Ronda Rousey: I Kept This A Secret My Entire Career! WWE Is A Mess!

people don't know about. this I had to keep it a. [Music]. secret uh it's really really. difficult. Ronda Ronda you have voted the best. female athlete of all time what was it. that made you the person that sits in. front of me today so when I was a kid it.

was tough my dad he ended up taking his. life when I was eight and in school I. got picked on a lot I actually dropped. out when I was 16 and moved away from. home to train full-time but a lot of the. coaches thought that being abusive to. the athletes is what gave them the best. results my first coach just located my. job people don't know about this but I. get concussions all the time and every. time you get a concussion it's easier to. get another one so by the time I got. into MMA I had to be able to finish the.

person off immediately it was those. experiences that made me the world. champion and you stacked up a bunch of. records including the fastest ever. win fastest submission fastest title. defense but then that loss to hly just. like. that yeah my whole world turned upside. down I had to disappear for a while and. um you decided to move on to the WWE you. don't have nice things to say about it. Vin man just created a fundamentally.

sick environment and I think he still is. running the company to this day. why before this episode starts I have a. small favor to ask from you two months. ago 74% of people that watched this. channel didn't subscribe we're now down. to. 69% my goal is 50% so if you've ever. liked any of the videos we've posted if. you like this channel can you do me a. quick favor and hit the Subscribe button. it helps this channel more than you know. and the bigger the channel gets as. you've seen the bigger the guests get.

thank you and enjoy this. [Music]. episode wonda when I interview people I. often ask them to tell me the most sort. of pertinent first event in their story. that went on to shape who they are and. with you from reading through your story. it's quite clear that the first. potentially significant event happened. as you were being. born yeah I uh I was born with the UL.

cord around my neck and uh I was like a. zero on the epar scale which is like the. health of a baby when they're born I was. blue like thought I was dead um had to. it took a while to revive me and um I. had uh some damage from that um some. neurological damage which expressed. itself as a motor speech disorder called. proxia which is basically I would have. words formed in my head and try to say. say it but there was kind of Disconnect.

between my brain and my mouth and it. would come out differently than how I. said it so um ended up having to do many. years of speech therapy to be able to. get over it and sometimes I uh I. struggle a little bit but uh um I've. I've you know dealt with it well enough. where people don't notice but uh you. know doing things like pro wrestling. promos and stuff where everybody like. will uh scrutinize you for like saying a. single syllable or you know not. producing every single not pronouncing. every single word per perfectly like if.

I just stuttered like I did just now or. mispronounced something like I did just. now in a wrestling promo I would be like. hung over it and so um you know there's. little things like that that still. Express themselves to this day but. mostly it's not noticeable now the. umbilical cord was wrapped around your. neck the doctors gave you a zero out of. 10 in terms of your health when you were. a baby what age did you learn to speak. properly um I didn't really speak like.

in full intelligible sentences until I. was like around 5 or so when they did. brain scans did they notice anything. different in your brain at that point. because of your because of the umbilical. cord incident no no one ever like did a. brain scan or anything like that I got. tested for deafness for a long time. autism um aoia didn't exist as a. diagnosis until after I'd kind of really. gotten over it um it was actually like a. a like a fan a mom and her daughter that. uh brought me like a pamphlet and was.

like we've heard your story it's been so. inspirational to us we think what you. had is this thing called a proxia and um. and I was like oh my God this actually. fits everything that we experiened. perfectly and uh we ended up having a. walk for a proxy here I got to like meet. a bunch of different kids and stuff that. were dealing with similar things but. yeah it's kind of like newer on uh on in. the field people being aware of it but I. think that's what made me um delve into.

sport so much because um you know with. Judo especially you like communicate. physically with a person you have to put. your hands on another person you have to. talk and interact with that person and. so when I was having a hard time uh when. we moved back to LA like really. socializing with other kids sports you. know specifically Judo made it like kind. of it was like a conduit for me to be. able to like connect with other kids and. have something to talk about what was. home life like for you before the age of.

10 I mean I thought everything was. perfect and awesome uh my my dad passed. when I was eight though and um I didn't. know but he had broken his back in a. suing accident when we'd first moved to. North Dakota and um he had like a rare. blood disorder where he couldn't heal. from it and so um he had been receiving. uh diagnoses basically saying he'd. become like a paraplegic in the then a. quadriplegic could eventually die and um.

we didn't know that he was going through. this or dealing with chronic pain or. anything like that so he ended up taking. his life when he was when when I was. eight but he'd been going through that. for years but had kept it from us and. so then like my kind of my whole world. turned upside down and then my mom ended. up re remarrying a couple years later. and then when I was around 10 11 is when. we moved to um right in the border of. San mon Venice your father had a.

sledding accident he he's told that he's. going to be a quadriplegic soon yes at. some point he broke his back and um his. disease called bardar syndrome makes it. difficult to clot your blood it's like a. platelet you know your platelets are Mal. malformed and uh so he wasn't able to. heal basically and uh they put a rod in. his back to try and help it heal but his. spine was just crumbling away so his. spine was basically like falling apart.

he died by Suicide yeah he uh he said he. didn't want his our last memories of him. to be a laying in a bed with tubes. running in and out of him he was in a. lot of pain all the time but didn't like. being you know doped up on painkiller so. he just wanted to go out his own. way did you have any idea that he was. suffering at that time none at. all completely kept it from. us so so one minute he's there and and. then the next minute he's not.

yeah how did you find out that he had. died by. Suicide um my mom told me right you know. right after it. happened how how how does a mother. explain that to an 8-year-old. child I mean she's a PhD in educational. psychology so very you know technically. I guess you know she just kind of laid.

laid the facts out of this is what. happened and this is what's going on and. we wanted to keep it from you cuz uh she. said that my dad just wanted us to be. kids and not have to worry about it she. told you the details of his his suicide. yeah what impact does that have on you. um I mean in the long run I felt like it. just kind of gave me this feeling that. even if I feel like everything is okay. that everything can come crashing down. at any moment.

and uh I guess I like lost any feeling. of security of even when everything's. going great I feel like like the ball's. about to drop you know and. um that's something that I had to like. you know work through till this day and. I feel like mostly I'm I can feel pretty. secure with my life and where I'm at but. yeah it plagued me for a long time you. were close to him yeah I was Big Time. Daddy's girl yeah but part of the speech. therapy was that my sisters were talking. for me and so.

uh he had to work uh a little bit of a. drive from the house so he would be um. in Devil's Lake during the week and we'd. come home to my not on the weekends and. so um the speech therapist said I just. spend one-on-one time with a parent so. that I'm forced to speak so my sisters. can't translate my gibberish for me and. so we would it'd be me and him during. the week and we'd come home on the. weekend so he was like you know my whole. world it's um it's almost done. imaginable for an 8-year-old to try and.

process that in reality and like the. because I think at 8 years old you don't. understand the concept of suicide or why. you know why a human could die by. Suicide and at that age what is the. story you you tell yourself in the book. you talk you talk about how you would. tell yourself that he's going he's just. gone away on business and that he's. going to return at some point yeah well. that's the only time that he would. really be gone away from the house for. extended periods of times cuz he had. like a business trip or something and so.

that was just kind of like what I told. myself to cope for for a while but then. I found out later that uh my grandfather. committed suicide as well so he was a. second generation. suicide your siblings and your mother. the impact of the loss on your dad on. them was that noticeable did you notice. a change in. them my my like sister didn't ever. really want to talk talk about it and I. I think you know my.

uh yeah no one really wanted to talk. about it at all it wasn't like the kind. of thing that we would bring up all the. time your mother at this time she's um a. champion in her own right yeah in. everything she um got a perfect score on. the SATs at 16 graduated college at. 19 um then she won the World. Championships in Judo the first American. to ever win the World Championships in. Judo while she was working as a single. mother engineer and getting her PhD in.

educational psychology wow yeah she's. incredible she when I was reading about. her and doing some research on her she. sounds like a little bit of a superwoman. so I went and found um I wanted to see. her and I found this picture of. her y That's mom she looks like a badass. bad she was the original armar lady she. uh actually tore her knees out when she. was 17 and had to learn how to win. basically just on the ground so um. she was the one that would always win by.

armar oh really yeah and she was kind of. like taught me how she did it and you. know I add added to and learned things. as well but it's become like kind of a. family heirloom as the armar. yeah the family. armar I I often think that um our. childhoods and those sort of early. formative experiences and the traumas. that we experience they leave. fingerprints on us in various ways that. follow us for the rest of our lives um. for good for bad bad and sometimes for.

ugly when you think about those sort of. first 10 years of your life and the. fingerprints it left on you as an adult. and the person that sits in front of me. today what are those things that are um. most sort of ingrained in you from that. time of your life what's most ingrained. in me from being a. kid um well I think like you know like. losing a parent is a huge format of. event have you ever read a blink by. Malcolm Gladwell no but I've spoken to. him on the podcast but no I haven't yeah. he mentions that uh that kids that lose.

a parent before they're 10 actually end. up being uh more successful. statistically later in life and uh it's. like well he he's the one that delved. into into his book but um you know when. I was reading I'm like oh you know I I. could see I could see that that makes. sense in a way and um the the aoia and. stuff like really pushing me towards. Sports and like being physical and and. things like that and being the youngest. of the sisters so you know I was the one. that was that getting beat on at the. house so it made me tougher and want to.

constantly be able to like prove myself. as you know not just being a little baby. but deserving of respect and stuff like. that and those kind of like made me into. um the kind of kid that would when I. first started swimming I wanted to win. the Olympics and swimming when I first. started Judo I was like I just still. want to win the Olympics in this now and. um but that was just how encouraging my. parents were you know if they're like oh. you want to swim you're going to you can. win the Olympics and swimming you know.

and so I was just always fed that. expectation that I could do everything. and at sort of 10 years old you moved to. Santa Monica um and you had your. first attempt and try at Judo is that. right yeah I um well I was swimming. here but I wasn't so much into swimming. it's kind of. boring and uh I didn't like waking up in. the morning and jumping in a cold pool I. didn't blame me yeah so after a little. bit of that I was like h.

I want to do something else and my mom. uh she trained here in the 80s back when. she did Judo and so she went to go visit. a bunch of her old teammates that had. all gone and opened up clubs of their. own and I went and tried it and I. remember my first day I didn't even have. a hair tie my hair was all over the. place crazy and I was like trying to. figure out how to do Judo and uh I had. the most fun that I ever had cuz I love. that there was no one way to do it if it. you know if it worked it was right and. it was kind of like mentally intriguing. you have to figure it out you're like. solving a puzzle or like having a.

conversation with the other person you. know and so um because it was so like. mentally engaging I think that's why I. liked it so much and uh uh when I won my. first tournament I got that feeling of. winning that I didn't quite get in in. swimming I was one of the top kids in. the state but I wouldn't like really win. swimming meets and so um first time I. won something I got like addicted to. that feeling I guess so I actually. dropped out of school when I was 16 to. be able to train and do Judo full-time.

and move away from home to train. full-time what was your mother's opinion. on you doing Judo seeing as she was a a. champion in Judo herself when her. daughter turns around and says mom I. want to do Judo. too um I mean I can't really say how she. felt but I mean I was kind of like. identified as being like a prodigy of. Judo pretty young and uh. she wanted to kind of take an outside. role of making sure that I was training. with all the right people at the right.

time she wasn't the person that was on. like she of course taught me everything. that that she could and um but she. didn't really want to be that. overbearing coach Mom on the match you. more of like was like you go here train. with this person you go here train with. that person was like the overarching. like architect of my career and. everything like that you um you went to. your first tournament and you win the. tournament with instant wins ions I. don't know what an ion is but ion is. like if you throw someone flat on their. back okay right so you win that first.

tournament people start considering you. to be this child prodigy in Judo what. was it about when you look back on. yourself now with all the wisdom you. have what was it about you that made you. Excel above your peers Judo what was it. about your character something that you. did uh I mean there had to be some sort. of genetic Factor cuz like my mom and my. dad are both like good athletes um but I. think yeah part of it was personality. wise but I just really wanted to win I. had that I cared why I mean winning felt.

good but I also it really hurt for me to. lose I hated like my first tournament I. lost I like locked myself in a room for. like a week I was so upset but I was. willing to get my heart broken I was. willing to care about something so much. that my heart would be broken if I. didn't you know achieve it and I don't. know I think I felt like the idea of. being better at something than everybody. else like made me special somehow it was. like proof and it was also it wasn't.

like I was dragging myself through doing. it to be great at something because. that's what it was I I really enjoyed. like mastering the art of Judo like. figuring it out it was like endlessly. intriguing to me at the time and I. remember when I was. 16 I like realized while I was you know. doing nawaza which is fighting on the. ground that the end of one move was the. beginning have another one and that's.

when I moov from like trying to memorize. all these separate techniques to trying. to um combine them into like a path and. like a web and I um I didn't come up and. you know naaza and Judo is not the focus. of the sport really um maybe it's like. 20% of the time people spend on the. ground maybe less but it wasn't like. Gracie Jiu-Jitsu where they like show. you like oh this is the way and this is. the structure and I was very open-ended. and so I was kind of like I had to.

create like my own like system basically. my own fighting style and everything. like that and that was I think the most. interesting to me that I was like. creating a philosophy and everything and. Concepts and how how did I piece. everything together and so um I think. that was the most interesting part I I. could train for hours and hours and. hours and hours and not realize that I'm. tired because I'm trying to piece. something together um but I also I think. we call it like opposite add where I. like fixate on things for like hours on.

end and I can't get off of it and uh but. if you tell me to like run you know I'm. like oh my God the whole time I'm like. okay I'm tired I'm tired I'm more tired. than I was but if you tell me like if I. had to try and figure out how to like do. a certain punch a certain right way or. do a certain throw a certain right way I. would do it for hours on end trying to. get it absolutely perfect and not. realize all that time had passed so and. sometimes that's like a negative thing. or I'll fix dat on something like. something stupid I did like several. years ago and not be able to stop myself.

from thinking about it but it's also the. same thing that would keep me training. on a single technique for hours on end. just trying to get it right and my mom. said when I was a kid I would draw the. same picture over and over and over. again I would I remember it was like a. bunny in the middle and there was like a. bush a bush and a tree and a tree and. each side and like a sun with the cool. glasses right my mom would be like what. why do you keep drawing this picture. over and over thousands of times I would. draw the same drawing. and uh she said my answer was that I'm.

just trying to get it to match the. picture in my head I couldn't understand. why when I thought of a bunny and a. bushes and all this stuff and I drew it. it didn't look exactly like a bunny and. so I would keep drawing it over and over. and over again to try and get it and uh. I guess that's like you know my. personality I guess it's something that. I can't really control for For Better or. For Worse and is that perfectionism is. that how You' kind of Define that this. sort of obsessive um. pursuit of making the thing perfect as.

you see it I don't think it's so much. perfectionism as it is Mastery I want to. like master and understand something. completely it's kind of like an. unfinished puzzle you. know cuz I can live in squalor like I. don't think like the perfectionism of. everything around me is really uh um so. so important but yeah being able to to. understand something completely is. something that nags me if I don't. completely understand it I have to like. keep going back to it big jimm you go.

and train with big Jim at 16 years old. you leave home at 16 years old and go. and train with big Jim who's Big Jim and. why did you go and live with him what. for eight months roughly oh God mean on. and off for like years I was up there. um uh well Big Jim was one of the best. coaches in the country and he trained. his son little Jimmy who had just won. the 1999 World Championship as in Judo. and um I know Judo is not that big in.

the US so the places that are good at it. and have good coaches and good people to. train with are few and far between and. um Pedro's Judo was one of those. places yeah leaving home at 16 is. um is unusual to say the least yeah what. impact did that have on you it was tough. it was hard I remember being homesick a. lot um I was really isolating you know I. uh all I did was train all day there. wasn't any other kids my age I was.

always around people older than me um. you know part of being like a sport. Prodigy is no one your age is on your. level you know so I was always training. with people older I also at the same. time felt like I was in the middle of my. Montage to do something like amazing you. know my um I thought I was going to. shock the world and be the first. American to win the gold medal in Judo. at 17 and so no it was worth it to me. and at this time you're 16 you're you. have your first experience with what we.

call. bulimia you talk about this in the book. where because of the pressure for to. make way almost every week you struggled. with bulimia for the first time can you. what do I need to understand about that. because I I don't understand what bimar. is in my in Full full entirety but I. also don't understand the circumstances. that would lead a 16-year-old to make. decisions. to that would be categorized as Bic. um well basically I had to be await on a.

deadline very often and it's not really. a weight that I could healthily stay at. and so I would have to cut weight to get. there and um I just it started to give. me like a really unhealthy relationship. with food where I would like hoard food. while I was cutting weight like candy. bars and stuff like that and then after. I made weight I would like Gorge myself. on it like I didn't know any I didn't. have any um resources to help me out.

with it and so uh it just kind of. spiraled into a. disorder and that sort of would mean um. throwing up your food after you to eaten. it on occasion. MH yep I remember the first time I did. it was uh I had like a childhood coach. or something took me out one day and he. like basically like forced me to have a. chocolate shake and he was like no you. got to have a chocolate shake come on. it's fine you train it all the time you.

need to relax you have a chocolate shake. and I felt like so guilty about the. chocolate shake that I and I had to be. like make weight or something like that. weekend or something I there's no way I. would be able to make it and so like uh. I made myself throw up the chocolate. shake and it was actually like it was it. was cold it didn't hurt it was that bad. you know and I was like oh well it's. that wasn't even that terrible and so uh. I thought it was like a one time thing. but the next time I like ate two to much. and I felt like really guilty about it.

it just became like you know the panic. button of if I ate too much and I had a. deadline coming up where I had to be a. certain weight I felt like it was the. only thing I could do and I was a little. girl that was growing you know I like. grew 4 in and like doubled my weight in. a short period of time and so I just. couldn't stay at a lower weight so um. but you have all this outside pressure. to be able to maintain the the same way. even though as an athlete you're growing. and putting on muscle and even getting.

taller so it was kind of like fighting. nature I read in your book that they. called you. missman yeah in school it wasn't cool. for you know little girls to be muscular. back then and so uh before I dropped out. at 16 you know I. uh I was really muscular and um people. would like grab at my arms and make fun. of me all the time to the point that I. would just kind of like I would wear a. zipup hoodie all the time no matter how. hot I was I always Tred to like cover up.

my arms or how muscular I was which is. one reason why when I got older that. trying to like fight that that uh idea. that being muscular or was masculine was. something that became important to me. because that you know if you were a. teenage girl in the early. 2000s it was a a pretty unhealthy. standard that was presented to us so. yeah I uh I didn't fit the the very. narrow scope of what was considered. attractive at that that time and um and.

now it's like considered like really. cool for you know women to have muscles. now all the model models have like. stomach definition and stuff like that. and like are doing boxing and all this. stuff and want to look toned but um that. that wasn't the case back and that. wasn't the case back then that was. something that I got teased for a lot by. 18 you leave home and you go off to um. you leave home as you say because you. felt like you wanted to have some. control over your life um and I think. you on route to the Olympics at this.

point you were thinking about going to. the Olympics at 21 years old you. actually competed in the Beijing. Olympics and were the first American. women to get an Olympic. medal and then what I found really. shocking is that you made $6,000 from. from winning that medal at the Olympics. yeah after I got taxed on it $1,000 and. got taxed on it actually bitched about. it so much in the media when I was doing. MMA that they got rid of that tax but. still you would only get. $110,000 is there like a bit of a.

through line in your story that starts. very young about this idea of um the. importance of validation and respect. from other people this kind of bit of a. chip on your shoulder that was driving. you yeah I think it it started out of. something that drove me and then it. ended up being something that held me. back that I had to kind of shake myself. from but you know I also benefited. greatly from it so I'm not saying I. regret anything but I know that it. wasn't like a sustainable model for for. me to you know be happy in the long run.

CU I spoke to Tim Grover who trained. LeBron and um Kobe and he said the same. thing to me he said you know when he's. talking about Kobe and all those years. training him to To Be A Champion that. our dark side and our light light side. are interconnected when he's talking. about our Dark Side he's basically. saying like the trauma the the difficult. things about us the things that we would. probably keep in the shadow if we could. um they end up creating the greatness. that we see on our screens and it's like. you can't separate out the two you can't. just have this person and not this. person unfortunately but like he he.

makes the case to me that we all have a. dark side and unfortunately it's it as I. say it's responsible for our light side. I I see that throughout your story this. sort of Journey to understanding that. part of you and as you say in your book. like liberating yourself from it um. which is really interesting because I. feel like I've been through this trying. to been I've been trying to do the same. thing in my life I've been trying to. take back the control of some of it. because as you said there it can lead. you to the top of the mountain and then. it can sometimes bring you down the.

other side or it can make you miserable. at the top of the mountain I think I had. to get to the top of several mountains. to realize that like the mountain. climbing wasn't really going to be what. made me happy and I had this idea that. if I like if I collected or hoarded. achievements that somehow well someday. they would all add up to happiness that. I would be able to like I did this thing. so now I could be happy forever like my. idea was if I'm like the first American. to win the Olympic. in Judo then I will be happy for the.

rest of my life and it's not it it it. didn't really work like that like I. could yeah achieve these great things. and it would make me happy for a time. but your life goes on past that and so I. kind of had to um figure out after. hoarding all these bucket list. experiences that um that I would. actually end up just forgetting at times. like someone had to remind me the other. day remember when you flew with the. Thunderbirds I'm like oh yeah. and and then and then they didn't equate.

to to the actual happiness and I had to. um I thought that if I like could make. my past into something that i' I'd done. all these great things that it would it. would dictate my future but I had to. kind of figure out that like making. myself happy with every day that I'm wi. that that I'm living individually is. what I needed to do and there's no. amount of accomplishments that you can. like add to you know your your trophy. shelf that are going to acquaint to. being happy forever in the future it.

just it just is impossible and it sounds. like you you were living with a bit of a. secret throughout your sort of early MMA. career and the fact that you had what. appeared to be a bit of a concussion. based brain injury of sorts because in. your book you talk about how you realize. that in inspiring if someone hit you. pretty hard in the head you'd end up. seeing. Stars yeah I mean I people didn't really. know about CTE back when I was doing. Judo and um I get concussions all the. time and just be told that you know hey.

I my head hurts I have photo Vision I. would say it like stuff like that and. then' be like just stop being a [ __ ]. and like keep training and so um I would. get you know dozens and dozens of. concussions and never be allowed to stop. and I would have to keep training. through them and the symptoms would. persist for weeks so the point that I. was experiencing concussion symptoms. more often than I wasn't for 10year Judo. career I mean that's the kind of thing.

that like you know leads to CTE all. these football players that we we're. dealing with were having concussions. repeatedly and not being allowed to rest. and so by the time I got into MMA like. this is the kind of injury that. accumulates over time you don't you know. it doesn't go away every time you get a. concussion it's easier to get another. one and so by the time I got into MMA I.

um it was really easy for me to to get. concussion symptoms and um i' I'd rested. for a couple years you know so at first. it wasn't so bad but it it just got. worse and worse and worse with time even. if I'm winning a fight and you know 14. seconds and the other person doesn't. touch me there's uh 50 rounds of. sparring that went into that training. camp and you're wearing like a headgear. and gloves which are meant to protect. you cosmetically but these gloves are 14. ounces and you're wearing this head gear.

so your brain is you know suspended in. fluid the the larger the thing is like. it's a 14 o ounces it's easier actually. to give you a concussion um when you're. sparring and it's the kind of thing that. I just didn't want to like say anything. about you know I didn't want and I. didn't want to address it myself or any. kind of weakness in myself and I just. kept telling myself that I you know I. just have to be perfect and not allow. these people to touch me I have to. create this fighting style that's so. efficient. that I don't take any damage and um it.

got to a point where I fought Sarah. McMahon and she barely tapped me and I. obviously had a concussion afterward I. couldn't bear to look at the lights I. had to have everyone turn the lights off. and. um I was looking for a way out you know. cuz I know I couldn't sustain that. forever um but yeah it's got to it got. to the point where if I got like tapped. at all um with the you know said the. point say Stephanie McMahon slapped me.

and gave me a concussion you know and uh. the you know a woman. then that has never been a fighter in. her life and even you know is uh passed. her slapping Prime if she can slap me. across the face and give me a concussion. you know I shouldn't be fighting anymore. did you keep this a secret I had to keep. it a secret from everybody um my coaches. Dana even like myself I just didn't want. to face face up to it I just thought. thought that I could keep it going. forever and.

so that like I think was the most. frustrating thing to me that like in. my uh my first loss I got tapped in the. beginning and I'd fallen down the stairs. a week or so like maybe a week or so. before that knocked myself out falling. down the stairs at my house and then. didn't say anything went into the fight. anyway had a horrible weight cut had the. wrong mouth guard with that which didn't. have the protection on the back of the. bottom teeth. so the first time she Taps me my teeth.

get knocked loose and I'm out on my feet. like when I say out on my feet it means. that like like I have no I have no depth. depth perception basically and I'm at a. very limited capacity of what my brain. can. um the information that it could give me. and so I knew that if she knew that I. was hurt I wouldn't be able to defend. myself and so I had to keep. coming forward without knowing how far.

away she was and not being fully you. know hold of my facilities just to keep. them the fight going hoping that I would. recover but I just couldn't and so I. think that that's one of the things. that really dug like dug at me for so. long that so many people were like. saying like oh Rhonda's game plan was. bad or whatever this and like they. didn't know that like I wasn't like. present I I was like just trying to. survive I couldn't see how far away she.

was I. um it wasn't like that was my game plan. or anything like that I was like. completely disabled and uh when I tried. to fight again and I was like okay I. give myself a break and I'll make sure. the mouth goge is perfect and this time. I'm not going to knock myself out right. before the fight and all those things. and the same thing I just got tapped and. I was I was out you know even if I was. out on my feet I was. out so I just like just didn't have the. hardware to continue fighting and a lot.

of people would say like oh you're a. [ __ ] quitter you're this this or that. and and it's really difficult because i'. never had been more skilled as a fighter. I'd never been better in my life but I. just you know I just neurologically. wasn't capable of continuing it to fight. at that level and I couldn't say. anything about it then because I wanted. to go and do pro wrestling and they. already have their own controversy that. they had to deal with with uh wrestlers. having you know CTE all kinds of damage. from concussions and so it's such a.

volatile subject that I. just I couldn't say anything about it. and I couldn't say anything about it. leading into my my my last fight because. then I'd be basically telling the other. person that um you know the putting a. Target on my head literally so I just. had to stay silent about it for years. and let people make their their own. assumptions about me and um you know it. was it was tough because like. in some ways like I've never been better.

as a fighter I've never had a better. grasp of everything than I ever had I'd. never been faster stronger everything. else but you know you only have so many. hits that you can take and unfortunately. I took the vast majority of them as a. kid doing. Judo I want to make sure I completely. understand the context of the what it's. like to get a concussion and to live. with a concussion that ends up. compounding to make it even more. sensitive you you you take those big. hits when you're younger they they ask. you to fight through the concussion by. the time you're in the UFC you've.

developed this incredible style where. you basically get people out of there. instantly I mean in the leading up to. your fight with Amanda Holmes I think I. remember the commentator saying at the. time that you'd knocked or you'd. submitted everyone within sort of 30. seconds of the fight starting so your. your style had kind of adapted to become. I'm going to get this person out of. there immediately that yeah that wasn't. an accident that was the goal that was. the goal the goal was I had to be able. to finish the person off immediately. because that was the only way that I.

could fight is to not take any damage. because if they had hit you in the head. at that point there was a risk that you. you would get a concussion and you were. aware of that risk but your coaches. weren't no were any of your coaches. aware of it no was Edmund aware of it. yourbody I didn't tell anybody I didn't. it was one of those things I just didn't. want to. like face up to that to having any. weakness in myself and also like like. Edan would have made me stop I didn't.

want to stop I didn't want anyone to be. making that decision for me I didn't. wanted to tell the company that I was. having neurological symptoms cuz then. they wouldn't let me continue to fight I. didn't want those decisions to be taken. out of my. hands in your book you talk about the. relationship you had with Edmund and it. wasn't always great in terms of his. approach to coaching you talk about how. he would physically strike you during. training but more potentially even more. he would emotionally abuse you during.

training I mean. honestly I. can't think of single coach. that I had like a great like a like a. great relationship with like this is. like a lot of the coaches were of that. like Bella Cori kind of generation of. like they thought that being abusive to. the athletes is what gave them the best. result and that was kind of what was. like in Vogue at the time so.

um and like that as an athlete you're. just kind of like all right well this is. what I have to deal with in order to be. the best and especially with like. these these Sports where you have no. other choice like this is the national. team coach and you have to get their. approval and put up their [ __ ] to be. able to to fight at this level and so. like Edmund. was I think not as bad as previous.

coaches so that's why I um put up with a. lot cuz I felt like I at least had a say. that I could I could talk back the other. coaches would just you know um like. little Jimmy my first coach literally. like dislocated my jaw as I was a little. kid I threw him once in front of. everybody and and laughed because I. thought it was awesome and he threw me. on the benches on top of the table at. everybody else's in front of all these. people and uh you know Big Jim had like.

grabbed me by the throat before to like. drive his point home that women can't. defend themselves and so this is like. behavior that I've been conditioned to. tolerate since I was like a little. girl and um Edmund was of that same like. Eastern European kind of like school of. thought of like you have to be like. really tough and in order to bring the. best out of people and um what does that. do to your emotions though because we. develop you know at the age when most of. us are developing our emotions you're.

having yours suppressed and you're being. made into this really quote unquote. tough. person I think it kind of taught me from. a young age to just. like how to diffuse like coaches that. were like getting out of hand and to not. because if I st stood up for myself it. would just make it worse and so it just. kind of like taught me to like okay I. got to like get this person in a good. mood all the time or I had to like.

butter them up or I have to like. strategically find my way to like out. out of being bered or something like. that and so um I think it's not so much. one individual that's a huge problem I. think like the whole system is the. problem and that it really reinforces. these like in these power IM balances. that are um inevitably taken advantage. of that all these coaches have free. reign of their little their little. foms and.

um a lot of these athletes don't have. any other option and so like I don't see. how like in school you can have like a. teacher someone comes in to watch the. teacher teach to grade them on their. teaching like nobody does this for. coaching and you know so I would hear. these stories about like these Sumo. coaches that like would kill their. Athletes Training them and I'd be like. yeah you know I could see how that going. happen and it's just it's it's not one. person it's not one sport it's.

everywhere and there's. like I can't say that I have all the. answers for it but I can say that like. coaching in general creates a really. like unhealthy power like in inbalance. that what I was. able how I was able to take my. relationship with my coach Edmund and. take it from off the rails back on track. is to to have very distinct boundaries. you know a lot of times your coach is.

someone that you're you know is tough on. you but they're also like they care. about you they're a parent they're a. brother they're they're a coach too but. a lot of times it it becomes like an. overbearing family member and a coach. and you can't be both that's why my mom. didn't want to be my coach she didn't. want to have to be my mom and my coach. because being both of those at the same. time is inevitably. unhealthy and. when we put boundaries in place of like.

okay this is what your job is and you do. not do anything outside of that. then you know I training was better than. ever our relationship was better than. ever but I think like a lot of these. lines and these boundaries get blurred. and they need to be very you know very. defined in order for for it to work out. and how were those Lines Blurred with. your coach um just just. he was crossing them in terms of the. things he was able to say and do yeah I.

mean a lot of it was like he just wanted. to know where I was all the time and um. like I needed to be constantly available. and and stuff like that and uh or else. it would like end up turning into like a. big argument or something like that and. I would just end up just trying to like. do anything I could to not get in an. argument and. um but yeah like I had to like make a. rule at one point I was like you're not. allowed to FaceTime me cuz I don't want. you to just FaceTime me and know where I.

am at all times and what I'm doing cuz. like it's my [ __ ] business it's my. privacy and it was just he was always. trying to push that. boundary um now was always pushing back. and stuff like that and um but I was. like I don't know I A lot of times I. like I'm like I just want to train like. I don't I would be just trying to like. plate him because if I like just stopped. talking to him and an argument then it. would end up leaking into training the. next day and so it just became like.

really like taxing of like my my energy. in general but like I mean I can't. really think of a single like coach. relationship that I that I had that was. like perfect but it worked you know. that's the one problem that I'd always. had like debating I'm like well it's. working I'm getting better and so you. would just put up with it because. there's there was no perfect option out. there you said at the very start that. you were very very close to your father. and then when your father the past these. other men that almost take on what.

someone could like into a fatherly role. are all. coaches yeah yeah no I mean they were. all like uh what was it in in Kill Bill. that was talking about uh that bill lost. his father early so he collected father. figures yeah I collected them um none of. them were as good as the. original but yeah I think that that. constant need for you know um validation. from a father fig it was something that. I was constantly like pursuing but um.

you know that like that philosophy of. coaching of you. know you see like the like the Russian. figure skaters the gymnast that never. smile because they've been like beaten. into iron that was basically the. philosophy of all the coaches that I had. they would see someone like B coroli and. be like oh my God like he was their Idol. and so they're all trying to like. emulate that beating the emotion out of. you this is something that I that I've. always wondered about you because you. you've always had a. Steely um.

exterior you know no you have especially. when in the in the fight in the UFC days. I watched some of you your Clips to. remind myself of your fighting days. before this and you know that you came. in with that face that that face and um. just in interviews around that time and. so on and this is why I asked the. question about emotion and how as. because you got into this at such a. young age and you're dealing with these. men who call you you know you're lack. lacking discipline if you miss weight. and all of these kinds of things. um you go through that the loss of your. father the unprocessed grief I'm.

wondering what happens to Ronda Rousey's. relationship with her own emotions I. mean I was always really emotional. actually as a fighter I would cry on the. mat all the time all the time I I cried. on the mat like every practice for years. straight and I would get yelled at for. crying you get yelled at for crying I. yelled at for crying so I would cry and. then I would cry because I was crying. and I would cry because I was being. yelled at for crying and um yeah I just. uh but it wouldn't be because something. hurt it would because you know something. I was frustrated by something I couldn't.

I got thrown or I couldn't make. something work I was trying to make work. and I would cry out of frustration and. my uh mom said I had a tournament where. it was full double elimination so I. ended up winning the tournament but I. lost a match earlier in the day and. every single match I would come out. crying bow in throw the other girl on. her ass beat her bow out crying come. into the next match still crying beat. the [ __ ] out of the other girl B out. crying the whole day crying until I beat. everybody beat the same girl that beat. me twice in order to win on top of the.

podium number one crying still because I. lost that first match earlier in the day. and so yeah I was always very. emotional I was extremely emotional as a. fighter and in training and everything. like that and that was something I was. constantly trying to like battle was. like if you get thrown in a tournament. don't start crying because that was just. something that would happen to me all. the time very yeah and that it's so. funny people think that I'm like yeah. this emotionalist robot whatever I fight. it took a long time to to be able to get.

there to stop like crying in the middle. of a match wow yeah Dana says he's never. going to allow women into the UFC to. fight but then Dana changes his mind and. he changes his mind because of you. effectively so in September 2012 I. remember the I remember it very fondly I. remember where I was when I watched the. first um woman fight in the UFC Dana. says that he's signing the first ever. woman fighter in the UFC lady called. Ronda Rousey and despite saying a year. earlier that he wouldn't but he called.

you a game changer and so you did end up. changing the game and you became UFC. champion between 2022 and. 2015 you won 15 fights back to back most. of them finished within seconds you. stacked up a bunch of records including. the fastest ever win fastest submission. fastest title defense. turnaround and you were voted the best. female athlete of all time in a 2015 PN. fan pole and Fox Sports called you one. of the defining athletes of the 21st.

century part of that sort of 15 fights. back to back was you know when I think. about that period is the amount of times. you were fighting was really unusual. you're fighting I think there sometimes. you're fighting three times in nine. months which is kind of unheard of for. anyone in the UFC I mean there's. Fighters today that seem to just fight. once a year why were you doing that why. were you fighting so frequently I was. fighting that frequently because that's. how often Dana called and I told him. that you no if you sign me I will be.

there to fight whenever you need me and. I never said no and so anytime that I. got an offer or anytime one of the guys. got hurt or fell out I was always the. one that would fill in and um you know. if there was like a I always fought on. like uh Fe like februaries and augusts. and November like the worst times of the. years is to fight because that's when. they needed somebody to come in and pick. up the numbers so I wasn't somebody like. like holding out to only fight on the. fourth of July card or New Year's card.

which are the best you know viewer um. the highest view of the year I um I. would do whatever was best for the. company because that's what I promised. the role that I would fulfill that was. like the deal that I made when I came in. and um you know nobody else has to do. that but I felt like I I owed it to Dana. I I I promised him I would be there. anytime that he needed me and I was if. you could go back and give yourself. advice on that day when you signed your. UFC contract now you could time travel.

back to that Ronda and give her a little. bit of advice whisper in a what would. you say I wouldn't change anything you. wouldn't change anything time travel is. not possible and I led myself to where I. am now and I'm happy with where I'm at. so I wouldn't [ __ ] with it when you got. the news that you're going to be signing. for the UFC as the first ever woman to. fight in the. UFC how did how did that feel um. validating really yeah and I was just. really excited I just felt like I was in. on a secret that the whole world didn't. know and they were just starting to find.

out and throughout that period while you. were the UFC champion you take up acting. and you you feature in a couple of films. like the Fast and Furious The. Expendables Etc was that something that. you always had planned or is that. something that just arose as an. opportunity uh the movie stuff just kind. of arose as an opportunity um but you. know once it became a possibility I was. like of course I could be the next Bruce. Lee you know of course I could do great. at this and um uh I felt like I was good.

like performer and you know great. physical performer as well and I could. combine the two in a way that nobody. else could so I went after it with the. same kind of confidence I went after. everything on the 14th of November 2015. you had UFC 193 where you were lined up. to fight Holly Holmes in Melbourne. Australia I remember where I was when. that fight happened I I didn't miss many. UFC fights and I still don't miss many. but it was a really sort of um a huge. turning point for a number of reasons.

you were. indestructible basically that's how the. whole UFC community and I think the fan. base saw you but in that moment as you. said earlier on there was an initial. contact and I watched the clip again. earlier on there's an initial contact I. think it was with um Holly holm's elbow. if if I can't remember if I remember. correctly and then you talked about. having this sort of issue with dep death. percept depth perception because of that. initial contact and that's actually what. I see in that clip I see from that first. sort of strike that there is an issue.

with kind of understanding where where. um Holly is and that fight ends in a. head kick from that moment when you. leave the O the. Octagon how does how does your life and. perception of everything change because. it's interesting the way that you were. built up to that you were I was going to. say the top of the mountain and you up. in the clouds at that point like it was. it was framed to everyone that you were. fundamentally indestructible. you know and that's kind of what the. marketing machine does it does to.

everyone they're fundamentally. indestructible but to everyone with from. mamad Ali to my friend Israel um in the. UFC everyone has their day where we find. out that everyone is a human being to. some degree from the moment you leave. the UFC what is life like from that. point onwards when you get back into the. medical. room um extremely. depressing you know that was my whole. identity was uh uh being champion and. defeated and um it's just like Soul.

crushing really was it was I was just. kind of like forced to face music before. I was ready to and I knew that. um it was going to catch up to me at. some point but I was. more think upset that there were so many. people out there that were like reveling. in. it and um.

and I don't know it just felt so like. unjust in a way because I just felt like. it was. just there's so much of it it just. wasn't my fault you know I just couldn't. like my brain just couldn't take what I. asked of it anymore and my body took as. much as it could until it literally. broke and I gave everybody everything. that I had and. um and that wasn't enough for them they. they hated me for not having.

more so I mean it was tough it was um I. saw a whole bunch of people that I. thought were friends just you know turn. on me and. um it was uh really eye opening in a way. though you know. to who TR who had CH who to who true. friends are and what is what true. happiness is and that outward validation. wasn't it. and so I think maybe he might have saved. me in a way from going down the path of.

trying to like chase that high of. everybody's you know approval. forever but um so I guess it was. liberating in a way in the long run if I. was a fly on the wall that night when. you left that octagon what would I have. seen a lot of. crying you. know. um I had to get my lip sewed up the. muscle underneath and then the the. skin I remember I was so out of it that. I like bit off a chunk of my lip and.

spit it out like it was like a piece of. chap like you know like a chapped lip. like that's how out of it I was I was. biting and Che like spinning out chunks. of like fles in my lip and people. judging me for the decisions I was. making while while in that state I think. is what bothered me the most it wasn't. so much that I lost it was just that. people thought that I didn't know how to. fight and um you know if I was at my. full capacity I don't think anyone could.

ever beat me but I. just you know I was. spent I I was running on fumes for so. long that I didn't have any fumes left. and. um and the moment that I ran out of. fumes was um you know broadcast live to. billions of people everywhere who all. had their own assumptions about it and. none of them are right and I felt like I. couldn't speak up or say anything and on. honestly like whoever I tried to talk to.

they didn't care. about um helping me communicate what I. was trying to communicate they just. cared about getting as many clicks as. possible so I couldn't trust anyone to. speak through so I feel like this book. was the only way that I could really. communicate everything that I'd been. holding on to for years because I. mean yeah it was really tough but I. literally fought until I couldn't fight. anymore. and maybe that's not enough for a lot of. people but I feel like I created the.

most efficient fighting style that ever. created that that was that's ever. existed and um I had to realize that. only people that are truly great can. recognize greatness I wanted to be so. great that only that even an idiot. couldn't um deny it but. um but then I realized after going into. pro wrestling that retiring undefeated. and taking the equity that I had with me. wouldn't have been what was best for the.

sport even though I know that I'm better. than all these girls and by [ __ ] long. shot and I always will. be taking my Equity away from me so that. everybody is knows that wouldn't would. actually tarnish my legacy it wouldn't. make everybody take the the women after. me seriously and so it it had to happen. for the for you know the the betterment. of the sport but you know sometimes it.

it still stings a little bit that it's. you know I'm not recognized as the. greatest ever what I know I am but my. mom said all the time really quick you. have this picture here that she didn't. care if everybody knew she was the best. in the world she only cared if she knew. she didn't care if that nobody knew who. was the first American world champion of. Judo back in 1984 it was important to. her and um. I think like somewhere along the way um. I it started to matter more what other.

people thought than what I thought and. so um I think being being forced back to. to that was actually the best thing that. could have happened to me I don't think. people realize the extent of they see it. as kind of just a game you fighting they. see it's some kind of game that they're. watching like they're playing on Xbox or. Playstation but I don't think they. understand the extent of the devastation. on a human level that you kind of.

experience after that loss and I think. until you did that interview with Ellen. where you revealed that you'd gone back. to your changing room and you had the. sort of this sort of suicidal ideation. about the. future most people didn't realize the. extent of it until then did you. literally have suicidal. ideation in the days and hours following. the fight no it was basically like. instantly when I came backstage. uh but you know. um suicide is the kind of thing that.

becomes more prevalent if you know it's. in your family and I've literally had. two generations of suicide ahead of me. it's just something that um it's always. a like a an option in your mind once. it's shown to you you. know um but I think that the fact that I. was with Trav then my husband now. that I just didn't want to like take the.

pain that I had in me and give it to him. because that's what how I experienced. suicide was like okay it's you get to. relieve yourself of that pain but you. have to you passed on to everybody else. and um my my you know but my dad was. dying anyway he wouldn't have been able. to prevent his his death and he was you. know physically suffering every day and. so that so I understand that. and um I didn't feel like I had that. same kind of justification that I wasn't.

going to die anyway so um I was going. going to live for him and for my family. so that they wouldn't have to to to take. the pain that I was feeling onto. them was that the hardest moment in your. professional. career professionally. yeah was it the hardest moment in your. personal life no losing my dad was. course you went on to fight Amanda Nunes. as at UFC 207 in 2016 and the the fight.

um ends again and after this you come to. the decision that your time at the UFC. is over and you decide to to move on to. the WWE there's a sort of a two-year Gap. I believe between about a one-year gap. between the Nunes fight and the WWE. announcement what happens in your life. in that Gap um I was mostly just being. sad I was just like sad and high and. playing video games and eating.

Crepes I mean everybody wants to rush. you through grieving things but you know. I think it's important and so I took. that time to myself I was also just so. worn out from you know like I said. Running on Fumes for years on end and. like literally dragging myself out of. bed every morning and like having to dig. deep every second of the day that I just. you know wanted to dig deep and just. disappear I had you know Paparazzi and.

all kinds of crazy [ __ ] happening at the. time and I. just just like didn't want to be famous. anymore. so um it was always more of a tool than. a goal and now that I didn't have fights. to promote I didn't need it anymore but. I guess it wasn't done with me so I kind. of had to like um disappear for a while. to be left alone were you doing anything. professionally during that period we. just at home um I mean I.

um oh just at home I feel like I just. needed to. not give. anymore I don't think anyone can. understand how exhausted I was and how. much it had been asked of me for so long. that I just needed to rest I needed a. mentally and physically. rest and um but people of you know dug. deep enough to make it to two Olympics. and win 15 fights in a row you know not.

people a lot of people understand how. much effort that takes and um just. sounds like numbers when you say it but. when you live it it's just like I. literally had nothing left in me I could. barely get out of bed so I. mean it's not the kind of like tired. that you can take a long sleep from and. wake up refreshed you know like it's. like the kind attire that takes like a. year to recover from is that is that. depression in your yes so you could you.

could call it. depression um but you know I I didn't. see anyone get. diagnosed your your husband was there. throughout that period with you yeah he. was there the whole time he was the one. supplying the. Crepes yeah he's amazing he he really. was you know helped drag me out of my. own hole. and I'm very much like you know like a. Gollum cave creature in general like I.

just will. like not not leave my my little Den um. but he's like very much a social. butterfly and he would make sure that. like okay you need to go out and. interact with human beings and I'm like. no which you know it's always kind of. been how I was I I always struggled. socially and stuff like that um which is. why I got into Judo was to be able to. like socialize and just be able to talk. and communicate and so um I just kind of. reverted back to like my my hermit.

Tendencies and yeah Trav literally had. to like drag me out of my hole and um. I'm glad you did but um yeah I would. easily SL slide back into the Misty. Mountains anytime I was allowed did he. understand what you were going through. psychologically in that period were you. able to communicate it Tim um I think he. understood to an extent like he uh he. had a different kind of incredible story. where he started fighting at 26 and then. was the number one contender in at the.

UFC in as much time it is it took me to. be the number one contender in the UFC. so he was like incredibly naturally. talented but he hadn't been you know. um pursuing a goal of athletic greatness. since he was six the way that I had and. so um just the disappointment of you. know never going never winning an. Olympic gold medal and never being able. to retire undefeated and those kind of. like lifelong goals um I don't think a.

lot of people understand that but he. also was still like so supportive and. there for me you know and he never got. fed up with me moping around and. literally crying over like eggs if I. like know broke the Yol and be like I. can't even make you eggs you know and. like just being like that for like yeah. over a year and stuff and his like he's. just such incredible love patience it. was just like there for me all the time. and just like bring me in and hold me.

when I needed it even if he didn't like. understand why I was so sad he was like. there for it anyway so yeah he's the. best thing that ever happened to me I. love him so. much but yeah he might not have. understood it so much but he was still. there for. me you knew you're going to get me at. some point I told you I'm emotional no I. no it's often in those moments um our.

hardest moments that we. realize as you said earlier who we've. got around us but also the value of. certain people in our lives I think in. my hardest times in my life that's. that's following those times is when I. realized who really really mattered and. my partner in particular through my. hardest moments I've you go through the. the Dark Canyon of these tough times in. life and you emerg that person walked. through it with you and you go [ __ ]. hell this person now I understand how. much they mean to me sometimes it takes. that to understand what someone means to. you um and it certainly sounds like that.

moment crystallized what Travis means to. you in your life as well yeah I think. when we first got together we went. through so much stuff that would have. driven anybody else apart but it really. just brought us all brought us brought. the two of us closer together and I'm. just so glad that we were with each. other when we were going through the. hardest times that we didn't have to go. through it. alone what is the WWE come in so that's. ultimately what sort of I guess pulled. you out of your little cave there but.

yeah I I had to get out of the cave and. in front of like a crowd of thousands of. people alive of course which is really. funny because I really don't like it I. don't like being in front of crowds and. a bunch of people and I hate public. speaking but I just love the stuff that. I get to do while doing it you. know um but yeah I like kind of my. friends uh the the four hseen Shea.

Jasmine and Marina that were like of. friends that I made I mean I knew Marina. back from Judo and I met cha and jasine. through MMA and like we really became. like really close in that group and you. know for me for how hard it was for me. to like socialize and make friends like. these were like my girls you know and. they all started getting into pro. wrestling and um I just started doing it. for fun and it was just so fun and like. it wasn't a competition it was everyone. working together to try and do something.

great together and so it reminded me. more of like you know like filming. action movies and doing fight. choreography except for it was kind of. like in its purest form where you have. to tell the story like the movie you. have like the movie part and then. there's a fight and then the story and. like usually the fight is like separate. from that and I feel like pro wrestling. is like the the purest form of combat. storytelling because you can only tell. the story through the com that I was. just fascinated with that especially you. know want to be Bruce Lee and um and it.

became that thing that like I started to. fixate on and wanted to be better and. better at it and just would um go into. training and lose track of time and. realized that I've been going for 5. hours kind of a thing and um and I love. that feeling of being lost in something. uh told my friend I was telling somebody. like passion is my passion I'd just love. to be passionate about things and you. know know I guess that flow state is fun. and I just love being in it and um so um.

yeah then I started just training for. fun and then. um then uh ended up you know getting I. didn't really get an opportunity to go. to WWE I was kind of like hey guys I. want to do. this and then they were like okay um and. yeah then just kind of snowballed into. cuz at first I was like okay I want to. have a baby soon. and it'd be kind of cool to go and do.

some pro wrestling for a couple months. before I go and have my baby and then it. just kind of like snowballed into this. whole beast and this whole like other. life that I didn't know that um I was. going to have but it was very much like. like a calling much more than a Pursuit. if that made sense you know once upon a. time if you had a business idea it was. exceptionally difficult to get going but. now in the age of Shopify it is. exceptionally easy as many of you will. know Shopify are a sponsor of this.

podcast if you don't know Shopify it's. an exceptionally simple web platform for. anybody that's got an idea that wants to. transact on a global scale so things. like these conversation cards which we. sell we've sold using Shopify and it. only took us a couple of clicks to get. going so why did we choose Shopify for a. number of reasons but I think one of the. big ones which goes unappreciated is. their checkout system converts 36%. better compared to other platforms and. here's what I'm going to do to remove. the cost for you if you go to.

shopify.com Bartlet you'll be able to. try Shopify for. $1 a month I've seen Shopify completely. change people's lives and for many of. you I think it could change. yours one of the things that surpris. surprised me and again it's because if. we only get to see this sort of 2D. representation of someone on a screen. whether they're you know through your. wrestling career or UFC career which is. kind of like it's kind of like all of. it's kind of like acting the press. conferences the bravado is in your book.

you talk about how comments online and. com newspaper comments and stuff would. get to. you I mean you know starts off like. that but yeah um at first you know um. when everything was going great it was. like I would look at my comments like. the morning newspaper I'd wake up in the. morning and look at my comments I look. at my tag photos and it's so. unhealthy but um but after my first loss.

I quit cold turkeying which I feel like. that was one thing that I needed to do. was to like not constantly need that um. outside validation and stuff like that. especially from the internet and social. media and stuff and I was kind of like. spiraling in a way and and kind of like. giving that way too much stock in my. like emotional you know State and stuff. stuff like that and um and then pro. wrestling you're literally in front of a.

a crowd that is like the embodiment of a. comment section in front of. yourself um but um you know that's also. why I really uh enjoyed being a heel. which I you know wish they would have. let me be a heel more often because um. that's why I feel like I was happy. happiest when I wasn't trying to plate. to the crowd purposely try to you know. piss them off and get a rise out of them. and not trying to um constantly you know.

um Pander I was surprised to hear about. the WWE that they kind of rewrite the. script last minute and that it's not I. don't you think of such a big business. you imagine they got script writers and. the scripts are written you would think. it wouldn't be an absolute cluster [ __ ]. [ __ ] show and you would be wrong. wow yeah yeah it and it's so needlessly. dangerous like no one can is like a lot. of times people can't rehearse things. have changed last minute a lot of times. you see them outside they're performing. they've only talked about it and they're.

doing it for the first time so a lot of. these injuries happen because people. just weren't able to rehearse and the. company doesn't give a [ __ ] because. we're all Expendable to them did you. feel Expendable to the UFC to the WWE. yes yeah I think you all we all did and. they they made sure to make us feel that. way why they made sure to make you feel. that way yeah so that you wouldn't get. above your station or something or so. that you would just do whatever you're. told yeah just do whatever you're told. just take it and you're all contractors.

at at the WWE as well so you're not. employees you have to pay for your own. health care and all these kinds of. things from what I read in your book yep. which is pretty crazy I mean that would. never be allowed in uh where I'm from in. the UK and it's sort of Vince McMahon's. Kingdom. yeah well I mean supposedly he's out now. because they you know caught him paying. py company funds so he can show on some. girls head in the office and you know do. a threesome with her Johnny laurenitis.

but um his cronies are still there and. so when that stuff started coming out. and Vince was gone before he was still. basically just calling it in and running. the company and um but yeah like Bruce. Pritchard who's there now who's still. like the head of creative or whatever. title they gave him um is basically just. taking orders from Vince and still. running the company through him and so. when Vince was uh.

uh resigned formally because of all. these like sexual allegations and stuff. that were coming out um he was still. running the company informally and I. think he still is to this day you don't. have a a whole lot of nice things to say. about these people I mean depends on who. the girls in locker room I absolutely. love them the people at the top running. yeah I mean Stephen Triple H I think. they're honest ly doing their best but I. mean I think that Vince McMahon just. created a fundamentally sick environment.

and uh I think if if Ari is going to be. able is going to be able if Ari Emanuel. who bought it out from WME is going to. be able to actually make this. multi-billion dollar dysfunctional. organization into one that functions. he's got to clean out all of Vince's. cronies he's got to completely clean. house and uh remove Vince's influence. completely but um you know no one's. asking me. but that's just what I experienced when. Vince was gone he was still running the.

show through um you know people that. he'd hired in the past Bruce Pritchard. being number one of them Bruce. pritchard's still there I believe yeah. John laurenitis took like he he was uh. he was cut loose because he got named. specifically in in the Scandal but uh. yeah Bruce pitchard is literally I'd. never heard him say a single one of his. own opinions he'd only said that Vince. says this Vince says that Vince says. this Vince says this Vince Vince Vince. Vince and so he's literally just like.

you know I I called him Vince's Avatar. that's basically what he is you returned. to the UFC after you left in. 2019 um you were there till from 2017 to. 2019 and um in 2017 you is when you got. married with Travis I couldn't figure. out from the from the dates I didn't. think the date was in your book but at. some point during this journey you you. start trying to have children mhm um. something I'm trying now with my partner.

on that process as well and you talk in. the book about a really heartbreaking. incident where you're filming a TV show. with 911 the TV show. 911 um and there was a a fight scenes. and various stunts in that movie and a. day after that you suffered a. miscarriage yeah I um well I found out I. was pregnant right before the show. started filming and then I um my finger. got chopped off from a boat door falling. on it and.

um but you know the we got we went and. checked out and there's you know the. baby seemed just fine uh but then I. miscarried a couple weeks later so I. kind of always felt like that was my. fault that I wanted to keep doing. dangerous stuff while I was pregnant. because I thought it made me cool and. then. um and then I was just like depressed. and like drinking and smoking not taking. care of myself and then got pregnant. right away again and then we never even. saw a heartbeat that time but I wasn't.

expecting anything more cuz I just. wasn't taken care of myself so you had. two miscarriages two miscarriages yeah. and then I went through IVF four Cycles. to IVF to be able to get eight embryos. CU we wanted to have like three or four. kids and the first one that we used um. actually worked that that's you know. Thea my daughter now but. um but yeah we're in the process of. doing it right now and I just got news. yesterday that our first cycle didn't.

work so it's tough anyone going through. is tough and like people just don't talk. about it but you know it's hard CU you. have like so much hope every time. and and um yeah I don't know I'll just. have to wait till the end of this book. tour to try again but I was really. hoping to be pregnant. today. but you know it's the kind of thing that. like nobody talks about so and so so.

many women think they're going through. it alone but. um uh it's really really. common but it's just it's really hard. when things don't work. out so many women and couples are going. through this and as you as you say it's. not something we talk about because the. mixture of feelings Sur in it are comp. complex to say the least yeah I think. like you know no one wants to burden.

anybody else with what they're going. through but a lot of times it's not. you're not burdening other people. you're you. know I don't know if it's like. camaraderie but you're offering. something to to other people that are. going through the same thing and a lot. of times it's like a woman you can feel. like it's you know your fault but you. know your Peak productive years are your. Peak Athletic years so I I decided to.

use those on my career and um you know. thankfully I was able to get a bunch of. embryos when I was young and hopefully. you know we'll be able to still have a. couple more kids but you know I still I. got my PO and I got my boys so you know. I got a lot more than than most than a. lot of people that have been through it. but you. know so you got three kids in total two. of them are from Travis's previous. relationship with his previous partner.

where you're now the stepmother and. you've had a daughter of your own yeah. people don't understand the because. there are people that have gone through. this and they understand although. because no one's talking about it. they've not had their feelings echoed by. someone publicly before and then there's. this other group of people that have. never been through the sort of IVF. journey of success failure failure. success failure etc for those people. that have never experienced it what what. is that like what the complexity of the. emotions that you you experience in. thoughts it's just a grind It's a Grind.

and it's really hard on you mentally and. physically your body and um. like like um this last cycle I wasn't. allowed to like you know work out or. anything for weeks on end and so it's. like my first time around when I had to. do like four Cycles in a row and then. the transfer cycle I mean like I I was. like just not recognizing able. physically and. um and uh just mentally so worn out.

you're on all these kind of hormones and. you're going through this like emotional. roller coaster and stuff and you just. you can't really talk about it you know. and. um and uh yeah sometimes. like like I would you know have just. people that are like psychotic trolls. that like try and follow me around. online and like braak me about these. kind of things about like at the time. mind like not not having a a kid when I. was trying and and stuff like that and.

that's I guess the the way you have to. live with being a public figure but and. you're not supposed to say anything. about it because how dare you not be. grateful for your good fortune but man. it um it it sucks when you're going. through it and you feel like you know. the world is also still looking over. your shoulder and you're not living up. to you know your own expectations I. don't know um if there's. a I don't know if there's a feminine. word for emasculating but is uh you know.

eminating it feels like if you if you. can't naturally have like a baby like I. mean my doctor was like if you probably. if you stopped smoking and drinking you. could have a baby like you know smoke a. bunch of weed and drinking you naturally. have a baby but because we wanted to. have so many he was like you should get. all your embryos now so when you're. older you can take your time and and do. it and so it's just like yeah it's tough. because as a woman you have to choose am.

I going to go for a career during my. Peak years or am I going to like go for. kids and so know luckily you know. science makes it so you can have both. but it doesn't make it. easy this has been very front to mind. for me because um because I'm trying now. and uh I've actually sat here yesterday. with two fertility doctors two different. fertility doctors because I really. wanted to understand the whole process. and. understand because you know I think. people typically think that fertility is. a a female thing but the fertilities do.

doctors told me quite clearly that when. they go through the IVF rounds it's. 50/50 typically as to why sort of a baby. isn't conceived it's 50% of the time. it's the man 50% of the time it's the. woman and so I I'm really grateful that. you share that because lots of people. are struggling and increasingly the IVF. clinics I think I think of the top of my. head have grown 90% in popularity over. the last couple of years and because. we're having our careers are being. extended further and um a variety of. other things but sperm counts are. dropping testosterone levels are. dropping it's only going to get more.

common yeah and one thing I will say. that's great about it is because I did. go through twoe pregnancies that you. know my my doctor told me it was. probably because it wasn't because you. chopped your finger off it wasn't. because if you were drinking or smoking. like it was because there. were um genetically not conducive to. life and so the great thing with IVF is. you get these embryos and you can have. them tested first and then you you don't. have to make a decision at 20 weeks long.

of like oh your baby has this kind of. you know disorder Mal formality and have. to make that decision and so you know. that they're they're healthy going into. it but then when you put all that effort. into it and you you finally do it and. then it doesn't work out I mean that's. that's crushing in itself too you know. so it's it's tough I mean science is. amazing but um it is like a really. difficult process to go through what is. your happiness from these days you've. had a real sort of uh a pivot in terms. of where you look for happiness over the.

last couple of years yeah I mean my. happiness is every day with my family. that's that's what it is and I'm so. lucky that I get to be like you. know retired in my mid-30s and um be. able to spend like all my time with my. my my husband and my kids and like to be. there for them and to be able not have. to like worry about so much you know and. get to just focus on them and um yeah I.

don't know just day to day I I just I. mean I say like I'm retired but like I. still do stuff but I don't do stuff with. the intention of like I have to pay the. bills with this and so yeah I mean I'm. not like only like only my my husand. only a wife and mom like I started uh uh. writing as just a way to like kind of. help me from you know not fixating on. like my myself or picking at myself and. got into like screenwriting and um which. is just like a really great way.

for if I'm having like just you know not. like a destructive thought process or. something like that that I can like turn. my mind into towards something creative. and actually like make something out of. all of that you know mental energy that. I'm just turning Inward and like hurting. myself with and so um so then came out. with this book and I've actually I'm. working on my. fourth script right now and my first. one's being made into a comic book and. um which I touch on in another book too.

but it's also like doing these kind of. things not with the intention of like. making millions of dollars or you know. impressing a bunch of people but just. that the act of it is so fun like I'm a. I'm interning right now at the story. department at WME that's what I was. working on in the car yeah I'm learning. um how to be a reader and write. coverages and just you know read lots of. lots of scripts and make me a better. writer and like learn like the Dark Art. of like writing coverages which people. don't see they're not at public but to.

be able to just still a script down to. his few words as possible and know what. you're looking for and all these things. and just kind of like learning these. skills that I'm really fascinated in and. um that's just like validating in. themselves you know and like and with. our Ranch and everything like that and. raising our cows and like my favorite. part is we took this land in Oregon that. was like completely degraded you know. had been mismanaged for years there was. more dirt than there was grass and to be. able to we're using regenerative. practices with our wagu and our and our.

py to be able to like bring this land. back to life you know so that was like. been more rewarding to me than reading a. whole morning of positive comments on a. freaking picture is actually like going. out and like seeing this land become. better and um like that kind of stuff is. like really rewarding and I don't have. to worry about you know uh promoting it. or what people will think of it or how. much money I'm making from it so yeah. like I'm retired but I'm busy it must be.

difficult to go from those Arenas that I. watched you in all around the world with. all those people screaming and cheering. to this Farm in Oregon because I don't. know I don't know one assumes that the. ADR we always talk about this adrenaline. rush that you get from fighting and. competing the opposite of that is a farm. and Oregon I guess so but I mean I love. my favorite crowds to like wrestle in. front of are like small crowds I love. being like in a small non-televised. crowd that's my favorite and like fight.

I could fight in a closet I could fight. in Arena it's not making it better to me. you know I just want to win the fight. like the fight itself is what I care. about that's what gave me the joy I was. completely blocking them out I mean. they're they're welcome to be there but. they're it's but they're not that. they're not part of my actual experience. of the fight itself I mean winning and. everyone being like w i mean that's an. incredible feeling that's great but um. but that's not why I got into it I. didn't get into like you know Judo isn't.

like a big sport that there's going to. be crowds of people cheering for you for. you know you anyone that's crazy enough. to want to win Olympic gold medal and. anything it's not because they want to. be famous or they want a whole bunch of. people to know or cheer for them it's. because they want to be the best at. something and I just love that process. of go going from knowing nothing about. something to mastering it I love the. process of Mastery you you used the word. earlier on self-destructive thoughts am. I right in thinking that your. self-destructive thoughts which appear.

to still be with you today are the. reason in part why you you were so great. when it came to the UFC and fighting. yeah I guess like you know enter that. that flow State I guess of being like so. um lost in doing something that you. can't think of anything else everything. else just appears like that was always. my favorite place to be you know in. swimming I didn't have that your mind. was left to wander while you're swimming. or in Judo you know there's nothing.

happening except for what's happening in. front of you and fighting there's. nothing going on except for what's going. on in front of you and in pro wrestling. there's nothing going on except for the. the reality you created in this match. that you're in and um yeah I I love. being completely lost in the in the task. of doing something the best that you can. like that's something that's addicting. and I guess something that I still do. now you know trying to do like through. through writing and and everything like. that but um I don't know I just.

uh I guess it's just U where my where my. happy place is but you know do you still. have those self-destructive thoughts. today oh yeah I mean all the time but I. mean it's just kind of like something. you'll like wake up and be like oh my. God I remember that thing that you said. several years ago that was so stupid. remember that thing you tweeted you. stupid [ __ ] like you know like just. things that like come up that you can't. do anything about it. but um just you know ruminate and. sometimes it's like you know try not to. think of a blue duck kind of a thing.

yeah and a lot of times it's like that. it's sometimes I'll be in in the middle. of something great and I'll just be like. don't think of something bad and then. because of that it'll like pop up in my. head and yeah I don't know did you go to. therapy at any point in your. career I mean I've tried but I'm you. know my mom's a psychologist so you know. uh anyone that I went to talk too I was. just kind of like you're not as smart as. my. mom yeah but I I tempted but I've never.

found anyone that I really like clicked. with but I've given it a couple shots. but Ian I mean maybe it's not for. everybody I don't think it's for me the. other picture that I found when I was. doing my research is this beautiful. picture here and the question I have for. you is about the lessons you learned. from this. man oh I'm going to keep this you can. keep both of them ah lessons I.

learned you know I wish I remembered. more we don't even have video or. anything you know very few. pictures um but I don't know. like it's just more of like examples. that he gave me of how to actually like. be a man and how to be a great husband. like my mom and dad were so in love with. each other I remember they would like. make out over our breakfast and be like.

e yeah I know but um he was like so in. love with my mom and she was so in love. with him and um I think that's why I was. smart enough to wait until Trav to get. married because I knew what I was. looking for and so he showed me what a. loving husband and father is and you. know he's the one that when my mom was. so worried about you know me being late. developmentally and all these things my. mom said he was the one that was always.

like you know Ronnie's as sleeper she's. going to show everybody and so he was. always the one that like believed that I. was going to be like exceptional and put. that belief in my mind that I am. exceptional and I'm going to do. incredible things and so yeah so didn't. never forgot it I guess I think he was. right you named after him right he's. called Ron yeah I was supposed to be. Ronald John Rousey Jr but I'm a girl so. I'm Ronda Jee Rousey the.

first not the. last and you did show everyone that's. exactly what you did in your career you. showed everyone and um you know it's. funny because I I'm a big UFC fan so I. watched your career enjoyed it so much. you gave me some incredible moments. throughout all of the the sort of those. major fights that you had and it's. interesting because from reading your. book and speaking to you today I. realized the very human cost of the. entertainment that I enjoyed as a fan I. behind that sat someone who is quite.

clearly pretty obsessed with winning. being Mastery in your own words and. being the very best at everything you. apply yourself to and with that comes a. cost you know we don't have to pay the. cost as fans we just get to enjoy the. entertainment and so it's very easy I. think without the full picture being. illuminated to not pay tribute to. someone who gave us so much fans but in. behind the scenes had to struggle in. really profound ways from the age of 6.

years old um for that joy that you. brought to all of our lives so on behalf. of fans that do understand the full. piture i' personally want to say thank. you so much for that because um yeah you. know I I used to step up at 3:00 4 a.m. in the morning in the UK to watch you. fight because you were like nothing I'd. ever seen you know you defined the. division you you basically created the. the concept of women fighting in the UFC. and you did it in a way with a style. that I'd never seen before and frankly. haven't really seen since so thank you. for that I know it's difficult I I can.

tell from when you talk about those. moments how difficult it still is but. that's what I would expect from someone. who is one of the real goats of the. sport thank you for writing this book as. well it's um incredibly honest and I. think it's perfectly written in many. respects but the timing of it is perfect. because you're in a certain chapter of. your life where you're able to look back. on all of these experiences with a. certain retrospect Ive Clarity and. wisdom that is incredibly helpful and. you found yourself on the other side of. all of this stuff now as a as a mother.

and as a as a normal human away from the. the WWE and the UFC and from that. perspective I think everyone can learn a. tremendous amount about life about. happiness about family about committing. yourselves to Something in the way in. with the form of Mastery that you had um. but also more more than anything what I. take from it is what really matters in. life and I think that's if I've. interpreted it correctly as the real. objective of the book we have a closing.

tradition on this podcast where the last. guest leaves a question for the next. guest not knowing who they're leaving it. for uh oh why does everyone get scared. when I when I go to this diary okay I. don't know okay interesting fear the. unknown it's not it's not it's not. terrifying sometimes they're horrific um. what was the most fun moment of your. entire life of my entire life yeah most. fun. God I mean I've had a lot of. [Laughter]. fun um they're probably intimate moments.

with my husband that I can't. share but we have a good. time he'll be happy for the shout out I. think that's what. matters Ronda Rousey AR fight out. available everywhere right now um an. incredible book and I recommend everyone. to go and get it thank you so much Ronda. thank you for having me. [Music].

oh.