146 - Small Town Girl

fill er up you're listening to the cat. digital network and now Tim Dylan is. going to have. [Music]. hey everybody welcome to Tim Dillon's. going to hell we are broadcasting from a.

porch in Los Angeles California I'm here. with my friend Devin Costa nice to be. here again back at ya so you might hear. some noise in the episode a dog barked. you might hear a cholo a drone something. you know don't you don't need to send me. a message and let me know enjoy the. birds chirping enjoy the [ __ ] natural. sounds what do they call them on YouTube.

what do they call the things that. ambient no ambient noises yeah yeah. people can't sleep cuz they hate their. life but if they listen to a waterfall. it's okay yeah if I just listen to a. soft rain yeah. wind yeah it'll make this loveless. marriage I've committed myself to not. even matter. ambient noise we're doing this on the. porch cuz the power at my friend's house. here in LA has gone out and it's a real. it's a real block party all these.

neighbors who never speak to each other. under any circumstances unless it's. shared tragedy have all decided to. acquaint they're all introducing. themselves they've only lived two years. for the first time by the way I'm your. neighbor do you not have power too and. one lady came over nice woman woman I. thought it'd be funny she came to my. friend's fiancee and she said hey. neighbor how are you do you have a power. outage I thought it'd be really great if. my friend's fiancee just looked good hey.

listen before we get into this you have. a green card do you have any papers I. just want to be I want to be safe yeah. and I just before we do this and not to. be offensive to you but do you have any. paper are you a resident alien or you uh. yeah that's it would be funny if that. happened it would be funny it would be. funny a joke why can't you say things. that are you know you can you can folks. I just got back from a little comedy. festival in Austin I was having a.

lackluster set after. lacklustre set stone-cold sober while. navigating an array of human filth. stumbling around 6th Street just drunk. frat bros and tech bros homeless people. all white which is nice to see it's good. to see them struggle um. dirty filthy people in Austin Texas and. then just you know the badges cost. between four hundred and a thousand I. listen humbly so I guess there's people.

in the audience. so I'm not gonna say part of it was me. you know yeah but I was I did a great. live podcast with Ron Bennington that. was [ __ ] great and then stand up on. the spot the show that Jeremiah Watkins. does was fun too but I don't know what. it was maybe I'm sick of some of the. material I'm doing or I just it wasn't. connecting with the people you had these. seven-minute sets you had to get on and. off the stage I'm a lot in seven minutes. yeah you know and people are still. sorting out what's going on right and it.

was definitely not my best showing there. but I got to spend time with a lot of. other comedians agents and managers so. thank Christ. yeah that's at least the Silver Line. yeah god I got to spend quality time. with people in the entertainment. business because if not you wouldn't be. funny if it wasn't for them if I didn't. spend time with the great people of.

truTV and others I don't know why would. get up in the morning right so it's well. worth it the lackluster sets the vacant. looks in the faces of people as I'm out. there yeah trying to get it [ __ ]. chuckle right um seven bestival you fly. out to do seven minutes can you do that. that's I don't know I've I believe that. comedy festival should be illegal and. I've said that I've been on record and.

I've said they should not be legal. no music festivals no festival yeah. block parties yeah large gatherings. where people pay to have fun yeah should. go away yeah in my opinion yeah. I would still like to get booked at them. so if you're listening to this don't. take this is like let's not book Tim. yeah I'm just saying right whatever. organization is involved the fun is. but listen people had great stats I'm.

not I'm not nagging anything I had a bad. couple of [ __ ] shows you need I'm a. [ __ ] I can't [ __ ] handle it yeah I. mean it just sounds like you're kind of. a little disillusioned with stand-up at. the moment yeah stand-up is great for. you know but it's also there's there's. something about some people love the. formulaic nature of comedy and I don't. love that as much as I love other parts.

of it but I respect the craft of it it's. [ __ ] hard but like so to me sometimes. I like a live podcast especially at a. festival where these your comedy fans. and they want to see you stretch a. little do something different. um so you know I just there's a lot of. comedy out there man. I mean the first show in Austin I was. talking to the guy in the front row I'm. like what are you doing he goes I just. started comedy a month ago I just. started doing calm it automatically I. get turned off yeah I get a little.

turned off yeah I'm a little disgusted. that that's what you're doing yeah you. know it shouldn't be I guess I should be. like yeah good for you man right but. there's a part of me you know what it is. that well you know that it just wants to. kill him you're sitting front row you. know there's a chance if you're in the. front row somebody's gonna talk to you. right especially somebody like me who's. done three jokes to stone silence I'm.

gonna get involved with the front row. now because I gotta bail out I got two. minutes left let's try to get a couple. of chuckles or a cough so I'd get the. [ __ ] out of here. go back to my hotel go to truTV's meat. party and eat brisket and fart and burp. in front of people that could write me a. check on their network sit there and. have the meat sweats in front of a bunch. of executives that I should be trying to. please hypothetically.

there's no better time to talk shop than. when you're yeah and brisket yeah when. you're throwing down brisket Marlboro. Reds in Austin but you know yeah who. gives a [ __ ] it was fun great time. thanks for having me great time happy to. be there thanks for having me you know. yeah were you supposed to go to a. petting zoo or something you know their. infinite wisdom has decided that it. would be funny for their social media if. comedians took Patrick pictures with.

animals they're torturing by locking. them in cages and I'm not an animal. rights activist you guys know that I. like a rib eye I don't give a [ __ ] but. you know why do you have a chinchilla in. a cat carrier in the [ __ ] hotel so. that me and the Sklar brothers can hug. it for your [ __ ] Instagram why is. that funny yes and why do we have to put. the animal through torture like that why. do I have to see somebody holding a. lizard to think they're funny yeah I.

said to the people at Netflix I go. what's the bit right because I refuse to. do it I'm like what is the big the. animals weren't miserable enough they. got to hang out with comics too yeah. it's like what what would the bit be. here that I'm holding a lizard like we. have bunnies. it's just fun now have you hold a buck. why why is it fun yeah and then they. look at you like you're insane like. you're the problem so I didn't do that I. did a fun thing which I hope to play on. the podcast where we had some fun some.

of their stuff was funny. they prompted me with words you know. like pitch this show if this is a couple. of words pitch the show and that was. funny. and I had a lot of fun doing it so it's. not all bad this is the thing there they. have some good instincts but then. there's the petting zoo [ __ ] which. somebody brings up and nobody vetoes. that person right what is their thinking. with something like that for comic like. like with no idea behind other than just. comics handles it's a visual let's get.

someone's attention people like animals. and people like comics who are also. animals maybe if we put them together. it'll be cute it'll be cute. because if someone sees me holding a. chinchilla they'll go watch my comedy. line upset if they can find it okay you. know you find easier a chinchilla more. people I think more people will go buy a.

chinchilla then then go watch a stand-up. set after that what the [ __ ] do I know. you know I'm not a marketing wizard yeah. yeah you don't need a special password. to go see a chinchilla you know and I. made some jokes I go listen I know you. guys getting floated by Saudi royal. money I thought that was funny they. laughed they laughed those listen. they're not bad people. they get it they know it's funny but and. listen it's a job for a lot of them. somebody up the chain said let's take.

photos of [ __ ] people with you know. uh [ __ ] bunnies and snakes and they. were like okay mm-hmm but I refused that. I refused the petting zoo segment I just. didn't have as much fun cuz I'm a. Content I didn't do as well as I wanted. to on the shows I love my friends I saw. some of them they were a lot of fun and. some of the other people I saw that I. don't see a lot I was like oh this is. nice to see them and then you talk to. them for a few minutes and you go yeah. this is this is enough and I'm sure they.

feel that way about me right really feel. that way about me too so it's not a big. deal I had more fun facetiming you right. the police chase watching a high-speed. chase boy for three hours three hour. police chase in Los Angeles car drove. through a fence at a park escaping the. cops drove through a fence drove the. fence into the street then finally his. car got over the fence and just he never.

touched anything else the rest he was. like a perfect driver now you grew up in. LA are there it's chases like this all. the time yeah a lot cause you cat like. in New York right you can't really do a. high-speed chase him in yeah yeah you. were saying that in New York they would. have just [ __ ] you know shot the guy. up it's comfortable in New York is so. miserable they will start hitting them. gonna die with their car right cuz they. want to be a hero right they don't even. care you'll get a nap. in New York before anyone knows it's a. chase yeah. but we're watching this thing and I.

FaceTime you it's two hours into it two. hours in yeah two hours in I FaceTime. you cuz I'm riveted by a high speech and. it doesn't end doesn't end you're just. waiting for this ending and there's no. ending and what's amazing is that. there's always traffic it took me an. hour to get here from the airport. right there was no traffic how it was. unbelievable and the guy it was he ran. the gas tank. I guess down the [ __ ] fumes every. [ __ ] end in it and the reason this all.

got going supposedly was that there was. some domestic violent situation right a. woman somebody saw him hitting a woman. in the front seat and then because they. were a rat they called the police. yeah cuz they're a [ __ ] you know and. I'm yeah there was really no no one had. any solid info on if it was an actual. domestic violence case it was just a guy. driving with his girlfriend in the. passenger seat right and the new zooming. drivers girlfriend somebody probably.

thought that was illegal and call the. police. what's great is you don't usually see. the police work and when you do this a. lot of times the stunning level of. incompetence is amazing when you watch. them and also this is all covered by the. local news. you know like Fox 11 LA yeah yeah and. these dirtbags in Arizona these people. come right out of Community College and. they put them on [ __ ] television. doing local news talking about god only.

to some if they're lucky is shooting. right now some local school board race. nobody gives a [ __ ] about and the chase. is big deal for them but then you got to. watch those [ __ ] riff yeah it's. brutal. it is so brutal cuz they making jokes. about like oh looks like he might get a. speeding ticket on top of everything. this guy they're trying to do [ __ ] yeah. cuz these people are all scripts yeah. they literally shouldn't exist unless. there's a script in front of them right.

you know and and show these morons who. are quite proud of their job at Fox who. gives a [ __ ] and they're like this is. with Pilar. or whatever right here for Fox 11 and so. for a while there okay they start. running out of things to say very. quickly very quick and you start hearing. like the producers like they will start. apologizing going hey my producers. asking me to talk more I apologized then. they start telling you why they weren't. talking like I wasn't really telling you.

don't need a running commentary it's. like a golf game it just shut up you. shut up and let it happen now we all. want we're watching this because we want. a crazy resolution we want this guy to. get it in a hail of bullets we want the. cops to get shot not fatally but they in. their legs and they all want to get shot. they all want to get retired on three. quarters pension they love all of those. cops were hoping they got shot in the. ass and could retire on three quarters. pension so they could sit home and read.

Facebook status is about Trump. okay every cop I know is just trying to. get shot placed it so they can still. [ __ ] their wife and hit her and so that. they can still they don't wanna yeah so. so we're hoping that this thing engines. horrific Allah you know hail of bullets. and out of a movie the girlfriend keep. trying to get out of the car when they. slow down right and you see him holding. her back in but then later on they've. started to say like oh maybe he's trying.

to push her out and she's staying like. she's like a down [ __ ] you know he ride. or die nobody knows or some you know but. he knows what's going on I went on in. the car and they're all trying to like. just you know they're trying to create a. narrative they're like this feminist was. abducted by a man who's all right. probably he's probably alt right he. looks Mexican but he's maybe always. probably white and tan is it George. Zimmerman in the car it might be George. Zimmerman we don't know we have reports.

it looks like just then you have people. that are trying like people on Twitter. away n people on Facebook live or. commented stop and they're all debating. whether she should get out of the car or. not. yeah she's got her legs on the dash like. she's there like she's bracing for. impact getting her feet on the dash. and everybody's like you know like this. woman's honor this lady this newscasters. like you know a lot of the comments say. that you know if they were in a. situation like that they'd be fearful of. getting out of the car and they'd be. scared and she's like you know if I was.

in a situation I got I would be fearful. and I'm like you should be in a. situation like that and I hope one day. you are okay I hope you have something. more interesting to talk about than. [ __ ] whatever your life is at Fox 11. I hope you're kidnapped so you have this. whole thing happening and unfolding and. so this is what I love this is what I. love by the way about we're watching. waiting for the cops to try to ram this. guy yeah to do this pit maneuver right. which will somehow stop him okay the guy.

is getting on and off the freeway. pulling in the parking lots easily they. could have stopped this anytime hours. ago with some type of maneuver now. here's the rationale that the LAPD which. by the way as we know historically. guardians of life okay the LAPD the. rationale they shoot a Pokeball out of. your hand if you're jaywalking okay if. you're a black guy and you have a. Pokeball they'll shoot at your hand.

so these [ __ ] are now apparently. they've now discovered God and they. don't want to potentially injure the. woman yeah doing the pit maneuver. who's like flipping them off whose flip. or whatever yeah she's like flipping. them off she's [ __ ] spitting at them. she's like leave me and my man alone you. know so here's what I think is hilarious. so instead of endangering the woman they.

instead endanger for three hours the. entire metropolitan area of Los Angeles. everybody driving is at risk because a. lunatics going 80 miles an hour for. three hours he's driving on the sidewalk. he's driving the wrong way down the road. on the sidewalk but they don't want to. do anything to hurt his lady yeah in the. front seat so the people the innocent. people who don't know him because I I. feel for her yeah but she knows him so I.

don't know her level of in. since maybe kidnapped her but I don't. know but so instead they're just saying. we'll just let him in danger everybody. right kids mothers children thought. anyone in a car it seemed like a new. tactic like the led got woke or so yeah. and they're trying it's called ratings. let's let this play out for three hours. because we don't have anything to cut to. and then they start towards the end of. like we really want to go to Empire so. we're gonna have to cut over to Empire.

this doesn't end yeah they go it's Jesse. small that's last episode of Empire yeah. which is more important than this. pretentious woman getting shot in the. face so Jesse Smollett whose crime was. fake we're leaving this real crime to go. show you a guy who made up a crime. that's that's literally what the Fox 11. they said that yeah literally yeah. they're going to show they're like. follow us on Facebook live if you don't.

want to [ __ ] if you don't because you. know we we assume a lot of you're gonna. switch over to Empire right because. you're bull brain-dead so you'd rather. watch Empire than a [ __ ] unfolding. situation in your community we know that. you'll switch off of this dangerous. situation in your community to watch the. final episode of Empire yeah so that a. pathological liar can show how good he. is at it on screen and it was just crazy.

but I had so much trying to facetiming. you how long were you watching it. dude I was watching it for probably 45. minutes until you FaceTime me and it was. the same [ __ ] he was just he was all. over town driving on sidewalks driving. on the wrong side of the freeway at. points and what was crazy was the lack. of traffic it was la at like 6:00 and I. don't know it was like people went home. to watch it. it was a PSYOP it was I think it was. fake this was fake it was some sort of. spices actors yeah we're not even dude. they were over playing their hand I.

could see immediately that they weren't. real the lack of aggression by the LAPD. was also I was surprised because they. kept driving up to the car to do the pit. maneuver yeah and then failing and then. like getting cold feet just backing off. yeah heading cold. pulling into into parking lots of like. Wienerschnitzel slowly driving and they. were doing it with one thing we know. about the police is that they love to. hesitate. you're a situation out before they go in. this was the one time to not do that. when a guy's going 80 miles an hour. breaking every traffic rule you could.

imagine yeah no one gives a [ __ ] I mean. and I ended just so dude the enemy was. bad subscribe the ending he [ __ ] just. drives down the freeway going 100. finally pulls off at a 99-cent store and. just makes a run for it into the 99-cent. store it was kind of fun to see people. like scared running another so funny do. you remember what you said no dad oh you. were like this is the third craziest. thing that's happened at that 99-cent. store that day you know it probably was.

and people are running out of the. 99-cent store I don't even know if they. noticed he ran in no people run into the. night he was just running out because. they feed their entire lives they feel. hunted I've been in Ross Dress for Less. with no shoes on I feel haunted so. they're just running out he runs into. the 99-cent store I don't know to get a. shirt he leaves his lady he thought he.

was getting gas right. he leaves by the way I was expecting. that was the next thing he they were. gonna let him pump his gas refill the. car because they didn't want to hurt him. like we don't hurt the woman we don't. want to hurt him we respect them. that's all women we respect everyone you. know so we're gonna let him get gas. we're gonna let him get a coffee let's. let him get a coffee if he wants let's. get him let's we don't want him driving. and tired if we don't want him to sleep.

we need him alert we've been at this for. three hours yeah so he runs in the. 99-cent store they have a little problem. getting them for maybe five ten minutes. and then he babe you're not even that. long they all go all the cops going to. the 99-cent store yeah how great would. it be you're shopping at the 99 cent. store and you just see all these [ __ ]. cops run in [ __ ] guns drawn like at. up point in your life you gotta say to.

yourself it's time to I gotta figure. something out yeah I gotta move up but I. gotta figure something out here because. this is not let me tell you right now. but but yeah all in all and a boring. ending one of my friends standing thank. God no one got hurt at the end I'm like. how do you have my number how do you. even have my number no one got hurt. I wanted to see this guy shot in the. face head shots hail of bullets I wanted.

to see him get out and two guns and just. start firing oh yeah at the LAPD yeah. just to see what those dumb newscasters. at Fox 11 would say yeah I wanted to see. him and his girlfriend like shoot over. each other's shoulders like what like it. yeah mr. and mrs. Smith Bonnie and Clyde. yeah just go nuts I wanted to see her. get out with a Z and start shooting show.

that the anchors at Fox 11 who had based. his whole thing that she was his victim. they were like the true act of a. feminist is resistant yeah she is. resisting the police right now. yeah because what the police really are. are Guardians protectors of a property. owning class I would love to just see. like well it looks it looks to me it. looks to us here and we don't have a. perfect view but it does look like the. victim is now shooting at the police now.

we can't say for sure if that and we're. sure there's a good reason that she's. doing that but it just appears to us now. she's making a gesture at the police I. think she's telling him to suck her. [ __ ] that's what it seems like. but she's gagging her boyfriend just. pulled over started to fog do you know.

how much how hot I like how great the. [ __ ] has to be after you've evaded the. police for three hours just [ __ ]. [ __ ] her hard. she's into it she wasn't in the. beginning when she was getting beat but. you she's got to be impressed by him. evading the police for three hours by. the way if I was getting hit and the. dude hit me evaded the cops for three. hours I'd be getting wet in that front. seat I'd be ready I'd suck his dick the. third hour I just starts lobbing his.

[ __ ] going hey this guy's [ __ ] beat. the whole city of Los Angeles just. [ __ ] jump around on his [ __ ] and [ __ ]. wouldn't that be great like the news. anchors being like it appears down we. don't have the best view it appears if. the victim has straddled the driver and. is now [ __ ] him again it appears we. don't know we don't know if this is the. case but form or limit from our limited.

vantage point here from the helicopter. which has the land that get gassed the. helicopter no [ __ ] because that's on. the drugging around on E. they're like from the helicopter view it. almost looks like the victim has. straddled the driver and has her tongue. in his mouth but again this is probably. a defensive move for her she's probably. trying to slow him down. the only way she knows how with her. [ __ ] I want to tell you about our.

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like go to Tim Dylan's TI MDI ll ons Tim. Dylan's going to hell calm Tim Dylan's. going to hell calm okay. there's no is in the Wix website cuz. some [ __ ] bought it and that that. becomes a holy Sh I don't know what the. hell that you know it's probably one of. you who bought it thanks every you know. thinks we're gonna go into some type of. bidding war for that no we'll just drop. is I don't know who bought it maybe it's.

somebody else doesn't matter but I'm. telling you guys if you go to that. website you go drop down to the bottom. and you sign up for Wix they will give. you a great deal okay they'll give you. 10% off any premium plan 140 million. people have used Wix I look at a lot of. people in the world I can tell. immediately if somebody has a website. immediately when I look at them. literally this is true I see people I go. you have a website you don't you have a.

website you don't a lot of people that I. see that are struggling that are in. prison I could say pretty confidently. they do not have a website they are not. getting your content out there and. that's a shame and it said I look at. people all that my mother schizophrenic. lives in an institution doesn't have a.

website is that the reason she's in. there I don't know but maybe. if she had a website a place to put all. of her schizophrenic ramblings she might. have attracted a fanbase she might be. live-streaming. she people might be sending her money in. the live chat answering super chats she. might have her own network of other. [ __ ] crazy people. she might be reading this ad right now. and not me if she had just had a website.

and I'm gonna offer this this is a true. thing that I'm gonna do because I really. want you people to experience how good. this product is if you go to Tim Dylan's. going to hell calm and you scroll down. and you purchase a premium plan from Wix. with 10 and it's like 12 bucks a month. it's no [ __ ] money especially if you. need a site if you purchase this website. and you prove to me that you've.

purchased it you can come on the show. for a few minutes easy we can have you. call in and you can tell me what you. think about the show you can tell me. that I suck you could tell me what I'm. doing wrong you can tell me what I'm. doing right you can promote whatever. you're doing to an audience of thousands. of thousands tens and tens of thousands. of people you can do that I will give. you three minutes maybe it'll go longer. if you're good but minimum three minutes.

on air in front of tens of thousands of. people to promote whatever the hell. you're doing if you go to my website Tim. Dylan's. di ll ons going to hell calm go to the. bottom and it's also a great website if. you if you want to check out the show if. you want to check out there's a lot of. things I've thought on the website you. can see how easy it is to build a. website's a great idea if your comic and. you don't have a website it's a good. idea if you're an entertainment it's a. good idea it's easy and I'm telling you.

if you don't do it you're gonna regret. not doing it because we'll give you time. on the show to do it there's a lot of. people out there that think they can. just float by without a website we're. all online now that's it folks you don't. have a [ __ ] choice get the [ __ ]. online now that's it. come in from the [ __ ] outside what. are you throwing a ball around with your. [ __ ] kid. that's over what you need to do right.

now is get online and stay online okay. embed the links into your website of. your other social media then you should. be the only time you should spend with. your family is having is instructing. them how to go to your website that's. the only you should only interface with. people through technology that's the. future stop resisting it Kok stop. thinking that life's gonna be fun you're. gonna be on the lake it's enough of that.

[ __ ] we're all going into the box and. we're staying there and you're running. around without a website old school. thinking you're some [ __ ] charming. relic you're not you're an antiquated. piece of [ __ ] that'll never amount to. anything because if people go online and. Google you insert you they don't find. anything you're dead if you don't have a. website you don't [ __ ] exist you're. dead oh you don't have an online print. you know comics used to say that like I. don't really have an online presence.

you're dead you know where those comics. or no they're eating out of garbage. they're eating pigeons on the street. because they [ __ ] thought they were. gonna perform and cute little burlesque. theaters and it would be word-of-mouth. would travel people talk to each other. in the town square. nobody even leaves their [ __ ] house. anymore I've never seen a person leave. their home voluntarily unless the police. dragged him out of it okay so get online.

and stay online it is healthy [ __ ] these. losers writing all these damn articles. always bad for your kids it's not bad. for your kids you know it's bad for your. kids sunlight my Aunt Mary died of. melanoma you know where you don't get. melanoma 4chan get online stay online go. to Tim Dylan's di ll o and s going to. hell calm go to the bottom click the. link buy the premium plan prove to me. that you've done that I check my. Instagram dm's religiously I check.

that's the only way you're getting to me. I'm not letting you you're not giving. you. give me any other [ __ ] information. but I checked those religiously I don't. respond to most of you because you're. insane but if you can prove to me you. could tweet at me but prove to me that. you've done that you get three minutes. on this broadcast do it man I mean we. had so much fun that was a it was a very. fun time dude it was so fun but nothing. compares to the uber ride nothing.

compares to my uber ride from LAX Los. Angeles International Airport to my. buddy's house I get into Ober I by the. way as I'm getting an uber LAX as these. announcements that they make with her. like we hope you've had a spectacular. experience in LA and I'm like who has.

had a spectacular experience here and. then I'm looking at like other people's. parents kissing and hugging kids like. going back to college I'm like I never. had that in my life you know what I mean. yeah my mother gives me a kiss from her. room at the state-run psychic wars you. know psychiatric institution you know my. father would probably blow me a kiss. over FaceTime from a golf course he's at. but no one's ever dropped me at the. airport and said son go to set the world.

on fire you know it's more like oh. you're in Austin now shut up so that's. sweet you know yeah yeah yeah that's. nice it's sweet. and some of those college boys I feel. like I want to just go up to them after. their parent and just also hug and kiss. them as they get onto the plane just. back listen I just want to wish you the. best of luck - and that's how you meet. people but I get in I get in the uber.

nice woman normal woman yeah normal. person does not appear at all right to. be a little chunky she looked like go. always someone that could be a relative. of mine right okay yeah nah. slayed a decent car a nice new car nice. Chevy little car little SUV get in the. back. hey you got a charger hey Tim I don't. but if you have a cord I got a port okay.

I got a cord this time I have a cord put. it in you know ten minutes I'm just. listening to some music she tries to. talk to me a few times so I said you. know what I like talking so I just take. the headphones off yeah and I start. getting into it with her we got I look. at the the phone we got 48 minutes 48 Oh. God so I seen her I'm like hey how are. you she's like good she's like were you. coming from one like Austin in New York. City should go you live in New York I'm.

like yeah but I'm moving here I'm gonna. split time and everything she's like oh. that's cool are you traveling on. business I'm like well I kind of live. here you know my business and personal. it's kind of the same thing she's like. oh that's nice I'm like do you live here. she goes yeah I live here I live by. Englewood she goes I've been living here. six years oh that's great she goes yeah. she does I come from a little tiny town. in Florida called Perry Florida because. it's known for hunting just a cute nice.

conversation and she goes you know I had. to leave she goes because you know how. small towns are you grow up you know the. same people they know you was one thing. but you want to be other things I'm like. yeah. I'm getting into it now right like I. feel that too yeah I feel the same way. as you do she's like you know I'm I'm a. goofball I joke around but she's like. but the reality is I'm not only that I. want to do other things she's like when.

I was a young kid I was an actress I. went to modeling school and she said cuz. there's you know there's there's agents. in Florida in agent Florida but it's. hard to get one in LA I'm like the. business is [ __ ] endow me I'm like. it's all you don't understand I'm. getting going fifteen minutes may know. what I mean I'm like you know what I. mean I'm in now hardcore like thank God. I had this Huber driver what a sweet. woman trying to reinvent her South read. and you know she's talking about Florida. she's like you know I you know I was a. server in Florida I worked to the Olive.

Garden like you like the Olive Garden. like yeah I was like I was always a. Friday's guy she goes Fridays with. always 45 minutes away you know she's. like I prefer to Applebee's yeah this is. a small-town girl from Florida from. Perry Florida she goes I'm working about. eight or ten hours a day she cuz I met. my boyfriend here she goes when I first. moved here i did move in a low-income. housing I'm like I get it it's [ __ ]. it's oh there's a housing crisis right. you know lie yeah let's go so I met my. boyfriend he was a security guard at the.

building so we just started talking and. I invited him over one night to stay and. he just never left and I'm like that's. great you met someone you cared about. right she's like yeah and she goes and. we lived with his mom now you know we're. looking for plays I'm like that's you. know it's okay I'm like keep her happy. she's like I do I do errands for. whatever she needs she's like we think. we're gonna move to Vegas you know you. know because it's cheaper there and I'm. like go where it's cheap you don't want. to work she goes I can get a two-bedroom.

for nine hundred like that's it's. because I could have my friend stay and. I'm like great this is great just go. listen you don't have to be wedded to. any idea of what your life is supposed. to be I'd love to start over in a new. place I don't know anyone. I just can't because I sold my soul to. this [ __ ] you know. yeah and she's like she's like I bet. you're really funny I'm like oh I'm. funny baby you know right and she's so. sweet nice J I'm going to because I'm. working extra hard this week because I'm.

going down to Florida and I want to see. my friends so I want to make sure all my. bills are paid and I want to make sure. that I want to make sure that I some. extra money to spend when I go out with. my friends I said well that sounds great. and she goes I'm also gonna see my son. while I'm down there I said well that's. nice how old is he she goes he's 19 I. said 19 you know that's an age you know. what I mean yeah I said what's he up to. she goes he's gonna ease in a little bit. of trouble I'm like well 19 you know how.

they are yeah when I was 19 I was a. hooligan I was smoking weed running. around not paying my bills license is. suspended I get it. what's going on with him smoke a little. weed getting a little crazy not in. school doesn't know what he wants to do. she goes yeah he's incarcerated right. now. he's incarcerated right now and in the. county jail he's been there about a year. Hey. was it drugs she goes well he just fell.

in with the wrong people and I said. that's always the way it's so hard right. you can do now thinking about you know. she's talking about getting an apartment. for nine hundred and hagas I'm like what. things are percolating but she's so. sweet. yeah I'm like well she says sweetie this. is a woman she had a kid young it's very. hard the [ __ ] life is tough. yeah I'd look at the I look at the phone. we got about we got 21 minutes left. we're in the final stretch so I said I.

said we're we're talking and she goes. you know he's incarcerated and my mother. visits him every other week his father. never wanted to be a father so he. doesn't really visit him and I go yeah. you know I said it's tough I miss what's. he in there was it like a fight drugs or. something the car goes silent I go I'm. not comfortable amount of silence she. goes rape it's a rape and I go I now.

trying because we've had this very. positive conversation about life. affirming and moving and changing and. evolving yeah so I said oh she goes yeah. but she goes three of the girls they. already say their testimonies are. inadmissible but they're going with the. other two I said three of three of the. women she goes yeah because one of them. said he did it with a knife and that's. not Justin Justin wouldn't do that. Justin wouldn't put a knife to someone's. throat and now I'm in the Oberer and.

we're talking about the Olive Garden. five minutes ago we're talking about her. getting an apartment in Vegas and how. nice it was she wanted to evolve and. explore who was in LA yeah and I'm like. so your son is a serial rapist at 19 and. he's been in jail for a year in Florida. she goes well he's got a public defender. and she goes she goes you know women lie. and I go I bet some do I bet some do I I. bet some. now I'm like am i on a show and I on.

some type of thing where I'm gonna be. [ __ ] now so I'm trying to make very. cautious statements I'm like well human. beings are you know they're prone to you. know I mean it's yeah. because some of these these these girls. in line okay so so go and she goes. there's gonna be a trial soon I said oh. okay and she goes but he's in Polk. County in Polk County Polk County uh you. know it takes a while she goes but she.

goes here's what I think happened she. does he had sex with two girls and then. she cuz I think they felt bad about it. afterwards and then they went and said. that it was rape but it was a you know. she goes it sounds like a threesome to. me so I said well you know I'm like oh. why did why not at the headphones in and. I'm like I thought it would be if it was. that time just put my headphones right. in and just but I'm like I'm in now I. can't get out so I'm like I don't know.

what to say to that I go well you know I. mean he's in jail for a you're like that. sounds that sounds like there might be. something to it yeah you know I mean. again I'm not a law enforcement person. yeah but he's in jail for years because. you know they really drag their feet. over there and they only let them out. for an hour a day and I'm like okay so. we finally pull up to the house and I go. well listen I hope it works out she goes.

yeah she goes. listen Vegas is cheap I'm like well the. other another I mean I know that you've. moved on from your son that I'm still. invested because I just met him ten. minutes ago and I hope that this works. out and she goes I should um I should. have had a move to LA with me she goes. but he's he's anxious he has anxiety. like okay yeah so Timmy gets his buddies. house and Timmy goes on the Google's I. said let me go on the Google I said I.

wonder if I'll be able to find this guy. I said I wonder if I'll be able to find. this gentleman yeah say somewhere in. okay I said maybe I. won't you know I'm just gonna Google. Polk County rapist let us see what I. okay okay okay. Polk County deputies say they've.

arrested an 18 year old serial molester. who's accused of raping and molesting. girls aged 12 to 15 12 to 15 to 12 year. olds to 13 year olds in a fifteen year. old his arrest affidavit say he snuck. into the girl's bedroom windows pinned. one down in a park threatened one with a. knife and threatened to take matters. into his own hands if a victim refused. to meet him it sounds like a threesome. it's cheaper in Vegas you needed to.

leave a small town because you wanted to. grow as a purse your son is a serial. molester who's raping people at gunpoint. and you're talking about you're doing. [ __ ] [ __ ] motivational [ __ ]. self-help book [ __ ] in the car she did. tell me before I got out she goes you. know he was touched on his father's side.

that's why I always tried to keep him. away from his father's side so this poor. guy and I don't mean that because he's a. demon but he was probably [ __ ] and now. he's raping him Eleni people but dude. you got to remember where this. conversation started her telling me I. left that small town in Florida cuz I. just wanted to realize my dreams yeah. and maybe my dreams aren't a career. maybe I'll never be a great actress but. you know what. I can really challenge myself and. discover who I want your son is a serial.

rapist who's raping children and you. telling me that you want to go and do. [ __ ] I want to go back to school for. cosmetics I want to work on set because. I want to work on set too and makeup we. learned she goes I took a summer course. we learned a lot of stuff special. effects everything it was really cool. huh his son is holding. wives to children's throats in Florida. and you're talking about makeup that you.

want to be unset because I want to do. men's grooming on set I'm like I don't. what is that even a anyway let's get. back to your rapist son who's. terrorizing a community and I read more. about him supposedly he hangs out. outside of the middle school. the sheriff's like this guy's a. terrifying dangerous member of the. community who needs to be like lock and. key right. and she's like he's was on probation for.

touching a kid before yeah he got. arrested for this and she's like I'm. just tired of the small-town vibe she's. like you know people in the small town. they just they never see it for what you. can become I'm like this was a very. sweet conversation till we brought up. your son who's raping everybody in. Florida holy [ __ ]. what oberoi brown one uber one who bride. and I started I took my headphones as I. started to talk to her I'm like man [ __ ].

all these people that don't want to talk. to their uber drivers it's not right. right these are people you should talk. to them they have stories I'm a comedian. I'm a podcaster I I thrive on stories. and I was right but I was like why would. anyone want to put their headphones in. and not speak to another human being in. the car. yeah thirty minutes later we're talking. about this guy and I'm like where where.

so I'm like you've been here six years. he's 18 six years ago he was what twelve. the dad doesn't want to be a dad where. are you is he what your mom yeah you're. out here taking makeup courses while. this kids running around in and out of. mental institutions right this is what. she said she's like he's been in a lot. of institutions. I was dude I was like [ __ ] it's. insane it was crazy it's like a Florida. Project mom yeah I felt like it was kind.

of surreal yeah because she was so. detached. and the front part of that conversation. was so different right and right after. she drive me off I guarantee she picked. somebody else and she's like yeah we're. thinking to go into Vegas we're just. going to Vegas I hope that's how every. uber ride she does starts it's just a. little cheaper we just want to save. money we just need each other right we. just want to love each other it doesn't. matter that I didn't make it as an.

actress I like doing makeup I like. people and I bet it for most people it. doesn't get to my son held a knife to a. 12 year olds throat right and I had to. leave Florida God God I mean Jesus. Christ left at 12 but left well she's. been living here six years over six. years that the kids you know had some. time to not be a rapist I'm not gonna. say the guy's name but you can easily. google oak county rapist you know my.

[ __ ] fans are gonna be leaving. comments on the [ __ ] page tweet with. Polk County hey man do I support you. that's all I need some cash digital. subscribers starting a GoFundMe for this. animal hey man 12 year olds lie kids lie. all the time I'm a realist dude it was a. playdate threesome yeah dude I mean I. was just like because she neglected to.

mention she was pretty forthcoming but. she neglected to mention that these were. [ __ ] children yes climbing in the. window of people's houses like a [ __ ]. like Jack the Ripper I don't even know. if he did that I think he got people. [Laughter]. who's climbing in a window with a knight. people want to debate what isn't isn't. rape I'll tell you what's right. definitively climbing in a window with a.

kitchen knife into a sleep oh he's. [ __ ] you choose to leave those. details out yeah you say it sounded like. a threesome really you think it's just a. survival instinct for her to have a. because I think she's disassociate yeah. I think she's split her personality's up. almost yeah I think like I really. believe dude the beginning of that. conversation. she was talking she's like you know just. small towns they really people put. limits on you I had to cut ties with a. lot of people that I knew right I'm like.

it cuz your son raped their kids the. people put limits on you you know like. police yeah like a lot of people put. limits on you the coroner the medical. examiner a lot of people they just. didn't want to they didn't want to. really see me as the person that I could. be like a person who moves to California. and ignores the multiple felonies my son. commits dude I was [ __ ] dude. uber rides are not some people tell you.

[ __ ] I'm telling you right now it was. that's my crazies uber ride. that's my craziest uber ride that I've. ever had yeah because here's the deal. here's what makes that so [ __ ] crazy. and a gun a lot of people I've listened. to chow and they say it sounds on the. show like you are smoking cigarette I do. not smoke I've never smoked all the. cigarettes in the videos are unlit or. they're fake cigarettes yeah okay. the sound of what you're hearing is a.

cigarette is me person my lips and. biting into a pair yeah you got a big. pair of your mouth I got a big pair. there now. here's what makes that so crazy right. you meet people every day you probably. have interactions with them that are. very surface hopefully yeah.

and behind certainly behind me if I. start talking about my I mean I nothing. compared to what this the whole thing. was right but behind so many people is a. horror that you couldn't imagine oh yeah. that and they're going on about their. life like hey hey right we can get a. two-bedroom for nine hundred yeah as. soon as I heard that I was so excited. for her right so good for you she goes.

we got a friends over have friends over. like I don't have kids but I. imagine if your son was a serial. pedophile rapist you would not be in an. uber talking about she was talking like. a college girl who was just like I'm. just I feel free she said that she goes. California I just feel free you know. doesn't feel free Junior junior doesn't.

feel free yeah um and it's amazing to me. that you open that Pandora's box and you. don't know what's in there people's. backgrounds and I guess she was just I. mean she's just a dummy that had a kid. when she should was she young. like the chip that she's in like she had. the cap and she was really young she. didn't seem old yeah well not super old. right. she had a youthful energy yeah you know. it's just interesting to me I would feel.

like if your son was in that position. you as a mother would not be talking. about going to school for makeup right. like I feel like you would be maybe. she's so wracked with guilt that she. can't deal with it yeah because this. person is that ruining the lives of. other people right you're ruining the. lives of other people. she's talking about going to Florida and. she's working for extra money not for.

her son's legal defense which listen I'm. not saying that you should be throwing a. lot of money at that case either but. she's [ __ ] saving money so what her. and her friends could have saltwater. taffy what are you doing cuz I want to. spend money with my buddies when I go. back down to Florida I want to spend. some money yeah when she said her son. was 20 I'm like you know yeah maybe some. Florida bum being a bum yeah I didn't. think he was it Vassar right yeah I. thought I didn't think he was where he. is and for why you think you think it's.

like half people do that because it's. like a psychological strategy to cope. and half is just they're just dumb dude. gotta be but I will tell you this I was. really amazed at how hard she. and at the girls right she's like. they're liars and I'm like well this is. a pattern of behavior this is multiple. accounts but I was amazed that she would.

tell the story as if he had been. railroaded right he's hanging out. outside of a middle school in the. article they're like yeah this is the. creepy guy that hangs outside of the. middle school and she's talking about it. like it's some case Elect mistaken. identity right. sounds like a threesome to me she's like. one of the one of them one of the. testimonies you know the girl with the. knife that caught her analyze and it.

can't use her I'm like but there's still. was a knife to her and I bet there. wasn't a lively some inconsistency right. that you know for whatever reason they. felt was not beneficial to the. prosecution to use but she did say he. was touched on his dad's side it's big. but if I were her I would have I would. have said this this is what I would have. said okay I would have only said this I. would said my son is in Florida and I'll.

tell you what he's not a stand-up. comedian he's not a clown he ain't doing. open mics and I would have said you did. a great job and I would have put the. headphones on and I would have listened. to a little Shawn Colvin or something. Sonny came home Shawn Colvin's got a lot. of dark music that this woman was. getting me in earlier some dark but.

listen all the while hearing about that. I was so happy I wasn't eating brisket. with comedy executives how lucky am i. that I'm just in the back of the Chevy. hearing about child rape for an hour and. I'm not sitting in the lobby of a hotel. eating pulled pork listening to somebody. talk about their [ __ ] pilot.

how long have we done I mean it is wild. man. I mean well they had that whole show. taxicab confessions right where cuz it's. based on I never saw this on that but. I'm sure the worship. she might be a recurring character of. that I mean I but it's based in like. that people in taxis they know they're. never gonna see the person again so they. get this extra level of vulnerability. where they're like I don't care I'll. tell that guy you know about like an.

amazing point is that people and get. their does that podcast beautiful. anonymous Chris Gethard where people. anonymously call up and go into things. that they wouldn't go into yeah but it. is an interesting point you're in an. uber you're never gonna see the person. again yeah and I think enough people all. [ __ ] day it's kind of like free. therapy I mean even though she's not. doesn't see yes you just kind of unload. yeah on whoever's around and you're. probably the most into it all day the.

most I got into it because I love. Florida and I appreciate a story that. takes a little bit of a turn I didn't. know where the story was going I didn't. know I knew it was [ __ ] when I got out. of the car right well when I pulled up. cuz I said this guy's a rapist in the. car is like just doesn't rapists when I. pull up the information he's a child. predator and it's really bad it's even. worse than what I thought and I'm not.

trying to say that any kind of rape is. good but like the reading the whole. thing puts into context everything she. had said for the first 2025 minutes. which if you had heard the conversation. it was like two conversations because. the first 25 minutes was about a woman. who had to break break free of the. chains of small-town America and go to. another place yeah and work hard and.

save money and get an apartment of Vegas. with a guy that she cares about in loves. and she she's a good person and she's. had a rough shot a few rough things but. you know towards the end of this. you're like man I don't know I mean I. know maybe she was a good mother um it. doesn't seem like she was great and it. seems odd to me that her so focused in.

life wouldn't be to try to get this kid. to a place where he couldn't hurt people. anymore right you know yeah and maybe. maybe her leaving this all alone and. this kind of resolving itself because I. think he'll do time maybe this will be. you know maybe that's the resolution her. not investing herself maybe that's why. she can't go down there and really try. to spring him but she's going down there.

to visit him and she's on the phone with. his lawyer she's you know dude it's wild. when your kid does something like that. yeah what do you. she probably yeah I don't know cuz it. she doesn't believe it but she might. secretly believe that he really is a. rapist and a bad person yeah so what do. what do you do if you're the mother of. AB dude I mean we'll seed do you ever. think about you think about how you. looking about having kids.

sure yeah a little bit I mean the. nightmare you know because some parents. do everything they can. yeah and the kids still I bet she had a. rough road man right and I bet something. happened to that kid it's just the help. that that guy needs is so beyond the. scope of what most people can offer. you'd need like you know agent what's. your name agent Starling. you know what was uh what agent Starling.

I'm not he was Hannibal Lecter who did. Jodie Foster oh [ __ ] I don't know her. name but yeah that's what this is yeah. you walk in you need a criminal. psychology you need somebody who is. truly educated yeah and like just it's. just one of those things that's he's not. gonna be solved in this lifetime you. know he. not gonna like have a he's not gonna. reform be able to be reformed I feel.

like if you're that deeply twisted well. she told me she's like you know I knew a. teacher who kind of had some of these. problems who now has a normal life so is. like oh you know a teacher hooray who. can die for broke into Windows and and. now he's doing he has a normal life now. and so she was saying and I'm like yeah. it can happen I don't not bad it isn't. like yeah you know people have real big. problems right you know and um it was. just a wild [ __ ] thing it was one of.

those experiences where I was like this. is [ __ ] crazy but like right before I. get out of the car I'm sitting there she. goes you're a comedian I'm like yeah I. said - I said listen I said listen. you're in the zubur all day right she. goes yeah I said I have a podcast well. Tim Dylan is going to hell and I gave.

her the sticker the little Tim dill is. going to how stick her and I said listen. if you're ever bored because I'm bored. all the time I said I know your son too. but if you're ever if you're ever bored. give it a listen and if she's listening. right now I want to say listen ain't. nobody perfect please like please. subscribe leave us a positive rating on.

iTunes and if you're interested in the. archives six dollars a month ain't a. hell of a lots of money to pay folks. Tim Villa county comm for all the dates. if you want to come see me live I'm. gonna be at laughs Boston at the end of. the month I'm dead crow comedy club in. Wilmington North Carolina May 3rd and. 4th something like that at the end of. the month. Friday and Saturday May I think it's. 17th and 18th and left Boston or 18 to.

19th and left Boston June the 20th to. the 23rd at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. the 27th I'm at side splitters in Tampa. we got more dates coming up in the fall. I'm gonna be in New Jersey I'm gonna be. in Vermont I'm gonna be all over the. place I'll be in LA full time starting. in June so I'll hopefully be out here we. are making the announcement folks we are. going to two times a week I'm gonna have. to take more overrides to fill the. content but you know daddy will more.

overrides more stories more felonies. twice a week get on board now please. rate subscribe review the podcasts. follow me on instagram tim j dylan di ll. o n on twitter same handle Devon what's. your social media youtube.com / Devin. Kosta dvan co sta and Instagram Devin. trill Kosta and listen to my podcast. hate the 11 with Devin cost on iTunes. Devin is a [ __ ] amazing comedian he.

does videos that are hilarious do a deep. dive on Devin's YouTube get his YouTube. channel go watch his videos you'll fall. into a rabbit hole watching them they're. very very funny check him out watch. before YouTube deletes all of them yeah. you think you're gonna delete I don't. know they're getting weird they they're. they're they're muting weird parts of my. videos sometime really but your videos. are not I know that's why it's getting. weird like I don't know who knows I will. say this though go to those videos.

they're very very funny. Devin helps us with all the videos that. we make that are that are up on my. Instagram and we're gonna we had a lot. more should come you have a lot more. content coming we're going to a second. time a week on the podcast we're also. going to do more Instagram videos we're. doing more content we're gonna set up. something and this is gonna be a little. while but we're gonna set up something. where we're gonna offer and this is not. gonna be you know immediately this is. gonna be down the line we're gonna.

really try to create a platform where we. can get you content and videos directly. to you things that are funny things that. you guys [ __ ] like and that is what. we're trying to do now that's where the. business is heading that's the future of. everything we just want to make funny. [ __ ] that people like if they won't let. us do it on SNL or if they won't let us. do it on other networks we're gonna. [ __ ] find a way to do it we're going. to. find a way to get it to you guys you. know all of that is in the works and I'm. watching other people guys like Andrew. Schultz some people that I respect.

who've been able to really get his stuff. out there with [ __ ] no help from. anybody yeah so that's the direction. we're going in so if you like this [ __ ]. it makes you laugh it really helps us to. just [ __ ] rate review I know it's. stupid but get it out or tell your. friends about it because that's it it's. you guys basically spreading the word. anyway that you can because the reality. of the situation is you ant you're not. gonna hear this on a network right. really unless things change thank you.

folks.