James Smith: How To Create The Life You’ve Always Wanted | E120

Spoke about quite a few things today. that I've never really spoken about. James Smith, the world's fastest growing. online personal trainer, but he's much. more than that. Like a driving. instructor, I should not exist in your. life in 6 months. Why is it so. acceptable for people to invest money. into fitness professionals and them. still be there 3 years later? So, if you. do your job well enough, your client. leaves. If people were truly happy, I would have. been shut the hell up then and I. wouldn't have experienced so much growth. from pointing out the inadequacies. I. don't like people that present a. solution without education. It breaks me.

to think of the tens of thousands of. people who gave up on their ambitions. because they went the wrong way for. advice. And when they fail the plan or. don't finish it, they blame themselves. Where the hell have you come to the. conclusion that you would not succeed. following your passion? I just wish that. maybe earlier on someone had said to me, "Okay, you're not doing well here, but. this doesn't mean you're not. intelligent. There is something else that you could. do very well at.". Quick one, can you do me a favor if. you're listening to this and hit the. subscribe button, the follow button, wherever you're listening to this.

podcast. Thank you so much. James Smith, the world's fastest growing online. personal trainer, but he's much more than that. He's an. author of three books, his third one's. about to come out. He's unapologetic. He. is outspoken and he says it how it is. And that's meant that he now reaches. millions of people online every single. week. Now, I had an expectation on. James. I've seen him on social media. I've seen the types of things he says. when he's on tele.

But the guy I met today. deeply self-aware, unbelievably humble, and so incredibly. wise. And because he's so honest and. straight-talking, I walk away with some. lessons that I genuinely believe will. stay with me for a lifetime. You are going to love this one. Trust me when I say that. Without further ado, I'm Steven Bartlett. and this is The Diary of a CEO. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, then please keep this to. yourself.

James, you've listened to this podcast before. Um so, you you probably know that I tend. to start in a similar place. I tend to. ask my guests about their early years. But when I was reading about comments. you'd made about your early years, one. of the things you said is it's not not. much very interesting happened. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things. where I was like, there's there's so. many things to talk about, let's not go. there. As a young child in school,

didn't have a huge amount of friends and. I think that primary and secondary. school, if you had to pick five people. that are never going to accomplish. anything in life, I would have been in. that that group of people. Uh I was diagnosed with learning. difficulties, which. kind of been disputed. I remember Jimmy. Carr talking about getting that laptop. and it's true, you had to see an. educational psychologist and at the end. they were like, "James' reading and. writing speed is very quick. We think. he's just lazy.". And.

throughout school I was in the cloakroom. and they give you extra time in exams, which I didn't need because I was so. bored, I'd be done the exam 20 minutes. before everyone else and just sat there, not through being intelligent, but like, I can't be bothered with this. And a lot of behavioral issues at. school. Uh. if I look back at that, I almost feel. like my brain was only. functioning at 20% throughout the whole. education system, probably up until. college and dropping out of university. in my first year. And you were adopted. Yes.

This is a. open topic and I even before this. podcast, I was like, I wonder if any. other high achievers are adopted. Found. Steve Jobs, Jamie Fox. Uh Marilyn Monroe was in the list. And I. was trying to figure out if I could. draw any, you know, relations to other people that. have done it. I've even read books where. someone on Instagram's like, "Oh, if. you're adopted, you should read this. because it resonated with me." And I.

bought these books and talks about. abandonment and senses of, you know, unfulfillment. I don't I. didn't really relate with any of those. topics. So, I think that as far as. uh kind of dream adoption story, I ended. up in the Smith family, you know, blonde. hair, blue eyes. Mom and dad still together now, each. other's first girlfriend and boyfriend. So, I was incredibly fortunate with. that. Having come all this way in your. life and learned a ton from the books. you've written and I know that's such an. introspective process, but all the. people you've spoken to, all the DMs you.

must get, are there any sort of dots. you've connected now that. have made you realize that being adopted. was in any way consequential to who you. were to become? It's difficult. I'm still discovering. it. Uh you know, with relationships, I. think it's a very interesting one. I've. had conversations with other adopted. people and they they say to you like, "You become very attached to people very. quickly because, you know, it's a very strange thing never seeing a.

blood relative before. So, you might look at your parents and other. people look at their parents and, you. know, uncle or they see features. I've. never had that.". And you never feel like your parents. aren't your parents because I'm a strong. believer they're who bring you up. But then sometimes in relationships, maybe I'm a bit cold, maybe I'm a bit. too intense. I'm always judging that and. overanalyzing it. And people ask me as. well, they're like, "Oh, do you think. you're this way cuz you're adopted?" And. suddenly you're overthinking a lot. You're like, is it? Is it not? Is it.

something that's a big part or a small. part? And it's very difficult to get. answers for that. When you go through school and you go. through like early the early teen years. and then you've got people telling you. you've got a learning issue and then. they're giving you special treatment and. all these things. At that point in your. life, having like bounced around a. little bit and not really fit anywhere. in terms of the system, do you think in hindsight you were you. were learning that you were like not. good enough? 100% and I think that I. definitely wore that for the next 4 or 5.

years. But I thought the only place I'm. going to be accepted is a bottom. position in a corporate gig, 20k a year. I started off on 18. Sales department, I'm going to have to cold call people. and kind of work my way up slowly. So, that's what I did for my early 20s. Worked in the sales department, 18k. basic, then jumped to another one for. 20k basic. I thought, oh, well, I'll do. this for 5 to 10 years, get to a. management role, do that for 5 to 10. years, maybe get near a directorship. role.

And I think that's what a lot of people. who have failed the education system. think. They're like, well, that's what. people do. Oh, I might try recruitment, which I also did for a year. And. everyone said, "Oh, you'll earn good. money, but you'll hate it." And I'm I'm. 22. I'm like, how can you earn good. money and hate it? I did recruitment, it. was good money and I hated it. So, it was it's one of those things. where definitely I do feel that if we. paint people, when we see people get bad. grades at school, we should, you know, have a more open. conversation about, "Okay, you're not. doing well at this. What do you think.

you'd be good at?". And. I mean, even in the last 10 years, "Don't play video games, there's no. future in that." Now there is, you know. "Don't spend all day on your computer, there's no future in that." Now there. is. So, I just wish that maybe earlier. on someone had said to me, "Okay, you're not doing well here, but. this doesn't mean you're not. intelligent. There is something else. in a lateral, you know, pathway that you. could do very well at." What would you. say to someone and I imagine there's a. lot of people listening to this now who. are driving in their cars now on the. motorway cuz I see them upload the. podcast when they're like driving,

they're on the treadmill on Monday. morning, etc. And they're in that job. where. but there's that voice inside them. that's saying, "Do you know what? You. could have done more and you've got so. much more potential." But they've. believed the narrative. that like corporate, just climb your way. up some [ __ ] ladder. I've two answers to that. The first, so many people are hitting. quotas. working for someone else's goal. So, in. recruitment, people go, "Ah, I just don't think, you know, I'd be. able to accomplish much from my own." I.

go, "Okay, but you're doing something. you don't enjoy and you're exceeding at. it. You're excelling at it. You've hit. quota for 3 years in something you're. not passionate about. Where the hell. have you come to the conclusion that you. would not succeed following your. passion? How have you come to that. conclusion? That's. ridiculous. Now, the second thing is, although this has been disputed, I'm a. big believer and I'm sure you will, too, in income satiety that after you earn a. certain amount of money, there's a. tapering off effect. And it's very difficult to to say that.

because straight away people's defenses. were, "It's okay for you because you've. you've gone past that that curve. I'm. still on the way up." And I say to them, "You're probably working your career for. another 10 years because you think in 10. years' time you're going to have enough. money to eventually be happy with your. situation. What if that bet is wrong? What if. you've just lost 10 years and you're not. happy? What if. I think the two people there's two ways. of thinking. Some people think it's an exponential. return where they'll go through misery.

for long enough and then boom, they're. just happy. I said to them, "How do you. think millionaire CEOs wake up out of. bed like, 'Oh my god, life is so good.'". It's the exact same way they wake up, same as you, "Oh, I can't wait to have a. cup of coffee.". And then the other one. is more of a linear scale where they go, "Okay, 30k, this much happiness. 40k, this. much. 50k, this much.". I say to them, "What if in 10 years'. time you're wrong?". 10 years is a lot more than 10 years. between 30 and 40. 10 years is a lot. more than 10 years between 20 and 30.

Imagine always thinking in the back of. your mind that that bet is going to be. wrong. And if you could fast forward to. 10 years' time and see that you made the. wrong bet, how would you feel? Now, think about. that before you make a decision." Yeah, that's so true. You know, if you I. linked up link up TV did publish a video. with me the other day and the type they. put the title as like, "Money won't make. you happy," which is not what I said, but I understand why they're doing it. We've got to get them clicks. And I did. see I saw the comments that said very. similar thing. It was like, "Oh, it's. easy for you to say." I'm like, "Well, it would take someone that's made a. million to tell you that a million isn't.

it. I couldn't have told you when I was. broke. Like, so and also I have no. incentive to to like put you off getting. rich. I'm just telling you I'm letting. you know that up here my happiness. didn't scale proportionate to my wealth. Uh to a point. So, as you say, 75k per. household apparently it starts to. plateau. Just letting you know. I always say to people, it's very. important they understand this. All wins feel the same. All wins. That's true. You don't get an. Uber surcharge on dopamine. The way our. brain chemistry works, you know, okay, pleasure, serotonin, dopamine. You don't.

get a 1.7 surcharge because you're. wealthy. So, you know, when you secure a. deal at a mid-level, high-level, or you know, stock exchange level, it's. the same dopamine response and it's one. of those things where people go, "Oh my. god. Okay, yeah." And buying a car, whether it's a Lamborghini or a brand. new Golf, people cannot comprehend that that win. feels the same. And I love to tell them. I'm like, "No, it exactly is.". And when people set goals and I don't. like the conversation going into. fitness, but.

they say, "I want to lose 10 kg." I'm. like, "Lose 1 kg, damn it." And then. celebrate that because that feeling of. stepping on the scale and accomplishing. something is the same at 1 kg as it is. at 10. You've just denied yourself a. long way before you're allowed to be. happy, which I think is what human. beings are really bad at. We won't let. ourselves celebrate wins at the level we. choose. Not only do they feel the same, we get to determine where those wins. are. Did you find that success wasn't what. you thought it would be? Well, this is. interesting because and people don't. believe me when I say this, I never.

intended for this. I never had dreams of. being what I would I would consider it. wealthy. And people will watch this and. they'll go, "No, no, no, the other guy's. wealthy." And I'll say, "No, no, no.". And from a subjective standpoint, I've. been able to buy my friends and my. family dinner without having to check my. bank account for like 4 years. That's something that I didn't have for. the 20 years before it. That's wealthy, right? And um it it's one of those. things that I never really wanted. If. I'm completely honest, my goal as a. personal trainer was 10 clients, three.

sessions a week, pay me well. I don't want 30 clients doing 30 hours. I want 10 that see me three times a. week. I'll be in London or I'll be in Sydney. If they skip a session, it's 150 pounds. an hour. They won't mind cuz they're. good high-level clients. That was it. That was the goal. What. happened? I became. process orientated. probably. 2015. Where on social media. for the first time, investments don't. really interest me that much. And this.

is another crazy thing people hate me. about. The social media investment did. I will post something useful every day. here. for years, 10 years I thought. And in 10. years' time, hey guys, here's a book. Ching. Make 20 grand, whatever. And as I was posting into that email. marketing, I wrote email marketing. emails for 10 months before I made a. sale. If you'd met me 9 months in, you would. have thought I was [ __ ] insane. Hey. James, what are you doing? I'm writing. emails. To who? 300 people. What about? My online PT.

program. How many of them buying it? Oh, none so far. Social media, 3 years in. What are you doing? I'm posting every. day. How much money have you made? None. People would have gone, "You're [ __ ]. mental.". Nowadays they go, "Okay, fair play." But. the the the momentum that I wanted, I. just wanted a life where I didn't have. to see clients, they'd seek me. I just. wanted a life where. I could post about a book and money. would appear in my account. And after doing that for 3, 4 years, I feel like the table's hot and I enjoy. being at the hot table. And rather than.

looking at an exit strategy, I've. created a life that I love where. send a marketing email, market my brand so I can get people to. email, manage my academy, you know, promote books and write them. I have everything I need. I'm I'm like. on a wave that just never seems to end. And that to me, I mean, Carol Dweck, one. of my favorite authors, becoming is. better than being. I never wanted to be anything in. particular. So, there's no gold medal. depression at the end, right? Remember.

that from your pod That's That's not. there for me because I've never set an. Everest peak. I've never set that. So, this wave that's moving for me, I'm just. happy and do you know what? I've I joke around with the time. I'm. like, "If this ends tomorrow, what a. ride." You know, and I don't think. enough people see it that way where, you know, I know you've had the pleasure of taking. friends on a private jet. I did that once and I was like, "Wow.". If I if I die tomorrow, they'll be like, "Rest in peace." They'll hopefully. they'll cry. "Hey, he took me on a jet.

to Ibiza for for one night." And um I if. this all came crashing down, I'd be. happy with that because I never set it, you know. There are so many boxers who. wanted to be heavyweight world champion. and they never made it. They've got to. go to the grave with that. I almost feel. like there's an element of being. unbeatable when I never set a precipice. to reach. Yeah. I mean, Mo Gawdat, which is one of my. favorite podcast I've ever done here, talks a lot about that that, you know, unhappiness is in essence when our. expectations of how life is supposed to. be going go unmet.

And he's there they call him a happiness. expert, genius on the topic. And even. billionaires, they have expectations of. their steak tasting like. Japanese Wagyu perfection, 10 out of 10. So, if it comes. and it's a nine out of 10 steak, they are often furious. The [ __ ] is. this? Medium rare, I said, right? Whereas you take that exact same steak, you give it to, you know, someone else. that's on 18k a year, they'll be like. that cuz their expectations are lower. and they're they're all their standards. are low. They will be over the [ __ ]. moon. Same steak, two different people.

with two different sets of expectations. It's interesting as well where. next time you're at a table with people. that are very accomplished, I notice that the people that have. experienced the steak that much, they're. so much more involved in conversations. because that's the only thing that can. interest them on that night. Yeah. They've had 10 And this is something. that petrifies me where sometimes I feel. like I want to be successful, but not. too much. Yeah. Because once you've. eaten at every five-star restaurant in. London, like you say, your standards. have been set. Once you've dated 10. models, your standards have been set.

And. I almost do feel sorry for sometimes the. Bezos, the Bilzerians, you know. I. think, "Wow." I'm like, "What What are you doing each day to. excite you?" And this is why, not to hijack the conversation, but. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for me. is like. a nucleus of my focus, my attention, what I care about on a daily basis. because. nothing can really impact that. And I. will never be able to get to a status. where.

no matter no matter who I am, what I do, or what I accomplish, when I step on the. mats, we get in belt order. For years at my old gym, we all wiped. down the sweat after the mats. Like, you. know, black belts get a gear off and we. do it. And it's so important to me that I know. that for the rest of my life when I can. still train, I will never be too big for that. And I think that there are so many. high-achievers that love that connection. to it. And. I feel sometimes for people that are. super successful, they're not getting. beatings enough. They're not For me, I.

can I remember. uh did a business-to-business event. I flexed my arms there. I was like, "Hey. guys." I was wearing a gold Rolex, which. I actually sold this morning. And I was. there I was like, "Hey, you know, uh here's here's what it's like flying. first class. We're in an obese Oh, you. know, I was flexing on business talk. Next day, went to compete, lost in the. first round. You know, turned up. I was like, "Wow.". It's like, "Thank you for that. Thank. you. My weekend I would have been taken. off as far as you go if it wasn't for. getting beaten up on the Sunday." Do you. know what? So so many people have told. me about.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. And the way they. speak about it isn't like it's a sport. or a martial art. It's more like a. like a philosophy for life almost. It. teaches you life lessons. And so many. people have told me that in a row that I. thought, you know, I [ __ ] need to. give this a shot. And I really enjoyed. it even though it was one a one-on-one. session and I was in Indonesia. for 2 hours. I was like, "I need to do. this more often." You know, like. marketing, social media, email. marketing, you are going to be awful for. the first 6 months. You are. But if people persevere through that, and again, I remember where I learned a. lot of my business now. So, I was I was.

in Victoria. I was in a DoubleTree. Hilton. I was in a room with 200. personal trainers. We all learned the. same thing that day and I remember the. faces of the people in there and I never. saw them again. I've never seen them on. socials. I've never seen them on. Instagram, on TikTok, anywhere like. that. And I think to myself, we all learned. the same thing, just not all of us stuck. with it through the the the painful. times where in email marketing you you. spend 6 months and you don't make money. In Jiu-Jitsu you spend 6 months and you. don't beat anyone. Hm. You have to say to yourself, "Right, I'm.

happy to endure this because I know come. the other side I can reap the rewards.". Hm. And. it's very difficult in this day and age. to say to someone, "Let's do We're going. to get you to do something where you. physically. are going to be powerless for 6 months.". It doesn't sell well, that narrative. But then when you get when you get. through it, it's similar to people I I. love the email marketing analogy. Now, so many people in the new rich can send. an email and that's their day's work. done cuz they persevered. They built the. relationship. They managed to cultivate. an audience who are ready for it. Same. with Jiu-Jitsu. If people just commit to it, and like.

you say, when people talk about it, you're like, "This isn't a coincidence.". It. I drink less. I party less. I. you know, have no ambitions of teaching. my future kids. I have ambitions of. teaching white belts. I'm going to go. back to Sydney. I'll say to my gym, "Hey, that no one wants the fundamentals. class." So, I'll have them. I'll have. them. Same with PT world. I never wanted. to train athletes. I like just first. time. Sharon. who is a housewife and she has to make. sure the kids are at school on time. Teach her to deadlift. I was like,

"That's what brings me pleasure." And I. think that I'll really enjoy teaching. the white belts. And for so many people, they have so much that they are kind of. working for in life, but nothing that's. such a slow, gradual progression like a. martial art in the middle. You've highlighted there one of the. things that evidently made you. successful was that commitment to. consistency. And like, I mean, you would. you would have seen it in your social. channels because every successful person. I've seen and I speak to says the same. thing. First couple of years [ __ ] all, then even I mean that's the laws of.

compounding. It goes slow then it goes. really fast. You would have seen that. So, that's clearly one of the things. But, what else made you and because. there's a lot of people on Instagram. giving advice and there's a lot of. fitness people and whatever else. Why. you. of all of them? It's interesting where I think that. having a conversation with me now you'd. probably assume or you'd come to the. conclusion I'm different to my socials. I've always seen social media as a. crowded room where, you know, a podcast. is where we sit together driving. somewhere for 3 hours. Let's talk. Let's. relax. Let the conversation wonder. But,

on Instagram. and Tik Tok whatever I have 10 seconds. to capture your attention. And I love. the idea of polarizing people. I said in my first book that. imagine you invite me to a barbecue in. Shoreditch and someone talks about. Formula 1 and I go, "I [ __ ] hate. Formula 1." Someone goes, "What?" I go, "Look, I just doesn't interest me." And. someone's like, "You bought him the. first time and he's [ __ ] on Formula. 1.". 10 people at the barbecue, three of them. be like, "Do you know what? I also agree. with you. I think it's shit." And. they'll remember me for saying something.

controversial rather than, "Oh, yeah, it's good, isn't it? Oh, Lewis Hamilton, yeah, so you know." So many people want. to get in line with an opinion that. they're no longer remembered. So, I took. it upon myself and it was almost by. accident. I do my lives every day. I do. videos. Then something would piss me off. And. I'm not a violent person, so I just. channel it into a video. And it would. get a lot more likes and shares and I. was like, "Hold on, what's going on. here?" So, again I would post 10 videos. and it would be the one where I was a. bit more aggressive. And over time I.

learned that there were certain things. people wanted in a certain way. And it wasn't the six-packs, the chicken. and broccoli, the food prep. It was. being passionate without compromise. about different topics. And. I do swear as a person. I am crass. I am. vulgar and I do make very inappropriate. analogies for things. I put that out. Like I said, I only ever wanted 10. clients. Only ever wanted 10 clients. So, if half the people that see a video. hate me for it, that's fine because as.

long as the other half is 10 people that. would do business with me, again I'm. invincible. And I've always had that. mentality that. I only need 10 people like me to make a. living. And if I do those 30 hours at. 150 pounds an hour, 6 hours between 6:00. a.m. and 2:00 p.m. I can live a dream life and be wealthy. even though it's barely breaking 100 to. 200k a year. As long as I can buy dinner for my. friends and family, I can be wealthy. with 10 people. And people. completely misconstrue social media for.

that. They go, "I need everyone to like. me. I need a million people to like me.". You know, I first flew first class with. 28,000 followers and you don't need that. many people to like you to do well. And. I wish I wish people could understand. that because. social media's become a popularity. contest. It's not This is not a. popularity contest. This is. a means of you getting people over the. line to like you enough to do business. with you. It's so true. I I I did a lot of talking. on stage where I was looking at people.

like Piers Morgan and Kanye West and. Katie Hopkins. And what what you've. described there is what I've always said. which is you don't have to like these. people, but the conversation orbits. around them. Now, your barbecue analogy. there. by you saying all the Formula Formula 1. is [ __ ] everyone then. comes over to you and the conversation. is centers around James's opinion and. that brings attention to you. I said to. my friends last night cuz I did a tweet. and it's got 20,000 likes and it's like. going [ __ ] crazy and everyone's. talking about it. I said, "Listen, you're not going to be able to build a. personal brand in 2022 if you're not I.

said this on my friend to my friends. last night in a WhatsApp group. If. you're not prepared for someone to call. you a. [ __ ]. if you're not if you're not willing to. accept someone calling you a see see you. and T, it's going to be incredibly hard. to get um the attention you need for the. algorithms to turn in your favor. And. that means in your case and as I've seen. from many just being yourself. And but. there's a cost. There is, but you can be. selective with this as well. So, uh if I. have an argument against the keto diet.

Yeah. I don't advocate the keto diet. So, if a load of people that are zealots. in the realm of the keto diet hate me, that's fine. I'm starting fire on. someone else's property. Then, you know, I I support vegan from an ethical. standpoint, but I don't like the. self-righteous. uh you know, sanctimonious element of. veganism. It's been hijacked. A bit like. I've often said like feminism, what a. fantastic cause hijacked by a few to. give it a bad sometimes bad rap. Veganism's the same. But, then I can.

have a little bit of a a cheap shot and. joke, you know, satire content with a. vegan and suddenly all the vegans are up. in arms. Sharing this this is. unacceptable. Again, I've started fire. on someone else's property and the. people you've cultivated to like you go, "Oh, that's actually really funny." Or, you know, so. you can be very selective with who you. pick arguments with. I did one about. bodybuilding where. I said, "Hey, if you want to. you know, diet down for 6 months to show. off your insecurities versus someone. else's, cover yourself in fake tan and.

call it a sport, you do you, right?" The. bodybuilder community went mental and. everyone was like, "Is this guy stupid? He's a personal trainer." I don't coach. bodybuilders. Yet, thousands of them shared my post. My following went up. And little did. they realize it was their followers that. maybe invested in them, but don't agree. with their values. Mhm. And then hold. on. I'm supposed to hate this guy, but I. agree with him. And now their eyes are on me, not. someone else. Being selectively hated is brilliant and. now I even look to the comment section.

for new content. Someone goes, "James, well, when you going to start training. chest?" I'm like, "Hey, man, when you. going to start, you know, stop going on. people's profiles you don't follow to. make content." You know, there are so. many like arguments now that I can see. from the negative comments that I can. then turn into content. Mhm. So, again, it's one of those things where. people need to appreciate there's a. power in being disliked and. if I turn up. to, you know, an event that's supposed.

to be fully booked and it's not got bums. in every seat, I might go, "Ah, I might. need to, you know, rein it in and really. reconsider what I do for a living." as. long as. the talks I do have people in them, as. long as I'm still getting support for. what I'm doing, I feel like I must be. tiptoeing the line enough like I say, it's it's passion without compromise. I'm going to say what I feel. and I don't care. I think it was Seneca, if you don't wish to be criticized, do. nothing, say nothing, be nothing. And, you know, that's how I feel. And. are you being yourself or are you.

playing a character? It's always caffeinated James, you know. Me when I've had three coffees, that's. who people get. Behind the scenes I'm a bit more. relaxed. I'm quite happy to disagree. with people because there isn't a an. interest in it for me. Someone walks. past me in the street saying I love. Formula 1. I'm like, "Hey, mate, Come. back here. You're You're fat and I hate. Formula 1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And um and. the same again where. you know, I'm I'm not. argumentative away from social media. If. I see people, you know, chatting hate.

about me, I don't get involved in it. I'm not really that that person. Um What. about Joe Wicks? What about that beef? Do you know what? Stirred Stirred the. pot there a little bit. You said some. comments to him about. um you said there's some dishonesty. there. Um. regarding what he does. So, this is something where I haven't gone. back on my word, but that 6 months where. I took the podcast I did about him. offline, not I just I felt like I'd been a bit. harsh, you know. At the time I got. 10,000 followers. I got my first taste.

of growth on social media. And like. beefing rappers, you need an arch enemy, you know, you need someone to be able to. go at so you can kind of go back and. forth. I actually emailed Joe about 4. years ago, 5 years, 7 years ago. And um I emailed him and I I found out. that he'd seen one of my videos. And I thought, "Oh, [ __ ] I never. expected him to see it ever." I was. posting content. I was like, "Oh my god, I might have hurt someone's feelings.". So, I emailed him. I said, "Hey, Joe, just to let you know,

one, I will be coming for you a bit, but. two, you never get put down by people. above you.". That's what I said. And he emailed me. back. ages ago and I continued the endeavor. and there was two things that. Do you know what? Coming back, I I think. he said something along the lines of he. hadn't had an email like that before. It. didn't stop me though. So, there were a. few things that. frustrated me. One, I don't like people blanket prescribing. solutions to people. I don't. And. there's I don't like anyone that.

presents a solution without education. You know, the teach a man to fish. Mhm. analogy. So, I had clients that were. paying me, but also bought his plan. So, straight away there was a bit of a. conflict and I remember looking through. the supplements that. and I was like, "Branch chain amino. acids, leucine." I was like, "Well, I. don't know why you're popping these. leucine pills for my protein. They're. massive.". Like a pelican trying to swallow each. one. I was like, "Unless you're. vegetarian or vegan, you don't really. need this." Then the branch chain amino. acids and I was like, "You don't really need to be consuming. another six pills with this." And then.

I was like, "From an ethical standpoint, I don't These people are very over. supplemented to jump around their front. room.". Then there was the one-size-fits-all. plan. One of my clients was a type 1. diabetic who got sent it and I was like, "Do you need that? You know, this is. not, you know, specialized for you.". And the amount of volume that was being. given to people is it's very easy to. make people tired. This is what. frustrates me as a trainer. I actually. want to stimulate people in the gym, get. them moving. And if there was ever a. boundary of the maximum they could do, I. want to come under that every day. Lot. of people are stressed, underslept,

undernourished. Smashing people in their. front room every day I don't think is. the solution out of this. So, I picked. some holes in the programming, picked. some holes in. uh you know, the supplement issue there, but the main problem is this. People would have gone there, seen him. on TV, GMTV, seen the book selling and. this is my savior. And when they fail the plan or don't. finish it, which I think a lot of people. do, I think, I'm not saying that. objectively, they blame themselves. And. this is what kills me.

So many people, maybe hundreds of. thousands of people, would have done a. one-size-fits-all plan, all doing the. same exercise regime. I could not. sustain hit training at 32 every day in. my front room. It would break me. When they do eventually fall off that. and the meal plan, cooking everything. from scratch, which you can't I mean, we're we're sitting next to Huel. That's. a market that's come off the back of. people not wanting to cook from scratch. When they fail that plan, they're going. to blame themselves. And the voices in. their head are going to say, "I didn't. want it enough. I'm not motivated. I'm. not committed. I'm not cut out for.

this." And you hear my voice now, this. is something I'm passionate about. It breaks me to think of the tens of. thousands of people who gave up on their. ambitions because they went the wrong. way for advice. If people love Huel and they love. cooking from scratch, this guy's. probably the guy for you. Join his plan. or mine. But, it almost felt like physics. So many. people went to something, it created. gravity that other people went. And. it's my. feeling that that let a lot of people. down. And if it didn't, I wouldn't have. experienced so much growth from pointing.

out the inadequacies. If people were truly happy, I would have. been shut the hell up then, and I would. have just gone away and not existed on. social media. So, what's your plan? How. does it differ? Imagine uh we have you, the consumer. Mhm. So, you're selling I'm selling you, the consumer. The principle of fat loss. is a calorie deficit. Yeah. Fact that we. need to create an energy deficit. Um. Just for anybody that doesn't. understand, that means. burning more calories than you're. consuming. And it doesn't make it a simple science, but, you know, let's just say to people,

like money in the bank analogy, if you. earn too much than you spend, you're. going to accrue money in the bank. That. is what fat is. It's not from toxins, it's not from, you know, whatever you're. led to believe. Now, everything in between those two, how it works in the person, is a method. You know, keto, 5:2, intermittent. fasting, all of these are methods that. dress up the principle for the consumer. It's almost packaging something for the. person. With me, rather than giving them the. method first, I put them straight in bed. with the principle. And I say, "Look, this is how many calories I think you. burn on a daily basis.

I think you should try eating 15% less. than that. Here's a protein target, go. away. If it works, we've hit it. If it. doesn't, we're still too high. If you. gain weight, you know, we've really. missed the mark here. This is how it works. Really educate people to all the things. they need to go. Like a driving. instructor, I should not exist in your. life in 6 months, apart from the guy. that taught you to drive. Mhm. Why is it so acceptable for people to. invest money into fitness professionals. and them still be there 3 years later? Mhm. The PT model is almost flawed in. some respects. If you do your job well.

enough, your client leaves. So, for me, even when my clients that I had. face-to-face for years, I was in gym for. 4 years, I said, "Look, you're going to pay me. more than the rate that you pay anyone. else, but in 3 months' time, if you. can't do this on your own, I'll give you. your money back." Because I should be. people arrive at fitness like getting in. the car for the first time. They're. like, "What the hell is this third. pedal?" That's a clutch. A clutch, Dad? What the hell is a clutch? I remember. learning to drive. I thought there was. go and stop. And rather than just getting in the car. and driving, I need to explain to them.

we need this to change gears. The. indicator must be done before we start. to brake. This is your mirrors. And the fitness world doesn't have that. anymore. There needs to be some. ruthlessness with this where I say to. people, "Look, this is the education you need. You need. to learn how to do this yourself." It's. one of those things where I have a big. problem with people. monetizing and not giving that solution. You know, I think it's so important that we teach. people these fundamentally so they. understand. And I'm not an extremist. You look at me now, I'm, you know, just before downstairs,

we were talking before the podcast, about have you been on the front cover. of Men's Health? I was like, "No, no, no, I don't agree with that. I don't think these are physiques that. are obtainable to most men in our. country. I think, you know, that's like. saying, 'Hey, you can't be happy to earn. quarter of a million pound.'. Yes, that's great. But most men won't. get there. So, how about we set the goal. something more realistic? Ant Middleton, another one of your guests, friend of. mine, he got criticized for not being lean. enough for the Men's Health cover. We've. got a guy climbing to Mount Everest. You. know, like, "Oh, sorry, mate, you're not.

lean enough. You haven't shaved your. chest more recently enough." So, it's. one of those things where. I think there's a lot of a lot of work. to be done with not only teaching people. how things work, but also in setting the. the finish line. So, from. entrepreneurship, you The New Rich, I. think is great because we have such. subjectivity between how much money your. business can make. But once you get the. freedom to work remote and live your. life, well done, you've done it. And I. think that if someone, especially men, can get to the point where they're happy. to go for a jog topless, you've done it. They don't have to be abs there. If you.

can go for a jog topless or you can, you. know, wear a pair of Speedos on holiday, well done, mate, you've done it. And I. think we need to have that approach with. fitness. I've had so many people tag me on. Instagram, even on Telegram and in my. Twitter DMs, in a picture of them starting their Huel. journey. And it's one of the most. amazing things in my life that I get to. do a podcast, which of course needs. money to to to fuel, and I have a. sponsor like Huel, who I genuinely. believe is going to help every single. person.

who starts their Huel journey change. their life. Because this podcast, the. central intention of this podcast, is to. help people live a better lives. And we. get to sit here, and I get to promote to. you a product which has not only helped. me change my life, but it's going to. help millions of people and is helping. millions of people live a nutritionally. complete life. It's so it's such an. incredible product. And for me, the. reason why it's incredible is because it. gives me my protein, it gives me my. vitamins, minerals. It's plant-based, it's low in sugar, gluten-free. It has. all of that in a small drink that tastes. good. There are other products, there's.

foods, there's the hot and savory. collection, many other things, but for. me, this ready-to-drink is the absolute. savior of my diet throughout the week. where I'm moving at such pace. Look, I don't want to labor the point, but if you haven't tried Huel, give it a. try. And if you do, tag me. Instagram, wherever you try it, give me a tag. Anyway, back to the podcast. You're in the business of helping people. change their lives. Hopefully, that's I. guess that's I'm guessing that's part of. the goal is to help them become a better. version of themselves. And a lot of.

people listening to this will have a. friend or they'll have a I don't know, a. family member or someone. that they they want to help change their. life. What have you learned about those. that actually do. take the steps, commit, change their. lives, and those that just kind of say. it? And how do you do you are you able to. identify them super early and say this. person's got no chance? Is there like a. warning sign where you go this this. person's just all talk? And do you give. up at some point on people? Uh. face-to-face, I had to, because there. was a finite amount of energy in which I.

could give people. And I had to sack. clients. And I was sorry, someone could. take your slot, pay me the same amount. of money, but I could make progress with. them. And sometimes they come back a. different person. The main thing I. learned, I wrote the first book, Not a Diet Book, and then I realized it was a precursor. My theory is that, you know, in my. videos, in my content, I say fat people, I say obese, and I use the C U N T word. openly. But, I don't think people are gluttonous and. greedy. I think that, yeah, from an.

evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense. that if we're surrounded by copious. amounts of hedonic food, that we should. be consuming it because we have done for. hundreds of thousands of years, but. people don't want to be this way. So, I came to realize that so many. people, before we look at calorie. deficit, we need to look at other. pressing issues. Do you like your work life? Do you like. your relationships? Because. if you come home from a work you're not. passionate about, from a job you're not. passionate about, and you walk straight. in through the door to a relationship. you're not passionate about, me telling you to eat less means doing. less of the only thing you might enjoy.

every day. So, there's a big life constructionist. issue that comes up. And actually, I. find as a PT, I was asking this. I was. like, "You're always You're always. moaning about your boyfriend. Why. Why don't you break up?" "Oh, we've been. together 5 years." And since now I now. know that's the sunk cost fallacy, where. they're making a a decision based off. the previous investment, not the actual. reason if they want to be in a. relationship. So, with the second book, I was like, "Well, before we even get. into this commitment, wanting it, do I. give up on this person?" I'm like, "Right, we've got Steve, repetitive.

yo-yo dieter, sticks to the deficit 3 weeks, then he. falls off." I go, "Steve, mate, do you. like your job? You know, do you like. it?". "No, well, I've been there 8 years." "Do. you like your relationship, Steve?" "Oh, no, I'm you know, I'm a mister and I'm a. head and all the other way around.". Sabrina's like, "My boyfriend's a. wanker." Whatever it is. And I've come to realize that if we can. help change those things in those. people's lives, suddenly everything else. seems a lot. lot easier. There's a lot less. boundaries, a lot less effort. So, in a. cheesy way, we almost need to address the. foundations that people are building on.

Because. if you haven't got this, and and again, imagine you're in a job you hate on 50K, and you take a pay cut and start a. venture with your best mate for 30K, you're going to have less pleasure in. your life, less expensive trainers, less. private jets, whatever. But suddenly you have a job you enjoy. And if you're getting enough. satisfaction between 7:00 when you wake. up and 4:00 when you come home, you. won't need to get it from food. And then they drop a bit of weight, and. then they start feeling better, and then. they go, "Oh, you know what? I could do. with a bit of muscle on this arm." So, then they start going to the gym, and.

then they make friends there, and. so, this whole conversation surrounding, you know, motivation, I don't think it's a positive charged. motivation. I think that too many people. are carrying a negatively charged career. and a negatively charged relationship. status. So, you view like a. poor relationship with your diet or food. as more of a symptom of. negativity or lack of fulfillment or. lack lack of satisfaction in other areas. of your life. Cuz I've actually been. there. When I worked in uh so, I worked.

in sales, and I hate phone calls. So, it. was the wrong job for me. I don't Even. now, people call me, I'm like, "What do. you want?" They're like, "What do you. mean? Are you in Are you all right?" "I'm fine. till you called me." So, um and I used. to get to work and I used have peanut. butter and Nutella sandwiches. Two. slices of toast, I wasn't even hungry. Peanut butter on one, Nutella on the. other, put them together. I'm having a. 500 calorie just a bit of toast just to. kill time from my mundane existence in. my office. Again, there are there are so. many people doing this and in my time in. corporate, I realized. people are doing the absolute bare.

minimum to get by. And I always say to. people, the second you join a a big. corporate business, they're going to pay. you the least amount of money for the. most amount of your life. And if you don't construct how you want. your life to look, they're going to do. it. Mhm. And a lot of people don't like how. that construction looks like. And then. they wonder why they're feeling malaise. or, you know, depressed or disheartened. And it's because you let someone else. build your life for you. And it's very. important for people to un-attach from. that. And then. if they can,

and this is another thing where. I'm sure you you'll be able to relate to. this. Some of the best things that have. ever happened in my life have come off. the back of opportunities not going my. way. And my back's been against the. wall. Um. I'll probably get shot saying this. Doing an event uh later on this year at. Sydney Opera House, which is mad, massive, which I'm. for me is. an incredible incredible feat because 4. years ago, I remember being so skint in. Sydney, living in a hostel, that I went. to Opera Bar to apply for a job behind.

the bar. And they said you have to have. a qualification to serve alcohol. I was. like, "I'm not doing this." I remember. reading uh Tim Ferriss's Tools of the. Titans on the ferry back to where I. lived. And it goes, "If someone put a. gun to your head, would you work. harder?" I was like, "Oh, shit.". Yeah, I would. I would call up all my. existing clients. I'd get referrals. Then I'd call those referrals and I'd. close them for sales. I'd give them. money-back guarantees. I would quite. literally just do a lot more. And then I came to realize, okay, I'm. going to go home and do that. And within. 5 months, I joined Fitness First and.

then bought my way out of it. And. it's crazy that people are so afraid of. being in this position where they leave. a career they're unfulfilled with that. they're going to be stuck and lost. But. anything, when your back's against the. wall, you find another version of. yourself that works harder and does more. and puts himself into uncomfortable. situations. And my favorite thing to say to someone. is like, "How many times have you let yourself. down, really, in your life? How many. times have you really woken up and gone, 'Oh, I've really let myself down.'" And. even if you have,

you got out of it. And most people, they. haven't. I go, "Why the hell do you. think you're going to let yourself down. now? Where's that come from? Where's. that [ __ ] assumption come from?". Probably the people you hang around. with. Probably the the naysayers in your. life that may be saying it because they. want to protect you. And. for so many people in that kind of world. of. just not fulfillment. And I always say, again, please do not mistake. passion with being good at something. Cuz if I get you to do anything for 3.

years, you're going to be good at it. Don't call that passion. You do. recruitment for 3 years and you can. close people. Oh, yeah, straight yeah, if it's 200, I'll get him top four, whatever. Doesn't mean you're passionate. about it, means you're good at it. And. people really need to distinguish that. There's going to be a ton of people. listening to this now that are in that. situation. They're in a they're on their. way to a job this morning, you know, that they don't particularly like. And. but they're they're going to say, you. know, James, I've got a mortgage to pay. and I've got a couple of kids. You know, you'll get this a lot of times cuz I get. it I get every day. Got a couple of kids. and it's easy for you guys to say cuz.

you're you know, you're single and. you've got all this money now, but I. can't just leave this call center, James. I've got Timmy that needs to go. to school and I need to you know, buy. his books for his book bag. And what do. you say to those people that are feeling. like they've they've kind of built a. wall too big to climb over? It's a very. difficult one. And again, I can never. say "Oh, just do this." Because when I'm. talking now, I'm talking to James of 22. Similarly to how you would talk to. yourself at 18. Mhm. I can't talk to every age group.

listening to this podcast, so I'll try. to talk to the one I know best. Yeah. But there's two kind of ways out. There's one where some people do need to. make a risk because. they may see no options now, but where. are they going to be in 5 years? A lot. of the time, things get worse with time, not better. In these situations, unfulfillment, passionless existence, all of these. things get worse. If your relationship. is on the rocks, you don't just give it. 4 years. Something needs to be done. Sometimes you do need to rip the cord. But to people who are genuinely past it,

because people did read my second book. and go, "I just can't do this.". I said to them, "Well, okay, make sure your kids know this. Make sure if there's one valiant thing. you do, it's fall on the sword and say, 'Right, for me, I will sit out the next. 10 years, but those kids, every time I. talk to them, every day they're at the. dinner table, every step they make in. life, instill that into them.'. My dad said to me like my whole life, he's just always said, "You're a long. time dead." He always just drilled it. into me my whole life. Every time I've. wanted to do something, it's like,

"Yeah, you're going to be a long time. dead, son." And. there's no it helps me understand there. is no time to to dwell, to wait, to see. things out. And I think that again, that's one of the things that people. don't think about enough. You know, we're all slowly dying. Such a. weird thing to think about. People go, "Oh, I'll just give it a few more. years.". You don't have that. Time isn't on our. side. Our existence as a human being is. if the universe could talk, it would. laugh at the amount of time we have to. live. And some people, again,

what's the worst that could truly. happen? You've got a mortgage cool. Have you got enough to survive 2 months? Mhm. 2 months. And if you can't give. everything to something for 2 months, maybe don't do it at all. Peo- personal trainers as well, they. they say this all the time at my. business talks. Oh, you know, they're doing minimum wage. hours, 6, 7 pounds an hour, wiping down. machines between trying to run a. legitimate business and they're afraid. to go alone. I go, "If I gave you 7 pounds for that. hour and put you on a gym floor,

and gun to the head mentality, you need. to make a business or you're going to. wipe down machines for your whole life?". Of course they're going to do it. The. the intensity, the audacity, everything. they could give to people is going to be. incredible. I think it's baffling that. people write themselves off before they. even make the decision. And in some. respects, them going, "I've got kids. I've got a. mortgage." I appreciate all of those. things, but is this a [ __ ] hurdle. you're putting in front of making change. in your life? I could be wrong. I don't. know, but it could be.

They need to ask themselves that. I. can't ask them that. One of the things you said that was. really interesting, you said, "I don't. feel deserving of my success." And I've. I've heard you talk a little bit about. imposter syndrome. Do you suffer with. imposter syndrome? I kind of back out of it very quickly. every time I I feel the emotion. Everything to me is just weird. It's. just weird. People want a selfie, I'm. like, "Yeah." I'm like, "This is a weird. part of my day. Let's embrace it." This. is something that up until 27, no one. ever stopped me for a photo or. acknowledged my work. 32 now, I give a.

take, 15% of my life. So, for 85% of my. life, it never happened. So, everything. to me is just, you know, I I joke around. at the speaking events. I go, "Hey, I'm. going to get found out soon. Until then, I'm going to milk this for everything I. can.". I do I do feel it a lot. It's a strange. one, especially at home. Like uh. I go out with my mom and dad, someone will say, "Oh, James, can I get. a picture?" I I now chaperone my dad. when he goes into London. We went to. Twickenham a few weeks ago. And I don't. particularly like going to watch. sporting events anymore. It's cold. You.

know, the trains are so crammed, all of. this. But if my dad's going, I'm like, "I'll I'll come with you. I'll make sure. no one barges into you." Especially when. people are exiting Twickenham, I'm like, "Fuck off." And um Purple belt. Yeah, yeah. Watch out, mate. Going. And um. even I see it in my dad's face. He's. like he's like, but he he doesn't My. parents don't have social media. They. don't they don't exist in that world, but I can tell they're kind of proud of. it. And I was like, "Do you know what? If if my parents are proud of this. weirdness, I'll embrace it." And I was.

happy to embrace it. But yeah, it's it's. just incredibly strange. It's again why. I need someone else to negotiate all. rates and what I get paid and speaking. appearances because. whenever even getting the invite for. this podcast, I was like, "Fuck, you. know." I was like, "I hope I can keep up. the conversation for an hour." It's I. have the biggest fear whenever I have. guests on my podcast. I'm like, "What if. I run out of things to ask after half an. hour?" Where does that come from? That's. what if like that almost self-doubt and. inse- almost insecurity. I think that a lot of my. confidence, not not all of it,

but a. big chunk of it is a facade, an. essential facade. I need to play the. character. Confidence to me isn't about. who you are, it's about who you need to. be. It's about how how I need to talk in. this interview or how I need to present. myself, the things I need to get. passionate about. In some respects, when that fades, you know, I'm just a PT on a gym floor. in Bracknell. I worked on a you know, a. trading estate for 3, 4 years. And the. the craziest thing is, I was happy. I. was happy then. I wouldn't You could.

meet me 4, 5 years ago. Hey, James, man, how's your life? I wouldn't know, you. know. [ __ ] hell, I could do with a. bit more money. You know, I could do. with, you know, an expensive watch. It's. never like that. I used to ridicule my. clients for flying business and buying. Rolexes. I was like, "What a waste of. money." Now to my other friends, I'm. like, "You should really try business.". And um. yeah, I've I've definitely had a. complete flip on that. I don't know. where it comes from, to be fair. But to. be. be honest, it's probably a fam- I spend. a lot of time with my family and my. friends. I don't really have any mega.

successful influencer friends. Everyone's pretty grounded and we all. think that we're getting away with. murder charging money for things. So, I. think it probably comes from that. Before what you said as well, you spent. the first. at least 15 years of your life being. uh indirectly told that you shouldn't. aim so high and not much is going to. happen in your life, right? It was when. I first became a PT that this changed, where I remember listening to podcasts, reading books, studying topics. And one. day it clicked. I was like, "I'm never going to be in the best.

shape. Never going to be the most. muscular. Never going to be the most. experienced." And I was like, "I could. be a good communicator." Because these. podcasts I'm listening to are dull as. [ __ ] I listened to a 56-minute podcast. on caffeine. I managed to turn it into an academy. module that was 2 and 1/2 minutes, right? That's all they needed and I. thought. there's a gap in the market here and it. becomes a snowballing effect where maybe. even the same with yourself where at the. beginning you were like, I understand the operational part of the. business. I understand investorship.

Then when you see the returns on your. efforts, you're like, "Ooh, I'm actually. quite good at this." And you get all. these confirmations that occur along the. way. And I think it's more that if I'm. honest. I still struggle to communicate. with myself that I'm an authority on. things. I actually need external. validations still quite a lot. Which. I've never really told anyone before. We've spoken about quite a few things. today that I've never really spoken. about. And. even. there are always little battles that can. be won and lost. And some days I'm like, I do lose belief in.

who I need to be. And you know what? Actually, content. creation for me really helps me with. that. Because whenever I'm having a day. where I'm like, "Fuck, do I really know what I'm talking. about?" I will just express something I. feel wholeheartedly about and see how it. goes. And when it [ __ ] blows up, I. go, "Ooh, maybe I do know what I'm on. about. Carry on." That's a dangerous. game to play because on the other end, if your if external validation is moving. you up, it's like impossible for it not. to move you the other way. So if someone. DMs you and goes, "You are you You don't. know what the [ __ ] you're talking about. Vegans are, you know, this and keto A.

keto vegan is the best way to be.". Surely that moves you too, no? It does. And sometimes if I if I do get a really, you know, harsh criticism, I don't take. it from an emotional level. I take it. from an objective level. I I actually do. this a lot. If someone criticizes me on. something, I go, "Before I think he's a [ __ ] he. could be right." So I give him the. benefit of the doubt and I'll go to. someone smarter than me. I'm like, "Just. to double-check. I'm right on this topic." And I think. that's a good way to protect myself from. it. Every time someone says, "You're wrong.

on this subject." I don't go, "Hey, [ __ ]. you. I've got more followers than you. I'm like, oh, [ __ ] I better go away and. research this." And I actually use the. little troll attacks sometimes to. reconfirm my position on something. If someone goes, you know, "You swear. too much in your content.". I'm like, I'll I'll reflect on it. Am I swearing too much? Is this how I got here? Dangerous games. to play that, like It is. We all play. it. I'm not I'm not pretending. I'm just. playing devil's advocate to ask you. questions here, but that. Yeah, if you if you're relying on other. people to validate you, then.

their words can also invalidate you, theoretically. So, do you struggle with that, being. Then then I would just remove myself. from the situation on the social media. side of things. I'd be like, "Okay." I'd. sit with my thoughts. And again, you. know what? I remember you saying this. word just before we went live. Psychedelics really helped me with this. But psychedelics also. got in my head. a couple times. For people that don't know too much. about psychedelics, I've always said to. people, it's like therapy with yourself.

You're not always the the guy that holds. all the answers, but you're at least the. person that has the questions. I remember doing a magic mushroom trip. And one of the questions I was posed. with was, "Do people like you for who. you are or what you do?". I was like, "Ooh, I'm going to need a. few weeks." How can I I'm going to need. a bit of time for this because. I was like, "How many of my followers. actually know who I am?". It's my first defense when someone. criticizes me. I'm like, "You don't know. me.". I'm like, "Ooh, if they don't know me, what do they like me for?". I was like, "Fuck.".

I'm still figuring it out. So I think that there's definitely a lot. of. conversations and internal dialogues. in which that I'm still breaking down. And that's another thing that people. can't understand about psychedelics. Some of the. things you're posed with and questioned. with can take months, sometimes years to. unravel. Mhm. It's one of the things with building an. identity, isn't it? You then it's easy. to to start to believe you you are your. identity. And that's not always a. helpful thing cuz it can take you. further and further away from who you. actually are. And I think all the the.

mental health research is clear that. when we abandon ourselves because we. built up a persona, then it can be very. costly for the person we truly are. And. in I actually think that continual. faking, from what I've learned from my. guests is is really, really harmful. So. it must be somewhat difficult, right? Like creating the separation cuz you are. not The guy that I've met today is not. the guy that I've seen on Instagram. telling me that I'm a fat prick. Like. it's not These aren't the same joking. These aren't the same individuals. So. how do you kind of disassociate from. that? I think Jim Carrey said something.

about taking the mask off. Mhm. He goes, "Depression is when you have to take the. mask off and say I don't want to do this. anymore.". And for me, very fortunately, it's 3. minutes a day on this person. It's not. hours on TV. It's not in front of loads. of people. But then sometimes what I do. like is. I purposely I call. I call it a cuntsive. I do a post. that catches all the [ __ ] in the sieve. And I sometimes purposely, as hard as I. can, try and get people to unfollow me. With I just say something briefly.

honest. I go in as hard as I can with. the objective of losing a few thousand. followers. Cuz then I can kind of. tighten the the the area, the remit of. people which I talk to. And I remember in middle of summer, I. was like, "This is shit." Just honestly, I was like, "We're kind of out of lockdown, but. we're not. Still got to do tests to go. travel. We're pretending it's the new. normal, but it's not the new normal.". And I I just expressed my emotions. without the facade. And no one barely even noticed. And I. was like, "That's That's good. That. means there's not this big transient.

period between I am just. in. It's not a different person. It's more. enthusiasm. Which I think again is a. very important thing. Because. like. part I always say that my talks are. between a TED Talk and stand-up. I need. to ensure that I can tiptoe the line of. retaining the audience, keeping them in, entertaining the audience at the same. time. So there is a requirement. Jimmy. Carr, when you met him, you wouldn't If. you listened to that podcast the first. half hour, you wouldn't go, "Oh, he's a. funny fucker." You'd go, "Hey, this is a.

very intelligent person.". So I completely appreciate where he. comes from as well. For me, I don't. think there's too much separation. I. think you wouldn't sit with me now and. go, "That's a completely different person.". You would go, "Okay, this isn't. Instagram James." Yeah, it's a. caffeinated, yeah. Um you said the the. word depression there. One of the things. you write about in your book is anxiety. as well. And your own experience with. anxiety. Tell me about that. That's. something that I. Well, you sleep with people. and they can say anything. That's one that creeps up on you over. time.

Where you can have I remember once. waking up to a to a message saying, "Relax. This is fine. It's all being. dealt with, but one of your. ex-girlfriends in a Facebook group. community for moms has said, 'Do you. think it's okay if I make up a story. about my ex. I will take the money from. the story and give it to my son.'". So we had that screenshotted. We had. that locked down. So if it did go to the. press, straight away we can have it. taken down. And I was like, "Wow, I thought we were on good terms 10 years. ago, whatever it was.". And that then gets your mind working.

You go, "What if I rub someone the wrong way? What if someone changes their stance on. you? What if, you know, I have a joking. altercation with someone in a bar which. they then misconstrue? What if I. genuinely want to, you know, be ignorant. on a subject and someone construes that. as a facetious attempt to wins over. someone?" So. there's a lot of anxiety that I carry. because not everyone watching is. watching you succeed. A lot of people. watching you want to see you fall. And.

they're waiting at that very. opportunity. And that is quite tough. because. there are going to be a lot of people. that are out to just not see me be. happy. So that's where the anxiety stems from a. lot of the time. You have the general. life anxiety like, "Oh, I hope I hope I. don't get canceled this year." You know, one of those things. I've had friends. that never made it to 30. Some of my. rugby teammates. uh that, you know, find a lump in the testicle on a Friday, biopsy off by Sunday, dead within 10. months. And. I think about that a lot. So I think. it's important to have that anxiety as.

well. I'm not guaranteed to live to 60. You. know, I'm not guaranteed to see my book. release. So for the publisher's sake, I. got to get it finished, but Mhm. So. there's there are anxieties, but I work. proactively to override them. You know? Uh Mark Twain, "I've had many. worries in my life, most of which never. happened.". So. I I think that I've got the wisdom, especially of stoics, to. These. anxious traits are not new. They've.

existed for a lot longer than we could. imagine. So you do carry that around. I get drunk, you know, I would drop it. something on the story, you know, I know that drunk James can say things, but I know he'd never do things. He's. not inappropriate. He's not a groper. He's not disrespectful to women or any. of those things. So I'm fine with that. But then I do carry this small amount of. anxiety because the higher you climb, the further you fall. And when you feel like your life is a. fairy tale, you hope it has the fairy tale ending. And you're like,

"I hope I'm not the one that, you know, this is going too well.". Like you're at a gambling table. You. keep winning on red. Eventually, I'm. going to lose everything. I think about. that a lot. So I think that's what keeps. me straight. How do you defend yourself from being. canceled? What's your sort of philosophy. uh for that? For me, my my thing, and. Ant Middleton I think reaffirmed this. for me, Jordan Peterson reaffirmed. reaffirmed this for me as well, is. if I never can try to convince anybody. that I'm something I'm not. If I never. try and convince them that I'm like a. really good guy or that I'm like morally.

perfect, they'll never be able to call. out contradiction. And really, a lot of. the time, people getting canceled is. because they. um tried to pull the wool over your eyes. about their like moral compass. And it. explains why Jimmy Carr can sit here and. go, I mean, this is slightly different. cuz it's comedy, but Jimmy Carr can sit. there and go, "Oh, [ __ ] the over-70s. The Delta variant wiped them out." Or. rappers can talk about all the. misogynistic things they talk about, whatever. No one's going to leave any. hate on their videos or on their because. they never gave us the expectation of. other otherwise. It's usually the people.

that. Quite often, it's the people that. are our prime ministers or our. politicians or have inherited this moral. high ground that we go, "Oh, you had a Christmas party.". It's I'm I stand with very controversial. opinions as well surrounding I'm very. pro drug legalization. I think that, you. know, I've got family members in the police. force. I wish they were dealing with. real real crime. And I think that we. could abolish a lot of drug-related. crimes by legalization. I think we. should tax and we should quality. control. I don't think it's going to be. a net positive for society, but I don't.

think exactly right now it is any. better. So, with standpoints like that. and people go, "James, have you done. cocaine?" I go, "Yes, you know, have you. done MDMA?" Yeah, last weekend, you. know. I'll always be honest with people. and that does give you a drop off of. followers, but I can't save I can't save. I filter them out early so that they can. come in, they can go and that's not to. be sexist or to talk about female. genitalia. That is to use another. polarizing word. So, I'll be transparent. with that. Similar to Danny Dyer got. caught on his TV doing a line and was,

"Oh, it's just Danny, you know." That's. what I mean. He He never tried to There. is there is the the anti, you know, cancelable effect of that, uh, you know, even. when single, being very transparent with. needs and wants through messages so that. if someone was to look through, you. know, a trail of it, you'd be like, "Well, I made it very clear. that was the position he was in." So, I'm always trying to maintain an. anti-cancelable thing. I haven't got TV, I haven't got radio. I've actually. probably had. 12 minutes of TV time in 4 5 years, I.

think, because a lot of TV networks. don't want to get canceled. So, um. if you were to pull the plug on all my. media tomorrow, I'd probably see a 1% drop off in in. engagement. And. you know, I'm very honest with all my. clientele. The The people that really. matter to me are. book buyers, academy members, and talk. attendees. I don't believe that any of my actions. would ever deter them from their. interest in me, um which kind of makes. me uncancelable. You know, yeah, and I'm not too worried about.

that. I've been thinking a lot lately. about like the the. there's a few types of imprisonment in. life. There's physical imprisonment, you. can put me in a jail. And the other type. of imprisonment, which I think is. probably even worse, is like the mental. imprisonment, which is we're going to. decide what you can think and say, um. and who you are. And like I really don't. want that. So, how do I have to design. my life to make sure that I never get. mentally imprisoned, I never get to. mental jail. And one of them is building. enough resources so that even if you. turned off my revenue streams, the ones.

you could turn off, I'm still good. The. other is things like this, which is this. is my own show, don't sell it to Spotify. or someone else, because then. there is a guy that could pull the plug. And I really I've really started to. think about this idea of like designing. an uncancelable life so that you could. be mentally free in a world where we're. all [ __ ] virtue signaling and trying. to fit in and be correct. You know what I mean? Mental jail, I like that. I'm I'll put. that in book three. I mean, well, it's a race. We'll see who. can get it in the book first. I think, um, yeah, you're you're incredibly. correct. And I think that, you know, I.

don't have a huge amount in savings, but. I think I could live 3 years on that. Mhm. I went to I went to Asia for 6 months. when I was younger. And in 6 months I. spent 3 1/2 thousand pounds. Yeah. I. wasn't staying in the nicest places, but. You had a great time. time there. So, sometimes I'm like, "Hey, if the world goes to [ __ ] I got. 10 years in Thailand. Let's go." I'll. just change to jiu-jitsu. It won't cost. me anything, laundry, whatever. So, I. always do that and I actually I wrote. about this in one of my books. I. remember. I ate in a steak restaurant in Sydney. once on the beach. And the waiter that.

served us really nice guy, young guy. And, uh, I looked at him and I went, "Well, I. could have your life, you know. You probably serve steak in the. restaurant, probably get good tips here. in Sydney. You probably work 6:00 p.m. to 11:00 most nights, maybe 5 6 nights a. week. I could surf during the day and. get a dog and train jiu-jitsu. If I was to do that every day for the. next 30 years, I would have a better. life. than 99% of people on the planet. So, with the cancelable thing, I almost. think like if I was to get canceled, who.

would have I would have to use my phone. as much, you know? As long as I can get. into a country that I that I genuinely. love, I always say to myself, I'll open. a jiu-jitsu dojo in a small town in. Australia. I've got door-knocking. experience. I used to door-knock for. Empower. I used to have to knock on 100 doors to. sell gas and electric to people that. already had gas and electric. How much easier would it be to sell. jiu-jitsu memberships? Hey, come down, first week's free, whatever. I, in the same way, not only like to. have the uncancelable life, I like to. have a a get-out plan that can sometimes. be better than my current existence.

So, it's one of those things where I was. like, "Yeah, I I do think about that a lot.". That's why you have family trusts, isn't. it? Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking, but no, I think it is one of those things where. especially with Dragons' Den and you. going on BBC, there is a expectation of. of who you are. And the mental jail you. talk about I experienced in the. corporate world where I was in. recruitment, high-end recruitment. And. they'd say, "What did you get up to at. the weekend?" The truth was I was in an. away bus to Exeter playing rugby. And I. got dick of the day. So, we had to do. Edward Ciderhands where they duct-taped.

bottles of cider to my hands. And I had. to drink about 3 L of cider pretty much. to break myself free. They put a bin bag. around me and I puked in it for the most. of the way back. I was like, "Yeah, just went out for. dinner with my friends.". And then having that same conversation, "Everyone, good weekend?" "Oh, lovely, thanks. Went out for dinner with my. friends.". I couldn't even express myself, which is you do feel like you're behind. bars. And I used to have to wear a shirt. and tie, clean-shaven. I wasn't even. client-facing most of the time and I'd. get I'd get [ __ ] for not shaving. And where I just wanted to go, "Why do I.

need to [ __ ] shave?" I'd be like, "Okay, yeah, of course. I'll get the Bic. out tomorrow." It. and that builds up. That angst builds up and for a lot of. people that do suffer mental jail, I. think that's another reason martial arts. saves them. They can save that angst. They can save that frustration and. channel it later in the day. Mhm. I have. big worries over people that don't have. an outlet for breaking out of jail. Oh, yes. Yeah. And they probably then turn. to alcohol and violence and getting. punch-ups or whatever it is. So, I feel.

that human beings I believe we're we're. quite combative. I think that you watch. kids have play fights, they're not. trying to hurt each other. Sometimes. they are. Give them a set of rules, get them into. it, let them express that. But yeah, the. two things, one if people are in that. mental jail, they need a way out to. express them. And if they are in a mental jail, they. need to create long-term solutions to. not be in there because. and not expressing yourself in life, like you say, I've never thought of it. like that. I think that's really. profound. Mental jail where in some. sense, being mentally behind bars must. be harder than even worse.

Yeah. You see it and what are the. examples I've given on this podcast a. number of times is in the LGBTQ. community where. because they are when people are unable. to express even their sexuality, the. suicide rates go up, you know, before they've, quote unquote, I don't like the term, but come out of. the closet. And when you look at the. things that are prescribed in the more. holistic mental health treatments as. being good for mental health, it's. things like. um creating music or doing art or even. like dancing and like things like yoga.

An expression for me is something that I. learned later in life is actually all. writing books or doing a podcast. I. mean, that's therapy, right? That's when. people go to therapy, they do they they. express themselves, they let it out. Look at men that don't express. themselves. It's the single biggest. killer of suicide. So, let's think So, we know mental prison is a real thing. and we know the consequences are severe. The question becomes how much are you. imprisoning yourself mentally? How much are you doing that in your. day-to-day life? How much Like and. you're completely right and I'm so glad. that's where you went with it, which is. like. you need to find a way in your life.

where you get a chance to express. yourself. The The cell walls are closing. in on that jail. You've got to find a. way, whether it's [ __ ] This is why. This is why I've got a bit of a problem. with the nature of social media and the. and the. you're marked on how correct you are, not how. true to yourself you are. It's all about. correctness typically. It's funny. because it's actually not, but it feels. like it is. We've seen it. I mean, the. reason part of the reason why you. identified yourself as winning was. because you weren't correct. But it feels like the the the rewards. are there for those that are correct.

Piers Morgan's the same. The most. uncorrect like uncorrect person you'll. meet in our Look at the [ __ ] numbers. He's this guy doing, you know. So, I. just I don't I'm very passionate about. that topic of It's interesting you say. that because. today, if people go back and actually. listen to me talking about adoption, they'll see that I'm struggling to talk. about it because I've never I've spoken. about it maybe 10 times in my life to. that extent ever, online, offline, whatever. Yet, we've never met before, but the. medium in which we've decided to. communicate, being podcasting, has allowed us to both express our true.

deep emotions surrounding situations, which is. the this dynamic in which has been. created with, you know, the the. listening world of people that are. interested in two people colliding, I. think it's great. And like you say, it's. incredibly therapeutic. And. it's so difficult now to create a medium. of distraction as conversation. where, you know, it's it's almost. a dying breed, but at the same time. being. re-. energized by people looking to sit down. and do it.

Conversation's dying. I 2 years ago went. away to Melbourne with two friends. I. said, "I'm [ __ ] sick to death of. social media. We're going away with no. electronic devices.". And I couldn't believe how deep our. conversations were at dinner, no phones. And, um, we get to Melbourne and my. friend comes around the corner, he's. just had a pee. He goes, "Mate, this looks like a comedy sketch." I'm. there with a Sudoku book. He thought. he's like, "Mate, I thought you were. taking the piss. I thought you were. trying to make me laugh as I came around. the corner. You're genuinely on a Sudoku. book." I was like, "Yeah, mate, what am. I going to do for the rest of the day?". We went to the cinema without our. phones, we went out for dinner without.

our phones. And the conversations we. were having were so much more in-depth. I was uncovering problems that my. friends were having. I was like, "I live. with you and you've not told me this.". And, uh, yeah, it's it's one of those. things where. I'm very grateful to podcasting because. it allows me to get a lot off my chest. as well. Yeah. And. like you say, there aren't the mediums. for people to get things off their. chest, whether physical or verbal. And. I just hope that the way the world's. moving becomes more like that. And. again, if you want to express yourself. on social media, for me.

doing that was the win, not the. followers that I was accruing from it. That was a bonus. It was like salt and. pepper on top of the meal. Just putting something I felt strongly. out every day made me feel good. That's. what I got addicted to. Same way email. Writing the email is is what made me. feel good. The what happens after that from a. business perspective is erroneous, irrelevant, it doesn't really matter. So, for so many people out there, even. if you do a podcast and 10 people are. listening, mate, you've won the battle. before they've downloaded it. I think. that the more people that can understand. that the better.

Quick one. This is maybe a good segue to. talk about a little bit of an. announcement I have to make, which is we. have a brand new sponsor for the. podcast. And some of you have seen my. social media posts will know that I. often wear a lot of jewelry. And the. brand that I'm wearing when you see the. chains on is a brand called Crafted, as. you can see on the table in front of me. if you're watching this on YouTube. Crafted are a brand that sell really. meaningful, affordable men's jewelry. So, I reached out to the founders of. Crafted, Alex and Danny, and asked them. if they wanted to sponsor the podcast.

And they said they did. They listened to. the podcast, they like what we do here. The podcast is a place of meaning, and. their jewelry is all about meaning. And. so, we forged a new partnership. The. piece of jewelry I wear the most, I want. to introduce you to the pieces and why I. wear them, is this sand timer. Unsurprising thing for me about sand. timers is probably the most clear. reminder that our time here on earth is. finite. So, as the episodes go on, I'll. introduce a piece of jewelry and I'll. tell you the meaning it has for me and. why I wear it. Let's talk about love then. You. mentioned love a couple of times. You. referenced that you weren't so good at.

it by. what you were saying there in terms of. romantic relationships and love. What's. your What's James like when it comes to. that department? This is interesting. because. I feel already, do you ever criticize. yourself before someone's criticized. you? I get in there early. People are I. always think about what they're going to. say. Yes, okay. So, yeah. So, then they go, "Well, in the last 10 years you haven't. had a relationship that lasted over a. year." Correct. Does that make me bad at. relationships or good? Because I will. not I will not. And this could be an idealistic, utopian.

desire that I may I could be completely. wrong on this, but whenever I have the. feeling that this ain't it, I'm out. I could either be a genius or. I could have a fixed mindset when it. comes to relationships. This is what I'm. figuring out. Business, something goes bad, I'm like, "Mate, leave it with me. Give me a. laptop, prep the garden coffee. Let's do. this. Give me my phone, I'll sort it. out." Relationships, I'm like, "Nah, there's no hope. There's no hope. Sorry. Uh I've also I've got [ __ ] before for. breaking up by text. Sometimes I'm like,

"I should need to deal with this now.". They're like, "Oh, we'll meet you. tomorrow." I'm like, "Nah, I can't sleep. until I deal with this.". Sorry, it's the making out. We can meet. tomorrow if you want, but I'm ending it. now. So, it's a two-sided sword where. one, I think that. I have these utopian standards that one. day. I'll be able to turn around and go, "I. was correct. This is what I wanted." And. the other side, the other part of my. conscious is like, "Maybe you're not willing to do the work. like you would in other areas of your. life." Do you value the. I guess the idea, but do you Would you.

value a. romantic relationship in your life? Yeah, I would very much like So, psychedelic experience I had in the last. year was. really helped me decide I want to have. kids. It was. want to have kids. I do want to have. kids. Like one, because when I have a. child, it'd be the only biological. relative I've ever met, which is a. powerful thing. I think that that's. going to be. incredible for me. Like to see my. features in another human, Mhm. it blows. my mind. And it gets me very excited. So, there's that. And I remember me and. my friend And some people straight away.

will be angry that I'm talking about. illegal drug use, but me and my friend. put our phones down for 10 hours, went. to a park with a picnic, had a speaker, and we sat opposite a lake, and we just talked [ __ ] out. And I. remember this dad coming by with his. kid, and they had bread to give the. ducks. And I was like I was kind of watching, not in a creepy way. And I thought to myself like, "This is. what life is." The dad at some point. gives it over to the son, the son then. gives it over to the duck. And I was. like, "What a shame it'd be if the kid. refused to give the bread to the duck.".

I was like, "What a sad ending to the. story that would be." And I went off in. my mind thinking about life and thinking. about the opportunity. And my parents. sacrificed a lot for me. You know, they. had to go to the adoption home and spend. spend years. They had to you know, my. mom uh was infertile, she couldn't have. kids. They They went through so much. trauma. to get day one with me. And I thought, "Fuck." And then from day one to now, the school runs, the me being a [ __ ]. as a teenager, um puberty, I was bad, like all of these things. And I think. everything I have now that I love is.

because of the sacrifices they made. And with life, I think soon my time will. come to make that same sacrifice. I have. to pay this forward. I think that I'll. be hardwired to want to. So, sometimes when I'm 32 and I'm. thinking, "Shit, I need I need to start. focusing on love more because. I don't want to be 40 with the most. money, the most followers, and have no. one around me when all my friends settle. down and had families, and I'm the. creepy [ __ ] uncle who's banging hot. 22-year-olds every weekend.

I don't want that. So, I need to make. sure that I don't arrive at the wrong. finish line. That's a very, very. important thing. That'd be the worst. thing in the world. Why? Cuz I think ultimately, the the only way. we can really enjoy things is to share. them with people. And this is my. favorite thing I've ever done with my. money is is buy people ludicrous things. You know, I with my friends, I lie to. them. I say to them, "Um I'm banging a. girl in business for BA. Give me your. flight details. I'll get you upgraded.". And then I'll upgrade them. Mhm. And. they'll hate me for it. They're like,

"You [ __ ] prick, you shouldn't have. done that." You know? But then when they. land wherever they got, and they're. like, "Mate, that was the best flight of. my life." I love doing that. And I'd. love to do that in a family setting as. well. The look on a kid's face when they go on. holiday or or whatever it is. And. for me, that's an integral part. Spending money. on yourself is a short-term fix. I think. if you buy something for yourself, it's. pleasure. If you buy something for. someone else, it's happiness. Mhm. a Lamborghini, I'll be excited for 3. months. If I buy someone else a. Lamborghini, I'll be excited for the.

whole time they drive it. Mhm. So, the. prospect of family to me is not only a. long-term investment into their lives, but the long-term investment into my own. happiness. Mhm. And you know, it it's. like an ultimate project for me that I'm. really excited about. And I think that. one of the most im- portant and integral. things I value about. financial freedom and working on your. few hours a day is. my dad said this to me once. So, I'll. never. forget him saying it. He goes, "I wish. I'd spent more time with you when you. were growing up." to me and my sister.

I was like, "Fucking hell." I was like, "Dad, like you know, he he commuted to the. city every day for 50 years. Worked in. the same company, King William Street, 50 years. And so, he would leave the house at 6:30. and get back at 7:00 p.m. And when I heard that, I was like, "One, I never felt that way, but two, I. won't make that same mistake." So, for. me, it's going to be a big part of my. life in time to then set someone else up. to experience everything I've. experienced. Cuz if I do that right, dying won't be such a big problem.

Like now, my biggest problem is that if. I did, you know, and hate to say it, don't want to jinx myself, but if I get. cancer next year, my biggest regret. would not be having kids. I I hate to talk about tragic illnesses. or whatever. But one of my very good friends, um his. name is Paul Olima. He was very badly. affected by COVID. And he had to be. hospitalized, he was in a hospital bed, which is funny cuz he's quite literally. a fitness model. If you look at the. MaxiMuscle tubs of protein, he was the. six-pack on the front. Really? So, um. incredible shape, all of that. And I.

said to him, "What was it like?" And he. goes, "Just so happy I had my kids, and. that they'll be looked after." He was. like, that. he almost had a. uh he won't mind me saying this, a sense. of accomplishment on quite literally. what could have been his deathbed. I thought, "Fuck, I could do with some. of that.". It's so remarkable how you see people's. lives and priorities switch when they. have kids. And you just you know it's. coming because all of my friends that. have had kids, they always say, "Oh, I. wish I did it sooner." And you really. wish you. you know, that kind of narrative of like. there's this profound sense of meaning.

that we're yet to discover. Have you. ever thought about So, let's say. human beings as we know them have. existed for hundreds of thousands of. years. The lineage, the amount of grandparents, great-great-grandparents. How many How. many times has a baby. been produced in that lineage? Thousands. All it took All it would ever take. through hundreds of thousands of years. of lineage was one person to not want to. do it. Or, you know, they obviously. didn't have quite the choice back then, but all it would have taken was one.

person to break that chain, and so many. of us wouldn't exist now. I think about this all the time. Like. my biological mother who gave me up for. adoption, she could have ended the chain. there. If anything, you know, I'm still very. much pro-choice, and I feel like I have. a voice to say that because if my. biological mother had chosen to abort. me, then I wouldn't have a life. All it would take is one break in that. chain of lineage for me not to exist. And I'm like, "That's too much hard work. that's gone on before me." You think the. majority of the human race has existed.

in poverty, in the cold, in famine, in. all of these things. I'm like, I can't stop the buck here for what? A. selfish life, you know? For lay-ins and. to get a full night's sleep. I once asked my followers on Instagram. whether they regretted having kids. And. the poll. substantially was more in favor of. people regretting it. But I think that. Really? Yeah, it was it was quite. literally, if you could go back and not. have kids, would you? And it was like 49-51, but. it's circumstantial. I can imagine they're like, "Yeah, you.

know what? The grass is always greener, right? You have kids, they keep you. awake, the little shits. All of this, stop you having sex with your wife, whatever it is." And it's all too easy. to just go, "Oh, [ __ ] yeah, you know. what? I wish I had my life yet." But. I've never truly met. a rich, successful, single person. without kids with a life that I envy. I mean, like even Dan Bilzerian, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Which I quite I I. don't idealize him. I've just listened. to some of his podcasts. He's like, "Yeah, you know, like I have. multiple girlfriends. I'm the only guy. they've you know, I've never never been.

lied to by. I sometimes look and I go, I feel sorry. for you a little bit. I feel sorry for. you. And. I even I joke to my friends. I'm like, I have the perfect. amount of success. I almost I'm worried I'll have too much. more. Too many temptations, too easy You. know, when when things become We live in. an age where our devices are too. replaceable. You know, a new iPhone comes out, suddenly the old. one's obsolete. See you later. Whatever. it is. I never want that to be the same with. people.

And that's where I feel that successful. wealthy men go when they don't. You're falling on the sword to have a. family. It's sacrifice. It isn't always a net positive decision. for your lifestyle. There's more meaning. to it than people allude to. And I think when faced with the decision. myself of whether or not I want to do. it, I'm need to say, well, what's the. opposite? Well, what else am I going to. do? You know, there's. pleasure and happiness again so. different. I say to people that everyone. has access to happiness. Some don't know.

it, but they do. All have access to. happiness. Not everyone has access to. pleasure, and you can live a life of. happiness without pleasure, but you. cannot live a life of pleasure without. happiness. And the second you try and fill your. quota of happiness with pleasure, you. end up going down dark holes, drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever it is. And people being unaware of that. decision to be proactive in the pleasure. pursuit, when really. they're getting woken up by the kids, they're taking the kids to school, your. kid going through puberty giving you. [ __ ] was really the happiness under.

your nose the whole time that you never. really knew about. So, I don't have an. anecdote to unhappiness, but I think I. have a good clue on what would bring me. a life of happiness. I've had enough pleasure so far. I'm tired. So, what what could you have to do then. in terms of getting getting yourself. into a romantic relationship? When I. think about my myself, I think, well, if. I'm going to be the kind of guy that. could offer what I imagine my wife would. want me to offer, I'm probably going to. have to change this or be a bit more. like this. I have to work on this thing.

that I do cuz I'm a bit of a dick there. What are those things for you? So, this. is an interesting one. I think I need to. start working on myself and being a. better human. I don't think I've been a. great human in a lot of my. relationships. I think that I've been. selfish, and I think that I've made. bad decisions, and then I've blamed the. other person for it cuz I haven't. I haven't accepted. that it was me being a bad person that. caused that emotion. Certainly something. I've been reading some books like I read.

Attached and came to terms with my. avoidant relationship style. There's. something I really want to work on, and. I think that moving forward, I need to. yes, respect my partner, but I need to. respect myself and hold myself to higher. standards. I think that if I can hold. myself to higher standards, I will quite. simply be a better human. And I think. that I need to start taking more. responsibility for things because. so many things in life you can. work your way out of, and you can, you.

know, change and develop and and build to it. And I need to put that attitude into. relationships. I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying it's it's needs to be. done. So, I think that. I have work to be done. I think I just. need to communicate that with whoever. I'm with, and just say, "Look, if you look at my books, I'm great. You. look at my academy, I'm great. Live. talks, give me sell out the O2, I'll be great. Relationships, I got some [ __ ] work. I'm coming with baggage. So, you know, as long as someone is open and accepting.

of that, I think that's the first. hurdle. I don't think I've ever sat that. down before. I think that when I've. arrived at relationships before, I'm. like, well, babe, I'm going to be a lot more interesting. than anyone else you've [ __ ] dated. And that has to go. You say you need to be a better human. Give me just a. couple of specifics when you say a. better human cuz that's quite broad. You. have quite a lot of options being. well-known, having an Instagram inbox. You have a lot of temptations. You have. There are there are quite frankly women.

that I've I've even met on nights out, and I say, "Hey, I've got a girlfriend.". They go, "I don't care.". And they say, "I'm not going to tell. her.". And. having that means that you have to raise. the level of who you are. You are no. longer just a 32-year-old warm-blooded. male. You have, you know, options in front of you. These. are These are more difficult to say no. to because. one of the biggest issues I believe men. have with the dating scene is they need. to win a woman's trust. When you are.

well-known, they already have the trust. It's danger lurking at the door. It's. opportunities. It's, you know, so many. of these things. To rise to that. challenge is no easy feat, and that's. why I believe so many men have fallen. It's a self-destructive pattern as well. because so many men have amazing. families, beautiful wives, and great. kids, and they just lost that ability to be a. strong man for 1 hour, and it's gone.

It's a tough ask. It's a tough. challenge, but then everything has been. so far. None of this has particularly. been easy. It's been enjoyable, but it's. not been easy. So, that's something that. I'm going to have to work on, but I want. to revel in that because. my mom and dad are still together. That's, you know, something that. I'm grateful for, and it's something. that. they still argue. They still have. bickers. You know, my dad made my mom. cry the other day saying she's going to. shopping too much cuz of the COVID. rates. And I was like,

they're It's crazy to see. my dad can't even watch the gory part of. a film, but [ __ ] he's a strong human. He stayed in the same business for 50. years. He stayed in the same. relationship 50 years. I think it's. about time that I'd like took. inspiration from them on things outside. of business. Lastly, is you are writing a book about. confidence. Confidence. I let you say that first. just in case I was letting the cat out. of the bag, but you're writing a book. about confidence. Why are you doing. that? And what have you learned from starting. that process? It's something that really. I wouldn't come at it from a place of,

hey, my name is James Smith, and I know. everything about confidence. My sweat. patches wouldn't say that, but. it's something so inquisitive. It's a. tool in which I've used and, you know, when I was writing the first chapter, I. called it a superpower, then I deleted. that because superpowers are. unobtainable. This is obtainable. And I've come to realize during the. writing I'm I'm learning a lot as well. I'm like, is confidence genetics? I go. into heritability, and then I go into, you know, what different types of. confidence are there? How does it affect. us?

You had Mel Robbins on recently. So, I. started listening to her book, 5-4-3-2-1. So, 5-4-3-2-1, I'm still [ __ ] my. pants asking a girl for a [ __ ]. number. So, like, and I I like to get. into these systems. I go, that might. work for someone, but that doesn't work. for me. And. during this process, I'm not releasing. it until January next year. I'm going on. these journeys. I'm asking myself these. questions. I'm very happy to go to. external. experts in that field. There's quite a. bit of nonsense out there, I feel. And. similar to the world of fitness, I'm not.

the most fit guy, but I took the field. and I provided clarity. I'm not the. expert in life design, but I went out, I. created a book on clarity. I wouldn't want to come into a place of. confidence going, "Hey, I'm the most. confident person on the planet." Because. so many of us that are very confident in. certain realms have gaping holes in our. confidence. Every one of us. You and I. All right, you're doing a O2 Arena, 16,000 people in there, do your thing. We'd be like, "Let's go." You're in. Sarah's house on a Friday night. I'm. like, "Guys, give me the number. Go ask.

her for her number." No, no, no. No, I'm. I'm too scared. You know, so. if we can help people identify their. gaping holes, give them understanding. for it, is it merely a perception. of our external reality? Is it something. that's nature? Is it nurture? It's. I wish I had more for you right now, but. I'm still learning. And again, someone. goes, "Why should I buy your book on. confidence?" I go, "It took me a year. and a half. It's 12 quid. Don't [ __ ] buy it. then." So, yeah, it's it's one of those. things. It's very exciting project for.

me. And. even now, I I enjoy talking to people I. admire about it because they'll say. something, and I'll be like, I can't. wait to research that and go down the. rabbit hole, and have 20 browsers open. on my laptop. It It's an exciting. process I really enjoy. Well, listen, James. You know, we've got. one more thing to do, which is a. tradition of the Diary of a CEO, which. you might have seen before if you've. watched a podcast before, which is the. previous guest asks the next guest a. question. And they never know who.

they're writing it for. And also, I. never know what the question is until I. read it. So, what is your definition of luck? When preparation meets opportunity. I disregard luck when people talk about. it. People say, "I got lucky." I say, "Fuck you.". I'm like, no, you didn't. And I I hate. the way people connect people's dots. I. hate it. For yourself, someone goes, "All right, right age, right time, right time, right. education." [ __ ] you. You know, I hate.

it. No one's lucky. And I think that. although there are certain privileges. people can have, please never. underestimate someone's work because. connecting the dots is a primitive thing. that we do. And. you know, the better people can suppress. the notion that they're lucky. They. could be fortunate in some respects, but this luck, I don't. Let's not undo people's work. I completely agree. And I also think. that to add to that, when you start to. believe in this religion of luck, what.

you're actually doing is disempowering. yourself. You're handing over the reins. of your life to this force outside of. your control, and you're just sitting. there aimlessly hoping that it falls in. your favor. And I So, when when I post. things like sometimes I I'd like to wind. people up on my stories, and the things. I'll post are like. Honestly, the easiest way to wind people. up is just to talk about personal. responsibility. Okay, you weren't to blame for what. happened, but you are now responsible. One of my guests, who was it? Um. Mark Manson. He said, "Okay, someone. leaves a baby on your doorstep, not your fault, but it is immediately.

your responsibility.". And and people just And Mo Gawdat said. it is that people just [ __ ] hate the. idea of. like taking responsibility for your. life. Um but I think that any other choice, pointing at Mark, pointing at privilege. too much, despairing that the Tory. government are in power, so that's why. you're poor, is a way to hand to to. choose your puppet master as this. invisible force that gets to call the. shots. Thank you so much. You were nervous, you said, to to come.

and do this today. Do you know what? I I. actually, about 2 3 hours ago, I stood. up and I said, "I'm not nervous. I really care about. this podcast.". Yeah. Because. for me, when I got the invitation, it got me. excited. The opportunity to talk. I know. this platform. I know I think I have a. good idea of where this podcast is going. as well. Yeah. And for me to have an. opportunity to not be Instagram James. meant a lot to me. So, it's more of a fact that this was. important to me. I wasn't scared for it. Yeah, yeah. That's That's amazing. And. you know what? I.

I personally just took a screenshot of. you after seeing you say something. online and sent it to my team, I think. about 2 weeks ago, and said, "And I. never do this.". Right, what hap- The way that the. podcast typically works is the team will. come up with people that they know that. I would like, and they'll send them to. me to approve or not. But it worked the. opposite way around with you. I saw. something you said, I thought, "This. guy's truthful. He's honest. He has He's. smart, really smart. Probably way smarter than I think people. give you credit for, cuz. honestly, this is one of my favorite. conversations ever. Thank you. And it's.

not because you have a, you know, just. just because you have a great story, it's because you have the wisdom to. point at the lessons you've learned, and. you have the humility also to point at. them with impartiality. Um so, I I was. like, "Can you reach out to this dude. and please ask him if he wants to come. in?" And that doesn't always happen. Um. so, again, it's for me, when you say. you're this was important for you, and I. saw you did an Instagram post saying, "I'm going on a podcast." That's really. Do you know what? For me, that is like. the most It's the greatest thing that we. hear. I just want to say thank you, cuz. honestly, it's one of my favorite. conversations ever on this podcast. And.

I mean that. Thanks. I don't have to say that. I don't gas. people off if I don't have to. I just. say, "Oh, thank you. Goodbye." But no, I. genuinely mean that. It's really really. really amazing conversation, and. I I also now understand why you've been. so successful. Cheers. So, thank you for. your time. Thank you for blessing us. with your wisdom, and uh going to keep. watching you grow and grow. Cheers. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.