5 Scientific Rules for Making & Breaking Habits! | E208

This for many of you will be the most. important podcast episode I've ever. recorded. And I don't usually ask you to. do this, but in this case, I'm going to. ask you to please listen to this entire. episode if you can and if you have the. opportunity to do so. If there's. something in your life that you've. struggled with, something you've. struggled to change, that goal you've. had that you've never quite managed to. attain, then this episode was made for. you. I've been inundated with messages. over the last couple of weeks as we. approach the new year's. Um, and these.

messages all seem to express slight. variations of the same critical. question, which is, how do I make and. break habits in 2023? Our lives are. quite simply a manifestation of our. habits, the things we repeatedly do. So, as many of you have correctly. identified, if we can change those. habits, we can make and break behaviors, take control of our lives, and finally. achieve our most important goals. And in. my life, all of the good things have. come after me breaking a habit that's.

had me trapped in sort of a limiting, sometimes toxic cycle in my life. And. so, habits and studying how they're made. and how we make and break them with will. has been one of the most important. realizations in my life. And in the. research of this this particular podcast. episode, I spent weeks researching and. reading every book that I could on the. science of making and breaking habits. And in this episode, I'm going to tell. you everything that I learned, everything that you need to know from. the most up-to-date scientific research. on habits and changing behavior. And I.

do this in the hope that one of you, even one of you, I think it would be. worthwhile if I I land this effect on. one of you. One of you can change. behavior you've wanted to change and. therefore take control of a habit and. therefore change your life. Multiple. scientific studies have found that most. people give up their New Year's. resolutions within a month. And. according to a recent American study, of. the 41% of Americans who made a New. Year's resolution, by the end of the. year, only 9% were successful in keeping.

it. 9%. That means if you make a New. Year's resolution at the start of the. year, by the end of the year, only 9% of. you have achieved it. I know this might. make you not believe in New Year's. resolutions. It might make you think. they're pointless. But the study also. reveal something that suggests. otherwise. Six months after setting a. New Year's resolution, 46% of people who. made a resolution were still successful. in achieving it. They still had the good. habits going. compared to just 4% of. people who made a similar goal that.

wasn't a New Year's resolution. That's a. 1,50%. increase in the probability of you. achieving your goal after 6 months if. you set it as a New Year's resolution. Similarly, research by psychologist John. Norcross, a very famous American. psychologist, has found that resolution. makers are more than 10 times as. successful in changing their behavior as. people who want to change but don't have. a formal resolution. Now, I used to be. in the camp of thinking that resolutions. were an excuse for not making change.

earlier in the year. But clearly, there. is something supported by science and. psychology that's happening in terms of. an intention setting that's actually. making New Year's resolutions important. But this podcast is not just about New. Year's resolutions. This is about goal. setting generally and breaking and. making habits. And as I said, 12 months. after you've set that New Year's. resolution, just that 9% of people are. still successful in their resolution. So. this podcast episode is also about. purely making sure that you are part of. that successful 9% by giving you all the.

science and all the information that you. need to be part of that 9%. Almost 50%. of you will be successful 6 months after. your resolution. But most of you will. fail in the next 6 months. The question. is why? And I think [snorts] I know the. answer. [music]. [music]. From reading through hundreds of pages. of books and studies on habits and goals. and New Year's resolutions, it's clear. to me that the first place to start is.

by explaining exactly what a habit is in. the most simple way. But clearly, habits. are behaviors wired so deeply in our. brains that we perform them almost. automatically. So why do we have habits? Well, they are very handy prehistoric. devices that our ancestors have given us. because decision-m and thinking itself. consumes so much time and energy. And. the truth is, if you never made habits, you would be spending so much time and. mental energy on routine things like how. do I get to work in the morning or how.

do I get from the kitchen in my house to. the living room in my house? And if you. used all of your time on that, you. wouldn't have the capacity to solve. unique daily challenges, many of which. once upon a time presented a real life. or death threat. So, your brain created. habits, which are neurological pathways. that fire together so frequently and. successfully that your brain wired them. together to save you time and energy. Once habits are formed, they're encoded. in your brain forever. And this, for me, was a real revelation from reading.

through all the research. People tend to. believe that they can make a bad habit. disappear for good. The science suggests. otherwise. Let me tell you a story about. some rats in a maze and what this. recently uncovered about how we can make. and break habits. Picture the human. brain as an onion composed of layer upon. layer of cells. Most of our complex. thinking, the things that we really. ponder over and the things that really. trouble us happen on the outermost. layers of the brain. That's the part of. the brain that you're using to listen to.

me right now. On the evolutionary time. scale, the outermost layer was added. fairly recently. But as you go deep. inside the brain towards the center of. the skull, you'll find this golf. ballsized lump of tissues. And this is. called the basial ganglia. And this is. where all of your habits are stored for. ease. And just so I don't have to. pronounce that difficult word again. I'm. going to call this your habit control. center. Your habit control room. And. because it's such a prehistoric part of. the brain, that same habit control. center can be found inside the brain of.

rats as well. So, in order to study the. habit control room, worldleading. researchers from MIT conducted. experiments with rats where they. monitored the rat's brains and put them. inside a T-shaped maze with some. delicious chocolate hidden somewhere. inside the maze. The first time the rat. was put into the maze, it would wander. up and down the center aisle, sniffing. corners and scratching at the walls. It. could smell the chocolate, but it. couldn't quite figure out how to find. it. When it reached the top of the tea. in the maze, it often turned to the.

right away from the chocolate and then. wandered left, sometimes pausing for no. obvious reason at all. Eventually, in. all the studies, the animal found the. chocolate, but there was no clear. pattern in the search, the wandering. behavior that happened before that. On. the surface, it looked like each rat was. taking a leisurely, unthinking, casual. stroll. But when they look at brain. scans of those rats at that exact. moment, it tells a completely different. story. While each animal wandered. through the maze for the first time, its.

brain in particular, that habit control. center in the core of the brain, was. working on overdrive. Each time a rat. sniffed the air, or scratched the wall, its brain exploded with activity as if. it was analyzing each new scent, each. new sight, and each new sound. And. although the rat looked calm, the rat's. brain was ferociously processing. everything. But once the rat had found. the chocolate once, when placed back. into the maze, the brain activity. completely disappeared. The rat was now. on autopilot. It no longer needed to.

process things. It no longer needed to. think. A habit had been formed. So, the. habit control center takes over, seemingly automatically retrieving the. stored information on how to get from. where it is at the start of the maze to. the chocolate. And as if possessed by. the habit control center, the rat glided. straight to the chocolate without pause. In the same way that we all glide. unconsciously to work or to the gym or. to that familiar part of the house. without thinking every single morning. when we wake up, without having to. consider the directions to get there. So.

because the rat was on autopilot, its. brain was freed up to think about other. things. So theoretically, the rat could. glide to the chocolate while also. pondering a complex problem it was. having at work that day. By navigating. the maze over and over, the rats formed. what scientists now call a habit loop. And there are three steps in a habit. loop. Step one is you need a Q, which in. this case was a click sound they played. when they dropped the rat into the maze. This Q in turn makes the habit control.

center activate the stored routine. And. step two is a routine. The routine for. the rats was the walk through the maze. towards the chocolate. And step three is. you need a reward which is of course the. delicious chocolate at the end of the. maze. The Q routine reward is the habit. loop. The habit loop happens to be the. same for humans also. And I've mentioned. this over the years before but my father. smoked for 30 years of his life. But he. only ever smoked in the car. Never at.

parties, never at home, never at work, only in the car. And in all honesty, it. would really upset me because I think I. grew up with this kind of existential. feeling or worry that my dad was going. to die someday because he smoked because. I'd heard of all, you know, all the. things they say about smoking and the. carcinogens and why it's bad for you. So. seeing your father do that was quite. troubling for me as a as a young man. And I tried, I think, in subtle ways to. encourage him to quit. But nothing seemed to work until one day. something I accidentally did led to him.

making the decision to quit smoking. forever. His Q routine reward habit loop. is a prime example of everything I've. said. He would sit in the car and the. car itself was the cue. Sometimes cues. are just context or environment. And. that cue caused a neurological pathway. in his brain to begin to fire up in his. habit control center of his brain. and. seemingly without thinking, as if. possessed, he would automatically reach. down into the car door and pull out his. packet of miniature cigars, which was. his routine. That reach down was his.

routine, like the rats walking through. the maze. And then he'd wind the window. down and light one up. And the nicotine, which releases a a feel-good chemical in. the brain called dopamine, in under just. 20 seconds was the reward. Q, craving, routine, reward. But then one day when I. was 18 years old after dropping out of. university to build my first tech. startup, I was reading a book called. Hooked by Near Iel, who's a previous. guest on this podcast that explains how. big social media companies and tech. companies get their users to form the.

habit of using their products every day. and become addicted to their products. every day by using the same habit loop. While I was reading that book, I. happened to stop off at home back in the. southwest in Plymouth and I accidentally. left it in my father's bathroom. Now, for whatever reason, like many of us, my. dad loves to read while he's on the. toilet. And so, he ends up picking up. the book, learning about that habit. loop, and finally understanding the cue, routine, and reward that was causing him. to smoke. And so, he went into his car. some weeks later. He didn't actually.

tell me this until months after he'd. quit smoking. He went into his car, took. the cigarettes out, and put these. miniature lollipops, these little chuppa. lollipops in the cigar case in the place. where it was. And my father after that. never smoked ever again. The habit loop. had been interrupted. A new less. addictive habit had been formed in its. place. And within that my father's. health outcomes had drastically. improved. Going back to the original. point about how just 9% of us will. successfully keep Pear's resolutions. I.

think the study with the rats, the maze, and the chocolate may explain why. You've probably heard the phrase old. habits die hard. And from the scientific. perspective, that couldn't be more true. And I think this is good news for your. good habits. And I think this is. probably bad news for your bad habits. In that study with the rats, researchers. eventually removed the chocolate and the. rats still ran exactly the same way. through the maze. The researchers went. one step further then and poisoned the. chocolate with a chemical that makes the.

brain of the rat experience nausea. And. the rat still ran the exact same way. through the maze. Even though they. stopped eating the chocolate. experiencing the reward at the end of. it, the routine was still the same. The. queue was still the same. Interestingly, the researchers then found a way to. interfere with the rat's brain and shut. off that automatic habit loop that was. causing it to take the left journey. through the maze. And it worked. Instead. of running left through the maze, the. rat started to run right through the. maze. But then, interestingly, when the.

researchers interfered with the rat's. brain again and disabled that habit loop. of turning right through the maze, the. rats instantaneously went back to the. previous habit of running left through. the maze. And they did it at the same. speed, certainty, and accuracy as they'. done it previously once they'd learned. that habit. They didn't need to learn. the old pathway through the maze once. again. And their brain scan showed that. they weren't thinking about it. They. were back on autopilot. And researchers. were shocked because what this says, and.

I quote the researchers, quote, "The. original habit had never ever really. been forgotten. It was always lurking. somewhere there in their brain." And I. think, ladies and gentlemen, this might. be one of the biggest misconceptions. that people have about habits. You never. get rid of them. They're never. forgotten. You know, the same is true. about so many things in our lives. I I. reflect on that and think about some of. the traumatic experiences I've had, that. evidence remains ingrained in our brain. because it's useful for us. It's like if. you go back maybe thousands of years,

knowing that a lion was something to run. from was something that was important. for your cognition to never forget. And. this for me also explains why 91% of us. that set a New Year's resolution to form. a new habit or to create a new behavior. will fail within 12 months. Habits can't. be broken. But, and this is the good. news, they can be forgotten and they can. be replaced. The scientists in the rat. maze chocolate study said, and I quote, "These results suggest that the brain.

can quickly toggle between an old habit. and a new habit." What's really stunning. is that old habits are totally intact. and retrievable in an instant. Habits. can be broken, they can be replaced, but. they can't be removed forever. So when. you think about the habit loop and the Q. routine reward cycle, it becomes really. clear why 91% of people won't keep their. New Year's resolutions and why 25% of us. won't even keep the resolution for one. week because their old bad habits are.

still there. They never die. And the. same cues are still there in their. lives. Whether it's an environmental cue. like my dad or it's a chemical cue in. the case of my former partner where. every time we went for a glass of wine, she got the craving to go for a. cigarette. And the routine is of course. the same. You know, the cigars are still. there in my dad's car door or the the. sweets are still there in the drawer. downstairs in my house. And the rewards. on offer are all the same too and. equally delicious and compelling. So,

it's all well and good understanding. this and even interrupting the habit. cycle like my dad successfully did with. those lollipops in the in the card. drawer. But the answer to sustaining a. new habit is more complicated to get. those new neurological pathways to fire. together and therefore wire together. Scientific studies conducted all around. the world in humans and animals say that. you need just a little bit more. One. thing we need and all the science was. clear on this is we need repetition. You've heard this before. Some studies.

say 21 days to form a new habit. Some. studies say 66 days. The truth is, and I. read a real plethora of research, is it. seems to depend. For some people, it. happens in a shorter period of time. For. some people, depending on the habit, depending on who you are, it can take up. to hundreds of days to form the new. habit. The director of the University of. Oregon social and effective neuroscience. lab, Elliot Burkeman, said, "Since. habits take practice and repetition to. form, the same is true when it comes to. breaking them. In order to break those. unwanted habits and make new ones,

whatever they're going to be, I'm going. to give you the five rules of making and. breaking habits that have the most. scientific evidence to support them from. what I found. The things that resonated. with me the most that I honestly didn't. know. With these five rules in mind, you'll drastically, I believe, drastically increase your chances of. breaking any bad habit that you have and. making any new habit that you desire to. have. So, rule number one, stress is your puppet master. Many.

habits, as I'm sure you can relate, including smoking or excessive sugar. consumption, involve the brain's. dopamine or reward system. And dopamine, if you understand what that chemical is, is a feel-good chemical that transmits. signals between neurons in the brain. The first time you engage in a new. rewarding behavior, you get a euphoric. feeling from doing it as a result of. that dopamine release. This leads to. changes in both the connections between. neurons in the brain and the system. responsible for action and can largely.

account for why we start to form bad. habits in the first place or habits that. we are we don't necessarily want. Many. of these rewarding things like sugar or. substances um are powerful and. chemically addictive as well, which. means the habit is even harder to. unanchor. And our psychological reaction. to them in this day and age can be. linked all the way back to evolution. In. the caveman days, in the cavewoman days, meat wasn't salted. There wasn't such a. thing as candy or sweets. And highly. addictive substances like tobacco have.

only been growing in the wild for nearly. 8,000 years. But it wasn't until about. 2,000 years ago that we started picking. tobacco up and chewing it and smoking. it. Russell Pdrach, who's the professor. of psychology at Stanford University, says our brains are not well equipped to. deal with the big rush one gets from. these sorts of things. And if you just. look at the high street around you, humans have quite clearly designed our. entire society around activities that. will give us this habit forming dopamine. response in our brains. If you go into a. corner shop, I can get crisps. Again,

that releases dopamine, sweets, adult. magazines, cigars, cigarettes, booze, and they sell. so well because they cause that allimp. important dopamine release in our brain, which acts as the reward part of the. habit loop. So, we keep on coming back. to the corner shop for more and more and. more, which means more shops have popped. up on the high street catering to that. addictive habit loop and that reward. part of the habit loop. And if you think. about your high street, most of the. shops are selling sugar, caffeine, or.

highly processed foods for this very. reason. And I've always wondered if. highly processed foods like French. fries, pizzas, cheesecakes, all of my. favorite things, milkshakes, trigger the. same neurological habit loop as smoking, or other addictive drugs. And new. findings published in the Journal of. Clinical Nutrition, finally suggest that. they do. Scientists studied a group of. overweight men between the ages of 18. and 35 years old. The men were given. similar milkshakes. However, one had a.

high glycemic index and then one had a. low glycemic index. The glycemic index. is basically an indicator of how fast. blood sugar glucose levels spike after. consuming certain foods. Carbohydrates. such as cookies and baked goods and. pasta and white bread and white rice all. have a high glycemic index. They're. quickly digested. While low glycemic. carbohydrates, which include whole. grains and vegetables and fruits and. legumes and unprocessed grains, are. broken down in a much slower way. 4.

hours after the two groups of men were. given the milkshakes, they had an MRI. brain scan which analyzed the activity. in that reward part of the brain. And. subjects in the experiment who consumed. the high glycemic milkshakes had spikes. in their blood sugar levels which then. plummeted 4 hours later. And as their. blood glucose levels decreased, those. participants developed excessive hunger. and their brain scans demonstrated high. levels of activity in a region of the. brain which is associated with. addiction. And this really brings me to.

a point from that professor at Stamford. where he said you're more likely to do. the thing you don't want to do when. you're stressed out. I.e. you're more. likely to go in search of that dopamine. hit in the form of sugar, processed. food, drugs, porn, alcohol, whatever it. might be, if you're stressed out. Therefore, one of the most unobvious but. important things you can do to make a. new habit stick and form enough. repetitions in that early phase to make. the neurons fire together and wire. together is to keep your stress levels.

low. Especially in that critical early. phase while you're forming that new. habit loop, i.e. If you're trying to. form a new habit, whatever it might be, go to the gym, whatever it might be, and. if you want to be in that 9% of people. that have achieved their New Year's. resolution 12 months from now, don't. just focus on the habit. Focus on your. stress because high stress levels are. one of the forces acting against your. willpower as it relates to habits. And I. think we can all relate. I think we can. all sort of intuitively know that when.

we're stressed, we tend to reverse back. to bad habits. And that's exactly why. They've proven this over and over again. in studies that stressed people make bad. choices as they go in that desperate. search of things that will make them. feel good in the short term. And because. of this, stressed people are very bad at. delaying gratification. And being able to delay gratification, as I've come to learn in my own life, is. one of the real keys of achieving any. goal we have in, you know, life, business, relationships, health, or. fitness. So, what is delayed. gratification? I've heard that word for.

most of my life, but what what is it and. why is it important? What is the. research? What are the studies that. prove the importance of it? And how do I. do it? Well, the definition of delayed. gratification according to science is. the ability to delay an impulse for an. immediate reward to receive a more. favorable reward at a later time. And. and just on that point of delayed. gratification and how important it is, one of the most important studies I've. ever read was from the 1960s. A famous. Stanford professor named Walter Michelle.

began conducting a series of important. studies around the concept of delayed. gratification. During his experiments, Michelle and his team tested hundreds of. children, most of them between the ages. of four and five years old. and he. revealed what we now believe to be one. of the most important characteristics of. success not just in health not just in. work but also in life and they called. this and this is a very famous. experiment so I imagine most of you will. know this experiment they called this. the marshmallow experiment I think. certain TV shows in America have. mimicked this and it's really quite.

funny to watch I remember it went it. went viral a form of it went viral on. social media a couple of years ago the. experiment began by bringing each child. into a private room and sitting them. down on a chair and placing one. marshmallow on the table in front of. them. The child was then given a choice. by the researcher. The researcher said, "I'm going to leave the room for a while. and I'll come back in and you can eat. this tasty marshmallow if you want to, if that's your choice. But if you don't. want to eat it and if you don't eat it, I'll give you a second one when I come. back in." So, the choice was simple. One.

treat right now or two treats when the. researcher comes back in later. The. researcher left the room for 15 minutes. Some kids, as you can imagine, jumped up. and put that marshmallow straight in. their mouth. They had eaten it before he. had even left the room. Others, quite. hilariously, struggled around in their. chair and tried to restrain themselves. from eating it, but eventually gave in a. few minutes later. And finally, a few of. the children did manage to wait the. entire time. And this study became known. as the marshmallow experiment, but it. wasn't the funny reactions that made it.

famous. The mindblowing and fascinating. part came many, many years later. As the. years rolled past and those same. children became fully formed adults, the. researchers conducted a follow-up. experiment and they tracked each child's. progress in a number of different areas. of their life. And what they found was. astonishing. The children who were. willing to delay gratification and. waited to receive the second marshmallow. from the researcher ended up having. higher exam scores later in life. They. ended up having lower levels of.

substance abuse, lower likelihoods of. childhood obesity, better social skills. as reported by their parents and. friends, and generally better scores in. most areas across their entire lives. And importantly, the kids that didn't. reach for the marshmallow and became. successful adults also had much better. responses to stress. They were likely. less stressed kids and they were. probably less stressed adults. And it's. interesting to try and establish. causation between there. Clearly, stress. undermines our ability to regulate. impulsivity. Stress hijacks the brain.

And if you're stressed, you won't be. able to delay gratification. You will. continue to reach for those. marshmallows, and you might not. therefore achieve your goals. The. researchers in the marshmallow. experiment continued to follow each. child for more than 40 years. And year. over year over year, the group who. waited patiently for the second. marshmallow succeeded in every capacity. of their lives that they were measuring. In other words, the series of. experiments proved that our ability to. delay gratification was critical for. success in life, in our love lives, in.

our work. And we know that stress is a. key factor preventing us from delaying. gratification. You'll see this. everywhere in your life. I've seen it in. mine. If you're able to delay the. gratification of buying sweets or. desserts or cake or ice cream on your. way home from work, that increases your. chance of eating healthier when you get. home. And there's countless other. examples. Therefore, and this is I guess. my big conclusion. Therefore, and this. is not obvious, but at the start of your. journey to creating that new habit, you.

have to focus on the simple stuff that. makes your life as stress-free as. possible. And those foundations are, it's been proven by science, more sleep, exercise regularly, and opt for stress. reduction techniques like meditation or. massages or walking or running or. whatever helps you to deregulate, de-stress, decompress. Because. scientists have shown that that alone. will increase your willpower and. drastically improve your chances of. cementing new habits and achieving your. big goals in your life. And it's funny.

because most people wouldn't think of. sleep as an important factor in. achieving most of their habits. But the. science seems to be incredibly clear on. this. According to worldleading sleep. expert and neurologist Kathy Goldstein, sleep plays a major factor in the. success or failure of the most popular. New Year's resolutions. For those trying. to lose weight or to eat healthier, a. lack of sleep decreases leptin, which is. the hormone that makes you feel full. It. also boosts something called gerine, aka. the hunger hormone, which increases. appetite, promotes fat storage, and.

causes poor food choices. And for those. of you like me that have goals. associated with work and becoming better. in your work, or you want to get a. promotion, or whatever it might be, the. the science is clear. A lack of sleep. reduces your productivity. And. additionally, sleepdeprived people in. management roles are described as less. ethical, not as alert, not as motivated, and not as cheerful. And for those of. you that might want to boost your your. social lives, a lack of sleep. contributes to poor mood, marketkedly.

worse social interactions in all of the. studies. And for those looking to quit. smoking, like my dad, a lack of sleep is. tied to higher rates of nicotine. dependency. Sleep is one of these. foundations that we often overlook. And. it's become a huge priority in my life. So, if you want to make or break a new. habit, rule number one in my five rules. is to forget all the complicated tips. and tricks and hacks and focus on those. basics. You'll succeed if you feel good, if you're not overstressed, and if. you've slept. Quick one. Intel are now.

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ads out, I do it with such passion. because I really really believe every. word I'm saying. and I absolutely love. the brand. So, if you haven't already. tried Hu and you've been resistant to my. my pestering, then give it a go and let. me know how you get on. Rule number two, know your cues. Incredibly important and. often overlooked. As we've said. previously, and as you know, I've. indicated from that rat maze chocolate. experiment, but also in the example of. my father and my ex-girlfriend, habits. have three main parts. A cue, a routine, and a reward. Cues are often just the.

context where you tend to engage in that. behavior. So, if you want to break a. habit, step number one has to be getting. crystal clear on exactly what your cues. are. If you're aware of it, you're. empowered to do something about it. because the science shows that you're. most likely to relapse to an old bad. habit in the context of when you usually. perform that bad habit. Knowing your. cues and your triggers can help you to. avoid them. And scientists say that if a. smoker disposes of a queue like and it. could be an item, a Q item like an.

ashtray or something like that that. reminds them of that habit, they're. significantly more likely to give up. smoking. So with this in mind, capitalizing on a major life change can. also help you to break or make unhealthy. habits. Often people think like when. you're moving to a new city or starting. a new job or you're, you know, joining a. new social environment, we might think. that's bad timing to start thinking. about making new habits because we're so. busy. But science suggests the complete. opposite. Think about it. If our cues. come from our environment, usually your.

current environment is full of hundreds. of different cues and triggers. Your. home, your commute, your dog walk, your. social context, even your friends. Collectively, all of those environmental. factors probably hold hundreds, maybe. even thousands of cues and triggers that. lead to routines that get you rewards. And those cues and triggers and routines. and rewards, those cues are holding your. bad habits in place. So if you're used.

to lighting up a cigarette on your way. home from work, for instance, or. stopping off at that fast food spot on. your way home from work, moving to a new. city gives you a chance to break that. queue. It removes the queue, which means. that you can remove the routine and. hopefully the reward. And that's. something that I that I think about a. lot, which is whenever I change my. environment, whether it's moving into a. new place or going to a new city or. making new friends or doing something. new, how can I use that sort of blank. canvas as a as a way to start creating. new habits? Can I put my fitness shoes.

in a certain obvious place so that I'm. queued every day to go to the gym? Can I. remove the sweet drawer from my house. completely and replace it with a healthy. drawer full of vegetables and fruits? Those kinds of things. Um, also when we. go to new places, when we spend time. abroad for prolonged periods of time, that's a great opportunity, despite what. people tend to think, to really. kickstart new habits and to shed old. ones. Rule number three, don't focus on. stopping bad habits. Focus on replacing. them. It is, and I've experienced this.

over and over again in my life, it's. impossibly difficult to actually stop a. habit. Um, so I I delved into the. science to try and figure out why and. what happens when we try and stop doing. a bad habit. And the science shows that. focusing too much on stopping something. often makes you rebound eventually and. do it more. We are actionorientated. creatures, not inactionorientated. creatures. And some studies have shown. that the more you suppress your. thoughts, the more likely you are to.

think about those things over and over. again and therefore revert back to a bad. habit. One study done in 2008 on the. topic of appetite found that those who. suppressed their thoughts about eating. chocolate exhibited behavioral rebound. effects where they consumed. significantly more chocolate than those. who didn't. And I tell you what, I can. relate. I can think of multiple times in. my life where I've made a pledge to. myself to quit something and because I'm. so focused on quitting that thing, when. I eventually break, maybe because I'm. stressed, maybe because of another.

factor, I end up swinging so far the. other way because I've sort of held. myself away from that thing that I. craved. And similarly, a 2010 study. published in the psychological science. found that smokers who tried to restrain. their thoughts about smoking ultimately. wound up thinking about smoking even. more. And this reminds me of a small. piece of advice my driving instructor. said to me when I was 18 years old, 19. years old. He said, "Stephen, the car. goes where your eyes are looking. If you. want to avoid crashing into the cars on. the side of the road, don't focus on the.

cars on the side of the road because. you'll veer towards the parked cars on. the side of the road. So look forward. into the distance where you want the car. to go." And this seems like a fairly. fitting analogy for what we're talking. about and for the third law of breaking. and making habits. You end up doing the. thing you're focusing on. So don't focus. on stopping smoking. Focus on the. behavior you want to replace it with. The director of the University of Oregon. social and effective neuroscience lab, Elliot Burkeman, who I mentioned.

earlier, he said something which is. really, really pertinent to this. He. said, "If you're a smoker and you tell. yourself not to smoke, your brain still. hears smoke." Conversely, if you tell. yourself to chew gum every time you want. a cigarette, your brain has a more. positive actionorientated. goal to focus on. And this explains why. those miniature lollipops that my dad. put in the the side of the car when he. quit smoking was such a good idea. He. didn't just take the cigarettes out of. the car altogether, which might have. caused him to rebound and think about. them a lot. He replaced them with a new.

actionorientated. habit for his brain to latch on to and. focus on which in his case was of course. sucking lollipops. Similarly, scientists. suggest that if 5:00 p.m., for example, has been linked to that glass of wine. that you've been trying to knock for a. while, don't just remove the glass of. wine from your life. Instead, double. down on hydration and make sure the. fridge is stocked with seltzers and cold. water and lemon, just like my dad did. But as I said at the start of this. podcast, doing this just once won't be.

enough. Forming a new habit takes time. and commitment. So don't feel. discouraged if it takes longer than you. might expect. I remember looking at the. because I think we've all grown up in. this world where they say that forming a. new habit takes 20ome days. People have. repeated this to me over and over again. It takes 20 something days. I think when. I started doing the keto diet for a. little while, people said to me, just do. it for 25 days and you'll be, you know, the habit will stick. So I looked into. some of the science around this and a. 2010 study published in the European. Journal of Social Psychology found it. took an average of 66 days for a.

behavior to change. But as I said at the. start, this varies wildly. For some. people it's 20 days and in some cases it. was 250 days. So I think that's largely. BS. And I think the more important thing. is actually going to be revealed in rule. number five of these five rules. But. before we get to number five, which it. really was a light bulb epiphany moment. for me, I'm going to give you rule. number four for forming, making, and. breaking the habits you want to in 2023. Rule number four is you need a better. reason to quit. Neuroscientists have.

shown that even if you replace a quote. unquote bad habit with a better one, sometimes the original habit will have a. much stronger biological reward than the. thing you've substituted it for. And if. you think about what I said earlier, the. habit's always going to be there. So. even if you substitute it, like the. scientists said in the rat experiment, it can so easily just toggle back. It. never disappears. The pathway, the. neurons are fired together. They are. wired together. For example, in the case. of my dad, who I keep mentioning. throughout this podcast, his brain.

obviously knows that the lollipop is not. as addictive as the nicotine he's. getting from those cigars, and therefore. it won't produce the same euphoric. neurological feeling in the reward. centers of his brain as those cigars. did. But this is where the importance of. having an intrinsic motivation comes. into play. And listen, an intrinsic. motivation is a phrase any avid listener. of this podcast has probably heard me. say a lot. The word intrinsic is one of. my favorite phrases. It's basically a. reason for doing something that is. genuinely and personally important to.

you, not something that you're doing for. external rewards or payment. We call. that an exttrinsic motivation. And for. me, and you've heard me bang on about. this um because it genuinely changed my. life, my reason for getting healthy and. cutting junk food out of my diet was. always shallow. As I've said before, I. wanted to have a six-pack for summer. So, for the first few months of every. single year when I made that New Year's. resolution, I would work out every. single day and I would eat healthy food. obsessively until one of two things.

happened. until either I got in shape or. until summer ended. Then I would. immediately revert back like those rats. who started running left again. I would. immediately revert back to my old habit. of eating junk food and avoiding any. form of exercise. And it wasn't until. 2020 when a certain virus spread across. the world, tragically killing millions. of people in every corner of the world, that I got to see as the most.

imprinting, alarming example how fragile. health is and how fragile life is. And. that's when, if I think about it now, that's when things changed in my mind. I. realized like a wonderful. epiphany that my health and fitness were. the most important thing in my life. because it is literally the the first. foundation. I've said this before. Think. of it like this table. Everything you. care about sits on this table. Your. career, your family, your goals, all of. your future dreams, everything. Now, you. can remove any of the things on the.

table and you still have everything. else. I can, god forbid, get rid of my. dog Pablo and I still have everything. else on the table. I can get rid of my. career and I still have everything else. that's on the table. But if I get rid of. the table, everything else falls. I lose. everything. My health is the table. My. health is my first foundation. Everything in my life is contingent on. it. So logically, it must be every. single day when I wake up in the. morning, it must be my first priority. And that one realization changed my. life. It gave me like this huge powerful.

intrinsic reason to focus on my health, which was not just six-packs and abs and. chasing women or whatever it might be. And now we sit here 3 years later and. I'm in the best shape of my life. I've. managed to kind of stick at it. Of. course, I have ups and downs and peaks. and troughs and whatever else. And some. days where I'm, you know, in the drawer. at 2 a.m. eating too much chocolate or. whatever. I We're all human. None of us. are perfect. And I think it's important. to communicate that. Um I have all the. same struggles. You know, some days my. motivation's low. Some days it's a bit. higher. But if if we zoom out, and I.

think that's the key, if we zoom out, I've made drastically healthier choices. I'm in the best shape of my life. I've. cut out a lot of the things that I know. are bad for me and that really had a bad. impact on my body and my mind. Um, and. that's all because I finally got a. better reason. And my point here is. sometimes. your good habits don't stand a chance. because you don't have a good enough. reason. Like me, you want a six-pack and. you want it for bad reasons. One of my. favorite quotes of all time is change. happens when the pain of staying the.

same becomes greater than the pain of. making a change. I.e. people don't. change until it's easier to change than. it is to stay the same. And. unfortunately, this means people sometimes need a real. health scare. They need a death in their. family or some kind of other tragedy. until they have a strong enough reason, strong enough evidence to make a change. And that is tremendously sad. It's been. the case for me too many times in my. life that I've had to lose something to. make a change or I've had to lose.

something to learn the value of it. Um. for me, the events of 2020 were that. tragedy. I I you know, I sincerely hope. that you guys that are listening to this. won't need a tragedy of your own to. realize what truly matters to you. Um or. to give you that intrinsic motivation to. live more aligned with the with the. person you want to be and the values. that you have. Rule number five, maybe the most. important. I'll let you decide. Rule. number five, and this is again slightly. controversial, slightly unconventional,

is willpower is not enough. This is. maybe the most fascinating study I read. of all of them because it really made me. ponder and it kind of disrupted my. thinking on willpower and strength and. um mental strength and motivation. And. it's probably a huge reason why 91% of. people don't stick to their resolutions. Dozens of studies show that willpower is. the single most important habit for. individual success. And this is true.

But for a long time, people thought that. willpower is a skill that you could. develop and that therefore remains. constant forever. until Mark Muravan, a. PhD scientist, argued that if willpower. is a skill, then why does it not remain. constant throughout the the whole day or. even throughout the whole week? Why does. willpower seem to fluctuate? He. conducted an experiment to prove that. willpower, like all of the muscles in. our body, gets exhausted the more we use.

it throughout the day. In his lab, he. did a fairly simple thing. He set up one. bowl of freshly baked cookies and then. he set up another bowl of radishes. And. listen, everybody hates radishes, including me. Well, you know, put them. up, chop them up, put them in a salad. Maybe I don't hate them. They're good. for you. But anyway, in this example, most people would prefer hot, delicious. cookies than radishes, right? And the. participants in the study were divided. into two groups. One group was. instructed to eat the delicious cookies. and ignore the radishes. The other group.

was instructed to ignore the delicious. cookies and to eat the radishes. I know. which group I would have rather been in. After five minutes into that experiment, the researchers re-entered the room and. gave both groups of people a puzzle. But. the thing is, the puzzle was impossible. to complete. And here's what happened. The people that had eaten the cookie. with their unused reservoir of willpower. because they hadn't had to use their. willpower. they hadn't had to use their. restraint, looked way more relaxed when.

they were trying to solve that. impossible puzzle, and they would. continue to try and solve it over and. over and over again. Some worked for. more than half an hour before the. researcher told them to stop. On. average, the cookie eaters spent almost. 19 minutes trying to solve that puzzle. before they eventually quit on average. Now in the case of the radish eaters. with their depleted willpower because. they they had to practice restraint they. acted completely differently. It was. completely opposite story. They vented.

as they worked to try and solve that. puzzle. They got frustrated. One even. complained that that the whole. experiment was a waste of time. Some of. them put their heads on the table, closed their eyes, and one of them even. snapped at the researcher when she came. back in. On average, the radish eaters. worked for roughly 8 minutes, 60% less. They tried to solve the problem of the. puzzle, the impossible puzzle, for 60%. less time than the cookie eaters before. quitting. And when I read this study, I.

was shocked, but I'm a skeptic. So, I. tried to think of why this might be. I. tried to think of other factors, and I. thought of maybe it's the sugar. Maybe. the sugar in the cookies are causing. them to work harder. But when you look. at other studies where there isn't. sugar, anytime someone's practicing. restraint, the same effects are seen. Willpower isn't just a skill, it's a. muscle, like the muscles in your arms or. your legs, and it gets tired. And it. gets tired as it's forced to work. harder. So there's less power left over. for all of the other things. And since.

that cookie study was published, I think. in 1998, numerous studies have built a. case for the exact same thing. They call. it the willpower depletion theory. In. one incredible example, which is almost. hard to believe, volunteers who were. asked to suppress their feelings as they. watched an emotional movie gave up. sooner on a test that they did after of. physical stamina than volunteers who. watched the film and were allowed to. react in whatever way they wanted to. So. if you were asked to restrain yourself. when you then did a physical exercise,

people gave up sooner in the physical. exercise. In a similar study which. pointed at the exact same conclusion, people who were asked to suppress. certain thoughts were less able to. stifle laughter in a follow-up test. which was designed to make them giggle. So, if the science here is correct, which I suspect it is, and willpower is. a limited resource, it's really obvious. that the more pressure and restrictions. and strain you put on yourself when. you're trying to make a new habit and.

break old ones, the less the chance you. have of achieving them, the more chance. you have of rebounding and relapsing. This is why unsustainable crash diets. just don't work. This is why anytime you. feel like you're depriving yourself of. something that you really want, you. nearly always end up failing and falling. into relapse. This is why in a 2014. study, almost 40% of people said they. failed on their New Year's resolutions. because the goal was too unsustainable. or unrealistic. And 10% said they failed.

because they had too many goals. This is. why it's so important as you think about. what goals you're setting to make sure. that they are small enough and. achievable enough to become sustainable. without the need for major sacrifice. which will deplete your willpower. reserves. And that is that for me was a. real revelation because I think about. all the habits I've tried to set. You. know, when I talked about trying to get. a six-pack for summer, think about what. I said. I obsessively ate healthy food. I went to the gym every day for 6. months. My willpower eventually became.

depleted and I rebounded. Rebounded like. a yo-yo like you've never seen before. And this is why you shouldn't try and. give up every bad habit that you have at. the same time. This is why less goals. increase the chance of completing all of. your goals. Because with too many big. unrealistic sacrificecentric goals, your. willpower will be under tremendous. unsustainable strain. It will run out. You will fail and it will rebound. And. this is also why so many psychologists. and scientists have found that the best. way to create a new habit isn't by.

depriving yourself of all rewards. That. is totally counterproductive according. to the science. It's by finding new. rewards, healthier rewards, less. addictive rewards, but nonetheless. making sure that you still reward. yourself in some way every day along the. way. And I'm going to do something that. I didn't plan to do. I'm going to give. you a bonus rule number six because this. point I've been talking about ever since. I learned it. I I think I've been. pestering everyone. I saw Jay Shetty.

earlier on and I I peppered him with it. Then I saw my assistant. I peppered her. with it. I think the two guys in the. room recording this podcast with me, I've peppered them with it as well. This. is something that I thought was. unbelievable because it's so easy. It's. so simple. It's a it's a one second. exercise which the science has shown is. tremendously effective in helping you to. create a new habit. So, bonus rule. number six, the secret power of posing a. question. I'm going to give you one last.

short tip that I found buried within the. scientific research that blew my mind. and blew my mind again. So much so that. I had to check it was true. It's called. the question behavior effect. It's an. incredible simple phenomenon in which. asking people about performing a certain. behavior drastically influences whether. they do it in the future or not. The. effect has been shown to last for more. than six months after you ask a simple. question. You know, going back to one of. the real pioneering pieces of research.

on this, a study published in the. Journal of Consumer Psychology says. asking the right question is the key to. behavior change. So instead of telling. someone else what to do or if it relates. to a goal you're trying to achieve for. yourself instead of just saying what. you're going to do for example if you. want to go to the gym instead of saying. I want to go to the gym or I'm going to. go to the gym it's way more effective. according to the science to ask yourself. or a person a simple question which is. are you going to go to the gym? Across.

repeated psychological studies, if an. individual isn't exhibiting healthy. behavior, if they're then asked a. question about that behavior or they ask. themselves a question about that. behavior, it serves as a reminder of. their choices. Direct questions in their. studies influenced people to cheat less, to exercise more, to volunteer more, and. to even recycle more. And the key here. isn't to ask any question or to ask it. in any way. It's to ask a question which. encourages a definitive yes or no.

answer. Really interestingly, researchers found that the question. behavior effect was most effective and. most powerful when the question was. administered via computer or a paper and. pencil survey. And I guess you're. wondering why that works. Why why isn't. it effective to say it to somebody? Why. is it better when a a medium that can't. respond, that has a yes or no box on it, is more effective than asking your. friend or yourself the same question? And there are several theories about why. the question behavior effect works. But.

most people believe it's related to. something called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is where your ideal. self, the person you want to be, doesn't. match up with your real self, which is. who you actually are. So although you. might want to be a healthy person, your. behavior, your actions might not be. aligning with that. they might not be. aligning with the actions of a fit, healthy person. So, if someone asks you. the question or if you ask yourself the. question, are you going to go to the gym. today? Saying no would cause a lot of. mental discomfort. To ease your.

discomfort, you're likely going to say. yes, then once you say yes, your. prediction that you're going to exercise. that day becomes a self-fulfilling. prophecy because the question has. reminded you of who you want to be. The. path to becoming that person. Are you. going to go to the gym today? and you've. set an intention to walk that path. It's. a simple question is a reminder. It. delivers the path and it gives you the. opportunity to send a clear intention to. yourself and to whoever else of what.

you're going to do. And the reason why. this works even more effectively when. answering yes or no to the question, especially on a computer or a pen or a. paper, is because these binary choices. in a yes or no box or on a computer or. on a piece of paper, wherever it might. be, don't allow for clarification. and excuses, both of which we all know. allow us to wiggle away from confronting. the reality of who we want to be, the. path of getting there, and establishing. an intention. While you might want to. explain, you know, Steve, you know, I. want to I might say to myself, you know, I plan on starting to exercise next.

month, or I'm going to stop sugar next. month, or I'll go to the gym once my. schedule allows me to do so. A yes or no. question doesn't give any room to create. an excuse, a justification, and to. deceive yourself. You need to commit. If. it's yes or no, you need to commit one. way or the other. So the next time. you're tempted to make excuses for your. behavior, and we all do it, I do it. every day, or to lecture someone else. about what they should do differently, try this instead. Try asking yourself,

and I did this last night. It was 11:30. p.m. at night or whatever, a long day, and I'm sat there in my little office. upstairs, and I think, I know I should. go on the Pelon. I've not been on the. Pelaton in a little while. Um, so I. asked myself the question. said, "Steve, are you going to go on the Pelaton?" And. like a bit of a weirdo, I replied to. myself, "Yes.". Use it on yourself. Ask yourself a clear. yes or no question about an area of your. life that you're struggling in daily to. find motivation in. Or if you want to. help someone in an empathetic and. effective way, instead of saying you.

should quit smoking, you can raise the. question with them and ask them, "Are. you going to quit smoking? Are you going. to apply for that new job?" And ask them. only for a yes or no answer if you can. Obviously [clears throat] remember to. have empathy because sometimes questions. come with them something which isn't. revealed unless the person reads between. the lines which is judgment. And we. don't want to we don't want to lead with. judgment. That's not a good thing. Um. but raising awareness raising someone. else's awareness of their behavior with. this gentle confrontation of their ideal.

self can lead to significant behavior. change. So with these six rules, here's. my conclusive message to you. Don't let the statistically high. likelihood of failure with your goals. and New Year's resolutions put you off. trying because the science also says. that resolutions are effective. Set. yourself up for success using the rules. in this podcast. Please tell a friend. If you've got a friend in your life that. is struggling with something, there's a. habit they want to make or a habit they. want to break, please share this podcast.

episode with them and hopefully um it'll. make change in someone's life. You know, I I reflect on how that leaving that. book at home accidentally. had such a big accidental impact and I. give all the credit to my father for. actually doing it. I accidentally left a. book somewhere which I had no intention. of helping anyone but he took that book. read it and to think an idea helped him. to stop smoking which is a goal that he. had for some people they might love. smoking and that's also fine. All of our. goals are subjective. um to think that.

he was able to shake a habit that was. not good for his health is much of the. reason why I'm doing this podcast which. is this realization that one idea could. be any of these six principles or. something else that we've shared today. could have that effect on someone that. I'll never meet is the most rewarding. reason for staying up it's fairly late. here it's about 10 p.m. night. Um, and. doing this podcast so soon before New. Year's. And remember, and I think this. is an important admittance, life is all. about failing forward. You, like me, in. all areas of your life will stumble.

You'll hit hurdles. Life will happen. Um, that's completely inevitable. But. hopefully with these principles in mind, you can pick yourself back up again and. again and again and again. And you know, I've had to do this over and over again. in every habit that I've successfully. formed and the habits that I'm still. struggling to form until such a time. when the habits you're seeking to break. have been broken and the habits you're. seeking to make have been made and your. new behavior is creating the life that. you hope and desire to live. This is a. neverending journey, which is something.

that I've clearly come to learn from my. own struggles with forming new habits. and breaking old ones. But regardless of. the distance, differences and. distinctions, it's important to know. that we are all in this together as a. society. If you're more happy, productive, and successful, then just by. like a connective karma for us living on. the same planet, that will increase the. chance of my life being happy, more. productive, and successful. We are all. in this together. So, help each other. out, pull each other up, and have. empathy for those that are struggling. the most. Because as one of my guests.

said to me on this podcast this year, the truth is and when we think about. that person in our life that's. struggling with a habit, if you were. them, if you had walked their path in. their life and you had their DNA, the. truth is you'd be doing exactly the same. thing. So the best way to demonstrate. your gratitude for being more fortunate. in whatever subjective regard that you. might be is to lift up those who aren't. I wish you all the luck in the world for. achieving your goals this year. And in.

the spirit of the sixth bonus rule, and. because I always end this podcast with a. question, here's my very binary parting. yes or no question to you that hopes to. use the force of the question behavior. effect to help you achieve some of your. habits. My parting question. is, are you going to achieve your goals. this year? Yes or no? Thank you. Quick one. This episode is brought to.

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a favor, which is hit that subscribe. button? We're approaching 1 million. subscribers. And when we hit 1 million. subscribers, we've been working for many months to do. something very big in which we're all. invited to. I'll reveal that when we hit. a million subscribers. Thank you. [music]. [singing].