Gary Vee’s Emotional Confession About His Success & Family! | E207

there's certain things that I'm not. ready to talk about why I just feel like. [Music]. Gary vaynerchuk garyvee Gary vaynerchuk. one of the world's leading marketing. experts an entrepreneur investor a New. York Times best-selling author and is. one of the. voices on the internet I've exhausted. the conversation of grinding learning. how to be an entrepreneur in the streets. of New Jersey there was a kid who wrote.

a medium piece about me being the face. of hustle I was on a plane I landed and. it was just all this chaos and there was. a lot of things that weren't true there. were some things that really like. triggered me I didn't inherit my dad's. liquor store I built my dad's store for. him I knew at 17 that I was a [ __ ]. guy what's your dark side the only place. I feel like I'm dark is when I'm. competing we did Rock Paper Scissors. tournament with our leadership team I. quickly thought after I lost in the. first five seconds should I fire it.

I was incapable of dealing with losing. what is it that makes me want to be like. this and to be very Frank you don't have. to give me the details I'll tell you. it's. five years ago when we had a. conversation I asked you what your. biggest fear was I've got these photos. here. in Russia. how does that make you feel. it's very clear to me. it's been there for a long time in my. head.

quick one at the start of these episodes. I told you that 74 of people who watch. this channel frequently haven't yet hit. the Subscribe button and I told you that. the bigger the channel gets the better. the guests get and hopefully I've. delivered upon that for you so there's. two things I wanted to tell you the. first is if you've ever enjoyed this. channel could you do me a favor and my. team here a favor which is hit that. subscribe button because it helps this. channel more than you know and as I say. the bigger the channel the better the. guess but also we're approaching 1. million subscribers and when we hit 1.

million subscribers. we've been working for many months to do. something very big in which you're all. invited to. I'll reveal that when we hit a million. subscribers. enjoy this episode. with age my perspective and my. recollection of my childhood and my. understanding of what was most. significant defining and important has.

evolved you've just celebrated your 47th. birthday yes. more energy than ever shall I say but um. what if you as you re recollect on your. your childhood from from that vantage. point now what are the new insights that. you've attained about yourself. probably the most recent one is like. this incredible need to be a superhero. you know I I really took the being the. oldest brother to Heart. you know it's funny my sister and I have. a joke that a lot of people don't know.

that she exists because obviously me and. AJ were in business together and I talk. a lot about the Jets and that has AJ but. my relationship with my sister who's. three and a half years younger than me. may be one of the most profound. relationships I have. she undoubtedly was the first person. besides my mother that kind of cheered. for me. you know she looked up to me. my mother is incredibly close to her. brother and so she. spent a lot of time building that.

relationship we're Incredibly Close I. feel much more kinship to her when I. think about my childhood than AJ because. I was 11 years older we didn't have the. same childhood we also moved when he was. three so all my childhood memories have. her in it. and I think as I've gotten in the last. two three years I'm like oh I have this. like need to. be admired need you know everything that. works for me is when I feel like I'm. doing it for someone besides myself I'm.

doing it to make my parents proud I'm. doing it to show my sister the right way. I'm doing it for my employees even the. way I got into better health and fitness. was I hired a babysitter. but really what I hired was someone to. do it for Mike and Jordan is who I want. to make proud today my scale being 175. versus 176 8 which it was two days. earlier and Mike texting me great job on. the Travel day I did it for him. and so as I'm getting older and so much.

of the Gary Venus. I'm realizing is. I'm happy when I'm doing things that. make other people happy or. even at a higher level creating a. framework or a blueprint. that they can interpret into themselves. the thing I you know as I got older with. my sister a lot of things I talked about. was this is my DNA yours DNA is. different but like I just I want you to. be happy it's going to be different for.

you know those kind of things and so. you know you know when I do things like. this I always go with the first thing. that came to my mind I think what's. obvious to me is. I've exhausted the conversation of. grinding and having to do it for myself. and learning how to be an entrepreneur. in the streets of New Jersey and. and recently last couple years I've. talked more about Candor when I wrote 12. and a half I'm like this is My. Kryptonite I'm great at Candor in this. format put me on stage put me on a. podcast give me 30 people listening to.

me I'm Candor King managing Dustin. one-on-one I just love them too much. like like even you know even this. interview like I went from a company off. site and like I got emotional this. morning speaking to the 35 global. leaders and that was the first time I. got a I got emotional the way I usually. talk about my parents if I'm at a Gala. or something of that nature and it hit. me and I my observation was oh these. people are becoming my family I talk. about Brandon warnicky my best friend. and I tear up I talk about my parents. and my my siblings and I tear up.

this was the first time I kind of teared. up for real for real deep deep deep deep. in a setting when I was talking about. those 35 leaders and it was a nice. feeling I'm like oh this is becoming. family and so you know I think I think. that Candor has been a weakness on a. one-to-one basis when it's emotional. that I've started talking about the. newest thing of this moment when you ask. me is what is it that makes me want to. be like this and to be very Frank. it's quite enjoyable.

um and it makes me happy and even when I. don't deliver I'm happy at the attempt. of. and so I think I'll probably spend the. next half decade trying to finish this. thought and probably produce content. around it because I the thing I always. think about is. if I'm this happy if I lack the anxiety. that I see in 99.9 of people I have a. sense of responsibility to over. communicate in case a sentence on a. podcast triggers something for someone. and starts their journey to be happier I.

don't know something more noble a human. can do than be on a quest to leave. collateral you know droppings along the. way that may help and will help others. so many directions I want to take that. in I'm going to go with um the first. comment you made and then I'll move on. to the second you said I have a desire. to be admired yes now when I reflect on. that I completely agree I think I lied. to myself for a couple of years and. thought that I was. more noble than I was but what I came to.

learn often from doing this podcast was. that some kind of insecurity or some. kind of Shame was really the driving. force at the heart of me and as I sit. here with athletes for Israel adesanya. the UFC champion whoever it is. you uncover these stories which at a. very young age the thing that might have. invalidated them when they were younger. is now the thing they're striving to. seek validation from as an adult well. it's funny I agree with that and now I'm. going to tell you why I walk around. Earth with gratitude and guilt. I everything you just said is one of my.

biggest thesis in life that is 100 true. mine is slightly different. I got really fortunate it's like really. hard to talk about even without like. getting weird about it. I'm. my circumstances are you know I think. yes in some ways for example. the system. School took such a [ __ ] on me in the 80s.

and 90s I've and you know this we've run. in similar circles I'm very good at. fighting the systems of Industries like. it's also why I see things like Netflix. you're gonna win Tesla you're gonna win. because I know they're fighting the. thing. and so I recognize it I've been a good. investor I've been a good operator and. I'm definitely a communicator college. right. I was at a talk yesterday I'm not. speaking that much but I like my dad. taught me you know keep your words so I. had a talk from pre-covered that got. canceled and then canceled and then I.

got like and so I I still did it and so. I did it uh yesterday and a couple of. moms came up to me and both of them the. way they talked to me about the content. I'm putting around College was through. love and admiration 12 years ago those. same exact moms were really angry at me. you know and so when you see things you. know you you kind of challenge it and so. yes I think I absolutely the thing that. was an insecurity I get bad grades but. what was different for me is I didn't.

believe them. this is this is where self-esteem is an. obsession of mine not delusion. right not delusion because that's what a. lot of modern parenting does you can do. anything Sally no you can't. Sally you were not athletic enough to be. in the WNBA. it wasn't that it was this weird balance. that my mom created between deep. confidence but accountability and truth. I remember trying to make an excuse for. striking out in a baseball game and.

trying to use the sun in my eyes as an. excuse and my mom not letting me do it. very subtly. talk about childhood forming you like. this is why I implore everyone to. communicate their truth to their. children to the world through podcaster. content like it's amazing to me. sentences change people's lives. right she didn't let me do it and I. became very accountable because of those. levels of parenting and realities and. that accountability led to so much. happiness but for me when the school.

system was saying you're [ __ ] I didn't. believe them and so I watch a lot of. people being driven by hurt. and I can sense that I'm driven by love. I just sense it like for me it's just. like deep self-awareness that. understands how fortunate I've been like. so many things went my way the mom of. the century being able to leave the. Soviet Union in this little window in. the 70s 1917-19 in the 72 years that the.

Soviet Union dictated people's life and. to remind everybody this this is. something most Americans and westerners. don't understand the Soviet Union was. like North Korea it wasn't like Iran. Iranians right now are able to leave. Iran and go to you know wherever their. passport is taken they can't go. everywhere but turkey takes their. passport Dubai takes their passport the. Soviet Union that my family grew up in. was North Korea you were not allowed to. leave. but this little event in 1970 of eight.

Russians trying to hijack a plane to go. to Sweden to escape created a global. story that led to pressure on Russia. where Spain and Israel and America. teamed up and had this little moment. where Russia had spent too much money on. their weapons of war and were starting. to run out of resources and conform to. their anti-Semitism and decided to take. money from the U.S and Israel in. exchange for a couple of hundred. thousand people and I'm one of those. people and I born with insane levels of. Entrepreneurship and Gift of Gab and.

offense get to go from the worst place. on Earth at the time and for someone. like me in 1978 to the best place on. Earth. [ __ ] and then getting all love but not. delusion and so by 10 being in the grit. of like studio apartment with tons of. family members and queens like all [ __ ]. but being 10 years old and having little. but being happy as [ __ ] and being loved. insane and now a 10 year old me realizes. that money has no impact on happiness I.

was built to win. I was built to win and so I agree with. you I see it in so many of my friends I. always say the two ways to build. something insane is deep deep insecurity. turned into fuel or deep deep levels of. confidence turned into fuel. on that point of confidence you said. your mother gave you your confidence yes. earlier on you said you she gave you. your sense of sort of. self-responsibility yes but I've also. heard you say that she's responsible for. your confidence and then another thing.

the market. so yes my mother and so a lot of people. are listening right now and they had. positive reinforcement there's two. things to watch out for for everybody. who's listening parents or youngsters or. just try to get everyone listening and I. by the way this is a good time to say. this. I consume a lot of. content meaning I consume no content I. consume how people are consuming content. I just want to give you some roses. and really The Listener on the other. side I've really enjoyed. and this is very lightweight this is a. hot take it's not like I've done major.

homework on this but I feel like you. have a very thoughtful audience I really. like what's going on with you and your. audience it's and it's really both of. you right it's not just you it's who. self-selects to listen to your guests. and you're doing a great job casting it. and all that but there's something nice. going on here so keep going and everyone. who's listening Kudos on you for. understanding there's value here in a. world of unlimited content here's the. two back to like kind of the respect I. have I told I told you Dustin I said hey. pay attention today I'm going to be a.

little bit sharper it's out of my. admiration. here are the two things I want to go. extra level to watch out for in. confidence building too many people go. too far and they go into that eighth. place trophy delusional place and then. kids don't believe you I'm gonna be very. transparent I've already sensed that. with one of my children where they're. calling my bluff on it I'm like [ __ ]. it's true. like you're I played AJ much harder in. every sport than I'm playing Xander. that's the facts and so I'm already. adjusting my damn self Xander's your.

child yes. so so one it's don't let it be. delusional the whole you can be anything. you can do anything you want you can be. anything you want you just might not be. the best at it or great at it. you can be a musician it doesn't mean. that you're going to be a financially. successful enough musician to pay for. your household or if you want to be you. can you're just gonna have to live.

humbly and live your passion which I. think is going to be the conversation in. 100 years I believe the evolution of you. and I and a lot of people listening is a. lot more people making sixty one. thousand dollars a year doing exactly. what has them on fire and living and. living is a big part and living within. the means of that 61 000 but that's a. different conversation for a different. day so number one watch out for delusion. number two you can't be the only source. of positive reinforcement had I never.

gone outside and my mother did. everything she did I don't think I am. who I am the other part that made me was. ringing doorbells and having 81 people. say no kid I don't want you to wash my. car and having six of them say yes kid I. do want you to wash my car for five. dollars. I think what also made me was standing. on a lemonade stand. for months in my life you know two days. here three days here five days here. months of my life from six to thirteen. and watching 99.9 of the cars drive by.

my stand and not react to my great. Steins and not stop and buy my lemonade. I think what made me was a hundred out. of 105 people said no to shoveling snow. what made me was I had a baseball card. table and I watched a hundred people. walk by and not want to buy anything. from me even though I had good stickers. and good cards and one the market made. me all those no's became enjoyable. it's the yes that acts as the evidence.

though so it's the it's the person. coming along in the one in 100 buying. the lemonade that makes uh young Gary or. young me go do you know what I can sell. lemonade 100 and I was I've thought a. lot of over the years because the more I. speak on stage or the more I my brand. has grown I get the same question over. and over again which seems to be at the. very base level of everything I do which. is how does one build confidence you've. talked about your mum's sort of. subjective evidence that you are great. and then you've talked about the. evidence from the 1 in 100 buying. lemonade I came to this hypothesis that. um our self-belief like all our beliefs.

is just. um based on false or correct subjective. evidence we have about ourselves so if. that is true if beliefs or beliefs are. just evidence. um. what's your view on how someone can. build that self-confidence they're. listening to this now how do they go get. that evidence and do you agree with that. thesis yeah I like a lot of that thesis. I also think one of the things to point. out that might help a lot of people is. my mom. also created positive reinforcement for.

me on the right things when I think back. to what she positively reinforced. it was not when I get the occasional B. in history as a dnf student which would. be logical this is the first time I've. ever saying this publicly it's first. time I had a clear thought on it it. would be logical. for a mother who really she she knew how. smart I was she was borderline pissed. she's like can't you get seized to. appease me you're so capable I'm like. these at F's why she didn't positively. reinforce the bees I got in history.

which was the one class I paid attention. to uh is actually a very interesting. insight. she didn't reaffirm a subjective machine. that wasn't built for me what she. reaffirmed and built confidence in me. was how nice I was to everyone. when I think of my 47 year old self I'm. the byproduct of two energies I'm a. successful entrepreneur which is what. the world taught me. and for the people that know they know. like especially the people that really. know they know how nice I am. like you know this you've been on you.

know a lot more about me and subtle. little like what I love about you is. you're smart so I know I can say this. you know yeah I know yeah yeah right and. we've had lots of dealings over this. year right yeah in every subtle way yeah. in every subtle way we've theoretically. competed there's been moments where I. could or couldn't come like what I love. about this is you know and I've always. said that when I go into the grave so. many people are going to know me that as. long as the people that actually know me.

feel what I want them to feel I ca you. know there are people who today don't. think I'm a great dude and it's off of. One Clip that somebody wanted to use me. to do a split screen to build themselves. up because they're in the business of. tearing people down to build their. building. and that doesn't bother me actually it's. one of like I actually have incredible. compassion for that person has it ever. hurt no so I'm going to tell you. something so when I became a dragon on. BBC's Dragons Den I I was exposed to a. new level of public criticism and.

misunderstandings of often intentional. misunderstanding so anything you say or. do yes art you know articles and. different sort of sides of the political. Spectrum who maybe hate entrepreneurship. at times sure doing pieces on me and. then the backlash and then other like. real sort of takedown efforts yes and. there was days where even my walls of. like resilience and toughness something. kept me up at night has that ever. happened for you where yeah we're all. human being I'm not a robot yeah it's. that it's so not sustained.

tell me about a time when that happened. you don't have to give me the details. I'll tell you yeah there was a kid who. wrote a medium piece about me being the. face of hustle porn which to this day. lingers. and it was a medium article I was on a. plane I landed and it was just all this. chaos and there was a lot of things that. weren't true like me I didn't inherit my. dad's liquor store I built my dad's. store for him there were some things. that really like trigger me that one. always hurts because I think I did one. of the most noble acts a human with.

Talent can do I knew at 17 that I was a. [ __ ] guy. and I decided consciously. that I loved my parents so much that I. was going to dedicate a decade of my. youth Prime [ __ ] years. Pro 20 to 30 is [ __ ] you got time you. got energy you got I gave 10 of my. greatest years they're not my wisdom. years but they're my [ __ ] [ __ ]. years and I gave them gave them to my.

parents. never made over a hundred twenty. thousand a year built a business from 3. to 65 million left with nothing started. vaynermedia in Mike Lazaro's conference. room at buddy media at 34 years old. because I had no [ __ ] money. I'm proud of that so when you can. imagine when somebody writes a hit piece. and says you can't listen to this guy he. inherited. his dad's liquor store that hurts when. you say hurts what are the symptoms of. that hurt for you oh you're gonna love. this because this is why it's not.

sustainable I'm. I'm. neutral. at all times. Gary you're the goat thank you Gary. you're [ __ ] I understand. why does it hurt I know that there is. millions of 15 to 25 year olds 30 to 60. year olds 61 to 90 year olds right now. who've decided not to consume my message. because one person who's hurting decided. to build themselves up by targeting me.

because of the platform I'm on and that. disappoints me more than anything as. someone who is deeply deeply deeply. driven by leaving the impact at the. highest levels that he is capable of out. of the guilt and gratitude of winning. the DNA and environment game the. elimination of opportunity to help make. the world more about love. in lieu of someone reinforcing their. beliefs of living the world of dark and.

hate. is crushing for me philosophically. but the reason it's not sustained Steve. is my number one fan on Earth. outside of my family whoever that is. Sally Pants McGee and my number one. person that hates me the most thinks. that the whole thing is the worst can't. wait till I die. I equally feel the same about it zero. on that day you landed from that plane. you see the no Twitter or whatever's.

blowing up and all these people are. saying those things if I was sat next to. you yes what would I have of what would. I have observed uh hey this is too big. to not address in a world where 99.9. things I won't address. I want to at least create clarity. because it's gone too viral in a world. that I admire the readers of medium are. my contemporaries my friends people I. admire. and so I just didn't want six or seven.

things that weren't true to be the. foundation of a hypothesis especially. when you go read crush it which is my. coming out moment it doesn't talk about. making money and buying a yacht when it. talks about working hard at night it was. under the context of the 2008 recession. people losing their jobs and me saying. hey I don't know if you know this but. the internet's getting mature and if you. go on YouTube and Twitter you might be. able to fix this shortcoming you have. and yes I understand that some of you. are also equally it's not just about.

getting a new job or getting a job it's. also oh my God because this was this was. insane to me because I was just coming. out to the world now I was like in My. Little Wine Library bubble I'm like. people don't like their jobs like that. was like I loved it so much even if I. was doing it for my I loved it so much. that I was taken aback by that I was. like well if you don't like being an. accountant and you love Star Trek start. making Star Trek video I mean it's. insane what Tick Tock and Instagram and.

YouTube have created you go read crush. it which I wrote in 2008 it's insane how. much of that became true even to me you. know why I'm asking I think I'm asking. this question and I please assisting on. this topic is because I've always seen. the way that you've publicly responded. in those moments and it's always been. with an unbelievable level of gratitude. and empathy and so I as someone who's. been on the receiving end of it it's. hard it's hard so it's just it's just. you know I'm sorry finished I was gonna. say so I've always wondered from afar.

yeah someone who's been on the receiving. end of it what goes on as the the first. you know like the first reaction we have. to these things where you're like yeah I. mean the first hundred honestly the. first hundredth of a second reaction is. actually a very weird blend of. you'll see and I can't wait to be. gracious when you come to apologize. and I've I've had moments like that. where the thing the story whatever will. just stay on my mind and it will rattle.

over and it might rattle over for like. six seven hours eight hours it might. rattle over at night time that night. might even rattle over the next morning. mate. does that happen to you too. it's very rare for it to be able to get. to the second day that next morning very. rare I just go deep into the [ __ ]. Gary Cave of okay this person I admire. just took a [ __ ] on me. this this influencer decided to [ __ ] on. me. and I'm not talking about the comedians. who I love the comedian stuff is like.

awesome because I'm like oh like I and I. just did Dylan's podcast and I said it. I'm like that's that I'm like humbled by. like actual good comedians forget about. the people that impersonate me and have. built not their careers because they. impersonate others but like a couple of. these characters have really benefited. from impersonating me and that means so. much to me that I brought Vicon was my. crowning event and the first people that. hit stage were impersonators of me. there's no bigger cosine I can give to. like that feels amazing that somebody's. winning the thought that somebody's.

winning in their comedic career because. they popped by impersonating me that's. like the most humbling feeling of all. time. not that not when people take shots at. me and like hyperbolize what I'm saying. for a laugh I'm I'm flattered by it I'm. talking about people that really like. [ __ ] this dude he's bad and and it's so. bad how they do it it's so very out of. context and things that nature. I just. it just doesn't register I what you know.

I if I'm hurt by midnight as I close my. eyes and then the first thing I do when. I close those eyes and the first thing I. do when I open those eyes I say to. myself okay. the world all eight billion people have. decided to go on social media and say. actually I'm a piece of [ __ ]. is that better or worse than my parents. dying in a car crash right now on the. way to the airport. I'd much rather have all 8 billion.

people go on social media right now and. say I suck. then that to happen thus I can't be. upset about this in a real way that's. bigger problems there's bigger problems. you referenced something earlier you. said wisdom years I found that really. really compelling because you reference. you know I think you said 20 to 30. I'm. now 30. just turned 30. so I guess I'm. in my wisdom years one of the things I. think this one's the in-between the time. in the 30s like right like just [ __ ]. go ham. um and for everybody listening this is. the years to taste a lot of [ __ ] make a.

lot of mistakes have fun try different. things. like everything eat it all go to the go. to the you know. the. salad bar and try every single thing. that's in there 30 to 40 is the. refinement of 20 to 30. especially if you really go at it you're. like okay I remember like 30 30s when. [ __ ] started popping for me February. 21st 2006 is my first episode of Wine. Library TV. so I'm 30. I just turned 30. and that is.

clear I mean the fact that within. December within three months of my 30th. birthday the very clear public data very. clear indication of the shift in my. career happened three months so that was. interesting and I think those are when I. think of 30 to 40 I refined a lot of. things that felt natural 20 to 30. I. refined my craft I started to get to. know myself better when I think about 40. to 47 I'm like that's an evolution of 30.

to 40. I'm still refining I'm still. doing but I'm starting to get into a. thought of like okay. I like have real grasp on things I can. do some real damage like I'm scared in. the most positive way of what I'm gonna. accomplish selfish selfish and. selflessly from 50 to 60. scared I think. it's going to be banana [ __ ] I think. everything that is me right now is minor. leagues compared to what I'm gonna do 50. to 60 because I now have the context of.

40 to 50 which is a more polished. version of the refinement of 30 40 and. so for me 50 to 60 feels like insanity. and then when I look at my 60 to 70 year. old business friends I'm like [ __ ] I get. an entire another decade after that. decade of doing it at a hundred and then. I start debating what happens at 70. right then I'm like 70 to 80 is still a. very clear decade for a certain very. small group to continue to go ham and go. [ __ ] insane I'm curious where I'll be.

I notice 70 I'll be exactly the same way. I am right now it's inconceivable I'm. not. um those 23 years are pretty clear to me. they're going to look like the last 23. years. 70 to 80 becomes an interesting debate. will I take any foot off the pedal will. I go to a different place I often. fantasize of like going into like a cave. in Peru and whoever wants to find me can. come and we get 30 minutes and I just do. that for the next 30 years of my life I. don't know obviously there's that very. silly but very emotional goal of buying.

the Jets for me that's more fun to chase. than like I almost think I the first. time I might feel actual unhappiness or. weirdness or some sort of version of. like uh might be if if I buy the Jets. like I think about that a lot I'm like. if this happens was this such a romantic. Journey this is not 30 and 40 and 20. year old Gary thinking it's cool to say. this this was 12 year old Gary telling. Robbie turnick and Eric Godfrey I'm. gonna buy this [ __ ] team this has. been like a thing like actually like. forever quick one Intel are now one of.

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amazing the new banana flavor as well is. amazing and obviously as I said the iced. coffee caramel flavor has been a real. Smash Hit so check it out let me know. what you think on social media I see all. of your tags and Instagram posts and. tweets about your. the podcast. on that point of those wisdom years yes. one of the things that came out of my. refinement as you call it and my kind of. maybe I meant just at the start of my. wisdom years yes as I look back on my. perspective on exactly what you've. talked about I'm like hustling and like. my own.

um Insane luck of being a very. optimistic person in the worst. situations and I wonder I say Steve. is mindset a privilege and if it is. because you described yourself as being. as happy you've always had this this. drive this motivation. is there a risk in us if mindset if our. mindset is a privilege in trying to. advise others when they don't have the. same. privilege couple things one everything's. a privilege yeah. do you see what I mean there like of. course I got really scared I think it's.

two years yeah this is incredibly. powerful first of all as a whole. separate and intriguing conversation. everything is a privilege and everything. is a vulnerability and this is like a. incredibly important subject to talk. about I think mental. content is the ultimate privilege yeah I. think the second one is beauty I'm. fascinated that we haven't gotten yet to. attractive privilege. when I look at men and women navigate. this world there's nothing more clear to. me in the privilege that like like. they're like white male I'm like.

attractive privilege makes that [ __ ]. look [ __ ] minor leagues if you look. at the data so let's look at that then. well I'm gonna put I want to go back. because I don't want to lose and I will. use it because I know how we roll. uh uh I have no interest in thinking. that I'm telling anyone what to do or. giving I do not think that I'm giving. advice I really don't and I don't touch. on this enough and I have touched on it. at times and this is a great format to. touch about I have no belief that I'm. right I have no belief that I'm giving.

advice I have no belief that anyone. listening to this should do what I'm. saying I am putting info into the system. and I'm hoping that people can extract. something of value for them based on. their own self-awareness of themselves. most people don't have self-awareness. I'm aware which is why I talk about it. so much yeah but there's a reason I talk. about self-awareness so much why I was a. pillar of my last book why it's a big.

character in V friends self-aware hair. self-aware hair. Tortoise and the hair yeah. I think people don't one day when I'm. you know I think 47 year old Gary for. cynics and people that were watching. is better than they thought it would be. than 27 year old Gary right like the hot. takes on I'll never forget when I hit. the scene on Twitter. The Whispers at conferences I could hear. them in the back in the green room and I. definitely read it on Twitter because I. was like popping they're like out of.

everyone who's popping on Twitter in. 2007 the consensus was the only person. that won't be here in a decade is Gary. because it was too hot too fast too much. people literally I'm empathetic when you. have this kind of energy I'm empathetic. to how this story plays out for. different people I get why the person. burns out I get why the person really. does the ultimate bad thing and. disappears off the I get what that but. that's because I'm not on the extreme. insecurity side I'm on this other side. so I always knew so but one of the.

things so I get a lot of like joy out of. like knowing that so many people didn't. think I'd be there and I'm at the top of. it. same way I feel about the friends. nobody has a clue including my inner. circle of how much thoughtfulness I did. in character development this is my. Disney this is my Sesame Street Big Bird. Mickey Mouse right Optimus Prime Pikachu. like self-awareness is profound. the story of The Tortoise and the hair.

is profound to every listener of this. there's not a single listener right this. second that's listening here right now. if they're eight or if they're 88 that. isn't extremely vulnerable to the lack. of patience because they're too. ambitious it's the reason they're. listening. so self-aware hair for me is a. phenomenal story I get to tell for the. next 50 years and I can't wait to make. self-aware hair more famous than garyvee. is today because that will be the way I.

scale putting positivity into the world. be friends and so I'm excited about that. but back to your point my friend as long. as you come from a place of humility. and understand that ego kills people I. yes we have some luxury of mindset and. communication but for me I don't think. people should listen to me I should I. think people should listen to everything. and try to find positivity and usability. out of everything and they should.

dismiss. what is clearly negative and selfish and. they should triple down on everything. that is selfless and positive and that. is the answer to your question that. started here what should people do they. should be very very focused on trying to. do the following lean in dramatically. more to things that are positive your. grandfather. podcasts. upworthy.com lean into positivity then. they should be on the awareness Eyes.

Wide Open on is this delusional and. lacks practicality like you know if I. just dream it it will happen no. lean in cut out literally when this. podcast is over step back audit your. entire life. from the people you spend time with your. family your friends look at every person. you follow are they triggering your. insecurities for their own self-interest. are they trying to put love into it so. that you go on and do your thing watch.

look for it but whatever you do. back to like working out like you know. protein and you know when I when you. know when Mike vacant is like all right. you did a lift like protein I'm like. really okay and like don't encode I'm. like wait a minute I'm starting to. finally get some muscles oh because I. was doing protein as [ __ ] after lifts. and not after not lifts I was doing it. right here's something right for. everyone cut out one hour of negativity. add one hour of positivity. if you're listening right now and you're. like Ugh social's such a drag it's. because you're in a drag mindset and the.

Algos and the people you follow are. following you you know what my social. looks like [ __ ] sunshine. I'm being dead [ __ ] serious you know. my Algos look like [ __ ] sunshine in. the world of the momentum of Darkness. right now sunshine you know why I choose. to fight. for positivity but I refuse to not be. grounded in practicality which is why. I've always thrown curveballs love. everybody it's all awesome [ __ ] eighth. place trophies what Gary what what.

eighth place trophies lead to. entitlement and fear of losing and it. [ __ ] up kids. so like it's kind of that juxtaposition. practical positivity is something. everyone needs to add more and so back. to your point we are going to put out. stuff forever because it's how we're. wired the people we're listening right. now for a lot of them they need to. understand where they match with us. and we don't you and I match on a lot of. things there's a lot of things we don't. match on the person on the other side. needs to figure that out you I would. argue watching you from afar we know.

each other but not that deep we never we. haven't had those six hours that we need. that we will have in the next 50 years. where it starts to get even closer but. even from afar it's clear to me that. you're understanding more and more what. is right from the messages you've heard. and what's not right for you and you. refine it and you refine it. there's a lot to your point there's a I. I say it all the time please don't be me. the only thing I want people to be like. me is be as happy as me that's an. insular game that's a self-awareness.

game that's a process game that's the. only thing I want people to be like with. me like I'm weird I've got a lot of. weird nuances I do a lot of things that. are not scalable I don't maximize for. I'm always worried when people are like. oh I want to learn how you built your. businesses I'm like good it's real. different like you know I don't maximize. for profit I maximize for retention of. relationships if you aren't as confident. as I am when those people leave and. compete with you you become Grudge. oriented and envy oriented instead of. happy oriented like I've got some weird.

elements that people can't run my. playbook but I couldn't write run other. people's Playbook so pay attention find. what works for you try [ __ ] try it. multiple times Steve said something you. like try it once didn't work Steve's not. an idiot you don't suck try it again on. this the very Crux of all of this is. that key point which is about self. awareness and as I realized that in my. late 20s that self-awareness was really. the key to. um to most things in life and I remember. writing a quote my Instagram which is. still my favorite quote of all time. where I said.

um. there's no self-develop um there's no. self-development without self-awareness. you can read as many books as you like. 100 but if you can't read yourself. you'll never learn a thing it's why I've. never read a book yeah exactly so like. like to me the only thing I've read is. my feelings so how does how does one. person listening to this now that's been. listening to our content and you know. they really want to be a an entrepreneur. they want to have a big Media Company. whatever it might be. but they don't know they don't have them. like but objectively they don't have. Minerals Well how do they go about. discovering they don't have the minerals.

by going in the pool and drowning okay. you know it's not for you and I to judge. because we've been wrong too much yeah. I've been wrong so much it scares the. [ __ ] out of me and I'm gifted with. intuition that when I'm dead I hope they. can test for it because I think I'm all. time and I've been wrong a ton that. makes me believe everyone's wrong. so if you're listening here's a couple. things that are good call out that may. bring value instead of what I just said. asking what you're in it for is. humongous.

yeah but this generation I don't think. they know because people think I know. this first of all you're part of this. generation yeah. that's how I know but you know but I. know too but guess what my generation. this I'm so done with this my generation. didn't know either guess what when I was. 22 all my friends wanted to hook up too. all my friends wanted a BMW too and by. the way as somebody who observed people. his whole life the people that were. older me the people that were buying. expensive wine for me when I was 20 and. they were 35. they everybody wants stuff. to communicate to others that they're.

winning we've been putting on makeup. since we had [ __ ] clubs hitting each. other like it's what humans do we do. things to communicate. yes why to hide we're hiding. we we used to do it with status right. now we've decided to [ __ ] on each other. our current move to hide is by tearing. each other down that status too I want. to be more I want to be the most leftist. I want to be the most on the right I. want you know of course the problem is. unlike buying a BMW and going into debt.

when you're doing this one you're. hurting other people's feelings um. it's one thing when you're hurting your. credit score it's another thing when. you're trying to make someone feel bad. about themselves that's why the acts of. us collectively at 8 billion people. right now is completely and utterly. unacceptable which is why I'm. desperately communicating at the highest. levels about the stuff that I want to. put into the world as a counter to. people's us against them girls versus. boys blacks versus Jews Republicans it's.

[ __ ] exhausting. like once people understand there's one. team humans let's let's you can be mad. at elephants you could be mad at Falcons. but like being mad at each other is the. most counterproductive thing and we need. to go into tribes my country my sports. team I understand this because I hate. all the other football teams it's the. only place I get those feelings the way. people feel about Republicans and. Democrats or genders and races or. countries the only place I can touch on. it emotionally is American football my. level of actual disdain towards Patriot.

fans is real I feel the rage. the fact that I do that for something. silly that's a form of escapism that's a. couple hours a week to like reset and. like enjoy and Escape like people watch. movies or ski or exercise that's silly. that's football that's silly we're doing. this in real life to each other. and it's it's got to stop and I think. it's it starts with people understanding. if you are [ __ ] on others right now. it's a complete reflection to your own. unhappiness and insecurity I had a kid.

come up to me and this is why I was. asking the question is after I did a. tool can he said to me as I knelt down. on stage he said I want to he must have. been 18. I want to be a public speaker. too and I'm like why. why is always the right answer and the. answer you'll get from this generate. this my generation is well I wanna I. wanna change the world Gary yeah of. course and then you go what do you want. to change about it they go I in fact. what I came to learn is they want to be. the type of person that's known for. changing the world aspiration that's. right they saw the audience right and. they want that feeling the money the. fame the accolades the blue check the.

followers the fun I understand it's the. problem with all the things I just. mentioned is they're a vulnerability to. your own happiness if it's not balanced. there's not by the way sometimes people. get mad at me in the other direction. like [ __ ] Gary with my [ __ ] face. off I can buy a [ __ ] watch or a car. I'm like of course you can the why. if you like love the [ __ ] like I don't. understand sports cars and the feeling. of going that fast that's not me but I. understand buying rare sports cards and. that's enjoyable if you enjoy that.

that's phenomenal when I talk about. materialistic things I talk about makeup. for insecurity if you are burning the. midnight oil you know how people burn. out they're working till two in the. morning to buy the expensive car to use. it to close their insecurity to get the. affirmation from the opposite sex or. their friends that's that that system's. broke it won't work I I I mean I don't. know what to tell you like everyone's. like okay Gary but I'd rather have the. [ __ ] money like this whole like I'd.

rather cry in my Ferrari than drive a. Toyota or take the bus you say that. do you really want to be in a mental. place where you're on the borderline of. suicide and you have heavy drug usage. even though you make three million. dollars a year 17 million dollars a year. because you know this now Steve you've. worked very hard and you have the. talents and the luck of the draw and you. put in the execution to now run in. circles where you know what I'm about to. say is ungodly true which is the. following an extraordinary amount of. people that have unlimited resources are.

desperately lonely insecure unhappy and. borderline depression suicidal that's. just truth. and so like the thought of me talking in. any other direction when I know that to. be true seems like the least authentic. thing I can do but even when you say. that you must know that for a huge. amount of people including myself we. have to have that hypothesis that those. things will give us some kind of. fulfillment or meaning we have to have. that fail us before we learn the lesson. Gary's words versus the insecurity that.

was developed from my mother and my. father on the playground hypothetically. one of them you know when I was seven. years old the kid said I'd never be. nothing then my teeth I'm not talking. about myself the teacher comes in and. says you're an [ __ ] I think I think. that's right on one side of the skill. yeah Gary's work I don't think it's. either of those I think it's the macro. conversation of happiness. I believe if the kids getting picked on. you'll never be nothing. and she or he decides I will be content.

at 25. I will have peace of mind. I will smile 89.3 percent of my life. instead of I'm gonna have a mansion and. a super yacht. I think [ __ ] gets crazy you're. describing me there so you I I at a very. young age only only black kid in an. all-white area we're also the poorest. family so we understand the value so we. had all the advantages of adversity. exactly yes in the con on the context I. was in I was the Blackberry in a world.

full of iPhones so I had that feeling of. like not enoughness I get it that means. that um as I go off into the world I'm. convinced my subjective evidence is if. you get the material success I just have. if you get there then you'll be happy. nothing on one Earth what if you're 17. Heroes on Tick Tock and YouTube we're. talking about something else. hold on yeah yeah no no this is super. duper important. what if your 17 Heroes. how has everything changed in the world.

can I say yeah that might not be enough. because those first 10 years as you. learn your childhood psychology the. problem is in those first 10 years you. will have Heroes outside of your family. what if you're seven year old you on. YouTube kids. finds a hero or on ESPN app or something. what if what if Messi your hero at seven. in every other interview. spoke about peace of mind living with it. like what if the conversation changed.

because the conversation has changed on. Race on gender on religion on status. tulips used to be the most important. thing in your life The King The King do. you understand in America in 1968 in. 1971 in. 1971 in America if you were an astronaut. or Pilot you were cooler than an athlete. I want everyone to [ __ ] pay it like.

this is a big [ __ ] deal this is what. my [ __ ] mission is in 1971 in [ __ ]. America. if you were a astronaut or Pilot you. were more famous than everybody but the. top 10 athletes in America that Joe. Namath was more famous love them but you. know you understand yeah do you. understand. that Joe Namath is actually a great comp. the Jets quarterback that stunned the. world in Super Bowl three became a sex. symbol. and that started to change he was a.

celebrity which was different. you and I are affected by. entrepreneurship now being a celebrity. status something that couldn't have even. crossed my mind when I was 18 years old. maybe even 30 your age right now 30. it. was starting to because you have to. understand do you know who was the. biggest entrepreneur when I was your age. Bill Gates the nerdiest [ __ ] looking. person on Earth. think about how but this this is why.

it's fun you're properly speaking in the. framework of our society now my argument. is that communication changes Frameworks. and what if we collectively got on this. boat I I want to so here's what I'm. thinking so if if we manage to get. seven-year-olds absorbing content which. I imagine is probably a lot of your plan. with v friends that is empowering that. is creating new evidence in their mind. purple not red or blue yeah right back. to Republican purple right like like. competitive clown is a [ __ ].

accountable ant kids is the thing like. if you lost you [ __ ] lost I don't. want to over coddle it yeah yeah but in. Gary vaynerchuk seven year old world yes. if his mother was crying on the kitchen. counter every day because of my you've I. mean we started this by talking about. this using Gary vaynerchuk and Steve. yeah and not acknowledging that there is. extraordinary amounts of people that are. bringing joy into the world that had. alcoholic parents yeah depressed mom and. dads bipolar moms and dads lose it my. mother lost her mom at five and her.

father ready you know why I have. confidence in this let's talk about. Tamara vaynerchuk not Gary vaynerchuk. tomorrow vaynerchuk was born in the. Soviet Union in 1955 about as bad of a. [ __ ] draw as one can get she goes on. to get another tough card it's called. her mother dies at five. she goes on to have an even more insane. card which is her father goes to jail. for basically in this environment right. now this will make sense to people. finally for being Jewish in the Soviet. Union and he went to jail for 10 years.

she finds herself at 10 with her mom dad. and her dad in jail for a decade and a. stepmom raising her who's a young kid. doesn't know what the [ __ ] just happened. to her either right. all the family's gone because everyone's. like just [ __ ] up all the Dynamics the. mom's side the dad's side you're. following the story. she goes on to become. the person that built me because she is. me and I am her more importantly these. core positive person for any person in. her life from acquaintance that met her.

once to clearly her three children. she exists I'm not saying that any early. experience defines which way you're. going to go and I'm trying to say that. any early experience is going to be good. yeah yeah could any experience from you. between age of zero and ten I could be a. major factor right and I've sat here. with these childhood uh psychologists. and therapists like Gabriel May who. studies childhood trauma in that first. 10 years of your life if your parents. are constantly I believe in that Crying.

by the way just so everybody who's. listening because it might seem the. opposite because I'm kind of going fast. yeah yeah I believe in that comma. there's something I believe in if one. person that lived that cliche life. has gone on to be an incredibly happy. and productive person in now means it's. capable and true I've noticed this in my. guests on this podcast so I'd sit here. with a guest whose father was. um incredibly violent and did domestic. domestic violence on his mother yeah. this person is the kindest person I've.

ever met I've sat here with someone. whose father did domestic violence. because of there's a layer between what. happens in their interpretation we. overreact in both directions it's it's. your interpretation and that's what the. childhood psychologist said she said you. couldn't there's what there's someone's. like having a sunglasses on your eyes. Steve there's nothing else you know that. right yeah 100 there is nothing else on. Earth yeah so the point the point here. is. um regarding that person who grows up in. a household where they interpret yes. that money is the most important thing. do they then have to have that belief. fail before they can learn that the.

Lamborghini isn't good because for me I. just can't imagine a world where that. was so deep inside me that insecurity. and shame I can't imagine a world where. Steve Bartlett doing a quote on. Instagram or doing a podcast would have. been stronger evidence I'm watching my. parents scream at each other every day. my argument is you don't know you just. know the alternative. and I would argue. that. many people like yourself and I know. weird things because we get unlimited. DMS and emails and you know this about.

me because it's where I'm a little weird. I took a six hour flight yesterday and. read a gadrillion DMs I think what I do. that's a hair different than a lot of my. contemporaries is I'm in the dirt heavy. like I really still see extraordinary. levels of value of being in the trenches. reading those DMS replying to those DMs. like long after I mean I'm watching. people get 10 000 followers and think. there's somebody and get an assistant to. reply like I'm still in it.

and in that I see it I I've there's a. reason that people that were deeply. alcoholic have been able to be sober the. rest of their lives after going through. a process there's a reason that therapy. is profound there is a reason that. meditation is profound there's a reason. that exercise is profound to me. everything you just said Is Right. but it is the cliche you get a hand and. then you gotta play it and as someone. who's not good at poker and has won many. hands with three seven off suit because.

I'm just a [ __ ] like that I believe in. that in life too there's every version. do I believe that to your point I. believe more than anything that those. first 10 years there's so much going on. it's insane including the environment. you're in right yours was one mine was. one but do I believe that if you then. decide like many do well I got [ __ ]. I got [ __ ] well then if you've decided. back to perspective being everything if. you've decided I got [ __ ] well then.

the game's over anyway. the [ __ ] are we doing here if if you've. decided I can't. because I was unlucky my mom this my dad. this my country this my gender that my. income level this well that's over. doesn't matter what I think you think. anyone else thinks it's over I just. refuse to talk to another human being. and believe that to be true because. there's been billions of examples of the. alternative billion Steve yeah there's. been billions of Alternatives of the. exact opposite I agree with you it's.

just that point sometimes I Ponder which. is um you'll meet someone and you think. this guy regardless of what I say to. them or this this woman is going to have. to have their current world view fail. them by the way I believe that about. every person yeah I don't believe a. single person that I've inspired or got. through to now wins they have to taste. everything for themselves yeah you said. you're weird and I sat with Tim Grover. Tim Grover who used to train LeBron and. um MJ. and Kobe.

um he said to me that we all have. our Brilliance our greatness and then. often connected to that and responsible. for that is our Dark Side that's the. word he used the thing that. you know. becomes the the Star Wars the difficult. Star Wars what's your dark side. probably my unhealthy. there's a version of me on a competitive. scale that can get dark. I'm incredibly competitive the only.

place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm. competing. like it's crazy moments ago a couple. hours ago we did Rock Paper Scissors. tournament with our leadership team as. an exercise. I lost Peter Chun head of platforms the. guy that talks to snap and everything. I quickly thought after I lost in the. first five seconds. should I fire him. of course of course Steve there's a.

little ha ha but if I'm being naked an. authentic and transparent to this. audience. thank God at 47 the wisdom years uh I. used to punch if Dustin Bingham Joe. minakawa Glenn Curtis Eric Rainey. can you guys all stand up and go to. social media and tell everybody the. following truth of what happened anytime. I lost in Madden 94 in a dorm room I. would punch a hole in the wall knowing I.

would have to pay a fine with my own. money but I was incapable of dealing. with losing why. because I wanted to win yeah but why uh. because it felt better than losing why. because not because of like the great. place you're going with this path like. it's really funny it's no different to. the. one of the great lessons I I've gotten. so weird that there's a part of me now. that wants me not to buy the Jets more. than by the Jets I've seen this.

Evolution because I want to show the. world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah. McGee who bought it. and this is a brain [ __ ] but I'm. starting I lived my whole life saying if. I can show kids that you can go from not. being able to afford a [ __ ] Jersey to. buying the whole team I can help. now I'm starting to believe when I show. the grace. and happiness for someone else's. accomplishment at the expense of my. lifelong dream. and teach people that it was that the.

great enjoyment to try it. that I could have a bigger impact than. showing that you can do it that's. winning in a different way in a very. different way and that's what happened. with me with winning and losing I was I. wasn't per se trying to. listen again I'm not a robot everyone's. loaded with insecurity I'm insecurity. with girls much more than business like. nobody was scary to me to talk to a. business but Pam Moses in high school. like even though there was a clear. indication that she had interest that.

was still like woo whereas I could have. had a meeting with Bill Gates next day. and be like I'll beat you right so we. all have our places right of insecurity. things of that nature but like you know. when you're five like there was just. such a like I love competition and I'd. prefer to win right and I prefer to win. I did not have a relationship with it. from three to four to twelve now I one. thing I loved and I'm watching a lot of. kids now because I have kids growing up. here's where I get interested in.

tenacity and self-esteem. I would lose and I liked it. so there's some you want a dark side I. like losing. I might have cried and been pissed and. wanted to do something about it but I. wanted to play again. there was almost this weird enjoyment of. losing more than winning as a matter of. fact I cheered for four teams growing up. as religious as I am about the Jets. the New York Yankees the New York.

Rangers the New York Knicks and the New. York Jets. to this day I am so wildly weirded out. by the fact that I love the New York. Rangers and the Yankees as much as I. like the Jets but the Rangers won the. Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won. the World Series in 1996 and the next. day I stopped following them. for real no [ __ ] I didn't it wasn't. a plan I was 18 years old when the. Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it. as like the thing I wanted to do I.

literally woke up that next September. October when the hockey season started. and I didn't want to watch why uh now at. 47 I believe it's my addiction is the. process and the game not the thing and. where did that you're clearly a unique. standout person that loves to win where. did that like it was there an early. moment where that was reinforced that. winning is great Gary no as a matter of. fact it was like not even like talked. you know this is why the 80s were epic. and more importantly I'm joking this is. why my mom was that big it wasn't like.

she was like you have like there was no. talk of that it was just pure DNA I'm. massively competitive. I like it I like the game My brother has. it my dad has it like we're competitive. I think it manifests in different people. but it wasn't reinforced it just was. like innate. and I really like where I have it now at. 47 which is like I've learned how to. deal with the fact that I'm not the best. at everything that's what life taught me. through the years. um but I really like trying like I like.

you know what's one of my favorite. scenarios this is gonna really by the. way if this resonates with you please. email me at Gary vfriends.com or Gary. vaynermedia.com because I think this is. going to resonate with a lot of people. I thought about this yesterday on a. random thing I must have saw something. on social my favorite thing one of my. favorite weird tiny things that I know. is going to resonate with two percent of. this audience but please hit me up. because I want to get to know you. when I'm on a pickup basketball team of. random people like Friends Play pick up. basketball five on five College High.

School your buddies get together when. our team gets smoked like 11-3 in the. first game the second that 11th Point. goes in I get so hyped. when you get smoked 11 nothing 11-1 as. you you know I don't you play basketball. at all no we play pick up something I. know football yeah. in basketball and this may resonate in. other sports Cricket if you're listening. in India football around the world. when we get smoked where it's very.

obvious to everybody that four of the. five best players are on one team and. that's why the score was eleven to one. everyone's natural inkling is to like. let's reshoot for new teams. mine is this deep excitement to get the. other four people together looking at. everybody's face and say guys. we're [ __ ] like immediately I'm like. we're not [ __ ] shooting for new teams. let's run it back and then huddle and I. look at everybody's [ __ ] eyes I'm. like my friends we're gonna win this. [ __ ] game because we're gonna outwill.

them even though they are dramatically. more talented we're gonna out think them. and most importantly we're gonna outwill. them and when that happens Because by. the way 70 it doesn't happen the talent. is just too great and unfortunately we. also found somebody on the other side. who's talented and has will but the. feeling when you know that you are. dramatically inferior and you get a. group together and you out accomplish. them predominantly on will with a mix of. strategy there's something there that. just gets the hairs on the back of my.

neck up is winning associated with your. own sense of self-esteem definitely not. one of the things that makes me so happy. is here's a great indication I didn't. know that until probably the last five. years this is the truest statement I. will say on this podcast. my professional success. has no currency with my heart and soul. this is where my life got really [ __ ]. crazy you know you know this you're. going through an introspective moment. clearing your late 20s like it's clear. so this is like fun for me to tell you. I'm like really in the zone I feel like.

we're sitting and just like you know. having a drink. when I realized somewhere about five or. six years ago oh [ __ ]. none of my professional accolades net. worth. exits followers Awards even things like. being on the board of Charity water and. pencils like even when I was getting. admiration for like when I realized none. none. of my professional successes make me.

think it's a reflection of me or is an. indicator for me or is a barometer of. self-worth it [ __ ] took I was already. flying it took me to the [ __ ]. Stratosphere my entire. self-worth is wrapped up in the middle. of this podcast when I looked at you and. said you know. my entire. self-worth is 100 predicated on people. knowing the truth of how I've interacted.

with them. why does that matter. I have a deep love for human beings. I love them for example back to being a. little transparent I'm a little weird. with animals. I have a little bit of a level of. resentment towards animals this is. something my inner circle knows. you know we joke I don't hate dogs. I do hate that humans default into. loving dogs with all their heart and. don't do that to each other. struggle with that I got so damn lucky.

Steve. I came out the womb my mom talks about. this a lot. you know who I was in the playground at. three years old when we first moved to. America like immediately running to all. the 80 year olds and schmoozing with. them you're [ __ ] four. you didn't read Malcolm [ __ ] Gladwell. you didn't listen to garyvee you're. [ __ ] four I'm [ __ ] four years old. and I'm going out with my Jessica Shaya. my grandfather Shia and I'm [ __ ]. gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and. like desperately trying to make them. laugh and smile because a lot of them. came from Russia and were sourpussed in.

the last stage of their life America was. [ __ ] up when we all got here it was a. real recession in the Carter years. Queens was [ __ ] Queens back then not. like in his net like it was [ __ ] and. like I had a deep need to make these 85. year olds smile for a second because. they weren't smiling the rest of the day. it's who the [ __ ] I am. whenever I've observed you especially in. the pre-pandemic times where you were. flying all over the world and talking in. every corner of the world you were on. some other [ __ ] yeah and I was to. somebody too I remember I lived in New.

York but I was traveling 50 weeks a year. yeah but you were on some like other. other [ __ ] I was looking at you thinking. [ __ ] that's the only guy that's at work. in me yeah and I'm thinking this dude. has a family yes I was a single dude. living in a studio apartment and you. know I get that but you were so the. question which I'm sure you've had level. at you and ever again is. what's the cost there there's cost. there's cost to everything but. one thing I did extremely well was. and I still do this well.

um is I over communicate things that I. think bring value to people and I don't. communicate things that I don't think. bring value to people or things that are. important to me that can be owned behind. the door instead of in front of the door. so I think people would be really. stunned by how much family time and. personal time I have do you ever regrets. course. what kind of requests do you have. you know. you know there's certain things that I'm. not ready to talk about but I think.

people are I'm too public of a figure. that people know there's things that. have happened in my life more recently. and things of that nature so of course I. regrets I've I also have regrets that I. think will really help people which is. that I am ready to talk about which is. no [ __ ]. but I should have went to a couple more. High School parties no [ __ ] I. shouldn't have come home every weekend. when I was in college and worked in the. liquor store I should have did a keg. stand or two here no [ __ ] like I. should have taken more vacations in my. 20s with my buddies you know like like I.

should have had a little more fun the. truth is I'll tell you why that was all. hard for me to say. their micro micro micro micro micro. micro micro regrets. these are like. yeah they've been like these I have. nothing in my body including some of the. stuff I'm not ready to talk about that's. like [ __ ] you know like I'm in pain over. this. they're just like little micro regrets. and I answer this because I want people. to see a clear picture on the other side. like if this was me and you actually.

having a drink the answer might have. been no. the only reason I think I just said yes. is because I think it's important for. people to know like nobody's like I'm. just scared that I'm so happy that it. seems almost like [ __ ] but it's just. kind of true because I always go to the. same place the I'll give you an example. I think real regret is only grounded in. a very small circle of the people you. love. I I really do and I've put the [ __ ]. work in on the family side it's funny.

actually that was a really interesting. segue the fact that I can say to you no. because I've put in so much deposits on. the family side. that actually I'll give you a good one. I've got a brewing regret. my best friend in the world is Brandon. warricky I met him the first day of. freshman year of high school. within the first six months I'm like. this guy's gonna work with me we did. baseball card shows together I knew I. was going to build my dad's business by. then I wanted him I [ __ ] courted him.

to be in that business from sophomore. year on. and he became my partner in crime along. with Bobby shiffrin my second cousin and. my dad and we built Wine Library. lately I've been feeling that we have. not had enough friend time one-on-one. as we start going and starting to see 50. and it's something I really want to work. on I am I asked this for very as if the. cameras weren't here and the microphones. weren't here I I'm earlier I'm 30 years. old yeah and I want to know the advice.

from you someone that I consider to be a. mentor and a friend your investor in one. of my companies as well. um. on that as it relates to that family and. that personal piece what I might get. wrong. because I know you don't think I don't. think there's wrong I think somebody. watching me might say you're doing this. wrong I might watch you. doing this wrong uh I gave some advice. to a friend of mine Ryan Harwood in a. pool in Miami a couple of years ago that. I feel great about I checked in once in. the last three years curious if he was.

doing it I'm positive I'm right but I'm. not right because what's so interesting. about being. we're all unique but I have a sense of. like how I roll the amount of things. that people have observed including my. mom who's the singular person that knows. me best we share 83 DNA that's obviously. a subjective number but like I'm trying. to paint a picture of how similar we are. even she is remarkably and she is the I. am so intuitive because of her but.

earlier to this podcast when I'm like I. get wrong all the time nobody has the. ability to be more right about me than. my mom and she's wrong about things she. has been wrong she's been proven wrong. and so what that did for me in the you. know I put my mom at the highest. pedestal uh is oh. me judging Dustin or Steve like like I'm. gonna be wrong all the time I know. nothing about them so what you need to. know is yourself. what you need to know is yourself for me. regrets are completely grounded and did.

I spend enough time with the people I. love did you. I believe that above me I absolutely. have. that my parents today could go and I. used to be skipping both my parents my. dad lost his dad at 15. I already told. you about my mom I lived in fear you. know actually we didn't get on that that. one that one is something I wish I. popped up 20 minutes ago in this podcast. the fear of my parents dying because. both of them had a parent die at a young. age was a profound currency in my life.

in my first 15 years profound. and so I think because I'm on the other. side of it there's such heavy levels of. gratitude that I got to keep them that. I'm like pumped about it and I can tell. you today as a 47 year old man my. parents are young I expect another good. 20 years minimum hopefully 30 they're. like in their late 60s right I'm looking. for 30. but if God forbid I won that. game in a way that a lot of people. haven't I like was with my mom all the. time as a kid I was with my dad 15 to 35.

all the time I've checked that box I. mentioned Brandon I think about other. people I love like Bobby Schiffer and. others that I don't spend enough time. with and then of course my kids are so. young that I still want to like milk. that in a significant way but I'm. sitting a hell of a lot more pretty I. think than a lot of people because a lot. of people have also gotten into weird. places with the people they love they. fought over money they fought over an. argument they've cut people out of their. lives that they actually love but it was. their own hurt so I'm incredibly at.

peace I'd like to do more and I think. all of us do. five years ago when we had a. conversation I asked you what your. biggest fear was and you responded with. with that exact answer which was fear of. losing your parents yes. um. this profound impact that your mother. has had on you has become and my father. by the way yeah we didn't get there yeah. my dad telling me that word is bond yeah. might be the single piece inside of me. that allowed me not to be the bad. version that some people think I am the. first time I've seen you get emotional. recently as it relates to on stage was.

that moment where you talked about your. mother and I I was I was going through. I've got these photos here. of you as this young man I was going. through all of these pictures and I was. reading how you've described her. especially in recent years this was the. my favorite picture here of you you and. your in Russia yeah I've never seen you. um get emotional on stage before other. than when you talked about profound. influence she's had on you so if this. were God forbid the last day you had on. Earth to send a message to your mother. what exactly would you say.

she just really wanted to be the best. mother because she didn't have one. I would just. she did it. what did she do. she made me happy.

you know. I want to make everybody happy and it's. because I'm aware of that. she did a better job making me happy. than anything I've ever seen about. anybody in anywhere about anything and I. just feel like. if I don't do that given that I was. given the Gift of Gab. if I don't scale that if I don't help. every you know. the biggest thing I could do for her is. scale what she did for me.

Gary thank you. um thank you I have to you know I sent. you a voice note on your birthday just. telling you communicating to you the. influence you've had in my life but I've. I'm gonna say at your face you create a. blueprint. um which is an evolving blueprint and I. followed the evolution of that blueprint. as it's become even more centered on. empathy and kindness and how we treat. others clearly that comes from this.

wonderful woman here. um so I thank her for creating a son. that's inspired me so much and guided me. there's so much that you've done which. I've literally copied and I think it's. important to say that to you because. sometimes people say it to me I've. copied your blueprint and that blueprint. has changed my life. um the thing I wish for you and. everybody is I'm incredibly aware of. that and the fact that that makes me. happy hmm is the thing I think about. every day because it makes so many of. our contemporaries unhappy.

amen I I really wanted to say that's. your face well I had the chance you have. a closing tradition on this podcast. where the last guest asks a question for. the next guest. um I like that yeah. um. interesting. I've heard I've heard you talk somewhere. about this before. what do you want. your Tombstone to read about you. he gave more than he took. it's very clear to me it's been there. for a long time in my head. listen I have a lot of dreams and hopes.

for myself we need to teach people. that's okay that doesn't make you bad. that makes you awesome. but if you can balance that with also. giving just a little bit more in. whatever that means and for me it's. communication perspective I'll donate. plenty of money but that's easy a lot of. people do that that are lucky enough to. be good enough at that. um. I gave more than I took I believe in. that. you've certainly given me much more than. you've ever taken so thank you for that. guy I appreciate you and it's the honest. to spend some time with you thank you my. friend. quick word from one of our sponsors I've.

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