Fighting Sexism & Winning: The Founder Behind The $1Billion Dollar Tech Company Bumble

I'm legally really not meant to comment. on the Tinder Times. And I don't even. know if I've told the story, but. Whitney Wilpurd, the CEO and founder of. Bumble. Whitney became one of the few. women who can add billionaire to her. title. The dating app that puts women in. charge of making the first move. Making. the first move can change your life, but. you have to do it. No one can do it for. you. Which would then become Bumble's. entire mantra. I've seen all the things. that Bumble have done over the years,

and it's always seems to be original in. its nature. It was a lot of these tiny hacking. concepts that made no sense. No one had. ever done these things before, but if. you understand what moves and motivates. people, then you have this opportunity. to connect with them. And so that's been. the superpower of ours over the years. As 31 years old, you're the youngest. woman to take a company public. What's the personal toll on you in those. moments? It's been pretty dark. It's been pretty. heavy. Your departure from Tinder read to me.

like it was horrific and sexist. It was soul crashing. I was being. described in all sorts of ways. I had. reporters trying to go through my window. and it was really violating. There's a. whole persona that's been created about. me out there in the world. How am I ever. going to escape this? I was 24 years. old. If I asked your teams, what would you. like as a leader? What would they say to. me? I don't know. We did ask them. Oh, so.

[Music]. Whitney, what is the early context. that I would have to understand about. you and your life to understand you? I think. probably broken gender dynamics. growing up. I So I grew up in Salt Lake. City, Utah.

I don't know if you know much about Salt. Lake City, Utah. Yep. So it's a very LDS is kind of the. formal religious term um or better known. as Mormon place. And my dad is Jewish and my mother is. Catholic. So, I'm already total. um anomaly in this place. And it's a. very tough community to fit into when. you don't.

look, act, behave like everybody else or. have the exact same belief systems. And. the Mormon faith and the LDS faith, not. to generalize, but it's very much a. community, or at least it was. I was. born in 1989. So, growing up back in the. 90s, it was very much um a man's world. where the man is um the you know the. bread winner, the man is out, mom is at.

home in an apron and everyone follows. rules, lots of rules, uh very strict. rules in fact. And I think I always grew. up with a. conflicting set of values to my. community to this ecosystem I was placed. in or was raised in rather and then that. started to come out in relationships. So. my first, you know, real boyfriend that. I ever had, it was quite toxic. And.

these were kind of um these undertones. of my entire life that would then set. the stage for my entire career. Using that first relationship, that. first sort of toxic relationship as an. example of how your belief system at. that point was causing problems. Um. could you give me some color to to what. you mean there? Yeah, it was a it was, you know, it was. a new experience for me. I was a young. young girl at the time and I think there. was this set of behaviors I was expected.

to adhere to to be on his rules his his. um you know what he believed was right. and it was quite demoralizing frankly. and I don't think at the time I fully. recognized what was taking place until. later in life but it set the stage for. me about unhealthy relationships And I. recognized just how unequal women were. when it came to their romantic.

relationships. So if you were to fast. forward, here I am running this business. where women make the first move, which. when I put that into the product in 2014. was squawkked at and eyes were rolled. and people couldn't understand why we. would do such a thing because women. aren't supposed to talk first. So if you. look at that moment of a business being. born, there's so much more than just a. Eureka thought. It's really pent up.

years and years of confusion, passion, purpose brewing to essentially be born. into this moment of bumble. Were you rebelling at all against that. environment or that belief system? I. think there was. two sides of that coin. There was the. side that wanted to fit in, desperate to. be a part of my community, desperate to.

be a part of what was around me and to. fit in and to fit the mold because. that's humans. Humans want to fit into. their environments. They want to be. accepted. No one wants to be the child. sitting alone at the lunch table. This. is what devastates humans to be left. out, right? So, there was a part of me. that so desperately wanted validation. and to fit. And then there was a part of. me that said, "This is wrong. This. doesn't feel right. This feels against.

my soul. This doesn't feel like how. things should be." And I feel like. that's been a theme of my life. There's. been duality on on this topic in every. every situation I've been in. And that's. that's part of navigating it. How do we navigate that duality? Because. we all we all experience those sort of. conflicting needs at the same time. Often one of them is like an external. one can colliding with an internal need.

that's going unmet. And it feels. sometimes like we have to choose as you. said like the external comfort of. fitting in or validation versus like. this doesn't feel good to me. Yeah. Inside. I think for me at least. I have to live in a place of. authenticity. And I've lived in chapters of my life. that were not authentic. That I knew. what I was participating in or what I.

was doing didn't feel authentic to what. I really believed in or what I knew to. be right. Um, and genuinely authenticity. wins. That's my fundamental belief. And. I think that when you follow and chase. that authentic space, the world opens up for you. the world. unlocks. Sometimes in the short term when we. especially if we've had a prolonged. period of being inauthentic, what we've. done accidentally and inadvertently is. created an environment and a community.

and a job and a and a and an environment. where that's built on that. inauthenticity. So to make the change to. to one day be like, do you know what? Today I'm gonna be authentic requires it. seems like quite a lot of short-term. loss, espec disapproval. people going. stay stay stay stay stay stay stay stay. stay stay stay stay stay stay stay stay. stay stay stay stay stay stay stay stay. stay stay stay stay stay stay stay stay. stay stay stay stay stay stay stay stay. stay stay in line stay who we thought. you were you know be the person that we. resonated with even if that was your. inauthentic self so that like I think I. see so many people kind of contend with. that they want they kind of might know. who they are that voice inside but the.

apparent cost of pursuing it seems cir. as mom and dad and my boyfriend and I'd. have to leave the city and my job and my. friendship you know. of course you have to leave the tribe. yeah that's terrifying. terrifying. It's almost. unimaginable for people. And. I've been there. I've felt that feeling. before. And I think this is why so many. people stay in whatever situation.

they're in, stay in a marriage, stay in. a business, stay in a church, stay in a. team, stay in a you name it. This is. what perpetuates the cycle of of the. quest to. fit in versus. just truly being who you really are. And. so that age-old saying, be yourself, it's harder than it looks. It's really. hard and it comes with a lot of risk and.

it's scary and it's dangerous and what. if I fail and what if no one likes me. and what if everyone judges me? These. are real things, but at the end of the. day, nothing could be worse than having. a broken relationship with yourself, right? I personally think a broken. relationship with yourself is more toxic. than a pseudo phony good relationship. with a hundred other people. But it's hard to give ourselves that.

love and compassion. We're hard on. ourselves. The things we say to oursel. is something we would never say to. another ever. I mean, think about that. rhetoric, the internal self-t talk. We. would never say those things to other. people, right? And the compliments we. pay others, it's very hard to pay. ourselves. So, when you think about that. narrative, how can we expect people to. have the confidence and courage to be. authentic to themselves if they're not. even willing to accept themselves? So, I. think that's a big piece of it, right?

And I've watched. over the years women I grew up with in. Salt Lake City just now in their 30s. They're coming out of their cage. They're quite literally coming alive and. they're taking to Tik Tok and to social. media and they're taking to all these. platforms. like a roaring lion saying I'm alive and. I've been hiding and I've been living by. standards and I've been living by rules. and I've been living by X Y and Z and.

it's not authentic. So at some point it. will burst open you know like that the. truth is the truth does prevail. When you were when you were 18 what was. acceptance or success to you? What if I. asked you at 18 years old what you want. to be post uni when you grow up? What. would the answer have been at that. point? Well the answer of what I really wanted. to be was not what I would have said. because I would have said something to. fit in. Right? That's standard. So, I.

think the young women when I was in. college all wanted to go work for a. fashion brand or get a job at a bank or. be successful and they wanted to get. married and they wanted to find someone. that they could marry, settle down with, have kids with eventually, maybe not. next year, but that was part of the. program, right? This dating game exists. as college students. And. this is where the undertones of Bumble. started to really form because I.

remember being in college and. being completely judged and made fun of. by girlfriends of mine if I texted a guy. first. I remember I went on a date which. was so out of my character. I really, believe it or not, being so ingrained in. the dating world. I think I've been on. maybe three dates in my life. That. sounds weird, but I went on a date and. then I texted the guy afterwards. And. they were like, "Oh no, you have. committed a sin. A sin. Like you should.

be ashamed of yourself." It made me cry. I felt so embarrassed. I felt so. ashamed. And I remember thinking, "This. is wrong. What is wrong with you? Why. why can we not text? Who wrote these. rules? What are these rules? These ru. rules are ridiculous." So this this. desire to break the rules, change the. rules, rewrite the rules was something I. inherently felt deep down. But. everybody's felt that, you felt that, everybody has felt that it's just who. chooses to go and actually act on it is.

the difference. Do you I was I was. thinking then when you when you talked. about um being 18 and having this kind. of sort of social expectation of what. success would look like and then having. a family was the orientation of a lot of. young women at that point. Do you think. there are any gender differences that. are innate to us that have. a bearing on the path or the way that we. show up that are innate? I not social. constructs, but do you think there's. anything in us as as men and women that.

makes us want different things from. birth innately? You know, it's a good question. And I. have two little boys right now. And I. think a lot of this is imposed on us as. a society. I really do. I think the toys. we buy our children and the clothes we. put on our children and the shows we. show our children, you have to really. ask yourself, is this not truly forming. what they're interested in and what they.

care about and what their ambitions are. I do believe that. there may be something, and I see this. in men too, to folks that genuinely want to have a. family and have children and be part of. that type of a life. And then folks that. just genuinely don't. But I don't really. see it with I don't think it's a gender. thing. I really think that these are. just a personal. soul level thing. But I think society.

comes in. and puts bows on it or puts trucks on it. and says, "Here's your path." So, it's. it's interesting now raising kids seeing. if I really believe this nature versus. nurture thing. And I think there's. components to it, but I think it's. definitely more. imposed upon us by others around. This. morning, I was watching my son read a. book at breakfast. I don't know where he. found the book. I think it was something. he found at the restaurant. But I opened. it and it was a picture of a pig family.

in a little house and you could see. everything in all the different rooms. And daddy was upstairs in the bathroom. combing his hair in a suit and the pig. mom was in the it's like the pig family. The piggy mom was in the kitchen in a. pink dress with an apron cooking eggs. And I was just thinking to myself, here. is a almost three-year-old and these are. the books they're reading and it says, "Where's daddy and where's mommy?" So, we have to imagine that we we do some of. this to the to the kids around us.

Did you burn the book? I I took a picture of it and raved about. it. I raged about it at work for about 3. hours and we will not be reading the. book again. Okay, good. What was your what was your formal. education per se? What was your in terms. of university or anything like that? What did you study? Yeah. So, um I went. to a college in Texas and I really. wanted to go into marketing and I wanted. to go into advertising and marketing, which is funny because now somehow I've. ended up there a little bit. Um and I.

sat down for the test and completely. failed it. I could not answer any of the. questions. It was so confusing to me. It. was all about, you know, return on investment and. television views and it was super, not. to be disrespectful, but super boring. I. was like, this is probably not for me. But anyway, I did not get it accepted. So I studied um international studies. and that was just this huge mix of. big people problems you know.

globalization. anthropology women's studies gender. studies um international relations I. mean it was really fascinating and that. was the best marketing degree I could. have ever gotten because it's the study. of people why do people do what they do. and if you look at the business I'm in. I'm quite literally immersed all day. long into why do people date who they. date? Why do they want what they want? How do they behave? Why do they get. aggressive? What causes aggression? What.

causes online abuse? Where is this. stemming from? And this stuff is really. interesting. So, I'd say my education. really did help me connect those dots. And as you leave that that degree, that gap between like the working world. and leaving university, college, what. was that gap and how how what were you. thinking in that moment? Where were you. heading? What were you applying for? Where were you um seeking the next. chapter of your life? So I really wanted to be a travel.

photographer, like a photojournalist, and I had no training in that obviously, but I was just obsessed with the idea. And it's actually funny at the Bumble. office right now, we have this photo of. this incredible woman that I met in uh. Burma. and she is holding a Bumble lighter and. it's my. never made it to Nat Geo moment. But that was my dream. I wanted to be a. Nat Geo photographer. And so I went.

traveling through Southeast Asia. Mhm. And took a lot of photos. And I remember. on my travels thinking, gosh, there's. such a disconnect for someone trying to. explore a new country place. It's only. Trip Adviser. And if you follow Trip. Adviser, you end up eating a hamburger. in Laos at some version of a hard rock, right? And this is not really the. experience. I thought, why can't I get. to know a local? I want to ride around. on the back of a moped in Laos, and I. want to go understand what do they do.

here? Like, where do the 18-year-olds. go? What what what was their life like? like what what does their day look like? And I thought, why is there not an app. that does this? Why is there not. something on my phone that can put me in. touch with these people? But then of. course that idea fell by the wayside, went into, you know, the back of my. brain somewhere and by chance one day. would end up in this wild world of. connecting people on the internet. So, some of these things were already. brewing and already starting to bubble.

up in ways that wouldn't totally expose. themselves yet. By chance, you ended up in this weird. world of connecting people. What was. that chance? So, the chance was. that I went to a dinner in Los Angeles. one night with one of my very dear. friends and she had been friendly with. um a couple of these these guys in LA.

and we all ended up at dinner because um. I didn't end up driving back to my mom's. house that night. It got too dark and it. was quite a long drive. So, we all had. dinner and I was staying at her house. and one of the guys at dinner was um the. general manager of this incubator and. was telling me all about this incubator. and here I was a 22year-old just barely. 22 if that even 2-year-old woman that. needed a job. I needed to make money. I. needed to find my way in the world. And. I had just been kind of adventuring and,

you know, seeing the world and exploring. and taking this very, you know, risky path of not going straight into a. career and going to travel and going to. see the world and find my passion. And. he said, "Well, maybe you could take a. marketing job." And I said, "Okay, I'll. try. I mean, I'll call you tomorrow.". And he's like, "Okay." Probably thought. I'd never call. And I did. Long story. short, that incubator would be the. incubator where we ended up launching. Tinder. So, it was um by happen stance.

that that connection happened. But I. think it was about taking advantage of. an opportunity, right? Seeing an. opportunity. And it didn't feel perfect. And I think this is a good lesson for. people is the way it was described to me. at that dinner. People think, "Oh, well, she got so lucky. She, you know, she met. the so- and so of so and so. That's not. what it was like. This that concept of. Tinder was never mentioned. It was never. called Tinder at the time. And it was a. totally different opportunity, but it. was putting my foot in the door of.

something that would then turn into. something else and something else. And I. think so many people wait around for the. most perfect headline when it comes to. an opportunity that they can't really. see or read between the lines. And. everybody has that potential. Everybody. can do that. They just have to be. willing to say, "Well, this is a. stepping stone or this is a door that I. could bust open, right?" And I think. that's kind of how I've tried to. approach most things in my career.

It's so so true. It's, you know, that. moment there, there's so many other. outcomes that could have happened from a. dinner. Um, namely one of them is you just don't. call the person back. I mean, the amount. of times in my life someone's given me. their number and said, "Call me." And I. just haven't called back most of the. time. 99%. It's like all of us do that. Yeah. Yeah. But there's a philosophy of. like leaning into stuff, especially when. you're young, just like leaning in. regardless of certainty as you've. described. Yeah. And people have a I I see this in. people, I'm sure you have as well, where. people have a tendency to be like. lean-in people or kind of just lean out.

people. Even when the world is changing, crypto, Bitcoin, blockchain, all these. things, meta, all the typically people. lean in or lean out. And um I think. people that lean in are the ones that. end up creating opportunity, which looks. like luck in hindsight. Yeah, I agree. with you. And being brave enough to just. say even if it doesn't work out, at. least I explored it, right? I think. people. what I've seen and it's something that. I'm guilty of as well in my life is.

it's a risk and we have to be willing to. get excited about risk instead of being. afraid of it. It's the uncertainty though, isn't it? How good are you at dealing with. uncertainty without how how how. guaranteed do you need the outcome to be. before you take a step. right and for me not very guaranteed. personally because it's like what do you. have to lose right are is are you. creating risk for yourself not really. but I do think that it's scary to pick. up the phone and make that first move.

right which would then become Bumble's. entire mantra and tagline and product. and everything but making the first move. and taking that first step can change. your life, but you have to do it. No one. no one can do it for you. And I learned. that the hard way. I I had very little. support along the way in terms of. advocates or community. You know, I had. a handful of people I could call upon, but candidly, even when I was starting. Bumble, all of my confidants, with the.

exception of a couple, were like, "No, don't do this. Why? Why would you expose. yourself to this? What's the point? that. won't work. There's already dating apps. They're going to eat you alive. and you can get bogged down in that. You. know, it's really it's easy to drown in. that noise. In those in those early years of Tinder, I I remember being told the story maybe. 10 years ago in San Francisco when I was. working there with um a guy called. Michael Burch who was the old Bibo.

founder. You'll know Bibbo. Bibo the old social. Oh, no. It didn't. go to the US. It was just I remember. that. it was like Facebook here before before. Facebook. Okay, cool. Um and he in his little sort of. incubator that I was in when I was 20, they were telling me the bump the Tinder. story of how you went to a fraternity. Mhm. For people that don't know what a. fraternity is, what's a fraternity? Uh so I guess in the UK it would be like. college clubs maybe. Do they have like. members clubs or something like that? So.

basically sorities and fraternities and. sororities are a house of women and. fraternities are a house of men and. there's different names. So they all. have these Greek names, right? So for. example, the one I joined was Cappa. Capagama. You could have um Trid Delta. There's. all sorts of them. And essentially a lot. of college students, they do something. called rush where they rush and they go. house to house and they meet all the. women or all the men and then they. basically prep. They put in the name of.

the one they would really love to be a. part of and then they see who accepted. them back. It's been criticized up and. down and there's a lot of things that. are not, you know, spectacular about it, but this is a way a lot of people find. friendship and community. It's it's a. community gathering for their college. campus. So with Tinder, I essentially. went back to my alma mater at SMU. I had. just graduated. So, a lot of my best. friends were still in school. So, I got. access to the campus and I would start. at the sororities and then go to the.

fraternity. So, I'd essentially have all. the young women download it and then run. to the fraternity and then they would. download it and then everyone would. start connecting. So, you know, is that. good? Is that bad? How do you want to. chop that up 10 years later? Who knows? But that's the reality and you know, can't escape the truth. But so, so you. heard about this way back when? I heard. about this 10 years ago because we were. building communitycentric apps. We're. building something called Blab, which. resembles what Clubhouse is now. Um, and. when we were talking about the marketing. strategy, Tinder kept coming up. And.

Sean Puri, who's now who we the company. got acquired by Amazon in the end, Twitch, um, who own Amazon, who other. way around, Amazon own Twitch. Um, but yeah, that was the that was the. thesis. It was like should we go to. fraternities and go get you know and to. to try and build that sort of isolated. tight community to try and get product. market fit. Yeah. Because network effects really really m. especially in the dating game. The most important that's why there's. only a handful of dating apps that have. ever survived. I mean at least during my.

time doing this which is almost a decade. now. But what's interesting is there's. such a and not to not to say only I. could do this or only somebody else. could do this, but there was a. superpower in the timing of it all. because I had just graduated and I I. knew all of these people. So if some. random startup founder knocks on a. sorority door, the police are coming, you know, like you can't you can't do. that. So I felt like I had this insider.

hook, right? because I was technically. an extension of that by proxy because I. had just been on the college campus and. all of my girlfriends were still there. So, they were part of these sororities. and all my guy friendss were there. They. were part of these fraternities. So, I'll never forget. I took the photo of one of my guy. friends back then who was, you know, all. the young women had mega crush on on. him. And then I took the photo of my. best friend, um, Danielle, who.

was very well-liked on campus. And I. went into Danny's journalism class. because she was still a student. And I. basically snuck into her journalism. class and used Photoshop. And I took the. Tinder screens and I put the guy's face. on one and her face on the other and I. said, "Find out who likes you on. campus." And then I saved it to a file. because this is the olden days at this. point. And I went to FedEx, which is. like the office supply store across the. street. And I printed a thousand copies.

And I quite literally handed different. students on campus $20 to go distribute. them under dorm doors and to put them on. windshields and to put them, you know, in their different social clubs and to. essentially distribute these flyers. everywhere. So this entire campus, and. now in hindsight, it's probably not. great. It's littering. There's all sorts. of bad things involved with it, but like. I'm just telling you a story. So, um, yeah, basically that was that was just.

one of the tactics I I used to go and. put it all over campus. And then I had a. few t-shirts printed up that said, "Don't ask for my number, find me on. Tinder and I had my girlfriends wear the. t-shirts and we went to the bar and so I. gave them, you know, a couple hundred. bucks and they would go around and buy. drinks and then when people would ask. for their number, they'd essentially. say, "You have to download Tinder." So, it was a lot of these tiny hacking. concepts that made no sense. No one had. ever done these things before. I had no. playbook. It wasn't like, you know, I.

was reading some manual to marketing. It. was just what felt. around me. It was it was just bringing. the real life dating experience to life. through through an app. Um, marketing. There's like so many important messages. of of marketing there. I mean, the first. one that you said was was that you were. the customer. You were so close to the. customer that you understood them. I. mean even you said um about how if. another startup had come and knocked on. the soriety well they wouldn't even know. which door to knock on for a start they. would have knocked on the wrong door got. the wrong people um and they wouldn't.

have understood those people their. motivation so like really you being the. customer I think is such a key thing and. then the second thing you said about. like if I had read a marketing book um. and you were kind of just doing it based. on intuition. I've I've seen over and over again from. speaking to really successful CEOs and. founders how important naivity was like. not knowing. so important just following your gut. Yeah, cuz then you that's like first PR. that's creating something from first. principles as opposed to convention. That's real innovation, right? Like. and it creates solutions that are more. suited for today and for the challenge.

that you're solving which no one has. ever had the the challenge of solving, right, on that date ever, right? Um but naivity, you know, this is this. is sometimes why I think some of the. best founders don't come from like. business school or from marketing. school. The best marketeteers aren't. marketing graduates because naivity is. such a superpower. It's a superpower and. following. your instinct. And if you understand. what moves people and what motivates. people, then you have this opportunity.

to connect with them on a real level. I. mean, we've done things that are. ridiculous. So, I remember we would make. these signs that said um they had the. big X's like no, you know, like you're. not allowed to. and they said no. Facebook, no Instagram, no Snapchat, no. Bumble. This was like week three of Bumble or. something, some ridiculous early maybe. first year, I can't remember at this. point. And we would post those all over. the universities. So there was this.

association where it was like, wait, I. can't do the things I really want to do. I want to sit in class and Snapchat. I. want to sit in class and Instagram. What. the hell is Bumble? And so we were. essentially seating this psychological. curiosity. curiosity. And then we were actually. sending. young women wearing Bumble shirts into. classes 10 or 15 minutes late. interrupting a class of 300 people and. saying, "Oh, sorry, wrong room." But. everyone's looking at this young woman.

and or young man, whoever it was, wearing a Bumble t-shirt. So, we were. seeding curiosity in this like why is. Bumble everywhere type of thing. And so, you know, a lot of people think, oh, well, I can just go start a an app. and I'll just buy some, you know, Instagram ads and I'll just be. successful. But if people only knew the. fraction of the insane everyday little. hacks that, you know, I did and our team.

did to bring this to life. We were the. first people, certainly the first tech brand to do. humor accounts to pay for the humor. memes. Do you remember the humor memes? Well, we we ran out of 100 million. followers on hum meme accounts. So, yeah. So, you know all about this, but. like we were way back years and years. ago. I remember reaching out to I can't. remember what it was, one of these meme. accounts and they're like, "Wait, you. want to pay us to I'm confused. How does. that work?" And we're like, "Okay, here's the deal. we give you a hundred.

bucks or whatever it was, we turn around. a year later, that same account is. charging $100,000 a post. So we there's. also something about luck and timing. being. just right before something, you know, and if you look at Bumble, we. were also beating the woman drum, the. the this this drum of we need to. advocate for women, beating this drum of. let's put women first. Let's let's.

elevate women. Women are not equal in. their relationships. Women are not being. treated respectfully. Women are being. abused on the internet. Women are not. being treated right. We were saying this. in 2014 and then me too would come a. couple years later. So I think we've. we've been lucky as a business to. basically. be right before the wave. and then we've been able to be a part of. that wave versus chasing a wave. And so. many people chase a wave. So many people.

chase a wave. They look around them. like, "Well, what's cool? How do I chase. that?" And I feel like we've always had. the good fortune or whatever you want to. call it, conviction, inspiration. to go first. And so that's been um maybe. a superpower of ours over the years. because you're making those decisions. It's so clear to me that you're making. those decisions from original thought. and from like what I think Elon calls. like first principles as in what do we. know is true and create a solution from.

that versus how's it done? how's it been. done before and that like and even you. being early to the meme account things. just for context. Um we were probably. like probably probably maybe one of the. first companies in the world I'd say to. to do the meme thing. That's really like. how my business began. We had like 100. million followers on these meme. accounts. That became this big social. media business, this big media company. and it kind of ecom and then it went. public. But it started with meme. accounts. It's amazing. It's how I met. I think your original investor. It's how.

I met Boo. It's I remember speaking to. having these long conversations with. them in London about we'll make you. trend number one on Twitter, we'll do a. Thunderclap. All the accounts say the. same like but for you to have been one. of the brands that was leaning into. that. No other brands had no and to your point. yes the meme accounts were there. You. were pioneering all of that but I don't. know if you experienced this brands did. not see their place there and the brands. that did that I had seen had been like. buy my bracelet or buy my fashion. You. know, it was something very.

consumercentric, which made sense, but it wasn't the download my app. and that was such a different. way of promoting something even for the. app world. It was it was so out of. bounds for the app space because the app. space used traditional app space. Yeah. acquisition strategies. You're right. It wasn't it wasn't say. and the reason why we managed to get so. many followers was because um people. didn't value those accounts. I remember. buying Beef Fit Motivation which had.

about 10 million I'll say followers. Um. Love Food which had about 7 million. followers and Beef at Fit Motivation on. Twitter which had 2 million followers on. Twitter. Um just those just that 20. million followers cost me about 10. grand. Oh god. And then the other imagine it's like. really good real estate. It's like. buying a house in some crazy part of. London a thousand years ago. Yes. And then all the other accounts were. free because I I offered the people jobs. that ran them. You'll have a proper job. You get paid loads. I know your mom. doesn't think it's a job. I think it's a. job.

I think I see you. I validate you. People like, "Oh, you're exploiting.". Well, no, nobody valued it back then. And then they eventually did value those. social media accounts. And what you're. talking about the whole, you know, it it. was attention. It was it was attention. It was eyeballs. And from a first. principal perspective, you go, "Well, we. want attention and eyeballs. They are. here. I don't care if it's safe, cool, or the done thing. That's where we're. going to go." I saw Bumble doing that. and and I've seen all the things that. Bumble have done over the years and it's. always seems to be original in its. nature. It feels that way. Feels like.

someone has had an original thought. today about how to solve a problem and. not just they're not just focused on. showing what Bumble is. That they're. communicating how you should feel about. Bumble. That was always the goal. Yeah. And I think there was a lot of people. that thought it was ridiculous early on. They're like, "Why are you doing a. campaign that has nothing to do with. dating?" You know, we did this huge. campaign where our team put together. this, you know, huge push on be the CEO.

your parents always wanted you to marry. And then in parenthesis, it said, "And. then find someone you actually like or. want to date." And I remember a lot of. people being like, "We're not going to. do this. This there's no ROI here. What's the ROI? There's no call to. action. And there's no download in the. app store. And what was fascinating was. it built this wild following of our. brand. So people that would never have. downloaded a dating app are now wearing.

our hat. Now their mother is carrying. around a Bumble tote because they're. proud of the brand and they are, you. know, it created this. untangible feeling, right? This magic. And there was a sentiment that was more. powerful than any, you know, ROI. campaign you could do on any other. channel. And so I feel like for me, I. always wanted Bumble to be more than. just an app in your pocket. I wanted it.

to be something that gave you a feeling. and a good feeling, not a bad one. Because so many of these products give. us bad feelings and they make us feel. uninspired and they make us feel lonely. They make us feel broken. They make us. feel exhausted. And I wanted us to do. something different and our team wanted. us to do something different. We had. such a passionate team. We still have an. incredibly passionate team. But that.

early community of our team is really. what made this company so magical, right? It was that genuine purpose and. buy in and candidly naive. Our team was. young. Our team was separated from a lot. of our infrastructure, meaning like a. lot of the more technical stuff was. isolated from the marketing stuff. And. I've been criticized over the years by. the, you know, the tech publications and. the tech this and the tech that and. whatever. I don't really care. The point. is, it's been like, well, this isn't.

this isn't how Silicon Valley does it. where are the engineers and why are this. and why aren't you sitting with the. engineers and why. and there was a method to the madness. It was, let's let this team go out and. paint the town yellow and do it with no. interruption, no distraction. And then. let's let our fantastic infrastructure. team really solve big problems through. tech while these two heart and brain can.

operate together, right? And it had. never really been done before in this. like traditional Silicon Valley world. My first startup experience is not like. my second startup experience. You learn. all the lessons. You learn well. hopefully you learn the lessons. I think. I've learned hopefully learned some of. them. Um but your first startup. experience at Tinder. This is when you. know cuz especially when it's moving at. the speed of light. light. you know I mean my startup didn't move. at the speed of light quite like Tinder. did but still absolutely the speed of.

light Tinder moved at. And there's that. culture out in San Francisco about, you. know, move fast and break things, which. is I think Facebook popularized. I think. that was their slogan, but everyone kind. of has adopted that mindset of just go. [ __ ] lightning fast and figure it out. later. Fix it while it's fix it while. we're falling kind of thing. Um, talk to. me about that. Talk to me about the the. cost of that, what it taught you and and. really give me a picture of what it was. like in those early rocket ship days.

Well, you know, I think. it was so new to everyone involved. No. one. no one really understood. what the next day held. Um, this was. such a different time also, you know, Instagram had just had its big sale. Now, in retrospect, not such a big sale, but at the time, remarkable, right? um still remarkable regardless and it.

was just such a new environment. Tech. was still relatively niche. Mobile was. very niche, right? It was not super. mainstream. Apps were kind of hitting. the scene, but not like where we are. today. There's an app for this or app. for that. And. we were this tight tribe of people that. really probably had not much to do with. each other outside of this. But it. became this 24/7.

unit and we were just fighting every day. to keep it going. I mean our blood, sweat, and tears went into this. business, right? So when I left. it was completely devastating because I. wasn't just leaving this rocket ship of. a business. That's one thing. But I've. just been essentially, you know, one day in a 24/7 environment with the.

same people for more than 2 years to the. next day never seeing any of them ever. again. and in the middle of that ending up on. the front page of all sorts of magazines. and newspapers because of the. narrative of the ending, right? And it. was it was extremely traumatic, extremely. I was I think I was stuck in. fight orflight mode for years. um. because you know that was all I knew for.

years and it had been such a 0 to 100. experience as you know when you're in. these startups it's they're almost their. own I'm definitely not accusing the. company of being this but they become. their own little cult. and it's really hard to. go from that one day to not that the. next day and then to go end up launching. ing a woman version to some degree.

within 6 months of leaving. So, if you. can just try to imagine what every day. looked like to both mourn and grieve my. exit from Tinder and deal with all the. logistical pieces of it and the media. pieces of it which were coming at me, I. had reporters trying to go through my. window at my little apartment in Beverly. Hills from some rag magazine. I mean, this is just crazy for me. I was a.

nobody. I mean, I'm still technically a. nobody, but it's not like I was on some. reality show and I became popular. overnight. Like, this was traumatizing. to me. And, you know, it's funny like the land of. everyone trying to be famous. I was. probably maybe one of the only people. not at that point, right? So it was very. crazy to just all of a sudden in a very. scandalous way by the way I was. described in the media. I was literally painted as this like.

scandalous gone girl of the tech world. And it was soul crushing cuz it's not. who I was. It's not who I am. So I was. watching this narrative unfold about me. and I was in these Twitter discussions. with all the most important people in. the tech world and it was just crazy. It. was just watching this narrative unfold. about this person that wasn't me. And. then I'm turning around in the same. breath, meeting up with Andre, and then I'm, you.

know, even before that trying to start. Marci, this complimentsoriented, kinder. social network, which then I meet up. with Andre and one thing leads to. another. And now Bumble is my new path. And now we're starting Bumble and this. is all going on. It was a whirlwind. A whirlwind. What is What is the the context you're. able to share about why they were. writing those headlines about you and. why you are ostracized from your as.

you've described it something that felt. a little bit like a cult, which is. actually a good description of how all. my companies have pretty much started. It feels like a 24/7. Come on, we're going to take over the. world. It's that kind of. it's I mean it's crazy. I mean like the. way people speak about what you're going. to do. I mean there's such big ideas and. they're such like passionate ideas and. then you go from. real world which is so mundane right. it's like quite boring out there in the. real world. to this like super like high energy you. know the there's you know going to be a.

disaster if we don't do this in the next. 5 minutes this is crashing that's. crashing this metric's up this metric's. off one day you're booming the next day. you're cr I mean the adrenaline you know. what I'm talking about the ups and the. downs and. the hard work that goes into it and the. skipping meals and the no sleep and. everything feels potentially fatal as. well at that point, doesn't it? Fatal. And the other thing that is. interesting is you. can't connect with everybody else the. way you used to because they're they.

can't quote unquote get it. They don't. get it, you know? So, it's like trying. to like have a Sunday afternoon meal. with your family or your friends during. that. you're like, I can't like we don't. even speak the same language anymore. So, I'll just avoid them. That's a waste of. time. You have no idea what's going on. So, which in hindsight, I think I lived in. that mindset for years between Tinder. and Bumble. I mean, kind of coming up. for air now and having time to breathe. and think like that's a.

I'm sure a lot of people that have built. companies feel this way though. I'm sure. you feel this way where you're like, "Wo, I isolated myself from a lot of. important relationships. that there's regret to that at some. point." Do you ever feel that way? 100%. I was incredibly lonely. I didn't. speak to my family. Didn't really see. them for many, many years. And I thought. that I thought that something mattered. much more. And you eventually, even if I. used to think I was immune, but. eventually your body will remind you.

that you are a human too and you have. needs and your needs are being unmet. The signal will come in many ways. I. hear this signal sometimes come for. people. They'll have panic attacks. They'll they'll feel growing sense of. loneliness. Their health will give out. I've had certain examples where the body. has just shut down. Yeah. And it's I've gone through that. Yeah. As you know, Intel are now one of the. sponsors of this podcast and I'm here to. tell you about one of the latest Intel. Evo designs. I've been recently using. this laptop and honestly, I've been. blown away by how userfriendly it is to. use. Intel has spent thousands of hours.

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That relationship had ended. You were. then treated in a pretty horrendous way. from everything that I read online. um. threatened multiple times, people saying. that they would they would fire you for. things that they didn't have a. justification to fire you for. Um sort. of patronizing, condescending behavior. to the fact that you were um a young. female co-founder and and how they would. take that co-founder title from you. Um. it's actually really hard for me to to. read actually just from it kind of makes. me a bit feel a sense of injustice in my.

core. um you were called annoying and. dramatic at certain times when you. raised certain concerns and as a result. um you you know you were you ended up. leaving the company, you were fired. I. read you fired from the company uh which. is even worse when you raise certain. concerns. You then filed a lawsuit um. which went on um and there was certain. actions taken and there was a reported. settlement reached at one point. But.

overall your treatment while you were at. Tinder specifically from men read to me. like it was allegedly horrific and. unfair and sexist. Um, and then upon. leaving Tinder, Tinder, there's this. huge wave of press who are. mischaracterizing you, what happened, and you fall into this situation where. you've been in this cult. We'll call it.

a cult cuz that's how it often feels to. both of us for so long. You come out of. that and you're greeted with this wall. of like mischaracterization, attacks, um, from all sides and you're kind of. out on your own. That's the moment where. you're ostracized from the tribe um and. you're dealing with this wave of. negativity. Yeah. So, you know, I'm legally really. not meant to comment on the Tinder. Times, but. what I will say is.

I was literally. broken. during that chapter where I was waking. up to headlines about myself. Like you. said, I was being described in all sorts. of ways and people were calling my, you. know, my uncle and my ex-boyfriend. I. mean, it was this digging weird. investigation into my life and all I. wanted was to just do my job, right? And.

so it was a very dark, toxic moment. And. I felt. so alone. Um, and I felt so unsupported. because this was before me, too. This is. before Times Up. Any woman that said. anything out of line was called names. And this was still during a chapter, even in modern land, that was. not really pro- women. And so no matter.

what I said or did, I wasn't going to be. able to get through. There was judgment. I had friends from college didn't want. to talk to me anymore. They were like, "Oh, this this feels this feels icky. I. don't this isn't that cool." You know, like all of I was ostracized. I was just. I had a scarlet letter. And that was. such a devastating feeling because let's. just remember I was just a young. professional. I was 24 years old and. I've been working my tail off for two.

plus years. I had obviously teamwork. makes the dream work. I still. fundamentally believe that. But I had. played my role and an important one, right, to get the company to where it. was. So to be called all of these names. and to be basically just written off by. Twitter and the random media and the. random everyone. and I have big respect for media and I'm. not criticizing them. I'm just saying. this was the narrative at the time. So.

it was really hard. I was super. depressed. I was paranoid. I was actually don't think I left the. house for like a three weeks at one. point. I'll never forget actually. I. don't even know if I've told the story. Maybe I have, but when I was launching. Bumble again, because you have to. remember Bumble launched within 6 months. of my departure. So, not the departure. itself, but 6 months from kind of. when the legal pieces were put to bed.

That was August. I want to say August. 3rd. December 1st, Bumble is live in the. app store. You know how much work goes. into launching something. It's a 24-hour. job. I had another 24-hour job of. grieving and being in fight orflight. defense mode of whatever Twitter was. coming after me with. And it was really. hard. So, I think there was a chapter. where I didn't leave the house for. several weeks. And when I was launching. Bumble, um I think it was Business.

Insider, I can't remember who, they were. doing a piece on Bumble and they needed. a picture of me and I was like, "Well, I'm not taking any pictures. There's no. way I'm in sweatpants and Uggs. I'm not. leaving this house." So, I went outside. in my front yard in sweatpants and Uggs. with a sweater on and did like a half. fake smile and had someone take a. picture on some camera I had at home. that I had, you know, used way back when. when I wanted to be a travel journalist. and use that. And I just had to peel. myself back up. I just had to peel. myself off the ground. And I was lucky.

to have a couple really strong people in. my life that had my back, like my now. husband, like Andre. Um, there were a. couple people that were like, "I don't. care what people say about you. I don't. care. We believe in you. We know that. you're capable. We know you're smart. We. know that you can do this again. So, you. need to go chase your dreams. You're not. done." And you know, I very soon after. leaving Tinder in this moment of despair.

and drinking too much, not like. socially, like at home, like very. depressed, trying to numb myself in any. way I could. Um, I had this moment where. I was like, I have to solve this. Part. of my psyche is find a problem and solve. it. It could be anything, micro, anything. It's it's just part of the way. my brain works. And the being attacked. on the internet felt like such a big. problem to me. And I felt like this was. something so many people were going. through. So many young girls in.

particular were going through being. bullied. And I thought to myself, I'm an. adult. Like I can get in a car and I can. drive to a grocery store and I can do. all these things. These young women are. trapped at home after school, often in. bad circumstances at home and they're. being abused by people they actually. know. How horrible would that be? I'm. getting attacked by strangers. They're. getting attacked by friends at school. and strangers not really in the sense of. stranger to us, like proxy strangers, right? Friends of friends. And I was.

like, I have to fix this. I have to fix. this. It's my duty on earth to fix this. So, I started quite literally with a. pencil and a pen. I still have the early. drawings. Sketching out a new social. network. It was called Marci. And the. only currency and the only way to. communicate was compliments. So instead. of saying, you know, you're stupid or. you don't look good or you're this or. body shaming or that or even, hey, you're so skinny, something that is. negative, even though it feels positive,

I wanted it just to be compliments. And. so it was essentially supposed to be the. girl's dressing room, the girl's. bathroom. When when young women go out. to nightclubs, there's this saying that. young women are so nice to each other in. the bathroom at a nightclub. And I. wanted to bring that to life. So I. started sketching that out to basically. rebuild myself. And long story short, um. eventually Bumble would become what it. was. You know, I met Andre and then I. mean I had known him but reconnected. with Andre. One thing led to the next and Bumble was.

born. So I think what people don't. realize they've I've had a lot of people. that maybe I went to college with. They're like, "Oh my god, you've had. such a good career. You're so lucky. You're so successful." I'm like, "It's. been pretty dark. It's been pretty. heavy.". Dark. Is there a because I reflect on my. darkest times and I can typic typically. remember a worse day. a day when. you know I just couldn't see the light. at the end of the tunnel. What was your. darkest day throughout that period?

I have se several that are pretty. visceral and memorable, but one that I think maybe is something. people can actually tangibly like put. themselves into this moment. Um, I mean. you can imagine there's lots of tough. moments along the way, but one was we. had worked so hard to build Bumble in. stealth mode starting from about. August. through call it November. So head down.

four or five months of just like 24. hours a day back into the, you know, the. grind. And it was really important to me not to. attach my name to it. I was so scared of. putting my name on it. I didn't want to. muddy it. I was like, you know, I'm in. the media as this like scandalous person. right now and I don't I don't want to be. known for I don't want I don't want this. to be about me. I want this to be about. what the product is and what the mission. is. I want women to go first in their.

relationships. I want women to be. empowered. And I remember we had worked. so hard to keep my name out of it. I had. like a a pseudo email that I was using. to reach out to certain people that I. thought could, you know, maybe leak that. this was happening. And we were going to. launch in mid December. They had gone on. this investigative uh adventure of sorts. of following all my early employees and. ambassadors and they were going through. all the images and piecing together this.

story about this new product that was. launching. And the headline said. something along the lines, maybe not. verbatim, but it was really hurtful. It. was like basically I'm summarizing how I. internalized it. Surprise, surprise. Like the scorned woman from Tinder. launches her own dating app, but women. go first. And oh, I hear she really. likes bees. She's called it Bumble. Like, it was so hurtful. And I just. sobbed. And I sobbed because there had. been so much work that went into coming.

back, rising from the ashes, and pulling. myself back up. And to keep it in this. kind of self position away from me and. not make it about that, not make it. about that. You know, I women have a and. everyone, every gender, we all have an. opportunity and a I believe a human. right to start over. We all have the. right to start over. None of us should. be held hostage to a certain chapter in.

our lives or a certain thing in our. lives. Like we should all be able to get. back up, right? If we're still. breathing, you have that right. And that. felt like my right to starting over on. my own terms was taken from me and it. was really violating. So, in my typical. fashion, I cried about it for a while. and then I pivoted. So, I called my. early team. I said, "We have a we have a. problem. whoever it was has. basically um leaked this information, which is their job. I, you know, I don't.

hold them against. It's not their fault, but they basically have have told. everybody that we're doing this app and. that it's coming out and that I'm behind. it, but they're kind of missing the. point of what the product really is. Um, I think they're misunderstanding why. we're starting this. I think for them it. read more of like in a a revenge novel, right? Which was not the case. It was. about Marci then evolving into a. positive dating space. So I said, "Okay,

um, you're all jumping out of an. airplane tomorrow." And they're like, "What do you mean I'm jumping out of an. airplane tomorrow?" And I said, "You. have to explain that it's just not that. scary to talk first on an app as a. woman. Like if if women can jump out of. an airplane, they can certainly send the. first message." And so we just pivoted. and we went and filmed this little. launch video of literally my first three. employees jumping out of an airplane. And the whole tagline was um it was. something along the lines of like if we. can jump out of an airplane you can send.

the first text and that was kind of how. we reframed the discussion and took you. know took control of the narrative. That point about your right to kind of. reinvent yourself or not be defined by a. previous chapter I think is so. important. It's also why, you know, I've. got to be honest, like I don't like I. don't love talking about it like the. Tinder stuff because it it's it's a it's. a step in your journey. It's an. important contextual step. Yeah, of course. You know, it's it's inspired you in in. many ways in terms of your mission and. your vision and your and all of those.

things. But, um I'm glad we could we. could fill that context. I when I asked. the um the question about your your. hardest your hardest moment in the. darkest times, I was reflecting on some. of the quotes I'd read about when you. were in that moment feeling like maybe. life wasn't worth living anymore. Yeah. And that kind of thing. And it's hard. it's hard to um I think for a lot of. people I hope it's hard for them to. understand that mindset like getting to. that place. I hope it's hard for them to. understand. I hope they've never had to. experience it. But for someone that has.

what what is that like? Are those are. those words real? That that that that. prospect of like maybe maybe life would. be better without me in it. I most certainly felt that way at times. for sure. Leaving when I was going. through that chapter, I most certainly. had moments where I thought, well, this. is it. I mean, what what now? I. there's a whole persona that's been. created about me out there in the world. How am I ever going to escape this? I'm.

going to be suffocated by. a definition a group of strangers have. assigned to me and my tribe is gone. I'm gone. I everything I can identify. with this, you know, this startup world can feel. like a cult at times, right? And so that. all felt gone. And I told you earlier, you disassociate from a a lot of the.

life you once had, friends, family, you. lose connection with them when you're. trying to build something, right? And so. when you leave that thing you're. building, it's not like, okay, well, let. me just go home to grandma's house, that. doesn't feel like an option. You don't. feel like you can relate to anyone. anymore. And I just did not understand. what the point was anymore. But it was. right in that moment literally I want to. say like that was the same same piece of.

the same storm. of feeling such a deep pain. in such a deep problem which the problem. to me was toxic internet and how toxic. it could be and how detrimental it could. be for your mental health that a. solution came and so I really channeled. that dark dark dark loathing and pain. and instead of drowning in it, I kind of.

started swimming as fast as I could. for for air. And my air was go rebuild. yourself, right? And so. I think that that that's ultimately the. way I was able to reframe that. And. I think the internet can make you feel. very alone and very isolated and very. lonely and we start believing it as our. reality. Right? What the internet says.

is not really what's in the park across. the street. And I think that's important for people. to hear is that whatever you're feeling. based on what people are saying on the. internet or whatever you've read, turn. off the phone for a little bit and go. outside, right? Because I didn't do that. in that moment. And I think we have to. realize that it's not always our. reality. Very powerful. This leads to to Bumble, which is um which was a game changer in. its industry. It was the first of its.

kind. It was the first of its kind in. many respects, including just the the. look and feel and messaging. That's. really, you know, as a marketeer, that's. the thing I I always respected. I mean, I really respected the um the point of. women getting to go first because I'd. never seen that before. I've never seen. that done in the way that it's done on. Bumble. But from a marketing marketeers. mindset, I really respected how bold, how clear, how much Bumble were um. willing to position themselves as the. antithesis, the the the opposite of. everything else that existed. It was.

really willing to take to bring a new. concept and a new idea to the market. Um, when you look back at the earliest. days of Bumble, like the first year, two. years of Bumble, now with the hindsight. of knowing how things all how the dots. connected, why did you win? I'm not sure. Did we win? I still feel. like. Listen, how many customers did you have. over the years? Like, we have a lot. A lot. We have a lot. I know. And that's an interesting point. that it doesn't feel like you've won. Oh, no. I Okay, so this is crazy. I in.

my head still feel like we're. tiny. Genuinely, I'm not even just. saying that to you. Like the concept of. going public and all of these things in. my mind. I go to the office every day. and I'm like, "Okay, how are we going to. get off the ground?" Like literally, I. don't think you understand. I'm. genuinely. locked in a place of we have so much. more to do and we have so much more. growth to be had that I feel like it's a.

reset every day. So I will say. how is it possible to be happy when. you're. you're never there. But it's not that I'm never there in a. personal sense. It's not like I'm like. oh I don't feel like. validate. It's it's not that anymore. It's that. there are still billions of people. around the world that have never heard. about Bumble. And there are still. millions and millions and millions of. women around the world right now in bad. relationships. toxic relationships where.

they don't understand that they should, can, and eventually will. go first in their life. They can leave a bad relationship. They. can go into a good relationship. There. are women as we speak, you know, we're. all watching this unfold. It's. absolutely heartbreaking. just advocating to be able to have. simple freedoms, just wanting to have the freedom to. exist in their society as an equal. So. when I go to the office every day and.

saying, "Okay, how are we going to. launch?" We're 132 years away from. gender parody, maybe 136. Okay? Either way, it's not. great. And so that's where I feel like I. don't have enough time in this lifetime. to achieve what I want to achieve. Forget the personal accolades and I. don't care about that stuff. I am I am. personally on a personal level now. Thank God. It's required a lot of, you. know, self-care, therapy, wonderful.

husband, beautiful to healthy children. Thank you, God. I am happy now, but I'm. not happy about where women are. globally. And that I feel unfulfilled. because until we really look around us. and say, women are not in these toxic, terrible relationships and living in an. unequal playing field. I have got to go. to work. I got to like get back to the. office. And that's how I feel. Pursuing that goal comes somewhat at the.

expense of yourself in some in some. degree, right? Whether that's your, you. know, cuz life could be easier if you. just decided not to pursue that goal. It. could be easier. Yeah. I could probably be drinking pin. coladas on the beach somewhere, right? So, and I always I always think about. this, you know, the the pursuit of this. of a goal versus like, you know, self-preservation and and taking care of. yourself. And you seem like someone that. is somewhat willing to sacrifice. themsself to a degree, sacrifice.

something to fulfill a goal that might. even hurt yourself in your own life in a. sense of like psychological harm or. balance or you know, it's definitely. sleep. Yeah. No, this is this is probably the. biggest uh this is the this is the. balancing act we all talk about, right? But. you can't do it all every single day. Why not go to the beach, you know? Why. not go and have a pinina colada? And. you want to go have a pan on the beach? If we ask you the same, okay?

There's got to be like a a group therapy. for like why why why won't we go have a. peanut colada on the beach? Um, I don't know. I just I feel very. passionate about what I'm doing. And. when I stop feeling passionate, I'll go. have a pinina colada and then I'll go do. something different. But this is. it feels like my life's work. And I I. try to be a good mom and I try to be a.

good wife and I try to be a good to. myself and take those times. And I think. anyone that sits around and tells you. like, "Oh, it's all about balance." I. mean, maybe they're right. Maybe they've. got some secret that I don't know about, but my god, I don't I don't I don't. think any day is fully balanced, right? I don't think any of us go to sleep. every night feeling like, "Wow, I just. got a 10 out of 10 on every single. category today." I think you just do. your best. And for me, I get joy out of.

pushing this brand forward. I get joy. out of the women that come up to me and. tell me that they were in an abusive. marriage for 20 years and read a story. about Bumble and left their spouse and. got on Bumble and are happy in healthy. relationships. Like that's what this is. all about for me. It looked like that question made you a. bit emotional. Yeah, I am emotional about it because. I'm kind of doing this for my. 17-year-old self also, right? I don't.

want another generation of. me at 17. I don't want another. generation of that. I don't want another. generation of young women that felt. unworthy and felt. lesser than and felt like they needed a. man to tell them what to do. And I just. don't I don't want to see that as this. next wave of 17-year-olds. So, I also don't want to see all these women. suffering from domestic and emotional.

abuse across the world. So, you know, there's lots of ways and a lot of people. around the world that are doing a lot to. fix this, but I don't have those skill. sets. I don't have, you know, maybe I. don't know how to do what they know how. to do, and I know how to do this. So, I. feel like I better just lean in while I. can. And plus, I I'm definitely old for. the Gen Z people out there, but I'm 33, so I feel like, you know, I might have a. little bit more in me somewhere.

If you're old, I'm old. So, I thought. we're I just turned 30. So, wait, you're three years younger than. me? That's like. Yeah, I just turned 30. It's like five decades younger than me. No, it's not. We're in the same We're in. the same school. Well, happy birthday whenever it was. Yeah, it was about a couple of weeks. ago. Well, happy birthday. You want to tissue? No, I'm okay. You sure? Yeah. That for me that answer really answers a. lot of questions because it shows where. the driver is coming from and that's the. reason why the pin coladas seem like a. lower priority than the mission. Going.

back to the question which I kind of. took us off on a tangent away from um. about why you think Bumble won. um or was successful was able to break. through into that very small category of. dating apps or dating sites where. there's really only like a handful of. real players. Why? Why? Because I know you know I have. to say something. I know that the other. dating apps because I was sometimes in. the room tried to launch dating apps of. themselves. So they they took their.

existing network, they tried to launch a. new dating app into it and it didn't. work. I've seen it happen over and over again. I know Michelle. Yeah. from Peanut. She's one of the people I. used to work with when we were doing the. marketing at Purdue. Oh, really? Yeah. She's I I think what she's done is. awesome. Yeah. I love Peanut. It's It's great. But but I but I know it's not. easy and I know it's not chance and I. know it's not luck because I've seen I. can't tell you at Social Chain how many. times we had dating apps come to us and. say, "Can you do our marketing?" maybe. 200 times.

There's 5,000 dating apps in the app. store. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's. impossible to start a new one because of. the network effects and all of those. things. It's impossible. Impossible. So why you how you? How. every other dating product until Bumble. had been solving for the wrong side of. the coin. They've been thinking about. men. That's all. They woke up in the. morning and thought about how to make a. dating app good for guys and they had it.

backwards. Why are you solving for men when this is. all about what women need and what women. want? No one was asking women, you think. women want to get abused on the. internet? Think again. Like, find me a. woman that enjoys being harassed on a. dating app. Not one. But for some reason, that problem didn't. strike anyone as a problem. So, it's not that hard to say, "Wait a.

second. This is a double-sided. marketplace. This product can't survive without. women. Yet, we're exploiting and. degrading women on a lot of these. products, not naming any names.". What? And so, for me, it was all about taking that original. concept of Mercy, a kind space for. women, a safe space for women. And to Andre's push, got to give him got. to give him some credit for being so.

interested in dating, right? I was so. turned off of dating. I wanted nothing. to do with dating. When Andre was like, "Oh, let's do a dating, you know, come. be my CMO." So, first of all, I'm not. for hire. I'm starting my own company. I. must be founder and CEO of whatever I do. next. I cannot work for someone. I just. I have to be my own boss. And um you. know I got to give him a lot of credit. because he trusted that and he said okay. do whatever you want to do but it just. my one stipulation is it has to be in. dating cuz I know dating and I want to. get behind a dating product. So.

when I was sitting there you know we. were we had kind of agreed to okay we're. going to do this dating app. What's it. going to be? What about Mercy? I want it. to be Mercy. I want it to be about women. and I want to be women only. I want. safety and kindness and accountability. There's no internet spaces for women. Nothing's been built for women. We have. to do this for women. And then it kind. of just all clicked. And I sat there and. within literally minutes, it all just.

wrote itself. I said, "Wait a second. I know the problem. Women don't go first. Men do. Men. message as many women as they can. Women. are getting inundated. they never. respond. The lack of response is causing. a rejection and the rejection is. triggering an aggression. And that. aggression is now translating into. harassment. And this is why women are. being abused on the dating apps because. if only they would go first. The man.

wouldn't feel rejected. They'd feel. empowered. It would totally calibrate. this whole experience. And I said, "Okay, great. I know what we're going to. do. Women have to talk first on this. product, and they only have 24 hours to. do it. I knew nobody else could. conceptualize the way I would explain. it. So I was like, "Thank Cinderella, the pumpkin and the carriage." And men. can send one extend on time a day to. capture their attention if they want to. Now we have to also call out something. This was back in 2014 in a very.

heterosexual oriented dating app. experience. The landscape has evolved. We have to be. inclusive to all. And so of course we. are and of course we are currently as we. speak spending countless time and. putting all of our heart and soul into. how to make the experience better for. non-binary, for the trans community, for. anybody that identifies as a woman as. well, right? And so that's a big portion. of the future. But that was really how I.

would say we became successful because. of two things. women, making sure that. we were solving for women's real. problems on the internet, marketing to women. So, when I went back. to those sororities and fraternities, instead of going in with, you know, whatever we had gone in at Tinder, I. went in with things for women. I went in. with items women wanted, cute yellow. cookies. Like, I understood that we are. going to build a cute brand, not a sexy. brand. And that's what set us apart. I.

wanted it to feel warm and cozy and. inviting and soft and feminine and safe. and that's the beginning. and still the current through line of. Bumble. What do you like as a leader? Because. leadership has evolved, you know, over. the last 10 20 years from like the Steve. Jobs days where you've got this kind of. tyrant that from what I've heard so so. hard to deal with that they put him in.

his own building and only people could. could work in that building if they were. really resilient. I heard all these. stories. I spoke to was didn't tell me. that was um was is the closest I've ever. got to Steve to Steve Jobs. leadership. and that the concept of what a leader. looks like and how they behave and how. they treat people. In a post internet. world where we have the ability to speak. up because we can tweet and glass door. and all of these things leadership. leadership has changed uh our. perceptions of it how they behave in a.

post-pandemic world leaders are much. more vulnerable because I think a lot of. them had to be really vulnerable during. the pandemic to to guide their teams. through what what if I asked your teams. if I said. you know what what's like as a leader. what would they say to me Um, I feel like I try I try and so, you. know, I'm sure I could be told. otherwise. I try to. be empathetic and I try to think about.

everyone around me, probably to my. detriment, honestly. Um, I think it's. probably done me more harm than good. over the years because I'm trying to. solve for every single person in the. room that maybe it doesn't solve. anything sometimes. Um, but I really I. try to just be the brand we are. externally internally. Um, it's hard, you know, there's so many conflicting. needs as a business. You have a. marketing and brand team that want to do. one thing. You have a technical team.

that needs to do another. you have IPO. um teams that have to do another and so. you end up being this conductor of a. very um. loud orchestra and I try to create. harmony with people but um I don't know. I I guess I wouldn't say I follow any I. don't read leadership books I don't like. take leadership courses maybe that's. something I should do I don't know but I. just lead with my gut I I just do what.

feels right I try to do the right thing. I try to listen and hear what people are. saying and I try to listen to other. people too. So if one person calls me. and says. X Y or Z, I try to call the other person. and say, "What's your version of this?". before I jump to a conclusion. Um I. really try to have compassion for where. everybody's coming from, but it's tough. And then I also have to put my head down. and say, "Okay, no, sometimes this is.

just how it's going to go, right?". Because I feel like I can see certain. things that maybe. aren't present to everyone in the dating. space because I've been in this thing. for a decade now and I feel like I. understand the nuances of it very well. So, I don't know. I don't know what they. would say. You talked about creating. harmony amongst the orchestra, which I. feel like is the perfect example of the. role of a CEO, but a role of the CEO of. a public company becomes even more. difficult because then you have even. more conflicting.

um expectations when you're that person. that's trying to create a harmony in all. of this orchestra. Keep everybody happy, meet all the needs. How do you create. harmony within yourself? So, I personally. have. beliefs that, you know, there's. something bigger than what we're dealing. with every day, right? Like, I try to. zoom out, zoom out into something that. we can't even see, right? There's.

obviously influences of the universe. that none of us know about. You and I. cannot sit here and say that we know. every corner of why we exist and what. what's going to happen tomorrow. And so, I try to just trust the process. I try. to laugh. Andre was always really good. at that. He would just laugh in really. stressful situations and I learned that. from him. It was just like have a laugh, you'll be okay. And also to realize that. we are just a blip on the radar. Like. this is going to be like. if we're lucky like Bumble will be like.

a half page in a book one day, hundreds. of years from now. Like it's just not. that big of a deal the daily dramas and. the nuances of everything. And so I try. to just zoom out like is this really. going to still matter? This one moment. in interpersonal dynamics or this one. moment in um a a failed launch or. whatever it might be. Is this really. going to matter in 5 years? Is this. going to matter in 5 months? And I. really try to do that exercise of like.

how big of a deal is this before. I allow it to disrupt my harmony. Does. that make sense? I don't know if that made any sense. It does make sense. It does make sense. Um, I was reading things about your your. sort of sleep work routine and you. sounded a lot like me. I'm the type of. person that has an a fairly unhealthy. relationship with my phone throughout. through throughout the early hours of. the morning especially um especially. when I was running the company, especially when I was at social chain. still. Um, I'd wake up in the middle of.

the night. I was pro I was worried too. too often when we couldn't make payroll. and I knew it was payday in a week. I'd. be riddled with little sort of slithers. of anxiety. When we spoke to um I think. it's Robbie. Oh yeah, he's great. Robbie in your team. Robbie said she. makes no pretense of being always strong. and is openly vulnerable with the team. where you might walk into the office one. day and let them know that you've been. struggling with something. might you. might be anxious or struggling with. anxiety that day and encourage your.

other team members if they're feeling. the same way to take the time that they. need. Well, that's really nice of him. But. yeah, I mean vulnerability is. it has to be authentic. I've watched so. many people the last few years ride this. vulnerability trend and I'm like that's. not real vulnerable. Like vulnerability. can't be a scapegoat or an exit or a. crutch for me. I don't know. I just I just tell the. truth. If I'm having postpartum.

depression back when after my first. baby, I would just say that to my all. hands because that was the truth. And. why would I be anything other than. truthful? If I want to lead a company. that tells the truth and I want to run a. business that instills behaviors that. are truthful and and healthy and and. better, like why would I want to operate. in any way that's disingenuous to that? So I just get up and just try to tell. the truth. Um. convention would say, well that's not.

you leaders are strong and then that. they don't they don't have any problems. and they they're always tough and they. you know they you know so what if and. this is honestly what I used to worry. about. I used to think well if I if I'm. truly honest that that things affect me. too my team are going to think I'm weak. and then I can't lead them. And that's. the kind of narrative that ran out in my. head. Yeah. But, and I get that, but the. reality is everyone's everyone's feeling. something and I'm in a connection. business. How can I run a connection.

company if I can't connect? And the only. way you can connect is through. vulnerability. It's the only way to. connect with anyone. I'm being very. vulnerable with you right now because. we're sitting here connecting. So, I. might as well, you know, I could sit. here and be like, well, some business. book I read, you know, there's this. theory of like, you know, this many. hours a day do this and like that's just. not my vibe. If. we sit here in 10 years time and we say. that that was a really successful 10. years for Bumble, what would have.

happened in those 10 years? We would have built worldclass features. that were industry changing for safety. and trust on the internet. we would have. become the safest platform for women not. only to date but to find any trusted. contact that they need. A mentor, a. mentee, uh a babysitter, um a friend, uh. somebody that has the same illness as. them, as rare as it might be, somebody. who is struggling with any type of.

mental health crisis, the platform to. find anyone on a trusted safe. wavelength. And we would have also gone. and created a suite of laws to actually. build real legislature around the gaps. that exist for physical and digital. accountability as it pertains to women's. well-being. Um, and we would have scaled. globally to every corner of the earth. where women need us the most. And we. would be a trusted product for them to.

find their innate strength to quite. literally make the first move out of. something bad and into something good. And we would have built a brand that. showed everybody that you can have. mission and profit live under the same. roof and you can be a kinder connected. company um irrespective of how everybody. else has done it before. So that's what. I would hope for. Thank you. Understanding your understanding you and.

understanding what's driving you. I. would certainly bet on that becoming a. reality. Um, and I think that's the most. that's really, you know, of all the the. the business success, the marketing. brilliance and all of the things that. you've done and the resilience and the. getting back up and all of those things. that in and of themselves, you kind of. we describe them in a couple of minutes, but I but any human that's struggled and. been rejected and had, you know, been. mischaracterized knows that those aren't. small things. So for many people, even. one of those things is entirely fatal. But there's clearly this unbelievable. resilience in you because he said well.

where does that you know I think I think. you said it where I think you said it on. a podcast one time where you said it. doesn't matter if you lose your. confidence you still have your drive and. I really pondered that when you said. that I thought is that true cuz I was. thinking lose your confidence you still. well you do you still have the drive. whether you have the the the the belief. that comes from confidence that you can. have it but you still have that drive. and that's exactly what I've I've. learned from you today which is that. unshakable. bigger than myself am a mission bigger. than me drive which is driving you and.

your company and that's why I think. you're an unbelievable inspiration but. Bumble is an unbelievable bet on the. future a future which I think is. inevitable and a future that is. necessary so thank you for your time. today it's a huge honestly when I say. it's a huge honor I mean it's a huge. honor. I feel the same way about you thank you. for having me um today. we have a closing tradition on the. podcast where the last guest asks a. question for the next guest they don't. know who they're leaving it for so they. just leave it in the diary I open it and. I get to read it now Um the question. they left for you not knowing it was you. was what is the last belief you would.

relinquish? It's an interesting question. like what would I let go of? What belief. do I have? Like what is there a belief I. have that I would let go of? Yeah. So I he mean shouldn't shouldn't. give away who it is. He means like. what's the it's basically what's the. most important belief to you? What's the. last belief that you would give up? Oh. Um, the last belief that I would. give up is that people.

are inherently good somewhere deep down. that rejection and insecurity and lack. of communication drive cruelty. And that. I'm not going to give up on a world. where we can actually connect good. people together because I think there's. a lot of lot of good people out there. that just need a kinder way to connect. Amen. Thank you, Whitney. Thank you. Quick one. Some of you may know we've. got a brand new sponsor for this. podcast. It's American Express. And this.

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