164 - Life In The Big City

hey it's Tim Dylan and fear not we are. on the porch we have a live video for. you but if you want an actual episode. every week and if you want all the two. years of audio archives to the show and. if you want longer versions of those. videos you put out on Twitter and. Instagram and if you want to help. suggest things that we talked about on. the show you want to interact with us. patreon.com slash the Tim Dylan show. patreon.com slash the Tim Dylan show. this is a great way to support the show. and contribute to it thank you.

[Music]. throwing your trash on the floor won't. you please give it to me thank you for. considering your fellow patrons welcome. to the Tim Dylan show everybody we are. here on the porch this is I don't know.

when this is gonna this is coming out. obviously next Sunday this Sunday. whatever it is Thursday night Megan. McCain had a diatribe about gun buyback. program that's being proposed she said. there's gonna be a lot of violence which. is probably correct but she said it in. typical Megan McCain fashion which no.

matter what she said you would want to. hate her and you wouldn't be wrong. because the thing about Megan and I know. people that know her and in real life. they have confided in me that she is a. monster um she's a real rich chick in. every sense of the word she's got a job. that she did not earn her knowledge base. on world issues is non-existent on.

domestic issues same but she pops off. she's my aunt. she's my aunt with a national platform. she's my aunt but given millions and. millions of dollars. to spew whatever rolls off her tongue. which it is what it is I mean I know. they're not hiring me on the view they. need a conservative on the view. I'm cooled all that but Meghan McCain. you know she's a legacy of a guy that.

conservatives only liked when he was. dead they didn't like him when he was. alive as soon as he said half of my. brain has been eaten they were like oh. he's a hero we love him but up until. then they didn't give a [ __ ] about him. so we did a little video today. mocking Meghan this is you know the. first video that we did since the. original Meghan McCain video and you.

know I went to Lane Bryant I got you. know got the white blazer look good. 31 bucks what do you fat [ __ ]. complaining about. I got a Rochester big and tall I spent a. hundred and fifty dollars for a [ __ ]. t-shirt 34 bucks you get a beautiful. white blazer you don't know how good you. [ __ ] have it there is nothing for. plus-size men you got to wear a suit or.

a Hawaiian shirt or some stupid like ed. hardy you know that's a type of fact. there's two types of fat guy insanely. successful dj khaled or quasi homeless. bum who lives with his brother those are. the two types of fat guy that exists in. the minds of people that make clothing. and I remembered I've known both of. those fat guys I knew a lawyer who was.

like 450 tailored suits custom when I. was selling mortgages he'd walk in he. always looked great he was a fat well. but he was tailored everything fit. pinstripe suits three-piece walking the. guy looked gray and I knew my friends. uncle who was just a fat mass who would. like crash high school party. he was like 40 got in the limo with us.

wants you're going to a strip club. somebody got like a shitty limo and he. got in the limo with us and he was. talking all the way to the strip club. about how he's gonna lose goals suitors. [ __ ] oh [ __ ] this [ __ ] and I think by. the time we got to the strip club he was. asleep I think I'm remembering that word. literally he was asleep by the time we. got to the shrimp Club just like and we.

peeler the way come up to like hey man. you want to go in remember that [ __ ]. you were talking about you know you had. to wake him up he was asleep I remember. one of my friends looked to me went. that's sad sad stuff out there that's. why I'm trying to you know I'm trying to. rein it in I don't want to be that guy. trying to press all the young guys and. then falls asleep that's not a cool guy.

that's not the guy you want to be but. you know those are the two types of fat. guys out there but fat women you guys. are doing [ __ ] great you got Liz oh. you got popular culture you got it all. you got Lane Bryant by the way how great. were the sales women in Lane Bryant. wonderful wonderful. I'm trying stuff on there fitting me it. doesn't matter that I'm clearly a man in. a woman's store it's 2019 we're in LA.

they're like do you need shoes deal with. it and I put makeup on my face cheap. makeup from Target it's made out of acid. cheap makeup cheap lip gloss garbage I. put all this on my skin's falling off of. my face I'm trying to scrub this out of. my pores when I'm done making this video.

hair fake eyelashes 30,000 views on. Twitter. nothing 30,000 views I'm essentially. trans. for the video 30,000 [ __ ] views. thanks a lot. very few blue checkmarks all these. people who tweet about mega mccain's the. devil every day and then they don't. retweet this I don't know why maybe it's. too vulgar you're the [ __ ] that are. always liked Eric the gloves off the.

gloves are off I'm saying she puts guns. in her [ __ ] and you're not retweeting. it what else would you like me to do and. it's funny I'm not making political. points I don't give a [ __ ] I think it's. hilarious that she's defending guns by. saying that the ak-47 is like the most. popular like it's the prom king I think. that's just funny whether you agree with. gun control I don't care what you think.

or believe so don't contact me through. any form of social media and tell me. weirdly none of it go away. I did the nine rants about Europe your. opinion is superfluous it's an. afterthought your your rationale is an. afterthought so don't get it it's funny. it was funny to me when she does those.

things and says those things they are. funny I'm a pro-gun guy to an extent but. how many massacres would get you to. alter your position it's a fair question. how many mass shootings would want to. date would one a day get you to just. just look at it again just revise I. don't know maybe not there seems to be.

hardcore people out there don't care and. maybe it won't work they'd be banning. the assault weapons maybe it won't work. but how many shootings would make you. try how many what would you need what. what would do it we have so many as the. great Eddie Pepitone said in his special. he's bored by them. they're boring he was right Eddie's. right they don't even matter anymore. no one cares 17 month-old shot in the.

face next no one cares. because people think that if we give up. the weapons the government will start to. get too radical start they'll start what. do you think the government would do if. we didn't have the weapons let's think. of it let's brainstorm do you think. potentially the government might start. spying on everybody listening to their.

phone calls and reading their emails do. you think possibly the government might. totally suspend habeas corpus and say. that they could decide that you were an. enemy combatant and lock you up in. prison and not charge you with a crime. and keep you there indefinitely and. torture you do you think the government. would start doing that you think the. government would start taking. whistleblowers and locking them with. little boxes and making them go insane. when they've said things like the. military is slaughtering civilians and. the NSA is acting without congressional.

authority to just wiretap everybody you. think the CIA might start spying on the. Senate Intelligence Committee and. destroying tapes of their interrogation. which many people and experts have said. is tantamount to torture do you think. the elites would start engaging in. illicit sexual behavior like pedophilia. on private islands and that if that ever. came to light they might potentially. murder the person who was about to.

testify even though he was in a. maximum-security prison in New York City. do you think they would get us into. endless wars without any explanation do. you think they would murder journalists. do you think they would do all those. things if we gave up the guns because we. got an arsenal of guns and everything. that I just mentioned is [ __ ]. business is [ __ ] usual so what is the.

fear they would just start locking. people up right and left and camp maybe. they would I'm. that thought process I think that's a. little too messy for them do you need to. lock anyone up in camp what is that does. that does the putt but people need to go. to work right so you know people think. or people have it in their head that. we're like this country made up of. freedom fighters who don't take no [ __ ].

we're we're freedom fighters we demand. accountability and if you take our. weapons away it's gonna get real bad cuz. we're not shooting it squirrels in our. backyard we're demanding accountability. with those weapons are we if that was. the case it'd be ten thousand people. right now like you're on Hong Kong where. are the street protests we you have the. weapons you have the guns you have the.

you have access to transportation the. people in Hong Kong they don't even have. guns they're getting taken tasers to the. face to show that they're pissed we've. had none of that except a couple of. theater kids fighting a couple of guys. you can't get laid in Portland that's. the only skirmish we've had we got a. couple of vigilantes doing some version. of West Side Story in Portland and.

people act like well if they turn to. guns it's gonna be trouble they're gonna. start stepping on our necks huh. I mean I could be wrong I'm willing to. be wrong here I'm willing to engage me. live friends or to libertarians which is. a which is done it's a dumb thing to be. private roads private it's destroy the.

government we're gonna live in a turkey. we live in chaos those are always people. who've lived with their mother for too. long those roads people would last about. three minutes in a street fight that. believe those things get rid of. everything chaos and anarchy there's a. tent tent when you're on the when you're. in that side of spectrum or you're a. radical. left us you know your ideas will never. get put into practice so it's easy to. get very romantic about them does it. matter. it's like picture and [ __ ] somebody's.

really hot and you know damn well you're. never gonna do it and if you had the. chance to do it you're gonna be nervous. you can barely get hard you know you're. coming in five seconds it's not what you. think it's gonna be but it doesn't. matter cuz you're not Jessica Alba's not. [ __ ] goo so you don't get to play out. that fantasy and make it into a reality. and realize oh I I should [ __ ] her good. right I should make this fun for her. your your ideas our ideas. none of them ever I took the.

Libertarians who I like is people like. yeah we should just have private that's. all happening already there are gated. communities there are private roads when. that thing in Malibu happened there were. private firefighters rich people go to. prison they go to private all of the. schools they go to a private all that. [ __ ] is going down already. how much more private [ __ ] do you want. there's every [ __ ] five minutes in. California you run up against the gate. because people are like no this is not.

for you not for you this Beach isn't for. you for someone else there's a lot of. private stuff but I don't know if. everyone was walking around with an. ar-15 is the country better off I don't. know I used to believe but no one really. is interested in freedom no one really. cares unless it's about a gun I've had. people say to me Oh curly do read my.

email I'm not doing nothing it's not the. point the point is you shouldn't have to. be a child pornographer to care if the. government is reading everything you do. it's not the point well I'm not doing. anything so parents what they're do. because you don't know what's gonna. happen you don't know who's going to be. reading that you don't know what they're. gonna perceive as antisocial behavior.

you don't know what you could. potentially say to somebody well I think. the government's doing a bad job. you don't know think of the politicians. really hate whether it's the Clintons. whether it's Trump whoever it is you. hand these people absolute power in. every [ __ ] area of your life you. don't give a [ __ ] you don't care and I. try to tell people I'm like well it's. not good that they have this kind of. power well they're just detained and. Muslims they're just a tiny and.

terrorists and anime combines what. what's the criteria for that if we go. into your country we start dropping. bombs on it and you don't and you ain't. pleased you're an enemy combatant if you. don't walk out of your house and go. thank you. thanks for the drone strikes thanks for. the bombs if you don't dance in the. street you're an enemy combatant and we.

should just be able to torture you I I. don't is what the FBI does I just read. an article the other day the pen sent me. and I've known this the FBI like gives. guns to mentally [ __ ] Muslims and. and they walk into a mosque and they. pick some kid some like young guy who's. completely unaware that he's even a. human being on earth he doesn't know.

what the [ __ ] going on and they hand. him a bomb and then they go he's a. terrorist and then they put him in jail. and they go you better inform we're. gonna torture the [ __ ] out of you mm-hmm. what do you think they deal with the. Boston bombing what do you think we ever. heard about that you ever hear that. trial by the way you think the media is. above the media couldn't cover that. trial cuz they had s am's put on. everyone involved called special. administrative measures put on everyone. involved in that trial you don't think. the media would have been in there you. think the media didn't like it because. Americans got killed you don't think to.

mean it you don't think it was salacious. a young kid decent-looking they put him. on the front of Rolling Stone is like. the first [ __ ] hot. vine star terrorist this [ __ ] young. vine star like they call them like the. sexy terrorist that was a. direction they were going in they were. gonna make them you know into that you. don't think they wanted to be in there. with cameras in his [ __ ] face. interviewing him all the time they. weren't allowed to do that.

you didn't hear much about that you. didn't hear much about their friend who. the FBI interviewed and killed during. the interview killed him during the. interview we all swallow that but if if. they took our guns away the government. would really start to overreach. government would just start framing. people and killing witnesses it's. they're doing it they're doing it now. I I don't I get it I'm not going after.

your gun don't I have friends with guns. guns are fun to shoot I get it people go. hunting I'm not but this whole argument. that you're resilient that you're there. are 1776 militiamen resisting this. tyrannical government because you have a. gun doesn't seem to be borne out by the. facts it's gotten pretty bad at what. point will we start to resist when will. the resisting start and don't take this. the wrong way don't clip doesn't get me. off social media don't get don't get me. taken down but you know what I mean well.

when will you start with it when they do. it to you when they walk in your house. they snatch you hmm. yeah but you know nobody wants to talk. about this everybody wants to watch The. Bachelor I get it the fun show who's he. gonna pick who's he gonna choose what. gold-digging [ __ ] will this empty suit.

choose who probably doesn't have any. [ __ ] money anyway well everybody if. you notice that I'm wearing the new NYPD. shirt it's from a sketch that we did. where I played Jeffrey Epstein security. guards so they're supporting the police. state with his clothing yeah that's what. I'm doing that's what I'm doing you know. what folks we've had a lot of. discussions here about how to enrich. your life both professionally and. personally and that's something that I'm.

really proud of. one of the things that I've told you. [ __ ] people over and over again at. nauseam to the point where I'm banging. my head against the [ __ ] wall and I'm. bleeding is that you need to have a. website no matter what you are doing in. life even if you're an anonymous human. being with no aspirations you don't care. about business and you're living on a. fixed income in a trailer in Oklahoma. still get a website and tell people. about that people need to hear from you. they need to know where you are. and you can't be too saucy on social.

they'll [ __ ] splash you right out. they'll take you right out they'll do. platform you you know gotta be a little. careful but not on your own website you. can say whatever you want you can harass. anyone you want on your own website tell. everybody about the Rothschilds who can. stop you it's your own website okay. or you know promote your nail salon I'm. not telling you what to do either or.

talk about reptilians that live in the. center of the earth or promote your. wedding photo business or both I would. gladly sign on with a wedding. photographer we talked about. interdimensional reptiles I'd be into. that that's not gonna be everybody she's. gonna be me wix.com it's a better way to. build websites for your clients a lot of. you people can't afford a website to be. done for you you people are in the in.

the infancy of your business you don't. know anything you're not a big big dog. you're a little pup just trying to get. some attention just a dog trying to get. a bone just a squirrel trying to get a. not just a raccoon trying to steal some. trash out of the dumpster behind the. local pizzeria that's what you are but. you don't have to always be that one day. you'll be the king of the jungle. feasting on a gazelle in front of a. majestic landscape in Tanzania but not. right now right now you're a field cat.

feral whatever shut up okay start with a. blank page design the layout if you want. grow their business with custom online. store out-of-the-box booking system live. chat publish in a click and make edits. fast your clients will enjoy. enterprise-grade security and automatic. web hosting use leading industry SEO. which means your google search terms. will pop up it'll drive people to your. website and therefore to your business. it's a powerful marketing tool you need.

to drive traffic to your site and Wix. helps you do that get started on your. next client website today go to wix.com. /gt h1 wix.com /gt h1 okay. that's we got a deal I'm gonna get a. good deal people gonna respect you. you're gonna win you can't afford to lay. out a lot of money upfront you just got. a little bit of an inheritance mommy.

just kicked the bucket or maybe your. great-aunt who always smelled weird but. now she's where she belongs in the. ground and you've got thirty six hundred. dollars worth of bond sitting in your. bank account and you need to stretch it. and make it last until you're famous and. rich and everybody loves you and that's. gonna happen but it starts with a. website otherwise you're gonna be. anonymous drinking at some bar talking. about what you could have been what you. should have done be one of those guys.

you don't want to be that be a Titan be. a Titan folks Wix wix.com I love it I. use it my family uses it my mother is a. paranoid schizophrenic love lives in a. mental institution has an amazing. website. she just fires off those synapses in her. brain start going she decides publishing. links they don't go nowhere.

she's got an online store but you know. beanie babies staying with ranch. dressing that she's willing to sell you. tags have been chewed up like dogs and. cats but listen if she can if she can. make it work so can you you know what I. mean Wix calm /g th1 Wix calm /g th1 do. it you know. listen there was this guy my mother.

rented her house out in eighth grade and. I've told told a lot of these stories. I'm not gonna go back into them but. suffice to say she rented it out to a. lot of people who ended up selling drugs. because in Long Island when you were. renting a room and you didn't have any. credit you worked in construction and. construction meant that you sold drugs. and then you also maybe you did.

construction but you also sold drugs. that was what it meant and she rented. out to one guy named Dennis Dennis was. the only one in the house not selling. drugs he barely had any [ __ ] money. and he was an older guy he's an. interesting guy he was he's very. spiteful he had a he went to Vietnam he. served in Vietnam came back from Vietnam. how did this thriving baseball card. business him and his wife and the.

parties coke booze you know the whole. thing the whole nine or the whole eight. you know coke him his wife got divorced. I don't know why maybe he bought. somebody else I don't know. irreconcilable differences whatever and. instead of giving her alimony he decided. to quit his job and go live in a van. down by the beach by Long Beach okay he. then moved into my mother's house where.

he befriended me in my friend Shaye and. he would tell us all these stories about. you know bar fights and Vietnam and he. was a cynic cuz he he was old enough to. have heard all the [ __ ] from every. politician and he ended as many people. do in a room drinking wine out of a. burger can come with ice in it. smoking a pack of Marlboro Reds day and.

sang the n-word. now that's neither here nor there and I. don't endorse that kind of behavior I'm. saying. idealism idealism ends usually there is. what I'm saying if you don't have a. healthy dose of cynicism you're gonna. end up like Dennis Dennis was not a bad. man he wasn't great. he's kids hadn't spoken with five years.

they called him once and he was so drunk. he answer you are huh huh and they went. hi dad new hair all done and they said I. think I'm gonna go and go whatever after. everything that happened Dennis said. life in the big city it was one of my. favorite quotes he ever said life in the. big city my mother would go the cops are. gonna probably raid the house cuz. they're running a pretty big coke. operation upstairs and Dennis would go.

life in the big city my mother would go. your kids you haven't seen in five years. called you and because you were so drunk. they hung up the phone and they never. want to speak to you again life in the. big city it would say that he'd sit. there holding his hunting knife in a. chair staring at the fire drinking cheap. wine out of a Burger King big cop with. ice in it smoking Marlboro Reds and. saying life in the big city he had a few.

other sayings now these are not good. sayings I do not speak this way and I. could say it was a different time but. there was no time when this was. appropriate you'd walk around and say. there's an n-word in the woodpile I. don't know what that meant I don't know. why he would say that he was he was a. deranged man who had lost most of what. you could ever get in life he had.

nothing left he's dead you can't cancel. him you can't cancel Dennis he died. exactly as he should have clutching his. chest on a fishing boat in front of his. brother he wasn't young he was in his. late 50s or early 60s probably early 60s. had he had one last you know he loved. playing cards and I don't. endorse the sayings but life in the big. city I don't think that was the worst.

way to handle everything and Dennis had. guns Dennis had a lot of guns under his. bed in the closet but Dennis had those. guns in case somebody came into the. house he shoots him in the face so he. said if he was sober enough to find a. gun get his finger on the trigger and. god that was never tested would have. shot me shot me when I was just trying. to do a line in the bathroom like an.

eighth grader getting ready for school. but life in the big city is kind of. where you end up in many cases we'd sit. there with my mother that he baked clams. they'd eat linguine with red clam sauce. he would smoke cigarettes while he ate. no one does that anymore. you loved beer you loved wine no hard. stuff he swore most of that off and he.

was a good guy I remember my. grandmother's funeral he was after my. mother's house was lost. Dennis moved into my mother's van he. came full circle moved into my mother's. van and then he parked it in my. grandmother's driveway and he would. shower in my grandmother's house and he. would live in the van and he would give. me advice you give my mother advice. living in a van in a driveway in Long. Island he would say this is what you got.

to do and this is how you got to do it. this is how you must proceed this is the. way life is sometimes you'd kind of say. to him and he'd say hey I'm living in a. van in the driveway life in the big city. I never lived in a big city. no never lived in a big city no I've. been to the city a handful of times but. the city was not part of his existence. it was very comfortable on the marsh of. Long Island I remember he came to my.

grandmother's funeral he moved in with. another man in New York another man in. my town and now this man had a son and. this man's son would get. got out of jail every three years and. try to kill his father this is a fact. get out of jail every three years go try. to kill his father and also try to kill. Dennis you know they'd have to jam the. door shut and everything every black. clockwork Dennis would come over the. house and go Joey's out tried to kill us. again and we go yeah well that's it's.

that time uh you know Dennis came to my. grandmother's funeral you guys I just. got a brand-new gun I said oh good and. he goes and I'll tell you right now. because when Joey gets out this time. when I see him I'm just gonna kill him. before even has a chance to make it onto. the lawn when I see him I'm gonna kill. him this is what people are using guns.

for they're not using it to form a power. paramilitary force to check your well. Ian's overreach of government not that. I've seen they're using it for these. types of skirmishes and and not that. it's completely unnecessary. but let's not delude ourselves. Dennis was not railing against the state.

he just wanted to shoot his friend's son. before his friend's son came in the. house and tried to kill his father and. Dennis that's all I get it you know life. in the big city. I miss Dennis that it was again not not. winning any awards as a humanitarian. who's not the most woke person I think.

we've established that he was not woke. he was barely awake literally you know. but that's what it is and I'm not saying. that's the only reason people use guns. people use guns for a lot of reasons and. some of them are good some of them make. a lot of sense but what people are also. using. for is to walk into a market or school. and shoot people in the face now you.

look at the internet you see the. direction things are moving you see that. mental illness is widespread it's not. being it's not being cared for nobody. is prioritizing their mental health and. wellness other than this fake self-care. horseshit which is you know to get.

people to buy candles there is no such. thing as self-care when you work three. jobs a week to feed your baby cat food. eventually you snap okay I don't care. how many baths you run if you're always. one car accident away from bankruptcy. and homelessness it doesn't matter if. you light a lavender candle you're gonna. snap we push people to the brink we push.

them to the edge people are competing on. American Ninja Warrior for insulin in. this country and acting like it's a. privilege so they're gonna snap China. does it when you work when they work you. to death at the Apple Factory you try to. kill yourself. Foxconn puts all these tents I'm not. tense annette's so you can't kill. yourself you just land in the net and. they come and I guess pick you up and go. get back online go back to work okay.

which is inhumane what if you handed all. those people guns. I bet there'd be some issues I bet there. would be but that's where rat in this. country and I know that people listen to. the show for positive reinforcement and. that's what I give you most of the time. most of the time this show is about. positivity love and light but you know I. tried to talk to somebody the other day. about state of the world yeah if you.

read that new article on Zero Hedge. which kind of interesting they got a lot. of [ __ ] on that site but they like. the central bankers. preparing for the collapse of the dollar. by saying let's institute a new. cryptocurrency that serves our needs. better than the dollar rich people are. hoarding cash people are cutting. interest rates there's a lot of doomsday. signs for the economy you try to tell. somebody this and they respond you. complicit man put that [ __ ] out of your. head we're living in Paradise and I. understand I understand why people feel. that way it's because they're insane and.

I understand you were rewarded for being. insane in this country for being insane. you were rewarded I'm like half crazy. there's no money in that you got to go. full [ __ ] psychopath full lunatic and. to ignore reality to ignore you know I. brought up I'm like you know people are.

living in tents it's not good and one of. my friends goes friend I love good. person talented person they were like. yeah but there's been Hoovervilles. people have always been living at dance. is that the response is that the. response people have always been living. in tents things are fine things are fine. we're not in a tent that's most people's. way to process things ago hey I'm that's. what people handle mass shootings they. go I'm not dead yet hey I ain't dead.

soon that'll be a point in the argument. somebody got CNN go well I'm pretty. alive and so are you so maybe you should. relax John and outside the windows will. hear and they'll go well I'm here what's. your big issue. stop being a negative Ned stop being so. negative about these mass shootings am I. the only one who sees these mass. shootings is a great way to appreciate.

life it's a great way to appreciate life. to hear about 28 people that got mowed. down at a farmers market makes you feel. warm and fuzzy inside that you're on. your fat ass and you don't have any lead. in you yet I'm still alive I'm not in a. chant this. the thought process things are great. especially in LA go things are great and. if you bring up anything you know have. to I do this I sneak this in now I go I. go out to dinner I go yeah everybody's.

good good good what do we get. yeah episode when you get the prawns the. prawns okay 50% of American children. living in poverty what is the sauce with. the prawns what kind of sauce is it is. it it's like a lime sauce right yeah no. half the kids are they don't have food. or medicine what do we want to do for an. entree what do we want to split. something I'm not that hungry. and people don't people don't care like.

people are like stop ruining everything. you're doing good so many people in this. country they're one car action in a way. from bankruptcy from financial disaster. they really are. everybody's like they're like Mario you. know you jump over the little thing. do-do-do-do-do-do-do jump over it almost. got sideswipe jump over it almost got.

laid off. hey laid off everyone else they laid off. my best friend he's in trouble do dude. get the coin run we're almost done with. the level quick speed speed mushroom job. jump you know I don't have that rare. blood cancer. oof hitting that documentary did jump. fly oh good my aunt left me $2,800 when. she died. good that's that's the that's the having.

the raccoon tail I can fly over the. problems for a little while we're living. in a video okay and if you try to bring. people's attention to that they think. you're the you're a lunatic you know I. just want to be in love I want to be in. the type of love literally where I look. in somebody's eyes during a mass. shooting. and we're both being riddled with.

bullets and I don't care because I. believe that love is out there that. all-encompassing love I just wanna I. want to be another if I wanted that's. why I'm on keto and I'm gonna lose a. bunch of weight because I want to find. that person out there that no matter. what happens we take a honeymoon to the. Amazon rainforest. then we're like is this beautiful and. all the sudden we see these people.

lighting fires and you see people. running out of their houses with their. babies and they're screaming and I go. it's so beautiful here and they're good. yeah man it's just so nice so peaceful. coarse unlucky and the screams now we. don't hear the screams we hear you would. far enough away you just kind of see the. people's mouths gape and you hear. something that sounds like a scream but. it could also be just a beautiful bird. and that's where I want to get to in my.

life because that's the way to live you. know we're making these videos that are. satirizing [ __ ] we're trying too hard. we're trying too hard we're gonna start. we're gonna adjust we're gonna have new. videos you're gonna be better and it's. just gonna be me [ __ ] I'm going to. [ __ ] for one minute or maybe 25 seconds. cuz the minutes a little long now for 25.

seconds I am going to take a [ __ ] in a. different cookie place okay. and instead of doing that video with the. pink wall I'm just gonna take a [ __ ] and. I'm gonna start flinging it at people. I'm gonna fling my own [ __ ] at people. and I'm hoping that's gonna get the. numbers up I don't know but that's what. I'm gonna try to do I'm going to start. defecating in different fun cooky places.

and then taking my own [ __ ] and hurling. it in the air and dancing and. that is the entertainment that you. people out there deserve and that's what. you're gonna get. I just wanna you know somebody just told. me they do an American Ninja Warrior but. it's gonna be in the water it's gonna be. in the water. they got asked to maybe host it it's a.

new American ninja war. I want a host I want to host real. competition shows real ones or at the. end of it. we give you kid an insulin shot at the. end of it and people will defend that no. go they're new a dude gets a competition. fair and square. hey do it do it getting into hello I'm.

back again. talking about better help which a lot of. people you know believe is a scam I've. had people say that they've had positive. experiences with it so what do you. [ __ ] want from me you know they're. advertising on the program now if it if. it I've told you before if you have a. sexual fetish and you want to call up. better help and masturbate on the line I. have no problem with that okay. better help is an online counseling. service okay it offers licensed. professional counselors who specialize. in issues like depression stress anxiety.

relationships sleeping anger family. conflict self-esteem and more it lets. you connect with your professional. counselor at a safe and private online. environment anything you share is contra. this is kind of confident it's. confidential this is controversial. anything you share is controversial. wouldn't it be hilarious I'm having. trouble sleeping what the [ __ ] would you. a Nazi everything you say is. controversial. it's a combative therapist everything. they say everything you can find them. they accuse you being a Nazi you know me.

my girlfriend just don't connect the way. we used to is it because you want to. kill Jews Nazi you're like what with. better help you can schedule secure. video or phone sessions Plus chat and. tax with your therapist - it's Tim I'm. having issues. and I need help well welcome to better. help my name is Marlene how's it going.

fatty what how's it going Fat Boy why. are you calling me that Marlene I'm a. licensed counselor with better help what. kind of license do you have shut up you. shut your mouth I'm a doctor I'm a. doctor and you respect me. okay well Marlene have bad anxiety. sometimes I get real dizzy and public. places maybe I'm a core a phobic I don't.

like going out well then stay in stay in. fat ass Marlene I'm not even that. overweigh oh you're a fat boy I can hear. you. chewing satiating yourself filling. yourself Marlene this sounds sounds. insane I thought you were gonna help me. oh I'm helping your fat ass I'm your. better help counselor then that was. literally that was audio from a better. help call than I did and it's not I.

think it's fine I think it's good if you. feel shitty all better how call account. if you feeling down call better help are. the counselor are the counselors. licensed hey shut up you narc just talk. to someone on the phone don't sit in.

your apartment all alone. you poor you're fat you gay you're dumb. you got a disease and you can't come. whatever it is. there's better help we employ the best. drifters on the market. I'm kidding they're all great it's all. great they're licensed professionals are. gonna help you they're gonna help you. with your issues are you afraid are you. depressed are you fearful are you.

anxious are you sad call better help and. they'll tell you to shut your mouth now. they give you good strategies call me up. I'm better help you yeah yeah say. something. Ave better your mouth oh hey is this. better help I'm filling hey shut up for. a minute. this is better help my name is Frank and.

I'm your counselor hey Frank going. through a long-term relationship just. split up with my girl I'm in my own. place does it sound like you're going. through a long-term relationship sounds. like you just ended one well can you go. through a breakup sorry okay Jesus. Christ you see nothing know what's. happening. go on out of it now go on I'm feeling. really depressed that she didn't let me. have any friends so now that we're not. together you know I'm very alone I've no. one that really talked to and that's.

honestly why I'm calling you just to. have someone to listen to me hey kid. friend of mine before DNA before DNA I. could tell you how to fix this problem. you know what I mean but they'll get you. now whatever you do so don't do nothing. don't leave don't leave nothing on a. doorstep don't follow her you know just. get some horse did that help.

yeah thanks Frank I appreciate it you're. welcome better help don't kill your. chick it's better the help is better. when you call and online let's do one. more. hi hi Stan. hey Kirsten hi hey hi it's kind of a.

humbling moment for me I don't usually. reach out for help but you know this is. okay that's what we're here for it's. called better help that's what they said. when they hired Mya. No thank you can legally have to talk to. you know it does your sweetie you're so. sweet I can hear it in your voice you're. sweet oh thanks what's your issue well. I've been having performance issues in. the in the bedroom in the bedroom yeah.

like I just can't get it up and I feel. like you know I'm just not really. attracted to my wife anymore I'm. starting to have these thoughts about. like men and I don't know I'm just kind. of confused sexually and it's depressing. me a lot I you know I've dated many men. that were probably gay and I just. started pegging them so your wife needs. to put on a strap-on and [ __ ] you right.

would she have a problem with that no I. don't think so she wants to spice it up. it's what she's been saying all along. so it's space it ah okay I've gotten to. the point where I can only come if my. face is being pushed into a garbage. disposal and I hear the garbage being. ground up in the kitchen. I can only calm if I'm being [ __ ]. sideways and my head is being smashed.

and I hear that gurgling sound so just. yeah hell yeah thanks Kat thank you. folks it's a great company let's tell. you where they go here. let's tell you how it all works here's. them here's what you do folks I'm dead. serious you need help you don't have. money call these people are you gonna.

help. yeah it what the yes the [ __ ] do I know. what's he doing ten percent off what's. that some guy with a flash is just dark. on that trail so you just lie yeah. that's good. you know cocking his gun get ten percent. off your first month by going to better. help calm slashed him Dylan better help. calm slash Tim Dylan okay great let's.

see one more. hi my name is my name is Carl. welcome to better help hey Carl how's it. going man listen I'll just cut right to. the chase. I got excommunicated from my church I. got caught with I was a deacon I got. caught with this young girl my entire. community as as as they're not talking. to him anymore I can't get through to. anybody.

very very alone I feel very isolated I'm. starting to have violent thoughts I'll. be honest I've always had violent. thoughts but now they're starting to. really increase kid could you help me. out I mean do I need to get on. medication do I need I need just to call. you once a week what is your. relationship with a girl right now uh. well I mean the family locked her up in. her in her bedroom from what I. understand there's actual relations with. her yeah we did have you filmed it no no. I didn't you have any audio or.

photographs that could help me better. understand the nature of your sexual. relationship no I'm really sorry man I. can't even if I had I couldn't send that. to you it's you know it's I mean she's a. minor I'm going to court for this you. want to hold do you want help. yes in order for me to give you the best. help that I need I need to see exactly. what happened or hear about it in great. detail okay I need to see it and.

understand it and when I see. when I feel it do you understand that. yes yes okay yes I scratch your back you. scratch mine you know what I mean it's. called better help we all need help.

you're not the only one that on this. called heads out I need some help okay. you have that her address let's get her. out. let's spring her better help slash Tim. Dylan thanks no yeah it's not that bad. gets good things happen and there's. great things happening it's great things. that it's fine there's beautiful stairs. nice stuff there's nice hotels and ice. and you can live in an igloo.

that dumb glass thing that [ __ ] these. couples I don't believe your marriage is. valid I don't care you can go on. vacation all the time I see these. couples at they're on these extreme. vacations where they stay in these. little glass igloos in Iceland and they. they go to all these beautiful places I. know you don't love each other I see it. in your eyes you could tell with people.

you know that young love when kids. really love each other and they're in. college there's some shitty fare they. don't need anything except a churro and. a ferris wheel the vacations keep. getting more extravagant it's because. you're trying to reignite this flame and. we all see it out there on Instagram we. all know what's happening the most. extravagant vacation you take is going. to be the one where one of you kills the.

other one in their sleep I'd see it. we're going and we're gonna go and we're. gonna John camels are gonna go across. the Gobi Desert and then we're gonna. look at the stars and that you just. don't love each other anymore that's all. see these extravagant extravagant. vacations people take go on these. extravagant I want to stay at the summit.

of a mountain with my love with my love. because we love each other so much that. we need to be we need every minute of. the vacation to be planned for us and we. need to do a lot of excursions because. if we don't have if we're just sitting. on a beach next to each other we're. gonna have to talk to each other and if. that happens it's gonna go downhill. quite quickly so we need people to get. us out of bed roll us out of bed and put.

us on an excursion and we need to go. ziplining immediately because if I have. to look at your face I'm gonna kill you. so we need to go ziplining we need to go. right now. it's got to be a fun adventure no more. peace and quiet we can't handle that. peace and quiets not to move from the. minute we touch down so the minute we. leave it's gotta be chaos controlled.

chaos I want to get a massage we got to. go to a spa where we are beaten and. injected with things smacked with. seaweed. we need sand rubs and we need it all. because we can't spend any time with. each other unless we're being pat we. need to be pampered by other people. because if we try to pamper each other. it'll be a problem it'll be a real issue.

I see you people on edge too in its. dilemma I see one the Graham I'm not. hating you yeah I'm mad no it'll take me. on one of those yeah I'm mad cuz I'm a. bad person too and I deserve to go to. places that are ridiculous. I want a five-star hotel chain to take. whatever natural beauty that's left on. this planet colonize it and sell it to.

me and a little twink. doesn't speak because he's deaf dumb and. blind mute and it's not rape he consents. via Braille okay. 8ki consents yes he needs me to open. doors for him and turn on lights if he. leaves me technically he will die. especially where we're going on vacation. we're going to a volcano there's no. arguments with a deaf thumb mute but.

he's not that dumb it's not a [ __ ]. I'm not saying I'm having secular time. okay let's strike dumb he's just deaf. and mute but he's very intelligent. he reads Braille books all day he has a. huge penis. and I want to go and stay in an igloo. with him for $2,500 a night in a villa. with a wild local wildlife school what. the [ __ ] going on some poor sloth who. now works for the Four Seasons comes and.

gives you your drinks some tortured. elephant has to just just walk up and. this majestic animal has to fill your. face with food he just takes an apple in. his snout and gives it to you that's. what I want I want every piece of this. earth colonized taken and sold back to. me I don't have that kind of money we. get 30,000 [ __ ] Hughes we need more. we need a million Jews so I can go on.

vacation in a volcano and maybe the rob. city kills a native shut up I problem. cares the kids you can't just go to a. lake is my point and sit there you can't. just go out to Joshua Tree and look at. the Stars you have to invade a corner of. the country and make it and it has to be. ridiculous your Instagram vacations have.

to make me go oh my god I didn't even. know you could do that there hotel room. is on a melting glacier I can't believe. that it's so beautiful well yeah because. of climate change the glaciers melt. we got a room right on one of the. glaciers it's it's really gorgeous. absolutely beautiful you know I just you. know I haven't gone on a vacation in a. long time and that's all people talk.

about by the way it's a vacation if I go. out with young professionals they talk. about their vacations cuz their jobs are. all too complex for them to get into. because they're all fake or they're all. inherently evil so they can't really. tell you about yeah well we do you know. think I'm you know it's it's kind of. like a LinkedIn for human traffickers. whatever it's it's a you know it's a. small business it's business-to-business. sales more it's an experimental just. kind of whatever it doesn't matter you. go to brunch for these people just want.

to talk about think hey where if you got. if you got a wheel up where have you. gone the great rake up went on one. vacation New Orleans with his mother she. took him three years ago she flew him. first-class and he left her knee went to. a strip club that's how to live a life. that's how to live life traveling is so. overrated I do it every week there's. nothing to learn the earth looks like. [ __ ] stop hiking the earth is dead.

people in California their brains are. sunburned they hiked there's no. vegetation it's all been killed people. in these arid desert wastelands it's. just mountain lions and rattlesnakes and. these morons these executives just hiked. through them it's gross there's nothing. to see here. it's all overrated it's my point get to. know yourself be real connect to reality.

okay. traveling great okay oh yeah I saw we. went we went and we saw it was oh the. Sun show the Sun shirt was so beautiful. shut up sunsets everywhere. that's everywhere. start traveling to war-torn countries.

start traveling to cities that have. collapsed that our sacrifice zones start. traveling to places where you fear for. your safety you want to learn so you're. not learning anything unless your fear. for your safety then you learn. oh you'll learn you want to learn how. the world really works go take a. vacation to Flint Michigan drink some. water. that's a real extreme vacation isn't it.

do that I'm aware many people listening. to the show go on vacation and many of. them some of them enjoy the comedy some. of them some of them probably are. offended or they they think I've gone. too far here because I'm suggesting that. instead of going somewhere nice for. honeymoon you go to Assyria where you. might get killed or go to Flint Michigan. at night I understand that now even.

though this is kind of a bit I do I. can't describe to you how much I do want. you to do that I do want young. professionals going to Libya I do want. them going to Yemen out you want me to. listen you a brunch that's how you start. a conversation me and John we went to. Yemen last year and so first of all it's. very interesting in Yemen so they're.

doing the Saudis are doing a genocide. with a lot of the money and weapons that. we provide them and a lot of the kids in. Yemen are so cute but they're their rib. cages bulge out of their bodies they. look it looks like xylophones remember. used to play xylophones in school and. they have no food and they don't really. have any clean water it's really sad but. there's so much history there's so much. history I just want I want that and I'll. go oh you're really learning you're. really learning we went to Flint.

Michigan last year me and cliff we went. to Flint Michigan for our honeymoon and. let me tell you right now. the water was the color of human shed I. said to cliff what kind of resort is SAS. and it wasn't a resort you're just. staying in someone's house like oh my. god this is wild we're learning so much. about different cultures some cultures. apparently don't need clean water it's.

wild. so it's so interesting people tell you. how much they learn on vacation we. learned so much when I went on the when. I went on the Impractical Jokers cruise. which was just morbidly obese people on. scooters those people they let them out. of the boat which I called the pen so. they let them out of the pen on the. fourth day because we had docked and. Costa Maya Mexico which is a fake town. that was bought by you know Carnival. Cruise Lines and we think all the people.

that lived there they said you can. either work for us who we could just. poison you I guess that was the choices. and they decided well I guess I'll just. sell knickknacks to these fat people and. these fat slobs were walking around this. pretend thing in Mexico and like they. were like there's all these fake booths. selling like traditional Mexican art. which was not you know a traditional. Mexican food it's Mexican chocolate was. good like could die for its traditional.

Mexican food it was like Taco Bell and. these fat Americans were walking around. like you're really learning about. another culture now if you left if you. went three minutes outside of that fake. little town which was literally just a. consumerist help if you went three. minutes out of that town there were. people running around without shoes. chasing chickens hoping to strangle them. for dinner people were living in huts. and I went with one of my friends the. great Michelle a great woman and a demon. and she went with us and you need people.

like her because otherwise these people. will eat you we got in a taxi that took. us to the beach and the beach you know. and the taxi took us all through these. shantytown and the tax he would not take. his back and Michelle started screaming. y'all take us back right now that she's. like no this is as far as we go home it. sounds like y'all take us back now and. there's nothing like the wrath of a. middle-aged white woman who's never. heard the word no because she'll never.

stop she won't stop okay until there's a. diplomatic problem until an embassy. she'll go to an embassy start banging on. the door so the taxi had to take us. around but it was just so funny when you. went out of this little Cruz area you. walked around and you just saw people. without shoes running around and you're. like God you like get me back on that. boat and of course that boat was a. floating toilet but you were still like.

just get me back on that boat we had. like sick there was like 60 shafts on. one of the cruise liners at dock 60. chefs there was like one doctor in this. whole town and it was like a witch. doctor you'd go in with a problem and. they would do a dance around you they. were still doing bloodletting with. leeches we pull up with 60 chefs people. just throwing away food you know but. it's a lot to learn just at least own.

the vacation I want to go get drunk and. have fun that's what I love my Long. Island friends ago I just want a drink. somewhere warm that's people along I. outside I don't want to go to London I. want to get hammered somewhere warm. Vito I don't want to go to it what's. that Vito doesn't want to go either this. is a fake heart you better go the long. dirt I want to see no that's none of. that I want to go to Greece. the bird plays at the Bhakra see they.

want to sit on a beach they want to get. hammered because it looks different from. their backyard this whole thing would. vacate oh these fake people is likely. learn so much on the vacate you're not. going to learn. go and get hammered and I'm fine with. that it's okay forget it stop disguising. the fact you want to learn you know. I will I will accept advertisements from. Cruise Lines I will I will let you know.

that I will absolutely I have no problem. with that no problem at all I think. everyone should bring your guns on. vacation I think that would be fun they. should have a gun lovers cruise and. people could just shoot at the Atlantic. Ocean they could just shoot their guns. into the water why not. the fish would get to know they'd be. like oh the gun crews the NRA cruise is.

coming they're gonna start firing their. guns into the water do that it's fun why. not vacations I'd love to take a. vacation but I've had enough had enough. of people you know folks I know that I. know that I seem extreme but you know I. want the best for all of you that's all. everything I do here is for the. betterment of you as people that's all.

that's what I'm trying to do I'm trying. to give you a life plan okay and I just. think the vacations should just be about. excess go eat go drink go be a pig. you've earned it. you've earned it if you want to go learn. go live somewhere for six months you. know nobody nobody travels I suggest.

that's people I go get out of here go to. China my friend's little brothers. sisters get the [ __ ] out of here. they don't want to leave their lawyer. who I want to stay. Koller n-- something could take six. months for a year you're not learning. anything. taking a walking tour okay of Madrid you. went to the Prado and it's down go move. to Spain be a lazy trunk like that old. country is they get it right they just. drink and lay around all day they don't. give a [ __ ] does it matter to them.

folks I want to tell you about Monday. comm it's a team management tool that. will improve your office workflow Monday. comm makes it easy to track projects and. stay productive instead of email. spreadsheets random files whiteboards. to-do lists post-it note reminders. Monday comm organizes and tracks. everything in one place the best part of. it it's intuitive it takes no time to. setup it's flexible you can easily. customize it it's easy to stay organized. and find files looking through your. emails to find stuff is a nightmare. especially if you're a boss or CEO you.

know most of the people that you employ. you're gonna be brain dead slackers. losers parasites okay you're never going. to expect them to have as much they're. not gonna have skin in the game the way. that you have it okay you're the one. that's inspired divinely by God to. succeed the rest of these people they're. heathens they're walking around just. completely useless. you just need them creates. accountability what's more annoying than. asking someone to do something and never. getting a response are they working on.

it do they never get the email how often. our important task getting lost in the. shuffle with Monday comm you can easily. assign tasks to co-workers in track. project the platform is suitable for any. size team for two freelancers working. together to thousands collaborating. across the globe. so check out Monday comm this is. incredible team management tool when did. that calm is so effective it'll put an. end to long boring meetings no more. endless meetings trying to figure out. new tactics for staying organized for. who's gonna be working on what Monday. comm does it all for you Monday comm /. Tim you get a 14-day free trial if you. don't like it folks you parties friends.

okay Monday dot-com / Tim you get a. 14-day free trial I know from working in. the business world that a lot of people. that you're gonna end up working with. are not going to be able to pass muster. they're not going to put in the time and. the effort that you are they're not. gonna have the energy they're not going. to be inspired they're not gonna be you. know resilient they're gonna have bad. attitudes they're gonna be negative. you're gonna you're gonna really regret.

them the sight of them will make you. sick so we need to do is create. accountability so they can't say I lost. that email I never heard about that. meeting what was I supposed to do Monday. comm organizes all this so you can get. back to doing what you do as a boss. making their lives hell. you know if they screw up you go and get. him sit him down go what are you what. are you what do you want to be want to. be a blue-collar guy like your father no. really sock it to him and you can do.

that with Monday comm folks you can do. that you can really let them have it as. a boss and that's the funnest part of. being a boss is letting somebody have it. making sure all your Ducks are in a row. and that the error was 100% on them then. bringing them into their office and. really giving it to give them to a good. shut the door sit down take a drink of. coffee and you look at them you know. what the [ __ ] are you what are you are. you a loser or you a winner.

you're a winner like Gary Vaynerchuk. says cuz a winner would not have. forgotten that email oh I don't think I. ever got it yeah yeah pull it up Monday. comm you got the email yeah a loser. you're a loser my kid is sick hey shut. your mouth shut up. Monday doc connors it was gonna be a. Monday so there's gonna be somebody you. know you're my party on Sunday drink. your sangria dancing your flats with. your fat ribeye steak size feet but then.

once you get into the office on Monday. nobody wants to hear about it nobody. wants to see you sway into a Billy Joel. song they just want to want to connect. with you. you know Monday com Monday dot-com / Jim. 14-day free trial if you don't like it. don't use it but you're gonna love it. you're gonna use it okay have I ever. steered you wrong. viral idea I have a disrespected you if.

I ever showed up at your house and. stolen money from you know why wouldn't. you trust me I'm not some schmuck I'm a. businessman I have a business I. understand business I'm a leader I'm a. strategist I'm a confidant okay so. Monday calm / Tim Monday calm the emails.

are gonna be good don't lose the emails. Monday calm don't lose the meeting. notice dial into the conference call is. everyone on the call damn right Monday. calm how the numbers last month good. they could be better. Monday calm under the day in a cubicle.

Monday calm Monday dot-com Monday. dot-com / Tim use this [ __ ] thing. people have said to me uh what do you. think will happen with the Epstein thing. I've said this before I've said it many.

times the answer is nothing and I know. that that perplexes some of you because. many of you have not paid attention to. anything ever. and I think that is the issue to live. now and have never paid attention to. anything ever. must be disorienting for many of you. know there is no justice it will not.

happen don't look for it it's not going. to happen they're not going to get you. slain Maxwell she's not gonna you know. she's not gonna [ __ ] blow the whistle. they're not gonna haul the Clanton's out. of their house you can believe in the. queue and on and the fairy tales on. reddit and you do whatever you want you. can do whatever you want we are we are. not the protagonist in the novel here.

okay. we're on a ride. we're on a ride at Disney World all the. loops hi they're all predetermined to an. extent the ride will and you'll get off. the ride oh I thought we were gonna. [ __ ] something was really gonna. happen there and remember and uh but it. wasn't you've all been on rides and. people like that to get off and they're. like I didn't I thought we were really.

[ __ ] but we went around the curve no. that's not it no you're not the one. that's gonna happen to you're not there. you know it's a ride hill hick set it. Hill Hicks had a nice positive vibe I. should take I may start tripping out. again that might be what I need to do to. deal with these people even to even have. a conversation with people now I need to. be on a dose because you've never that's. the thing people never pay detective and. paid attention and they think they're.

like surprised look this is surprising. that we're not gonna and the reward is. to not pay attention the reward is to. put your head in the sand that's the. reward that's how you succeed. that's how you win you want to win go to. bed if you want to win close the book X. out the window go to bed the rabbit.

holes don't end they just get deeper and. deeper you dig yourself deeper and. deeper in go on vacation go stay in an. igloo in what's left of this ravaged. planet enjoy it protect yourself protect. your kids maybe if you have a gun put it. to good use and blow your head off.

but don't expect that this ends like a. movie does this doesn't end we end. eventually the dollar collapses America. doesn't lead the world the criminals run. the country get more brazen they get. pretty. raisin they're gonna get more and more. brazen that coincides with the. population being stupefied the. population gets very dumb they watch. jiggling asses all day they don't they.

don't demand answers they go it was. strange how odd they don't the art that. we consume gets dumber he tells us to. question less we don't question anything. anymore. everything's a Marvel movie where. someone's gonna save the day so is a. superhero that's gonna come in and save. the day there's no superheroes they're. not coming okay that's not the way it is.

but that's how you're conditioned to. believe that somebody's gonna call it. sis it bado O'Rourke. it's bait oh god maybe it's Bernie Oh. Elizabeth Warren her folks eNOS she's. just got a mow down the. military-industrial complex with her. folks eNOS no no that's not what happens. what happens is you get old what happens. is you get bored what happens is you end. up sitting on a chair drinking wine out. of a burger can come filled with ice.

staring into flames and no matter what. anybody says you look at them you shrug. and you go life in the big city and you. ain't nowhere near a [ __ ] city that's. how it ends so embrace it enjoy it. that's what it is out there folks that. maybe find a few like-minded people to. go huh that was weird you know the next.

terrorists attacked it you know someone. pulls off by parachuting into the. Superbowl and you know with a nuke. attached to them or something you know. it you know be Donald Trump jr. but. we'll be told not to question him you. know you might want to make a few. buddies you go to the local watering. hole and go that was stress on huh how. strange that was hard but don't expect. anything.

to change the art the movies music it's. kind of get worse. maybe not worse he'll just get dumber. it'll be good the effects will be great. the effects would be great cuz we'll. start killing real people soon those. would be snuff films. we'll start killing real people soon in. films so the effects will be great. that'll be really someone's carotid. artery soon it's coming videos will. start coming out of people torturing. children they'll say it's deep fakes. that's that's coming Oh somebody made a.

deep fake Bill Clinton and this thirteen. year old this is strange the elite don't. care about you they worship it weird. temples on Islands it's they are they're. out of it folks it's and they've always. been weird they always hang out with. weird scientists there in the. transhumanism they're into all kinds of. [ __ ] that you'll never be into just cut. carbs lower the carbs feel a little. better but you know this is my message.

of hope this is my message of hope to. you I find this to be tremendously. uplifting and I know many don't many. don't they don't find it to be uplifting. but I've paid attention that's the thing. I really have paid attention not to. everything and there's people that have. paid a hell of a lot more attention than. I have and they're dead okay they go. bye-bye they're not here to really give.

their thoughts they paid real close. attention so do that at your own risk. but that's that's where we're at folks. enjoy it I'm doing a podcast with loaded. Paul tomorrow we're all here. everything's coming the devil is real. and he's the only one who loves you so. sit in that chair grab a Burger King cup.

fill it with ice fill it with cheap wine. and drink yourself till you feel warm. and fuzzy. and stare into that fire and if anybody. tries to puncture your bubble with even. the slightest hint of reality kill them. and if you don't want to do that just.

smile and they won't know what you mean. just say hey somebody brings up. something you go hey man life in the big. city. and close your eyes and that's it okay. and that's a true true victory in these. times also you know let me get a Casper.

mattress people say that they're say. that they're good hopefully they come on. board pretty soon because if there's. anything that we advocated sleeping. Tim Dylan comedy dot-com if you want to. see me live it is more upbeat I am more. upbeat live it's funnier although this. was kind of funny you know to a certain.

crew to a certain crowd sure it's funny. I enjoy it. got to do it you love mm-hm all I am is. the guy that's walking around going. bring out your dead that's all I am here. I'm just the modern version of the guy. ringing the bell during the plague and. going bring out your dad that's all. except nobody's got the plague you're.

not bringing it you just bring you out. adderall zombies who want to go on. vacation the dead talk bring out your. dad they go I'm going to in gweelok. that's what the dead look like now they. look better than you because you're all. out there going to music festivals and. they're at the gym and they're going to. Anguilla I stayed in igloo bring out. your dead. ed bring them out sit them in seats.

I'll entertain them I'll do a nice dance. they won't even feel with a rat bidam. they won't even feel with a rat datum as. always folks stay safe out there love. each other love yourselves and remember. there's a lot of people peddling. negativity but I'm not one of them I.

believe in a bright future not only for. this planet with a civilization I. believe the best days are ahead I. believe good things are gonna happen and. by that I believe that an alien race. will destroy us. and it's slave the rest of us and we'll. all start again and that my friends is. best case.