WHO WOULD YOU SHIFT WITH? | Ft. Chris Fleming | ARCHIVE FRIDAY

Well, you tell me where you would want. to ship first. >> I [music] keep thinking of Goofy from uh. a Goofy movie and I would just be wanted. to tell him, "Get your [ __ ] together.". >> You're all You can't keep doing this. [laughter]. >> Pull it together. [laughter]. >> Your son's out of control. [music]. Hey everyone and welcome back to another. episode of the comment section show. Sorry, me your fave. Who cares about me?

On to the guests. Today we have my. favorite episode personally, the iconic, the hilarious Chris Fleming. >> And it's h Halloween season. >> And it is it's spooky season. >> And. >> I didn't want to mention it just so it's. a surprise till they saw you. >> Oh, [laughter] I'm the reveal. >> Yeah, you're the big reveal. That's. >> I'm the seasonal decoration. >> Yes. And Drew's Drew's crew was. scurrying around getting Drew ready for. with this like it was a big this outfit. And while it is amazing, I was expecting.

something quite outlandish and. [laughter] and this for all this. [laughter]. and then to reveal it's Drew and the. Mon. >> Can I be real? They were kind of doing. that about you with me. So I thought you. came dressed up and they were keeping it. as a secret. >> No. And I my dress my reading. comprehension is in decline. And. [laughter] so the email it did I reread. it. It did ask me to. >> Oh, nice. >> And I was thinking could I say I'm like. dressed like Amy Sherman Paladino or.

something. >> You're a Christmas elf. >> This is or like Girl Interrupted. >> or your Tim Allen from the first Santa. Claus. [laughter] That's so specific. >> Did he wear this? >> He wore a lot of sweaters. >> Oh, cuz [laughter] this does look like. it has the illusion of layers. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. Well, it worked out because we. found the perfect costume for you, which. is the helmet. >> I'm dressed like the uh inventor of the. Keele. [laughter]. >> Dr. Sue Keagle. >> But the helmet is Katy Perry in space. >> Oh, yeah. This was gifted to me.

[laughter]. >> moments before sitting. >> Now it's stuck on your head. >> Yeah. Now I'm jammed in. >> and it's yours forever. >> Yeah. No, I like it. >> Now you can go to space with Gail. >> Yeah. Oh, I was supposed to reveal. They. asked me to reveal slowly to camera that. it's me. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Well, I'm excited to have you back. How. have you been? >> Oh, I've been good. How have you been? >> I've been good given the state of the. world. This is kind of how I'm feeling, I'd think. >> Like the Mona Lisa? >> Yeah. Just trapped. >> Smiling a little.

>> Yeah. Smiling a little, grinning. [laughter] and bearing it. >> Yeah. >> That's kind of where my vibes are. currently. >> Yeah. >> What about yours? >> Um, yeah. My state of the world is more. um the Monae waterlies. I'm [laughter] the I'm the water. I'm. I'm those. >> Okay. >> That's where I'm at right now. Kind of. like. >> right existing as a beautiful enigma. >> If you stand far enough away. Yeah. >> Right. >> But when you get closer, kind of like, >> oh, that's how we did this. [laughter].

>> Do you ever do the magic eye where. you're supposed to make your eyes go. like that and then you see something? >> No. >> Yeah. >> What's that? >> Like you're like manifestation or. literally? >> No. It's like it's like different ill. It's like different patterns and you're. supposed to like [ __ ] up your eyes and. then you see like some some message and. the and the the inventor's daughter went. to my elementary school. >> Okay. >> Which could have been a lie, I. [laughter] guess. We. >> Right. Right. Okay. >> We just kind of believed it, [laughter]. >> but I could never do it.

>> So specific that how could you lie about. that? You know what I mean? >> Well, that's pre ask Jeeves. You could. you could get away with. >> I love manslaughter. >> Oh, yeah. I thought it was the smartest. web search engine I'd ever seen. >> It knew three things [laughter]. >> in total. >> Where am I? >> Is it still around? Is he still around? >> I don't think so. >> Yeah, >> I think no. >> Yeah. >> Do you like magic? >> I won't seek it out, but if you drag me. there. Like I was telling you, I'm. easily manipul. I will be I'll be I'll.

love it. >> I'm in. Yeah. >> No matter what. >> Oh, yeah. >> You'll suspend disbelief. >> You take me anywhere, I'll enjoy it. That's my problem. I'll talk so much. [ __ ] until I'm there and then I'm. weeping and. >> then you're just having the time of your. life. >> I'm just totally I'm like a girl at a. music festival [laughter]. cuz I'm feeling exactly what you want me. to feel when. >> girl who's going to be okay. Yeah. >> Every time you see anything. I was just. curious. You seem like you'd be into. magic. [laughter]. >> Oh my god. >> No, I'm into trickery. I'm into. mischief, not magic. >> Right. That's true. That's true. Well,

you just give me a real mystical energy. That's what makes me think about it. >> Good. >> And I just turned 30 last week. Oh my. god. >> Right. >> That was the first time I exhaled 30. [laughter]. >> The first time I was truly bouncing. around like Tigger my whole life. >> on my ass. No tail. >> No. Yeah, exactly. >> Gush. Gush. Gush. >> Pissing everybody off. >> Pissing. Hey. Hey. >> Hey. >> Enough with the bouncing. >> At parties I would make someone laugh. and then be like, I'm out of here. [laughter].

>> My friend Jerry would be like, "Oh, Chris, man, you just got to laughing, man. stick around. >> Can't have more people to make laugh. >> Yeah. Yeah. Then then I go [laughter]. home and sleep and on a big laugh. That. was my training. >> You and me both. >> So So wait, so 30, how do you feel? >> Honestly, I feel really great. I feel. like I've been 30 forever. So I was just. kind of glad to stop saying 29. I was. really sick of it. I start I quit saying. 29 months ago. Like when people would. ask me, "Oh, [laughter] spooky.". >> Yeah, >> it's okay. >> Oh my god.

>> Do we have Is this kind of like an. escape? Do they have levers and stuff? Are they going to keep escape room? >> They're going to keep doing this to us. [laughter]. >> cuz I can only take one more of those. before I'm out. >> Just so everyone knows, that's one. >> Yeah, >> that's one. That's. >> my granny panties are only so thick. [laughter]. >> I get scared so easy. >> Yeah. A few months ago, I quit saying. 29. I just started saying 30 because I. was just over it. >> 29 is stressful. [laughter]. >> 29. and then 30.

>> Yeah, exactly. Now I get to be I'm 30. Like I'm youngest in my 30s now. I'm. claiming new territory. >> And I feel like you've made every list. every 30. Every under 30 plus. >> under under the wire too. I made 29. So. [laughter] they really I really got in. there under the wire. >> There was a period where you were on one. of those I think day like it was. [laughter] there was a different. >> You know what's funny is I got one. today. >> Which one? Oh. >> mashable. >> Fashionable. >> Mashable. >> Mashable. >> It was like top 25 creator. Something.

like that. >> Yeah, you did. made another one. >> What number? >> Uh, I don't know if they numbered me. They put me under a category of just. content creator. So, >> beautiful. >> There you go. >> Beautiful. >> Just chilling there, you know. >> Oh my god. Are you going to post it to. grid? >> Maybe. >> What are you waiting for? [laughter]. >> I'm like, uh, another list. >> Yeah. >> But yeah, I I was sitting on those lists. for a minute. But when we did my 30th. birthday, like my friends and family. surprised me with like we just like went. to a house like relaxed. My idea of like. a perfect birthday is doing absolutely. [ __ ] nothing. Nothing.

>> laying horizontal, maybe reading my. Kindle. >> Yep. >> Eating. >> Everything in the community is canceled. I want I want no one I want people to. observe it like a moment of silence. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> But I don't want the attention. I want. people I don't I hate seeing something. scheduled. When I see like a furniture. sale January 29th, I'm like, but I don't. want you talking. I don't want like you. addressing. >> Exactly. >> I want to be sitting in peace. >> I know. I said the same thing. I was. like, I don't want anything that's going. to draw more attention to me in any way.

I don't want to be the center of. anything. Yeah. >> I just want to do nothing and relax. >> It's uncontrolled attention, >> right? >> That's why I'm so afraid of a wedding. like my own like. >> like you getting married. >> People just people just kind of peering. >> That's actually so true because I'm. getting married next year. >> Oh my god. >> And I And you're not invited. I'm sorry. And I get it. I get it. [laughter]. >> I would do something. >> I would actually love to have you there. I started a rumor at my cousin's wedding. that the wedding planner had a piece on. her [laughter].

>> just cuz. >> this she was just like she was really. organized and I was like and I think I. said the priest also was packing. [laughter] and so yeah I just start. rumor. >> different kind of packing or a gun. >> No, no, truly like a like an ankle an. ankle holster. Yeah, >> right. Have to have to. Yeah. >> I mean why not at a wedding? That's the. place to start it. >> Rumor mill. >> Yeah. And you're all I heard it from. someone at the bar. [laughter]. You can just put pin it on anybody. >> Yeah. I get devilish at weddings. >> Yeah. >> When you get real you get real. mischievous at a wedding. >> I get sneaky. [laughter]. >> Well, in planning my wedding,

>> I think like a month or two ago, I was. like thinking about place settings and I. was like that makes me want to die. >> Like having a a traditional like. >> huge wedding kind of thing because I. [clears throat] was thinking. >> it's really embarrassing to have people. watch you get married like everyone's. just staring like what you were just. saying. Oh yeah. >> I was feeling the same way. I was like, "So, like a hundred people are just. going to be looking at me get married? That's embarrassing.". >> And the difference of generations seeing. you through their lens, it's it's like. too much for me to take, >> right?

>> And like your neutral kind of like, >> your little Paul Dano smile, [laughter]. >> which is so tense because you can't just. you can't be truly neutral with all. those eyes on you. >> You got to be like somewhere in the. middle. Yeah. It's like a performance of. some kind, >> but you can't speak. Yeah, [laughter]. >> it's a silent film because you're not. allowed. People speak on your behalf and. you just you kind of. >> Yeah. The only thing you say is I do, I. guess. >> And the eyes on you in the dance floor, they're going to be way too encouraging. of anything you do [laughter]. >> as the bride.

Yay. >> Well, and also Yeah. They're going to. enable me honestly. It might be bad for. me. >> It's like agents. >> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. Exactly. >> How they have to laugh, right? Exactly. >> I get I go nuts on that. You can say. something that's not recognized as humor. in any culture and they're like, "Ah, >> that's so true. It's so good. >> Sometimes when you're like, "Okay, relax." That part, that joke wasn't that. funny that I told. >> that does give me fuel for the next. though cuz they know I to get the engine. started. [laughter]. >> Yeah. You need Mhm. You got to feed.

>> I got to be invited in otherwise. [laughter]. I'm a vampirus. >> So then you can go nuts once you get in. there. >> Can you hear me through this helmet? [laughter]. >> I feel like I'm. >> Yes, we. >> Yes. >> Yes. Exactly. Well, at my 30th birthday, they actually hired a magician to come. >> Okay. >> Because I think magic is fun. >> Yeah. >> Um but he he identified as a mentalist. >> Way better, >> right? >> Oh, he's still in there. [laughter].

>> Those guys, >> it's working. >> Oh my god. >> I know. It's. >> very male-dominated field. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Why is that? >> I've never met a she mentalist. >> She her mentalist. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> You know what? Me either. You know why? Because only a man would be that. confident that they could get in. someone's head. >> Oh, totally. >> Only a man would be that arrogant. >> Every woman is a mentalist. She's just. keeping it to herself. [laughter]. >> Yeah. She's not trying to commodify it. >> She's not standing on a 250 cap stage in. a in a strip mall. wearing a horrible short sleeve.

button-up. >> I know. He kind of looked like um car. salesman. [clears throat] Like he had. like a blazer and like Yeah. But what's. funny is like when we got what came all. into the room, he was like saying first. of all he was 30 minutes early and then. >> I think they're going to say he's 30 and. and if he was 30. No, they better be 50. at least. >> No, he was like Yeah, he was late 40s, early 50s. >> Yeah. Can't be a young mentalist. >> A peer mentalist. [laughter] I don't I. don't want to get near that. >> Oh my god. Banks. No. >> No way. The mentalist has to be old. enough to drive a car at the least.

>> He needs to have been around for a. little bit of Reagan. [laughter]. Otherwise, >> the tail end of Reagan. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You have to be fully formed adult. during Clinton [laughter] at the very. least. >> Oh, yeah. >> Did you like Clinton back in the day? >> Back in the day when I was like, I don't. even know how old. >> Sure, why not? >> I I heard that he could memorize every. 10,000 names, so I was like, I got to. remember everyone's name. >> Bill Clinton. >> I love Bill Clinton.

>> Well, you know what? If I became the. leader of the free world, I'd just start. saying [ __ ] too. I'm like, me? I can. memorize a thousand countries and then. just nobody asked me to do it because. I'll get nervous. >> I can remember four countries. [laughter]. >> Sorry, keep going. So, the mentalist is. there. >> Oh, yeah. So, we had the mentalist. there. >> Yeah. >> He was great. >> Um, in the beginning though, he was we. were like, we always like play. background music to some extent, you. know, so it's not awkwardly quiet. >> And when we were we were like, "Oh, we'll put on some music." He goes, "No, no music. It's a distraction.".

>> And we were like, "Oh, okay." Okay. And. then we were sitting in silence just. waiting. Bone chilling silence. >> Yeah. Waiting for everyone to come into. the room and to the point where I text. my sister cuz she was the last one. And. I was like, "Dude, hurry up. It's weird. out here." [laughter]. >> Then she finally came and then he did. his tricks and everything and he was. good. Like it was we were all like, "Whoa." About certain ones. And we're a. really captive audience. Like me and my. family like we're the best audience to. have for [ __ ] like that. Like if your. kid wants to show a talent like my. family's the person to do it in front of. we'll be cheering them on and acting.

like it's the best thing we've ever seen. like. >> even if it's not but we will be making. jokes and that is a caveat I do have to. add. >> So while he's performing you are like. >> workshopping a bit. >> You're riffing. >> maybe. Yeah. >> sometimes. Well we were letting him do. his jokes but then there was one part. he's like write down a place you've. always wanted to go. >> Mhm. >> And my sister was like write down your. mom's house. And we like couldn't stop. laughing. Like we were like [laughter]. I wrote your mom. >> inviting this man to your house and and. hitting him with your mom's town.

>> Yeah. And then we were we we were. giggling. We didn't tell him the joke. Like we were just laughing about it. >> but he knew he was and then he got like. almost nervous and so he like forgot. some of the trick and then like one of. my cousins was there and he was like. what did I just ask you? And then he. goes I I don't remember. It just got. like awkward and uncomfortable and I was. like, "Okay, if you're going to be a. magician in your 50s, you got to learn. how to hear giggling. You You can't get. shaken by giggling.". >> You don't think it was the fact that he. knew you wrote down your model.

[laughter]. >> I didn't though. I started. >> screaming in his head. >> I started writing that and then I wrote. Ireland instead. Okay. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> I did change it. >> Yeah. >> But we were just giggling. >> Do you think the 29-year-old would have. written your mama's house? [laughter]. It's a That's the difference between 29. and 30. 29 and 30. >> A 30 30-y old woman. They want to go to. Ireland. [laughter] They want the cliffs. of They want the cliffs of Dover. >> Well, you know what? I invited a. magician to my 30th birthday, so I think. I can make a joke about your mom's. house. Sure.

>> Totally. >> Sure. Why not? >> Totally. >> And then like his very last trick was I. I don't remember the buildup, but he. would I remember he was saying, "Shout. out places you want to go to, right? Like any places you want to go to." And. so there was probably like nine of us. So we were like. >> I don't know like people were like. Ireland, the UK, like just saying random. places. >> Panera. >> Yeah. We all said at least one place, right? >> Um my brother at one point goes the sh. And then we all started laughing and. then that that threw him off too. Like.

like I was like dog come on man. Like. that wasn't even about you. >> Was it that pitch too that tone? >> Yeah. He said it exactly like that. Uh. you have no idea how much I nailed that. impression. I wish you were there when. he said it. He said. exactly like that. [laughter]. >> It sounds like an eighth grader sucking. up. >> Yeah, you're telling me. [laughter]. >> That's part of the reason why we left. >> Okay. Yeah. Okay. He wasn't going for. laps. He was going. >> No, he wasn't. He was being very. serious. [laughter]. >> He was offering that in earnest and. that's what made it funny.

>> Wow. >> We were like saying all these places and. then. >> Yeah. >> at a certain point like when you're. saying give me a place, there's only a. handful of you. We've all set a place. Yeah. You're you're struggling to keep. thinking about. >> Yeah. Yeah. And then he kept going more. more. And we were like. >> everyone's getting nervous. So we were. like Jakarta, [laughter]. >> Madagascar, um. circle. >> Yeah. >> Like we started getting nervous cuz he. was going more more more. Yeah. >> And then he finally like had someone.

>> uh read he had my fiance read the names. that he had written down like of the. countries or places. And then he had me. shaking a dice to like cross out certain. places. >> And the last one was he wrote on there. as the number two option, Hawaii, which. I know for a [ __ ] fact none of us. said because we've all been there. hundreds of thousands of times. >> You're bored by Hawaii. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like well and like we're. from there. So like I was like we. wouldn't say the place we've been and. are from like and he said uh like he was.

like okay cross Iceland off, cross this. off. So then the last one left was. Hawaii, which I know nobody said. [laughter] And then he goes, "Well, that's perfect. I'm already dressed.". Rips open his thing and he has an aloha. [laughter] shirt like like a button-d. down like like flower like an aloha. shirt, a Hawaiian shirt. He just, "Well, that's perfect. I'm dressed." And then. rips open the button up like Superman. And then he has that aloha shirt on. And. we were like, "Whoa." And then he goes, "That's my time. Thanks, guys." And then. he took a [ __ ] and he left. That is so.

dark that he just ends every show on. Hawaii regardless. [laughter]. >> And then I started thinking, you already. had the Hawaiian shirt on. And then. you're hoping someone's gonna say. Hawaii. >> He's not going to have like a location. appropriate outfit for like. >> Iceland. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. A modest. a mock turtleneck. >> Like Yeah. Like what do you pick for. that? Like that's Well, then he picks. Hawaii and he does that whole bit and I. go I bet that killed if someone said. Hawaii. Obviously I know how you did the. trick now because I know nobody said.

that but we were both like we were all. like yay. >> I guess it could I guess maybe like a. full crocodile Dund D outfit for. Australia. >> That would be funny. >> But you couldn't reveal like a leather. vest. >> or if he was like I'll go I'll be right. back. Goes in the room and changes into. it. Then I'm impressed cuz I'm like. where when did you put that outfit in. there? >> And how many did you bring? [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Of every region. >> But I do recommend Dementalist. I. thought it was pretty fun. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. It was it was a good time. Aside. from that kind of subp part, >> aside from the flub at the end, that.

flop of a joke, >> my cousin's ba baby had a birthday party. where she had a magician recently, a. couple months ago. >> So, not a 30-year-old. >> Not a third. No, no, no, but different. This was a magician named Awesome Rob. [laughter]. And the reaction that these toddlers. had, they were like like they were like. [laughter] THEY WERE LIKE. >> THEY'RE LIKE LEVITATING. couldn't. believe the [ __ ] that he was pulling. It. was it was the most electric [laughter]. >> like energy out there.

>> Oh yeah. >> They were It was palpable what they were. feeling. >> Oh my god. They were They were like. falling back and like on the ground like. like [laughter]. eyes rolling back. >> They started speaking in tongues. >> That's crazy. >> It was crazy. >> It was blowing their mind. I I went to. um a game night thing once for Quest. Love. >> and he had a magician there, but he was. just in attendance. He he does magic. like for real. >> Yeah. >> And. >> seems like he does too many things. probably. Quest Love. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> He's got his finger in a lot of pies. He.

does a lot of things. >> Drummers got to stay busy. >> Yeah. >> They got They do all these different. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Okay. >> They have a lot going on mentally. >> So, he has a magic. >> Yeah. So it it was just a dude at the. party and he like sat next to us and was. like, "Oh, how do you guys know Quest?". And I was like, "Oh, he he published my. book." And I was like, "What about you?". And he's like, "Oh, um, he comes to my. shows and I was like, "Oh, cool. What do. you do?" And he's like, "I do magic.". And I go, "Really?" And he goes, "Yeah.". Uh, he tells me like, "Jimmy Fallon came. and he's a big fan of my show, so he. brought Quest." And then like that's.

kind of how I met them. And I was like, "Nice, nice. You do magic for famous. people. That's sick." And then he goes, "Yeah, I've been doing it for a while.". And he was pretty young. I think he was. like mid-30s. Mhm. >> And I wish to god I remembered his name, but like he started doing tricks. >> I was those toddlers. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> With he was my awesome Rob. >> Yeah. Quest going to show up with a good. magician, >> right? When I saw he was doing [ __ ] that. I was like, "What the fuck?". >> Like I was literally being mind blown. I. was like, "Oh my god.". >> Do you think they tell like their. significant others how they do the.

tricks? >> Like they know. >> they got to tell someone. Yeah, >> I would. I'd violate an NDA easy. I. would need to know if I saw like I if I. I would need to know if I was at a party. with them. I'd be like, "Hey, >> come on. [laughter]. >> It's me. >> Hey, it's Chris from before.". >> I like that Jimmy Fallon and Quest Love. hang out. I get I always got the. impression that there was a group chat. that was being left. >> that one of them is left. >> at the roots. At the roots is like we're. going to bed early, Jimmy. [laughter].

>> They're like, "Uh, what are you guys. hanging out after?" And they're like, "What do you mean? I saw I just saw you. guys." [laughter]. >> Oh. Um, we. >> You guys just got in an Uber. >> It's not really a group thing. It's kind. of like. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> It's like I love you, man. >> So, I have only seen that in like. Planned Parenthoods or DMV. [laughter]. >> It's a good movie without audio or like. the emergency vet. [laughter]. >> Oh, the emergency vet. Right. Right.

>> They're always just blasting it. >> Yeah. That's like my theory where. >> I think the cast changes. I think. sometimes it's Kevin James and then. sometimes it's [laughter]. >> I think one time it was Patton Oswald. I. love you, man. Yeah. I think those. movies sometimes there's this kind of. like let's put in a different. >> They'll never know. They'll never know. Just swap them out. It'll be fine. >> Yeah. >> I mean, that would make sense. I. wouldn't know. >> No. >> Like middle-aged white dudes. I'm like, yeah, that's probably him. [laughter]. >> Totally. >> I'm sure that's Paul R. I'm. >> Paul Rudd's probably in it. >> I think last I checked.

>> Yeah. Have you had him on? >> No. Have I had Paul Rudd on? >> I don't know. I mean, I do. [laughter]. >> I know you don't watch the show, Chris, but no, I haven't. >> No, I do watch the show on Spotify. [laughter]. >> on our favorite platform. >> It it shuts down the electricity in my. house watching [laughter] it on the app. >> That's how often I'm streaming. >> The house shake. Every every power light. goes out on the on the street [laughter]. to to stream this visually on Spotify. No, I actually had a meeting with. Spotify once where they were telling me.

just like the show's doing great, whatever, and they were telling me, "Yeah, you're a guest." Like, >> no pattern, no like similar profession, just. >> throwing darts at a. >> and they're like and they're eating it. up like that's so great. Like, wow, that's so [laughter] I was like they're. like, "You have all these [ __ ]. weirdos and nobody cares. They're all. enjoying it." I [laughter] was like, "Yeah, pretty much." Yeah, I'd say so. >> Yeah. You have a lot of nomadic types. like myself. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> That's why I was like. >> shifty characters. >> Yeah. With you, I'm like that's for me.

>> Yeah. >> That's your [laughter] episodes are for. me and me alone. >> Yeah. >> Well, me and Caleb. >> and one woman who claims to astral. project with me. Have I told you about. her? >> No. >> No. I mean, I don't want to even get. into that. She's probably with I'm. probably in the Jade realm with her. right now. [laughter]. >> She's just saying that about you. >> Oh, yeah. And some sometimes she's. pretty accurate about like how I am. She's like, "Yeah." She's like, "You she. she's like leaving me these detailed. notes of what I'm like when we're when. she's astral projecting with me, which.

is such a violation. project.". >> I didn't ask for that. >> No. [laughter]. >> No. You can't just. >> Well, maybe that's the first female. mentalist you've ever met. >> Oh, >> maybe it's her. >> They're all They're all mentalists. >> Have you ever heard of shifting? >> Uhoh. >> People doing shifting. >> No. Is that that Mormon thing? >> No. >> No. >> No. >> No. What's shifting? >> Of course not. I've seen it I've only. seen people talk about it on TikTok, which would make sense because it I. think you need a certain level of brain. rot in order to access it. >> But it's literally when they close their.

eyes and they like go like almost like. lucid dreaming. >> Yeah. >> But they like go into the dream. willingly, but they're always with like. fictional characters. >> Oh, [ __ ]. >> Or like boys. >> specifically. I've only ever seen women. do it with boys. Like so they're like, "Oh, I shifted and I was I shifted and I. was dating like Edward from Twilight and. we went to the mall together and like. and they recount it like it's like this. is what I did last night when I shifted. >> which like in my head is like that's.

kind of just seems like imagination but. that's okay." Like whatever you want to. call it. >> It's like a they're there's a new term. for daydreaming. >> Yeah. [laughter]. Yeah. Exactly. >> We're calling it shifting. >> Imagining. Right. Children do it. It's. good to foster the whimsy. >> Is it painful? A little a little bit of. blood comes out of the ear when. >> their nose is bleeding. They look like. that. What's What's her name on Stranger. Things? >> Oh, yeah. >> 11. Yeah. >> Millie Bobby. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> She's 41. [laughter]. >> She's 41 now. >> Wow. So, she grew up so quickly.

>> Something happened. They're all older. than us. [laughter]. >> They went into the Jade realm and came. out older than us. >> Yes. >> Like the Narnia closet. >> Yes. >> They just came out older than us. What. happened? >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's the guy with the. mustache? Remember they like we right. when we completely forget about it, that's when it drops again. [laughter]. >> Who's the thick thighed guy in charge? >> What are you talking about? Oh, David. Stranger Things. >> Yeah, David something David Mamemoth. David. >> the guy who's like. >> Harbor. David Harbor. >> You are like Papa. Do you remember that?

>> No. [laughter]. >> That's from Stranger Things. >> Are you talking to me right now? >> Sorry, I went somewhere for a second. [laughter]. >> Yeah, you shifted. >> Yeah, I shifted for a second. Sorry. It's in It's in Stranger Things. Like. when she's yelling at David, what's his. name? I almost said Adam. >> I like saying I like putting the. emphasis on things. Stranger Things. >> Stranger Things. Yeah. Stranger Things. Stranger Things. >> Stranger Things. Cuz right. It's. supposed to be Stranger Things have. happened. [laughter]. >> Who would you shift with if you could. shift? >> If I could shift. >> Yeah, we'll say on the count of three. I. don't know. >> Wait, does it have to be an imaginary.

person or has to have to be a real. person? >> Uh, what if we both said Seinfeld? Uh, [laughter]. >> I wouldn't want to shift there. That. sounds miserable. Neither would I. >> Well, you tell me where you would want. to ship first. >> Who? >> So, who I would get to hang out with. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like you go into like you're. like you're still you, but you're in. that universe. >> I keep Well, you said you said. fictional. I keep thinking of Goofy from. uh a Goofy movie and I would just be. wanted to tell him get your [ __ ]. together. >> You're all You can't keep doing that. >> Clap in his ears. [laughter].

>> Pull it together. >> Your son's out of control. [laughter]. It's delusional. >> The ears are just a big part of it. >> Yeah, that's me flapping. [laughter]. >> Be so pissed at that. Your crew had to. whip the headphones off in that. [laughter] time. >> That sound Biden outlawed that sound. >> Especially when you're talking about. Goofy. >> Yeah. Well, that's what the That's what. the ears would make. >> Well, this could be this could be. something else, too. >> Yeah. >> We're doing [laughter] that far apart.

You know, >> I saw Basin on the street today. That's. probably why I thought that. >> Yeah. >> I literally went Yeah. out the window. [laughter] like an older woman. >> to the bassad hound. >> I went, "Yeah, it was this thing was. this thing looked like um you know when. Peter Pan when they have Nana played by. like four guys in a suit. [laughter]. >> I I wasn't falling for. >> the stage play.". >> Yeah. Yeah. The stage play. >> Yes, I do know. >> It was like way too big for a bassad. hound. This thing was like You know how.

bassads are just drooping? This thing. was like. >> It was like Yeah, it was way up. is way. too perky. >> Way too perky about it. >> And you went Yeah. >> Yeah. out the window. >> Nice. >> I've been doing that more. >> Yeah. The whimsy of life. >> I almost hit Shila Buff with my car. [laughter]. >> Hello. >> Yeah. I just slam intentionally or. >> No. No. No. >> Okay. Okay. >> You know when you Good. >> You know when you see He had like a gray. soul patch. >> Okay. >> And it's like, oh god, he's probably.

playing Colonel Mustard or something or. something. You go. [laughter] You know. when you see an actor with a new look, you're like, okay. going to be great. Can't wait to see this trail. >> Great soul patch. Let's hear it. >> This thing was like thick. Anyway, so he. runs out in front of my car. I have to. like slam. I'm blasting Uptown Girl. >> Of course you are. >> Like deafening. Yeah. >> I have to slam on the brakes and I'm. like, "Oh [ __ ] this is Shy." Like he's. going to kill me. Like this is this I. think he he's probably killed a guy, right? >> I'm sure. >> he like maimed himself for like a.

supporting role in something like I. think he was like basically background. >> Well, yeah. He sat in that windowless. room with a paper bag on his head and. just cried. So, >> no. Totally. >> Whatever he's capable of, I don't want. to see the extent of. >> So, in my I'm like, I'm [ __ ]. >> Like, this is it for me. >> And he's so pissed. I can tell. >> Yeah. >> But luckily, he didn't he didn't. register that there was someone. piloting. He he looked he locked eyes. with the headlights of my car like they. were like that was the face. >> and he was just staring at at the car. And so, I'm blasting Uptown Girl.

[laughter]. and I'm too afraid to move. It's just me. and Billy Joel. >> in Jurassic Park. It's it my car is like. shaking up down girl. and Shila Buff's just staring my car. down and then I luckily got out of. there. He he kept moving but. >> by the skinnier teeth. He lived to tell. the tale. >> It's Jurassic Park out here. >> That was just a warning. Do you think he. would survive in Jurassic Park? >> Me? >> Yeah. >> Oh, no. No, no. I Here's what I'd do. Dig a hole. >> and and just like cuss or. >> kick it. [laughter].

You know they're not getting to you. >> Yeah. >> What if they step on you? >> That's to They're not going to cuz then. they roll their ankle. Do you think you. would Do you think [laughter]. >> Do you think you would survive Jurassic. Park? >> [ __ ] no. >> No. >> No. Absolutely not. Well, my thing is. too like I would never. >> go to that place. Like if I heard about. it, I'd be like, "You're nuts going to. that place.". >> Only the lawyer died, right? >> In which one? You know, I fall asleep to. that movie every night.

>> and I [laughter]. >> I'm surprised you haven't shifted there. Then you should You should try going. there in your sleep. >> Oh, I would shift with uh with with the. guy in the white the Panama white suit. who who runs it. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> That guy's up to no good. [laughter]. >> The second you see him. >> Yeah. >> Oh Jesus. What's like is it the original. Jurassic Park? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. and I. screenshot. So like I wake up most most. nights to the kids screaming and kicking. like [laughter]. cuz it's very soothing the movie for the.

first hour it's fun and then obviously. things go ary. >> tragedy strikes. >> and it's typically when I wake up it's. the kids. [laughter]. >> and you're like oh perfect my favorite. part. But then, but the other night I. made it to a point and I I got a good. screen grab of uh one of the raptors. poking through the [laughter]. poking into the kitchen and he's I think. he's looking straight down the barrel. and [laughter]. >> that's kind of like you. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. A little bit. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. The the neck movement similar.

>> Oh, very. And the legs. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And the way they how fast they are. >> The little soft shoe they do. >> Oh, yeah. They like making noises, too. [laughter] Little raptors. They also. make the noise. >> You ever get into tap? tap like the. dance. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> No, honestly, I've never gotten into. tap. >> That's That is my purpose. >> To be a tap dancer. Just eventually or. like. >> almost throughout. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Or like in tandem with being a comic? >> No, no, no, >> no. Completely separate thing.

Retirement. >> Very serious about it. >> Retirement plan. >> Yeah. There was a there was a summer. where I had my best friend's little. sister uh teach me Monday through Friday. [laughter]. in their basement how to tap. >> and how to go. >> uh pretty good. >> Yeah, I'd say. >> But the problem is you have to go. through some really boring [ __ ] before. you can be like Michael Flattley and and. [laughter]. >> I was not aware of that part. >> No, I'm not willing to go through. [laughter]. >> the scales of it all. >> No, the No, I hate the scales of it all.

I want to be the Savant, >> right? I want the Billy Elliot. >> Like one day you just put them on and. you're like they're like no way he can. tap. >> I Exactly. I just want my community. being like telling me to stop and then I. and and and I'm not stopping. I want. them to be the only option. >> They can't stop you. >> Yeah. >> That would be so awesome if one day you. just found out you were a worldclass. tapper. >> Yeah. >> That would be crazy. I know. >> If anyone could do it, it would be you. in my head. >> Thank you. >> I would say. >> I think so. I mean I think everything is. leading to that. >> All roads and medicine. Yeah. [laughter].

Did you say medicine? >> And medicine. Yeah. >> Right. You're going to discover a new. medicine or just beyond medicine? >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> I've said before, I think there's a very. distinct reason that God or the. universe, whatever you believe in, did. not give me the power of like singing. >> I can't sing for [ __ ]. >> And I feel very strongly that it is. because I would be [ __ ] insufferable. >> The same. >> Like you would never hear the end of me.

Like if I if I had this job, God help. you. I would have put out two albums. already. Only [laughter] been doing it. for two years. I like if I was only. doing it for two years, I would have. dropped two EPs, a music video. I would. be relentless. I would be the worst. Like it would it's for the everyone's. best interest that I. >> bringing your EPs to Starbucks, >> right? I was like, >> did you guys play this? >> Yeah. >> This is the song of the summer. That. would be me all the [ __ ] time. >> Totally. >> It's for everyone's like it's it's for. the sake of everybody that I don't know. how to sing. >> It's good. But don't let me find out if.

I do find out I can sing. >> Do you do that thing in conversation? You know the thing that people do in. conver typically people who identify as. like I'm a hugger. They typically then. they also will like randomly sing things. that don't need to be sung. Okay. You do. it. [laughter]. >> No you don't do it. Okay. No. No. >> I know someone who does. Caleb. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. He's But he's got picked. >> No, that's my point. I'm saying when. they can sing. >> No. He like the way he supports it. >> Yeah. >> Cuz he's been you know going to see the. chicks and all that. >> Yeah. That's what they're called. >> Whatever. Yeah. I think they go by the.

chicks now. >> I think so. >> Yeah. >> I think you and I are both a little too. left of centered enough. For sure. [laughter]. >> Like I think you and I both were not. that target. >> Well, I dead named them [laughter]. >> and I and I and I and I paid the price. >> accidentally. Accidentally. >> and I and I got a talking to. >> and then you got to be like this is all. new to me. I'm older. >> A flight attendant took me aside and. said, "Hey, [laughter]. hey, I overheard you. You can't be doing. that anymore. >> They're just the chicks now. >> Yeah, you dead name.

>> And I'm like, well, they should drop the. chick is also kind of not ideal, >> I would say. >> Let's just call them women. [laughter]. >> The three distinguished women. >> Three women. >> Three women. Three beautiful, strong, empowered women. Yes, there you go. Fit. that on an album cover. >> Yeah, you can do it. >> Yeah. No, but Caleb's got a beautiful. voice. >> He does. >> Yeah. That's that is a nuisance that. he's got that talent. [laughter] that. because that's an embarrassment of. riches. >> That's what I'm saying. Yeah. >> It's a flaunting of wealth in my. opinion. Yeah.

>> You can't be funny and do that. [ __ ]. you. >> I took a voice lesson around the corner. from here. >> You did? >> And I thought the guy was going to take. me. >> You know when you bad way? >> Not in a good way. No. No. Like like. >> kidnap you. >> Yeah. Like I would I would go missing. They'd find me in a silo in the Pacific. Northwest. >> Chopped into little tiny pieces. >> Totally freaked out. Oh, I'd be around. He would just like make me watch Judge. Judy all day [laughter] just as a. companion. >> Yeah, he's just a He needed a friend.

>> People want me as a companion and and. they don't even know what they want to. do with me, you know, [laughter]. >> but you you stay here and I'm going to. figure out what. >> exactly I need to do. >> But I need to do something with you. >> Is there something that you would like. love to to pursue other than tap? >> Like if you could pick another thing to. be a master at? I like the idea of. someone starting the interview here and. them thinking that I'm a famous tap. dancer. [laughter]. >> Like. >> I'll tell everyone you're a famous tap. dancer. >> Anything other than tap? No. Um Oh, you. know, I wanted to be a veterinarian when.

I was young, but I I pass out at the. sight of blood or anything. So. >> Oh, so it didn't work out for you. >> Didn't work out for me. What about you. besides this? >> I honestly think this is where I'm at. >> This is where you're at. >> Yeah. This is where I'm dying, unfortunately. >> This is Yeah. It's like fit everything. into here. >> Yeah. However, if you can get in you and. if you fit in, get in. That's how I feel. about this. I I don't know if there was. any other job for me really. Although, I. did have a running bit for a while that. I was like, I can't play any. instruments, but if I could play one. like off the rip right now, like I go on.

tour tomorrow, >> it would be. >> No, it would be the drum. >> Yeah. >> Drum. Notice I said drum, not drums. >> Yeah. You're thinking pump. >> Yeah. very specific drum only in the. song Viva Levita by Coldplay. [laughter]. >> I was just on Cape Cod. >> Yeah. Just just that one song and you. know it's like I could do that. I could. nail it. Just that one. >> Yeah. Cuz he's not the main drums. He's. just that one solid drum and the. underlying beat. >> Yep. >> I think I could do that.

>> You want to be the guy You want to be. the caboose of the marching band. >> Exactly. The head. >> the closer. >> Boom. >> Kaboom. He doesn't even know what's. happening with the clarinet. Yow. >> No, no need to worry about it. No, >> no, cuz I got my beats memorized up. here. So, like just for that one song. though, I can't play any other songs. [laughter] obviously. >> Viva, >> just just Viva Levita. Just that one. >> Uh I I used to almost flip my car to. that song in 2011. [laughter]. >> Like. >> it's a great song to do it to.

>> My sister totaled our minivan to fix. you. [laughter]. >> So, you naturally have to do it to. another one. So, and yeah, there's. something about Yeah, it really it. really lands. [laughter]. >> It's a great song. >> It really brings something out of you. Oh, yeah. >> I just feel like I would really kill it. So, if Chris ever needs anybody, >> let me know. >> Play that base. >> Yeah, I could start tomorrow. [laughter]. >> Cuz who was it? It was Gwennneth hitting. that. >> probably. Yeah, >> she was hitting the bass. >> Yeah, it was either her or Apple or. those two. >> Oh, Apple's the baby.

>> Yeah. >> Who's probably 39, [laughter]. >> I think. So, I think she's like in her. 20s now. >> Yeah. early 20s. >> Yeah. Do we know her? >> Do we know her? >> You got to have her on. >> I got to have Apple on. >> Oh, yeah. >> I got to have her on. >> Oh, just imagine. [laughter]. >> Imagine what she's up to. >> We're going straight to the top. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> If that's the case, >> she's probably just in a goop kitchen. just rocking. Hands over ears. >> Just that one song playing over and over.

again. Just believe it. >> Yeah. [laughter]. I used to make um Gwennneth has these uh. almond butter cookies. >> that I would get more and more kind of. um I would cook less and less. >> Okay. >> Like like meaning like I would uh they. basically you know like the school lunch. ladies how they wouldn't cook the. cookies. Yeah. >> And so they were just kind of giving you. like these this kind of like salmonella. dough. I would do that with Gwennneth. Baltro had these almond butter cookies. that were like it was like I she's like.

cook them for 12 minutes and I'd do that. and I was like maybe I'll try 11 and I. think I I think I'm dove down to around. cooking them for. >> straight out the fridge. [laughter]. >> So good. >> I do love eating cookie dough. >> That's the best. >> It's so delicious. >> We're not worried about salmonella. anymore. I don't think. Right. >> Can you get salmonella from cookie. dough? >> I think if you're like I think it's. mostly a reptile born illness now. >> Yeah. >> I don't know. My brother's had. salmonella. >> He's right there. >> Yeah, >> he's had salmonella. >> And he looks great. >> Yeah, he looks He survived it. Honestly,

it's funny cuz the year he got. salmonella was like it was like during. the summer. He got it when we were. camping in Mexico. >> Yeah. >> And. >> he obviously had to go to the hospital. cuz he was really sick for too long. And. my mom was like, "Everybody keeps. telling me he has the flu. I know it's. not that." So she finally got him diagn. >> Uh. >> you got sealed. >> Yeah. They like zipped him up in that. [ __ ] Yeah, [laughter]. >> I had heat stroke before. >> Yeah, he had heat stroke, too. So, it. was like. >> heat stroke.

>> It was a whole thing. So, like. >> I almost bought a small business on heat. stroke one. [laughter]. >> Salmonella. Oof. >> It's crazy. And I we I remember we would. finish work and we would go to the. hospital to visit him. He had to stay in. the hospital for like four to four or. five days. >> Yeah. >> And they were like had him in like a. little penthouse suite. Like they were. wheeling in a TV so he could play like. Mario Kart and [ __ ] [laughter] I. remember like after all that h ended, we. he was going back to school and then we. were like, "What was your favorite part. of summer?" And then my sister goes, "My. favorite part was when you got.

salmonella." And then [laughter] he. goes, "Honestly, same.". Cuz I got to lay down and play video. games and eat whatever I wanted. So that. was pretty nice. >> You were treated like a king cuz you're. a salmonella. [laughter]. >> Where was this? Did you say New Mexico? >> No, in Mexico. Oh, but we got back to. California and then he had to go to the. hospital. >> You started out by saying the year my. brother got Salmonella. And that that. does sound like a beautiful kind of teen. no like. >> right a YA novel.

>> Yeah. >> Yeah. Or like a John Green book. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. The year I got Salmonella. [laughter] The summer I turned. Salmonella. >> Do you think the Mario Kart was causing. salmonella? [laughter]. >> No, I think it was healing it. >> That was healing. That was the. treatment. >> Yeah. I think if you get Salmonella, just play Mario Kart and it'll go away. >> Yeah, [laughter] just don't be Yoshi cuz. that guy that guy's got it. He's [ __ ] riddle. Yep. >> Who do you Who do you play as when you. play Mario? Do you play Mario Kart? Who. do you Who's your character? >> Um I'm obsessed with Funky Kong,

who famously spent some time, I think, at Riker's Island cuz [laughter] they. cuz they found Coke at his Miata. >> Right. Right. >> Who do you Who do you race as? >> I play as Toad. Yeah, of course. >> Yeah. >> Oh, that's perfect. >> The most decent people are Toad. >> I would say Toad. Don't ask him where he. was January 6th, though, cuz I. [laughter] don't know. >> No alibi. >> I don't know. I don't know. And I don't. >> He's disorganized, right? >> He doesn't have He doesn't keep us an. eye. >> It's not It's not the politics. It's. finances. That's what it is. It's all.

It's the It's the money. That's why. >> Whatever the [ __ ] they were saying. 2016. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> It's just cuz he's a bank guy. He's a. money guy. >> Oh, yeah. He's a Wall Street guy. Toad. [laughter]. probably. >> You ever watch Waffle Wall Street? >> Yes, I did. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Don't Don't know how I feel about. that. Although, one time I did a little. Hot Ones thing and they were asking me. >> the Hot Ones. >> No, it wasn't the real Hot Ones on. >> Yeah, it was the mini like you're not. that famous yet hot ones. Like that one. That's the one I did.

>> A training brown. >> Yeah, [laughter] I had the training bra. >> Training bra. >> Training bra hot ones. That's what I. had. So, I did that. Those first of all, those wings genuinely are hot as [ __ ]. Like, and I It's any wonder how I made. it home and didn't blow out my pants. like a baby. Like, just up my back. You. know what I mean? It's It's a wonder. But I They also did tell me though on. that mini version that I did, they put. only the hottest one. So, it's the very. last one on all of them, which. >> a mini one. Sounds like you did the.

worst one. >> Yeah, I did the crash course one. apparently. >> Just with a smaller distributor. [laughter]. >> Yeah. You went through more pain. >> Yeah. With fewer views. >> And I was chugging that milk like it was. going to save me. It didn't. But one of. the questions they asked me because at. first I was like, I'll eat the [ __ ]. wings. I don't give a [ __ ] Cuz I do. love spicy stuff. >> Really? >> The first bite I took, I said, "So, I'm. going to burn every bridge I've ever. built. I'm going to I'm going to out. every single person. I can't do any more. of those things.". >> Wait, so you you It would It was like a. It was It would bring out like a.

confessional thing. >> Yeah. It was like, I'm going to answer. every question honestly because I can't. put that thing near my mouth anymore. >> But the next question they asked me was. whose Tik Tok account would you delete? >> And I couldn't think of anybody like. fast enough that I genuinely hate. >> Yeah. >> But I was like, uh, Jordan Bale Fort. [laughter]. was like, get that geriatric. [ __ ] into a home and off Tik. Tok. >> Yeah, >> that's what I said. So there you go. That's how I feel about Wolf of Wall. Street. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. >> Why? Yeah. It seems like Scorsesi liked.

him a little too much, >> right? Like. >> I think so because they kind of made him. look like awesome in that movie for a. little too long, I would say. >> Leo. >> Yeah, >> Leo doesn't blow my hair back. >> No, me either. >> It's like Yeah, this is Leonardo. DiCaprio, [laughter]. >> right? >> Got it. >> And he's he's like doing a little bit of. an accent. [laughter]. Okay. He's in like Oh, he's in a plaid. shirt in this one. Like [laughter] it's.

like. >> his hair is black in this one. >> Yeah. Not even. I don't even think they. let him dye it. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> He's got a little bit of a close shave. on this one. The other one a beard. >> Get this. A beard now. >> Right. Remember that scene where he's crawling. to the car for I think 45 minutes. >> Yeah. And he's off quudes or whatever. >> Hated that. >> Just the worst dudes, you know, too. watched that and they were like, "No, this is cinema. [laughter]. I've never seen a movie like this in my. life. >> Totally. >> That's crazy. >> Yeah. I feel like they were rooting for.

the wrong. >> reasons. >> Yeah. It seemed like. >> Yeah. I know Scorsese got a good. daughter and all that. >> That's true. >> You know the clip of um occasionally to. pump myself up, I'll watch and delete. this. I'll watch Lose Yourself. I don't. know. You don't have to delete this. I'll watch I'll watch Lose Yourself. Uh. when remember when Eminem came out for. no reason at the Grammy Oscars. >> and Scorsese falls asleep in it, they. cut to him. I don't remember that. >> Oh, it's good. It's so good. >> I love [ __ ] like that though. Let's like. >> like it's celebrities almost like being.

human for like half a second. >> I love that [ __ ]. >> Oh, me too. >> I was just talking about that with my. last guest. I was talking about like. >> you had another guest before. >> Yeah. Can you believe it? >> Oh. Oh. >> Well, I shifted there. That's why it. doesn't. >> Was it Biden again? [laughter]. >> No. >> No. But I'm so glad that when I did tell. you that, I literally got it the day. before you came on. It was like the. perfect You're the perfect person to. break that news to. >> Yeah. I think I handled it with grace. and poise. >> I think so, too. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Especially when I said, "Fuck no,

cuz you said, "What did you say?" And I. said, >> "I can't believe you said no.". [laughter]. The idea of Biden in this chair, >> I would never I would never be able to. escape that if that was in there. There's no [ __ ] way. >> Yeah. Also, the girlies would tear you. to shreds. >> Yeah. I was like, "Well, let me ask him. whatever I want, then." Yeah, >> that's the case. >> Oh, and they said no. >> Yeah. Well, no, I said no, but like it. was a very like it's going to have to be. too curated to a point where I'm like, "No thanks.". >> And you'd have snipers on you the whole. time? >> Yeah. The whole [ __ ] time. Like just.

one red dot in the middle of my forehead. the whole time. >> One in the shoulder. Just [laughter] to. just. >> Not to kill, just to mim. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> To wound, >> to slow down. [laughter]. >> You know what? Yeah. A little lip. A. little clavicle. >> Yeah. No, I was telling them I love to. remember things that celebrities have. done that are like. >> less than favorable when they look back. Like they like now they'd probably be. like hate that. >> Those are some of my favorite things to.

remember. Yeah. >> And the one I always bring up is like. Sydney Sweeney when they found out when. they saw that picture of her mom in like. MAGA hats on her birthday. Love that. >> And everyone's like, "Hey, >> yeah, >> what the [ __ ] is this?" And then she. went, "Guys, it's my mom's birthday.". And that was it. [laughter] And. everybody moved on. Like I think that's. so that's the funniest [ __ ] thing you. could ever say to that. >> Totally. >> Guys, it's my mom's birthday. >> Why is she I think she might I think she. might be getting ripped off by her. people cuz why does she need to do so. many ads. >> and so many bad things, too?

>> She's doing zeros after zeros, you know, and. >> she's like sell remember the bathwater. thing. >> Yes, I do remember very distinctly. >> She shouldn't have She's an icon. [laughter]. >> Hey, what's going on? I should be doing. that. >> I should be doing that for like 5K. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Working with Sasquatch. It was like. Sasquatch. They rep they they like. that's like a soap you get at a comedy. festival. They It's like in like the in. the swag BAG [laughter]. >> that I I never slam dunk anything into.

the trash except at the airport. Kapo. >> You give me a [ __ ] gift. >> Oh my god. It smells like a stump. Kapow. [laughter]. And Cindy Sweeny's like it seems it. seems like she's like [laughter] she's. doing. >> I don't know. So she's preparing for. something. I don't know. Spawn. >> a bunker. You think she's building. something? She's building a craft. >> That would be crazy. >> Where's she going? >> I don't know. She's preparing. Maybe she. thought the rapture was for real. >> Did you hear about. >> Tell me about this. Yeah. I I keep. missing these things.

>> Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. >> But they moved the rapture to December, >> I guess. >> That's what I I'm assum Oh, that's what. you last heard because it was supposed. to be yesterday. >> Just kick it down the road. Yeah, >> they're just kicking the can again. >> I have sympathy for them because I could. see myself starting, you know, thinking. something like that. [laughter]. >> What a cult like vision. >> Yeah. >> I feel like if you and I tried hard. enough, like we could easily start a. cult. >> Oh. Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. Both separately and together. I. feel like if we tried hard enough. >> Yeah. I'm just too tired. That's truly. the only Like. >> I don't have any the energy to do it.

>> Yeah. If I were younger. Yeah. What. would yours What would you do with. yours? >> You probably do kind of have a little. bit of a cult. >> I do a little bit. Yeah, I would say. >> Do you abuse it at all? Like like like a. little bit. >> sometimes. Yeah. Like when I want to get. into the Caesar Palace buffet in Las. Vegas. Yes, I do. I'm standing there. with pulling my hair back going, >> "Oh, >> hoping someone recognizes me.". >> I do that outside of Buffalo Exchange. sometimes when when [laughter] I need. attention. I just rotisserie around.

[laughter]. >> Hey. >> Yeah. Like when I want to like. >> My wife kind of likes you. >> Yeah. I think. >> I don't. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Like I've used it to get into the. Caesar's Palace Bakanal Buffet. You ever. [laughter] been there? That's what it's. called. It's literally called the. Bakanol Buffet. I'm not kidding. >> I You ever been there? >> I I've done the um I've had too many. bachelor parties that are there and then. we all realize, what are we doing? We made a grave mistake. [laughter].

I've had too many. Yeah. And. >> one too many at the buffet. >> in that. Yeah. Where the crab the giant. crab legs is always. >> Yeah. Yeah. They have that like it's. like three huge rooms full of food. Like. it's just a neverending spread. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And it's like goes by like country. almost like they have like Mexican food, Chinese food. Like it's just it goes all. the way to the back. >> Yeah. >> It's crazy. >> Organized in terms of like what it does. to your glucose levels, >> right? Very true. Like when you move in. Yeah. You're going to die in there for.

sure. I posted up a couple times in. there. That was probably those are. probably like the only times I've abused. my cult position. >> That's not bad. >> I wouldn't say. >> No, that's. >> I'm like always the most famous person. in like the most inconvenient awful. times and then I'm like just a regular. ass [ __ ] in times where I could use it. >> Give me an example of this. >> Well, I was like probably the most. famous person in the entire universe. when my dog was dying and I was at the. vet. >> Exactly. >> And they asked me for pictures. >> Oh, I didn't know which one. The. bulldog. >> Yeah. No, they didn't die. I had two.

Frenchies, but I thought he was going to. die cuz he was like on the verge. You. know, Frenchies borrowed time already. >> as soon as you get them. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I always say they're great dogs if. you have a lot of time and money. >> Yeah. >> To just blow on anything. >> Yeah. >> I recently found out. >> like that Teletubby vacuum. >> Exactly. I recently found out my oldest. Frenchie has alopecia. >> Yeah. >> Because he has bald spots. And we were. like, "What is that?" And then we looked. it up and it's because he has alopecia. >> Yes. >> So, you know, he's also allergic to. protein. So, I I have a vegan kibble.

>> Same, babe. [laughter]. >> I have a vegan kibble that I subscribe. to a service that gets auto sent to my. house every two weeks. >> What's What's a vegan? What's in the. sweet potatoes? >> It's hydrayed protein. So, it's. basically protein without actual protein. from a meat because he's allergic to. that. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah. It was making him throw up 17. times a day like at by the time he. developed it. And I remember I took him. to countless vets. I was taking him. everywhere. I was like, "Something is. wrong with him." Everyone would be like, "It's just what Frenchies do." And I was.

like, "Okay, so do I just t do I just. get rid of all the carpets in my house? Like, what the [ __ ] am I supposed to. do?" And then I finally found like a. specialist and took him there. >> Yeah. >> And when I took him to the specialist, they were like, "Can you describe cuz. there's two different kinds of dog throw. up?" Apparently, there's throw up and. then there's regurgitation. >> Oh. >> So, they were like, "Can you describe. the throw up?" And I was like I verbatim. I was like you know that scene in The. Exorcist where her head turns all the. way around and then she spits out the. black stuff. >> sprinkler mode. Yeah. >> And or or Jurassic Park when it's like.

>> like that one and then blows it. >> Yeah. >> That. >> that's that part still surprising. >> He's doing that all around my [ __ ]. house at least nine times a day. So like. can you fix it? I guess is my question. >> Yeah. He's devaluing the property. >> Yeah. One [laughter]. one carpet by one carpet. One time I I. went to I was like we only had him at. the time. My fiance wasn't home. He was. working and so I was at home by myself. with him and I went pee and I heard he. was just kind of wandering in my room. and then I heard him start going.

[clears throat] like like he was going. to throw up and I just bought a brand. new rug and it was under my bed and I. was like squid squid squid. Cuz I was. already peeing. I couldn't like stand up. and then when I stood up I finally. turned the corner. I like run around the. corner. He goes on my carpet, vomits all. over it, gets off my carpet, lays down. [laughter]. >> Of course, they have it backwards on. where to [laughter]. >> they. there's they need to switch it. >> I need something to shift. >> I think that's where Yeah, the.

designated. Okay. But you So you were. recognized at the emergency vet when. like when you're we. >> Yeah. When he was laying on the table. and I was like, "Holy [ __ ] I'm going to. kill myself if this dog dies." And then. someone asked me for a picture. >> Yes. But when I'm late and I'm in TSA. and I'm like, "Ah, my flight's late.". They're like, "I don't give a fuck.". >> Right. >> Right. Okay. No worries. >> I find that people want to take pictures. a lot at 5:00 a.m. at the airport. [laughter]. >> That's the best time. >> Like when I'm coming down with. something. >> It's It's It's really weird. >> when you just got the worst news of your.

life and then they're like, "I love your. stuff.". >> Yes. Yes. or during like elder care and. then then they like remove you from the. person you're supposed to be taking care. of to like meet their daughter who. doesn't want to they're like and the. daughter's kind of like [laughter]. that literally just happened last. weekend. I was like I the person I'm. supposed to be watching is like walking. down a precarious stairs. Yeah. No, [laughter] it's completely useless. No, I don't think I've ever benefited from. it at all. One time I was on um a Redeye. coming back to LA and um what's the.

dude's name from The Walking Dead that. we saw? Stephen Yan. Uh he was on our. flight. >> and we landed at like 5:00 a.m. right in. LA. So we're getting off the flight. He's um like kind of in front of us and. or no, he's right behind us. So we're. walking and as we come out, obviously. it's empty like in the terminal like. there's really no one there. Yeah. >> But there was. >> the occasional person sleeping. I love. that. >> Right. Exactly. Waiting for their. flight. That's it. Like with their. jacket over their. >> head I've ever seen. [laughter].

>> Mouth wide open in LAX. >> Full tent like [laughter]. >> glamping. Yeah. It's always. >> glamping in the Delta lounge. Yeah. Yeah. The. >> California King. [laughter]. >> It's crazy. >> He We were walking out and there was. three grown men standing waiting right. there with like like figures of his. character from The Walking Dead. >> Brutal. And they were they were like, "Oh, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, can you. sign these?" And one of them had like. six of them, like six boxes of that. figurine. And he was like, "Oh, yeah.".

And then he like stood there and was. signing every single one. These grown. ass men like. >> waking up from a sex dream. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> That he had on the plane. And he found. >> from his lie down. Yeah. And he. literally was like, "Yeah, sure." And. then we were walking past him and I was. like, "That's [ __ ] awful. How did you. even get in here?" Like they're not. flying anywhere. These dudes, I think. they like bought. >> the '9s. >> Yeah, they like bite. For real. [laughter]. >> They're smoking cigarettes. >> For real. They can come and watch and. wave at the plane as it flies away.

>> Yeah. Chasing their fiance who they. [ __ ] up with. [laughter]. >> Wait, wait, Steve. >> They get on that little cart. They're. like, "Follow that girl.". >> Yeah. [laughter]. While they're playing that u was it big, what's that song from Nodding Hill where. they're driving? Oh my god, that movie. You know what I'm talking about? It's. called like Big Dirty Love or something. [laughter]. No, but they could be playing Viva. Levita. >> Through an airport chase scene. >> Oh my god, >> that's the perfect one. I got chills. when you were doing it. >> He used to rule the world. [laughter].

>> And you guys, some of you guys don't get. that. Some of them were too young to. understand. >> Now he's just playing smaller arenas. [laughter]. >> Now he's breaking up loving couples at. the Coldplay concerts. Did you see that? >> Oh god. Of course. >> That couple on the screen. >> humiliating. [laughter]. You know what's funny is you if you had. just chilled for a second and let it pan. somewhere else, none of that would have. happened. >> They got too spooked. >> Totally. >> Like if you if you just chilled for a. second. >> Yeah. >> And just waited it out. >> That horse was skittish. And I'm talking. about the guy. [laughter].

>> First time cheating. >> First time cheating. [laughter]. >> Oh, your first time cheating. [gasps and laughter]. >> Yeah, >> that's what I'm saying. Can't be. cheating around a jumbotron. >> No way. Not in front of Chris Martin. He'll get you. [laughter] He's like the. the guy who was Well, that's not a very. good joke. I was going to say it's like. the guy who caught the predators. >> Oh. Uh Chris Hans. >> Yeah, >> there you go. >> Uh totally, totally. But for cheat, he's. the Chris Hansen of uh infid of high.

finance infidelity. >> Of adultery. >> Of adultery. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Well, that's a perfect segue into some. fun facts about you. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. Would you like to hear some fun. facts? >> Somebody in your crew just put their. fists through the drywall back there. Oh. my [ __ ] god. >> Is something else moving? Is it my. frame? >> That was getting higher and then Yeah. Okay. >> It's real spooky out here right now. >> Oh, that thing moves on its own. >> I love that. >> I love that. >> I kind of hate that.

>> Yeah. >> Hate that I'm seeing it move on its own. >> We have a difference of opinion about. this. [laughter]. >> Let's just watch it the rest of the. episode. Yeah. >> And decide for ourselves. You know, I. have a I have a uh in the same way that. when I travel somewhere, >> yeah, >> I think it's an emotional maturity. block. I can't imag like if I am. traveling to a cold region, I can't I I. believe the weather is going to be. exactly where I how it is where I am. And the fact that and the fact that this. is going to be coming out in October is. I can't even imagine that right now. [laughter]. >> Can't conceptualize that far.

>> Yeah. >> Right. October's next Wednesday. >> [ __ ] [laughter]. >> Wow. >> Time flies when you're having fun. As. the indigo girls say, Summer's beginning. to give up her fight. [laughter]. >> That is true. Okay, this fun fact, this. first one about you, it says, "Your. first manager convinced you to move to. LA and then quit management to become a. chef.". >> A chef. [laughter]. >> And I found out because she was posting. Shashidto Peppers in [laughter] Time. Square uh on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah.

>> That's how you found out she had quit. managing altogether. >> That's right. Yeah. I [laughter] was. like, Anna, >> what about me? >> So, you'd rather make shashidito peppers. than make me a star? Okay. [laughter]. >> Yes. So, now I'm just in LA. >> Do you have any sort of beef against. shashidito peppers now because of that. memory? >> Oh, yeah. I I recoil even at the There's. not much to a shashidito pepper, is. there? >> I think it's just the shashidito pepper. if I Well, and a chef's probably going. to be like, actually,

>> yeah, >> that's about how to cook a [ __ ]. shashidito. >> But you bite in and it's gone, you know? It's there's there's an emptiness to it. >> That's true. >> Yeah. >> I do love a shashidito pepper, but. >> yeah, >> I get what you mean, though. It's kind. of a throwaway. >> Well, when a pepper Yeah. When it looks. spicy and it's not, you know. >> Yeah. And when it doesn't look spicy, it. is. [laughter] That kind of thing. >> Yeah. >> I feel it. >> Oh my god. I haven't had something that. spicy in a while. >> I think the spiciest thing, well, the. Hot Ones thing was probably the spiciest. thing I ever ate. >> And even on there, like after I.

finished, I still felt like my mouth I. felt like I had a live lava rock in my. mouth. like currently. >> Yeah. >> And they gave me this like. >> I think it was like vanilla bean like. oat milk ice cream. >> Yeah. And like they said just eat this. It goes away immediately. >> And I go, "Oh, okay." And I ate I ate. one bite. It disappeared immediately. >> Wow. >> Now, did that excuse what happened to me. in the bathroom later? Of course. [laughter] not. >> No. Well, no. But it took care of the. >> Yeah, it took care it alleviated this. and Yeah. And I was just like I felt. like a cartoon, you know, when they're.

getting mad and it's like getting red. It's filling up their whole thing and. then their head explodes. That's right. >> That's how it felt. >> I had that in New York. I had a I had. something so spicy where I had to jump. over something. I think it was an NYU. like professor thing and I had to put my. mouth up to a sprinkler. and it was just I think it was just like. a falafel that I had [laughter] and this. was like 2007 or something, >> right? >> Yeah. >> So before CO thankfully otherwise who. knows what you would have caught. >> I should have I should have mentioned. that. [laughter].

This was pre-COVID. Yeah, you could put your mouth on a. sprinkler head. Why not? [laughter] You. probably feel like going up against a. fire hydrant though, though. >> No, it was before Fouchy said sprinklers. are the what's getting it. >> That's how you're getting. >> That's how we're spreading it. So, >> yes, that and then Tylenol is causing. >> sprinklers. Yes. Yes. Yes. >> All the pieces are coming together. >> Claritin causes OCD. >> Second fun fact. >> Okay. >> It says you were once fired from a. country club for sunbathing. >> Yes. [laughter].

on the job. >> I was in So my dad got me the job. illegally. I was like really young. >> Yeah. >> And this was around the time of the. Blair Witch Project. >> Okay. >> And so I would walk through the woods a. far amount to get to the golf course. And I and I remember being terrified of. the Blair Witch at this point. I think I. was fifth grade. So I was being paid. under the table by a um a Yeah. a. potentially. I don't want to say mobun golf course, >> but but It it felt that it felt that.

way. >> Okay. >> And um yeah, it was it was honestly. >> to walk through the woods to get there. What [laughter] are you Little Red. Riding Hood? >> This was in the 50s. Yeah. >> This was in the USSR, Drew, in the 50s. I was a little girl in the wall. [laughter] What? >> This is before the Berlin Wall fell. >> Uh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] And I So I used to work. at this golf course. I would drive the. golf carts around. I would get I would. empty the trash and like spill cigar. juice, coffee, beer. I would be just.

completely saturated, right? >> And so I would often then take my. clothes off and lie on the green and and. just dry out and sunbathe and just kind. of ferris beerate, you know, like. [laughter] life moves pretty fast. And. um eventually, yeah, I think I got fired. as a se I I think I worked there from. fifth grade to through the end of. seventh. >> Okay. And they were like, "You can't. stop." Like, "You have to stop being. topless uh on the greens.

>> Put your tits away, please.". >> And I wouldn't. [laughter] And I. wouldn't stop. >> They tried to harsh your mellow. >> Yeah. I was a greeter, too. I would. greet people. >> They tried to train me as a caddy, and. it didn't stick. And [laughter] And I. was so I would just kind of like. >> Any particular reason why it didn't. stick being a caddy? >> I lost it. One of the men's uh pitching. clubs in the in like the in like the. lake. >> You lost it? Yeah. >> How. >> I was I was frantic and I and I. [laughter] misplaced it and I think it. was like a pitching wedge or a sand. wedge.

>> Yeah. >> And I left it behind in the marsh and. >> it was the most coveted job every We all. wanted to be the caddy at this place. >> Really? >> I think I was the first eliminated. [laughter]. >> So I was kind of a figurehead. >> Like so you're back on trash and I'll. let you know if I get another job for. you. [laughter]. >> And I was I think I was 10 or 11 like. completely illegally. But my dad was. like, "If we don't if we don't get this. kid a sense of. something in this, like capitalism,

whatever, >> right?". >> Like, he's gonna be such a problem. [laughter]. >> So, that was my first job. >> When I picture your childhood, >> Yeah. >> I literally pictured the little kid in. Iron Giant. >> I never saw Iron Giant, but is he like a. very lonely child who hallucinates a. gigantic robot? That is this what I'm. gleaning from posters [laughter] is. >> you know he like runs into the woods and. just finds a friend like. how I picture [laughter] your. >> Yeah. Is it one of those where and stay.

like get out of here [laughter]. >> just go. >> nobody wants you. [laughter]. >> It's like Airbud in a jersey like he's. he's he's in a full. >> Yeah. >> jersey. >> They're like your head's always in the. clouds. It's because you're [laughter]. thinking about your iron giant friend in. the woods that you have to save from. military destruction. >> I I Yeah. Yeah. >> He's being used as a weapon of mass. destruction. It's like you stop. He's. nice. That's literally. >> Give him a chance. [laughter].

>> That's what I pictured your childhood as. like. >> He's ugly, but he's cool. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was that. It was. that. And. >> what's your What was your favorite movie. as a child? Did you have a favorite. movie? >> Oh my god. My favorite movie. >> or one that you kept revisiting? Um, you ever see Twister? >> Yeah, the original Twister. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You know what? >> I actually have. >> I think I watched that. Me and my sister. watched that maybe 400 times cuz it's. all about it's all about these freaks.

finding alternate uh roads that are. parallel to highways. [laughter]. >> Okay. >> It's these stormchasers. Yeah, >> that's where they got the Glenn Powell. one wrong. It's not about the tornado. It's about these people being like I. this Backstreet goes in and it's just. like way too big a cast [laughter]. every like I think Janine Gava it's like. every character actor from 1990 to 2000. is in it. >> Yeah staredudded. You cannot keep track. of there's way too many characters.

and Pax Bill Paxton is making fireable. choices [laughter]. with jeans up to here. just like oh just doing a lot of that. Helen Hunt looking so fresh. >> I know. Helen Hunt in her prime. >> Helen Hunt twister in in the wind. >> In the 90s they loved to put Helen Hunt. in the elements. They love to they. >> they needed her outside. Fog, rain, wind, [laughter]. fire, >> you name it, she's in it. >> She was. Yeah, just kidding. [laughter].

>> What was your favorite movie growing up? [sighs]. >> I don't know. I had quite a few. Yeah. >> I'm trying to think. Like my family and. I like we really latched on to movies. that like when I was a kid, I thought. like, "Oh, everybody's watching these.". Sure. >> And then when I would talk about them at. school, everyone would be like, "What. the fuck?" Like, "I don't know what. movie you're talking about." [laughter]. So, I'm like, "Oh, okay.". >> Like strange. >> Yeah. Like well just like ones that like. my parents loved and they were like you. guys are going to love this and I did. >> like like what's one. >> Uncle Buck. >> Sure. I see I never saw Uncle Buck but I.

the Pancake Thing is in my cup. >> You have to watch Uncle Buck. That's. like one of my favorite movies of all. time. >> Yeah. >> The humor in it still stands to this. day. Like we watched it during Christmas. last year and I was laughing like I've. never seen it. [laughter]. >> I was like. >> yeah [gasps]. >> I love John Candy too. So I just think. Yeah. Just an absolute legend. The. Canadians, they're funnier than than us. >> I agree. >> Yeah. >> And you know, it's funny. The other day. I was talking to my fiance about like. >> when I was a child, and I already know. I'm going to be diagnosed for this. I'm.

just getting in front of it. >> When I was a child and growing up, I. would like hyperfixate on super specific. times. >> in history. Like I was like, >> I need to learn everything there is to. know about this specifically. >> Oh wow. >> And they would always be like. catastrophic events or something. So. like. >> great molasses flood. >> Yeah. Like the first one, the dust bowl. The first one that I remember. hyperfixating on was the Titanic. >> Sure. >> I was just like, I need to know. everything there is to know about this. To the point where like my mom was. getting me books about the Titanic for.

my birthday. >> Like I was going to the library and I. was checking out books on the Titanic. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I have to study. up on this. As if someone was going to. ask me. >> You were locking up the library. >> Yeah. Like I was closing it out. I'm. like, I'll lock up. Yeah. Exactly. [laughter]. >> You're six. Yeah, >> I'm nine, by the way. And I remember. >> Was it because of the film or is it. >> No. No. See, like that's not even aware. of the film. This is before the movie. came out. Really? I think if I remember. correctly. >> You were just really seduced by the. hubris of man.

>> Yes. Exactly. I'm not even kidding. Exactly. And I used to think, man, people really did that [ __ ] Like I. would read it and I'd be like, "Oh my. god." Like I was just so blown away by. the logistics of it and also like the. the classism of it. The fact that they. had never done anything like that. before. Just all of it was so. fascinating to me to the point where. also when I saw the movie Titanic for. the first time, >> I was so unmoved by it because I was. like, they're not even focusing on the. interesting parts. [laughter]. >> Like I was so like, okay, this. [clears throat] couple's [ __ ] and.

there's a lot of other stuff going on. Like I felt so like. >> almost shortch changed by the lack of. information about the real Titanic when. I watched it for real. [laughter]. >> I was like, >> so you really did the summer reading. before? >> Yeah. I was like, I guess it's fine. Like I guess it was good when I watched. [laughter] but like they didn't really. talk about the captain though and also. the engineering crew. So. >> well [laughter] the captain played by. what's that guy Andrew um. >> I forget his name but I see his face in. my head. >> Yeah. Legally blonde too [laughter] as. well. He's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Legally blonde too. Red, white, and. blue. >> I loved how he I loved how [laughter] I. loved how he was he was I I think there. was a point in Titanic where he was. asking Kate Winslett what they should. do. He was like, "Hey, do you have any. advice on what we [laughter]. >> Yeah, let me ask this middle class. woman. >> Let me ask a passenger.". >> Mind you, they don't give a [ __ ] about. women at the time. So, I was like, "Well, that's not true." So, >> Oh, yeah. >> That was just me me factchecking. watching it. I'm like, "There's just no. way." And I remember I even asked my. mom, "Is that couple real?" And she.

said, "No." And I go, "I knew it.". >> Yeah. >> Like me thinking about I was like, "They. didn't track any personal accounts of. those people.". >> So, you couldn't even enjoy it? >> No, not at all. I was like, that's why I. feel like I've been a 90year-old man. like my whole life. Like I. >> that that movie tore my generation's. hearts. Like we just the way we bled. tears in that. [laughter]. >> It's Oh my god. >> Another one I focused on too was like. just general English monarchy. Like all. of like especially like 16th to like.

18th century. >> Oh [ __ ] I was just so fascinated by how. they moved and what all the awful things. they did and all the [ __ ] they had to. do. >> Holding papons all the time. >> Yeah. Like [ __ ] in the corner at. parties. Like I just found that. fascinating. >> They were doing that. >> Yeah. Like in Versailles they would. throw these like huge parties and like. they had no running water or like you. know what I mean like indoor plumbing. So they would just if they had to go. take a [ __ ] throw up whatever they just. go do it in a corner. >> Oh my god. >> In the same room they're partying in. >> like Burning Man. >> Yeah. [laughter] Exactly. >> Exactly. Early Burning Man, right? And I. would like study that kind of stuff just.

for fun. Like I was just like, "Wow, fascinating." Like. >> the Hapsburgs. Have you ever heard about. the Hapsburg? >> No. What's the Hapsburg? >> There's like something called the. Hapsburg jaw, which is like a literal. It's like a phenotypic like almost. deformity that was because there was so. much inbreeding in Spain. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> And like to the point where they. extinguished their own bloodline because. each generation was more and more [ __ ]. up because there was so much inbreeding. >> until there was no more. >> Yeah. Until there was until they just. disappeared into thin air. They flew off. into the sky like the Iron Giant, you.

know what I [laughter] mean? They. disappeared. >> So, what's the jaw? What's the How What. is it? >> Well, it's a Hapsburg jaw is literally. like a jaw that like protrudes out and. it's very pointy and very long. So, >> Barracuda style. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. >> Exactly. Yeah. >> Like the eels and the Little Mermaid. >> Yeah. Oh, and Jetson. [laughter]. >> Serious underbite action. That's what. was going on there. >> Yeah. >> And it was fascinating to me. I was. like, I have to learn everything there. is to know about this to the point where. like also in fifth grade I had to do. like a wax museum project.

>> What. >> it's like you know you know like Madam. Tuso of course. >> Yeah. So we had to do like basically. pick a figure in history that we. admired. That's. >> steal it from Madam Tuso [laughter]. >> and go and steal it. >> Yeah. And then we'd get into the. fraternity. >> if we succeeded. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Fun. Yeah. Yeah. So then we had to pick. someone and then like do a whole report. on them and then like dress up like them. and then like pretend we were statues. and then recite our like monologues. >> Whoa. >> And I love to get in drag. So like. obviously I was I was so fired up about. it. But I picked King George. King.

George the third. >> King George. >> King George. Yeah. Literally. Well. that's how I probably said it cuz I was. 10. >> You were in a character. You were doing. the musical. Yeah. >> And I was the only one who crossdressed. So I was the only one who who dressed as. a boy. >> Yes. And it was so concerning to my. teacher that she called my mom and. [laughter] was like, "I really don't. know like if she knows." And my mom was. like, "Is this against the rules?" And. then she said, "No." And she's like, "Then just let her do it.". >> She was she was pissed or she was. concerned about how how much how much. passion you brought to it.

>> Yeah. Well, and also the fact that it. was supposed to be someone you admired. and I picked him and he's the one of the. worst English monarchs in history. >> Got it. What are some of his sins? >> I was just going through Well, he was. just a terrible leader. like he drove. them into bankruptcy, like led them into. wars they didn't win, like was awful. Just an awful ruler. >> It's like coming in as Genghaskhan. >> Yes, [laughter] exactly. >> They're like, "Well, you know, like. >> I'm Lucifer.". >> And like that was my whole my whole. thing was about how terrible he was. >> Oh, cool. >> I was a terrible king. Like that was.

like how I started it. >> So you were presenting. >> Yeah. I was being honest in the. reporting of it all. I just don't know. why that was the thing I had to do. I. [laughter] mean, I feel like medically I. know, but like maybe just like socially. I'm not sure, but like I genuinely just. >> Drew is 30. [laughter]. >> She loves Yeah. Yeah. >> I just didn't give a [ __ ] I was like, "Well, >> she loves King George.". >> Yeah. King George the Third. >> She dislikes her French bulldogs. throwing up a little bit. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Everybody else was like like Betsy Ross.

or like, >> you know what I mean? People who are. like. >> Molly Pitcher. >> Yeah. Well, >> yeah. >> I mean, I could have been John Candy. I. should have been. >> Yeah. history to me I my brain I can't. cause and effect I can't understand it I. can't I can never. >> they just tell you and you're like. probably. >> I don't get it I don't get how something. leads to another I think. >> that's kind of that's fair. >> it's so strange. >> well I I think when I in my adult brain. now I think looking back like everything. the one commonality all those things the.

phases I had were they were like almost. like the hubris of man or like white. people being white. >> Mhm. >> Like I was just so fascinated. I was. like, they just really be doing this. [ __ ] Like they just they just make. these terrible decisions. Like I think. that's why the English monarchy was so. fascinating to me because I'm like these. people were just born and they're like, well that person's in charge of you now, >> right? >> That's a baby by the way, but it's in. charge of you now. [laughter]. >> And then there and everyone's like, "All. right.". >> So the the patriarchy eating itself has. always been. >> Yeah. I was just right. I If anything,

it all tracks if you look it does. [laughter] like. >> it all tracks. It all adds up to. >> the downfall of man. >> to the way I am now too and like what. essentially blew me up in the first. place. >> Applauding men disgracing themselves. like. >> or just pointing it out being like. >> just pointing it out. >> Has anyone ever thought about how crazy. this is? >> Tackling. >> Yeah. >> At the same time and having a ball while. I'm. >> And having a ball. [laughter]. Yes. Of course. >> I have more fun facts about you. Okay. This one says, "One time your Airbnb.

host texted you, who's your daddy?". Well, yeah. Um, yes. Uh, I I could read. you the whole text. >> Okay. Yeah, please do. I'd love to know. >> It's It was complicated. So, I was. throwing one of my classic bachelorette. parties. Um, I think I remember it. actually. I. >> have it. I have it right. >> Oh my god, you have it. Okay. [laughter]. Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay. >> Oh, perfect. >> So, I was throwing a I had just done an. oil painting of my friend Alicia who's. getting married. She's an obo player, so.

she's playing the obo in it. And I'm. like getting the place ready. Oh, your. phone is blowing up. You're getting a. lot of a lot [laughter] of texts. >> This is a good prop for the Halloween. set someone just wrote. [laughter]. >> Oh my god. Yeah. Okay. So, we're in this. uh we're in this house. >> and I just I wrote to him Enoch. I said, "The place is beautiful. What a house.". [laughter]. He wrote back, "Thanks you, man. Take. your shoes off. Kick your feet up. Grab. a crystal glass in dining room. Pour. yourself some wine. Lay back near the.

fireplace with your feet up and look at. your friends and say to them, exclamation mark, "Who's your daddy?". question mark. Question mark question. mark exclamation mark. Exclamation mark. exclamation mark. Yeah. So, I I then. dropped the phone when I rece [laughter]. when I received this. And uh I don't. know why he wanted me to be so. confrontational. >> That's also like that's a lot of. instructions. >> I know. He wanted me to be in a in a. very Bert Reynolds type of position. and say something very antagonistic to.

my dear friends. >> to your lady friends. >> Yes. Yeah. [laughter] Who's your daddy? >> And go ahead get and also make sure you. what if it was just a chore list. Take. off your shoes. Sweep the porch. Also. make sure you take out the trash. Make. sure you go help yourself to liquor and. say who's your [laughter] daddy? >> Say who's your daddy. And obviously I. did not abide by this. And there was. another Airbnb where I was al in Denver. >> Okay. People in Denver don't give a. [ __ ] I. >> Denver is crazy and haunted. >> Ambition. It's. >> got a very strange energy about. >> You feel your ambition going away. [laughter] when you go to Denver.

>> Yeah. >> I had to take care of a pit bull in my. Airbnb in Denver. >> Why? >> Because I went in the kitchen and. there's a doggy door and I hear a thunk. thunk thunk and Mr. Ed style there is a. pit bull [laughter] sticking his head. over the doggy door and I couldn't get a. hold of anybody. So I was just kind of. like I guess I'm in custody of this pit. bull [laughter]. week in Denver in 2017. He was the owner. of the Airbnb. >> He was running. >> It was his house that you came You went. into apparently. >> He was happy. [laughter]. >> Happy to see you. Happy to host. >> Water. It was fun.

>> Denver's crazy. >> Denver is so weird. Like. >> Oh my god. >> I went there a few months ago for a show. thing uh for work and it was like. >> uh my friend Carrie was telling us it's. like haunted. Like their their airport. is like haunted. >> What? >> Yeah. Haunted airport? >> Yeah. I said really? And then they also. have that weird uh statue of a Bronco. Oh, did you see that. >> on the way to the airport? It's like a. big blue. >> You know that you know that like 40 mile. stretch from the airport to. civilization. >> Yeah. >> Oh my god. >> It's horrible. That's why on that drive.

there's like. >> a rearing Bronco that's like fluorescent. blue and has red eyes. >> The whole thing is all. >> very haunting. >> Yeah. >> It felt like going, you know, like did. you ever watch Wision? >> No. Oh, I was supposed to. This joke. would kill if you watched Swan Division, but like there's basically like this. force field around it that's making it. like she's trapping the whole town in. there. And when you go [clears throat]. in, you go into whatever reality she's. projecting at the time. >> That's how I felt going into Denver. I. was like, what? Wherever force field I.

passed, I'm in it now. Like whatever's. here. >> It's just jam bands and a lot of. different shades of sage green. hatchbacks. [laughter]. >> Yeah. They're discovering new shades of. green for cars. >> Yeah. Oh my. Denver. >> Oh my god. [laughter and gasps]. >> And also I felt like walking in the city. it felt like there was no noise but. there's lots of people. >> Well downtown. What do they They don't. need a downtown. [laughter]. >> They're not doing like What are they.

>> It's Denver. >> Yeah. What are they all dreaming up like. a. >> like a uh what's like a tiger bomb that. [snorts] like doesn't hurt the balls. that it's like it's like all these bros. doing things that are like okay guys. [laughter]. >> that's very true honestly I did see a. lot of bros groups of bros in a constant. state of bachelor parties. [laughter]. Yeah. >> with the shorts down to here. Oh my god. >> And they would be going to Denver. honestly. >> They would be going to Denver. >> for whatever [ __ ] reason.

>> Yeah. >> Okay. Okay. This other fun fact says, "You used to be an SAT tutor.". >> I did. >> Oh my gosh. >> I moved out here. Well, I [laughter]. I would mostly just kind of um I would. tutor like I tutored twin girls in Seal. Beach for a while and I would and I. would just get them to kind of gossip. [laughter]. >> about the other for like and then run. the clock. That was kind of my job for a. while. Right. But then I would teach. classes SATs. >> and [laughter]. >> and just kind of same thing. >> Yeah. Yeah, just gossiping.

>> But no, I I I but then I did take it. pretty seriously and I would I there was. a physical challenge element. I was like. and I would challenge one of them to a. race up like one time like up a hill and. they always beat me. It was like it was. very there was a whole thing of it. It. was. >> any particular reason or just like you. think you could beat me in a race? >> Spice it up because you can see like. after six hours and it was like all. right like if you do this like we'll do. a physical challenge, >> okay, >> and I'll race your fastest. And I never. even came close to [laughter]. >> to beating them at all. Yeah. >> What a fun teacher.

>> Oh, I was a blast. >> I think that sounds fun. >> Me in a tank top at 22 in like Roondo. >> Yeah. >> Get out of here. >> Hair uncut. Oh my god. I just saw two. guys from Denver. >> really. >> in Cape on Cape Cod. And one of the guys. was like, "You and I, man, we got. something common. Neither of us have. paid for a haircut in a long time." And. I was like, "I pay tons for this. I pay. so much money for [laughter] this. This is not a.

>> Don't find with me on that. >> No. [laughter]. >> He's like, >> speak for yourself. >> Oh, sorry, dude. >> But yeah, no, I wasn't. I was an SAT. tutor. Yeah, >> I could have tutored you, but no, you. were Riverside. >> That's true. And you are significantly. older than me, so that would [laughter]. be possible. >> Yes, >> I did. I took the SATs and the ACTs to. go to college. >> and I [ __ ] heard they don't even have. to do it anymore. >> What's the ACT? Is it about marine. biology? [laughter]. >> No, it's like it's literally a different.

version of the SAT. >> out of 36 or something creepy. >> Yeah, like Yeah, the the top score I. think is like a 30. >> Like they measure it like it's like 10. to 30 or something like that. No, >> I don't even [ __ ] remember. But I I. got a 26. Clock it. >> Great. >> And on my SAT I got a 1750. >> Great. >> Not bad. >> Not bad at all. No, those are good numbers. >> That's it. Is what it is. >> What was your essay about? >> I genuinely don't remember if I'm being. real. >> I did though in co in high school. I. took AP classes. Yeah.

>> And so I took AP tests and one time. someone said, "What's something you wish. people asked you more about?" And I. said, "My AP test scores.". >> Totally. >> very proud of those. >> I got a two on the music theory because. [laughter] we had to sight sing music to. this and in front of a guidance. counselor. I had to be like like sitting. next to this guy named Dan Glover. He. was this like ripped coach and I had to. see. and I got a two out of I I botched it so. bad. [laughter] I don't think it's it.

was impos I did so badly on all. >> was the judge Simon Cow. >> You said no. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Yeah. What were your score? What were. your AP scores? >> I on my econ one I got a four. It was. like economics and government on. >> Hell yeah. >> AP comp I got a five. >> Damn. >> Yeah. And AP Lit. I got a five. >> Damn. >> And the only one I didn't pass was a. push. I got a two. >> A push. >> What's a push? >> US history. >> AP US history. I was like, maybe I.

wasn't taught correctly. >> I thought A push was one of the black. eyed peas. [laughter]. >> Then I would have aced it if that was. the case. >> I remember too my AP comp test score. I. got a five and then I when I went to. class like the following week or. whatever because you know you take them. at the end of the year. Oh yeah. And. then you have like another week of like. nothing classes like before you go to. summer. And I remember my uh teacher was. like, "Oh, did anybody get a five?" And. it was me and the kid who was. validictorian of my class like my year. >> And then she was like, "You got a five.".

And then I go, "Yeah, why would I lie. about that?" Like [laughter] that would. be so humiliating if I just lied for no. reason. >> She didn't believe you. >> No. And then I had to show her I showed. her my score on like the little envelope. they gave me. >> Oh my god. Really inappropriate. >> Yeah. Oh, yes it was. Uh [laughter] she. was like, >> "What was her name?". >> Uh her name is Mrs. Garcia. And it's. ironic because the next time I saw her, which was like the last day of school, >> Mhm. >> she wrote me a letter of recommendation. for college. >> How they come back? [laughter]. >> This girl's going somewhere.

>> But I remember being very proud of the. five I [ __ ] if I know what I wrote. about. I don't remember. >> Probably Moby Dick. >> Yeah, [laughter] probably. or the. Odyssey, the Iliad, something like that. >> Who's your favorite Moby Dick character? Three, two, one. >> The whale. >> Quiqu. Okay. [laughter]. >> I don't even know. >> Quiqu was the punk. He was the. harpoonist. >> Yeah. He had gauges, I think. >> I remember when I was in AP literature. my senior year of high school, we. learned about and read Dante's Inferno. >> Oh, damn.

>> Yeah. We learned about I read it, did a. bunch of [ __ ] on it, and I remember. there was a girl that I was friends with. at the time and I'm not friends with. anymore, but for what will become. obvious reasons, but we she. >> during Dante's Inferno, >> she she just had started really getting. into Christianity at the time in a way. that I wasn't finding or vibing with. really. >> And so like I it started getting a. little bit worse as time went on. And. she started dating a. >> uh a youth pastor who was 21 and we were. 17, right? >> Yeah. Can't be doing that. >> Her mom was also. >> Can't be doing that. Yeah, we can't be.

doing that. Her mom was also a racist, but that's besides the point. So, we. were learning about Dante Serno. Remember we did the seven circles of. hell? >> Yes. >> And we got like a worksheet and we made. she like wanted us to make our own seven. circles of hell. The. >> first one is Tampa. [laughter]. >> Second one's the jet the JetBlue wing of. the J of JFK airport [laughter]. >> terminal. >> The terminal terminal. >> Yeah, the JetBlue terminal. Exactly. >> K55A. [laughter]. >> Exactly. And I remember she put in the. very centered, which is of course the.

worst, right? >> Yeah. >> She put uh pre-marital sex. >> I remember that so distinctly cuz I was. like at even at 17 I'm like, "You think. that's the worst thing I could do?" And. I literally told her, "What if I killed. your mom in front of you?". >> Yeah. >> Is that not a terrible thing to do? And. she's like, "Right, but you know.". [laughter]. >> And that was I remember thinking, "We're. not going to be friends for much. longer.". premarital sex being. >> murder right after that. >> That's someone who's so aware of the. audience of like like like writing it.

for God to see like [laughter] you don't. >> just in case he's watching just in case. >> you don't believe. >> just in case. >> that is what is what is the tightest uh. circle in Dante's Inferno? >> I honestly don't remember if I'm. [clears throat] being real I don't. >> it's probably something surprising like. envy. >> Yeah. [laughter] It's probably something. where you go, "Oh, huh.". >> Yeah. You're like, "Oh, well, >> that's not that bad.". >> Yeah. >> Dante's Inferno. >> Yeah. It's pretty intense. >> Yeah. >> It was a an intense read. >> Wow. >> That's why I just just so distinctly.

remember being violently irritated by. her after that. I was like, "You think. that's the worst thing you can do?". >> How are we talking seniors in high. school? >> Yes. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah. For real. And what's even worse is. the year that same school year cuz that. was towards the end of the year like. during Christmas time. She invited me to. a New Year's Eve party and I didn't. really go to many parties in high school. cuz I was an athlete. I never had like. time to do anything and I had time but I. got invited to two and one was hers and. one was a different girl and the other. one was going to be way more fun. But.

she was my friend so I was like [ __ ] So. I guess I got to go to hers. So I went. to hers and she said it's going to be so. good. Mind you like the the Christian. [ __ ] was like creeping in at the time. It wasn't like fully a face. >> There was a Christian leak. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Like it was starting to seep into. the walls, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And then when I got there, >> no kids from school, just me and like. two other girls that I knew that we were. all friends. >> Mhm. >> Um all church people, all her parents'. church friends. That youth pastor she.

was dating. >> and they were playing water pong in the. garage. >> What's water pong? >> It's exactly what it sounds like. It's. beer pong but with no alcohol. It's just. water. >> I I like the idea. >> And they're all like 20-year-old white. dudes with that high and tight haircut. and like they're all wearing like those. brown rosaries. You know what I'm. saying? Like they have a Henley top on. >> and those chubby shoes like that kind of. youth pastor. Hair just swooped to high. hell. >> Jimmy Neutron style. >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Hi. And just the.

the the gummiest smiles you could think. of. >> Drinking dangerous amounts of water. >> Yeah. And they're like, "Oh, it's. getting so lit in the garage." I. remember thinking to myself, "This is. the wor I could not have made a worse. decision." And then they had a Scrabble. tournament with all the oldies. >> And I did participate in the Scrabble. tournament. But. >> Scrabble was nice. >> Yeah. And mind you, I'm like wearing. like what I thought was like my cutest. outfit at the time. And I'm sitting here. playing Scrabble across from your. [ __ ] dad. >> No. >> What is going on? >> No. No. That was No.

>> And I was sitting I was like, "You said. this was going to be fun. >> This is not fun." [laughter] And then. she also thinks premarital sex is the. center of. >> right. That was like and then I was like. well now this Dante's Inferno worksheet. is putting all the pieces together for. me. >> That was the f Yeah. [laughter]. You you should have put postmarital sex. as the. >> it's the center the Christianity in the. center. >> I think postmarital sex is is the the. tightest circle and Dante's in front of. >> it has to be. Yeah. At that point.

[laughter]. >> Yeah. >> What else could be in there? >> How do you get from one ring to the. next? You just keep committing sins and. you get. >> like the worse they are the further in. you go. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So it would just it felt more like. a murder thing like you know like. embezzling like I don't know what are. awful things to do. I feel like murder. is kind of the worst. >> Yeah. >> If I had to guess. >> Yeah. >> Like I was like I can't even think of. enough crimes. I just know there's one. that's worse than premarital sex. There's at least one. [laughter].

>> Yeah. Even trespassing, I think, is. probably a little worse. >> Jaywalking is probably. >> Jaywalking. Way worse. [laughter]. >> Way worse. You put that right in the. center. >> Yeah. >> Then I would have been like, I mean, you're dumb, but at least not annoying. >> You [laughter] know what I mean? >> Right. Did you go to Northwestern? >> Huh? >> Where'd you go? >> Uh, University of Hawaii. >> University of Hawaii. >> And you were a journalism major. My god. >> Yeah. >> That's badass. >> I honestly didn't think I was going to. work there at all because it didn't. appeal to me at the time. But one of my. girlfriends who was also working at the. paper at the time, she was we had talked.

about it and I was like, I need clips. like to get a job. Like so I needed to. like clips are like all the articles you. write and just to show what kind of. writer you are and all that and I was. like [ __ ] I probably should join so I. could get clips and. >> that's what I did. >> Damn. >> And I became the sports editor at my. school newspaper. >> Holy [ __ ]. >> Yeah. I worked my way up. >> So you know sports? >> Yes, I do. I I would say pretty well. But at this point, I've been I've been. doing this for so long that. >> the Mona Lisa. >> my my modem's wiped. You know what I. mean? Like I'm doing this dumbass [ __ ].

every day that I'm like, "S'mores? What. are those?". >> But if you had to at a sports bar, you. could make it work. >> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. >> That's cool. >> Yeah. I know. I like my main sports I. covered were like football, men's. basketball, >> baseball also. Like I said in my. interview when I interviewed to work at. the paper just as a writer, they asked. me what my favorite sports were. I told. them. And then they were like, "Any. sports you're not that, you know, keen. on covering?" And I said, "Baseball.". Like, I [snorts] explicitly said, "I I. don't know a lot about baseball and I.

also [ __ ] hate watching it. Like, it's boring to me.". >> And they were like, "Okay, great." Then. I got hired and then that was my beat. was baseball. I had to cover it for like. months. >> Yeah. Sounds like a hazing thing, >> right? I felt so. And even when I would. tell my friend who was my boss at the. time, he was like, "You said that you. loved baseball." No, I [ __ ] didn't. I. know I didn't say that because I hate. it. And I and I said I I mean I could. learn to cover it. >> You could learn to love it. >> Oh, and of course when I went like every. time I went, they would go to [ __ ] 27. innings. Like every [ __ ] time I went.

Like they they just couldn't. They had. to go to all 12 every [ __ ] time. >> And they take their time with it. >> Oh my god. And they're so weird. Like. baseball players are so [ __ ] weird. And not in the fun, whimsical way. >> No. >> No. They're weird in a very like. off-putting strange way. >> Yeah. >> And so every time I went, I'd have to go. like, "Oh, like. >> you would talk to them." Yeah, you have. to because you have to get quotes. >> Oh my god. >> So you would like have to go on the. field and be like, "Can I ask you a. couple questions for the paper?". >> You're in the dugout. >> Yeah. So Yeah. And I would talk to the. coach and all that stuff and then like.

>> Is it cozy down there. >> in the dugout? No. It stinks. And. everybody's weird. >> Yeah. >> So I was like, when I would cover it, like I would go to postgame press. conferences. So I would like sit in the. little rooms where they like wait for. them to come in and then you're like, >> "Um, how do you feel about whatever?" I. did all that [ __ ]. >> Oh my god. I was very like Peter Parker. and Spider-Man, but like I wasn't taking. pictures of Spider-Man. >> I was just covering sports. >> Yeah. The only kind I would ask would. be, are you planning on stealing any. bases anytime soon?

>> Anytime soon. >> Yeah. >> If time permits, [laughter]. >> how likely are you to steal? >> Well, that's another thing, too, is like. I always wanted to do very silly, whimsical questions like that. >> Sure. And they were like, "Yeah, no. This is. journalism, so no whimsy required. >> What's under the mound?" [laughter]. >> How do you get it so high? >> I think I saw a guy under there. Did you. guys see that?

>> Then I just start rumors like you did at. your cousin's wedding. >> That's what I'm talking about. [laughter]. >> Just got to start rumor. >> Power of the rumor mill. >> My. >> What else does it say on your Wikipedia? >> I don't I don't That's none of my. business. I I don't want to know. It's. too stressful. >> I'm going to go in there and donate $25. so that I can alter it. But I'm just. going to write out the plot of Iron. Giant. >> Totally. Please. >> As like early life under early life. I'm. going to put that [laughter] in there. >> Yeah. Yeah. Just the plot. Not even. mentioning Iron Giant. >> No, no, no, no. Just describe it very.

vaguely like as if someone's reading it. on letter box. >> A lonely boy befriending [laughter]. >> befriended this to be used as a war. machine. [laughter]. >> Yeah. No, I like that. No, my my. Wikipedia it's like it's like fans. trying to help but only hurting is what. it is. [laughter]. >> I get some of that. >> Causing harm. >> Yeah, I get some of that. >> Yes. >> It's like it's like it's like when. people defend you. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got one recently. that was like. >> she never said she was a good person.

[laughter]. >> Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Hey. That's not. true. That's not what I said. [laughter]. I said no. No, no. I said I wasn't a. nice person. and I am a good person. That distinction matters. >> That is so Yeah, this is this is why I'm. so afraid of being eulogized by anybody. Like I like any like people are going to. keep [ __ ] up things like that like. until the day we die. >> You should write it yourself. That way. you know it. Yeah. You think I should. write my own Wikipedia?

>> No. Your own eulogy. >> Totally. >> Yeah. Just have it prepared and be like. do not deviate. No ad living whatsoever. >> Staff writer at FSU. [laughter]. Yeah. >> Little boy and Iron Giant. Yeah. All of. that. Just add it all in there. >> Big Martin Squaresy fan. >> Yes. Yes. [laughter] Yes. Yes. Yes. >> So, do you have anything else you want. you would like to add before we close? >> Um, I appreciate you having me here for. Halloween and for the solstice and uh I. and I congratulate you on the. augmentation of your staff. [laughter].

You have such a such a crew here and. >> and has expanded greatly since the last. Your empire is. >> including the pads. The amount of pads. has also. >> the pads is even more alt left than last. time. [laughter]. The amount of pads in the bathroom. >> We have to be way more explicit about. being alt left now. No choice. >> The Scrooge McDuck but with Tampax. pearls [laughter] kind of swimming. around in the bathroom. It's really. nice. And not to mention the maxi pads. which you don't see very often. >> That's true. Yes. >> Speaking of maxi pads. Yeah. >> You're also on going on tour.

>> Kind of. Kind of. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Do you want to tell me about your tour? Well, I think by this point, uh, November 15th in New York, Carnegie. Hall. >> Yeah, that's Carnegie Hall. >> How [ __ ] cool. >> Congratulations. >> Thank you, Drew. >> The same way you're not paying attention. to me, I'm also not paying attention to. you, clearly. [laughter]. >> No, I'm honored to have you on the show. again. Thank you. Like I said, you. you're my favorite guest. >> Thank you, Drew. >> And you can tell Caleb I said that. He's. been on like three times. >> I'm I will I will text Caleb that. I saw. him in the Minions outfit on here and I.

think of that. That's one of the things. I see before. See, that was on Caleb's. >> before drifting off. >> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. You just imagine. it. Yeah, >> that's true. That's very true. >> But we have a mutual love in Caleb, so. it works. >> Oh, the best. >> When you were on my show, he was like, I. I'm so happy I could cry. >> Seeing you on my show, >> seeing Wait, seeing me on yours? >> Yeah. When Caleb saw that you came on my. show, he was like, I'm so happy I could. cry. >> He's the best. [laughter]. He's the best. I did his podcast when it. was still in that like courthouse. [laughter].

>> Did you ever go there? >> Yes, I did. Oh my god. >> With the yellow curtain and everything. >> Oh yeah. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. That was. wild. >> The loudest audio and the yellowest. lighting. I love it. >> Yeah. >> We were on the ground floor. >> Jaundest completely. Yeah, we were. Yeah. >> There were actually lost files of our. original episodes. Like there are lost. files of that. Then we had to re-record. and that's. >> lost files. >> Yeah. That was when we went into the. courthouse room. >> That's like where they settled like. divorce disputes in the little room. >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Yeah. It was It was crazy. That's where.

you settle like lawsuits in there. Yeah, >> it's very true. And it was just like. him, uh, Chance. >> and a mystery man. >> Yeah, I think there was. >> Or was there two? >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, >> no, no, no, no, no. He's talking about. the original one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The original. The OG. >> It was like this far from the road. Like. [laughter]. >> you enter the building and like cars are. whizzing by you. >> That's true. [laughter]. >> It's very true. Yeah,

>> he has come a long way since then. >> He has. Yes, >> he has. And he's forgotten all about us. That's [ __ ] up. >> Oh, I'll never hear from him again. [laughter]. >> Hopefully. Here's hoping. >> Yeah. >> Well, thank you so much for coming on. again. You're the [ __ ] best. >> You're the [ __ ] best. >> I really do think Oh, wait. Before we. leave, I'll tell you this. I did I did. lay claim to your brain should anything. happen to you. >> You want it? >> Yes. I would like to have it. >> Okay. >> In a jar. >> Who gets the nose? [laughter]. >> Whoa. >> Okay. >> That's like really genuinely horrifying. And I'm really glad that this is.

blocking me because that's genuinely. horrifying. I was like, >> has that been going on? >> Yeah. >> Oh my god, >> she's been tweaking up there. >> Who the hell is. >> they've been playing these twisted. psychological games with us? >> Yeah. Mind you, we filmed one today and. I had no idea that thing could move. >> I think my chair's been getting a little. higher. [laughter]. >> We're going to look down. There's going. to be spikes beneath our feet at some at. a certain point. Thank you. >> [laughter]. >> Beneath is a dramatic. dramatic word to end on. Beneath. Thank. you. Thank you, Drew, for having me.

>> Oh my gosh. You're so welcome. Thank you. for coming back. You're the best. >> You're the best. >> I think you're awesome. Do you have any. uh words of wisdom for anybody? >> Yeah. Stay safe like you. >> Stay calm. >> and keep inhaling. No, no exhales. [laughter]. >> Exactly. Thank you so much to my amazing. guest, Chris Fleming. Make sure you. follow him on everything. Go see him on. tour. He's the funniest person to ever. live. And I'll see you all next week. Bye. >> bye. [music].