159 - Bomb Disney World

And now Tim Dylan is going to hell. [Music]. Uh, welcome to Tim Dylan is Going to. Hell, everybody. Uh, congrats to Booga. who won the uh, Fortnite World Cup.

He is my best friend. He is 16. Uh I'm a gamer. Many of you know this. Uh I love gaming and the whole gaming. community. And it is a honor to call. Booga. I think that's how you pronounce it. Booga. uh he is a friend. Uh a a confidant. That's what I do. I'm 35. and I watch.

people play video games on Twitch. That's what I do. That's how I spend my. time on this earth. And if you tell me. that that's not a good use of my time, if you attack me and say that my time. could be better spent doing other. things, I will react like an animal that. has been backed into a corner. I will. react like a feral possum. in a garbage can. If you even suggest to.

me kindly. that I should do something else, if you tell me that I should not go to a. theme park designed for children, I am going to lash out. in in in a myriad of ways. I am going to. lose my mind. I'm going to view it as. you trying to kill me and my family if. you just suggest.

that I potentially. find something else to do than go to a. theme park designed. for really toddlers. in my mid30s. because that's an attack on me because. you know not everybody's parents had the. wherewithal financially to bring them to. Disney World when they were children. So for those of you who those of us who.

missed out on that, it's important that we recapture that. experience at 38. We shouldn't just move on and go, you. know, everyone is not going to have. every experience in life. Everyone won't. But they they should. And I think resigning yourself to that. idea that maybe you've just missed the.

[ __ ] window. for Disney World is defeist attitude. I. think you got to go out no matter what. age because we're all kids inside, right? Won't that be Jeffrey Epstein's. defense? We're all kids inside. And if you. suggest for a moment to me. that I should. not.

try to write every wrong from my. childhood. Now of course folks I'm doing a. character. I don't I don't believe what. I am saying. That is that is part of the. comedic effect of what I'm doing. I am I. am playing a character of someone. I I. have been to Disney World twice when I. was a child when I was supposed to enjoy. it. I did not enjoy it as a child. In. fact, and I know that this is really the. opposite of what is said, I worry about.

the children who do enjoy it. I worry about the children who like the. torture of other human beings that. they're made to walk around in costumes. in 102° weather. Um I worry about those. children that don't see through this. even at a young age. Um, but there was an article written in. the New York Post.

about millennials. visiting Disney World because some woman. on Facebook, some rant went viral where she was angry. that there was a lot of millennials. walking around Disney World preventing. her and her child from getting a pencil, you know, or going on the hides or or. whatever. And and and I don't know her.

I'm not necessarily in her camp. Why? Number one, why are you getting a pretzel. in Disney World? Is that why you went? Is that why your fat child went to. Disney World? I'm pretty sure you could. have satiated him at a rest stop. if that was the big issue. If he just. needed a carb, maybe you didn't need to.

spend all that money to go to the theme. park. But she was angry that her son, whose blood sugar levels were rapidly. dropping in the park, could not she could not procure a pencil. for her child. So she lashed out at who. she felt was the culprit, childless.

millennials who were in the park. Now, you know, it's a tough thing here because I have. friends. that really love Disney World. Um, and that counts as a mark against them. when I think of them. Nobody's perfect. I have a lot of marks against me when.

people think of me as a friend. You know, there's a lot of things that. go in my negative column. What will he bring up? What will he feel. is appropriate to discuss at a barbecue? You know, you know what ragefilled diet tribe will. he go into. without anyone even inviting that kind. of energy? He will just show up and. bring it. Now, I understand that, but to.

me, Disney World, I went twice. I went when. I was a child. My parents went, and this. is true, to try to save their marriage. This is a fact. Uh, my my my parents, my. boomer parents. went to Disney World to try to save what. was a failing marriage. And everybody. knew that at that point they were.

sleeping in separate rooms. My mother. had taken in this girl Dorothy who was. like my babysitter. And Darothy came. from a real crack family. And my mother. said, "Come to our home." Which is also. relatively unhappy. But none of us are. on crack cuz my mother was actually like. a giving person. She was a good person. She helped the girl get into college and. everything like that. And then of course. as soon as a girl got into college and. you know did everything she she left she.

never spoke to us again you know. whatever it is what it is. Uh but we all. went down to Disney World. Uh, and uh, me, my father, my mother, and Dorothy, this kind of broadshouldered, brutish. woman that my mother not she was I I'm. trying to remember what she looked like. Some people found her attract. She had. it. She had a masculine energy. The.

woman she did. Women got to watch out. when they A lot of women that are. swimmers, their shoulders get very. aggressive, you know. Um, and you notice that if you watch the. Olympics and you see females that are. swimmers, their shoulders are very, you. know, and that was Darothy's deal. You. pretty but you know, built. So my. father, my mother and Dorothy and myself. went to Disney World.

This is maybe 1993. four. I'm seven or eight years old. We. go to Disney World. We stay in the Grand. Fian, which is, I believe, still the top. hotel. It's still the top hotel. I first of. all, I will say this about Disney World. If you're not staying on the property, guys, if you're not even staying on the. property,

I mean, what kind of experience? And everywhere in Disney World takes. three and a half hours to get to. Even. if you're staying on the property, you. got to take a Montreal, a boat, a train. And my mother and father hated each. other with a passion. Okay. So, my. mother had insisted that we all take. naps in the in the middle of the day,

which is actually not a bad idea. Uh you. you go to Disney World in the morning, you go to the character breakfast, which. my my mother and father, I swear to God, fought so bitterly at the character. breakfast that none of the characters. would come near the table. They were all orbiting around the table. None of them wanted to come near the. table because my mother and father were. fighting about money. That's why all marriages fail for the. most part is because you have too little.

money or you have too much money. And if. you have too much money, you go, "Why am. I [ __ ] you?" What you need in a. marriage is just enough money to keep. people doing it. But you need a little. bit of fear. You need a little bit of. the idea of like, can we afford this. divorce? What happens? What happens on. the other side of this if everyone is. too comfortable? One of my friends is a. divorce lawyer in Beverly Hills. Too. much comfort breeds just people going, you know what? I don't know. I don't know anymore. You.

don't really excite me. But just enough. money, just enough keeps people like my. parents in a loveless marriage for 20. years and and ruins their children's. life. So that's what you want. You want. just enough money to keep things going. You know, divorce is such a big deal and. most people don't realize it. A friend. of mine said recently, and he said this, and this is this is. aggressive, and you know, people are.

going to get angry, but when you are a. child of divorce, it really extinguishes. the hope that you're really ever going. to have a normal, and I don't want to. use the word normal, but a conventional. life. Like I think the way that he. worded it is you're just kind of like. you're [ __ ] You're you're damaged now. because everything is so bad now. Divorce barely registers as something. that damages people because everything's. like so bad. Kids are in cages.

Everybody's on heroin. Kids are in. foster care. They're being farmed out. CPS is stealing kids and selling them to. senators. So a divorce is like good. That's like the good option. Oh. Oh, your parents just got divorced. That's. like great. That's like phenomenal. But. the reality is it's it's not. It's. really not. Okay. Mommy and daddy going, you know what? We're not into this. anymore and we're barely into you. Cuz. that's what a divorce is at the end of. the day. It's them going, we're so not.

into each other that you were no longer. even uniting us for a few years. You. actually were the drive because that's. also why people get divorced because. they don't have kids. You need to have a. child if you're married cuz otherwise. what are you doing? It's stupid. Marriage without children is kind of. dumb. Unless you were like trying if. you're running like an empire and your. days are full of meetings and whatever.

it is and and you know going on you know. retreats and whatever it is that keeps. you and that person really. But. otherwise it's a child. And if it's not. a child, you're all you're you're you're. heading towards the end. It's just a. matter of time. I had a friend recently, not a not really a friend. I call. everyone a friend on this show. I have. three friends, but everyone's a friend. No one's a friend to be honest with you. I have I I I you know, everybody's. getting cancelled. We're going to go. through that later in the program. And I. want you to start cancelling people from.

your inner circle. I've recently telling. you, cancel your family. You should have. done that already. cancel your extended. family and your acquaintances. Now, I. want you to start cancelling your close. friends that you've known for a very. long time. And we'll get into why later. Um, but the reality is divorce is a. thing. People act like it's not a thing. People People tend to think it like. doesn't matter, but it's traumatizing, especially if it goes on for a while. Like my parents' divorce went on for two.

years because neither one of them could. afford to get lawyers. So they had a. mediator and a mediator just comes to. your house and your parents just argue. at a dining room table over a collection. of Beanie Babies or whatever the [ __ ]. they had. These [ __ ] boomers had. nothing. They had a few lamps. Aunt. Gussy's table. I remember my mother said. that. She goes, "Well, who's going to. get Aunt Gussy's table?" And I'm like, "Hi, I'm 13 and I'm about to embark on a. decade of drug use. Could one of you.

maybe check in perhaps while we're. dividing up a table that has a market. value of at best $75? I'm a living organism that you both have. created. So, could potentially maybe you. find the time to check in on how I'm. doing while you divide up all the. winnings. of 20 years of of of having no college. education and no financial planning, okay? And believing you could retire by.

collecting Hess trucks and then putting. them in a room. And my father, who I. love, who came to my show last night in. New York, but my dad being a musician. and you know, his most prized. possessions were his guitars. This isn't. They're just boomers. It's not really. specific to them. Talk. Do you know how. many [ __ ] people messaged me after. that boomer rant? They were like, "Fuck, man. Wow. These they're just dealing. with the tools. Imagine you were on acid.

in a field listening to Jimmyi Hendris. and then snap that's over and you got to. get a job and Reagan's in office and. everybody's like, "You got to work now.". And you're like, "Wait, what? What about. the revolution? Now you have kids and. you got to pack them a school lunch and. you can't just play guitar anymore naked. on, you know, and slide down a hill. I. get it. It was jarring. But divorce is more of a thing than. people tend to tend to give it credit. for. I'm friends with divorce. These.

kids have to go and testify in a court. Do you know how much this [ __ ] up. children having to testify and get. cross-examined and then bringing in. experts and stuff like that? I mean, I. am not a a religious person by nature. I. am not uh somebody who's like I'm not. into cults really um other than comedy, which certainly is a religion and it. makes the least sense of all of them.

And I'm including even the forms of. Christianity where they baptize you with. like 40. and you, you know, take a little bus. I, by the way, is there any better movie? Robert Duval is the Apostle. What a. great film. Go watch The Apostle with. Robert Duval. I want to get into [ __ ]. evangelical Christian. After watching. that, I want to go to one of those. swamplike churches. It's so great. Um, but I'm not a religious per or Mosaic. Should I join Mosaic, which is the LA.

church? Everybody's really hot at. Mosaic. Everybody's hot and all the. actors are members of it and they all. they all go there and they have like. rock bands playing and everybody's like. got a guitar and it's electric guitar. and they're like Jesus said to be an. influencer. You know, it's it's it's it's what's. great about Mosaic is it marries uh the. two things that Jesus really cared. about, faith and being an influencer. And uh that's what they're about there.

They don't really like gays too much. They don't say they don't like gays. because they're in LA. So, they don't. let gays occupy the higher tier. positions of the church. Somebody was. telling me this like I gave a [ __ ] Like. some gay person was like talking to me. They're like, "You know what? Mosaic. Church, uh, if you're gay, you can't. occupy the high. So, I'm like, oh, so in. the cult that you've willingly joined, you can't ascend to the higher tier of. the pretend cult that you attend every. week. Well, I am sorry. What a tragedy.

for you. I'm very sad. It's really not. It's like somebody coming up to you. talking about, you know, Scientology. being like, you know, you know, I I. really just aren't I'm not advancing in. the way that I feel like I should be. Yeah, don't be in it then. I don't know. what to tell you. I don't know why. you're in it anyway. Mosaic. I mean, it is it's nice looking. There's some really gorgeous people that. go, I get it. I get why people want.

spirituality. I'm not against it, by the. way. I'm not against religion. I know I. [ __ ] on certain things cuz it's funny, but everybody needs something and I. totally [ __ ] get it. So, I I I if. you're out there and you're a religious. person, good for you, okay? But divorce. is one of those things. It does [ __ ]. kids up. Nobody Nobody cares. But it I'm. not say And listen, I'm not Don't. obviously don't stay together if it's. the worst marriage in the world. That. can also [ __ ] kids up. That's people's.

argument. They're like, "Well, should we. stay together if we're just beating each. other?" It's like, "No, the goal would. be to not be in the worst marriage in. the world to try to not get into that.". Now, obviously, sometimes that just. happens. I get it. So, my my family went. to Disney World and this was really. right before things fell apart. Things. were being held together. I mean, this.

was really when you look back, it's. really after things fell apart, but. before you know the consequences of. that, it's what it really is. They were. at the the the table at the Grand Fian. character breakfast and I remember it. and I remember my father shoving what I. imagine was a competently cooked egg in. his mouth because it is a nice hotel. And I remember he looked at my mother. and he goes, "Will you shut the [ __ ] up. so these things will come over here?" He.

called them things, which by the way he. is right about. He's absolutely right. Like there was no romanticizing of what. this place was, which I kind of now in. hindsight appreciate. He wasn't like, "So Mickey will come over." It was like, "So this thing, cuz it ain't Mickey. You. don't know who is in that suit.". Why has there never been a documentary. about the dark side of Disney World? They are so powerful. Disney is so. [ __ ] powerful. Has there ever been a.

doc? Have you ever seen anything? I. mean, maybe I'm wrong. I think Banksy did that thing on it. What did he do? He went in there to the uh the the. little children one, the It's a small. world after all. It's a small world. And he did the he dressed a guy in a. Guantanamo Bay outfit and he hung him. from or like a roller coaster. He like. had a hanging Guantanamo Bay prisoner. and he did it with that uh that Mr. Brainwash. Yeah, Americans don't notice. They think. it's great. Look, there's a GMO. prisoner. This is a good ride. I thought.

this ride was for [ __ ] but it's. good. I I thought a small world was for. [ __ ] I fought my wife. But I didn't. know we were going to see Muslims get. hung. This is great. That'll make it the. most popular ride in the whole [ __ ]. place. You not? They love it. Yeah. Banksy hung this Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, it was the longest line at the. whole park. They're hanging Muslims in. there. It's worth the wait.

No, but I mean like is there a dock? There's no dock. Nobody's done a dock. because you can't shoot in there. Right. Right. The Florida Project, which was a. phenomenal movie which got no Emmys. It. was ignored because it was about poor. whites. I hate to say it. That's really. what it was. And that's the reality. And. and none and we don't I don't consider. those people white number one and. neither does any white person like no. one like and I don't mean and I'm not. saying what like like when you when that. girl who did a great job whatever her. name is I forget Bria Vinite or.

something phenomenal she was barely an. actress they they cast her on Instagram. they gave her some acting lessons and. she [ __ ] knocked it out of the park. and that little girl I think her name. was Brooklyn whatever whatever she was. great too but like she's living in a in. a in a in a in a hotel in Florida motel. uh that really exists and the Florida. Project actually used some of the real. people that live in the motel. I mean, hopefully they paid them. Probably not. Hey, can we just put a camera uh in. front of your horror? Do you mind that? Um but it was a great.

thing, but it didn't tackle sexuality. It didn't tackle race. It didn't tackle, you know, it was just a poor white chick. who's like, you know, how I be doing. So, it's like again, this ain't Bush white. It ain't country. club white. This isn't Scandinavian. Nordic white eating salmon gravl. This. is [ __ ] how you doing? Like, that person doesn't want to be white. That was in the Florida. Like, but it.

was a great movie, but at the end of it, they shot in Disney World, but they shot. it on a phone secretively. Remember that? Right. Right. Yeah. I remember you. showing me some uh what was it? The. Florida man. Some doc called the. Yeah, Florida. I think it was called. Well, that's a great doc about Florida. Yeah. I just wonder and I could be wrong. There could be a book about this. Somebody could hit me up. There doesn't. seem to be any like let's pull back the. veil on Disney World because there's got. to be [ __ ] going on.

Yeah. I think I think one of the AISes. or somebody recent like one of the the. family I could be wrong on this maybe. look this up was kind of. alarmed that the people at the park. weren't making enough money. She was. kind of like I'm kind of shocked that. they're not making money. I'm pretty. sure this was Disney World. because you know that there's issues in. a place like Disney World and I mean. there's got to be and Yeah. This this.

happened, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's loading right now. Yeah. So, it's the Harris to Disney. Disney. Harris says she's livid about Disneyland. wages and working conditions. Right. Right. She's the granddaughter of Walt Disney. Company Abigail Disney. She's the next person they're going to. hang in It's a Small World. She'll be. the next She's already a Pirates of the. Caribbean. She's already been thrown. into the lake. Okay. Well, she was So, what I'm saying is. there's got to be a dock to be made. But.

you probably figure if I make it, I. don't work again, right? And don't [ __ ] D. I ain't making that. [ __ ] I ain't making that. I don't have. the money to make it. But if I did have. the money to make it, I wouldn't because. I think I have a long future with. Disney. Um, but my father and my mother. took us to Disney World and I remember. it being fine. My mother was like, "We. got a nap in the middle of the day and. then we'll go out at night." Which is. kind of a good idea. We did the morning,

then we took a nap cuz in the middle of. the day it's the hottest and the most. crowded. So my mom is actually pretty. smart, you know? I mean, so she established that rule, but it's. also tough to force a nap. Like, everyone's forcing a nap. It's. tough, but it is a better system. It's. just tough. Just tough at at 100 p.m. when everybody else is at the park. We're going back to the room and my. mother's like, "Go to bed. Go to sleep.".

And then she made us go to Epcot. Nobody. wants to go to [ __ ] Epcot, but Epcot. was not. I mean, we did go to a nice. French restaurant. There are some nice. restaurants in Epcot, you know. Um, the second time I returned to Disney. World was. I love there's a movie called Noises. Off. Sometimes I got to recommend these. things to you people because many of you. uh live in in cultural wastelands. I can. see that you message me. Sometimes I'll. friend you back and I know that there's.

a movie called Noises Off with Michael. Kaine, John Ritter, Christopher Walkin, Marylu Henner, [ __ ] Carol Bernett. It's about a Broadway play that just. falls apart every night and everybody. hates each other. And it really gets. close to what it is to be in the be in. any type of arts where everyone hates. each other and everyone's a delusional. psychopath who thinks they're essential. And Michael Kaine has a line in this. that I absolutely love. He goes, he's. talking about how bad the play was and.

he goes, "Nothing could prepare us." I. think it was Cleveland. He goes, "Nothing could prepare us for Cleveland. It was the final horror.". And I always remember the second time I. went to Disney World was the final. horror. I was in a dance troop. because I was an actor. I was a thesian. I was an actor and you had to learn how. to dance and sing to be a child actor. So, I was a tap dancer and I was in a a. school in Long Island, New York called. Legs. They're very creative in Long.

Island. Have we mentioned that? Have we. touched on the limitless creativity and. talent of those people? I think we have. Well, the school was called Legs. And I. was chosen to be the Boogie Woogie Bugle. Boy in the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy dance. number, which is a song, the Boogie. Boogie Bugle Boy for Company B. And I. was a little fat pre-teen. just starting to go through puberty, just starting to get my newly fat body. As my mother said to me once, she goes, "You're a messorph. You collect weight.

in your stomach." I'm like, "Well, how. about we not eat fast food every night. and watch television? Could any could. anyone suggest another course of. action?" Thank God for like Joe Rogan. telling people how to be healthy. Thank. God everything now is about the. celebration of being 700 lb and on nine. medications. Like, thank God that. there's some there are some people out. there that go, "Maybe that's not the. move." Okay. So, we go down there as a dance troop.

I'm the boogie woogie bugle boy. I don't. know what you think when you think. you're going to perform at Disney World. you you probably imagine that there. there's going to be some magical, you know, big theater or like uh it's. going to be at night, it's going to be. well lit, there's going to be a lot of. people that are excited to see you or. whatever. Um they set up a stage by the. bathrooms. and it was in the middle of the day and. it was dog heat, dog heat, Florida.

humidity. Okay. And a lot of people in. the dance troop because they were from. Long Island were a bit punchy. Even the. ladies, they were a bit ponchy. Okay, not all of them, but some of them were, you know, this wasn't exactly the top. tier. This wasn't like winning the dance. competitions. This was like the. leftovers. Okay. And so that trip, we stayed at a hotel.

called The Dolphin. And I remember. me. and a bunch of fat chicks in boogie. boogie bugle boy outfits. These were. these were like tan military outfits and. they were hot and we were sweating. through them. even his children. We. looked like we look like a a regiment of. soldiers that the government would just. try out like some like like you know.

mind control drug on, you know, like. just the forgotten platoon of soldiers. that like no one would even go back for. Like leave them. They're all dead. Just. say they're dead, you know? We'll tell. their parents they're dead. You know, there was no saving Private Ryan for. this group. Tell you that much. If you. took a look at us, we were done. And we. would take a boat from the dolphin to. Disney World every day and just just. just chubby kids sweating through uh tan.

weird military uniforms. And then we. would go to this stage by the bathrooms. and flail around in the heat and fat. tourists would stare at us while they. were on the line for the bathroom while. they were choking down a churro. and they would just stare at us. and we would dance. And then afterwards.

there was like. very little clapping, you know, which is. so embarrassing. Very it'll it was kind. of like they were like people were like. and then we would do it again like five. minutes later that we would keep doing. the same the same number. So we didn't. have any other number. We keep doing the. same number and they had already seen. it. So now like they would look away. Now they would like they now no one even. had cell phones so they couldn't even.

look at their phone. They were just. literally staring at other things and. like we would be performing at people's. backs. So that was a low point in my. life that even Splash Mountain couldn't. fix. Splash Mountain was fun. But I. remembered as I was coming down Splash. Mountain, I'm like, "Oh, this is life. for most people. It's just drudgery and. hell. And you get one moment of. weightlessness where water is sprayed in. your face and then they hand you a. picture and they go, "Get the [ __ ] out.".

And that's what happened to us. So, if. you connect with Disney World like some. of my friends do and they're good. people, Jared Logan, a friend of mine. who's a comedian, made a great point. He. goes, "Dis. culture that you're introduced to as a. child, but it shouldn't be the last. You. should go and find other things that. speak to you as well. Don't be like my friend Michael who. goes, "I don't like movies or TV." And. I'm like, "Why?" He's like, "I don't.

like fake shit.". He's like, "Sports has all the drama you. need." He goes, "All the drama you need. is in sports. Nothing can compete with. sports.". Okay. Nothing. Not a novel, nothing. Nothing can compete with a playoff game. That's it. And I'm not knocking sports. I get how engrossing sports is and for. [ __ ] great reason, but come on.

So, those are my experiences personally. with Disney World and I and and I so I. had a couple on my tour bus once cuz I. was a tour guide in New York City and. they got on and they had Disney shirts. on. And it's very interesting when you. meet people who they don't only enjoy. Disney World, it's their brand. It's who. they are as people. And when you're. older, you should realize that, oh, that's not Goofy. That's a person who's. dying in 100 degree weather in a suit. with probably a rash that is now.

bleeding. and they're not being paid well. They. probably don't have health insurance. They're about to pass out. That's best. case. Worst case, they're they're. [ __ ] a pedophile coping fields all. day. You know, there's a few of them in there. that are like, "Look at me. I got it.". So, by the way, that would be great. How. many people have been asked to leave. Disney because of those issues? Where's. that? Where's that article? Julie K. Brown, Miami Herald, Jane Mayor. How.

about you go down there? So, But these two people on my tour bus, they said we were going to take a they. go I said, "Do you like New York?" And. they go, "And by the way, I'm out of New. York. I'm full-time in LA. I I'm done. with New York. But there's a few things. that I require from a friend. One, that. you believe that uh societyy's on the. verge of imminent collapse. That helps.

that helps only because there's there's. less of a learning curve with our. friendship. If you're there already, then we can have a little fun. That. doesn't mean you don't do good things. Go do good things. But it just means. that you have the awareness to know that. like even though things are good in the. square foot you're standing on Earth, down the block, there's massive. problems. Okay, that's one of the.

requirements I have. Another requirement. I have is that. you um are. What was I just saying? I just lost. myself. Right before the requirement for. friends. Oh, right before the requirement. Uh. no, because. um I'd prefer you not to take cruises. I' I'd prefer you not to be the type of. person who needs to have your life. planned for you and like like there's a.

certain type of person who just does. what everyone else does all the time. And I get it when you're single there's. the idea that like. there's these things are created for you. to maybe meet other people. Okay. But if. you have someone in your life, the idea. that you're still. going with the flow, the idea that. you're still going on a vacation where. people have pl like planned it for you,

you you don't have any independent. thought. um bothers me. But these two people were. on my bus and Oh yeah. So here's one of. my requirements. You cannot hate New. York. I I just don't I I I mean you. could I you can complain about it. You. can say that it is a a it dehumanizes. people and it it is designed to crush. people and destroy people. And I would.

agree with all of that, but you still. have to not hate it. Like Theo Vance. producer, this guy Johnny, good-looking. guy. I was talking to him on Instagram. the other day. He's an actor and he goes. as he's going to New York and I'm like, "Hey, man. New York's cool." And he's. like, "No, I hate New York. LA's much. better." Now, here's the thing. I like. him. He's a good guy. I don't know him, but I give good-looking people all the. chances in the world. You know, he's on the show Power. Now,

the show Power is for people with a 75. IQ. When the one on Stars, Stars has never. made a show for people that have over a. 90 IQ. That's just not their what. they're going for. They want people that. are very confused. And so that's what. Power is. Okay. And he was also in the. movie Ma. Now Ma is. a film that no one talked about. I can. only imagine because it was like a level.

of horrific. because it's what is it Octavius Spencer. is is it's a horror movie where Octavius. Spencer goes around and stabs people. whatever it is. So now now he's an actor. and he's he's he's he's working and I. respect the hell out of that. But these. LA guys. sometimes they do stuff and it ain't. good. and they get rewarded for it because. they're good-looking and they're.

hardworking and the things they do a lot. of not all the time and Johnny's. probably a good actor. I don't know. But. a lot of times these LA guys, they do. things that are no good. They're no good. And New York is a place. that really at one time provided itself. on things being good. And so sometimes. people get a little threatened or. whatever. But he said to me, he's like, you know, I hate New York. I just sent.

him a photo of Oscar. I'm like, dude, maybe he was kidding. I don't know. But. I get why people like LA. If you're just. a hot person, LA is where it's at for. you. If you're a hot person who's maybe. not super fond of books, LA is where it's at, you know. Uh, but. the thing is, you can't hate New York. So, these two, this couple on my tour. bus, I go, "What do you think of New. York?" They go, "Ah,

and they had the Disney shirts on and. they go, they go, to be honest, we're a. little disappointed. We're going to take. a Disney cruise. We've taken three of. them. So, we decided we were gonna go to. New York this time, but we we we don't. really we don't really we don't really. like New York. We we actually were just. talking about that we should have been. on a Disney cruise. Or they said, "Or go. to Disney World." And I go, "Well, why. do you go to Disney World?" They go, "Well, it's the best place in on earth.". And I go, "Well, why?" I know that.

that's kind of their lo or slogan or. what, but tell me why. Tell me why it. is. And they go, "It's just great." They. go, "It's great. You can have so much. fun." They go, "It's all there." They. go, "It's all there." The guy said, and. I go, "What is there? Can you explain to. me what is there?". New York, we have some of the best. museums, the best restaurants. We have. Central Park, we have five burrows, we. have history, culture, got all this.

[ __ ] We got beaches. We got the Hudson. River an hour. I mean, I met, you know, you know who did New York, right, man? [ __ ] inshape Scandinavians, man. They're like, "Yeah." They're like, "We. went, we took a train an hour out of the. city. We went kaying in the Hudson. River." I'm like, "Yeah, yeah." You know. who doesn't do that? Americans. They. don't do that. They don't fit in the. kayak. So, they don't do that. They just walk. around Time Square and eat food that.

people hand them and fart and and. everything's too busy and crowded and. they take the tour bus because they. don't want to walk and they didn't. really get into New York. They're like, "How do people live?" I I have 90,000. acres for $14. I'm like, I understand that, sir. You. live on the skinwalker ranch, okay? With a bunch of grays. It's for my. conspiracy heads. You know where I'm at. You know where I'm at. But okay. Yeah,

we get it. Yeah, the price per square. foot's a bit higher here, sir. That was. everyone's favorite thing to do when. they visited New York. They were like, "Huh? What What's this cost?" $5,000. I've got 90 million acres. for $4. I know, sir. I know. I understand that. And I'm sure it's great by the looks of. you, sir. I am sure it's great. I'm sure. you're making use of all of that space.

But so this couple, they started to get. angry at me because I kept pressing. I'm. like, "What is there? What is there? It's all there." And then they just got. like angry. They were like mad. They're. like New York. They're like too crap. And first of all, Disney World's. crowded. But the reality is they were. these just big oafl like children, okay? They probably didn't have sex. They. probably went to their hotel room every.

night and just like held hands until. they and then went into their bathroom. one at a time and masturbated. because they were probably like children. that had never had a sexual awakening. That's what I imagine that they were. There's many people in this comedy. industry like that. I look at certain. agents and managers and they're like, and I'm like, "Oh, you've never uh. you've never had sex with a man or a. woman or you're just, you know, that's.

why you're, you know, getting off on. roast battle.". But so these two, let's call them tards. I when I was a kid, my favorite vacation. I because because I was a kid, I was a. little [ __ ] So I wanted to go to rich. I wanted to go to nice places cuz gay. people have taste. Not all of them, but. some of them. Now I know you're looking. at me and you're like, "Oh, look at your. shirt. That's not I get it. I'm not a.

fashionista, but what I'm telling you is. I like to go to places that are that are. a little bit exclusive. They're a little. they're a little bit roped off. You. don't invite the world. Okay. Like I. have friends that are like I had a. friend go, "Don't you want to go to the. Olympics?" I said, "Only if we're. committing an act of terrorism.". That would be the only way I would feel. that I would want to go is if we were. really focused and we were really, you.

know, uh my favorite I I used to look up. these places like I would call them. I'd. read magazines. This is all kind of pre-. internet. I'd call nice hotels in New. York and I'd have them send me brochures. like the Four Seasons, the Lowel Hotel. where Eric Clapton used to smoke cigars. in the lobby. You you people know this. that are listening in Ohio. And I mean, uh. anyway, I'm not negging Ohio. Relax. Calm down. If you're sensitive, get out. of here. You're not. But so I like the. good life because there's a little.

[ __ ] You know that the good life is. good. You know, people you look you look. at the world, you're like these are. creatants. some of these people out. there. I like something that's a little. different. So, I I made my dad take me. to a place called the Blantire. Now, the. Blantire. was in Western M. It was in I don't know. somewhere in the hills of Massachusetts. It was like a relay and Chateau is a. group that uh has a bunch of restaurants. and a bunch of hotels. They're very nice. like ins country ins all over the world,

but there's a lot in America. And I said. to my dad, "Let's go to the Blandire." I. had to kind of beg him. He goes, "Okay, I'll take you there." I don't think they. allowed children. He had to literally. call the bland tire and go, "Listen, I'm. going to take my son there. He's not a. regular kid. He's not going to want to. play baseball. He's not going to run. around.". You know, he just if the only thing. that'll upset him is if the sule falls. before it gets to the table, then he. will have a full-on meltdown. Okay,

please let us take this [ __ ] to your. castle. I imagined that was. the conversation. Now, we went to the. bland tire and immediately I I liked it. immediately because as soon as we got. out of the car, they looked at us like. you don't belong here. And if you're. ever in a place where people treat you. like you belong there, you're not in the. right place. You're in the wrong place. Friendliness is desperation and fear.

That That's why Disney World everyone's. manic. They're like, "Welcome to Disney. World because they're afraid. that you're gonna go write a Yelp. review." This place, we got out and they. were like, "Hello.". We went in. as we're checking in, an old woman with. pearls. She walks into this place and she goes, "There was a guy there." And she goes,

"Excuse me." I swear to God, this is. like because the lobby and then there's. like the restaurant to the side. She. goes, "Where's Maurice?". And the guy go, "Ma'am, Maurice is not here, but I have all of. the instructions for the event. I will. be helping you. Everything is exactly as. as you wanted.". And it was just a great moment. And she. goes, "Excuse me?" And you could tell that.

this man was now filled with fear and. trepidation. And me and my father. immediately turned around and loved it. because we were both poor. And when. you're poor, nothing is better than. watching other poor people get abused. It's great, right? It's like, well, it's. not my day today. It's his day. So, we. turn around and she goes, "I have. planned everything with Maurice. Find. Maurice." And now this guy is like, he. goes says again, he's like, "Man, Maurice is not here today." She goes, you need to get Maurice now. And the.

guy, the blood rushes out of his face. He walks to the manager. The manager is. scurrying around. And immediately, I. just feel this rush of calm come over my. little 12-year-old body. I knew that I. was in the right place. I knew. immediately that I was where I belonged. because here was a woman not going to. tolerate it. She wasn't going to. tolerate. anything other than Maurice.

I swear to God that was the guy's name. It's hilarious. That's like the name of. every [ __ ] you know, it's like right. out of a [ __ ] ' 80s movie. And this. woman was out of day. So like those are. the kind of occasion we didn't do. I. don't think we even did anything for. those two days. There was like a pool, there was golf, maybe there was some. other thing. We walked around the. grounds. We had like a really nice. dinner, but it was you were just around. other people that were not going to Bush.

Gardens, you know. And. so that's my only thing. If you love. Disney World, God bless you. Good for. you. I don't know that I want you in my. life. There's reasons to love Disney World. um having Down syndrome. being four. These are all reasons.

some people get married at Disney World. Can you imagine they get married in. front of the cat? I mean, can you imagine? I'm not saying Listen, I live a very undignified life. It's. just what I do. It's just in the cards. but require a little bit of dignity. to get married in front of the Magic. Kingdom in Disney World to me. I mean, have you never had a thought?

Have you never had a thought in your. head? Go somewhere. There's so many places in. the world to go sometimes. Uh, I I've. been getting into watching uh I'm. watching killer whales. uh torture seals, which they do. Killer. whales, by the way, this is why I didn't. care about blackfish. Killer whales are. vicious animals. Uh people think they're. like tuxedo wearing fish. They're not.

They are vicious killers and they. torture the seal. You could YouTube it. You see the seal on the little block of. ice and they're just kind of nudging it. and then finally that little fat seal. goes in the water and then they they eat. them. Um, and it is what it is. It's. it's the it's the way of the world. It's. the way of the natural world. The. natural world is brutal. It's cold. It's. chaos. That's what nature is. I love. that Woody Allen when he goes, "I'm two. with nature." You know, he's great. The. reality, well, I mean, listen, don't. start with me. The reality is.

there's a lot to be happy about in this. world. I mean, I know that you listen to. the show and maybe you don't realize. that there's a lot to be happy about. There's a lot to look at and just say, you know what? We've got a lot of. stunning. technological advancements that have. enabled us to live these lives that. would have been unthinkable. even a decade ago. which in the in the.

in the whole conception of history is. really nothing. So you're you're lucky. You're lucky. You're able to do things. that other people would never have. dreamed. The internet has, you know, enabled you to collaborate with other. people, to. compete with other people, to join uh an. online community, to market yourself, to distribute your.

products, to fully, you know, really. put your mark on the world. You know, many of you are are are not doing that. Many of you are not doing that. You're. spending time on social media. You're. fighting. You're upset. You're angry. You're not taking the time to put your. self out there. You got to put yourself.

out there. The world needs you. Do you understand that? Are you. listening to me out there? They need. you. But how are they going to [ __ ]. find you? How are they going to find. you? They need to find you. And you need. to have a website so that they can find. you because they're going to love you. They're going to love you. They just don't know it yet.

You're what they've been looking for. Many of them are puzzled. They walk the. earth. They're in fear. They need someone to show them the way. Many of them are, you know, suffering from many things. Mental illness, depression, drug. addiction, anxiety. They've been.

horribly abused. They are broke. uh systemic oppression. and they need. to find a light in this darkness. Are you going to be that light? Are you. going to be the person who helps them. get out of that dark hole that they live. in, that dark, deep well that they've spent.

most of their life in, screaming for anyone to come find them, and no one finds them. Maybe every now. and then somebody throws change at them, makes a wish. But in the real world, there are no. rescue missions. the whole town doesn't. come out and with, you know, that rope. and made of all those different. handkerchiefs they tie together to pull. you up. That doesn't happen. The only hope that many of these people. have when they're in the dark recesses.

of their own mind, the only hope that. they have. is going to your website and being. impressed by it and saying, "Look at. this site, man. This guy's got text. He's got. video. He's got all his links to his. social media. This guy's he's he's he's. very helpful when you see somebody else. who's got it together, you know. Um and. I I think that. if if if if one of these people had have.

seen your website, they may not go and. shoot up their school. They may not go. shoot up. They may not go. and, you know, commit acts of depravity. They may be. impressed that you've taken the time to. use Wix that has over 200 stunning. templates. They may be impressed that you've. designed your own website with a very. innovative drag and drop design. technology or that you've just answered. a few questions and let Wix ADI do it.

for you. They they will know that. They'll appreciate that. They'll see. that someone out out there in the world. is making an effort. That's what it's. all about. You're inspiring them without. even knowing it. You've become a leader, okay? Just by having a website. Doesn't. matter what it's about. Maybe you're a. clown that goes to kids parties and you. want to advertise that. You show up and. you dress like a clown and you make. everybody happy and there's a few. testimonials from other families and you. go, you know, John came in and really. brightened the day. He really came in.

and he brightened our day and our child. who's dead now, but back then he was, you know, we have a strain restraining. order against him now. He can't come. can't come near to the house because. he's eight years old and leading a local. militia. But back then he was very happy. with the clown that came and we're very. happy to give John our full endorsement. Then people see this on your website and. they go, "You know what? Maybe we should. hire John as a clown.". I mean, that's what it comes down to,

folks. I I don't know how many times I. have to tell you this, but if you don't. have a website, you're a piece of [ __ ]. I I mean, if you don't have a [ __ ]. website, I don't care if you die. I. don't think you should have health. insurance. Not without a website. Not. without a website. That's That's what. they should check at the [ __ ] the. [ __ ] You know, I'm delirious. I. haven't eaten. I keep doing this, but. what's the thing at the hospital? The. front desk. Say the front desk. I stay.

in so many hotels. I think everything's. a hotel. The hospital front desk. Whatever it is. You know what I'm. talking about. They should ask for your. website, not your insurance card. They. should go, you have a website. They. should look at it quickly. And if not, it's, you know, if it looks nice and you. go, "Oh, you this person gives a [ __ ]. We'll fix them. We'll fix them." You. know, but if you don't have a website, they should open those doors and kick. you out and let you [ __ ] lay in the. parking lot and expire. Okay? Because it's not just a matter of having.

a website for you. It's really for the. others. It's for other people that need. to be inspired. That's why I do this. show every week is people are inspired. They're inspired by it. And I many. people listen to this show and they then. they go and create families and they. create businesses and they create art. They create even if it's just making a. sandwich. It's I'm impressed that they. they've done it. You know, they come in, they make a maybe a turkey like cracked.

pepper turkey on wheat. They go, you. know, the reason I'm doing that is. because I just heard this very inspiring. podcast. This guy told me to get a. website. Get a [ __ ] website. Get a. website. You know, I don't care. I don't. I I don't care if you don't want to. I'm. telling you right now. I I hope you know where they don't have. websites. North [ __ ] Korea. Is that. where you want to live? You want to live. in a totalitarian state where you cannot. have a website? That's probably coming.

here soon. But why don't you have one. until they take them away? Okay. Stop being on everybody else's platform. like a cuck. I'm on Twitter. I'm on. Instagram. I mean, you and everybody. else get your own URL. You can do what. you want. You can say what you want. You. won't get banned, you know, within reason. I mean, so, you know, create a website. I'm not. telling you what it has to be, okay? Could be a nice little journal. Could be.

the Daily Stormer. I'm not saying that. I'm not telling you to do that. But from. whatever you do with it, you do with it. They, you know, I'm just saying that. it's your your website, you know, it's. not Facebook. It's not Mark Zuckerberg's. website at Ginger Demon. It's your website. You could do whatever. you want. You know, maybe upload a video. of uh remember that guy who got killed. because he the horse [ __ ] him to. death,

Mr. Hands or something like that. I forget. I'm not this is. this is not a beastiality a probeiality. stance I'm taking. but you could probably embed that video. in your website if you wanted. I mean that would be that would be a. choice. I don't know if I'd recommend that if. you're if you're like a is a business. website. It is attention getting. You.

might just want to upload that video and. then under it go, I cut hair. I also cut hair. I'll come to your. house. Wix.com. What is it? Go to Tim Dylan's. going to hell.com. No. Is. Tim Dylan lol ns going to hell.com. Go. there, folks. That's a site we built. using Wix. Okay. Go to the bottom. 10% off any Wix. premium plan. You get 10% off.

You hear that? So, what's your problem? 10% off, folks. You know, what do you. think you're going to get out? 40% off. Hey, [ __ ] you. People got to eat. People. got families to feed. You greedy pig. 10%'s a nice amount of change. I don't. know you. Wix doesn't know you. We're. giving you a little benefit. Okay. So, this this ad's been all over the place. because I'm I'm I'm I've just recorded a. podcast and my CBD ad was very good. But. now I'm coming apart and I need to eat.

I'm [ __ ] I haven't eaten since two. My blood sugar's crashing. I mean, I've eaten enough. Probably I'll. survive if I don't eat. Um, go to go go. go get the website. Stop [ __ ] around. Stop wasting everyone's time. Get in the. game of life or get the [ __ ] out. I'm. not I'm not telling you to take yourself. out. I'm saying get in a game of life. Life is a is a [ __ ] war. And are you.

going to go to war with a website or you. going to go to war? Oh, go not having a. website is like walking into I don't. know, you know, fill in the junk. [ __ ]. Who gives a [ __ ] really? You buy this. [ __ ] thing, please. So they won't. fire me enough. Get the goddamn website. You're gonna fail anyway. You might as. well try. No one's going to your [ __ ] No one's. going to care. You know, think anyone's gonna give a. [ __ ] about what you're doing out there?

You dumb [ __ ] or your sculptures. you're making in New Mexico? People are. going to [ __ ] what? They're going to. start buying them cuz you got a URL. You're toast. It's over. Curtains, doors. shut, the gates closed. Everybody's going to the party but you. Okay, trains left the station. But that. being said, try. You got to try. Goodbye. I watched.

Eighth Grade, the Bo Burnham movie on. the plane. It was very good. Reminds me. of when I was not popular. I was. bullied. And I was not bullied in the. era of social media. That's got to be. very tough. But I will tell you this. In. a few weeks, we are doing an episode. for children. We're doing an episode. I. have a plan for children to become. popular because that is the most. important thing in life. It is a lie.

that it is not. And it is also a lie. that the nerds all get revenge on the. popular kids. That is not true. The. popular kid, you know, those kids that. bullied you, it's like, you know where. they are now? They're doing great. They're doing great. Okay, one nerd succeeds and in popular culture. because it's written by nerds, they all. act. But one of the things when you grow. up, you realize that the losers are. losers for a reason. In my business, I. realize I look at people in my business. and I go, "Oh, in high school you walked.

around, you had no confidence and you. shouldn't have any now. You should have. no confidence now." Okay, so that's. coming up because I was very unpopular. and then in 12th grade I was nominated. for Homecoming King. I did not win. because one of the kids' mothers died, the other kid's father died 911. They. gave it to the kid whose mother died. Whatever. I'm not I'm not Am I claiming. Russia? Am I saying Russia hacked it? No, I'm saying that. I rose through the ranks of high school.

and I'm going to teach you how to do it. It's very important and we're going to. go over different ways to do it. We're. going to go over different personalities. that you can have. We did this on a. video. There's different personalities. you can have depending what you bring to. the table, okay? And we're going to talk. about how to be how to infiltrate the. cool kid parties and not be a loser. Now, a lot of you are losers and and I'm. not telling you to go back to school.

because that window's closed for many of. you. Like Disney [ __ ] world. It's. over. It's over. Figure it out. You You. don't get to go back to Disney World at. 40 cuz mom and dad didn't [ __ ] take. you. Suck it up. Some foster kids got. locked in a closet and burnt with. cigarettes. You're complaining you never. went to [ __ ] Disney World. Grow the. [ __ ] up. Be an adult. Jesus Christ. But we're going to do we're going to do. a we are going to do.

and I I want to hear some stories from. people that became popular. I want you. to DM and don't make them up because. I'll know. Don't make them up. I sniff. you out you liars. But I want to talk to. people that were losers and decided at a. certain point to not be losers because. you don't have to be losers. So, and I don't know how many kids. listen to this in their teens. probably. none. And that's probably good for. society that they don't I'm not saying.

that this is this is an adult program. This is not a show. We're not really. reaching out to the tween market here. We We're not doing that. Okay. But if. this is the one episode that we'll do, and I'm not going to curse, and I'm not. going to talk about Jeffrey Epstein, although these [ __ ] kids know. already. I'm It's going to be a. familyfriendly episode. I'm dead serious. about this. I know that I was talking to. the flight attendant about this on. American. I was telling her I was going. to do this and she finally told me to.

sit down. She had to she had to prepare. she had to prepare service. She think. she goes, "I got to get the card out.". And I said, "Well, listen. I had a great. flight attendant today, an American real. real. dark lady." I'm like, "I paid $40 for a. more more space seat." She goes, "Well, we don't have any." So you're you're So. I'm in the last seat of the plane with. her. So, so she get So, she goes, "You. might get a refund." She goes, "I'll. send you some free miles." I go, "Uh,". she goes, "You think you're having a bad. day?" She goes, "I wasn't even supposed.

to be on this flight." She goes, "The. flight attendant who was, her husband. killed herself. They've been married two. years and he killed himself in his. ex-wife's garage.". And I'm like, "Okay, do we have the cheese plate? What are. the snacks?". Okay. I said to her, we started talking. She goes, "The other day we took off, we. hit windshar when we took off." She. goes, "You hit windshare, the whole. plane goes to the side." She goes, "There was a scream." She goes, "But she. used these words." She goes, "There was. a blood curdling scream as the plane.

took off." She goes, "We got about maybe. 3,000 ft up and it just" And she goes, "The pilot got on right away and was. like, "Hey, it's wind shear. We're going. to be okay." Um, and I said to her, I. go, "You ever just [ __ ] like they. call it fing the plane when nobody's on. them? I'm like, you ever just go up to. first class when you got nobody on the. plane?" She goes, she smiled. She goes, "Yes." just one time we all got to sit. in first class. One time we had four. people on this plane and we all got to. go right into the front and sit in first. class. And I was like, "When was that?".

She goes, "Four days after 9/11". with a big smile on her face. The thing. about flight attendants is they don't. they've made peace with death because. it's a very unnatural job to just work. 30,000 ft in the sky. All of those. flight attendants, they've seen death. They all do drugs. They all do the they. have these stopovers. They all get. hammered and all the pilots do drugs. It's a horrible job. We don't pay those. people. And it's a living hell. They. live in an absolute hell. And they have.

to get on every day and go, "Hi, welcome. Is everyone happy we're going to. Phoenix? Is everyone excited? We're going to. Fanny. Southwest can dress it up all. they want and they can have the people. come out and try to do standup and the. pilots try to be funny and uh the flight. attendants try to be funny, but I know. what it really is. I know it's a bunch. of people who've made peace with death. That's who works on planes. Okay. Um but. I will be doing this episode and I will.

be I'm excited about it because it's. something that I feel like people are. not telling children. They're not. telling children how to be cool. They're. telling them like how to go to college. or whatever. Who cares? Like, yeah, go. to college maybe. But be cool. Be. somebody that other people like and. respect. And you don't have to abuse. people. You should never bully people. That's actually not the long-term way to. be cool. That's a very short-term way to. be cool is to bully someone. That's not.

good. I It's not good. You don't want to. build an act around a kid. That kid. could kill themselves. They could shoot. up the school. Then you got to write all. new [ __ ] So what you want to do is aim. high. Punch up teachers, administrators, society at large. Or maybe you're just. hot. If you're hot, you got to learn how. to be hot. And you got to be the right. kind of hot. You know, some guys like. can't be there's always like a hot guy.

Like some hot guys don't know like some. hot people don't know they're hot and. that's a whole thing. it. Whatever. We're gonna go into this, but I I I'm. really excited about that. Um, thanks to. everyone who came out to Hilarities in. Cleveland. We had fun. However, uh, it. was the first time I had like six people. kicked out, and I never have anyone. kicked out, but I do a joke about Trump, and it's not a proTrump joke. It's just. really a joke about people being insane. on social media. And as soon as I. mentioned Trump, um,

all these people. were like started booing audibly in the. crowd. They were like, "Boo." And I. flipped out. I should have taped it. And. I was like, "What the [ __ ] are you. booing at?" Like, "It's a joke." I'm. like, "Don't you realize. that he's going to win again because you. people are such annoying [ __ ] and you. can't What do you think you're doing? What do you think you're accomplishing. right now by booing a joke and you're. yelling Trump is a [ __ ] I I've never. I've never been a Trump guy. There's.

nothing proTrump. But now, of course, now that I said all that, it activated. some of the proTrump people in the. audience, you know? So, I'm like So, I. start I just start losing it. I'm like, Qanon's coming. Few people in the. audience were like, Q, you know, I just. People are crazy. I'm just I'm like. whipping it into a frenzy, you know? It's turning into just a a regular day. in Portland. Another street fight. Listen, just shut up. If you go to a. comedy show and you don't like. something, just shut your mouth. You're.

not doing anything. That's what people. need to be told. You're not doing. anything by your opinion. I I don't know. what. has to happen in this country or this. world for people to realize that the. sole act of having an opinion I is. irrelevant. It doesn't ma like first of all your. opinion for most of you isn't based on. anything. It's re you're regurgitating. something you heard or you're trying to.

get attention. You don't have a educated. opinion. You didn't do the work trying. to figure anything out. I know. That's. why I don't have opinions on a lot of. things because I don't know. Yeah. Yes. I don't think Israel should build the. settlements and like bulldoze the. Palestinians out of their houses, right? But I also think Israel has like a right. to exist, but I don't I haven't like. done the issue. I haven't like studied. And then these idiots like we we did the.

whole thing about takeout food. I was. ranting about that. A few people were. like, "Well, we gonna do comedy about. nothing now. About take out food." No, I'm writing a new hour on the Mid East. peace process, you [ __ ] [ __ ] Do you. know what comedy even is? Do you know. what it is? I'm a clown. What? Why don't you do something? I demand my comedy. be intellectual and I demand that it uh.

conform to everything that I already. believe and I I don't want it to be. about people taking food to go. I want. it to be about healthcare. I want you to make Medicare for all. funny. And if you don't, I'm out. Yeah, we should have healthcare. I've said it. 70 million times. I'm I hope and pray to. God that somebody has done more work and. research into the topic than I have. I. have a job. I have to do the job that I.

have. There's other people doing their. jobs. Okay, you [ __ ] [ __ ]. What is this? Is what happens now? Comedy is just going to be about. nothing. I want it to be about Bernie Sanders. I want it to be funny and I want it to. be about HMOs. What? What. are you crazy?

This incipid like I just I get a little. frustrated with with with some people. out there. I'm very grateful for you. know there's a lot of great fans of this. show and you don't have to like or agree. with what we do. We don't we don't we. don't care. Whatever you you comment is. lovely. You know, that's fine as long as. you're consuming the product, you don't. care what you say afterwards. You know, I used to do cocaine with a girl who. would always complain about the quality.

of the cocaine to the cocaine dealer and. he would just, you know, his attitude. was, "Well, you're buying it. As long as. you're buying it, you have the right to. say, you know, she'd be like, you know, this isn't like the last time. Remember. that time you got it and it was better. Divorce. It's very [ __ ] up. It's [ __ ] the. kids up out there. How long have we. done? We got more. Right at an hour. We're right at an hour. Um, but I mean, that's my thing. Bill Maher said.

something about people watching comic. book movies. Everybody flipped out. I. said something about adults not. celebrating Halloween. And I said, "Hey, if you got to wear like an edgy. Halloween costume, if that's your only. way to be, why don't you give the. holiday back to children cuz that's who. it was for. I'm not go." And it was not. really directed at everybody was. dressing up. It was kind of directed at. the people that are going to get fired. because they went to a party dressed as. a Twin Towers. I'm like, well, I can do. that. I'm a comed. If you if you're if. you're a kindergarten teacher, maybe. hold hold off on that.

It is what it is. You know, if you want. to go as a Korean person, I'm not for. the cultural appropriation. I really. don't care what you dress up as, but. maybe in this climate, it's not smart to. go as a Guatemalan. I don't know what some of these people. do. They get So, I just tweeted like I. was like, "Hey, give Halloween back to. children. Don't dress up. Buy a house. Get a job." Whatever. People went nuts. It was the most controversial thing I've. ever said. Telling people to not telling.

adults to not wear a costume. Think of. everything I've said. The country is run by demons. They're. sucking the energy out of children. The country is run by crime families. that murder, that sell drugs, that. trafficking human beings. And what. really upset people is I said, "Why. don't you not dress up in a costume?". That's what really got people. It's like. this Disney World article. Flip people. the [ __ ] out because somebody suggested.

that maybe they. give it up. Give the give this childlike. one. Like that's a problem with Disney. World's like all the people there like. approach the world with childlike. wonder. Oh, it's childlike. Well, I feel. like a kid again. I just feel like a. kid. Don't. Don't feel like a child. There's a time. to be a child. And here's another one. And this is going to really get people. And we'll do this one. We're going to do.

this one, by the way. And then we're. going to get out of here, folks. You're not going to like it. Are. you ready, man? You are not going to like this one. This. one's going to be This one's going to be. one that people get really angry about. Are you ready? Prepare. Be Take a seat. I imagine many of you. are. I imagine many people aren't. listening to this on the elliptical. I. could be wrong.

The time. to smoke marijuana. is in your late teens and early to. mid20s. After that, it should be very rare. It should not be all the time for most. people. And don't give me like, well, Rogan, that guy has a constitution you. will never have. Yeah. You want Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That guy's got three jobs.

He's running up and down hills. He can. do whatever the [ __ ] he want. Don't use. an example of like the four people that. are succeeding in life. He's one of five. people that are doing well. Don't use. that example. Get real, [ __ ] losers. Come at me with a Okay. Deed every day, folks. Not a good look. Not a good look. Not the move. Not the move. Is there anything more fun to being 17.

or 18 or 19 and getting high, going. through Taco Bell, laughing your ass. off? Okay, here's where that's less fun. Your late 30s, it is not as fun. Now, many of you were angry at me, but you. know I'm right. I'm not a perfect. person. I get it. I go to Taco Bell. sober. That's unforgivable. That is I mean, I go sober. 35-year-old sober person will eat Taco.

Bell. That is in and of itself a crime. It should be against the law. But. cut it out with the vapes, the weed. You. know, everybody's high all the time. Folks, things are coming. You're not. going to want to be high for them. You're going to want to be sober when it. comes. You know what's coming. Okay,

everybody. Let's talk a little bit about. physical conditioning. I know that uh we. may not do that as much as other. podcasts do, but it's very important. you know, we really don't we really. don't go into uh wellness and. uh you know uh. uh mind, body, spirit connection as much. as we should, but you know that's really. important. And I think people that. uh have happy, successful lives all seem.

to have some kind of deeply rooted. understanding of how their body works. and. when it's you know when it's at maximum. levels of efficiency. and. you know what fuel the body needs. and these are all very important things. and I think we don't do enough about. that and that's my fault that's really. on me you know I'm the captain of the.

ship and a lot of times we uh we get. lost but there's a lot out there. and I I want to start when we talk about. the body. I want to start with the. balls. Um because there's a lot going on. and there's a lot that needs to be. addressed. Um. a lot of people need to clean up their. area down there. I bought a house in 2007 with a subprime.

mortgage uh during a cocaine binge. That. house has been foreclosed on. I have. lost it. Um the legal proceedings have. been completed. It was taken, you know, it was a collateral and you know the. house was you know repossessed and I no. longer own it clearly and my credit has. been decimated because of that and I. guess the debt was written off. I don't. really it's neither here nor there. The. point is that that house had about an.

acre of property and that acre of. property was untamed wild island grass. big raccoon lived in a tree in the. backyard and used to walk around the. backyard. Um but if you looked at the. lawn you would know what was going on in. that house which was a lot of pain. You would see the lawn and you would. say, "This gives me a very good. indication of what's happening in that. house, which was nothing good. Bills piling up.

by the door that nobody was opening and. nobody was paying. Just a tiny bit of. fuel, just enough fuel to keep that. house going. No more.". People could see that. They could sense. it. They could see the fear and the. desperation just by looking at the wild. overgrown unmanaged lawn. So when we talk about your your your. dick,

your your your private area, your balls, your taint, your grundle. You need to keep these things. where people look at them and they go, "Oh, that's a that's a respectable. individual. that takes care of himself, takes care. of others. This is somebody I want to. build a relationship with, maybe a life. with. Maybe this is somebody I want to. have children with because they have. taken care of themselves.".

Manscaped has redesigned the electric. trimmer. Their invention is the lawn. mower 2.0. skin safe technology. I used to before, you know, I would hook up with somebody. that I met on uh Grinder or whatever. back in the day on Craigslist. I would. have to try to manscape myself with, you. know, uh something and every now and. then you would nick yourself and now. it's embarrassing and and and sometimes. you'd have to just not go and meet up.

with that person because you're bloody. and that's not the move. you never want. to show up with a bloody dick. So, what. you try to do is, you know, you. basically have to be very, very careful. Um, and that's why this new Manscape. lawn mower 2.0 is great because it has. skin safe technology. Okay? It is small, easy to hold, and. designed to get into all your nooks and. crannies without snagging your sack. You. do not want to puncture your scrotum.

Okay? No more using the same trimmer on your. face that you use on your [ __ ] junk. Use the right tools for the job. Manscaped is designed with your junk in. mind. You know how it gets down there in the. summer. Sweaty, stinky. A lot of people. like that. You know, a lot of people. don't want you to shower. They want to. get the whole you. You know, they want. to get want to get smacked in the face. with a little bit of salt. A little bit. of salted caramel.

You know, some people don't. Some people. want you to deodorize every part of your. body, but it's like, what the [ __ ] is. the point? You know, are you trying to. [ __ ] a chemical, trying to [ __ ] a. person? You know, this is neither here. nor there again, but it's just a little. I'm just editorializing on a concept, but. just in time for summer, they've got the. crop preserver, an anti-chafing ball. deodorant and moisturizer. If you're one. of these people that is ashamed of your. own scent or maybe your partner doesn't.

want you gota ease somebody in to really. smack at them with a sweaty ball. So you. should start with a moisturizer and a. deodorizer. after you've been in a relationship for. a little while. Then you can take the. hog out in any condition and just smack. him around with it. But in the beginning. you got to get him in with a a low. interest rate, let's say. So, it smells. nice and it's nice. And.

one of the things here in this ad, they. say, "You put deodorant on your pits. Why are you not putting deodorant on the. smelliest part of your body?" Well, I don't know. I mean, I think it's a. little different, but some people like. gross armpits, too. I mean, what you. know, listen, buy this product because. it should, you know, most people don't. Most people don't want sweaty, smelly. balls, but there are people that do. They want that. Okay. But what's nice is. giving someone that choice. But nobody. wants too much bush. This is the fact.

Nobody wants too much bush. Nobody wants. There's that fat cat I have on. Instagram, Oscar. And his fur grows so. much that he gets burrs stuck in it. These little spiky I don't know where. they come. I think they come from a. tree, but he gets the burrs stuck and he. he's got fleas and mites. He has an. entire ecosystem living on him. Like the. sloth, if you've ever been the sloth in. the Amazon, I like British people say. sloth and I like that. But the the sloth.

has an entire ecosystem of bugs living. on him. He is a host for an entire. community of bugs, which I think is kind. of nice. I like. things like that. I I find life. fascinating. I've always wanted to go to. the Amazon and uh but you have to have a. lot of you got to get a lot of shots and. I don't really have the I don't have the. money to go to Ohio. So, what I'm saying. is that the bush needs to go. Bald. deodorant, moisturizer, that's great,

you know, but somebody also might be. like, "Hey, with all due respect, let's not take a shower. Just hit me. with whatever you got. Listen, this is, you know, some people. are into this, but I'm just saying. Get. 20% off free shipping with the code. timmanscape.com. Literally, they just sent me one of. these things, the lawn mower. It is. amazing. It is. You never feel better. when you are shaving your balls. You.

feel safe. You feel like you can do it. hammered. I don't suggest that, but you. feel like you can do it drunk. You know, it's uh you feel like you could just. kind of freestyle it down there and. you're not going to nick yourself. because they really do have this. advanced technology. It really is good. You do need to shave your balls. The. Nurelco body groom's not that great. That's what usually everybody else kind. of uses. It's not that great. The body. groom, I'm telling you, I've used it. Um. you know, and and I'm I'm telling you,

it's a it's a big deal. Tim is the code 20% offmanscape.com. That's 20% off free shipping. manscape.com. If you're not getting laid. and you want to get laid, you got to. clean up your dick. Doesn't really. matter how big your dick is, you know. Uh it doesn't really matter. Uh I mean, you know, there are people that are. going to want bigger dicks. That's a. fact. You know, there are people that. are going to be into that, you know. you.

know, lots of them. But the obsession. about dick size is is is probably a. waste of time because there's nothing. you can really do about it unless that. product advertises on the show and then. we'll, you know, fix that for you. But. as of right now, it seems like you're. just you get what you get. And but what. you can do is really. you've all been to a house that's not. that great, but they've done a lot of.

work. You know what I mean? Where you. walk in the house and they're really. proud of it. It's kind of sadder in a. way, but they're really proud of it and. the yard's very nice. You've ever been. to a small yard that's immaculate and. you go, "Oh, this is nice because they. take pride in where they live." That's. the way you should feel about your [ __ ]. and balls. Can be big. Maybe it's a big. beautiful, you know, you know, big uh. maybe you got a big huge, you know, ribeye steak down there. Maybe.

you have a petite filet minan, you know, an 8 o filt that a divorce school. teacher would order with a Kendall. Jackson Chardonnay. I don't It's not my. business. Or maybe you have a big porter house for. three at Peter Luggers. You just want to. swing it. I've seen certain penises. where I go, that person's life should be. amazing. Like, there's no excuse for. that person. But then some of them don't. have good lives because they just have. this big dick and they play with it and. then they [ __ ] whatever they want and. then they don't get any other skills.

because their dick is so huge that it's. amazing. I'm just saying this is what. happens now. So, what I'm saying is this. If you have. a dick that you don't love, do Manscaped. Get yourself in the right. deodorize your balls. Okay. Women don't. want smelly balls. If men don't really. care, probably. men will [ __ ] you with whatever. Women. for the most part, unless you get a real.

freak, a real, you know, like from dusk. till dawn vampire type of and that's. what, you know, it's kind of what you. want. Not to marry, but you know, for an. hour. Um, so you got to deodorize your. balls, moisturize them because people. want a soft, nice ball, you know? I. mean, this is this is what I meant when. I said we wanted to do more about health. and wellness. This is really the. direction we wanted to go into. I didn't. know if you thought we were going to. start talking about intermittent. fasting, but clean the area up.

You know, it's very interesting. Um, you. know, this is this is all I can tell you. folks. Tim is the code 20% off. manscaped.com. and send in photos to the show before. and after photos before you've trimmed. yourself and after you've trimmed. yourself. Send in photos to the show. Um, and we'll be the judge. We'll see. We'll see how you've done. We will not.

comment on the size of your penis. We. will simply address. uh everything else that's going on and. we'll be like, "Look at this." Nicked. himself. The balls look moisturized. You got to moisturize your balls, folks. Got to deodorize and moisturize those. balls. Do it. Really get this. The the the the. the [ __ ]. You need this. Here's the thing. You. need it. And the other thing on the. market, the Nurelco thing, isn't good. And then there's really nothing else.

telling you there's not a lot out there. Especially if you're a bigger person, you're a fat person, you need to do. this. It's not a negotiation. I'm just. saying there's nobody wants a [ __ ]. crop of disgusting hair. You want a nice. like fit trim area. or, you know, or you're uh you'd be an. incel. I don't know what to tell you. I.

mean, those guys seem to enjoy it. I. mean, there's, you know, certainly some. of them in the audience, huh? If I uh. compliment Whitney Cummings or. something, these people lose their. minds. You know, they take it as a. direct attack to them that I have. recognized another woman as a human. being on Earth. They can't handle it. They start flipping out. Got attack. Who. are you? What is this? These rules, they. they hate gay people, but they only want. to spend time and talk to men. It's very. interesting. It's very interesting. breed.

Dudes that want to just spend time with. other dudes and suck each other off. You. might as well. What are you doing? You're wasting time. You're playing. video games all day. You might as well. [ __ ] get off. Otherwise, you're going. to have to learn to speak to a member of. the opposite sex. And that means. deodorizing your balls, shaving them, you know? Get in the game, boys. Girls, this isn't for girls, is it? Who cares? If you're a girl that's a boy, do this. What do I don't care? Don't start with me now. Do you need a.

dick to be a boy? Maybe not. Shave your. [ __ ] with this. That's not what it's. for. But I can't tell you how to live. Do what you want. You know, whatever. Go. Maybe you have a. penis that was made out of a clip. Maybe. you have a vagina that was made out of a. penis. I don't know. It's 2019 and. everybody is having fun. So, manscape.com.

promo code Tim. Thank you. Some kid just. texted me. Some guy that I thought I was. going to I I don't know if we were going. to hook up or whatever, but he's going. to come out to LA and stay with me. We've been talking. He clearly doesn't. want to. That's okay. He used the old. I'm going to spend time with my brother, which I that's my favorite. That's my. favorite. Uh, I'm going to spend time. with my f, you know. It's like, if I was. Zack Efron, would you still be would you. still be spending time with him? You. know, he goes, "Well, I'm just kind of. going to hang out with my brother." And. I'm like, "Okay, that's fair. I get it.

I listen. I I get it. But I just love. like, you know," And then he asked me, he's like, "Are you close with your. family?" It's like, "Listen, listen. We. don't I get I get it. You can let you can let me down. You can. let me down." I I think he thought like. I was going to be like like I was going. to be like showing him around LA. You. don't have to come. If you don't like. it, you don't like it. Whatever. You. come out. You don't like it. It's fine. It's not a big deal. Go [ __ ] everyone. else. I don't care. I'll still buy you. lunch. I'll still be the loser. I'll. still take you out for avocado toast.

We'll throw lobster on it. Then you can. go [ __ ] some other dude. I don't care. I'll still be the mark. That's fine. I. don't have a problem with that. I put. myself in that position. But I just. think it's funny. He was like, "Yeah, I'm just going to spend time with that.". It's like Larry Silverstein. They asked. him why he wasn't. He had a meeting at. the World Trade Center. He didn't go. He. goes, "Yeah, you know, my wife said I. should go to this doctor's appointment.". You know, and I I figured, is that it, Larry? That's how you made all these. billions listening to the uh the little. woman. I'm not saying he shouldn't have,

but I'm just saying a guy like him. doesn't really seem it's an interesting. day. He's like, "My wife was just. nagging me, and I I finally decided, you. know, she made a good point. I'll go to. the doctor uh this day. I'm not saying. anything, folks. I'm just saying it's. fun. Isn't it fun? It's just fun. That's all. Not a big deal. Nothing's a. big deal. I'm a famous celebrity and. things are great. I live in a mansion.

and I'm very happy. I do a lot for the world and the world. does a lot for me. I hustle. I grind. I'm positive. I'm positivity all day, all night. Positive. I don't make any. excuses. I don't like them. As the great. Gary Vaynerchuk says, kindness is. delicious. Kindness is delicious. That was a tweet.

from Gary Vanerchuk, who is my spirit. animal. He's my god. When I feel low, I. go to G. Like all great entrepreneurs, they need that. How could you create a. business without those words of wisdom? Because you forget how delicious. kindnesses. And that's, by the way, how. people build businesses, being kind. That's how they do it. That's how they. do it. That's how empires are built, by. being a kind person.

That's like the story in the Bible. Jesus, you remember, he had all the. casinos. Jesus owned all the casinos because he. was he was kind and and and and and. people love that. The Romans love that. Tim Dylan comedy.com for all your comedy. needs. Please go to the Southern Run, folks. Don't don't [ __ ] around with me here. I'm doing one night. I'm coming to uh. first of all, American Comedy Co. the. first through the third. This might come.

out. You might have missed that. Don't. go the next week when I'm not there like. Disney World and try to recapture it. It's over. Um, but August 4th through the 8th, I'm. going to be down doing. Nashville, Charlotte, North Carolina, Huntsville, Alabama, Hoover, Alabama. I'm going to be at the Comedy Zone in. Charlotte. I'm going to be at Zanies in. Nashville. I'm going to be at Standup. Live in Huntsville, Alabama. I'm gonna. be at the Stardome in Hoover, Alabama. doing comedy. Really funny guy. Todd.

Riley is going to be there with me and. we're going to have some fun. Please, if. you're in those areas, grab tickets to. those shows. I'm also going to be in. North Carolina at Good Nightsd Club uh. in Raleigh the 22nd to the 24th. Uh come. out to that. And then we've got more. dates coming up. The Patreon is coming. Many of you have asked. It is coming. Here's some of the things that'll be on. the Patreon. We will have all of the.

archives from Gas Digital, two and a. half years. All of the great interviews. I did with all those great writers, if. you're into the conspiracy stuff, Russ. Baker, Nick Bryant, you know, the. director of Who Took Johnny, Mark. Eliotti, who wrote a great book about. the Russian mob. We have comedians like. Dan Soder, Bobby Kelly, Bonnie. McFarland. We have a lot of really cool. episodes and we have just great episodes. with me and Ray. We talk about all kinds. of stuff. And what's fun about that is. you can kind of chart. you could see the rise of Trump through.

the show and you could see how things. are kind of coming apart and it's a very. interesting show because of what we who. we have on and our the way that we are. positioned like not in the mainstream. We're positioned on the fringe and. watching the fringe, the [ __ ] that we. always talked about bleed into the. mainstream and watching all of the. sudden everybody start talking about. things that we've been talking about. Everybody, you know, you know, whether. it was like deep state dynamics, whether. it was intelligence agencies, whether it. was human trafficking, I mean, it's.

really wild to watch that happen. It's a. great archive for a road trip or. whatever. And it's going to be available. for like $5 a month. They'll get an. extra episode every week plus the. archive, whole archive for five bucks a. month. It's pretty [ __ ] good deal. And if you can't afford that, no. problem. Just keep telling your friends. to watch the show. Uh listen to the. show. We appreciate it. You know, um I will end on this too. Um.

the hatred of certain comics is odd to. me. You people hate certain people like. you hate Schumer. Here's the deal. If. you you don't have to agree with Amy. politically. I was in an argument with. somebody the other day. Amy's. unquestionably talented. She's insanely. funny. She's a beast of a comic. You. don't have to like her. It is what it. is. And I really don't think she's. stealing jokes. And I I I had this. argument with somebody. The jokes in. question and everyone's going to be.

like, "What is she giving you a job? I've never met her. We met once in the. Hyatt lobby. She looked at me. I was. like, "Hello." I was like, "Hey, there. is no I'm not going on tour with there's. none of that. I'm just saying people. throw [ __ ] out there." And there's a lot. of people that listen to the show will. disagree with me. You know, you make people in like the. boogeyman. Like she's Satan for. whatever. If you don't like it, don't. [ __ ] watch. Who cares? I guarantee. she's funnier than you. If you hate her.

and you're listening, I guarantee you. she's better at being funny than you. are. Okay, guaranteed. You might not like her. It doesn't. matter. She doesn't give a [ __ ] if. you've noticed. She's doing well. And I. I get no benefit from saying this. I'm. not There's no I She's been generous to. comics, good to comics. I mean, not to. me. I'm not in her circle, but like and. whatever. It's not only her. She's like. one that people throw a lot of hate at. But if you don't like it, come just move.

the [ __ ] on. Who car enough? People message me like this person sucks. or that person suck. Go get Who cares? Enough. They're better than you. All the. people that you hate are funnier than. you. All the people that you think are hacks. or whatever, they're they're better at. this and you use a [ __ ] hard thing to. do. Okay. It's a hard thing to do. You. think you're funny? Well, cuz you said.

the N word in the break room at the. water treatment facility and everybody. laughed. Great. But, you know, enough already. You know, doesn't mean you don't you. have to like people. Doesn't mean you. can't [ __ ] on people. But stop making. people into gods and stop making them. into Satan. Nobody's a god. style. All. these comedians, all these [ __ ]. celebrity people you build up as gods. I. know half of these pe enough. They're.

people. They're doing a job. It makes. you happy. Good. Be an adult. This is. that Disney World [ __ ] man. This is. that childlike wonder. This is like I'm. catching fireflies in the backyard. Grow. the [ __ ] up. Enough. Stop making a god out of Trump. Stop. making a god out of Aassio Cortez. He's. a game show host, a criminal, and a. liar. She's a bartender who's, you know, seems confused. but has some, you know, right, she has. some of the right instincts. She knows.

everything's [ __ ] I don't know if she. knows how to fix it. She knows. everything's [ __ ] But this whole. thing about deifying people and then. tearing them down. It's a deeply. immature thing. It means you've got. nothing going on. It means that you've. got nothing going on. That everything. has to be about somebody that you love. or hate. The world is more complex than. that. Some of the people that you really. like are are schmucks. Doesn't mean. they're not really great at their job. And some of the people that you might.

not like are lovely people that are. great people. And you'll never know you. don't know you'll never know people. until you meet them until you and even. after you meet them. Like you don't know. a lot of people at the end of the day. You go through your entire life. You. look back you don't really know a lot of. people. you you get an idea of people. but you don't know them that well. So. this this idea that like you can you can. take um you know you could take a real. hard stand you know I love this person.

Donald Trump you like the you know it. it's immature and the people on the left. do it too. The squad the squad is gonna. stop looking for like gods and stuff. It's embarrassing. It's one of the. reasons that we're we're we're we're. we're living in a rapidly decaying. society because everybody's looking for. some type of avatar to get behind. It's. stupid. It's childish,

you know? I mean, I I don't know how. else to say it. No [ __ ] else to say. it. You know, you talk to people. sometimes and they just they seem to not. get it's not that interesting. Everything in Hollywood's not a. pedophile cult. There are there are but. everything he everybody that's doing. well in LA is not evil. They're too. boring to be evil. Trust me, if they. were evil, they'd be a hell of a lot. more interesting. A lot of them are just.

vapid and lucky. But that's a that world. is even harder to live in. The world. where they're not demons that have been. selected by a No, they're lucky. They got it. You did it. There you go. There's your world. It's not always a. pre-ordained, you know, and I know a lot of people. like to think of it. Now, some of it is, you know, when we talk about who's. president, this is a different story, okay? This is a different story. When.

we're talking about somebody with a. cooking show or a [ __ ] you know, whatever people are doing out here, a. sitcom, [ __ ] somebody's on a dance. competition. Like, guys, enough. The. Illuminati is not hand selecting. everybody on Dancing with the [ __ ]. Stars. They don't have the time. It's just not what it is. I'm not. defending LA. [ __ ] on LA all the time. People are like, "Oh, you're living in. LA now. You're defending all the No, there's demons here." To be sure. To be sure. But a lot of people here are.

just lucky. I don't think people can. comprehend that. They're in the right. place at the right time. They had a few. of the right. They got the right look. People I don't think could comprehend. that because that is kind of a more. terrifying world than the world where. everybody's elevated based on this, you. know, ominous whatever. Just is what it. is. I'm not saying that there aren't. deals that are made. I'm not saying. that, you know, it's not a lot darker.

than people would imagine, but it's dark. in a different way than you would. imagine. I think it's lonely. There's a. lot of loneliness. There's a lot of. indifference. People really don't give a. [ __ ] about you. People do things for a. very long period of time and then they. get a little attention, a little a heat, and then people start going, "Oh, who. did they [ __ ] What do they do? Who do. they have?" It's just that they bang. their head against the wall. They. shredded their entire life. They've. ruined every relationship they've had. They've mortgaged their entire future on. one thing. And some sometimes it works.

A lot of times it doesn't. The majority. of times it doesn't, but sometimes it. works. So this whole idea that everybody. out there who gets anything, either one. doesn't deserve it or has gotten it for. some [ __ ] like, you know, reason that is like shrouded in mystery. and they must know the right person. No, no, no. The people that do a lot of the. picking and the choosing here are lazy. They're lazy and they're bad at their.

job. There's a few of them that are p. nefarious movers and shakers. manipulating, but it's at the very very. high level. It's really not at the level. I'm at. Not even really at the level a. few levels above me. A lot of it is just simply happen. stance. Not all of it, but some of it. So, I think the idea of deifying people. and making them gods comes from that the. the idea that. that these people are superhuman either. in a good sense or a bad sense. like.

they're either demons from hell or. they're gods that walked the earth. No, a lot of them just worked hard, took. risks, and got lucky. Not all of them, but some of them. And and that's the. whole thing. Aasiocortez is a human. being. Donald Trump's a human being. They were able to leverage certain. things. They had certain qualities. And. that doesn't mean, by the way, that. they're not backed by very powerful. people or that they're not compromised. None. None of that is the case. But what.

I'm saying is that making them into they. they have the same qualities that you. have that many of us have. You just. don't finally tune and hone those. qualities and market them or make them. into something which is I'm not saying. you have to go fall in love, go walk on. the beach, much better life. I'm not. saying you have to want to, you know, try to, you know, run the world and run. the planet. But you know, one of the. things that I realized about when I met. elites, I I met people that had gone to. really good schools, their families had.

a lot of money. In many cases, they were. stunningly ignorant about the way the. world actually worked because they had. never been on a public bus. They had. never they didn't even in the business. that I'm in, you meet people that are. very very good at what they do, but. they're so high up that they don't see. what's going on under them. they they. can't really conceptualize what the. masses are doing or or or what direction. things are moving in. And it's because a. lot of those elites doesn't mean they're. gods. It doesn't mean that they possess. these superhuman qualities. It just.

means they're in a very small world and. it's very insulated and it's very. insular, you know, and it's a world that. gives them endless privilege and endless. benefits and [ __ ] like that. But. a lot of people are not technically. elites. A lot of them have attained an. elite position because. they were at the right place at the. right [ __ ] time and they had the. right [ __ ] and it just kind of clicked. And if you can make peace with that,

you'll you're okay. Because listen, there are real conspiracies. There is. real [ __ ] going on. Nobody is I mean. very few people I mean there are people. that have done you know that have. focused on them more than I do but what. clouds the real [ __ ] what clouds the. Epstein stuff what clouds the Franklin. scandal what clouds JFK what clouds very. legitimate questions about these things. is when you start really painting with. this crazy broad brush and throwing like. an open mic you're just throwing out you.

know premises of this person and that. person and this person that it's like at. the end of the Hey, you have to accept. that a lot of this literally is [ __ ]. luck. Not in my case. I'm talent. That's why I'm on a porch with no money. You understand? That's talent. Luck. I'd be on power.

Goodbye.