Shocking TRUE Story: “I Lost Both Of My Legs Because Of A Tampon” (Health Warning) - Lauren Wasser

This almost killed me. And it's killed. hundreds and thousands of women. If. men's parts were falling off, there. would be a resolution tomorrow. Until. something is done, I won't quit. Lauren Wasser Model, activist, and. survivor of one of the deadliest. diseases caused by a product millions of. women use today, resulting in losing. both of her legs. I'm the girl with the. golden legs. Lauren, October the 3rd, 2012, can you take me to that day? I was just. on my period. [music] It was super. heavy, and I I guess I must have passed.

out. They found me face down on my bedroom. floor. Toxic shock syndrome caused by a. tampon, and I was 10 minutes from death. I had two heart attacks. My kidneys, my. organs were failing. My feet were. turning black. So, when I finally woke. up, they needed to amputate [music] my. right leg or I was going to die. But, they're telling me that we cannot give. you any pain medicine. I have felt every single thing that was. done to me. For those 8 months, I was alone. Every.

day, I was throwing, screaming, crying, wanting to like think about ways I could. kill myself. But, there was something in my soul that. was like, "Don't pull the trigger.". Just hold on. Are you feeling a sense of injustice? This shouldn't have happened, but. there's nothing on the market for women. that is safe for us. It kills us. This. is my new beginning. Lauren, what can be.

done? That's the scary part. I have to give you a warning. This conversation is not easy to listen. to because it's so deeply moving. But, it's important that you do. It's. important that more people know about. the risks that they face by the products. they use every single day. And it's. important that people hear Lauren. Wasser's unimaginable story. A A that will change your mind, break. your heart, and then put it back.

together again. Toxic shock syndrome is. probably something you've never heard of. before, but it can affect anyone at any. time. Men, women, and children of all. ages. [music]. [music]. Lauren, what do I need to know about your. earliest years. to understand how you were. shaped, molded, the perspective that you.

inherited from that early context and. environment? I think the idea of perfection, the idea. [clears throat] that physically. looking like that 1% and being, I guess. back then too, being a supermodel in the. late '80s, '90s, that's kind of like the. cool era and that's kind of where. me being around all of these women that. were just flawless and beautiful, um, kind of set [clears throat] the tone. And also saw like.

you can get away with anything if you're. beautiful as well, which was interesting. to me. But I was the complete opposite. Like. I am a tomboy, played basketball as my. first love. That's where I I think. really molded and shaped it who I am as. a person and why I honestly I think I'm. alive. I think having to have the. dedication, have the. determination, but also like have to. show up every single day and give it.

your all, um, was something that I didn't really see. anywhere else. Like my dad wasn't there. My dad, unfortunately, he was. he got caught up in the whole drug. scene, um, complete drug addict, um, basically saw him homeless on the side. of the street when I was younger. Like. my mom and I would be driving down. Melrose. and my dad, I would look out and be. like, "Oh my god, that's my dad.". Like on the side of the street cuz he's. homeless. He was. He was a big model. But, you.

know, Studio 54, that whole era was. obviously drug. mostly drugs. But my mom was like. ahead of her career, 21 years old. Um 21 years old? She had me at 21. She was a a big model, wasn't she? She. was pretty big. She was a Stephanie. Seymour and Cindy Crawford and Naomi. That whole era, you know, um. kind of growing up and around that was. just kind of crazy to see. She wouldn't even leave the house. without wearing makeup or like looking. like top of the line. Whereas, I don't.

give a [ __ ] Like I'll just roll out of. bed and. put on some basketball shorts and and a. vintage tee and be like, "Cool, I'm. out." You know. [laughter]. What if I'd asked you then, say you're. 16 years old and I said, "What do you. want to be when you're older?" What. would you have responded to me? Oh, I. thought I was going to be like the Maria. Sharapova, like the WNBA. Like I was I. was. I was set in stone wanting to be like. endorsements, playing ball 24/7, travel like that was. my dream. Like that's what I really wanted for.

myself. To be a basketball player? Yeah. So, that's why it's kind of like just. the irony of like the fact I don't have. legs anymore is like just crazy to me. cuz I'm like I'm an athlete first and. foremost and like that is my livelihood. Like that's what I know best is movement. is. going outside and going for a run, you. know? I mean, even just. we all take for granted just walking in. the shower, you know? So, you're 24 when your life changes. Mhm.

October the 3rd, 2012. You're 24 years. old. Can you take me to that day? When you woke up that day, what was you. know, what was if you can remember the. the plans you had for that day and. um and how that day unfolded. Yeah, I was uh 24. Probably the best day of ever in my. life. Super healthy. Um. My period has always been really heavy, so I've always had to use super. absorbent tampons.

Um. but and my mom had told me about toxic. shock syndrome. She told me obviously. how to use them properly, change them. every 3 hours. Um but on that specific day, I. like any normal day, I was just on my. period. It was super heavy and. I ran out of my tampons, so I went and. bought a new box and. I just remember feeling. super sick, like almost as if I like the.

flu. It was October, so flu season. All of my friends were getting sick and. I had to go to my friend's birthday that. night and it's just me and my blind. cocker spaniel at the time living in. Santa Monica. So it's just her and I. I. changed my tampon obviously. And I'm I'm just laying there probably, I don't know, 30, 40 minutes. I start. feeling even worse. And I'm like, wow, I'm I'm really. feeling sick. I'm texting with my. friends, you know, couple hours go by, change my tampon again. So this is this. is the second time I've changed it.

It's about now like. I don't know, 5, 6 p.m. And I have to get ready to go to my. friend's birthday, so. I get in the shower, get myself. together, put a new the tampon in. And as soon as I drive and I walk into. the venue, all of my friends are in. there and they're just like, dude, you. look so sick. And I felt it, like I. finally in that moment felt like this. like whole wave of like.

heat and also just. something is not right. And I'm like, yeah, I think I should probably just go. home. So I drive myself back home. My. mom and I are are close, so we chat. every 5 minutes. We're always in. communication. And I was like, "Yeah, I'm just feeling. kind of unwell, but I'm I'm I think I'm. okay." And then I get to my apartment. and I'm just like really, really hot. So, I just take off all of my clothes. And I just [clears throat] like lay on. the floor with. by my bed with my dog. And I I guess I must have passed out.

And my mom's frantically trying to like. get in contact with me and she can't get. a hold of me, but she knew that I was. feeling ill. So, she called um the police to come by. for a welfare check. So, I'm laying on I remember this. because I was laying on my my my bedroom. floor. and I just remember my blind cocker. spaniel. like literally on my chest. And you know. a cocker spaniel, like they're so sweet. and friendly and she was like. ferociously like barking at me to where. like I could feel her like breath and.

her like spit almost. And she was just like so like adamant. about like getting me up, like jumping. on me and stuff. And then I hear like the knock at the. door. And I hear police, police open up. And. I'm like, "What? Like what's going on? Like why are the police here?" So. confused. But at this time, I was already. accumulating like a 107 fever. So, I was. pretty much like. just not in any shape or form like. making any. real decisions cuz I'm just so.

discombobulated of like even what's. going on. So, I like throw on a hoodie and I open. the door and and the cop comes in and he. looks at me and he's like, "You're. really sick.". And I'm like, "No [ __ ] you know, like. obviously.". And he looks around my apartment and I. think like I didn't even have a chance. to take my dog out. So, then I'm sure. there was like pee and whatever and. he's like, "Um you're really sick. You. need to call your mom." And I'm like, "Okay." And then he's like so I I. plugged in my phone. and he just [ __ ] left.

The cop just left me. So, then I like plug my phone in. I text. my mom. I'm like, "The cop just came.". Obviously, I'm really sick, but I think. I just have the flu. And I mean, he's a. cop, so I think if there was any real. urgency, he would take me to the. emergency room. And at that point, I'm. in Santa Monica, and I'm living 5. minutes from St. John's. Like, you could see St. John's from my. balcony of my apartment. Yeah, this. hospital that saved my life. How long. had you been on the floor?

Probably a few hours. Okay. Um. but she was like. after speaking to her, clearly, she has. that motherly instinct to be like, "Something doesn't sit well." So, I. said, "Listen, the cop just left. Obviously, I think I'm okay. I just need. to just sleep this off. And I'll I'll call you in the morning.". And that was the last we spoke. Obviously, that doesn't sit well with. her, so she feels the need to get. another welfare check. She gets her. husband to drive her. She was just uh. had surgery, so she was bedridden, and.

she was living in Riverside at the time, which is like. it could take up to like an hour or two. to even get to me. So, she called all of. her friends, all of my friends, called. the police again. to come to my apartment to like see how. I'm doing or get me help or something. Um so, once she [clears throat] did. that, the cops came again, and it took. them like 30 to 45 minutes to get inside. of my apartment. And they found me face. down on my bedroom floor, defecated. basically myself and everything around. me. I was dying. I was 10 minutes from.

death. They rushed me to St. John's, um. and they were like, "Why is this. healthy, young, 24-year-old girl. plummeting?". They didn't get it. And. thank God, there was an infectious. disease doctor that was on call, and he. said, "Well, does she have a tampon in?". And once they located the tampon, and. they sent it to the lab, it came back as. TSS-1, and that's when they were able to. finally kind of get me stable and give. me the things that I that my body was. more susceptible to accepting at that.

time, because it was really grim. And I had two heart attacks. My kidneys, my organs were failing. They put me on life support. I had a 107. fever. They. basically gave me a 1% chance of even. surviving. So. TSS-1. Toxic shock syndrome caused by a tampon. It's because all of these tampons, feminine hygiene products that are. available for women on the market right. now if we were to go look,

they have chlorine, bleach, dioxin, all these synthetic fibers that we place. inside of us at such a delicate time. And that just gets in your bloodstream. and it slowly kills you. It's a gateway to everything. And those. specific things are. so toxic. You know, and then if you're using super. absorbent tampons, the absorbency. way more than just a normal one. And.

even if you use a cotton tampon, it's. still sprayed with pesticides. So there is actually nothing on the. market for women that is safe for us. Everything has something, some sort of. chemical in it. So so they you're in hospital, they've. given you a 1% chance of. of surviving, of living. Mhm. And. they've they've told your family. presumably that your chance of survival. is. You haven't well you have a 99% chance. of not surviving. Mhm.

Do you know how your your family had. responded to that? There was a whole line around St. John's. of like everyone that I knew. to say goodbye to me. Of course my. family too, but like I'm from LA. Like I. I've been around and know everyone. And. to see that kind of response, especially. during that to where like people are. actually coming to say their. their goodbyes and pay their respects is. just insane. Obviously I I don't know. any of that, but that's that's just what.

I've been told, but. it's just pretty crazy. And I was, you. know, in a Well, on life support, fighting for. my life, and. each moment was was very grim. You were in a coma? Yeah, I was in a I was on life support. in a coma for like. a week and a half. Have you. found out when someone while you were in. a coma, in terms of the treatments they. were giving you to try and keep you. alive? So, they gave me um they pumped. me in my whole body full of fluids.

because the toxins had taken over, so. they pumped my body full of like 100 lb. of fluid. So, when I finally woke up. from from the coma, I was 200 lb. So, like I'm tiny, and I woke up, and I was. just like, I thought I literally just. had one of those nights where you just. eat a bunch of donuts and candy and ice. cream, and I was just like, is this what hap- You know, I just I had. no idea why I was literally in and had. tubes [clears throat] in my throat and. machines everywhere, and my mom. obviously like sitting right beside me, and everyone freaking out that like I'm.

awake. And but what degree am I awake? Like no. one specifically knew. how damaged or what severity it was. until I could actually like. be awake to to tell them more, to show. them. But, yeah, it was it was really touch and go. The rest of your family, your. grandparents, your brother, were they. around at that time? Yeah. Everyone was, all of my friends. I mean, it was it was really to that point. I.

mean, my my godfather and my mom got a. casket. They were going to plan my funeral. Like, they was to that point of like. this girl probably will not make it. And it's a bacterial infection. Yeah, but it's it's It has nothing to do. with leaving your tampon in too long. I was changing my with the tampon as as. normal as I've always done, as normal as. you should, as normal as directed. Um, but again, I think it's about. how toxic these tampons are and how they.

sit in our bodies and, you know, it just. takes one of those those toxins to get. in our bloodstream and it starts that. kind of flu-like symptoms, but that's so. vague. That's so. um. Yeah, I just think that could be in so. many things. And and even now, I would. never be able to differentiate. oh yeah, my tampon is making me sick. I. would never think that. But now that I. have all the information and obviously. knowing that like. I'm just the lucky one that got away.

with my life. You know, looking back on it, I'm like, wow, like that's it's crazy that that. almost killed me. And it's killed hundreds and thousands. of women. since the '80s, the early '80s to now. It's still an epidemic that's never gone. away. Was it by chance that that particular. doctor was on call that day that asked. about, does she have a tampon in? Oh, I'm I'm so grateful because that. that in itself is a miracle. that there was someone that knows about. toxic shock syndrome and, you know,

understands the dangers and was there. and saw, you know, the symptoms that I. was obviously showing and had even the. idea to to ask or to look or to, you. know, say this is this could be it. This could. probably why this girl's literally dying. right before us. But it says a lot that they would ask. that question. It's it says that there's clearly a long. history of that being. a causal factor for illness if a doctor.

would even ask that question. But the sad thing is is a lot of it it. goes misdiagnosed a lot of the time and. and a lot of people just think it's it's. doesn't happen or it couldn't happen or. you know, it was kind of swept under the. rug by tampon companies because it's a. billion-dollar industry and you know, no. one ever saw someone like myself. survive it and then being able to say. hey like. this is this shouldn't be happening. Like this almost killed me and that's. why I even shared my story to begin with.

is because I wanted women and I wanted. the world to be aware that this is. something that. we shouldn't be taking lightly and that. we need to demand for safer products and. also. demand like why is this still happening. and you know, obviously then it was 2012 but here we. are at 2023 and young women more than. ever are in danger. I I read that the doctors were telling. your mother to start praying that you'd. stay alive. Yeah. And that the doctors were praying. I think everyone was praying. It was it.

was really dark. It was like a. I I feel so bad for my mom because I. can't even imagine to like what degree. she. you know, seeing me in that state and. then every moment is like you know, with. these machines going off, you know, she's literally sitting on a cot next to. me just staring and hoping that I I'd. even come to, you know, and You were her. best friend as well at that point. Yeah, and it yeah, it just probably was. so hard.

You start to wake up. Yeah. Can you talk talk to me about what. happened from that point onwards when. you start to regain consciousness? What. did you hear? What did you see? Again, I think when I first woke up I. was just it was just pure shock. I. didn't know why I was so big. I didn't. know why I had the breathing tubes and. um the the crazy thing too is I guess. during my the whole time when I was in a. coma, my my feet. were turning black slowly because a lot. of the damage was done when my body was.

dying. So all of the blood went to like. my brain, my heart, my my organs and my. everything and so your lower extremities. or your extremities of that don't really. get the blood because you're dying. So, they're going to preserve. the goods first, if that makes sense. [clears throat]. Um so, a lot of that damage was. irreversible because I was. I don't know, on my bedroom floor. alone dying for. I don't know, a couple hours, I guess, you know, and then that time a lot of. that damage was.

was done to my lower extremities, but. also. they were it was happening to my hands, too. And so, my hands were turning black, too. And and to this day, there's no. reason why any medical physician can. tell me why my hands came back and I. didn't have to amputate. Like, they were. thinking about amputating my legs and my. hands. while I was in the coma because they. were discolored and, you know, turning. kind of purplish pink and it's pretty. crazy. Like, if I would have woken up. and. had no arms and no legs, I definitely.

don't think I would be here. There's no. way. I don't think I'm that strong. There's there's just no way. But, the. idea of that is just kind of crazy that. And maybe it's because, you know, my. arms were close to my heart and the. blood flow. came came easier that way, but. I think that's pretty crazy, too. When was the first time you were aware. that there was a suggestion of. amputating anything? Um.

for the first time I was alone in the. ICU at St. John's and it was just me. sitting there. and my feet were just constantly on. fire. Like, it literally felt as though. someone was sitting there just lighting. my foot on fire. Like, the burning. sensation was. insane. Um and my my right leg was worse than my. left. My toes on my left side were. turning purplish pink. Um but, my right.

side, there was a lot more damage, you. could tell. And so, then the the came in of. basically they they needed to. amputate my right leg to save my life. or I was going to die. And I had no idea. about any of that. So, I'm laying there, my room is empty. and there is a nurse that comes in and. she's on the other side of me behind a. curtain and I can [clears throat] hear. the conversation. And she's saying, "I have a a young girl.

here who's 24 years old who's. [clears throat] going to need a right. leg below the knee amputation and we. need to get her in bed right away and. into hyperbaric as soon as possible.". So, she's on the phone to UCLA to get me. into UCLA because they have the best. um hyperbaric uh chambers there that. basically it's like 200% oxygen that you. go into and it basically just just like. gets everything moving and the blood. flow to everything and. so, they were trying to get me a room. and I just remember hearing like. I just remember like looking around and.

being like, "Is she she's talking about. me?". Like she's she's saying that I'm. an amputation like and I just [ __ ]. started screaming. And I was screaming for my mom, I was. screaming for my god I was screaming for. everyone. I was like, "Do not let this. person do not let anyone touch me. Do. not let this Like what is she saying? Like tell her that's not true.". Like just completely unaware of like the. severity of. the situation for myself. And.

yeah, it was that was probably the first. time where I like even heard the word. amputation. I can't believe you overheard it. Yeah, it was like. shocking. And then from there I think I just was. like, "I'm [ __ ] doomed.". Because like. you know. being able to just. walk and move and obviously being an. athlete and. not having your legs like I couldn't. even wrap my head around that. Like what.

does that even look like? You overhear. that behind the curtain. You start screaming. What happens then? I think too, it's like. being able or just being a normal human. being, you never even think about what. that looks like. What that even entails of having to live. with or having to even, you know, put a leg like you just your mind. doesn't even go there cuz why would it, you know? And. so for me just knowing what that did.

look like and what I knew of people. with, you know, prosthetics or. whatever, I just I was like, this is. this is not going to happen like this. cannot happen to me. This is not. reality. This is like a [ __ ]. nightmare that I just really hope is. going to end soon. Does your mother come. running in? You Yeah, she she came. running in and she was just like trying. to calm me, but obviously it was like. she probably knew too, but. it was just a shock. It was just like. how. I couldn't even comprehend like what.

that even meant. Um so then they were like, we need to. get you to UCLA as soon as possible. So. we went to UCLA. Um. And you know what's crazy is like our. health care system is so backwards too, like. I can look back and say I'm grateful A. that I have health that I had health. insurance, but also that I knew people. That I knew people in substantial places. and and and. places that could help me. But if I didn't know them, I wouldn't.

have been given those. luxurious like opportunities of even. getting a bed in UCLA if my mom didn't. know so-and-so. Or if my godfather didn't make this call. or do you know what I mean? And it's. like that shouldn't even be a thing. Like everyone is a human being. Like there's no this or that for for. life and that was kind of like really. after all of this, I was like, that's. really sad that. I I know, life is kind of. picked apart like what matters and who. matters and when it matters and.

what you. what cards you can. pull together, you know? Um. So, just getting to UCLA and in. and there and getting a room and being. able to like have that specific health. care and that attention, especially when. I needed it, was honestly heaven-sent. because I wouldn't have gotten what I. got had I not been in connections with. the people that I knew. But yeah, just getting to UCLA and. immediately getting into hyperbaric and.

trying to see, you know, the severity of. the damage and if it was possible to. even get any blood flow. Um but and it would be weird because I'd. go into the hyperbaric chamber and it's. like this huge It's probably like the. size of this room. And you could. probably fit like four or five people in. it. And they'd just wheel me in and I'd. probably have to take some of my crazy. anti um anxiety medicine because it's. like. it's like going to the depths of the. ocean, you know, they have to turn the. thing and they can't open it for.

anything. Like otherwise your your lungs. would lungs would explode and it's like. it's pretty serious. And then having to. like see your feet slowly just. mummify or your you know, your toes turn. black and. you know, this one doctor I remember she said. something like. yeah, you can just go home and you know, your toes will just fall off and. you know, like. this is before I got to the doctors that. I needed, but that was like kind of the. the [ __ ] that I was presented with.

of like people coming in and saying. like, oh, well, you know, this is just. what's going to happen and after that. happens then we'll figure it out. It's. like, excuse me? And then like making a call and being. like, this is absolutely like insane. No. way is, you know, that happening or. You just go home and your toes will fall. off. Yeah, as if that's like just the. thing. [clears throat]. You come out of the hyperbaric chamber. Your. I guess the hope was after coming out of. the hyperbaric chamber that there'd be. some kind of movement in your feet or or. something, right?

to do it like three times a day for. hours on end. It was not just like one. thing. It was just trying to see. especially immediately how my body was. responding and if it was responding and. if there was any way they can salvage. anything. And at that point gangrene had set into. my right leg and it was moving really, really fast. So, that's when they were. like, we need to amputate like now. And if they hadn't? Then I would die. Because the infection would spread from. the right leg up around the body. So, it.

was like cruising up my right leg, but. it somewhat was starting in my left. foot, too. So, my my toes. and my heel were really badly severely. damaged. So, from that, but then I had. my whole left. leg. But on my right side, it was like. slowly creeping to where it was turning. purplish pink and. yeah, they were like it's this is going. to move quick and it's going to move to. your heart and you're going to be dead. So, I really didn't have an I didn't have an. option. A doctor said that to you? Mhm. With your mother there? Mhm.

And they were like, you have a 50/50. chance of. ever walking again as far as keeping my. left side because my toes would need to. be amputated. My heel needed to be. debrided and. knowing this now, but like your heel is. probably the most important part of your. entire body because there's nothing on. this planet that is. able to take the beating that it takes. on a daily basis, whether it's standing, running, the pressure, anything. Um that fat or that specific. skin, you can't buy that on the market.

There's nothing on the planet that can, you know, you can just grow it back or. replace it or, you know, do a a transplant or something. of that sort. It doesn't exist. So, that was a huge concern for the. doctors and as far as like me being able. to. go back to normal life and being able to. just walk normally, even if I didn't. have toes, which is people can do, but. the heel was a a huge like concern for. theirs. And me personally, I was like.

and God rest my my godfather, I wish I. would have listened to him, but he was. like, you should probably just do both. and move on with your life. And just kind of like, you know, just keep trucking. But like, I couldn't even. fathom what that it looked like. I was. like, there's no way. There's no way. I was. like, I have to do this slowly. I'll. have to like maybe just do the one and. then see what happens, but like there. was no way I could go in there. definitively and be like, just take them.

So. When it becomes clear that that's the. path forward, what what's your initial. response to the doctors when they come. with a definitive answer that this is. the the path we have to take? How do you. receive that? How does your mom receive. that? Oh, I was just like, just obviously just a nightmare, like. crying, screaming, freaking out. Um, you know, especially when I'm. presented with the papers. to have, you know, them do the procedure. to take my life. I mean, my take my legs.

and and it felt like my life because. that's all I knew of like. being an athlete, you know, being a. model, looking a certain way. Um, everything I knew about myself was. completely just out the door. I mean, I. was 200 lb. My head was shaved because. my hair got matted cuz they were trying. to save my life and obviously no one. gives a [ __ ] about your hair when you're. dying. Um, and. you know, here I am. in a hospital room and being told that, you know, I'm going to enter this. operating room and come out a completely.

different person and losing a part of. myself. Um, it was just it was so surreal and so. scary. And, you know, then I had like. people coming in with prosthetics and. like showing me how they're how they. live their lives and you know, my God my. grandpa is from the army. So he was. like, you know, you're just like these. guys that go and get blown up and. and at that time I was so like depressed. and it was such a dark time that I was. like, I'm not. I didn't sign up for. this. This is not what I asked for. Like.

I didn't sign something saying, okay, these are the possibilities. I. could die. I could lose limbs. Like I. was like, this is this shouldn't have. [ __ ] happened. You know, let alone. like I'm 24 years old. And now I'm having to lose a part of. myself and. it's something I can never ever get. back. I can never grow it back. I can't. go to a surgeon to get it. Like this is. this is going to change my life forever. And you have to sign that paper. And I had and I had no choice because.

otherwise again it was my life or was. was my leg. Did you consider not signing it? No. I was in so much pain. I was in so much pain I can't even tell. you. Like I don't even know how I made. it. Like. of course like I was drugged up so much. and and I think that was how obviously I. got through it but just. to to have to actually process what was. about to happen I don't think I fully I. mean gathered until. I got down and they were like, I signed.

the papers and they're like, all right, today's surgery day and like wheeling me. out of my room. down to the floor and like me holding. like a stuffed animal and just screaming. and crying and like. feeling like I'm doomed. You know, and then my mom is like. freaking out and everyone's crying and. then they write on your legs like yes. and no. So like them writing yes in. black marker on my leg that I knew that. was going to. go and then you know, seeing it on my on.

my left leg of amputating my toes and. debring my heel. It was Yeah, it was just It was a lot. I. don't even think I really processed. that. And then when they were wheeling. me away, I just screamed for my mom to. like not let them take me and. that was. yeah. Your mother during this period, she's. watching her daughter be wheeled away. She's You're 24 years old. You've You've. built a life on modeling and athletics. She's watching you be wheeled um away to.

have an amputation that day. What's. What's her state of mind? What's her. sort of visible. um. state? Broken. Completely broken, completely shattered, completely just. couldn't believe that that was even what. was happening. And And it all happened. so fast because obviously, you know, it's it's my livelihood. It's. It's Am I going to survive this? Let. alone, do I have time to make a decision based. on am I wanting to keep my leg or not? It wasn't even an option.

It was chaos. It was complete chaos. What did she say to you before you um. you get wheeled into the operating room? "I love you." And she I just remember. her like grabbing herself cuz she was. like obviously screaming and crying, but. like trying to like not hide it from me, but like she couldn't even look at me. being wheeled back because she knew. You know, it was like she just had to. like turn and just like cry and scream. and hold it in as best she could to be. strong. Um. but yeah, me screaming for her obviously.

didn't help and I just felt like there. was no control. I I couldn't even just. get up and [ __ ] run if I wanted to. That's the irony of it. It's like I was. literally physically stuck, no matter what, and I was just having to. do this. And it it was Yeah, it was horrible. She She kissed your your leg. Mhm. And my feet. She kissed your leg and. your feet. Mhm. Before you're wheeled in. Mhm. [clears throat].

I mean, as a mother, know, your newborn. baby and toes and feet and seeing, you. know, it's you just never would think. that that would ever happen. Especially to your child or your your. loved one. I can't imagine what she was going. through um cuz we often, you know, we we. often think about the person who is. going through the medical condition, but. the people around them, especially. people someone as close as your mother. who is your best friend and you've. you've lived your lives together since. since you were born. I can't imagine the.

the the sort of trauma and the. you know, the uncertainty that she was. living with as well. Like. have you have you had conversations. subsequently about with her about what. she went through in those moments? [snorts]. No, I mean, it's sad because I feel like. God has blessed me so much. I'm so. lucky. Not only to just be alive, but I. have everything I can need and more and. I I forget every single day that I don't. have legs. Like I don't even think about.

it. The only time I think about it is. when I got to pee in the middle of the. night and like, you know, going in the. ocean. Like there's certain things I I. can't do to can't just run in there cuz, you know, I have metal and I have screws. and I have bolts and so like rust. But. like I don't even think about it. Never. And I don't even think about what. happened, the trauma I and a lot of. that, you know, maybe it's true like I'm. suppressed and I've just kind of moved. on, but really I'm just the happiest. human. But when I am with my mom, it is. something where she's so fixated on the. trauma, right, of what happened and.

I think it's lives with her more so than. me. And it's sad because I hate that. Because I wish that she can just live. her life and know that and live and know. that like I'm more than okay. Like God's got me and he's had me this. whole time. Like you don't have to. worry. But I think as a mother and knowing the. [ __ ] that I don't even [ __ ] know that. she she to go through, and she had to. make. I mean, she was like writing down. everything, calling everyone.

You know, making sure that I had the. best of the best, making sure she like. took the notes and and the nurses and. the doctors and I mean, she was amazing. And so, I know that she definitely saw. and felt. way more than I could even. understand or. you know, gather from her and and and I. just hope that one day she can let it go. because. I have, you know, and I just I want that. freedom for her.

Have you spoken to her about this? Yeah. But, I think it's just. it's just hard. I mean, I I can't. imagine. what she must have felt and seen and. you know, it was it was hard. It was every day was like, are we going. to make it? You know, it was it was a lot. You You come out of the operating room.

How long were you in there? Uh I don't know how long I was in there, but I was in there for a while and I. just remember waking up and the doctor. coming to me and he's like, um. basically my heart freaked out during. the operation because I had two heart. attacks when I first went into the. hospital, so my heart was already kind. of freaking out and not in the best. state. And then through the operation, I. think some complications or something. happened. So, I woke up and I'm sitting.

there. and I won't look at my leg. I didn't I I. probably didn't look at my leg for. months. Like, I couldn't even. acknowledge that that even happened. So, I just remember sitting up and being. like, not even acknowledging it. The. doctors were coming in and talking to me. and they're telling me that I had, you. know, some sort of complication. And they're like, so Lauren, for the. next 24 hours, we cannot give you any. pain medicine.". This is right after I had my leg. amputated, like chopped off.

And he's like, I guess basically because. of all the medicine and stuff, it like. something about they couldn't. I don't know. My my It was about me. staying alive and not like having my. heart like freak out and have another. another heart attack or whatever. I. don't really remember the gist of it cuz. clearly I. was so like not even really present, but. when I heard those words, I was just. like, "What?" So, literally for 24 hours, they. put me in my own little room, and I I felt every single thing that was.

done to me. I was throwing [ __ ] I was screaming. I. was crying. I felt like a shark had just [ __ ]. ripped through my leg. [clears throat]. And. yeah, like no my mom couldn't be in the. room. Like no one could be cuz I was. just screaming and crying and just. freaking out because like not only was. that traumatic enough having to like. have my leg chopped off, but then to. have to. really feel what was just done to me.

and have like have to actually just. deal with it was on another level. And that's something like a lot of. people don't know, but. that was really crazy. It's just unimaginable. It's just like. You You've used the word God quite a few. times. Mhm. Were you religious before this happened?

And are you religious Are you still. religious now? Yeah, I definitely I. definitely was. I mean, I'm not like. you know, I just I believe in a higher power. I. believe I believe in God. I believe. that, you know, there's something definitely. directing my steps. Like I would not be. here if. there wasn't There's no way I would be. alive if there wasn't a purpose for my. life. And there is definitely obviously. now I I can say that, but like going.

through all of that, um. I think there definitely was a moment. when I was pissed at God and didn't. understand why this had happened. Um. but. I know that in the process of like. going through depression and suicide and. and even having those thoughts, every morning when I'd get in the shower. and I'd have to get on like a little. stool in the shower. I'd wheel myself to. the shower, which is another thing. I. was in a wheelchair for 8 months, which. is. crazy. Um.

and my foot My left foot was still. questionable. I didn't have the right. leg, but that's kind of just where I was. after I left the hospital. But every day. I would wheel myself into the shower, get myself on a stool, and just [ __ ]. scream and cry and just yell at God. And. wanting to like think about ways I could. kill myself and my life that day. And every day that I did that, something. inside of me was like, "Just hold on.". There was something that just like.

in my in my soul was like, "Just hold. on.". And. I mean, it all makes sense now, but. for those moments, it was definitely. like. hard. Just hold on. Mhm. Yeah. And I And trusting the process,

and trusting and believing that like, you know, this madness is just. temporary. And this is. It'll all just make sense. Just Just. hold on, kid. Just like. don't don't don't pull the trigger. And you you seriously considered that. during those times? I mean, obviously not pulling a trigger. I didn't have a gun. But if I did have. access to one, I'm sure I probably. wouldn't be here. I It was It was to that extent of like. every day.

you know, waking up and just couldn't. even believe or even know how in the. hell I got to where I was. You know, 200 lbs, head shaved, one leg, another leg that's questionable. Um just the excruciating pain that I was. in. And just life continuously moving, right? Everything's happening and I'm. just having to stand still, sit still, and and be present with this nothingness. but just darkness. And.

it was my mom and I and my little. brother. And I [clears throat] just He. would be the first one coming home every. day. And [clears throat] every time I thought. about killing myself, I always thought. like. he would be the first one to find me. And. and obviously my mom, too, but like not. having them have to live with that for. the rest of their life. I think really was like I couldn't do. that. So.

Obviously, it never happened, but it was. it was for sure. an every moment thought. Especially like. [snorts]. and just being in so much pain and like. having every part of yourself removed. Sorry, I don't know. why I'm crying, but. [snorts]. yeah.

When I hear your story, I it you know, and this is I think why I asked the. question about faith in God is it feels. just like the deepest injustice. Mhm. You know, it feels just like such a. deep injustice and it feels that for for. that to happen to you. it my my head just goes, you know, like. like how is this how is this fair? And then to hear the suffering that you. endured from then after I just I just. can't understand a world where someone.

puts a a tampon in and then they have to. endure such suffering. And it just it's hard to make sense of. like even for me hearing it I just can't. make sense of a world where that that. could happen to someone. What what what are what are your. thoughts at that moment about this point. of injustice? Are you feeling a sense of. injustice? Are you asking yourself the. questions? I think back then I was so.

concerned with every moment and. surviving every moment and trying to. just live. Um that I didn't really think of. how [ __ ] up this is. That you know, I I'm doing a a. documentary and so I have like 90 hours. of. footage that was. filmed during this whole process because. I was going to die because of damages, because of the reality of just. documenting. everything that I had to go through and. the trauma of it all.

Um. And when I look back and I and I see. myself my my 24-year-old self especially. in that state. it's really sad because I'm like I was. so innocent and I was so young and I had. this. entire life and journey ahead of me and. it was like. how did I deserve that? Just. crazy. Like I didn't do anything wrong. I was using the product as I should. I I. did everything I was supposed to. and you know.

it's just crazy that that is so powerful. and toxic. And it's and and and again, it's almost. sad because again, I'm the lucky one. That I'm here being able to speak about. this. Um but there are so many women that. you'll never see. you'll never hear their stories, you'll. never see their faces, you'll never hear. the trauma they experienced because. they're no longer here. And so it's my duty to. A share my story, but B inform the world.

that this is. this is. inhumane. And it's just it could easily be. prevented. But again, it's greed, it's it's cost. efficiency, it's money. You know, it's um you know, I always say. in my interviews, if men's dicks were. falling off tomorrow, that wouldn't happen. So why is it women are having to fight. for everything? Let alone what we do. with our bodies, let alone with the.

products that we are given. for something that we are just naturally. having to do every month for a. 40-something years. You know? Why are we not a priority? Like why are. we not. protected and upheld to the stature of. of men? We're we're we're 50% of the the. population. And also, we make life. We create life.

It just seems so crazy to me. But again, we're in 2023 and and. those men are still making decisions. about what women do with their bodies. and their choices on on how they, you know, approach what they want to do with. themselves and their lives. It's it's. crazy. You come out of hospital, you're in your. wheelchair bound for 8 months. Um you're. you're you're living at home at this. point? Yeah. With your mom mom and the. mom and my brother, yeah. What impact does it have on your. brother? He's He's 10 years younger than.

you, so he's what, a 14, 15-year-old. kid. Um he is now first hand. He's He's got a first sort of person. perspective to real trauma and suffering. in someone he loves. And at 14, you. know, uh. I can't even imagine. I mean, I think. that's also why there's a lot of. um. I think it's hard. I've realized in my. situation that everyone that was with me. in those moments, it was so heavy and dark for such a long. period of time. Again, like you said.

prior, it's not just about me going. through the situation. It's It affects. every single person. It's like a domino. effect. And everyone's going to deal. with it differently. Um and a lot of people, especially then. being so young, you know, just have to go through even that with. me, not even experiencing first hand, was traumatic. Mhm. You know, so let alone my 14, 15-year-old brother who's having to see, you know, their sister in this state,

you know, and then having to be so. depressed and so angry and. just pushing and. punching everything away from me as far. as I could because I didn't want to be. here anymore. And him having to experience that, I'm. sure has taken a toll. And it makes me sad because it's it's. It's just This whole thing is is is just. so dark and. it just goes back to, yeah, it just. affects everyone differently. And And. I'm lucky that I've been able to get to. this place because.

you know, I've I've done a lot of the. work. I've had to actually sit with. myself and deal with it, but. it's hard to go there. It's hard to to. dig deep and to have to face. the reality of of what you faced, especially in those moments. And who knows when that will be and if. that will ever be, but. you know. What for those you mean for. those around you? Yeah. They'll also go sit and do the work.

Yeah, and like I think too it's like to. see me in such a place now where I'm. okay. I think a lot of people forget. like. that I that I went through that too. Like they just see me now and like. everything's great, but and I see myself. now and everything's great, but again I. I'm at a different place when. a lot of people still have to maybe sit. with the things that I maybe wasn't. aware of or. I was in a coma or what you know, the. decisions and and the talks that were. happened when. you know, it was. it was.

crucial. to my well-being and to even if I was. going to survive or not. When when you came out of hospital and. you spent your the next 8 months in a. wheelchair in real pain Mhm. um. depressed Mhm, very. What were your prospects for life in. your own from your own perspective? What. were you thinking your life was if you. thought about the future if at all? What was the future for you. in those moments? have one. I I definitely.

I think that's also why I was so. suicidal is because I had this life, you. know, I had everything at my fingertips. I was able to do everything and. anything. Um and there were so many. goals that I wanted to achieve and to to. I just wanted to live my life. I just. thought like. I just had so many hopes and dreams that. in that moment of like sitting in my my. my darkest room because I didn't want to. see the world. I had it like completely. blacked out. Um and I had to sit with myself and like.

seeing myself. in a wheelchair. I mean people who are. in wheelchairs are my heroes because I. don't know how they face a world that's. not meant for them. It's hard. It's so. hard to go. outside and to go and just do the. simplest things and to maybe looked at. differently. Um just things that we as people who are. able to just be able-bodied or have. prosthetics or move or or whatever, how. that challenges them. You know, and then face the world that.

kind of just looks at them and and kind. of doesn't in a way. It's it's hard. Like I don't think if I had to be in a. wheelchair would I be that strong. mentally. It takes a a really strong person. mentally to be. to live that type of life and and I. hold the utmost respect for anyone that. has to live in a wheelchair or be in a. wheelchair because you're [ __ ] a. rockstar and so strong. And for those 8 months I was just like. there's no way I can live my life like.

this. There's no way I can. It's just not accessible. The world is. not accessible. I learned that. It's just not. And it's it's. And then you're just looked down upon. Which is just crazy because. you're really so strong. to have to, you know, just face the world every day. What is. that like? You said you looked down. upon. What did you learn about the way that. people in wheelchairs are are viewed? people with disabilities in general, I.

think it's just like there's just like. stigma of. incapable. Because you maybe look a certain way or. because you're confined in a certain. space or. the world is not built for that. The. world is is built for. you know, running, walk, stairs, you. know, a shower even. Just step like people. forget that there are people who can't. do those things. And they're a lot of. time left out. And. and in those moments I've learned that.

because I've faced it myself. I think in my journey it's interesting. because like I've had to face so many. different. parts of life and lived so many lives. for maybe short about of time, but at. least in those moments I've been able to. relate and to live with maybe some. something that someone does have to live. with forever. And how strong you have to be and what. it takes every day to face the world. You know, that isn't really made for you.

or accepting of you or. you know, just because you you look a. certain way, you're immediately judged. or or just seen as you can't do it and. that's not true. Were you going outside during that 8. months? Barely. I hid myself. I I didn't even like. um. yeah, maybe just like. somewhat get my dog outside. My mom. would kind of forced me, but. I wouldn't. I would just definitely want.

to stay in my own little world as dark. as possible and just hide. As dark as. possible? Yeah, because I didn't I I didn't want. to see the outside because I couldn't go. outside. Like I used to look at people. with legs and and be so pissed because. I'm like, why do they have their legs. and I don't? Because you're so depressed and so like. just in this zone of like you don't want. to live anymore, let alone like you're. angry at the world because. just of life because you can't live it. the way that you used to.

And. yeah, you just you just it was just a. really dark time of trying to figure out. again. why am I here? What am I doing? Is there a place for me? I I didn't. think I'd ever be accepted by the. modeling world at all, let alone looked. at. Let alone find love. Genuine love. Um I. Again, I didn't even think of life. I. just thought of how can I get out of. this misery?

And that's why I was like just. contemplating suicide daily. Every day I was just like, "How can I do. this?". It's It's really um It's really. It's really just really hard to think. about when you see no light at the end. of the the tunnel for such a long period. of time. Like, there's never been been. through hard things in my life, but I've. There's always been a glimmer of light. even at the end of the tunnel. And to be in a situation where you're. waking up every day.

and there is no light at the end of the. tunnel as far as you can see. But, carrying on regardless. Well, also my my foot was questionable. So, I'm having to go to wound care. [snorts]. I'm having to go to hyperbaric every. day. My whole entire world. shattered and I'm just sitting there. with the pieces and then I'm just in. excruciating pain. I mean, the pain that. I. lived with for even 7 years before I. made the decision to amputate my my. second leg, I had Because I was so.

young, my body was overproducing so much. calcium that my bones, even though I. didn't have toes anymore, my bones were. literally protruding out my skin, like. pushing and trying to basically. fix the damage. by like growing new toes, but it's. impossible. So, I would have to go in and they would. have to amputate that. So, I'd have to. get my that cut out of me as well. I had to do the that surgery twice. I'd have to go to wound care every. every Monday, every other Monday, um.

because my heel was so badly damaged. that again, like I told you with the. skin, there's no skin on this planet. that's strong enough. So, I had to do. apple grafts, which is which is. basically baby foreskin. Um because that's the only skin that's. tough enough. And they did two transplants of that on. my heel and then hyperbaric to try to. get, you know, everything to kind of. come together. But, even doing that, I. would my sweat glands were really.

damaged. So, I would sweat and then the. they would just kind of. get really hard and stay there and I'd. have to surgically get them removed. every Monday. And I was just like in so much pain. because there was no fat pads even on on. the bottom of my where the toes would. be. So, I'm just on bone. So, every time. I'm stepping, I'm just like it's just. excruciating pain. It just felt like um you know when you. have a toothache? Mhm. It's like that. consistent.

throbbing pain that you can't get rid of. obviously until you go to the dentist, but that was something that I lived with. for 7 years. It's crazy. I don't know how I did it. But I just thought that I had my whole. leg and I just I'm I'm that type of. person that needs to exhaust all of my. options before I make. a decision and that's something that I. just had to do. But in a way I wish I would have taken. my Godfather's. advice in that moment of being like just.

take them both because yeah, I can sit. here now and say that that probably. would have been the best answer, but. what if I survived and not killed. myself? I don't know. But I think gradually doing one and. learning how to live and to. adapt and you know, just how to have a prosthetic in general. and to all the capabilities and things I. can do, I had to kind of learn as a slow. process in a way I think. That was my life for 7 years. I don't. know how I did it. How did you do it?

I did it my face, also knowing that I. have this purpose that I have to, you. know, scream out in the highest mountain. that I possibly can find and yell and. and get people to pay attention and. I think realizing that I'm just the. lucky one really gives me the fight for. these next generations to come to not. allow this to ever happen again to. another soul. and to hopefully change the world to. where that this is not an issue anymore.

And it may take my entire life, but that. is my purpose. Quick one before we get. back to this episode. Just give me 30. seconds of your time. Two things I wanted to say. The first. thing is a huge thank you for listening. and tuning into the show week after. week. It means the world to all of us. and this really is a dream that we. absolutely never had and couldn't have. imagined getting to this place. But secondly, it's a dream where we feel. like we're only just getting started. And if you enjoy what we do here, please. join the 24% of people who watch this. channel regularly and have hit the.

subscribe button. Means more than I can. say. And if you hit that subscribe. button, here's a promise I'm going to. make to you. I'm going to do everything. in my power to make this show as good as. I can now and into the future. We're. going to deliver the guests that you. want me to speak to and we're going to. continue to keep doing all of the things. you love about this show. Thank you. Thank you so much. Back to. the episode. Did you get therapy during. that period, those eight months? Was. there any sort of psychological support? Yeah, definitely. I had a lot of that. Um.

and it's interesting because during that. process, obviously it was I was so dark. and so. just not wanting to be here, but the one. consistent thing, which is the irony of. it all, is like. my grandpa telling me about the um the. veterans that that come back and and all. this stuff and just me being like, "No, no, no, I I don't understand that. I. don't understand that comparison.". Then my therapist at the time was. working at the VA and she was like, "You. know what? You should really come talk.

to some of these guys and see, you know, how how they're living their. lives." And I was just like, "No, this. is not the same." Cut to. my prosthetic guy, Peter Harsh, who's. incredible. He's down in San Diego. He's an angel. Like he's. just the best at what he does. Who is he? His name's Peter Harsh. What. does he do? Uh he's my prosthetist. Prosthetist? Um. but he's like the best in the world and. literally an angel. I got recommended to. go down to him because I'm an athlete, and I, you know, I'm young and I'm. active, and I want to live my life, and. so he would be setting me up for that.

lifestyle that I would want, and he's. the guy to see. So, I got recommended to. go to him, but in that time period of. having to sit kind of like like this, but around a table and his office or his. facility, he's dealing with a lot of the veterans, and he's the one that gets them and. fights the VA to get them. taken care of. And it's just so. interesting that I've had to sit in this. chair amongst all of these amazing. individuals, and hearing their stories and learning.

about the fight and and just. the resilience of them, and finally. seeing what everyone was kind of saying. as far as the comparison, or like you. are just like them, and me never understanding, but the. common denominator when I look around. the room is. we didn't kill ourselves. We are alive. We chose to live. And we all had that moment in our. journeys, however we lost our legs, to want to give up, to want to pull the. trigger, to want to end it all.

And we fought to be in that chair, and. that was like. it just came so first full circle for. me. And it was just like this beautiful kind. of like aha moment of like. roll with the punches of life, regardless of how they come at you. It's. It's about, you know, how you react to it. What's your choice going to be? And to know that we all made that choice. is like, you know, incredible. No an easy choice to make,

there is it? That acceptance you. describe. No. I think that's kind of That's kind of. what I'm I'm really I'm really curious. about is the journey one goes on where. they at first they try and fight the. thing that's happened to them, And then. that whole contemplation around the. injustice, why me, this was preventable, this is unfair. You're looking out your. window you said and seeing people with. legs and I read that you were even. annoyed at the sunshine. Mhm. Um, you go.

through that chapter which is. it's a real it's a conflict, right? It's. a conflict with oneself and the nature. of what's happened and then at some. point you arrive over this other side. where. you use the word acceptance. You kind of. accept it and you make as you said a. choice. You realize that there's a. choice you can make. Mhm. Um, that whole journey because you know, whether someone's had an amputation or. not, there's so many people in their. lives right now that are something's. happened to them. They're feeling that. sense of injustice. Um,

you know, they're going through the. motions of blame or or guilt or whatever. it might be to try and understand how it. was avoidable, but. the journey from that place, the. conflict place to this acceptance, what you know, what does it take for us to get to. acceptance faster? I guess is my question because. acceptance seems to be a much happier. place. I mean, Time. Time. Time. You can't rush it. You have no control over it. And I think that's when.

it's those moments when you have to sit. in it, sit with it, feel it, feel every part of it, and you have to figure out what are you. going to do with what you have and what. you've been given. And you know, I had to do that. I didn't have a. choice. I didn't want to be in a. wheelchair and I saw you know, my only. option was a prosthetic. But how was I going to. you know, make it cool or make it me or. make it, you know, something that I.

could feel like. all right, like. this is my my new self. This is my new. chapter. This is my new beginning. It. was more so like I needed to see it as a. challenge first because that's how my. mind operated of like, Lauren, you have. no other [ __ ] choice. You're either. going to. be depressed and kill yourself and end. it or you're going to get the [ __ ] up. and. figure out what you're going to have to. do to survive and live the best life. that you know you deserve. And. it was just a slow process. Slow like I.

wish I could put the fast forward and be. like what I know now I knew back then, but it's impossible. I every part of my. journey and everything that I've been. through has gotten me to this place. Every every part has shaped me and. molded me into who I am right now. And a lot of that had to do with me. doing the work and processing and again. seeing that our physical beings is. nothing. Doesn't matter. [clears throat]. It's like a shiny object. But you can be the most beautiful. person, but you can be the most sad. unfulfilled.

ugly person, you know? I mean, it just. it doesn't mean anything. It's about. what you do on this planet, not just for. yourself, but for others. How can you leave that impact? You know? And that's kind of like how I. now live my life every day is because. again, everyone is is fighting something. every day. And a lot of those wounds you. can't see. It's mental. It's it's trauma. that you'll never speak about or talk. about or. whatever, but you are internally having. to deal with and face on a daily basis.

And. I think if anyone sees me. if I'm just getting out of my car, if. I'm walking to get coffee or. I'm laughing, I'm hanging, whatever you. see me on the cover of Google me, whatever. And you see. that I didn't just wake up and get here. That I too had all of those feelings. That depression, that state of mind of. not wanting to be here. But not allowing that to define me and. to divine the future that I knew that I. could have for myself.

You got to see that even though things. were very small, those. those. big celebrations of. even just getting up the next day even. though you don't want to or you know, facing something super hard or. pushing yourself out the door when you. don't want to or you know, not taking. the pills that are in front of you and. ending it. That waking up the next day is a new day. that like you made it from that point. So it's just about gradually building on. to that. Every every little little challenge is a.

success that you've overcome. And it adds up over time and then soon. enough you'll be in a place where you're. like looking back and being like wow, I did that. And I think that's the beauty of like. life. and. the darkest times really mold us for the. people that we're supposed to be. It's so incredible because you know, we've everyone in their own lives feels. like they've overcome something, right? And the degrees in which the mountains.

that they've overcome are all different. sizes and that's why your your advice. there is. unbelievably important and powerful. because. it is. life advice for us all. It's not um. someone who has an amputation advice in. that I saw as you were speaking I saw. all of the struggles I've been through. in my life and the process, the things. you were saying about time, a community, you meeting other people. that have been been through hardships. that you can relate to and that making. you feel like you belong and you're.

understood and your plight is is um a. human plight. You're not you know, broken or or or. or there's nothing wrong with you. This. is what it is to be a human. I I was as you were speaking as well, I. was thinking about this idea of strength. and it that it's so tempting to say, "Oh my god, you're so strong." And in. any in the context of how someone might. view you and say you've got incredible. strength, which you have, um. there's also this other side of using. the word strength, which makes me feel a. bit uncomfortable because.

when we think of strength, sometimes we. think of like. Mhm. Just kind of like buckle up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But actually, I think from what I've. learned from doing this anyway, the path. to strength is actually often. being okay to be vulnerable and and be. what some people might describe as. quote-unquote weakness, which is like. being willing to talk and being willing. to cry and being willing to hold your. hands up and say, "I need help.". Um and it's almost ironical ironic that. that's the path to strength. That. sometimes the vulnerability in saying,

"I need help" is the path to. Does that make sense? Yeah. But it's also owning it. Being. able to like be like this is what it is. and. and you know, patience and time and and. once you understand that you can't rush. that, especially when something physical. happens to you, can't rush the human. body to heal right away. It's. impossible. So, I really had no choice. It was like I had to. feel, I had to sit with it, I had to use. a wheelchair, I had to use a stool for a. shower, I had to, you know, learn how to.

walk without a limp. I, you know, I I I. had to force myself to do the. uncomfortable, but we only grow in the. uncomfortable. If we're feeling fine and. great and everything's dandy, we're not. growing. We're just. staying the same. You make the decision some years later, I think six or seven years later, that. you um. you wanted to. amputate the second leg, your left leg. Why?

I wanted my life back. I wanted my. freedom. I was turning 30 and I was like, "I want. to be a mom. I'm an athlete. I want to. just be able to run. I want to feel the the wind in my hair, you know, the wind on my face. I just. want to be able to move. Movement is so. important. And I wasn't able to do that. with that leg. It was holding me back. It was holding me back from living my. truth. And. I knew it was the best decision that I. was going to make for myself, and it is. I never ever look back and say, "Oh, I.

shouldn't have done it." I more so look. back and say I should have done it. sooner. Or I wish I would have done it sooner, I. guess. On the Today show you said, um, losing your first leg saved saved your. life, and losing the second leg leg gave. you your freedom. Mhm. Which is so interesting. It's such a, it's such an interesting, um, unexpected. [clears throat]. thing to hear that losing your second. leg is the thing that allowed you to to. have your freedom. How did life change.

once you'd made that decision and you'd. gone through that operation? So, I didn't have toes, and then, uh, my. heel was still just it just would never. be normal again. And it was just like, "Why am I. going This is not living. I'm just getting by. I'm just waking up. and going to the doctors, or I'm not. going and and take going for a run. I'm not going to go and play basketball. I'm not going to be able to just walk. down the street comfortably. You know, I I definitely even like right.

in the beginning, like I would wear. hoodies and sweatpants. I mean, you can. see the heat wave here right now. That's. kind of what I was in. But I was in like, you know, huge. sweatshirt, huge sweatpants, making sure. like no one could see that I didn't have. a leg. Because I was so scared of what other. people would think. I. I just was ashamed of myself. I was. ashamed of what happened. I didn't I. just didn't know what was happening or. what would happen next because it was so. unknown. So, I was just trying to like still, I. guess, live in this world that I thought.

was of that girl, but I was no longer that girl. And this was your god Was it your. godfather's advice was to, at the time. when you first had the incident first. happened, your godfather's advice was to. amputate both legs? Yeah. And by the time you you'd gone through. that decision to am- amputate the left. leg as well, was your godfather still. around? He he was around, um but then shortly after he died in a. horrific. car accident. Which was is really crazy because he.

literally sat with me every single day, you know, hoping and praying that I. would survive, um you know, playing Bob. Marley's Three Little Birds and singing. to me, you know, and then cut to. he's killed. And I'm okay. So, it was just like how that happened. is insane, but. And he was like your father? Yeah. He was incredible. He was, um, one of the biggest sports agents in the.

world for basketball. Um, and he was just like 007, like so. swaggy, so cool, like, you know, had to. ask him and he just lived this like cool. lifestyle and was just the coolest guy. and was so smart and. loving and sweet and yeah, just just. everything I didn't have within a. fatherly figure. He definitely was my. rock. um, in that aspect of life. up until, you know, the very end.

How does How does How does losing him. impact you at that that point in your. life? It was hard. It was just like. I literally had just amputated, so I was. on crutches. Um, I had just bought a house, so I was like. really wanting him to come over and see. it. And, you know, I still have a voicemail. that I missed his call and the voicemail. was like, "Hey, let me know like when I. can come over and and finally see, you. know, the crib and check it out and blah.

blah blah." And it was like that was it. And then like, I think a few days later. he died. But, it's just. it's just crazy cuz. I know he's proud of me and I know that. like I have so many angels that I carry. with me and I just know that he's. he's along on this journey. I know he's. super proud of me. So, if I can, you know, I live with. that. So, and he has an amazing little. son that's. [sighs]. the best as well. So, he's he's still here.

in a lot of different ways. And he's aware how much he helped you. through that through that period? I think he's still really young, but I. but it's it's interesting cuz like. you know, for kids to see me like. kind of like a robot or like a. superhero, you know, I I walk out and. I'm. they just see these gold legs, and it's. like. it's interesting cuz a lot of kids at. first don't even notice them. Mhm. And then when they do, then they're just. fixated. Then they're just like staring, and then they're just like There was. just one little boy I remember being in.

in Switzerland in the airport. And he literally sat on top of his. suitcase, kept rolling up his pant leg, looking at. his leg, looking at me, looking at his. leg, looking at me. And then I remember his mom was like, you know, can he can he ask you a. question or something? I was like, of. course. So, like he came over, and then. he started to like try to race me in the. airport cuz he like wanted to see how. fast I was. And then he was like touching up my leg. and feeling it. I was like, I'm like a. superhero. I'm like a a robot. And he's. like, yeah. And then at the end of it, he's like tugging on his mom's shirt, and he's like he's like, "Mommy, Mommy,

I want a golden leg.". [laughter]. And I was just like, yeah. Yeah, it's. pretty cool, I must say. But again, that's just like I've learned. too, it's like in in in this journey. that owning it and accepting it and. being okay with it, it only attracts. people's curiosity instead of shutting. them away or making them feel like they. shouldn't ask the questions. And. especially with young kids, their their. brains are like sponges, and they're. curious. And a lot of people, you know, that may look different,

their their mothers or their parents are. probably like, "Don't look. Don't stare. Don't And that's not what you should do. Let them ask the questions.". Like I'm an open book, but like. I think giving little kids that idea of. there is something wrong, don't ask, don't question. It should be like you should ask the. questions and you should wonder because. that kid now is going to see someone. like myself or. just. think that I'm. the coolest thing on the planet instead. of leaving thinking that there's.

something wrong or that I'm incapable or. unable to do something. [clears throat]. So I think it just the perception of. I think how you. just carry yourself is really important. because you don't know who's watching. And it's usually the ones that like are. in the, you know, the little ones. And. those are the ones that are this next. generation or the generations to come. Golden legs. Golden legs. Why golden? Um, it was 2012, obsessed with Rihanna.

Um, and the irony of of Rihanna's that. my mom had got me tickets to go see her. and I was so depressed and in a. wheelchair and I was so embarrassed and. I was like, "I'm not going to go." So I. didn't go. Cut to, she hires me for. Savage. And it was just so like full circle. moment for me too cuz I'm like. Rihanna's hiring me for her brand. And I. I was so embarrassed to go to the. concert. Just crazy life. But anyway, now she's married to Ace or and you. know, has the babies with ASAP. And ASAP.

was the reason why I chose the golden. legs because he had the golden grill. Like he was all about that especially at. that time. That was his thing. His gold. teeth. And I was like, "You know what? I may not have gold teeth right now, but. I'm going to get some gold legs.". And it's kind of just been my thing. And I love gold. I love gold jewelry. I. have a grill, too. I have, you know, so many different things, but. like my legs are. they're my jewelry piece. They're like my trophies.

It's also a statement of. of the kind of where where you were with. the acceptance piece because. you went from the sweatpants where. you're trying to hide. to the gold where you're like, "Look at. this. Look how cool this is." It's a. real It's a kind of a real psychological. journey to. to get from there to there. Yeah, and I. think it's just about again finding and. making it your own and figuring out what. works for you and how like. You know, and I'm also that was 001%. that is so lucky to be able to have the. access to the prosthetics that allow me.

to move the way I do, that allow me to. walk the way I do. You know, prosthetics. are so expensive. Um and Tell me that. cuz I'm an Obviously, I don't know about. prosthetics in terms of. So, prosthetics are really expensive. because. like the feet are what allow you to do. everything. Right. Um and healthcare, like God forbid someone goes and get hit. by a car. tomorrow. they're just given the basic. needs that are going to be met, which is.

just like a peg leg that just gets you. from point A to point B. Anything that's. allowing you to basically get back to. your livelihood, meaning running, biking, swimming, any of that stuff, going into the ocean even, that's a luxury considered. So, healthcare doesn't really provide. you with that option. So, I'm grateful that I'm that I'm sponsored. by Össur, who's um a prosthetic company. out of Iceland, that they're so advanced and so like. ahead of the game um that they've made.

my feet. to where it's like. the blade is like an ankle to where like. the mobility and flexibility is just. like as if I had a foot. Um my blades. are my running blades. Um. they're like $125,000. And that's just to run. Just to run? And I mean, these are expensive, too. My. legs are probably like $100,000, but. these are just because the feet and. then, you know, the technology that goes.

into them and then, you know, the whole leg or whatever is. it's it's. it's a process and it's also just sad. that. I'm lucky. that someone can't just get back to. their life. Like that's why um this. foundation called uh um. Challenged Athletes Foundation CAF and. they work with getting their people. their lives back by getting them. legs that they need to get back to just. living their everyday life. If you've been listening to this podcast. over the last few months, you'll know.

that we're sponsored and supported by. Airbnb. But it amazes me how many people. don't realize they could actually be. sitting on their very own Airbnb. For. me, as someone who works away a lot, it. just makes sense to Airbnb my place at. home whilst I'm away. If your job. requires you to be away from home for. extended periods of time, why leave your. home empty? You can so easily turn your. home into an Airbnb and let it generate. income for you whilst you're on the. road. Whether you could use a little. extra money to cover some bills or for. something a little bit more fun, your.

home might just be worth more than you. think and you can find out how much it's. worth at Airbnb.co.uk/host. That's Airbnb.co.uk/host. So, I want to come back to this. um. what caused all of this? You've been. campaigning for some time. You've spoken. to government officials about. how to prevent this happening to other. people. Um. Zooming in specifically on what causes. TSS. it's these synthetic chemicals that are.

put into tampon products that are. that a lot of big big brands still have. on shelves all around the world today. I'm an idiot when it comes to tampons. So, if you had to. explain this to an idiot. So, basically. a tampon it goes inside of us at a. really delicate moment when our body is. we're bleeding. We're trying to get that. blood out, but yet we're putting. something in us that's basically like a. corkscrew. Mhm. And all of that blood. that needs to get out is stuck there. It's creating this perfect storm along.

with the dioxin, the chlorine, the. bleach, all of these chemicals that are. that shouldn't be anywhere near us, let. alone inside of us, and it creates the. perfect storm. So, once that even a sliver of of that. even gets in your system, and your. bloodstream, because it is like the. Mecca of everything, it can go straight to your heart and. kill you. And, you know, that's basically what. we're saying is like, why are you giving. us something that is so toxic.

with all of these chemicals? Even if it. says it's organic, it's still sprayed. with pesticides. And then we're putting that inside of. us, and it's like it's just like a petri. dish of. of. yeah, like just. the perfect storm. The has it changed your perspective on. all of these other cosmetic products we. use in our lives? You know, like. deodorant, Everything. Yeah, because everything has. something in it. I think even with the food, you know, and and the thing is like these girls. nowadays are getting their periods at.

such a young age, 8, 9, 10 years old, because of all the hormones in the. foods, and then they're using these. products way sooner than we would. when I was younger. And they don't even have the antibodies. to fight the toxins in the tampon. So, they're the ones that are more. susceptible to even getting toxic shock. syndrome. So, you know, and and a lot of these. young women nowadays are getting. endometriosis, polyps, cysts, um cancer, you know, way earlier than.

ever ever before, because they're using. these products. way before. they probably should. Why do you think it they're still on the. sale of these products? And and is there. when you see that the the products that. you you caused. all of this harm to you are still on the. shelves right now? How does that make you feel? Infuriating. because I'm just like how is the thing. is for me it's it's about being. transparent, right? Cigarettes, if you. go to to purchase cigarettes and you.

look there's sometimes there's a picture. it's uncomfortable to see but at least. that's your choice. You're making the. choice to use that product. You're not giving women choices. You're not like being honest about. what's going in your product and what. it's going to do to us if I use it for a. day, a month, a year, what is that going. to do to my body internally? What issues may I develop? You know, again, why also are we having. to use. products that are just.

full of toxicity instead of using. something that could easily be changed. and but it's because it's money. It's easier for them to pay out lawsuits. or to. do all of that stuff than to change all. the machines. The change the The development of the. tampon is not it's actually never been. changed. Tampon is the same as it's. always been. The only thing that has changed is the. advertising, the packaging, the the commercials. I was always pissed. at the commercials cuz I'm like how is. there a girl running on a beach, going.

down a slide, running track, doing all. this stuff, but there's no warning at the bottom of. a tampon commercial of what that product. can do to you. Let alone you watch um. Advil commercial or a men's enhancement. commercial and if you're not looking at. the commercial you're hearing it. It's a medical device. Do you think that's their approach to it. that they're they're well aware of the. potential harm these products can cause, but they'd rather just pay the lawsuit. than. do the expensive work of changing the.

product? Yeah, 1,000% this shouldn't be. happening. It doesn't need to be happening, but. there's been no. you know, no accountability. And that's why, you know, I'm I'm having. to. be in this position where I can share my. story, share the story of others, you. know, work with this woman trying to. wake up Congress to like. say, "Hey, why is this still happening? What's going on here?" You've been.

campaigning to have laws changed, to. have you've you've done a mean a. tremendous job, probably more so than. anyone else that's ever lived to raise. awareness for this issue. Um what can be. done? What do [clears throat] you want. to see done to prevent this happening to. other people? Yeah, I've I've unfortunately. fortunately and unfortunately I have. been working with a mother who lost her. teenage daughter. um to toxic shock syndrome I think when. she was about 18. Um Madeline Massavi um.

through the darkness and through the. trauma of all of that we've really. joined forces in wanting to change the. world and wanting to advocate and. wanting to pass these bills that are. necessary for us to be protected and. it's taken a lot of time and a lot of. energy and she's doing a lot of the. groundwork, like starting her foundation. don'tshockme.org. There's bills that we are working on to. pass. There was a bill called the Robin. Danielson Act which was named after a. woman who died of toxic shock syndrome. in 1998. And that bill in itself got. rejected by Congress 10 times.

And cut to. Dawn and I meeting with the. congresswoman Carolyn Maloney in New. York a few years ago. to try and get that bill reintroduced. Me sitting with the congresswoman and. having the conversation about why this. is still happening and if that bill had. passed. this probably wouldn't have happened to. me. And I had her speak to Dawn, the. woman who lost her daughter, because I'm. like, "Listen to this woman. crying and screaming because she will. never get to hear her daughter's voice.

again, see her daughter ever again because of. this.". So it was just kind of getting this. congresswoman to like realize like. let's reintroduce this bill, but there's. also so many things that we need to. reintroduce and also address within. Congress that has to change. So, her and. I have definitely joined forces and have. kind of been putting together new bills. and and. you know, again, it's it's going to take. time and it's not going to happen.

overnight, but it's definitely in motion. and. alternatives. A lot of the alternatives that women do. have, they can still get TSS from. like the cup. But that that I've I've had women reach. out to me, you know, their husbands. writing me saying, "My wife of three. kids is fighting for her life right now. in the ICU. um from using a the cup or. um you know, a lot of women want to say. like, "I'm using organic tampons." It's.

like, "Okay, you're using organic, but. it's still sprayed with pesticides. You're still putting poison inside of. you.". What is the. approach you would advise? Um I think just being aware of what. you're putting inside of you, being. aware of. you know, are you reading the box and seeing that. it has all these chemicals and, you. know, do you really want that to be just. being I guess more. just being more aware. Not just thinking that it can't happen. to you. Because it can happen to anyone at any. time. It's not about.

anyone's off limits. No one is off. limits. That's the scary part. And. yeah, I mean, just just be more aware. Educate yourself. That's the advice you. would give if if a if a young girl's. listening to this now and she cuz I. imagine this is a really pressing. question in their. in the people that are listening to this. in their minds is, "What should I do. instead?". Well, that's why I fight so hard is cuz. I need women to wake up and say like, "Well, what is our alternative? What it. what is what do we do?" But we're only.

given what we're given, and what we're. given is [ __ ] and it's horrible, and it. kills us. That's why I say it doesn't make sense. Like if this were happening to men, there would be a resolution tomorrow. Because a lot of these companies. are male-driven. There's a lot of men sitting in the. seats that are making these decisions. or have the power to, but they don't. even know what it's like to have a. period. Mhm. They don't even know what. it's like to have a baby. To have to.

make a decision if they're going to keep. it or not, you know? Mhm. It's not anyone's decision, but that on. their that on their the person that's. going through it. I guess my question is about like. you still we still got to use tampons, right? So like. you. you've got you I I can never and I. don't. I can never use tampon ever again. It. would kill me. It would kill you? Yeah.

You mean literally or you mean. psychologically? No, I mean I would. never anyway, but I'm just saying like. that literally almost killed me. So why. would I ever Yeah. you know? Have it that thing even in the same room. with as me. You know? Um. Yeah, I can never nor would I ever. suggest anyone to. I mean I get it, you have to, but again. that sucks because those are the only. options we have. Um even pads, you know, a lot of pads. have. synthetic fibers as well.

You know, um. The issue is there actually is nothing. safe for us that we can use and go. through the day and be like, "Oh, you know, just doing life and there's no. worries." It's like, "No, you have to. have that consciously on your mind of. like. oh yeah, like. this thing could kill me. But I have to. use it because I I have track today or I. have to go swimming or I have You know. what I'm saying? Mhm. [clears throat] Mhm. Yeah. Forgiveness. This topic, this word of forgiveness.

What's your you know, I was thinking. about what you said about the the you. wouldn't want to be in the same room as. that that thing because it killed you. because because it nearly killed you. Um. What what do you think the answer is in. terms of like acceptance, forgiveness? Where do you sit with. there's this tremendous injustice that. happens to you. Is the answer trying to. get to a place of forgiveness for what. happened? Is it acceptance? And what. what is what is where are you at with. all of that? Forgiveness for who? For the companies that know that they're.

killing people? No. It's just greed. Um. and. forgiveness, I don't even know what I. would forgive other than. I don't even know if there is. forgiveness. I think there's just anger. There's just this fight. There's just. this unjust that sits within me to know. that when I see a little girl walking. down the street, I see myself. And. I see her little feet. I see her little. legs. I see her whole spirit.

And to know that that was me. You know? And not ever wanting that to. ever happen to another soul. And I think that that's like just my. whole mindset of. there is always going to be unjust. within myself if I don't live my truth. by fighting for what I believe is right. And what I believe is right is equality. And safe products. You've done more than anyone I've ever.

encountered as I said a second ago to. raise awareness for this. And I remember when my team back in. London they were sat around and they. were discussing, you know, we said, "Oh, we're going to fly out to LA and. Lauren's going to be on the podcast.". And um Jemima, who does a lot of our she. just she leads the guest booking team, she was explaining to them um. what toxic sho- uh toxic shock syndrome. is because none of them had ever heard. about it before. Um. and just just just to think about that. one isolated example, that there's a.

whole team, there's a whole room full of. people in London now that know about it. because we're having this conversation. There's millions, tens and tens and tens. and tens of millions of people that have. watched you talk about this online. You have. done more than anyone I've ever. encountered to make put this on the. public's radar, and you continue to do. that. And in doing so, it is very, very obvious to see how you. will end up saving many, many, many, many, many people's lives. You'll save. save them from harm, you'll save their. lives entirely, you'll you'll save them.

from the trauma that happens as a. byproduct of the horrible things that. happen when someone undergoes toxic. shock syndrome. And I know because you've described your. faith that you are someone who. almost has a an air of believing in. destiny and purpose and and things about. you. With it in mind, all of the people. that you've helped and how you've put. this this conversation on the map, would. you change anything?

Absolutely not. If you told me tomorrow that I could. wake up and have my life back, I. wouldn't take it. Because what I'm doing is, like you. said, it's fulfillment. It's the fact. that I know that I'm doing something. that needs to be done. I'm fighting for. life, for people to be able to live. their lives, to be able to you know, like. go about their their days and live out. whatever it is they want to achieve,

and know that it's, you know, I don't know, I just I feel like. that's my job. My job isn't done. by any means. Um you know, and I and I'm. I'm making a documentary right now, or going to, but. there was no reason why I should share. anything with anyone cuz I don't need. to. And it's. horrific what I went through and it's. hard to even imagine.

But I can be on a million covers. I can. do a million interviews. You can see images and this, that, and. the other. But unless you see me and you. hear me in that state, will you ever be able to put someone you. love. in that position to be like, "Wow, what is going on? Why is this happening? I never want my daughter, my sister, my. cousin, my wife, you know, to ever use a tampon again.".

Do you know what I'm saying? Like. someone has to see me fighting for my. life. to be able to put themselves in a. position to be protective. of. of the ones they love. And. I always say this too, like I'm so lucky. that I look the way I do. Right? Because again, it matters. And I think that is too why I got so. much attention is because. I am what I look like and how did that.

happen to her? Why has this happened for. you know, decades? So, yeah, I think it's just it's my it's my. duty that I I feel in my heart that like. when I see a little girl, I need to to be vulnerable, to showcase. that part of my journey in my life to. remind people of why I am the girl with. the golden legs. Which can't be easy.

It can't, but it but it is. I mean, in a. way it is. It's because I'm okay with. who I am and where I've come and knowing. that that's part of what what allowed me. to be this person right now. You know? And having to go through all of that. But even sitting here and having this. conversation with me where you have to. walk back down. the path of that trauma. I mean, the. only time I got emotional is when I. speak about my brother or my mom and. killing myself and them finding me. [clears throat]. I don't cry about what happened to me. And maybe that's because I just.

suppressed everything and and you know, it's this trauma that I haven't really. addressed, but like. I know enough to know that like I'm okay. and like God's got me and God's always. had me and like I'm living proof of. that. Mhm. [clears throat]. I'm living proof of. you know, there's there's someone definitely. directing my steps. Like I should not be. here and have what I have and have been. able to be above and beyond blessed that. I forget my trauma. I I forget the darkness. because I have so much.

such a beautiful life to live. If your work was to be done, if I if I sit here with you in I don't. know how many years time, but if I sit. here with you in a couple of. I don't know, a decade it could be. It. could be 5 months and I and you you say, "My job is done.". in regards to. toxic shock syndrome, what would you mean by that? Meaning that we as women are protected, that we are. given things that are not going to kill. us for something that we. inherently have to do every month and.

and that's a basic necessity to for. life. You know what I mean? We can't do anything without having. something that's going to, you know, help us get through our days to be able. to be the bosses that we are, you know, and and hopefully. you know, knocking down these doors and. and making people wake up and realize. like this is a huge problem. and hopefully. getting these companies or a company to. to make something to where we can go.

about our lives and live just like. everyone else and not have to worry if. our tampon is going to kill us. I think that will. be the day where I can be like, "Wow, I. know that we're safe. I know that. whatever happened to me will never. happen to somebody else ever again. And. I think [clears throat] that's where the. peace and maybe. just the. that. you know, the the breath of. I can relax and and. really just let that part of life go. because I know that my voice has been.

heard and I know that change has been. done. I don't know. I just think the the. purpose of it of of being able to. leave a legacy of like where you're. actually impacting something for. people to say for when you're not here. That's where I feel like that's where I. want to be. I want to be in that like. that. changing the world factor of how either. people see themselves. and love themselves, changing the. fashion industry, changing, you know, feminine hygiene. products, making sure that we're all.

protected and safe and I think that's so. much bigger. And if I can save a life, I. mean, that's bigger than anything. That could be bigger than any. achievement you could ever imagine is. because a human life and what that. person is and what they could be to the. world is so much more. than just a cover or a. you know, fancy car or it's like it's. it's so surface. There's no fulfillment. What are those. things going to do when you die? Nothing. But you can die knowing that you've.

changed the world, that you've changed. someone's life for the better. And that to me is so powerful. Well, Lauren, that is what you're doing. Um I've never been so inspired by. someone um on this podcast ever. And I don't [ __ ] people, but like. genuinely I've never been so inspired. because. there's so many things that um. you're doing as a result of speaking. that aren't necessarily the most obvious. benefits you're having. Obviously, your. work to change the industry that harmed.

you. is going to change lives. But the the. message of perseverance when it when. there's no light at the end of the. tunnel, and to keep on going, and to. have faith that um. [clears throat]. there is a higher purpose. There is a. reason to carry on. I think there's so. many people around the world that are in. dark places, and they can't see a reason. to continue. You know, and. a lot of them listen to this podcast. because a lot of them message me. And I. think even hearing. how you managed to take yourself from. that place, you used time, and you sat.

with all of the things you felt, and. where you are now in your life, I think. that alone will save a lot of people's. lives. Because there's so many people, honestly, there's so many people that. are going to listen to this that cannot. see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are the light at the end of the. tunnel. You know, you being here and. doing what you're doing, you are that. light. Um. you'll never get to see all the lives. you you impact and change positively. because of that. So, on behalf of all. those people who I'm I'm sure would love. to message you and tell you, but I'll do. it on their behalf. Thank you so much. You've really really inspired me, and.

you've really inspired me at a very. profound, deep level because. um. you know, it's easy. It's easy to go through life, even. sometimes in the world I live in, and. feel a sense of. sadness or injustice, or to to have have. a huge amount of pity for myself, or. whatever it might be, you know? Um. [clears throat]. and you're a constant reminder of the. choice that we have every day, every. time we wake up. So, thank you. Yeah, thank you so much for having me, giving. me this opportunity. It's been so fun. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for. blessing us. Um. we have a [clears throat] closing.

tradition on this podcast where the last. guest leaves a question for the next. guest, not knowing who they're going to. leave the question for. And the question that's been left for. you. I've not read it all cuz it's a little. bit long, but I'm going to start. Assume. you can visit yourself. on the day before you die. {brackets} In. the far future, I hope. What do you imagine that future version. of you. will tell. present-day you? That you've done well.

That you've. set out to do what you've chosen and. wanted to do, and you didn't stop no. matter how hard things got, no matter. how many knows you got, no matter how. big. the world got or. how high up that you couldn't see how. you were ever going to get past what was. in front of you, but you did it, and you. never gave up, and you. you saw everything as a challenge. And. hopefully in that moment I'll I'll know.

that I've changed lives, saved lives, changed the world for the generations to. come, and know that. my work is done. And I think that's just pure beauty. I have no doubt. Lauren, thank you so much. It's been an. absolute pleasure to meet you. Thank you, too. Thank you. Thank you. [music]. Over the last few years I've realized. that my first foundation is my health,

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[music]. [music]. [music]. [music].