Zach Galifianakis (Full Episode) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hi, [music] my name is Zach Galifanakis. and I feel. Zach Galifanakis about being Conan. O'Brien's friend. [laughter]. >> I have to say I feel up Zack Galifan. >> You don't seem up. Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien. needs a friend joined by Sonum Obsian. >> Hi. And um wow, let's let's bump it up a. little bit. [laughter].

>> I wish you were I wish you were a voice. on Siri and you're just like, "Hi, >> there'd be no follow-ups for Siri. [laughter]. What else can I help you with?" Forget. it, Siri. And uh David Hopping, you're a. cheery chap. >> Hello. >> Good to see you. >> You, too. >> Sona, you asked me to do a lot of favors. and I want to talk about this. [laughter]. >> What? >> Yeah, you do. You ask me to do a lot of. favors. It's Can you do this for me? Can. you do that for me? You know, it's. Armenian this week and it's Armenian. that week. Can you do a thing for me?

And it's sometimes I want you to know. that it's a little much. You take. advantage. Can you do a blurb for my. book? [laughter]. >> Can you also write an intro then an. outro? I mean, what's going on? Do you. see me and just see a doormat? Is that. what you see? >> Oh my god. What if I get you a doormat. and instead of saying welcome, it's just. my face cuz you walk all over it all the. time anyway. [laughter]. >> That's so unfair. I'm so mad. I hate. asking you for favors. >> I know. Well, you don't hate it that. much. [laughter].

>> I'm sorry. >> I'm How could you hate it that much? >> Cackling so long. >> You're like a bird saying, "I hate. building a nest.". >> How many times do I tell you Conan. agreed to do something for me? Like, >> guess what? I'm an owl saying I hate. hooding. I sure hate it. Hoohoo. [laughter]. 23 hours later. Hoohoo. I sure hate it. >> I mean, that's my impression. If you. were an owl and asking a favor was.

hooting, you'd be hooting a lot. >> No, it's good. It's good for you to. explain it. I. >> hate asking you for favors. [laughter]. There are so many things people ask me. to ask you that I specifically say. >> you filter stuff out. >> Yeah. >> How could there be more? >> What are you talking about? Do you know. how much stuff? First of all, it's your. fault because you made me you put me on. this podcast. People know who I am now. I'm attached to you for the rest of your. life until you die. And so. >> please. That's not for months.

[laughter]. >> Oh, come on. But it's it comes with I'm. sorry you did it. It's it's your it's. you. It's your fault. >> You're a speech champion. [laughter]. >> Oh, come on. >> Uh listen, I listen. I don't begrudge. you anything. And. >> Yes, you do. >> I do. Of course I do. I just made it the. whole front of the show. It's a lot. And. David, do I do a lot of favors for. people? >> You do a lot of favors for everybody, not just Sona. >> Yeah. >> What the David?

>> I'm just ask for that many favors. You. do favors for every You do favors. Raise. your hand if Conan's ever done a favor. for you. >> I actually never Aquaman figurine got. stolen from your apartment. You asked me. to put up posters and I did. >> I never. >> Then when your Iron Man got stolen, I. put up posters for that. >> That's right. He he offered. Then when. several hundred of your other figurines. were stolen, you asked me to call the. police for you and I did. >> That's right. It was very nice. I was. just saying I never asked for favors, but I know that you would help me out. The only favor I've ever asked you for. is when you were in my short film and. you did it and it was So don't say I you.

never asked me for. >> But that was But in 25 years, I've asked. you for one thing. Can I ask you to be. in a movie you made? That's a big favor. >> I'm just saying you can't start by. saying I never asked for favors except. for that one time when you did me a huge. favor. >> I'm trying to help you in your argument. with Sona. Why are you attacking me? I'm. When I see you, I just see red. >> You're like a I'm a I'm a bull and. you're a giant red blankie [laughter]. >> that's flopping around in the wind. >> You do a lot of favors for everybody and. very I don't know that you've ever asked. any of us for a favor.

>> You know, BaskinRobins famously, I. think, had 38 flavors. I think I do more. than 38. >> That's our whole job. Our whole job was. doing stuff for you. That's our whole. job. >> You get paid for that. >> I know. >> I got you your lunch today. I ordered. you a leave. Can we talk about that? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Hey, if people know out there that. I occasionally take a leave, [laughter]. >> I don't know what you like to keep. secret. >> No, that's a secret. >> I think we've all. >> No one must know of my al leave. You. know, I that's why I always when I throw.

out my Alie bottles, I always I always. try to throw them out in someone else's. trash can cuz no one can know that I. occasionally have some muscle stiffness. >> I don't have time for this bid. I'm. angry right now. I'm so mad right now. >> Are you really? >> Are you done with the Alif thing right. now? cuz I want to address this. accusation. You. >> I'll leave it for now. [laughter]. Home run. Okay. Wait a minute. There's. too much to unpack here, as the kids say. these days. >> Uh I hate that saying, but my wife uses. it all the time. Um and sometimes she. says it while we're unpacking on a.

[laughter] trip, >> and then I think, okay, whatever. Anyway, uh let's revisit this uh later. on in the show and um get to our next. guest. >> Okay. My guest today is a very funny. actor and comedian who starred in the. Hangover movies. Now you can see him in. the new AMC series, The Audacity. And he. has a new gardening show called This is. a Gardening Show. How does he come up. with these names? He's truly one of the. funniest people I know. Zack. Galifanakis. Welcome.

[music]. When I walk into a room, I'm used to. people, I mean, even pretty big stars. are like, "Whoa, it's him." You know, and then I walked in today and you your. heart beats like one beat every two. hours. You were just sitting there. totally unimpressed that Con O'Brien had. walked into the room. >> What would you like one to do when you. enter? >> No. It seems insincere. Whoa, look at. that guy. >> What up, brah? So [laughter] good TO SEE. YOU. HEY, BRAH.

>> YES, that's the real me. >> Well, I mean, [laughter]. um, we go way back. I've known you for. many years in a show biz way. >> Early early days, you used to come on my. show and you were always hilarious and. don't look at your watch. [laughter]. >> Oh Jesus. >> What the was that? >> It time is moving slow. [laughter]. >> That's so rude. >> We can cut this short. >> I was trying to compliment him about how. funny he was. And this is before America.

had Zach Galifanakis fever. [laughter]. Um, this is back when they had Conan. fever. And I lent some of my fever to. Zach Galifanakis. And then America had. the very contagious Zach Galifanakis. fever. >> Yeah, I like to call it sizzle. I still. have a sizzle. >> You sizzled and sazzled all the way. >> Sizzle to the late '9s, 2000. >> Did you guys get my sizzle reel? I sent. it over. >> We got your sazzle reel. It's. >> past tense. [laughter]. >> The past tense of sizzle. You sazzled. back in the day. >> I used to sazzle. >> in the early 2000s. No one sazzled like. you. [laughter].

you're not going to like this, but I uh. I adore you. I think you're a wonderful. fellow. Um and one of my uh latest one. of my favorite comedy uh pieces of uh. work is your work on Between Two Ferns. I think it's absolutely hysterical. >> Um and endures and. I resent you for that. >> Well, that the enduring part. >> Yeah. >> Why Why are you resentful? It does seem.

I know you joke about it, but I do think. there's a tinge. >> Oh, it's all real. >> Yeah, I do think there is you terribly. because you are very funny and you were. but but also. >> is it my height? Is that what you. [laughter] is that what you wish you. were more like me about? >> I do I wish I was closer to the earth. >> It's my size of my head. Is that what. you wish you [laughter] had parking. meter head, parking meter body, whatever. this is? Is that what you're upset. about? People try and put time in your. head so that they can keep their car. there a little longer. Is that what. happens? >> You wish you had a seven syllable last.

name. [laughter]. >> I do. No, you are very funny. You're one. of the funniest people I know and yet. >> you seem grounded and I don't know how. to do that. I mean, this guy. >> um he is of the earth. >> Yeah. >> He seems like he's got it all together. >> Uh he seems like he emotionally wants. for nothing. That doesn't seem fair. I. mean, yeah, I get some chops. [laughter]. But.

>> but I'm constantly racked with these. roing seeds. >> Podcast turn into like a oneman show. [laughter]. >> Like the light should shift. >> We don't need you to talk during this. part. [laughter] In fact, you don't have. to be here for this. You're just here to. get it started and then I do the rest. Have you listened to the podcast? It's. pretty much me, yimmering, and. yammering. >> I mean, you're really taking the floor. here. Yeah, I am. [laughter]. >> But I appreciate all that stuff. I'll be. serious for a second and then we'll go. back to my oneman show. You are uh.

hilariously funny and then very I I'm. I'm hardressed to think of anybody who's. been less altered by success. >> You um you just seem like if all of it. went away tomorrow, you'd be very happy. and contained doing whatever you're. doing. And I love that about you. >> I think that second part is correct. I. think I feel I I am one of these people. that feels very fortunate to be working. and uh. >> but the first part about.

like having success or whatever being. known that threw me for a that really. messed me up. Not in a woe is me, but I. just no one ever asked me any questions. until I was a in a movie with a monkey. [laughter]. >> Yeah. So, I just I found that to be odd that. switch. >> Yep. >> And I was older and I think I just the. BS of this this business or whatever is. it's always been laughable, too. I'm. from a small town.

>> I have a I I think I have a chip on my. shoulder when I moved here. And I don't. know. I think that's kind of healthy, but I it affected me for a while and I. feel kind of embarrassed by it actually. But yeah, >> I remember at the height of uh Hangover. Mania, um I was went to some event. someplace and there were a bunch of it. might have been like on Hollywood. Boulevard or I had to go into some event. and there were all these people outside. the venue. There was like a Spider-Man.

and there was a Superman, whatever, a. Batman. And there was a guy who I I. thought it was you for a second and I. thought, "Oh, there's Zach. I'll say. hi." And then I realized it's not you. It's a Zack Galifanakis impersonator. with a fake baby and a baby Bujorn. >> Do come true, don't they? >> From the Yeah, [laughter] from the. movie. And it's so. >> I had a idea that you thought maybe that. was me in the [laughter] outfit.

>> that from the movie. >> I had But can I tell you something? >> I didn't clock the outfit right away. I. just saw out of the corner of my eye. And by the way, you were known to. promote that movie very hard, but and. all the sequels. But no, I just had a. moment of thinking because I know you, I. know that that would have bummed you out. to your [laughter] core. >> That would have Yeah. But what you know. what's interesting is as a. >> I wanted to do this experiment once and. I had the wardrobe. This was many years. after we did The Hangover movies. I had.

the wardrobe sent to me cuz I was in. Vegas and I wanted it to look like how. pathetic it was that the actor got into. his outfit and was trying to get. recognized and I did it but no one came. up. It was so embarrassing, right? It no. one did it. The experiment failed but uh. yeah the the uh the hangover was big. That was a big uh change, >> right? Right. And but I do think it's. good for people to hear from you that. because and we talk about this a lot on.

the pod. But. >> are you too busy to say podcast? >> I am. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> You should do a doc about that. [laughter]. >> I don't have the tie to do it. I'm fascinated by this idea that there's. a lot of envy about surrounding this. crazy weird business and people. thinking, "Oh my god, that would all. your dreams would come true." And what I. found is that it's a magnifying lens. It. just magnifies things. So if you're.

insecure, you will become more insecure. If you tend to be angry, you'll become a. raaholic. If you are uh someone who's. capable of feeling gratitude and. appreciate the people around you, those. things can be enhanced. But but I I do. think there's a you know, maybe so. that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah. But I I was angry about it to be. honest. I but I I was intimidated by it. because I thought as a comedian to not. be able to observe cuz you had too many.

distractions of trying to hide or. whatever. It intimidated me and I I got. weirded out by it. But. >> now that I'm old, I like none of it. matters and it you know who cares. But. it's uh it was a change. It was a. change. >> Yeah. I've always tried to picture. because I know that your success didn't. happen right away and I knew you for a. bunch of years where you'd come on our. show uh and be really funny. Um but the.

whole thing hadn't quite gelled or. clicked yet. Uh and then. >> and I was this bus boy at a strip joint. till I was 28. >> Yes, I was going to get to that. Yeah, you were you were I was and I try to. picture you in these real jobs in these. [laughter]. >> I hope so with with my briefcase. >> Yeah, I do think that's a real job. [laughter]. >> Going to work, honey. >> No, but I had to wear like a Cumberbond. It was like a fancy. >> and it was a strip joint.

>> Yeah. Uh on Park. Uh you were in New. York probably at this time. It was. called Stringfellows. >> Yes. >> So I worked there. >> I had a table there. >> Yeah. [laughter] I never saw you come. in. Thank goodness. Um, no. I I. >> Yeah, it was a it was and and the guy. that I moved to New York New York with. who we went to college together, he was. the cashier at the strip joint and he. ended up being Jimmy Fallon's. headwriter, >> right? >> 80 Miles if you know 80 Miles. So. >> that's where all the best headwriters. come from. >> Um, >> cool. >> Ain't that weird? And well, I'm curious.

because I'm trying to picture you in a. situation where you have the comedy mind. that you have, but you're doing a job. like that. You're uh, >> you know, you're working at a strip. club. Um, we say you were a bus boy. >> Bus boy. She wearing a cumber bun and. >> and it had a crummer. Do you know what a. crummer is? >> No. >> It's a little metal stick that you take. out of your pocket and you get the. crumbs off the table. Oh yeah, >> for uh Wilt Chamberlain. [laughter].

>> If Wilt Chamberlain had. >> I think it I think he came came in a. lot. >> Maybe it was another 7 foot2 legend. [laughter]. >> His name was Will Chamberlain. He was. 7'2 in tall, but it wasn't that Will. Chamberlain. [laughter]. >> Yeah, this guy was an accountant. >> Yeah. >> And a very good one. Were you funny at. that job? And I bring it up because I. know that when I did jobs that weren't.

comedy related early on, I was deadly. serious to the point where when they. found out later on, oh, I just got a job. writing. I'm leaving. They said, how you. there's no way you're a comedy writer. Cuz I was just dead serious. Never made. a joke. Just did my work. >> That makes sense. >> I think it it comes with maybe being. depressed. I don't know. What was your. situation? Uh the strippers were not. nice to me at all. I was really. intimidated and the men in that went in. there were not the men that I would want. to hang out with anyway. So uh it was a.

weird situation. I don't remember trying. to be funny. I'm sure with the others. >> with Miles that was working there. M. I'll tell a story. I think I've told. this story hopefully not here before, but um it's a fractured media. No one's. heard it. Go ahead. >> And no one will. Uh, but [laughter]. Miles and I Miles and I were getting. ready for work. There was a snowstorm in. New York. It was a blizzard. I'll never. forget. And it was in the mid '9s. Um,

and I'm putting my Cumberbutt on. Miles. had just lost $1,000 from the register. It's it's mafy owned or was, I think. And um, so he was so worried he had to. go in and face the music. He'd lost this. lost it. He wouldn't have taken it. He. lost it. So, I'm putting my Cumberbun on. and as I'm looking over, I lived in his. closet and I look up and Miles is tying. his shoe and he says to himself, didn't. want me to hear it, knowing he had to go. face the music, "This is worse than.

Bosnia.". >> Bosnia was going on at the time. >> Yeah. >> And that's what he compared. [laughter]. And I'll never forget how. >> wrong [laughter] dramatic he's. >> not wrong. >> He's not wrong that owing Stringfellows. $1,000 is worse than anything that. happened in Boston. >> Well, if you know that the mafia may. have and then what happened I think what. happened? We go to work and the feds. came in. They closed it down that day.

and that was it. A mysterious tipped. call came in. >> Yes. From a bus boy. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> That's friendship. Yeah. But uh no, I. was I was very serious at that job, I. think. Yeah. >> We shot a bit once in Houston at like 2. in the morning at a strip club. >> We'll be right back with the world's. worst brager. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> We were there to shoot some piece. And. so I'm there. I think we were just. trying to figure out because my show in.

Houston at the time, this is like. 199596, aired at like 3:00 in the morning. So, I. went to places at 3:00 in the morning to. figure out if I could see anybody. watching our show and and who's up and. watching TV at 3:00 in the morning. And. that it ended up being very funny. I. went to a bus station. I went to an. emergency room and I went to a strip. club. And you walk in and you see these. beautiful naked women and you know just. my my head turned into a jukebox cartoon. where all the cherries come up. It's.

like ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. and coins came out my mouth. I was like. L like all the cartoon stuff like steam. coming out my ears. I'm I can't believe. it. Within 15 minutes we had a problem. with the camera and I'm we're trying to. figure it out and this completely naked. beautiful woman who would have been my. fantasy in every way of 16 completely. naked not wearing a stitch of clothing. comes up and starts to talk to me and. I'm like I'm sorry. Can you just give us. some room? >> Uh I got a we we got an issue with this. camera and I'm kind of.

>> You mean who? Me and you and your balls. No, no, me and [laughter]. >> I am not that polite to my to my balls. [laughter]. >> I imagine you were there by yourself. You said, "Can you give us some room?". >> Yeah. Pardon me. Testicles. [laughter]. Uh, no. I have a very uh different. relationship with my testicles. But I. No, I was remember being kind of. irritated like, "Can't she step back? We're trying to fix this lens." And I. was realizing that, oh my god, you get. inured. You get used to this this right.

away. Like you're in there for 10. minutes and suddenly it's like, "Come. on, naked, gorgeous woman. Can you GIVE. ME A BREAK? [laughter] WE NEED TO GET. THIS SHOT." And behind the scenes there. there's nothing like the women are. talking about how much they hate the men. that they have to like they they you. know. So it's not it's not thrilling. backstage. It's a whole different scene. So that's where cuz strippers love me. They just love me. >> Oh. >> Huh. What? I just I think I'm the one. guy that when I go into a strip club, they're just like, "Wow, I love him.".

>> Conan, when is the last time you've been. in a strip club? >> 1969, >> right? >> I was 6 years old. >> Right. [laughter]. >> I was conceived at one. [laughter]. We won't go further into that story. >> You know what I didn't know? I Why did I. not know that you were you were at. Saturday Night Live? You worked at. Turnit Life for a very that two week. Don't they do a twoe trial thing? Sometimes. >> they do or I I heard I I don't know.

that's not how I came in. But I remember. thinking that we were on a two-e trial. My writing partner Greg Daniels and I. thinking it was a two-e trial. But then. later on someone said no, you weren't a. two-e trial, but you were a twoe trial. >> I honestly when I got there, I thought I. was I thought I got hired as a cast. member honestly because I had auditioned. twice, >> right? and and I was told, "You're gonna. go and be a feature person." And I said, "Great." And I got there and they said, "No, you're you're actually gonna. write." Which either way, it didn't. matter to me. I was just so thrilled.

that I had that. >> opportunity. It was um. it was it was a tough two weeks. >> Yeah. >> Because the table reads, um I think even. if you're, you know, no people there, the table reads can be kind of brutal. Y. >> I just remember I wrote a sketch and it. was. >> you could only hear the air conditioner. in the room. >> Yeah. >> And I mean I've been like that on stage, >> you know, so I'm kind of used to it, but. there it was just and I remember for.

some reason I was sitting next to Tina. Fay. >> and I just remember her patting my. shoulder in a very calm not even not in. a sarcastic way. It was really calming. and I'll never forget that. It was. actually meant a lot to me but it was. rough but I was thrilled to be there. Yeah, >> but you don't know what you're doing. when you get there, right? Like. >> it takes a second to figure it out. And. um it's not. >> so many shows I've worked on since and. I, you know, obviously loved my time at.

SNL and was so formative for me. But. I've very much liked working in late. night all those years because it felt. like we were all working together a. little more. You know, there's so much. show to fill. There's for years it was, you know, 5 hours a week you've got to. fill. So, no one's there's no elbowing. for room or real estate. Do you know. what I mean? There's just if someone has. a good idea, everyone's like, "Oh my. god, that's great. Let's do it." No.

one's That's a really funny idea, but. I'm not going to laugh because and and. that's so SNL definitely much more. competitive. >> I don't know if it's like that as much. anymore. >> Might not be. >> because when I went back to host I I. noticed, oh, it seemed much more. um loose and friendlier. Not that it. wasn't friendly in the be when I was. there for writing, but uh but yeah, it. was an honor to to do it. I I I didn't. have any bad feelings about it except. for, you know, the tumble weeds going. across the the writer room.

>> Yeah. And that feeling of when you put a. sketch in, if it's not working at read. through, you can see everybody flipping. to see how many pages this is. [laughter]. >> So, you'll have that moment. You're. >> not supposed to do that. I do that all. the time at table. [laughter]. I'm always like, do I have any more. parts to this [laughter]. scanning for my name? >> You know, you know what's you're. bringing something that popped in my. head and I don't know if you and I have.

ever talked about this connection and. maybe he doesn't want us to, but. >> uh Tommy Blotcher wrote on Conan, right? Yeah. >> Tommy, >> one of my favorite writers of all time. Yeah. >> I think he happens to be the funniest. person I think I've ever met. Like he's. that. >> funny. And I knew that he left your show. to go write on for professional. wrestling, right? >> Yes. >> He um he worked with us back in the '90s. and I knew him through Andy Richtor. >> from Chicago. Probably. >> from Chicago. And he brought and for a.

while Tommy didn't say anything and he. was super quiet and I just thought, well, I wonder if this guy's going to. work out. I don't know. And then um he. revealed himself in the writer room and. on paper to be the funniest guy. I gave. him a shout out on Stern once because I. was on Stern and Stern was kind of. talking to me about so you must just. hire like Harvard Lampoon guys and I. said no. >> He was like a army guy. >> Yeah. I said one of the funniest guys. I've ever one of the funniest writers. I've ever known I don't think went to.

college. >> Are you talking about Tommy? >> And I was talking about Tommy and he. said who is that? And I said Tommy. Blotcha. Um so he uh really brilliantly. funny guy. He he his he's he's on a. level that I I mean the same level I. would put you on which is this. we used to do this bit back and forth to. each other where it was just really this. just the dumbest person right. >> and cuz Tommy's really good at dumb and. and it would be like uh. >> what about drinking coffee or something.

[laughter]. >> like it was always the most obvious and. it always filled up follow with or. something. >> Yeah. Or something. So one night Tommy's. had to spend the night at my house and. we were both working together. We had to. get up early the next morning for work. and he's in the next room over and it's. 7:00 in the morning. I'm up and I'm just. kind of ba basically waking up and I. hear Tommy say under his breath as he's. waking up, "What am I awake or. something?" [laughter]. >> And I fell in love with him. I fell in. love with him.

>> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. >> And I used to beg like he would make me. laugh so hard like I didn't want to. leave him. It was. >> so he he This is one of my proudest. happy moments. He. for I would do all these riffs in the. writer room that outrageous over-the-top. where I would almost play this. over-the-top host who's incredibly. abusive and I would come into a room and. someone would start to talk and I would. say play. Yeah. But [laughter] I I. remember at a time I was on this jag of. saying like, "Why don't you ho have a. big tall glass of shutup juice?" And um.

it was just a really stupid childish put. down that I was doing and I would do it. whenever someone was taking a swig of. something. I'd be like, "Oh, a little. more." Just after they had pitched. something, I'd be like, "Oh, a little. more shut up juice, huh? Wet the whistle. with some." And um they Tommy left cuz. he was going to go write for. professional wrestling and he told me, "Hey, you got to tune in. Um I wrote. this for The Rock." He's taunting one of. his opponents and he tells him, "Why. don't you go have a tall glass of shutup.

juice?" [laughter]. And I was so thrilled and I watched it. and sure enough the rock was like hey. I'll tell you something and he's got. like he's like maybe you should just go. have a long glass tall glass shut up. juice AND AND THEN THEY CUT TO PEOPLE in. the arena and they're like holding their. HEADS LIKE THE ROCK GOT HIM [laughter]. AND THEN I think the following week. someone had a sign that said shut up. juice. >> and I was in heaven. No one knew. I didn't care if anyone. knew that was me or not. And then those.

are the kind of things that make me uh. super happy and sure. So so Tommy. >> um. >> one of the funniest. >> such a funny guy. I'm curious like you. and these other jobs. It's interesting. to me that which I totally understand. you're not being the Zach Galifanakis. that people would know. You're just. grimly doing your job and trying to do. it well which would describe probably. you and I mean I know that you were a. nanny for a while doing. >> I was a house cleaner cleaning. department in New York for a couple.

years. >> Uh yeah I was pretty you know I'm a. pretty I'm pretty quiet I think and then. the comedy scene kind of maybe. broke me out of my shyness, I think, uh, somewhat as I performed more. I got a. little bit more comfortable with that. stuff. But, uh, yeah, those jobs will. humble you. I mean, I I I moved to New. York. wanting not my I didn't want my parents. to have to like send me anything, right? Uh, and they never did. And I was pretty. independent, but my father, he would.

send me things in the mail. I'm like, I. go run to the mailbox. Oh god, I hope. this is food. >> I hope this is food. and then open it. and it was always. irregular underwear [laughter]. and just open it in the post office. like it was light. I mean, maybe he was. sitting maybe potato [laughter] chips, but it was always irre irregular. underwear. >> Valuable was wrapped in it, you know. I. don't know. [laughter]. >> Irregular underwear. >> Yeah, it's it's cheap. My dad was cheap.

>> I also think there's something to I used. to think about this a lot. When people. get to know me and know my rhythm, this. will be a little easier. >> And I think that would be very true of. you. I mean, I always thought you would. come on our show back in the day and. people didn't know you and you'd sit at. a piano and you would tell these great. jokes, but you never winked. You never, you know, shot them a look like. you never ingratiated yourself with the.

crowd. You just completely went in and. they had to accept you as you were. And. I think you have to do that for a while. in order to have people meet you. halfway. >> I think that's a I think you're right. I. also think if comedically I should say. only. I've always thought it's more. interesting if you're just doing a. standup bit like that to have kind of a. disdain for the audience. >> You know, I I I never was like, "Hi, I'm. going to tell like that friendly. All. right, let's tell." See, standups come.

out like, "What's up, Miami?" Like, [laughter]. >> god, that's a lot of energy. I want to. know how Miami is doing. >> Um, >> Miami, no concern or interest. >> Exactly. I respect the audience, but I I. I the the relation now performs have a. performers have a real relationship with. the audience via social media that. >> that too I've never participated in. I I. don't That's a weird I don't know how to. do that. >> Yeah. I think the um it's called you. have something that I'm not too familiar.

with called dignity. [laughter]. >> Tell you a lot of stories that would go. against that. >> Well, I mean, we've talked about it. I. won't go into it, but I do think that. was particularly helpful to you when you. did your famous uh uh Between Two Ferns. uh interview with Obama because you're. the only person that that gave him I. mean, you know, I know that this in any. way was just you doing your comedy, but.

you were so rude as that person and it's. hilarious. ious because I don't think. anyone's talked to certainly a sitting. president or even in this time no one's. talked [laughter]. >> that have had the president on now they. don't do their court gesture they don't. do it they just they suck up to him. >> so the comedians. >> that have had that are podcast that have. had Trump on that's they're not doing.

their job. >> they're that's not the job of a comedian. you are to challenge you are to make. uncomfortable you're not to sit there in. fake laugh. >> Y. >> that is not the job of the court jester. >> Yeah. >> Period. So. >> there is a difference. >> People were actually somebody yesterday. was talking to me about that about you. know political influence through comedy. and all that stuff. >> I I'm more interested in the comedy. first. >> Me too. >> You know yeah and whatever their. whatever their motive is.

fine but you but but the comedy has to. come first. I remember when um I. interviewed Hillary Clinton and I could. tell she didn't want to be there and I. totally get that. I I get it. >> But before we had set that whole thing. up, they they wrote back, "Well, you. can't bring up those emails." And I go, "Well, we don't have to do the. interview." I totally That's fine. We. won't do it. >> Yeah. >> When you tell powerful people no, it's. crazy. >> They were like, "Okay, we'll do Well, you can ask because it's not that.

important to me. >> to do it the way they want to do it. >> You have to if you're going to come in a. comedy, you got to do the way we want to. do it. >> Also, what a I I I see this all the time. and I've seen it for years and years and. years and years. People not. understanding that if they go to the. supposedly vulnerable place and have a. sense of humor about it, it is magical. for them. People see they have a sense. of humor. They see that they can take a. joke. I mean, no one walked away from.

your interview with Obama and thought, "Wow, you really showed him." He got to. be hilarious. He sat there and entered. your world of, you know, um, being. intentionally ignorant about who he is, what he does, cutting him off, um, being. in insanely rude, and gave it back to. you in equal measure. and you looked at. it and you said, "This is a great piece. of comedy." And I know it reflects well. back on the president and our current. president would do well to understand.

that to understand that, you know, if he. let himself be the butt of the joke, >> it's humanizing. I know it is. impossible. >> You wouldn't do it with him. It It would. It wouldn't work. >> It wouldn't work. I I I just saying in. an alternate universe if we're talking. about a different human being, they. would see. >> I think I think at the at the that. there's this misconception. that oh the media just wants to go after. conservatives. Um and they don't. understand that everyone benefits when.

they laugh at themselves. >> That's right. >> Period. >> Yes. >> Everyone wins. Yes. If you laugh at. yourself, it humanizes you and like. pherommones are released and humans. think that's a good human who and and. when you refuse to let that happen, that's not projecting strength, it's. projecting weakness. I agree 100%. But. there's also. there's also the math of comedy to me. sometimes where. the punching down that the rights seems.

to do some and I don't want to get. political here but the. >> that's not as funny to me as taking on. the powerful like the math of it. >> doesn't work for me. >> like to take on some pe marginalized. people make fun of that listen I'm all. for humor I can defend it but that. mathematically so that's why you don't. see a lot of comedy that comes out of. the like the right I mean the right you.

just it's hard to do I don't I'm not. saying suggesting you cannot it's just. difficult to do because of the dynamics. >> Greg Gutfeld [laughter]. >> what a hilarious. [laughter]. >> you got him I don't know if he'll show. up to work again Um, [laughter]. >> I always love imagining these people. being completely unhinged by a comment. on a podcast or, you know, >> someone did a sketch about them on SNL.

and they're just completely unhinged. I'm sure. >> they can no longer. >> That's all for That's all for clicks, though. You know what I mean? It's It's. fake. >> That's boring. The whole the whole. everyone. >> commenting on everything. >> Yeah. And everyone has to um wait did. Sabrina Carpenter just slightly misspeak. at a performance uh at Coachella or does. can we make that into something? Yes, we. can. And then she'll apologize. And I.

think she's a fantastic performer. She. makes a lot of people happy. I actually. don't think she did anything wrong. She. couldn't hear what the person in the. audience was saying. There was no harm, no foul here, but. people got a 24-hour news cycle out of. it. And it's just I mean, it's strange. You know, the the other thought that too. is it's interesting. >> U. people from the right or whatever you. want to say, they're always like, "Shut. up entertainers. You're just. entertainers." And I kind of get that.

because I'm from the south and you know, >> but I always think, >> yeah, but you guys say that to us. entertainers, but you elect the. entertainers. >> Yeah. >> Clint Eastwood, Donald Trump, Arnold. Schwarzenegger, Fred Thompson, Gopher. from the Loveboat. [laughter]. >> I mean, I could go on. >> His name is Fred Grandandy. >> I could go on and on. Sunny Sunny Bono. I mean, it goes on and on. Yeah. So, it's always interesting to me that they. point that out, but then they they fall.

then they they're the ones that hire or. elect the entertainers. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I think even more so than the other. side. So, I don't know. It's very uh. very odd all of it. But it was a good. run. >> Oh, [laughter] no. >> We're wrapping it up. >> Are we calling it? >> We're calling it. Well, 250 is a good. time to call it, you know. >> Um. >> Yes. 250. 200. I don't feel any Is. anybody celebrating? >> I think they're going they're going to. Well, there's plans to build giant. monuments. Uh I think the triumphal arch.

was going to be uh for the 250th, I. think. >> Okay, good. >> We just got to get that thing built. >> This is going to sound controversial and. I don't want to. When Trump did that Jesus thing, I was. the turning point for me. I was like, I. kind of like him. [laughter]. >> Oh, >> like him. Oh, you you Okay. What do you. think? Am I off? [laughter]. >> Jesus. He was a doctor. >> Well, he Yeah. His excuse was I'm those.

>> I was a doctor who wears a robe and a. [laughter] red sash. and has like a light behind him. >> He was a Red Cross. >> Oh man. Uh he's a very good nightclub. comic. Uh, [laughter]. >> I was watching your gardening show and I. want to mention this cuz it's called. This is a gardening show and one. [laughter] of the. >> like title. >> Yeah. He was up all night thinking of. that title and um. >> actually we spent about 400 titles back.

and forth. >> Oh, really? >> Between two farms. I mean it was like. [laughter] you know all these play on. words. It was so then the producer. emails me and goes, "The first thing you. say is this is a gardening show.". >> Why don't we just call it and say, "Okay." But yeah, that's that's how we. got to the title. >> Well, you you know what I I love cuz. I've known for years that you hang out. on Vancouver Island and then to get to. see you in your habitat is very cool. I. mean, first of all, it's beautiful, but. getting to see you, I I I knew that you.

were a very uh. >> sort of an outdoorsy guy. I didn't know. specifically how important gardening was. to you. The show is really funny and you. get to be you obviously cuz you are you. and there's no fixing that now. [laughter] But the but just getting to. see you in that world, I totally get it. I I you you like to get up in the. morning and tend to plants. >> I love it. I I It's strange how much I.

mean I've been always been a hobby. It. was been my hobby, I guess. Um for 20. plus years, but now that I have some. some space, I've been building a a a. garden. And I I just do I mean I have uh. a hundred little pumpkin seedlings in my. greenhouse right now that when I get. back to to Canada I'll put in the ground. and that'll probably produce 200. pumpkins for the year. I that kind of. stuff. It's I I can't tell you how much. I love it. It's it's a feeling.

>> that I feel like as humans it's part of. us but we got away from it. >> Yeah. >> We we we dis because technology and. convenience has overtaken everything. We're pushing buttons is soulless. >> There's nothing there. >> for me. >> And I I wanted to do this show for. several reasons. One, you know, when you. watch documentaries about where we are. climate-wise, you hear there's 64. harvests left.

Okay, maybe that's not true. But what if. it is, >> right? what you know this is these are. there's a these are scientists that are. saying this 64 harvests left. >> so pe I see some people acting like oh. my god what are we going to do what are. we going to do and then I see some. people don't care so I don't know I'm. just going to go with what my gut. feeling is which is maybe kids need to. know this stuff. >> wait till the Russians shoot down the. satellites. >> just a quote from the south I heard.

recently [laughter] that I was like yeah. I believe you. I actually believe that. That what I believe. >> And think about that. >> Yeah. >> Right. So all of these I feel like the. safety might not be there for the next. generation. So I'm and this is not an. altruistic thing. I'm trying to say it's. just a practical thing. Uh our food even. if nothing happens even let's say. everything stays normal. Well our food. and where we get it and and how what we. know about it is um.

we don't have a relationship with food. A lot of us don't. >> Right. Right. Well, we've been removed. from, if you think about it, uh, birth, death, food, and where it's coming from. were primal parts of our existence for. so long. I mean, they're just, you know, printed into our DNA as we evolved. And. then within the last few generations, we've completely removed ourselves from. it. And I'm going to be completely. honest with you, like I know nothing. about gardening. I know nothing about.

where my food comes from. I say to. David, I want to get that and you were. like, all right. And you get it and it. comes and I shove it in my face really. quickly and with great hate. >> and um. >> but it's the same thing about death. Like we're not we're not People used to. live and die in their home and people. used to be there for it and now. everything's kind of farmed out. So. yeah, it's. >> but it's a medicine too. It's not just. it's just not. >> it's not altruistic. You do it for. yourself. >> Yes, absolutely. I mean, I look, I'm a.

little chubby guy, but I love eating. fresh vegetables and fruits out of the. It's like it's it's a high for me. It. just is. >> So, there's a there's many elements to. it, but I'm saying it's a medicine to be. in the garden. >> Yeah. >> It's healthy to be. >> It's also when you talk about, you've. spoken about this for a while and you. mentioned it today, >> the kind of allergic reaction you have. to the bullshittery of show business. Well, >> and and in in some of it, um there's.

obviously great parts of it and then. there's parts of it which can actually. feel like a toxin. >> That's poison and honey. >> Yeah. I I I felt this I got a chance um. Danny Harrison, George's son, invited me. to come see George's home, Frier Park, and I went and so much of it are. >> George Harrison's were his gardens where. he grew things. >> And I've seen footage of him in various. documentaries just tending to his. gardens and tending to his sunflowers. and tending to the things he was. growing. And I thought, "Oh." And you.

know, he Danny said, "Yeah." He told him. once, you know, Danny said, "Oh, let's. go into town. Let's leave Frier Park and. go into town." And his father said, "Why. would we do that? Why would we go out. there? It's insane out there.". >> If you look at all the footage of his. life in the 60s and 70s, it was. screaming and madness. >> This was the antidote. >> Interesting. And I think you've. experienced being in the nose cone of. the rocket and there are people who are.

making a living pretending to be you. hanging outside of planet Hollywood that. you know that's and like we got to get. us a Zack Galanas for the party. I got. one. I got one too. Well, bring them. both. You know, [laughter]. it's such a nice antidote to find those. places where. you can grow apples. Well, I I also. think it's possible in the cities. I. mean, when you guys all leave today, I.

want you to pay attention to how much. concrete is around you versus greenery. Just just just. >> just think about it. >> Yeah. >> It's as it's crazy. It's really crazy. I. mean, I think humans biggest mistake was. fighting nature instead of working away. We're going to conquer it. Well, no, you're not. No, you're not. >> It's going to win. >> And it looks like it's definitely going. to win. >> So, you have to respect it and honor it. If there's a God that made all this. stuff, why would. >> why not respect it? And the other the.

things that this God has made, that's. coming from someone that has no idea if. there's a God or not. But if there is, why is it the simplest thing to respect. the earth and the humans and the animals. on it? Other than that, what is there? >> Yeah. >> I mean, this where humans are going with. AI. I mean, I guess I don't know if I'm. old-fashioned or I'm I maybe it's cuz. I'm 56 now, but I think this whole AI. thing, and I don't mean for medicine, I. don't it's got a lot of great things.

Otherwise though, I think it's another. like biblical in the biblical term. biting the apple again. >> I just am very afraid of it. >> Yeah. >> Not and not even for show business re. I'm not even talking. I'm just saying in. general I don't trust it. >> Mhm. >> At all. And especially. the dudes that are designing it. >> Yeah. There's a real problem. >> Yeah. Because. these dudes,

how do I say it? They have math minds. >> Suck. >> They have math minds. [laughter]. >> You know what I mean? They have math. minds. And that's good. >> But there's very little wisdom coming. out of that pocket of the world. Almost. none. >> Yeah. >> And we're just running. All of us are. running in that direction. The media, the the media loves AI. The media loves. social media because it causes more of. this. >> Yeah. >> I love when CNN they'll have a reporter. on going they'll do a report on social.

media and how bad it is for someone and. then after the report Jake Tapper gets. on and go follow me on Twitter. [laughter]. asinine. Have you no self-reflection? Well, even how we communicate through. text, uh, there's not a sarcastic font, >> right? And people are not good enough. writers to to do it through text. >> As a comedian, to get back lol is really. diminishing returns. >> I So, I think the way we have.

let robots do this for us has also made. us a little bit. >> off. Yeah, >> I [snorts] just do. Um, I worry about. the lack of human connection with that. stuff. And maybe I'm maybe it just is. not as needed as we think it is. I I. don't know. I I mean, I really don't. know. But this world, this tech stuff, um, has always I've always thought about. I've always worried about it, especially. when social media came about and MySpace. and all this. When it was done, you.

could do it anonymously. >> That's a weird start for anything. So. the weirdos running this thing and good. weirdos, I don't mean they're all bad. weirdos, we need to something something there. needs to be a guardrail and I think. politically nothing changes in the. states until they regulate the internet. >> Yeah, I do think. >> not so we can sit here and talk good. luck. >> It could work for both sides, right? >> It just depends on who's going to. control it the the messaging. But you're.

I see how people scroll on planes. I'm. like, that's how people get their new. we're we're screwed. >> Yeah. I do think I'm always try to be. slightly optimistic. It's my default. setting. I do think that if you look at. the history of huge technological. advances, including like the printing press, you. know, uh and how that revolutionized. things. In the early days, it's rough. going. >> uh when people are handed a brand new. superpower. And we are at the beginning.

of this. And I do think if we survive. it, there will be guard rails. There. will be people that say, "Oh, no, you. can't have a a kid can't have a tablet. >> We've figured it out. They can't have it. till they're 14.". >> Um, and that's a law, [laughter] you. know, or you can't. >> It's like how a city like a city can be. built and there's like crap in the. streets, the sewage is all wrong, and. then as it ages, they fix the problem. No, we're at the okay corral phase where. drunks are punching each other through.

the swinging doors of the bar and. landing in the mud. People are shooting. their guns in the air going kneeha. That's where we are. >> But do you think it's going to need a. regulation to get to there? Do do you. think the government Yeah. >> Yeah. I think it's and I think it's. going to do it. >> But you know what it does? It comes. through just this hard experience and. and humans do. If they put their hand on. the stove enough times, they learn not. we need a rule about putting our hands. on the stove. I hope you're right. There's an add there's an addiction. there's an addiction thing here too that.

we have it. >> that's the other thing is the addiction. part. >> and that addiction is designed. >> I listen you read the read the have you. read the Facebook whistleblower book uh. you need her it's unreal I read it twice. it's fascinating. >> so they know that they're making it. addictive so that's the problem I think. maybe with the comparing it to the old. technology sure you're right I Think the. printing press of course it it changed. the world. All technology is what.

changes humans the most. >> Political correctness for an example has. always been in comedy for the last 30. It just has. The difference is the. technology. The audience talks back now. >> Mhm. >> And comedians, you got to be okay with. it. That's the only thing that's. changed. Not. >> not political cor that did not for sure. It happened many many years ago. But. what really changed is if someone comes. and sees you live and they don't like it.

and you've said something, they're going. to either videotape it or get it. So, it's weird. It's It's all very. strange. >> Yeah. >> But then I see people on their computers. all the time and like they never do. anything else and my mind goes, "Well, when the end of the world comes, they're. the ve." [laughter]. >> Well, you know what? Soft. >> It's soft. >> Soft meat. >> It's a soft meat. So, we might need. them. >> No, >> we're going to eat. >> all the ve up in Silicon Valley. [laughter].

>> We're coming to eat you, boys. >> The way you describe it, we're going to. eat very well. [laughter]. >> I mean, I I want this to happen sooner. rather than later. >> But also, we're humans. We're animals, right? Like, we need to move and think. and talk and blah blah blah. This is. It's too much. It's too much. >> Yeah. >> It's making people nuts. It just is. Well, >> I think it's making people mentally. I. do. I think it's making people mental. I. I do I mean I do things now where I like. brick my phone.

>> I've I've. >> given people Well, there is a device. called the brick where you can turn off. a bunch of apps so that in order to go. turn them back on. It's called the. brick, but you and I use that all the. time now. >> Do you have an email on your phone? >> I do. >> Take it off. >> It's too late. >> Oh, well, no, you can take it off. >> No, [laughter]. >> I never I can't imagine having email on. my phone. It's so like that's asinine to. me. >> Uh what about and and you're including. text too. No text. >> If I knew how to get rid of text, I. would. I don't know how to get rid of. it. >> Yeah. >> We're in a time of overcommunication,

right? So my brother. >> he says on a podcast. >> my brother Well, exactly. But my. brother's like texting me over. Christmas. Got those paper towels you. asked for. I [laughter] don't need you. to text me. >> that you got them. >> I don't need that update. [laughter]. It's insanity. You know, I've noticed. too is that someone will text you like, "How's it going?" And if you don't text. them, it's the person who maybe 20. minutes went by and THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT. THE YOU ALIVE?" You're like, "I.

was it was 3:00 IN THE MORNING. WHAT'S. GOING ON?" BECAUSE they're so used to. getting an immediate dopamine hit. >> Yes. >> That they forget they're talking to. someone who isn't walking around looking. at their phone all the time. So, I get a. lot of my texts are, "Did you die?" or. something. And it's like, "Well, no.". Oh, I mean, I see teenagers on planes. and the mental illness that they're. doing with their faces. >> Mhm. >> Like changing it for 3 hours staring at. a phone. >> Yeah. >> Uh, you know, you're supposed to be.

bored. >> You're supposed to be. It's good for the. brain. >> Well, it's actually and really good. I. remember saying this when my kids were. little. We got to keep the boring parts. because I remember when I was I would. get so bored when I was a kid and that's. when my you know we weren't allowed to. watch TV if there was school the next. day um which meant most the week. We had. none of this technology and that's when. my mind started to do weird things and. that's how I make my living now. So you. got to God I thought this was going to.

turn into a masturbation story. [laughter]. >> I think we all did. That's what it get out of the room. >> That's [laughter]. the story's not done. >> That's what I was You cut me off. >> You're right. I wish somebody HAD. [laughter]. >> YEAH, >> that is what I was getting to. I started. doing weird. [laughter]. >> Yeah. And. >> Yeah. >> And then I said, "And that's how I make. my living." [laughter]. >> And then I became a writer. >> I became a professional masturbator at.

the circus. Um, >> which is it? >> Yeah. Anyway, >> what did you say? Which. >> I was No, nothing. >> Did you just accuse me of murder? >> No. >> No. I was going to say, is there a comp. is there? I don't No, never mind. I. don't want it to be in the. >> Is there a masturbator at the. >> No. Is there Is there masturbation. competitions? [laughter]. >> I bet there is. >> I hope so, >> Eduardo. I bet there is. >> I'm not looking this one up. >> No, he just meant Eduardo. [laughter]. >> He didn't even know you had a computer. >> What's going on this week in the valley?

[laughter] Let's just say Eduardo is. very skilled. Um, it is so lovely to talk to you and. you you really are a remarkable. individual and I wish we could all be. more like you s and I really mean my. text. >> I [laughter] just read exactly what you. wrote. >> Thank you very much. >> I read exactly what you putting that in. there. >> And a great lover. What the is. this? [laughter]. >> You misspelled lover. Uh, the two V's.

always. >> Uh, >> I love I I've been I I checked out This. is a gardening show. I really like it. I. especially love when you incorporate. kids in it and you're talking to them. You're so It's the easiest thing. >> I know. But you're so funny doing it. And also, you're in a series, The. Audacity, which is getting raves. Uh, so. congrats to you. That's on AMC. And you. I mean, >> anytime you're in town, you want to come. by and talk to us about anything. [laughter]. >> Tomorrow's not good for me. >> Okay. the next day. >> No, I Saturday.

>> starting in 6 years from now. >> is what I meant. >> So, I'll see you then. >> Did you end up Oh, never mind. I'll ask. you later. >> No, you're going to ask me. >> Did you end up going to Greece for your. >> No, we haven't gone to Greece yet for. the travel show, but I do want to go. there. >> It's the best. >> Would you go with me if I went? >> I I would pay for half of it. >> Love to go. >> I might take my gardening show there. >> Okay. >> Next time. But if you do go, please call. me cuz I can point you in. Like I have. first cousins that are still there, so I. can point they can.

>> You should check out the Parthonon, you. know. >> Thanks a lot. >> No, they were going to take you to the. Hard Rock in Athens. [laughter]. >> And I just. >> I hope there's not a Hard Rock cafe in. Athens. [laughter] You know, there is. >> They're better. I don't think No, the. Greek has to be. >> The Greeks are not They're not They're. not capitalists that way. >> Good. They're not good. They actually. during the European Union they got. really really they got really hurt. >> Yeah. >> By Northern Europe. >> I've never been to Greece in my life and.

I would love to go there. >> The best. They know how to live. They. know how to live. >> And so do you. That's right. >> And so do you. Zack Galanakis, thank you. for being here. Um I treasure you. I. really do. Those aren't cheap. Could you. put it back? >> No. I'll put There's a. >> So you just grabbed one of our. >> By the way, I was asking the. >> There's a comment box here, right? [laughter]. We took it down just for you. >> Okay. Well, >> we'll put it back the minute you're. done. >> I'll take it to Twitter. [laughter]. >> Okay. Look, there's some bad blood out. here. We have to take care of this. >> Yes. >> Uh I brought up Sona that um I do a lot.

of favors for you. I mean, I do a lot. [clears throat] of favors for everybody, but um you you get more than your share. >> Oh my god. >> Let's revisit uh this topic. Okay. >> GH Okay. >> You know, I love you. I adore you. You're the best. But you're you're just. this blood sucker that's draining me. dry. >> You are awful. You're awful. You're. awful. >> Are we getting content or not? >> We are. But you know what? Every. clueless gamer, do you take that game.

home with you? >> Oh. >> Uh I would say no. Actually, >> maybe only like half the time. >> Yeah. 85%. >> 85% of the time when you do a clueless. gamer for a cool game. How is he a favor? Listen, you get some. benefit out of it. That's not direct. That's what I'm saying. We all get a lot. of fun stuff from this job. >> All I'm going to say is he does a lot of. favors for you, but you do the greatest. But you But you But you But you do the. greatest favor for him. You make him. cool.

>> Oh, >> that's the greatest favor you're doing. >> I don't know. Am I doing that? >> You do. You do. [laughter] Yeah. I think. No, people do get excited when you're a. cool person. Um, and you you know me. Yes. Uh I'm I guess I'm cool and that I. pop a leave every now and then. Uh I. also drink a lot of water with it. You. got to make sure you flush out the. system, but that's a recommendation. that's on the bottle. But [laughter] um. >> Wow. >> No, but I mean between my leave use and. your um coolness factor, I think we make.

a good duo. >> I don't think they're favors. I think. you are paying me back. >> What? >> Oh. >> yeah. for all the. >> So that means I don't have to pay you. >> financially. >> No, you should still do that. But I also. I I don't know for something. >> You know what? I don't resent these. favors for you. I like doing it. And I. will say, look, I needed a segment. So I. came out swinging. Yes. And it worked. because you got really mad. And also, is. there some truth in it? Probably. Cuz I. mean, most of [laughter] my bits there's.

a little bit of truth. >> This is my nightmare. >> And I do a lot of uh favors for people. You do. Um, and. >> we have to do a favor for Sona today, for instance, at the end of this. >> Oh, is that true? >> Yeah. >> What's happening today? >> Uh, we have to I don't want to r. >> We get to. >> That's right. We get to do a favor. You. know that I like doing things for the. Armenian community. You know, I like. doing that. >> They're the ones You took me to Armenia. in 2015. >> I tried to leave you there. You know, that [laughter] was the plan. The plan. was to leave you there and then I was. like, "Shut the door. Shut the door.". And the pilot.

>> didn't shut the door fast enough and you. squirted into the plane. >> and you were like headed back, >> but the plan was to leave you there. >> Well, thank you for doing that. But you. shown a light on my beautiful homeland. and since then you've been kind of an. honorary Armenian. They're very excited. >> You know what I will say? Armenian. people are always very happy to see me. and they say and I say ink and then they. say lamm and we have like a nice thing. going. Yeah. So that's always nice. I. meet a lot of them in steam rooms. I.

don't know what that's all about. Several times I've been in a sauna or a. steam room and the naked men in there. have been Armenian and we have a nice. chat about Armenia. >> Okay. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice. See, that's the thing. If you hadn't. taken me to Armenia, I don't think you. would have been getting as many asks. And I filter a lot. But there are some. that I. >> And we're doing one today, which is. important. >> We're doing one today. And it's. >> because it's for an important event. What is it? >> It's the Armenian Heritage Walk Gala in. Philadelphia. And I'm MCing it. And uh. >> how do you MC a gala? Oh, you're going.

to. >> I'm going to Philadelphia. >> Oh, I see there's a benefit and you're. going to be up there saying, "All right, our next auction item or that kind of. thing.". >> No, no, it's going to be like honoring. people who helped them do it. It's this. it's this permanent installation by the. Philadelphia Museum of. >> Art. You have jokes written. >> I'm not you I don't I don't. >> Well, we know that, but I mean, what. about. >> the bar is really low? >> No, but you got to have some material. You can't You can't MC a gala and not. have material. >> That's true. >> What kind of jokes do they like? >> I haven't I haven't written anything.

yet. >> When is it? Soon, right? >> It's like really soon. >> Okay. You have to write material. Maybe. I would help you another favor. But. let's. >> You can't ask me to do something and. then say you're doing me a favor. >> I can say yes to things and then resent. them because that is my true hobby. >> I say yes to stuff and then I resent it. Um, you know, we got to think of some. jokes, you know, about. >> I have some. >> like what about pomegranates and. >> I don't want to tell you. I'm nervous. >> Let's hear it. >> I think Well, um, one of the honores No,

this is stupid. I can't. >> Come on. Yes. No, we know. We have to. now judgement. >> One of one of the honores is an Armenian. man who's an astronaut. He's And so I'm. going to say, you know, within the last. six months, we've had one of the. greatest moments in space when Katy. Perry went up for 10 minutes. That's a. good joke. It's a misdirect. >> That's a good joke. >> It's a misdirect. >> That's a good joke. >> Everyone's going to think I'm talking. about. >> explain to me how a misdirect works. >> Yes. This is what comedy is. Conan. O'Brien. >> No, but you know what? I think that's a.

funny joke. >> Okay. >> You know what's another good joke? I is. added to every Armenian name, right? >> Yeah. So, you could say uh there's some. other great uh uh celebrities who are. Armenian. Um Katie Perryan. Um. [laughter]. you know, uh Tom Cruzian, >> John Travoltian. Yeah. Okay. >> You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, this. is a good Sabrina Carpenterian. [laughter]. >> I mean, you know, you could go into that. whole thing. >> Okay. >> Uh and you could list a whole bunch of.

celebrities real names before they. shorten them. You know what I'm saying? >> Yeah. Okay. I like that. O'Brienian. not so good. >> It didn't roll off the tongue. And also. there's already a lot going on with your. last. >> do jokes about some of the other the. true famous like Dr. Kavorian. six honores. So I'm coming up with bits. for each one. >> I'm going to kill it at this Armenian. gala even more than your previous uh. host Dr. Kavorian. [laughter]. >> God right. >> God tune in.

>> That's a good joke. He killed people. >> I know. Okay. I know. >> Yeah. He's the pride of the Armenian. people. >> Don't say that. >> Did he drive around in a van and do it? I forget how he did it. >> You know what? Nowadays, euthanasia is. not looked at as poorly as it was. before. He was a. >> Well, his name was Dr. Death, and he. drove around in a van. But yeah, you're. right. >> He was a pioneer. >> No, ending people's lives is all cool. now. Um, >> they wanted to end them. They were all, weren't they all terminally ill? >> All right, you're taking us down a dark. road. I'm going to kill it up here. I.

got a Armenian host who kills it the. fastest since Dr. Kavorian. That's. funny. That's a good joke. >> Oh god. >> And then you say, "By the way, other, you know, famous." And then it's Dr. Perry. You know what I mean? [laughter]. You know, >> the singer Sea Cen. >> is a good one. I mean, we're coming up. with good material right here. You're. going to kill at this thing. >> I know. >> Oh, I could come out as a character. >> What? >> Yes, I could be a character. I could. come out like as an old Armenian lady. and then you know and I do a character.

like. >> Oh, that won't be offensive at all. Can. I hear your Can let me hear your old. Armenian lady. >> Oh, hello. It's nice to be [laughter]. here. I dried the apricots and flattened them. and now we're eating. >> I knew it was going to be whatever. And. then it would kill and guess what? I'm. going to fly out. I'm going to write. this material and I'm going to do this. on the on the gala and then I'm really. going to resent you and say it's okay. [laughter] Of course, there's that old. saying, uh, those who are given much are. expected to give much.

And it's clear that I've been gifted. with some divine powers. And, uh, so I. must, uh, spend my time on this earth, um, doing favors for soian. I think. that's the rule here. >> But, um, you know, I love you. You know, I care about you. Do. >> you do you? >> As a bit, I do. >> A, that's nice. Well, thank you. I love. you, too. As a bit. >> Love you as a bit. Bye.