the Chevy. Cruze with what I imagine is a lunatic. we drive to the nearest Sprint store he. pulls me up to a corner and goes I papa. hi papa.

this is you all right pop. this is you well no it wasn't me because. there was no Sprint store and I said I'm. looking for a Sprint store he's like God. no Sprint store Papa I said well well. then I'm gonna stay in the car because I. was going to the Sprint store so as long. as you're treating me you're gonna call. me Papa treat me like your father and. let's find the store he goes this is you.

Papa says here Sprint I said I don't see. Sprint because yeah I don't either I. don't need a Papa so I say to him I roll. the window down I said oh guy you know. buddy Sprint store in this area he heard. of one ever seen one the guy goes no. keeps walking I say to the driver I say. what was happening because I don't know. so I'm like maybe like sometimes with a.

restaurant it had been closed already. been remodeled or whatever but you had. told me Bennet said I'd spoke to the guy. at the Sprint store so I'm like there is. a store somebody answered the phone so. Ben says the address is 3 whatever I. this guy allows me to call back I call. Ben then says the address this guy goes. all went out of three we're 291 Papa I. said I yeah no good he goes Papa maybe.

we should drive around and look for this. print store I said well that would be. lovely it would be very nice if we could. find the thing that I want to go to can. we do that because that is the point of. the service I know it was fun to drive. with you he had Fleetwood Mac on which I. appreciate he did not look like he was a. Fleetwood Mac fan I don't like to make. rush judgements but I did not think he. would be getting into Stevie Nixon I was.

I said well that's nice you know um we. we drive up and down the block no Sprint. store we then go we pull in front of. this big parking garage and he goes. maybe the Sprint store is in there. and I go I don't know but I don't think. so I don't see any signs that say sprint. so he goes yeah papa no good I said no. it is not good I go let me just have my.

friend Ben change the location on this. he goes buddy this is a pool can't. change location I said it's arid it's. not a pool. it's not a pool because yeah this is a. share he goes you you somebody else is. gonna come in here now and I said well. if somebody else gets in that's fine but. I'm letting you know this right now I. selected the feature where I would just. go to the place if this is not a. situation so he looks at the phone he.

goes you're right papa I said okay sure. then we call Ben Ben changes the address. this guy drops from you off cuz I don't. have a phone I'm not walking around La. with a Macbook like a psychopath going. into different businesses going can I. use your Wi-Fi so I can FaceTime my. friend so he can call me a lift because. that's literally what I would have had. to do hey can I get on the Wi-Fi here so. I could FaceTime him so I can get a lift.

back and does anyone know where Sprint's. towards we got 10 minutes before sprint. closes Chris sprinkler cause it's Sunday. at 7:00 and who wants to work who needs. hours no one not in this country. everybody's doing good nobody needs any. overtime here not from what I see let's. shut it down early um so I get back to. the house now the phone is gone my phone.

is gone I got to go to sprint tomorrow. morning I've only lost my phone twice in. him in a way that I liked the first time. I lost my phone I was it was 2013. I had just moved in in New York City I.

was living with a married couple two. comedians who fought bitterly and. eventually got divorced was the second. divorced I had witnessed the first was. my parents I probably played a role in. both I moved in to a five-story walk-up. a tenement building was built in 1911. meaning that there are no elevators. there are stairs you walk up five.

stories you get to your apartment our. apartment was a railroad apartment long. hall with rooms on either end they had a. room I had a little shitty room with no. door it had steam heat the building so. there was a steam pipe at the end of my. bed where if I touched it with my foot I. would wake myself up cuz I'd have a burn. on my foot. the kitchen had a shower in the kitchen. there was a shower with a curtain around. it in the kitchen so you would be frying.

an egg and somebody would be washing. their ass that was literally the setup. of the apartment somebody would be. washing somebody this woman would be. loofah in her snatch and I would be. heating a baked beans in the kitchen. that's the way that I lived I was 25. years old I was thrilled to be there. because I just the mortgage thing had. collapsed and I had moved into the city.

I've been doing comedy about two years. and I just moved into the city and as. soon as I moved into the city God. decided in His infinite wisdom to. destroy Long Island with Hurricane sandy. now I appreciated that I appreciated. that he waited till I left and then he. destroyed my friends and family which I. sanctioned now god of course could not. be held responsible he didn't really. know he was probably trying to get rid. of Long Island but he had no idea he.

could not even conceive how durable. these monsters were so they were able to. hang on but it was bad right after. Hurricane sandy. lots of people that I knew their homes. were ruined my grandmother's house was. completely flooded she had to go live. with my aunt Donna for a year most of. the homes in the town that I lived in. Island Park were completely destroyed. boats were floating down the Main.

streets in the town that I lived there. was like four feet of water in lower. Manhattan it was bad the financial. district Staten Island all of these. places I've never seen an event like. that I remember as a little kid. hurricanes and I remember people taking. boats down the streets of my town. because I think it was Gloria or. something I can't remember might have. been another one but sandy was the first. thing where you saw the you know. nature's ability to completely just. everything in its path it destroyed and.

people's lives were completely ruined I. mean if not ruin whatever you were doing. was pushed back a year at least. now of course my loser friends are still. using hurricane sandy as an excuse in. 2019 they are still gone you know. hurricane sandy I was gonna go to school. and then sandy they've been using that.

as an excuse forever. I had my I couldn't get my business off. the ground because a hurricane sandy. okay well yeah maybe hey Anthony maybe. and maybe not maybe not so hurricane. sandy happened now where was Timmy Timmy. was living in the fifth floor of the. building in Hell's Kitchen on 45th. between eighth and ninth Avenue right in. the middle of Hell's Kitchen two blocks.

from Times Square it was a wild place to. live when these two would fight I would. go walk around in the middle of the. night and just talk to hot dog vendors. and guys that were dressed like Tigger. and Winnie the Pooh the dumb Time Square. characters I'll just walk around smoke. cigarettes at 2:00 a.m. in Times Square. so I mean every subway went there it was. very convenient place to live. but it was crazy you walked out in two. blocks you were just hit with waves of.

people and it was still a little sketchy. it was not that sketchy but it was one. of the only areas in New York City. because it was a few blocks from the. Port Authority Bus Terminal you know you. know brick of coke and the [ __ ] little. human trafficking little smash-and-grab. a couple of slashings nothing crazy but. just a little flavor of a city that had. really gotten bland you would see every. now and then you would see something and.

you go oh okay it's still kind of New. York here you know like there was a. woman who would just scream on our block. she would just come to our block and. scream at the sky and you go oh okay I. kind of got now if you multiply her by. thousands that was what I guess was like. to live there and then seventies the 80s.

but this thing that I lived in we had. bedbugs twice by the way bad bugs baby. it was a rat in our lobby that was there. all the time it was not an ideal place. to live but for me for Comedy Works I. never wanted to be there I always wanted. to be out doing comedy so it worked but. during hurricane sandy was actually one. of the best places to be in the city. okay I didn't leave that whole week.

except to go downstairs friends of mine. like oh the lights are out all over the. city you got to see Manhattan in the. dark it's so great you got to walk. across the Brooklyn Bridge we're all in. the waiter hey hey hey hey hey no I sat. and I started watching Breaking Bad oh. you should come back to Long Island and. help people hey hey have we met by watch. Breaking Bad Froyo sandwich Breaking Bad.

clean it up figure it out folks figure. it out you want to live on the water. like a badass. so I litter. we didn't leave the two people that I. were living with their families were. from Staten Island so they went to go. help out in Staten Island now help out. god only knows what they were doing. they're probably running people's. pockets. doesn't matter you know these two. weren't exactly you know they weren't in. the Peace Corps let's put it that way so. whatever they would do and they were.

probably stealing copper wiring into. buildings I don't know it's not my. business. God love them but you know where there. is chaos this opportunity so good for. them they're like oh you feel guilty. that you're not helping I was like. calling you how are you helping. how are you to helping so I was friends. with one of my best friends we really. don't speak to anymore that I'm kind of. sad about not speaking to was a woman. named Melanie she's interesting woman. she did comedy for a few years she's.

very funny and she's very dark and it. wouldn't always work. she talked mainly about plane crashes on. stage and showed a voice like this was. kind of deep she'd go yeah she'd talk. about Delta flight 1791 yeah she would. last thing the pilot said when they were. crashing at San Diego he said this is it. Bobby. love your mom and then the craft yeah.

and I thought it was great I thought it. was great you know because why not now. the audience is we're not always in with. some of them were some of them were she. had a great bit of great joke about the. word [ __ ] forget what it was she was. like somebody came up to me and they. were like kind of say [ __ ] she's. like well what if you your brake pads. and they were taught it because brake. pads can [ __ ] it was some vaudevillian. joke and she just kept over taught it.

whatever I liked okay she's not gonna. win the Mark Twain prize she was a lot. of fun she loved talking [ __ ] she loved. driving into the city she loved doing an. open mic or two and then having a big. dinner that we couldn't afford and then. driving home in her car did she like she. was like it was an old Volvo that she. worked on she was like kind of lesbian. notch was all over the place but she was. really fun and III she was like my.

partner in crime for those two years in. comedy and she lives on Martha's. Vineyard now but she was a lot of fun. and she was somebody that I would call. and we always like we knew what [ __ ]. Long Island was and we knew what. [ __ ] like these Long Island. comedians like these delusional. psychopaths in Long Island I thought. they were gonna get sitcoms and they. thought like the city was gonna come to. them you know and we knew what it was.

and me and her used to laugh all the. time and we'd be like these people are. she used to call one of the guys Rob she. was calling fat mouth it was one of the. greatest things ever she goes [ __ ] mouth. Coleman just called him fat mouth cuz he. never shut up and she was fun and. Melanie helped me move into this. apartment she saw it and during. Hurricane sandy I was caught on the.

phone with her and talking to her and. these were Griff turrets and I moved in. with Bravo's grifter it was a Grif to. Grif here this was it we were all they. were living in the apartment of a woman. who had a rent-controlled apartment that. let them live there which is not allowed. but it is what it is Melanie always used. to kid around he'd be like is that woman. dead chopped up somewhere where the. closets I'm like probably who cares. by the way our toilet was not in the. apartment it was in the hall of the.

building okay the whole of the bill so. you'd have to go out to use a bit and. when you was a tiny little bathroom and. you were just sitting it. I was just enough space to [ __ ] and when. you passed. you'd have to hold the seat up because. it would you had to hold it up and then. pee and like lean against the wall it. was a [ __ ] wild situation sure. Melanie so now I was on the subway this. was little after Hurricane sandy and I.

had this crazy commute because I got a. job selling copiers and stat. Niland okay because one thing we know. about Tim Dylan he makes good decisions. and he surrounds himself with great. people those are the two things you know. about me good decisions even better. people. I want a Craigslist for telemarketing. job because I'm a loser. and every loser has most likely.

considered telemarketing at one point in. their career of being a loser and I've. been a loser for a long time and I said. and I got on the phone with this nice. guy an older man named James and he goes. you can come to Staten Island you'll. tell a market from nine to one and it's. a little bit of a commute I said [ __ ]. you'll hire me because my deployment was.

running out I was on the Obama plan two. years of unemployment four or five a. week for two years 99 weeks thank you. Father. he knew he knew I was working on my. craft and in order to get this I had to. go to back to school at Nassau Community. College at 27 28 years old which was. mortifying Patrice O'Neal talks about he. goes if you see somebody over you know. over 30 in ecology like what the [ __ ]. are you doing I was I was in gym class.

at 28 years old at Nassau Community. College being insecure that I wasn't. picked to be someone's [ __ ] tennis. partner at 28 years old in a community. college okay only so I could be a. full-time student so I didn't have to. look for work and I could get my. unemployment that's where I was and then. the government said hey fat-ass this is. over you got to figure it out so I got a.

telemarketing job in Staten Island now. this was my commute this was literally. my commute get on the R train I'd wake. up at six o'clock in the morning it was. still dark I would leave my apartment I. would get on the R train at 45th yard. train I think it was the are was it the. one well whatever it was don't you know. these people come good actually the or. doesn't go there you mean it's all fake.

isn't it was it the one of the or I. don't know but we went down the south. think it was the one I don't know went. down to South Ferry that was 35 minutes. 30 minutes to get down to South Ferry on. a good day maybe a little faster then. it's South Ferry I got off to get on the. Staten Island Ferry does that Nilan. Ferry is the most depressing place in.

maybe all of New York because it is a. boat it runs 24 hours a day and it takes. people from the lucky ones from Staten. Island to Manhattan but then there are. some oddities that commute to Staten. Island for work they were unable to. secure positions in the thriving. metropolis that is Manhattan there. wasn't enough they couldn't figure out a.

way to work on the island where they. lived so they had to go to Staten Island. and take a 20-minute boat ride passing. the Statue of Liberty but going in the. wrong direction. going the opposite way the hopeful. immigrant journey went one way we're. going the other way back to the old. country then I would get to Staten. Island and then I'd get on the S 74 yes. 74 bus and I would sit there on the bus.

for one and a half hours till it took me. dropped me off in Tottenville and I went. to go work at reliable office systems in. Tottenville me and Ray did the soldiers. so this whole commute on a good day was. two and a half hours to my $12 an hour. job where I would call up companies ago. hi this is Tim Dylan from real life you.

answer the phone hey how's it going. who's. hey this is Tim Dylan with reliable. office systems is this Ben yes hey Ben. how are you I was just following up I. know that we had a conversation a while. ago regarding some of the office. equipment you guys were working on I. mean do you still have a the Ricoh. copiers you're still with them I don't. ever getting a call but yeah we use. those copiers yeah hey Ben I'm sure you. speak to a lot of people I'm not gonna. hold it against you. I do remember talking to you there you. got a pretty voice oh thanks man you're.

welcome Ben the ricoh copier that you're. using you have them unleashed that lease. is coming up in about three or four. months I work with reliable we're an. authorized Canon dealer you know Canon. we know Canon hey Ben it's a good. machine yeah it's a good [ __ ] machine. and the reco I bet you have some. problems now here's the thing everyone. hates the copier it's always pricking. and I'm gonna sell you something and. it's always gonna break okay everyone. hates it the copiers always break it's. what they do they just break right yeah.

there are these big machines it cost. lots of money inkjet or the [ __ ]. color cop you know all of them I'm like. Ben I want you to look at me I'm not. really a copier sales but I want to help. you go paperless I want to come and. really show you how to evolve your. entire business how to throw out some of. those fax machines let's all go online. let's go Wireless let's do this blah. blah by the canon rep in the area that. wants to come in talk about maybe buying. you here's a scam buying you out of your. existing lease and and getting one of. our way overpriced machines that will.

also break almost immediately right. after you buy it but we have great. service and they'll come any time day or. night. now we say this and then you call it. some garlic would you like this thing. piece of [ __ ] doesn't work and two hours. later you call you still not there he. comes in he makes it worse so I go we. got we got our own in-house servicing we.

service everything here this is a. depressing selling copiers is when you. go to a sales office you want people to. have actual money you want to see nice. cars in the parking lot right because. you at least are operating under the. delusion that if you. to be good at this you too can drive a. nice car and have a nice Tuscan themed. kitchen with heated floors we can sit at. the table and eat Stromboli that you.

brought bought at a grocery store that's. the dream for a lot of people in sales. they can just eat food at their kitchen. table and it can get drunk in the house. and do coke off the granite countertops. that they fleeced a lot of people out of. their own good money to pay for but I. didn't seen it out when I walked in i. walked in i saw a few cars. nothing was great i walked in and they. said our top producer is named Ida. now Ida was an older woman and she.

looked at me she was hey kid how are ya. good they go we're gonna see you next I. doubt we want you to hear the pitch I. want you to hear how I - does it Ida. looks at me she goes I'm killing it here. kid how she talks she's like I'm killing. it here because if I keep saving and I. work hard for another six months. I'm gonna finally afford and I'm like. what whoo what do you get in the house. on the water what are you gonna get she.

was I could finally afford a car and I'm. like oh [ __ ] she's taking the bus the. top producers taking the bus like I am. she's taking the bus then there was this. other guy Joe real fat guy sweet guy. real fat guy he was also taking the bus. so the whole sales force got on the bus. at the end of the day like the losers we. were okay we got on the bus then like.

wouldn't come and we don't stand there. smoking cigarettes in the street in. Staten Island okay I have talked really. fast she get on the fudge you know hey. darlin how are you since I do a reliable. office yes and we talked about the. printing a copy of scanner him to just. say words she just overwhelm him with. words she like cannon cannon good. machine cannon cannon authorized dealer. print a copy of scan of fax call a copy. of code in fact scan a copy account rap. in your area sit down you buy on the. least.

copier scanner copier scanner we get. everything they're delivered to you. service 24 hours a day service scan a. copy a color-coded cap and like idiots. on the other end of you like you all. right. send him in Wednesday she'd set a lot of. appointments sometimes a rep would show. up to the appointment and I go I don't. know what that [ __ ] was talking about I. have no idea we don't need nothing she. just kept yelling I just said yeah. whatever send them in Wednesday I don't. know the [ __ ] you are she sell a lot of. junk appointments she said you wanted to. comment ours day they're like oh what.

so I on my way there one day in this job. I was very good at it and then they made. me a copier guy like I got this I got. put in the Manhattan office and I had no. money so after three months in Staten. Island I said we're giving you a. promotion you're gonna work for Al al. heard you on the phone it's taking a. liking to you so I go in and they had a. nice office on Bryant Park I go up and I.

meet al that al goes hey you don't. because you're making a lot of noise. over there Staten Island now by the way. I don't even know what that means. I set like three appointments but was. better than everybody else right they. used to get people right out of prison. that would like forget what they were. selling you know what I mean if anyone. asked him a question maybe like they'd. be like like one one lady started crying. in the middle of a sales call she just.

goes she hung up it was like the guy. called back the guy's just on the phone. call back is she okay what's going on. this is the caliber of people so al said. to me make a lot of noise over there. Staten Island you're gonna come over. here this is the big leagues is it a big. boys kept saying we're big she's the big. time the big leach the big boys because. you see Madeline pointed to some fat. spanish chick Madeline's gonna make six.

grand this month I come from mortgages. because it made 40 grand than a month. Madeline's making 6k this month. aren't you Matty you open the door she's. like diving in to one of those salads. that has more calories than a sandwich. with like goat cheese and fried chicken. and cranberries and rat like cranberry. relish and balsamic glaze it's like. chocolate syrup all over it because. Maddie's gonna make six automatics go he. goes he goes we're gonna we're all gonna.

go on a trip this year Maddie might. qualify for the trip. Maddie's real excited cuz you know these. sales companies if you do well they take. you to a trip which you could just get. with your own money but it's fun to go. with the whole company cuz always a. chance she'll get drunk and say the. wrong thing and you know so be fired I. don't know what would be the wrong thing. with these guns you could kind of say. whatever you wanted he's like you like. sports like ah not really is a koozie. team Yankees Matt's he's probably asking. every question a big are you gay every.

question is that we like to bullets what. do you like you like sports Abby your. sports guy. he said Yankees Mets he named like 40. teams literally he's a Padres like the. baggage I bet you're a bad race guy they. haven't had it they haven't had anything. in a bit but I bet ya that were your. Astros I just want to be like no no no I. suck dead I didn't say that. I just sat in the chair cuz I needed his. gig I was like oh what a good gig I. could work in we worked it was this guy. Joe in our office and it was Joe and Joe.

was like a you know these were copier. salesmen so you got to remember their. even the good ones are [ __ ] even the. good ones are not respected but it's the. lowest level of sales office equipment. copiers it's just winning is losing in. that game and this guy al lived where.

did I live my Island I was like sick I. got Nikita Nikita. I'll kill people he goes a delivery guy. came in the other day and the delivery. guy put their put the pizza down buddy. the throw is going for my daughter. Nikita squared up with him it's gonna. kill him so girl that's nice al it's. very nice very sweet. so I stir. working there my second day on the. [ __ ] job I'm heading in the office.

I'm on the subway I leave my I lose my. phone I leave my phone on the subway. [ __ ] so now I'm [ __ ] I get back to my. apartment the end of the day cuz now I'm. getting all my company emails on my. phone I'm getting my calls from my. clients on my phone I sold like two. copiers in a year to hedge funds one big. office on Park Avenue that had like two.

lawyers in it and the rent was like 100. grand a month or these two lawyers like. you know whales of lawyers big I don't. mean fat I mean like they had a lot of. money big client list serious you know. and I would walk into these place I had. one jacket my father got me a jacket it. was covered in bird [ __ ] and had holes. in it that he found he literally found. it and then just gave it to me my father. is like lack of giving a [ __ ] is I can. only admire it now cuz it is hilarious. like my friend Melanie was shocked she.

was like I cannot believe your father. gave you this jacket my father was like. I found an old jacket of mine son it's. yours he not holes in it and bird [ __ ]. then he like found it was like it had. mothballs. there was a rotting after sandy and he. just gave it to me so that was I didn't. have any money. I had no money so I was like walking. into these offices in this [ __ ] jacket. and I was so embarrassed I was like you. got to get another jacket like this you.

know you know I gotta look the part. like I know al so I leave the phone on. and I'm like I get home I'm so like I'm. like sweating I'm nervous of anxiety I'm. insane I'm like Melanie I [ __ ] get my. roommate my roommate gives me your phone. I got Melanie I'm coming along Island we. got to figure this out say come out to. Long Island we go to my friend Joe.

monsters house oh I've talked about a. million times. Melanie goes there's this thing called. Find My Phone on your iPhone she does I. don't know if it'll work but if your. phone is still on. it's going to it'll register where your. phone is so I'm like okay so I go back. I'm smoking sig after sig my hair is. matted with sweat melanie is I wouldn't. let's let's just say not a looker. she has an interesting look it's.

interesting she's not she looks like a. like a hippie from Woodstock she was. like overalls and like head shoes and. she was like a big straw hat right total. grifter vagabond type of look I am in a. coat covered in bird [ __ ] with holes on. it with my hairs matter with sweat and. I'm smoking cigarettes and everything is. bad go to my friend Joe's house we go. and find my phone and we go oh my god.

it's live it's on and it's in a [ __ ]. nice area she's like a [ __ ] rich kid. stole your phone I said [ __ ] a rich [ __ ]. stole my phone I look at her and she. goes oldest story in the book this is by. the way you have to realize everyone I. know is completely full of [ __ ] do you.

understand what I mean like every person. that I've ever in my life met is. completely full meaning that nobody ever. has ever said the words I don't know or. let's wait or let's withhold like. everybody's just here's the way it. happened I see it as clear as day me. included. so well uh it's rich [ __ ] stole your.

phone and we're gonna go get it back cuz. it's a rich kid piece of [ __ ] and he. stole your phone and he's gonna panic. when we show up at his house and his. parents it's gonna be a whole big thing. but if it Melanie you're a goddamn. genius so we get in the car. and we had there and Melanie's like I. can't believe it why would he steal it.

and I'm like well cause it's thrill the. thrill and she goes you're right I'm. like they just want to steal these rich. Fox then thrill they get high it's an. endorphin rush and I'm like he probably. didn't shut it off cuz he's an idiot. she goes okay she goes but here's what. we should do she goes we should call the. police and have the police ready because. otherwise if we're trespassing or we go. on a property that we're not supposed to.

go on we're [ __ ] like we're in trouble. cuz there's a nice area right I'm like. that's a good point Melanie I have a. suspended license I'm like I'm like if. they looked me up they could bag me so. she goes we got to get ahead of it get. ahead of our own cancellation call the. police explain to them that this rich. kid stole your phone we have no proof by. the way no proof explain to them that a. rich kid stole your phone and he's in.

his house and we're gonna go confront. him right now and we we just want that's. what we're doing here in this. neighborhood okay. now shall we go to the cop we call the. police. the police pull up they think they're. there to arrest us cuz we both were in. an old Volvo old we both look like. hammered [ __ ] as a guy that guy blade.

said that I look like hammered [ __ ]. that old guy Blade 3 watch it great film. the cops go what's the problem. I go officer I was robbed today by the. man who lives in that house he took my. cell phone I was on the way to work I'm. a copier salesman Melanie goes yeah they. stole his phone they took his phone and. then we went on far my iPhone and.

there's the iPhones in the house so we. got you gotta get her see ya. okay he goes okay so Melanie and me like. we like Melanie's like you take him in. for this you rest him for this what. happens now. this dealer from the working people. Melanie goes we're just working people. were both smoking cigarettes in the car.

the cop thinks the cops three minutes. away from breathalyze in her because he. thinks we're running a scam okay he goes. she goes yes it's stealing from working. people she goes it's not right I go it's. not right it's waving a cigarette in. there because anything goes to either. review of ID we start going back at him. or like what is this now he goes I just. don't know what's happening and so he. takes our IDs checks her ID she's the.

driver's side comes back he goes alright. let me knock on the door he goes he. knocks on the door we're sitting there. were like yeah justice comes back out to. the car. he goes are you Tim Dylan yes yeah he. goes why don't you walk up to the house. I walk up to the house one of the. best-looking kids he's probably in his. early 20s opens the door big smile on.

his face he's standing there flanked by. two loving parents and he goes hey man. are you Tim Dylan because yeah he goes. dude I called four of your friends I. found your phone on the subway I called. four of your friend to try to get in. touch with you and they all hang up but. they were all drug dealers he's calling. my he's calling my dirtbag friends that. Oh everyone in the world money because I. called all your friends he's like I left. a message with your dad I tried to get.

in touch with you you think I'm so happy. you came out of your man this is such a. happy ending and me and Melanie are. standing there looking like [ __ ] on the. steps of this little mini mansion and. this gorgeous kid and his beautiful. loving parents hand me my phone. and the cop just looks at us like we're. total human garbage right and so I say.

to kid I'm like this is real nice hey my. uncle he owns a couple of restaurants if. you ever want to go out somewhere let me. know the kids like yeah all right man. thanks just gives me my phone the. parents are like what a nice story isn't. this nice he's like well you didn't. think I stole the phone right I'm like. no we know how this is it out and. Melanie's a girl we see where you live. you don't little phone show then shuts.

the door the cops now won't even look at. us cuz they're completely disgusted they. completely disgusted by us we walk back. to the car I get in the car. Melanie gets in the car Melanie just. looks at me she goes yeah I guess we're. the dirtbags huh and I'm like yeah I. guess we are Melanie I guess we are the. dirtbags she goes uh-huh [ __ ] it.

and then we just drove away and smoke. cigarettes but I hadn't got my phone. back and it was great I realized there. are good people in the world not many. very few not me not anyone I know but. Melanie was like yeah that kids stupid. you coulda sold that phone I'm like yeah. that [ __ ] [ __ ] should have taken my.

phone I'm on this earth to be [ __ ]. over and robbed so what she's driving. back phone and hand but this is the. evener for that this will make up friend. this Russian she's gonna get me unless. somehow tomorrow she shows back up with. the phone in which case I don't know. what to do but that was the first time I. lost my phone I've never had a nice.

wallet in my life. I think I've had a few. we're okay uh I had a little when I was. a teenager I had like a little pouch. I just kept Whedon um and then I. upgraded I had you know some garbage. leather wallet I bought at a store put. my fake ID in it now I have just a piece. of [ __ ] it's overloaded with crap. business cards if unimportant people you. know cash has gone through the washer. and dryer you know I mean it's.

embarrassing when I take out my wallet. I'm embarrassing I'm ashamed and my life. many of you should be many of you when. you see your wallet says something about. who you are and many of you myself. included you take out your wallet people. look ego you're a mess you're a goddamn. mess you don't care about who you are. you don't present well this is something. I need I was excited when these guys. came on as a sponsor because a lot of my.

friends like you good move free rude. whoa no you go and get one okay Ridge. wild is cool and a lot of people have. them if you go to Ridge calm or idge. Ridge calm slash Tim use Tim you get 10%. off okay. lifetime warranty if you love it free. returns if you don't you have absolutely. nothing to lose it's a minimal front. pocket wallet that's designed to. streamline what you carry every day.

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stuffed with you know loyalty cards from. Froyo shops and delis you know if they. punch another two sandwiches you get one. free you take out a big wallet now with. [ __ ] falling out of it you look like a. you want a sleek slender wallet few. cards few cards minimalist minimalize.

houses now shouldn't even have furniture. the wealthiest people I know have. nothing in their homes Stark it's like a. medical facility only what's necessary. my mother was a hoarder my mother we had. rooms in the house that were stacked. from the floor to ceiling with garbage. McDonald's toys Hess trucks beanie. babies stuffed in plastic bags and. shoeboxes and Gus his table and Gus's.

lamp. I mean toys crap board games collectible. said no one wanted to collect I ran so. far the other way I know nothing I've. got a bag of clothes and a horrible. embarrassing wallet and it's time to. even streamline that's the one part of. my mother I have left in me is my wallet. cuz I hoard in my wallet it's this fat.

disgusting wallet it's bad I have it. right now I'm gonna take it out and look. at it it's what I don't even know what. kind it is oh yeah it's got a shark it's. a Greg Norman wallet the golfer I think. it's his wallet this Greg Norman sell. wallets I think so yeah it's the shark. dumb wallet you want to streamline folks. all about being minimalist now rich. people don't like it's not about it's.

about having a nice space that you don't. clutter up with [ __ ] and that's why the. ridge wallet is so cool man you take it. out people are like oh this guy's about. his business he's in and out he doesn't. have time he doesn't have a bunch of. business cards right you know many. losers I have in my wallet right now I. mean absolute zeros it's somehow have. business cards I mean it's.

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cashless society now all you need is a. little Ridge nice and simple sleek its. sleek suffering trying to lose weight. how about this you get a skinny wallet. start with that start with a thin wallet. and the rest of you will follow suit you. don't need a big clunky piece of I take.

out my wallet at restaurants I'm. mortified I'm mortified by how bad my. wallet looks it's beat-up. I've got everything stuffed into one. section of it I don't use any of the. other sections shits falling out how. many wallets you see people it's like. they've been beaten to death I've had my. wallet for years fall out I got to get. on my hands and knees in a restaurant. picking up business cards putting them. back in my wallet don't want goddamn. well I don't need any of them go to the.

ridge simple sleek sexy you're not. getting laid if you take out a big hunk. of [ __ ] put it on the bar nobody wants. that. people want a Ridge take it out like. yeah I got a few cards a few important. numbers nothing much. front pocket I'm gonna put my wallet in. my back pocket like a psychopath and sit. on my wallet and I got a front front.

pocket barely can tell it's in my jeans. I got skinny jeans Ridge wallet pressed. against my flesh I can feel it I know. it's there it holds my essentials and. they're not a lot you don't need a lot. folks. you don't need everyone you've ever met. in your wallet. you don't need ninety seven credit cards. get a few essential things put him in. the Ridge wallet my mother didn't have a. Ridge wallet now she's schizophrenic so.

I don't know but I'm just saying you. know my father didn't have a Ridge. wallet you know you should have lived. his life in debt people didn't take him. seriously second rate salesman not a bad. father but part of that was it he didn't. have a Ridge he didn't have a wallet.

that made you respect him he took out a. big you know big clumpy you know worn. leather wallet cards that he probably. were maxed out sticking out of it cash. you know every time you opened it it was. a big thing and it's me too you don't. need to live like that folks you can. change you can be the change start with. a sleek slender sexy wallet with just.

your essentials and then get the wife or. the husband and the kids and the house. get the gates at the driveway get the. heated kitchen floor get the helipad the. pool the tennis court. it starts with a ridge wallet and it. ends with you living in a mansion that's. happens okay nobody in a mansion has an. old crap wallet sleek be a stick and.

move hustler you know you don't want to. carry anything too heavy around you're. carrying something heavy it better be a. gun I'm not telling you to own a gun and. I hope if you do you do so legally it's. not my business what you do maybe you. have a good reason for having an illegal. gun but it's not my business. Ridge comm / Tim get it I miss Melanie.

now. Melanie's now Martha's Vineyard she. became good friends with the daughter of. the guy the role Quint in Jaws was. inspired by a real guy and she became. friends with that guy's daughter and. like lives in a barn in Martha's. Vineyard and like fixes Bill Murray's. car and like does a lot of work and. nobody lives on Martha's Vineyard. year-round she does so she's able to.

[ __ ] and I wonder I [ __ ] would love. to call her right now I have her number. I know her number but I don't what what. time is it on the East Coast 1:00 in the. morning I could call her cell is there. any way that it would come out it's 142. in the morning right now all right let's. not there maybe we'll call her another. time yeah she was fun man I miss her but.

that's what happens with friends you. know I love that line she goes huh I. guess we're the dirt bugs I said yeah. yeah we are and then we just [ __ ]. drove home but she was fun and she was. with me during that that period and that. was the only time really one of the only. times in life I was pleasantly surprised. most times I am I walk in thinking. something and I go yeah it's yeah I'll.

probably kill Epstein yeah yeah I was. like good let him off and they kill him. and by the way. no conspiracy theorist should ever have. to answer any question again after that. you know what I mean like nobody should. ever you should never even like I for. years have been like elections don't. matter this you know or not that they. don't matter but there's a lot going on. and they don't matter fully certain.

things matter but there's more going on. is more to the story I've been ringing. that bell for a decade ringing a bell. ding dong ding every conversation every. time I thought I sat down to dinner any. time anyone asked my opinion any [ __ ]. conversation from when I was smoking pot. when I was debating in high school in. college every for I've been dinging that. bell that's why you see these young kids.

and the far left and the far right. they're finally they're waking up it's. their first awakening of how [ __ ] up. everything is and they're like you know. a lot of them are being radicalized into. going all these different directions. because this is the first time they've. realized man it's impossible to bury. your head in the sand now with the. amount of information you have you just. know that things are [ __ ] up you know. it you can research it you can you know.

the I's are dotted the T's are crossed. and they can feel they feel it they can. sense it they understand they don't know. what like I would say all the time I. don't know what happened but I don't. think it's what you guys think maybe. they what I think but it ain't what do. you think that's been my life so like. when people get really invested in. anything now a conspiracy it's not that.

I'm black pilling I'm not telling you. not to believe in anything I'm not. telling you not to be active I'm not. telling you to not try to elect whoever. you think is gonna be better I'm telling. you that from my own personal experience. I've been ringing. Bell in the town square for years. talking you know just going hey man I.

don't think it's like that I think it. might be like this come here look at. this. read this watch this documentary here's. a book. here's another but here's an article and. you get to a point where you go well. okay what else would you like from me at. this point you know I've had the people.

on the show I've conducted the. interviews I've recommended the books I. told you that it's not that I don't care. it's that I don't care there's a. difference not that I don't care I don't. care I can't emotionally invest myself. in this idea that there's going to be.

justice because every fact that I can. look at that I can unearth tells me to. be incredibly skeptical of most of what. you read and hear and see so listen man. I figure I [ __ ] on boomers with the. self-awareness to know that we're not. serving anything we're not serving up.

anything better. our generation ain't gonna will become. them they got a better deal than we did. but we can demand accountability but. what does that even mean what are you. gonna do I'm not asking I'm what are you. really gonna do nothing you do if you do. something violent it will only make.

people more sympathy. pathetic to the idea that the state. needs to come in and take away more of. your rights that's the only thing. that'll happen if you do something. violent okay if you work within the. system good for you good on you.

hopefully that well I don't think people. should ration insulin I don't believe. any of that but understand the changes. that will happen. will matter and they'll be meaningful. but they'll still kill the pedophile. king before he's tells the truth like. that is not gonna change. you're not gonna I don't care what. public demonstrate like it does no. you're not really gonna move the meters. in that regard.

it doesn't seem does it seem possible. from where I sit from what I'm looking. at because the people on the other side. will go to any links you will not. because what are you gonna be got a. family you got kids you got a job you. you know they will go to any lengths and. they have the resources and they will do.

whatever they wanted to eat you know you. listen doesn't mean you shouldn't be. active or informed or whatever but I. kind of take that to heart what. everyone's like oh you're black pilling. people and it's Neil ISM it's not. interest it's not Neil ISM it's not me I. don't you tell me where your hope caught. you defend your hope you defend that why.

am i defending what's a rational. response to the facts of the day you the. onus is on you the burden is on you you. tell me what signs you see. and don't give me some cueing on. horseshit. tell me realistically what's gonna. change what do you tell me I'll listen.

I'm open I just don't and I see these. young people some of them are my family. all these people they're getting here. it's [ __ ] up now so I can't believe. and this is [ __ ] up. buddy it's been a little I feel it gets. boring it's boring after a while there's.

more to life I hate to say it there's. more to life than figuring out everyday. how you're being [ __ ] short answer. every way they got every way that they. can they will they don't care human life. no value not it no value to them it. means nothing to them it means nothing. these are the people that brought the.

Nazi doctors over to experiment on. children now yeah aboard the cold war we. had sure you went out fine you. extenuating circumstances. notwithstanding somebody had to stand in. a room with a lab coat on and torture. kids for the greater good so those are. the people that you're up against those. those crew that crew and then they play. golf on Sunday then they go to a country.

club and talk about your kids going to. school this is who you're up against. you're up against senators that that. commit horrible abuses to children and. then go on Face the Nation and talk. about taxes. yeah like well or the business climate. you need low tight and these people. doing coke 48 hours ago in a mansion in. DC with child's horse running around.

and I don't say that to demean the. children it's a bad scene it's a bad. scene folks it's no good live a. meaningful life do what you want to do. out there you want Bernie in get him in. maybe it maybe you know but I think. Bernie be good. I'd be reset I don't I'm not a hater I'm. open to a lot of what that guy says I.

like him. Trump's not doing nothing in the realm. of like you know you want to talk about. with the Epstein's and the wars and the. die he'd say they already go to red they. try to go to Iran they want to go to. Iran now and Trump to his credit is not. going full-on with that plan now maybe. if there's a Pietschmann heats up he'll. be like balm at all I don't know I you.

know I barely have faith in my family. and friends if you have it in you to. have faith in a political leader god. bless you especially one running this. country good good you're a better man or. woman or non-binary I don't want to say. thing you're a better entity than I am. if you can truly with a straight face I.

remember me and my friends used to laugh. our asses off we'd get stoned and we. would laugh we would drive around our. town and these idiots would put the gore. and Bush on the lawn and everybody would. end and and in 7-eleven would have Gore. coffee cups and Bush coffee cups and. people would throw coffee at each other. and they were all so it was big deal and. maybe now if you look back and go well.

um you know I was having this argument. you on that day like well if if if Bush. hadn't won who wouldn't you know if Gore. won we would not have gone into Iraq we. wouldn't have gone to MIT maybe that is. all true. but then I would remind you that Gore. was the vice president for the rapist. for eight years. who was on Epstein's playing a bunch. whose wife never met a war she didn't. like who bombed an aspirin factory. because Monica Lewinsky ran a mouth so.

gore yes probably would have been better. than Bush but let's not like live in a. world where like gore was this guy that. was like gonna open the you know change. everything I mean let's get real it was. just funny I get in a lot of I get a lot. of debates with people where and and. more so recently where I I think you. know I think the young people their.

activism is good III it would be nice if. it focused less on the shape of skulls. or on the other side rehabilitating. Joseph Stalin's legacy although I know. that I mean I you know it'd be nice it. would be nice if those weren't the two. options that the kids were now getting. involved in you have one side is like. getting getting a day like we need to. restore the Holy Roman Empire I'm like. well well why Catholic Church is done.

more to [ __ ] kids then they can't. epstein in them couldn't even come near. the church as the great rake up said you. know the church probably called the. people who were like why don't we go. back to handling it please because your. private contractors are not doing the. job they need to be doing this is a. whole idea that if we just return to. traditional religion and put more power. in the hands of the church laughs and.

then on the other side they're like well. listen now had some ideas and you're. like oh is oh okay because it's like and. I get it because you do reaction to. something being so [ __ ] is to run in. another direction of of radicalism and. go. okay well there's some unifying theory.

out there that if we just adhere to and. we put into practice everything would be. okay and then human nature would be. totally we could get rid of all of the. things the corruption the greed you know. we could get rid of all of that and. listen maybe you stamp out some of it. I don't a kid like David Hogg I don't. hate but then you look at what he's.

tweeting and you look at these general. vague statements today he wrote your. heart on Twitter is like your hardest. day is your most important day so that I. tweeted that and I'm like that means we. keep the guns is that well cuz you're. saying the hard days are the ones that. matter well I mean ah but my point there. is not so much to [ __ ] on him it's to. say these vague meaningless platitudes. you tweet all day don't mean anything. they're meaningless.

you know you retweeted suddenly said I'm. sick of living in the divided States. familiar. are you running for president in. nineteen that's his boomer slogans I've. ever heard I'm sick of living in the. divided States about hey David what are. you to say something real stop having a. PR team fire out your tweets that are. meaningless let's how about let's not.

destroy the earth to that be above what. would what's the plan anyone can do that. anyone can just tweet horseshit all day. but it takes a special person to find a. phone and give it back it takes a very. special person. I don't know any of those people you. know I don't know a person that would.

find a phone and give it back I wish. everyone the best I really do go and. figure out your life. I don't know what to tell you get. involved in the things that excite you. get involved in the things that you. think matter if you want to hunt down. conspiracies go do it if you want to. find out that all the monsters in the. closet and under the bed are indeed real.

and worse than you thought go do it if. you want to go find that darkness it'll. be there I've gone down those roads and. I found it and other than getting the. word out and having a little bit of a. platform and talking about it I don't. truly know what other than like you know. I think so a lot of people when they. feel powerless they can [ __ ] these. queueing on crazy things to go no it's.

common because they're they're incapable. of feeling they're incapable of feeling. despair and and which is I don't feel. despair because I am personally doing. the best that I can but I think there's. a lot of people out there that realize. how [ __ ] up the world is and their. response to that is concoct fairy tales. and fables about that it's actually. getting better we just don't see it.

because there's great forces fighting an. unseen war and battle and Donald Trump's. one of them they're all fighting behind. the scenes and when you win it's when. the grand plan is finally revealed I. mean it you know if you get if you can. really do that if you think that's. what's going on if you think that's was. gonna Trump was dancing with Epstein at.

a party do you think that he cares do. you think Donald Trump was making waves. for anybody involved in anything it's. all. same [ __ ] dirty money it's all the same. [ __ ] guys yeah maybe he you know. hopefully he was on the island he wasn't. you know but at the end of the day it's. like he's not making waves for these. people so I don't know man I don't know.

maybe we need an alien thing and we. start seeing each other as human beings. again and we don't divide by race and. Creed and you know I don't know and. class as much even though that's you. know it's you know obviously it's. unavoidable when there's people you know. that can't get health insurance I. understand that but maybe that is what. makes humanity leap forward maybe it's.

an outside threat maybe it's just the. evolution of technology to a point where. we are able to be more involved and but. that means that like are the human. characteristics that distract us and.

like maybe we become more highly evolved. efficient robots and then those robots. maybe give a [ __ ] I know no I think it's. just gonna be a bunch of fat robots just. a bunch of fat Bionic robots running. around I don't know I mean you know I.

was talking to a friend who lives in. London and he was like I was talking. about going over there to do some shows. and he was like listen everybody knows. the reality of what's going on everybody. knows that the royal family is full of. [ __ ] Prince Andrew there's this article. that he wanted he was going to EPSA. Stavros had a great read from Compton. Prince Andrew was going to epstein his.

latest trip to FC was to end their. friendship Stavros had my latest trip to. Buffalo Wild Wings was to tell them I'm. no longer eating wings everybody knows. what's up there's really not like this. whole idea that we just need to find out. you know fat people know why they're fat. most of them you're not in the dark. don't wake up one day a well and go what. happened I went to bed yesterday all.

right a six-pack you know but it's what. do you do with the knowledge that's the. real question what can you really do. with the knowledge and I guess it's just. to put it out there as much as you can. in the hopes that but I think the future. of the country and I could be wrong is. some type of it's gonna be will dissolve.

I feel like will will break up into. maybe they like the Colin Quinn thing. where he goes maybe you'll just break up. into regions. III don't know maybe that will never. happen maybe it'll be kind of like Great. Britain where there's a you know people. know that it's just past peak and the. things you know it's all pomp and. circumstance and other royal family the.

royal wedding the royal baby he will. have a gay president will have a trans. print you know we'll just go down a line. we'll have a woman of color in a little. bit but it'll be a very you know. ceremonial thing you know and well I. mean or we just get into the big one. with China I don't know but part of what. I think attracted me to whether you I.

don't want to call them conspiracies but. like to alternative history and things. like that is that I was getting the real. information I was saying well this is. really why things happen. so what I then can't do is use that as a. basis to concoct theories and fables. that make me feel better which is what a. lot of you seem to love doing because. you need to do it you're like well I. like that well no it went okay well you.

just tell me the plan you share with me. and it can't be some crazy batshit thing. you ran on the thread and you become one. of these you know all the people I used. to do drugs with they all have facebook. profile pictures talked about keyword on. hey these are people that I used to just. freebase cocaine with and they wouldn't. feed their children and now they're all.

talking about Q and I mean listen what. do I know is there a guy leaking from. everybody's leaking information over. there everybody trying to leak their way. out of jail probably but it's like get. insulin get health insurance fight that. battle. start small let's get to a point where. we can expect the government there not.

poison us with food and everything like. that but you know it is what it is folks. I you know I don't want people you know. I greatly I'm happy that young people. are getting involved and I hope that I. don't know I mean what do you ever think. about what this country looks like in 30. years yeah what do you think it looks. like it's hot it's so much hotter I mean.

Alaska will be like beachfront property. probably right maybe yeah most people. are probably in Montana the Southwest is. probably pretty unlivable places like. Texas pretty unlivable you know I just. think about like the temperature I just. think about like have you seen first. performed that guy know what is that. that movie with Ethan Hawke where he. he's a priest and he meets a guy who's. all about climate breakdown and. everything. and that guy well I don't want to spoil. the movie for people who gives you [ __ ].

the guy ends up killing himself because. he can't he can't justify bringing a. child into this world because he gets. his girlfriend pregnant and he's all. into like the ice caps melting and. everything he kills himself. Ethan Hawke was a guy who was trying to. help him out through all of his. depression and stuff and then he. eventually goes crazy and he realizes. that his church is backed by a mega. church which is backed by this oil. company that's just destroying the earth. and he he becomes basically like he. thinks he's gonna be a terrorist and. like bring this whole thing down I won't.

reveal the ending but it's it's a great. movie came out last year well so III. think of the country like that just an. unlivable place I didn't know enough. about climate to know what's gonna. happen um he's very possible that you. can have a lot of countries not looking. great sea level rise you know it seems. to be like the global economic collapse. where you can't really predict when I. like we race at egos yeah you bring kids.

into the world but then somebody goes. then what happens in rigo's they burn is. what it is nobody gave a [ __ ] about us. apparently give a [ __ ] about us I mean I. think I have to go to New York for a. week I don't know I've been I mean IIIi. just got off the road with Burton I'm. Michael Turner I'm still deciding I. might not I might just go for four days. see my mother and do some shows there I. need to be I need to get a little New.

York juice I need to walk around a. little I need to get on stage a bunch I. need to just get a little juice not. literal juice that's not um I need to. just. I mean grub might oughta grow up tonight. they just didn't come the driver just. stole the food again it's the second. time a grub up drivers stolen food are. people so desperate now for food that.

they're signing up with the grub up. accounts are just steal dinner it means. that what's going on probably you get. away with that if you do it I've done it. you can do it a million different times. yeah. yeah it's fine Devin does it all the. time yeah well you just turn your phone. off go eat everybody's food you just. turn your phone off go home just eat the. food yeah. great where is Devon what's he doing. he's at Babs I guess yeah I mean the.

uber driver today the grub pup I'm like. I just need there's something great. about New York that we remember when you. went and it just the bacon and eggs that. guy made in that diner so quick so quick. and then we went got those sandwiches. they were done before we ordered them. yeah there's something about being in an. environment where like you have to be. competent it's required it's sharp like. you're sharp and there's something about. that then I mean I'm in LA for the long. haul I love it here but I I think I need.

a little dose my living situation is. very interesting without saying too much. about it it's odd it's very odd I don't. know what's going on here I'm living in. a divorce literally I moved into like a. separation I don't know what's happening. and it's on the communication is not. good and I you know and I've lived in a.

lot of wild situations but I'm at the. end of these and I'm the next place I'm. gonna live I've just got to live alone. and in a quiet non drama place and a lot. of these crazy people I surround myself. with are funny and wild and they are. great material and I'm getting too old. I'm funny enough now I have enough of. them I can you know you start paying a. price eventually for being around crazy. people crazy people are funny I mean I.

was at dinner the other night with a. bunch of people they were like nice who. were couples. I'm so [ __ ] boring you know he's a. good people like sweet nice people those. types of people need to have a few. drinks to get a little loose you know. and then you know they're still boring. but they're like sweet and nice and. I was just like oh yeah I mean I've just. spent my life around hucksters thieves. liars cheaters carnival people the.

circus crazies drunks vagabonds drunks. [ __ ] derelict and I really wouldn't. have it any other way but at this point. 34 or 35 hundred not all that many more. 85 I got 35 I don't even know but I. really don't know my age I'm set with 85. what am i 34 35 you're 34 I think you. turned 35 in January who cares the point. is I do but I've spent my life you need.

you start thinking when you're 35 do you. start thinking you going is this it like. is this what it's gonna be just Looney. Tunes and everyone in my business I love. them all and by you know you know me I. don't mean that at all. I could mean I could mean nothing I. don't mean anything less than that I've. never met anything less than the. statement I've just said nothing nothing.

less but everyone in my business is. insane I don't care if they're in. Ferraris or but you get to a point you. go I don't know I mean they just want to. live one [ __ ] day and the reality of. that kid and his parents who found my. phone and just tried all day to get it. back to me you know it's just like as. you get older you're like oh that's nice.

you know you see all these people. partying I just on the road with Burt. you see everyone partly people just go. out and party and get shit-faced. that's it they just want to get loose. they work Monday through Friday so that. they can go out and get hammered you. know get [ __ ] up fall asleep in an. uber you know I was in an uber one day.

and the guy goes yeah I keep smelling. salts and my thing to wake people up so. I could kick him out of the car. cuz they pass out in the car because. everybody gets out and gets so [ __ ] up. that's what it is for a lot of people. they just want to get the people's. brains and made out of play-doh and then. you didn't we have to expect that. they're all gonna say it you know I mean. but I think about that sometimes I'm. like god what a [ __ ] I got to start.

really looking at people that I know are. saying I will make friends with people. knowing full well that there's that's I. go oh that's a psychopath that's a. psychopathic personality clinical you go. that's clinical psychopathic personality. it's a it's a diagnose it's a diagnosis. you could make and I'll become friends.

with a person like that and then you. know you're down the road I'm like oh. they're not you know like knowing full. well knowing full well that these are. people that I get new arrangements with. knowing full well that because they're. fun they're just fun and you know you. start to realize if fun has a real price. fun has a real there's a real price tag.

on fun fun is expensive fun is very. expensive I've had a lot of fun I very. few meaningful relationships with people. but I've had a lot of fun and I do have. some meaningful relationships with. people but I look around a lot of people. I'm around and I'm like god these people. are so they don't even they can't even. control how crazy they are anymore. they're just they're just on a ride that.

they've lost control of and they're just. doing their best to still kind of like. you know you know make a fun face for. the picture when we all go down the. roller coaster but you know. and you know so I think at this point. I'm gonna I'm gonna transition to a. woman I thought about it I mean you know.

I mean people seem happy. you seem happy if you fully embrace. insanity. you know if you're like 350 pounds 400. pound and and you just say that's me. that's me my dick doesn't work I can. barely move the only thing I enjoy is. drinking paint thinner you know I just.

want to walk around this casino and what. would money do I look at all these. people casinos I'm like what would money. even do for you you can't move. what would money do I guess it would be. nicer it's just sit in a mansion and eat. tater tots cuz that's what they serve as. a side and 30 40 percent of the. restaurants in America's tater tots. you know you look at people you go what. what do you what do you hope will you. just become one of those old fat racist.

son Long Island sold guys who sit in a. bar who's been just handed everything. their whole life but they still find. fault they still find like they've been. denied they've had the easiest lives if. anyone they've been given houses and. cars no show Union jobs or corporate. jobs they show up then they go to some. Steakhouse every night they just get. hammered eat steak and just get fatter. and fatter the dick shrink up and go. inside their bodies to keep barely [ __ ]. their wives anymore and they're heroes.

Donald Trump they go they love Donald. Trump because he's calling because it's. these Mexicans and he's giving it to. them it's like you you can barely move. from one room to the next. you hurt you're completely a body is. being eaten by cancers and and you they. still they just they they just you know. somehow they do it somehow they do it.

we'll wrap this up folks I don't know. what episode this is gonna be I don't. know if it'll be the patreon I don't. know beautiful being a regular episode I. don't know where it's gonna go I don't. know what's gonna happen I don't know. when the Book of Revelations is gonna. come true I would like you to buy. tickets to my live shows Tim de la. comédie calm my little Jewish nerd that.

built the site we don't even it's not. even a mobile site I'm gonna [ __ ]. break his head doesn't work on mobile it. like doesn't show up the right way. the dates had cut off you know again I. could have spent money to do this I had. free labor now they're [ __ ] scream at. this kid you know I should have spent. the money we gotta start to emerge yeah. life in the big city shirts mm-hmm.

that's what it is that's really what it. is everything we've talked about life in. the big city. listen if Dennis was alive today he. would look at the absent accusers and. they would say we've been denied justice. again Dennis would take a swig of cheap. wine out of a Burger King cop you light. a Marlboro red and you'd go honey life. in the big city because that's what it.

is this is life in the big city this is. what it is I mean you know I hope you. find everything out there if you're. listening to this I hope all of your. dreams come true except some of you. because I know what those dreams aren't. there to kill me or kill someone or. detonate a suitcase nuke in that case I.

would rather heat those dreams not come. true if your dream is peace happiness. health maybe a little lake then that's. fine is this. this other fat cat it's not around cats. I mean animals are just i-i've just. showered on animals I don't want to see. animals dogs and cat just don't want. them in homes anymore. you know I just I really don't want I. don't want anything to do with them I.

like them but I want them away from me. they're filthy they're just filthy you. know so there you go that's for the PETA. people at the edge the animal rights. people I think they do it right in China. they eat dogs they eat people and that's. why they're number one I should do a. tour in China should move to China what.

if I show up to China you know Chinese. people are now getting nice and fat you. got a look at Malaysia if you're a bored. go to Malaysia's Pizza Hut they put fish. heads on the Pete it's like they're the. most creative people because they're. like well we want you to get fat but we. know you need to eat some of our food. too so we're gonna put like seaweed. wrapped fish heads in the stuff crust. pizza just so you guys can feel.

comfortable getting it down and that. kind of the kind of ingenuity is what I. respect I need to start marketing like. that it's day one without a phone what. are we gonna how I get it what am I. gonna do tomorrow just show up at Sprint. and just try to show up just catch up I. guess bring your computer I don't know. you can't do insurance dude it took me.

like four days through insurance to get. the phone through the mail it's crazy. stupid I can't do that I need to get a. phone will you send me a phone people. you mail me your [ __ ] phones you lazy. piece of [ __ ] what if we got a thousand. phones now don't do that. all right folks tyll tyll tyll next time. the future is so bright you gotta wear.

shades this is an addendum this is an. addendum to the episode this is an. addendum say it with me now this is an. addition up I mean damn not you not you. I want the people in the cars to sing. and the people listening in their homes. not you you don't speak or you don't. sing folks here's the addendum I woke up.

this morning and I said what I really. wanted to say about politics is it the. way people vote is usually the most. predictable and the least interesting. thing about them. politics is base level it's ugly it's. primordial it's if it's from our reptile.

brains it really is if you're an evolved. human being and many of you listening. like I'm not and I get that but if. you're an evolved human being it's. impossible to not get bored with this. and and that's kind of what I mean I'm. interested in a lot of things I'm. interested in people that transform.

themselves that went through something. and came out the other side better. stronger more capable I'm interested in. people that have built businesses I'm. interested in great art I'm interested. in food I'm interested in a million. different things but the retail brand of. American politics is just vulgar it. really and I'm not saying it doesn't. have its place and it's not important.

but to fixate endlessly on the horse. race between Democrats and Republicans. publicans and to spend your entire life. doing that is wasting your brain it's. what why do you think people have Rogan. show they love it for a million reasons. one of the reasons is that he has varied. interests and the show caters to that. he's genuinely curious that's why that.

every show that's simply about politics. has some kind of cap you hit a wall. that's why I cared about politics as a. kid and it's like a young adult as a. young man and I still to an extent care. about it and I care about the. implications of it but when you watch it. for any period of time you start to. notice patterns emerge you start to. notice the nature of it feels cyclical.

it has seasons it's like a television. show it has a cast they bring on new. cast members some cast members leave. some never leave it becomes predictable. to an extent that's why Donald Trump was. so exciting to people because he came in. and it was unpredictable and it felt. wild and it felt like because he was. saying things that you would never heard. a politician say before and he was.

saying them in a way that you had never. heard anybody speak that was running for. president but when you look at why. people vote for whoever they vote for. well you travel around the country I. think the people that truly believed in. in the political system and this is. nothing wrong with it they believe in. people they believe in people and now.

that's good but that's where we are. going to diverge that's where our. opinions would have a divergence of. opinion I believe that most people bless. their hearts are pretty simple and they. want to be herded they. want to be treated like cattle this is. what they want it's it doesn't mean that. I'm better than other people. I am but it doesn't mean that it means.

that it's real like when you look at the. system and you look at the people that. are able to maneuver in this system you. know they're very good at presenting a. side of themself to people and what I've. always been interested in is what are. those people like behind closed doors.

what do they really like whether they're. in Hollywood or whether they're in. Washington or who are they really and. how do they really get to where they got. and what do they really believe do they. believe in anything or are they just. kind of like a liquid that takes the. shape of their container. some of them do believe in things some. of them are ideologues some of them. aren't some of them are sociopaths some. of them wouldn't know some of them have. never met themselves those are some of. the most successful people I know. they've never even met themselves so but. politics I mean the great line from.

succession egos politics that's what. comes out the [ __ ] how wrong is that. how wrong literally is think about the. beautiful things in the world love. calamari all of the things that are. worth more than politics. it's the obsession with the right and. wrong I'm right you're wrong I'm on this. team you're on that I'm gonna beat you. it's a boring Pete evolved human being.

and I don't I mean so that's where I'm. at it's ugly its base level most of it. it's the expression of like the darkness. in us it's completely run by fear or. most of it and there are rare glimpses. of humanity and beauty but go look at.

anything else. it's much easier to glean a little hope. for mankind than it is just simply. looking at you know what Elizabeth. Warren said good for her not hating on. her I'm just picking heard she just. floated it in my mind but that's what I. meant to say it's not taking away. anything from anybody that's an activist. or anybody that's traded in a lucrative.

profession to genuinely help people I. don't know any of those people and I. know a few of them I actually do know a. few of them who walked away from. lucrative professions to actually help. people. okay that's none of the people you see. on Twitter none of them it's none of the. blue checkmarks it's none of the people. that are highlighted by our media it's. none of the people it is it is. predominantly people the toil and the. shadows people that you will [ __ ]. never know about maybe it'll be a. documentary about them and there. probably won't be okay so those people.

are fascinating and interesting to me. but it's it's really what you think it. is that's the thing about policy it's. actually exactly what you think it is it. not the real story not the inner. workings of it but why people voted for. Donald Trump why they voted for Hillary. click pretty easily with a butter knife. you get just falls right apart you you. get it you can see why you can I want my. guns okay good.

no one should have a guy it's like. alright that's where we're at you know. no abortions everyone has an abortion. okay that's where we're at it doesn't. hold my interest and I if it holds your. interest good for you it did hold my. interest when I was 19 and smoking pot. every day and it was kind of funny and. me and my buddies were you know watching. the the bush Kerry election and we were.

watching cable news and it was kind of. cartoonish we're watching Chris Matthews. there was a great show called MSNBC late. night and they'd have like Ron Reagan's. son who's effeminately gay but as a wife. and he's like my father about Stabat and. they would have like people like Steve. Earle the folk singer and. Treena vanden Heuvel who ran the nation. and then pat buchanan and he just be. like the [ __ ] of the [ __ ] watts hot. man the [ __ ] and they would all sit. together in Central Park and a Bill.

O'Reilly on the other channel would yell. and scream and talk about traditionalism. and at a certain point you realize that. everybody's collecting a check that's. kind of all that's happening you know. that's what it is so that's my addendum. seek beauty seek truth join the patreon. come see my live shows by the merch that.

we're having ready seek beauty and truth. stop spending time in the American. political vote gar it's gross. have some self-respect you're on the. planet for a certain amount of years how. much you're gonna waste it staring at. Rachel Maddow you're wasting your life. they don't give a [ __ ] they don't your.

friends your family they don't care. about you so can you imagine that. political figures do your best friends. and your family barely can't they barely. care they barely care about you and you. think it's [ __ ] bado. O'Rourke does we're turkey organs hombre. doe bado O'Rourke what the [ __ ] is that.

what kind of name is that his real name. is something else his father named him. bado so he'd have a chance to be a. politician because bado sounds Mexican. and then a Roarke it sounds like a dumb. Mexican restaurant like that's also an. Irish pub like that kid that was on The. Tonight Show when he said a taco. Flanagan's or whatever that's what it. sounds like I don't know what happened. to that guy see Dad where is that guy.

anyway so but people move to LA and they. fall in the Pacific you might not be. dead what do I know. that's the addendum folks that's where. it's at that's where I'm at I have an. uncle they're like you know what am i. answer it's like I like this bait oh you. shut up. call your son I like bado I mean at what.

point do you [ __ ] get real and. realize that it's a [ __ ] it's a. circus I like to beta we state that yes. there's a lot of thing I just think he'd. be a nice change of beta or Roark get a. hobby. go paint seashells I don't give a [ __ ]. what you do if you're not collecting a. check from this [ __ ] and you're not. fighting for something you truly believe.

in stop passively following this like. it's sports or like it's a reality show. you know how many times I sit down with. people and they're like they're all. incensed then they're all ready to go. and they don't have a goddamn fact and. they're just ready to start and they're. not and they're angry about nine other. things in their life that they won't. tell you what they're about so they just.

channel it into some political diatribe. that makes no sense to anyone at the. table they start yelling and screaming. you know as somebody the other day was. going off about when they pulled out of. the Paris Accord the climate agreement. I'm like do you even know what it is I. can't believe we pulled out of the. apartheid Bible do you know what it is. I'm not saying it's gonna bear that we. pulled out do you know what it is or did.

you hear someone and now you're. repeating it cuz you're really angry. about god only knows what so that's my. point. you know it is what it is it's been. interesting to see as a guy that's. always looked at the inner workings we. should have had more food that was like. not a lot of food they gave us that.

restaurant but as somebody that kind of. looks at like the conspiracy side it's. been a while a couple of years it's been. a wild couple years but I mean it's like. Epstein getting capped that's like. almost my series finale that's like the. end I'll still talk about [ __ ] I'll.

still do episodes about [ __ ] I'll still. bring people on interview of them but. the way it all just [ __ ] went like. the way it went you go alright hey I'm a. passenger on the ship I am a passenger. on the ship I'm watching a movie and. they decided to kill off one of the main. characters in the movie well okay guess.

we'll watch another channel let's watch. dozy cat that's much it bottom [ __ ]. that's ma ho that's what I'm doing I'm. bopping around a corner on that's my ho. she's my blue blue blue blue blue and I. suggest you do the same I suggest you do. the same. that's my [ __ ] Bubba.

bado. oh ho I mean like he's [ __ ] women. middle-aged women getting wet because of. that bait Oh O'Rourke he's was a failure. he's out he failed. he's up there talking saying it you know. talking in Spanish trying to be you know. that's how dumb they think you are. turn it off. he's standing out there well uh me gusta.

can turn it off. they think you're a fool they have no. respect for you as the thinking organism. they have none and you are treating them. you're giving them the power and the. respect you're sitting on your fat ass. and watching them talk turn it off. new show that's my chick my bottom [ __ ]. new show post Malone now Jake and Logan. turn it off they don't treat you with.

respect. they don't care Epstein's dead oops. again and but they don't care but you. care you're sitting there like you're. either having a good faith you're being. dealt with in good faith it's like. people going into Enron knowing what. they knew. two months after imploded don't go be. like what's the deal with these pipeline. I don't think you're being honest here. you know that yeah what what will it.

take for you people to turn the channel. focus on whatever you need to focus on. that is don't these people are not it's. not I don't know what else to tell you. Joe Biden is senile Bernie makes him. sense he's 90 is there anyone that it's. a 90 that makes sense he's a good dude I. like him I'd like him to win probably. would be a good idea probably you know.

what do you think would happen how long. he lasts what a month fourth [ __ ]. that guy they found the way to get to. him or he'd spend in ten years he spent. eight years there he lived till 106 and. you know he'd get a free community. college for everyone it's not it the. country it's not there isn't you go all. over the country and you realize pretty. quick people don't want it to work they.

don't want it to work they just want to. beat other people they don't. want anything to actually change and get. better some of them do but the vast. majority of them don't they're selfish. simple cretins not the one to go to my. shows not those people and not the ones. that listen to my podcast but the others.

they don't care they don't it doesn't. mean anything today they just want to. sit on their fat ass and eat Pringles. while Elizabeth Warren tells them how. she's gonna take it to trump or they'll. they want to sit there and watch Donald. Trump tell them that he's draining the. swamp what does that even mean what. swamp is he drinking whose still. believes that he's gonna drain the swamp.

what what are you talking about I have. more respect for like like the human. traffickers the Coyotes that are. bringing people over here they have more. of an understanding of what's going on. then anyone that works at the New York. Times or CBS the coyotes that bring over. the people have more of an understanding. of the facts on the ground than anybody. that went to Yale so it's literal.

retards have a better take on what's. going on now than then people that went. to Harvard's Kennedy School of. Government literal retards change the. channel. embrace what it is embrace this is where. you live in now this is where you live.

in you're not living on the come-up. you're living as it starts to slip away. it's slipping away people are too fat to. fit in the car the economy that we have. left is based on gambling. okay I don't know what else to tell you. there are people without health. insurance in this country that have no. health insurance and they think it's.

great they think it's fine because. Trump's training the swamp and he's. gonna put Obama in Gitmo cuz a guy on. reddit said so in a poem. those are your fellow citizens those are. the your fellow citizen if you work just. to put in perspective let's say you. worked in a company and you were on a. team and you had to accomplish a goal. and a few of the people on your team. instead of coming to work early and and.

getting ready and preparing themselves. and reading all the emails instead of. doing that they were standing in the. parking lot eating their own [ __ ] and. you had to go up to them and go hey I. know that you guys are eating your own. [ __ ] number one that's bad for you. number two we really gotta put our heads. together and do this we got to get this. done we got to hit our numbers so could. you go home and shower and and they they. just kept eating their own [ __ ] and they.

were covered in their own [ __ ] you went. you know I don't know how this team's. gonna work I just can't seem to reach. them because they're eating their own. [ __ ] in the parking lot. and then you go up and you tell your. manager and he goes where's the where's. bill bills in the parking lot eating his. own [ __ ] again well will you go down. there and explain to bill how important. this is bill doesn't care see bill. doesn't care and you can't fire bill cuz.

they're not paying bill you see so. that's my addendum to the episode change. the [ __ ] Channel think about other. things I don't know what they are I can. tell you what they are you talk to. people people don't have any interest. your fellow citizens don't really have. an interest and it's not only these.

animals that we all talk about these fat. people. and I'm not Shin on fatties I'm fat I'm. just I'm talking about like it's. especially the people that live in nice. homes with nice clothes and shiny cars. and kids that go to good schools they. don't have they have zero interest in. fixing a thing. zero and then the people that are. totally [ __ ] they don't they don't. know how and no one can really teach.

them how and the people that try to. teach them how easy to get co-opted or. they get murdered so you know that's. magic my bottom [ __ ] she's my ho start. calling yourself a ho if anyone brings. up politics you the next time though I'm. a ho oh ho start dressing like a hike. Beast we're supreme shirts and sipping.

and walk around a nice sneakers and. dance danced around as soon as someone. brings up politics I don't give you 45. dress like a 15 year old let Siri just. when I'm on it a good Siri. Jessica 15 year old somebody's let's. bring up politics just to go Chum dosier. girl have you seen this mu and then just. start saying it to dinner go [ __ ] imma. cow [ __ ] imma cow I'm not a cat I don't. say meow and when they go you're insane. go no you're insane you're insane.

talking about bado O'Rourke Timbaland. comedy calm for all the live dates see. you later.