The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242

With Joe Rogan as my partner, we sold. out in 12 hours. Zero to 60 million. How? Step one. It was [ __ ] wild. Aubrey Marcus. The. man who built and sold On [music] It. with Joe Rogan. One of the fastest. growing human performance companies in. America. My mother was a professional. tennis player. My father was a pioneer, and that was the driving desire. It's. like, my parents were big. I know I can. be big, and I was frustrated because. nothing was happening. There was so many. failures, and I really thought like, I'm.

just never going to succeed. But, I. think the key moment for me was when Joe. Rogan said, "I can meet you 30 minutes. for coffee." I was starting a supplement. company. I went to Joe, "What supplement. would you like the [music] most? I'm. going to make the best one that's ever. been made." That was the pivotal moment. that changed everything. Alpha Brain. I. really felt like I didn't want to do. anything without it. We sold out of that. product in 12 hours. We could barely. keep it in stock. [music] From zero to. 60 million, we were Inc. 500 fastest.

growing company over the next 4 years. I. mean, I couldn't have designed a fantasy. better. But, it comes with a cost, right? In that moment, I realized like, I'm not. going to fly into a fit of rage and hurt. somebody. You can see how much it still affects. me. What happened?

Before this episode starts, I have a. small favor to ask from you. Two months. ago, 74% of people that watch this. channel didn't subscribe. We're now down. to 69%. My goal is 50%. So, if you've ever liked. any of the videos we've posted, if you. like this channel, can you do me a quick. favor and hit the subscribe button? It. helps this channel more than you know, and the bigger the channel gets, as. you've seen, the bigger the guest get. Thank you, and enjoy this episode. [music].

[music]. Aubrey. When I. read through your story, and a lot of. people's story, what I tend to see is a. series of almost dominos that have. fallen to make the person who they are. today that's sat in front of me. Can you. take me to the first domino that you. think was significant um in your life. that fell to make the man that I see sat. in front of me today that I've spent the. last couple of days learning and. researching about. I mean, the first domino was my mother.

giving birth to me, of course, right? Like, it starts from the drop. It starts. and we can't ignore all of the things. that happened at birth that have nothing. to do with us. And I was super blessed. My mother was a professional tennis. player. Went to the semi-finals of. Wimbledon. Lost to Billie Jean King. Like, legit professional tennis player. My father was a commodities trader, and. he was a pioneer in his field. So, he. was actually. kind of stretching what the market and.

what the world understood about futures. trading. He's written up in a book. called Market Wizards. They split up really early, and so I got. two more parents. My stepmother was a. naturopathic doctor who worked with a. lot of the NBA basketball teams and the. Lakers in the '80s, the Knicks in the. '90s, the Heat in the 2000s, but from. the naturopathic side, not within the. team aspect of it. And then, my stepfather was a SWAT team. squad officer. Just big, badass, burly.

man. And from all of those sources, I got. models of greatness. I got models of. really. testing yourself to see what you're. capable of, and I think that's like the. foundation. of what I was. And then, there's my. grandmother who inspired this like. craving desire for knowledge, just to. learn about the world. And I think the key moment for me with. all of that framework with my parents,

that craving for knowledge instilled by. my grandmother. My grandmother's. tattooed on my arm, actually. And then, I go and do my first. psychedelic medicine journey after high. school when I'm 18 years old. And I. really feel like I want to. find the knowledge and then be able to. distribute that to the world in an. interesting way. I wanted to build my. own. legacy, so to speak. And in that first psychedelic medicine.

ceremony, I felt my body disappear, and I felt. what I could only call consciousness, or. maybe even use the word soul, even. though I wasn't religious at all. So, I. didn't believe in souls, but I felt. something come online. And that was kind of the the genesis of. me being where I am now, even though. that doesn't have a lot to do with all. my business accomplishments and anything. else. It's just. this desire to be great because it was.

modeled for me in the parents that I. had, this thirst and quest for. knowledge. That quest for knowledge. turned inward with the psychedelic. medicine journey. So, I was looking. inside. That's the field of. psychonautics, which is really the field. that I'm the most passionate about. Psychonautics, the exploration of the. inner. aspects, the inner cosmos of who we are. And then, offering what I learn out to. the world. And sometimes, that comes out. in the form of products and practices.

and workout equipment and supplements, like with the company On It that I. started. Sometimes, it's with a podcast. or a poem or a story. And uh yeah, that's probably one way to. look at uh who is Aubrey Marcus. If you. were to draw a circle around all of. those products, the content, the. podcast, On It, and then your current. mission today through all of the work. you're doing, what is the similar What. is the mission there? If I don't ask you.

If I ask you right now, what is your. mission. in life, what would it be? If you were to ask me, I don't know, 15 years ago, it would have been just to make a big. impact. I just want to be big. I want to. be big. My parents were big. I know I. can be big. I feel it in me. I feel like. there's something big that's supposed to. emerge, right? And I was frustrated. because nothing was happening. And so, I founded my company and I. created On It, and then things started.

to get big. I started my podcast, things. started to get big. I wrote my book, things started to get bigger. And that. was the driving desire, right? It was. actually And yes, I wanted it to be for. the good of all. I've always felt very. connected to everybody else and. recognized that you sitting across from. me right here, you're just me living a. different life, right? Like, we're all. part of the same source of life itself.

So, I did always have this belief like, I want to contribute to the greater good. of all. As one of my teachers, Don Howard, said, "Para el bien de todos." For the good of. all. So, that was always there, but it. was a lot more about me. It was a lot. more about me being big, if I'm being honest. And now, right now, some of that's. removed. It's like I've a I've. accomplished that thing where it's like, Aubrey has made his mark, but that. doesn't even matter anymore. Now, I look.

out at the whole world and I say, "All. right, world, what do you need? And what. do you need from Aubrey? Like, what can. Aubrey do to help you the most? Like, I. hear you. Like, I know that you're. hurting. And I know that you're beautiful. You're. beautiful in every way. And what can I do. to actually serve the world in the best. way possible? And that's the that's the. mission, man. Your parents breaking up at 2 years old. Was that significant for you in. hindsight? Do you look back as an adult?

Do you Is that a significant moment? The ramifications of that were. incredibly significant because it. brought in my stepmother and my. stepfather into the constellation of my. family. So, there could be very few things that were. more significant than that, as I had. four models of parent rather than two. And with four, I was able to get a much. more well-rounded approach. Like, the. difference between my father and my. stepfather were immense. What were these.

differences? Well, my father was. an incredibly. acute and attuned intellectual, philosopher, a thinker, you know, he was. able to actually analyze, a logician. He. was able to analyze the world in this. very kind of philosophical way, and it. helped shape my mind in that way. My. stepfather brought that bear energy of. what it is to be a man, the physicality. He was always the best to play with as a.

kid, too, because of course, you want to. play with the bear. They know how to. roll around and laugh and tell stories, and you sit on their shoulders, and you. go climbing around. And and it's not. that either both parent didn't have a. little bit of that, but they were very. different archetypes. And so, my. understanding about what it means to be. a man included so many different things. It included. the eloquence of being able to write. poetry and solve problems and play. Scrabble and play chess, and it involved.

also brute force wrestling and playing. and telling stories and standing you. know, standing as a hero against that. which didn't serve, you know? And. and so, with two models of father, I got to actually. have a much more well-rounded kind of. idea of what it meant to be a man. Was. there lessons that you had to unlearn? From that? Of course. Yeah, I mean, you.

don't learn just the positive aspects of. your parents. You learn the negative. aspects of your parents, too. You Those. Those are learned in. in ways that your mind can't even. comprehend. So, things that my dad was. stressed about, I find myself being. stressed about because I transmitted. this kind of general sense of worry. about things. So, I've had to unlearn. those aspects of worry. My father also, you know, was want to fly into fits of rage at a.

certain point. I remember one time, um this is a a very like. very important story in my own. trajectory, uh cuz my father, when he would get. angry, he would start He would just. yell, you know, just like he would just. erupt. And. um. it was early and early after I started. on it. It was probably 2013, 2014. And. we had a smaller office then, not the.

smallest office. It was the second. biggest office that we had. And I had my own office, and I was in. there, and I was filming a video, and it. was an important video for me to film. And we had a kind of front desk customer. service person also in the office who. was handling emails, customer service. things, and also handling anybody coming. in the door. Something came up where she. started knocking on the door. Well, I. didn't know it was her that was knocking. on the door. I didn't really know who.

was knocking on the door. I was trying. to film a video. And back then, we. didn't have a bunch of video editors, so. it wasn't like we weren't able to just. stop. I had to kind of hit it in one. take. You know, we didn't have the tech. resources then. So, I'm like 5 minutes. into this take, I'm killing it, and this. knock comes. And then a second knock, and then a third knock. And finally, by. the third knock, I couldn't ignore it. anymore. It was throwing me off my. mental track, and I just started yelling. like, "What? What is it you What the [ __ ] do you. want?" You know, like one of those. moments where I just got really angry.

And then, I hear like, "I'm sorry.". And I was like, "Oh, man, that was That. was our front desk girl. She was just a. sweetheart, like absolute sweetheart, like the sweetest.". And And I like. take a deep breath, and I like open the. door. And I walk out there, and she's crying. at her desk. [snorts]. In that moment, I realized like, "I'm.

not going to do that ever again. Like, I'm not going to do that shit.". I'm not going to fly into a fit of rage. and hurt somebody. You know, I won't Like, I won't. And. you can see how much it still affects. me, you know, because. that was the point that that pattern. broke for me. And it's not that it Not that I haven't. gotten mad since then or whatever, but. never like that. You know, and there's something else in. me that's like, "No, never again.".

Because I saw her. And I saw what I did. And And of course, I apologized. And But. that's where I stopped that lineage. transmission. and said, "It stops with me.". Where did that. lineal transmission start? In your father? Did you ever figure that out? Yeah, with his with his father. You know, I mean, it I don't know how.

far it went back. I mean, I don't have a. strong genealogical tree. I didn't even. get to meet either of my grandfathers, actually. But. uh I've heard the stories. You know, I heard the stories of that. My dad did the best to kind of shed as. much of the trauma that he could shed, so he would pass on as little as. possible to me. And he did his best. And And he was. actually the one that encouraged me to. go on my own psychedelic journey because. that was one of the tools that he used. to try and actually change who he is,

so that he could be better for me and be. better for the world. And he did He did a great job, you know, compared to the stories of my. grandfather to him, he did a amazing. job. And it was my job to clean up the. rest. And that's what I'm in the process. of doing is cleaning up the rest. So, that when I have my son, Huxley's. going to be his name, you know, of course, source willing that. that we have a we have a child,

I don't want to pass any of that on. I. just want to pass the legacy, a new. fresh fresh legacy, like fresh powder on. a on a mountain, you know, like fresh. tracks, a legacy of love, a legacy of. support, a legacy of like, "I'm here, son.". And also, you're so much more powerful. than you think you are. And let me show. you. And bring him through all of the. initiations, the sweat lodges, the cold. mountains like I've climbed with Wim.

Hof, the. when he's old enough, the medicine. journeys. Bring him through this path of. initiation, but the whole way, just love. love love the whole way, where that. never wavers. So, he's not trying to. prove something to me so that he can get. me to love him. He knows that I love. him. Are you speaking about a younger. version of yourself and your father when. you say that about that approval? Of course. Of course. Have you got an. example of. when you realized that you would you. were following that pattern?

[laughter]. I mean, the example's most of my whole. life, right? Like, "Am I doing it right? Am I doing it. right, Dad?". You know, "Am I doing it good enough, Dad?" Is it was the subconscious. dialogue that I've been in for a long. time. Now, it's It was my father first, you know, so that My father was Dad. So, my Michael Marcus represented that image. of Dad. But.

it would transfer to other people. It. could transfer to a mentor. It could. transfer to a partner. It could transfer. to a boss. And I would put this kind of. approval-seeking. desire on them. They would be the. surrogate father, and I would be trying. to show them how good I am. And And then. then, they would love me. Just like when. I scored 25 points in a basketball game, my dad was all [ __ ] love and happy. And when I scored, you know, seven. points and had a bad shooting night,

it's not that he didn't love me, but it. felt like he didn't love me cuz he was. just quiet and sullen. And I was quiet. and sullen, and all of the All of the. love felt like it'd been sucked out of. the room like a vacuum. Right? So, I learn And that's just one. example of many different ways that I. learned that if you perform well, you're. loved. And if you don't, you're not. loved. What's this ping pong story? Yeah. Well, that was That was just one of the.

moments that my father. just flew into rage, you know, so I was. 4 years old, and. my father was playing ping pong, and he mishit a ball. It hit off the. corner of the paddle, flew up into the. into the stratosphere, basically, cuz he. was trying to hit a smash. And I go, "Home run.". I'm just a kid. I was like, I thought. that was a funny thing to say. But for. my father, he was so locked in this.

intense competition, which of course. didn't matter. He's not like in the ping. pong world championships. It was in his. house. And later, he started yelling at me from. like for saying that during his ping. pong match cuz it threw him off his game. or whatever whatever it was. So, moments like that really made me kind of. aware to the point of being scared about. what I was saying. And so,

it gave me, and as I said before, like. one of the stoic mindsets is everything. that happens to you happens for you. Why. did it happen for you? I look at that. story now and say, "Okay, at that moment, I realized that I. have to be very mindful of everything I. say when I say it because there's. drastic consequences if I don't." What. does that make me do? It makes me a very. good listener. It makes me a very good. communicator. It allows me to understand how my words. could be perceived.

What a What a gift. That's my. superpower. Thanks, Dad. But it comes with a cost, all. superpowers, right? Of course. And the cost was. and sometimes still is. less now. I have to be, you know, I have. to be honest and not claim a false. humility. But. sometimes still is. But the cost is. like, you're not present. You're not really. present if you're thinking all the time. about every different way that what you.

say could be perceived by somebody else. And you're going through these. hypothetical scenarios in your brain. about the hypothetical conversations. about if they took that the wrong way, how you would respond, and what you. would explain. It's mentally exhausting. and anxious, you know? And it's I lived. so much of my life playing out a million. different scenarios about every single. thing that I said and how that could be. interpreted. And as I said, like, I'm.

mostly free of that. But every once in a. while for a text that matters, I'll look. at it, and I'll see like, like nine different ways that that thing. could be interpreted the wrong way. And. then, I have to manual Like, with manual. override of my own consciousness, be. like, "It's all good. They know you. They love you. They're not going to take. any of these different interpretations. and then abandon you or get mad at you. or anything like that. This process you described starts.

um according to all of the therapists. and. child trauma experts I've spoken to with. something called awareness. And that kind of allows you to take on. the challenge, but there's a lot of. people that are living unaware of the um. puppet master in the back room. Uh-huh. That's pulling the strings. What has made you aware? I mean. everybody has their own path. And so I don't want to sound like my. path is my recommendation, my.

prescription for everybody, but for me. it's been the psychedelic medicine path. And psychedelic medicine doesn't have to. involve taking anything. I think. you mentioned that your partner is a. breathwork practitioner. Breathwork at. the highest level is as psychedelic as. anything. It's incredibly cathartic and. magical and visionary even. I mean. you're actually there's been some. studies showing that actually in that. deep breathing process you're producing.

endogenous levels of DMT. DMT, which is. called the spirit molecule, which is. also the active psychedelic compound in. ayahuasca, it's happening when you. breathe. So there's a lot of different psych-. like psychonautic technologies that can. get you there from sensory deprivation. tanks to sweat lodges to. lots of things, but. I have done. many. and not most of the plant medicines of. the world, most. And really experienced a lot of the.

great lineages. that have had that wisdom and then also. started to look to see how those. lineages. can evolve, how we can use this unique. time where we have access to many. different medicines and access to many. different ways of thinking and. psychological technologies like internal. family systems for example, which has. been paired with psychedelic medicine. therapy. So using all of this and create a new. emergent lineage about how to hold these.

medicines in a way that is accretive and. actually supportive to our life. Because for me that's been the process. Again, psychonautics, the ability to. look inside and see everything. As Rumi. said, you know, we're not a drop in the. ocean, we're the ocean in a drop. So if. you want to understand anything about. the cosmos, you can look out at the. cosmos, you can look inside into your. inner cosmos with a K. And that's the way the Greeks spelled it. and and say like okay.

Like. what's what's really on the inside? What's really on the inside? And the. medicines. have helped me do that. Your first experience with plant. medicines was when you were 18 years. old, is that correct? right. You went on a um you call it like a. vision. Is it like a vision mission? I can't. remember the word you used. Yeah. Um. after high school. Yeah, that was it. A. vision mission. Yeah, it was it's I mean. there's a it's a vision quest, but it. there's definitely.

many traditional ways to do a vision. quest, which involve fasting for 4 days. with no food, no water and that's more. of the Lakota style of a vision quest or. the North American First Nations, you. know, kind of style. Um this was more of. a medicine vision quest, which is a. little bit different in that I'm still. going on a journey for a vision and. going to a place, but the medicine was. actually there instead of the fasting. and the stillness and the silence. And. it's not to say that the medicine is. better or worse.

It certainly worked out really well for. me, but that was the pivotal moment that. changed everything. I actually had a. vision of who I actually was. So that. first step of four in my mission was. illuminated where I started to. understand the. kind of limitlessness and the undying. source of who I actually really am. I read that in your story, but then the. next sort of 10 years of your life. didn't seem to. manifest what I would have assumed a.

plant medicine journey would have. manifested in the sense that you. described that from 20 onwards you were. still relatively sort of lost and. seeking approval and partying a lot and. drinking a lot. So there's a. it was interesting because I had. connected to my soul that was all that. is, but. myself, the Aubrey, still wanted. approval, still wanted to be loved, still wanted to make his mark, still. wanted to be big, you know, so.

I was advancing rapidly in the internal. kind of dynamics of understanding who I. was, but externally I was not meeting that. criteria and I couldn't see beyond a. reason, you know, I there was not a. point where I I thought, well maybe I. don't need this actually. And actually even now, even after all. this work, it's like. I appreciate that I wanted to really go. for it. I was audacious and I wanted to. have a big company and I wanted to make.

a big mark. I wanted to have resources. because resources are now opening up the. possibility for me to really tell. different stories, bring communities. together, do the things that I've that I. really want to do. So I wouldn't have. changed it, but. there was a focus on me, you know, from. in a kind of egoic identity construct. perspective, being. successful. And that was like the guiding that was. like the guiding principle and I was.

failing at it, really. Like I was failing at it. I had a. marketing company and I kept getting. fired by my different clients and even. if I did a good job and I would start a. I would start things. I. It's funny actually. I smashed my uh for. those looking I smashed my finger and it. was all purple. So I painted it uh with. my wife's nail polish, which is gray. So. I have one painted nail, but it's a. funny example because that was one of my. failed businesses. I was going to start.

a men's nail polish line because I saw. like Chuck Liddell and my friend Roger. Huerta they were painting their nails. I. was like, yeah, men can paint their. nails. And I started that, it bombed. There was so many failures and I really. thought like. I'm just never going to succeed. I mean. I made a I made a decent living, you. know, I always I always found a client. or always found somebody that I that I. could get a paycheck from. But it wasn't happening until it did. Until it did. Till it did.

When you think about that moment and the. fact is that aligned. to make. it it happen until it did. What were those factors that aligned or. what what what was it? Fate? Was it. luck? Was it something that changed. within you? Was it being more aligned. with your own sort of authentic self? All of the above. Looking back, I wasn't ready to hold the. bigness yet. I had to I had to, you. know, kind of like sometimes if you have. a young a young stallion and they're.

bucking around and they're hot, you got. to run them a little bit. You got to run. the stallion. I had to I had to run a. little bit. And my partner at the time, Caitlyn, we were running, you know, we. were partying a lot. We were out. I was. standing on the speakers and growling. I. was training MMA with the homies. I was. I was running, you know, I was running. And I think I needed to do that and at. the same time I was also exploring, exploring in that path of psychonautics, building experience. And. I had this feeling. I just had this.

feeling when I watched Joe Rogan do. comedy and we're talking 2008. You know, this is not the Joe Rogan of now, right? [laughter]. Way different thing. He was the Fear. Factor guy, the UFC just, you know, the. UFC commentator, but the UFC wasn't what. it is now, not even close. But I saw him and I was like. I'm that guy's friend. I know it. Like I. know we're friends. And I would and I. would meet him after a show or I'd run. into him in a club and I'd be like, hey. man,

but nothing would ever stick, of course, because I was a fan and he was the guy. and like that it's very difficult to. bridge that gap in that kind of social. construct. So he started a podcast. Okay. And and I was following when it was. like, oh wow. And that was old Joe Rogan. days back with Brian Redban. And there was no podcast advertising. then. Again, podcast was in its infancy. He had no podcast advertisers. So I had. one of my clients.

and I was like, look, we should. advertise on Joe Rogan's podcast. We got. to do this. And for those of you who. know, it was the client was Fleshlight, which is a whole other story. But. I was like, Joe, we want to advertise on. your podcast. And he's like, okay, cool. And it's. like, it's Fleshlight. And then his his. manager team was like, what the [ __ ] are. you doing, Joe? You can't you can't. advertise Fleshlight. He's like, damn. right I can. I don't want anybody to. take me so seriously that I can't, you. know, advertise for this thing. So Which. is a sex toy for anybody that doesn't. know.

Yeah, it's a sex toy for men. But what I stipulated in that was like, all right, yeah, we're we're totally. down. We'll be your we'll be your. podcast sponsor. I just want to meet you. for 30 minutes for coffee and then we'll. we'll close the deal. And that was really honestly the play. It was a it was a strategy. Now I was. tested. I was tested in that moment. because at that point I was friends with. Bode Miller, who is the best skier in. the world, arguably. At that point he'd won multiple world. championships. He hadn't won the gold. medal yet, which he eventually won in.

Vancouver, but he was the best skier in the world. and he was going to the Kentucky Derby. And Bode going to the Kentucky Derby is. a big deal. He gets to go with all of. the, you know, the big dogs and it's a. huge party and Bode was. at that point my best friend. And the Kentucky Derby happened to be. exactly at the time where Joe Rogan. said, "I can meet you 30 minutes for. coffee." So, I had a choice. I could. either say, "Yeah, [ __ ] the coffee. We'll just advertise.". And I'll go to the Derby. Which old me.

would have been like, "Derby, Derby, let's go. Let's party." You know, the. stallion that wanted to run. But there. was some knowledge inside me that no, this coffee with Joe Rogan is important. And I'm going to skip the whole Derby. party. And I'm going to just meet this man for. coffee. And I met him for coffee, and the coffee. turned into dinner, and then that dinner. turned into a friendship, and that. turned into him having me on his. podcast, and then a friendship.

developed, and out of that friendship. developed really, I was starting a. supplement company, developed Onnit as. we know it now, Joe Rogan as my partner. And then the combination of. again, going back to my parents, my stepmother. had a deep knowledge of nutraceuticals. that actually could functionally impact. performance. She worked with basketball. teams. So, she had athletic performance. supplements, cognitive performance. supplements, and I was used to that. concept. So, with her help and with the.

all of the scientific research, I could. put together a formula. I knew how to. market cuz I'd marketed things. And then Joe Rogan was my partner. And. so, we had a way to get that out. We had. a way to let people know. So, I raised $110,000. I got $50,000 from a from a kind of. family friend that I'd worked with and. with different clients and done some. public relations work with. And I had Bodhi, my friend, who So, one.

gave 50,000, the other gave 60,000, and. that was the start of Onnit. It was that money right there. And I. basically blew through and wasted all of. that. And then I went to Joe. and I said, "Hey, man, like what. supplement would you like the most?". He's like, "Ah, man, I'd like a. all-natural nootropic that really. worked." A nootropic being a cognitive. enhancer. And I was like, "You know. what, Joe? I'm going to make the best. one that's ever been made." He's like, "All right, man.". And I went to work and I did it. And I.

formulated. with all of that help the supplement. that was Alpha Brain. And with Alpha. Brain, then sent it to Joe, and Joe was. like, "Man, this is amazing." It was. actually way too strong at that point. It was like. it was like it was gnarly. But Joe's a. beast, you know. He's like He's a. savage. So, at that moment, then. we kind of knew we had something. So, I. dialed down the formula, got it right. And. when all of that came together and we. launched Alpha Brain, it just clicked.

We sold out of that product in 12 hours. We had the next batch going. And the. only reason I had the money to even buy. the first batch was because there was. net 30 credit terms. on my purchase order. So, actually we. could receive the product and not have. to pay for 30 days. So, I didn't even. have the money to pay in 30 days unless. I sold it, right? But we sold it in 12. hours, and then there was another order. on the back of that. So, I was actually. sold through two orders before I even. had to pay the first purchase order. So, we grew Onnit from literally nothing at.

that point other than the resources that. we'd have, you know, applied to having a. website and having a shopping cart, etc. And that was it. It was a rocket ship. from there. And also, you know, being on. Joe Rogan's podcast, people started to. be aware of my ideas and my philosophies. and these other things that I'd been. developing over all of these years in. between all of the partying that I was. doing and all of the other stuff. And at that moment, I started to have a.

stage and a and a platform and started. to build a kingdom. When you say it grew like a rocket ship, to close off that story, can you. quantify that in some way for people. that are listening? From that first. launch moment to where it ended up. getting acquired by Unilever, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. When you say rocket ship, what do you. mean? So, 2010, Onnit was founded by me and with. the investment from those two. individuals that I mentioned, Bodhi and. Howard. And uh we sold a little bit, but we had.

a lot of inventory. We couldn't sell it, and we were failing. It was another. failed business just like my men's nail. polish company. It was going down into. the dirt. [laughter and gasps]. And then at that moment, with that Alpha. Brain product, we put that on sale, and. then from there, we could barely keep it. in stock. We were just selling through. as much as we could have. And then we. developed other supplements that went. And we went from I mean, we were Inc. 500 fastest-growing company over the.

next, you know, 4 years because we. actually went from, you know, zero to I. don't know what the first year was. I. don't have all the numbers, but imagine. like 12 million, 24 million, 34, you. know, 35 million, 45 million, you know, and then we then we kind of leveled out. around 60 million in annual revenue for. a while, and then we had some real. trials and tribulations. And a lot of. deep tests at that point to get us to.

the level where eventually in 2021, uh we were able to sell the company to. Unilever and have a huge exit, which has. now given me, you know, an amazing blessing of abundance of. resources. And. one of the coolest parts about that is. so many people in my life, you know, talking about community again, so many. people in my life got little pieces of. the company, you know? Like my friend. Mehcad. Mehcad Brooks is now an actor on. Law & Order. He was He was an actor in.

True Blood back then. I was like, "Yeah, man, you can have 10,000 shares. Come. on, just talk about this." I was giving. out I was giving out equity like candy. I was like, "I love you, man. Here's. some shares." And then all of the. sudden, all of those shares turned into. huge amounts of wealth, you know, for so many people. And and that was such a beautiful thing, not only for me, not only for Joe, but. for everybody that that was everybody. that was around me that I was giving a.

little piece of this equity to for Onnit. to build that energy. Everybody Everybody won. It was like. being on this gigantic 100-person craps. table of everybody you love, and. everybody wins, and the casino just. empties out the bank, and we all go. home, and we're like, "Wow, we did it.". And in the meantime, we made great. products. We inspired people. We got. people to, you know, our our concept was. total human optimization. We got people. to actually get back in touch with this.

idea that you can be a little bit better. tomorrow than you are today. And so, every step of the way, it was something. beautiful. And then the payoff was. beautiful. It was It's just an absolute. dream, man. And doesn't mean that I didn't live my. own little nightmares of fear and. anxiety and worry and stress and. mistakes all through the process. But looking back now, holy [ __ ] What an. unbelievable. I mean, I couldn't have designed a. fantasy better.

There's going to be. people listening to this who are the. version of you at the start of that. roller coaster. Yeah. What would you say to those people? Cuz. I mean, a lot of our listenership are. exactly that person. They have an idea. that they're pursuing a dream. They. maybe for the wrong or the right. reasons. I mean, who am I to say. to to define what either of those. um are. But what would you say to them. in order to prepare them for. that roller coaster?

You have to see it. You have to see really see it. Like see it with clear eyes, not with. the deluded eyes of hope, and not with. the shrouded eyes of fear, but really. see what's possible, I think. People always ask me the question like, "Can you believe what happened with. Onnit?" And I was like, "Of course I can. believe what happened with Onnit. If I. didn't believe that it could happen, it. wouldn't have happened.". You know, it's the funniest thing. "Can. you believe it?" I was like, "Yeah, I. can believe it. Of course I can believe.

it. If I didn't believe it, it wouldn't. have happened." So, the first most. important step is you really have to see. it, and you have to see it. realistically. And to see it. realistically, you have to look at how. difficult it is out there, you know? I. mean, I I meet so many people like, "Yeah, I'm going to start this clothing. brand." I'm like, and I've been, you. know, done a few things with different. clothes, and it's a hard business. It's. a hard It's a grind. That's difficult. But you can do it. But you have to see. it, and you have to see the field. correctly. You have to see the. competition. You have to see how.

challenging the market is, and actually. see how you're going to elevate above. that. And when you can really see it, then you can make it happen. But it. depends on how accurate your sight is. So, you have to see accurately, have the. discretion, and then once that's there, you have to go all in. Like push all. your chips in. When you see it, push all. your chips in, focus, and turn all of that energy into a. single point, and push forward.

uh with everything you got. Okay, so see it. I I a few thoughts. spring to mind when you said it talked. about seeing it. So, the first one is. what role does seeing it play cuz you. talked about the adversity. You kind of. like glossed over the adversity of that. journey. And I think part of the reason. I started this podcast in the first. place was because I think the adversity. matters just as much as the eventual. achievement. And obviously, because of. the way that the media works and the way. we tell our stories, we focus a bit more. on the achievement. But what role does. seeing it play in being able to grace.

those hurdles as and when they. inevitably come? [sighs]. Well, the first one is to see it. actually being successful. Right? And I. saw I could see that vision and even. that even as it was happening, it was. still. you know, there was still some part of. me that was like, "Wow, it's really. actually coming true." Cuz I'd seen it. before. I saw the nail polish company. successful, too. I just didn't see it. accurately. I didn't see the market. I. didn't see the idea that this was going.

to be a very difficult thing to actually. convince people was cool and that people. would be like, "Why buy your nail polish. when I can just get any nail polish?". There were I didn't really see it right. And with Onnit, I saw it right, you. know, and I had the right people and and. with the right team. So, so seeing it into success is. important. And then. what you're going to encounter is a lot. of things that you didn't see. And. that's where the adversity comes. I. didn't see that coming. I didn't see. that coming.

We had a security breach at Onnit. You. know, it was one of the early days, 2013, 2014, when that was happening to a. lot of different companies. I think I. remember Target had a big one and it was. found out and then Target was like, "Oh. yeah, yeah, this happened and you know, sorry about that." You know, people got. access to credit cards. That happened to. us. And there was a choice point and it was. felt like everything was going to be. ruined because we got hacked. Somebody. got access to our customer data.

We didn't have the right firewalls and. all the right cybersecurity. I mean, I thought we did, but we didn't, obviously. And. there was a choice point, you know, nobody nobody else externally discovered. it. We discovered it internally. We. fixed it. And we could have just kind of. crossed our fingers and hoped that. nothing happened. But I made a different choice and in. that choice, I just said I got to tell. everybody. So, I just sent out an email. I was like, "Look, y'all, I'm so sorry.

Like, this is on us. We didn't have the. right security. We got hacked and your. information was compromised and we're so. sorry. And here's. you know, a discount code for any Onnit. products that you want and. like our deepest apologies for any. inconvenience this may have caused if. you have to cancel your card or. whatever, I understand and. and I just came out really authentically. and honestly. And that ended up being one of like. these. powerful moments where instead of the.

whole customer base. turning against our company being like, "These losers can't even secure our. credit cards or whatever.". They actually trusted and. trusted our company and trusted me more. because of just how authentically I. shared about that story. So, that's one version of a of adversity. that comes from those things that those. monsters that come from the grass that. were slithering around or hiding in the. in the tall grass that you don't see and. then all of a sudden you have to. confront them.

And it's going to be about how you deal. with those things that you didn't see. And are you guided by that again, that. superstructure that I talked about, those principles of if you or me living. a different life, what would I want me. to receive? I would want honesty. Just somebody to be honest and be like, "Yeah, we [ __ ] up and we're sorry. and and this is the best we can do.". You know, and and that was that was kind.

of the guiding principle is. I was bound by this value structure. And the value structure was the kind of. the guiding light through all of it. And. it it worked. [snorts]. When you said about seeing it, one of. the things that came to mind as well was. when you can see the competitive. landscape, often that's incredibly. intimidating. There's you know, entrepreneurs often talk about how being. a little bit delusional and naive is. actually a driving force and were they. to know how difficult it actually was,

like where entrepreneurs. to to have seen your hardest, darkest. days, they might not have bothered. So, my my second question here is about. seeing it is. what would you say to an entrepreneur. that's starting a business maybe in the. same, you know, in the same field as. Onnit was, that's looking out and. thinking, "Oh my god, but there's. already loads of competitors and Aubrey. did this and Joe did that. Like, I've. got this idea, but there's so many. competitors, I just won't bother." Cuz. I'm sure when you started, there was a. big competitive landscape, right?

[sighs]. It gets more and more difficult, you know, all the time. And. it's about can you get the right pieces. of the puzzle together, the right. product, the right energy behind it, the. right ethos, the right experience, something that's actually better than. the field. I mean, when you're talking. about this landscape, you're talking. about one of the beauties of this. capitalist model is you're open to. radical competition.

And that's what drives the evolution. So, you have to know that you're a. little bit better. You're a little bit better than. everybody else. And if you're able to. show that in all of the ways that you're. a little bit better, you'll be able to. make it through. And yes, you're still. going to receive immense challenges. You. know, there's going to be times that. security breach was just one of many. We. had another moment where we made a huge. mistake. We thought we were getting an. investment. We distributed all of our. cash. We had zero money in the bank. The. investment didn't happen. And then so we.

had all of these accounts payable, no. money in the bank. And it we called it cashpocalypse at. that point. Our CFO just looked at us, said, "We're we're bankrupt in 30 days. I'm leaving." What? Walked out of the. room. Walked out of the room. I was. like, "All right." And then our COO, who. ended up becoming the CEO when I stepped. down in 2020, right before like a year. before the sale, uh he guided us through and we made it.

and it we we made it because of the. relationships that we'd. you know, held with honesty and with. with good faith with everybody. We. weren't We weren't playing games with. anybody, so they trusted us. We were. like, "Hey, we're in a really tight. spot, but if you if you trust us and you. allow us to pay late, you extend our. terms from net 30 net to net 60 to net. 90, maybe net 120, you know, like we're. going to pay you in 4 months for the. products that you're delivering.".

And they believed in us. They backed us. and and that was what I that got us. through. that moment. So, That CFO that walked. out. Yeah. He made a big mistake in hindsight. He made a big mistake. He had also he. had, you know, he had an equity. position. He had options that he that. he, you know, forfeited. Whoops. [laughter]. Whoops. You know, that. [laughter]. our current CEO our current CEO, I mean, not current CEO, the CEO that emerged,

Jason Havey, he he he couldn't he's such. a sweet such a sweet guy, but he. couldn't help but send uh on the. anniversary of that day where where the. CFO walked out. and and just told us straight up that. we're we were going to be out of. business, for the next couple years on. that anniversary, he'd be like, "Hey, how's how's it going? We're still here.". [laughter]. Just sent him a text. [gasps]. Oh, wow. Wow. I mean, some people that's that's. natural selection of life. There's some.

people in the hardest times, they bail, right? And they're. therefore they aren't. deserving of those kind of good good. moments. Exactly. Per se. You left in 2020. Mhm. I don't see a huge desire from you from. looking at what you're doing now to get. in get back in bed in that same kind of. industry. doing the same kind of thing. Mhm. Is. that accurate and if so, why?

[sighs]. [gasps]. The my desire to be a CEO. is not really there. My desire to be. this kind of visionary founder is there. So, you imagine someone like Richard. Branson and it's certain he's really not. actually running any of the companies. that he's running. running owning. He's just kind of guiding them and. I am very interested in continuing to. guide different projects and different.

brands. But I want really competent operators to. really start to navigate. Now, I may end. up actually working with the CEO that. Jason Havey, who was with Onnit for 10. years. He transitioned out. So, he's now. no longer there and so we may team back. up, get the Avengers back together and. put, you know, a few other brands back. on the table. And the reason for that is. because they're great products again. that are doing really important things.

Like, I want to do important things and. the resources that that will allow us. to, you know, kind of accumulate can. then be applied to really great projects. that can benefit again, para el bien de. todos, for the good of all. So, yeah, I. mean, I'm still I'm still in the game, but I'm just doing it at a different. level. I'm not going to be the guy who's. pouring over the P&Ls, who's chasing. down purchase orders, but I am the guy. who can go out and meet the key allies, put the pieces of the puzzle together,

share the voice and the kind of idea of. why these products are important and and. so that's going to be there's going to. be another kind of reload and birth of a. new kind of wave of things. um that'll come out and and. there's also but there's so many other. things. Now, I'm going in many different. directions. Of course, there's the. podcast, there's the book that I'm. working on and other books that are. planned after that. There's media and. documentaries that I'm making and. there's stories I want to tell and.

there's a lot of different things that. I'm doing, but I'm just at a the. and a and a purview where I have a lot. of competent operators that are helping. execute on all of these different. visions. Ladies and gentlemen, I am so delighted. to finally be able to announce that one. of my all-time favorite brands are now. sponsoring this podcast. And that is. Whoop. All of you know that I've been on. a bit of a journey in terms of health, performance, cognitive performance, sleep, and all those kinds of things. That's kind of been reflected in the.

guests we've had on this podcast. And. Whoop has been a huge part of my life. for many many many years. That's part of. the reason I also had the founder come. on the podcast. After having Will on the. podcast, I love the brand even more. Hearing about his vision, his passion. for the project, where it came from, his. own obsession with solving a problem. which turned into the product that is. Whoop. Whoop is a wearable health and. fitness coach that provides you with the. feedback and real actionable insights. into sleep, into recovery, into how your. training, into your stress levels, and. your overall health. And for me, it's.

empowered me to be the best version of. myself across all of those aspects of my. life. Whoop team have very kindly. offered to give all of you a free month. So just head to join.whoop.com/ceo. to claim your device and your first free. month on us. You know, I never really. usually pick the chocolate-flavored. Huel. My favorite are the banana flavor. I love the salted caramel flavor. But. recently, I think I. in part blame Jack in my team, who's. obsessed with the chocolate-flavored. Huel's. I've started drinking the. chocolate-flavored Huel's for the first. time, and I absolutely love them. My.

life means that I sometimes disregard my. diet. And it's funny, part of the reason. why I've had a lot of guests on this. podcast recently that talk about diet. and health and and those kinds of things. because I am trying to make an active. effort to be more healthy, to lose a. little bit of weight as well, but to be. more healthy. And the role that Huel. plays in my life is it means that in. those moments where sometimes. I might reach for, you know, junk foods, having an option that is nutritionally. complete, that is high in fiber, that is. incredibly high in protein, that has all. the vitamins and minerals that my body.

needs, within arm's reach, that I can. consume on the go, is where Huel has. been a game-changer for me. Love. Let's. talk about love, then. I often wonder, you know, we we learn our models of love and. relationships very early, and I've. talked a lot about um how I learned my. model of love, the good and the bad, the. ugly of it, and how I was very much an. avoidant in terms of my attachment. style. I would run from everyone that. should had any interest in me. I'd. pursue someone, and then when they. showed interest in me, I'd run. And I. was like mimicking some like deep model. that I'd learned that relationships mean.

you're in prison. Mhm. Basically, the. like the narrative I'd learned because. my father, Yeah. I I was I think. subconsciously convinced he was in. prison. in his relationship. So, um it took me a lot of awareness and. unpacking to like realize that to the. point where as as I sit here today, I'm. in a great relationship. Obviously, it. has all of the same, you know, natural imperfections as any. relationship, but one that I think is. the most special thing I've ever. experienced in my life. What's your. journey been like with love? You have a.

unique point to your story, which you. know I'm going to talk about. Yeah. Cuz I I know a lot of people ask. you about it, which is. I don't even know what the correct term. is. Polyamory. Polyamory. I always say. polygamy. I don't know why I say that. Well, that would be multiple wives. Okay. Polyamory is multiple loves. So yeah, my journey with love was was. interesting because, you know, again, I. had my first major partnership was with. who someone who's now my best friend and. also the best man, quote, of my of my.

wedding with my wife is was my former. fiance, Caitlin. And we had a relationship where. she it was not it was not polyamory, but however, we could bring other female lovers into. into our equation, right? Into our. Female lovers? Right. So, other girls. could we could have. sexual experiences. with other women. And so that gave me kind of this release.

valve to my desires because. I simply again, I was bound by these. kind of feelings of value and this. feeling of. anybody who I'm with is me living a. different life. So, I can't cheat. You. know, there there were there was one. moment where I did I did actually cheat. one time in my life, and it was so. miserable the feeling that I felt when I. cheated on my partner. Like that one. time I was like, I just cannot do this. And I see and again, no judgement, you.

know, but I see so many successful and. powerful men who are unfaithful to their. partners. And to me, that's like going. and skirting around the problem and just. creating a whole bunch more problems. And it's also it's it's actually. legitimately unethical. Right? Like. you're manipulating somebody. You're. lying to them. You're not telling the. truth. And so after that one experience. of feeling how just awful I felt when I. actually cheated on it. It was story I. was in Moscow, blah blah blah. It.

doesn't [ __ ] matter. Like. fundamentally, I was like, this I will not do this. Like this cannot be the way. And so, in that relationship, the. ability for us to have other lovers that. were female, then. it kind of satisfied that desire. Al-. although, the problem was is that I was. still always kind of searching for that, and it was. it wasn't quite right at that point for. me, at that stage of my young stallion. life, right? Wasn't quite right, but it.

was beautiful. We had a beautiful. relationship. Love Caitlin. Love that. relationship so much. But ultimately, I was you know, that wasn't working out. She didn't feel like she was going to be. the queen that was going to help me. build my empire. You know, she's a wild. and magical woman, but she wasn't kind. of that warrior queen focused energy. that I was really looking for. And then. Whitney came along, who was my next most. significant partner. And I saw that in her. I was like, I. think this is the one that can be with.

me, be by my side build on it to what. it's going to become. step forward in the world. She's got the. she's got the right stuff for that. So. we started a relationship just purely. monogamous. No other partners, nothing. else. That lasted about 18 months, and I still. felt this strong desire to be with other. women, to experience the goddess. in many different faces. And I've never. been any been the type that just wants.

to have sex with somebody because that. makes me feel good about myself. No, I I. legitimately love women. Like I I love. them. I'm like, it's the greatest. delight for me to be with a woman. You. know, and so, I had that natural desire. I wasn't willing to be. unfaithful and cheat. So I went to Whitney and I said, "Hey, I have this idea. What about I still want to be with you, but. I think I need to be polyamorous. And I.

know that for this to be fair, that means that you get to see anybody. you want to. So if I get to do it, you get to do it. Unlike, you know, in the former. relationship with Caitlin, I would have. been so jealous. I'd be like, no man. ever, never under any circumstances. I'm. the lion, you know, like I had these old. old other kind of constructs and ideas. Thanks to, you know, it was really the. book Sex at Dawn by by Chris Ryan that. actually opened my mind to this idea.

that there is a different concept that. different tribes have utilized. throughout throughout history where we. didn't have this. possessive kind of jealous. idea what it means to have a partner, that we were open to having, you know, having your partner have. multiple loves. And I understood. philosophically that. our love is like the sun. Like it's. shining on all of these different. places. And to have somebody be like,

your sunlight your your erotic sunlight. can only on me. I was like, this is. absurd. Doesn't make any sense to me. So, philosophically, it didn't make. sense. And I had my own desires, so I. said, "All right, let's be polyamorous.". And I thought. that I would be okay with Whitney seeing. other people. I thought I was going to I I thought I. was going to breeze through because I. had a girlfriend first. So, Whitney, after a period of 3 months, she first. she was like, you know, you're out of your mind. Go.

[ __ ] yourself. I'm out. I was like, that. that sucks, but I understand your. decision. I'm not going to change my. decision. It's it's the way forward. A few months later, she came back. All. right. Let's try this. And I was already involved with somebody. else, so I had a girlfriend. And then. Whitney was still my primary partner. So. that was the constellation. Primary. partner is Whitney. She lived with me. And then girlfriend, who I would go meet. at a different meet at her house or meet.

at a different place, and then have my. own experiences with that partner. And then when Whitney, you know, and I really didn't have the. understanding of how hard this would be. on the other side. I thought like, yeah, it'll be easy. I understood it. Then Whitney. got her first partner. And I cannot describe to you the feeling. that I felt when Whitney had her first. lover. It was it broke me. It absolutely.

broke me. Even though I had agreed even. though I had acted on it on my end, when. she was with somebody else, I felt like. I was going to vomit, cry. I wanted to. punch a wall. I wanted to just I. couldn't I couldn't even handle it. And. I also felt so ashamed. for the fact that I had no like very. little compassion for her having gone. through this because I hadn't gone. through it yet. And it was a really challenging kind of. moment. And of course, what did I do? You know,

whoever her partner was, I tried to like. be better than them at whatever they. were good at. And at one point, you. know, Whitney was with a professional. fighter and I was like, "I'll be a good. fighter." And I was like, "How stupid?". Like, she doesn't love me because I'm a. fighter. She loves me because I'm me. And that was one of the really powerful. lessons that polyamory taught me is you. can't try to compete in somebody else's. strength. You just have to compete to be. the best version of you. And every time. I would try to be like somebody else, I.

would become less attractive in her. eyes. And and that's that was really a. deep lesson. But for eight years, we did. the polyamory thing. You know, we had. our moments where we were off and on and. we'd have little breakups and little. issues that would come up. But we both were free to see who we. wanted to see and be with whoever we. wanted to be with with the understanding. that we were primary partners. This had so many challenges and moments. where every different boundary that we. thought we had, well, all right, you can.

be with them, but you can't be in love. with them. Whoops, I fell in love with. somebody. And then whoops, Whitney fell. in love with somebody. And so that. didn't work. So we're like, okay, I. guess we're able to really be in love. with somebody. But then if you're in. love with somebody, then you want to. spend, you know, and that energy is so. strong. The technical term is limerence. It's that new relationship energy where. you're just intoxicated with somebody. Well, you want to be with them more and. then the primary partnership doesn't. make any sense cuz you the person can. feel that you'd rather be with somebody.

else and it was just. it was very, very challenging and also. very, very beautiful. You know, the the. paramours that I had and a paramour is. the term for the the other partners you. have outside of your primary partner. I had unbelievably beautiful. relationships with them and magical, amazing moments and magical moments with. Whitney. You know, there was so much. energy and passion and drama in that in. that period. But it was honest. You know, the thing.

about it was is that it was honest. We. told each other everything, you know, everything that happened, we told each. other the truth. There was little. pockets of withholding where we didn't. express exactly how we felt and but. every little minute dishonesty would get. exacerbated into a massive, massive. issue because there was so much pressure. in the system because of the natural. emotions of jealousy and and you know, worrying about whether our my partner.

really loved me the most. And and that was. a really beautiful and and deeply. challenging experience. And finally, you. know, at the end I I kind of. I kind of was like, "I can do this, but I I didn't master. it. It was always it was it always got. the best of me. I was never really fully. ever okay. with her seeing other people. I was okay. with me seeing other people and loving.

her, but I could never quite do it. I. wasn't up to the task. And that doesn't. mean that somebody else can't be. I just. I gave it my best and with all of my. tools, all of my consciousness, all of. my love, I couldn't do it. And so with that. knowledge, then, you know, I met of course I met Vilona and Vilona. like, you know, immediately I I'd been. in love with her for a little while and. and we could tell that story if we like, but I'd been through the polyamory.

journey. So when I met Vilona, I was. like, "I'm not doing that again." You. know, I'm not doing that again. Do you. know anybody that's made that work? [sighs]. For a time. And and the thing is is I. think it's a it's a journey of growth. and it's a journey of transformation and. evolution. Um when things are stagnant or stuck, it. may be an opportunity to get things. moving. I think I would rather have the the ups.

and downs, the brisk wind, the floating. into the into the twilight sunsets of. just glorious, beautiful expanses and. then the car crashes into the rocky. crags where it's all blood and broken. glass everywhere, you know, metaphorically, of course. I kind of my poet's heart kind of likes. that more than just kind of steady, bored diminishment of life force. There's no energy, there's no charge. there. That never that doesn't really appeal to.

me. So polyamory is one of the ways that. you can really drive a lot of energy and. a lot of growth and a lot of. introspection and a lot of a lot of. evolution of your own character uh. through that process. So. has anybody made it work long-term? It's rare. And I don't think I have a. good model for it because I think part. of the problem is is that the the. culture doesn't really support that yet.

and I don't think our consciousness has. evolved to a level where we can handle. it. We don't have models for it. We have. models of jealousy. It's in all of our. songs. It's in all of our it's it's. everywhere. It's like we're flying again. we're going upstream against the. cultural zeitgeist. So if culture. changes, if society changes, I think. that will become more possible. It's of. course some people are doing it and. they're making it work. I haven't seen it personally really work. on like a long-term level, but I think. it's just because the culture hasn't.

blossomed for that to really be. possible. I often wondered if there's. some kind of like evolutionary, Darwinistic. reason why it doesn't work. And it would. make sense from a Darwinistic. perspective that I want my seed to pass. on and I want I want my genes to. survive. So if I if there's another man. with my partner, for example, then. that's going to. evolve me out of the gene pool. So. there's got to be some kind of, you. know, one would assume there's some kind.

of inbuilt, innate mechanism called. jealousy. to prevent that happening. Yeah, and there's also the genetic. impulse to actually, I mean again, we're. we're having sex, but the impulse is to. impulse is to reproduce, right? Like. that's where [clears throat] it's coming. from. So yes, there's somebody actually. sleeping with your partner, but you're. sleeping with many other people, too. So. you're still genetically, you know, giving the opportunity to actually. fertilize, you know, many different. people. So there's a there is genetic.

support, I think, from like an. evolutionary biology perspective to this. concept, right? But really to make it work, we got to go. back to that level two that we talked. about earlier, which is community, which. is tribe. Cuz if it's for the good of. the tribe, then it doesn't matter if. it's your genetic, you know, your. genetic DNA. It's like, will this be the. best will this be the best situation for. the tribe? And if the tribe is in love, the tribe is thriving, the tribe has. energy, the tribe has that life force,

then then that's accretive to the. overall mission. But without that kind. of tribe level understanding, and perhaps even that humankind level. understanding, you can't actually I don't think you can. make it work. I was reflecting as you were saying that. about the tribe on various cult. documentaries I've watched. [laughter]. where there's still jealousy, you know, um even though they're they're a unit, they're one big family. You still see that jealousy throughout.

Yeah. I [clears throat] think that jealousy is. less like about a evolutionary biology. and more about the ego. The ego knows. itself in relative position. It's a. construct that we create to help. navigate our life and our and our body. and our soul. And so it's this idea, it's a story about who we are. And that. story about who we are, we only know how. good we are compared to somebody else. It's like, are you a good ping pong. player? Well, that depends. Who am I playing? You.

know, like if I'm out with my mates, yeah, I'm a [ __ ] good ping pong. player. If I'm going to a tournament, I'm the worst. So you know yourself in. relative position to to the context. And. that's the problem. In this kind of. polyamorous dynamic, there's always this. thing of this person's getting loved. more or there's more attention here or. you're comparing all of these different. aspects and attributes. And so until you. can actually observe that ego identity.

construct from a from a witness. perspective, then. you really can't escape the trappings of. comparing yourself and comparing your. situation to somebody else's situation. Vilona. Oh, yeah. Vilona? Vilona. Your face lights up when you say her. name. Yeah. Why is that? What does she mean to you?

I didn't know that I could love somebody. like this. I didn't I didn't think it was really. possible. I thought it would. I thought it would be like a. I thought there'd always be kind of. like, yeah, this is good enough. This. will work. You know, like, we'll make this work. And we'll we'll find a situation that'll. make it work, but. with Vilona, it's like, no, no, like. I love you so much.

I wouldn't change a thing about you. Like. and it's this it's this crazy thing that. sounds like it sounds unbeli it it. doesn't sound like it's believable. It. doesn't even sound credible. And I don't. even know if it's reproducible. I can't. say that everybody out there, you got. your Vilona. I wish I could go with a. straight face and say like, "There's. your Vilona out there." And for Vilonas. out there, there's your Aubrey out. there. And I know it. I don't know. I. think maybe I'm really lucky. I don't.

know. But, it's like we met, you know, and I. could feel it, and I could feel it, and. she couldn't see it for a long time, but. I could always see it. I didn't know, but I could see this possibility. And. when we got together, I mean, I had. bought the I bought the wedding ring. before we actually even had sex. You know, I mean, if you follow the. story closely, there was a there was a. kind of experience at Burning Man, etc. And. but really but really though.

like I just I just knew. I could feel. it, and I knew it, and I knew she was I. knew she was. my queen. I I just knew it, and she is. in every way. She's the perfect. complement to me. And it's not that, you know, the Jerry. Maguire's you complete me. No, we're two. complete beings of different skills, attributes, polarities, energies, emotionalities, sexualities, but we. merge together, and together we're just.

so much more, and life is so much more. beautiful. Uh. it's a it's a dream, man. It's a dream, and it's there's no there's no. compromise. There's no compromise at all. And and that's what all the you know, you you go to a wedding and you all the. old-timers will be like, you got you got. to learn compromise, and you're going to. have to pick your battles, and blah blah. blah. It's like, no. No, what about no? What about no? What about just it's.

[ __ ] incredible. And you're in it. together. And I think one of the reasons. why we're able to be that. is cuz we're willing to go into the deep. together. If there's something that's. that's that we can't resolve, then we. have tools. And again, the plant. medicine journey, like, we'll go deep. We'll go, you know, multiple times we. drank ayahuasca together, and big things. that were brewing come to the surface. and erupt you know, like a giant. volcano, and then we have to sort out. all the magma and all the pieces that'll.

come up, but we'll keep going back in, going into the deep, not looking away. from everything. And with that attitude, we're just cleaning cleaning the. cleaning the connection and the intimacy. between us all the time. When you look back in hindsight, cuz I'm. thinking for myself, but I'm also. thinking for the the person that's. listening to this. Timing plays a role, and when I say. timing, I actually mean the timing of. your growth journey kind of crossing. theirs. Yeah. So, like, had you met.

Vylana 10 years earlier, yeah, one would. assume maybe. Yeah. No, it wouldn't have worked. What. was When you reflect in hindsight, what. was the work that you kind of needed to. do to be ready to receive a Vylana? Well, the stallion had to run. [laughter]. The stallion had to run, step one. I needed to run. I needed to be I needed. to experience myself and have myself. reflected in the hearts of other people. who I really loved. And I think people.

think of the stallion running, you think. of just having a bunch of one-night. stands, and. who [ __ ] cares? Well, like, what like. you really care that much about that. particular type of pleasure you get in. your genitals? No, you're caring about. it because it's your ego, cuz somehow. that makes you're like collecting. trophies. That's all [ __ ] But, what. I really what I needed was to see myself. reflected in other people and to know. like what my impact could be on. someone's heart and what their impact.

could be on my heart. You know, and that's why I I have so. much love for all of my paramours and. for Whitney for allowing that journey, particularly in that period. You know, Stephanie and Savannah and Lorena, all. of the different people that I was with. And and all of the other names that that. are not mentioned in there, you're in. there, too, right? Because there was moments that elicited. some aspect of me, some quality that. came online, came alive, and and I was.

able to help something come alive in. them. It was so beautiful, and I think. that that chapter of my life needed to. happen. It needed to happen so I could. say, I've done this. I've seen myself. reflected in all of these different. partnerships. And now I'm ready to devote that energy. to you, Vylana, because I've really I've. felt what this is really like. So, that's I think step one of, you. know, a many-step journey.

Is there is there a piece of work as. well around I guess that's maybe. adjacent or attached to what you've just. said, but learning how to. control one's emotions? You talked. earlier on about anger and snapping. And. the thing in relationships is if you. haven't got. control of that, the relationship's not. going to last, especially in you know, I. think of myself, you know, you know, the. ego I had with in my younger years, and. I still have an ego now, of course. I'm. not going to pretend I don't. But, I. would I was a.

I was the type of person that would just. get up and go. So, if there was any. conflict, again, going back to what I. said about my father feeling like he was. in prison, I would be out there. Mhm. And that was my response to conflict. It. was just let's get up and go. So, was. there a piece of work that had to be. done to learn how to become a master of. like what to get better at conflict. resolution Mhm. from an emotional. standpoint? The emotions will come like a wave. And. the Buddhists, they call that the moment. of trigger where you get hooked. They. call it shempa. And then this desire to.

actually take that energy and then you. know, flood it onto another person. And. it's very difficult it's very difficult. to stop that from happening. And. so, but you can. With awareness, you can. feel it coming, and then you can start. to develop your you know, the right. processes and practices about what to. do. My I have two really dear friends, Christine Hassler and Stefanos and they.

just led a workshop at our Fit for. Service Summit, and they talked about. one of their conflict resolution. techniques, cuz he had that type of. anger that would come up, and that would. be and she would then withdraw and get. small, and they had this dynamic. What they developed was he actually goes. into the plow stretch position where he. puts his legs over his head when he's in. that when he's in that angry state. And. they actually once soon as he gets. angry, that's their agreement that he's. going to go into that position, and if.

he's going to yell at her, he's going to. have to yell at her from between his own. legs through his own ass, [laughter]. you know? So, like, they developed this. method that they literally use. And. they're some of the most conscious. people. They're you know, they're but. they have as they have a strategy. They. have a practice. And so, Vylana and I. have developed our own practices, but I. would say the most important thing. beyond the practices that you can do. like that. some of the practices we have is like. there's, you know, we can say like a. magic word that'll be like, all right,

when you say this word this level of. conversation is like is the pure level. Like, we can't we can't [ __ ] around. anymore. Like, this word now now we. enter a new parlay. It's like the. pirates when they're all shooting each. other, they're like, parlay! And then they go, and they're like, all. right, let's talk this out a little bit. Okay, so you're like stepping outside of. the. Right. So, we'll have like we'll have a. construct. We'll be like basically call. parlay, and then we'll be able to. negotiate. So, we have some moves like. that we can make. We have for smaller.

things, we have this this construct we. call bedrock where anytime we're in like. the deepest state of love, we'll be. like, this is the bedrock. This is where. we'll always return to. This is the. nature of our love. And so, either one. of us can go bedrock, and we go in, and. no matter if we don't want to, if even. if every part of us is fighting, we go. feel the truth of how much we love each. other. So, those are some of mine. I don't go. into plow position, but those are some. of our own strategies. But, the most. important thing.

of all of the things is full radical. ownership of every. aspect in which you may have. overstepped, where you may have made an. assumption, where you may have made a. projection, to really be completely. honest with your own culpability in the. situation. Because without that step the there's. going to be a kind of accumulating. resentment. And that accumulating resentment for. that ownership, which was not taken,

will then become the monster that eats. love. So, you know, Vylana and I, we've had a. couple fights that lasted, you know, a day, two days, because we weren't able. to get to the point of radical. ownership. We were still kind of. pointing a finger and not able to meet. in the middle of like actually owning. And it's not always the middle. Sometimes it's 90/10. And sometimes. you're like, I'm I'm sticking at 10. It's like, hold. You're like, you want. to take more? You're like, no, hold. I'm. holding at 10. Like, that's all I can.

take. You got to come 90. Otherwise, like, this is an impasse. [laughter]. And and I and I will I can't I can't. move forward if there's fragments of. that resentment that are there. So, we. just keep talking, keep figuring it out. until we actually get to the truth. And the beautiful part about that is. there's no fragments of resentment. There's no marbles that are being added. to the marble mountain of resentment. that's going to ultimately destroy our. love. There's nothing there because we've.

taken ownership for it. We've apologized. for everything we need to apologize for, and then we've evolved in our own. understanding and taken the onus and the. sovereignty and the responsibility. to learn and to be better the next time. Have you heard of Professor John. Gottman? His study about couples, and. they found that in his. his study of why couples end up in. divorce. It wasn't arguing or anything. else. It was a build-up of contempt, which is exactly what you've described. there as the monster that eats love. So, he said they could be laughing in the.

studies, they could be arguing in the. studies, it didn't matter. It was any. sign of contempt, which is basically he. defined as like unaddressed issues. building up. So, when you the got the. example I gave on stage when I did the. Diary of a CEO live tour was your your. partner going, "Babe, come look at. this." And you go, that. Yeah. That's 5 years of. being sick of that [ __ ] not talking. about it, and unaddressed [ __ ] Just. in that little micro expression. That's. like an unaddressed recurring. conversation of you being sick of, you. know, whatever. So, I think that's um. a really.

central idea to what you're saying. there, this idea of constant working, constant communication, and constant. conflict resolution. Can you imagine the. world. if if. all couples could replicate that? Yeah. Like when you see it, it sounds. easy, but there's an an everyday battle. underneath that. Mhm. And I know cuz my. partner's out over there, we do this. We. we have the same everyday battle because. some days I don't want to talk. Yeah. And some days I think you're wrong and. you think I'm wrong. And. m- some days my ego gets in the way, and.

some days you the thoughts come in, just. do this, and leave, run away, you know, whatever. And being able to continually. confront that, I think is. an imp- very, very difficult challenge. that I've only seen in a couple, you. know, I I'm talking here about men in. particular. I've only seen it in a. couple of men. Mhm. You know? Yeah, the the advantage that I. have, again, is and this is my path, and. I'm not saying that this is the formula, but the plants keep me honest. You try to You try to, you know, carry.

your [ __ ] story of it's all their. fault and you're a victim, and then go. drink a couple cups of that I gone de. las selvas ayahuasca and see if. ayahuasca agrees with you. [laughter]. You know, like it like it's uh there's a. I'm I'm held accountable to the truth. And it's not just the medicine now, the. medicine lives in me, right? It I've. consumed it in it and that consciousness. is within me. So, I can't allow. anything that that I that I need to take.

ownership for to exist. And and then. sometimes that'll come up in the past. I. mean, I think as my consciousness. evolves, different levels of. I'm sorry. are elicited from me. I mean, I think. over the past 3 years, you know, being with Vilona and having. separated from Whitney, there was probably a a dozen or two. dozen times where there was a new I'm. sorry. that came out because I actually could.

see it from a different level of. consciousness now. And. I mean, she's like, all right, man, like. we split up. Like, you know, like I. think she appreciated it, and I think. she's still working through her own, you. know, with her own process with that, and it's our own process of of feeling. any grievances we've had, and but I, you. know, I just try to do my best to to own. to own my fault and mistakes in it, and. um and that's an evolving process, but I. am held accountable to this idea of no,

no, I like I have to I have to be. honest, and I have to be real, and I. have to own it, and it doesn't make me. less than. to admit any of these things. It That's. that's the way. That actually makes you. more than to be able to be that. and sometimes just to have the humility. to be like, yeah, I was an idiot, or I was I made a. mistake, or all of these things, and not. and then not pile on a bunch of shame on.

yourself, either. To just know that. you're in an evolutionary process, and. through that evolutionary process, when. you evolve, you're going to be able to. look back to your old self and be like, damn, you could have been a lot better. It's amazing how. there's almost this mental conversation. I have sometimes when I'm. when I. when I'm in that state of conflict with. my partner, and my ego's there, and my ego's saying, oh, you're right, da da da da da da. And. then the other voice somehow wins out. and says, you [ __ ] up. You you know,

you reacted badly there. You should just. go and apologize. And I did this the other day with her. where we'd had a bit of a disagreement. about something, and, you know, a couple of hours passes, maybe 12 hours or something passes, I. realize I [ __ ] up. Mhm. So, I pick myself up, [laughter]. and I walk over to her, and I just said, you know what, yeah, from yesterday, I. just want to say I'm really sorry cuz in. reflection, my reaction was not good. there, and it didn't make sense, and I. realized it hurt you, etc., etc. And I'm. really sorry about that. I wish I'd. reacted differently. In hindsight and upon looking at my.

behavior, I realized why I reacted in. that way, and like it's not good enough. The minute the words came out of my. mouth, it was like a weight that just lifted. It was like my ego had been fired. I. felt great. Yeah. The pressure I had on. me up until that point just evaporated. And it's funny that I don't. I don't get there quicker. Mhm. I'm. getting I think I'm getting there. quicker though. If I zoom out on myself, I go, okay, look at yourself over the. last 10 years, give yourself some. credit. But um. but yeah, it's great it's it's all the.

work you've done, do you still struggle. with these things? Yes, but they get smaller and smaller. So, at like you're talking about like. the the time it takes you to go over. there. So, maybe there was a time in your life. where it wouldn't have been 12 hours, maybe it'd have been 12 months, maybe. actually never. Yeah, [laughter] you. know, right? But now the time is. shortening. Now you're in hours. Yeah. And eventually you're going to get into. minutes. Mhm. And then from minutes, you're going to get almost to real time.

Almost to real time. And then maybe one. point you'll touch real time, where. you're really actually seeing. I don't. know, I'm I'm not in real time, you. know, but I'm definitely in the minutes. category, you know, I mean, I'm. remember the last little conflict Vilona. and I had actually involved this painted. fingernail. I'll tell the I'll tell this. story. So, uh. I was really We're in Miami. I'm really. hot. We have these big kind of. wooden-backed uh lounge chairs,

and I'm I'm ready to go upstairs, and. I'm like, babe, I'm super hot. I'm like, thirsty. I'm I'm ready to go up. She's. like, uh you sure you don't want to tan your. back a little bit? And I'm like, my. back? Are you trying to say my tan is. uneven? Is like, that bother you? And. it's I went through this whole thing, and I was like, all right, fine. I'll tan my back for. you, I guess, if that's important to. you. Well, so that's what was going through. my head. So, I flipped the latch on the. thing so I could lay flat down cuz I was. laying with my back up. The thing comes. and smashes my finger, just like.

smashes, like crushes my fingernail. right between the way that the back of. the chair was falling, and it's just. searing pain. And I like get up, and I. want to like scream and hit something. cuz it hurts so bad, and I couldn't. disambiguate the feeling of pain with my. frustration that she was the one who. wanted me to stay there, and if she. didn't want me to stay there, I wouldn't. have smashed my [ __ ] finger. And. [laughter] so, and then she I'm like in. there, and I'm like kind of fuming, and. she's like, are you mad at me? I'm like,

no, I'm not mad at you. [laughter]. Cuz I knew logically that I wasn't mad. at her, right? But like, my whole energy. was like, yeah, I'm [ __ ] mad at you. And I was like, why did you ask me to. tan my back? [laughter]. And she was like, oh, actually I just wanted to stay You. know, it took her a moment, but. eventually it was like, actually she. just wanted to stay herself, and that. came out of her mouth in that way, and. then I took it as like some kind of. [laughter] sl- critique of my tan. gradient, you know? And uh.

and ultimately, [clears throat] but we. got in this little conflict, and and the. conflict escalated cuz we're in the in. the heat of this kind of emotion, and she kind of she kind of walked She. was like, I'm going to the gym. I's. like, all right. And. like I took like. three, you know, three minutes, four. minutes, I don't know, maybe five minutes, whatever. And then I just sent her a. long text. And I went through every. different situation, every different. aspect of it, from the first moment, acknowledging I wasn't able to.

disambiguate the pain from my anger to. her, that I misunderstood what she was. saying about my back, and that was. actually just her way of saying I want. to stay longer, and I projected that she. was critiquing me, but that wasn't. actually the case, and I didn't, you. know, like all of this thing, and then. then I responded poorly in this comment. and this. And then I said, however how. you responded here, here, here, here, you know, does not feel in alignment. with the ethos of our relationship. So, it's like this whole bullet-pointed. long, long message. And I sent that to.

her, and I was like, all right, that's. the truth of it. And then she receives that, she comes. back, and she's like, all right, you. know, like I acknowledge these different. things, you know, and and. now here's how we can get better from. this. And then pretty soon, you know, within about 15 minutes after. that, we just we looked at each other, and I was like, we're kind of dramatic, aren't we? And we just started laughing. And it was over, you know, and so that. process just gets quicker and quicker.

and quicker and quicker. And that's the. that's the that's the way of it. It's. just to shorten the amount of time that. you stay out of consciousness. Well, if that requires a level of. vulnerability that a lot of people um. still find very uncomfortable, especially men in my in my um. in my experience. We um we actually made. something. to. help our listeners Cool. become a little. bit more vulnerable. And they're these. are these question cards. They're. actually taken from this diary. So, every time we have a guest here, they.

write a question for the next guest. Mhm. There's been one left for you in. there as well. So, we took all of the. questions, as you can see here. Cool. We. put them on these playing cards so. people can play at home. There's about. 70 of them. I've just selected a bunch. of random ones for you here, and I'm. going to just lay them out in front of. you. And if you could just pick one, All right. and then answer the question, whichever one you feel called to. This is like an oracle deck. Yeah. On. the back it has a QR code where you can. see you can scan it to see the person. that answered the question as well.

Here we go. [sighs and gasps]. Is there something right now that you. know you're doing wrong, but you haven't. fixed yet? If so, how will you get unstuck? [sighs]. Well, I don't like the word wrong. Because the way that I look at my. trajectory is a trajectory of evolution.

So, if I'm doing it, it must mean that I. needed to do that in order to learn how. to evolve from it. However, I understand. the point of the question outside of the. semantics, which are important, you. know, cuz I think we can put ourselves. in wrong, right, good, bad in this very. polarized idea. So, in the evolution of Aubrey, where am. I still stuck? Where have I not actually. gotten to the place where I want to be. as who I know I can be?

And it's the reliance on. stimulants to keep me alert. And it's okay that I like my coffee and. I like my nicotine and I like, you know, kratom sometimes or whatever, but. there's a kind of reliance to go up, you know, and then there's a reliance to. go down. And I still have, you know, sleep medication that I take. And I know it's not good for me.

Like uh particularly the sleep. medication. Like I'm kind of okay with. the caffeine and the nicotine. I could. probably like maybe fast from it for a. little while. Um. I don't smoke cigarettes or anything, but uh whether it's a cigar, whether. it's a, you know, a a nicotine pouch or. something like that. So, that one feels like, yeah, there's a. little cleaning up to do, but but it's. not really it's not really like damaging. me in a fundamental way. But the sleep meds, I think are. And.

they're very sticky because I get in. this loop where. let's take today for example. Last night. I flew into the hotel. I'm kind of. juiced, you know, I'm here in Hollywood. There's lots of sounds, lots of noises, and I'm in a new hotel, it's pretty. dope, and I'm just not sleepy. You know, watch a cool movie. And. I got a big podcast today, and I got. some other stuff I need to do during the. day. So, could I have fallen asleep without the.

sleep meds? Yes, eventually I could. have. But that would have come at a cost to. this podcast, and then that would have. come at a cost to the listeners. And then so I get in this trap of, well, I can't do it today. I got this thing to. do. So, then I'll reach for the sleep. meds, and I'll take them. And I know. that those are deleterious to my health. So, I'm kind of stuck in this position. where I'm not giving myself the time. where I don't have any obligations or. any. anything that I want to offer the world. where I can really phase out of all of.

this. And even when I do, cuz I have phased. out of it for all of my ayahuasca. journeys, I have to get off everything. And I'm able to do it, and I'm like, this time it's going to stick. And then. I'll get that one night, the night. before a podcast or the night before I. have a bunch of things to do, and I just. can't sleep. And that old the old sleep. med in the drawer. I've flushed them. down the toilet, whatever, but then I'll. find another one or. [laughter]. whatever, I'll figure it out. It starts. calling, and it's like, listen, like you know the solution. Just pop.

this bottle, and you'll go to sleep, and. you'll be able to do what you need to do. tomorrow. And that voice keeps me stuck. I'm like. stuck in this limbo, and I can't stay. stuck there forever. So, what I need to do, so part of that. question is like, all right, what do I. need to do to get unstuck? I'm going to need to give myself the. space to really allow my neurochemistry. to reset.

And also probably have to holistically. change my mindset to say, I have to look at the whole arc of my. life and all of the conversations I have. and everything that I'm going to do as. more important than any individual. thing. And say, for the whole arc of my. whole life, I have to get my. neurochemistry and everything back in. alignment so that I don't rely on these. other chemicals to help me fall asleep. And so it's a it's a holistic mindset. shift and also a period, cuz it's going.

to be rocky in that period, where I just. push out all of my obligations, everything that I need to do, and I keep. threatening to do it, and I just haven't. made the space to do it. I haven't. prioritized it enough. But that must happen. It must happen, and. it's just a matter of me doing it, and. and I pray, and I believe, and I trust that I'll do. it before the universe makes me do it. by having some accumulation of the, you.

know, negative effects of the a. medication I'm taking, etc. Like they'll be if you don't listen when. it's time, you'll have to listen. Like the universe. will make you listen. So, I'm going to listen before the universe. makes me listen. That key step though of. awareness is you've clearly. you're clearly very aware. Mhm. And. that's what, you know, when I think. about helping my friends or I look at my. friends' situations when they're. struggling with something, that first. step of really being aware of it, like. you even know that it's a voice that. calls you to the drawer. Um.

which means, you know, from my. observation that. I also. fully feel like you've done much of the. hard hard work already by just admitting. it to yourself. Yeah. You know, cuz there's cuz of the. cognitive dissonance, so many people. would justify it away or or, you know, make it other excuses to make it okay, but you've you've confronted that. Yeah. And it's funny cuz you've you've. confronted it even in the at the expense. of how it might make you look. Mhm. And. you're willing to say it out loud as. well. Mhm. That's amazing.

In that story I also saw a. through line to what you're doing with. Fit for Service. Mhm. For anybody that doesn't isn't aware of. what you're working now with Fit for. Service, what is it? And um how can one. get involved? And if they are to get. involved, what do you hope they take. from it? It's really the technology of healing. and transforming through community, you. know, so that's really what we're doing. is, yeah, there's a lot of there's. coaching and there's teaching of. different things, but we're going. through a initiatory.

exploratory practices. Now, we don't do. psychedelic medicine as far as the. things you take, but we do do all the. psychedelic practices from, you know, shamanic breath work, which is. incredibly powerful, you know, many. facilitators deep deep breathing, huge. emotional catharsis, ecstatic dance, you. know, vision quests out on the land or, you know, wanders out on the land. Vision quests are again longer. sometimes. Um you know, temazcal, inipi sweat. lodges, you know, by the First Nations.

people. All of these different. initiations. And then communication. technology initiations from circling. techniques, which teach you how to. communicate with each other to helping. to collectively process archetypal. grief, you know, masculine grief and. feminine grief, and using those dynamics. to help elicit the strongest healing. But in the process of doing that all. together, deep bonds are formed, and we have a. survey that goes out to anybody who's. been to, you know, at least two of our.

events, and we say, "Did you meet. somebody in Fit for Service that you. know will be a friend for the rest of. your life?" 100% say yes. And so we're building, yes, there's the. greater Fit for Service tribe, where. there's a lot of there's a beautiful. rich community, but the bonds that are. formed with those people that maybe you. did that one eye gazing exercise with, and you started crying cuz you could see. yourself in that other person, or. you were there with them in that one. breath work that was so intense, and the. wind was whipping, and everybody was. screaming, and there was three exorcisms.

happening simultaneously, and it was. [ __ ] wild. Like those experiences. then bring a bond. together, and you start to learn that. actually going through these these. difficult things. together. will actually, you know, form. relationships and help you heal and help. you grow. And it's such a beautiful process to. continue to watch this happen, you know, with so many different people from so. many different places, you know, and um.

it's really inspiring to see people. willing to cuz in in some ways, as we. were talking about, nobody wants to. mine. In some ways, you do expose. yourself to your own darkness willingly. by going into a breath work or going. into an I or going into these things, but you know that you're fully. supported, and it's and it's with full. intention. So, in that way we are. actually going into the darkness to to. eliminate the light. And uh and just. doing that together. And it's been.

it's been really incredible. It doesn't. feel. it doesn't feel at all like like work. It feels like I would do this. And and. actually last year we switched to a. donation model cuz we thought like this. is the way to do it. We lost so much. money that we can't do that anymore. [laughter]. But nonetheless, like so I basically. worked all last year. at a huge financial loss. And and offered all of these different. summits and festival, all of this stuff. And it was still worth it. I wouldn't. have I wouldn't have changed it. Now, of.

course, it's fundamentally unsustainable. to do it that way, but nonetheless, like. it's what I love it's one of the things. I really love to do. And all of our coaches feel that way, and it also draws in some incredible. people. that we get to learn from other master. coaches and other, you know, inspiring. medicine people who kind of carry a. transmission that we learn from. So, it's. it's kind of like a a little moment. where we get to. be in our own little Jedi school and.

just evolving our our own internal. psychic and and emotional and a physical. technology. I watched the um video on. your website fitforservice.com. Mhm. And. it looked um. I don't know. So, sometimes just. observing. a clip or a trailer can make you feel a. certain sense of warmth and. connectedness and that's what I got. Felt like a big group of friends that. were had gone out to like the desert. somewhere and were connecting at a much. deeper level than you ordinarily see in. that kind of like retreat or event or.

whatever. So, I felt really compelled to. to be involved, I guess. So, um I think. everybody should go check it out. Just. go watch the video and go go see see if. it it's calling you cuz I think um. there'll be a lot of people out there. that will realize just from watching. that video that it's right for them. Yeah. We do have a closing tradition on this. podcast where the last guest asks a. question for the next guest. Mhm. Let's see what has been left for you. Oh, okay. Oh, mhm. Interesting.

I actually don't get to see the question. before we open the book, but um this is. a good one. Who is someone you need to. forgive? And then there's another line, which is. who is someone you need to forgive and. have not. Which I guess is the same thing, but. Mhm. Huh. You know, forgiveness. is. an interesting thing because it's a.

it's a spectrum. There's, yeah, I forgive you. But do you? But do you really though? Are you still kind of holding it on? Are. you saying the words? And are you there? True forgiveness is the place of love. that sees no. that sees no wrong. Right? It like it doesn't even actually. register that there was a wrong there. Like that's the zero state of absolute. forgiveness. Is to get to a place of.

what grievance? What did you do? What? Remind me again? Cuz I don't see it cuz. kind of how I told the story about my. dad, you know, the way he yelled at me, like I've seen so clearly I've seen so. clearly. that it gave me a superpower. that I'm able to be in absolute. forgiveness of that. Absolute forgiveness of that. And when I get to that place where I've. seen and and would never have traded it.

for anything. I wouldn't have changed it. one bit. Right? When I can get to that place. where I wouldn't have changed a thing, that's where real forgiveness is. As it's like if they're like, "I'm. sorry." I'd be like, "For what? Thank. you." I mean, like I see how this. benefited my life. So, that level of forgiveness, it's it takes the time to get there. So, there are actually many places where I. am in the evolutionary process of.

getting to that, but maybe. I don't quite fully understand. what that has given me. So, somebody's done something and I haven't. quite I haven't quite worked that into. my into the way that I can say like, "All right. This was for the best.". If I had to say, I would have to say. the. the governments of the world.

right now. I don't think I've fully forgiven them. And the collusion what I've seen between. the collusion between media and politics. and, you know, big pharma and big big war and this. whole construct of empire. Some part of me says like, "All right. The two like if we take the Lord of the. Rings analogy, the two towers need to. rise so that the fellowship of the ring. comes together and that's what gets the. elves and the dwarves to get along with. the with the hobbits and the and all and.

the wizards and the humans and everybody. comes together and it's necessary for. the two towers to be to be built and to. and to try and push their darkness on. the world so that the fellowship will. come.". But. there's been so much pain and so much. loss and so much unnecessary suffering. and so much unnecessary fear. And. it's hard to get to the point where I. can say like. yeah, I wouldn't change a thing with.

that. Cuz. so I guess it's, you know, forgiving. empire. And and I use empire to be that. whole construct of that kind of top-down. manipulative dystopian control that. we've, you know, everybody has their own. little oculus to whatever part of that. they see and I'm not trying to push my. own view of that, but I think we can all. feel that there's a force out there. that's not in our best interests as. sovereign beings.

Have I forgiven that force? Mhm. Not. quite yet. Not quite yet, but maybe when. the full fellowship comes together and. we have all of the allies. I'm starting to see that happen. Like. all of the allies are forming this. lattice work, this network. that's now becoming more available. because because of the pressure of the. force of empire. But until that fully actually. crystallizes it and it works, I don't think I'll be able I'm not able. to forgive empire yet.

Aubrey, thank you. Um you're the type of. person that I love to speak to you. because there's I feel like there's no. question you wouldn't answer. And the. most difficult questions, but also you. you take a pause to answer the questions. head-on. And um your story of of. personal transformation and transition. through various chapters in your life. and ego death and. all you've been through, you speak to it. with such vulnerability and openness and. honesty. So, anybody that's in a. different phase or chapter of their. journey to where, you know, you've found.

yourself today, I think they have the honest road map on. how to progress forward and that's the. most inspiring powerful thing. And, you. know, not often you get to sit with. someone who's had such tremendous. business success that can also analyze. that from sort of a meta perspective and. it's now doing work that's tremendously. spiritually aligned um. with a new refreshing take on. um. what their mission should be. And in. your case, it's as you've said, not just. anymore about you. It's much more about.

um the broader global community and your. tribe. So, thank you so much for this. conversation today. It's been an honor. to meet you and spend time with you. I. feel freer. I feel inspired. I feel I. feel more powerful for it um and I hope. we can have it again once the. goblins and the Lord of the Rings Yeah, let's [laughter] all Let's get all the. Let's get all the characters together. seen Lord of the Rings, so I This is. happening. Here we are. Here we are. Another ladder, another another. connection, another node in Indra's net. was formed. Sorry, empire. It's. happening.

[laughter]. Aubrey, thank you. You're welcome, brother. Thank you. [music]. Quick one. As you guys know, we're lucky. enough to have Blue Jeans as a sponsor. and supporter of this podcast. For. anyone that doesn't know, Blue Jeans is. an online video conferencing tool that. allows you to have slick, fast, good. quality online meetings without any of. those glitches that you'd normally find. with other meeting online providers. You. know the ones I'm talking about. And. they have a new feature called Blue. Jeans Basic, which I wanted to tell you. about. Blue Jeans Basic is essentially a.

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