The Mental Health Doctor: Your Phone Screen & Sitting Is Destroying Your Brain!

You need to hear about this. 72% of. people are struggling with stress. 70%. have at least one feature of burnout, and we are seeing a rise in mental. health problems like we've never seen. before. What's happening? So, as a. doctor, I can tell you that. Dr. Aditi Nerurkar is a Harvard. physician, nationally recognized stress. expert who is understanding and. combating modern-day burnout. When I was. a medical student working 80 hours a. week, I was in my own stress struggle, and it was terrifying, but I couldn't. find a doctor who could help. So, I.

became the doctor I needed. I uncovered. all of these studies and found a. solution that wasn't just try to relax. We are seeing increased rates of. depression, sleep disorders, fatigue, or. burnout because stress is higher than. ever. Studies have shown at least 60 to. 80% of patient visits have a. stress-related component. Jesus. It's crazy. And 60% of people. with burnout had an inability to. disconnect from work. And being addicted.

to work and can't shut off, and checking. your phone 2,600. times a day. Yes, that is a statistic. So, you might be experiencing atypical. burnout. Even 2/3 of parents have. burnout. That's crazy. And yet, even though we. are all collectively experiencing it, it's so isolating. And now I'm 330. million people go 2 weeks before. speaking with anyone. So, what can we. do? Well, these are the five resets that. are going to help you survive and. thrive. The first technique is.

Quick one. This is really, really. fascinating to me. On the back end of. our YouTube channel, it says that 69.9%. of you that watch this channel. frequently over the lifetime of this. channel haven't yet hit the subscribe. button. I just wanted to ask you a. favor. It helps this channel so much if. you choose to just subscribe. Helps us. scale the guests, helps us scale the. production, and it makes the show. bigger. So, if I could ask you for one. favor, if you've watched this show. before and you've enjoyed it, and you. like this episode that you're currently. watching, could you please hit the.

subscribe button? Thank you so much, and. I will repay that gesture by making sure. that everything we do here gets better. and better and better and better. That. is a promise I'm willing to make you. Do. we have a deal? Dr. Aditi Nerurkar. Where does your story begin? And when I. say that, I'm talking about the story. that inspired the work you do on stress, burnout. There tends to be a catalyst.

moment in the experts that I speak to's. lives where something happened which. started a chain of events, the first. domino that fell, which led them to be. sat here. Where does that story begin. for you? My origin story as a doctor with an. expertise on stress started as a. stressed patient who couldn't find a. doctor with an expertise in stress. And I became the doctor I needed at a. time when I was in my own stress. struggle.

What is the backdrop? What is the. situation of stress, the state of stress. in the world at the moment? Are we. getting more stressed as a people? We are seeing unprecedented levels of. stress in the world. It is affecting. every single industry. and no country or group, including, you. know, all ages, all industries, all. races, it is the great equalizer. More now than ever. So, as a physician. and clinician.

those of us who work in the medical. field, stress has always been a major. problem. We see it with our patients, but now, if. there is one silver lining from the. recent several years, is that now mental. health, stress, burnout, the lexicon has. grown, and it is something that people. are talking about finally in the. C-suite, in other areas, where before it. was, you know, there was so much taboo. There still is, but it is finally. getting the recognition it deserves. And.

stress right now is. higher at greater rates than ever. What are the What are those rates? So, typically, 70% of people have at. least one feature of burnout. 72% of. people are struggling with stress, and. approximately that same number have said. that the past several years have been. the most stressful of their entire. professional careers. What's happening? A couple of things are happening. So,

going back to my own personal stress. story, why did I have those palpitations. at night as I was going to bed, I was. developing something called a delayed. stress reaction. And what happens is, under periods of acute stress like the. recent events that we've all endured. collectively as a global whole, during acute periods of stress, we shore. up our internal reserves. As a human. being, you often do not crack in that.

moment. You keep it together at all. costs. I've seen this with my cancer. patients. They have a cancer diagnosis, and they go through the treatment, radiation, chemotherapy, all of it, and. they are fine. They do not shed a tear. Then, when they get that first. clean bill of health from their doctors, they are in my office sobbing. And. everyone is confused. Why now? What's. going on now? Same thing with all of us. You may be feeling this way, I may be, too. Right now, it's that feeling of. like, okay, we've just lived through the. pandemic, we should be celebrating. I'm. sure you've seen every headline over the.

past several years, at least I did, the roaring '20s are coming, the. post-pandemic era. The Guardian had a. great piece on this, and I remember. seeing headline upon headline, and I. would just laugh because I would think. that is not how the brain works. The. reason we are all feeling very much not. the roaring '20s is because our brains. are built like dams. So, what happens is, when you are going. through a period of stress, you shore up. your internal reserves and you keep it. together at all costs. That is just how. the brain is built. When that acute.

period of stress is over, so in a cancer. patient, the actual cancer treatment, for me as a medical resident going. through, you know, the difficult 30-hour. work shift and going to bed, and for all. of us collectively going through the. pandemic experience and the various. things that have happened since, we keep. it together. But when we have that. moment of respite, when that acute. stressor is over, then our psychological. defenses come down and our true emotions. can emerge, and it's often a deluge, and.

it comes out in different ways. So, the. manifestations of stress are different, but it's this delayed stress response. We are all feeling it, which is why none. of us feel like it's the roaring '20s. We are seeing increased rates of mental. health issues, anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, stress-related. disorders, and a general feeling of. malaise or fatigue or burnout now. even more than we were back in 2020 or. 2021. It's the delayed stress reaction.

What is stress? We should probably. define that word, and I'd also like to. try and define it against the word. burnout. Are they different things? Are. they the same thing? Do either of them. exist? Great question. There is a difference between acute. stress and chronic stress. Under normal circumstances, we function. in resilient mode, and we are governed. by the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal. cortex is the part of our brain, if you. put your hand here, right behind the. forehead. And it is the part of your.

brain that is responsible for, in. scientific terms, we call it general. executive function, or, you know, layman's terms, adulting. God, mine's huge. Behind the skull. Okay. Memory, planning, organization. This is what our strategic thinking. You're really good at these things, Steven. you so much. The prefrontal cortex is. what governs all of that. Under stress, we are governed not by the prefrontal. cortex, but by the amygdala. And the.

amygdala is a tiny, almond-shaped. structure deep in our brains. You can't. touch it. It's not like the prefrontal. cortex right behind here. It's like. between your ears, deep down. And that. is our emotional center. It's the limbic. system, and we often call it the. reptilian brain because that part of our. brain has not evolved the way other. parts of our brain have. So, it's that. And the response that that amygdala. creates is the fight or flight response, that stress response in our bodies. So, under acute stress, we are not governed.

by the prefrontal cortex up here, we are. governed by our amygdala. Our brains and. our bodies are expertly designed to. manage acute stress. We are built for. managing stress. However, nowadays, so. for example, let's talk a little bit. about the fight or flight response that. the amygdala. governs, right? Back when we were all cave people, we were in the forest, we saw a tiger. You would either flee or fight, and. there's all of these bodily mechanisms.

that happen when you are engaged in the. fight or flight response. Your heart. beats faster. Your lungs start taking in. more oxygen. Blood is shunted away from. your vital organs, and it goes to your. muscles, so you can either fight or you. can run. Your pupils dilate. There's so. many biological, physiological. mechanisms that happen with the fight or. flight response. Then, when that acute threat is over, so. you either have fought or you have flown. away from the tiger, you have a moment. to recalibrate. Modern-day times, there. are no acute threats anymore. All of our.

tigers are chronic, bills, financial troubles, marital conflicts or. relationship problems, health issues. So, there's this constant low hum of. that fight or flight response in the. distance. And that is the problem. So, acute stress, we are good at. Our brains. and bodies are great at managing. And it. serves serves a role, right? Of course. it serves a role. It's evolutionarily. healthy, and we can talk about the. differences between healthy stress and. unhealthy stress, but when it starts. becoming chronic, that is when burnout.

sets in. Your brain doesn't get time to. rest or recharge. It's not like a tiger. in the forest where you fight, flee, and. then there's like a respite time. So, it's just ongoing in the in the. background at a low hum at all times. What are the symptoms of burnout then? How do I know if I'm burnt out? The interesting thing about burnout is. that the definition is changing. So, earlier, when you think about burnout, you know what someone with burnout has,

or you might yourself might think like, "Oh, I know what burnout is. I don't. have it." That's a lot of people feel. this way. Classic, typical symptoms of. burnout: apathy, lethargy, feeling. unproductive, not very motivated. And. the WHO in 2019 designated burnout as an. occupational phenomenon and a clinical. syndrome, which was really validating. for many people who are feeling that. way. This is 2019, way before the. pandemic. In 2020, 2021, and 2022, what.

burnout is looking like has changed. So, it is no longer these classic, typical. symptoms. Now, we are seeing. increasingly atypical features of. burnout. In one study, 60% of people. with burnout had an inability to. disconnect from work as their main. feature of burnout. So, it's not what. you think when you're thinking about the. face of burnout of someone who's really. not interested in work, you could be. that person who is engaged in work and.

can't shut off, and you're thinking to. yourself, "This can't be burnout. I'm. totally, you know, engaged in work. In. fact, I can't shut off my brain." You. might be experiencing atypical burnout. Atypical burnout. Cuz yeah, when I think. of burnout, I think of like, like not. getting out of bed and losing. motivation, but you're telling me that. my addiction to work might be a symptom. and a sign of being burnt out. That's. right. So, how do I know? Cuz I'm addicted to. my work. I love my work. You know when you when it is different.

from your baseline. Being addicted to. work, you love your work, yes, but you. also make time for sleep, yeah, relationships and connections with loved. ones, you feel a sense of engagement in. the world, it is not interfering with. your day-to-day life, so to speak. Okay. So, when you are feeling that. sense of inability to unplug, that means. you're checking your phone multiple. times per night because you feel like. you have to keep up, you are trying to.

keep up in in the hamster wheel. situation where you just can't. And so, there are many manifestations of this. atypical burnout, but that is one. And. so, often what's happening now is that. people are feeling burnt out. Again, unprecedented rise, right, in stress, chronic stress, and burnout. And often, people don't recognize that it's. happening to them simply because the. face and definition of burnout is. changing. How many people are burnt out? Do they. know? Have they done any studies on that. to figure out what that number is? We don't know. I mean, it depends on the.

sector. So, there are lots of studies on. burnout, and so one big study, it was. done on parental burnout and found that. 2/3 of parents have burnout. 2/3? Jesus, 66%. Yeah, and that is probably. underestimated and certainly. underreported. So, typically, we're seeing anywhere rates. from 60 to 70% of people note burnout, but again, think about, you know, if. you're if based on what we've talked.

about, if you are feeling like, "I'm not. burnt out." So, you if you're. self-reporting burnout and you're. saying, "I I don't really feel burnt. out. I'm very engaged in my work. In. fact, I check my email 10 times a. night." You could actually be having. burnout. There's also a lot of stigma. and shame around burnout, so people. don't want to come forward and say, "Hey, I might have be stressed or I. might have burnout.". If I have that atypical burnout, what does it matter? It matters because your brain and your. body deserve a rest. And to function. optimally,

you need to have spaciousness, you need. you know, to function optimally, you. need to have rest. And when you feel. that sense of burnout, you are not. thriving. What if I don't feel it? What. if I'm one of those people that you just. described, that's, you know, checking my. emails 15 times a night, I seem to I. seem to be successful in my work, I. can't I'm kind of out of balance in my. life. I don't really have anything else. going on in my life. I'm just work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, but I don't necessarily feel like. there's anything wrong. So, if I don't.

feel like there's anything wrong, if I'm. successful in my work, then what is the. case for making a change? So, I've had. lots of patients. I had a clinical. practice in Boston, and what you're. describing is the, you know, young. entrepreneur. So many patients who are. young entrepreneurs, and the question I. would always ask them is, "What's your. end game?" So, is it a sprint or a. marathon? Are you looking to do this for. 2 years and you love it, and then that's. it? You're going to cash out? Or do you. want to think about what your life is. going to look like 10, 20, 30 years from. now?

And so, they would think about it, ponder, and then say, "Yeah, I want to. spend time, you know, I my end game is. that I want to lead a great life, and I. want to live until I'm 75 or until I'm. 100." And so, if you are on this fast. track that you're describing, you know, burnout is not conducive with this idea. of longevity and having that long life. That's what I was thinking. I was. thinking of case studies that I know of. of people that I think probably check. their email 15 times a night and I like. that. And.

those that are out of balance, I think, as you say, you can do that intensity, but you can't do it consistently. Like, it's possible to be that intense, but. it's not sustainable. And it doesn't allow you to achieve the. other things that life can offer you. that will make you happy. There's no way. of of being like that and having like a. healthy relationship with your family, building a family, staying in shape, and. all those other things. And that for me. is the really clear. that is you just play it out, zoom out. on your life, in 10 years' time,

something's going to be broken. Something's got to give. You know, we. don't have I mean, I think that's. a good segue into this idea of toxic. resilience. It's like, we don't all. have, human beings, we don't have an. unlimited amount of bandwidth. There is. a discrete amount of bandwidth that we. all have, mental and physical. And so, if you are not getting the proper rest. that you need and you're not sleeping as. much as you, you know, your body and. brain need. And it's not about you as in. personal, "I don't need sleep. I only. need 4 hours." I've also had many. patients who've said that to me. But.

your brain and your body do. physiologically and biologically need a. certain amount of rest simply for the. cellular function to continue. But we've. got those posters up in our kitchens, you know, not my kitchen, obviously, but. some people have their posters up in the. house, the the keep calm carry on. That's like a. a hallmark of society today is to just. tough it out and carry on. And we're. praised for that. We're praised for our. resiliency. Resilience is a good thing, right? Beautifully said, keep calm and.

carry on. Resilience, the true. scientific definition of resilience is. our innate biological ability to adapt, recover, and grow in the face of life's. challenges. But resilience doesn't function in a. vacuum. You need stress for resilience. to show itself. Without stress, there. can be no resilience. So, think of. swimming. You the swim instructor is the. stress saying like, "You can make it to. the other side." And your resilience is.

what keeps your head up as you're. swimming while your arms are flailing. And then with time and practice, it gets. better. What you're describing, keep calm and. carry on, is a manifestation of hustle. culture, and it our our entire modern. society is built on this idea of toxic. resilience. And so, what is toxic. resilience? You have heard the word. resilience over your lifetime, and you. had no real, you know, no real it had no. real charge, right? Like, you would. listen to that word and it would be.

like, "Okay, fine." And over the past. several years, specifically 2020, 2021, it was used, it was like a real buzzword. at the start of our quarantine. "We're. resilient. We're going to get through. this." And it has been misused, and this. is because of corporations and large. companies said, "You can work more. You're working from home now. Take on an. extra project. You're resilient. Doesn't. matter that you're doing childcare and. working. You're resilient." And so, you. you hear these toxic messages all of the. time. Resilience went from being. something that's true, which is honoring.

your boundaries, making space and time. for rest and to recharge, focusing on a. sense of self-compassion, and. understanding that you are a human being. with limitations. That is true. resilience. Toxic resilience is productivity at all. costs, a mind-over-matter mindset, and. what many of us think of as true. resilience is in fact toxic resilience. We are taught from a very young age that. dealing with discomfort and being okay.

with discomfort is what resilience is. all about, and I am here to debunk that. because absolutely not. Resilience is. our innate biological ability, but it. also needs rest and recovery. It is not. meant to be toxic. But being resilient, is that a good thing in your view? Being. a resilient person? Resil- Being Being a resilient context. I mean, the psych- being psychologically. resilient. Being resilient is an. excellent thing to be. It is something. that we can learn how to be better at.

And yes, true resilience is wonderful. The challenge right now is that many of. us hear the word resilience and we. bristle at it. I do. When I hear, you. know, the messaging of toxic resilience, no one calls it toxic resilience when. they're giving you that messaging. They. just say, "Hey, this is resilience.". It's cringeworthy, right? Like, you hear. it like, "Oh, be more resilient." And. so, yes, true resilience is a gift. It. is our innate biological ability. We all. have the power and the aptitude for true.

resilience, but toxic resilience is what. we often see and what is often promoted, and that is something that needs to. stop. Do you think people are getting more or. less resilient with the nature of the. way that the world is? Often have the conversation about. whether. you know, the boomer generation are more or less. resilient than the Gen Z or whatever's. coming next. What's next? Is it like. Alpha? I think it's Generation Alpha.

These new generations. And the argument or the stereotypical. argument is that because the boomer. generation were working in factories and. mines and they were doing harder labor. and they had less comparison cuz they. didn't have social media and they didn't. see, you know, their mate down the road. having a choc a frocca latte yata during. their lunch break and doing yoga. sessions whatever, then they are more. resilient. And the Gen Zs, they've got. it easy. They're all doing like, you. know, breath work and yoga for 6 hours a day. Is Is that true?

I would say no, because we know that. with Gen Z and other younger. populations, we're seeing a rise in. mental health, burnout, stress like. we've never seen before. And I don't. think it's because they're {quote}. {unquote} less resilient. They are. managing lots and lots of onslaughts. You know, they've lived through. something really awful. They've had a. sense of collective trauma. Their minds. are still young. They haven't had that. lived experience of, you know, decades. of going through stuff. So, no, I don't. think so. And of course, the older.

generation is going to say that. I. remember when I was in my medical. training, you know, people would say, "Ah, 80 hours? It's all you're working? Cuz we worked 120 hours." Cuz there was. some reform in terms of like how many. hours we could work as medical. residents. And 80 hours felt awful to. me. And so, I think it's important to. validate and normalize people's. difficult experience. And it's not about. what happened to you, you know, like So, in this example about prior generations, it's about. helping people feel a sense of. validation because if you you need to.

name it to tame it. And so, for example, when you are going through a difficult. experience like a young person, there. are there's such a rise of. anxiety, depression, stress-related. conditions, sleep disorders, mental. health challenges, physical health. challenges in the younger population. It's not because they're not resilient. It's because they're living in a. hyperconnected world and that is causing. all sorts of issues down the road for. them, both mental health and physical. health. So, I.

reject this idea that the older. generation was more resilient. They had. less stimulation and they had, you know, different They had different challenges, but I think it's important to normalize. and validate the difficult experience. that people are having. I want to go. through your book now, which is called. The Five Resets, which is released. January 2024. Very exciting. Um which really aims to take on how we. deal with stress, how we manage stress. There's sort of shades of. neuroplasticity and how we can change.

our our responses to stress, but. I guess the first question about the. canary in the coal mine, why did you. write about that? What's that got to do. with stress? It has everything to do with stress. because stress is something that is so. individualized, and that's something. that we were talking about earlier, right? Like some people who feel a sense. of stress have physical manifestations. Like I had palpitations. You had. palpitations. Someone else might have. headaches, neck pain, shoulder pain, back pain, GI upset, gastrointestinal.

issues, dizziness, fatigue, sleep. problems, irritability, anger. The list. goes on and on. It's It's like. never-ending list. And. the canary in the coal mine is my way of. personally, it's my way of really. explaining this idea of the physical. manifestations of stress. So, my canary. in the coal mine was palpitations. What. is What is that phrase? I've never heard. the phrase the canary in the coal mine.

Well, I've heard the phrase before, but. I've just kind of been one of those. people that pretends they know what it. means. The canary in the coal mine is a. historical reference. Back when there were coal miners, they. would bring a canary, a bird, down into. the mines with them. The bird would sing. its canary song. When the air got bad, the workers were. just working, right? Like 12-hour days. and continued to work. When the air got. bad, they the canary would stop singing. They were in their mode. They didn't.

understand, you know, they weren't. paying attention. And when the canary. stopped singing, that was the first tell. that the air is bad before any physical. or mental health ramifications for the. workers. And so, the coal miners, when. they stopped hearing the canary song, they would leave the mine with the. canary, and it was the first tell of. something going awry. And so, everyone. has a canary within them that tells them. a signal, a song that is telling them. that there is something happening with.

their stress. I didn't pay attention to. it. It took a the palpitations to occur. every single night for 2 weeks before I. sat up and took notice. All of the. physical manifestations of stress that. I've mentioned, of course you need to see a doctor like. you and I did, got the full workup, and. been told stress is often what we call a. diagnosis of exclusion, meaning you rule. out any organic problems and then you. say, "Okay, this is because of stress.". So, seeing your doctor and getting that.

full workup is important. I have to say. that as a medical professional because I. believe in the medical system and I'm. part of the medical system. And so, the. canary in the coal mine is this idea. that we all have a song, a stress song, and our body is trying to tell us. something. And understanding that canary. symptom for you, you know, it takes a. little time to dig through, but once you. kind of figure it out, then you can use. that. We all have our Achilles' heel of. something that is the tell. So, when if.

you have a medical condition like, say, peptic ulcer disease, that's easy to. understand. You know, you feel like, "Oh, I have stomach pain." And so, I. can't eat certain foods and I need to. take care of myself and there'll be a. flare and then you manage that symptom. and it goes away. And, you know, you. know what that tell is of peptic ulcer. disease, stomach pain. But for stress, often things are happening to your body. and you're not even aware of what that. physical manifestation is. That's not to. say that it's, you know, your headaches. are caused by stress, but they're. certainly worsened by stress. So, when. you have a certain symptom happening to.

your body, understanding that, hey, that. could be my canary song. I think everybody intuitively knows what. that canary is. I think everybody knows. what that is. I've got a bunch of. different ones. Um whenever I'm stressed, and you I I. don't even know when I'm stressed, but I don't know why, but I don't I. don't know consciously that I'm. stressed, but certain things start to. happen. I have this really weird one where on my. tongue, I'll get a little bit of like a. not like an ulcer. It kind of feels like. I've got a spot on my tongue. I get that. whenever I'm stressed.

My skin gets worse. So, I get like spots. on my face when I'm stressed. Um there's. a few of them. I I I'll get a cold. pretty much exclusively when I'm. stressed, which happens about one time. once every 6 months or so. I think generally I manage stress well, generally, but I'm not immune. I once upon a time. thought I was immune. I thought stress. and all these other things, mental. health, all happened to other people. Turns out, happens to me, too. That's. right. You know, and I think I really. pushed myself for a good 5, 6, 7, 10.

year You know, I was a CEO of a company. that had hundreds and hundreds and. hundreds of employees. Um and I was 25, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27. So, I pushed myself. very hard and I think for the first. couple of years I withstood it, but then. as time went on, you know, I was not able to outrun. the inevitable. Um And that's that resilience myth, you. know, that like resilient people don't. get burned out. It can't be me. Of. course I Of course I'm not stressed. I. Someone like me couldn't even fathom. being stressed, and I have seen.

thousands of people who have said that. very thing. I said the exact same thing. during my stress struggle. Stress? Doesn't happen to people like me. It's. You don't want to admit it, either, because there's a there's an element of. it where you go, "I don't want to be. [ __ ] weak. I don't want to be the. weak person. If I'm If I'm experiencing. stress or I'm burnt out, then that makes. me inadequate in some way. So, I don't. want to talk about that." You know, but. I I I think I've been a victim of that, like that pride, that ego, especially as. like a as like a man and like a CEO and. all of those things that are. stereotypically, toxically associated.

with strength. Um I've never wanted to. admit that I was stressed, ever. I don't. think I've ever actually said the words. to anybody, but I've definitely been. stressed, and I know because my body. told me, and it tells me in a very. predictable way. That canary stops. singing. So, I just think that's important. because. It's your mind-body connection, and once. you see it, you cannot unsee it. It's. like gravity. It's all around you. It's. working in the background all the time, and then suddenly you start paying. attention and it's like, "Oh my god.". And on that point of it feeling like.

evidence of your inadequacy, it's. actually evidence that you're a human. That you're perfectly normal. That. you're That you're not broken versus. this idea that it's evidence that you're. broken. Um Beautifully said. Thank you. Really, just Have you listened to this podcast. before? I'm checking. I am I'm not. joking. For the record, testing, testing 1 2 3. I am a. avid fan of this podcast and I have. listened countless times and I This is. the one podcast I regularly listen to on.

my morning walks, and I have shared on. Instagram probably hundreds of lessons. in my stories about what I've learned on. this podcast. Thank you. So, stress on the brain, you write about that your book as well. I know that stress causes cortisol. This. is my very limited understanding of. stress. It causes cortisol. Talk me through. that. And then I have this other. question that I wanted to ask you about. the contagion of stress. If I am.

stressed and Jack is sat over there, will Jack feel my stress? So, let's talk about stress. and the main highway of stress in the. brain and the body. It is the HPA axis. H stands for hypothalamus, P stands for. pituitary gland, A stands for the. adrenal glands. The hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal. axis. Mouthful. But, the H and P part of. the axis is in your brain and the A part.

of the axis is above your kidneys, the. adrenal glands. And that is the. information highway that is responsible. for our stress response. It's all of the. things that we talked about, the fight. or flight response, it makes our. heartbeat, it makes, you know, it does. all sorts of stuff. The amygdala works. in that HPA axis as well. And other parts of the brain, the. prefrontal cortex, etc. So, when you. have that experience of stress, and this.

is we're talking about acute stress, this is what is happening to you. Your. brain and your body are syncing up and. reacting. There's a cascade of hormones. that happens in the body and that is. what you feel as, "Wow, I'm stressed.". Or, like you describe, this discomfort. or familiar feeling of like, "Wait a. second, I know what this is. It's that. thing that I have when I'm under. pressure or under situations that are. tense.". And that is the stress response.

And that is essentially what is. happening to our bodies when we are. feeling that fight or flight syndrome. Unfortunately, what often happens with. the amygdala is that while it is helping. with this fight or flight syndrome and. the HPA axis, it with chronic stress. does not shut off. And that is the. problem. So, those hormones are just. flowing through that high highway all. the time. cortisol is our stress hormone and it's. all part of that as well because. cortisol surges during, you know,

adrenaline, noradrenaline, all of these. hormones are working through our bodies. and surging through our bloodstream. Cortisol is also a stress hormone. And. so, when we have chronically elevated. levels of cortisol, all sorts of badness. can happen. Is stress contagious? Cuz I. I was on I was on Google and I typed in. is stress contagious and it says that in. a workplace, stress is contagious. Stress is not contagious in the way that. you think of a virus or microbes are.

contagious as far as I am aware. Now, there might be emerging data to suggest. otherwise, but it is not like a microbe. where like it's going to spread like the. a virus that it's going to spread from. me to you, for example. But, Cuz there are hormones, aren't. they, that spread like pheromones? Is it. pheromones? Pheromones, but that's different. That's. like, you know, that's more for like like. attraction, sex, and other things like. charisma, etc. What is kind of contagious, and I want. to use that word loosely, is like.

emotion. So, yes, creating a toxic. environment, right? Like, we call it in. pop culture like a vibe. Like, that. person just didn't have a good vibe. What's really interesting, and there. it's anecdotal, there isn't a ton of. research to support this, but I find. this fascinating, that the heart has a electromagnetic. field that extends 15 ft. That's something that one of my. early mentors had told me. And so, that. is that vibe that you sense from people.

Like, you feel that goodness, right? Like, when you meet someone that you. just really like their heart, you know, it's like heart expansiveness. So, when. other people we're with 5 ft away from. each other. So, your heart, it's. electromagnetic field is overlapping. with my heart's electromagnetic field. right now. So, they say. Now, I've heard this in lots of, you. know, lots of people say this, but I. have also dug deep into the science of.

like, does this even exist? Is that is. this even a real thing? And I'm not sure. if it's a real thing because I haven't. found like multiple scientific studies. that show robust data that yes, this is. a real thing. But, it is a fascinating. thing to think about as a mind exercise. Not so much from the scientific. perspective, but like from a human lived. experience perspective of, you know, and. I try to think about that when I enter a. room. Certainly when I'm with a patient. We call it the therapeutic presence or. the therapeutic encounter.

And it's this idea that when you are. with a patient or right now, I'm talking. to you and I am the doctor talking to. you, right? Not your doctor, of course, but. it's this idea that you have that you. can have a therapeutic experience. I try. to engage in the therapeutic encounter. at every talk. anytime I'm speaking to an audience. I. want people to leave feeling a sense of. healing. Healing and cure are two. different things, by the way. So, I'm. not saying like I'm, you know, we're. going to talk and then it's like you're. going to be cured of whatever illness.

you I can't wait. I can't wait. I want. to see some of those pressure spots. But, it's like it's this idea of like. feeling that sense of healing and it's. the therapeutic encounter. There is. science behind the therapeutic. encounter. And what that simply means is. that doctors who have that sense of. therapeutic presence, you know exactly. what I mean. You might not call it that. And then you also have had lots of. doctors who've had no therapeutic. presence and you know what that feels. like, too. How does one get a. therapeutic presence? It's something.

that needs to be cultivated. Of course, it's something that, you know, you can. have, but then you cultivate it with. training and practice, etc. But, the. therapeutic presence, that therapeutic. encounter has been shown to actually. have health outcomes. So, greater. adherence, you know, to medication, tighter glucose control, decreased. asthma flares, like real concrete health. outcomes when you have a therapeutic. encounter with in that doctor-patient. relationship. So, there is some magic.

secret sauce happening in that. encounter. And what is it? How do I. cultivate it? Are there any tricks? Any any tips, tricks? Is there like a. body language thing? Maybe, I don't. know. Yes. So, as a doctor, I can tell. you that there is lots of studies. There. are lots of studies which show that it's. not really the amount of time you spend. with someone. It's your body. And so, for example, they've been they've done. studies on doctors who stand for, let's. say, 7 minutes and talk to the patient.

versus a doctor who sits down, makes eye. contact, and is at the same level or a. lower level than the patient, the. patient has a perceived sense that this. doctor cares more and is more engaged. and has a therapeutic presence. No. difference in time. I think that's the. great myth that people people say, you. know, "Oh, I need to spend more time to. create a therapeutic presence." It's not. about the time spent. It's about how you. are spending the time and the quality of. time. So, that's like one trick that you. could try. Eye level, you mentioned eye. level there. Being at the same eye level.

or lower because it's a power dynamic. Think about when you're seeing if you. were in the hospital and you're lying in. a hospital bed and your doctor came in. and you're lying there and the doctor is. speaking above you. Does that feel. therapeutic in any way? Not really. But, if the doctor came, pulled up a chair, sat next to you, and looked at you eye. level. That's why when you're talking to. a child, it's better to bend down and. make, you know, get on their level and. talk to them. And if I'm in a meeting. and my chair is maybe a little bit. higher and I'm speaking to a client and.

I want the client to do a deal with me, it's best for me to get down to their. eye level. It depends because in that situation, you know, again, this is like what you. were talking about earlier. Like, there's times when you want to show a. sense of like power. And therapeutic presence is not a sense. of power, right? It's a sense of. equality, compassion, empathy. Are these. the qualities that you're trying to. create in a business interaction? I. don't know. Maybe. Well, one of the. things we've learned from, I don't know, I've been to making content for about. 10, 15 years now, for a long time,

making lots of videos. One of the things. we've learned is that the engagement. goes significantly up if you are on the. eye line of the camera. So, you'll. notice in the Diary of a CEO, we don't shoot from above, we don't. shoot from below. We go to great lengths. to make sure that the camera is is on. eye line. And we just see that the. engagement numbers are higher. And. actually, the more down the barrel it. is, especially so if I'm looking into. this camera here, the more down the. barrel and the more on eye line I am, the better the engagement with the. video. We've just seen that over. thousands and thousands of videos we've. made. So, that's why the the podcast is.

set up like this where there's. we're on we're on your eye line and. we're on down the barrel as much as we. possibly can be without you seeing too. much of the back of my head there. And. the same applies for this one cuz it. just makes, for some reason, the. engagement with the audience is better. We see it in the numbers. That's. interesting. many tricks that you could use. I mean, like, sitting down eye level is one. Um, mirroring also something else. This is. not related to stress, but it's like. mirroring. So, for example, as I'm. talking to you, as you're talking, if I do this,

if I do this, and then you're like, "Oh, this person is like totally following. me.". But, it's like if I start doing this, you just did this and so I did that. So, there's like mirroring is something that. you, you know, there's lots of ways to. try that. But, again, it has to be. supported by science. Yes. It The key is authenticity, though, right? Like, you can do all of these. things, but ultimately, authenticity and. the human The really fascinating thing. about podcasting, by the way, and any. sort of. connection with another human being is.

the voice. So, we as children, as infants, we are. highly attuned to voice. It's one of our. first primal instincts, right? Like, hearing our mother's voice or our. caregiver's voice or our parents' voice. And we can our BS meter. with voice is high. So, if someone isn't authentic, and that. is why the audio version, like so. listening to a podcast, the reason like.

you can always suss out like who is. uh for example, I don't know, like who's. telling the truth and who's not. And it's not like something that you can. explain. You just like you're like, "Oh, I don't really like this person." Or I. really like this person. It's because. they lead with authenticity, vulnerability, all of these things that, you know, the likeability factor is. high. It's because our brains are primed. to recognize and register the human. voice. in a way that's very different from the.

physical. So, yes, we of course, like we see. someone and you get the whole picture, yes. But when you hear them in your ear, there's like something that is deeply. intimate about that experience and that, you know, evolutionarily and even like. in our own life, it's um very poignant. And it's an intuitive thing. We don't. necessarily know what it is about a. voice that's authentic. It's just a. feeling. it. And you know it because when you. hear someone on a podcast, you. immediately are like, "Oh, yeah, I like this." And you don't know.

why you like it or, you know, you feel. that connection. It's like the voice is. a very primitive thing. And it's also. like it's it was because we formed those. connections and synapses in our brain. pre-verbal, right? Like when we were. infants. Same thing with smell. You know, you smell something and it. takes you right back to that moment. Uh. I was so fascinated. I remember where I. was when someone told me about. pheromones, that there's these chemicals that. like leave our bodies and then into my. chemicals will interfere with your.

chemicals. I just thought that was. absolute witchcraft. And I'm a very like. logical science-based person, so I need. science and evidence to believe. anything. And then when I heard this. rumor that like, you know, if you put a. my mother and my sister in the same. house, their menstrual cycles would sync. up. That's right. I Googled it to check if it was true. Google told me it was true. And then I. thought, "Fuck, I now believe in witchcraft.". Do you know what I mean? Like if Well, have you read the book The Red Tent? I. mean, it's like very much along those. lines of like biblical times they had a.

red red tent for women menstruating. women and then it would just like the. whole tribe would like sync up and. they'd be in the red tent during. menstruating times. They've done studies. with um t-shirts and attractiveness. So, you will smell a t-shirt that, you know, they've done studies with women and men. have worn the t-shirts and then you. smell the t-shirt and you say like I. like this scent or I don't. And it's not. body odor, it's pheromones. And um. they've matched it with like the. pheromones that you like and then you.

see the visual and there's a match. Like. this person is attractive and then you. smell the pheromone and there's like a. match. It's that person's pheromones. Um. often they say like you you described. your mother and your sister, for. example, they say that like genetically, the more. different, the more attractive, right? Because we're always trying to Ah. So, if you Of course, there's like a. comfort thing of like, you know, your. mother and like that's different. Because pheromones are mostly for um. attractiveness and mating behavior.

So, it's not about. comfort, you know, I guess there might. be some studies about comfort and. maternal comfort and um self-soothing or. soothing with your parent or caregiver. But most of the pheromone research that. I'm aware of is. um like sexuality, attractiveness, charisma, um but mostly due to mating behavior. Um. so, going back to this subject of. stress, I get stressed now. I kind of understand. the difference between acute stress and. sort of chronic stress, which is a very.

bad thing. In your book, you talk about. the resilience rule of two. Yes. The resilience rule of two is how our. brains make change possible. So, when we are undergoing a change, even a. positive change in our life, like let's. say, you know, I've had a patient who. came to see me and had a binder filled. of things that he was trying. And it was. like the kit- everything but the kitchen.

sink approach. And so, he came to see me and was like, "Doc, I've been doing a great job. It's. been a month and now I'm in month two. and I don't want to do any of it. And. I'm done.". And he was under a lot of stress and he. was trying all sorts of things. We've. all been there. We've tried lots of. different things. And then you just say, "Okay, I'm done. Can't do any of it.". Why? Our brains, even when we're making. positive changes, like let's say you. recognize like, "Yeah, I think stress is. a problem in my life. I'm going to make.

a change. I'm going to start eating. better and I'm going to start exercising. and sleeping better and I'm going to. spend time with friends and I'm going to. do less work and I'm going to do all of. these things to help my life and, you. know, make a big lifestyle overhaul.". And I'm really stressed. It will not. last because our brains have the ability. to make two new changes at a time. because even positive change, like all. of these things that we're describing. right now, are a stressor to your brain. How do we know that? How do we know we. can only make two changes at once? The. basis of the rule of two is based on a.

seminal landmark study in the 1960s by. two psychiatrists, doctors Holmes and. Rahe. They looked at 5,000 people and looked. at 43 common conditions, like life. events that happen in people's lives, the most common ones. Graduation, getting a new job, buying your first home, a outstanding. personal achievement, getting married, having a child, getting a divorce, death. of a loved one, 43 of the most common.

conditions. And when in every single. condition, good and bad, got a score. They studied 5,000 people and found that. the more life events someone accrued, and it's not about like age or, you. know, chronology of age. It's just the. more life events a person accrued, the. greater their stress. The greater the. likelihood also that they would develop. an illness later in life. And that Holmes and Rahe study is the. basis of this rule of two because what. they discovered is that positive life.

changes are also a stress to your brain. and your body. And that is because there. is a certain level of adapting. You. know, there's a certain level of human. adaptation that needs to happen with. something positive and fantastic that. happens in your life to regain the. stability that you had before. Think. about your own life. There are probably. so many examples. I recently moved into. a new home. Everyone was like, "Congratulations, this is amazing, a new. home.".

And it was wonderful for a few months. and then like also incredibly stressful. And then of course, I had the delayed. stress reaction 3 months later, right? Like where you're running on adrenaline. initially and everything is great and. then. that stops and then you're, you know, having sleepless nights about all the. various stressors. So, the rule of two. is based on this idea that positive life. events, things that you think might be. really helpful to you to manage your. stress, if you do them all at once, chances are it's not going to stick. So, instead, aim to do two new things at a.

time. Build them into your life over. time. In the five resets, I offer five. mindset shifts, 15 science-backed. strategies, and every step of the way, it's about two small changes at a time. You work with your biology of stress. rather than against it and competing. against it. That is how you make change. possible. In clinical practice, when I. was a medical resident learning how to. take care of patients, my mentors would. do the same thing. So, this is 50 years.

later after that study. They taught me. that when I'm seeing a patient, you. know, a patient will come in with a. laundry list of symptoms or they will. have six, seven, eight medical. conditions. You always focus on two. things. Because if you say to the. patient, "I really think you should stop. smoking. Here's some suggestions. Let's. work on your weight and get your weight. better. Let's work on your cholesterol. How about your blood pressure? How about. minimizing chances of cancer?". Too overwhelming for the brain to. sustain.

Instead, let's focus on getting you to. stop smoking and let's focus on lowering. your cholesterol. These are two tangible. things that you can work on. It takes. about 8 weeks to build a habit. Once you. are engaged and that has become a habit. for you, then you add two new things. Let 8 weeks go by, then two new things. So, over time, you do address that. laundry list of symptoms. Or in this. patient's case, you know, all eight. medical diagnoses. In the other.

patient's case who came in with. everything but the kitchen sink approach. to managing his stress, we eventually. did get all the way to the finish line. of fixing his stress and addressing all. of the issues. But it only happens two. small incremental steps at a time. The five resets. The first of those. resets is to get clear on what matters. the most. When you are feeling a sense of stress, you are living in survival mode. You are governed by your amygdala. It's focus is self-preservation. You are.

literally living in the moment. Your prefrontal cortex is the area of. your brain that, like we said, behind. the forehead, that governs forward. thinking, planning, organization. When you tell someone who is deeply. stressed and in a. crisis or fight or flight mode, "Oh, just figure it out. You know, make a. plan. Figure out what's going to help. you and just do it. Mind over matter.". None of that helps. It is also.

biologically impossible to think five, 10 steps ahead when you are living in. fight or flight mode governed by your. amygdala. The first reset get clear on what. matters most offers three concrete. science-backed strategies that can help. you when you are feeling a sense of. stress and you're in fight or flight. mode to help get out of your own way, create a roadmap and a plan forward. So, it actively through going the.

by going through these strategies you. slowly get out of that amygdala mode and. back to letting your prefrontal cortex. take over. So, how do I figure out what. matters to me most? Is there a system? Yes. Most is an acronym m o s t and the book. has a whole strategy of how to figure. out what matters to you most because. it's not so much what's the matter with. me. It's what matters to me most. So,

when you shift that framework and stop. blaming yourself and criticizing. yourself of like this you know, what's. the matter with me? Why do I feel like. this? Instead have an external why we. know that when you have a why you can. get through things, right? Like you have. a North Star of like how do you want to. get to that place? And so, my job is to. hold up a mirror and say this is your. why because you you figured it out using. the strategies. The first reset will get. you a clear plan and roadmap to that.

destination. So, I'm going to do the. first reset. Um. So, you have a stress score that you. sort of initially do with your patients, right? So, you figure out how stressed. they are. That's right. There's some. questions I think in the book which I'll. put up on the screen for anyone that's. watching the video. These are questions. you ask your patient to help them figure. out their stress score. Yes. And then. the first reset is really figuring out. what matters to them which is. the acronym you're talking about most. motivating objectives small and timely. That's like a.

What am I doing with that? So, I'm. setting myself a a goal. or understanding what matters what goals. matter to me and I want those goals to. be motivating objective which means. um can you objectively and easily. monitor. this goal's progress? Small is the goal. small enough to guarantee success? And. timely is the goal time sensitive? Can. you achieve it in the next 3 months? I've had so many patients when I was. seeing patients in Boston I have had so. many patients who have been stressed and.

they want to feel better but they don't. know why. Because they are consumed with what's. matter what's the matter with me? What's. the matter with me? Rather than what. matters most to me. And so, this is a. way to reframe that internal dialogue. and the conversation to what matters. most to you. And so, you figure out what. your most goal is and there are many. examples throughout the book. The book. is filled with patient stories real life. people who've had lots of different. experiences and there examples of most. goals. You know, some most goals have.

been I want to throw I want to teach my. grandson on how to throw a baseball. I want to go this summer on a hike and. my knees not hurt. How does that help me. with my stress? Because you have something to look. forward to. Okay. It takes me out of the. present moment. And it also gives you. something measurable. You know, when we. stress can often feel like this vague. nebulous thing that's happening to us, right? But we need a metric to measure. our progress and the book is filled with.

metrics. And so, the most goal is your. first sort of like North Star of this is. where you want to go and then there are. various other strategies throughout the. book of like how to get there and what. to measure. We do this with I don't. know. We do this with every single we do. this with blood pressure. We check to. see like if you have high blood. pressure. We check like oh, your blood. pressure's getting better with these. interventions. But we don't do anything. when it comes to stress. We just say. like are you feeling better? Yes or no. And stress is not a yes or no question.

There are degrees and shades of stress. in there. So, you need a quantifiable. metric to say yes. my stress is getting better. Why? Because I wanted to walk 20 blocks and. guess what? I could walk zero blocks. when I started with you, but now I can. walk five blocks and that is good. So, whatever that goal is for you of like. you're feeling a lot of stress because. you've had a medical issue or you know, whatever that most goal to you is. finding that goalpost to say like okay,

that's my destination and this is where. I am today and then finding a way to get. there. And um this this team here. there's about 30 of us at the Drive CEO. and we we have a group inside the. company which is about exercise and. fitness and we do that because. um so many members of the team love to. exercise. I mean even the team here in. New York City they went out for a long. run all of them together. um in the morning. And I think you know, we do that because we have goals for. fitness and we like exercise whatever. else. What is the evidence that shows. exercise helps with stress management?

What is the research? Reams of research. on exercise helping with stress and the. real. misconception is that you have to do a. lot of exercise to manage stress and. that is unequivocally false. Even a little bit of exercise can help. because it gets you out of your head and. into your body. A few minutes here and there can make. all the difference. Park far away when you're driving. someplace and you're going to a. restaurant or you're going into a mall a. shopping center. Park far and walk if.

you can. Build it into your day. throughout the day. Take the stairs if. you can. It is just small incremental. changes over the course of a day. Aim. for 20-minute walk. It has lots of. health benefits. It gets you out of your. head into your body. It gets you into. that daily habit of movement. Initially. when you are a sedentary person and a. lifelong non-exerciser going into the. gym to exercise is like a complete. deterrent. I remember as a medical. resident when I was going through my. stress struggle I had a state-of-the-art.

gym in my building. I remember being. incredibly stressed and you know, I'm a. doctor. I was like oh yeah, exercise is. good for me. I walked into the gym. I saw the. mirrors. I saw all of the fancy. equipment the techno music blasting. I. walked right out. Walked right out. I then started a walking regimen simply. because it was nice out one day and I. walked around the block and then I was. like oh, that felt really nice. Next day. I walked around the block and then some. Did a 5-10 minute extra walk. And then.

the next day it was manageable. It was a. low lift. It was easy for me to do. Wasn't like all this complicated. equipment. So, I walked a little bit. more and I just gradually moved up over. the course of a week or two to 20. minutes and then I committed to a. 20-minute walk. Over time my. self-efficacy which is that ability of. of you to know like oh, I can do this. It increased and that's what happens. when you exercise and you do something. like this something small a little bit. every day your sense of self-efficacy. increases. So, you feel like oh, I can.

do this and your inner critic starts. silencing. And then I started walking. Just the. walkers. You know, not the extreme. exercises just the walkers. You're. telling me there's research that shows. those people have are less stressed in. their lives and more resilient person. It's not so much that walkers are less. stressed. It's that movement when you go. from being sedentary to moving that. daily physical activity even at low. levels can help decrease your stress. So, it's not like Why and how?

So many reasons. So, the first reason is. because something like walking is. something that's a very natural. phenomenon that all of us do. We don't. really feel like walking when we are. feeling a sense of stress. You just want. to be still, but science shows that you. know, you've heard of the expression. sitting is a new smoking. You've heard. of that expression. But a research study. found that sitting can also increase. your sense of anxiety. So, it's not so much that sitting is the. new smoking per se. Yes, but it also has.

a tremendous impact on your actual. mental health and that movement is a. antidote to that. So, it's not necessary. that you have to do excessive exercise, but even just a simple walk getting out. low grade exercise has been shown to. help with longevity. It's been It's been. shown to help with so many markers of. health just a simple walk. And yes, your. team, you know, people like to run. I'm.

not saying that like you don't have you. you can continue running, but that's. someone who is like a avid exerciser and. so, they run. Some people walk. It. doesn't really matter what you do. It's. that you do something you enjoy a little. bit every day. I want to talk about social media and in. your book you use this term popcorn. brain which. I for a second when I read what popcorn. brain meant. started to think maybe I now have a. popcorn brain. What is a popcorn brain?

Many people most people have popcorn. brain. Popcorn brain is a biological. phenomenon a real biological phenomenon. coined by a man named Dr. Levy a. psychologist. And it is essentially your brain. circuitry starting to pop based on. overstimulation. So, it's not like your. brain is actually popping, but it's that. sensation of. popcorning. because of spending too much time. online. It is hard to disengage from what's.

happening online because there's a. constant information stream and it is. difficult to live fully offline where. life moves at a decidedly slower pace. Popcorn brain is an affliction that. nearly every single person has right. now. Think about what you do when you're. waiting in line at the grocery store. You're not just like letting your brain. wander pondering things. You are on your. phone. What are you doing at the bank? On your phone. At a car wash at a. traffic light. Pedestrians walking. across the street. They're not looking.

up at the light. In fact, it's like one. of the hazards, a public health hazard. of, you know, pedestrians having near. miss accidents because they're looking. down on your phone. I see it in Boston. all the time. A busy street and people. are looking at their phone. Most people listening now will be like. on a tube somewhere, on a train, on a. plane, looking at their phone. While they're listening to this, but we. rarely give our brains a moment of rest. So, popcorn brain is different. A lot of. people will ask me, is popcorn brain. internet addiction? No.

Internet addiction is a real, it's. called internet addiction disorder. It's. a DSM-4 criteria and it means that's our. diagnostic criteria in um medicine. And it's a real disorder, but what. really defines. internet addiction and popcorn brain is. that internet addiction interferes with. your life where you're unable to do. certain things. Popcorn brain, on the. other hand, is ubiquitous. It's. everywhere. It is what defines modern.

life. Those two are very different. things. And when we are feeling a sense of. stress, we are especially prone to. popcorn brain. Why? Because when we feel. stressed, we talked about the amygdala, right? Like that part of our brain that. is focused on survival and. self-preservation. Back evolutionarily, when we were all. cave people, there was a night watch person and that. person would sit by the fire, the tribe. would sleep, and that person would scan.

for danger. to keep the tribe safe. In modern times, we have all become that. night watch person and we scroll. incessantly when we feel a sense of. stress because it is our primal urge. It. is the way our amygdala feels a sense of. safety because we are scanning for. danger. We are no longer in a tribe, we're not cave people anymore. So, what. do we do? We scroll. That is how we are. scanning for danger, especially when we. are feeling stressed. In recent times,

there's been a lot of bad news. In fact, it feels like the onslaught of bad news, one thing after another, whether it's a. climate disaster or a conflict in a. certain part of the world or something. or the other is always happening now. The information stream, it is rapid and. unprecedented. And so, we are constantly scrolling and. scanning for danger. And it's that. primal urge to scroll. So, how do we The. goal is really not to limit our social. media use or media use because we know. studies have shown that it is not about.

abstinence because that actually doesn't. have an impact a positive impact on our. mental health or our well-being, but. what does have an impact on our mental. health and well-being is. decreasing our reliance to our phones. You know, most of us check our phones. 2,600. times a day. That is a statistic. 2,617. times a day is the average number of. times a person looks at their phone. Think about that, right? The other thing.

you want to think about is when you're. thinking about like, huh, do I have Am I Do I have a reliance on. my phone? It's like the goal here is to. reconsider your relationship with your. phone. It is not about abstinence. We're. not trying to become digital monks here. It's about creating digital boundaries. In every relationship in your life, you. have boundaries. You have a boundary. with your partner, with your children, with your colleagues because. relationships need boundaries, right? To.

thrive. Why don't we have a boundary. when it comes to the relationship we. have with our phone? There is no. boundary. It is simply porous. We check. in the morning, we check at night. What's the first thing you do when you. wake up before your second eye is even. open? You are scrolling. Studies show that 62% of people check. their phones within 15 minutes of waking. up and about 50% check them in the. middle of the night. I'm guilty of this. I I like I'm not. going to pretend I'm some saint here. I'm that person. I'm on on the upper end.

of that scale. I'm glued to my phone. Glued to my phone. And you know what? When I'm stressed, I'm even more glued. to it. That is facts. I tell you, when I'm stressed, I got. some bad habits. It's your primal urge. to scroll. It's a feedback loop. You. want to feel safe. out the window. You know, all kinds of bad habits that. are. And we can talk about the diet piece, too. of them we can't talk about, but we can. talk about the diet piece. For some. reason, if there's ever a time in my life where.

my diet slips, it's when work is hard or. when I'm, you know, when something's. difficult in my life. That's when I I just can't get out of. that bad diet rut for just, you know, just a moment. So, we can do a small. caveat cuz I think the social media. piece is really interesting and what. people like everyone loves hearing about. that. The reason that you crave high So, emotional eating is what you're. describing when you're saying that your. diet goes out the window when you're. feeling a sense of stress. And that is. because your amygdala. When your amygdala, like I said, it's.

like a I'm like a broken record when I. say your amygdala is focused on survival. and self-preservation. Your amygdala doesn't recognize a famine. coming or bills or work stress, right? It's the reptilian part of your brain. And so, it is focused on survival and. calories equals survival. So, when you. are stress eating or emotional eating, your body craves high-fat, high-sugar. foods. That's just biologically what your body. craves. And that is why instead of.

berating yourself and letting that inner. critic really Instead of berating. yourself and letting that inner critic. really take off, like when you're. craving, you know, chocolate cake or my. guilty pleasure is tortilla chips. I. just can't get enough when I'm under. stress. What's your stress food? Carrot cake. Oh my god, I didn't Listen, I can't get. carrot So, you know, it's carrot cake's. not easy to get. You can't bake it. yourself very easily. But um I'd say.

like just things like that, like sweet. foods are my probably my my thing when. when I'm really stressed. And it I. sometimes I go through these periods, maybe it once every like three to four. months. I'm like really I think. generally, if you see what I eat, I. think I'm really healthy. I think I I do. what I say, but there are moments, you. know. And it should be that way because. you're a human being and it ebbs and. flows. And so, you're not a robot, you're a mere mortal, as am I. And so, even though I know all of the science, like put a chocolate cake in front of me. when I'm stressed and I will, of course, it's my biology. Anyway, so back We can.

talk about social media if you wish, but. that is an important caveat cuz I think. people. often when you're stress eating and. you're feeling a lot of stress, like you. even said, right? Like, I hate myself. when I'm my diet is off and. I stop beating myself up. I'm like, "Steve, listen, you got bloody podcasts, there's people that follow you that. like, you know, I think like you got you got to live. what you say." And then I'll just go. through that moment of It's like It. feels like most of the time I've got my. hands on the steering wheel and I'm in. charge. And then once in a while, I'm in. the backseat and this car is on. autopilot and and we're just flying down.

the motorway and I'm I'm like, "Jesus, I'm I'm trying to get back into the. front seat." And I'm struggling against. I don't know, the wind, the windows are. open, shit's flying everywhere. And then. eventually I get a hold of the steering. wheel again with one hand and then I can. kind of pull myself back onto the. steering wheel. And we have another good. couple of months, you know. Discipline. has its turns. And that ability that you have, that. where you are able to get out of the. backseat, get your whereabouts and get back into. the front seat and the driver's seat, that time for you is likely maybe a.

week, maybe 2 weeks max. Yeah. And. because you have all of this knowledge. and you've done this before, it's a. muscle, right? It like grows, that sense. of agency and like I can do this. I know. how to get this back on track. For. others who may not have the practice. that you have or the knowledge, it takes. a longer time. And that is what I am. trying to work on is like closing the. gap between knowledge and action. Understanding, by the way, that your.

brain it takes 8 weeks to build a habit. and falling off the wagon is part of. habit building. So, how? How do we close. that gap? Some There's going to be. people listening to this now that have. heard everything you've said. They want. to implement better habits in their life. to counteract the stress they're. experiencing. They want to get away from. that red velvet carrot cake, whatever. Um but they don't have that sense of. agency or they struggle to a more. extreme extent. You don't have to have a. sense of agency. In fact, my favorite. patients have been the skeptical. patients. And people who are like, "I don't. believe any of this stuff." When you.

follow the five resets and the 15. science-backed strategies, your body. it's all based on the biology of stress. So, when you start the process and you. go through the first technique and the. second technique, your brain and your. body will just know what to do because. you will be doing the work. It's all. about the work of doing. And when you do. better, you feel better. That's the. mind-body connection. Your brain and. your body are constantly speaking to. each other. They're inextricably linked. What's good for your body is good for. your brain. And when you do better, you. feel better, but it's all in the doing. and getting yourself into that moment of.

action when you have the information, but you need to act. It's all about. small Keeping it smaller than you think. it is. So, it's not about going to the. gym for an hour every day when you're. stressed. Forget it. Your amygdala and. prefrontal cortex will be duking it out. for that one. No way, you're not going. to go. It's like you're wading through. molasses to put your sneakers on. But, if you start small and say I'm going to. go for a 5-minute walk today, you'll do. it. But sometimes it's so small that. it's almost humiliating. It's so small.

that it seems trivial. That's how it. feels, right? Two minutes, what's that. going to do? Two minute walk, that's not. that's going to do nothing. Trust the process. I'm not going to lose. any belly fat with 2 minutes. It's not. about losing belly fat. So, the cosmetic. promise of fitness has never propelled. any of my patients from going from. lifelong non-exercisers to exercisers. Taut bellies, muscular physiques, never. the reason people exercise. People start.

exercising because because those are all. aspirational things. It's like they're. out of reach. Most people who exercise, at least in my experience, who I have. been able to convince to exercise, they. exercise because of the mental health. promise, not the physical health. promise. In turn, they might have some. weight loss. You know, we know that even. if you exercise on a regular basis and. have no weight reduction whatsoever, you. are still improving your cardiovascular. health, your metabolic health, all of.

the other profiles. You can still. improve even without any weight change. What my. thing is about stress, right? Like so. mental health. So that's just the. physical health aspect of it. Even just. a 15, five, two-minute walk can make a. difference in your biology of stress. I. read in There was a study in your book. about how just taking even a 10-second. break from your work can have an impact. on your stress levels. That study was done. by Microsoft Labs.

You know how we say you've you'll often. hear like, "Oh, just take a break and. you know, take cuz we often when we're. feeling a sense of burnout and a typical. burnout, an inability to disconnect from. work, right?" And then it's like, "How. are you going to get yourself back on. track?" I call it the Goldilocks. principle. I talk about it in the five. resets. Human productivity functions on. a curve. It's not linear. It's not like, "Okay, like I'm going to just keep being. productive." There's actually a. bell-shaped curve for stress as there is. a bell-shaped curve for human.

productivity. And so if you think about. one side, you know, the the Y axis as. human productivity and the X axis as. stress, it's a bell-shaped curve. So, when we are to the left of the curve, we're not feeling very motivated, we're. bored, we're apathetic, chances are. you're not going to be very productive. When you are to the far right of the. curve, you're highly stressed, you're. anxious. Many of us are feeling this. way. You're not going to be very productive.

There is a sweet spot of human. productivity right in the middle of that. bell-shaped curve, and that is the. Goldilocks principle, the just-right. part of stress and human productivity. Now, many of us are to the right of the. curve. We are anxious and keyed up and. stressed out and we're not very. productive. So, how do we bring the science into. everyday life and apply it to our life? We can't just like chill out and like go. for a month to Bali for a surfing.

holiday. Wish I could, can't do it, can't, you know, spend 6 months eating. my way through Italy or hanging out in. the Himalayas in a retreat. All of these. things are my dreams. You have financial constraints, you have. constraints with your family, obligations, all of these things. And so. we can't do all of those things to. suddenly scale back into that sweet spot. of human productivity. So what can we. do? We can honor our breaks. And there. was a study by Microsoft done not too. long ago, which showed that even taking.

10-minute breaks, like three to four. 10-minute breaks throughout the day, can. have a cumulative impact on your stress. and can help with your mood, productivity, sense of engagement. So. it's not like, "Oh, breaks are nice to. have." They should be an essential part. of your work day because it helps manage. your stress in the work day. It is a way. to honor your breaks to get back into. that sweet spot of human productivity so. that you can have just-right stress. And.

with that idea of just-right stress, I. want to make a point that not all stress. is bad. Stress isn't the enemy. Our. cultural perception of it is. There is. good stress and bad stress. Good stress. is adaptive stress. That's the. scientific term for healthy good stress. Bad stress is maladaptive stress. That. is the scientific term. Everything good in your life was created. because of a little bit of stress. Like. you started this podcast, something. really positive. You met your. girlfriend, also something positive. You.

may have made a new friend as an adult, wonderful and positive. Cheering for. your favorite sports team, also a. positive thing. Now, when we think of. the word stress in modern culture, we. think about bad stress. Bad stress are. all of the things that we already know, right? Like the feelings that we've. talked about, but the goal of life is. not to live a life without stress. because that is biologically impossible. Our brains and our bodies need stress to. survive. It is to live with healthy, manageable stress. It's to move away. from unhealthy stress back to healthy.

stress. I my calendar, and people see my. calendar a lot cuz we have this um vlog. channel. My calendar is full of just. like back-to-back-to-back-to-back. meetings. I actually had a conversation. with my assistant the other day. I was. like, um when you look at my calendar, there's. actually not a a 60-second gap between. meetings, which means I'm continually. like late. because meetings always run over. And. also you have to travel between one. meeting to the next. Really, so you. might have to load up Zoom or something, which takes like 30 seconds. I So I'm. going to be 30 seconds late cuz there's. not a gap. And when I was reading in.

your book about this Microsoft study. that compared brain scans of people who. are in back-to-back meetings with those. who took short breaks, and they found. that the group taking short breaks. experienced significantly less stress. It made a lot of sense to me because. when I'm. back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back, it's kind of like your kettle example. You have the I'll put it on the screen. The the kettle analogy of stress. I just. feel like it's filling up with steam. You know? And then. in the kettle analogy, when the steam. comes out of the nose of the kettle,

that's kind of when you like let some of. the stress out. So taking those gaps. Opening the lever. Oh, you can open the lever. That also. lets the stress out. Um. that's what I don't have in my day. I. don't have breaks. Like when this. podcast ends, right? People will come through this door over. there. one by one, and they have and Jack's. laughing cuz he knows he's one of them. He's he's he's cuz he's closest, so he. gets in first. I have like 17 things. that I need to do for these people. I. won't even be able to make it to the.

toilet because someone's going to want. me to review something. And that's my. day every day. You have to build in. breaks. And even if that means that. you're putting it in your calendar. Again, the study was 10 minutes. You can. do as little as 10 seconds, stat. research has shown. Why? Because neural. consolidation. Again, a very fancy. scientific term, but it simply means. that when we are on the go and moving, moving, moving, we are not always. learning. And so when do you want to.

learn? Neural consolidation means that. there's information floating in our. brains. And it consolidation, your brain. lays down, cements that information into. knowledge, right? So there's information. and knowledge. And neural consolidation. is the process of the cementing of new. information. And taking a break helps to. do that. Wait, so if I'm listening to a podcast. and something profound just gets said, I should pause the podcast and just wait. 10 seconds to help with the neural. consolidation. That would be wonderful.

Mhm, interesting. As you know, this podcast is sponsored. by Whoop, and people often ask me why I. chose Whoop over all of the possible. wearable options. And I've tried many of. them, but Whoop for me stands out for. several reasons. A, because of its. non-invasive design. B, because of its. unique analytics. And C, a membership. model that continually evolves with the. product. But the biggest game changer. for me, which is reason D, is Whoop's. ability to foster meaningful behavior. change for me. With Whoop, I've been.

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the episode. On this podcast, one of the things I. came to learn about was this gut-brain. connection. Yes. Tim Spector was one of the first people. who talked about that, but many of the. guests have have built on that. knowledge. And now, if it wasn't for. this podcast, I wouldn't understand the. importance of the gut. I thought the gut. was just where the food goes in, chemicals attack the food, processes it, poop comes out the other end. What I've come to learn, which is really. surprising and amazing, is that much of. my mental health can be attributed to my. gut. That is incredible. Isn't it? Isn't.

it? It is newly emerging science. Honestly, every month we learn more and. more about the gut-brain connection, the. microbiome, which is an ecosystem of. healthy bacteria that govern the. gut-brain connection, and what you're. speaking about specifically, an even. newer entity called the psychobiome, which are a dedicated group of healthy. bacteria in your gut whose sole function. is to manage mood and other mental.

health. What? So, the the bacteria in my gut, first of. all, I thought bacteria were bad. You know, people always say, "Get that. bacteria off your hands. Have some of. this.". But, you're telling me there's bacteria. in my gut? Trillions. Trillions? Trillions of healthy bacteria. and microbes living in your gut. And. they are very active. It's an ecosystem, and they have many different roles. besides digestion. We are learning, honestly, every month a new finding what.

the what the microbiome can do. It can. help regulate blood glucose, the. microbiome, and. we we say it for the microbiome because. we're talking about it as a one large. entity, but what is actually the. microbiome and what constitutes the. microbiome is trillions and trillions of. healthy bacteria, right? So, but we when. we use the word microbiome, we're saying. it just because it's easier to say in. parlance, like when we're talking. In. your book, I learned about serotonin in.

the gut. Yes, three to five times more. serotonin receptors in our gut than our. brain. Now, when you think about. serotonin, Stephen, like, of course, serotonin is a brain chemical, right? And yet, What does it do? Serotonin is. like the happy hormone. For like mood. and Yeah, mood, stress, like you you. know about this. um very popular class of drugs called. SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

They are used for anxiety and depression. and lots of other mental health, you. know, conditions. And we always think of serotonin, it's. we call it a neurotransmitter. or a brain chemical. When in fact, we. have more serotonin, three to five times. more, in our guts than our brains, which. just goes to prove how important. the. gut is. It's truly our second brain. So, we can reset our stress by resetting our. gut-brain connection.

Yes. And how do I reset my gut-brain. connection? Is this something that I. have to eat? Or So, a lot of your microbiome and the. health of your gut and your microbiome. is governed in the same way that many. things that we've talked about. So, sleep, of course, yes, diet, exercise, stress. reduction. And there are many, many ways. to help your microbiome thrive. But, yes, food is also one way. So, focusing. on prebiotic and probiotic foods,

um there's, you know, there's many. different avenues to that. Okay, so. question then. If I wanted to be, this. is flipping the coin, if I wanted to be. really, really stressed and really, really anxious, right? And I wanted. maybe to throw in some depression. I If I wanted stress and anxiety, how. should I live? That's a great question. Get on your. phone, make sure it's on high. brightness, and scroll through every. social media platform, every news.

platform, watch graphic content of. videos of horrible, terrible things. happening in the world. At midnight. Keep doing that off and on. until. 4:00, 5:00 a.m. Your cortisol spike usually happens. around 6:00 a.m. Um you know, give or take for people. That cortisol spike is a natural thing. that happens. It's part of your. circadian rhythm. It's what prompts you. to get up out of bed. Um of course, make sure that you are,

you know, you check your phone right. away, right when you get up out of bed, and continue scrolling. Um this is a really fun exercise of what. not to do rather than what to do. Um. It doesn't always happen in like it. won't be 1 day because you do have some. reserves, but if you did this for 1. month, I would say, instead of like 1. day. to do it for 1 month. Yeah, 30 days. 30-day plan to maximize. anxiety. and stress.

No movement whatsoever. Just stay in. bed. Stay in bed or sit, you know, as. sedentary as you can. Skimp on your. sleep as much as you can. Yeah. In every possible way. Sleep late, keep waking up throughout the night, and. make sure that you get as little sleep. as possible for as long as possible. Um don't spend time with anyone. Spend, you know, don't stay on your phone day. and night, day and night, day and night. No movement. Um.

What else? Do I go outside? I can't I can't go. outside cuz No, you're just going to. sit. Window? No, don't even be near natural. light. Just sit in a chair if you can. Um make sure that you have, if you're on. your phone, great, but if you have a TV. on, make sure it's on in your bedroom, too. On full volume all night long. Is. that That's going to make me stressed? Yes, it will. Keep it on like a news. channel all night long. Okay. So, you know, we're joking about. this, of course, but um what I have.

experienced in my clinical practice is. you know, we are of a younger generation. where we engage on our phones, but many. of the older generation, people in their. 60s and 70s, many of my patients, in. fact, um were using were getting their. news from their TV. And I've had so many. patients over the years who have told me. that they used to just watch TV that 1. hour of news a day, then it morphed into. 2 hours and 3 hours, and I've had. patients who sleep with the TV on all.

night long. And they didn't start off. that way, but it just happened that way. Again, talk about, you know, it's not. the primal urge to scroll, so to speak, because they're not scrolling on a. phone, but it's that night watchman. phenomenon. And so, they are watching. the news all night long. They're not. sleeping. They're, you know, really in. bad shape. And so, moving the TV out of. the bedroom is one of the first. interventions that I suggest to patients. like that. I'm hungry. What do I do? Eat. Eat at all hours of the day and. night. Don't even think about it. The.

more processed food, the better. Don't. even read anything about the. Mediterranean diet. No fruits and vegetables. in reading? No No water. Lots of other beverages. besides water. More additives, the. better. Um. And no regular meal times. Erratic food, lots of it. What's likely to do with. stress? Erratic meal times? Well, just. because our brains like. compartmentalization and structure. And. so, when you have a sense of structure.

throughout your day, it helps you plan. better. It helps get out of the. fight-or-flight mode and, you know, creates a little bit more of a balance. and um. that's that's really the main reason. What about multitasking? You You say in. the book multitasking is a myth. I think. that I multitask sometimes. 98% 100% of. people. think they are excellent multitaskers, but in fact, the science shows that only. 2% of human brains can effectively. multitask. Multitasking is a scientific.

misnomer. There is no such thing. When. we multitask, what we are actually doing. is task switching, doing two different. tasks in rapid succession. The opposite of multitasking is. monotasking. And the reason we want to monotask is. because multitasking, task switching, has been shown to decrease and weaken. our prefrontal cortex. It decreases our.

ability to solve complex problems. It. impacts our concentration, mood, engagement, and a whole host of other. things. At this time in our lives, in the world. and the state of the world as it is, we. cannot afford to multitask because the. world is filled with complex problems. that need to be solved. Instead, monotask. One common question I get when. I suggest monotasking is, "How am I. going to get everything done? I need to. multitask." You don't need to multitask,

it's a myth. You're actually not. multitasking, you're doing task. switching, which is detrimental to your. brain and your prefrontal cortex. So, the antidote to multitasking is. monotasking. And the way you do. monotasking is time blocking. In fact, I. wrote the five resets doing time. blocking. It's the technique that I use. for everything that I work on. I I. started doing it in medical school cuz I. had to. consume vast amounts of information. And. how did I do that? So, what I would do. is What is time blocking? It's the.

Pomodoro Technique. You may have heard. of it. It was developed in the 1980s. Pomodoro means tomato, and um an Italian. researcher developed this technique and. used a tomato-shaped timer, which is why. it's called the Pomodoro Technique. And. it's essentially time blocking. So, you. set a timer for, say, 30 minutes. Or. initially, when you first start off, 20. minutes, 25 minutes. And then you do. whatever task you're doing, one task, and then you take a 5-minute break. Then. you come back, and you do another.

25-minute section of work, the next. task, and then you take a 5-minute. break. 25 minute, 5-minute break, 25. minute, 5-minute break. So, at the end. of like an hour, hour and a half, you. have completed all of your tasks, but. you have been monotasking, not task. switching. So, you're protecting your. prefrontal cortex, strengthening your. prefrontal cortex, and not decreasing or. making it difficult with. attention, memory, concentration, etc. That multitasking. Does multitasking make you more stressed.

then? Multitasking. makes you more stressed, yes, because it. decreases your sense of self-efficacy. Because most people aren't good at. multitasking. So, then at the end, you. haven't really completed You've done a. lot of different things. Your attention. is all over the place. You're on your. Slack channel. You're trying to do five. different tasks at once, you're not. doing any of them well. So, at the end. of that hour and a half where you could. have been mono-tasking using the time. blocking technique, you feel you don't. feel that sense of accomplishment or. completion. We know that when we feel. that sense of accomplishment and.

completion, we are just feeling less. stressed cuz you have a greater sense of. agency saying like, "Oh, I can do this.". You know, it's like that same feeling of. getting out of the backseat, going into. the driver's seat. What prompts that? It's like, yes, I have the ability to. get out of the backseat and go into the. driver's seat. That takes some chutzpah. and that takes some agency and. self-efficacy. So many people listening. to this, and you talk about this in. chapter five of your book where you're. talking about um the third reset. So. many people have that subtle You talked. about it at the start as well. That.

subtle humming of stress and anxiety in. their life. It's just kind of like a. background noise of their life. I have. that sometimes. Often. I have that. subtle. angst. One of the things that's really helped. me, which you talk about in the book, is. breathing. And learning some practical breathing. techniques because you don't need to go. to I don't know a therapist or go to. some yoga class to do breathing on your. own, especially sort of short breathing. techniques. What is the most effective. breathing technique that anybody. listening to this right now that has a.

little sense of angst could adopt. instantly and repetitively as a habit in. their lives that you've seen and that. has been proven to be most effective in. reducing that subtle angst? Two. First, diaphragmatic breathing. It's how we all breathe as babies and. somewhere in our adulthood or young. adulthood, we lose our ability to. innately do diaphragmatic breathing. But. if you watch babies, diaphragmatic. breathing is belly breathing or deep. belly breathing. When people say belly breathing, I need. you to explain this to me. How do I know.

if I'm doing it right? Put your hand on your belly. Yeah. One hand on your heart or one hand on. your belly or both hands on your belly. since we're doing diaphragmatic. breathing. And then you're going to take a deep. breath in. Let your belly expand. Here, you're expanding your chest. But. what I want you to do is. expand your belly. and then. let it out with your lips. Purse your lips and get it out. So, you're always inhaling through your nose.

and exhaling through your mouth or your. nose, but you're doing it very slowly. So, what you did initially is that you. went. With my chest. chest. And that's not diaphragmatic. breathing per se. What you're trying to do is just expand. your belly and then let it fall. And you. want to get into somewhat of a natural. breathing pattern. You're forcing it. right now because we're doing this like, you know, immersive instructional. moment. But you can then. as you get better at it, you can put.

your hand on your belly, both hands. And as you're hanging out talking to me, just let your belly rise and fall. Is. there a speed in which I need to exhale? Not necessarily. You want to be as slow. as possible. Some people, you know, in. some yogic traditions say like the. exhale should be double than the inhale. The reason The reason that breathing is. truly a game changer when it comes to. your stress response. is because the breath is the only. physiological mechanism in our body that.

is under voluntary and involuntary. control. So, as you're writing down right now, you are breathing. Your body is. breathing. You're not even thinking. about it. And then suddenly, if I say, "Hey Stephen, want to try diaphragmatic. breathing again?" You can voluntarily. start breathing again. It is the only. bodily mechanism that is under voluntary. and involuntary control. Your heart. can't do that. Your brain waves can't do. that. Your digestion can't do that.

It's all involuntary, right? It's just. happening. But the breath is the one. thing that you can control and then let. go and it does it on its own. And the. reason the breath is so powerful at. mitigating the stress response and. decreasing it is because when you are. feeling a sense of stress and the fight. or flight response, your breath. involuntarily is short in your chest and. rapid. It's like this. Right? You're stressed, your heart's.

beating, and that's also a physiological. mechanism because your body's trying to. get oxygen and you're anxious and your. catecholamines and your cortisol and. your heartbeat is racing. So, you're. breathing quick. And that is called fight or flight. That. is the sympathetic nervous system. Your. sympathetic and parasympathetic system. can't be on at the same time. So, when. you start forcing yourself to take deep. belly breaths, you switch your mode into. the parasympathetic system, and that is. called the rest and digest system, and. then that is what starts calming down.

your stress response in the moment. And the second important breathing. technique that I would really suggest. people try is stop breathe be. It's a. way to tap into your mind body. connection, and it can be really. helpful. And the way you do that is and. I was the first technique I learned. And. you essentially just stop whatever. you're doing. Breathe. And be. It's 3 seconds. Typically, it's. done I did it when I was first starting. in my in a busy as a busy medical.

resident, I did it when I right before I. would knock on the patient's door of the. exam room and I would turn the knob. So, I would stop, breathe, and be. I would. knock and walk in. You can do it right. before your Zoom meeting. Mundane. repetitive tasks is when stop breathe. and be works best. You can do it. throughout the day. You tap into your. mind body connection. You get a sense of. presence. You take that mental break and. then you go on. So, for you Stephen, with your crazy schedule of not having. even a moment, you could try stop. breathe be after before or after every.

single meeting as a book as a bookend. And what would that do to my brain? That. will immediately set off that it'll go. from sympathetic to parasympathetic. So, it will switch the it will flip the. switch and it will decrease your stress. response in the moment. It will prime. your brain and body for what's next. It. will also help you in the moment because. it will make you feel grounded and a. sense of presence in the moment. So, it. will you stop, you breathe, and you be. And you can say that whisper that to.

yourself as you're doing it. And then as. you get better, you know, um you won't. have to say that to yourself. I do it. constantly. I did it right before I. walked into this building. Right before. I sat down. As we were getting the mic. fixed. Stop. Breathe. Be. Just keeps you. grounded and in the present moment. It. helps with the runaway train of stress. and it keeps you in. right here, right now. And keeps your. mind where your feet are. We talked. about speaking to people when you have, you know, you're experiencing stress.

But one of the things I read about in. your book is the importance of writing, therapeutic writing, and how that plays. a a really wonderful role in limiting. our stress. Um. is there any research that supports the. fact that if I just go home and write, that I'll I'll experience less stress? And if so, what is the research and how. what's going on there? Yes, there's. plenty of research. A wonderful. researcher psychologist named James. Pennebaker from the University of. Vanderbilt. um developed a technique called. expressive writing, also known as. therapeutic writing. And the instruction.

is essentially for 4 days, write for 20. to 25 minutes, set a timer, and just. write. No one's going to see it. Just write about a traumatic event that. happened to you. So, whatever that. trauma may be, I talk about it in the. book. It's like one of my patients who. had a traumatic event or if something's. gone on this week for you that you want. to work out. It doesn't have to be some. deep-seated trauma. It can be like you. had an argument with your girlfriend. You had something come up at work. You. were stressed about a project or you're.

getting into an argument with your. parent or your child or whatever it may. be. You just set a timer on your phone if. you wish or a, you know, old-fashioned. alarm clock or your, you know, your oven. if you don't have if you don't want to. use your phone. Set a timer for 20. minutes or 25 minutes. Sit down with a. piece of paper and a pen and just start. writing about the. event. And then when the timer ends, you. stop. And then the next day you do it. again. Four consecutive days, you might. notice an uptick in your distress on day.

two or day three, and then it will just. decrease. That therapeutic writing has. been shown to be effective for so many. things. It can be helpful for your mood. and sleep and anxiety and irritability. It's been shown to be helpful in studies. to increase your GPA, to decrease. hospital admissions. It's been It's wild. what therapeutic writing has been shown. to do. It's called expressive writing. And.

on there in the brain? What's going on. in the body? What's making the it so. therapeutic? I think one of the things that is. happening is that there is we you you. had mentioned this earlier. I think one. of the things that's happening is likely. cognitive reframing. So, first, you are. on day one and I've done this many, many. times. I practice therapeutic writing on. a regular basis. On day one as you're. writing, it's your amygdala speaking, right? It's like your self-preservation. and survival and your inner critic and. you're like. blasting whatever issue is happening.

And then as you go through day two, three, and four, I think there is you're. creating a safe space. You're processing. a lot of your emotions. It's very. important to process a lot of your. emotions and you're not keeping them. stuck. You're, you know, expressing. yourself. And then I think you're coming. to your own conclusion. So, there's. probably many, many things, active. things that are happening in your brain. You are. moving away from amygdala to prefrontal. cortex because you're thinking, strategizing, organizing your ideas. You're expressing yourself. We know that.

writing and just, you know, journaling. is also very helpful. Why? Because it is. a way to express yourself and let these. nebulous ideas become concrete words and. thoughts and feelings. Um And then I think there's an element. of self-efficacy and a sense of agency. happening, too, because you are solving. your own issue or figuring out a new. angle, a new perspective, and you're. looking at yourself, hopefully by the. end, through a lens of self-compassion, which is also something that happens. It. made me think that you know, it explains.

why if I send a message or an email when. I'm stressed, it's never a good message. I always regret it. You know, like when. you're having an argument with somebody. or like you know, you might be with your. girlfriend or your boyfriend and they've. triggered you in some way. Maybe you're. tired and then you start responding. Very bad time to send messages. Very bad. time to send anything. Just. Stress stressed people are going to send. the worst emails, aren't they? Because. the amygdala's writing the email. That's. right. Take a beat. Do it the next day. That's why they say sleep on it, right? Sleep on it. If it's a good idea today, it'll be a better idea tomorrow.

Interesting. I want to talk to you about this last. thing, which is live a lifetime in a. day. I've never heard this before, but you. say this technique is the antidote to. hustle culture. Often, when you hear the term live a. lifetime in a day, it sounds like hustle. culture. It's like cram it all in in a. day, make it all count. No, it's the. antidote. When we are going through life on. autopilot and we are doing a million. things, we often go to bed at night and.

we're like, "What did we just do? What. was the point of all of that?" Right? Like, human beings are meaning-seeking, purpose-driven creatures. And live a lifetime in a day is my. universal prescription to patients. It. is helpful when you have 70 years to. live, if it's helpful when you have 7. days to live. And what it essentially. means is that there are six areas of. what make up the arc of a long and. meaningful life. And the prescription is. to bring those six areas into one day,

even for a minute or two. So, when your. head hits the pillow at night, you have. a sense of fulfillment, of meaning, of purpose. The six elements of live a lifetime in a. day are childhood. Spend a few minutes. every day in a sense of wonder and play. Whatever that may mean to you. Work. For. most of us, it's hours, so that's easy, right? Like, doing something, whether. it's paid or unpaid, that gives you a. sense of meaning and accomplishment.

Solitude. Spend some time alone to. reflect and really think about We know. that spending time alone is helpful for. our mental health and well-being, also. for creativity. Vacation. That's an easy. one. Spend time, even if it's a few. minutes a day, doing something you love. And the example of that that is the most. common that I've seen with patients is. people love playing a musical. instrument, let's say the guitar. And. this is one particular patient I'm. thinking about. And she loved playing. the guitar and I asked her, "When was. the last time you played the guitar?". And she said, "Oh my god, it's been like. 6 months. And I have three guitars at.

home." And I said, "Why?". She said, "Because I like have three. kids and I have lots of stress and I. have a job and my husband." I said, "Well, what about just like 2 minutes. every day? Like, you know, bring that into your. life as you just do it for the joy of. playing the guitar." And so, she did. Every single day and she played a song. and then over time she played two songs. and then she started playing 30 minutes. a day. But, initially, it's like that, you know, cuz we have that all or. nothing fallacy, so we don't do it at. all. Vacation, so build that in a little bit. Something that brings you joy. Then,

family. Doesn't mean you have to have a. family, but spend time in community with. loved ones, engaging with some people, whether it it could even mean a quick. phone call. And then finally, retirement. Spend a. few minutes taking stock of your day, figuring out what worked, what didn't. And then that is the prescription. essentially to lead a wonderful, fulfilling life. So, when your head hits. the pillow at night, you feel that deep. sense of satisfaction. You've hit all. six areas, even if it's a minute or two. You're like, "Oh yeah, I spent some time.

in childhood. I spent some time, you. know." And that is the antidote to. hustle culture because when we are. feeling stressed and burned out and. always on the go and living with our. amygdala, we often will be doing so much. during the day and then we go to bed at. night and we don't feel a sense of. accomplishment at all. And then you wake. up and you do it again the next day. And. so, how do you bring in that sense of. joy and meaning and purpose into our. life every day? That's one way. What is the most important thing that. we've missed?

So, we talked about popcorn brain and that's. what happens when we spend too much. times on too much time on our phone. There's also this concept of brain. drain. What happens to us and our brainpower. even when our phone is close by but not. in use because of the sheer potential. for distraction. So, our phones are really powerful. They. are not benign devices. One antidote to popcorn brain and to.

brain drain is a media diet. And there. are really three ways that you can. instill this media diet into your life. to. help with your primal urge to scroll. The first is time limits, 20 minutes a. day, and set a timer if you have to for. engaging and consuming. bad news. The second is geographical. limits. During the day, keep your phone. 10 feet away from your workstation if if. you can, out of reach, out of arm's. reach, and at night, off your. nightstand. Keeping your phone off your.

nightstand could be the biggest. game-changer because in the morning when. you wake up, like most people checking. their phone, instead, you aren't just. scrolling. You're getting up, maybe. brushing your teeth, using the bathroom, and then you can engage with technology. But that one small shift could be key. And the third is to set some logistical. limits. So, creating some sort of. boundary in a digital boundary could. make all of the difference in your. relationship with your phone, thereby. improving your stress and mental health.

There's a lot going on in the world. right now. There's. a lot of bad news. There is wars, there. is I mean, in the whole sort of two decades that. I've been on the internet, social media, I have never lived through a moment, maybe the pandemic was somewhat similar, but I think this is maybe even more. extreme, where I go on my Instagram and. I see. videos and photos of. dead babies. Not that far away from where we are in.

Europe, relatively. And there's a there's a sort of trauma. involved in that. So much so that the. other day I walked into the uh into my. kitchen. and my partner was sat there and she's. just crying. And she's looking at her. phone and she's crying. And I you know, I put some things on her phone just to. make sure that she wouldn't accidentally. stumble across those things again. And. then the next day we had the same. situation happen where she was in the. kitchen and she was very, very upset. She was again tears coming down her. face. She's like struggling with it for. multiple days in a row.

And it just made me think, that's an. extreme example, but. yeah, I mean, like It's not an extreme. example. I had the same thing happen to. me. I knew all the I know all the. science and yet I was also weeping and I. think many people are feeling exactly. like your girlfriend. And the science. supports this, you know, we're. experiencing, in many ways, it's like. the cycle of trauma. And a researcher. who I spoke to for my book, Roxane. Silver, who is a psychologist in. California, has shown through multiple studies that.

your risk of PTSD. increases when you consume graphic. images, even if the thing that you're. consuming is happening thousands of. miles away. Like the war. Like any. conflict, any climate disaster, anything. If you start consuming graphic. images and videos, you increase your. risk of PTSD, your own personal risk, even though you have not had any direct.

trauma because it's indirect trauma that. you're seeing. And so, it's a cycle. The. more videos you consume or the more. graphic content you consume, your. amygdala gets fired, your primal urge to. scroll starts going haywire, and then. you scroll some more, and then you. scroll some more because you don't feel. safe, you don't, you know. So, this is a. It is your biology working as it should. because it is your biology of stress and. clickbait and doomscrolling are both. powered by the same biology that governs.

the fight or flight response. And there. is actual data to show that it increases. your risk of PTSD. and increases your risk of getting. mental health conditions later in life, so years later. When I think about all. the things that are going on in the. world, I'm conflicted, right? Because you can't. ignore those things, but at the same. time, those things are giving you PTSD. That's right. Well, the key is, and I. work in journalism. I'm a medical.

correspondent. It's not about. censorship. Being an informed citizen is critical at. all times, especially now. You have to. be an informed citizen, but you have to. create some digital boundaries, so. you're protecting your sanity and. protecting your mental health. There are. also other ways that you can get. involved by supporting various causes. and donating and taking action. We know. that that is also very helpful. But you. want to limit your. engagement with graphic content. You can. also limit your engagement with looking.

at videos and looking at images and. instead read about it, right? Like, follow certain accounts that you trust. and read about what's happening in the. world. It is not about censorship. because the news and journalism, and I. am speaking from the perspective of. being a journalist or correspondent, it's vital. It's vital to democracy, it's vital to functioning society, but. there has to be a line between being an. informed citizen and protecting our.

mental health and our sanity. And. understanding that if you are having. difficulty sleeping, if you notice any. alarm signs, like. mood disorders, if you're having an. uptick in anxiety, depressive thoughts, thoughts of hurting yourself, hurting. others, that you should seek counseling. and seek medical attention, because. these are not benign thoughts, like you, you know, it's very easy to say, "Oh, but it's happening far away. I shouldn't. be feeling like this." Don't should. yourself, right? Instead, seek the help, because the data shows that you are at. risk if you are over-consuming. There is.

a fine line between consuming and. over-consuming the news at any time, especially now, but really at any time. You wanted to show me something on the. paper. You wanted to say I wanted to. talk to you a little bit about this idea. of. we are all hyper-connected. We've. already talked about all of the data. about you know, we look at we touch our. screens, our phones, 2,617 times a day. We, you know, think about like how many. times we breathe in an hour. It's 960.

breaths that we take an hour, and some. people are touching their phones like. that much. And if you want to check your. reliance on your phone, it's very easy. to check. You just like keep your phone. far away three or four hours and take a. piece of paper and do a tick mark every. time, like a tally, every time you feel. like you want to check your phone and. see what that impulse is, and you'll. you'll be shocked at how often you're. checking your phone. I want to kind of talk a little bit. about this idea of hyper-connected and. that we are all hyper-connected, but we. are disconnected. And I write about this in the five.

resets. The loneliness epidemic, it's really a. pandemic. Globally, loneliness levels are higher than they. have been in years. And one statistic, 330 million people. globally go two weeks before speaking. with anyone, family, friends, anyone. Loneliness is something that is a real. concern, because we know that when we. are not spending time with people and we.

feel a sense of loneliness, and that's. different than being alone, by the way. When you are feeling a sense of. loneliness, it actually has a health. outcome. Loneliness has been found to be equal to. smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It increases your It increases your risk. of heart disease by 30%. It increases. your risk of stroke by 30%, and it. shortens your lifespan. So, um, all to. say that we are spending more time alone.

now than ever. And you could be an introvert, you could. be an extrovert. It's not about. necessarily your personality type, it's. about feeling that sense of connection. and community. And that is really an antidote for. stress. We have a closing tradition on this. podcast. The tradition is that the last. guest leaves a question for the next. guest, not knowing who they're going to. be leaving it for. And the question that's been left for. you. is. This is a great one for you, I think. What idea that you once held to be true.

turned out to be entirely false? I love this question, and I've thought. about it so often, because I. One idea that I used to think was true. is that people's internal experience and. external presentation match up.

So, if you see someone who's really. confident and put together, it's because. inside they feel confident and put. together. And through my own lived experience as. just a human in this world, as a doctor. treating patients, as a speaker speaking. to tens of thousands of people, I so. deeply know that that is not true, that. people will often look a certain way and. look put together and confident and. happy and smiling, but they are. struggling inside. And so, I try to do.

this and to, you know, corny cliché, but. be kinder than necessary, because. everyone is fighting a battle you know. so little about. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for both the wonderful. compliments you've given us on and off. camera about what we do here, but thank. you for helping us build this show, make. it even better. The things that you talk. about in your book are so timely. You know, the subject matter of stress. and burnout and resilience and all of. these things are so timely, and reading. through the book has helped me to.

reframe both my perspective, but maybe. even more interestingly some of my. terminology. Because there is certain loaded. terminology that we all use, and there's. certain ideas we have about stress and. resilience and stereotypes that are. completely unhealthy that I'm I'm 100%. guilty of um, using and furthering. You're also a wonderful communicator. I. think the way that you approach this. subject matter is through a very. empathetic lens, and you're able, I. think, to bring both sides of the. conversation and the argument, per se,

with you. And when I say both sides of. the argument, I mean the people on the. the one side who think that um, all. stress is great, and that, you know, the. hustle culture side, but also the other. side that think we should never do. anything that's stressful whatsoever. There's a There's a nuanced middle. ground, which you approach so. articulately based on science and the. the work that you've done for the. entirety of your life, and it's such. important work. It's increasingly more. important work. Um, and hopefully more of us can realize. that chronic stress is not natural. It's.

not to be glamorized, per se, and it is. not a sign of success. And really, there's something else we should be. aiming at in our lives, which will get. us closer to the happiness, fulfillment, connection that we're all seeking. And. that's what your book endeavors to do. and does so well. So, thank you for. being here today, and thank you for the. the wisdom and the gems that you've. given me, cuz I'm sure it'll change my. life and nudge me in a better direction. Thank you so much, Steven. Like I told. you before, I am a fan. And you're such. a great interviewer, and this is.

testament, like you're reading back the. book to me, and it just is, you know, it. is so beautiful. And you really get at. the heart I think what you do so, so. well, and I've noticed this when you are. doing your interviews, is that you. really get to the heart of the person's. work that you're talking about, but you. also get to the heart of who the person. is. And I really admire that, because. ultimately, while we all do our work, we. are humans doing this work. We are mere. mortals of flesh and blood, and I think.

that's something that you do so well, is. that you really show the humanity in. each person and their work, but it's so. much deeper, and I think that's why your. podcast is so successful. You share your. own humanity, and you bring out the. humanity in the people you speak to. So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Honestly, you know, people say to me all the time that I. call, "You must get sick of hearing this. and all that stuff." But every single. time I get feedback, it really does I. There's not been a time that someone's. given me feedback on this podcast that I.

don't feel like I've learned something. And in that, what you just said there, I. learned something again. You know, and it's rein- reinforced. something that I believe. So, thank you. so much for sharing that, you didn't. have to. And thank you for being here, and this is the start of our. relationship, and I'm looking forward to. the rest of it. Thank you. It's really. rare to be a fan of something and then. do it and have a greater esteem for it. afterwards, and that is what has. happened today, my friend. Oh, wow. Thank you. Come give me a hug.

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