Busta Rhymes Finally Opens Up About His Grief, Depression & Recovery!

this is the Buster Rhymes that none of. us have ever seen before Buster Rhymes. says it himself this is a buster Rhymes. that nobody's ever seen. before you will walk away from this. conversation understanding not only what. it takes to reach the very peak of your. powers but to stay there for 33 years to. have the insane consistency discipline. dedication and in his words addiction to. something that will take you to the very. top but then also you'll see the forces.

in life that take you from that Peak to. the deepest depths of darkness and once. you're in that. Darkness how do you rise from it how did. Buster take himself from the darkest. moment of his life that he's really not. talked about ever before back to the. peak of his. powers this is a human story it's one of. the most inspiring stories we've ever. had on this show and it's a side of a. guy that we've known for many many. decades that I have never seen before. thank you to bust for this conversation.

and if you like this conversation if you. like what we do here on the D of CE. before we get started I've got a. 10-second favor to ask you about 62% of. you roughly that listen to this podcast. frequently haven't yet hit the Subscribe. button so if you can hit that subscribe. button it is the reason why we're able. to get guests like Buster rymes to come. here and have these conversations with. me I feel like we're a team here give a. little take a little so if you could hit. that subscribe button that would be. absolutely amazing it's the only favor. that I'll ever ask from you and I. promise you in return turn that I'll do.

everything to give you more guest like. this one and guest that you love enjoy. this. [Music]. episode Buster sometimes I think that. with maturity and with age we're able to. look back at our earliest years and. connect dots that only our maturity and. only our own growth and development. allow us to connect and those dots. sometimes indicate to. us why and how we became the person we.

are today and that's really what I'm so. compelled to understand with you is what. is that early context that you look back. on now when you go the reason I am the. man I am today sat here is because of. this early context and these things and. these people what is that honestly have. to say it starts with my mother and my. father. um my mother and my father was was. strict you know what I'm saying and they. also made sure that I didn't need for.

nothing I was able to really enjoy what. it was to be a child. and you know I don't I don't have to sit. here and and mislead people like I come. from some poor struggle and I come from. this this hood [ __ ] like yeah I was in. the hood I was in Brooklyn East Flatbush. Brooklyn New York and I was in the hood. with enough of the the goons and the. Hooligans but.

the difference about our era and the way. you you mostly hear artists try to. portray it now is even the guys that was. the goons and the gangsters and the. troublemakers in the street they had. respect and they had integrity and they. understood what it was to have proper. manners. like if my. mother as serious as she. was saw any of the other kids in the. street it was the like I'm giving you an. example of how it really literally took. a village to ra a child like none of the.

Neighbors on the Block would see another. child that they watch grow from a little. boy into becoming a teenager or. something and see that kid misbehaving. and not reprimand him in the street even. if they not his parent so my neighbors. had permission to to bust my ass if I. was misbehaving and then they would tell. my mother and if my mother felt like I. misrepresented her to make another. neighbor have to discipline me that was. going to get me another ass beaten so. you ended up getting two ass.

beaten for every one trouble that you. caused you know what I'm saying and and. that's that [ __ ] was important because I. think that as a community that [ __ ] is. something that's it doesn't exist. anymore you can't tell no nobody else. kid nothing kids ain't trying to listen. to you tell them nothing they'll lift up. something and fling it after you or or. or go upside your head if and disrespect. you because it's just a totally. different.

value in the way things are done in the. community so it starts with my parents. and the way I was raised in in the house. to have respect for my parents have. respect for my other Elders even if he. wasn't my parent and. also even if you was dudes that was in. the street you still an elder we had to. respect you as an elder in in return. that same respect that came from the. house and you whenever you went abroad. and you conducted yourself in that. manner would garnish the same respect in.

return so even if it was a dude in the. street on some Street [ __ ] the respect. that you showed to that Elder still. warranted a certain respect from them. they wouldn't disrespect the respect. that you was raised in your house to. have for your family and for them so. that respect was upheld and it was that. that integrity was defended. and that was a real.

solid foundation that all of the other. flaw was built on which eventually. evolved into becoming a skyscraper for. me so I'mma start there with the kids. then I'm I'mma go to the neighborhood. because again when my parents was around. I got the same disciplining from the. neighbors the hardworking middle class. families the less fortunate families. that was still in the neighborhood we. all was on the same Accord about. discipline and respect was it it was it.

easy to see when you look back how you. could have gone another way in that. context absolutely because all of those. things were still there the drug dealing. was still there the shootings were still. happening the robberies were still. happening all of that was there right. but the beautiful thing was there was a. serious presence of. balance that was just as impressionable. as all of the things that was the. negative presence that was strong and.

that did get a stronghold on a lot of. the youth in the community at the time. too how come you didn't go the other way. I. did I did I just was fortunate enough to. have something like hip hop that was. able to be an alternative that saved my. life changed my. life and I had some incredible people. that was around me to. support me when I. found this interest and and I identified. with my gift as.

and artists to be able. [Music]. to entertain. people. perform articulate my thoughts through. song and Ry. form and I had an incredible support. system with my moms I had an incredible. support system with just the other. friends and family that I grew up with. that was in the community and then last. but not least the determination that I.

had to want to be able to not disappoint. the people that I knew that really was. proud of what I was doing good bad or. indifferent who are. they it was it was all of them all of. them right so for example I pissed my. mom's off when I decideed I wanted to. start selling weed and selling crack. right and the guys that was in the. street that I was doing it. with when they realized even though I. was doing it and it was cool for us to.

do it they didn't really want us to do. it when they started to see that we had. potential to do other things that was. going to keep us safe and keep us away. from the street a lot of the time they. didn't have a better opportunity to. offer us so they made sure that they was. as present as they could be to gu us. through the [ __ ] that they didn't even. want us to do in the first place which. was the the stupidness we was carrying. on with in the. street so they did everything they could. to minimize the [ __ ] that we would. get into so we don't get k so we don't.

go to jail so you know none of that [ __ ]. would happen but once they realize they. didn't have a better opportunity for us. that is what they felt was the best that. they could do if they if we're going to. do the [ __ ] we got to be there to. protect them and make sure that they. straight and we guide them so that they. could do it the best way with the least. amount of [ __ ] as a younger as a. younger kid right when they started to. see that this rapping thing and this. hip-hop [ __ ] and break dancing and and. graffiti and DJing and all of that [ __ ].

was something that we started to. generate interest for that's when they. started to encourage us to do that more. instead of cracking instead of selling. the drugs instead of selling weed. instead of stealing this and taking that. and so they were so happy to see we. found another way they wanted us to do. that so the more we did. that if we started to show them in. indication as we was making in progress.

that we wasn't continuing to be. productive now it felt like you was. pissing off two sets of. parents I'm already pissing off my. parents cuz I'm with them in the street. now they see me doing this music [ __ ]. they like that [ __ ] they proud of me so. if I'm not doing well in that now I'm. disappointing them too what was the. consequence of your parents separating. at 11 years old cuz I think about me. being 11 years old I remember a. conversation my mom my mom's Nigerian I. was born in bwana my dad's English right. I remember at around that age about 10.

years old my parents calling me in and. basically telling me they didn't love. any each other anymore and it was like. the world had broken in half yeah it. like you can't comprehend the concept of. these two people being separate it's. like being torn into two pieces how was. it for you at 11 years old when you find. that out it was disastrous for me. because um like you said you can't. really ever wrap your head around that. as a child you don't know how to. conceptualize that like. um obviously there was things that I was. able to do and and it was enjoyment I.

was able to have when I spent time with. my father that I I couldn't get when I. was with my. mother there was things that I was. always able to get as far as nurturing. and being cared for and being baby from. my mother that I couldn't get from my. father and obviously divine order is. Mother and Father to make baby right. so I definitely didn't want to. lose neither one of them did you change. I definitely Chang because um I wasn't.

um I couldn't figure out how to find my. my my. uh the the the behaved kid that I was. even though I was still getting into. [ __ ] the the [ __ ] really started. once my mother and my father got a. divorce the misbehaving really started. picking up the the disrespect started to. pick up and intensify the anger was just. a lot more. more why it overwhelmed me more because.

I was just I wasn't happy with my. situation and then I wasn't happy. with the the way that I was directly. impacted by their beef so. like you know there would be times. when if my mother and my father wasn't. getting. along fresh discrepancy between the two. of them say like the day of my father. posted to pick up me and my brother cuz.

I only got one younger brother and say. he supposed to come and pick us up on. this day and particularly for his. visitation weekend if a. argument started with the two of them. that. morning you know my father would get to. the house and then my mother wouldn't. even let us go and we would look and see. him in the front of the house from the. window. and my mom's would just be on some.

[ __ ] how did you feel looking at him. from the window it [ __ ] crazy you. wanted to go I'm guessing of course you. know what I'm saying because there was. things and there was other family that. obviously was on my father's side. cousins and kids from the neighborhoods. of the. cousins uh part of Brooklyn or queens. and different areas of New York that we. would go that we had friends and.

with the family and with the. neighborhood friends that we met through. our other family and other cousins and. things of that nature in the different. neighbor we we we wouldn't get to see. these people until Dad came to get us. because Mom's wasn't cool really with. that side of the family like that my. father's side of the family wasn't. really rocking with my mother's side of. the family like that so if that rotation. didn't happen in the visits we didn't. get to enjoy that we missed out with Dad. we was only get to. getting the opportunity to see him you.

know once a week once every two weeks or. sometimes once a month if they they. beefing with each other did did your. relationship with your father at that. point kind of become a bit straighted. when because of that beef did you start. to see him less and less and less yeah I. think my conflict with my father it. started to happen more and more because. um you know obviously um. the lack of a parent presence has an.

effect in different ways. right and as a son I don't know what it. is but I just think. instinctually boys cling on to their. moms. more I don't know if that's always the. case but in most cases that's usually. what it is I think my father's. personality was a little conflicting for. me with the way my personality was and. the contrast of my father's.

personality as opposed to my mother's. personality it it drew Conflict for me. too because my father he wasn't as. interested in the [ __ ] that I wanted to. do or that the [ __ ] that I was. interested in as a as a child like he. always was more serious. about whatever he felt was best for my. future was all that mattered it wasn't.

about what I thought it was about what. he thought so I always started to feel. like in in having the comparison and. seeing the contrast between that and how. supportive my mother was for the [ __ ]. that I wanted to do like you. know first time I got some [ __ ] I could. come tell my mother I could sit down and. tell my mother about how that felt you. know what I'm saying I could sit and. tell my moms. about you know my first wet dream or. some. [ __ ] I could I could talk to my moms and.

about the music that I'm making in the. studio with with my crew leaders of the. new school at the time and I could come. home and I could play that [ __ ] in the. house I could turn up the [ __ ] just as. long as I could do just as long as I did. what I was supposed to in the house my. mother was with all the other [ __ ] as. long as it was productive and it kept me. away from the trouble in the street that. was relieving for her my. father he tried to talk to him at the. time about some rap [ __ ] he's like I.

don't want to hear that [ __ ] that [ __ ]. is a bunch of. [ __ ] and you wasting your time with. that [ __ ] that's how I used to talk you. know what I'm. saying now at that time I didn't respect. it and at that time I I I I felt way I. felt real [ __ ] up about that because. it was just. like I could be doing some real [ __ ]. like I'm I'm actually still one foot put. in because I'm not I'm I haven't.

succeeded at this this [ __ ] don't make. me no money I do this [ __ ] cuz I love it. like I just love it so when I'm able to. do [ __ ] that I love with with my friends. that and with my people. that I'm entertained by doing it with. them it's because I have this thing with. a crew that there's a. collective enjoyment that we're getting. from from doing this music [ __ ] are you.

still trying to prove him wrong to some. degree did you find yourself trying to. prove him wrong then nah because I got. my opportunity to do it but before that. moment before at that time yeah. absolutely I was trying to prove him. wrong I was so determined to prove him. wrong that it it it it forced me to. excel because the more that he wanted me. to do what he wanted me to do which was. my father was a licensed electrical. contractor okay okay so he used to force.

me to come to work his way of keeping me. off the street was bringing me to work. with him because he had his. own company as a licensed electrical. contractor how' you feel about that I. was disgusted with that [ __ ] because we. working in these nasty [ __ ] buildings. with rats and roaches running around and. [ __ ] and it took childhood time for me. because I wasn't able to be outside and. play that's really what I wanted to do. and how old were you then 12 it started. a little younger than that but right. around 12 is when it got serious I would.

say like around 10 years old was when it. started 12 is when it got serious. because my mother used to send us to. different countries every summer with my. father just so we could be able to. explore what it was like to live in. Jamaica for a summer with the family. same [ __ ] with England my mother would. send us to England so when I. was around there was one summer we came. out here you were 10 I was like 10 11 my.

brother was younger than me he like. seven I'm staying in morham them time. and Preston and we went to karate school. here we went to Primary School here. and we was break dancing and I had these. cousins that used to named Samantha and. Michaela they used to take me in val. they used to take me to these little. clubs cuz they used to bring us to like. this little area where was like a uh I.

wouldn't call it a downtown area but. there was a area Like a downtown area in. the morham area and in the Preston area. and in a Blackpool area and we would go. and we would break dance out there with. the young kids that was from England and. you know we had our style of doing [ __ ]. from New York and we we was we was. getting we was some dangerous little. [ __ ] now I me you know we was. getting busy we was making it happen we. you know we twisting up and popping and. all of this [ __ ] so. it was it was something where we just.

became a part of this break dance. community and they was always looking. forward to seeing us we would go out. there like three four times a week other. people promoters they would see us they. started to book us to come in clubs. obviously we're too young to go in a. club so they would let us come perform. 10 minutes 15 minutes and then we would. have to leave immediately so we made a. little money that way get a little 10. PBS here for a show a little 20 pounds. there for a show but this these are the. things that grew around so when I when I.

was around all of. this and that started to slow. down dad was like okay y'all ain't going. nowhere this summer you're coming to. work do I want to go to work no do I. want to be an electrician no do I want. to be [ __ ] pulling BX cable through. sheetrock no do I want to be hammering. nails and then bang my finger no do I. want to see rats and [ __ ] roaches. crawling over my shoes and my timbering.

boots and I don't want to do none of. that and I'm watching kids riding up and. down and pop a wheelieing on the bike. and music playing outside and I can't do. that [ __ ] I was I used to be super angry. at that [ __ ] every day with my father. what did you want to do instead I wanted. to rap I wanted to make music I wanted. to break dance I wanted to do all the. [ __ ] that. hip-hop consisted of like I I became the. embodiment of Hip Hop and it was the. thing that was my excuse to not go to.

work why did you want to rap well number. one I wanted to be the DJ first okay you. know what I'm saying the DJ thing to me. though I never really got good at it to. be the DJ I was able to do it but I was. never nice enough to become the. Superstar DJ and at that time.

the DJ was super important because all. of the groups had the DJ name so the. grandm Flash and the furious five Jam. Master J Run DMC like the DJ was always. the. solo it was like he was the big. shot so when I I couldn't I'm not really. the technology dude you know what I'm. saying so all of. this equipment [ __ ] like it was just a. little complic ated for me and.

then I actually became a MC by. accident and the interesting part about. that. was I caught two charges selling crack. by the time I was. 12 and fortunately the laws was. different and I was a. minor so. I didn't see no serious trouble but I.

was definitely on my way to getting into. some serious trouble if I didn't if my. mother didn't say all right enough of. this [ __ ] we got to get you out of. here that's when she took me from. Brooklyn and brought me to Long. Island when I got to Long Island that's. when I met. Brown C Brown from leaders of the new. school dink OD D from leaders of the new. school Milo is my mother's sister's son.

so he's my first Blood. cousin but before we brought in Milo it. was and even before we brought in Dinko. was it was me Dinko and another dude. named mystery mystery was hustling in. the street too but when we went to Long. Island now a lot of other families was. thinking like my mother it brought their. kids from Brooklyn too to Long Island. from Queens to Long Island from the. Bronx to Long Island so we left the. neighborhood. which is the hood we was raised in we.

left the hood to come to the suburbs and. still be around a bunch of kids from the. hood you know what I'm saying so the. same [ __ ] you was running from we found. a way to do the same [ __ ] in these nice. neighborhoods now and here we come as. the generation terrorizing these. beautiful. neighborhoods. and we [ __ ] these neighborhoods up. when you say you became an accident. Dental MC this is what happened I wasn't.

rapping yet I was only break dancing I. was only. popping and I was DJing a little bit and. I was messing around with the. graffiti I wasn't rapping yet so when I. move to Long Island I meet Charlie Brown. I meet. mystery. [Music]. and what ends up happening. is in this junior high school now they.

got like these lip sync contests they. got rap contests. and you know we now finally getting a. chance to experience what it's like to. have a be in school where you have. periods different periods in classes and. you in one class for 45 minutes to an. hour then the bell ringing and you. switch I got the hallway action. everybody talking [ __ ] go to the next. class flirt with a couple of chicks on. the way to the next class so all of that. interaction is starting out puberty. kicking in crazy you know 13 years old.

12 13 now you starting to get your. homeown just moving different. so obviously you going through the stage. in your life now where you want to. impress everybody you wna you want to be. the cool guy in. school. so whenever you came to Long Island. from the five. burrows it was a thing oh that's the New. Kid From Brooklyn oh that's the new kid.

from Queens oh that's the new kid from. Bronx that's the new kid from Staten. Island so me being one of the new kids. from Brooklyn it created this. talk. and the rapping thing is happening. Charlie Brown was like the guy he was. like the the the number one rap dude in. school at the time. so one day I'm coming out of the.

school and we get in the schoolyard and. you know some of the kids waiting on the. school buses some of the kids is waiting. to see you know the football game or the. basketball game after school there was. like a cipher that was formed in this. particular day and it was a big one. and it was C Brown rapping and two other. kids and then. uh see brown was getting most of the. shine I walked over with to the cipher.

and I started. beatboxing right and. uh Brown he's he doing his rap [ __ ] to. my beatbox or whatever and you know I'm. keeping the beat going for. him and then. um everything was smooth in the. beginning like you know he was just. rhing everything was cool and you know. he's sounding. good and then like probably like a good. 30 40 seconds into it he just started. disrespecting me so I'm beatboxing for.

him and he dissing me and I'm I'm I'm. kind of like torn. between should I punch this dude in his. face or should I just keep beatboxing. and not be the party pooper of the party. energy that we have in here and you how. old I was 12 I was I was 13 now and I'm. saying to. myself I'm from Brooklyn. and the mentality back then was.

everybody from Long Island was [ __ ] you. know it's the suburbs it's the green. grass it's the flower beds it's it's the. the the the nice. houses we come from from from Concrete. Jungle we come from projects we come. from struggle. so I'm looking at this dude and I'm just. looking at him like I'm a [ __ ] you up. like in two seconds because you a [ __ ]. to me but you disrespecting me in front. of all these people and if don't do. something then they going to look at me.

like I'm a [ __ ] too. so as I'm getting ready to do something. stupid the rhyme stopped like he was. done. and everybody was biging him up and you. know I ain't want to look like a sore. loser even though there was no battle he. just chose to diss me for no reason and. I couldn't understand it because I'm. like y I'm here to support you right now. I'm giving you the beat and the whole. [ __ ] the [ __ ] you doing. long story short that was the.

day I said all right I'mma go. home and I'mma write a rhyme tonight and. I'mma come back tomorrow and I'mma. [ __ ] disrespect this youth in front. of everybody the same way he dished me. up in front of. everybody and the next day I came to. school I waited all day I ain't telling. nobody [ __ ] we got back in that same.

yard nice big crowd the next. day he raming again I started beat. boxing for him again like like like it's. the exact thing happening like the day. before so we going and I'm doing what. I'm doing and everything is cool and. nobody ain't got no clue cuz I didn't. say [ __ ] to nobody about having RS. ready and the crazy [ __ ] is when I wrot. my.

Rhymes I was listening to a bunch of LL. Cool J [ __ ] because at the time LL was. battling everybody on record you know. what I'm saying he battling Kumo D. battle IC te battle you know he was just. he was the one that was trying to take. everybody head off and I was like yo I. want to come like LL so I could tear. this boy head off so I ended up doing my. [ __ ] and somehow. it went from me beatboxing to.

him and for him to me telling him yo why. don't you do a beat for. me and he was like oh you got RS ready. today like just do a beat let me just. try. something so he did the. beat and I started off the rme on some. calm [ __ ] and then when I started to get. into the disrespect lines that's when. the the whole thing just started to. happen on its own like. my frustration and then me seeing the.

people reacting to my. [ __ ] the way that I wanted them to it. just made me more confident more cocky. more charismatic and that's when the. whole bust of. Rhymes thing started to happen and my. name wasn't even Buster rhes at the time. I had a [ __ ] up rap name at the. time what was. it yo my name was terrible yo my name at.

the. time I had two I had my name from being. a part of the 5% nation of the Gods and. Earth which that name was cooler that. was Lord tahim right but somehow I. abandoned that to. become like the rappers that had. three-part names right is there a reason. you're not telling me I'm getting to do. it I'm just trying to help with I'm.

setting it up with the proper. prerequisite. so LL Cool J is a three-part name yeah. Jam Master J is a three-part name all of. the guys from The Fat Boys Prince Mary D. cool rock ski them dudes had three- part. names. right I changed my name to chill o ski. [Laughter].

that name is so [ __ ] terrible I know. I'm sorry. bro name was terrible and you know. what's so crazy I kept that name for a. long time because I really thought it. was the [ __ ] cuz I felt like Chill O ski. Chill O ski bro terrible I know it's. terrible but I I I really was proud of. like I got a three-part name like my.

favorites and if you want to be like. your favorites you got to do the [ __ ]. that is a. replication of your favorites and. then I destroyed Charlie Brown so. bad that at the end of that night the. end of that little battle. that afternoon after school he he just. came over to the side and was like. yo we should be in a group. together and that's really the day that.

I guess Buster Rhymes I guess it's a. catalyst moment the day Buster was born. you talked about how that kind of moment. helped you develop your style and your. charisma and the way you carried. yourself and from then till when you get. signed at 17 years old I'm curious about. what happens in that moment because. that's really you. know a lot of people at 12 years old or. 10 years old or whatever want to be. hip-hop actors hip-hop stars or they. want to be whatever they want to be. musicians but very very few make it to.

the top table what happens between the. playground that day and 17 years old you. getting signed when you look back and go. it was for that reason was it natural. Talent is it hard work is it all of the. above it it's all of the above but the. first thing for me was the. addiction to the. reaction that I was getting from the. people and I was seeing it and how it. felt in real time. and just just just looking at the fact.

that I came up with. something in my crib by myself in my. bedroom that was fueled by a. determination of wanting to defend. myself like a. fight and a lot of the. times I don't think I might have said it. like this I've said it before but I. don't think I've said it a. lot I don't know if it would have been I.

had the same desire to want to be in. hipop I had the same desire to want to. Ry DJ but I don't know if if that moment. didn't. happen I don't know if I would have. pursued being an. MC at that time it probably wouldn't. happen I've sat here with a lot of. people um who are Comedians and and. entertainers and actors and the biggest. movies in the world and it's so.

interesting to me that there tends to be. an early Catalyst moment where they. perform maybe in front of the family at. Christmas or on stage or whatever it is. and they get this reaction and in that. moment that reaction does something to. them on a psychological level which. becomes as the word you used is the word. I hear becomes this addiction yeah and I. often wonder to myself because a lot of. other people will experience that. reaction and not develop the addiction. so the reaction it appears to is doing. something for those people that they. needed at that moment yes I needed it at.

that moment I going to tell you. something it it actually happened before. that to want to be a MC happened in that. moment the addiction to entertaining. people that [ __ ] happened when I was. like seven eight years old maybe maybe. even six six years old because where it. started for me initially was you know at. the time and particularly like I was.

saying how the neighborhood was back. then and how we was raising our house. back then my mother and my father you. know we had to go to bed at 9:00 on a. school night. and on the weekends when we was that. young we might be able to stay up until. about 10:00 but we still had to go to. bed by a certain. time when my mother had company or like. my father and they had like family and. friends or. you know they just had their little. grownup get.

togethers and they get to drink in a. little bit sometimes you know they so. entertained by each other's company they. forget to send us to bed at 9 o00 they. playing music and [ __ ] and I used to. have to do things I would try to. creatively come up with ways to avoid. being sent to bed at 9 o'clock so when. they playing music the first thing that. I would always get into doing. is reenactments of Michael Jackson and.

from The Jackson 5 and James Brown dance. routines so I used to do that [ __ ] and I. was nice with the [ __ ] split and. spinning around and [ __ ] and just. carrying. on I'm doing all type of [ __ ] and. I'm for hours until I literally would be. sweating through my clothes. but it was so entertaining that.

sometimes the whole company that was. there for my family my mother and my. father they ended up cheering me on and. rooting me on to continue. and biging up my mom's about how much. talent her son has and was it not that. feeling then that you were chasing. that's what it was first that's what I. was saying like I I wasn't thinking. about being no rapper then but I I knew. what that feeling felt.

like and I always wanted that. feeling and that feeling started in the. crib and then it translated into. me trying to get that attention in the. classrooms which turned me into a. jokester in the class so I would do [ __ ]. to get the attention of the crowd from. the class and became like this class. clown dude and I would get in trouble. and [ __ ] and then it translated from.

That Into You Know Me break dancing and. doing all this hip-hop [ __ ] because I. loved hip-hop and I was starting to see. what what was being created as a. movement and what was being generated as. an interest that was taken over like it. didn't matter what else was cool at the. time when hip-hop started to really. become that. [ __ ] there was nothing more important. than knowing how to do something that.

was a representation of hip-hop if you. was a graffiti artist and you was. [ __ ]. dope you became something that was like. on a celebrity status level but that's. when [ __ ] started putting. graffiti on clothes and everybody that. was involved with hip-hop or some kind. of representation of hip-hop became some. sort of celebrity so for me that's why I. wanted to learn how to do everything in. hip-hop because I still didn't know what.

I wanted to do the DJ [ __ ] complicated. the break dancing [ __ ] I ain't like the. [ __ ] bruises I was getting all the. time you know what I'm saying. and the graffiti [ __ ] I was cool with it. but it was really when that situation. happened with me and C Brown that's now. when I found that I was able to get the. feeling of when I was this little boy. dancing for my parents and their. company and at the the same time I was. able to have that Spotlight on me being.

the rapper guy so it's like all of this. [ __ ] became the thing that I started to. grow not only this appreciation for. it but I started to grow addicted to the. [ __ ] that is what I was expecting in. terms of like I was just trying to. figure out the psychological reason why. you became so addicted to this cuz. listen I come from a background where of. my friends started rapping and most of. them fell off and then there's like one.

or two of them that just be it became. like their medication to some [ __ ] yeah. and I've always wondered why they just. like that individual just stuck at it. for all those years yeah but in that in. that answer we have the um I think the. biggest addiction for me out of all of. it was to be able to. say to my. father I wanted to be able to experience. the day. not knowing if it would ever come but it.

was a serious serious thing like I used. to write the [ __ ] on my wall and just on. a piece of paper and I would stick it on. the. wall and it would say one. day I'm going. to get a deal I'm G sign a contract I'm. G come home with so much [ __ ]. money that I'm going be able to tell my. father I told you. so that's all I wanted to be able to do. and I wrote that [ __ ] and put it on the.

wall and I would look at that [ __ ] every. day and and there would be days still. when he would tell me I got to come to. work and I would look at that. sign and then I would see him outside in. the. truck and I walk out that [ __ ] house. and I would be mad as. hell. angry. and what I do love about my father as I. got older is I.

understood what he wanted he just wanted. to make. sure I wasn't wasting my time he built. this company he want to pass it down it. was love it's love it was he need his. son to. succeed I'm his pride and his joy and. failure is not an option with my father.

and I guess where he came. from you know it's the same with my. mother my mother when I told her 18 I. wasn't going to University wouldn't. speak to me for years but she comes from. Nigeria she left school at 7 years old. she can't read or write today wow so I. was the only of her four kids I was the. only one that says I'm not going to. University right now she stood in my way. and said don't start a business etc etc. but in in my maturity I go she stood in. my way because she loved me absolutely. at the time and everyone goes a lot of. people go through especially sort of. immigrant immigrant kids. primarily yeah because that pain and.

that struggle that suffering that they. come from that [ __ ] ain't no that's not. this [ __ ] that we was raised in that you. know me and you we obviously even if you. was born there you. wasn't you didn't spend your years there. to to experience the pain that they did. so you come here now you still don't. know they struggle they know though they. never going to forget and they obviously. want the best for their babies man. my father came to the Apollo to see us.

and this what made him even more sure. about disrespecting me and disrespecting. the rap [ __ ] me and my my crew leaders. of the new school we had an opportunity. to perform at the Apollo at amateur. night at the Apollo and we get up there. and we got. booed badly booed one of the first times. you know when me and Charlie Brown. decided to form the group the guy. mystery that was with us originally. he got tired of the the weight there was. no real light at the end of the tunnel.

if we was going to get an opportunity to. get a record deal he was selling drugs. in the street too he decided he wanted. to go back to the street and do that he. ain't want to be in a rap group no more. that's how room was made for Dinko to. get in the group cuz we still felt like. we needed to replace the third rapper we. got our Three rap dudes now it's me. Brown and Dinko and then I said yo we. need a DJ let me get my cousin so Milo. came and we ended up doing the show at. the Apollo. got booed and my father was even he was.

hitting me with the I Told You So that. night see I tell you yo you waste your. time with this little idiot rapper boy. [ __ ] for come and work that's why I'm. going tell you for come to work so you. can learn some. stability and stop waste your time with. this rapper [ __ ] it's how you talking to. me we Still In the Venue really we ain't. even leave he just beating me in the. head with. this total dis. respect.

but again at that time I I hated him for. it as we got older and I that day came. for me I got my my record deal when I. was 17. and what was it about you though was it. was it this was it the unique style and. the you had a completely different flow. that people were just drawn to that. raised the energy on every record you. touched it definitely was that and that. came completely from dance hall.

influence right. so are you familiar with like Sting yeah. all right so sting clashes that used to. happen from the 80s all the way down M. the one thing that I saw in dance hall. culture that I wasn't seeing in hip-hop. was the way when dance hall artists was. getting busy and clashing in front of. that 105 ,000,000 people in that sting.

audience the energy that they had to. have to make sure that they're. portraying themselves in a. way that was just more than the lyrics. It Was a a complete Showmanship that was. a collective of things it was the outfit. it was the jumping around it was the. kicking the foot it was the flinging. your hand and the way you was coming. through on the microphone and the flow. patterns and the the cleverness of the.

lyrics and the punch lines it was all of. these. things and it was mindblowing to me. because I wasn't seeing that same thing. in Hip Hop in hip-hop you seeing dudes. just walking around you know they might. hold their crutch and they act like they. too cool to be that. animated me I love that [ __ ] I love kung. fu movies I love karate movies so all of. that.

[ __ ] and the dancing up and the this and. and that and the foot this that I just. took all of that [ __ ] and I said I'mma. turn this into what I'm GNA do on these. stages and I think. that if I master this [ __ ] and I could. Master my. breathing and I don't exhaust myself too. soon try to jump around all over the. [ __ ] stage going crazy I think I. might become a dangerous [ __ ]. that's hard to compete with.

because dudes are not moving like this. on no stage I'm going to all of the. shows I'm being a student I'm in the. clubs I'm in the street I'm everywhere. just to. see and learn and and and pull. inspiration from somewhere and I pulled. a lot of inspiration from different. places but that was when I found it like. looking at those Clash sting clashes and.

jammies and killer monjaro like all that. man from Saxon and all of that that was. out here Tipper I and all of them man. like them dudes rais me it's so. interesting because what you've. described there is kind of like my. understanding of what creativity is. where you you pull from so many. different almost clouds of inspiration. to create a new one yeah and I was. thinking about I was thinking about your. kids you you said to me before we start. recording you got six kids and they're. around like 20 30 years old now. right based on what you now understand.

about what made you stand out different. the the what it took in terms of your. mentality to use the word student there. if one of those kids comes to you now. and says Dad what are the fundamentals. that I can take from your journey up. until that point at say 21 years old. that. would increase my chance of success no. matter the industry what are those. fundamentals. so the fundamentals that I would give my. kids which I've. already feel like I've been given to.

them is the first thing is. identify with what you. love and once you love it hone in on. that thing until you can Master it to. the point. where people can identify that there's. no questioning your love for. it that's the first thing. once you love it to the point.

where your actions speak louder than. anything you could say about how much. you love it that is always the root of. whatever success is pre-ordained or. destined to come to you no matter what. it is that you choose to. do. because what is actually going to create. the Reverend. is that you're not doing it from a place.

of trying to generate the. revenue you're going to do this [ __ ]. regardless so it's not about the money. for you you're fulfilling. something in your soul in your body. there's a feeling that even the money. can't give you there's people that have. this money and they still can't find. that feeling man and there's nothing. like. it this is a feeling that really exists.

bro that can actually make you the. happiest person in the. world that happens to be my. music. because and and my children understand. now I love my children so much and I. love my family so much. I'm not playing with anything that I. know is going to allow me the.

opportunity to make sure that I can show. them and I can take care of them and I. can without compromise find a way and a. means to securing of the well-being of. my family and I found something that I. love that has provided me those means. and the ability to do it and I don't. have to question how I'm going to get to. that on no day I could be sick I could.

be I could be sick and in the hospital. and write a. song and even if I'm too weak to say. it I could give it to. somebody and work out whatever business. I need to work out with that person so. they still do that same song God willing. the success of that song. that hopefully is garnished reaches a.

level of success based on this creation. from a feeling that I was inspired by or. from a feeling that I got that I can't. explain and I can't give to nobody other. than through this. music that will take care of not just my. family but it actually might take care. of filling a space in the millions of. people's lives that will hear this [ __ ]. that at some Point depending on the. impact of the song they [ __ ] around and.

see you 20 years from now and become the. [ __ ] CEO of Google and will tell you. I am a. fan I love you what this [ __ ] song. did to for me when I was 10 now I'm. 30 and at this moment when I was 10 I. remember wearing this little T-shirt. with a yellow [ __ ] balloon face on it. and I had my little bicycle out. died and my mother let me play with my. two friends two houses down we played.

this [ __ ] song 10 times in a. row until we had to go. inside and that song changed my life and. it gave me the motivation to want to do. this thing evolve into this person think. a new way that allowed me to pursue. something that I found that I love and. now I'm a [ __ ] $200 million CEO in. Google I'm a fan of your [ __ ] you're. still doing what I love and I want to.

sit down with you and figure out. something magical that we could do. together sounds addictive that's very. [ __ ]. addictive [ __ ] that that's the most. addictive [ __ ] in the world to me. because it's like that's that's greater. than man you can't teach somebody how to. do that that's not a book science that's. not. school you know what I'm saying that. [ __ ] is you identify with this. gift we all got the gift this something.

that we've all been blessed with at some. point if we listen to that [ __ ]. little thing that speaks to us. inside some people call it Instinct some. people call it a Vibe some people call. it an energy whatever the [ __ ] you call. it some people call it a voice whatever. that thing is bro if it Sparks the. thought. that changes the whole. trajectory to what your life can evolve.

into because you took a second to listen. to that. [ __ ] you are identifying with your. blessing you are identifying with your. gift and at that point you learn what. the [ __ ] it is and become one with it. and walk in your purpose bro so you. might instill this thing into the lives. of so many. people. that you live forever through this thing.

that you've created that's not a man. thing no more that [ __ ] is deeper than. man I am absolutely addicted to that. because when you really think about it. that [ __ ] is something that's that's. Godly it's weird to me when people find. it strange when we call ourselves gods. and earth right because I'm. saying what do you want me to be you.

want me to. be other than God anything other than. its original form is the worst state of. its own. existence because you're not even. functioning within the nature that you. was created to function in. so you can't make me call myself devil. likee because you think that it's a. Blasphemous act for me to say that I'm. Godly or I'm God like or I'm made in the. likeness of the most high that mentality.

is why I function this. way because I refuse to think that there. is nothing that I can't. do Beyond. man beyond man if I could sit down here. and smoke a spliff and eat a bowl of. cereal and [ __ ] go y. when I step up in the place and when I. step your steps correct woa got you in.

check and the whole [ __ ] planet is. doing it it don't matter what country I. go to and then I get to Sweden and they. telling me y y y yes yes yes yes yes I. ain't from Sweden I don't know that I. just was vibing and bugging out the weed. had me and filling. away nice little spliff little food. little bowl of cereal and I just was. joking in the crib and. Y [ __ ] was laughing in my house. I thought it was funny I did this [ __ ]. on the record I like funny but I also.

like serious there's always a balance. between the guys that we found the most. entertainment from all of the dudes that. was on TV that we like that was the. [ __ ] criminals they was always funny. right alucino and Scarface he was a. serious [ __ ] but he was funny. Joe pesi and Good Fellas serious but. funny right we in the hood we love the. balance between serious and funny I try. to incorporate serious and funny and all. of my. [ __ ] bottom line is my children the.

fundamentals I want to give you all find. it love it identify with what you love. become one with that thing pursue it to. the point where you become so engulfed. in it you don't know nothing else other. than that walk in your purpose is what. it evolves into what kind of human. beings do they need to be character. traits all right this is what it needs. to be. some of it might sound [ __ ].

up first thing is you got to be selfish. as. hell you gotta be. selfish I don't give a [ __ ] it's it's. it's it's the it's the sacrifice but. without great sacrifice and without. great risk does there is no such thing. as a great. [Music]. reward can't have one there that doesn't. there's no that math will never. math you know what I'm saying yeah you. have to have and I don't like this word.

but I'm going to say it because it's. true you have to be a little maniacal. with the [ __ ] maniac right that word. isn't good in a lot of situations but. when you're pursuing your destiny when. you identify with your destiny you have. to be selfish you have to be maniacal. you have to be. uncompromising and. you have to move in a way when it comes. to those three things where you.

function completely in a way where it's. an unwavering Faith like it don't matter. how [ __ ] up that [ __ ] might look it. don't matter how much it feel like it. ain't gonna work. delusional complete. delusion you got to believe the. delusion because it's only delusional. until it works. so is it really.

delusional a [ __ ] only going to. call it delusion until it don't. work for nobody else to see but for the. whole world to see and then once the. world see it there's nothing delusional. about it now your delusion becomes oh he. was a [ __ ]. genius we didn't see it when he saw it. we didn't understand it when he did we. thought this mother [ __ ] was crazy but. he definitely always he always figured.

this thing was the thing to do and he's. he stuck by that [ __ ] when you say. selfish obviously that word has got a. lot of different connotations and. meanings and but I heard from it that. the selfishness is focusing on serving. yourself and your dreams and your. mission like you were somewhat selfish. when you said I want to be a rapper even. though your father's saying I want you. to come and be an electrical contractor. that was selfish of you to say no I want. to take care of me. first that's selfish I'm meaning even.

more extreme than. that. yes selfish to my father. because and in a way I don't want to I. don't want to look at it as what's. selfish to him I was just on some I. don't want to do what you want to do. that's not really being selfish that's. just having a difference in opinion. right selfish when I say selfish it. means my children. right I've had to miss moments that were.

never going to get back I missed my. oldest son's High School. graduation I. missed one of my daughter's College. graduations I've. missed times when I should have been. there to. teach my child how to drive or I should. have been there to teach my child how to. ride out a. bike I missed a lot of that.

right. and a lot of it had to do. with. circumstance and my circumstance which I. obviously contributed to creating for. myself I had to take responsibility for. these choices that I made and these. circumstances that I created for myself. and. the the situation that became a real. life situation for me left me very few.

choices so there was a choice where I. could be there for everything and then. the money ain't where it need to be. or I'm going to do what I love not just. because I love it and it brings me joy. and it brings me peace of mind because I. would go to the. studio and when I'm in that studio and I.

close the door and then I'm in those. four. walls I don't have to argue with a. child's. mother I don't have to argue with my. woman I don't get talk back from people. that choose to have a debate about [ __ ]. that ain't even worth debating about all. of the unnecessary. distractions I can leave outside of that. room room and when I'm in that room I am.

fulfilling my. destiny I am. fulfilling my soul and I'm making myself. get to a place mentally where my peace. of mind is so where it needs to be that. not only am I allowed to become feel. think and evolve into whatever place my. mind takes me I'm then able to get to. that place emotionally spiritually.

mentally create something put it in a. song change the effect that I can have. as an impact through this thing that I'm. blessed with as a gift and then I. could come down off of. that and be in a happier. place so that when I do get back around. the people that I got to argue. with I'm in a better place to deal with. done is there sort of guilt associated. with that as you've sort of matured and.

and understood and you know had time to. reflect on missing those key moments I. worry about this a lot because I'm a. workaholic and I think my work is in. many respects some kind of psychological. Escape um and I I'm concerned that when. I do have a kid I've got a partner we've. been together four years I'm 31 now that. I might use my work as an excuse to not. be there or I might not make the adj. necessary adjustment to realize that I. only get one bike ride.

moment so I'm going tell you. something there is no right way and no. wrong way when it comes to making that. decision other than what you know in. your. heart I definitely live with guilt I. feel like there was things that I could. have done with. out to be there for my.

children but I also feel like that's me. saying that now. right I'm in a different place now in my. life than I was at that time and at that. time the mentality that I have now. didn't exist then right. and the mentality that needed to exist. then for me to get to this mentality now. was. important and it was a part of the.

needed components to exist in my journey. for me to be able to have this. conversation now this mentality now was. that survival it definitely was. survival when you dealing with four. mothers all having you in court systems. all getting significant amount of money. for child. support all not in the best Place. relationship wise with. you sometimes business is up sometimes.

business is. down you have to be able to be Swift and. changeable regardless of the. circumstances in order to stay. remain because no matter if business is. up or business is down the courts don't. care the child support that needs to. come every month the mothers need to see. it because they don't care. when your kids need what they. need they don't.

care because they didn't ask for. this you can't create an. excuse that's how I was. raised your kid didn't ask to be put in. a situation that you cannot do what. you're supposed to do for them so that's. not their problem you have to find a. solution it's a little of pressure it's. a. lot it's a lot. but I also feel like when you identify.

with your. gift that's part of the gift that's what. makes it the gift because the most high. usually don't give us more than we can. handle you know and with that being. said all of these things we talking. about which is one of the best questions. that I love that you asked right what. would I give my kids and I keep coming. back to that because I want my kids to. understand. that focus on what you love is most. primary being selfish and when I say.

selfish not just my kids but even my. woman there might be a lot of [ __ ] she. want to do I'm. sorry I can't do it right. now I can't do it right now I could do. it later and then there's moments when. you can do it and you make the time and. you do it you know but until there's. another means. of me being able to do what I love and. find the Fulfillment that I find while.

I'm doing what I. love this is also a part of who y'all. fell in love with I want to talk to you. about one of our sponsors LinkedIn Jobs. super quick because without LinkedIn. jobs the D of Co team simply wouldn't. exist how it is now I've probably hired. about 90% of our current team through. Linkedin and I wasn't just looking for. CVS as you've seen in my posts I've. never cared about CVS I was looking for. passion expertise dedication and above. all else kind people which tends to be.

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our life I think help us to see things a. little bit more clearly and especially. when they're really um significant. moments and one of those moments that I. see in your story is in 2012 um where I. think you're 42 years old at the time. and your manager and friend Chris. dies rest in peace to. Chris Chris was all that I knew. everything everything that I I.

learned after Chuck D and Hank shackling. them I learned it with Chris I learned. how to make my money with Chris my tax. brackets changeed with Chris my lawyers. Chang cuz Chris my booking agents. changed with Chris my touring. experiences changed with Chris my. ability to tell my mother to quit her. job and never had to look back to work. for nobody from 1995 to this day all of. that I did it with Chris that day when. you find out that Chris is pasted M can.

you take me to that. day that day was so [ __ ] terrible. bro. wow his life changed when this woman. came into his. life I'm not going to dive too much into. that part. but I'm definitely going to say that. Chris's life changed not for the better.

when she came. around. so once that happened it started to. change the energy amongst the Violator. family and I really wish because I don't. want this to be heard in a way where it. seemed like I'm [ __ ] on the woman. because I'm not [ __ ] on the woman. I'm acknowledging the reality of the. situation as you can see I'm not saying.

nothing bad about the woman I'm just. talking about I'm I'm. acknowledging a time period where a. change transpired in a significant way. and it happened after this woman came. around that's. it long story. short I think his daughter was was. coming home from college and he he had. to go and. meet her at Grand Central Station in.

Manhattan. so he asked me for a ride to Grand. Central. Station and. um I give him the lift to Grand Central. Station and that's the last day that I. saw. him the next. morning I get the call. from his. assistant that something happened to.

him and I'm asking what happened to him. and they just said he hurt himself but. they didn't say you know that he was. dead it just was like he he hurt. himself the assistant called this young. lady I forget her name at the office and. when the young lady answered the phone. we're on the. three-way and she's crying and she's.

screaming on the. phone. [Music]. and she just kept saying Chris Hur. herself Chris Hurt itself and the. assistant is asking her what exactly did. he do to. himself and she said she don't know he. just hurt. his and then we asked if he if he was. dead and then she she said she don't.

know so when we got to Chris's. [Music]. home we couldn't go in the house and. uh it wasn't. until you saw the Corin van come. and when you saw the. van and then they reversed the van into.

the. driveway to get us close to the. door of the. house CU it was a downstairs door and. then there was the regular door to go up. the stairs and you go in the house from. the front but whatever happened to him. it happened. downstairs cuz that's where his body was. and they went. inside and they um they brought them. black bags with them them body bags and.

uh that's when it that's when it got. real that's when it changed everything. changed when you. saw you saw the. bags and. uh we knew um. when they came out the.

uh when they came out the basement with. the bags and his body was in the. bags that's when you know Chris was. never coming. back so. uh you know the crying. started and a lot of arguing started. a threat. started and.

uh my life was going in a whole another. Direction after. that and I didn't like. it cuz I was confused about how to. move and I was lost for a. minute because uh. I never really had to manage my career. without a. manager and he wasn't just a manager he.

was my. brother so it got scary for a. minute I couldn't get it together that's. why I didn't put on no record for nine. years and. um I started to just do different type. of business with signing artist and.

uh. um that's when we put out OT. Genesis and. um we had some really good success with. him and. um signed a few other artists you know. this one artist by the name of stove. stove God cooks and I signed. you know another young artist by the. name of murder Mo.

and I. um I wasn't happy though with with just. doing it like that and I just I didn't. feel comfortable putting out music until. I got the right support system in place. and I I couldn't get it. together when you say you couldn't get. it together what does that what does. that mean that means like. psychologically you could couldn't get. it together psychologically I couldn't. get it together because I didn't feel. like I had a support system that I could.

believe in enough to make me feel like I. am psychologically able to move with the. Comfort the confidence and the support. that I know I'm going to need and the. responsibility of trying to wear all of. the hats myself I was doing it but I. wasn't doing it at the level that Chris. Lighty was able to do it you agree g at. the same time absolutely because I lost. my father two years after.

Chris the two most important male. figures in my. life Chris was gone 2012 I lost my. father. 2014 and you had reconciled with him. before I definitely reconciled with him. before he passed the problem. is I didn't get to enjoy my time with. him once we got good so that was a. horrible feeling too. because it's. like all of the time that was wasted.

[ __ ] not getting along was was. stupid [ __ ] stupid you know what I'm. saying that's part of the reason why I. started to really like get unhealthy and. [ __ ] up I was trying everything to. drown the pain and the frustration and. the. suffering of those losses. about overworking over drinking over. smoking weed and.

cigarettes and it got so bad that I got. to the weight of 340 lbs I never been. that I'm I'm not even built to be that. heavy it's it's funny it's like I look. back at certain pictures and I looked at. how overweight I was I look at my skin. yeah there's certain pictures I had I. had these like marks on my face. I I hate those pictures like I see the.

darkness in those pictures yo there's. this book called The Body holds the. score but the title is just the thing. that I I I've I've actually gained the. most from it just says that when there's. things going on in our psychology and. our mind the body will show it yeah man. we'll eat we'll drink we won't sleep but. you'll see it in the body before you see. it in the mind the mind is invisible. obviously right the body is the first. place to see it and I was reading. through that phase of your life and you. were on sort of breathing machines when. you were sleeping and things like I. wasn't on a breathing machine I had. sleep apnea sleep apnea yeah yeah yeah I.

had sleep apnea I was um you drank. yourself into a coma at one point I. drank myself into not a coma I drank. myself into an inability to wake myself. up oh okay I had to be W woken up by my. son in my security in La it took like 45. minutes and we had just come back from. hanging out at a club called poppies he. sat me down the next day he was like. listen I don't want to hurt your.

feelings cuz you're my. father and I don't even know if I got. the strength to say it to you now but I. had a conversation with the. security I need you to listen to them. because I'm too scared to tell you how I. feel that's how bad it. was my son ain't never speak to me like. that in my life but I needed to hear. it but he couldn't even say it to me.

because that's how much he. still was trying to protect my. feelings but this is the first time that. I knew I really disappointed my. son all that Bust Around [ __ ] was cool. up until this. moment when he saw this. [ __ ] and he been seeing it but this is. when it hits the low that conversation. [ __ ] me up the next day the doctor.

with the prednisone and I went to the. doctor I'm breathing so [ __ ] up that. outside of the door the doctor was like. yo why you breathing like that and he. wasn't even in the room with me he's. coming in the room and I said breathing. like what because I was doing it this so. for so long over the last three years. that I was it was starting to sound. normal to me the doctor said I'm sending. you to the hospital cuz he stuck this. [ __ ] in my throat and when he saw how. big the [ __ ] palps was it blocked 90%. of my breathing.

passage he said if he sends me home and. I take a shower and the central air. system is blowing and I catch a draft. that can lead to me catching a cold and. that last 10% of my breathing gets. blocked up because of a swollen gr from. a sore throat or some [ __ ] I can die in. my sleep that. night he said I got to call an ambulance. for you I'm in California La he says I.

need you to go right now to UCL Medical. Center into the emergency room and I'm. going to call the head person at the. hospital to have them admit you. immediately you need to go into surgery. tomorrow I said I ain't going in no. ambulance he said well then you have to. sign this document that will exemplify. me if you don't listen and something. happens and you die between now when you. get to the hospital I ain't never been. spoken to like this in my. life this is when I knew this [ __ ] was.

crazy my son now I'm calling him telling. him to meet me at the hospital we get to. the hospital and I'm in the doctor's. office and they doing all little. preliminary [ __ ] before they got to. admit me into the. emergency my son is talking to me and he. tells. me I thought you was going to die last. night and I ain't never been this scared.

that but I'm I'm scared you're gonna die. I lost Grandpa already I can't lose you. too can you please stop drinking can you. please stop smoking can you please get. back to the daddy that I know you to. be finished. me at that. point I made up my mind I'mma get this.

surgery when I get this surgery I'm. going to get in shape I go home on the. way home Dexter. Jackson bodybuilder competitor who's to. compete in the Olympia he. became a Mr Olympia champ this man pops. up in my. stories driving in his car in. Jacksonville Florida and he spit. the vocals to put your hands when my. eyes could see and then I hit him in the. DM and I said Mr Jackson I'm a huge fan.

of you as a professional. bodybuilder is there any way that we. could get on the phone I need your. help he hits me back he sends me his. number I call him on the. phone I. said thanks for calling me I salute you. Mr Jackson can we please figure out a. way to get me back in shape and man said. to me you saw you ready bus and I said.

absolutely he said you got to come to. Jacksonville and you got to stay here. for 30. days tell your girl she can't come tell. your kids you'll see them in 30 days I. need to put you through something for 30. days before we continue this journey you. survived this 30 days I know you serious. I rented a [ __ ] Mansion for. like seven bedrooms I went and got a. cameraman to document it my meal prep.

Chef M massuse cuz I knew that that. workout was going to [ __ ] me up every. day and I needed somebody to rub these. muscles up I got my recording engineer. so I didn't need to leave the house I. got an. assistant. and that was about it stayed in the. [ __ ] crib for 30 days lost about 27. pounds in 30 days. days these. dudes that I'm surrounded.

by by way of my first bodybuilding. competitor trainer Victor Munoz and my. second primary trainer the legendary Mr. Olympia himself Dexter Jackson I was. able to get my [ __ ] together. bro and once I got my health and once I. got my mind and I got my spirit right. and I started to be proud of me when I. looked at me and my kids was looking at.

me and they would say [ __ ] that you. could only. hear once you did what you needed to do. and put in the work you needed to put in. so that it. shows they not g to say it if it don't. look like the way they need to see it so. they could say what they need to. say when that happened. you hearing the right [ __ ] you feeling. the right love that [ __ ] was lifting my.

spirit so much and then I'mma tell you. something going through this pandemic. was another serious challenge mentally. and emotionally and. spiritually my brothers farel Williams. and swiss. beats and big up to Timberland to cuz. all four of them is the executive. producers of this new album Blockbuster. which is out right now absolutely the.

Blockbuster album is out and I'm super. grateful to everybody that participated. in helping this magic happen and come. together this is this is the culmination. of all of the experience and all of the. life stories that we've talked about but. the thing that really stood out to me is. you've made the decision to put people. on this album who are young upand. cominging fresher artists who you. haven't really worked with previously. and you've worked with bloody everybody. everybody but you chose to give these. younger artists the platform for some. reason two. reasons the first reason is I'm never.

gonna listen to The Narrative of this. thing. where I would hear. it a little more regularly than I. actually choose to hear it I actually. don't ever want to hear it but it's this. [ __ ] about how the Elder Statesmen. or the older MC's don't really respect. what the new guys is doing that [ __ ] is. [ __ ] at.

least speaking from myself and the the. type of artist that I surround myself. with we don't feel like that and we. don't move like that we encourage that. [ __ ] because when we was young artists. we wanted the big dudes to put their. arms around us and give us game and. school us and teach us [ __ ] so we could. be better you know what I'm saying Chuck. D gave me my name Big Daddy Kane used to. let me come to his crib and ask. questions he put me on his albums he. used to help me learn let me learn bring. me the shows that he was performing at.

[ __ ] um De La Soul they did the same. [ __ ] for us. like too many MC's gave us the guidance. that made me great I feel like it's only. right that we do the same [ __ ] for the. next generation of [ __ ]. especially if they dope and I'm a fan of. a lot of these new. artists and I want to work with them. because they still inspiring me to want. to go in the studio and stay razor blade. sharp with my [ __ ] when I got to do my. [ __ ] you know what I'm saying and I see.

a lot of them paying homage there's a. lot of [ __ ] walking around with. their hairstyles like how I used to wear. with my dress there's a lot of. [ __ ] that dress and they throw. they heavy jewelry on that do it the way. I used to do it and still do it I just. ain't got the dredge No More but all. that other [ __ ] we still doing it but I. just want to make sure that they they. know we're not only here to give them. the answers and the mentorship ship and. the guidance and the information so they. could be that much more sharper when. they're being creative or when they're. sitting in the [ __ ] corporate office.

negotiating a deal with the lawyers and. their managers but I also want them to. know. that we love them too with fans of what. they doing we see y'all paying homage. and we want y'all to know we paying. homage to y'all too one of the things I. always think is destined to own the. future is when the when both the past. and present come together and say that. with all due respect because sometimes. people see projects like this as you. passing the torch but what you're.

actually doing is sharing the flame. sharing the [ __ ] flame you couldn't. have said it better cuz I ain't I ain't. putting flame out no time soon well. you're 33 years deep and it's still. you're still selling out the shows and. doing the Arenas and killing the game. and I I'm I'm so excited by this project. because for those reasons because you. have you have two sort of generations. coming together to create the future and. that's what so exciting and I have to. say from this conversation everything. you say and understanding the man that. buster is puts so much more meaning into.

the lyrics into the album and the. records so everyone needs to go check. this album out right now wherever you. stream anything please go check it out. cuz it's one hell of a project and. you're you know you talked about that. Google CEO who you inspired when he was. 10 years old you were that person and. you still are that person for me thank. you King so it's such an honor to have. to to get to spend this time with you. today thank you likewise man. the questions you. asked the places you went I didn't.

expect it I'm glad I wasn't prepped I'm. glad I wasn't prepped I'm glad you know. what I'm saying I just was given a. prerequisite of how important you mean. in this space in your platform and. congratulations to. the your evolution in your success with. what you've been able to create for. yourself thank you and becoming a. successful businessman I was driven in. inspired by the story that I was being. told about you and I was like oh no [ __ ]. that I got to come pull up and I'm.

taking my time I appreciate because. we're gonna do this [ __ ] properly and. I've never done an interview in 33 years. never done an interview interview this. in depth number two I ain't never sat. with nobody this [ __ ] long and. did no interview in in Europe in my life. neither so you you got you hold a record. bro I appreciate you honestly it's the. it's one of the greatest honors of me. ever getting to do this is is here in. that from you so thank you so much P. thank you it's an honor and a pleasure. brother appreciate you. [Music].

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