Ant Middleton Opens Up About His Personal Demons, Being "Cancelled" & His Spirituality | E74

one of the things that i say um is the. most courageous thing you can do. above all bravery is. this is the personal life that i really. keep to myself you know i've spoke a lot. about it today which i've never spoken. about before. [Music]. ant middleton and is an adventurer. a military vet a television host an. author an entrepreneur. and one that's become highly highly.

respected as an authority when it comes. to things like survival and endurance. and leadership techniques. and due to his experiences as an elite. special. force member he can talk about these. things in a way that nobody. nobody else can and has very very. recently been at the center of a huge. media storm where he was quote unquote. cancelled with his biggest show today. sas judea's wins being axed by channel 4. after. five years and the broadcaster came out. and said that anne's views and values. weren't aligned to theirs this is his.

first. in-depth conversation that he's recorded. since he was quote unquote cancelled. i've watched countless amounts of. interviews that ant middleton has done. but the side of ant that you're going to. hear today is one that even he admits. himself. that he has never fully shared before. i'm going to say it. this podcast lifted a ton of weight off. my shoulders and answered maybe the most. important question about life that we. all must ask ourselves. if we are going to be happy and if we're.

going to be successful. and if we're going to be free and. thank you for your honesty without. further ado. i'm stephen bartlett and this is the. dire of a ceo. i hope nobody's listening but if you are. then please keep this to yourself. and um when i was reading your book. first man in there was um. there's this quote at the end of one of. the chapters and i thought it was a good.

place to start this conversation today. because. i tend to think that it's probably one. of the more foundational pieces. of information well it might lead to one. of the most foundational piece of. information to describe who you became. in your life and what you've got on to. achieve. and this is what you you wrote at the. end of the chapter it says it's called. making friends with your demons. having dark forces living within us is. part of being human they're the result. of inevitable damage of life. each one of us has a choice make these. demons work for us. or turn them loose against us and.

slightly linked to that. in the same on the same page you wrote. most of most of us have horror stories. we can tell you about from our. childhoods. it's not the horror that defines you. it's how well you fought it. what did that mean i think that's just a. generic message to everyone to say that. it's okay. to have you know bad thoughts it's okay. to have these demons inside you they. exist in all of us. you know but the important message is to. exercise them.

because the moment you lock them away. the moment you lock these thoughts away. the moment you lock these demons away. the moment you lock any negativity away. all it's going to do. is take over like a mold and it's going. to completely engulf you. and it's going to going to control you. as an individual. and it's only because i've been there. and i've done it whether that's what. i've done in combat. losing my father at a young age um. losing my mother. um seeing bodies blown up around me. seeing. dead people around me seeing the effect.

it has on families. seeing what my decision pulling that. trigger or not. has on a certain person or has on a. certain family or has on a certain. situation. and it's ultimately being okay with who. you are. that's the whole thing about it it's. being acknowledging that listen. we're not perfect we're human okay we. have. weaknesses we have insecurities we have. these horrendous thoughts sometimes. now you'd be a liar to say you don't sit.

there sometimes and you know the things. that go through your head if you. actually voice them. then that becomes a problem that's you. not exercising your demons that's. them exercising you and it's just about. acknowledging that. and i acknowledge that from such a young. age. i acknowledged that from a young age. when my father passed away and i. couldn't really understand what was. going on. can you tell me about that um yeah my. father passed away when i was five years. old. and um within a few months. a new man came into our life um my.

stepfather. um and then within two years we up. moved to france so we lived in. portsmouth we often moved completely to. france. a new situation a new environment a new. man in our life. and i can just remember thinking i. remember going into. a bush in the fields where we lived in. france. after a couple of months we were there. and i sat in this bush. and the magnitude of the situation was.

so overwhelming. i can just remember looking at the road. and thinking to myself. what am i doing here why why am i here. what's the purpose i. i couldn't grasp anything at that young. age. and it was during that moment when i let. everything go. and i can just remember thinking to. myself don't try and understand what's. going on. don't i'm just trying to understand who. this man is and where he's come from. don't try and understand why you're in a. different school speaking a different. language. because you can't don't try and.

understand. all of a sudden you're living in. caravans. we moved we were living in a couple of. caravans we were a big. big family um from houses. um and i can just remember dropping. everything and thinking to myself. understand what you can understand and. that at that young age what i could. understand was. what i was feeling you know i could. understand myself. so when i look back on the death of my. father and as i flip everything into a. positive.

even though years and years and years. down the line i'd done this. you know the death of my father actually. made me self-reflect. from the age of six or seven. so i've been self-reflecting you know. understanding my emotions understanding. how i feel. understanding my demons understanding. you know the good parts of me the bad. parts to me the. weak parts of me the strong parts of me. the positive side of me the negative. side of me. and i've been really breaking it down. from such a young age and. that's given me an advantage in life.

i generally believe that that's given me. my sort of. bulletproof mindset on how to tackle. anyone or any situation today. so even though it's a traumatic. part of my life and it affected me all. the way up to my mid-20s. in in a bad way where i'd go out and try. and understand who my father was trying. to understand. you know i never went to his funeral i. never went to. to to his grave now my parents my.

say my parents my stepdad because he. came in my life so young i called him my. dad. um they never told me where he was. buried he was just completely cut out of. our life. um because of the situation beforehand. you know for him to come into our lives. a couple of months after it was pretty. obvious that my mum was obviously having. an affair or there's something going on. and again i'm not judging anyone or the. situation but. you know so when he came into our life. it was like right you call him dad.

my name changed from aaron to middleton. not a lot of people know that really. yeah um and this whole new life was just. forced upon me forced upon me so i was. either. forced to act or force not to act. you know sitting in that bush me forcing. not to act was probably jumping in the. road. you know thinking like listen enough is. enough did that cross your mind. it was a big road it was a big road and.

it never got to that stage where i. thought right i'm going to take my life. but it was like. you know this there's an easy option out. of here which i mean it's like. there is an easy option out of here but. it never crossed my mind to. to do it but i can just remember. thinking of that road thinking the cars. move fast there. i mean if you wanted to it's more like. if you wanted to. yeah so it crosses your mind yeah it. crosses your mind but it doesn't. register yeah if that makes sense yeah. and it's only you know throughout these.

few years when you start to reflect back. on. on who you are and what you've been. through you start to go bloody hell and. actually maybe. i was thinking like that at a young age. so um. but then again you know who i am i you. know i'm honest with myself i'm honest. with my demons i'm honest with. with who i am and ultimately i'm i'm. honest with um. with knowing that we're not perfect you. know a lot of people. and you've described it there they never. make they never. admit their demons to themself and what.

ends up happening is those demons. run the show but from the back room. absolutely and you know i guess you see. that a lot. with people that have come back from war. as well because they don't. get the uh the support they need but. i see it during war yeah i see people. level-headed. intelligent soldiers lose their head on. the battlefield come. running past you doing things that you. think. wow where the hell did that come from. you look into their eyes and there's.

[ __ ] nothing there nothing there. and then boom they flip out and you're. like. do you realize what you just done like. like you know it's. you know those demons are [ __ ] strong. they're there. how do you address them you have to. exercise them. and you know the way i exercise my. demons is. by getting like-minded similar people in. the same room.

in a safe environment and i might drink. myself into oblivion. till three four in the morning you know. chatting about what we've done chatting. about. old times chatting about who we are and. then boom i'm done. for six months you know i've i've. released those demons. when you you know intoxicate yourself. with alcohol it you know. it allows you to talk and i'm not saying. go out there and do that but that's just. my way. of coming from a drinking culture i.e. the military a drinking and a fighting. culture that's the way that we deal with. things. and for now now it might be a blowout.

where you know. i go out and you know i'll have a nice. meal and. you know we'll have a few glasses of. wine you know we'll be in a. private room and we we shoot the [ __ ]. and you know just talk about. whatever we need to talk about. whatever's on your mind but also. physically. i exercise my demons physically you know. i put myself in horrendous situations in. order to fight against myself. um everest is a prime example of what's. gonna say um. you know i didn't have to go up during. the storms i you know.

if i was the normal sensible person i. would have. went up after that storm went so just. for context you. you decided to climb mount everest with. a buddy of yours. at probably the worst possible time and. you got into a little bit of a. predicament up there. yeah exactly that yeah um to say the. least yeah. but it's one of those where i didn't. just want to walk up. on a nice sunny day you know and. and gain nothing from that experience. what what why though.

like why are you voluntarily putting. yourself through. chaos and what anyone else would. perceive to be agony why are you. choosing that. that's me exercising my demons really. that's me. you know pushing myself to that limit. that's me. having tasted that drug of. living on that line of life and death. and a lot of people think that drugs. adrenaline but it's not. i don't feel pumped i don't feel i feel. ultimate peace.

so people find this bizarre but when. i walk that line of life and death which. i've done multiple times. it's a pure feeling of euphoria it's not. what you think where you feel pumped in. your your eyes are red and. you've got this aggression going through. you and you have to get through this. moment it's like. life is so uncomplicated steve so. uncomplicated you're either going to. live or you're going to die. all the [ __ ] all the complications. of life.

that is implemented on you whether. that's through. government whether that's through work. whether that's true family all of that. goes. and you are left with the most purest. form of life. and it's so uncomplicated that it's so. euphoric. it's so peaceful and when you hear of. world war. one and world war ii poets that are. writing poems in trenches. people are like how the hell are they. writing poems in trenches. i understand that feeling because life. is so uncomplicated it's so pure it's so.

peaceful. that they're writing with no stresses no. complications no [ __ ] it's just it's. coming from. the purest form of life of i'm either. going to live or i'm going to die. and it's that feeling that i chase i. chase that feeling well. to want that moment of peace pure and. utter peace. for 10 15 minutes. that drug i chase and that's. crossing those boundaries crossing those.

lines crossing any limitations. to the edge of life you take that step. you're gone. you go over that edge you know you're. gonna. feel it you're gonna feel alive you're. gonna feel everything that you need. that you need out of life um but for me. that's exercising my demons. so whether i do it psychologically where. i'm putting myself. in situations that i'm saying stuff that. i believe in that i value that. as a message and it's being contradicted. or whether i'm pushing myself.

to a physical limit or putting myself in. a in a physical situation which is. uncomprehendable to to the to the. everyday man or woman. but it's because i've tasted it i've had. the. misfortune i've had. the burden of tasting that drug. and will it be the end of me i can't say. that for sure i can't say that it won't. i can't say that you know i've never put.

myself in these situations again because. i find myself constantly doing it. but for me that is exercising my demons. and everyone's demons are different. everyone's situation is different. everyone's emotions are different. everyone's dna is different but that's. me exercising my demons. quick one starting from the minute the. lockdown is lifted we're gonna start. bringing in some of our subscribers to. watch how this podcast is produced. behind the scenes. means you get to meet the guests meet. myself and see how we put all of this. together. if you want that to be you all you've. got to do hit the subscribe button.

what what are the other if any moments. from your early years that went into. shaping. the man you became was there anything. else because i i hear you in your books. and in your writing and your interviews. continue to cite that that. that sort of trauma with your father and. your stepfather then coming in and. and being the way that he was but there. was was there anything up leading until. you know your twenties that you cite as. being pivotal. and who you became yeah when i joined. the british. military i joined the army at the age of. 16. i'm just going on to 17. and i came from.

a background. of french culture you know i'd go out. and drink coffee when i was 14 play. bowling when i was 15. you know and all of a sudden i get. thrown into a male dominant organization. um the culture drinking fighting you fit. in or you [ __ ] off. it's as simple as that so what do you do. you try and fit in. but when you try and put a a round peg. into a square hole. you know you're going to get stuck and. you either stay stuck.

okay you and you go around pleasing. everyone else or you pull yourself out. of that situation. and that's ultimately what i've done. with the army i spent four years in the. army then left. because of that situation it wasn't me i. wasn't this aggressive. young lad that loved drinking i'd never. used to drink. i was always polite always respectful. i'd walk past someone i'd tip my hat. you know in france you said bonjour and. you know you just have a little chat you. do that in england. when when i was 16 17 walking past. someone nodding and they're like what. the [ __ ] are you looking at.

no it used to shock me and i used to. think i'm only saying hi mate what you. know. and that was a pivotal four years in my. life where i thought to myself. can i fit in to this uk culture. um or i can. pull myself out of it and for the first. four years i found myself fitting in. and i found myself being good at. drinking i found myself being good at. fighting. i found myself being good at being a. [ __ ] [ __ ].

you know because that's what i needed to. be to fit in so. again those were demons. that i discovered along the way that i. found that i was good at so would i let. anyone. take the piss out of me anymore you bet. no because you're going to get you're. going to get good hiding. you know would i would i go out and and. drink and fit in yeah of course of. course i would you know. hey one of the lads i want to fit in i. mean i'm so. i'm so far detached from all of that but. if i'm this young polite respectful.

sort of multiculturaled individual then. that's gonna be a more of a hindrance. moving forward in in what i need to do. especially in the military then it is. uh a benefit so you find yourself. turning into this person i can just. remember. i was about 21 and. i went to macedonia and i worked with. the french foreign legion. out there because i speak fluent french. and i worked with the french friend. legion a bit and i saw how they were.

they're very. very mature very sort of you know. going back to that french culture you. know they're all family orientated very. i thought to myself wow this is this is. who i am. and when i got back off that tour i can. just remember going to the squadron bar. i was in nine parachute squadron wall. engineers going to the squadron bar. we've just done a six-month tour i'm. going to the squadron bar and i remember. walking in there and i remember seeing. someone. um a staff sergeant probably about 35.

36 you know i'm a young 20 21 year old. drinking from a a boot for an old desert. boot. right and he's drinking piss being. drinking piss from my boot and i can. just remember looking at him thinking. if i continue the way that i'm going. that's going to be me. in 15 years time and it scared the hell. out of me. i can remember just thinking i've got to. get the hell out of here i walked out of. that bar. and the next day i put my notice in i. was like that this is not who i.

am this is not you know i've gained more. demons. from this four years than i have. any friends any benefits from it. and that was a pivotal point that was a. pivotal point in my life where i thought. to myself wow. you know i can either go i can have a. change in such a way. and just be stuck in this square hole. or i can pull myself out rebuild on the. foundations that i have of knowing that.

i'm a good person. and you and from there you handed in. your notice and what happened next. from there i handed him my notice and. and i left and. um i found that. in civvie street i was acting. the person that i never wanted to be in. the military right. but i'd found that that had followed me. that that had taken. charge of me give me be specific those. demons that um. those demons that had sort of identified.

themselves within that four years were. running the show. so when i got out i joined the. metropolitan police. and i was acting like a proper squaddie. right now going out drinking every night. you know. cheating on my exams um drink driving. you know i got all the way through. training a couple of weeks ago. a couple of weeks to go passed all the. tests i got caught drink driving. boom kicked out the um kicked out the. met. um out the training um in hendon. and but it didn't bother me i was like. yeah you know once a soldier always a.

soldier. and i was living in the past and being. someone who. completely wasn't me but who had control. of me. and then getting into into the street. life. you know i got into the street life. where you know. fighting not gangs not games but that. that social circle where you know you. have to uphold a reputation where you. and the one thing that you know well. i'll say the one thing but the thing i.

was good at that. fitted me is that was a good scrapper i. knew i know how to scrap i know how to. drink. and how to fight but you find yourself. reverting back to the person. who you never wanted to be and i suppose. that was the defense mechanism. i knew that that worked in the uk i'd. never tried and tested anything else. as soon as i came over to the uk. straight into the military again now i. spent. 10 12 years in france before that then. boom. straight over into into the british. culture and i thought that that's how.

you acted. i never knew what silly street was about. because. um i never i was never in it so um it. took me a. a good couple of years again. to realize what saved you what pulled. you out of the job. there's one moment that saved me um. i refused to sign on i refuse to take. any any help from the government same um. and i can remember my auntie i was.

living with my auntie at the time and. you've got. you know you've got no money what are. you going to do i said well i'm going to. go down to the job center why won't you. just sign on. you know until you find a job i'm like. no. that was proud i was like no i've never. taken a penny off the government. i thought now i'm going to go to the job. center i remember walking into the job. center walking up the stairs walking. into the job center. and i had my red book and the red book. when you leave the military it's got all. your. all your qualifications military. qualifications all your credentials. and i walked into the job center and the.

guy obviously recognized the books. they'd probably have. hundreds of people going there you know. a year and he said oh mate you're x. military on yourself yeah he said come. to the desk he sat down with me and. he opened up my book and he started. reading my book. and he looked up at me and he said why. did you leave the military. and before i could answer i was going to. say something back and he said. i have hundreds of these come across my. desk and they said this is one of the. best reports i've ever read. he said so my advice to you as he. slammed the book shot he went.

went go back into that space and i. remember just sitting there. um i was 22 sitting down and thinking. mike okay he's gonna offer me a job now. and he just. handed me the book and called over the. next person and i was just like. i'm picking up a bit to myself guys. you know but obviously there's there's. all military qualifications there's. nothing for me out there apart from to. empty bins or whatever it may be. and i remember taking the book and as i. walked down the steps of the job center.

i sat down halfway down on the steps. and i had a train ticket in my pocket. and probably about. a couple of quid loose change that's. that was my life. um this was at the age of 22 23 maybe. and um and i can just remember thinking. to myself. right why the hell are you sat. skin nothing in your life.

apart from what you the clothes that. you're wearing and what's in your. pockets. jobless and then. a moment of clarity just hit me it's. almost as if i had an out of body. experience and i was looking back at the. boys sitting on the step and. i just remember thinking to myself right. i'll tell you why. it's because you're pretending to be. someone else. you're lying to yourself therefore. you're living a lie.

you're you know you think you're better. than everyone else. you know you've got this reputation that. you want to uphold that's not you. um you're just you're just a shadow of. who you really are. you're not you know who the hell do you. think you are. because the person that i'm looking at. you know almost looking in the mirror. the person that i'm looking at. is exactly where you should be sat on a. [ __ ] step. jobless with nothing because. this isn't you and if you want to live.

in the shadow if you want to. stay stuck in that hole in that square. hole. then keep lying to yourself and keep. living a lie. and that moment i'll always go back to. that moment whenever i get a bit above. myself. or a bit too big for my boots i always. go back to that moment where i ripped. myself apart. because it freed me as an individual and. i promise you this and it's not. cliche this isn't some kind of [ __ ]. [ __ ] story that i'm telling. you it freed me as an individual because. i can remember remember standing up.

on them steps feeling like a new man. because. i just identified who i was this isn't. you get that out your life get out of. your life get that out of your life. be you and i had those foundations to. fall back on. because i knew who i was ultimately but. it was discovered and and. yeah ego covered with so much [ __ ]. covered with so much complications that. i'd. implemented on myself and when i got rid. of it all. i was just like that you know what i was. good at the military. i've got best recruit best pt when i was.

in the army you know what i'm gonna do i. love that lifestyle but it's just around. the wrong people. i was in the wrong regiment you know i'm. gonna rejoin the military. but i'm going to be a team player i'm. going to be myself i'm going to be this. respectful gentleman hard worker that i. know that i am. which i mean i'm not going to go out. boozing i'm not going to go out fighting. i'm not going to try and fit in. you know if they don't accept me for who. i am then so be it. the military obviously isn't for me i. joined the royal marines i went straight. down the careers office.

straight down the careers office and. joined the royal marines and within a. couple of months because of my previous. um military uh history um i got him very. quick. and within a couple of months i found. myself going through royal marine. training. and when i passed out of war marine. training i got um awarded with best. recruit which is the king's badge. and i can just remember thinking to. myself right and you've been here before. you know you've got best recruit best pt. you know you rested on your laurels went. to your unit didn't really fit in. you're in the same position now now you.

can either use this. as a positive and push forward and and. you know go on to achieve great. things or you can try and fit in. booze fight be a be a. camp hero you know a pub soldier. and just be back to square one where you. was. five six seven years ago there's. something and i want to carry on from. that story but just going back to that. i find it super fascinating that you're. sat on those stairs. and at a moment when your ego kind of.

dissolves because of the circumstances. you find yourself in. um you're actually able then to go and. pursue your true self and i find. you know i had someone sat in this chair. previously and he's the biggest investor. in the world in psychedelics. and one of the things that he talks. about with psychedelics is it what it. does is it strips back the [ __ ]. your ego the the identity you've been. living to please society. and what's left is like who you actually. are and it's and it's so funny that. so many of the guests i speak to and. some of the psychologists i've spoken to. talk about. in order to like find your happiness and.

pursue your true self you have to get. rid of that [ __ ] and. what i'm what i was hearing when you. were saying that is you know you'd you'd. create this reputation an identity. for yourself which actually was leading. you astray but it was helping you. survive in those circles. absolutely and this tough tough decision. to say do you know i'm going to break. out that circle. leave that identity behind throw myself. into an uncertain moment and go in. pursuit of like who i actually am. and everybody faces that in their life. you know as a. kid growing up in devon in a school of.

1500 white kids. pretending that i liked indie music and. pretending i was to fit in and survive. yeah and i i left the city because i. deep down in my heart i didn't resonate. with anybody. but i was in that small town city. surrounded by 1500 white kids that liked. the kooks. yeah and then 18 i was like i'm out here. i'm gonna go be steve move to manchester. you know and i dropped and i started to. and i think everybody in their life. regardless of what walk of life you. you face that decision and either you've.

realized that you're living an identity. or a life untrue to yourself. and you've gone on the journey to go. find yourself or right now as you're. listening to this. you are and you'll know it yeah because. the words that you've described there. will ring true. so that completely i completely. understand that and that makes complete. sense to me. and one of the things that i say um is. the most courageous thing you can do. above all bravery is. to be honest with yourself why is that.

so hard these days. i had one day last week was actually. sunday. where i didn't have my heel and i had a. little bit of junk food and i don't know. what it is. but i think my body has got used to. eating clean food because for the next. three days i felt i still kind of feel. what day we are now tuesday i still kind. of feel. crap from the junk food that i i just. had one drunk meal i had this junk meal. right. i still feel crap now i don't know what.

it is i think my body has genuinely got. used to eating good food so the minute. now that i put in something that is bad. for me my body goes steve what are you. doing. um and i felt bad for the last two days. and i've returned to huell and i feel. good again this is just an anecdotal. story but i said this to my pa last. night. i said i for some reason having now. transitioned to a. really good diet on your any sort of um. dabble with the. the stuff that i used to eat is more. sort of alarming to my body. and i notice it way more than i ever had. so yeah you know.

it's one thing having a podcast sponsor. that pays you money but. it's another thing having a podcast. sponsor who. you genuinely believe can help people. change their lives for the better. one of the things that i say um is the. most courageous thing you can do. above all bravery is. to be honest with yourself why is that. so hard these days. you know people say to me and you know. what's the bravest thing you've ever. done and i always talk about the story. of the job center steps because that.

took courage that took. balls that that's bravery right there. you know i've been in rooms where. bullets are flying over my head i've. kicked doors down and you know. i've taken i've saved life it's like. that's not. being brave that's just me being. extremely good at my job and loving what. i do. you know it's not there's nothing to do. with bravery you know bravery is almost. forced upon you. but when you decide to step into the. arena when you decide to step. into that and go right i'm going to face. this. and put that mirror on yourself.

ultimately. facing yourself that is the hardest but. most liberating thing i've ever done. and people shy away from that and they. live in the void. they live this life where they're just. living the void i call it and say you're. on autopilot. because you're lying to yourself and. it's pretty simple therefore you're. going to live a lie i don't care. it's i'm not the archbishop of. canterbury you know i'm like. i'm not a rocket scientist it's just. simple science you know if you lie to. yourself. guess what you're going to live a lie um.

but standing in a mirror standing in the. mirror. and ripping yourself apart. does take away all the [ __ ] and all. the complications and it frees you as an. individual. but it's you have to do it on a regular. basis you can't just go i've done it. once so here we go i've found myself. this is who i am because. hopefully you're constantly changing. you're constantly evolving you're. constantly. um adapting your mindset you know that's. what evolution is about you know the the.

world is designed to. to you know is is it evolutionizes and. we are designed to do exactly the same. and the moment. that you you're not honest with yourself. this game over for you it's like it's. like you do you just want to be. just that person you know like a lot of. people say to me and. you know i've remember you remember me. from the military i'm like yeah yeah. yeah they got [ __ ] i you've changed a. lot. you've changed i'm like that i haven't. seen you for 10 years. i hope i've changed and i say to them.

you haven't that's why you're still just. that guy. that's why i'm at middleton and you're. still just that guy. is because of course i've changed i'd. like to think in another 10 years time. when you see me that. i've changed again because if i haven't. i'm doing something wrong. and that doing something wrong is not. being honest with myself. and it all goes back to you as an. individual no one can do that for you. no one can do that for you and i say to. every everyone. everything starts with you and it's. it's so true if you don't want to change.

nothing will change around you. you know if you don't want to be honest. with yourself well guess what you're. lying to yourself. it's a complete opposite therefore. you're living a lie it's like you have. to do this on a. on a on a weekly on a monthly basis any. time. an obstacle was thrown in front of you. you couldn't. fall back on right to be honest with. yourself be honest with who you are. be honest with with with you you know. with how you tackle things and. and and don't lie to yourself the cost. of being yourself and being honest with. yourself. is it seemingly increasing in this day.

and age and. you know i find it i think that's a. really really valid point one that i. hadn't. i didn't think expressed properly which. is you had that reflective moment when. you sat on those stairs where you say. [ __ ] it we're gonna start being honest. with ourselves but then especially as. you get more successful. you know in your media career and. everything else the forces. at play trying to get you to not be. honest with yourself. get greater and greater and this is this. crazy sort of. i don't know paradox or whatever we see. in society at the moment which is. you being honest with yourself is the.

reason you're sat here it's the reason. you're at middleton yeah. but and that's what's made you go. explode right. but then the higher you get it's like i. don't know. you know the the resistance for you not. to be yourself becomes greater because. now you've got now you're more of a. target right. hard [ __ ] hard [ __ ] life to live. do you know what i've. been witness of it you know the council. culture. the um don't say that ant because you. will lose this book deal. you will lose that media career you will.

lose that production. and witness of it right now you know um. i hear it. probably on a weekly basis um. but then that's that square peg. round hole it's like no i don't. you know it's it's every time i think. about that. and i always have two principles. with everything that i do is. don't go out to offend so i don't say.

things to offend people. therefore they choose to be offended i. don't say things to offend people i just. say things what i think is right was. what served me um good in my experiences. and my career my mindset. and the second thing is you know don't. don't do. things maliciously so first of all don't. go out. it's it's verbal and also actions. you know don't don't do things. maliciously because then. ultimately yeah you're going to have a. backlash you're going to have a reaction. to.

to to what you've done um so that's. exactly what i do i don't go out to. offend. but i go out to tell the truth but i. also go out to seek. the truth you know and i go out to. seeking the truth again everything. starts with you and with who i am. it's dangerous and it's it's it's. definitely in the social media area. it's dangerous it is dangerous but. hopefully you get past that. that stage of people realizing that. actually this is ant he's. not been any different he's not you know.

voiced. anything different he's not tried to fit. into a media agenda he's not trying to. try to blag anyone he's not being fake. this is who aunt middleton is. and he will always be like that. regardless yeah regardless but then. there's that. platform of not reaching that level. quite yet. and then everything descending upon you. um and i and unfortunately there's a lot. of people out there that are scared to. say what they. truly feel are scared to voice their. opinions uh. scared to you know voice their values.

because. ultimately it takes food off the table. it's a career stopper when your career. stops guess what suffers after that your. family. and then when that when that suffers. guess what there's not much out there. for you. you have to rebuild again well all those. 10 15. 20 years career that you've you've built. all for that one moment is it worth it. no so what do you do. keep quiet what'd you do don't do. anything. just say what they want you to say and. do what they want you to do.

that doesn't [ __ ] rub with me that's. a sore point with me. you know you try and you try and make me. someone that i'm. that i'm not like i've been made someone. them than i'm that i'm not. you're probably gonna get even you feel. gonna get the worst out of me. even more so because everything comes. back around to who you. truly are they're trying to control you. yeah it's a controlling measure. and it's like listen i've i've let. people control my life i've let. situations control my life. and it's i've ended up psychologically.

not physically. psychologically on that brink of. questioning who the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] am. i who am i. that's what i question and the moment i. start questioning who am i. then i know that project isn't for me i. know that that. that sponsor isn't for me i know that. that tv. um channel or that tv production isn't. for me. because the moment that comes into. question and it's like you. don't probably don't get who i am you. probably don't understand who i am you.

probably haven't done your homework with. who i am. do i fit into your agenda and it's like. if you don't fit into one agenda. you get bounced boom straight across to. the opposite side. right it's like listen i don't belong on. that side it's just cause i don't. believe. in in this this side doesn't mean i. belong on that side. yeah i'm i belong in the middle you know. people say. you are you on the left you're on the. right i'm like i'm not on the left or. right i'm in the. middle i'm in the middle.

you say slightly something that goes. against this agenda then again you just. get. bounced straight to the other side the. right road i don't recognize you the. left won't recognize you so there's who. are your enemies of both. yeah but it's it's and it's a dangerous. place to live in this is. it's it's it. it's it's a sad state of affairs a real. sad. sad um sad state of affairs and. you know just because your values and. your views are different doesn't mean my. message isn't.

isn't the same you know my message. everything that i do. is about positivity it's about mindset. it's about bringing people together you. look at sas who dares wins what does it. do. makes people realize what they're. capable of makes them find themselves it. brings people together. brings families together you know mutiny. teamwork brings people together escape. you know. straight talking being honest and open. and and. it makes it makes you feel good it. brings you together it unites people. because they can be open and honest with.

themselves and therefore they know what. they're capable of. self belief starts to kick in and they. feel good about it's bringing people. together. right and that is you'd be inhumane. really to to not think like that to not. want to help people out to not want to. so the message is is is always the same. but it's this bit. in the middle right don't you ever get. pushed to one side. you can't have this sort of in the. middle opinion of well actually my. values are the same as yours. you know i'm all about positive change. yeah okay.

so what why are you saying my values. don't fit with yours because i'm about. positive change look at my message for. the last. five six years since i've been in the. media it's positive change. unity look at what i do everything i do. whether it's my books my tours. my tv programs everything is about. bringing people together. bringing the best out of people so. just because this in-between bit i my. views are different and mine are. probably truthful. which people don't want to hear the. truth it's like right bounce off to one. side and then and then you start to get.

cancelled but. what's the answer though like so i i you. know i hear we've heard pierce morgan. talk a lot about this as well and other. people talk about how. you know if you don't perfectly fit the. the views or the perfect hashtag of the. of the left or whatever then um you're. basically being cancelled in culture and. i i genuinely. this is a [ __ ] probably the most. genuine question i've ever asked in this. podcast because it's one that i'm. thinking about all the time. is i also see this happening my views. don't always fit the left or the right. and sometimes like in the black lives. matter moment. i posted on my instagram saying it was.

actually my best performing post of all. time. i said because there was this whole. narrative around like silence is. violence and if you're not saying. anything then you're a racist. i did a post saying like that's. obviously [ __ ] yeah as i said it's. unpopular black opinion. if someone doesn't post a black square. on their instagram doesn't make them a. racist. people process things in completely. different in fact the most unnatural. reaction to trauma. is to take to social media so like and. that absolutely it was. it was it didn't fit the like silences. violence narrative. and and my ability and i like of course.

that's [ __ ] true. like i mean it doesn't it doesn't fit i. understand. right but it's no one not one individual. in the millions and millions of views. that that posted. could tell me there was one slide in. that nine that was. they disagreed with but it was the. feeling. that i wasn't wearing the football kit. of the of the left that made some people. go. you're an awful person to sleep and then. i'd go why they'd go. yeah yeah exactly you see their minds. ticking and ticking you're like.

tell me tell me what's wrong with the. post they go oh you know what sorry. yeah and and i i i think well i'm i know. i'm not going to change. so when i look into my future i go at. some point i'm going to get cancelled. because my brand is building i've got. some stuff coming up on. in the media and i'm thinking i know i'm. not going to change so. what's the answer here like i'm always. going to and i know that it's getting. more. is the answer this is why you're here. yeah. i know it's like it's like it's like. what the answer is to be true to who you. are yeah and just take the intention. and it's like it's you know that's the.

one thing i've always fall back on. is just knowing you know if you're an. idiot you know if you're irritating. people you know if you're not a good. person. and then ultimately you know you're. going to get what's coming to you and. you probably deserve it. but i know that i'm a good person i know. my foundations i'm polite and respectful. you know i don't go out to offend ever. go out to offend i hate confrontation. because of the way that i know that i. can deal with confrontation it frightens.

me. to get into that situation because i. know what i'm capable of. okay so i don't ever i'm over polite i'm. over respectful. because i think people should be treated. like that now i like to be treated like. that i wasn't treated like that when i. started off in my army career and i know. what it feels like okay and i never. would never want anyone to. to experience that so i'm over polite. and i'm over respectful. and i've always fall back on that i. always look at myself in the mirror and. i go and. you're you i know i'm a good person and. that. are the foundations that i've built.

that's my foundations that's. who i am okay so you can knock my bricks. down. i will but guess what i will keep. building and building and building. and you can knock it even if you knock. them down to the foundations. i can fall back on being true to myself. and there's no more liberating steve. liberating feeling than that of being. true to who you are going do you know. what. i'm not going to fit into that agenda. i'm not going to fit into that box. i'm not going to squeeze myself in there. to make myself feel uncomfortable.

for your agenda because that's not who i. am would you rather lose at all yeah 100. because i've got my foundations i've got. my foundations i will always. build steve always build and this part. of the building. is so high now that can you cancel me. crack on because i guarantee you i just. keep building this side this side of. this side decide. because the people that know me know who. i am. and someone said this to me with all the. stuff that's been going on lately. um you know i've had some sponsors i've.

cancelled i've had some. tv programs that i've kind of crack on. but the people that by my side the. sponsors. and the channels and the production. companies that by my side that have. worked for me saying and. we have the privilege of knowing you and. that wrong accord to me though. i'm like they have the privilege of. knowing me. and i think to myself wow you've got the. privilege of knowing i've got the. privilege of knowing myself. because i know who i am and i'm glad i'm. glad i gave you that privilege.

and it's not being big headed i'm glad i. gave you that privilege of knowing me. because you know that this is just a. storm of words. you know that this is just media hype. you know this is just fake news you know. this isn't real you know. yeah i've maybe got a little bit of a. fiery side to me but you know. you're getting that with me you know i'm. rough around the edges. so yeah and i'm happy to you know to to. to cut a few of the edges but. those edges are still going to be there. do you know what i mean. so when they said that to me and it's.

something that will stick with me. forever and it's. from a very very good sponsor you know. um. very much to do with my books and i can. just. and i remember sitting back and just. taking that breath and going. keep doing what you're doing then you're. doing the right thing and then this last. week. you know so many doors have opened. production companies calling me. channels calling me um. you know and you hear about it you hear. about oh you know you get cancelled then. that's your career done and.

but then you've got your peers morgan's. you've got your your jeremy clarkson's. and. now you've got your aunt middleton's. okay and. it just goes to show that i'm doing the. right thing and that actually yeah i'm. not gonna fit i'm not gonna be. comfortable with. with everyone and i'm not gonna be their. cup of tea well that's fine because. guess what. i don't want to work with you if i get. questioned one little bit about my. who i am like i said before if i get. questioned one little bit about who i am. by any brands.

any sponsors any channels then i will. not work with them. i will say listen thank you very much. it's obviously. you know not the right match um. you go on and do your thing and i'll go. on and do my thing because i will always. go on and do my thing. and that building can completely drop to. the foundations. but when you're honest with yourself and. you know who you are. those foundations are solid you will. always have something to build from. but when you're not honest with yourself.

and everything comes crumbling down and. you have no foundations to fall on. you're [ __ ] that's when you're in. trouble that's when you start to go well. i won't say that i won't act like this i. won't do this and i won't do that. and that's when you become someone else. that's when you become fake to who you. are. and guess what desperate times then. you're like a wounded animal. and guess what you're probably going to. be right at the back of the pack. for the rest of your life the. psychological impact of living a life. that isn't true to yourself and.

i mean this is why people have these. like midlife crises when they've even in. like. the professional world where they've you. know their mum and dad have told them to. go and be a. whatever a banker or a lawyer they don't. want to be they want to be a [ __ ]. dancer or whatever. and then they get mid-life crisis and. you look at throughout psychology i talk. about this a little bit my book. you know if you look at certain. communities like the lgbtq. community their suicide rates are so so. high amongst those groups because a lot. of them have been. oppressed in a way where they can't live. their true life they can't be their. identity so they've had to.

live a lie that's live a fake life and. then you see suicide rates go up because. that is a form of torture. and this is when i asked you the. question about you know would you rather. lose at all. um one would one would actually maybe. even if i question myself say well. what are you losing yeah if you're. losing tv shows and you're losing things. that aren't true to yourself. is it a loss you know it's not a loss. because. you will always find something that fits. you dude i mean if you have the passion. and the drive and. the ambition and the positivity.

of knowing who you are and ultimately. the world is your oyster. it's like you know people have this. impression of me that i'm this. hard-faced drill sergeant. non-accepting person i am the complete. opposite go and be the [ __ ] you want to. be that's my message. if that's what then don't let anyone. force you into. into saying anything doing anything or. being anyone else be yourself. but this is the side that people don't.

see of you and this. but this is my personal side steve i. people see what they want to see the. media will write what they want to write. they will they will make you. they will make you out to be who they. want you to be. but you can't put all of that into a. hashtag you've got to characterize. yourself in 10 letters yeah and this is. the problem with with. issues that are complex and nuanced and. there's different layers and. you if it doesn't fit into a hashtag. then and this is the football team. analogy as well. quick interjection before we get back to. the podcast just want to say that as you. know because i've talked about it a few.

times on this podcast. i'm probably one of the biggest users in. the world of a website called fiverr.com. f i v e r r dot com. i use it for everything whether it's my. podcast or whether it's my personal. brand content whether it's my business. or other projects that i'm doing. and this week i've used it again i've. used it to make a website called katana. which is my investment company. people don't know this my old company. was called social chain and katana or. katana. is the italian word for chain that's the. inspiration keep that to yourself. um but it's just another example of how.

you can use fiverr to help you. expand your capabilities as an. entrepreneur as a content creator. and i've managed to get a website up for. my investment company katana in the. space of. two and a half days and it cost me 400. quid. typically that would cost tens of. thousands of pounds and typically it. would take months. that's the power of fiverr allowing you. to quickly and affordably extend the. capabilities of your team. of your personal brand and achieve. things that you might not have been able. to otherwise. i want to talk though going back to your. you know when you started in the.

military one thing i. find really interesting is the guy that. was running around drinking boozing. getting in trouble. for him then to go into the military and. pass with flying colours. is like a massive contradiction in my. mind i'm like one. appears to be a guy that's kind of out. of control the other one and and. seemingly lacking the appreciation of. authority and then the other guy is one. that's able to. do what he's told and follow orders and. and and how did you achieve such that's. what they want. that's what they need they need the.

animal. on the battlefield they need. the aggression they need the violence. because ultimately on the battlefield. you counter violence. with extreme violence you know there's. zero tolerance to violence in sydney. street in society nowadays. you show any form of violence you can. end up behind bars been there. but in the military you you counter. violence with extreme violence you you. counter anger with extreme anger.

and you're that's needed i i needed to. be that person on the battlefield i. needed to. to have to cut myself off from any. emotional sort of. feelings any emotional you know sort of. um. discrepancies because. they were the missions that i went on. now i was hunting down. taliban commanders you know i was. getting into [ __ ] [ __ ] storms to. firefights.

every week every couple you know two. three times a week. i needed to put to call on those demons. to come to the forefront of who i was to. get the job done. and then switch it you're expected to. switch it because. one moment you're kicking the door down. you know. taking out enemy combatants the next. next door you're kicking the door down. there's. women and children in there so. you you live on that side or you live on. that side. and then when you get the two confused.

you know you i might be in afghanistan. best man put me on camp you know. well you can't be doing that and well. what who the [ __ ] do you want. i mean you can't be doing that you can't. be you know getting into fights downtown. you can't be you know. getting you know i just get into a hell. of a lot of fights you know it can help. ruin my military career because you know. but then. three tours of afghanistan are done. almost back to back. perfect out there man boom boom boom. boom boom.

so what what animal do you want you know. and it's okay to be able to flip from. one to the other when when you're here. but when you live on the complete. opposite sides of the spectrum. you're gonna get confused every now and. then you're going to be met with a. situation in society where. you're met with aggression you're met. with violence and this. demon takes over you know what it is is. it's a moment of madness it's just a. confusion confliction between the two. you know and it's between the two two. people and sometimes. it goes whack yeah and before you know.

it that crossover. is too much they're both like trained to. survive but in different. environments in completely different. environments and sometimes those. environments. you know you're forced to act and those. environments get switched yeah and it's. literally like a flash in front of your. eyes it's like bang bang. [ __ ] i used the wrong person there i. used the wrong environment it's. it's and and that's that's the world. that i live in. that's the world that i lived in that. was my life that was. you know i used to come back from from. afghanistan.

and you know i've got four four four. four children at home. i'm a fifth one from a previous. relationship who's 19 but um used to. come home. i remember coming back from afghanistan. and my daughter was born. she's 13 now my daughter was born um 10. days. before i left for a six-month tour in. afghanistan. so she was born so i didn't know her and. i came back six months later and she was. like nearly seven months um. and then i went straight on special. forces selection so for another six.

months so i came back after like a year. really. of not really being at home to a to a. one-year-old daughter who. barely recognized me you know she would. push me away she would. you know and i'd interact and i'll be. playing dolls on. on the floor barbies and my wife came in. one day and. i was playing with these barbies and she. thought i'd lost the plot. she's like she's like you know got these. barbies together trying to make her. laugh trying to make her smile. because for the last year she's just.

seen this pent up. war machine you know and i've come back. and i'm not. i'm not very easy to deal with you know. during those transitions you know i need. a bit of time. what do you mean by that you're not very. easy to deal with in those transitions. well you come back from. you can't just take a hit even though. i can do it i can take your head off put. a different head on. but that transition of. kicking doors down to being back with a.

family i need. even now when i come back off of filming. when i come back i need. before we actually start getting on. again you know before i start settling. back into the into. into the family it takes about two weeks. and again me and my partner are the best. most compatible partners in the world. the teamwork that we have is. absolutely amazing you know hence why. i've been with her for 16 years been. married for. 14. um but it still takes that two-week. period. for me of me breaking her her routine.

of me coming in you know taking over. everything you know. with the kids taking taking the kids to. school taking ruining her. her life that she's built i come in like. a storm. and it takes two weeks before that storm. normally calms down and we go all right. you know. i cannot argue in to this but you know. just disagreements just. control issues can you know it's it's. like two worlds colliding right. and then after the two weeks as. everything settles i'm away again. i might be on tour i might be like i'm. in australia for two months now it's.

like. so it's that constant communication or. that constant you know crossing over of. of worlds that you need to really sort. of mold together. and as my life is getting more and more. and i'm not in these high. octane situations i'm not in these life. or death situations. um it's becoming easier and easier. you talk you know i had actually a. military commando sat in in the seat as. well. who talked about his experiences and. when he came back from war he was. talking to me about the ptsd he suffered.

and um just being around the house and. you know seeing the tin can stacked on. the shelf at home and. and like you know barking at his wife. because they weren't straight and things. like that and feeling that you know. feeling some of the disciplines of all. coming home with him. you i've seen you talk on this topic so. i know that. you know you've you've handled that in a. different way. but um what are some of the the things. that have come. come back with you from war that you. don't like. or that you think aren't helping you in. your in your personal life.

um they're two different worlds. you know you deal with dark humor. dark banter to get you through certain. situations. and that dark humor and dark banter and. dark way of talking is a norm to you. because you live and breathe that and. sometimes that comes out you know.

and only when i'm doing a military style. show. you know you you come out you might say. something which is a for me. probably a throwaway comment or a bit of. banter. then you realize there's a hundred of. crew members listening and there's. nothing. you know it just might be i might say. something about someone or my it's never. direct you know it's always an. indirect conversation that we have um. it's that military banter that i [ __ ]. hate sometimes i hear myself talking. like a military man and i hate it i. might say.

military words hoofing honking was. you know there's loads of them out there. um and i think to myself why are you. talking like that. but it's just come it just comes out. because i might find myself in in a. high octane situation in a stressful. situation in a in an. aggressive situation and a violent. situation which which i revert back to. what i know works which is this. ultimately this military person. but then i think [ __ ] you know i'm not. in a military environment i'm not in in. in a i'm in society you know i've got.

you know. and it's controlling that that i find. really difficult. um but knowing also acknowledging that. it needs to be controlled. you know i'm not in the military anymore. you know and i always hate this once a. marine. always a marine you know you get people. go hey once a marine always a marine i'm. like. i was a marine 12 years ago 10 years ago. you know now i'm i'm a media um tv. presenter. i'm now an extinguished author i'm now. you know. i like to say like you know about. mindset my mindset girl go around do my.

tours you know i'm in a completely. different space but. i have to pull upon this young soldier. every now and then in order to get the. job done because i know that that works. you know i know that if i do that but i. just need to fine-tune it i need to. buffer it around the edges which again. is a work in progress you know i i put. my hands up when i go [ __ ] hell do. you know what i mean. yeah i shouldn't have said that i. shouldn't have done that you know and. i'm the first one to admit it. but people have to realize that listen. it's it's. it's a work in progress it's not.

something i can change overnight. you need to understand me you need to. understand who i am. um in order to to acknowledge that okay. well [ __ ] hell yeah that was a bit. uncomfortable to see some of the things. that we do with the recruits. you know they're like [ __ ] you know and. she's like he's on on his knees and. you're. you're literally you know saying to him. that you stay there. you know if you think you're not worthy. you know if you if you're a piece of. [ __ ] blah blah blah. but it's hard for people to see that and.

to watch that but ultimately there's. always a. positive motivator behind that so. that's where people i think get get. confused is like negativity is a great. fuel it's a great source to use to get. to where you need to be. but only if there's a positive motivator. ahead of it. so you can't use negativity to get. through a situation. if there's not a positive motivator. because. all you'll do is you'll feel off in the. negative lane because there's no. positive motivators to aim towards it's.

like a plow. like i say the plow is is the positive. motivator. and the fuel is the negative with. aggression whether it's. revenge whether it's you know prove. people wrong whether it's you know these. are all things that. that that fuel you but you. be sure that there's always a positive. motivator so when i'm. talking like that to the recruits what. i'm doing it's believe it or not. to get the best out of them to make them. realize what they're capable of make. them. bring their attributes and and and um. personality to the forefront so they can.

identify who they are. and a lot of people they bring that to. the forefront or i fit that mirror on. them and they look at themselves and. they go oh. [Music]. no i don't like what i see they vw or. they go or they leave yeah so that's. what i was going to say it's also a. filter it's a filter. and that's what a selection process is. and that's but that's how i it's not. only what selection process is that's. how i live my life steve. i'm i'm so brutally honest with what i. do in. situations i find myself in. and the environment that that i choose.

to be in is it. and it's that brutal honesty it's that. brutal. sort of truth. that the motivator is always becoming a. better version of who you are of. of learning something growing from it. and becoming a better version of who you. were yesterday. and how important is it to take personal. responsibility for your outcomes in life. because there's a. growing culture of blame and you know. victimhood. and i see this as well as someone that.

um you know the. the best thing that probably happened to. me is. if i was successful and i had parents. that were rich and i had loads of money. and i got a degree and. i got these great grades people would. immediately go well no steve can't tell. us anything because he got to hand it to. him. fortunately i was the opposite i'm a. black kid born in africa. kicked out of school dropped out of. university after one lecture got no. degree. parents are bankrupt so i can talk a. little bit more about like. personal responsibility without being. discredited people say oh well of course.

you [ __ ] say that and like yeah. but i see this growing culture because i. was a kid in moscow in manchester. stealing pizzas to feed myself only i. don't know seven eight years ago. and i know that my mindset and the. the behavior that my mindset created is. the reason i'm sat here now. like of course there's luck timing i. understand that but my mindset. increased my probability of being sat. here now so when i preach that to people. especially people that don't want to. take take personal responsibility or. like. you know victimhood or blame keeps them.

nice and safe and comfortable and it. means they don't have to look in the. mirror. yeah they go vague [ __ ] you [ __ ] you guy. but it's hard to attack me it's hard to. attack me because what you're going to. say. yeah you know what privilege i had the. privilege i had was moving to this. country as a baby. but that's a privilege privilege of. knowing who you are yeah so you can take. all that income. yeah yeah because they haven't got the. private privilege of knowing you. yeah right but you have the privilege of. knowing yourself because guess what. you've been there. you've done it you've got the t-shirt. you've been honest with yourself you you.

you realize you know you realize your. mistakes you realize your areas of your. way you learn from failure you grow from. it you become a better version of who. you are so. that's what that's why i say that that. statement of we we have the privilege of. knowing you. is so powerful because ultimately that's. what you fall back on all the time. that's why you can take it that's why. you can take that. take that and you can it will bounce off. you just like that's your negativity. that's your. it's not nothing to do with me that's. that's you and it bounces off me like it. bounces off you. but the moment you step into that victim.

mentality. that's when you feel that the world owes. you everything that's when you feel like. that you know. why is he why is he where he is and i'm. not there. why has he got this and i haven't got. this why oh. right well i could quite happily. go back and not be cancelled. okay for example if i went guys yeah. really really sorry about that but i. suffered from a bit from ptsd you know. the death of my father you know. it's it's like [ __ ] hell it's.

it's like one i don't suffer from ptsd. how many times have i had that thrown at. me. steve going and if you say you suffer. from ptsd who can question. that well no one can question it. actually wait wait there's one person. that can question it. me because i haven't got [ __ ] ptsd. well no no no. no you haven't but if you say that then. you know the papers will do this. the um the the courts will do this. people will start to go oh well actually.

you know. the stuff that he's been through and. he's seen he's done he's witnessed yeah. of course listen throw him another bone. give him another chance. i feel sorry for him [ __ ] that. jeremy and it's like when i went to. prison i left the military. went to prison got into a violent. violent altercation. yep violence on violence of course put. my hand up 100. i'll do my time my lawyer said to me and. do you want to go to prison i was like. of course i don't want to go to prison. who wants to go to prison.

he said well listen he is you're out he. went. say you've got ptsd if you say you got. ptsd. he said i guarantee you that's what he. said to me guarantee you. you will not go to prison you'll get. suspended sentence you'll have to go and. do a couple of courses. um and then you'll be at home with the. family. and i had four kids and a and a wife. actually at the time i had two children. and a wife at home that relied on me. i couldn't lie to myself i thought. don't get me wrong i'm not gonna lie to.

you i thought to myself do you know what. that sounds appealing because who can. tell me that i haven't got ptsd. but then the question always goes back. to you because only you hold the answer. steve only you have that answer only i. knew that answer. i could lie to myself and live a lie and. [ __ ] knows where i'll be now. right i might be a bloody ptsd. with a counselor i might be you know but. i would have gone down that road. for years right so i've got two years.

suspended since. two years of going down a road that. wasn't me going down that road of pure. lies every step i took wouldn't be a. true one. i always say to people people will mould. you and direct you in life. you know that's what people are there. for good people anyway they try and mold. but if that first footstep that you take. is not a true one. i said do not take it and the only. person that knows that. is you and i always.

always always go back to that do i feel. comfortable taking this footstep. yes i do the rest of the world doesn't. well guess what. i feel comfortable doing it but yeah but. that she he's gonna have something to. say about it. she's gonna have something to say about. they're gonna have something to say. about it. i don't care is it true to me go back to. who i am. yeah boom i take it and i deal with. whatever comes at me because it can. bounce off me right because. as we spoke about it's like it's like we. know who we are we know what we're about. we know we know we're good people.

so i'm willing to take that bang bang. bang and it does steve it does. literally bounce off me but also it when. it does get into me. because the moment it starts you know. when it gets over it does get into you. once i sit down and process it it fuels. me. i feel like thanos you know it's like. it's just like because i'm being true to. who i am and all this negative and i'm. thinking right just. just boom because guess what i preach. positivity till it comes home i.

everything i believe is down to a. positive mindset and how you perceive. the way that you think um and the way. you know we have this default mindset. which is negative you know everything's. like what if this what if that won't do. that because of this and mine's the. opposite mind's like. right the best outcome is this this if. anything comes along i deal with it. okay and it's that mindset that i always. always fall back on and it's and. again it's it's one of those i just find. so liberating that i can just. just think that way but i put myself in.

the firing line. i put myself constantly in the firing. line to constantly challenge myself. to constantly flip these negatives into. positives without. negativity you wouldn't have positivity. it wouldn't exist. it doesn't you know it's a polar. opposite so people say. so i challenge negativity i love. negativity because i will challenge it. and challenge it and challenge it i love. the work ethic and the psychological. sort of resilience it takes to challenge.

negativity. there's a lot of people that negativity. comes and they ignore it or they bat it. off they run away. but the moment you dig into it and you. dig into it and you dig and it takes. time. it takes time as well isn't it it tests. you right and you dig into it and. all of a sudden you see a little light. you see a little glimpse of positivity. and that's all you're looking for is. that one little seed you grab that. boom bank that and then you grow that. seed until you find the next one. and there's nothing more rewarding in. this world than. flipping a negative into a positive.

because if you're willing. and again if you're willing to work hard. enough and you're willing to take the. [ __ ] and the [ __ ]. uh and the [ __ ] and everything that. surrounds negativity if you're willing. to. dive into the center of it and you're. willing to work. in order to flip it into a positive then. i guarantee. you you you will find a positive in it. and i guarantee you that would be the. most rewarding thing you ever do. it's like failure it's exactly the same. with failure i look at failure and it's. just. it's like a challenge to me it's like. you can't do that and you don't know.

nothing about that you're going to fail. at that. well listen i'll tell you what i. probably will fail at it but i'm not. scared to commit because i know that the. moment i commit to failure. i take two or three or four steps into. failure and i might go yeah. i haven't achieved that but those three. or four steps i've taken. that that's that's what i bank those. moments in the moment. that's what i bank a lot of people they. they might take on failure and they. might. fail their objective and they think oh i. failed that therefore i'm a failure. and they forget how far they've come.

that this is completely automatically. written off. because they're going oh i failed that. mean it's like yeah i won't. go near that again that becomes part of. your identity i'm a failure i'm a. failure. yeah so they anytime failures that they. think their safety bubble. or victim but whatever they won't go. anywhere near it but i love it. when negativity comes along and failure. comes along. you know i'm so intrigued on what i'll. get out of it i'm so intrigued what i. learned from it. because when you learn you grow when you. grow you become a better version of who.

you are. it's just that it's that knock-on effect. that it has and failure is exactly that. failure isn't going anywhere i found up. to now in my life i'm gonna fail to the. day i die. so you so you so you every single one of. you in here. is gonna fail whether you like it or not. it is everyday part of life as much as. it is breathing. it's surrounded by us so why do we. ignore it if it's part of. who we are and part of part of part of. what's what makes the world tick. then why don't we use it to our. advantage because the perceived cost of.

failure. whatever that might be you know jenny at. work is going to think i'm not so. whatever and this person is going to. write this about me. the perceived cost especially in the. short term feels greater. it feels and that's the same force of. like the pc brigade or. that you know it's like it's better just. to stay in your lane today. and to just like put your head down be. quiet because. people think and this is the where it's. wrong people think. that's the safest place to be reflecting. on my own journey when i went to. university. and i knew that i this was a piece of.

[ __ ] and that i needed to quit if i was. actually gonna become an entrepreneur. like it's calling my mom and then. telling her i'm dropping out and her. telling me never to speak to her again. right that was the resistance that was. the moment where life goes. stay in your [ __ ] lane right yeah but. when. people get you were so you were so and. then you're. but my brain was so clear the biggest. risk the biggest failure. would have been staying in university. and living a life not true to myself. some people. people say oh you're so you have so much. courage courage would have been staying.

yeah. right and i think that's the that's the. thing of course my mom says i'd never. speak to me again and i don't speak to. her for two years. but look at the upside of living my even. if i'd failed like look at the upside of. being myself and i think that's. pretty much what i'm hearing from what. you're saying is like there's this you. know. the there is the short time resistance. where it's like oh my god if you fail. you're going to lose it all so i know. you'll lose it all if you don't try. exactly how the thing about it is the. way that your mindset thinks then it is. it's not a complicated way of thinking.

it's like it's it's so simple really. so simple stupid that it's almost. incomprehendable. um and everything that i do and. you just said it then and make what you. just said that makes complete sense to. me. every single word you said about that. story i'm like that yes. it's like it's obviously like why. wouldn't you do that right but sometimes. the most obvious things that. are the hardest to process the hardest. to to to achieve. and with my books and and my tours.

you know i don't get people coming off. my tours going and. you know i've tapped into this part of. my brain now thank you for this it's. like. they come off my tools i'll read my. books and go it was always in there. yes you just gave me this kick yourself. moment where i'm just like. how did i not see that how did i not you. put it in such layman terms because i'm. i'm a simple man. i mean i'm not i'm not an intellect i'm. not a bookworm i'm i'm. i'm i'm a simpleton i'm a simple man i. keep things the way that i get to my. answers.

is good bad right wrong positive. negative. yes no i mean i keep it and it's. listening but it's listening to who i am. and it's it's the most simplest way of. of. of getting to where you need to be. but we let the constraints. and the [ __ ] and the complications. of society and what other people. think cloud all of that. i almost see it like two dials right one. of them is this voice inside which.

everyone has in them they say go and. dance in the hills of costa rica. and then there's this other really loud. dial right the sound dial. and it's society and your mom and your. whatever and that one's saying go be a. [ __ ] lawyer and shut up right. and in all of our lives i think one dial. is a little bit higher than the other. and the the the challenging thing but. the most important thing you can do if. you want to reach your potential be. happy avoid mental health issues avoid. midlife crises. is to like turn up the internal dial and. just try and get that that other dial. which is society's voice. right down to to [ __ ] zero.

right and i and i just do you know i. just feel if everyone could just do that. in their own lives which is not easy to. do. because listening to this internal voice. is going to come with real resistance. people are going to cancel you they're. going to my mum's going to not speak to. me for years. right but that's the short time cost for. a long term gain and. as is the way with comfort i see like. comfort and like. avoiding with that resistance is a it. looks like a friend it's a short-term. friend but a long-term enemy. and if you you know if you had if you in. the moments where you've said you've.

been like. cancelled quote-unquote um had you caved. short-term friend probably would still. have a show or two yeah of course. long-term belongs and i say to people. what you've got to realize is that you. are with yourself. 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. no one else can even come close to that. no one else will will even come close to. that so you are with yourself. your whole life people they come and go. situations they come and go so.

ultimately you've got to live with. yourself first. before you try and live with anyone else. before you try and live with any. situation before you try and. put yourself into any environment that's. what i say to people when they go well. i'm like you're with yourself 24 hours a. day to the day you die. nothing comes close to that no one comes. close to being anywhere near that. that's the person you've got on that's. who you are yeah so that's the person. who you've got to honor that's the. person that you've got to make. make happy boss that's the boss right. that's the person it's impossible to. please.

that voice and that voice right so like. but please yourself and. and ultimately you know what comes out. it will. you know should should be war should be. authentic should be true. so and then you'll find your belonging. you'll find your circle you'll find. you're like-minded people you'll find. your. your your yeah you'll find your. belonging it's like. you know you must know. as you get more successful as you you. know you start thinking you start. changing start evolving your mindset. more and more and more and more. your circle gets smaller and smaller and.

smaller and smaller i'm happy with that. you know i'm i'm happy with that because. not that i'm above anyone or below. anyone you know. we're just on different ends of the. spectrum okay because. guess what i'm going to keep evolving my. mindset's going to keep changing. i'm going to keep getting wise i'm going. to keep getting more knowledgeable i'm. going to keep being honest with myself. and for me that's my purpose in life. nothing out there you know it's nice to. have the nice cars and nice houses. don't get me wrong it's nice to have. money i've had no money and now i've got. money i know which side i'd rather be on. okay that's all but that's all that.

comes. part and parcel with being true to who. you are um. and my purpose in life. which is i will never achieve but which. is. i find fascinating is. trying to get the best possible version. of ant middleton. trying to get to that okay but knowing. that i never get to that answer because. i'll be on this. constant progression of becoming a. better version of who i am. but i never become the best version of. who i am because.

that's when you're perfect that's when. you're 100 you and that's. not real it doesn't exist but the. purpose of. getting closer and closer and closer and. closer to that answer. is such a fascinating journey for me. that there's nothing that comes close to. it. there's nothing that comes close to it. and whether i have the the counselling. or the shows that keep coming or the tv. production companies that call me now.

and the channels that go whether i have. failures or whatever it may be all of. these everything. that bounces in towards me is a is. something to learn from. and it's a lesson and it's gonna i'm. gonna learn from it. and i'm gonna grow from it and i'm gonna. get closer and closer. to the answer closer and closer to. to my objective closer and closer to my. purpose and that is. to try and get as close as i can to. being the best version of myself.

and i'm fascinated with it i'm addicted. by it i'm i'm addicted to it i'm i'm. obsessed with it. um so like i said when i get that thanos. moment. i'm like bring all this negativity at me. bring it because i'm just churning away. it. doesn't mean i'm always happy you know. i'm not always happy you know. you know i don't go around sprinkling. positive fairy dust i'm not that type of. preacher right. but i preach you know working on your. mind. to make it positive you know you know.

challenging negative situation thinking. negative situation i've got a tackle. with a positive mindset make a. conservative effort to train your. mindset. to think positively to flip the script. from this default mindset where everyone. you know thinks. thinks negatively um and i love working. at that i love working out so all of. this stuff that you give me it does. once i got because i go quiet like this. last week has been a media storm. and i'll go quiet and i'll be with with. my family i'll be with my management. they're like aren't you quiet i'm quiet. because i'm churning.

away at negativity i'm not unhappy don't. get me wrong listen. but i need to be left alone for two. three days maybe a week. because there's so much negativity. coming in and i'm chipping away trying. to find the light no nothing there. and i find the light trying to find boom. bang. and then i bank this positivity. and then the next week i'll be boom. back to ant do i mean back to this. positive naturally positive person. because i've trained my mind to think. like that i'm always in a positive head.

space. um but sometimes i'll go quiet doesn't. mean i'm always happy so don't get don't. get positivity mixed up with happiness. yeah yeah because they're two completely. different things and happiness comes. from yeah. in knowing who you are you know it comes. from from being true to you are knowing. who you are and. you could be the poorest man in the. world and you could be there you know. you could have no one or nothing but you. could still be happy you know you could. be the richest man in the world and you. know you know you know the script. um one of them's like a general sense of. optimism. that i'm positive about the future the.

other one's just like internal. contentment. and and um but our moods change yeah of. course you know we have. [ __ ] days bad days whatever but we're. optimistic and tight right yeah one of. the questions i really wanted to. ask you because of what's going on in. the world with this whole pandemic in. covid. is i was thinking as i was like brushing. my teeth or whatever this morning i was. thinking. there's a ton if my audience could ask. you one thing probably would be. around the fact that the world changed. this year a lot of people's lives. were uprooted they lost their businesses. their jobs whatever. and then i thought you know ants.

probably well i for sure have been in. situations where you felt like. whether whether it's on the battlefield. or whatever that this was a fight that. you where the odds were against you yeah. and in those moments there's winners and. losers. and i you know you always talk about. mindset what is the mindset that people. need. in these moments where the odds don't. look like they're they're very much in. their favor. from that you've seen from the. battlefield where you've emerged. victorious. because you know you didn't you didn't. indulge in victimhood or whatever.

and you and you yeah does that make. sense yeah it 100 makes sense. um for me it hasn't. it's about embracing change you know. majority of people they live their life. on autopilot or they. they live in the void i call it um. where everything around them is changing. you know the world is. constantly changing everything around us. is constantly changing whether it's. you know climate control whether it's.

you know. in the way that we think the way that. we're evolving the way that the world is. going the way that. animals are evolving the way that the. sea is. is is encroaching or you know decreasing. whatever it may be. everything is changing around us and we. are designed. to change with it so what we're actually. doing is we're actually going against. the grain. when we become complacent when we get. comfortable. when we get into one sort of situation. and we stay in that situation it's going.

we go we're working in the opposite way. that the world should be evolving. we should be constantly changing we. should be constantly evolving we should. be constantly moving forward. you know look at my career i've gone. from the army to the marines to the. special forces to the media. to to books to authors to literacy to. business it's like. i'm cons i love love change i love. being put in a situation where i'm. literally chucked in the deep end with.

dive boots on and i have to tread water. i love that because it's so challenging. and it's so. so stimulating that you're forced to. change. you're forced to think of something. different you're forced to to to do. something differently you're forced to. change the way that you. you approach something because you've. been put in a situation where. it's been forced upon you but when it's. not forced upon you. when it's not forced upon you um which. the world does it forces it upon us but. when it's not forced upon you when you.

when you get comfortable then. you get you fall into this voyage you. fall into this complacency you fall into. to not moving along with the world. but is that those your demons again. because i'm thinking. the reason why aunt loves to be chucked. into the water with his dive boots on. is because you relish challenge and this. is comes. maybe links to the victimhood point and. a general problem in culture and society. where. people like comfort cotton wool yeah a. lot of people are being. brought up now with cottonwood not.

designed we're not designed to be. comfortable. we're not designed to have cotton walls. wrapped around us it's society it's the. restraints and the shackles of society. that is forcing us to be like this. it's not who we are look how far we've. come. you know look out look at look at just. through history. how far we've come and i feel like that. we're actually devolving now. i actually feel that we've got to a. point where we're going backwards. where you know you used to be survivor. of the fitness yes. you could push a rock in front of your.

cave you know i mean to survive you know. used to be at the you know the top of. the food chain. um you know it's we're not designed. to be comfortable we're not designed to. be wrapped up in cotton wool we're not. designed to be shackled down and that's. why there's so many problems. in the world right now is because of. these shackles. is because of these chains it's because. of the restraints that society is. putting on us. it's forcing us into into mental illness. it's forcing us to to act in ways that.

we're not designed to act in. is forcing us to to switch off to the. most powerful tool. that the universe that's in the universe. your minds. we're forced to just put it on [ __ ]. dormant you know that be a. it's it's we're going against the grain. of what we're supposed to do. of who we're supposed to be on how we're. supposed to act and how is. it um supposed to evolve so when when. you've got this going around like this. and then this stops is.

it you you there's a synchronocity. that's not working in. in in partnership with each other you. know without us on this planet this. planet wouldn't be. as evolved as it was without the planet. then we wouldn't be evolved as it was. you know and what what's actually. happening is is you've got this. this this these two forces that. are grinding against each other rather. than working together. with each other in synchronocity i i i. was reading this crazy thing the other. day. and i think i've talked about this maybe. once before but it shows that um.

the life expectancy in the uk and the us. fell for two years in a row. and everything was like last year the. year before whatever for the first time. ever and they look at the numbers. as to why the life expectancy has fallen. to the first time ever and it's because. of like the opioid crisis. people who are getting addicted to drugs. and then they say why are people getting. more and more addicted to drugs and they. say well because they're lacking meaning. in their life. and when people like meaning that the. science is showing whether you do it to. animals you take away their meaning. i i talked i think in the last podcast. and i i hate to repeat myself but i also. don't care.

about these rats and i [ __ ] because. they're right about my bucket so. fascinated by it they put a rat in a. cage and take everything from it. and they give it the option of drinking. hair and water and normal water it. becomes a drug addict. they then introduce a partner some. stimulation some. running wheels some other things and. they give it hair and water or normal. water and it doesn't choose the heroin. water it doesn't become a drug addict. just by inserting meaning into its life. it avoids the heroin and then you think. okay so. what's going on in the society you say. well people are lacking. challenge and meaning because we're. trying to create a culture maybe where. challenge and meaning are a bad thing.

and and that's actually having an. adverse effect because as you say. very eloquently like that's not who we. are you know i love how you just put. that steve because you've just. put my thoughts into a scientific sort. of. into scientific form because again i'm. not an intellect i'm not a bookworm you. know it's it's like i have. psychiatrists come up to me and go where. did you just study and well but not. honestly what brexit. and i'm like no no this is all every. single little ounce of me is through. life experience. i come from the university of life you.

know what i've just said there's it's. strange that. and that's why i love talking to people. like yourself because. i've put that as in how i'm thinking i. haven't read anything from. and you've just put it into a whole sort. of scientific and it's like. that's exactly that it's exactly what. i've just said and you've just put it. into. into something that's been proven and. that's that's the way that i think. that's the way that i. that's the way that i perceive life and. it's funny because as you say you're not. you didn't see it i'm not an. intellectual but i've sat here with. intellectuals and they've said the exact. same thing like johanna hari. he wrote a book on this nine reasons why.

people are getting depressed and anxious. best-selling book he sat here and he. said the exact same thing so when i hear. it twice or three times and then i read. it another. i think these are just fundamental. truths and when i get to that point. where you've been you've walked a. different walk of life to that that. intellect who's wrote a book on it but. you've both arrived at the same place. that's going in my [ __ ] like in my. diary forever you know. that's that's super interesting as well. it's like you know you you. but you can't take away that you know.

you can't. you can't unwrite that because it's. written within evolution. it's written within the way the world it. has evolved it's written in the way that. we think. it's written in in the organs the. muscles and. the body that we have it's all here it's. all [ __ ] present right now. yeah it's not in a book that we're going. to read it it's [ __ ] happening right. now it's here it's real. this energy source that you are your. [ __ ] energy source where energy. sources. is synchronized with the planet which is.

one big energy source it's one big ball. and i'd have had a moment of clarity on. on when i was filming. i've always felt connection with the. earth you know i talk about. you know we can climb to the highest. peak of. the apex of the world mount everest we. can climb to that because people said. yeah but we've had to do this. this and this in order to get there you. know working against the mountain i'm. not know. the way that that mountain is formed is. that's a foothold for you. that's a that's an arm reach for you.

that's you know it's that. it's designed to work with you so don't. look at a mountain and go off can i go. get up there it's working against me no. no it's. that little stone there that you put. your foot that's helping you up. to to to stand on on its apex it's. helping you up to stand on its summit. and um i've always felt a connection. with. the earth always always always you know. when i put my feet in it when i put my. hands in it. you know i belong here you know and i. have this sort of. i have this theory that people think.

that you know. that if you put the planet as a as a as. a tree where they think we're just birds. that come and sit on the tree and i. think we're just visitors and then and. then we go we're not. we're we're the leaves yeah we're the. leaves of the tree. i mean and then you know we grow in that. we're part of. you know we're part of this evolution. it's spiritual but yeah yeah. i'm not a spiritual person but maybe you. are but maybe your definition's wrong. because i posted on my instagram last. week yeah i did so. we've just had it's funny my instagram. post literally says i've never thought.

of myself as a spiritual person because. i don't resonate with like the hippie. stigma. yeah yeah like i'm not that guy however. the end it's one story. right the end of it was like i if you. define. as feeling somewhat connected to the. world which i now do. then i now consider myself to be. spiritual this was just one story and. this was like three days ago. because a lot of people do ask if i'm. spiritual and i i always say no. but yeah maybe i am but it's that's that. theory of. of being there's a con you know. connection there's one currently from. the other and when when that when you.

know we're the leaves yeah we're gonna. fall off and there's gonna be new leaves. you know. but everything recycles back into itself. do you know when we don't just. all of a sudden go up into you know. everything goes back into the earth. everything really generally spiritual. because i i went and googled it. definition of spirituality. and the definition i read was like the. feeling or belief that we are. interconnected with the world. the stigma is the issue that's what. alienates both of us from saying i'm a. spiritual. because we're not like hippies we're not. like you know but we are we like i love. that you know what i mean so.

and i go about going back to this moment. where i've where it just resonates you. know. and the reason why i do all these things. is i just want to reconfirm that my way. of thinking. is is true is true to me is is why i do. this you know. and that's why i put myself in these. awkward situations because it just. it gives a light bulb moment where i go. do you know what bloody hell you know. i'm i'm on the right path i'm getting. this right. and um as i wait i was away filming. and i felt this you know i was out in. the mountains in um.

in chile in the andes and i could just. feel a real connection you know. like a like a real presence. you know and it's it's just a lovely. lovely feeling and i can just remember. just a an energy connection it was. really strange that it happened. an energy connection and i was walking. by i was walking a lot alongside of this. mountain and i was walking. alongside i heard a big massive bang and. i turned towards. the mountain and i'm not joking it was. probably about 300 meters away. so it's like you know and this bit of.

rock went. it must have passed no no word of a lie. within two meters of me. you know and a big one because the. mountains. it's an energy source they're [ __ ]. bursting they're literally like that. and the mountain every now and then and. it's the first time i experienced it i. heard about it but i've never. experienced it and i went bang. and it nearly took my head off to the. point where i was like. [ __ ] health was incoming you know i. was like. and then i realized i was like well just. and you see a little bit of.

mount mountain fall off by one bomb and. it's where the energy. the energy of that mountain and you know. unless you get out and about you see. it's like. and i thought to myself wow i remember. stopping and thinking. i felt that before that even not that. specific. moment but i felt the energy so i felt. the connection there. and then that was it's almost as if the. mountain was talking to me going. what you feeling is right listen we are. listen. we are powerful we have a connection.

without you there wouldn't be me without. me that wouldn't be you. and just that confirmation just makes me. realize. wow you know this is this is this is. powerful stuff this is you know. this is how you should be feeling once. you're in tune with yourself. and then and and and connected to the to. this planet. then there's there's there's not much. that you feel that you can't do there's. not much that phases you in life there's. not much that you won't try and achieve.

there's no. there's not much that you won't achieve. and i feel. i feel sorry or because you can i can. talk about being in tune. with with the planet and being you know. being connected to. to mother earth but unless you. are in tune with that then you just. think i'm talking bollocks you just. think. what the hell is he on about he's some. spiritual idiot blah blah blah blah blah. so. you know this is the personal life that. i really keep to myself you know i've. spoken a lot about it today which i've.

never spoken about before. but this is this is who i am i mean so. there's there's so much more behind. what the media put out and what the what. the papers put out and what the. you know the media agenda is on what. they want you to be seen as. and there's this whole life behind me. that is. that i just that's the real me that's. who i. am so when any of this other stuff. that's made up by other people that. comes in from. from not within it is so easy for me.

just to battle. so easy for me just go bang bang bang. but don't get me wrong sometimes i work. harder at it to batter off. sometimes it does stick and you have to. go all right. but it's such a liberating feeling and. i'll always say to people and this is. this this is my you know find out who. you are. go on that journey not self-discovery. because that sounds spiritual right go. on that journey of of. finding your purpose of fun of becoming. the best version of who you are because. once you start that journey. you will get addicted to it it is.

fascinating and it will. it will only serve you well he will only. serve you well because it's a life. i want i want to live till i'm 150. because you say i live to. until i'm 50 a hundred 100 years isn't. long enough i still want more i want to. know more i want to i want to be on this. journey for them. for as long as i can be on this journey. this is what gives me longevity this is. what gives me purpose. i want to be on this journey for as long. as i can be and when i think. the only setback is when i think you. know i've got another.

you know 50 60 years of it it sort of. saddens me so uh. i'm hoping that by that stage we can we. can live to be. a bit bit more immortal a bit more a bit. more immortal. oh yeah well listen um i think that's a. really powerful place to end. and i think that's um that's something. that i'll continue to point out i wanted. to say thank you though because there. are a few people that are. have the courage in this day and age to. be themselves and to speak their mind. and that. and unfortunately it feels like a bit of.

a dying breed but you're one of those. people and. having spent time with you before we. started filming and during this. conversation i got to know. i had the privilege of getting to know. who you are a little bit as you say and. um. that's a person that i do respect one. that inspires me and reminds me of the. importance of following my. my truer self so i just wanted to say. thank you thank you for having this. conversation today and thank you for. being yourself. save your gentleman thank you thank you.

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