#166 - You're A Disgrace | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to Tim. Dylan is going to hell this was. originally know what you said Tim. Dylan's going to hell [ __ ] oh [ __ ]. leave it like this ladies and gentlemen. I apologize I apologize ladies and. gentlemen welcome to the info wars. podcast my name is Tim Dylan ladies and. gentlemen welcome to my favorite murder. Yaffe's ladies and gentleman welcome to. two dub queens ladies and gentlemen.

welcome to the last podcast on the left. ladies and gentlemen welcome to Tuesdays. with stories ladies a job and walk with. a fighter in the can ladies and. gentlemen welcome to whiskey ginger. three two one and we're live you know. what that one is. ladies and gentlemen welcome to chapo. Trap House welcome to come town welcome. to uh [ __ ] I'm blanking out welcome to. our revisionist history those. pretentious [ __ ] welcome to the Monday.

morning podcasts welcome to tinfoil hat. it is a Tim Dylan show folks the episode. was supposed to be a patreon episode we. recorded a killer [ __ ] episode and I. said you know what we're gonna put it. out for everybody we got another Pig on. a killer patreon episode coming so. patreon people don't be don't be miffed. don't be small-minded and angry at this.

there should be more people subscribing. to the patreon we've got some really. great content on there and it's only. gonna get better we're also gonna change. that Ben I don't like that little up top. that I do about the patreon every week. yeah I wanted to just feel a little. different it feels too so I'm gonna do. another one where I I you know okay I. just don't like it it feels - I don't. know but I don't know it just feels like.

it's physical. and people over the head yeah I got what. I mean yeah I know the people are stupid. but we at least got to show them a. little bit of respect well we try to get. in there and take their money you know. what I mean we can't be too we can't. expect too much but we can't also expect. to look you know we gotta we got to go. in there and really figure out a way to. get it get it from them you know so this.

is a great episode you'll enjoy it. it's gonna be it's an hour late already. or two hours late and there's you're. gonna run your mouth about it but really. really shut the [ __ ] up think about it. think about life and shut the [ __ ] up. goodbye hi I'm Timmy the trash can and I. love trash so good instead of throwing. your trash on the floor won't you please.

give it to me. thank you for considering your fellow. patrons sit down and making everybody. nervous standing around ladies and. gentlemen welcome to the Tim Dylan show. patreon episode exclusively for patreon. members five dollars a month entitles.

you to one extra episode of the program. and also unlimited access to the. archives how many episodes do we have. for the men German a hundred and forty. five a hundred and forty-five archived. episodes stop asking for the one where I. talk about the CEO of NBC Universal that. one was destroyed you don't get to hear. that they paid me three grand and they. would they held that money over my head. and I [ __ ] took that down immediately. to get paid but it's still a great deal.

get in now folks twenty dollars a month. you're a Rothschild member you're the. top tier no that is not a Jewish. conspiracy reference they are a wealthy. family it means that you support the. show you have a little extra income not. only do you get all the other men. purrs I mean you get all the other. benefit you get all the other members if. you're a Rothschild member we give you. other members. we're selling slaves human trafficking. know if you are well child remember not.

only do you get all the benefits of the. other members but you get exclusive. extra long videos that me and Ben do. desk videos you get to correspond with. us you you get to ask questions we'd use. bonus episodes just for you so join the. patreon and be an American citizen and. even if you're not a citizen you can. still join the patreon I don't give a. [ __ ] how you got here we're joined today.

by Kevin tinkin. Kevin's a comedian who lives in Los. Angeles California per se you're. pronouncing it that way uh we're joined. by Jay saver you guys have a podcast -. what is your podcast called brain Jail. brain Jail. it's with this autistic man who's. twisting the knobs it's with Ben and. myself and Jace I like a lot of people. to comment on my podcast you don't get. to like Ben's a producer so they go this. guy's horrible I think he's part of the.

show he just doesn't talk every episode. says like two things you don't get that. he's producing the show clearly a. one-man show they're so mad at me for. distributing it to them on time it's. also on my show he has a weird like he. doesn't talk to it usually does he's. like if I'm okay what is the deal with. this he was like I don't even know why.

he doesn't talk normally he's prank. calling a hot girl he's been stalking. the other the other not half a brain. jail third 33rd and 35th percent of like. total poundage 50% of poundage on brain. jail Jace a very generous heyguys rather. is Ben Avery mm-hmm raised in taxes now. residing here. in Los Angeles California mm-hmm what is.

brain Jail about we talked about growing. up like ex-christian and then just do. like a bunch of like Matt and Shane. secret podcast type bits just making. sure we never have a job in the industry. okay now we started out the podcast. being like this is the summer we all get. cancer right we got to really just put. it in the effort every week right you. know lots of lots of what do they call. that just switching codes codes. switching a lot of code switching lots. of what accents what's the accents do. you feel ever nervous about what you see.

on the podcast you ever feel like you'll. lose some of your endorsements is that. you're worried yeah I mean zig zags. you ever sit down with your team and. they're just not happy about the. direction things are heading daily. swarmers been calling us about the ads. yeah oh yeah I will say this about daily. strauber they do need better content. people you know what I mean for Y for.

the people that I know you've heard of. what I've heard 8chan is down now. there's no more H oh they took it down I. think it's done where will Ben post is. manifested now that HN is gone Ben write. manifestos no oh yeah I'll tell you this. folks we were all troubled as teenagers. to an extent you know mm-hmm everybody. has that time in your life I never. thought of shooting up my school I never. did I never did and I was bullied yeah.

but I never thought I should shoot up. the school. it seems very indirect of how to uh like. get past whatever you got you know. bullied you know in school and you kill. everyone I used to fantasize about. meeting up everybody in my school when. they're not shooting anybody. but everybody like just walk no I. literally cemetery where I beat up. everybody at school and I'd wake up and.

feel pretty good I'm trying to think. what my revenge fantasies were. I think I just wanted to [ __ ] everybody. like everyone who bullied me I was just. god I want to suck their dick yes it was. like an interesting way to hate them. plug in a consensual way that word is so. loaded that's all the gay guys that are. real crazy hard on the meat to stuff and. so he's interesting to me because every.

gay bar is me - mm-hmm. like Louie took out his dick I'm like. every gay bar before disposing. themselves to each other and grabbing. each other yeah most gay bars it's like. a friendly yeah everybody's like they're. the moral majority yes dude. drag queens used to be hilarious they. used to get up on stage you wanna a.m. and [ __ ] on every race in the room I. mean like now there's a moral majority. yeah yeah it's odd it's like why are we.

you put balls in your mouth why are you. the moral majority in the moral majority. who wants that who wants to be the. [ __ ] church lady. that's correcting that you know. somebody's grammar yeah you want to be. rowdy you want to be fun you want have a. good time life is too short stop holding. every grudge.

yeah people it's hard to get scolded by. someone in a wig a little off you know. and it's it just takes me out of it you. know I agree with you I want it I want. to learn I'm here to listen. yeah you know but the the titties are. falling out yeah there's there's a lot. of action going on dude it's fun you. shouldn't be like what people don't. understand about it being like a person. that doesn't live this mainstream life.

mm-hmm don't take the worst parts of the. mainstream and incorporate them into. your life yeah like being shitty being. judgmental you know being [ __ ] boring. don't [ __ ] do that. everybody wants the rights to be a piece. of [ __ ] yeah. and they're like you know I ever there. that guy's able to be a piece of [ __ ]. and like finally we got a March. so there we gonna be a total piece of. [ __ ] I'm glad I grew up in a place where.

my parents and my friends parents didn't. care about us you know what I mean. and rarely pretended to I'm so grateful. now. yes Drive issues with food yes when I. fed poisoned X was ever taught how to. manage money. no was I prepared for college no I. prepared for life no was I prepared for. intimate relationship sexually or. emotionally no was like given any. self-confidence no self-esteem no. support no was I tall you know as I told.

anything positive at any point in my. life no but that being said we had a lot. of fun yeah my parents and my friends. parents we all wanted to just have fun. booze it up eat it up eat it up and. booze it huh the mess trial hood they. weren't into like oh we're gonna prepare. the kids for whatever they were into. like let's get this [ __ ] party. started my friend's mom Barbara Magoo in.

the sangria that's real in marby Reds. last name is Magoo Lahan barb would you. sit in the chair. give me some sangria give me some reds. she would drive us around in her car. hotbox it was it rad his dad smoked. Marlboro ultralights like air didn't. even make sense why smoke but they were.

fun yeah people how's Barbara doing now. fine do a good man listen they pick you. know you pickle yourself mm-hmm. you know they've probably toned it down. you can't go hard forever you know it's. true I regret that I wasn't a guy that. could handle a pop a drink Ben was not a. guy that can handle a drink nope kind of.

do it you know. and I regret that now you can have a. cocktail I can have a drink I can't. smoke a lot of weed right because I'll. just. it'll just be you haven't starts to get. crazy yeah I start singing reggae and. it's it gets real bad I started growing. dreadlocks so choose cultural. appropriate all over ice them all I. start smoking weed early I become a. Jamaican I become a giant if I got get. this far guitar - yeah.

get your a bottie boy it's like oh. alright yeah that seems mmm interesting. yeah no I did it just gets to a point. where I'm just I stay in my room for. like six days yeah and I just I just. obsess on you just go to start a start. fights and check cashing place 100% you. start trying to check your cash checks. it don't exist yeah you how many check. cashing places I was exercising cocaine. addict you know how many cash check. cashing places you just see somebody.

shout through the bulletproof glass. window with somebody else and go this is. not a check you're trying to cash. something that isn't a check you drew. this I know it has a denomination of. money on it. but they would show up with like. something that said like you're gonna. get this money soon or you owe this. month they didn't like and the people at. the check cashing place would have to be. like this isn't a check and then people. get so mad come on man was in a gold. envelope are you imitating a Jewish.

person with that voice yes it's fine a. hundred percent is trying to be certain. of what happened yeah yeah come on man. oh man oh okay I got my passes already. for y'all you can't even catch his. golden check one of the most. embarrassing things that's ever happened. to me is when I first started doing. comedy here's the thing with check. cashing places if you have not cashed a. check before at the check cashing place. they will call whoever wrote the check.

yeah and confirm which no bank does like. not that they have ways of verifying it. but check cashing places don't call. right yep and and I needed the money. right away I needed to pay rent I just. done like a gig and I. posited it or not deposited I want to go. cash it at the check cashing place and. they like called the [ __ ] guy who. just wrote me the check and I look like. such a piece of [ __ ] it's like it's. somebody be like Hades he ain't never be.

less check cashers yeah I heard the guy. on the other I'd be like why Dylan you. you write them check I said yeah I write. a check what's the problem you know dude. I use check cashing places for very long. oh they're a great place if you can. sometimes you can get money at the like. this save Marling at the grocery store. or whatever but that's no fun either cuz. I'll do the same [ __ ] no check cashing.

place I did when I was working at. Letterman and I was in each Bushwick I. went to a very violent check cashing. place and they did the same thing where. they're like is this Letterman and then. everybody was like looking at me like I. was an insane person yeah like I'm. working in TV and I'm at a check cast. yeah they thought I was Paul Shaffer. David Letterman with no sleeves after. [ __ ] get that get that auto ladies and. gentlemen I have told you several times.

about the need to relax many of you are. suffering from anxiety much of that. anxiety is is you know appropriate as. many of you are in a directionless and. you really don't know what's coming and. it's gonna be bad and I think we've all. been kind of clear about that and you. know many of you don't know how to. handle it and you're afraid you're gonna. be alone and you're right you're afraid.

you're not gonna make connections with. other human beings. you're gonna constantly get in your own. way it's my point many of you have that. fear and that's you know it's based in. reality and you know realistic. understanding of who you are and what. you bring to the table but doesn't mean. that that should be debilitating you. know what I mean you should be able to. get past that you know I don't know any. successful person who dwells exclusively. in reality I don't. they create their own reality okay they.

just you know it is what it is they just. you know walls from one topic to the. next and inject their own idea of what. is and isn't true. you don't really it'll go crazy with. facts and figures statistics many of the. most successful people I knew barely. they barely watch the news they barely. have any clue as to what is happening at. any given time they just kind of you. know sashay through life just you know.

and I'm telling you right now folks. that's probably the better way to do it. that's probably the way to do it instead. of being hyper focused on reality. reality as they said in the 90s bites. it's the reality of that but how do you. reduce anxiety what do you do you take. klonopin like Jordan Peterson and you. end up in rehab knew not a good look JP.

has said some some important things but. I feel from klonopins not to move what. about xanax that's not the move if you. see a little Zen does he look better no. you know got his man I met the guy that. knows his manager recently and it's all. like you're all on Death Watch he was in. European heaven easy annex and his. brother had to like smuggles annex into. Europe and his ass and just cuz little.

Xan. suppose that little Xan lit $200,000 on. fire. yeah he's nuts ma'am whatever shoutout. to zan zan Turkey the whole family. I thought little zan and Billy Eilish. with the same person for a very long. time somebody had to explain to me that. they weren't but my point is that you. can't get nuts with the pharmaceuticals. folks it's not the move I know your. parents your boomer parents took you to. the therapist who shove drugs down your. throat we get it they didn't want to.

realize their own culpability in your. condition. they didn't want to go do some real. behavioral therapy and work through it. they just paid some doctor to shove the. adderall down your throat when you were. an eighth grade. now you got a real problem you're. scratching yourself your [ __ ] door. stop it this goddamn cat I'm gonna kick. it in its face [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] cat. eye cat I'd like to give that kind of. lethal dose of something maybe I should.

give that some CBD cuz that's what we're. talking about here folks I don't want to. blow I don't want to ruin the surprise. but it's true many people in my. generation we just fed pharmaceutical. drugs by they're lazy and inadequate. parents okay and they end up they end up. like fighting anxiety with drugs that. cause all kinds of problems that's where. nobody's dick works anymore because. they've all been on [ __ ] anti-anxiety. meds forever so the move here folks is.

CBD what is it CBD is the hemp plant and. unlike its sister Mary Jane that means. marijuana CBD contains less than 3% THC. okay so it's not the psychoactive drug. THC which is what gets you high this is. not about getting high I'm sober up and. sober for eight years. I endorsed this product I think it's. great several double-blind studies have.

shown that CBD reduces anxiety it's. absolutely true I know people that give. Brenda Schwab give CBD to his son it. helps him with his epilepsy okay also. been slow to have been shown to. alleviate depression as well as pain and. inflammation and help with sleep and a. lot of people are having sleepless. nights because all day they they think. about their life and then they go lay in. bed and they go god what did i do today. I blew it all didn't I yes but you.

should still be able to sleep. unlike many CBD products on Amazon or. online shopping sites uncommon. apothecary products are third-party. tested to ensure quality and consistency. I like that I like that they don't trust. their own people I appreciate that. third-party tested uncommon apothecary. okay. posted right to the site they're not. trying to hide anything. of all it is legal without prescription. in all 50 states.

we have pet formulas so your best friend. and you can take it together so if you. have a dog like my friend has Australian. Shepherd it's a piece of [ __ ] and it. attacks everybody and I have this fat. cat that escapes all the time it's not. even my cat but I have to take care of. it because I moved into a divorce. doesn't matter neither here nor there. but what I'm saying is the reality is. you could take it with your patent I.

know I say the reality is too much and. it's annoying the reviews speak for. themselves Jerry from Michigan says I. purchased from my grandparents both of. which are in their late 60s they've used. it daily for just over a week now and. they love it it helps to ease their pain. caused from arthritis at knee. replacements allowing them to be more. functional during the day and sleep. easier at night great product be funny. if it was like Jerry for Michigan says I. purchased for my grandparents both of. which are in their late 60s they had.

been withdrawing in the latter latter. years of their life they've been getting. strange ending phone calls very very. quickly and not sending out any birthday. or Christmas cards we worried about them. during the holidays it was a real. darkness in their eyes it looked like. something was going wrong once I went by. their house and they didn't know I was. there and I saw them standing in the. backyard wearing robes they were holding. hands and chanting and they were burying. something in a little box I don't know.

what it is then I started to pull. newspaper clippings of kids that had. gone missing in their area 30 kids had. gone missing in the last 25 years it's. very interesting I started to put. together that many of those kids went. missing in a three mile radius of where. they lived I started looking at some of. the art in their house it was very. strange Devil's and satanic symbols I.

didn't realize it before well I pretty. much figured out that they were. murdering children maybe abusing them. sexually I don't know but. they were a big problem so we don't. bring the kids over there anymore but. they do make a pretty decent grilled. cheese and I did get them the CBD and. they are sleeping easier now so let's. let bygones be bygones so folks head.

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for 15% of check out. listen CBD is good it helps it fights. anxiety it fights inflammation literally. it is like a miracle drug everyone talks. about it rogue and everybody that you. respect talked about this drug if you're. a fan of my show and you like the show. and you're going to buy CBD this is a. great way to do it okay you a - CBD calm. use the promo code Dillon 15 you'll get. 15% off after checkout they have all.

kinds of CBD products literally. everything. go to the site play around with it again. it's a great way to support the show if. you are a consumer of CBD and if not. it's definitely something to try thank. you I am I was like always bad with. money man I was never good with money I. didn't come from a family that was good. with money. I didn't understand money I still barely.

understand money. um I'm not the worst with money but I'm. not good I spend too much I'm too. generous Irish people are stupidly. generous let me just you're very like my. dad I go out to dinner with people that. have so much more money than him and. just pick up the check do you feel like. working in sales also gave you that. habit as well yeah yeah. I'm starting to get that now job sales. guys want to show everybody that they're.

the guy mm-hmm so a lot of it's like. throwing down the card I got it and your. sales is all about trying to convince. the world you're doing better than you. are. hmm so people want to [ __ ] get on. board with what you're doing you know so. part of that is like that fake it till. you make it yeah I throat a card I got. it and then you start realizing you. start buying dinners for people that not. just have a little more money than you. but could buy and sell you like you're. being ridiculous yeah like it's absurd.

there's a lot of money out there and I. wish people are just not good with money. there's something about Irish people I. think is it drinking maybe the. depression yeah part of its the drinking. I think also part of it is that it's not. like it's not a culture that prizes. education. neither did Italian yeah Jews did mm-hmm. Asians and Indians did yeah oh yeah. Irish were all about like let's get.

government jobs. let's hit people with stacks yeah its. own bars its own restaurants Italians. were the same thing at times distrusted. institutions outside of family and the. church so they like education things. like that it wasn't like you know so you. know but Irish people there's something. about the party atmosphere hmm everybody. having fun everybody drinking money on. the bar and you know none of that lends. itself to like you know prudent.

financial decisions yeah nobody inherits. money goes what is Malachy if the bar. think what is thrown in and think I. should do just Terry have any ideas of. what I should do with this well yes. we'll run it into the ground together. well run it into the ground together. like this is how dumb some Irish people. are mm-hmm I was on my tour bus and. there was I was when I was a tour guide. in New York City on those double-decker. buses we're outside it was a beautiful. day and there was a bunch of guys it.

walked out a Barclays which is a big. bank in New York City. and they were like yeah such young men. here they all have jobs you're all doing. well and I'm like those guys probably. make two or three hundred thousand. dollars a year yeah they're loaded this. is that dumb these Irish people are they. go but they're cooped up inside all day. you got the Sun and I'm like well that's. why we have nothing yeah that's why we. have nothing but they're cooped up. inside you got the Sun you're at a.

check-cashing Bella Noma they're cooped. up inside all that they can't go out and. walk in the tall grass. I sleep outside why even be alive. yeah disgusting but great if you you. know great writers great storytellers. you guys are from Texas what is your. background what is your ethnic. background um we're just white trash.

it's nothing really we didn't get any. education on your so would you say that. you guys are European are you like me. we're Dutch we're like 1/32 Native. American word yeah Russian English Irish. and then out 0.6% Ashkenazi Jew so. really yeah mm-hmm okay I would like you. guys to put the mics down years ago.

yeah but sneak up on you right you. tinkin what's your background. English Irish German is there anything. that sticks out cuz see for being from. Long Island New York is Irish Italian. Jewish and those are very distinct. cultures so like everybody that I know. one of those cultures played like a role. in their life or you know I black. friends it is bad affair yeah those are. very distinct cultures too right so I.

mean there was nothing we were like. we're like fourth generation so it was. just completely bread a roast beef on. Christmas and that was about the only. tradition that we have okay yeah but. that was my me and my grandfather what. kind of recipes like a nice roast beef. you carve it like deli roast beef that. y'all just no no no. my grandpa would would roast it on the. spit out yeah that's right it'd be grass. right lots of coolers lights around lots. of quart cans lots of was a good man. grandpa was a good man lots of lectures.

about how to appropriately use the pool. table we had to put my grandfather a. pool table - it was like generation love. billiards absolutely they loved you. don't [ __ ]. don't touch the pool table right tell. grandpa has showed you how to use a pool. cue I've told you this yeah I think my I. think one of my dad's brothers I. scratched the felt on the pool table my. grandfather like beat him within an inch. of his life percent yeah he deserved it. me and Ben we visited our rich Jersey. relatives and was it Ellen broke the.

chandelier I broke it Dan broke the. shinny over the pool table we were. terrified they'd just throw us in jail. we're doing the yank up then one of the. Yankee cue ball and rip it into the it. was probably like 10 grand yeah it's an. amateur mistake yeah my grandpa wouldn't. stand for that [ __ ] I wouldn't even I. have to change my last name if I had. that well that was from that generation. man where a lot of those guys had. literally nothing like we talked about. how we're all [ __ ] and we're not gonna.

retire and have houses and [ __ ] that's. well true you know but those guys like. my grandfather started out with very. little he was very poor yes Chelsea. Handler he was wide at it we know is why. I understand that he had it easier than. black people Thank You Chelsea Handler. for telling me that from the backyard of. your bel-air mansion while you interview. another white guy who wrote a book about. white privilege mm-hmm is there anything. this deserve anything will tell you more. why Trump will win than that scene yeah.

where she a white chick who's a multi. millionaire interviews another white guy. who wrote a book about white privilege. in the in the backyard of her bel-air. mansion. it's a [ __ ] SIOP it's so bad it's so. bad like that it was high they had hired. by extra-hard to the dock and we're. talking about the documentary hello. privilege it's me Chelsea. mm-hmm there are parts of the dock that. are like [ __ ] haunting because you. know tons of horrible [ __ ] went down. anybody who says why people haven't had. it substantively easier than black.

people just. of history you don't know anything you. know no doesn't mean all white people. but the way that the middle class was. created was completely unavailable to. black people all kinds of loans federal. grants all that [ __ ] owning property all. of that is 100% true so there's things. in the documentary that are like god I. just wanted to hear that civil rights. lady talk more yeah she was interesting.

that one was a hero so of course she was. on for about three minutes and then the. rest of it is Chelsea Handler talking to. her old boyfriend you know she hasn't. seen in 25 years. some black that she was banging at 15. and I boarded his kid and then he goes. to jail for a bunch of drug-related. offenses and she dips and closer makes a. couple million bucks a lot of more than. a couple yeah and then comes back 25. years later with a Netflix crew yeah she. comes back with a production crew see.

her first time she's seen a guy yeah. first time she's seen the guy and she. comes back with a film crew that's. insane. yeah well Tim she greeted I don't know. if you caught that she greeted him and. she's like you've been out of jail what. 14 years now he's like no I was in jail. for 14 years I've been out for two. she's like sorry the sound was muffled. did you say that again. would you mind saying that again and by. the way your camera's camera too. did you say to camera two she's like I'm. so excited to see your mother she walked.

into the house she's like hi grandma she. gives the old woman hog the old lady's. leg the grandma hey grandma. it's me Chelsea how you doing girl girl. you want to floss real quick there's. nothing more disgusting sweater yeah. here you go.

she's worth she was interesting about it. she didn't show up with anything like I. guess it would have been inappropriate. to bring gifts. probably I wonder you're better than. just nothing listen I don't know her I. know people that know her I don't know. her at all I wonder if she writes them a. check. I would hope figure hopefully right but. she also seems like such a [ __ ] yeah.

but maybe that's I don't know I saw her. on a plane watch like elbowed me no. she's in first class. what she knew you know like I don't know. if she was like settling in or see she. was just kind of like get away from the. fat white mass you fat white blob yeah. she spends most of documentary talking. to this dude in her backyard mm-hmm and. she's like you know she supposedly paid.

for all her like brothers and sisters. care I knew her brother Roy handler a. real chef who was friends with one of my. fat friends Tracey karna I was a. comedian in New York shoutout to Tracey. she know she's fat. she used to do this diet called whole. thirty we were to house one day and. Tracey goes I'm doing whole 30 and Ray. turn around 128 30 whole chickens. weirdest a cast once first time I had. like caroline's maybe 2015 we would do.

quality meat steak house in New York and. Ray gets enraged with fat people like. pretend to be on diets you know it's. kind of hilarious show Tracey they they. put an appetizer down on the table and. it's bacon with like miso peanut butter. and jalapeno apple jelly it's so amazing. and instead of just not eating it or. abstaining she looked at the way there. she goes I don't really eat bacon a. register of I shot the [ __ ] mad but. Tracy was friends with this guy Roy. handler like Chelsea excommunicated Roy.

and for whatever reason like he lived. with Chelsea for a while then they got. in a fight and then like she wouldn't. speak to him anymore he was with her in. LA I think they lived together yeah in. LA he live with her for a while then. they got in some argument they don't. speak right she really she was white. yeah should be like. white boy you're a white really use the. deal did she started realizing that when. it became hip of course when it became. the thing to do. she's a known climber yeah and a lot of. the people who turned on a dime like.

that's why I respect the [ __ ] out of. Janeane Garofalo. Janine's been doing political [ __ ]. forever cheney was in like during the. Iraq war when Chelsea was talking about. it puss Jeanine was talking about Cheney. and Halliburton Cheney has been going up. trying to get people to wake up about. [ __ ] for a [ __ ] long you know and. Jeanine gets booed she gets [ __ ]. hostile reactions and she's not full of. [ __ ] did and she defended Louie and got. [ __ ] for it. like that's the thing she doesn't like.

his mob mentality culture because. Janeane Garofalo is an actual person. that gives a [ __ ] and she's actually. used her art to try to get people to pay. attention to [ __ ] and all of these. people now they're jumping on that. bandwagon are complete frauds and she. knows it she's like we're the [ __ ] rule. of you and we're locking people up at. Guantanamo Bay. oh they be Nazis you got them a Netflix. special yeah they don't give a [ __ ]. about your Mullen said that Montague's. some of these well people would be Nazis. 100% they love the iconography of just. being part of this movement that they'd.

never questioned yep they just love. putting it out there. gasps Quaid get him on the train Nazis. are just another that's Yas Queen he's. just another Heil Hitler you can't do. anything if you're not a New York time. makes everything start to build yeah. people out here for whatever reason you. release East Coast time just that's what.

Netflix releases [ __ ] west coast I'm. like why what are you doing I don't know. I just feel like New York for whatever. reason maybe there's more hustle bustle. I feel like [ __ ] you start my fanbase is. more New York too but I think they just. start [ __ ] starts to catch fire quicker. they catch it first and then it goes. viral by the time the West Coast right. yeah these [ __ ] out here are. sleeping or thrown away two hours yeah. at least three hours well if you know. the correct time stuff yeah exactly.

allow privilege it's me Chou Singh high. privilege we're gonna pass I'm. privileged hi i'm privileged chelsea. quite frankly we're good. hello precious that's me Chelsea. Gabourey Sidibe hi privilege this is. Chelsea hey Chelsea its privilege we've. met before we've known each other for a. while and frankly I don't like that.

you're not talking [ __ ] about me when. I've had your back literally forever. literally forever mm-hmm I love the. beginning of it sets out where you see. her house and you know these jokes and. I've had it hard I'm jealous because she. wants to show that she has like some. self-awareness I'm like and it starts. with her maid cleaning her house yeah. yeah her maids cleaners and then she's. like I wrote a book club you've got to. be kidding me so I wasn't thinking about. myself I was thinking about a funny. you're still thinking about yourself and.

solving the world's problems your. Netflix all of that people call her out. through the whole thing like yeah this. isn't gonna be solved with like a. Netflix special you [ __ ] like no like. multiple people like yeah this isn't. what you think it is mm-hmm. Chelsea's like well how can what are we. supposed to do with white people it's a. donate money donate your time how about. get to tell the cameras to go home and. go make a poor person a sandwich yeah so. something go hire an attorney for.

something like you know donate the ACLU. anything she wants in it these people. want em years they want to be recognized. they want a legacy because she's. probably like I've talked about my [ __ ]. for a decade mm-hmm talked about my. curse lapis which was just to call her. [ __ ] I talk about my kiss lapis for a. decade and I [ __ ] you know she [ __ ]. you know she's got nothing with John. rivers Jenna rivers called her out Joan. Rivers like you're fine you [ __ ] a. head of a yeah you know he was like you.

come at me [ __ ]. yeah I'm the first person you had a late. night show the first woman who had a. late night return do you think she. [ __ ] up by going in the race angle. instead of the rape angle I feel like. that would have been better for her like. diving into the me to stuff I don't know. man I know people that. our and it's just like there's an. intensity tour you can see in her eyes. there's an intensity to her she's. clearly successful she's coolly driven. you know she she [ __ ] she's got a. hustle right and she's got a hustle so. somebody with a hustle man it's very. interesting I'm sure she is guilty and.

I'm sure she does in her own head think. what she's doing is good I I think. that's the thing I like it's only sin. it's cynical but it's also like she. believes that this is good yeah nobody. thinks they're a bad person. that's how evil happens this people. themselves a good narrative here's what. she did she goes to Oktoberfest and gets. these white people that are buffoons and. they'll go we don't know about why. privilege why he made.

she gives people are getting hammered at. Oktoberfest to basically go and then she. gets four Republican lawmakers were not. even lawmakers women in like the local. Republic Club of Orange County in him. like brain-dead Chardonnay swilling. morons real housewife. yeah real housewife types who were just. wasting the Real Housewives at least. have like job these [ __ ] are like. what do they even do it like going going. to fundraisers while their husbands [ __ ].

some 22 year old on a golf course who. knows like she's talking to them like. that's the people you're trying to get. right women just posting on next door. and that's who she's she doesn't she so. she easily like just finds these morons. and I'm not saying that there's not a. lot of those people out there but what's. the victory there okay. what's the victory again you got a bunch. of morons to sit in your backyard and I. said dumb things good for you yeah well.

you know it's just a it's a it's a love. story to the [ __ ] to Hollywood and. [ __ ] it's the same stuff because that. kind of stuff isn't gonna it's just. gonna infuriate the people that it's. targeted targeting what people don't. realize white privilege is absolutely. real but the bigger problems that we are. a country full of deeply selfish. Psychopaths really mm-hmm and it's like. is it raises here yeah but there's a.

lotta a lot of problems yeah there's a. lot of demons running amok yeah I did a. show in Jersey and I was talking about. GoFundMe have a bit about GoFundMe in. perfect American attitude I'm like you. ever donate to GoFundMe and a woman in. the front row fat Jersey beast goes. who's funding us you know the perfect. American answer I didn't think about. Billie Eilish I'm like isn't this weird. she's bleeding out of her eyes.

something's wrong there right dressing. up like Satan in the videos and then. somebody in the back of she makes a lot. of money Oh God. here's the same HECO when you're talking. about Epstein I mean this is a country. where people brought their kids to. Michael Jackson's bedroom so they could. get [ __ ] cuz he had a nice house you get. a free trip to boys this is America this. is what these are the people that live.

here you know. if it was only racism there was a. problem God would that be a breath of. fresh air if it was strictly race that. these people were weird about and not. and I'm not saying that's not a huge. [ __ ] problem but I mean we're living. with with people that are just. completely [ __ ] unhinged corporations. are like buying all the water for the. next 20 years yeah dude I'm telling you.

I say it as a joke but I'm telling you. right now there will be an American. Ninja Warrior type show where people. will compete for insulin and the people. competing will say it's a privilege to. be here I'm lucky to be I'm lucky to be. here I love all those competition shows. people go on they're like I'm lucky to. be here. I'm so lucky to be here and get out. there and be judged by Chrissy Teigen. and some other people that are.

collecting a check to sit in judgment of. my passion yeah and tell me whether or. not I should what I should do with my. life you know. that's why I respect the the boomers. that raised all of us the drunks uh you. know I wish there was more alcohol in my. house my mom would do at Bartles &. Jaymes and then we'd watch Romancing the. Stone and she thought she'd complain. about dad not loving her enough yeah and. I'd be like mom it's okay it's all right. hit me yeah let's get it oh boy yeah.

happy lives yeah yeah not everything's. at night every time one of us opens our. mouth that's a goddamn night and mother. would sit on the couch and sip of tea. and cry softly and I would braid her. hair and put makeup on and tell her that. no one could see the bruises I mean. Williams football season is upon us. folks Jeffrey Epstein is out of the news. we're moving on.

you like winning money of course you do. you like betting sports of course you do. what else are you gonna do with your. life I'll tell you where I put my money. down my bookie dot AG you can bet on the. NFL baseball MMA whatever my bookies got. it they've got better incentives and. more lines and any other supports put. period okay they got everything they. have these uh all kinds of like. non-traditional bats dude.

that are pretty cool a prop that you can. bet on something unconventional you get. bet on like Trump resigning which will. never happen but you can bet 100 bucks. and you'll win 1,200 you know there's 12. to 1 odds like these are fun bets we'll. come up with a few of those bats you. know we could do like you know you could. bet that just Lane Maxwell would be. arrested which obviously she's not gonna. be but you can do bets like that it. doesn't have to be sports but listen. they're great at sports and I'm telling.

you this right now folks my pic right. now okay I'm gonna say Monday Night. Football Chicago and Washington I say. the Bears minus four and uh under. Redskins team total 19 I don't really. give it I don't know I know everything. about this. my friend Michael is picking these out. because he's like a degenerate gambler. and he like ran like. the service where people would bet with. him and he's like that kind of guy he's. like a slimy guy so he knows about this.

so he's giving me my pics you know I. don't really give a [ __ ] about sports. I'll do some other fun bets. you know like society collapses when. here we go folks I'm gonna say it again. bears minus four and under Redskins team. total which is nineteen okay. bet that Redskins suck they have a. racist name and their owners a.

billionaire [ __ ] okay my friend is. really good at these picks by the way. he's not bad at them you know I'm. telling you he's gonna be really helping. me out in this in this until I really. get until I get a little better at it. because he's from that world he's in. that world okay well it's important to. me that I give you guys the information. that you need so that you can go and bat. they just revamp their site my book if. you've been on my book II been yeah I've.

used it I encourage shut up I encourage. you all of you to go and take a look if. you haven't already okay it's fun to bet. on things it is fun to gamble I remember. I went to a bachelor party with a friend. of mine we went to Atlantic City which. is really like a Disney World for. chain-smoking amputees and it's really. really bad my friend Mike Lawrence made. a great point because these people think. they're gonna be lucky they all have. like their missing limbs they're gonna. be lucky now it was interesting we went. to Show Boat casino which was like this.

horrific kind of racist like you know. themed casino in Atlantic City that was. going out of business right next to. Trump's cuz you know which was also kind. of going out of business people are just. you know if doing heroin in the. bathrooms and you know there's rats. running around but the I mean I was. playing I think three-card poker we're. just having a good time it's fun to. gamble and it's much more fun to gamble. and not leave your house that's the move. here you can win money you got my. audience can do it you can do it you can.

win why don't you win why don't you go. and be somebody. stop listen if your fiancee run her. mouth go and take life by the [ __ ]. balls make a little money and then you. tell her where you're going on vacation. Kang you know she's disgusted with you. cuz you don't have the kind of money. that her friends men do you know she's. got to talk about how funny you are at.

brunch with those other birds it's. disgusting. we in a little bit get a little money. tell you right now that's the way to do. it and don't do it in a traditional way. who cares the working man is a sucker. don't be a sucker take all of the money. that you earn and bet okay double your. first deposit now if you use promo code. Tim you get 100% bonus on your initial. deposit up to $1,000 if you deposit 500.

you get a thousand if you deposit a. thousand you get 2,000 don't be stupid. folks if you like to bet this is the. site to bet 100% and if you don't like. to bet you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] and and. nobody respects you. you have a soft penis it never gets hard. and your wife stands there waiting and. then she goes into masturbates in the. bathroom because she cannot she can she. married this [ __ ] [ __ ] that is afraid. to go out there and take a chance you're.

afraid to risk okay. I'm telling you the Bears are gonna win. Monday night I've looked at the spreads. and the statistics and I've I've done. the work I've done my due diligence. okay the Bears have a great team they. got uh that the big guy and then the few. other ones they're gonna [ __ ] win. what is the Redskins got what are they.

got they got nothing they got a bunch of. Nazis running around that they're. they're they they they're their name is. the Washington Redskins that's that's a. real name you imagine that's a name. that's ridiculous what are you gonna. wear I mean what kind of what kind of. organization would. they should change their name to the. Washington intersectional feminist or. something that's respectful and and.

positive like the Washington you know. Native American alliance I don't know. but it's what do you think about the. game you're ready for the game. the Bears I'm ready I'm ready I'm going. for it on the Bears the well everybody. loves the big guy he's already Saget bad. everybody says Ben's gay and I tried to. let him let him defend themselves by.

having some sports knowledge and of. course he's got coming his throat you. can't saying he's like I'm betting on. the PGA Tour tomorrow. oh the PGA Tour that's good you bone. smoking quitter. [ __ ] can't watch football you know he. can only come off his chick [ __ ] him. okay say my twink seems gay you [ __ ]. alright folks I can say I could say the. word [ __ ] because I'm a black gay man.

double your first deposit now folks. who's even thinking about this get in. there and start betting if you enjoy my. show if you have the balls to make. something if you want to win get in. there that's my bookie my B oh okay ie. and don't forget to use the promo code. Tim T I am when creating your account to. claim the bonus TI M is the way you. claim your bonus deposit 200 bucks you.

get 400 you play around you have some. fun report in show me that you've won. show me that you've won we'll talk about. it on the show we'll talk about you on. the show well bring you out to LA you'll. be famous. I'm telling you win a few games at my. bookie I'll bring you out to LA I'll get. you a movie deal and then make a movie. about your interesting life okay I'm so.

excited. for this game on Monday you know I look. like a guy that really wants to always. talk about people come up to me and talk. about football me all the time I just. stare at them I don't really watch. football but I have that I look like a. guy that would care a lot about football. so when people come up to me they're. like they say stuff and I'm just like. yeah yeah Wow you know it's what it is. now it's a different game sometimes if.

I'm in a football conversation and I. don't know what to say. I saved myself by go hey [ __ ] Colin. Kaepernick so people understand that. even the football is important it's more. important to be racist you know what I. mean. so that's a great way to get yourself. out of football conversation is to just. steer it into racist waters that's my. bookie and I'm not a racist I'm just.

saying sometimes in order and I think. Colin Kaepernick is great I think he's. fine but in order to get out of a. technical conversation about sports I. have to I have to you know Stewart. towards that my bookie my B ook ie. Michael Michael is making the bets here. so if you don't win you will win because. Michael is a legit dirtbag like he is a. legitimate dirtbag 100% like is a.

garbage person [ __ ] he cares about. sports and a long time ago he was you. know like you know hookers and sports. and cool [ __ ] I respect that. everybody loves [ __ ] by the way but do. you not see every person you respect. loves horse okay. every [ __ ] fun little comedian or. actor you think you think they're like. wholesome let me tell you right now. they're whipping someone in a hotel room.

my bookie my B oh okay i e.com Tim will. double your money get in there and win. teach your kids how to gamble. is about chance everything is gambling. the economy is gambling risk/reward do. you get that dum dum. take a risk stop going to college and to. get on loans and getting degrees you. failure you know that adds up to [ __ ].

the guys are really maybe the one to. take risks take chances I know a lot of. people that have gambled in one you can. always get back up dust yourself off and. win again that's where people that are. addicted to gambling they think they're. kind of addicted to losing because it's. like that great feeling of just being. like I'm bottom down but I can guys got. nowhere to go but up that's what I want. for you all of you I want you to feel. that feeling you have nowhere to go but. up you're gonna win tim is a promo code.

if you enjoy my show and you want to. [ __ ] around if you're a man with a big. penis that you put wherever you want. with consent and everybody's happy about. it you've got that kind of penis if you. if you're a weird man a beta male and. you don't have a penis maybe even then. maybe don't you know but if you are a. man you better you and you're a woman. too if you're a woman or a man I mean. bloody the audience is men so I'm not.

gonna be an idiot here and start you. know act like I have an audience of a. ton of women I don't. some of them listen I respect their. intelligent one let's be honest the. women listen to show a little. intelligent and a lot of them out there. are not let's be honest and I'm not. saying I'm not saying there's a lot of. men that aren't intelligent too but the. women that Alysha show they're on a. higher vibrational plane than the rest. of them that's it sorry same with the. gay people is in this show men anyone. who's listening this show you want a. higher vibrational plane than the rest.

of society you're you are better than. they are and that's why you should. gamble okay because you got it they. don't got it you got it my B oh okay i. e.com Tim use promo code Tim if you like. my show and you want to take a chance. get in there and and make me proud. make your daddy proud make your wife and. kids. and win some goddamn money for Christ.

Bob and Sue my friend Paul and these. parents Bob and Sue a shoe has always. got to be a crazy [ __ ] oh yeah. a sue you know not a good name I have an. aunt you they call it Charlie Christian. closes down the bars with the boys they. call it Charlie Osmond but Charlie I. love it she's great. Charlie one day they live in this place.

and it's it's awesome Rockaway Beach. Queens has these little courtyards of. summer bungalows and a full of Irish. people and they just get bombed that. bars called Healy's in the Irish Circle. and one day not my family but the family. that lived across the little courtyard. from them the daughter came in and she. was bombed and you could tell she was. just wobbling. she was like 17 and every one the court. was laughing and the mother walks out.

guys. yo she had some dumb Irish like Mary or. Flanagan are you drunk. she goes no and then she spins around. and Exorcist vomits and then she looks. right at her mother goes I'm not drunk. and you're cooking so the whole court. applauded started applauding her.

applauding she sits down this girl can. barely move and somebody turns around I. swear to god it goes you want a glass of. wine I pity people they went to college. in a 401k plan I don't have these. stories yeah what would you do without. the stories yeah you know I know we grew. up Christian so we had to like jam them. all into like 22 to 25 yeah you guys you.

guys basically went on rum spread which. is that Amish year with a black [ __ ]. Sun really good I did like mushrooms for. an entire month. what was the first time that you guys. either got drunk or. hi or whatever cuz you for people that. don't know you guys you guys were in a. super conservative Christian Church like. real deal. yeah Church of Christ it was like if I. describe it to people they're like yeah. that's a cult they - so we didn't do we. were gonna let us say but until we were. like 15. oh yeah conservative farmers can't say.

fart can't say fart so the first time I. did anything bad I was 20 and I got. tricked into it did you guys start. jerking off or did you go like we're. gonna be we're gonna go to hell. I mean you're 12 so you're gonna jerk. off but you just like without guilty I. thought I was going to be tortured in. hell for all eternity so funny I used to. jerk off in like a bad comic joke I. literally used to cry afterwards cuz I. thought I was gonna go really if I was. gonna be raped by the devil and health. yeah ever you jack off and then you feel. bad and then you pray and you pray that. God will forgive you and it's it's sort.

of this this rush it's a high you get. cuz it's like you think you're going to. hell while you're doing it because Aaron. Carney I would also cry afterwards. something wrong about you are going to. hell yeah you're sure that by the way I. hope so I hope I'm in hell with the. Murdochs guys can go to heaven loser him. I used to no joke I would lay in bed. because our dad told us the world be. destroyed in a wall of fire yeah one day. when Judgment Day came along like a.

thief in the night yeah so I would lay. in bed just wait cuz I hadn't been. baptized yet so I knew I was going to. hell and I was jerking off so you should. just lay in bed waiting for the wall of. fire to come through the wall and just. take me to hell I don't they baptize you. gotta earn it you you gotta choose it's. kind of like Mitzvah oh yeah and you're. like 13 14 have to choose to be saved. boom yeah just get taken care of at. first my grandfather like baptized one. of the kids in the st. cuz like like the. mother was like we don't know if he's. gonna be religious he's going with us.

new face yeah and we thought you in. there. Sephardic probably we don't know right. so what was the first time like was it. when you went to college did you guys. drink in high school I drank it was the. day after my high school graduation I. was 19 I think at the time and I was at. a house party on a ranch like 20 miles. away from. when I got tricked into it so it was. like hey try this Oh J and they put.

Everclear and a bunch of sweet and low. in it so I wanted to taste them. Everclear and then I got drunk off that. I started just you know [ __ ] like. going crazy like taking my shirt off and. [ __ ] and you were like we did you feel. like God this is the [ __ ] I was a I'm. like I'm gonna do this every day for the. next seven years and I did yeah you're. just like this is I guess is how normal. people feel yeah but the thing is we. didn't learn how to have fun the way. like Tim had fun walking around Long. Island smoking weed getting high like.

you learned how to have fun at early age. it prepared me for literally the the. only job I can ever have which is this. yeah like I mean it really yeah there's. no we used to like drink in a closet. because we were like ashamed and just. get drunk and then just like sit in the. living room and that was our fun and so. when you both went to a Christian. College mm-hmm and you were the first. time in no supervision that's when. that's when [ __ ] hit the fan yeah like. drinking and driving pretty much every. night we go to like Walmart's yeah.

doughnuts on the highway we were like. insane but it was Texas everybody drunk. and drugged that was the most fun you. could have his drink and drive really I. mean it's let me tell you right now I am. a huge proponent of drinking there is. nothing that feels better than being. intoxicated behind the wheel of a car. mm-hmm what was your go-to song the. guy's dogs gotta calm down this [ __ ]. Aussie needs to be [ __ ] thanked CBD. oil cut it out she needs a CBD um sorry.

they hate drinking and would go to that. you would you would turn on when you. drink and drive I like to be 6 mafia so. the album what was the first g-unit. album was it get rich or die trying'. that was 50 cent yeah I get rich or die. trying'. in the club yeah wangster all that and. yeah that was a big one diplomats sir. blueprint to jay-z godson nas you know.

good [ __ ] I'm last real alive. Jadakiss the lock Styles P I got I got a. little Billy Joel Oh Charisse Hendrix. job I mean we. it was eclectic we're all over I was all. over the place and then you know some. emo [ __ ] some blink-182. some starting line right now just.

blacked out what was that oh we are I. usually go out this girl who loved that. song crazy game of poker was it is this. crazy game of poker what else was good.

or not good but what else are we. listening to the general that's what. this match I have seen the other we have. oh yeah yeah I mean Nirvana sure all. that [ __ ] I mean whatever I'm just. naming [ __ ] that I just remembers like. popping into my head I'll Jam ever yeah. Pearl Jam that Foxy Brown song whoa yo.

yo biggie PAH like all that Shing Run. DMC Cameron Cameron love that [ __ ]. whatever man but there's no better. feeling there's a few great feelings. there's no better feeling and pulling in. your driveway racked beautiful chosen. this when you pull in your driveway and. you are ready and you just pull in you.

take the keys out of the ignition get. out of the car you like the ciggy and. you're like I'm home and I'm a smart guy. you feel like accomplished yeah feel. like you just got into college that's a. white trash getting into college that's. an acceptance letter like I'm smart and. responsible you actually internalize it. as you did the right thing I did the. right thing I know where my car cuz dude. I used to get so [ __ ] up I wake up I.

go to this bar on my town and I'm like. where's my car like we don't even know. and I'm like what happened they're like. you went to another bar you were doing. coke I was like a big lunatic Republican. you doing coke and yelling about how the. Iraq Wars the best thing and that we. need to honor our commits they were like. you were just screaming at oh but we. need to honor our commitments wire to. the cup people of Iraq so [ __ ] I'm like.

yeah I'm like like what's my car like no. idea where your car is. and we'd have to like detective work. like drive around my my friend Brian. half would come pick me up. we don't look do [ __ ] though hey when I. bought my house Brian was in the car or. driving 2007 2006 2007 we're driving to. the closing I had never even seen the.

house I'm buying a house I've never seen. not even pictures online pictures online. that is it yeah call it this total scam. buying this house I've never seen I'm in. the car my friend Brian half you go he. goes we'll we going I said Brian was. like a legendary kid he like fell all. the time walk it's just he would sit in. a chair like shake he drank so much. she's like dying he was a little guy and. he just drank so much just my friend's.

dad took him out on a boat he like fell. off the boat he's do it he was wild and. he was mean him got in so much trouble I. remember one time did one time we were. and I'll get back this other story is. maybe one of my favorites well let me. tell housing first we're in the car and. I said buying a house and instead of. going how are you doing that how does. this work what's wrong with you he went. you're doing good.

that one one of my favorite things ever. yet a brother as a special needs mmm we. were just smoking weed all day oh dang. and he pulls up to his house he goes I. just got a run and he goes I do got a. run and he goes no but he's gonna be. home I got a run in get my check you get. his check from work - it will get more.

weed we pull up to his house there's. like 10 cars outside it goes like this. he goes oh [ __ ] he looks at his phone. he's got 48 missed calls. he goes I said what's going on he goes. it's my brother's birthday we gotta go. in I'm like we gotta go in dude we gotta. go in this house like I'm not a member.

of your family like don't abandon me now. cuz we gotta go in that I'm like where. we gonna say we've been in for the last. 48 hours he goes like this he goes I. don't know. literally he's like swaying he's so high. he walked into the house his mother. opens the door huh looks at both of us. just shakes her head and goes like that. she goes she looks at both of us and she. goes you're a disgrace.

[Laughter]. we walked in his brother's like smiley. his brother got a nose we like we're. sing hello to the family like we the. family stares like the friends are there. neighbors are there it's totally. embarrassing so we walk back and his. father comes out back he goes.

you think you two guys never get tired. of behind total Franco's. he was a guy I bought my house we just. used to get high in the house I bought. and watch Reno 911 EES we'd watch. seasons of Reno 911 we loved it we'd.

watch it over and over again just so. [ __ ] high it sounds amazing dude in in. a house that was like decorated like. 1970s and like thick carpets and weird. wallpaper I just bought it the market it. would just crash I was trying to get. tenants in it I was like 22 years old we. had this fat raccoon this thing was a. beast and it lived in a tree and it. would like paw at the door in the house. like it would paw at the door unafraid.

like Let Me In and we just sat then. you'd see its shadow it was just walking. around it was just Oscar and Brian yeah. it looked like Oscar the cat and Brian. would look out back he's like that's a. big piece of [ __ ] dude he was I mean he. was just a wild dude he's one of those. dudes it was a wild guy we had a lot of. dude we had a lot of [ __ ] fun you. gotta get that out of your system. honestly well it was a decade you know.

and that you had to yeah some you wonder. some people don't to have to go through. that yeah and then they just kind of. collapse into this lake what do you call. it been a non-player character NPCA yeah. just like the most boring person it with. like they watch The Bachelor and they. like fantasy football and then you know. they kill people do it at 40 some people. just had 40 when like they've raised. their kids their kids are in their teens. and they start to flip out yeah look at. Johnny Buffett type yeah some people.

have that midlife crisis dude gets a. sports car he's like folks last week me. and the great red come had the privilege. of calling better help an online. counseling service and we filled out. their easy. questionnaire it only took us about 35. minutes and it was nice and they asked. they asked asked what your sexuality was. if you would rather go to pride. counseling which isn't one of their.

offshoots the thing is folks there are. people out there that are in they're not. in the best predicament they feel sad. they feel anxious they feel bad and that. is legit we we have a huge mental health. crisis in this country that goes. unaddressed and then the people on. Twitter that supposedly care about. mental health when they have you know. when they had the chance to try to rip. Shane Gillis his life apart they really. pop on that what about that guy what.

about his mental health I don't really. care about that huh interesting what. about the Covington kids mental health. how about all the death threats they. sent to them is that healthy I don't. think so. it's still funny it's around any time in. Los Angeles nothing would really make me. happier than to watch everyone in this. place burn the thing about better help. is that it's you know sometimes you need. help and you go on the internet and.

sometimes you end up in a cult or you. end up marching with a tiki torch will. you end up thinking that you are a a. fairy woodland creature and that you're. a gender from outer space I don't know. but those aren't really the you don't. want those results you want to go to. better help they have good counselors to. I don't know that for a fact but what I. do they have people someone there will.

answer the phone when they will talk to. you what do you think therapist is good. because they have a degree on their wall. hey hey. you can change your counsellor at any. time folks anytime if you do not like. your kept this cata so filthy if you do. not like your counselor you can change. your counsellor better help is a. resource for people that are a few days.

out of going to youth hostel and they. need somebody to talk to you right now. before they do something cray cray okay. they could do something really Craig. Craig like like going to an open mic. before you go to an open mic start doing. comedy call better help because even. though their counselors may suck that.

better than you deserve you know what I. mean they're better than what you. deserve I've never used the service. myself better help I tried it with. Raymond last week was very difficult. they haven't emailed me like 17 times. like are you okay are you still alive. what's your credit card number ray if. you haven't heard the last episode you. gotta listen to it when ranee and right. call better help and Ray does is one of.

their questions there it goes. what's that ass like like that was one. of the questions on the brush war flag. [Laughter]. that called the better help claw from. last week is one of the funniest things. you know people have said to me you. shouldn't average house a better help. because they had this huge they were.

huge YouTube sponsor and then they what. were they better I shouldn't take the. rants because it was a big scandal in. YouTube you know cuz they found out that. all the people had better help we're not. so listen if you have a fetish this is. how I've made okay with it in my head. sometimes you just want to hear somebody. on the other end of the phone while you. touch yourself I mean that's what it is. now you can't do that. somebody who you have to see or somebody.

that you don't want to victimize. somebody by doing that without them. knowing but if their accounts there. better help who gives a [ __ ] this is a. place where you can go and masturbate. while somebody's on the other end of the. phone and it's okay like it's everyone. in society would be ok with that. you know or you could talk to them about. your problems I don't care what you do. doesn't matter to me what's the better.

help what do we have to tell them. better hope calm better help calm / Tim. / Tim Dylan Dylan Tim Dylan you get 10%. off your first month call them up go I. got a gun in my mouth and Ted Dylan sent. me please make sure you remember the. promo code even though it's a suicide. helpline please don't forget to let them. know that Tim Dylan sent you isn't that. great. we know you're at the lowest point in. your life but please use my promo code.

tell them Tim sent you hey I feel like. everything's really bad and I just don't. know I don't want to fight through it. anymore I just want to end it and I want. to let you know the Tim Dylan sent me. you know go okay just make sure please. that you've used the promo code I know. that you're probably very upset but just. please focus and use the [ __ ] promo. code the right way don't start any.

problems with me better help slash him. you can talk to them or you can touch. yourself better doesn't matter does it. matter which one you decide or maybe you. can you can stroke yourself while they. give you advice it doesn't matter. better have better help don't join a.

gang go to better help well unless you. need to join a gang many of you probably. should it's great you know it's a great. way to teaches you a lot about family. not being a rat you know I don't like. that Takashi six nine going ratting on. everybody I've never been a fan of that. not a fan of that sir. pass pass on that better have better huh. who's gonna answer the phone that's part.

of the fun. who the hell knows person answering the. phone might be more [ __ ] than you. better help such a funny title better. help like better than what's better than. nothing it's almost it almost should. call it's up better than nothing out you. know better help you know alright folks.

but I mean what was your for cuz you. were a golfer when did you start boozing. Ben I didn't start drinking till I left. the church and this is what I'm saying. like I didn't know how to have fun the. first time I drank I watched that movie. Paul do you remember that that piece of. [ __ ] was Simon Pegg and he with the. alien I drank 12 shots watching that. movie with my friend. Smirnoff apple vodka Jesus that's what.

first time I ever drank anything I drank. 12 shots night threw up and that was. that was it and it was like I was like. oh I woke up I was like that was awesome. I was like that was the best time I've. ever had in my entire life rod that's. what I did every night for like it like. 70 like this was amazing I think the. first time I remember drinking I think I. was in 11th grade and I went with my. friend Ryan wass legarre who's now. married and as a kid and as a good dude. we went to the Roosevelt Field mall okay.

and we had dinner at this place called. the California whatever it was it was. like some [ __ ] long island's idea. like I'm scale restaurant and it was. like you know just like it was a. California style grilled pizzas and. salads and whatever and. they're specials like apple martinis so. we just started drinking these like. sewage colored how to Martinez mmm just. like act like like ecto cooler color.

like that green and we just got kind of. drunk and I remember his dad came and. picked us up but we like played it off. we like now by the way I've done every. other drug before that really I had done. LSD I'd done cocaine I'd smoke weed I'd. taken pills all before that but from 13. 14 15 I've done all that [ __ ] but the. the first time I drank wasn't gonna. laugh and gray mm-hmm and then I started. falling in love with booze yeah love.

booze it's great but no good there was. nothing better than weed the first. couple years that you got to smoke it. it's better than booze but then the weed. stops working. the paranoia cons well here's what. happens right so there's there's there's. certain types of fun and for me the font. like the most I love laughing mm-hmm and. I love making people laugh right so the. funnest times I think I ever had.

we're being stoned as a teenager with my. friends and just laughing yeah at. [Applause]. ridiculous [ __ ] I was on a stone yeah. yeah we used to we did this game where. we would go make up a slogan for a thing. so like when we was really stoned and. [Applause]. like this was later on we were we were.

in or maybe early 20s and they would. give you a thing enough to make a slug. and then cold stone I remember one day. like what's a jingle we'd have to be. jingle I just want I was really I was. really [ __ ] up. we're all Community College and it had.

no money and no jobs and still don't. like that dump like the dump but walking. around a mall food court and just you. know getting free samples eating a ranch. one chicken sandwich laughing and being. like none of this matters we can still. save our lives. yeah and the drinking in high school is. a lot of fun a lot of fun drinking in. high school and then right after high. school then you know I was in college. and then it starts to become a little. less fun because you're at a community. college and all your other friends are. going away to college and you're smoking. weed with a guy named Bunz you people.

update me on bugs like I know my mother. gave puns his nickname no buns that well. he just had great wheat it was maybe the. best weed I've still ever saw and we. would smoke it on the top level of the. parking garage at at the mall loser [ __ ]. real losers like not even fun loser. so like when that era so I was like and. then I got into mortgages and I. discovered booze and coke which I never.

really did at the same time I was always. just like either cocaine like I was. weird I just like to blow I have I never. really mixed a ton of drugs I was kind. of a [ __ ] like I don't want to OD or. whatever so I never mixed a lot that's. probably the only reason I'm alive I. never did like pills and blow and if I. was doing that I would do like no booze. will kill you the first time yeah so. like I didn't do any of that but that. level of fun was like I had a car so. then that's a whole different thing. right you have a car and if they're.

worried that your car like I own a car. or I have a car if they're worried about. that but when you're 15 and you're just. walking around your town shrooming out. yeah. smoking weed shrooming out it was a my. friend's mother Barbara Magoo had a okay. I'm gonna say it slow okay but let me. tell you let me tell you why I have to. say.

this is not this is not something that I. endorse but I have to say it because. this is what happened I don't wanna lie. to people I don't use this terminology. you're a storyteller there are two. people in our town that had a light. green Ford Taurus and one of them was my. friend's mother the other one was the.

guy that delivered for the Chinese spy. so every time we would see this Ford. Taurus and we're like stone we didn't. want to talk to his mom so we would dive. behind the bush and then one of us would. just be like it's the [ __ ] it's the. chick we didn't hate the guy that's what.

it is. he probably saw us because let's do. those two fat [ __ ] so that's why I had. to say this line right yeah I had to I. couldn't say the c-word while you called. him a con why are we calling him a con. that's reality but that dude. I remember between the ages of 13 and.

probably like 15 those two years in my. life were spent walking around my town. stoned and terrified of bumping into. someone you knew like your parents she. would just be like looking out and whose. car is that is it my mother's white fan. is it your mom's green Taurus you know. well we went to we went to college me. and Ben in the town where we grew up so. we had to go to church still three times. a week so there was a lot of times I was. throwing up that morning there was one.

story actually I threw up that morning. ironed my new slacks to go to church. because my family would be suspicious. ironed them for like 10 minutes I'm like. dizzy like you know all over the place I. finished ironing them and immediately. throw up on the. earning board is all for drunk driving. to church yeah driving to church I. couldn't take the communion cuz if I did. I would throw up. I had to palm taking the communion. Monday dot-com promo code Tim free.

14-day trial Monday dot-com is a great. business resource many of you have small. companies that are failing and you don't. know why it is because you are not. organized it is because you were. thoughtless you are thick las' you have. no ideas you have no execution you're a. ball of anxiety you let your emotions. get the better of you you do not have. the formal or informal education you.

lack the tenacity you do not work hard. you blame everything on your family and. friends you've not been able to meet. make any meaningful connections you are. not a good networker you're bad at. dinner parties you're bad everywhere you. don't have any love in your life no. support you're very lonely. you're a bad dresser you smell bad you. have no fashion sense you're bad in a. group you're bad alone you don't know. how to capitalize opportunities you. never even get opportunities most people.

don't even notice you and you're in the. room you just kind of stand there the. ones that notice you were disgusted by. you but not even discussing the way that. they'd be interested in you they just. look at you and they're kind of like. what the [ __ ] and then they move on. you're forgettable ultimately. forgettable even your parents didn't. even really remember you they'd forget. you all the time like home alone except. not in a theatrical movie like way okay. and if you were Kevin McCallister during. home alone you never would have rigged a. bunch of cool booby Jeff you would have. just shat on your ass eat and cheese. that all week wouldn't ya cuz you're a.

[ __ ] loser everything about you is. that you [ __ ] suck but that can all. change with Monday calm that's right. Oscar Monday calm okay his software that. helps create accountability well. you're two people collaborating or. multiple people across the globe Monday. comm allows you to streamline all of.

your operations so that there's no. excuse to ever miss an email miss a. meeting miss an appointment. there's no excuse to not see an invoice. there's no excuse to not you know hit. that monthly target because you're gonna. know what that monthly target is you're. gonna know exactly what you need to do. to get there. there's no excuse to not call into the. conference call to not be productive to. not know exactly what the agenda of the. day week month year is Monday dot-com.

will enable you to do all of that many. of you lack organization if I was. organized my life would be so much. better I'd be so much happier and. healthier you know but I'm not organized. I fly by the seat of my pants this. episode is gonna be late many of you are. gonna run your worthless mouths okay but. what you got to do folks is you got to. realize that Monday comm will help you. because you need help.

that's a reality I've seen you I know. who you are you're the guy the things. you're gonna do it yourself and you're. not you're not you barely coherent when. you speak because you're disorganized. your thoughts are chaotic people don't. respect you. very hard we go on a date people don't. people are uninterested you fail to make. them interesting and this is the reality. folks if you do not if you do not let me.

tell you right now what's gonna happen. you might you might you might not like. this if you do not purchase Monday. dot-com let me tell you what's gonna. happen you're going to be killed and why. do I know. because it would just make sense and you.

won't even be killed in a fun way it. won't be monumental it'll just be. something that happens okay and I don't. mean you know killed whether you're. physically killed or you're just killed. in business it doesn't matter either way. it's just as bad you've got to step up. to the plate you got to stop blaming. everything on everybody else you didn't. have the childhood you wanted who cares. or your parents didn't give you the. breakfast cereal that you wanted who. gives a [ __ ] you didn't have the right. kind of friends you didn't come from the. right neighborhood you didn't get into. the right school wah-wah-wah cry me a. [ __ ] River littles hands a.

multi-millionaire can barely speak Billy. Eilish doesn't even sing she's filling. stadiums going talents you don't need. talent you more in fact talents the. problem but if you were striving to be. good at something that's a waste of. [ __ ] time don't be good be organized. be effective these are what the things. I'm talented that means nothing I'm. laying in the floor somebody else's. house with this fat cat he's a real mess.

um monday was a promo cone Monday. dot-com slashed him free for teenage for. Monday comm slash Tim you get a free. 14-day trial so you can be a big. businessman everyone's gonna respect you. you show up to the high school reunion. and you say I made good I'm a local boy.

and I did good cuz a Monday that I'm. calm. and they said weren't you the badminton. coach you touched a girl inappropriately. and you were fired and you go and then. you go she's a lying [ __ ] now I have an. online in the store where I sell camping. and fishing equipment I'm a nature.

consultant that's actually a real thing. I made it up myself and. they dot-com mandate or come Monday. TOCOM you look here you know man in you. guy who do a bit differently. it's [ __ ] Monday talk home Monday. talk home bro map code Tim hey you're.

[ __ ] Geordie you're [ __ ] Scouts. people from Liverpool are called. Liverpudlians I like that I think that's. a fun it's a fun way to do it. alright go away what what do you think. diverted you from golf cuz you were. taught to be like a real golf guy right.

yeah I mean I was Allstate in high. school and I played in college that the. problem is dude is freshman year of. college my family left and I didn't have. any friends and that's when I stopped. going to church and so I had a huge. falling-out with them you know cuz my. dad's very upset my mom's upset I didn't. have I was going to a Christian College. where everyone was Christian so I was. very isolated I was very lone your also. living in an empty house but I was. living in the empty house that I grew up.

in because mom Katie at college yeah. that's where I met Jenny so my first. year I gained the will they call it the. freshman forty I gained about 50 pounds. I didn't lost interest in golf. I lost all confidence in myself I. thought I was an [ __ ] because I. didn't have any friends I ate alone. everyday and I just I just. there were like days where I would lay. my head on my pillow and I'd realized. that I hadn't opened my mouth that day I. ain't spoken to anybody I just didn't. have any friends so that good old days.

is the first year of playing golf. god it's so funny I'd such a loud fight. I've never had that. I've never went to bed when everyday I. go to bed I'm like I've said at least. 4,000 words today to strangers if I have. two people at bus stops you at a. Buddhist simple you just I was the only. guy like on a bus stop talking about a. great George W Bush was like coked out. of my head just on a bus stop in Long. Island being like yeah he's [ __ ]. liberals they're trying to take. everything from us some Spanish lady.

like nodding with her two babies. you should poor Bush I'm like I remember. one day I was on a bus I turned around a. kid we're both taking a bus okay I turn. around to him it's 2004 2003 like during. the election Bush v Kerry and I look it. would take I'm taking a bus to Community. College I'm stoned I'm not even a. full-time student or like I've dropped.

classes I just look at this guy in the. bus online it's not even bush I'm like. what Bush we get [ __ ] chaining all of. the Cheney is there anything about it. is there anything about the tables of. did being an idiot being an ignorant. [ __ ] oh it is nice early and here's the. thing they haven't involved like know.

everyone's still doing that out there. mm-hmm it's Trump now they like we've. got dog now nobody gives a [ __ ] you know. it's a better wife dude it's a life. we're like it's a life where you don't. really you don't think too deeply about. that life out there is full of people. just [ __ ] up and then get back to. zero just getting back to even that's a. lot of my friends just like like I'd. bump into a guy I'm like hey Pete how.

you doing haven't seen you in a while. Isaac got a TV set me back two years on. my plan my plan what plan accept me back. two years on my plan but that's okay. he's like now um she's not working for. my father. okay structual my father. good man that's awesome what about you. when's the first time you I I mean I was. going to church until I was thirty so. like I was really why I ended I was I.

was in it they mean that let me play my. [ __ ] drums they let me I used to do. all these videos for a church that had. like nine campuses it's a huge Church so. I get to do these comedy videos and and. [ __ ] like that but I didn't start. smoking I didn't do anything when I. started doing stand-up at 30 is when I. stopped going to church and then I found. weed at like 32 smoke that for the first. time at like 32 33 threw up because I. had like one drink and it threw me off.

yeah we're just in a garage in Clovis. California you know watching I think. we're watching what the [ __ ] it dear. dick what's up Rob Rob Dyrdek show I a. hundred percent did County Mike when's. the first time you smoked weed Kevin I. was 46 46 years the late 40s late for. golden years you know no I waited for a. long time and then I can jumped in like. the movie being there you gotta do it.

you gotta do it Brad I got I mean I and. when I started smoking weed I started. fighting my other buddies that I'd been. friends with at church yeah they were. you know some of those guys would smoke. weed too and so I just I mean some of my. favorite times were just like sitting on. the side of a field on a camping trip. just [ __ ] high as a kite calling each. other gay for six hours just like one. thing I never got into was camping like. that was a big thing people used to do.

dude I wasted psychedelics like no I. wasted psychedelics like nobody's. business dude I hear all these stories. but the way people used to do psych it. down yeah like I took shrooms and I went. to the woods man I realized nature dude. I remember the first time I was on. shrooms I was in the maybe not the first. time the first a few of the times I. would go to the beach I do the right. thing right but I remember being on acid.

this was when I was on acid I was in the. garden city. tell which is like a high-end hotel on. Long Island and I was on acid and I had. this like dumb little suit jacket on and. I was turning around a guy next to me. I'm like people in Rockville Center. which is another town mm-hmm I'm like. they don't have any [ __ ] money these. people totally like the whole thing was. lost on me it's your grid I like I like. double down on materialism being like. you know where these trails look good.

Louis Vuitton like I took the empty it. didn't work I went to the other side I. started telling the aliens I start. trying to sell them like capitalism. I started test selling them timeshare. entities are sitting down well it does. make sense I do like going on vacation. dude the second time I did mushrooms we. were camping at the bottom of a canyon. and it started raining and so it's. literally flooding like we're in the. camper we look at all our shoes have.

flowed out with with just this river it. came out of nowhere I'm on sure I'm on. shrooms I go outside I take my shirt off. I take my shoes off and I'm like running. my friends are like you're running to. the top of the hill like spinning around. I'm like we'll be fine like we're gonna. be fine right and then they're like what. we should leave I wouldn't literally. talk to the to the the the trooper there. whatever the [ __ ] they call the guys and. he's like yeah you'll be fine we got a. tarp it was beautiful beautiful I I dug.

a channel from like we're camping was. into the natural river soft flow and I'm. just like tell my buddies like see it. all works out guys you're about to kill. yourself you've got a knife at your. throat I think the first time he liked. to turn me off the camping one of the. first times oh I don't want my uncle. Steve and my uncle Steve took me and my. little cousin Brendan camping and it. rained for like 48 hours straight my. uncle Steve we just sat in the tent and.

he listened to National Public Radio the. whole time you know and he was like his. country's run by war criminals and I'm. like and later on ironically I was very. susceptible to that message but at that. point I was just like this isn't. where is the toasted marshmallow yeah. yeah where's the that's like your movie. yeah having of Tim Dylan is in that time. in that tag just sitting there one day. all rant about war criminals yeah one.

day this will be my life I'll be he's a. funny guy man. sometimes at Christmas he'll be like I. like a little unrest simul and rashes. like I don't want anyone to get hurt but. he's like it's not wrong little lambs. blood on the door we wish you a Merry. Christmas. some people have dark lives I like like. it's one of those things where that's. where my humors dark cuz I knew dark.

people mm-hmm I just knew dark people. and we just did the way it was and you. know that's why I laugh at the [ __ ] I. laugh at and I think shit's [ __ ] up. and yeah because you lived a real life. yeah well I live something I mean I live. something we've talked about it the fact. that we were all three of us were raised. in the church like if we were better off. being in dated with just lies but in the. the safety of religion you know as. opposed to yeah when we were watching.

you for you we were like yeah odd we. grew up in the church all these girls. are just getting railed out there on. pills they're there they're selling. nudes to pedophiles on the Internet. yeah I mean it's horrific it doesn't it. make you grateful when you watch them no. I want to be selling nudes to pedophiles. honestly yeah well I didn't get to take. that opportunity you know to be like oh. that's a television show like I don't. know my friend's brother who's 15 and he.

said they do this thing on Instagram. where they rate the girls well they'll. just post a picture of one of the girls. in the class and all the guys comment. like about their features personality. and would they date or would they not. and the guys will rate like two out of. tens I mean I just she anything to do. but weren't they doing that in the 50s. outside of a diner somewhere yeah right. they just did that on the radio I found. a piece of it I mean I thought you're. gonna say so much worse here that is. shitty shitty to do but that's how. Facebook got started where does he live. Houston I mean I could is it like that. they're like.

edie have you talked about the school. shooting [ __ ] [ __ ] are you doing the. drills. no I'm kidding I don't talk to anyone. that age so are they doing drills is. that really happening yes it is yeah my. [ __ ] 9 year old is doing shooter. drills that's daddy you gotta walk in a. serpentine pattern daddy to avoid the. valleys [ __ ] crazy every bleep that. is bleak she also just believes 9/11. happened and didn't ask why the [ __ ] is.

wrong with serials you feel dude I'm. talking something man it's because I. vaccinated this into being a sheep yeah. no it's a thank you would you learn 9/11. well what happened people flew their. planes in the other towers hey can i. play a fortnight when I get home I'm. like what did they like to be why hit. happen. no no like interested I remember like. being stoned and having them going they. hate us for our freedom and believe like. believing that right yeah and then like. years later I'm like oh I was so stupid.

like I was just taken for a ride like. everybody did you flip on that Tim um. when did you get into conspiracy. theories in general I'd been listening. to Alex Jones since 1999 or 2000 I went. on the gcn Network like I would know. like almost Instagram profile watching D. 95 right died for Alex's 99 AJ all day. when did I really get into him I I was.

always kind of flirting with them but I. was still not swayed by them until I was. a you know really what got me into them. hardcore when I bit into them for a. while but the financial crisis mm-hmm. yeah cuz when that happened and I. realized how everything was like pretend. yeah like the entire economy was based.

on nothing yeah you got to remember that. I was like not like people imagine like. all of us mortgage guys knowing that. this was gonna happen or. no one really did like I was handing my. family out my business card I thought we. were just selling mortgages and like I. bought one of those mortgages and I was. again there a fixed rate for two or. three years and then they'll adjust but. at that time we'll all just refined like. though I was 22 I didn't know and then. when the economy came crashing down I. knew that like we knew we were trying to.

make money. we knew that I didn't realize how. everything because every adult every. person I mean I was working for guys. mm-hmm these were middle-aged guys some. of them that had wives and families and. kids and houses and cars and then we. have the president coming on TV and. being like Americans or homeownership. said as high as level 70 percent of. Americans owned houses which everyone. should have went how the [ __ ] to that. what yeah but it was all and then when. that started to happen yeah I started to.

realize because I was like well my. parents like my mom went to college my. dad didn't go to college. but I was like all of our parent like. everybody that we know is kind of [ __ ]. mm-hmm but I was like then I was around. all these people are just making all. kinds of money essentially doing you. know selling these mortgages that were. backed by nothing and based on nothing. yeah and then when that whole thing.

started to fall apart and unravel I. found myself questioning a lot of other. things and being like well if everybody. was so wrong about this yep and if and. then a lot of people you grow up and you. realize that a lot of people were just. sucking as much money out of the system. as they could before the eventual. collapse but that was what you started. making me think like oh I bet that. there's a lot of other instances where. it's like I started to become very very. cynical yeah about everything after that.

happened and I would say I started to. get into the venn and I had been into. them but I just want to started going a. little deeper in them yeah and like how. does the economy work what is the US. dollar backed by you know like. I said you know I started questioning a. lot of those things does the president. do what we all think they do like he is. this Internet has become more. predominant at that point yeah you could.

investigate this stuff he's yeah and I. just started reading a lot and then. really the the thing that really got me. was a book called family secrets by russ. Baker that was the book that I read and. I read it in 2007 when the economy. crashed at borders I bought it in Long. Island and borders where I used to jerk. off in the bathroom drunk the California. Pizza Kitchen got hammered and I would. check off the borders bathroom and then. go home like an American like a good.

American and I went into borders was. imported noble not--was borders at that. time or maybe it was sold the barn or. whatever and I went in and I got this. book family of secrets by russ Baker. which I really can't recommend enough. and I read it and after I read it I went. okay right now because things started to. make sense to me that didn't make sense. and I'm like oh I get it yeah you think. to yourself feel like how's the bushes. like been in the White House like you.

got to remember HW was a vice president. and a president for one term so that's. 12 years yeah and his son was a. president for two terms so that's eight. years right so that's 20 years most of. my life there was a bush in the White. House you know doing something and it. was it was interesting to me why I'm. like why is and then all the other books. that came out we're like bushes an idiot.

Bush is dumb remember that was all. genres yeah the book bushes a dummy and. he's a cowboy and I'm like yeah but. that's not explaining nothing yeah. anything and this is what we're doing. now a trouble yeah he's Russia. he's our before but to that book open my. eyes to this idea that the bushes were. not masters as much as they were. servants mm-hmm like they are masters.

clearly but they. serve a class of people that I'd never. heard of really that I had never done. any meaningful research into this group. of very powerful very wealthy people. that were always kind of behind the. scenes and then I started reading about. things like when FDR was president they. were there was there was there were a. lot of wealthy industrialists in this. country were going to have a coup they.

wanted to overthrow FDR really yeah and. there was a general and I forget the. name been like Jamie would have had the. name ready Thanks. he's playing with the dog gonna slap him. around a little yeah now. FDR coup there was a there was a general. that they'd all got behind and and this. is not really taught in history books. you have to look all of this [ __ ] up. right and I forget the guys name. attempted coup against FDR Smedley but.

Smedley Butler medley Smedley Butler was. a chap named when they were gonna like. there was all these plans do to like. march on Washington and really yeah take. it by force yeah and it was never really. brought up and talked about and and and. then maybe 20 years later or whatever. you know or 25 years later Kennedy gets. popped yeah. so you start to piece this stuff. together and you start to read about.

this and you start to go oh that group. of people really very uncomfortable. democracy on any level even the Republic. they don't want you know anybody being. able to impact their livelihoods and. cost them billions of dollars which. makes sense to an extent when you know. people go well if Kennedy is going to. stop stop us from mining in the Amazon. basin and stealing these minerals or if.

Kennedy's gonna make it harder for us to. drill for oil or if he's not gonna if. the CIA is not gonna play ball and. overthrow the government in these. latin-american countries so the United. Fruit can go in there and that's why a. lot of these governments were overthrown. because you know American corporations. multinational big corporations. British corporate in the whole cool when. Iran was BP you know British Petroleum. they were gonna nationalize the oil and. they were gonna you know so if these. government's were not playing ball with. American corporate interest the CIA.

found a way to get rid of them yeah well. the CIA found a way to foment a coup in. their own country so when you start. reading all about that [ __ ] you start. understanding you're like well there was. CIA doing this who are they working for. and you're like oh it's the same people. the bushes are working for that same. crew and it's not ten guys in a room and. that took me a while to realize too. because you think oh it's just these. eight guys smoking cigars mm-hmm and I'm. sure there are lots of collections of. eight guys smoking cigars sure but it's.

a class of people that's ever evolving. ever changing they don't all like each. other they don't all have the same. interest but a lot of them have very. similar interests in the way Russ Baker. said he's like these people will sue. each other they'll fight each other. they'll take each other to court but if. an outsider. threatens them they will unite. immediately to vanquish that outsider. mm-hmm you know do you buy into this. whole I've been thinking about this a. lot Jews well it's a joke you read my. lot of Christians making money off war. sorry all right.

oh yeah and far-left i support israel. never been there don't really care to go. I'm more of a Rome guy I was gonna say. do you I've been thinking about like you. think is social media like it's kind of. like the collective unconscious made. into an actual thing and that. unconscious can now be [ __ ] with in. terms of algorithms and is that like a. way of these elites kind of controlling.

the discourse of dude I will tell you. this I don't know as much as I should. about tech and I will say this what I. know is terrifying. yeah what I know is terrifying I think. social media has gotten away from the. elites a little bit - mm-hmm I think. technology's gotten away from them and I. think they're trying to clamp down. because I think it has woke people up a. little bit and it has made it much. harder to pull off certain things like. I've seen stuff all of that we would not.

know about Epstein yeah without social. media you'd have no [ __ ] clue it. would be hearsay the major media would. not print it it would be some [ __ ]. Journal it would be in black mother. Jones it would be in some thing that. barely anybody read it would be and. nobody would talk about it knew there. would be no Trump. a guy like Trump whatever you think. about Trump would have not gotten off. the ground neither would a Bernie. Sanders you know because it would have. been shut out you know right do you.

think they can like readjust I might be. wrong but like readjusting like just. being like okay let's just track people. while we buy all the water for the. [ __ ] Mad Max times in 20 years they. don't have people to argue about. transgender bathrooms yeah here's the. thing I don't even think that they have. to put that much effort in to. distracting us I just think that pretty. much we've we're rotten to the core. I think it's decades of food additives.

drug use pharmaceuticals bad living I. just think it's a steady diet of sugar. carbs fat booze pills [ __ ] ton of pills. [ __ ] ton of pills I think people are. worked to the point where they are on. the edge of a nervous breakdown and then. the the the the art that we consume gets. worse and worse and I mean it just you.

know it's simplistic not all of it some. of it's great but I mean if you look at. like mainstream [ __ ]. none of us telling you to question. anything no none of it's telling you to. examine anything hmm. late-night shows are just celebrities. lip-syncing that's what people want oh. yeah I mean where it's talent show yeah. it's it's like an app per hour yeah and. I think my whole thing is I think. Americans know down deep that this is. all built on a house of cards I think. Americans know down deep that it's all.

bad and they don't want to they don't. want to look what's behind door number. two I really believe that most people. know that and they either delude. themselves into thinking that they don't. believe that or they just as George. Carlin said every. as a cellphone that makes pancakes so. people get into gadgets and gizmos and. and when you reach a thing it's almost. worse when you wake up and realize how. stacked the deck is against you it's.

really hard to imagine that you're that. you're gonna do anything like this girl. greta thunderbird that refuses to fly to. bring attention to climate change it's. like good great whatever but also what. is that gonna do nothing you know what I. mean like I understand that it's good to. wake up the younger generation they're. gonna start demanding things but it's. also like I like the idealism of some of.

them some of them it's been misdirected. mm-hmm they directed into the social. justice thing right but let's be honest. how many of these young people are going. to grow up and be in their mid-30s or. their late 20s I'd be like oh I just got. to make money yeah I I don't have the. you know I think Isaac David hog they. went through a tragedy and whatever they. want to be historic figures they want to.

be there but you know what starts to. happen man. I remember after reading that family. secrets book and and then I connected. with Raycom later on and he had also. read it but I remember reading that book. and putting that book down and going. yeah you know what yeah they won yeah. you know but it's like the time to.

challenge that sit like they like ever. since World War two when Allen Dulles. you know and those guys created the OSS. became the CIA they created the national. security state that created essentially. a secret government that was accountable. to nobody they brought over all the Nazi. scientists. from Germany Operation Paperclip. Operation Paperclip.

they we became a superpower we did. certain things to sustain that we became. this major massive economic engine all. of that a lot not all of it but a fair. amount of it was done by our. intelligence community doing some very. nefarious things all over the world and. you know this whole idea was it's just. that fiat currency and the idea that you. know the economy is based on this. perpetual growth model of like having to. keep getting in Wars boom in the bust.

cycle this idea that we can't not be at. war we can't not be in a conflict it. won't work like those realizations you. know Tana has a coach who's a writer he. said I said a lot of things I've I think. are a little much but he's a very good. writer he said once about these dollar. cheeseburgers he's like somebody. somewhere is paying for those dollar. cheeseburgers like the fact that you can. drive up to a restaurant pay a dollar. and get a burger that was made for you.

yeah. for a dollar through a window someone. somewhere is paying for that like our. lives are artificially subsidized by a. lot of terrible things and you start to. realize that and you're like ooh this is. no good you know him but also you know. not to sound cliche but it's like what. do you do nothing really nothing you can. do it because it's like this is now you.

can do good things you could do charity. you could do this you could do that you. know people developing countries like. Rogen those cool things invest in like a. clean water project and all this [ __ ]. there's things you can do but when you. look at this system this didn't happen. yesterday it didn't happen because of. Trump this is a system that's developed. over a very very long time and in order. to change that like it's gonna collapse. under its own weight slowly but it's I.

don't think it's ever gonna look. substantively different from the thing. that we know hmm. other Oertel just be worse. but it's not gonna like it's not a turn. around and become like right it's a. probably a lot more boring than we want. it to be. yeah well it's it's everything like runs. Baker said it he's like it's not just. it's everything it's the military it's. every element every part of our society.

looks the way it does because it. developed in a certain way. and to really unravel this whole [ __ ]. you know being drunk on cheap credit. putting all these wars on credit like. all of these things to unravel this. massive scam yeah and you know it's. almost like now it's like the secretary. at Enron being like you know we should. really make good and somebody cool you. shut up her mouth yeah shut up it's too.

late too late. you ate the [ __ ] shrimp cocktail you. got the company car you went to the. [ __ ] hotel you went to the sales. conference and then you saw a. documentary you didn't like yep or you. made a documentary Chelsea and I'm not. saying totally black pill and totally. don't do anything but like get a [ __ ]. clue mm-hmm before you just start. spouting off because the people that are.

spouting off like well once we get rid. of Tron. it's gonna be okay once Lizzy warns in. everything but no it's like no y'all go. back to sleep you'll just go back to. sleep you'll just go okay things are. good now you know oh we have the first. trans Secretary of Defense sweet right. yeah yeah I mean it is what it is man. Epstein's dead. the guy who accused Kevin Spacey's dead.

they all really as Jake Paul would say. it's everyday bro everyday bro. with that Disney Channel flow and you. know yeah how long have we done we got. to wrap this our 27 oh that's song you. start speaking in a Chinese voice. yeah at the end of the day you know and. you know some people might say that's. misguided but it gives you a moment of.

joy you know what I mean. such dishonor yeah but I mean you know. you do you make a documentary called hey. privilege it's me Cho you fix it up and. and you do what you gotta do but it's a. great book Ben has it downstairs he's. not read and he begged for it I gave it. to you thank you very much I will try to. read it soon. what do you mean try can you read I. don't understand try to read it I have.

the audio help version if you want it if. you read any of it. yeah yeah how great it's [ __ ] amazing. dude it's very it's uh it's just it's. just a constant because it would be very. easy to listen to it and be like all. these guys are full of [ __ ] right but if. you pay attention because the I mean. like Bush being there at the [ __ ] JFK. assassination and they break it down to. where you're going okay this makes sense. it's answers a lot of quite a lot of. these logical answers yeah we've.

intended rush three times on patreon to. you could find the episodes rush Russ. Baker. oh it's rush limbaugh he'll rush Bo the. MA rush a place to drive around Long. Island just [ __ ] coked out listening. to rush my chevy suburban i could barely. afford to put gas in just a 44 gallon. bath and he went away for oxycontin. addiction he came back and his first. show back greatest starting his greatest.

opening everywhere was on now where was. I. but that's what we want. it was spectacle yeah yeah yeah it's a. beautiful piece of energy I think it's. gonna beep you do believe that there's. something beautiful about the end you. know those your cat dancing around with. the Hat oh you know many of our. musicians and celebrities now are.

clearly mentally [ __ ]. so they're promoted people have gotten. behind and just pushed to the front of. the line you know that Billy is a young. generation into it's like they like this. girl that bleeds from her eyes and. dresses up you know it's like oh good. but what would they be into think about.

what would they be into right did you. for you a good show by the way I hate it. it's fun to watch but it's not good it's. pretty [ __ ] yeah it's a it's like The OC. do you ever watch that [ __ ] it's those. waters Laguna Beach which was the. reality show same same type of thing but. I mean this is an actual but you know. you watch it and you're like this is a. piece of sh isn't there a scene with a. bunch of dicks in it there's a billion. dicks there's a big dicks it's yeah it's. a show of dicks that's why it's called. about high school kids which is weird.

but they're older yeah it's not played. by like 17 year olds but it's a lot of. 16 year olds getting 818 to play younger. right the fantasies still alive yeah the. best show on TV right now the best two. shows are on HBO they are berry in. succession yeah I like succession a lot. yeah a succession is yeah I guess curve. is still on get curves great yeah but. what I love about succession is that you.

know against everything we talked about. mm-hmm it's a lot of that stuff and you. watch it and you're like yeah this is. this is who's controlling the. information that you got mm-hmm that. those are the you know media is very. weird media is a real bloodsport there's. like five or seven families that own. these media conglomerates and they're. insanely brutal and they all go with. each other and they plant stories about. each other in the press and you know. it's you know the Murdock's were one of.

them not to like successions based up. there's also like the Sinclair family's. the red stones that have a Viacom. there's like a bunch of them and. especially media in New York in New York. is like the media capital of this. country in the world really but. certainly this country. those families had an insane amount of. power when just determining what you saw. and heard you know these people.

determined what you sat down and read at. your kitchen table every morning and. that's shaped what you cared about yeah. or what you thought was important and I. do think succession is one of those. shows and I'm not usually a guy like. this it's the girl it's important show. but I do think you could look back at a. show like that and go well this gets it. pretty right right like this gets it. pretty right about you know these really. power crazed power-hungry Titans them. that control news and information in the.

way that that intersects with politics. and business and Brian Cox is amazing I. think it's one of the best cast shows on. TV. a hundred versus great every character. is great even that a retarder game plays. like cousin Greg is fantail he's great. Greg is one everyone loves and an actual. [ __ ] [ __ ] again hi I'm so dumb why. can't it be if we're done now dude it's.

a good show if you haven't watched. succession folks mm-hmm well that same. [ __ ] gaunt going conglomerate [ __ ] that. is where they can control everything. that's why Facebook is such an issue as. much yeah that's what most people are on. to do everything well that's just a new. that's like meet the new boss same as. the old boss you know those guys are now. controlling what you see with you but I. do think that the problem is now this is.

reason why everyone throwing insane now. we know it's so [ __ ] up and more. powerless yeah yeah before you didn't. know his [ __ ] it wasn't in your face now. it's in your face now they kill Epstein. right in a Cell now you're starting to. go 9/11 why did building say I don't. understand fire like a lot of people are. starting to wake up dude dude I remember. 9/11 conspiracy conversations you used. to be shunned yes yeah if you brought. that out and now if you bring it up. people like yeah man what do I know do. when Epstein.

like we don't know when episode went to. jail Jase was like glowing for like. weeks yeah it was a great cuz you know. what I thought everybody was gonna. apologize for treating me like a dumbass. at a party when I was going off about. Epstein I think it was gonna I remember. me and Malin did that podcast right. after it came out and we were like. there's nice in the neck I was like. there's no way anyone faces any. consequences he's like no not at all. yeah - but I thought here's what I. thought was gonna happen I thought they. were gonna come out they pin it on like.

two congressmen that got massages and. they didn't even do that. no nothing even that black book is. sitting in an evidence Locker. they're not gonna declassify any of. those documents I think they dismissed. everything and you hear a Tom Hanks bot. is a state is that true yeah which. should stay the epstein estate not. little st. James. no no not little say James which one in. Manhattan yeah from from everything well.

that that I've heard of yeah check that. out yeah yeah I'm Hanks for Jeffery. Epstein's townhouse in Manhattan Tom. Hanks a pedophile they'll be pretty. great I mean the America's Sweetheart. like you know I was in every movie when. we grew up. ever since big he's been raping kids I. mean it's hope you find something cuz. otherwise it's just like Kevin uh claims. Tom Hank it's so weird bye listen it's. probably probably got I did a good deal.

but it's a weird buy apparently he did. fly on the loot Lolita Express but I'm. not finding yeah I don't know I think. that might be a rumor because I've seen. people say that but I haven't found any. news article I also think you know a lot. of time like people money but on that. plane and Epstein wasn't on it like him. and I don't know um but I think maybe. that was a plane that got loaned out to. Chelsea Handler at dinner with him. that's a fact Tim I hate to say it but.

that's why we need the Donald because. there there were some good stuff that. was dug up on there like when we were. looking into those GOP lawmakers that. were that were killed in June. yeah that's why we met at Donald Trump. what have you found anything out you. conducted an investigation into that. woman who was killed if you found. anything out I mean she was definitely. it you know what it is she was she had a. bunch of information I supposedly she.

had information that was connected to. Epstein through the CPS as well in the. state of Arkansas don't know if it's. true but they get he was get Arkansas. CPS kids for the presidents of Fox soup. what the hell's going on I don't know. man I mean you know a lot of this stuff. is just all linked I mean you know how. it hurt Tom banks actually killed her he. lose go mess with Kevin just throw a Tom. Hanks cut Kevin off in traffic the other. day [ __ ] how was that you know I. heard Tom Hanks that's the rumor on the.

street you know it'll come out yes she. was passing bills to get c-class truck. drivers to be aware of sex trafficking a. man that killed Nancy Schaefer that. they'll just kill you the thing is so. stupid. I mean you're elderly Christian. grandparents shooting each other in the. head yeah time that's what happened. right they had a bad fire from the.

Cracker Barrel but this is why. everyone's going insane now because you. can look this [ __ ] up and you know it's. [ __ ] you know in your heart and in your. head. you go this is not good and it's still. like just yeah then you just turn to. nihilism so yeah you did you just turn. to complete nihilism which is why I. think we have to fight that with radical. self-promotion hey man that's what you. have to do like instead of giving up on.

everything you have to believe but only. in yourself right start doing stand-up. doesn't matter if you can sing doesn't. matter if you're funny to stand up if. you're 400 pounds be a model none of it. matters. you're creating your own reality to live. in that's a good time about find a new. diet start an Instagram page for your. cat do whatever you want to do lose your. and little things and make them the big. things make the little things the big.

things you know yeah I mean that's the. move I keep a juicy juicy like the booty. booty he liked it plump I got I got. hired to help produce the guy's podcast. and he's like talking about what he. wants to like make it about an. inspiration what not and then at one. point he goes you know maybe I'll just. get a bunch of chicks with big tits to. get in a hot tub with me Ryan it's it's. and me and Ben were talking about it. just like yeah this guy's like this the.

yeah idiot genius he said to me he's. like people are [ __ ] [ __ ] so you. can't make them think so I'm gonna have. guns and flamethrowers and gold chains. and cash and girls with big fake asses. and big fake titties I'm gonna blow up. my Instagram I was like yeah it's like. yeah he's a genius that's a smart move. yeah that'll work. we'll end the episode where we sat down. the day with a guy and we said you know. this does your cat video where she goes. [ __ ] I'm a cow [ __ ] I'm a cow I'm not.

a cat I don't send me out [ __ ] I'm a. cow and then she goes moo moo and she. puts french fries in her nose got fifty. four million views mm-hmm and I said to. somebody I was you know that's weird. mean better faster better [ __ ] cuz I'm. like so we make these videos like we. tried it to all the stuff is topical and. funny and has a good angle and he goes. yeah what you just said you try that's. your first mistake.

you try nothing could make less sense in. this world. then try you almost want to smack as. soon as I said it I wanted to smack. myself in the face and be like I'm. trying what kind of [ __ ] lunatic. tries plug all the social media guys. plug your podcasts brain jail podcast. yeah I'm podcasts and YouTube channel.

yeah we got a 360 VR camera going for. our episodes you guys are the first view. our pod hundred percent one ya like it. yeah. at brain Jail pot or uh at brain Jail. pot at gmail.com yeah if you want to. send us an email I am at doji cat on. Instagram now I'm at Tim Jay Dylan di. llo on Instagram and Twitter you guys. know that Tim de la comédie calm we're. updating the site in the next day or two. with dates you have a lot more live. dates coming up people are starting to.

buy tickets go out to shows please I. have a new hour of material if you see. me before you will not hear any of the. same jokes come out it'll be fun I'm oh. I almost have a new hour material but. will you care I'll do proud work for the. rest of it I'm almost there I think I. got a good 40 that I really like and. nowhere to put it. nowhere to go put it on YouTube nobody. cares yeah captions on it shut er down. I'm a cow I'm not a cat I don't see me.

like if let's see you brought like. Mozart back and showed him that like if. you showed any of these people that they. would be like oh this is for children. right they'd be like oh this is like a. for kids that's kind of I don't know why. you're using the word [ __ ] but this. isn't chart this is a chart it's like. how much the popular culture with just. previous generations if they came back. and watched it think was for children oh.

yeah like emos oh you've goofy outfits. and you jump around your child right yes. but kids shark is literally for kids. there's not much of a difference between. baby shark and I'm a cow right it's the. same stuff [ __ ] I'm a cow I'm not a cat. like don't say meow do we have to just. get a giant inflatable ass to put behind. the dust videos that just jiggles it's. not the worst idea we just gotta find a. way I think we got to find a way to to. try to make them a little crazier just.

hire to do two models and just have him. shake their ass at Tim's face yeah well. here all he does I'm Megan McCain video. and maybe just get throw some hogs in. there you know I'm sure we do do what. should we do what about Chelsea ham I. talked about that dumb documentary I. mean that might be a funny angle. as Chelsea Handler no I can't keep. dressing that much I would just do it as. a guy where I'm like what I really like. about the documentary about it she.

doesn't talk to that many black she. talks to a white guy in her backyard. which i think is that's how to get to. the heart of it that's right then she. goes and visits a boyfriend she hasn't. seen in 20 years and this poor guys been. in and out of jail she shows up with a. film crew you see the huge salted. pretzel with mustard all over it I just. think it might be funny to just call it. out for being kind of bananas right you. know [ __ ] no desk anymore no desk I.

think just you sitting at a big fake ass. just right there with the ashtray in an. ass I like Stan you know he's inside. just has to go places I think the desk. has to go to locations yeah straight now. yeah well I don't know dude maybe go. back to just like there was some. brilliance in the early things it was. just me on a topic but it didn't have.

the costume it didn't have you know that. Lena Dunham won but we had Isis marching. yeah yeah well I wouldn't say no the. amount of times you guys have called me. down at like 2:00 a.m. to show me a. video we're like and you're like an. Indian's getting his head cut off behind. him is can we get away with this I'm. like maybe I think it might be funny be. like I just saw the best new documentary. it's called hello privileges me Chelsea. Chelsea Handler's a comedian that wanted.

spent our entire career examining these. types of issues you know it's been an. entire career examining these types of. issues what I like about the documentary. she doesn't talk to a lot of black. people it's mainly her interviewing a. white guy in her back yard and then she. visits a black guy that she used to bang. who's been in jail for 10 years and then. she shows up for the first time in 20. years with a film crew mm-hmm there's. just something nice about that just like. boy I'm glad I killed that baby like.

it's just something nice about that man. it made me really think this is the. change I want to see in the world you. know. hello privilege it's me Timmy yeah I. just want no racism but also no black. people that privilege was a black shirt. Chelsea thought she was gonna interview. a black chick named probation Chelsea. thought she's gonna interview somebody. named privilege all right folks.

beautiful up your membership spend more. money on this patreon cubed spoiler we. deserve good bye bye.